Get Off My Lawn Podcast #39 | I Was Just Listening to Kathy Griffin on Howard Stern
Although this episode is primarily focussed on comedy and the First Amendment, we get political and examine the difference between how censorship affects the right and the left. I believe non-liberals get it far worse, especially the moderate New Right because we’re appealing to young people and therefore considered a more dangerous threat than the Far Right.
I was just listening to Kathy Griffin on Howard Stern.
She was lying on top of him and making moaning sounds.
They were making love, and I was listening in the other room through a crack in the wall.
No, that's not what happened.
She was on his show, actually.
She wasn't literally on his body.
I'm sure he's very monogamous.
Germaphobes tend to only trust one person with their genitalia.
But she was bitching about the Amazon mask.
It was just a $10 Amazon mask.
I think I got the day before.
Where she held Trump's bloody head and was on the cover of some magazine.
And then her life was flushed down the toilet.
She was stalked.
She couldn't work for a year in her own town, in her own country.
She had to go abroad, this broad.
And then now she's selling out Carnegie Hall.
Everything's fine.
So she had a bad year.
And as a free speech absolutist, I want you to be able to do whatever you want.
This isn't Venezuela.
If you want to make fun of the president, go nuts.
But by the same token, you're not getting any sympathy from me.
For picking a fight with the leader of the free world.
You know what I mean?
Like, in the punk scene, there's an acronym.
A-C-A-B.
All Cops Are Bastards.
It's the white, mohawked version of N-W-A.
I mean, F the Police.
Which I agree with, by the way, when it comes to the band.
Especially that Synchronicity album.
The police suck.
They're not violent, but their albums are annoying.
Ugh.
Stand-up bass with every breath you take.
Ew, and his whining voice.
He's even worse now with his tantric sex.
What's worse than sting?
Ugh.
He was pretty good though in, uh, Quadrophenia.
Anyway, sorry, slight tangent.
But, do you know what I'm saying?
Like, if you're wearing an ACABS shirt, or an F the Police shirt, or you're walking around, you know, a cop station saying, PIGS IN A BLANKET!
FRY THEM LIKE BACON!
You should be allowed to say that.
You can.
You can tell, you can walk up to a cop, right now, and tell him to go fuck himself.
That's not illegal.
You can give him the finger.
However, if you do that, and you come across a cop who's not following the rules, and he kicks your ass, well...
You know, you don't legally deserve it, because our laws say free speech, but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you complain for an hour, watch you shave your head, and whine about how I got in trouble when I suggested I would like to decapitate the president in a very graphic manner.
Here's the analogy.
Imagine the Sex Pistols.
Like Sid Vicious.
You've got to exhale to do Sid Vicious.
We just did an album and everyone was freaking out.
Everyone was calling us the bad guys.
We were banned.
We were banned from two things.
We did a show, River on the Thames.
We did a show on a boat and the police came and arrested us.
I couldn't work for a year.
You'd say, well, what do you think, dude?
You're the Sex Pistols.
You have a picture of the Queen with a safety pin through her nose.
You don't expect to be coddled after that.
That's really the era we're living in.
I like to keep this show funny.
The TV show is the political one.
But we might get a pube political here.
That's really what we're at now.
We're at punk rockers saying, hey, I think it's fucked up that you guys are staring at me.
Well, you have blue cone spikes on your head.
The sides of your head are dyed leopard print.
And you have about 100 band names on your jacket, which is also covered in studs.
You have tartan bondage pants that are tied so tight that you have to hop everywhere you're going.
And giant 14-hole Dr. Martin combat boots.
Yeah, I noticed you.
There was some weird queer who, he's like a Jewish guy, New Yorker, hideous dude, big schnoz, stubble, but he also wears dresses.
I forget his name, but I tweeted about him.
You can look him up.
Who cares?
They all look the same, right?
These guys with beards and dresses and hairy legs.
It's called ridiculous.
We've been laughing at that outfit, by the way, for about a thousand years.
You know, guys in World War II would put a mop on their head and a dress for their one night off and say, hi, I'm a lady, and everyone would laugh their head off.
And now, like in the past two years, that exact same outfit, we're told that's not funny anymore.
You have to take him seriously.
No, I'm not doing that.
Hey, can you find the guy, Dave?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Are you listening to me?
Dave, you there?
Yeah, what's up?
You know that guy who said an open letter to people whose parents who let their kids stare at me?
Can you find that?
I think I tweeted about it.
It's this guy.
He's just like an ugly nerd in a dress.
Yeah, there it is.
Oh, that was fast.
Jacob Tobiah is his name.
And he's better than my Miles, my brother Miles.
He's more entertaining.
He's more ridiculous.
A letter to parents whose children stare at me in public.
Or, by the way, dude, a subhead is an or.
You don't have to write or on your subhead.
Or, and then scroll up, sorry.
Or, how to talk to your kids about gender non-conforming people.
So this guy looks like your brother, he looks like your uncle's friend, who just raided your mom's closet.
Sorry, that's funny.
I'm not looking at that and going, hi there, non-gender conforming person.
You don't look ridiculous.
And that's just as crazy, isn't it, as a punk rocker saying, saying, why are you staring at me on the bus?
Just because I have purple hair.
Well, you literally are not normal.
You're abnormal.
Look up the dictionary definition of normal.
You're not that.
Are you saying I'm abnormal?
Yeah, I speak English.
Don't you have mirrors at your home?
You look funny.
So, I think it's okay to, on the one hand, say Kathy Griffin has the right to do anything, and at the same time, without being hypocritical, go, well, what do you think was gonna happen, lady?
I mean, come on.
You should be allowed to give cops the finger.
You are allowed.
If you find a cop that's in a bad mood and he decides he's gonna risk his pension by taking you out, well, them's the brakes, my dear.
It got me thinking about offensive comedy in general, and I am unoffendable.
I like rape jokes.
I think a lot of them are funny.
Like, for example, our buddy Clark is going to Rikers for six months because he got caught with a gun, and he had a very good lawyer.
He was from Ohio, and he didn't register it here in New York, because you can't.
And so his girlfriend, they got in a fight, and she said, he's got a gun in the car as they were arresting him.
And he goes, thanks, lady.
That's me gone.
God, I want to tell her that, too.
I want to go up to her and go, you know Clark's in jail now, right?
I kind of want to lie to her and say, did you know Clark was killed yesterday in prison?
You murdered him.
I want to make her cry for what she's done.
But don't you always want to do that?
We have this problem where we put our brains in other people's heads and we go, oh man, you're going to feel terrible when you see what you did.
But that's not the way sociopaths are.
Like that documentary, which I highly recommend, The Staircase, is about a guy, a compulsive liar, he threw his first wife down the stairs, killed her, threw his second wife down the stairs, killed her, I think he was a gay, and he kept falling in love with men and then hating that he was married.
So we slowly watch, I just ruined it for you by the way, but we slowly watch it unfold and you're watching it going, I can't wait till this guy pays the piper.
I can't wait till it all blows up in his face.
It never really does.
These liars, compulsive liars, they just move the narrative to another version of events where they're the victim.
Another great example of this is The Advocate.
And it's about a dude in Switzerland who was going to medical school.
He dropped out because he was too stupid.
But he kept going and didn't tell his friends that he had been booted out.
So he would go to class and stuff.
And then he graduated in quotation marks, went there with the robe and threw the hat in the air.
Hadn't been registered at that school for years.
Then he got married, you know, told his wife that he had a job at the United Nations, big poster of the United Nations in their house.
He would go to the United Nations every day in Switzerland and he would sit in the parking lot and eat a sandwich.
Then he would go home.
And so his relatives go, well, you're a genius.
You know, you went to medical school and you work at the United Nations.
You're great with money.
Can you, uh, handle our money?
And he goes, no problem.
I'm a genius.
So he just puts it in a savings account.
It's like Bernie Madoff.
He just took the money as his own and didn't invest it.
So things are going great for him.
And then he falls in love with his mistress and he takes her to Paris and he starts spending all this money that the, His parents and his in-laws had given him.
So then one of the in-laws goes, hey, we want to buy a cabin up in Schluppenplops.
Can you give us some of that money?
And he goes, hmm, I know how to get this.
My whole house of cards could come tumbling down unless I kill them.
So he kills them.
And then people start asking questions.
His parents want to know what happened to their in-laws, so he kills them.
Then his wife's getting curious where her parents went, so he kills his wife and kids in a fire that he was in.
And he says, I was trying to kill the whole family, including me.
Yeah, but you were by the window that was open and you were easily rescued.
So you're reading this book going, I can't wait till you pay the piper.
Can't wait till this all blows up in your face, you scumbag.
And he goes to prison where he discovers Jesus.
And now Christians come to see him and sort of worship him because, wow, if this guy can get cured, can find salvation, someone who's done such evil things, then salvation is incredibly powerful and the Lord has infinite powers.
What a great testament to Christianity.
And you're reading it going, God damn it!
Now, when I wanted that guy to suffer, I was putting my brain in his brain and I was thinking how, you know, catastrophic it would be for me in prison to realize I had murdered my entire family.
But that's a sane person.
This person isn't sane.
They don't get the comeuppance.
There's no justice in the world, is what I'm saying.
But there's a silver lining to this depressing rant.
And that is, a lot of the times you just give them enough rope.
Like, uh, Anthony Cumia had this dude who was stalking him and trying to get him fired.
And, you know, you can't do that to Cumia.
He's already been fired.
He's got it.
He's his own boss.
So then he started messing with Anthony's family and his brother.
His brother plays in a bunch of different bands and he was getting the gigs canceled.
So now, like, the bassist of that band is having trouble with his mortgage payment because some lunatic is doxing him.
And Kumi is, like, pulling his hair out, you know, wanting to murder the dude.
And then, not long after that, it turns out the guy was, uh... I think I got it here on my phone somewhere.
The guy was robbing a Walmart of I think some speakers?
He was, yeah I should have it here, he was robbing a Walmart of some speakers and I think the cops caught him, started chasing him, and his kid was in the car.
So they get into an accident, the kid goes flying out the window I believe, And he steps over the kid's body and runs off into the night.
Kid dies.
Toddler dies.
Christopher Kuhn, K-U-H-N is his name, dad accused of leaving two-year-old son to die in getaway crash, quote-unquote, is in his own private hell.
So, you give these people enough rope and they end up frying themselves.
If they're doxing you or trying to get you fired or torturing you or stalking you, you check in with those people later and you realize, wow, you're your own worst enemy.
So I guess I'm contradicting myself because I said there's no justice but then these people end up punishing themselves because they're deranged.
It's not your peer who's doxing you and trying to get you fired.
It's a lunatic like when I said trans people are mentally ill gays and I had my ad agency shut down there was one of the guys who was a big dude in the whole thing is a woman and tranny whatever and that guy got the it was you know a big part of the campaign and then I just ignored him.
And then he started cannibalizing the other lefties who were on his side but didn't like this part of it.
Just like wolves, you know, attacking... Just like rats, actually, attacking someone.
Eventually they start eating each other.
And, um... Z said something like, drink bleach and die to another liberal, and then Z was the bad person for saying that.
And the last time I checked in on that guy, girl, whatever you want to call him, this was years and years ago, He was begging online for money to review a CD.
So send me money.
Send me 20 bucks and I'll review this new CD by this band.
Nice writing gig, dude.
That's panning for change.
That's like those guys at Union Square who say, $1 free poem.
Yeah, thanks.
Nice supply and demand.
There's a zero demand for your supply.
And I've seen this time and time again.
They catch the guy doing the doxing, they catch the guy doing the stalking, calling you a Nazi, getting you fired, and he's some sad sack 300-pound loser living in his basement with his parents who has mental issues, and you know, you talk to the dad, And he goes, he's really sick in the head, and we're working hard on it.
He didn't take his meds.
I was going to do a sketch about that, actually.
I'm trying to find someone as physically handicapped as, say, Ricky Berwick.
Maybe worse, if we could do that.
And I have this back and forth with some commenter, stalker, whatever dude online.
And then I spend all the money and I get the, you know, the tactical SWAT team and we go and get the guy.
It's like everyone's fantasy.
And then I get the guy and I kick open the door and there he is in a wheelchair with tubes up his nose.
And like Ricky would obviously, Ricky's not that handicapped, but he'd have to ham it up.
And he sort of, and this guy has been saying like, try me, bitch, I'll take you out.
There's a good documentary about this from the guy who was in The Mask after Jim Carrey, and he talks about the critics and your enemies online.
Rob Zombie's in it.
And Rob Zombie says, you know, when someone criticized my band when White Zombie first came out, I thought, wow, his band must be so cool.
They must be so awesome.
And then I found that guy's band, and they sucked so badly, I couldn't believe it.
Like there's this dude who does, I forget what it's called, it's not called Red Pill Movies, but it's something like that, like Red Dragon Movies, and he talks in a slow-mo kind of voice, and he does movie reviews online where he sits in an old living room, it's a set they built, and they go over films and talk about how bad they are, and they're pretty good.
Red Band Trail or something like that?
I forget what it's called.
But anyway, I started researching them.
They do things like Star Wars is just a ripoff of another Star Wars and they show you the same shot ten times, like really meticulously edited, but all about how this film sucks and that film sucks and that's garbage.
And then I looked up the guys, they did their own movie and it was the worst piece of garbage, like cheap, B-rated, slock-jock horror crap.
Like, sub-trauma, complete garbage, where that kind of horror where you can't tell if they're kidding or not because the blood's spurting out of the eyes.
Trying to be Evil Dead, but obviously not as good.
That's what you keep seeing.
Or look at Siskel and Ebert.
Was it Roger Ebert who wrote Valley of the Dolls?
Valley of the Dolls is one of the worst movies you'll ever see.
So this is the critics, this is the weirdos online, these are the people out sabotaging lives.
And then the ones that they sabotage...
Those guys, you know, are the opposite of giving them enough rope and they do great.
Like, Brendan Eich is one of my favorite examples of this.
He gets fired from Mozilla because he donated to a, not anti-gay marriage per se, but like a pro-family Christian thing that doesn't support gay marriage.
It's not like they're out to destroy gays.
They just don't advocate for that, right?
This is back in 2004 when Obama and Hillary Clinton were on the same page and were very vocal about how they did not support gay marriage.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
You can find both Obama and Hillary saying this and Brendan Eich had the same mentality.
And by the way, speaking of freedom, you don't know What these people's agenda is when they make these donations or they have this stance.
Maybe he's a gay himself, like Bruce LaBruce, who's anti-gay marriage.
He thinks it's a normalization of homosexuality and he thinks it's like gays trying to be straight and pretending they're something they're not.
So he's a pro-gay gay who does gay porn for a living, Bruce LaBruce, and he's anti-gay marriage.
It's not a definitive example of a homophobe.
Or maybe, you know, the guy's dad, he's pro-gay marriage, but his dad's dying wish was, hey, can you donate ten grand to some anti-gay marriage thing?
Sure pops, it's your last wish.
It's none of our business.
That's why even, like, the movie Get Out.
Most people, I would say, see it as a movie about how black people feel uncomfortable around white people and how we're kind of evil.
And I don't think we are evil.
So I could be offended by that.
But the beauty of art is there's a million other interpretations.
Another interpretation is that it's a parody of black paranoia and this depiction of white people as evil, you know, mad scientists who are going to steal your brain.
And in that sense, it's like a mockery of the left.
So that's why we should never meddle with art.
Or Kathy Griffin.
Or any of those people.
Because art's open to interpretation.
Now, Brendan Eich was screwed.
And he lost his job, but the guy's a brilliant programmer, one of the greatest in America.
So he's since developed a new search engine.
I think it's called Brave, something like that.
And he's back on his feet with a successful company.
And those two little weird weasels, I looked them up once, are these ugly gay dudes who, uh, who, um, are the ones that got him fired and gloated about it too.
Cause they were really proud of themselves that they got him fired.
They just... They're losers, right?
They've had enough rope.
They're not thriving the way Brendan Eich is, and they won't in the future.
So, I know I said there's no justice in the world, but a lot of the time, these weirdos, when they're doing sabotage like that, they are their own worst enemy, and they'll eventually blow themselves up.
It's like these guys who make road bombs.
They always end up killing themselves by accident.
But it is strange, isn't it?
How someone wants to sabotage someone else's life.
And you see this, you see this with Salon and these left-wing websites where they, like I saw this one, I just tweeted this.
So Salon said, The YouTube shooter seemed liberal, so conservatives are having a field day.
And then this dude named Russell Frank says the media need to think twice about how they portray mass shooters.
The question with every mass shooting is whether these instant profiles of the killers do more harm than good.
In other words, don't judge her.
Sure, you've... Okay, yes, she was a PETA activist.
Yes, she seems to be very left-wing.
She's possibly Muslim.
She's a feminist.
She's definitely as left-wing as they come.
But let's not use that to judge.
Let's not generalize.
Then, we see that Salon had headlines like, mass shooters part of a larger epidemic of white male rage.
Or, it's not about mental illness, the big lie that always follows mass shootings by white males.
Or, The Plague of Angry White Men, How Racism, Gun Culture, and Toxic Masculinity are Poisoning America.
And finally, America's White Man Problem.
After Las Vegas, a familiar script unfolds.
And then I looked up the dude who did the first one where he says, Don't judge.
We need to think twice about how we portray mass shooter.
And his name's Russell Frank, and he appears He appears to also, it could be the same Russell Frank but a different dude, but he appears to be a homosexual and I think he writes, there's a Russell Frank who writes these disturbing books called The Boy Who Was a Bridesmaid or The Boy in a Red Dress.
Why are you talking about boys in dresses?
Stop sexualizing children.
And then you think, now this is where I get a little mental.
Is it possible that gays, like the guys at Salon, they feel weird?
Because you are weird if you're gay.
Sorry.
It's like being an albino.
You're not evil.
You're just literally unusual.
We have, it's like a vegetarian lion.
You have big incisors made for chomping and you don't eat meat.
Okay.
I don't, I don't want vegetarian lions to die.
I don't think they're evil, but they are weird.
So maybe they go, I don't like being weird, so I want to sort of attack normalcy.
I want to attack the patriarchy, attack white males, take down this sort of dad figure, and now it can just be anarchy, cultural anarchy, and now I'm not weird anymore.
I mean, how many times have we seen Antifa get arrested for some sort of perversions?
We had that dude Mika Rhodes, who I think was head of Portland Antifa or maybe it was Berkeley or something.
He was arrested and he had raped several minors, male and female.
was having sex with children, basically.
And then we have Luke Kuhn, who was part of the Disrupt J20 thing, big Antifa guy, and we find out that he writes fan fiction about sexualized young boys and how, um, how, you know, the having an older lover when you're 12 or 13 as a gay man is a great way to learn about lovemaking and we need to liberate these boys from their sexuality or from the The reluctance to be sexual.
And you think, are you just trying to weirdize everything so you're now normal?
You don't seem to be writing from a sincere perspective.
You seem to have a saboteur's agenda.
And one of the proofs of this is we can never get these people on our shows to debate.
Like Robert Spencer has to beg people to get come on his shows.
I mean, he's not that cordial to them.
He's pretty mean.
How does he pull it off?
is another guy who would love to debate anyone, and they avoid him like the plague.
Tucker Carlson, it is a total and utter mystery how he gets so many liberals on his show.
I mean, he's not that cordial to them.
He's pretty mean.
How does he pull it off?
Does he pay them?
I don't know.
I can never get them on my show.
I've even considered, you know, getting a misleading Skype that's called, like, the Marxist Revolution and showing up in disguise to get these.
But, you know, my email says Gavin on it and stuff, and anyone who works on the show says Gavin, so they're tough to get.
But the big picture here is...
America is a First Amendment country.
It's about freedom here.
But we do seem to have a double standard.
And Kathy Griffin is the exception, not the rule.
The rule tends to be anyone slightly right of center is a villain.
And everyone on the left gets away with murder.
Uh, for example, remember there was, uh, Mel Gibson had a tweet and he said, uh, I hope you get raped by a pack of... Oh my God.
I'm so not racist that I can't even say the N word if I try.
I've never noticed that before.
Let me try again.
Mel Gibson during his divorce, and you say horrible things during a divorce, you know, very passionate split, a lot of anger there.
A lot of dashed hopes and dreams.
So he said, you know, dressing like a slut, walking around with your makeup on and your perfume and a tiny skirt, you're probably going to get raped by a pack of...
Well, you get the idea.
I can't do it.
I'm too anti-racist.
But, actually, did I ever tell you about the time I am so un-racist I got offended by a guy's face?
It was at a theater in Montreal, and he had, he was one of, it was like a fancy theater, and he worked there, and he had white gloves on.
Very large lips, bright white teeth, and bright, you know, white eyeballs, obviously.
And he was dark black.
And he was very effusive, gregarious, with his facial gestures.
His eyes went wide, and he occasionally would use his hands when he was talking.
And I caught myself going, hey, hey, take it easy, dude.
Meaning, that's a racist depiction of a black guy.
That's like a Sambo type of look.
And then I had to correct myself and go, hey, Gav, that's his face, dude.
He's not a caricature, that's his face.
And you've been so brainwashed by political correctness that you can be offended by a human's face.
Anyway, so Mel Gibson said that horrible thing.
And not long after, a guy in tech, tech is under siege from these lunatics, said, A similar joke, and not a similar joke, sorry.
He made a joke that used Mel Gibson's quote.
So he said, blah, blah, blah, and you are probably going to get raped by a pack of... He was doing a parody.
He was quoting Mel Gibson.
But Pax got some other job years later, and it was taken out of context.
And yes, if it wasn't in the week that Mel Gibson said that horrible thing, it's a very horrible thing.
And now this isn't someone yelling it at their wife and being taken, you know, being recorded against their will or it being exposed.
This is someone making a joke using the term pack of N's.
So he lost his job and he never got it back even after, uh, It was explained that within the context, it was fine.
Now, Sam Seder, on the other hand, did something similar where he said, I hope if my daughter gets raped, then it's by an accomplished filmmaker like Roman Polanski.
And he obviously doesn't want his daughter to get raped.
And he was fired from MSNBC because Cernovich caught him.
And Cernovich's attitude is let's fight fire with fire.
I go back and forth on this personally, but Cernovich's attitude is they get us fired, we get them fired.
They get Pax fired, we get Sam fired.
So it worked.
But then, Sam Seder got his job back.
So justice prevailed there.
And that is often the case with the left.
They don't get fired the way we do.
They don't get shut down.
They don't lose their industries the way we do.
I mean, I was kicked out of advertising entirely.
Or you look at these Christian bakeries that get shut down.
Never a Muslim bakery.
And that goes back to the sort of gay saboteurs like these lesbians.
They choose somewhere like a Christian bakery or there was a couple upstate here in New York who I think word got out that they don't want gay marriages because they do the marriages in their actual living room and they don't like the idea of as Christians gays getting married like right where they have tea every morning.
So these lesbians tracked them down then filed a suit one They get $3,000.
The government gets $10,000.
That was a $13,000 fine.
Note the distribution of the fine money, by the way.
And you go, you're not a gay person who's just trying to get married and is thwarted by homophobia.
You're a saboteur who found someone to pick on and gave them a massive fine.
That's the difference between the right and the left.
And there's something else going on here!
Damn, this is a very political episode of this show.
The other fishy thing going on here is the left has become particularly scared of what they call the far right, but actually is the opposite of that.
The moderate right, the alt-right.
Richard Spencer and David Duke are not, or Andrew Agland, they're not the enemies of the left because they're too fascist.
And fascism Doesn't have an appeal.
This is something, by the way, that Pat Buchanan talks about with Hitler.
He says we should have just left Hitler alone.
He wouldn't have spread west.
He would have spread east, destroyed Stalin and Russia and communism.
And then fascism just dies of old age.
Fascism doesn't last because it's parochial.
Fascism is cultural.
So you are German, you've got your funny mustache, you're Sieg Heil.
You love Germany, you love sausages or whatever.
But then when it goes to Britain, they go, I don't like wiener schnitzels.
I'm an English fascist.
So I don't like your fascism.
So it doesn't spread well.
Whereas communism is great.
Because you say, I'm about the working man.
I want you, Mr. Broke Guy, to have tons of money.
And I don't want the rich guy to have a Ferrari anymore.
That sounds great to everyone in the world.
So communism spreads much easier.
That's why you can have a Mao or a Stalin pin, but you can't have a Hitler pin.
So fascism...
Is you leave it to its own devices and it just dies.
It's not a threat.
What is a threat is people like me, Lauren Southern, Tommy Robinson, Owen Benjamin, Stefan Molyneux, Stephen Crowder, Ben Shapiro, these college Republicans, Infowars, Lucian Wintrich, Gateway Pundit, Roger Stone, We are the real threat to them.
You'll often see actual white nationalists left off of hate lists, and it'll be someone like Milo Yiannopoulos who's married to a black guy.
He fellates an African-American man on a, I would imagine, daily basis?
They're very libidinous, those gays.
And that's a racist to you?
No.
The real danger is that these guys are appealing.
Owen Benjamin is a perfect example.
He's not a political dude.
He said he didn't care about politics until he started seeing kids get hormone blockers.
Children.
So they wouldn't experience puberty because this guy is trans.
Now, a sane person's view on all of that stuff is, you know what, kid, you're probably gay.
So let's not give you hormone blockers, let's not chop your dick off or anything, and when you're 18, you can move to the West Village and dance around in some red leather short shorts, and then get back to me if you still want to chop your dick off after that party month.
You're rumspringa in Chelsea.
And then Owen said to me once, he goes, once they started messing with kids, that's when I started to get involved.
That's when I started to get mad.
Now Owen Benjamin just had his Twitter account shut down.
I guarantee you I can find, Twitter's a great example of this, I can find so much violence and hate from liberals and talking about kill all white men and I hate Trump and let's murder Trump and death threats against Pamela Geller and Cassandra Fairbanks and you know Paul Joseph Watson.
Constant death threats, I get them all the time.
But those people can thrive because they're on the left.
The right is considered a danger to the world.
And they're especially scared of the interesting, cool, rational right that just says, look, First Amendment, Second Amendment.
Let's leave everyone on their own devices.
Stop telling other people what to do.
Let's try to stick to the government.
Yes, there's problems with companies.
Big Pharma, for example, is a really down side of capitalism.
But, in the grand scheme of things, big business is the lesser of two evils, and nothing is worse than big government.
I'm allergic to big government to the point where I can't even say the word without sneezing.
Did you think I was gonna cry there, by the way?
Like Jordan Peterson, talking about the way they see young males?
So yeah, there's definitely a double standard there, and I think it's funny how they call Molyneux and me far-right when they know we're not.
They know I'm not racist.
They know my wife's American Indian.
They know that I'm pro-Israel.
They know I'm not anti-Semitic.
And as far as misogynist goes, there's a good case for that, actually.
But they never attack me on that, because it's true and I want to discuss it.
So they just make up stuff, like he wants trans people dead, and he's a white supremacist.
White supremacist.
Have you ever even met a white supremacist?
We hear so much about this.
I'm watching Joy Reid and Rob Reiner talking about it like every second person is a white supremacist.
Have you ever met anyone who sat down and honestly believed that whites are better than all other races, all other races are innately inferior, and there's no exceptions?
Can't have a black accountant?
They're all stupid.
Chinese people are just, I don't know what they think of Chinese people.
Evil robots.
And on top of that, I want an all-white ethnostate.
And don't take that snippet out of context.
And third, I want to eradicate all the other people.
So I want, you know, like I want concentration camps, big, just gassing millions upon millions and millions.
America's only what, 75% white?
So a quarter of the population, I assume they want to kill or deport.
That is a lunatic.
Yet so much of political discourse in the news and the way we talk about Trump and everyone just assumes that that guy's hanging around every corner ready, just waiting to strike.
Isn't that totally and utterly insane?
I said this on my show, but I honestly think it is equally logical to say, look, gays are a big thing.
We've had AIDS, you know, it's, you know, families, the population declines if there's too much homosexuality.
I don't think men should wear short shorts.
I don't think you should have jorts where the pockets are coming out of the bottom.
I think it's too sexy.
And, uh, if we see too many hot legs, we're going to have a homosexual epidemic, then we're going to have exclusively gay communities, where heterosexual people are going to be pushed out or murdered.
So we have to keep men in pants.
Those two arguments, that, the Nazi one and that one, they seem pretty much the same to me.
Yeah, but it's happened before, Gav.
Uh, yeah, okay.
It happened in Germany.
With thousands of years of gripes that led up to it.
And you know who killed those Nazis?
We did.
The West.
The Brits.
The Americans.
Killed.
How about a thank you for that?
Why am I the Nazi when I killed them?
Yeah, but what about slavery?
Yeah, I actually ended slavery.
The West didn't start slavery.
That was the Arabs.
That was Africans.
We ended it though.
How about a thanks?
Can I get a thanks for that?
Can I get a thanks for the most egalitarian society in the world?
Can I get a thanks for...
Being part of a culture that is the most just when it comes to visible minorities, women, gays, the handicapped, even trans.
We get all this trans shit every day.
Didn't we stick Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair?
And even though he'd been a woman for less than a year, he was woman of the year?
I mean, I'm no fan of Margaret Sanger, obviously.
But I remember seeing an article about her where she would just sometimes just look at cars on the street.
And I shouldn't be using Sanger as an example.
Maybe next time I tell this story, I won't mention it, sir.
I'll just say an activist from long ago.
And she said, I would just look at these incredible machines that men built and just marvel at them.
And I feel the exact same way.
I mean I was on a chairlift the other day and I'm looking at the hydraulics that lower the bar.
This was a fancy one up in Okemo and it has this sort of clear orange bubble that goes around your whole chairlift.
So first you have the bar that holds you in and then the orange bubble comes over and keeps you nice and warm and there's no wind on you.
And I'm just looking at the way the hydraulics isolate the first bar.
You don't need the orange bubble if you don't want.
And then the orange bubble.
And I'm thinking, I would work on this for about a hundred years and not come up with as good as a design.
And how would I even start?
I make it out of wood first?
How do you make hydraulics out of wood?
It would be a shitshow for decades.
And here it is, just part of the thing, part of my Lyft ticket, part of my everyday.
So, I'm sorry to make this such a serious one, but I really feel like we're in a culture right now where there is a war on anyone slightly right of center, and it's un-American, it's unconstitutional, And it is socialist.
It's communist.
And the problem with that kind of mentality is it's led to a hundred million deaths.
It's a rut.
It's a dark path.
And we should recognize that we fought off that dark path.
We fought off communism.
We've been fighting for freedom since our inception.
Every Western country has really.
And yes, there were some bumps in the road.
There was some horrible treatment of the Indians.
There was some horrible, uh, slavery was obviously a bad thing.
It's been a rocky road, but we're finally here.
Can we just recognize how awesome that is and indulge in it without bitching and moaning about mythical Nazis hiding everywhere?
God, it just seems so ungrateful.
Amengrates.
That's what we all are.
Anyway, you can blame Kathy Griffin for making this such a serious episode of the podcast.
I was gonna do it.
I'll end with one joke.
I thought of the funniest thing I've ever thought of and it is the least sexy thing you could possibly do.
Here it is.
The other day I got my underwear out of the dryer and I guess because there was other sheets in there they didn't really dry that well and it could have done with another 10 minutes but I thought oh my crotch will warm it up and so I I put on my slightly moist underwear and you know I wear whitey tighties and they're sort of double lined around where the bag is I guess to absorb pee so that it's almost like wearing a pad like it's you feel moistness on your taint
And I thought, how funny would it be if I went up to my wife and genuinely thought that it would turn her on by going up close to her ear and going, I put on my underwear and they're kind of wet.
And now I feel like I know what a wet pussy is like.
I feel like I know what it feels like to have a wet pussy.
And me trying to turn on my wife by telling her that I feel like I have a wet pussy.
Now my underwear is wet.
And she's really not into that kind of stuff at all, right?
So it would be especially, like, disgusting and make her incredible.
I never did it.
I just went straight to the joke and told her that I had thought of that.
But I don't know, man.
For two days, I couldn't stop thinking about how funny it would be that a guy would be, like, touching his area and then trying to seductively say to a woman that having wet underwear makes me feel like I got a wet pussy.
You wanna touch my wet pussy?
Am I the only one that thinks that's hilarious?
Men in general being seductive cracks me up.
I mean, look at a bag.
How can you be gay?
It is hideous!
And I understand a vagina is literally an acquired taste, but when it's just sitting there, it looks like an orchid.
And then, that's the craziest a naked lady gets.
Right?
The rest, boobs and butts?
What are you, blind?
How can you not like a woman's boobies?
Come on!
I think it's, God made it very clear, right out of the gate, which one he intends to be the fairer sex.
I mean, an alien could land here and he could look at a man, nude, with his, like, gut and his hairy back, his bag hanging down, and then a lady who's just nothing but curves.
I mean, look at a shampoo bottle.
We like curves.
And he would say, those ones are meant to be hot.
Those are the ones that you lost.
These ones probably, uh, they accrue interest from women based on power and success and bravery.
They protect the family.
They're willing to die to go get a saber-toothed tiger for the cave.
Yes, Alien.
You'd be correct.
We are gross, and us trying to be seductive is funny, and that's why when I have tons of ridiculous tattoos, it's amusing.
But when a woman has them, it looks gross, because she's desecrating a thing.
That's also why men are able to just drink bourbon and crap, because their bodies are not a temple.
Women, they make babies in that, so they have to have fancy fruity drinks.
Anyway, that's another time.
A story for another time.
We're out of time.
And, uh, whatever.
This is a Friday one, so I guess I'll see you Monday.