All Episodes
Previous Next
Feb. 7, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
59:56
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #112 | Stylists ruin movies and TV

Today's podcast mostly revolves around how shitty stylists and wardrobe people in movies ruin everything. It ruined a great AC/DC song. It could've ruined Jaws. We move onto a Vice video of black conservatives and liberals talking to each other. The word retard is bad, right? Why can't people be ideologically opposed and still get along?       PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Stylists ruin movies and T V. I think it's a form of affirmative action.
I think people go, I gotta get more chicks on this set.
There's this big push to get women on movie sets, and they're not great directors generally.
So they go, They're good at clothes.
Here's how you be a good stylist.
You have a warehouse that you rent way out in the Bronx.
It's cheap.
And it is full of outfits.
And they are old and used for the most part.
Because that's how people fucking dress.
I am so sick of watching TV and movies.
And every single person has brand new clothes on.
That's not how people look.
And you know what they always have on?
It's a long-sleeved t-shirt with the three buttons on the front, on the neck, you know what I mean?
Almost like a long underwear shirt.
And I think it's because they have those at Target and they're probably three bucks.
And the budget's already, she's already spent the budget because she's terrible at her job.
And she has to run to Target on the, like, while they're shooting and go grab five of those.
Or she always has a box of them or something stupid like that.
They get their budget for the movie and then they go on a shopping spree and they buy Brad Pitt an army coat and they buy some black guy a track suit and it's all brand new and the t-shirt's blindingly brand new white.
Yeah.
It totally pulls you out of it.
Yeah.
It looks like a dress up like a high school musical or something.
This is the worst one.
It's called Badasses.
It's it's on Netflix.
It's Danny Trejo, the guy who plays Machete.
Oh, I like that guy.
Yeah, and Danny Glover.
And all of their clothes are fucking spotless brand.
Look at his hat.
His hat looks like there's like no one.
Hey, folks at home, look at the hat that we can see that you can't see.
It must be like being blind.
It really looks like...
Irritating, yeah.
And it makes me sexist.
Brand new shoes?
Whose shoes are that?
If you have brand new white Air Force Ones, they look like that for three days.
Yeah.
Not 100% of all days, like it is in movies.
And I was watching Jaws the other day.
Like, this is back when men were stylists and they were gays.
And the gays, even our gays are better women than women.
Like, just let men run movies, okay?
I know there's this new push.
It's like 4%.
Do you know about this?
Someone is pushing a pledge where we want to have 4% of our staff in a movie will be female or 4% of directors.
Then all these actors are tweeting out, I hereby commit to working with a female director at least 4% of the year or something stupid like that.
Look, being a director is like being a corrections officer.
It's not a very creative job, despite what they tell you in film school.
It's a really hard job, and you got to be a disciplinarian.
You have to say, fuck this, everyone, you suck.
Like with Back to the Future, they had the guy from Mask, Eric Stoltz.
He was the kid.
And about two weeks into filming, spending hundreds of thousands, they go, Eric sucks.
Right.
Let's get Michael J. Fox.
He doesn't have a disease yet.
Let's get him before he gets all wiggly with his Parkinson.
Wiggly?
Yeah.
He's got a case of the wiggles.
I met a guy at a bar, an Irish guy at a pub recently, and he's just wobbling all over the place.
And I go, dude, I hope you're not driving back because you're fucking pretty wobbly.
And he goes, oh, he was Irish.
He's like, yes, well, I have had a few, but it's also this.
And he pulls up his pants and I can see he has a prosthetic leg.
And I go, oh, shit, sorry.
Whoa.
And I go, what?
Prosthetic leg, huh?
What's that like?
And he goes, wobbly?
All Irish people are funny.
But anyway, that director had to fire it, cost hundreds of thousands.
I'm sure all the executive producers paying for that were pissed at him.
He probably almost got fired himself.
And he's like, sorry, this has to be done.
And his contract, you still have to fulfill some part of the contract for him, right?
So you pay him out almost fully?
I don't know.
It was a very expensive, ballsy, tough move.
And that tends to be done by men.
Right.
Or that chick who was in Manchester by the sea.
Remember?
Ben Affleck, no, Casey Affleck, and I think Joaquin Phoenix wanted to bang some broads in her hotel room.
And that's fine.
If my boss wants to use my hotel room, that's good for me because I'm going to move up now.
It's sort of like when your neighbors are noisy, I would never call the cops on my neighbors if they were noisy because I go, now you owe me one.
Now I can be noisy.
Yeah, that would never occur to me.
I would complain a lot because that's fun.
It's not, you don't want jizz on your pillow.
No.
But I wouldn't use that pillow.
That's a great song.
That's a great doo-up song.
Jizz on my pillow.
Pain in my heart.
All for you.
That's a Moten song about how he misses her so much he fucks his pillow and looks at her picture.
But by the way, back in my apartment, I live really close to an Italian restaurant, and the music they play is all that shit.
And they'll play fucking Earth Angel.
Earth Angel.
Will you be Ma?
Like five times a day.
You have to just get out the house sometimes.
Doo-wop.
As an egalitarian, doo-wop sounds racist to me because it's back when blacks weren't allowed to sing about anything real.
So the only way they would let blacks on the radio is if they're like, I love my baby.
Oh, I'm a good boy.
I'm a good Negro.
Who loves my sweet angel?
Sweet.
Yeah, dressed up in a suit.
I got a little suit on.
Yeah, we're Max.
I'm Curtis Mayfield.
We're the Impressions.
Curtis Mayfield was the first guy to say, you know what?
Fuck this.
I'm sick of singing about my baby.
I want to sing about the rent.
So, and no one would let him do that.
He started his own record label.
First musician to start his own record label, as far as I know.
And he was the first to break away from Dooop, go solo, and then he's like, push-a-man.
Remember that song?
Yeah, talking about the drug dealer, the push-a-man.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
I mean, that's obviously We're jumping ahead 20 years, but still, that's pretty ballsy.
I think one of his first ballsy songs was, God bless her, Miss Black America.
And that was a very dangerous, contentious thing to do back then.
I heard a lot of those musicians that are behind like studio musicians, behind some of the most famous songs, and even the performers themselves, like the Temptations, they would get screwed non-stop.
Like they wouldn't really get a fair cut.
Well, the way it worked back then is you would just you'd have a studio and you'd pay someone a day rate like I don't know how much it would be a hundred bucks and they would just sing all day and you just churn out shit.
But you'd end up with some hits.
You'd also end up with some really bizarre songs like check out the song The Peanut Duck.
What?
It just quack your arms like a duck.
They were trying to just make up a new dance.
And it just sounds like a factory where they were just churning out songs.
Yeah, even Rubber Band Man.
Like that's a great tune, but what the fuck does that mean?
See, this sounds good.
Marsha G. I bet this is one of 17 songs she sang that day.
No, there isn't.
No, it's not.
Mo's made that up.
No, it's not a new sensation.
Yes, the monkey is a popular dance.
Legitimate.
I'm sure that one is popular.
No, it's not.
Whoa, dude.
It's actually a good jam.
I like it.
Keep playing it.
The cover is pretty risque.
It's a black chick martial.
You make one scene.
Yeah.
Bent over.
No.
No.
He's making a fool of us.
Also, no.
Old white guy's like, let's invent the new dance.
That's a big thing.
Dude, this is a promo for a dance that doesn't exist yet.
It's like a built-in.
Let's try to make a dance that it's been in.
I love how the propaganda is in the first line.
It's like, there's a new dance in town.
It says who?
It says no song before this.
No headline.
No bald guy.
But she starts going toward the end.
Yeah, they're let's go back a little bit.
This is right.
He now makes kooky sounds.
Ha ha ha ha.
Gooma is exhausted.
Let her go home.
17 songs in one day?
She's gotta pick up her kid from the babysitter.
She not only made up I've not heard one of these besides quack.
A giggy gooey?
Dave Matthews, like...
She's crying.
Can I go, please?
Boy, that's a hell of a tangent we're on.
So yeah, you look at Jaws and you look at the outfits.
That's an old gay guy who did that show.
Richard Dreyfus with his sweatshirt.
He's wearing his Canadian tuxedo of jeans and a jean jacket.
Rob Schneider with his gorgeous legs and his brown short shorts.
Something Scheider.
It's not Rob Schneider.
Oh, yeah, that's a different guy.
Ron, what's his name again?
Something Scheider.
Boy, Anthony would kill us if he knew we were even hesitating.
And then the old salty guy who was attacked by sharks, the USS Coleman or whatever.
Roy Scheider.
Roy Schider.
And then that grizzly guy I'm supposed to know the name of.
And look at his hat.
And his hat is all broken in, just like a sea shanty guy's hat would be.
It's beaten to shit.
It's got grease all over it.
The guy's on a boat all day.
He wouldn't have a new hat.
That's perfect.
Yeah.
Or you know another, look up Rosemary's Baby.
If that's a female stylist, I'll have Satan's child.
There's David Cassavetes in that movie.
Men, if you ever want to know how to dress, just watch Rosemary's Baby and wear everything that he wears in that movie.
And ladies, if you want to give me a boner, then watch Oh God.
I think it's, I can't remember if it's one or two.
Terry Garr in Oh God is the best dressed woman in the world.
Don't go off looking at Terry Garr, Ryan.
We need to find the stylist for Rosemary's Baby.
It should be on IMDb or something.
So the reason I was thinking this too, because I was at the gym and they were playing, it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.
A CDC Jimmy.
I love that song, right?
And when I think of that song, I see a fat girl with kooky hair.
I see another little girl with a top hat and ridiculous makeup on.
And I see some Asian kid on the keyboards with his, with rubber bands in his hair.
Because that was the song at the end of School of Rock.
And I remember Black, what's his name?
Jay Black?
Josh Black.
Yes?
Costume and Wardrobe Department, Joan Joseph.
Ooh, Gathering.
Sure.
She is wrong.
But this is before they were empowered.
Wait, I have to.
Wait, I have to have Satan's baby now?
Yeah.
Ugh, sorry.
She's from Cochrane, Alberta, Canada.
Oh.
Yep.
All right.
I officially apologize.
There are exceptions to the general rule.
But my gut tells me that back in the day, the stylists tend to be gay men.
And my gut also tells me they were better at their job and they had a big warehouse with like an old pilot's uniform and some jeans that were worn out and a leather jacket that was perfectly broken in that had a tear in it that had been patched.
It's fucking easy.
You can get a big storage space in the Bronx for 500 bucks a month.
You just go to a bunch of yard sales.
Buy a bunch of shit.
You should have rows and rows and rows, all defined by size and genre and stuff.
Come on.
Yeah, like would a guy that's been on a boat have like new gloves and why would he do that?
Can you just not repeat what I say and pretend that it's contributing to that?
Yeah, but just do a Tony Soprano.
Even I get it.
His fucking gloves are brand new.
What is the first day of the job?
He's a 50-year-old guy working at the docks for the first time.
So the School of Rock thing is a different pet peeve.
That's not them all wearing new clothes.
That's stylists not understanding anything.
Did you see the kids in School of Rock at the end?
How is that rock?
They have like top hats on.
I've never seen a band look like that.
Top hats.
And, you know, Jack Black really pushed.
I think he got Led Zeppelin too, maybe.
But I remember him really pushing to get songs that are rarely sold.
ACDC are really territorial about their song, their catalog.
And I'm realizing now they're right.
Jack Black did ruin that song.
Every time you like put on ACDC, I think they're finally on Spotify, but you're listening to their jams and like, we're on the highway to hell.
I'm back in black.
Kick sack.
He sounds like a demon.
Becky Black.
That's Brian Johnson, the guy who plays Bob Scott.
They're from Glasgow, by the way, Scottish.
Oh, that's right.
They were raised in Australia, but that rage you hear is Scottish rage.
And all of their songs are fucking so badass.
You know, my son, his middle name is White Thunder.
And I used to play Thunderstruck as his walk-on song when he was playing baseball.
And he would get so pissed.
Why?
I don't know.
I thought it was cool.
Maybe it's Noah Syndergaard's walk-on song.
Maybe he wants.
He's known as Thor.
No, one time I kept it on, his whole at-bat, and he struck out, and we didn't speak for a while.
Fuck.
And he said, if I ever do that again, he's going to leave the batting whatever, and come over with the bat and start the bat bat.
And I got a big ghetto blaster on eBay, and I bought the cassette of this album.
Yeah.
Oh, that's.
And I held it over my head like, what's his name in that movie?
John Cusack?
John Cusack?
For his pole at bat.
And all the other parents are going, ugh.
This is another moment where you think life will be like a movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I was kind of fucking with him.
Yeah.
I mean, I knew he didn't like it, but I wanted him to.
And I wanted everyone to call him Thunder.
And he goes, stop saying that.
I don't want to be Thunder.
Kids are never what you fantasized they would be.
Like, I thought Halloween would be super fun and we'd work together on these outfits.
And dad, that's a really funny idea.
Yeah, let's do that.
Like, no, I'm being Deadpool.
I'm not interested.
Right.
Or you want to do something cute with your girl and then you're like, hey, I set this all up.
We're going to do this.
I don't really want to do that.
Like, well, fuck.
In the movie.
What are you doing to this podcast?
You plan something cute with your girlfriend.
Like, we're going to go watch a movie under the stars.
It's like a driving movie.
And she's like, that's fucking gay.
I don't want to do that.
You're like, well, I guess you need movie love stuff.
Just add an example.
It has to be from real life.
Don't just repeat what I'm saying.
Oh, I've done that.
Well, it's non-stop with me.
All right.
You know, I'm always trying to be romantic.
But one of the things, so I'm holding this ghetto blaster and there's this other dad there.
And he goes, where'd you get that?
I haven't seen one of those in a long time.
And I go, I got it on eBay.
It's 300 bucks.
And he goes, why did you go and buy, you know, they still make those, right?
And I go, no, they don't.
They don't make boom boxes retard.
And he goes, oh, yeah.
And he pulls up his phone.
You can get one that a boom box that looks exactly like the 1980s for 50 bucks.
Nice.
I totally wasted my money.
It's old technology.
And the one from the 80s, obviously, the tapes get eaten and it sucks and it takes like $500 of batteries.
But anyway.
I got an update.
My school of rock beef.
My school of rock beef is that the stylist has never heard of rock and she just put on these silly costumes like my mom would do.
No offense, mom.
But that's how my mom would dress a rock and roll band with top hats and rubber bands in their hair.
And ACDC was wrong to give that song to Jack Black because it's the one song out of their whole canon where I go, eh, like I don't want to hear it anymore.
I can't think of rock and roll and touring and all this cool stuff because I just see a bunch of fat kids with top hats ruining the song.
You turn it to the side, chillo, it's a bass.
We will rock today.
Robert Ellsworth, so that's one of the three stylists.
That's a man.
Erwin Rose, also a man stylist in Jaws.
And Lewis Clark, there is no gender given to this person.
We don't know.
You want to know a feminist angle on Jaws just to eradicate all this horrible sexism I'm spewing?
Sure.
I love when they say that you're spewing bile.
The editor is a woman.
Yes.
She made the movie in Steven Spielberg's pool house out back.
And that's back when you had to physically cut film with a razor and then re-tape it back together to make a cut.
And she got the footage, she watched it all, and she goes back to it.
It's Spielberg, right?
Yeah.
And she goes back to Spielberg and she goes, where's the fucking shark?
And they go, yeah, we had a bit of trouble.
I don't know if you've ever had hydraulics underwater, but they tend to gum up and not work.
So the shark kept breaking.
So we only have maybe three shots of it doing anything.
She goes, what am I supposed to do with that?
So she smokes a joint in the bath.
I just made up that part.
Has a beer, looks out the window.
She had to have been a lesbian, right?
She's acting like a guy now.
Yes.
Well, I guess the guy.
Now we're back to sexism.
Anytime a woman accomplishes something in film, I assume she's gay.
She's role-playing as a man or gay.
But look her up.
Maybe she is gay.
I'm trying.
I don't think she did much besides that.
I think she did one other film.
But anyway, she goes, I know, I'm going to make it about the anticipation of the shark.
Then she grabs a tuba.
And that's kind of how it would be in real life if there was a killer shark.
You wouldn't be peeping it all the time.
Yeah, you wouldn't really see it much.
But you'd be fearing it always.
Yes.
Verna Fields.
Verna Fields.
Was Verna Fields a lesbian?
Oh, that I'd have to look up.
Yeah, I know you'd have to look that up.
You have all editors of all movies, sexual proclivities.
Memorize?
No, she was married to Sam Fields.
Oh, shit.
I'm really blowing it.
But Sam is kind of an ambiguous name.
But I guess I would say it's a man.
Let's find out.
This is back in the 70s.
There's no lesbians getting married to lesbians.
Yeah, no, it's a man.
Full-blown man.
Yeah, I have full-blown man.
By the way, full-blown man is playing at the Mercury.
I just don't understand why everyone, everything has to be 50-50.
Everything, Jerry Seinfeld talks about this where they're saying there's not enough people of color in this.
And it's like everything has to be this pizza pie of diversity where blacks are 14% of the population.
Okay, they have to be 14% of the Fields Prize winners.
They have to be 14% of the Latvian social club members.
They have to be 14% of tuba players.
Why?
That's the beauty of being a libertarian is we don't do identity politics.
We don't notice.
Like McGill University in Canada.
It's almost all Asian these days because it's a really hard university to get into.
And to get into the math program, for example, you need to have like a 95 out of 100.
Now those tend to be Asian.
I don't give a shit.
Go ahead.
Make it completely Asian.
And you have these universities that are coming up with reverse affirmative action quotas where Asians are punished and their SATs are reduced in order to get the Asian numbers down.
They're suing for that.
Thank God.
But that's fucked up.
Why?
Just don't think about it.
Whatever happens, happens.
You bust your ass.
This whole like I need 4% directors.
Remember that guy we met and he always bet against.
Anytime he saw there was a diversity initiative being put across by a company, he would bet against them in the stock market and win.
Because you're by definition saying meritocracy is second.
I'm going to put another feature up above the criteria for hiring this person.
And it's not if they're good or not.
It's what race they are, what gender they are.
And I don't know, man.
I did a lot of films.
I got one that's stuck in the chamber right now.
I can't really talk about.
Maybe I will soon, though.
I did a movie of, okay, I'll talk about it briefly.
I did a movie of my book, Death of Cool.
And it's sort of like Animal House in that it could be broken up into episodes.
And that could be like a TV show or it could be one movie.
And it's just the book as a movie.
But there's some legal issues and some jerks standing in the way.
And, of course, with my reputation now, I have to worry about people not wanting to be on it.
And my reputation is mud.
And I got a swarm of bees around me.
The SPLC.
Sick a swarm of bees on me.
And now I'm hard to hire because people go, I don't want to lose my Twitter account.
The Rebel hired me, but they hired my brother, Miles.
Miles McInnis.
That's coming out.
We can unleash that, right?
So I'm going to start doing videos for Rebel as, well, my brother Miles is going to start doing videos for Rebel.
And it's to try to undo all the damage I've done.
So it'll all be very, very freedom rider, social justice.
He's kind of a lib.
He's pretty left.
He's very left.
Is he in Antifa?
Does he do Antifa stuff?
He won't tell me.
Huh.
You guys don't talk much.
I try to talk to him, but he gets all pissed off.
And he punches holes in the wall.
screams he's stupid have you guys ever gotten along before 9-11 oh that was the one and then i sort of went right and then he went left just to deflect but uh he always i'll say i'll say what like he's there's so many cliches like he'll say ann coulter what how much of that is what she says is true and how much is it for shock value and i say what sentence in what book is are you talking about right and he goes i'm not going to read her book i go well what sentence anywhere are
you talking about and then he'll find like some mistake she made like she thought canada was in the vietnam war that's the one thing she said wrong in 80 years of commentary and he goes he just keeps bringing that up or with trump i'll he'll go he's so stupid he's such an idiot and i'll go like what what what has he said that you take issue with because i know he's going to say something like he said mexicans are rapists no he said of the illegals crossing they're not sending their best people and
there there is a high rape contingent every 80 of them get raped crossing the border so there seems to be a lot of rapey culture going on with that particular demographic of mexicans not all mexicans obviously sure sure uh and they are not sending their best the mexican government was pretty clear about this as a tactic because they don't have jail so let's get our let's get our bad guys up north of the border america will be a giant jail cell for us anyway um but
he says what everyone says when i ask that he goes um everything and i go yeah but name one thing he said everything he said oh
which is is lefty speak for i haven't done any research at all i don't know what i'm talking about like he'll just go really really oh how is he racist well did you see that thing vice did where they had black conservatives uh debating liberal conservatives i did and speaking of ann coulter remember she said our blacks are better than their blacks right and that was taken to mean i remember i think it was joe scarborough or something after she said that he goes does she know slavery's over we don't own blacks anymore which is a fucked up thing to say that's what they
thought because that is like like we are white people and now we're all that two percent that owned slaves back during slavery is that just a given that that's my family that's my people i was in scotland dude right but what she meant was everyone gets trump and culture and everyone else in the right wrong.
What she meant was: if you're a black conservative, you've had to fight at Thanksgiving and fight at Christmas, and all your friends go, yo, what the fuck, man?
And yo, what the fuck?
Yelling at you, and your arguments get diamond hard.
You end up repeating your points, being clear, learning their points, looking it up, and you're ready for everything.
That's why the left are so mentally obese, because they live in a bubble.
So when you say, give me a sentence, he said, they don't have a response.
Maybe that's why they get so triggered and start walking away.
They always do that thing where they're very angry and they do not want to talk about it.
Well, that black chick with the blonde hair on that Vice video, she kept grabbing the sky and clenching her fists.
While all the black conservatives were just like, look, here's the deal, blah, blah, blah.
We got used by Obama.
I voted for him just because he's black.
I regret it.
I'm an independent person and I don't feel that the world owes me anything.
Slavery was a long time ago.
And she's having a tantrum like a child.
And then at the end of it, after all that, right as it ended.
All right, guys, thank you for coming.
She's like, can we take a picture?
Yeah.
That's what she said.
That's the first thing she says when they said it's over.
She doesn't care about politics.
You say to, you know, you're talking to a black conservative and you say something like, you know, Venezuela doesn't represent all socialism.
We used to be socialists.
Our tax rate was 90% for the very rich back in the 50s and it worked great.
And then the black conservative is familiar with that because he's been told that.
And he goes, yes, but back when that started, there was, I think FDR was the only, when we were 75%, FDR was the only one who paid it.
Literally the only American in the country paying 75% was FDR.
And then later on, when it was 90%, yes, that's true.
And it was only a handful of people who were in that tax bracket.
It was like Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinacha.
But it was also replete with loopholes.
So yes, they were taxed for this, but they were also allowed to write off their house, their vacations, their boat, their fancy sports cars were all written off by the business.
That was the LLC.
So the actual time, the money they were spending 90% off was just like a tiny portion of their income.
You'll notice they still lived like kings back then.
Reagan closed a lot of those loopholes.
Anyway, my experience with the right, and especially black conservatives, is that they're very familiar with the arguments being thrown at them.
And it makes them better at arguing.
You know, you said it's like diamond sharp.
And maybe that's like, you know, they want to kind of debate and spar a little bit.
And then you're just, you're so like laser.
They're like, ow, I don't want to spar with you.
This isn't fun.
So they run away.
I want to develop a show where we get more liberals on, but they've become so shitty that it's not interesting.
When Bill Maher started out, it seemed more evenly matched.
But with Trump derangement syndrome, it's just like when the lefties are on Tucker's show, it's just like pigs to the slaughter.
Like I don't...
That bald guy is pretty good.
But I don't know.
The only time they seem to be doing to be making sense is when they're discrediting their own party and saying, yeah, we've made a lot of mistakes.
And yeah, that wasn't a good look.
And yeah, we need to change.
It's sort of like the only time moderate Muslims sound sane is when they say, yeah, the Quran has some serious problems with it.
Yeah, we have a disproportionate number of terrorists.
Yeah, we need reform.
But yeah, I remember working on films and there's all these female PAs.
PAs are a weird culture.
They're kind of like bike messengers where they see themselves as cowboys.
Like we're a Mad Max group of guys and they've got their Teva hiking boot shoes.
They always wear cargo shorts.
They got their belt with 90 fucking pounds of tape.
And they're really kind of arrogant.
And I feel like saying, guys, you tape down wires on the ground and you lift sandbags.
You're not changing the world.
You're not the sort of like Mad Max warriors with your own laws.
Boy, I really fucked up that analogy.
Can you stop surfing the web?
It's really distracting me.
I'm looking at the School of Rock because we got me on that.
And so, by the way, that designer, that costume designer, she's been in a lot of notable stuff.
She's ruined a lot of movies.
Yeah, but the Royal Tenenbaum is one of them.
Oh, that was pretty cool styling.
But that's cartoonish-like styling.
You know, it's almost like live-action cartoon-looking people.
And in Team America, it's an actual thing.
Yeah.
So, I mean, but when you apply that onto little children that are in a rock band, it becomes very campy and weird.
Yeah, campy and weird.
The love guru.
Yeah, she's got a style.
So these PAs, and they're moving big boxes and, you know, all these monitors and everything.
It's very heavy work.
And you always see these women, female PAs, almost without exception, they put their back out or they crumple their knee and they're gone, you know, a third of the way through the movie.
It happens time and time again.
And another thing I've noticed with them is the other PAs, they'll feel bad that she's carrying a big heavy sandbag.
You know what I'm talking about with sandbags, right?
The things that hold the lights down, stop them from wobbling.
And so they'll go, hey, I can get that for you.
And they always, they don't like that someone's doubting their strength.
So they'll always go, no, I got it.
I got it.
And then they're carrying like 60 pounds of sandbags, and that puts their back out.
And you go, well, you should have let him carry it.
I've heard that with the military too, that these women will go through combat training and they'll inevitably twist their ankle or fuck up their knee and be out.
And this military dude, what do I call people in the military?
A serviceman?
Rank and file?
Rank and file?
I don't think so.
A grunt?
A jarhead?
No, those are all specific, I would think.
So some soldier.
Yeah, soldier told me that.
A service member?
That sounds gay.
Sometimes, like, I don't say officer to cops.
I say cops.
And sometimes I get the feeling that they see it as kind of rude, but I'm not saying officer.
It's too cuckish.
You know what I mean?
It seems kiss-ass.
Yeah, it seems kiss-ass.
You're not trying to level off with this person.
You're a cop.
Yeah.
And the way he was explaining it to me is: he goes, We're like horses, you know, you put in money, you groom us because you have a big race coming up.
And you've invested in me as a machine.
And so you want me to be in good shape so you get your monies back when I go fight.
But when you have these thin little ankles and thin wrists, someone's invested in something and they've lost their money.
So it becomes a bad investment.
It's becoming expensive.
You know, it's just an avoidance of meritocracy.
That's what the DNC is running on in this next election.
Forget meritocracy.
Forget who's the best person for the job.
We're going with we want more women in Congress.
Like Orquesio-Cortez after the State of the Union.
They're all walking with these women.
Like they talk about, remember that meme?
What was that meme you sent me?
It was like, it's okay to have an abortion a day after the baby's born.
Yeah.
Trump mentioned, you know, we can't kill babies.
And they're sitting there.
We have the lowest unemployment rate for black people.
They're still sitting there.
We have the most women in Congress and they stand up.
They're raising the roof.
One of them is raising the roof.
So you mention them and they stand up.
That's when they stand up.
Pathetic.
Why don't we just start pushing more men in cheerleading?
There's that one team that has two.
They're in the Super Bowl.
There's the first Super Bowl.
They had a male cheerleader.
That guy's face.
Are you poking the mic with your hair?
Yeah.
That guy's face is one of the best arguments for gay face.
I'm not saying gay face is true or not, but boy, I am.
I don't know what is going on.
Does he have mascara on?
I don't know.
It's a twinkle in their eyes.
like Dov Davidoff had this joke and it says why does it always look like gay guys smell the fresh batch of cookies laughter laughter laughter It is this.
It's this whole...
Mmm.
You know, I met him after Anthony's show.
He was on Anthony's show one day.
And I brought that up to him.
I was like, dude, I know this is a long time ago, but I remember that joke, and it's stuck with me ever since.
I've told it.
Oh, that's cool, man.
That's cool.
Just try to connect with him.
Oh, that's a great story, Ryan.
So you went up to the comedian who said that joke.
You said you liked the joke, and he said, oh, that's cool.
Do you own the book rights to that story?
I don't think it's bookworthy.
No?
Maybe a movie straight point.
Is it straight to film?
Is it to the theaters?
Something sticks with you for life, and you can't ever connect with the source of it.
So don't try, I'd say.
That's my advice for people.
People.
Do you ever meet somebody that you were like, dude, you made an impact on my life and you blew it?
I'm not a celebrity guy, but one time I was with celebrities at the premiere of the movie One Year, which flopped.
And there's a guy there, the big fat guy who plays Larry David's manager.
Okay.
Jeff Garland.
Jeff Garland was there.
And I was with David Cross and Amber Tamblin.
Put that on your bingo card.
And I don't know, if there's one group that loves celebrities, it's celebrities.
So Amber was like, oh my God, I can't believe it.
There's whoever it was, fucking Sarah Silverman or something.
And they were kind of fanning out on these celebrities going, I should go say something.
I don't know.
So then I got caught up in it.
And I saw Jeff Garland there.
And I've never done this before since.
I thought, I'm going to go say hi because I had just heard him on this podcast.
And he was saying some really intelligent stuff about spontaneity and how, you know, when he does stand-up comedy, he doesn't ever write jokes.
He just wings it and sees what happens.
And sometimes he bombs and sometimes he doesn't, but it's always spontaneous.
And people shouldn't have scripts.
That's what he loves about Curb Your Enthusiasm.
And I kind of, I did an interview later and I copied a lot of his points.
I plagiarized him.
So he was talking to another famous guy, like Jeff Goldblum or something.
So they were both talking and I came up and I said, and then I waited there for there to be a break, which is already, oh, this should have been on our cringe episode.
They know it's coming.
They know you're about to come.
And they're like, oh, fuck, here comes some guy.
And I said, hey, Jeff, yeah, Gavin, I heard you on that podcast.
And I mentioned what podcast it was.
And I thought you had some really great points.
And I did an interview later and I basically said the same stuff.
Kind of stole it.
And he goes, oh, well, I meant everything I said on that.
And then goes back to his friend.
And I was like, what have I just done?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm that annoying guy that I hate.
Yeah.
You lower your value by doing that as a person.
I have one other example I just remembered.
I went to see DOA fairly recently, like the past five years.
And they invented the word hardcore.
They were one of the first post-punk hardcore bands.
They're pretty punky, though.
And they're Canadian legends.
And I saw him there and someone introduced me and I go, hey, man.
And then I said something I've never said and never will say ever again.
I said, hey, can I get a selfie?
And he goes, no.
And just walks away.
Please tell me you were 16 when you said this.
I was 44.
That's pretty bad.
And I always say no to, well, I don't always, but I often say no to selfies.
It's so stupid.
I hate this stupid, what is with these group photos?
Like, it's one thing, oh, here, I'm standing next to a celebrity.
I hate that.
Like, Jerry Seinfeld says, when are you ever going to use that?
Yeah.
Are you going to put it on your mantelpiece?
You don't know that guy.
So what does it mean, this picture of you and a celebrity, you and Jack Black?
What does it mean?
And you're not friends.
So it means, well, I was next to him.
Yeah, he lives on Earth.
I assume he's next to about a thousand people a day.
You go to Grand Central once and you were next to a million people.
So what's the point of it?
And then even more annoying is this, all right, let's all get a group photo.
And then everyone gets together.
Proud boys do this all the time.
Everyone gets together and takes a photo of themselves.
For what?
Do you look at that ever?
Do you print it out?
No.
Do you go on your phone?
I guess they put it on Facebook.
I guess when you're old, you could look back and be like, ah.
No, you look at kids.
You look at pictures of your kids and you go, boy, he was cute.
And you marvel at how, you know, that little two-year-old with the ponytail on top of her head is like wearing makeup now and is a woman.
But these group photos of a bunch of dudes, I'm with Marshall, what's his name?
The football player, Marshall Lynch.
He goes, man, don't take pictures with mans.
Or maybe he says selfies.
Mans don't take selfies with mans.
That's funny.
I agree.
Run through a motherfucker's face.
You just.
What's your technique, Marshall?
You're just so savage out there.
Well, you have to run through a motherfucker's face.
And when you do that over and over and over and over and over and over.
He says it about 100%.
Six is a lot.
Yeah, it's a rule of three is to be done.
It's a lot for you.
Very important ESPN interview.
And then the interviewer goes, is there a greater message you're sending here?
Like he was hoping that Marshall was making like a metaphor.
No, he literally means run through a motherfucker's face.
Run through a motherfucker's face.
There he is.
You know, one more story about like being, it wasn't even fanboyish.
You know that guy Lionel, the political analyst dude?
So he had this theory that there was this drill going around this emergency drill near the Lincoln Tunnel.
And at the time, I had lived around there working at this hostel.
And his theory was that it could go live and it could be like a 9-11 fucking attack or something.
And that's what they were doing.
They were saying it was a drill, but they were going to prep for an actual attack.
So I was like, I left the city because of that, like at five o'clock in the morning.
And then I ran into him.
I was like, dude, remember when you thought that that drill was going to go live?
I left the city because of that.
He was like, huh, interesting.
I was like, all right.
I guess I shouldn't have told you that.
But at the time, he was like fear-mongering and really trying to push it home that some serious shit could have been.
What has that got to do with anything?
Well, meeting somebody that had impacted you.
What he said made me leave where I was at five in the morning.
This has been your worst episode yet.
Sorry.
From now on, we're capping you at two stories per show.
Zero metaphors are allowed.
Zero?
Zero.
How about similes?
Nope.
You talk like a fag and your shit's all retarded.
You don't have to bleep those anymore.
I don't know.
And you don't talk like a fag, but your shit is all retarded.
Oh, I wanted to talk about that briefly.
Let's wrap it up.
I'm of two minds about the word retard.
When I saw a pod, I heard a podcast with Ricky Gervais and some other British comedian talking about it.
And Ricky Gervais was saying it's all about context and how you mean it.
And Ann Coulter said that too.
She said, no one calls him with Down syndrome a retard, right?
But the other comedian was talking about how he met this couple that were in the audience, and they have a son that is so severely handicapped that there's only one person who can handle him, like one of those sort of flailing kind of cerebral palsy thing.
And, you know, you have to hold them and stuff, strap them in a chair or whatever.
So they only get out maybe once a year.
And then they get out and they hear the word retard a lot and it bums them out.
And so they're one night a year.
They go out, they basically are hearing the N-word about their black son and it ruins it.
And I did say it once around a handicapped, mentally handicapped person.
I said, yeah, my dog's retarded.
And I felt terrible because I'd said that word around that guy.
But on the other hand, you know, we always talk about color and how, you know, everyone is so sensitive now that it's ruining, it's taking all the fun out of the dialogue.
And we were talking about that Archie Bunker clip.
Can you find that one?
Where he goes, no, a guy with glasses is a four eyes.
And you think, whenever you watch Archie Bunker and he has that clip where he goes, you do all the cooking at your house?
Aren't you afraid how that will look?
Oh, like I'm a bad mother?
A bad wife?
There it is.
Jeez, you haven't ate my lunch.
Roger.
Roger the fairy?
Oh, that's my boy.
You hear that, Edith?
You know who they're bringing around here for lunch?
Roger, sweetie, prime Roger.
Sweetie, put it out, man.
He's their friend, Arch.
Listen, Edith, we run a decent home here.
And we don't need any strange little birdies flying in and out of the world.
Stop there.
Roger's not a strange little birdie.
His pal, Roger, is as queer as a $4 bill, and he knows it.
That's not only cruel, Daddy, that's an outright lie.
You know something, Archie?
Just because a guy is sensitive and he's an intellectual and he wears glasses, you make him out.
Isn't this kind of homophobic?
How so?
What she's saying, that's mean, because he's saying the guy's queer.
The guy's gay.
Oh.
That's like, what if he said the guy's black?
And she goes, that's really mean.
He's not black.
Don't say that horrible thing about someone.
Yeah, like South Park, like, Kyle's like, I'm Jewish, Cartman.
And Cartman's like, don't say that about yourself.
It's really fucked up.
Yeah.
You should just.
He hasn't necessarily said it.
Well, he did say we run a nice house here, but queer is a $4 bill.
I mean, $4 bills are very unusual.
Little birds, I think, represent about 1% of the population.
They always say 10, which is fucking ridiculous.
Not a queer.
I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer.
A guy who wears glasses is a four-eyes.
The guy who's a fag is a queer.
We don't stop talking.
Now, that, okay, you get into the politics of that.
And Archie Bunker wasn't, Norman Lear didn't create him to be liked.
He created him to lampoon bigotry.
But people ended up just thinking it was funny.
Because I think back then, people were sort of apolitical.
Like, they didn't think gays were garbage.
But when they saw an old blue-collar guy in Queens using that word, they weren't really laughing with him.
It's hard to articulate.
And you shouldn't have to analyze comedy.
It's like sex.
It's just a weird thing that you enjoy.
They weren't really saying, ha, we hate fags.
They were like, ha, that's an old bigot who's using really crass language and he believes it.
So you could argue that they were laughing at racism.
Yeah, well, that's the argument, absolutely.
Tell me, what is the issue?
He's a fag.
Look at him.
Oh, it's so great.
So we laugh at that.
We laugh at Arch.
And to ban the word retard is to just take one more word out of the equation.
And again, when you say it, you're obviously not talking about people with Down syndrome.
And by the way, pro-choicers, we use a rude word about them.
You have genocided them.
Your love of abortion has killed off Down syndrome.
When I was a kid, they were everywhere.
Every gang, you'd have like your main guys, your four guys, and then there'd be one five-year-old because one of your buddies had to bring his little brother.
That was kind of a pain in the ass, but whatever.
We just ignored him.
And then the one kid with Down syndrome.
Yeah.
And that was normal.
And they weren't teased.
It was just part of your day.
They were slow.
There was always the slow kid.
And now they're gone.
Like, you see someone with Down syndrome a couple times a year, maybe?
I haven't in about the past year.
You know what?
I've never seen in my life a black guy with Down syndrome.
No, never.
Why is that?
Isn't that weird?
I don't know.
So, yeah, you don't want, you'd hate.
You'd hate for someone with Downs to hear it.
But should we remove it?
I mean, you and I say it a hundred times in an episode.
That's retarded.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
I don't see it as hurtful because, like, when I say, are you blind or are you deaf when people don't hear me?
It's not insensitive towards people that can't fucking hear or see.
So.
Yeah.
It's not real retards.
I don't really believe in retards.
I believe there are people with problems and retards are fun work.
I don't believe in retards.
That's another shirt.
That's another shirt.
It's like when I work with this woman, Cheryl, and she told me, you know, midgets are really rich.
And I go, what?
Pardon est moi.
And she goes, no, because of movies like Time Bandits and, you know, other movies like that, they have a lot of money.
I think she thought there was about 11 midgets in the world.
Well, that's another word you're not allowed to say, right?
Midgets.
See, this is the problem.
This dwarf.
This slippery slope.
So I think Ricky Gervais is right.
The word retard is usable, but you got to be really careful about context.
And the N-word, I got in trouble for saying this on my old show, but there is a conceivable way to say it.
It's just very, very, very rare.
Maybe once a year where it, like Zach Alfanakis has a joke that uses the N-word, and it's really funny.
Do you remember it?
I'm sure if you put in Zach Alfanakis and that horrible, horrible word, it'll come up.
But this is what I'm trying to get to.
And I know we're running out of time here.
But I grew up with listening to punk and hardcore.
And it was, ooh, I say that kind of weird now.
I say that in the porn way.
Punk and hardcore.
You got to hit the hard.
Punk and hardcore.
Yeah.
Punk and hardcore.
Is it what you said before?
Yeah, you can't emphasize the core.
That sounds like the anal porn.
But what I remember about my days is, yes, of course it was left-wing, but it was also non-wing.
And there was plenty of right-wing kind of themes throughout it and a lot of offensive stuff.
Like there was this band called The Meat Men.
And their first album is a live album, I believe.
And it's called We're the Meat Men and You Suck.
And there's songs on it like I'm Glad I'm Not a Girl, where he talks about how they have to sit down to pee and stuff.
It's just girls suck.
They had a song about John Lennon being shot saying one down, three to go.
This is before George Harrison died.
And then he had a song about fucking high school girls, and it was like, burn the little panties off new bounds with a Bunsen burner.
Slim on that maturity, but Jesus, fuck, their tits are firmer.
Pick them up for Grease Dew, but by God, they've gone to Driver's Ed.
That's okay, because mom will dork you in her queen-size parents' bed.
I send for a living.
I sin for like it was just raunchy, offensive teen fun.
I wouldn't listen to them now in the house with the kids.
But it was totally offensive.
Or you had the Forgotten Rebels, and they had a song called Bomb the Boats, Feed the Fish.
Bomb the Boats.
Because this was back when a lot of boat people were emigrating.
I forget what exactly was going on.
It wasn't Cubans coming to Miami.
It was like Southeast Asians.
They called them boat people.
And he was saying, bomb the boats and feed their fucking flesh to the fish.
Now, it wasn't clear whether he was genuinely saying that or whether he was playing a character.
And I think he's since said that he overheard some dumb racist say that in a lineup and he was singing it.
But uh turn it up.
Is this it?
Oh yeah.
I don't want no foreign pricks to take my job away from me.
Now, yeah, so in this day and age, he's had to apologize and say, no, I was being a character.
I heard this guy in a lineup and I was making a song about him.
But back when we heard that song in the 80s, we didn't really care.
You know?
Will you stop sucking that fucking chemical, stupid plastic dick?
Some showing up on the thing, but I will stop.
God, it's so annoying.
You're trying to eliminate color.
No, you took away color.
Smoking cigarettes was cool.
I would happily leave the studio reeking of cigarettes.
Yes.
I will smoke cigarettes in here again.
Cigarettes look cool.
I know.
You're sucking that stupid vape.
You look like you're blowing a robot.
But then they stink because you touch the keyboard, it gets all nicotine-y.
Ugh.
Yeah, fine.
That's what meant.
Cigarettes to me smell like freedom, and I've never smoked a cigarette once in my life.
Absolutely.
You're right.
Ugh.
It's everything I hate about your generation.
I like people that smoke cigarettes.
It's like you're a corporate tool.
The same way they're staring at their phone all the time.
They're like, I'm going to suck on this.
Whatever it is.
Is there a THC in it?
No.
I'm not getting high over here.
What are you doing?
I barely see it.
What is it?
What's in it?
Nicotine.
The same thing in cigarettes that makes you want cigarettes, but I quit cigarettes because this helps you breathe more.
Crackpipe.
Yeah.
Or there was Gangrene that had, you know, Budweisers all over the front of their album.
And then there was Johnny Ramon saying, fuck commies.
I hate commies.
And there was Fear that had a big eagle on the front of their album.
You know, there was, there's Sid Vicious with a swastika on his shirt.
He clearly wasn't a Holocaust denier.
It was just like, I'm as offensive as possible.
It was like a way of saying, fuck you.
A lot of biker gangs would wear swastikas too, ching-a-lings.
They still do.
I'm not advocating for the swastika there, snitches.
I'm just saying that back before political correctness, before the 90s, there was just more variety.
And sometimes you didn't know if the person was kidding or not.
And sometimes you didn't care because you knew how you feel.
And if the Forgotten Rebels were genuinely singing that, what are we worried about Cambodian boat people being hurt by the song?
If you're hurt by the song, tell the Forgotten Rebels to fuck off.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Now, someone going up to someone with Down syndrome and saying, hey, you stupid retard, that's horrific, obviously.
But does that happen?
See, this is my problem.
Oh, I'm glad I finally remembered this.
We'll wrap it up with this.
This is my number one beef, and I keep coming back to this as a general theme in the show.
When the Catholic school thing happened, people were happy and they thought, good.
I have evidence that Trump's America is a racist hellhole.
The MAGA Hat versus Indian one.
Yeah, with the Jussie Smollett thing.
They ran with the story despite, I think we listed 15 inconsistencies with his story that make no sense.
They just said, fuck it.
I'm going to make a video saying, I've been listening to your words and I got your back, Jussie.
Or Kamala Harris, who's going to run for president, just taking it for granted that it happened and saying, this is why we're better than this, America.
Yeah, we literally are better than this.
It didn't happen.
But my problem with people being so petrified of what was normal in Archie Bunker days is you're assuming that Archie Bunker is this looming Ebola virus that could ostensibly wipe us out.
No, that's not looming.
As I've said on the show a million times, check the New York Post article.
Oh, poo.
Wait.
Yeah, here it is.
Check the article.
No, there's no Trump-fueled surge in anti-Semitism, written by Jonathan S. Tobin.
Also, check the article by, boy, my computer's fast.
David Harsanyi.
Harsanyi, there is no surge in right-wing violence.
Anyway, a listener sent me, I get pretty good emails.
I gave out my email address and I don't regret it yet.
But people call in and correct us.
And remember, that's how we found out that there was more people to arrest Roger Stone than there was to Osama bin Laden.
That says everything.
Oh, did you hear that other thing about Roger Stone?
When after San Bernardino, the FBI demanded that Apple give them their iPhone passwords so they can get into their iPhones.
Apple said, fuck you, and stood by the terrorists.
And they just handed over everything to the FBI from Roger Stone.
So Roger Stone is now more dangerous than terrorists twice.
He's more dangerous than Bin Laden, because we had to send more guys to get him.
And he's more dangerous than San Bernardino terrorists, according to our culture.
So anyway, here's a C.S. Lewis quote.
It's from Mere Christianity.
I guess that's the book.
Ready?
And this is about people being happy when the Covington Catholic School thing happened and not questioning it.
The real test is this.
Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper.
Then, suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not quite be true or not quite so bad as it was made out.
Is one's first feeling, oh, thank God, even they aren't quite as bad as that?
Or is it a feeling of disappointment and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies as bad as possible?
And I think this is the big split in America today.
We don't want them to be evil.
They want us to be evil.
We want them to get the truth.
They want to hurt us.
They want to deplatform unperson and physically harm us.
They talk about tolerance while wanting to banish us because they see us as intolerant.
They talk about ending hate when all they talk about is their hatred of conservatives and Trump and rednecks and Republicans and pro-lifers.
They talk about hating violence when they, in the same breath, they want to punch us all, call us Nazis.
And it goes back to Charles Krauthammer.
They think we're evil.
We just think they're wrong.
Anyway, second paragraph of C.S. Lewis.
If it is the second, and the second, remember, was a feeling of disappointment that your enemies weren't evil, then it is, I'm afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils.
You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker.
I wish he hadn't used the metaphor of color, but this was probably back when black people were called Negroes and you didn't instantly think of black people when you said black.
You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker.
If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see gray as black, then to see white itself as black.
And when he says black, he means darkness and negativity.
Finally, we shall insist on seeing everything, God and our friends and ourselves included, as bad and not be able to stop doing it.
We shall then be fixed forever in a universe of pure hatred.
And this is why I call the SPLC a hate group.
Yeah.
Because they are creating an America rife with hate.
And it's just frustrating as an immigrant who came down here because one of the best things about America is that it's so hate-free, is that it's so fun.
Is that it's so, there's so much liberty.
There's so much, I don't know, awesomeness.
I love Beavis and Butthead and Rodney Dangerfield and Caddy Shaq.
I love the ugly American.
And, you know, Britain, for example, has this whole thing with class where, hey, hell, I can't associate with a, what are you saying?
Are you right?
They can't be together.
There's all these rules.
America's rule-free.
And then in the past five years, especially the past two years, they've changed that into America is really fucking sexist and racist and anti-Semitic and homophobic and transphobe.
And the government has to come in and fix that.
We need more female directors.
We need more female stylists ruining movies and lifting sandbags.
We need to make hate crimes a thing.
If it didn't happen, just say it did.
Let's get it out there.
Let's make a big hate map where we show all the hate.
Let's put signs everywhere that say, get out of here, hate, because hate is everywhere.
We have to beat it back.
I mean, people honestly believe.
I see them at protests being interviewed and they believe that we've gone backwards and we're just as racist as we were in the 50s.
All right.
▲
Export Selection