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April 27, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
36:01
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #45 | Did you know whales are dogs?

This one is all about evolution. Basically, life is just a magic goo that started out billions of years ago and was meant to be you and me but ended up on all kinds of stuff. Water bears and hammerhead sharks are losers. We won. Also, it’s possible we lived under water for a long time. There’s even a tribe called the Badjao who are doing it right now!

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Did you know whales are dogs?
I like saying that to people because it freaks them out, but it's true.
That's really my job as a person who tells people stuff, that it has to be weird, right?
Like if I tell you, did you know the whales are soaked?
You'd go, thanks buddy.
Thanks for coming out.
Thanks for your input.
No, whales are dogs.
They started out as some weird wolf thing, Lickahydrus or something.
It just looks exactly like a wolf.
And over millions and millions and millions and millions of years, I don't know how many million, I think 50 million, I want to say.
So they're at the edge of the riverbed and they notice there's little guys there, crawfish and stuff.
Sucks them back.
But there's also minnows and stuff in the water.
Hold on a sec.
Sploosh, sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.
And they start getting in the water.
And then they start swimming around because there's even better fish even a little farther down.
So next thing you know, their paws have those little doohickeys in between their fingers, and now they're really swimming.
And then their long legs become less and less helpful, and so they start getting shorter, shorter, little stubby, like pterodactyl things, and little short stubby legs, and then their tail gets sort of flatter and wider, right?
The ones who are good at doing this breed more, that's how evolution works.
And the next thing you know, you kind of have a whale with a dog head.
Kind of.
There's one, that would be a cool time, out of those 50 million years, that would be a cool time to choose it as a pet.
If I was, oh my god, if I was a time traveler, I'd have the coolest pets.
What's that?
That's my pet whale dog.
I feed him pterodactyls.
So he would swim around, and then eventually his teeth got lamer and lamer, and then he just had like a few teeth, like a killer whale or something.
A lot of sea life aren't related to whales.
They're much closer to wolves than their fellow swimming guys.
Whales are dogs.
I mean, wait, did I just say whales?
Yeah, whales are wolves.
But I think – I've already talked about this on another one about the atheist existence for God.
But I really believe that we're all just this magical toxic sludge that God invented.
And you just – sometimes like when you see the Nat Geo channel and you see those crazy horsefish that have like three different parts of them that come off.
And they have those 10 billion colored fins and all that weird stuff.
You know when Nat Geo or Discovery goes to like weird underwater creatures.
I always look at it and go, oh, someone got some sludge on their pants.
Like the water bear.
That weird micro animal that could live in space and can last for millions of years.
You can't kill it, not even with a nuclear bomb.
It can turn to dust, be dead for a million years, and then just start up again.
It's like one of the smallest creatures in the world.
It's really cute.
Look it up, Water Bear.
It's called like a Tridegaga or something.
That is just, you're seeing a bit of pixie dust from the god magic.
And it's an abomination, by the way.
Like it's not meant to be.
We're sort of like a Christmas tree.
We're the angel at the top and then the rest are just silly decorations.
Like a hammerhead shark.
What the fuck is that?
You're a joke.
And when I look at my dog, my daughter's dog, I just think, you tangent.
You irrelevant accident.
I don't think, like it is beautiful in a sense that the magic sludge made a funny little guy, but I don't see it as like majestic, you know, the way a human being is.
That's an incredible creature.
I'm impressed with humans.
The rest are just shitty humans.
That's what animals are.
They're shitty humans.
I don't want them to die.
I don't want them to suffer.
I'm not saying that.
I don't think the Chinese are very cool for having the Yulin Dog Meat Festival and torturing not just dogs but all animals because it makes them taste better.
Which, by the way, China, isn't true.
You're putting adrenaline into their blood.
You're making their meat grosser.
How are the Chinese 40,000 years old?
Their culture goes back 40,000 years.
And they believe that torturing animals makes them yummy.
And some fucking weird whiskey bottle with a snake in it, it makes you magic.
And if you eat a bear's placenta, you somehow get an erection easier.
Are you guys not familiar with trial and error?
When I see those signs for foot people where you push on the baby toe and it cures your liver cancer, I feel embarrassed.
Or at the Korean spa, where they have all these instructions on the side.
Like, this spa, this particular hot sauna room, uses gold particles to ex-iodize the air and your bloodstream.
And you're like, that's not true.
I love how everyone's such an atheist, yet they totally embrace everyone else's lies.
Yeah, you believe in a man in the sky, I believe in astrology.
Okay, the man in the sky has plenty to back it up with scientists, and Catholicism and scientists have been in bed together for a long time.
But your astrology thing is based on where we thought the stars were a long time ago, and we've since realized that we were just off like a month.
So you're not your sign.
And astrology has been disproven a million times, but anyway.
I'm thinking about this evolution and stuff and I'm daring to consider, this is a very Joe Rogany type of subject that I'm not that well educated on, but you ever hear this aquatic apes theory?
That there was a while where the earth was flooded or a lot of it was flooded and a large contingent of humans had to learn to sink or swim and climb trees and that separated us from apes.
So I guess it's saying That we took a side road on evolution and the apes went their own way and now we're very much unlike them.
And it's a theory that gets laughed at a lot, I should mention.
It's kind of flat-earthy in the evolutionary scene.
But I think there's a lot of merit to it.
For example, what about this?
Apes are scared shitless of water.
All you have to do to keep an ape somewhere is put a moat around him.
Boom, done.
It could be three inches deep, they freak out.
You throw a baby orangutan in the water, he sinks to the ground.
Put a baby in the water, he's swimming away, no problem.
And I've always lived near water.
Montreal, Ottawa, even in Glasgow we had the River Clyde.
In the suburbs I got to be around the water.
In New York I was right on the East River.
Not that I approve theories about human evolution, but humans like being near water.
That's why real estate's more expensive there.
Rich people buy pools.
And that's not ape-like.
Also, where'd our hair go?
Also, why are we so smart?
I had a crazy theory about why we're so smart that I'll get to in a second.
That's way even crazier than this one.
I think we may have become smart from eating dicks.
But to get back to the water thing, so there's some acidic chemical that helps the brain develop, and it's found mostly in fish.
And they think that we got so much smarter than everyone else during our aquatic stage where we're eating fish.
I think that's a pretty good theory.
Now, to get back to my crazy theory, so apes just eat tons and tons and tons of plants, And if you tried to keep up with an ape, you would starve to death.
We're greedier than that.
Our bodies need protein, not in the same way that apes do.
They're fine with a big pile of grass all day, but they still have to eat for like half the day.
But we developed this need for protein, and protein is what made us smarter than everyone else.
That doesn't hurt my fish theory, by the way.
So how do we start eating meat, you ask?
Okay, here's where it gets kooky.
We were obviously fighting from day one, and if you ever get attacked by an ape, I hope you don't, or a monkey, the thing they do is they bite your heels off, they bite your face, and they also bite your crotch.
Now, I just made this up.
Not right now, but I mean, this isn't based on anyone else's theory.
What if, while, you know, one of the alphas in the tribe was fighting another human, he bit his dick off and swallowed it?
And then he started, like, feeling pretty good the next day, because he had a nice big protein dose.
And, you know, over several centuries, the ones who would end up swallowing the dick, and you are biting someone's... I mean, if you're an animal, biting a penis is a great way to win a fight.
You bite a shoulder?
Go ahead.
Anyone listening right now, bite my shoulder next time you see me.
I don't care.
My penis?
Dude, please do not do that.
And you bite enough dicks, one's gonna fall off.
So, someone swallowed it.
And then he became stronger, was able to reproduce more.
Next thing you know, we eat.
We probably started as cannibals.
And then the cannibals go, uh...
This guy got mad when I ate his sister.
I don't want to eat people anymore.
We're getting smarter and more civilized.
Let's just eat animals.
And then the next thing you know, they discovered fire.
Fire cooks your food first, so it's not hard to digest, because it's already, you know, the fire already did all the hard work, and killed all the bacteria, etc.
Next thing you know, you're a fucking awesome human.
Now, there still could have been a water phase in there.
Did you ever hear of this tribe?
The, uh... Bad... Badjoe?
Yeah, B-A-D-G-J-A-O.
B-A-D-J-A-O.
Badjao.
They're in the Philippines.
They're not fans of the ground.
They only come to land to bury their dead or get drinking water.
But they are out at sea 90% of the time, 95% of the time, on these little boats.
And that's not a limited amount of space for them because they spend most of their time under fucking water.
They can hold their breath for five minutes.
I think some can do 10 minutes.
And I mean, that's insane, right?
That's probably like world record stuff.
But that's not even the crazy part.
The crazy part is the way they can swim down, you know, 50 feet down.
100 feet down.
And then, so they now have no lung capacity, because the pressure, the water pressure shrinks your lungs.
So now they have baby's lungs.
They're still fine, holding their breath.
And I don't get this part, but they can just walk on the ground in the ocean.
They can fucking whistle.
They make a bubble with their mouth and then whistle in the bubble.
No, I'm just kidding.
They can't whistle.
That's how you whistle underwater.
You ever do that with your brother?
You go underwater because you're an aquatic ape and you say, can you hear this?
And then you go underwater and you go something like, fuck you!
And then you come back up and you see what the other guy said.
And so it was like, you said bad Jew?
No, I said, fuck you.
Oh, okay.
Let's try again.
What?
Another fun game I played with my brother in the pool was slow motion fighting.
The guy punches you, and then you slowly fall back into the water.
It's fun.
I guess that's ballet.
We were just doing that gay Brazilian jiu-jitsu, capacue thing, where you dance fight.
If you are into Trap-a-goo Brazilian dance, you're gayer than a homosexual.
I'm sorry.
With your little swirly kicks.
So these guys, they can fish walking on the water, walking on the, sorry, the ocean floor.
And then they catch their fish, they come back up.
And here's another crazy thing they can do with their pupils.
They can dilate them.
And they can see perfectly crystal clear under the water.
Isn't that a trip?
Because apparently our eyes dilate or something and that's why it looks so blurry underwater.
They can control this, physically change it and look normal in the water and see things and go hunting for fish without goggles on.
I wouldn't even call it fishing.
I wouldn't even call it fishing, it's hunting.
Oh, here's another thing too I forgot.
Why do we have these little things in between our fingers?
I don't think apes have those.
I think an ape's finger just goes into the hand.
But we've got this webbing here.
Isn't that suspicious?
Or also, our noses.
Why are our noses streamlined?
That doesn't make sense.
What, we don't want to get rain in our nostrils?
Apes don't have that.
It could be it was developed to become more, you know, swimmy.
Babies are born able to swim, not swim swim, but they won't sink to the ground.
You got a few seconds to grab them.
I don't know.
Sometimes when I'm swimming around...
I think this feels right.
And you ever have a brutal hangover and then you go jump in the lake?
Endorphins are released.
You just feel like a better person.
It's like a cleansing.
Ooh, maybe that's the origin of baptism.
Maybe we recognize this innate connection with the water and we feel reborn after we go for a swim and we think, let's identify with that and make it part of our religious rituals with God.
And we'll make baptism a thing.
Maybe baptism Is a subliminal allusion, A-L-L-U-S-I-O-N, to our water history?
Again, this is all maybe.
But I am positive that we started out as Toxic Sludge.
And it's the same as Marvel Comics.
Whenever you hear it, look up origins of any guy.
I did this for a Tacky Mag article once.
I don't actually care about superheroes.
Goddammit, all this fucking...
Yeah, The Avengers needs more gay characters.
It's a show for children.
Hey America, stop wearing helmets on the ski hill and stop talking about fucking superheroes!
Superheroes are even lame for kids.
This is what superheroes are for.
Little boys, okay, they get excited when they start, you know, get like four or five because they notice they're stronger and they're more dexterous and they can jump and run and lift things they couldn't normally lift.
They feel super.
And so, they like looking at superheroes because they go, yeah, that's what I'm screaming.
I feel like Superkid.
And then they put on a cape and they fly around and they feel empowered.
It must be like if you're a brutal alcoholic and you come out of AA and you're just like, fuck, I can finally think in the mornings.
I'm not barfing.
I don't have a headache.
Yeah, I'm Superman.
I want to put on a suit.
Then, so that's like six to seven, eight, maybe, yeah, not even nine.
You shouldn't be in a Super Heroes when you're nine.
Now, there are nine-year-olds in a Super Heroes.
They're called nerds.
They're losers, and I feel sorry for them.
And these are guys like Peter Parker who get picked on.
Now, they need to release.
They need some sort of therapy for that.
And the therapy is, alright, what about this?
They shove you, if they only knew that you were a spider-man who could fuckin' shoot shit in their face and like jump over them and web them to a wall.
Yeah, that's it.
You could web them to a wall and then fly away on your webs.
And you go, yeah, that would be awesome.
And then they sort of LARP in their heads when they're getting shot.
Like, hey, Eddie.
The name's Peter Parker.
Hey, Eddie, you loser.
Oh, yeah, if you only knew that I'm not a loser.
So it's sad.
It's a sad mechanism to survive bullying.
And that should happen to nerds.
And that should be, meh, nine, ten.
Then we have to stop.
We're stopping now.
I don't care how much you get bullied, you may not be into superheroes after 10 years old.
Come the fuck on.
The fact that everywhere I look, I see grown men wearing Wolverine shirts and Black Panther shirts and Superman tattoos is fucking embarrassing.
I'm not even, like flip-flops make me mad.
But when I see that you're into superheroes as an adult, I feel sad.
It's like looking at a virgin.
And oftentimes it is the same thing.
So to sit there writing essays about the Avengers and how I'm kind of disappointed in the story arc of Thor.
Thor, you mean that the Norse god who's somehow hanging out with other people that have toxic sludge on them?
Fuck you.
It's like it's worse than astrology even.
But, yeah, if you look up Marvel comics and stuff, you'll see that they all got a bit of sludge on them.
And Daredevil, for example, there was a toxic sludge truck, radioactive waste truck, and it turned a corner in the Bronx or something, and it splashed his eyes.
So he's blind now, but he's a super guy.
Hulk was a nuclear bomb.
That's how he got so freaky.
Pretty much all of them, there was some sort of radioactive waste.
The Flash, he was getting a bunch of chemicals and there was a lightning storm and it knocked over all the chemicals on him and he was super fast.
I guess that's not radioactive waste, but that's how I see life.
There was this creature, I looked him up for this podcast because I wanted it to be ready and of course I don't have it fucking ready, but there's our oldest living relative is this bizarre-looking Pac-Man thing.
Here we go.
Humanity's earliest known ancestor discovered, and it looks like a wrinkled old sack.
It looks like if your bag was Pac-Man, and also a monster from the shape of water.
And it's called the Sac Orhitus Coronarius.
So, in this little Pac-Man, Was the magic juice.
And that magic thing went off and eventually became the G-Dog sitting here talking to you on mind-blowing technology that is the size of an iPhone, by the way.
I'm talking into this, what is it, Zcom thing with a microphone.
The microphone is the size of my hand and the little recording device is even smaller and then it just records.
Unbelievable technology.
And that all started with this hideous little Pac-Man.
But everything else is an abomination.
And I don't really want to kill it.
I mean, I think you should, hunting is great, especially if you, if you eat the food.
So I'm not, I am conceding that they're lesser than us, but that doesn't condone violence against animals.
We don't beat kids because they're not as good as us.
Although we did in the 50s, right?
Hold on, I'm going to take a swig.
Oh Jesus Christ!
I'm drinking Makers out of this giant, you know, industrial party-sized bottle.
And even just like a little sip is so disgusting.
I don't know what it is.
But it's got that pouring thing on the end so that you don't get too much at once.
And there's something about drinking from a bottle that big.
I guess it's what dying alcoholics do.
It just seems profoundly sad.
I'm in D.C.
recording this.
I'm doing my show, CRTV, tonight, tonight.
And we're not going to talk about evolution.
The reason I went off on this tangent, by the way, is because I met a guy on the street who looks like a water bear.
I gotta look that up.
You gotta see these things.
They're called tardigrades.
He looks like a tardigrade.
And it got me thinking about evolution and how, you know, in a way it's not very efficient.
It's sort of like God spilled a large glass.
And the very farthest point there's human, right?
Good job!
You did it!
But look at all the crap you made!
Seals, and pygmy shrews, and storks, and...
Those are like, birds are just dinosaurs that were winning for a while, and then there was the Ice Age, and then we became, the mammals went underground, then hamsters were everywhere, and then all the dinosaurs died out, and they became these tiny little birds, and then we came out of the tunnels as hamsters, and then we slowly developed into human beings, and we went, ha ha, fuck you birds, who's laughing now?
I'm so Scottish and so loyal that I don't like birds.
And I swear to God, when I see a bird flying around, I sort of look at him as an adversary, because I remember from 50 million years ago when you guys were fucking with us, trying to kill us.
And just because you're small now doesn't mean I forgot.
About all the fellow mammals of mine that you ate.
It's like when the Scots see the English.
See yous people!
See you birds!
I didn't forget what you did to us.
And I never will.
I see you, you wee bastard.
And I know that you wouldn't hesitate to peck my bloody head in.
I know how evil you- And they are fucking evil!
Starlings?
They'll just kick you out of your nest.
They're not meant to be here, you know.
You know the whole story with birds?
Some asshole said, I think it would be absolutely cherishable.
I think it would be fantastic if we were to import every bird that's in Shakespeare and put them in Central Park and they could all fly around.
And what, you think they'd just stay in Central Park?
You know they have wings, right?
Oh, it would be marvelous.
There'd be so many different types.
I think I'll start with the starling.
Now, This is kind of a potentially offensive thing to say, but some people say the Europeans came here and destroyed the indigenous peoples and that's because they're evil and they're rapists and, you know, built on slavery, all that stuff.
It's also possible that Europeans just did well because they had survived harsher conditions.
They survived Siberian winters.
So they came to North America and went, this is a cinch.
I don't know.
It's not as cold down here.
Florida is easy to survive in.
And then the next thing you know, they dominate the entire continent.
Because that's what happened with Starlings.
They had survived the Siberian winters.
They were ruthless survivors.
They just kill other birds, take other birds home, destroy other birds' eggs.
And I think there was like 150 introduced with this Shakespeare fag.
Now, sorry, racial.
I mean, what is that?
What kind of offensive is that?
Homophobic slur.
I meant it in the British sense.
And now I think there's something like a million.
Let me just look this up.
Starlings.
How many starlings are in the U.S.?
150 million.
That guy originally released 35 pairs.
And they just took over because they're monsters.
They're beasts.
They're evil.
Don't trust birds.
If they could get back up to their... And by the way, they're discovering now that dinosaurs didn't have scales.
They had like a wet sort of feathery type of a texture.
Like maybe if a sea lion had wet feathers on them.
So they looked kind of like birds back then.
But if these guys get back up...
And I wouldn't be surprised if in the next 50 million years, these guys get back up to their big size, they're going to kick our fucking asses.
So watch your back.
And birds, if you're listening to this, you watch your back.
Because some of us haven't forgotten the days when we were hamsters, burrowing around in those little tunnels, hiding in the darkness, eating dirt.
Waiting for our time to strike while we struck and you suck.
I think I'm going to have to cut it short here.
I have to go.
I'm going to go to a Daily Caller party.
I got this guy, Scott Greer, on my show who works there.
And I said, let's go grab a beer.
And he goes, oh, I have a work thing.
And then I go, well, you work at Daily Caller.
There's a Daily Caller party.
Oh, yeah, I don't know if I can get you tickets.
Oh, I got tickets, Scott.
I got tickets.
But why didn't you offer me some?
Are you worried that I'm too, uh, what's the word?
Controversial?
That I might damage the Daily Caller's rep?
Is that what's going on here?
That's the life of a Scotsman, by the way.
A genetic Scotsman who never even really lived there.
We're constantly like, oh really?
Is that what's happening?
Meanwhile, Scott was like, oh man, love you to come.
I can't get tickets.
Probably gonna be boring.
I'll meet you later.
And I'm like, no, no, no, Scotty.
I'm going to come to your party and I'm going to stick to yous like glue.
Uh, OK, fine.
I'm looking forward to seeing you there.
Oh, yes.
Yes, you are looking forward to seeing me, wee Scotty.
Because you're going to see nothing but me the whole fucking time, pal.
Yes.
I'm in your sights and I know.
I've had so many fights with people who don't even know.
Did you ever do that?
Like, you're on vacation and you see someone and you go, I fucking hate that guy.
And he's just like, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo.
Hey Sandy, come over here.
Playing with his daughter, having a great time.
And you just like, something will set you off.
Put on like his shoes and you'll just think, I hope you rot in hell.
And then eventually you'll meet Like, you know, four days in, oh, Mark, this is the Gavin guy I was talking about.
And you'll go, well, hello, Mark.
It's like, Newman.
It's like, we finally meet.
Hi, how you doing?
Fine.
How are you, you son of a bitch?
Or driving, too.
Like, someone will just be driving, and they'll get too close to me, and I'll think, oh, really, you son of a bitch?
Then I'll drive next to him, and then I'll get in front of him.
And then slow down, then he'll have to come around me.
And for all I know, the guy's on a call.
to his twin brother, Artie.
And he's just like, yeah, the thing about dad is you got to give him time.
You know, he's going to come down.
Meanwhile, as we're having this battle, he might not even know it.
I've even had times where I've like fallen in love with a girl, just mentally in my head at a restaurant or something.
And then you're like, she's the one.
We could have been something.
We could have been contenders.
Then she'll say something or fart or have platform flip-flops on and you'll just think, you're dead to me.
It's over.
And, you know, you've never had any interaction with this woman, but in the past hour, you've fallen madly in love, had babies, escaped to Hawaii, fallen out of love, gotten in a huge fight, had a divorce, she tried to kill you, and now you hate her.
So you just walk out going, GOODBYE VERONICA.
She's like, that's not my name, who are you?
Oh yeah, fine, you're dead to me too, bitch.
Ugh, I'm like a starling.
You know these other birds, right?
Go look up how evil birds are.
I think Cracked Magazine did a good article about it.
These birds, they know that women with lots of eggs, like actual eggs, are attractive to men, so they'll go up to her and smash all her eggs, kill all her babies, so she's not as attractive.
That's not really a mammal thing.
We don't really do that on our side of the fence.
But these Scots, after warring with the English for 800 years, were a cantankerous bunch.
And that's why the Canadians, they're very polite and everything.
They're noble.
They're Scottish, by the way.
This whole idea of Canada being multicultural, it's been multicultural since Justin Trudeau's dad, which was in the 70s.
The history of Canada is Scots.
And Scots are polite because they're noble people, but they're also extremely violent.
So people don't get that about Canadians.
They'll fight you.
But they'll say sorry.
Sorry.
But yeah, these Siberian winters, and then the Vikings, and then the wars with the English, it's turned us into a real vindictive bunch.
I'm a real cocksucker when it comes to an enemy.
I have this shit list in my head, and I'm going to get these people.
It might not be tomorrow, but you will be lying at your retirement home With your dead husband, he's gone, and you're just there sunbathing, and I'm gonna come up to you with a super gulp full of diarrhea and just throw it on your face.
And I'll say, that was for that frivolous lawsuit in 2000, you cunt.
And she'll say, I have no idea what that man was talking about!
He's not my knight in shining armor anymore!
Maybe I'll seduce her at the old age home and then just break her heart.
No, cup of diary is way better.
Anyway, that is the show for today.
Today was about evolution.
Whales were dogs and we're still evolving.
I remember in Mrs. Thompson's class, I was in a class for retards in the seventh grade because I had trouble with behavior.
And we were talking about evolution and I said, are we done with evolution?
Meaning, are we still evolving?
Like, are we going to be more erect?
Are we going to get taller?
And she said, Mr. McInnis, we will be discussing evolution for as long as I see fit.
I am the one who decides when we're done with subjects in this class, not you.
And you are going to the principal, young man.
Goodbye!
And she sent me to the principal's office.
OK, that's a lie.
She sent me to the hall.
But the story seems better at the principal's office, doesn't it?
Yes, I think it takes about, I keep saying it's over and then I keep blabbing, but of course it takes 50 million years to turn a wolf into a dog.
I think it takes a couple hundred years, 200 years for people to change.
Maybe the Chinese are so weird about all this stuff because Mao exterminated all the creative ones and he altered the entire country's billion person DNA and now they are more prone to robotic behavior generally.
Thanks to Mao's gigantic genetic experiment of murdering 70 million people.
Who knows?
The point is that people change.
And I think it's inevitable that you are who you are.
And the West has evolved to be A place that enjoys freedom and meritocracy and isn't into socialism and trying to right wrongs via the state.
I think that's a genetic, natural trait and it comes from Siberian winters and lots of wars and fighting.
So we got to a good place here.
Hammerhead sharks, on the other hand, not a good place.
No.
Pygmy shrews, they got to eat something like twice their body weight a day to live.
They're constantly running around like they're on Adderall and someone just shot a gun in the room.
No.
Shitty life.
Deer, they got the gangrenous sores when it's spring because they haven't been eating and they got maggots falling out of cuts on their legs.
No.
Moose, Jumping up and down in the cutover because the black flies are driving them insane?
They're having a nervous breakdown again second time that week?
No, not so great.
Humans are the best and the West features the best humans.
And you're perfectly welcome to come here and enjoy that if you agree with me.
So yeah, CRTV Tonight is on tonight, 9 o'clock.
We got Maj Touré of Black Guns Matter.
We got Scott Greer from Daily Caller, whom I'm about to terrorize.
What else do we have?
We got Amanda House from Breitbart.
She's also on Sirius Radio.
On Sundays, he does the Patriot Radio Show, which is also Breitbart.
And we have Chris Barron.
He's a remarkably handsome, homosexual, conservative strategist.
He'll be here too.
So those three white folks are on the panel.
And then I'm going to sit down with Maj Torre at the bar.
We've got a bar in the studio.
And just talk to him about two things that I think are related.
One, Is there a seismic shift going on in the black community and in pop culture with Candace Owens getting a shout out from Kanye West and with Chance the Rapper saying you don't have to be Democrat?
Is this just a silly fad that's irrelevant or are there blacks leaving the progressive plantation, as Candace says?
Secondly, why do black guns matter?
Why do you want guns in the hood?
Why should black people, especially poor blacks in South Philly, be Supporting the Second Amendment and wanting guns, legal guns, in their homes.
Obviously you know the answer, but I think both of those are related and I can glue them together with the sort of thought policing that goes on with the left and with blacks coming from the left.
Sorry, the thought policing is what's coming from the left.
I think the left sees blacks as pets, and when the pets misbehave, like when they voted against Prop 8 in California, they get very mad.
They want to scold their dogs.
They don't see them as peers.
They put them on a pedestal, but it's a fake pedestal.
It's like when you buy your dog, like, a little coat, and he has a little fur chair, and you get him all kinds of... a cool spa thing.
You don't really think of him as better than you.
If he misbehaves, he's in big trouble.
And that's, I think, the way the left sees African-American people of color.
AAPOX.
APOX.
By the way, Europeans, we are now called...
European... Wait, I wrote it down.
I made it a tweet.
It's a new... It's a new... God, is this booze affecting me?
I'm winding up the show here, folks.
Eucharist.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, white.
I don't want to be called white anymore.
I want us to be called Caucasoid Europeans of the Eucharist.
Or the abbreviation for that is cocksuckers.
That's the proper term for Whites Now.
Thank you for tuning in.
Please go to CRTV.com to sign up for Get Off My Lawn.
That's now four days a week, and then two days a week when we have CRTV Tonight.
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