Get Off My Lawn Podcast #44 | Picking up garbage has nothing to do with helping the environment
We start out attacking my neighbors for picking up twigs on earth day. Apparently sticks are bad for the environment and buying tons of plastic bags to pick them up is good for mother earth. Then, I talk about my weekend which included hanging out with cops and riding a boat around Manhattan. There were two major fights and Milo Yiannopoulos got chased out of a restaurant but otherwise it was a pretty fun weekend.
Picking up garbage has nothing to do with helping the environment.
It's just an aesthetic preference.
Garbage is not bad for the environment.
This seems to be a common misconception.
Like in Wall-E, the movie, the whole Earth is ruined by littering.
Littering is not bad for Mother Earth.
It's ugly.
I don't like seeing chip bags, but I also don't like seeing a banana peel on the road.
Banana peel's perfectly good.
No, the chip bag's worse, Kev, because it takes a long time to break down.
A hundred years.
Banana's gone in no time.
So?
The bag came from the ground.
The bag is an oil byproduct.
Where do you think bags come from?
Another planet?
No, but if it gets really bad, it can go into the water table.
Ooh, plastic might get into the water table.
That's bad because plastic's made of poison.
That's why when you lick a plastic bag, you die.
I remember I was upstate once and this guy, I think his name's Nathan Fox.
He's kind of a celebrity in this tiny town.
I had a place in Berryville, New York, and he wrote for the local newspaper and it was like, The Nathan Reporter, the Foxhole, or something like that.
You know what I mean?
Those little... He was like the Michael... What's that, uh, Village Voice Reporter?
Michael Musto.
He was the Michael Musto of Berryville.
Anyway, he goes, So, are you gonna be, uh, participating in Earth Day?
He was, like, talking to people with his little notepad, table to table.
And I go, In what sense?
Well, we're gonna be picking up trash and stuff.
And I go, What's that got to do with environmentalism?
And he goes, well, it's littering.
I mean, and I go, how is that bad?
And then I said to him, and this is a good litmus test to people who don't get it.
If I was to take a canoe with a dryer, the kind of dryer you have in your home that dries your clothes.
If I was to get on a canoe with my dryer and boat out to the middle of the lake and then dump it and canoe back, have I hurt the environment?
And the answer is no.
Dude, that, if it's a nice big lake, you can do it 20, 30 times.
Totally fine.
Do you think pirate ships are bad for the environment?
Do you think the Titanic is bad for the environment?
No, it's just a fish house.
Now, I'm sure with a fridge, there's Freon and there's chemicals.
I'm sure there's like, uh, you know, if you were to, to throw out 50 gallons of polyurethane, that might be an issue that might get into the water.
So if you're going to do that on Earth Day, Stop people from pouring polyurethane into the sewers?
Sure.
That's a thing.
But picking up trash makes you look retarded.
And I was taking my son to T-Ball on Saturday.
Now, I actually have footage of this, but it's not that much better than me just telling you about it.
Plus, I'm a storyteller by trade, so the pictures I paint in your mind are actually better than photographs.
In many, many ways.
In many ways!
So, We go to this beautiful park.
Now, my taxes up here in the suburbs are one billion dollars a year.
The local police station is made of gold.
Every cop in my little village drives a Ferrari.
And you have a fire station stationed in front of every home.
The lawn care is free.
I mean, they have way more money than they know what to do with.
All jokes aside, I know a guy in my neighborhood.
His property and education tax is $100,000.
He's got a very big house and then a big, uh, another house worth of lawn behind him.
And there aren't very big lawns in my suburb, so they punish him with $100,000 for property education tax.
That's twice the average American salary.
Anyway, so you can imagine when you go to the local park to bring your kid to T-Ball, it is immaculate.
And it is.
It looks like, um, it looks like a government lawn.
You'll notice government lawns are always the best.
Um, so it looks like the White House lawn.
I mean, it's amazing.
Every blade of grass is a perfect height and it is totally overstaffed.
There's about, I'd say a dozen guys work there full time with their fluorescent orange vests on and their green Dickies and their Timberlands.
And they each have a truck, big, beautiful new GMC truck.
That they drive around with the stickers on it.
I mean, it's just ridiculous.
It's, there's just way too much money there.
So the locals, the rich people, they decide, because it's Earth Day, they're going to help the environment.
And what does that mean?
They pick up non-existent garbage.
I mean, I'm not going to fault the guys working at the park.
There was a job offer and they took it and they're doing fine.
If I was the mayor, I would cut all those jobs completely.
Just leave, I bet, I bet you could just have volunteers handle the park.
But all these old-timers that are retired, that's the way it is in Port St.
Lucie.
When we went to see all those Mets games, there's white-haired labor, free labor is rampant.
And they're actually taking jobs from people who need money.
You go see a baseball game in Port St.
Lucie, everyone looks like Bob Barker.
It's all these white-haired dudes taking your money and mowing lawns for free.
Anyway, I'm sure that's good work at this park.
So these guys, They're just staring at these rich people, and these rich people, they all get together and they got their cleaning up the environment Earth Day gear on.
So they got hiking boots, and their Lululemons, and they all have gloves on.
Super fancy gloves for picking up garbage.
You think there's gonna be any syringes?
Go to Manhattan!
You want to clean up a park?
Get some needle-proof gloves and go clean- They probably look like Mickey Mouse hands.
That's the gloves cops use when they're dealing with junkies.
They look like Mickey Mouse gloves.
They're so thick with rubber.
We'll get some of those on.
That, by the way, doesn't help the environment either.
Picking up syringes in a park has nothing to do with environmentalism.
It's just better for humans because they're not stepping on AIDS.
So, I can't resist staring at these people and taking pictures.
The pictures, by the way, are just tons of guys in fluorescent orange vests driving around in trucks, staring at these rich people, scratching their heads.
And the rich people, this is what they did.
So they had, I would say, 20 boxes of contractor bags.
They probably got a budget that was like five grand.
They said, well, we better spend it.
So they bought box upon box of contractor bags.
You could clean up Katrina with that many contractor bags.
I bet if I blew up my house, You could pick up the rubble and it would fit in that many contractor bags.
What are they?
And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
They also had a bunch of clear bags, which I guess is used for recycling.
So, for just detritus, like a blown-up car, we'll use the contractor bags.
But if you see plastic, put it in the clear bag and we'll take that to the recycling plant.
I mean... And then, they also had big industrial paper bags that are for leaves and stuff.
And they had about 10 rakes from Home Depot.
Best quality rakes, wood, big wide spread on them, steel.
Whatever that part of the rake is called.
Imagine you were so into rakes, you knew that what the bottom part is called.
I'm going to look that up right now.
Parts of the rake.
Oh, here we go.
So that part, those are called tines.
T-I-N-E-S.
So, wood handle, steel head, steel tines.
I'm really into tines.
Hey, nice rake.
Can I check out your tines?
Oh, wow, those are 54 centimeters in diameter.
And about, what, 30.5 centimeters long?
Those are, you know, I've been using plastic tines for a while.
My dad works in tines.
So they have all those stupid rakes.
And then I see some Goomba doing a speech and he's like, thanks everyone for coming out.
It's weird here in the suburbs because they still have New York accents, even though they're rich.
So they're like, thanks everyone for coming out.
You know, we have people who have been helping the environment here in this park for decades.
Okay.
I want to thank them for coming.
I also want to thank the young people.
I want to thank the youngsters for coming out today.
And I'm just, I feel like walking up to him and going, why?
Why are you here?
Why are you thanking them?
For what?
So then, it gets more ridiculous.
Alright guys, let's go!
And about 30 people spread out across this park, which is huge.
And it's on a harbor, too.
I'm on the water here.
So, there's yachts surrounding them.
$200,000, $300,000 boats.
200, 300 thousand dollar boats, where to fill the gas tank costs $2,500.
If, I'm just learning this recently, Did you know that?
Say you see a boat where there's like a place down below where you could sleep and it's the smallest a boat could be with that option.
So like the biggest, the smallest big boat.
You know what I mean?
Where there's like a little stove down there where you could maybe make a coffee.
To fill that one is $700.
$700?
I'm cheap.
I couldn't imagine just watching the numbers as I'm filling the tank just going zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 100.
We've only begun.
2,500.
You're full!
And then I go, well, so what does that last for, like 10 years?
No, no, couple trips, and you gotta fill it up again.
Anyway, so that's the kind of money that's going on in this park, and 30 people are going through it, where at least a dozen employees have been picking up garbage professionally forever, and there's no garbage anywhere.
And I just saw this one fat, spoiled brat.
She was maybe 21, an ass way too big for her body.
Of course she's wearing yoga pants, so I can see her labia.
Ladies, I'm a pervert, but I'm even getting a little tired of seeing you naked with just different colored legs.
Like it's- there's nothing not nude about you except the color.
I can see your labia.
I can see your butt crack.
I can see every contour.
The only thing I can't see are cellulite and zits.
In other words, the things I don't want to see.
So you're just presenting me your nude legs at their best.
Doing their best life.
So she's got her stupid lululemons on.
I can see her buttcheeks.
They're too big.
Uh, she's a fat pig because she eats fried chicken and watches- binge watches Netflix.
And she's got her $600 hairdo.
And her little- they all wear these quilted jackets here in the burbs.
And she's got her gloves on.
And you can tell just by looking at her.
I'm allergic to lazy fat pigs.
You can tell by looking at her that she's never worked a day in her life.
She's never, never had a job.
She tried field hockey for a while, it was too tiring, and she just talks on the phone, and that's what she was doing as she picked up.
She had these headphones on, and she was talking to her friend, and she was picking up twigs.
She had a faggot in her hand.
She had a bundle of sticks in her hand.
I'm gonna say she had about ten.
Now, she had the contractor bag, she had the clear bag, and she had the paper bag.
And I was watching her pick up individual twigs that were about six inches long, picked them up one at a time as she chatted to her friend.
Is there a more useless act, a more frivolous gesture in the world Hey greenies, guess what?
fat, rich kid picking up six-inch twigs and putting them in a paper bag to save the Earth.
Does that not sum up the environmental movement in America, in the West?
Hey, greenies, guess what?
Say hypothetically the Earth is being damaged by us.
your number one problem is overpopulation.
You want less humans.
You should be pro-choice.
You should love plant parenthood.
You should be giving out condoms all over the hood where birth rates are the highest.
And here's another inconvenient truth, Gore.
Immigration is the number one cause of overpopulation.
So not only should you be pushing abortion as much as possible, you should also be screaming, build a wall, build a wall.
If you look at our immigration rates, I talked about this on the show, 100% of it is immigration.
If there was zero immigrants, the ones that are here tend not to have more than two kids.
So we've been pretty much stationary for the past 30 years.
It's the immigrants that are having tons of babies.
And as an environmentalist, that should be a problem with you.
This happened actually with the Sierra Club.
The Sierra Club discovered that, as all environmentalists eventually do, and they said, um, this is awkward, we're anti-immigration.
And then their donors, I think one of their main donors was Jewish, and he said, um, if you, I will only continue to donate to this organization if you never discuss immigration and never criticize it.
And so the Sierra Club said, half of them said, fuck that, that's ridiculous, and the other half said, done, deal.
So now there's two Sierra Clubs.
There's the one that faces the facts on immigration, and there's the one that faces the checkbook on immigration.
So, the real true movement in America is complete virtue signaling.
It's all for show.
It has nothing to do with the truth.
And you know a great example of that, of course, is Canada.
They're responsible for 1.5% of the world's carbon emissions.
In other words, totally irrelevant.
But, um, They sit and kvetch and they go to these global summits and talk about all the things they can do to stop this 1.5%.
Meanwhile, China farts on a Thursday and it totally eradicates anything Canada could ever do to get its 1.5 down to what?
1.3?
Oooh, thanks Canada!
1.3?
Ooh, thanks, Canada.
So, the big picture here is, and this relates to this fatty with her faggot in her hand, the big picture here is environmentalists are liars.
When you see someone who says they care about the environment, it's a lie.
When you see recycling in a bin outside, it's a lie.
It's all bullshit.
You know, my buddy lives in the country up in Canada near Perth.
And, uh, his wife's a teacher, and they separate all the cans and the plastics, and then they, all the kids get together, classroom by classroom, they go and they put it in big dumpsters out back.
And it costs money to get picked up.
They're in the middle of nowhere.
And then this farmer who's got a big hole in his property goes, you know what?
I'll come pick it up for a hundred bucks.
I'll bring you the dumpster, fill it up with whatever you want, I'll dump it in my hole for a hundred bucks, and of course he dumps it all together, plastics and garbage and anything you want.
You can have a nuclear bomb in there and I'll throw it in the hole.
And so the school wants to save money, so they go, fine, yeah, let's just go with that guy.
Let's separate all the cans, do all the environmental stuff, and then it'll all just be thrown together in his hole.
And my buddy says to his teacher wife, Sandy, I changed her name, Sandy, you have to tell the kids that!
You're an educator!
This is a lesson in economics, a lesson about the frivolity of environmentalism.
And he's a big environmentalist, by the way.
Um, in a real sense.
I mean, the guy's planted probably a million trees.
He ran a tree planting company.
That's how I knew him, he was my old boss.
And he says, there's a lesson here!
You're a teacher and you're lying to children!
And she goes, no, I think it's good that they still separate all this stuff.
I think it's important, you know?
I think it helps.
So, the teachers are teaching the children lies about the environment.
Isn't it redonkulous?
Anyway, I didn't really want to talk about that on my show.
I wanted to talk about my weekend, because it was action-packed.
I did that in the morning, um, and played t-ball with Johnny.
He's such a, he's such a contrarian.
I go, Johnny, secret to t-ball is don't think.
You hit that ball, you just go, go, go.
And he goes, no!
T-ball, with t-ball you have to think.
The other day he came into my bedroom and he goes, and forgive me if I've told you this, but every time I think about it, it makes me laugh.
He comes in, he comes in at all hours, by the way.
We were skiing once.
He wakes my wife up at four in the morning and goes, mom, mom, mom.
And then she goes, what?
Yeah.
He goes, can I have a parrot?
And she goes, yes.
And then he walks away and he pumps his fist and goes, yes, I've got a parrot.
So this, the other morning, the T-ball morning actually, he wakes me up and he goes, I think I have wet balls.
And he stops himself because he didn't enunciate.
And he goes, uh, wet balls.
And then he says, is pee cold?
And I think what happened was he went pee in the morning with his PJs on and then he put it back in the PJs too soon.
And he got a bunch of drops on the front of his PJs that became cold and also made his balls wet.
Hearing a five-year-old correct wehballs and say wet balls is... It doesn't get better than that.
Like, if I'm hungover or in a bad mood, I just think of wehballs.
Wet balls.
And I laugh my head off.
And previous to that, the thing that would keep me laughing was the fist pump to free parrot.
And we're not getting a parrot, by the way.
No fucking way.
So then, uh, it's record store day.
And we go down to a record store in Port Chester, here in the burbs, called Clockwork Records.
It's an old cop named Mike, who was a detective, but he was a punk in the CBGB days, and we know all the same guys.
And so I have a beer with him in the back room, spent a bunch of money, and I, speaking of bullshit detectors, I just go, Mike, what is Record Store Day?
And he goes, it's a fucking nightmare!
It's bullshit!
So supposedly you're supposed to get records cheaper than normal And you get to use the hashtag record store day and more people come to your store But and then you're not allowed to sell them on the online.
You got to keep them in your store He goes I blew seven grand on this shit And I'm stuck with him, and I don't know what people are gonna like.
I bought a bunch of Jimmy Page records No one wants Jimmy Page.
No one knows who the fuck he is And I thought, yeah, it's a lie.
It's like South by Southwest.
You know how many bands have been signed at South by Southwest?
One.
Timbuk2.
Or Timbuk3, actually.
The band who did that, The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades.
Only band.
It's all bullshit.
It doesn't help your career to play at South by Southwest.
But everyone goes, because it seems like that's what you do.
So National Record Store Day, and I went down, it was more to show support for him, but it's just a fake day where they pretend they're providing you with free advertising and helping your store, but it's just a made-up day.
And there's, as my dad always said, there's a lot of money in lies.
Bullshit beats brains, my boy!
That's what he always used to say to me.
He also used to say, don't take any wooden nickels.
That was every day before school.
He'd say that to me on the way to school.
He taught me to be obsessed with calling people out on bullshit.
But he also taught me that bullshit pays.
Like that, uh, yoga.
What's it called?
Pomonis?
Pomont?
There's a kind of yoga you do.
Um, it starts with the letter P. And my buddy's mom copyrighted it.
I guess she invented it?
And so if you want Pilates, if you want to do Pilates, you need a certificate from her.
And then you pay her a commission, I guess, for her brilliant type of yoga that she invented.
They are so fucking loaded from that scam.
It's mental.
They own buildings in New York City, in Soho.
She bought her kid a record label, Defcon.
I used to work there.
Amazing.
Amazing what you can get away with.
And by the way, this whole idea of forcing people to pay licenses is an immoral racket.
My barber has to have a barber's license in case what?
He gives me a shitty hairdo?
A lot of states, I don't think this is true in New York, but a lot of states require florists to have a flower arranging license.
It's making people poor.
It's preventing people from getting off their asses and making a living.
It's adding too many barriers to entrepreneurs.
You know how you used to run a taxi in DC in the 50s and 60s?
You painted your car yellow and wrote TAXI on the side.
Boom.
Done.
Now a medallion is a million dollars.
A million!
And so Uber came along and said, sorry, free market exists.
And now those medallions, I think they went down to like 40 grand or even 10 grand.
Everything bad about the world is people meddling.
Socialism.
God wanted us to be free.
Anyway, go have a beer, hear about the old days, be in a cap, and then I got some cool records too, Streets remixes.
Mike Skinner's coming back with the Streets doing a reunion tour, BT dubs.
And then a buddy of mine rented a boat, cruised, and this gives me a boner by the way, a boner.
He dropped 10 grand on a boat and then charged people $100 a ticket and prayed that people showed up.
If they decided that it was uncool or there was a Super Bowl that day or something, he would have been out 10 G's.
Isn't that ballsy?
So of course it was sold out, and it was awesome, and it was packed, and it was all proud boys.
And Antifa couldn't cancel it because it's a boat.
You can't, you can't shut down, you can't harass the owners when the boat's out at sea, out at East River.
Which is kind of at sea.
And Milo showed up, Milo Yiannopoulos, and we drove around the Statue of Liberty, and he took a picture of himself.
He said, look at this.
He took a picture of himself with the Statue of Liberty and said, look at this regal, beautiful, powerful, and then, of course, there's a statue.
So he did a good speech.
He mentioned the pedophilia thing, which I don't think people should do.
You know, when you say like, uh, when you defend yourself too much, you say, look, I know you've heard about this thing and let me tell you, it's not what you heard.
And now you just brought, you gave free advertising to the thing.
Don't do that.
No one cares.
And by the way, if you're not caught up, he said that he had a sexual relationship when he was 14 and that was perfectly normal with an older man.
And it's different for gays.
I believe he said it's different for gays and straights.
I do think that gays have less chastity.
I think that if a 14 year old girl is fucked by her male teacher, that male teacher is going to get beaten within an inch of his life.
If a teacher fucks a hot 20 year old teacher fucks a 14 year old boy, I don't think we should beat the shit out of the woman.
I don't think she should go to jail.
I don't think it should be the same kind of jail time.
I'm not saying you should fuck 14 year olds, obviously.
But boys are different than girls.
Did you know the age of consent in Mexico is 12?
Different culture, different people than us.
So we go on the boat cruise and there's two major fights.
That goes on.
That go on.
It's sort of like Nazi skinheads.
They're just violent people.
And if Nazi skinheads could be at an event, and they're all, they all agree with each other, but there's going to be a fight just because that's who they are.
It's part of their vocabulary.
And similarly it are, and no I'm not saying we're Nazis, but it are things, there's always fights.
Because it's part of our vocabulary.
So this one tall dude was talking trash.
Now I'm gossiping.
Was talking trash about Based Stickman.
You know Kyle Chapman?
So he showed up at an Antifa thing, and he was one of the first to say, let's fight back!
So he brought a stick and he started beating them.
He, by the way, is looking at nine years in prison.
Because they've decided that because he wrapped tape around the bottom of the stick, it was a billy club.
And that's a weapon so he caused it's a felony caused major damage.
It's it's a complete witch hunt like this guy Kyle Chapman also got charged recently because he had a keychain that had like a little sort of a dummy plastic thing for fighting because the guy gets attacked constantly Antifa Pepper sprayed him in his car and then started vandalizing his car while holding the doors shut.
A mob of them destroyed his car with him in it.
They were trying to pepper spray him too, while he was in the car.
I mean, being pepper sprayed sucks, trust me.
But being pepper sprayed in a car?
That must be like, hell.
Oh, I think I'm getting a herpes outbreak on my lip.
God damn it.
I just had one.
I think it's all this drinking.
The hangover is a form of stress and it's giving me herpes.
Anyway, he was driving around in his truck and they had a Trump, big huge Trump flag and a big huge America flag coming up from the back of his trunk.
And as he's driving around, it's in this hippie-dippie park, and they call the cops.
They go, there's a man driving around with a racist flag!
It's called America and the President!
And then he pulls up on a sand dune to take a picture of himself.
He gets charged with riding the sand dunes illegally, even though he just parked on them.
And then they find that little plastic weapon on his keychain, which he didn't even know was illegal, and they bust him for having an illegal weapon.
And that's added to the Billy Club charges.
He's also got some other charge where he got in a fight at a bar, and, uh, I think he threw a stool at this guy who was attacking him.
He's Mr. Self-Defense.
I've hung out with him a hundred times.
But, there's a lot of bad propaganda about him, and even some of our guys have been criticizing him.
And so, There's a minor sort of a split where maybe 3% of our guys don't have stickman's back, and that makes the other 97% really mad.
So this guy in the lineup is talking trash, and the other guy, Steve, is saying, go ahead, go ahead.
And he goes, I let him go for 40 minutes, and then I had to take him down.
So he punched his face in.
He was bleeding everywhere.
Another weird thing that has happened to him, I've never seen this before, his eyes were crying, but he wasn't crying.
So he's blowing snot rockets, blowing the blood out.
He's got that, you know, you have that red stuff on your face from the fist.
They both have those red patches.
And then tears are coming out of his eyes as he talks like I'm talking to you right now.
Hello, I'm not crying.
My eyes are crying.
And there was tears like popping out of his eyes.
They weren't even going down by the nose.
They were coming out of the middle and pouring down like that black football player meme where the guy's crying the national anthem and the tears are leaping out of his eyeballs.
So, If he was my enemy, I still wouldn't say, ha ha, you're crying.
But I would say, sir, your eyeballs are crying.
So that was one brawl.
And then at the end of the night, I left, and they all went to a bar.
And then there's this dude, Tiny, who's a giant.
And this guy comes up to me and goes, I heard you left the Seattle chapter.
Because you thought it was stupid.
And then you thought you could come back.
And he goes, yeah, that's exactly what happened.
I didn't like the way the guys were behaving.
I thought they were being pussies.
And I left.
And then I missed them.
And then I joined.
And he goes, this is a brotherhood.
You can't just leave.
And people are going, why are you going up to a giant and nitpicking?
Hey, giant person.
I don't like that thing you did last year.
So that's what he does.
And Tiny goes, well, do you want to go outside?
And he goes, yes, I do.
And so they go outside, and Tiny destroys him, obviously.
He had two baby vaginas for eyes, just like sealed shut.
And I think Tiny broke his nose.
And then he said, all right, well, you made your point.
You win this argument.
And then they were best friends and had drinks.
This is just, this whole podcast so far is just Saturday.
Then I go to bed.
And then it's baseball all day.
Go to the baseball games.
I got some cop dads there, which is always fun.
There's a weird sort of classism going on with the baseball dads, I've noticed.
And I think that the elites... We're in an area that's near a poor area, so half the kids are rich kids, the other half are poor kids.
So the poor kids have poor parents, and a lot of those are cops.
Um, although they're about to be very rich when they retire and get their $100,000 pension.
But I feel like the rich parents don't like us.
Tattooed, poor- Meanwhile, I'm richer than all of them.
But, uh, I hang out with the bad boy dads, and we joke around.
And that's fun.
And then, uh, uh, Sunday night, I gotta go into the city to meet my cousin, and I haven't seen my cousin since I was 18.
He's a cop in England, and I had to say, dude, he's Scottish, but he's in England.
I said, dude, what is going on over there?
They're confiscating garden tools?
I mean, I went to meet Tommy Robinson, and 12 police followed him to the pub, and pulled him over before he got there, and questioned him on where he was going.
They will throw you in jail for a tweet, yet child rape gangs are okay?
What's going on with that?
And he said, it's fear of political correctness, basically.
But here's what you need to know, pal.
He goes, the police who pulled over Tommy were likely not happy about that.
This is their boss.
And that goes back to what I've always said.
Fuck the police.
This is his boss.
Even anarchists, like Michael Malice and a lot of my anarchist buddies, they hate the cops so much.
And I go, hating a cop is like hating a soldier for being in Afghanistan.
Do you think that soldier sat there with a map going, you know what?
I'd like to win hearts and minds in the Middle East.
Can you send me there?
Sure!
This is the Peace Corps after all, and you can just volunteer where you're gonna go.
It's not up to them.
These guys are just doing their job, and their job sucks!
I was listening to a story the other day where he knew this guy, he's like 6'4 and 300 pounds, not really fat, just a monster.
And he was fighting a guy who looked similar.
Same height, same weight.
And he could tell that this guy was going to drag out this fight and cops fight!
That's another thing.
People assume cops just shoot you when you're acting crazy.
A lot of them will just have to brawl for whatever reason.
They can't get their taser out or It's too close quarters or, you know, there's people everywhere that would get hit with a bullet.
So they have to fight.
Fighting on a daily basis.
It's not... And I don't think they mind.
Like, the way... I think they see fighting as kind of a pain, but you gotta do it.
Like, the way suburbanites see jogging.
Oh, fuck.
I gotta go before I run today.
So they're in this fight and he says, he goes, Oh, I knew that it was going to be long and we had to end this.
So I just wrapped my arms around him.
We're at the top of the stairs and I just jumped down the stairs.
So they go flying down a flight of stairs.
These two 300 pound men, they go careening down the stairs and he made sure the perps body was the one that hit first, but they're both knocked unconscious.
See, and he knew he was doing it!
So he consciously knocked himself out to fast forward to the end of the fight and the other guy was just destroyed and they had to take him to the hospital and, you know, this cop hasn't been the same since.
He didn't file a complaint though, so he can't get that bad back pension.
But that's just a normal day.
I mean, this guy has so many stories that he- I just say stop when I'm done.
It's like a book on tape.
You just put it in, press play, hear the most amazing stories you've ever heard, and then you stop when you've had enough.
Okay, that's enough stories, please, cop.
But, uh, so I meet my, uh, my other cop, uh, cousin.
And, uh, the cop stuff was always interesting, but I haven't seen him in 20 years.
This was disturbing.
First of all, we look exactly the same, but he's bald and he's 10 years older than me.
He's obsessed with mod culture.
I'm wearing a Gucci belt buckle.
He's wearing a Vespa belt buckle.
He has a Fred Perry with a plaid collar.
I'm wearing a Brutus skinhead shirt.
I got it at a store in Camden in London called Modrophenia.
Guess where he got his shirt?
Ah, Modrophenia.
I'm also wearing a Vivian Westwood cricket jacket.
He's got the same jacket.
We're both like dicks.
I'm avoiding the word tough guy because I'm not a tough guy, but that's, you know, what I mean, like a confrontational guy.
He's much braver than I am, obviously, but we're both sort of that aggro dude.
Yeah, that's a better term for it.
Aggro.
We're both aggro dudes.
Who are faggy about fashion and have a predilection for mod fashion.
I mean, what are the odds?
We both try to avoid spirits because we've noticed that when we, with his case it's whiskey, with me it's bourbon, we can't handle our liquor.
So we both try to stick to beer.
It's all genetic traits.
We're both totally devoted to our wives.
Would never think of divorce.
We both fawn over our children.
He's a cop.
I'm obsessed with cop culture.
We kept saying, like, the similarities are bizarre.
And here's the other part that was weird.
I just felt genetically comfortable.
You know how when you're with your friends or something, you're never 100% relaxed?
Like you're having a good time and everything, but I don't know, it's hard to explain.
Like if you pooed your pants, for example, like say you had a wet fart, you might not tell them.
The conditions might not be perfect for you to say, oh my god, I just shit my pants.
It might be too embarrassing.
But I felt like with him, I would go...
Angus, you're not going to believe this.
I just shit my pants.
And he would say, you're kidding me.
That's terrible, that.
Well, you're going to have to throw your pants, they call underwear pants.
You're going to have to toss your pants in the loo.
I'll wait here.
Do you want some napkins?
Bizarre, isn't it?
You know, we tend to totally ignore genetics because it sounds like eugenics, and that must be racist.
But there's really something magical about it.
And that's the cool thing about having kids, too, is you start seeing your traits in them.
Even physical traits.
Like, I get cankers sometimes, and my daughter's complaining about a canker, and I'm realizing, holy crap, you're gonna have cankers your whole life the same way I do.
That sucks.
I've ruined your life.
Same with the temper.
Same with the humor.
Same with the attitude.
Even that weh balls.
Wet balls.
Even that is a genetic trait.
In other words, stay close with your family.
They matter.
And make more family.
You have the genitalia to make more family from scratch.
You should.
There's something magical about it.
There's something God-like about it.
It's all part of God's plan.
God's plan.
God's plan.
Alright, that's all I got for you today, folks.
I am brutally hungover, um, after partying with that cousin.
Uh, I'll have another one on Friday, but we have a... So, there's a change of pace going on here.
I'm gonna change studios, uh, for Get Off My Lawn, the show, and, uh, we're gonna start again on Monday.
No more shows this week.
Because I'm shooting my other show, CRTV Tonight, with Gavin McInnes.
The eponymous talk show where we have live guests and we have a little interview in the middle and then we do a little game show at the end, viral video, stuff like that.
Just hangin'.
It's like a hangin' out talk show.
Comedy, politics.
It's pretty right-wing, but more just not liberal.
Making fun of political correctness.
You know, First Amendment, Second Amendment type of stuff.
So the deal now is four shows on one week, and then two shows the next week because there's a CRTV Tonight show.
So technically, you are getting one less show for your buck.
But the CRTV Tonight is so exciting and so jam-packed, it's actually two shows.
So we're redistributing your shows.
And as far as your bang for your buck goes, you know that CRTV is just going to keep getting newer shows, right?
The roster's only begun.
It's going to become like a network, like CBS.
So when you buy now, you will keep getting more and more shows.
