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April 5, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
40:22
Get Off My Lawn #111 | Shame
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Time Text
Smile, you record it from New York 20 years ago.
Drinking Chris all in.
Kept a tray on me like Chris Paul in.
Drinking they spade like it's Cody now.
Trying to put a million on the whole team now.
Push that beautiful.
That was Jay-Z from his album 444, I believe.
And that was a song about his mama.
And it was called Smile.
Beautiful, beautiful song about his mother, where she came out as a lesbian.
Uh-oh, there's quite a glare on that screen.
Let me get rid of that.
There we are.
She came out as a lesbian.
Jay-Z was just on David Letterman's show, I forget what it's called.
So you think you're funny, something like that.
And he got on there, and he said that when his mother came out to him as gay, he started to cry.
Now, this guy sold crack to his mother when she was a crackhead.
He also shot his own brother.
But here in America, we practice the bigotry of low expectations.
So if a black guy does anything, then we flail.
We fawn over him.
We trip over ourselves to pat him on the back.
And we watch movies, sorry, videos like this.
What's this?
And we just watch the video and we go, so talented.
What a gift.
There's his mom.
Like, it's this heartfelt video about how cute and wonderful his mom is.
You sold her crack, dude.
If your mother is a crackhead and you're dealing crack, give her free crack.
What is it, five bucks?
Who charges their mother five bucks?
That's just downright rude.
Front page of the post, shame.
The NYPD has been texting men who answer fake ads for prostitutes.
I got to admit, when I see these ads and girls in your area that pop up on your screen, I'm an old, ugly man.
You got to admit, guys, for a millisecond, you go, oh, someone likes me.
A pretty girl wants to be my friend on Facebook.
You have to admit, just for a nanosecond, you're impressed.
And I think part of us also goes, you know what?
I knew I had something.
I knew I was worth it.
I knew pretty girls should love me.
Then your rational mind kicks in and goes, this is a spam, this is fake, don't click it.
But of course, if you have a low IQ, you click it, and the NYPD punishes you.
Also, Channing Tatum, who's a, what, a 9.5, is breaking up with his wife, Jenna.
That's pretty horrible, isn't it?
Both breathtakingly gorgeous.
I'll tell you who isn't gorgeous.
The YouTube shooter.
I don't know why it's not on the front page of the post.
Maybe it was a late night when they found out about it, but a woman named Nazim Agdam.
They're not sending their best, are they?
And wasn't Iran on Trump's travel ban?
Wasn't he saying he doesn't want Iranians coming here?
Well, they came here and they shot up YouTube.
She apparently shot her ex-boyfriend's body and then shot other people in the room and then blew her own head off.
I don't know if she's Muslim.
I've heard people say she's Jewish, which is weird in Iran.
Maybe that's why she had to flee.
I don't know what her religion is.
She seems pretty darn Muslim to me.
But she was primarily insane.
I'm not one to shy away from terrorist as an allegation, but this is just looking like a crazy person, another Dylan Roof.
And when you check out her feed, oh my God, is she nuts?
She was angry that YouTube was censoring her videos and it was hurting likes.
Maybe your videos were not popular because they suck.
Look at this video.
Look at this.
Go ahead, Dave.
I mean, it is literally the worst.
How could that be worse?
If she was a huge fat pig, it would at least be funny.
She's a normal-looking, moderately ugly person doing terrible, terrible music.
What's this other one?
So she's used some Japanese app.
That does look interesting, but that's because Japanese people work their asses off.
Not an Iranian lunatic vegan, animal rights PETA activist.
What do we got there?
Let's see them.
My whole feed is full of videos of her, and they're all a nightmare.
*Mario plays*
Women, stick to making babies, please.
This comes up a lot, by the way, a turkey.
She's really into Turkey rights.
Oh, God.
Alright, do the America's Got Talent one.
Wait, what's going on?
Play the America's God Talent one.
My name is Nassime Saps.
You're a beautiful young lady, you know that?
Okay, okay.
I am from Iran.
Really?
I'm Turch too.
I'm dying to see or hear the act.
Ninja in action.
I could tell.
Wah!
So she didn't work at YouTube, right?
I hope not.
Anyway, that woman's dead now.
She shot a bunch of people, and people just can't wait to politicize it.
Michael Ian Black, the comedian, got on Twitter to say that he would like to blame the NRA.
He called them a terrorist organization and said they are responsible for this shooting.
What did she use, a handgun?
How is the NRA responsible?
I honestly, like, there's certain subjects where I get mad, like censorship and messing with the First Amendment.
But with this NRA stuff, I honestly feel nothing.
I just, it's honestly like I'm talking to a kid.
I don't know what you want.
What do you want?
You want no guns in America?
Well, A, that's not possible.
And B, even if I was magic and could go phoof and make them all vanish, how long before illegal guns reappear?
Now, we've got a guy on the show today, my buddy, actually, Clark Camp.
I got in a fist fight with him the first time I met him.
He pulled a knife on a friend of mine, and he was just kidding, but we didn't know he was kidding.
So we dragged him outside, threw him on the ground, and then I noticed he had some electronics on his belly as I threw him to the ground, and I was convinced he was wearing a wire.
I had had quite a bit to drink that night.
So I ripped it off, and he goes, it's an insulin pump.
So with my foot on his neck, I googled the name on the back of the thing, and yes, it was an insulin pump.
We've since become great friends.
You know, people you fight end up being your best buddies.
And I'm probably going to have beers with him in a few minutes.
But he's going to jail because he was caught with a handgun in his car.
And I wanted to have him on the show, not just because it's interesting to talk to someone who's on their way to Rape Central, but everyone, I don't think people understand how brutal New York City is.
Any kind of gun, if you're caught with a 22 bright orange BB gun in your car, and by the way, I've been shot with a BB gun at point-blank range.
The pistol was touching my face.
It's a minor inconvenience.
You have to go to the hospital where they have special long tweezers to have the BB pulled out of your face.
Doesn't hurt that much.
Not that bad.
I've been shot with a BB gun.
We used to shoot each other in Canada.
You just shoot each other BB guns all the time, and it hurts like hell.
You do not die.
It is not dangerous.
It's like a Charlie horse.
Anyway, five years in prison if you're caught with that.
So we have a murder a day here in New York City, but everyone is obsessed with the NRA and more gun laws.
And I honestly don't get it.
I'm not mad.
Totally impassionate.
Life hacks, that makes me really mad.
But the NRA thing, I just go, I don't know what you're talking about.
Do you think the NRA makes guns?
What do you mean?
What's this annoying iTunes update I have?
Does anyone update their iTunes anymore?
Does anyone care?
I don't think they do.
Let me just delete that.
Sorry.
What else have we got?
Oh, I saw the greatest thing in the world last night.
Probably the best thing ever.
I was watching Real Housewives, and in my defense, my wife, the way you get laid when you're married, is you watch her show with her, and you pretend you like it, right?
And then, you know, she goes, yeah, maybe I do like this guy after all.
Next thing you know, you're in between the sheets.
Bottle of wine also helps.
So I do that because I want to fornicate.
And you end up getting Stockholm syndrome where you actually like the show.
Now, my wife is away right now visiting her mother with the kids, and I miss her.
So I was wearing her slippers last night, like something out of Silence of the Lambs, and watching Real Housewives.
And I saw maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen.
It is so amazing.
There's a chick in Real Housewives.
She's British.
I kind of like her.
Her name is Lisa Vanderpump.
Thank you, David.
Lisa Vanderpump.
And she has a restaurant in Beverly Hills that is actually called Sexy Unique Restaurant.
Do you have Down syndrome?
Sexy Unique Restaurant is the name of your restaurant?
Anyway, like all liberals, they push multiculturalism, like all limousine liberals.
They push multiculturalism and they don't know anything about the rest of the world.
The rest of the world sucks.
So this woman discovers that they torture dogs in China and it's the Yulan Dog Meat Festival.
So she thinks it's an isolated incident and wants to abolish it because she loves her doggies because there's no more kids in the house and women are naturally maternal.
So when there's no kiddies to mother, they mother their pets.
And so she did a documentary about, excuse me, sorry, that's disgusting.
She did a documentary about the Yulin Dog Festival.
Now, here's what I love about this whole concept.
Millions of dogs, millions of dogs are eaten all over Asia, everywhere.
Dogs are eaten in America.
Koreans eat dogs.
Koreans in America will eat your dog.
Well, not your dog, but they'll eat a dog.
It's a thing.
And to isolate this one time is so shockingly naive.
It just sums up.
Remember Michelle Obama with that sign that said, bring our girls home about Boko Haram?
They had just murdered like 200 boys the week before.
You can't just dip your toes into Africa and go, uh, this is a crime.
I want this solved.
Africa's nothing but carnage.
The world is nothing but dog-eating mania.
When I lived in Taiwan, I remember there was like five dogs on my roof in cages, covered in blood and sweat.
I actually used my own house key and broke into their lock.
I guess they have universal locks there because they don't have crime.
And I freed the dogs.
It's actually a bizarre story.
I opened up the cages and I said, go, go.
I got them out.
They went down to the street and one of them went down to the street, sorry.
So down like five flights of stairs out.
And the other one just stayed in the cage.
He didn't know what freedom was.
He didn't understand.
So he didn't want to leave.
He was trained to stay in the cage.
Pretty sad, right?
And the other dog kept barking and barking and barking at the first dog saying, come on, let's go.
And he didn't do it.
And then eventually the dog came back up the stairs and he's standing barking at the other dog who just has his or her head down.
Who cares?
And eventually I just said, sorry, dog.
And I pushed the freed dog back in his cage because it wasn't working.
I was going to get in trouble, right?
Sorry, I tried to free you.
And then I relocked them both in their cage.
Now that was only two dogs.
And that was a frivolous gesture that was going to make me feel good for a minute.
And they would probably get recaptured and eaten anyway.
It's called the numbers, dummies.
You know, a lot of this animal rights stuff is just oblivious when it comes to the mathematics of what they're doing.
It is totally fruitless.
Hey, Howard Stern's wife, the cat you're rescuing, the 32 cats you have in your house, the 14 mangy dogs, you're not helping.
It's an irrelevant gesture.
Anyway, sorry, very long intro to show this video.
Check out how naive and embarrassing limousine liberals are.
I'm called The Road to UN.
We are going to be in tears at the end, so just prepare yourselves.
We're very, very proud of you.
Please find your seats and enjoy the show.
Thank you.
Isn't this like a parody?
Look, that's this dog, Gigi.
Just pause it for a second here.
They brought their dog to the premiere wearing jewelry and a sweater.
You know, earlier in this episode, Lisa Vanderpump lost two of her pets.
She lost a dog named Pink Dog, who was a pink dog, very, what's the word, eponymous name.
She also lost Pikachu.
Now, Ken, her husband, I think he was a pro soccer player as a young man, he's obsessed with the dogs.
And they've been crying for days about the death of Pikachu and Pink Dog.
But Gigly, and I believe there's another dog named Rumpy Pumpy, are still alive.
And they were able to make it to the premiere.
And Ken said to his wife, you know, I think Pikachu, if he were here today, he would be so proud of you.
He would be so proud of what you're doing.
No, he wouldn't.
You know what dogs are thinking as you anthropomorphize them and think they're saying, what are you doing in my chair?
This is what dogs are thinking.
I can read dogs' minds.
You want to know what they're thinking?
They're thinking, food, food, sex, sex, territory, territory, food, food, food, food, food, food, sex, territory, territory, territory, food, food, food, food, food, safety, safety, food, food.
Predator?
Food, food, food, food, food, food, food, sex, territory, territory.
That's what they're thinking.
They're not going, you know, Lisa, I died about a week ago, and I want you to know that I am so proud of you for exposing the Chinese.
All you're doing, by the way, is making Chinese people mad.
Because this is something in their culture that goes back thousands of years.
It goes back to the opium crisis where we got them all addicted to opioids.
And we should do a, I'm going to mention something about heroin in a second, but we got them all addicted to opioids.
And they had no food.
They had a famine and they started eating cats and rats and mice and whatever.
They have a saying in China, if it moves, it's food.
Yes, they eat caterpillars.
So of course dogs are going to be included in that disgusting mess that is Chinese cuisine.
Anyway, sorry.
Check out this bizarre movie.
Dogs are truly man's best friend.
Truly.
Oh, look at her gay friends.
As they are to ours.
Unfortunately, not everyone agrees.
Oh, no.
Lisa told us, as hard as these images are to see, to not look away.
But it's impossible not to think of my own dogs and how anyone could torture an animal like this.
I remember it very clearly.
I was just looking through social media and I saw this Yulin Dog Meat Festival.
And I thought, what on earth is that?
I think something that we need to remember is that the majority of these dogs are stolen pets.
Oh.
That's not true.
...some are pest because we've seen videos of them being snapped up off the street.
Just stop for a second.
That's called a stray.
That's not a pet.
People don't have their dogs just out wandering around on the street.
There's stray dogs all over the world, all over Italy.
Go to Sicily.
There's stray dogs everywhere.
Go to Greece.
Go to Puerto Rico, Costa Rica.
Nothing but stray dogs.
So some people eat them.
You know where there isn't stray dogs?
In Venezuela.
You know why?
Because they've been devoured by the hungry.
Like they just, they take a little piece of anecdotal evidence and they think that they're saving the world.
The whole world sucks.
My wife's an American Indian.
She's a Ho-Chunk.
And Ho-Chunks don't like being confused with their neighbors, the Menominee tribe, because the Menominee eat dogs.
Grow up, kiddies.
Pets, how would you feel if it was your pet?
It's unbelievable.
Yeah, Jiggly.
And they're going to end up on somebody's plate.
We've heard about it.
We've talked about it.
But to actually see it, it just takes it to a place that is just.
Walking through the slaughter yard, there was one dog that was kind of pressing herself up against the cage and looking at me, wanting to get out.
It's heartbreaking.
You can't even fathom that this is actually happening in our world.
They believe that it enhances sexual prowess.
Well, f off.
Take Biagra for that.
Oh, they all clap.
Just pause it there.
Sorry.
They all clap at her quip, and then her gay friend, who's like a paid sycophant, puts his hand on her leg.
You swore.
You swore at these people who eat dogs.
Way to go.
You got it, baby.
I saved the dog.
She's in the car with me.
Yeah.
Every little dog that we'd say is a victory, even if it's one of the time.
I mean, come on.
You did that.
Oh, that's me laughing.
Okay, that's enough.
And then, you know what they do after that?
They literally go and drink champagne.
They go and have champagne.
I believe, actually, excuse me.
I believe they were in a limousine.
I think they went to this premiere in a limousine.
Sorry.
And then drank champagne because they saved, what, four dogs, five dogs out of the millions of dogs that get eaten every year all over Asia, all over the world.
You know what soldiers told me in Iraq?
They said that they would see these Arabs just with shearing scissors just cut the ears off a dog just for a laugh.
And then as it was going and bleeding everywhere and walking around bleeding, they were laughing their heads off.
The world is a horrible place.
When Trump called Haiti a shithole, he was being accurate, no matter how many resorts you go to, Conan O'Brien.
All right.
So we have Clark on the show today going to jail.
We also, I want to look at this black woman on a plane who was yelling at everyone.
But before we get to that, I want to have a brief look at the opioid crisis because no one talks about that.
Check this out.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
That kid, judging by the size of her hands, looks like she's about eight years old.
What is that?
What is that?
Alright, let's drive.
Oh, God.
What?
They are pathetic, aren't they, junkies?
Who are they now?
Thank you.
This goes on and on.
It's long and torturous.
But this woman is high out of her mind, bordering on an OD.
You might be watching your mother die.
You know how these junkies die?
They suffocate.
Their lungs forget to breathe.
And they stop.
They asphyxiate.
Look at her arm.
She's as tall as the mother.
They're not coming.
All right.
I'm ready for my friends.
I'll just take a minute.
She's got to be like eight years old.
Don't let your mother drive when she's on heroin, please.
Anyway, this goes on, but I thought it was interesting because I follow this guy on Instagram, New YorkNico, and he had a video of a junkie.
And you're looking at this guy and you realize you're going to die.
Look at him.
Check him out.
He's putting you out.
Did you say methadone?
Okay.
All right.
Okay, I will put it online.
This is Union Square in New York, which is just full of junk.
People nodding at us.
People dying.
And then you look at him now.
There he is.
He got clean.
It's a happy story.
Look at him talk.
But also, it's weird how much when you take somebody out of that environment and you give them a purpose, right?
Like, so you give them a vocational training or something like that.
It's weird how for me, that transformed, you know, because people start looking at you differently and they start treating you differently.
And I think all those things combined with having a purpose made it easier for me to not want to go back to it.
Because it's like, dude, if you have homelessness and drug addiction and society looking at you like you're a burden, right?
On one hand.
And then you have paying for your own apartment and, you know, working a job and a sense of accomplishment and a sense of pride in what you're doing on the other hand.
Like, why would you ever go back to that?
You know, the solution to junkies, right?
There is none.
They have to help themselves.
The more you help them, actually, the more you get involved, the worse it gets.
You have to cut them loose.
And they're dying in droves.
I mean, I've always been around heroin because, I don't know, my hipster background.
But now we're seeing it brought into the mainstream.
And I sort of, I feel like telling normies, telling people in the suburbs, hey, I've been through this before.
Cut them loose.
This guy's story, he found a vocational school, he found it on his own.
You can't pick up a junkie and take them to a vocational school.
And the strange part of all this is no one's talking about it.
And I think it's because big pharma pays big bucks.
That's the great thing about CRTV.
We don't have, we're not beholden to advertisers.
We don't need you.
Oh, by the way, you know the other day when I was talking about that Sinclair thing and I said the news is all spoon-fed, it's since come out that the guy who sent all those local news stations that press release, have you got that footage, Dave?
His name's Sinclair, I guess, and the CEO is a Trump guy.
And he made them all say that because he hates fake news and he loves Trump and he's a conservative, whatever.
So I'm now changing my stance on that because I'm a total hypocrite and I just follow what my team does.
So when I criticize someone and then find out that they're a Trump supporter, I change the criticism and totally disavow my criticism.
So now I like that these people are spoon-fed the news and they have no brain of their own and they're like robots who just recite what they're spoon-fed because they're being spoon-fed pro-Trump stuff.
God, this iTunes thing.
iTunes, remember everyone loved iTunes?
It was a thing.
We all would make mixtapes on it, mixed CDs, and you ruined that, you dummies.
Now, every time anyone sees an iTunes update, they go, oh, God, leave me alone, machines.
Oh, I want to talk about this.
Google Doodles.
On Easter, there was absolutely nothing.
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, rose from the dead after three days in a cave, pushed a big boulder away, came back and said, I hope you're happy now.
You murdered me, you jerks.
I hope you understand what just happened.
Not good enough for Google Doodle.
Google on Easter Sunday was just Google.
In fact, it might be one of the only days I've ever seen where they don't have something.
Now, I saw this on social media.
There is a bunch of different Google doodles for religious holidays and I think they're Yeah, yeah.
I mean, some more obscure than others.
But yeah, yep, these are all Jewish holidays.
Huh.
Because the guy who started Google is Israeli, and I have no problem with Jewish holidays.
By all means, make it a Google Doodle.
But to do that for Judaism and not do it for Christianity seems awfully strange, does it not?
And check out, by the way, check out today's.
Today's is Maya Angelou.
She is the most overrated person in history.
You know what Maya Angelou did?
Still I rise.
You may write me down in history with your bitter twisted lies.
You may trod me in the very dirt, but I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
No, I don't care.
Why are you beset with gloom?
Beset?
Just because I walk like I've got oil wells pumping in my living room.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Moons and like suns with the certainty of tides, just like hopes springing high.
I know her, America.
I rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head.
All right, so that goes on.
They got Oprah reading from it.
Very mediocre poem with bizarre English like beset.
You know what Maya Angelou did?
She wrote seven autobiographies.
She wrote about herself, and her poems are about how awesome she is.
She gets a Google Doodle.
Not Jesus, though.
Sorry.
Not good enough.
Here's another interesting story.
Blue Lives Matter.
This was a bar.
Where was it now?
Nellie Sports Bar in DC's Shaw neighborhood.
They had a gay cops party, and they dared to imply that cops shouldn't die.
DC Sports Bar forced to apologize for flying Blue Lives Matter flag for gay police officer meeting.
So these gay cops are in there doing whatever they do, kissing men with beards, and they get in trouble from Black Lives Matter because that flag means black people should die.
So just to catch you up on the narrative here, the narrative is cops murder black people at will.
It's fun for them.
That's just something they do.
And if you like that, if you like cops, then you support the fact that they randomly murder black people.
What?
How do we get here?
And what they do is they rewrite the story.
So that, what was that chick who had a, her name is like Charlene Boring or something.
She was murdered because her taillight was out.
No, she hanged herself in prison because she was a manic depressive who had talked about killing herself quite a bit.
They didn't shoot her from their car because Charlene Bland, that was her name, because she had a taillight out.
And it's got to the point now where you can't have, like, if I have that bumper sticker on my car in New York City, my car will get vandalized because Blue Lives Matter now means brown lives don't matter.
I'm not exaggerating.
They stopped to celebrate an LGBT police group that was meeting there, but the bar owners met with criticism from local Black Lives Matter activists who insisted that flying the police-centric flag meant the bar didn't support minorities.
I'm not exaggerating.
You think I'm being hyperbolic?
They just said that.
Blue Lives Matter means Black Lives Don't Matter.
What about black cops?
One even claimed the bar supported anti-blackness.
Oh, God.
Just call it racism.
Stop making up new words for things.
All right.
Do you want to see me broken?
There's another line in this poem, by the way, where Laverne Cox, the tranny, Laverne Cox reads a line that says, well, here we go.
Shoulders falling down like teardrops, weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't take it awful hard.
Just cause I laugh as if I've got gold mines digging in my own back.
By the way, this is written like a children's book.
This is a really good kid's book.
But later on in it, she goes, don't hate me just because I walk like I have diamonds where my thighs meet.
What?
Your vagina is made of diamonds?
And guess who's reading that part?
Laverne Cox.
Who has Cox?
Laverne Cox, I believe, has a penis or a man-made vagina.
At any rate, whatever's down there, I wouldn't describe as a wonderful vagina.
And that's what Maya Angelou meant when she wrote that particular sentence.
The world has gone insane.
Just to recap, Jesus Christ rose from the dead.
Boring.
Pew.
Laverne Cox reads from a woman who wrote seven books about herself and says, my genitalia is made of diamonds.
Front page of Google.
Come on in.
All right, let's talk to a guy who's going to jail.
Clark, are you there, sir?
I'm here, Gavin.
How you doing?
Hanging in there, hanging tough.
Now, you're facing some prison time.
That I am.
Actually, so I was most recently, my plea deal was for two years, but I just found out last night from my attorney that it was dropped down to six months and then five years of probation.
You're kidding me?
No.
That's fantastic news.
Yeah, I was literally skipping down the street last night.
Oh, my God.
That's so great.
I'm finding this out on the show right now.
Oh, my God.
That's fantastic.
So what is the exact charge?
What's the name of the charge?
So they were trying to get me with criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree.
Basically, I had a pistol in my car with a few rounds in the magazine.
That's a bigger deal than just having a pistol in your car.
Yeah.
So they dropped it down to attempted possession.
Now, my understanding with New York gun laws is you're looking at five years if you have a scuba gun, a paintball gun, a BB gun.
Yeah.
Let alone a real gun.
You can't even get a permit for a pellet gun here.
It's the strictest.
It's got to be the strictest place in America.
So you got caught with all that.
How did you get caught?
Long story short, I was dating this girl here in Williamsburg, and we got in a fight.
The cops showed up.
They were asking her questions.
They had already cuffed me.
They obviously take the woman's side every time on this.
And so they were asking her questions.
They asked her if she was scared of me.
She said yes.
They asked her if I had any weapons that I could possibly use against her.
She's like, oh yeah, he's got a gun locked up in his car out on the street.
So they arrested me for the domestic stuff, which was bullcrap.
And then while I was in custody, they impounded my car because they had probable cause and they found the pistol.
Wow.
Well, I think the question that's springing to everyone's mind is, what are you doing with a car in New York?
I mean, the public transportation is very efficient.
You get parking tickets all the time.
You've got to do alternate side parking.
I mean, you must have paid a fortune in parking tickets alone.
I never got one, actually.
Wow, you're very tenacious.
I had the car here in New York for about six months before this happened.
So you're a Hawaiian originally, which is probably why you were so naive about the gun laws in New York.
So you bought this on the street.
How much did it cost you?
How hard was it to get?
Actually, I briefly lived in Ohio, and I bought it there.
It used secondhand.
I paid $140 for it.
In Ohio, the registration is voluntary.
So I never registered the gun.
And then when I moved here to New York, I looked into it and it was just such an insane process.
And it's so expensive.
I couldn't even afford to register the gun.
I was like, I only paid $140 for this thing.
Have you ever shot it?
I had shot it many times in other states.
But never in New York.
Never in New York.
So you get arrested because you're dating a crazy broad.
Yep.
And you were originally, you must have been looking at five years to begin with.
Yeah, so the initial was five years, and then I hired a very good lawyer, and he was able to get them to drop it to three and a half.
And this court case has been going on since last April, so just about a year now.
And over the course of the last year, for the first 10 months, it was down to three and a half years.
And then just last week, they had dropped it down to two years.
And my lawyer was telling me, he's like, listen, we got to keep fighting this.
We can get this down some more.
And I didn't believe him because they had just been telling me years for the last year.
And now I just found out last night, I got a text saying that they had dropped it down to six months.
What prison are you going to be in?
So because it's less than a year, I'm not going to be going upstate.
I'll be in Rikers the whole time, most likely.
Rikers is pretty.
It's pretty bad.
It's very bad, actually.
Are you going to get raped?
I hope not.
You should shave your head.
You should go in there, cut your face, and go in there looking like a lunatic.
You don't want to look cute.
All right, Clark.
Well, that's great news.
I mean, it's weird to say great news that someone's going to jail, but it's great news that you've got.
It's a lot less sucky than two years.
Yeah, five years to six months.
I kind of would like to go to jail for six months, catch up on some reading.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you can come visit me.
Well, I'll tell you.
Not only are we going to visit you, but I'm going to bring buxom women with me for the visit, and they will have heaving cleavage at every visit.
You have my word on that.
All right.
All right.
All right, Clark.
Well, best of luck, buddy.
See you soon.
All right, Cal.
Have a good one.
Cheers.
Cheers.
I'm at the cleanest, laundering dirty money Like that go I'm at the cleanest, I'm at the cleanest, I'm at the cleanest Oh, yeah.
I forgot to talk about this.
I guess I'll do that tomorrow.
In fact, the only thing we have time for is me saying get off my lawn.
Welcome back, Carter.
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