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Aug. 6, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
42:49
Ep 164 | Abuse of Sour | Get Off My Lawn
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Bree Miss and Montana Bree Bree Live from New York, it's Bet Off My Lawn with Devin McGuinness.
What about the lyrics?
Free, Nelson Mandela.
Begging me, begging me please.
21 years and got to the team.
His shoes too small, should fit his feet.
His body abused, but his mind is still free.
Are you so blind that you cannot see?
I said, free, Nelson Mandela.
That was Nelson Mandela by the Specials.
Specials were a great ska band in England.
Still are.
I think they're still going.
You know, that was a funny time in Britain because Jamaica declared independence in, I think, the 60s, 67 or something like that.
And then Britain said, all right, you're on your own.
And they said, okay, this place immediately has fallen apart.
We'd like to come to Britain now, if we may.
And Britain went, God, I told you, but no, you wouldn't listen.
So they left Jamaica in droves, and they became known as the Yardies in England.
And they assimilated pretty good because they were already from a British colony.
Same with Indians, same with Canadians.
We all do well.
It's Islam that doesn't do well.
But it's kind of funny that these people are pushing assimilation and anti-segregation.
And they're a great example of how assimilation can work out great.
But it wasn't the case in South Africa.
In South Africa, Nelson Mandela was a terrorist.
He bombed and murdered people.
Winnie Mandela murdered any black person who sympathized with whites and wasn't a communist.
You know how she burned them?
She necklaced them.
She put tires with gas in them and murdered them.
And so the country has been given to communists to run.
The reason I'm talking about all this is because we have Willem Pitter on the show.
He's a boar.
B-O-E-R.
I've had him on the show before, but I want to have him back and talk about the progress.
There's a great book out right now called Kill the Boar that documents the real story going on there.
And the real story is it's not blacks versus whites.
It's not blacks trying to get their land back.
They never had that land.
There's about seven warring tribes down there.
And the communists are controlling all of them.
The black tribes that support the whites are too scared, but they hate the communists too.
And they're getting murdered by the communists too.
This is two tribes, Zulus and something else, I forget the name of them.
Two tribes go to war.
These two tribes are going to war.
And these two tribes identify as communists.
They are the ANC, and they are going to slaughter everyone.
It'll be brutal for not just whites, but blacks.
In the interim, though, we are seeing ethnic cleansing in South Africa.
I have no idea why no one is talking about it.
Lauren Southern's talking about it.
Rebel and Katie Hopkins are talking about it.
No one else is.
All right.
If we're the only ones with balls big enough to talk about the ethno-side, the mass murdering going on with white farmers in South Africa, then so be it.
So we shall discuss that.
And we shall also discuss something that's almost worse than the death and destruction and sadistic murders that go on in South Africa, and that is being a Mets fan.
I've realized as a Mets fan that people talk to me not just like I'm a South African farmer.
Actually, they get less sympathy.
People talk to you like you're mentally handicapped.
I'm not even exaggerating.
They really do.
They go, okay.
Like if you say you're a Red Sox fan, people go, Red Sox, suck.
Or a Yankees fan, yes, screw you.
I hate you people.
I hate your team.
I hate your fans.
Get that hat off.
But when you wear a Mets fan, when you wear a Mets hat, people go, hello?
Okay.
Yeah.
There you go.
Hey, do you want a straw?
Oh, you're going to have without a straw.
You're going to drink that all up all by yourself like a big boy.
Okay.
That's good.
You're number one.
Well, you're the worst Steve in the league, but I mean, you as a person, you're A-OK.
So there's a big juxtaposition here, but like yesterday, it's two long interviews.
And yes, here in the summer, I like to take it a little differently.
You know, we're not sitting there studiously watching the shows.
We're relaxing.
So I've been having long interviews.
I think CRTV tonight, this Friday, is going to be business as usual, but the one after that will be a greatest hits.
I've got to have a whole bunch of holiday episodes planned for August 15th to the end of the month.
And those are all going to be super kooky and fun and, you know, living on the edge.
Super crazy, yo.
But yeah, let's get incredibly serious at first and talk to a man who will be killed eventually.
I mean, the odds of Willem dying and being murdered by the ANC are phenomenally high.
So while you're watching this, just imagine that you're essentially talking to a person on death row.
I don't want to sound pessimistic.
My heart is with South Africa.
I hope they win, but the odds are against them.
And that makes for a heavy subtext in an interview.
And then we'll lighten things up with the mats.
Willem, are you there, sir?
Yes, I am.
How are you, Gavin?
Good, good.
How is South Africa?
Well, not that good, eh?
As we know, Things aren't going that well here.
And what I'm talking about now is the fact that at the World Choir Games, the South African team sang a song that contained the words, Kill the Buer, which is my people.
And they didn't sing that verse, but they still sang the song that originally contains that words.
Okay, now I know this is a bitter pill to swallow.
And some people who, you know, Screwdriver is a horrible white power band, but sometimes one has to concede that they do have some catchy jams.
Are you willing to concede that it is kind of a catchy song?
Well, did you actually listen to it ever?
Because it seems like very low IQ music to me.
Doesn't seem like anything with lots of difficult harmonies or anything of that sort.
Well, maybe not, but I have to admit, while I was researching this story, I must have heard the song about 10 times and I'm looking at the translations.
And then I found myself later on, you know, washing out a coffee cup going, kill the boy, kill the.
Oh, Jesus, what am I saying here?
I'm talking about genocide.
Yeah, no.
It's a shocking juxtaposition, though, Willem, because here in America, we have Trump giving farmers $10 billion because he's worried he hurt them with these tariffs.
And then we have South Africa where they're saying, we never said that you should kill white people.
And then he adds the caveat, not yet.
They've now made it legally permissible just to steal land with no financial compensation.
There's also things that are underground that we don't know about, like those cell phone blockers, the military-issue cell phone blockers that these criminals seem to have.
And now, finally, the final straw, we have politicians singing happy songs about murdering you.
Well, exactly.
And this isn't even politicians.
This was a bunch of kids who, many of them white, who didn't even know what they were singing because they sang in a language that wasn't their own.
And the South African team at the World Choir Games had these kids sing the song, which basically called for their own slaughter.
Well, what's, yeah, that is incredible.
And what's amazing about it being on an international stage?
And just let's go back a step.
So you're not talking about someone singing a song at a political rally.
We saw that rally where they were like, kill the boar, kill the farmer.
This was at an international choir competition.
Exactly.
So we are quite used to it being sung at all these political rallies.
It's sort of a right nowadays at these political rallies, but it's the first time we've seen it sung at the World Choir Competition.
And that is the South African officials'basic...
I'm just getting you the response for now.
Oh, good.
I was going to lose it if you were looking at something else on my show.
No, not at all.
Not at all.
What's telling and shocking about them doing it at this festival is they are saying that we are proud of our ethnic genocide.
We are proud that we are about to kill all the white farmers in Africa and South Africa and ultimately starve ourselves to death, by the way.
The lack of shame is the shocking part about it.
And what's even more shocking is that we have politicians who are in minister positions, which would be the equivalent of a secretary, like a secretary of state in the United States.
And they are saying, no, but if all the farmers die, it's fine.
We can just buy tin food.
Jesus.
Excuse my language.
So these were white kids, essentially boars, right?
I mean, boar farmer kids, basically.
They just might not farm.
But these are the same people under siege singing a beautiful song about kill me, kill me.
Exactly.
What's the exact English translation of that verse?
Well, the verse which they didn't sing, which actually contained the words said, we are the people of Mkontu, which means the spear.
And the spear was a terrorist wing of the governing South African National Congress and the South African Communist Party, which carried out a lot of terrorist attacks.
For example, the bomb they planted in the middle of the main street in Pretoria, which killed almost 50 people and injured more than 200.
What year was that?
That was in the 80s.
Is that what Nelson Mandela was arrested for?
Yeah, that was one of the bombs that Nelson Mandela ordered or signed off.
He signed off about 60 bombings on white people before he was jailed.
Oh, but I heard in a lot of British pop songs that he deserves to be free.
Yeah, well, they didn't really have much of the facts.
Okay, I'm looking here.
It's 1983 was the year of the Church Street bombing.
And let's get back to the exact verbiage of this chorus.
Okay, so it says, we are the people of Mkontu.
We are prepared to kill the Buer, to kill the Buer, go well, Mkontu, ECISWE, Spirit of the Nation.
That means, go well, spear of the nation, go kill the Buer.
Well, I mean, we've been through this before.
You're determined to literally fight to the death.
But every time I talk to you or even read about South Africa, all I can think is, get out of there.
Yeah, well, I just hope they actually, you know, declare war so that we can just fight on an even stage because all this little domestic terrorism bullshit is getting on my nerves now.
So you're ready for a full-on civil war?
Yeah, well, I think it would be better than what we have at this moment, because what we have at this moment is just like a slow war that we can't fight back against.
Yes, it's a war of attrition.
If they're trying to starve you to death, and they are successfully starving a lot of whites to death, we saw the squats in Lauren's movie.
What do you think of Lauren's movie, by the way?
Well, I quite enjoyed it.
I don't know, looking from a perspective of someone who lives in South Africa, of course, it's not like it was very informative to me, but I really appreciate the fact that she went out and told the world about it.
I think a lot of people all over the world would learn a lot from it.
Yeah, well, it's got a million views now.
All right.
So the government is promoting white genocide.
Little children are singing songs that include lines about kill me, although they're just cutting that one sentence out.
You're determined not to leave.
You're determined to fight a civil war if that need be.
By the way, aren't you scared of talking to me right now?
Isn't this problematic?
Well, I mean, I'm talking every day on YouTube.
Well, not every day.
Every few days on YouTube, I make a video which goes out.
The one that I made about this exact topic got at 60,000 views by now.
So I've basically put my neck out there already.
I might as well go full on and talk to everybody.
Yeah.
What percentage are whites of the population?
Aren't you only like 5% of the population?
Yeah, we're closer to 10%, but we're about 4.5 million white people here.
So it would be 10% versus 90%, and the 90% would have the military on their sides.
Yeah, but the thing is, South Africa is extremely tribal.
There are nine black tribes here in South Africa, and they hate each other almost more than they hate white people or colored people or Indian people.
So it will be essentially a war between 11 different tribes if it happens.
Well, that's kind of like the founding of South Africa.
It wasn't whites versus blacks.
It was whites pairing with this tribe and that tribe against that tribe.
Similar to people always get the history of America wrong and assume it was this cohesive group of Indians versus a cohesive group of whites.
But there was French versus English.
There was, you know, Iroquois versus Cherokee and all kinds of Apaches warring with all the tribes.
And it was all just sort of deals that were done, hustles.
Yeah, for example, one I can name here in South Africa was between the Swazis and the Buers.
That was in the 1850s.
What happened was the Zulus and the Swazis were fighting so much amongst each other.
So the king of the Swazis told the Boers, will you just take this piece of land?
And he gave them a piece of land, which is about 500,000 hectares.
That's, I don't even know how many acres, about 800,000 acres.
And he told them, can you please go farm there?
Because then it was a piece of land between the Zulu land and the Swaziland.
And he just said, okay, can the Boers, let's go farm there to protect us from the Zulu.
And the Boers just said, well, free farming land, that's not a problem.
So we went in and we signed a contract and they gave us that piece of land.
And yeah, wasn't that the site of the massive boar slaughter when the Zulus went back on the deal and murdered that leader on the bridge?
Or was that another deal?
Yeah, that was about 20 years before that.
That was another deal.
Yeah.
Well, it sounds like you've gone back in time to the founding of South Africa.
It sounds like the country has to be rebuilt from scratch.
Exactly.
And how do you feel about the mass exodus, the white flight to Zimbabwe and Australia and all these other countries?
Well, I don't think anyone was going to Zimbabwe.
Maybe if there are 10 people going there, then it's a lot because I don't really trust the fact that their current president wants the whites back.
I'm sorry.
I'm dumb.
I'm dumb.
It wasn't Zimbabwe.
What's the African country that's taking in farmers that isn't that corrupt and dangerous?
Well, there's always Botswana and Namibia.
They are Botswana is a libertarian country.
And also the history of the Buers and the Tuanas, which is another black tribe here in Africa, is quite good.
We didn't really fight a lot.
We were always allies and friends.
So do you resent those who went to Botswana?
Do you feel like they've let you down?
No, not really.
I mean, if you look also at the guys in Australia and America, England, Germany, all those places, I'm in contact with a lot of them because I went into the public sphere and started talking about stuff.
And they call themselves the Diaspora Africanas.
I don't know how you say that word in English.
Anyway, so they basically just focus on South Africa all the time.
If you look at their Facebook pages and their Twitter and everything, everything's just South Africa and all they want to do is just come back to their fatherland.
And these people, I think they have a very important role to play.
I think the reason why what's going on in South Africa, even though it's completely ignored by the media, is getting so much traction overseas, even before Lauren Southern and Katie Hopkins and those people came to South Africa, is because of all these diaspora Afrikaners all over the world.
And also another thing is these Afrikaners find themselves in quite high positions in the workplace usually because they are very hardworking compared to many other people.
I've read a study that shows that Afrikaners in Australia are the highest paid group in Australia of all groups.
They're even higher than the Asians.
Because they stole the land in Australia.
The ones without tenacity and a work ethic died a long time ago.
So you really got the cream of the crop of farmers in South Africa.
So we're running out of time here, but I think it's very interesting.
And I only just learned this now, that the imminent chaos, the imminent war in South Africa is not black versus white.
It's whites and a few more tribes versus a bunch of other black tribes.
Versus the communist ideology, which tries to swallow everyone into it.
And what are the numbers like on those two versus sides?
Well, I would say the Zulu tribe is the biggest.
They're about 16 million.
Then the Khawasas would be the second bigger.
Well, you got to tell me whose side who's on.
What side are the Zulus on?
On their own side, on the Zulu side.
But surely, if in a civil war, coalitions have to form, or is it just going to be every man for himself, seven tribes against each other?
Well, the tribes that hate each other the most are the Zulus and the Corsa, and they will be the biggest war.
But I think the smaller tribes that were usually also the weaker tribes in the old days will probably come back to the white people and ask them for protection against the Zulus and the Corsas, who has been in the history, they have been the guys who were the most aggressive.
And do both Zulus and the, what are they called, the Corsas?
Yeah, Yeah, do both Zulus and Corsas want to kill white farmers?
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
I think they are definitely the most violent tribes, and they also want to kill each other.
If you look at before the so-called liberation, the Zulus and the Corsas were killing each other all the time.
They were the ones that killed most people between those two tribes.
Don't you have one badass black tribe on your side that will help you?
Well, I would say we trust the Tswanas the most.
What do they call them?
The people from Botswana.
Oh, okay.
Tswana.
So, yeah.
Oh, but they're coming from another country.
Yeah, but there's more of them in South Africa than there are in their own country because during apartheid when we had this very strong economy, when the RAN was almost twice as strong as the dollar, then all of them came to South Africa because there were so much more job opportunities and so much more money here.
And now all of that great economy is gone, but they're still stuck here.
Oh, now I'm getting into the game of risk, and I want to get involved fairly strategically.
What about giving other countries and other tribes outside of South Africa land deals, just like the first prime minister Bota did with the Zulus and say, look, if you help us fight against the communists, you can have this land and that land and this land if we win.
Isn't that what happens in war?
Am I naive?
Well, we don't have any land to give away.
I know, but when we win, if we win, then you'll get this.
It's a gamble.
It's like when lawyers do pro bono.
Well, we'll see about that when we get there, but at this stage, it's just like we still live in so-called peace, but just with the domestic terror attack once every six hours, you know.
Once every six hours.
Unbelievable.
Or maybe, yeah, once every eight hours, because the newest statistics say there's a farm attack three times a day.
Unbelievable.
Well, I think step one, and only thing I can do, is try to get the word out and try to dispel the myth that this is just about race and black people getting revenge for whites hurting them during apartheid.
That couldn't be farther from the truth.
But it's effective propaganda for the communists.
No, definitely.
Definitely.
There's just one thing I really want to talk about, and that is the fact that after I made this video, on YouTube, I also put the Interculture.
It's a German NGO who hosts the World Choir Games.
And I put the email address there, and myself and a lot of other people sent them very angry emails.
So they basically sent us all the same response.
I want to go through that with you if it's okay.
Okay.
And we'll put the email right there.
There it is.
Yeah, the email is broken at interculture.com.
I'll send it to you later.
But yeah, of course, this will be cut out.
Anyway, so the email they sent us back, all of us, they said our local partners in South Africa ensured us that the song Tina sees where has to be understood in an historical context as a remembrance of the struggle against apartheid in a sense of Nelson Mandela.
It should by no means be seen as a political statement or incitement of violence or any other controversial issue.
Also, it is important for us to stress that the crucial part of the song, which is now being strongly criticized, was left out during this ceremony.
Good.
Oh, okay.
Then don't worry about it.
That's fine.
Exactly.
And then they go on.
As an internationally working organization, Intercultur is firmly rejecting each form of discrimination, political usurpation, and violence.
More than 16,000 participants from over 60 nations came together in South Africa for 11 days of world-spanning multicultural celebration of music.
We are strongly regretting that an ambiguous contribution to the closing ceremony caused irritation, and we're already intensively discussing the issue.
Please also note the statement of Andrei van der Marwe, chairman of the National Arts Committee of Interculture, which underlines our position.
And lastly, the first part of Tina C's where about killing farmers was not sung in the WCG rendition.
Some media articles wrongfully claim this.
I believe they are just looking for sensation.
What really was sung during the WCG rendition is as follows.
And then it goes, Tina C's where Isam Yamaha.
I'm getting into too much detail, Willem.
You're boring the viewers.
I get it.
It's a really reluctant apology that just doesn't sound like an apology.
What's inconceivable is an international choir that used a song that included the line, Kill the Blacks, and they just removed the word kill the blacks and continued to defend themselves.
If this was Kill the Blacks or Kill the Mexicans or Kill the Chinese, actually Kill the Blacks would be much worse though, as far as political correctness.
That person would be fired.
Everyone associated with that person would be fired instantly.
Instantly.
But because it's white farmers and they have this stigma, then it's, oh, relax.
We took the line out.
And it was an ambiguous contribution.
Chill out.
I get you, y'all.
I just wanted to say, though, the part that they actually sung says, we the black nation are weeping for the land that was stolen from us by the white people.
They must return our land.
So basically, it just demonizes white people still, the part that was actually sung.
Right.
And it's still a myth.
And it's backed by this strong undercurrent of South Africa was stolen and the South Africans are racist and it's a racist country.
Isn't it funny how here in America, the communists use the same lies about racism all the time?
It's just a very effective way to promote communism.
It's like they're gasoline in their engine.
They just, they can't get enough of it.
And it is effective.
I'm not going to deny that.
Well, if you look at my YouTube channel, for example, a lot of people that contribute to me are not non-whites.
There are a lot of colors that contribute there.
And we actually made the joke on my Discord server, we are a lot more diverse than the commies because the commies are just 100% Afrocentrist Marxists.
All of them are black.
And basically, we have the small Community of everyone else here.
Well, you're also better for blacks.
I mean, South Africa was abolished in the early 80s.
So the past, you know, quarter century, no, the past almost half century, past 40 years, have been very prosperous for black South Africans.
They were not second-class citizens.
They were not slaves.
And when you kill these South African, these white boar, these white farmers, when you murder these farms, they don't become prosperous black farms.
They become dead fields.
And those black employees are now out of work.
So this ethnic genocide has also been an ethnic genocide of black people.
Oh, exactly.
If you look at the numbers, before all of this started, there were about 2 million people employed in agriculture.
Now that number sits on 800,000.
And also another study was done on the success of reformed farms that were given to black people.
And the success rate is less than 5%.
Yeah, I saw that.
And usually when they do subsist, they just sort of have a parcel right out next to the house where they just do subsistence farming to feed the families themselves.
No big tobacco fields or anything genuinely prosperous.
Definitely.
Oh, you're right.
Most of them just, that's what they know is subsistence farming.
That's a good motto to sort of dispel these myths.
Save the white farmer, save black South African jobs.
Yeah, yeah, well, I don't think that will ever go down well with the media or the narrative that we have here.
Yeah, well, it'll go well in Botswana and America and the rest of the world.
Willem, we're out of time, and I want to keep checking in on you because I'm worried about you being killed.
Thanks, Gavin.
So just like the farmers check in every morning, keep checking in with me so I know you're okay.
No problem, Gavin.
Thank you for having me on the show again.
Cheers, buddy.
Cheers, eh?
Nasa Mandela Oh, I'm begging you Thank you.
Pretty heavy, huh?
How is it all going to end?
Isn't it amazing that propaganda is what killed South Africa?
This whole like, free Nelson Mantella.
Oh, it's so racist there.
Apartheid.
Meanwhile, yes, the Boers did create apartheid.
They also abolished it democratically.
So mind your own business.
You ruined that country with your liberal Marxist propaganda.
And now people are dying in droves, including, by the way, the blacks, the murderers, the people who rob these farms, they end up dying.
They can't subsist on these farms.
So by killing your farmers and killing the people that provide you water and killing the people that provide you jobs, you end up starving to death.
Talk about bite the hand that feeds you.
Literally.
Anyway, let's lighten things up a little bit with my terrible baseball team that I love to hate.
Yo, what's up?
You know, a lot of brothers be flaking and perpetrating and scared to kick reality.
And when they find out that I support the Mets, they're like, yo, what's up with the Mets?
Are you stupid or insane or Jewish?
And I say, I'm all of the above.
And I talk about the great things about the Mets.
I mentioned that the seats are cheap.
The cheapest seats at the last game I went to were $6.
That's like 1920s prices.
And I spent $150 and I was right near home plate.
I was in between home plate and first, and I had access to a beautiful lounge that only my area had access to.
And I'm having bourbons and some sort of fancy burger that had things on it, like caramelized onions.
That's awesome.
And getting a city field where we play, zero traffic.
Come on in.
Parking, the sort of cheap parking places nearby the stadium.
They go $25.
And I go, it's actually $25 in the stadium.
Walk in there.
Nice and late, too.
I wasn't particularly early.
Walk in.
But there are more bad things about being a Mets fan because they suck.
And I realized the other day the way people react when they find out what my team is, that it's a lot like having cancer.
In that sense, feminism and the Mets are relatively similar.
Here's 10 reasons why.
Especially in New York, especially in the burbs, especially in Yankees areas, they're very happy with the Yankees, and they should be.
Sometimes when we play the Yankees, I see the ball just zipping out of the park, and I go, wow, so that's what good baseball is like.
Or I see their pitchers whip the balls in at 100 miles an hour.
Not that we don't have incredible pitchers.
100 is normal for Syndegard.
But when you tell people you're a Mets fan, they go, oh.
They get this weird look on their face.
Like if you were to say that you're a 40-year-old virgin or something, or you can't afford to grocery shop, so you eat out of a dumpster, they sort of go, oh, all right, yeah.
Oh, will you look at the time?
Or I'll see them get their phone.
They'll go, oh, sorry, I got a call.
And as they put the phone up to their face, I can see that's just the screensaver.
It's like their kids at the beach.
And I go, wait, you're not getting, hey, get back here.
That wasn't a call.
It's not contagious.
Number two, with cancer, things can be going okay.
The chemo's going all right.
The doctor, the oncologist has some good news.
And then you just get blindsided with a catastrophe and womph, you're back in hell.
That's what it's like with the Mets.
Every season we come out of the gate swinging, yeah, I'm cured.
I'm healthy again.
I'm back.
The plague, the cancer's in remission.
And then boom, someone gets injured.
And it's just lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, brutal slaughter, lose, lose, lose.
Your losing is metastasized.
You're bald.
We may have to cut your entire lower half off.
Number three, most of your life is talking about health.
If you check any sports page talking about the Mets, it's Cespidus' heel or DeGrom's, actually DeGrom's okay, but Thor's bad arm or he's going to be away for these many games.
And you have so few incredible players that all your eggs are in Those baskets.
So, when one of those baskets gets dropped, the eggs smash and you're screwed.
So, basically, if you want to learn about the Mets, you have to talk to a doctor because if this person's sick and they're going to be away for a year, then you lose them for basically two years.
So, it's constant health updates and how's this person's arm and is this person doing better?
I'm actually literally getting depressed as I talk about it.
In fact, they're so bad.
I should add this to the list, but here's a little side note.
My son wears Mets jerseys every day to school.
And the other people in his school, like I'll meet a dad who tells me that their son told them, yeah, but you know, you got to hand it to your boy.
He really stands by them, you know.
It's like someone with cancer going to school every day with like that bandana on their head.
I was in a special class in eighth grade, and they had not just bad kids like me, but stupid kids and kids who were dying, like kids with cancer were in our class, even though their grades were fine.
And then, so seeing a kid wear a Mets shirt every day in school, you go, hey, champ, yeah.
Like, that's, I think that's one of them on the list, but yeah, that's number four.
People feel sorry for you.
Like, they don't go, the Mets suck, the Mets stink.
The Met first one was British.
The Mets are ruthers.
But no, they feel bad for you, and they don't make fun of you at all.
You're out of bounds.
You're out of comedy bounds.
It's like making fun of a special needs kid.
So when you say you love the Mets, people go, all right.
Yes, you do.
And you're going to have a good year.
And then you try to get in it with them.
Like, yeah, well, we're kind of excited.
I hope we don't trade DeGrom.
And they go, no, I hope so too, buddy.
Yeah, you're going to make it.
And then they'll talk to, you know, a Red Sox fan or something and get into it.
Yeah, well, that's what's going on with that guy.
And what we're hoping for is like towards the end of the season that he won't get traded.
And you go, hey, I want to get in the mix, guys.
And they go, yeah, you do.
All right.
And you can talk about baseball with the big guys.
Okay, not right now, though.
You alrighty?
Yeah.
Rub your little hat.
Yeah.
Another thing, and this is sort of similar, there's going to be some overlap here, all right?
It's hard to get to 10 when you do these lists.
But number five is when you get that and you get that look, like the look I mentioned in one where people go, oh, oh, you like the Mets?
You have to immediately say, it's all right.
It's all right.
Like I can imagine if your parents died together in like a car crash and you'd say, well, I lost both my parents that year.
And everyone would go, oh my God, I'm sorry.
And after, you know, a thousand times, you sort of go, it's all right.
It's all right.
Yeah, it was a long time ago.
But yeah, I'm fine.
That's how you act when you're a Mets fan.
People go, oh my God.
And you go, it's fine.
It's fine.
Yeah, I know.
I understand.
I understand.
I don't want to talk about it.
But yeah.
Anyway, move on.
Can I sit with you guys?
That would be kind of depressing.
This is our anniversary and we're here with friends and to have a cancer patient sitting there with like three hairs on your head and coughing up blood.
No, I'm afraid you can't sit here.
Okay, that's cool.
I'll sit with the other Mets fans.
Number six, wait a minute, I already said this.
Nobody makes fun of you.
It does hurt, though, because people go, yeah, screw Aaron Judge.
Fucking Red Sox sucked this year, man.
And you go, oh, I suppose I'm going to get it pretty bad too, eh?
Hit me, boys.
And they go, yeah.
It reminds me actually of as a young lad in Glasgow when all the kids would yell, what team do you support?
Wondering if they're going to fight you or not.
And if there's Celtics fans and you say Rangers, you're dead.
And if there's Rangers fans and you say Celtics, you're dead.
And I went up to my father and I said, Dad, I don't, I love coming to Scotland every year.
It's wonderful standing in the rain and watching you guys rip up all your money.
But I don't understand how to avoid getting in fistfights every day.
I don't like Celtics or Rangers.
What do I say?
Should I go Celtics?
Because we're Irish?
Or should I go Rangers?
Because we pretend we're not?
And he goes, just say Partik Thistle, my boy.
Because people will think you're so daft that they won't go near you.
And so I would say with a Scottish accent, I didn't want to have a Canadian accent because they go, you're no fi here.
So they go, what team do you support?
And I go, Partic Thessle.
And they go, you're mad.
You're a bloody bampot.
Bampot means crazy.
And then they'd walk away.
So Mets prevents fights.
Number seven, every little victory is a miracle.
If we have a two-game winning streak, yay!
And the doctors are there and you sort of hold up your feeble arm, yes, we did it.
And you're jumping up and down your little robe with your butt hanging out the back and people go, that's pretty good.
You ate jello.
That's better than yesterday.
You go, yeah, I wolfed it down.
I was really hungry for at least a minute.
All right, we're beating it.
We're beating it.
It must look so sad to a Red Sox fan or like an Astros fan when we go, two game winning streak, you guys.
We're almost hitting it out of the park.
Didn't drop one ball the whole game.
I'm a champion.
I'm not making fun of the handicap there.
I'm making fun of a very sick person.
And I've been very sick, so I'm kind of making fun of myself when I'm very sick.
Number eight, each game is like chemo.
I've never had chemo.
I've never had cancer.
I've had a lot of STDs.
But each game, you just go in there and get blasted with radiation.
You watch Batista drop something and the whole game changes on that.
Or you'll see just every big pop fly get caught.
Boom, boom, boom.
No matter how close it is to the edge, they jump up and catch it.
And you're just sitting there watching yourself.
You've got like bases loaded.
You're two points, two runs behind.
And you go, if he gets it, if he can hit it really hard, we could even the score.
And then you see he just kind of gets a grounder and it gets thrown at first and you go, oh.
And at the end of the game, we'll all just be walking out with parts of our beards falling out and no eyebrows and just sort of shuffling with the IV drip.
It really is painful.
It's physically painful.
And I call me kooky, but I kind of like that my kids are into the Mets because I think it's healthy to not be a winner.
You know, it's easy to learn how to win.
Bill Whittle has a whole bit about that.
I should get him back on the show, but he goes, Yeah, winning is a cinch.
It's losing that's hard.
And just like chemo, we get nauseous when we go to games.
We call games getting treatment.
And we have to smoke marijuana in order to get our appetites back because we get so nauseous.
We need the munchies just to be able to eat that one little container of jello.
I don't know why Citi Field invested in like chicken waffles and all this cool food.
We're too nauseous to eat it.
We'll just have like a bite of a hot dog with the coleslaw on it and go, that's enough.
I'm good.
Number nine, you never give up.
You know that whole fuck cancer campaign and the 10K marathons and the I can do it and I'm going to, you know, take this part out of my body and I'm still going to fight.
That fighting spirit that you see with cancer patients where they're fighting till the very end.
That's what Mets fans have.
We don't want to die.
We don't want to go quietly into that good night.
So we fight and fight against the dying of the light.
Just like cancer patients.
In fact, they don't seem to appreciate it, but when I see someone and they clearly have, you know, cancer and no eyebrows and stuff, I sort of nod to them.
And they go, they look at my gorgeous fluffy eyebrows and my big full beard and they're like, what are you, your friend has cancer?
What are you nodding?
And I just sort of go, I think we both know.
I think we both know what's going on here.
And then they just, they tried to punch me, but they're too weak.
And then finally, number 10.
Depending where we're at, stage four, metastasization, you're probably going to die.
That's how we feel during the season.
We lose and lose and lose.
We're optimistic.
We're fighting to the end.
But, you know, it's sort of like being in a fight with 40 guys.
You're a man.
You're brave heart about it as they rip out your entrails and you yell, FREEDOM!
But when you're fighting 40 people, you're going to lose.
And all you can hope for is that you die with your boots on.
So all those people who are terminally ill out there watching this show, get your friend, get your relative to go get your boots from the closet and put them back on.
I know they look silly with the hospital robe, but you should have them on.
And Mets fans, enough with the flip-flops and the shower shoes.
Put your boots on.
Because if we're all going to die, we're going to die with our swords in our hands, screaming for Scotland and victory!
That's the show, folks.
I know I haven't been ending with a funny video, but I'm going to get back to that soon.
We've been very bare bones here at Get Off My Lawn, which is why I have the engineer's keyboard on my desk because I'm controlling the intro music and everything else.
Everyone's away on vacation.
I'm going to be away on vacation for two weeks.
Why is everyone else gone for like months?
What are we, Europeans?
You know, I'm an American when I'm outside the bathroom, and even when I'm inside the bathroom, people say, well, European.
No, I'm not a PN.
I'm an American inside the bathroom.
And a Canadian and a Briton.
So I guess the moral of today's story is if a Met fan comes up to you and says, hey, I want to hang out, I totally understand if you say, get off my lawn.
And if five thugs hired by communists come in the middle of the night with cell phone blockers to your home, you can just say over the loudspeaker, get off my lawn.
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