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Dec. 12, 2017 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
42:48
Get Off My Lawn #45 | Crime Pays
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Time Text
We gotta move.
Busy day.
A lot happened this weekend.
Lots of talk about a bomb just went off.
And at Port Authority, that's the big bus station here in New York City.
The guy blew his nuts off.
I think he was going for something a little more drastic than that.
My understanding is they want to keep their nuts because they get virgins in outer space, so you need them.
Well, you need the part above the nuts.
Bangladeshi, he's been here for seven years.
He's just following orders, really.
He's following the Quran.
He's following the propaganda.
He's doing what he was told.
He's doing what his inbreeding is helping him facilitate.
We saw this.
ISIS said, we're coming to get you.
Santa's coming.
Big pictures of Santa hanging out with dynamite.
They warned us.
But no.
We've lost our edge.
We've lost our way.
We are so quick to criticize ourselves.
We're living in this ultimate fear of offending people and doing something wrong.
Meanwhile, this stuff is ignored.
And I think that opening song, Queens of the Stone Age, is a great example of that.
Josh Homey's in big trubs because he was on stage rocking out, playing that music like that song you just heard, and he kicked at some camera that was bothering him, whatever.
Bands smash stuff.
You know?
That's how it works.
You ever see the who?
Smashing guitars?
So yeah, you're wandering around, you got your camera out, and here it comes, and boom.
So that's become Josh Homu's hitting woman.
She spent the night in ER.
What a bunch of wimps we've become.
Josh is evil, but I bet if he was Muslim, he wouldn't be getting that kind of.
In fact, you know what we're getting with this port authority?
I'm seeing all these tweets going, beware of hate crimes after this.
It usually follows brown kids get in trouble.
And another great example of this actually sticks to Josh Homey again.
He's in another band called Eagles of Death Metal with Jesse Hughes.
They were playing the Batta Clan a couple years ago, if you recall.
And Jesse said, I think some of the security was in on it.
And we don't want to offend Muslims or we don't offend the Muslim security at Batta Clan, so he's banned.
He's a pariah.
And he was right.
In fact, it's very common in Paris for staff to be jihadists.
At the soccer stadium, we found out that 82 of them were on a terror watch list.
But no, don't offend them.
Get mad at Jesse.
Jesse's the bad guy.
And he's become a pariah ever since.
He denied it.
It was in an interview with me, by the way.
I'm the guy who got this out there.
And he said, I didn't know he was recording.
He'll never speak to me again.
We're done because I betrayed him.
And speaking of what a pariah he is, look, there was a big mural in Silver Lake.
That's like the hipster part of LA.
And after he said this, they literally painted him out of the mural because he's an Islamophone.
So this story in Port Authority, this kicking with the camera, it's all the same.
It's all our anger directed at ourselves, our ethnomasochism, and then laying the red carpet out to anyone, any refugee, any Bangladeshi who wants to attack us.
What's he doing here anyway?
Bangladesh is 90% Muslim.
Why are we bending over backwards?
How many Syrian refugees did Obama bring in?
34,000?
How many Christian refugees?
South Africa's under siege.
You want refugees?
Take some of those white people that are living in shanty towns because they have reverse apartheid now.
The political system in South Africa is just pure revenge.
Bring those over.
Anyway, a lot to happen this week and a lot to talk about.
I heard some gossip about the trial.
I don't know if gossip is a word.
Eamon Bundy always has a Constitution in his top pocket.
And they've been told they may not discuss the First or the Second Amendment.
That's correct.
You heard me right.
The judge has told the jury and everyone there, you may not mention the First Amendment or the Second Amendment once in any context during this entire trial.
What?
I also, I did my podcast on Friday.
I talked about my TV career, film career, and how I'm not doing that anymore.
But I forgot to mention that I did a series on my book, Death of Cool.
20th Century Fox produced it, and it's a little vignette for each chapter in the book.
Now, my understanding is my old buddies' advice are not happy about that.
And they are trying to kibosh the deal.
And I think James Murdoch is on their board, and James Murdoch is obviously very close with the folks at 20th Century Fox.
So they're doing a good job of having it stifled.
But it will get out.
Also in the news this weekend, Daniel Shaver, pest control guy, shot dead by Philip Brailsford, who got away with it.
He was acquitted because the guy seemed to be reaching.
But this video is intense.
Here, I got it here on my computer, Dave.
Let's not just watch CNN.
So he has the guy, he has a BB gun in his motel room, and he's showing some friend.
He's going, this is what I used to kill rats.
And because of Vegas, I think, everyone is really real skittish about guns in hotels.
So they call the cops.
The cops come by.
They're skittish too.
It's this skittish culture we had.
I think I read somewhere there's 46 cops killed already this year.
And I think a lot of that is this media propaganda that cops are out hunting and killing people.
And footage like this doesn't help, by the way.
Philando Castile was another guy.
I think he was at a Hispanic affirmative action hire.
But he was scared.
And the media is responsible for that fear.
But the media is also, I think we're all, our justice system is too kind to these guys who claim they're scared.
It's just a disgusting situation all around.
I'm really torn about this case because I always defend the cops.
But then you see this guy saying, all right, put your hands up.
Don't put your hands down for any reason.
If you think you're going to fall, fall on your face.
And also, crawl towards me.
Now, I'm not an expert on police procedure, but crawl towards me?
Have you ever heard that before?
And how do you crawl without putting your hands down?
Please do not shoot me.
And listen to my instructions.
I'm trying to do a shoot.
Don't talk.
Listen.
Hands straight up in the air.
Do not put your hands down for any reason.
You think you're going to fall?
You better fall on your face.
Your hands go back into the small.
Your back are done.
We are going to shoot you.
Do you understand me?
Crawl towards me.
Oh, my God.
Crawl towards me.
Don't go towards me.
And he's dead.
They continue on to the motel room and they try to see if there was more people there.
There wasn't anyone there.
It was one of the most brutal cases I've ever seen.
And the right is mad too.
National Review calls it a murder.
I mean, I always wanted my son to be a cop, but I'm starting to change my mind.
And speaking, yeah, there they go.
The police murder of Daniel Shaver.
And that guy gets mad about Philando Castile, too.
Is that David Frum who wrote that?
David French.
David French.
This is also another example of what's going on with the cops.
So there was a march in Austin for, what's her name, Kate Steinley?
And it was these people remembering her.
They don't like the fact that an illegal alien killed a woman.
And to be clear, it was not a sea lion hunter who grabbed a malfunctioning gun and threw it into the bay.
It was a criminal miscreant who had been deported seven times, and he shot her through the juggler vein for no other reason than he's just a sadistic inhuman.
He's inhuman.
It feels weird as a Christian to say that, but this guy is human garbage.
And that's an insult the left tosses around quite a bit.
This is one of those cases.
I think he screwed up his story because he doesn't really understand the world.
Anyway, so they go for a march to commemorate this poor woman.
And Antifa shows up with guns.
They think it's racist for you to have a march to memorialize Kate Stele.
That's racist.
So they're going to stop you with a gun.
Do you see what I'm getting at here with this whole premise?
Is we can do no right, and they, illegals, jihadists, whoever, can do no wrong.
The cop shooting isn't a good example of this.
But I think the cop shooting relates to this because we see this sense of fear.
Did I just mention 46 cops have been killed this year in America?
And it's a very difficult thing to quantify because you go, are you shooting at that cop because you think he's going to kill you anyway?
Would you, in another era, in a Giuliani era, in a Dinkins era, would you be more likely to say, okay, okay, relax.
When we see footage like that, or when we get lies about how common that is, the guy with the purpose is more likely to just go, screw it.
Anyway, Antifa stopped these guys with guns, and the police go, you can't do that.
Joe Biggs shot this, by the way.
Take a fucking sleep!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
No!
Now, just so you know what's going on here, these are the cops on bikes, which I get that that's effective police procedure, but it doesn't look good to see cops on bikes.
But they start...
Can you conceive of that?
Can you imagine you swinging a bat at a cop?
Anyway, they all get busted.
Joe Biggs thoroughly enjoys himself.
And that's Austin.
This is Austin, by the way, the same place where we had those drag queens doing sexy dances for little kids.
What is going on in America?
I thought Trump won.
Also in the news, a polar bear video.
So these guys from National Geographic are out and they see a dying polar bear.
Did you know that polar bears die?
I thought they were immortal.
I thought they go to an old bear home, as Patrick Moore put it.
So they take this footage of this dying polar bear and slow it down 30%.
And they talk about how they were bawling their eyes out as they shot it.
It's climate change.
By the way, this climate change thing is getting to the point of communist propaganda.
My daughter was in class and her teacher said to her, can you believe there's people who don't believe in climate change?
So my kid's teacher can't conceive of the other side of the argument.
That's not usually a good sign.
Isn't a teacher's job to present both sides?
Anyway, cry babies.
This polar bear is dying because polar bears die.
The polar bear population is thriving.
It's up to 30,000.
It's the highest it's been in 50 years.
This is all fake news.
I'm so sick of this fake news everywhere, everything.
I feel like watching the news now, it really is just a homework assignment.
It says, here's some things we think are true.
Go look them up yourself.
So you do, and it's never true.
That's a great thing about Twitter also.
Check out this bullied kid, though.
It's another thing that went viral over the weekend.
This poor boy, this poor boy.
He is bullied in his classes.
I think he might have a cleft palate or something.
His nose is bigger than usual, and it's affected his speech.
There's usually one of those in every school, but this kid's getting it really bad.
Let's hear him explain.
Just out of curiosity, why do they bully?
What's the point of it?
Why do I enjoy taking innocent people and finding a way to be mean to them?
It's not okay.
What do they say to you?
They make fun of my nose.
They call me ugly.
They say I have no friends.
What'd they do to you at lunch?
Pour milk on me and put ham down my clothes.
Sorry, that's enough.
Is it just you?
Put ham down his clothes?
That's creative.
Do they think he's Muslim?
So that's horrible, obviously.
Here's the solution.
We've all been there.
We were there in the 70s.
It's called Dad.
Dad comes in and dad fights.
No, Dad doesn't fight.
Dad tells the boy to fight back.
Dad has to kick ass.
Sorry, I keep screwing this up.
Dad doesn't have to kick ass.
Dad doesn't get involved.
Dad sits there and he shows his son how to fight.
You go, you punch on the nose.
But she went the social media route.
I don't know if this guy has a dad in his life.
If I was the dad, I'd be very mad that you put this on social media and have my son saying platitudes like, it's not okay.
So the NFL gets involved and the NFL starts sending him these crying messages and they go and they shake his hand.
This is not the solution.
Virtue signaling is not the solution.
You have to teach a man to fish.
You don't just get a football player to read him a poem about a fish.
Look at this crap.
Hey, Keaton.
It's Delaney Walker, tight end for the Tennessee Titans.
I wanted to read a poem to you by Buddha.
By Buddha?
We become what we think.
Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves.
Always remember that.
You can be whoever that is pathetic.
What a total and utter waste of time.
There's tons of those.
It blew up the internet on the weekend.
And I didn't see one person, besides Stefan Molyneux, say, this kid doesn't need messages from football players.
What's this one saying?
This is Bernard Blake, former Green Bay Packer cornerback and Colorado State Round, defensive bat.
Just reaching out to you, man, to let you know that, hey, from CSU to Green Bay and all the way down here in Texas, we're pulling for you.
Ah, shut up.
That's enough.
The bullies see that and go, whoa, he's cool.
He got a tweet from a football player.
They make fun of him even more.
This is a death sentence.
Stop it with the kvetching and the screaming and the whining about a kick here or this person said something wrong and get in there and fight back.
We are losing our edge.
We're a tough country.
This country used to be about grit and travel.
And there's a job in Indiana.
I'm on my way and I'll meet you in the schoolyard at 3.20.
We used to be about standing up for ourselves.
Now we're about crying on social media and letting people walk all over us.
A lot of people ask me, they say, Gavin, what's your favorite punk band?
And I say, thanks for asking, everyone.
And I like to say Generation X. Remember Generation X from Billy Idol's previous band?
Oh, you don't remember that?
Okay.
Well, Billy Idol was in a band in Britain called Generation X, and they were from Bromley.
And I think that's very relevant because it shows the sort of evolution of rebellion.
Back in the 70s, a rebellious group from Bromley was Susie and the Banshees and Billy Idol.
They were called the Bromley Contingent.
Today?
What's a rebel?
In Bromley, how do you rebel?
Oh, you become Richard Reed, the shoebomber.
That's the new rebellion in Britain.
Not quite as fun as the original one, is it?
But Generation X were a fascinating band because this is back when everyone was being political and serious and we're going to change the world and there's no future for the youth and blah blah blah.
But Generation X wanted to be pin-up dogs.
They wanted to be, they had songs like, you got your gear from Mark Spunk.
Mark Spencer being the cheap clothing store.
Or they'd say, I'm walking in the streets with the latest on my feet.
And it was like a rebellion within punk.
They were being punk within punk.
Punk was about rebelling against the mainstream.
They were about rebelling against punk.
They wanted to be mainstream.
They wanted to be sexy to girls.
They wanted to meet chicks.
And I thought, wow, that takes balls.
And then the fact that Billy Idol came to New York City and invented dance punk right when everyone else should retire and just go, well, I already nailed it.
I mean, what a band.
So to answer your question, yes.
Generation X, greatest punk band ever.
Dream Machine said shitty stuff dropped from John Dwyer's label.
This is back in June of 2017, and this is a band, they're friends of mine, and they are sort of like a psych, 60s kind of a psych band.
play some of their music.
So a rock and roll band.
You got it?
And they are normal, intelligent human beings.
She's from the Netherlands, a recent immigrant here.
And they did an interview last year, and it was about South by Southwest.
Now, there was some drama at South by Southwest because British bands would have to get a visa to play at the festival.
And then the festival owner said, if you play unauthorized shows that compete with us, we're going to revoke your visa.
Sounds reasonable to me.
That's the deal.
That's literally the contract that you signed.
You signed on the dotted line.
And so Matt, it's Matt and Doris, the two, that's Matthew there, and there's Doris on the keyboards.
And he says, I see deportation as a fair and just consequence.
And he said, it's just a threat, anyways.
Instead of throwing a temper tantrum and acting as if they're entitled to come to the United States and do exactly as they please, they should just be cool about it and play unauthorized shows anyway.
So he's saying, South by Southwest can threaten to deport you and be a man.
Stop being such a wimp.
Just go play unauthorized shows.
It's called rock and roll.
It's called courage.
It's called danger.
This is supposed to be youth culture.
It's supposed to be on the edge.
Dads like me are supposed to be harumphing going, those darn kids.
And then she goes a little farther and she says, Doris goes, I agree.
And by the way, I'm glad that they're deporting criminal, illegal aliens.
Criminal, illegal aliens.
It took ages for me to get my green card here legally, and because there's so many illegals coming in, they make it hard for the people who want to become part of American society.
So they were blackballed after this happened.
Banned, finished, kicked off the label, and they went back to the Netherlands.
And I think Matt makes photo booths now, like old-timey photo booths you put in a bar and you get these cute pictures.
So, he's had to change his entire career because of those two quotes I just told you.
So, I check in with them once in a while.
You know how I say to guests, let's keep in touch.
So, I kept in touch, and they went over there, and I think they were disappointed with what they saw.
Let's check in on them.
Matt and Doris, are you there?
We're here.
Barely.
Barely here.
This is the band Dream Machine I was just talking about.
I've given everyone the backstory of what happened back in June, but I thought I'd just, when we last spoke, I said, let's keep in touch and check in.
I'm checking in.
Cool.
Well, we're in Amsterdam, and we kind of ended up here.
We had to transport some musical gear for a potential tour that may be happening.
And we just finished our new album, Breaking the Circle.
We self-released it to avoid any checks and balances.
So we went.
Well, I was just looking at some of the headlines, and it said, record label drops banned over ugly opinions.
And you know what's interesting about that headline?
When they say record label drops banned, it gives the controversy credence.
Like, well, they must have been terrible.
The record label dropped them.
But you pressured, not you, but they pressured the label to drop.
So they have this hysterical witch hunt behavior.
It gets results, and then they go, well, look, it got results, so I must have been right.
And they don't even give specific opinions, just like ugly opinions, and that's enough.
Like, even if you're rumored to be racist or xenophobic or anything like that, that's enough.
Like, people won't even read what we said.
And we remember hearing people say, like, yeah, we haven't actually read the interview, but you're racist and xenophobia.
And where were you?
You were in Austin?
Yeah, at that time I was in Austin.
So you're basically chased out of town with the mob, like Frankenstein, and you end up in Amsterdam, and you think, maybe I'll settle there.
So, just for the record, in the controversial interview that got so much attention, we actually talk about, yeah, we're moving to Amsterdam because...
So it's not like we ran away from it.
And I just hate that people would ever think that.
You moved to Amsterdam and you didn't run there.
But to be fair, you wouldn't have had an easy time in Austin.
That's true, yeah.
We basically came here to discover, you know, I have a lot of family here, so we thought maybe it would be a good place to start our family, but we kind of discovered that people like us just kind of need to be out in the country, like hermits.
Banished.
Well, what do you think of Amsterdam?
Is it everything it's cracked up to be, or is it just as bad over there?
Well, as soon as we get off the plane, she showed me around Rotterdam, which is the area where she grew up in, and we're walking down the street, and I actually got into a fist fight with a 60-year-old dude because we look over, and there is an Imam right near a mosque pissing in the middle of the street.
Kind of like almost like a disrespectful act.
Not like I need to take a piss, but it was like a provocative act.
And it just pissed me off, literally.
And I said something about it.
It resulted in a scuffle that she actually diffused with a different language.
I had to get in between the guys and say, calm down, calm down.
But it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.
It was almost like a territorial something.
It was like, wow, this is like wartime.
Yeah.
So would you say that the Netherlands has become Islamicized?
Definitely.
Definitely.
Well, certain parts are worse than others.
You know, like Amsterdam is just a bunch of tourists and you can't really notice it there.
But Broader Dam, certain parts, where I grew up in, it's really bad.
I mean, they grew a big, they built a big mosque there.
And, you know, it just changes the whole neighborhood.
It's not a welcoming feeling.
It's like they spit at your feet, you know, kind of feeling.
And it's just like, oh man, this is not a warmth.
This is not diversity.
This is a competition for turf.
Yeah, it's a replacement.
And we came here, and up on our arrival, there were these government people calling me and like, why did you move to America?
Why were you away from the Netherlands?
Like KGB style police.
And showing up at where we live, uninvited, nothing.
And I call them and I say, why are you, you know, oh, did they call me?
And I said, why are you coming here uninvited?
And they're like, oh, that's just how we do things here.
And I was just like, no, I want to go back to America where you have the freedom to do whatever the f ⁇ you want and move wherever.
Isn't that nuts?
So you're in America.
You get blackballed because you say illegal immigrants should be arrested.
I'm a legal immigrant and it's tough.
I don't want MS-13 around.
And then you go, you know what?
I'm just going to go back to Europe.
And then you get back to Europe and it's not Europe anymore.
Exactly.
So it's a crazy story.
It's just kind of like, you know, we're just ready to have our own spot and just start a family.
Yeah.
And meanwhile, we're over here seeing, you know, Trump is.
Oh, you froze up again.
All right, let's reconvene.
I missed that.
Let's reconvene when we can get a better connection.
But I say Kansas City.
Come to Kansas City.
No, we're actually considering Kansas City.
I mean, we're over here and seeing Trump's passing tax cuts and securing the border.
And we're like, hey, let's have some kids.
Let's start a family.
This sucks.
Europe is, you can't do it over here.
We have culture allows it, too.
Just European culture.
Everybody's so, I don't know.
It's just so weird.
You can see why America was founded, you know?
Yes.
Why people separated from the whole continent.
Especially off the mainland, like out of Britain and onto mainland Europe, there's a real sense of cuck.
There's a real sense of self-hatred.
And right wing is just such a horrible word to them when all it means is the opposite of left wing.
Yeah, it really just means just different opinion.
I remember actually going into a grocery store and this guy was like handing out these flyers and we started a conversation about feminism and we were talking about all the political stuff about it and eventually I just came to the question of like, okay, just drop all your opinions about feminism.
Let's be real.
Be real here with me.
Open up for me here.
Would you really be happy with a woman who's working all the time, who's never home, your kids are at daycare, you never get to see each other, and you're going to pretty much die alone as if you never even had a wife?
And he started breaking down.
He was having this mental breakdown.
He realized that it was true.
It wasn't the key to happiness.
Don't red-pill Europeans.
They can't handle it.
You're going to make their brains explode.
If you can't hold it down, you pretty much deserve to have your country taken over.
Because if you don't respect something and grow it, then it'll fade away.
And that's just how it goes, I guess.
Too true.
Well, we'll plug your album, and I look forward to you guys coming back home.
Thanks.
We're looking forward to it.
See you, Dream Machine.
See you later.
Bye.
Bye.
The border wall is absolutely necessary.
Are you at all concerned about ladders making the wall obsolete?
Excuse me?
A ladder, the thing you climb?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never seen anything like this.
What did you call this laid air?
Ladder.
Is there more than one of these?
Jesus Christ.
When did this come out?
Thousands of years ago?
The left can't mean.
I don't even get their jokes.
They don't get their own jokes.
Are you saying that ladders have made walls obsolete?
So they're going to climb up there?
And how are they going to get back down the other side?
There'll be someone else with a ladder?
Alrighty.
Yes, that's possible.
You're certainly slowed down quite a bit by a wall.
That's why walls exist.
This guy's saying ladders have been around for thousands of years.
Yes, so have walls.
You're standing by a wall.
Why do we have walls?
Is your joke that walls are useless?
Yeah, why do parks have them?
Why did Israel's terrorism go down to pretty much zero after they installed their wall?
Most of it is just a smart wall, by the way.
Only about 5% of those big tall cement things.
Most of it is just a wall where when someone goes over it, a sensor goes off and then someone shows up within a minute.
But it's like that video.
Adam Ruins Everything did this thing on how immigration won't matter because they can just take planes.
And it was a big thing in Mexico.
You have that video where the guy's laughing at us saying Trump forgot planes?
Yeah, this is a viral thing where they all laugh.
What immigrants think of the wall?
It's called planes.
And Adam Ruins Everything says that too.
He goes, most illegal immigrants come from planes.
No, dummies, we don't have to watch that.
Everyone's seen it.
Most documented illegal immigration, like students overstaying their visas, that's mostly from planes.
We don't know the actual numbers of the ones who come illegally, so that's why it's not on your little ledger there.
You see, you don't know what you're talking about.
You like the idea of standing up for human rights, but you've never actually Googled it.
And that's why the left can't meme.
Look at this one.
Dave, pull up that, is it the Ronald McDonald one?
I don't get this joke.
Are you saying he's a clown?
Are you saying, do you not like Ronald McDonald?
I don't understand.
That's for children to go to fat, to encourage them to eat fast food.
Are you saying that he does that?
What is your joke?
You don't know how to meme or show me this.
There's another brutal one I saw.
Look at this.
Brevity is wit, guys.
How can we stop these shootings?
Tell Donald Trump that Obama passed the Second Amendment to ensure all Americans had access to firearms.
Could that be longer?
You know what?
We should focus on this.
Let's do 10 solid examples of why and how the left can't meme.
All right, let's start with the worst, right?
I'm literally a racist.
That's the joke right there.
Now, because the joke doesn't have enough impact, they have to add, I guess, me, our people, going, LOL, stupid lip turbs.
You're reaching so hard.
God Emperor's clearly not racist.
What?
So you have a guy who's Trump that you think is racist.
So the way you call him racist is you say, you put a voice balloon having him say, I'm literally a racist.
What?
How is that a joke?
That's not a joke.
That's like saying I'm literally an idiot.
That doesn't mean you've elucidated anything.
You haven't added anything to the conversation.
And then to try to cover your ass by having a terrible drawing and calling yourself a stupid lip tart, do you think that covers your bases?
So this is one of the least funny things.
And by the way, there are some fundamental rules of comedy here.
There's the rule of thirds.
So do one or do three.
Two is never funny, especially when number two is just you covering your ass for number one.
I'm ruining comedy, by the way, by analyzing it.
But one question I was thinking is, why can't the left mean?
I think it might be because they're spoiled, because they've got comedy, they got movies, they got Hollywood, they got LA.
So anytime they feel like farting into a microphone, there's people waiting.
We have been banished to the sewers, like the teenage mutant ninja turtles.
And those sewers are the internet.
So we've been honing our chops down here.
When you guys come down into the sewers, you slip and fall on the turds, and you look like shit.
All right, what's the next one?
This one's amazing.
That feeling when your mom invited the whole class to your birthday party, but no one showed up.
So they have the President of the United States sitting at a desk, which he's supposed to do, waiting for people who are also going to be sitting there, which you're supposed to do.
And then to make him look like a loser, they add a cake in Photoshop and a hat and then say, ha ha, he's at a birthday party and no one's there.
No, he's not.
You photoshopped a birthday party there.
Now, there's stuff to make fun of, like he's a germaphobe.
So you could make a joke about the water when you're such a germaphobe that you're more scared of a glass of water than a nuclear war with North Korea.
That's a joke.
That makes sense.
That has context.
This is just, you draw a mustache on someone and go, I have a stupid mustache.
I actually do have a stupid mustache.
All right, next.
Okay, this is, again, lunacy, right?
They take their own hyperbolic beliefs, like everyone is Hitler, and then they go, I'm literally Hitler.
This is the same as I'm literally Hitler.
For my next trick, I will stand in front of a picture of Hitler, so Andrew Jackson is Hitler now, and make and frank jokes while I give an award to Simon Weisenthal.
These are the, what are the Navajo speakers guy who were a crucial part of, I believe, World War II decoding things.
Totally, America loves them to death.
Who doesn't love these guys?
And these guys, incidentally, love America, and we're totally honored by this ceremony.
Everything is copacetic here.
This guy likes these guys.
These guys like this guy.
Now, he made a Pocahontas joke during this, which was funny.
And this guy said something like, I didn't understand why he was making a Pocahontas joke, but I don't care.
The end.
But the left has to go in and inject swastikas where there are none.
So this isn't funny.
This is just your own lunacy juxtaposed onto a normal situation that went perfectly fine.
Next.
Donald Trump, Pocahontas.
So you took what?
This isn't saving Private Ryan, right?
This is another one.
You're very, very special people.
You were here long before any of us were here.
Now, what they're doing is they're taking Trump's quotes and they're transcribing them and they sound funny.
It sounds funny when you transcribe quotes.
Hey, liberals, if I transcribed you and you saw how many times you say like and literally and like literally, you would have a fucking heart attack.
So transcribing someone's normal verbiage when they're talking and making it the poster of a movie is beyond a dotard.
It's a retard.
Next.
What's a dotard?
Look at this one.
I just put him in diapers and I say presidential diapers because I think he's a big baby.
So I took, by the way, the picture they used for this guy, you know it's a liberal, right?
But I'm going to take this liberal's body, it's probably a fetishist dude, and I'm going to put an elephant on him and Trump's head and then say, you're a big baby.
For this joke to work, you have to find a real-life example of him being a baby.
Like say, find something he was a baby about.
I can't believe I'm explaining comedy, but you've brought me to this.
It's like explaining sex.
You have to hold her like this and pull her hair back a little bit, but don't hurt her.
He has to have done something baby-ish, and then you put the diapers on him.
You can't just say diapers.
I'm literally racist.
You guys are so bad at this.
And you're also bad, by the way, at using our vernacular.
Like when they call us snowflakes.
First they tried to say, snowflake is actually Hitler because it's the ash from the Holocaust.
And you go, what?
And now they say, if you have a problem, you're a snowflake.
No.
Dummies.
Snowflake obviously is based on the idea that a snowflake is totally unique.
So if you think you're special and you think you're totally unique, you're a snowflake.
That's a criticism that works great for the left.
But you can't just say, I know you are, but what am I?
Because it doesn't work for the right.
Conservatives, right-wingers, don't sit around and talk about how special they are.
Next.
Oh, this one's good.
I'm going to fight to get tax breaks for Amazon, Walmart, and Goldman Sachs so I can enjoy liberal tears.
Like that guy's life sucks.
Yeah, what a loser.
He only has an ATV and a truck and a gun and an awesome trailer.
You don't understand the South.
You don't understand the working class.
John Steinbeck said that the poor in America always vote Republican because they see themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
This guy doesn't think he's going to be in a trailer for very long.
Maybe he is, but he doesn't have that attitude.
He doesn't have a victim attitude.
So for this joke to work, this person has to be like a British poor person where he goes, I'm working class.
I always will be.
I got no hope in the world.
That's a good joke then.
Here in America, where this guy thinks poverty is temporary and he's going to eventually own Amazon Walmart and be at Goldman Sachs, then it's a totally different context and then your joke doesn't work.
And that's why you were terrible at memes.
Next.
What are we up to now?
Okay.
I think my opposition did something bad, so now I'm allowed to do something worse.
Again, you need a clinical example.
You need an exact example.
And this happens every time I argue with liberals.
I go, what exactly did they say that was racist?
And they go, everything.
And I go, can you give me one specific example?
Like, everything.
I mean, I don't even know where to begin.
Yeah, that's my point.
You can't just assume we all have something in our heads where someone did something bad and he did something worse.
You need to give an example and then lampoon that example.
I shouldn't be giving these coveted comedy tips to the enemy, but I can't resist because you guys suck at this.
Next.
What's not the president?
That's not the president, is it?
Don't be silly.
That's his clown.
Wait a minute.
Now are you making fun of Indian vets?
Maybe he'll go away if we pretend we can't see him.
This is a diss on these guys, by the way.
And you're saying that this guy doesn't think that looks like a president?
What are you talking about?
And that's how I beat Hitler all by myself, despite my bone spurs.
And then everybody got up and clapped, and the Nazis all apologized to me.
And time called me man of the century.
And then...
So...
Next.
River, King of Hearts, Queen of Clubs.
So we've got some, you have to know, I guess poker to understand this joke.
So you've already ruled out quite a few people.
And you have to be one of these nerds who plays poker online and is familiar with 8C and uses that vernacular regularly.
So you have to have a picture in your head.
By the way, if you're doing that, why don't you have the pictures of the cards?
It's a visual medium you're here with.
We're not working in binary, okay?
You can be a little more colorful with your joke.
The face of someone who just went all in but can't bluff worth a Trump card.
They just had to jam the word Trump in at the end.
This is, I think, worse than the first one because it's just, it's not saying a joke.
There's no context there.
It's just, I don't like her face.
I'm going to make it a poker thing.
And then add a bunch of jargon.
Brevity is wit, morons.
Next.
Oh, this is my favorite one.
I hope this isn't, I think this is the last one.
All right.
So this is the Prime Minister of India.
You know that old diss.
The two biggest insults I think most of us get are you're Hitler and you're the Prime Minister of India.
Hi, Ivanka.
I'm Narendra.
I don't know how to pronounce the Prime Minister of India's name because I don't care about India.
Nor should anyone.
What are they going to export?
Human feces?
I love traveling, social media, making decisions without consulting experts, and offering both tactic and explicit approval to the persecution of minorities.
Dad?
Again, with the brevity, can't you find me the exact quote he said that was offensive and then have her thought bubble saying, Dad?
I mean, they can't even, not only can they not mean, they can't even come up with signs.
Like I was at my kids' school, there's a big thing that said, no, it was a bully-free zone.
And then the word bully was crossed out.
No, I hate bullies.
So their signs said, this is a no-bully-free zone, which means it's a bully zone.
And I think the internet is a bully zone for the left because the left can't meme.
Terrorism fatigue.
ISIS attacks are losing their ability to terrify.
Did you know that?
Thanks to the Muslim apologist academic Amarnath Amarasengam.
He's from Wilfrid Laura University, place that that woman was in trouble for playing a Jordan Peterson video.
So he's here to tell us about it.
And his point is that what's happening here is we have become numb to the violence.
As the once shocking violence becomes normalized, they are no longer able to muster the requisite outrage or compassion to respond.
So we become numb to them.
It doesn't work anymore.
What is he talking about?
No, we're not numb to terrorism.
We're terrified by terrorism and we're fighting back.
And the media, every time this happens, they show how out of touch they are.
Look at this.
Look at this.
CNN.
I think this may have been CNN Ireland, is it?
No.
CNN.
A pipe bomb may have unintentionally exploded, sources say.
Why did he have a pipe bomb?
What are pipe bombs meant to do?
Do you mean it didn't happen exactly when he wanted it to or how he wanted it to?
Yeah, this is not workplace violence.
This is not someone's pet pipe bomb accidentally malfunctioning.
This is terrorism.
So academics and media, once again, you show your true colors and your true colors are yellow.
Whereas here on the ground, our colors are red.
Look at this.
This is what happened.
We say, get off my lawn.
And you say, no, I'm going to blow up your lawn.
Ala Akbar.
Then you blow your balls up and guess what we do?
We come over and we say, hi.
Wham, wham, wham, wham.
Beautiful, beautiful.
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