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July 11, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
35:28
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #65 | It's fun to talk to kids about barf.

I had food poisoning the other night and I can't help but think it was my history with LSD that enabled me to overcome the last barf session. This leads to a discussion about the long term effects of hallucinogenic drugs. 

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It's fun to talk to kids about barf.
They're very clinical about it.
Also, they call it boff.
Hey, Johnny, remember that time that you boffed and it came out your nose?
And he goes, yeah, well, it's hard for me to remember because it's been a long time since I boffed.
But, uh, Johnny, you remember that feeling right before you boff?
How bad you feel?
He goes, yeah, that's the worst.
That's the worst feeling, Evie.
Before they have shame or any concept of, you know, gross bodily functions, they'll want to talk to you while they poo.
And they'll be on the toilet going, hey dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, can Sam come over tomorrow?
Because we're going to jump on the plampoline and he likes coming over here when we...
And then they want privacy.
Privacy happens around three or four.
No.
Yeah, around four.
Yeah, no, I'm right.
Three or four.
They start saying, get out of the bathroom.
The other day, my littlest, my five-year-old Johnny, he's going, why is everyone always in my bathroom?
You don't have a bathroom, dude.
You're five.
I don't have a bathroom.
I'm 47.
I'm going to be 48 on July 19th.
I'm gonna be a big boy.
Yeah, I had some Thai curry.
Sorry to make this another one about bodily functions but I had some Thai curry on Saturday night and Sometime it was like it had bamboo shoots eggplant beef and there's another name for it I'm probably getting the name wrong But I called it beef curry when I called them to complain the next day and I said look I'm Canadian and we're not litigious.
I'm not gonna sabotage your your Store your your restaurant with a yelp bad yelp review because I'm not positive it was you I did have a sip of bourbon and maybe my body was saying stop drinking this crap but uh I was eating their meal on Saturday night.
You gotta turn that down, dude.
Dave, I can hear it.
I was eating it, and I honestly believe, I think we underestimate our bodies, and I think a great way to sort of maximize all your instincts and really understand your body and the things your brain's telling you is to do acid.
to drop LSD.
I cannot recommend it enough.
Now, if you do it too much, you can go insane.
But just the right amount, it expands your brain for the rest of your life.
My name is Gavin McInnes.
I did LSD probably like six or seven times in my life.
And Magic Mushrooms, probably about 10.
If I have the hiccups at this age-- and I haven't-- I've obviously done it in decades-- I just go, I don't want these anymore.
And I really think about it and the hiccups go away.
You have a better mind.
You become an X-Man basically.
Now I do know some people that took it a few too many times and they're not right.
Oh my God.
One of the worst times was, um, I go over to my friend Rupert Bottenbergs.
He's a cartoonist in Montreal.
And I go over there, and I've always been a dick, and this guy is growing, you know like a rat tail?
So you have a rat tail, and then you'll grow it so long that you'll put some maybe some beads in the bottom.
That was popular in the 80s.
Now this is the 90s, and this guy has decided to take like a quarter-sized piece of hair on the very tippy top of his head and grow that out.
So he has a rat tail, but it's on the tip of his head.
And then the rest of his hair is cut normal, right?
And then he's braided that and put some beads at the end.
So he has a skinny little rat tail sticking out of the top of his head, like alfalfa from The Little Rascals, but limp and with beads on the end.
And I come over and he's acting weird and everyone seems uncomfortable and kind of smiley around him, like, hey man, how's it going, buddy?
Hey!
The way you would be around, say, a burn victim.
And he goes, hi.
And I go, hey.
And he goes, check this out.
And then he starts rotating his neck in circles, and that makes the beaded rat tail do a helicopter thing.
So now he has a helicopter on the top of his head.
And I go, dude, what the fuck?
I said, are you on acid?
And then everyone looks at me really weird and I go, okay, that was awkward.
I'm going to go pee.
So I go pee and that's outside of the living room.
And this was, uh, uh, there were stairs outside.
I'm realizing now like I had a huge apartment.
He had a living room.
Then you go outside of the hallway to go pee.
And then there's stairs.
You had a, Rupert, you had two floors when we were 22 years old.
Damn.
So maybe that just led to the roof, which is still pretty awesome.
Rent was cheap in Montreal.
I was living with a bunch of lesbians, like five lesbians.
You know what my rent was?
A hundred bucks a month.
It would be rent day and you'd go, oh, it's rent day?
Oh, okay.
You go to the ATM, just take out a hundred bucks.
There you go.
Sorry, I didn't know it was rent day.
It was a minor inconvenience once a month.
Anyway, I go to go pee and there's a mom sitting on the stairs and she looks real sad.
And I found out later that this dude had dropped acid, probably 10 hits or something.
Every time you see these guys that it really affects them permanently, they've done more than a hit.
So this guy did acid and he'd been on it for a year.
And she was bringing him over there to his old friends, hoping that might spark something and make him normal again.
Now, I didn't check in with that guy, and I've heard that people can be permanently high on LSD, but I think if you take ten hits, you're just really fucked up for maybe two years.
I'm basing that on nothing.
But I don't think it's ever totally and utterly permanent.
I did meet another guy.
Also in Canada, who did ten hits.
He did a whole sheet, he said, and he was on it for a year.
A year.
Now Acid, if you're not familiar with it, nothing is real.
You're in outer space.
The walls all breathe.
That's a given.
Like the base hallucination is that the walls are breathing, and that's perfectly normal.
But you'll be on the You'll be on the, uh... You'll be on the train, and everyone on the train will just be a banana.
So, that's freaky, and you laugh your head off, and you can't believe how crazy it is.
But, um... After a year, you must just go, I'm getting on the banana bus.
And you just talk to bananas, and the walls are breathing, and you go about your day.
He, and he couldn't really sleep.
So he would sleep maybe three or four hours at a time.
He had a mattress on a floor, uh, in his apartment.
I guess he had no furniture, and he would try to eat.
You can't eat much, so he lost tons of weight.
Oh, that's what I'm basing it on.
I interviewed that guy for Voice of Montreal, and he was fine, but he had been on acid for a year.
So yeah, I'm basing it on one piece of anecdotal evidence, and I think that you can survive a horrible acid overdose.
But don't do it too many times.
I used to work at this cafe called the EFAC Cafe when I was 18.
It was like a punk cafe.
EFAC is cafe backwards.
And, uh, I would talk to the people there, because we obviously attracted a bunch of loonies, because it was like a punk anarchist cafe.
So, there'd be, like, these slightly unusual people on a Friday night.
It was a house that had been converted into a cafe.
But, you know, Monday at 11 a.m., normal people are at work.
So if you have a funky cafe, it's going to be lunatics.
And there was this one guy... There were these two lesbians that I was friends with.
A lot of lesbians in my youth.
Uh, and they were, uh, anarchist, lesbian, separatist.
Separatist means, I wanna, uh, a world without men.
And we'll figure out how to make babies.
I don't know how we'll do that, but we'll figure it out.
Sort of like MGTOW, men go their own way.
It's a lesbian equivalent.
Anyway, they were pretty funny, these girls.
They were French-Canadian.
And they would make fun of this guy.
They'd go, uh, hey George, what do you got there?
You got some labia?
You stroking the labia, George?
And what he had was a little handheld Bible that he would carry, and he would touch the pages.
rub his fingers along the sort of the edge of all the pages.
But it was clearly a psychosis that he had, and he did it so many times that it had almost turned to wood.
Like he'd almost converted the paper with the grease from his fingers and everything.
He'd almost converted the paper back to wood.
I don't think you could open that Bible anymore.
He had made it into like a wood shape with his finger grease 10 billion times back and forth over it.
And it did kind of look like labia.
It was a good joke.
But I would talk to some of these crazy dudes, because, you know, it wasn't busy on a Monday at 11am, and inevitably they'd say, oh yeah, we used to do acid in the 60s.
It was big then.
It was like a Lifesaver tablet, and you'd just suck on it till it was gone.
Pardonnez-moi?
The acid we would do would be a little piece of paper that is so small, like maybe a baby's pinky toenail.
That's about how big the piece of paper was.
And we'd often take Swiss Army scissors and cut that in half, because even that was too long.
Like, I only want the chip to be six hours.
So we would just do half a baby's toenail.
Um, a lifesaver?
That is honestly the equivalent of from what we would do is I would say a thousand hits.
So no wonder you're permanently brain-damaged.
You broke your synapses, dude.
You're ruined.
I think LSD was developed for military guys.
In Vietnam, I think it was.
Vietnam had a lot of good inventions.
Crazy Glue, we got from trying to seal guys' wounds out in the battlefield.
LSD.
I remember one time at E-Fat Café, the skinheads, the Nazi skinheads, who were incredibly effective at terrorism in our little town of Ottawa, Canada.
They come screeching in the front.
They come soaring through.
Aiden Girt, who's now the drummer of Godspeed, You Black Emperor, is standing there.
He barely gets to say, uh-oh, as a baseball bat just nails him in the head.
And ladies, Antifa girls at these rallies with your baseball bats, you gotta know, hitting someone in the head with a baseball bat's a big deal.
There was a cop here in New York who got in trouble for it, for shooting an old lady with a baseball bat.
And I knew cops involved in the trial and they said they had to bring in experts to the trial to say, hey jury, you can die from a baseball bat.
And in police training, one of the cardboard cutouts they shoot at is a person with a baseball bat.
It's a big deal.
Your skull is not a motorcycle helmet.
So if you want to bring baseball bats to rallies, okay.
But you're now in Mongol territory.
You're now a biker.
You're a major deal in a biker gang and you get people murdered.
I'm not saying don't do that.
Well, yes, I am.
But just so you know, that's what you're up against.
It's like my kids now, they're doing that thing, you know you look down, you see the OK sign, you get to punch the dude?
And so they, they do pinches, I guess they learned this in school.
And they go, alright, so we're doing the thing where when you look down, I punch you?
Cause I'm gonna nail you, I'm gonna break your arm in half when I punch you.
It's like these kids don't understand, they go, what if I dare you to eat a spider?
Okay, I'll eat the spider, but now you're in my dare biker gang.
And I can dare you to eat a caterpillar.
You want to do this?
You want to start this?
You want to get into the baseball bat territory?
It's a big deal.
People die.
Anyway, nails Aiden Gurt in the head.
I've only met Aiden Gurt like a couple, a few times, you know, years after that, and he didn't seem right in the head to me.
I think he tried to rob a pharmacy once.
on some sort of anarchist revolutionary tip.
And I believe his disguise was to change his glasses.
I think he got arrested for that.
Anyway, they go in, they smash-- this is actually in a movie I'm working on.
They smash-- and then they go through the house, smashing everyone with baseball bats.
Girls running up the stairs.
Whack!
Whack!
Like a baseball bat.
You could have broken her spine.
Whacking people in the head.
Then they, they do it, they go through the whole EFAT Cafe, the whole house, and then they run out the back, and the cars had gone around the block, and is waiting for them, and woof!
They're off.
What are you gonna do now?
Call the cops?
Which we never did back then, by the way.
There's nothing you can do.
Dave, I would just go to Getty and just get a ton of footage of ranchers.
We've got a great show tonight, Wednesday night.
Get Off My Lawn is all about the Hammond ranching family who was just pardoned by Trump.
And the Bundys and all these ranchers who get abused by the government and how city people just don't seem to give a shit.
It really disturbs me because these guys, you know, Antifa and all these people talk about anarchist revolutionaries.
These guys are going up against the government.
The Bundys fought Obama and won.
The Hammonds fought Obama and lost, and Trump just pardoned them.
It's exciting.
Anyway, EFAC was a hell of a place.
I remember the owner...
A Jewish guy.
Middle class dude.
We were talking once.
We got along quite well.
He told me that he had had an affair with his sister.
He told me that they would go to movies and she would blow him.
And I said, I was like 18 at the time and I was obviously confused as I am today.
And, uh, I'll never forget it.
I said something like, uh, I don't understand why would she, why?
And he goes, cause she loved me.
She was in love with me.
And he was kind of smirking about it.
God, I wonder where he is today.
What a weirdo.
Anyway, So yeah, acid can be dangerous if you overdo it.
But if you do it the right amount, it's a gift.
And there's a great book about this called Free Radicals.
And it is scientists discussing how LSD helped them.
And Steve Jobs is in it.
He credits a lot of Apple's success with hallucinogenic drugs.
John What's-His-Name, the godfather of DNA, the man who first figured out how to sequence the genome, he's in it, talking about how LSD helped his life and helped expand his mind.
It's a helpful tool.
Now, do I want my kids to do it?
No!
But I'm not rational when it comes to my children.
That's what I hate about the left with all this, what about if your daughter blah blah blah?
Dude, you want me to make policy based on my daughter?
First of all, I want her name out of your mouth.
I want that term out of your mouth, daughter.
But secondly, for the record, if I come up with policy based on my daughter, all young men have to wear chastity belts all day, and to speak to a woman anywhere in New York State, they have to get written permission from me first.
See?
Not rational.
And that's what the left is trying to do when they say, what about your daughter?
They're trying to make you irrational.
You know you're irrational if you have to make the person you're arguing with irrational so they can agree with you.
Ooh, that was profound.
Sometimes when I'm doing an interview, I'll say a line like that, and I'll go, ooh, you should make that the ending.
That's a good one.
So, my acid brain survived EFAC, and I'm eating this beef curry.
And I'm eating and I'm like, I'm pretty hungry.
And I like spicy food.
And then the eggplant, it seemed kind of fleshy.
I'm not saying it was human flesh.
It's just, I think it was rotten.
And as I was putting the eggplant in my mouth, part of my brain, and I honestly believe this, I think your brain knows the second you're eating something rotten.
It doesn't necessarily stink.
Obviously, if you drink rotten milk and you feel the curds going down your throat, yes, that's bad.
But I think even something that tastes perfectly normal, fish that's perfectly reasonable, it goes in your mouth, those crab cakes, and part of your brain just sends a thing going, ah, stop.
I got a bad feeling about this.
So I ignored my body, I ignored my advanced LSD brain, and I ingested the eggplant.
And then it begins.
And it's funny when you're basically on your way to hell.
You're walking to hell.
It must be like being sentenced to death row.
You know what's happening.
And your lawyer goes, yeah, we still have hope for an appeal.
And you're sort of sitting there calling your lawyer in your brain going, I don't think I have food poisoning.
It's gonna be okay.
I just feel a little funny.
I, you know, maybe got a little too much sun today.
And your lawyer is like, yeah, probably too much sun.
And then you say to your lawyer, What about the eggplant clause?
Most people who eat rotten eggplants, they puke their guts out all night.
And your lawyer goes, yes, yeah, that does happen.
But this could be a different case.
You know, times are changing and food is much better prepared.
You're going to be OK.
And then my wife goes, we're gonna go on a family bike ride, you wanna come?
And my lawyer goes, uh, I would devise against that.
And I think, why doesn't my lawyer want me to go on a bike ride?
Oh, maybe because I definitely have fucking food poisoning.
And then you just know it's coming.
I'm not a fan of Lena Dunham, but I kind of have an obsession with following her on Instagram and stuff.
I just saw an Instagram where she goes, here's me at 138 pounds.
My life was hell and all I ate was caffeine.
Here's me at 168, where I'm happy and fulfilled.
And when people give me compliments, it's because I really deserve them.
And I think.
Yeah, but Lena, you're unhealthy at 168 pounds.
You're like, what, 5'5"?
What does your doctor say?
It's not about how groovy you feel.
You know, you might feel groovy lying in bed all day and masturbating.
That doesn't mean it's healthy.
Especially with obesity.
You're gonna die, lady.
Anyway...
She's someone's asking what's the worst thing in the world and she was that feeling right before you bath and that's what I had coming and you know you started yeah you're staving it off and you're trying to convince yourself it's gonna be okay but it's just sort of like the tide it's coming and Tricking yourself helps a little bit.
I find, you know, we have these iPhones now and you're staring at memes.
You go into the search and Instagram and just look at like drunk people doing things and skateboard accidents and weird fish that have been caught and girls butts and you're like, okay, let me not think about it.
Let me not think about it.
Let me not think about it.
But then it approaches.
By the way, a little side note.
I'm getting concerned that toys are dead.
I was walking by my kids' little chest of drawers this morning, not where they keep their clothes, but where they used to keep their toys, and I remembered with my daughter, she had like their dinosaur stuff, and her doll stuff, and her little mon chichi's, these little, like, little animals that lived in a dollhouse, and they had their little car and stuff.
She had tons of toys.
And then my son, he had the Hulk and he had Marvel and stuff like that, and soldiers and dinosaurs too, and some of her stuff, but he had less toys.
And then Johnny, my newest kid, he had this pirate thing that he really liked, and he had a Spider-Man sort of headquarters hand-me-down he got from my other boy, that he played with a fair amount.
But each time it's been about half, and with each kid obviously the screens have doubled.
And now, if I hear silence in the house, I run upstairs and there's no dinosaurs.
There's no hulks.
It's a screen.
Now, I wouldn't be surprised if in 10 years, kids don't really have toys.
Didn't Toys R Us just declare bankruptcy?
That's a scary thought, isn't it?
You know, I was talking to a buddy of mine and he goes, yo, he's from the Bronx, yo, what's with the, you will not shut up about screens.
Cause his daughter looks at a screen when our kids, our sons play baseball together and he has to bring his daughter and his daughter will just be on a tablet or whatever.
And I go, that's not good, dude.
And he goes, dude, you gotta, you can't fight it.
Stop fighting it.
This is it.
You're living in a different time.
It's a screen time now.
And you can pretend it's not going to happen to your kids but your kids are going to be on screens all the time.
Sometimes I think he's right.
Same with the word like.
I keep fighting it and I have a big sign on my back door as you walk in on the right it says you are entering a quote-unquote like free zone where we don't say like in this house and I try to discipline my kids but then I hear you know All my kids' friends and all my kids' friends' parents saying like all the time.
And I start to think, am I fighting a Sisyphean battle here?
Is there no future in the war on like and screens?
Should I just accept it?
That doesn't seem right.
No, I'm going to keep fighting.
Don't tread on me.
Don't tread on my toys.
Don't stand on my Legos.
I'll hurt you.
Anyway, so, you're staring at your screen, you're looking at memes, and, uh, it's coming, it's coming, and then... you can't kid yourself anymore.
And you just go to the bathroom, and it feels like, you know those Play-Doh toys?
When you're a kid, where you, I don't know, you turn a crank or something, and then the Play-Doh comes out of the little dots on that guy's head, and then he has a big head of hair, and then you can cut his hair?
What a strange toy that was.
I love cutting hair!
I wish my toys grew hair so I could cut it and give them hairdos, said no kid ever.
But anyway, it just sort of comes from low and then it's just like, and the barf doesn't care whether it's your throat or your nose, it's coming out of everything.
And this wasn't like a nice splash.
This was like thick, and it was coming out of my nose and chunks of my mouth.
I just felt like someone had their hand on the other side of my stomach and was just pushing stuff out of my esophagus, which is kind of an interesting design when you think about it.
You know, your body can just go, yeah, I don't like this.
I'm getting it out of here.
I heard that's what car sickness is.
You, you, you feel disoriented and you're, say you're looking at a book in a car and your body doesn't understand why you're being jiggled from the right to left as you read a book because it thinks you're in a chair.
Well, you are in a chair, but it thinks you're at home in a chair.
So it assumes you've been poisoned.
So it, uh, it makes you barf to get the poison out.
That's what car sickness is.
So that's, in this case though, I have been poisoned by a rotten eggplant that was probably, I don't know, prepared with human feces.
They say that when you get really sick, it's because human feces has come in contact with your food somehow.
Jesus Christ.
Who's putting poo in my food?
Um, so that comes out, and that feeling, you know, I've had bad acid trips, speaking of acid, and those, they're sort of like what we were, Anthony Cumia was talking about this, and I was just talking about this with Dave Kast, my producer.
I haven't had a panic attack in a long time.
I'm too drunk, but I remember panic attacks when I first moved to New York, and you just sort of sit there and you go, alright, here we go, going on a ride.
Take me away, panic attack.
You can't kill me.
I'm not gonna have a heart attack.
So I'll just sit here and accept the panic attack.
And that's what we did.
That's what I used to do.
And that's what you should do when you get a panic attack.
And that's kind of what you have to do when you barf.
You just go, alright, here we go.
We're on the barf train.
And you barf and barf and it's fucking hell.
Sorry, it's just like a bad acid trip.
You have to sit there and go, well, I'm having a bad acid trip.
I'm probably not gonna snap out of it.
Acid only lasts for about five hours.
Worst case scenario, I sit here for five hours and endure hell.
People do that on shitty flights.
You know, they go to L.A.
and there's turbulence, so I'm on a shitty flight to L.A., here we go.
And that's what you kinda gotta do with barf.
You gotta go, well, here comes some hell.
And so you heave and you heave, and I find it helps to make sounds.
Like, HUUUUH!
HUUUUH!
HUUUUH!
Which is pretty dramatic, you know?
And you think, this is probably annoying my wife and kids, but fuck them.
I'm dying.
I'm sorry if you're inconvenienced.
Go to the other room.
You don't have to listen to this.
It's tempting to ask your wife for sympathy, too.
That's gay.
So, I wanted to say, like, I can't stop burping!
To my wife, but what attracts women to men is their ability to protect the children.
And if this guy cries like a little bitch every time he barfs, he's not going to protect my children.
So it kind of sucks.
It must be fun to be a chick, because you can just barf and cry.
But as a dude, you have to go, go to hell.
And then just sort of go, puh, puh, puh, puh.
And then go wash your face and go, oh, that totally sucked, dude.
Of course, when you're finally done, and you go lie down again, you feel like a million bucks.
This is what Indians do in sweat lodges.
I almost said sweat hogs.
This is what the Indians in Welcome Back Cotter would do when they would go into a sweat hog.
You suffer untold hell.
I believe this is in my book, Death of the Cool, going to my wife's family's powwows and going in a sweat lodge.
But then you get out, I think it's like half an hour.
It's hard to tell time in there because you're in Satan's anus.
But you come out and it's the cool fresh air and the snow and your whole body steaming.
I guess that's what saunas are about too.
And you just feel so happy to be the hell out of there.
So you sort of glide back to your bed and you're feeling great, but your body, I don't know why, can't you just, hey bodies, if there's any bodies out there listening, can't you just get it all out in one?
What's with the waves?
So that was at about 8, and from 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, and 4 a.m., once an hour, like clockwork, 22 minutes after the hour, I'd have that hellish...
Holy crap.
And the first 20 minutes, you go, you know what, boys?
I think we're done.
I think we're good.
We got that eggplant out.
I hope the person who had poo on his hands dies a horrible death.
But we're done now.
And then the next 20 minutes you go, you know what?
I still feel pretty bad.
And I'm feeling a little worse.
And my lawyer says that we can appeal.
But I'm thinking I'm going to jail.
And then the last 20 minutes, there's been a sentence and your lawyer isn't answering his calls.
And, uh, other guys that you're in the hole with are saying, well, the whole solitary, right?
Other guys that you're in, in jail with are saying, yeah, it's you're looking at, you're going to maximum, you're dead.
Uh, and then you barf again.
Now here's where it gets interesting, and here's where LSD comes in.
So, it was 3.20, and I noticed by the way, right before I'd barf, I'd get intense heat, my ears were on fire, my whole body temperature would be, like, melting this, the Tempur-Pedic.
And I realized that's, you know, why you have a fever, right?
Your body tries to microwave the bacteria.
So I don't think you should try to cool down and put a cold face cloth on your head if you have a fever.
I think you should endure it.
It's your body microwaving itself.
So the body would microwave itself, and it said, I don't want to digest this.
I'm trying to digest it, but I'm trying to burn it.
I got to get rid of it, Gav.
Okay, fine.
But it is getting kind of late, guys.
And now I'm barfing out like one bamboo shoot and a bunch of water and I can't drink because it just comes back up again.
Is this a gross podcast?
I don't think it's that gross.
I'm being very clinical about it and it's just audio.
So there's no like splashing sounds.
We're just discussing bodily functions without, you know, getting into too much detail.
When the 4 o'clock one came, 422, I used my acid brain and I said, you know what body?
We're done.
And the body said, I don't want to digest this.
It's poison.
And I go, yeah, I did a lot of barfing over the past eight hours.
And I think I got the majority.
You can handle the little bit of poison that's left.
Let it go through all the small intestine, large intestine, and we'll take care of it.
We'll push it out the bottom end tomorrow.
And the body went, I'm not doing that.
And I go, yeah, you are.
And so the body sent the fever thing, turned me into a microwave.
I went over to the kitchen floor, sorry, my wife's bathroom floor.
I call it her bathroom because I never use it because I told you in another podcast, you never poo around your wife.
And I lay naked on the freezing cold tiles, which was insanely cold because I had a fever.
And I fought the fever back.
And said, we're not microwaving anymore.
We're not dealing with this.
I'm done with the cycle.
And I honestly believe that I fought the 422 AM barf.
Back.
And I told the body, we're done with barfing.
I'm going to go to sleep now.
I'm exhausted.
And you have to handle what's done.
And I'm done with the microwaves.
I'm done with the barfing.
So you just stomach acid and whatever, handle this.
Otherwise, it would have gone on all night.
And I think you can do that too, with mind control.
Maybe even without acid.
And then the next day, around 2 p.m., it had made it through, splashed it out.
I remember the whole time too, I was like, can't this just be diarrhea?
Why does this have to come out of the top end?
But it was all solved the next day.
God, it takes a while.
By the way, to recover from this, I had two black eyes.
Not a big obvious black eyes, but there was like dark circles from all the blood vessels popping from the... And my eyelids hurt from more blood vessels popping, and I kind of had abs.
Like, I'd put on some weight.
I hadn't been to the gym over the July 4th holiday, and I'd put on some weight.
I kind of lost the weight and got my, not a six-pack back, but I got kind of reasonably in shape.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that you can fight back.
against your body.
Your body's not the boss.
Which brings me to our sponsor, wethepeopleholsters.com.
If you put in the code word Gavin, you get 10 bucks off.
So these holsters are shaped to your gun, to your body.
You can adjust the cant and the ride, which is like the height, the angle that it goes in, which I know you skinny, gorgeous hunks don't have that problem, but us slightly plump people are uncomfortable with our holsters, tucked in our sides.
They They can also customize it with graphics.
It's a hard holster, so you can take it out and pop it back in again.
It's not a floppy holster.
What else was I going to say about it?
Yeah, you can get anything engraved on it, and they're usually $34, but $24 if you use the code GAVIN.
And the fit is so tight, it will make you leave your wife.
Now, I'm almost done getting my concealed carry, not for Manhattan, but for everywhere else.
I gotta say, the worst part about it is having someone sponsor you.
When you're my age, calling someone up and saying, Hi, can you sponsor me?
It's like when you do those little marathons as a kid and it's for whatever charity and they sponsor you for every kilometer you run.
You have to go door to door.
I don't like Having people do me favors.
Same with, like, these stupid clubs that you sign up for.
You know, like, I know country clubs makes me sound bourgeois, but here in the Burbs, you gotta be part of some sort of club, because the kids don't ride their bikes anymore on the street.
They go to the local, the pool club, or the golf club, or whatever the club is.
And to do that, you gotta get sponsors, and they have to vouch for you.
It's so humiliating.
It's not... It's like courting girls.
I've been married for ten years.
No one has since 2001.
I don't like going up to girls.
Hi, would you like to love me?
Hi, can you be responsible for my behavior?
Ugh.
But whatever, it improves the kids' lives.
That's what you gotta do.
So yeah.
I'm not gonna bring up any other subjects because I think that's important, but... The moral of today's show is... Uh...
Barfing sucks, but you can control it with LSD.
Now, please go to CRTV.com, check out my show, Get Off My Lawn.
We've got some fun changes afoot.
I think I might start doing some live shows, maybe at The Compound at Kumia's studio.
We also have CRTV Tonight coming up, not this Friday, but next Friday.
I forget who the guests are.
I've got to get Dinesh D'Souza on.
He's got a movie coming out on August 4th.
Also, Michael Recktenwald, the NYU prof, He's got a book about snowflakes coming up.
This was the guy who is liberal, but he dared to question PC and was fired and rehired, and now he's a pariah at NYU.
No one will even get on the elevator with him.
So I got a show dedicated to him on Get Off My Lawn.
Tons of fun stuff!
And, by the way, Steven Crowder is doing some interesting stuff.
He's finding people who dox him, who say, hey, Steven Crowder's doing that change my mind thing.
Go slash his tires and burn him and throw Molotov cocktails in his face and kill him.
All these idle threats that these Antifa types do.
He's gone to their work.
He finds them and he says, why'd you tell people to kill me?
And of course, they don't stand by their words, and they said, one of the responses was, if I was gonna do anything, I would have already done it.
And then they always say, we're calling the cops!
These anarchists can't wait to call the cops.
And he goes, good, call the cops.
I'm here to confront you about a death threat.
I don't think you're gonna do very well when the cops arrive.
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