Andrew Schulz announces the birth of son Lincoln Lawrence, born via C-section with umbilical cord complications, while reflecting on parenting dynamics and racial code-switching debates within his circle. The hosts then dissect HBO's "Schitt's Creek" gay hockey plot and AI-generated kissing scenes, contrasting straight male and female attraction to queer content. Finally, they recount a harrowing tale of camera operator Haas pawning their gear due to gambling addiction, highlighting the financial loss and ethical complexities of recovery efforts before signing off. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Happy New Year Delay00:03:34
What's up everybody and welcome to Flagrants.
Okay, happy new year.
Sorry for the weekly delay.
Some of you guys probably know the news.
We had a delay.
We were on delay.
Al, yo, I gotta jump on you.
He's having fun, dude.
He's riffing.
He's having it now.
He's having it now.
All right, Al.
All right, Al.
You do the intro, and we're just gonna wait patiently for you to speak perfectly for the next 30 seconds.
No, now the pressure's on.
Woke up.
Gotcha.
No, got it.
That's real.
That's retard maxing.
That's real.
Al is retard maxing.
Always encapsulated.
Always has been.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
It's your boy Schultz.
I'm here with Arkash Singh, Alex Media, Marky Gags.
What's up?
And listen, new year.
New year.
I got a new little baby.
I love you guys very much.
And that's why we were delayed a week.
But now we're back to work.
My wife is just slaving away at the house with two kids.
And it is what it is.
You know, that is life now.
How has this affected you?
I've been playing Powell every single day.
It is amazing.
How unaffected.
How unaffected.
And it's starting to eat away at my wife, but she's busy with the kids, so she can't really complain.
Yeah, but you don't want too many cooks in the house.
You know what I mean?
Like, there's already another person in there, right?
There's a new baby.
You don't want to be in there crowding up.
Exactly.
And we have a team of Trinidadian specialists that are helping take care of the kids.
My daughter, 100%, I was telling you guys this in the group said, 100% has a Trinity accent.
100%.
That's awesome.
It's not even would-be.
It is.
She doesn't speak like a white person.
She is 100% Trinidad.
I need to see this.
It is.
Fada.
Fada.
Milami, Fada.
Love me, love me, love me, Fada.
Take me to a cocoon, Fada.
Read me the book about the Cougar.
Every morning, I want to read the book about the Cougar.
But what is funny about this is my wife is a stay-at-home mom.
So what language is she speaking to my daughter?
Son, all your wife talks to is Trinidadian.
She's probably getting that accent too.
And my wife's dad was raised in Trinidad.
Oh, there you go.
So we got to keep it real.
It's in there.
Now it's just coming out.
I'm basically raising Trinidadian families.
Damn right.
Damn right.
They widen it up when they talk to you, but when it's just them.
When it's just them, they're just getting after you.
100%.
There's cougar in it up.
That's crazy.
But you always want bilingual kids.
Exactly, dude.
It's going to help with job opportunities.
Man, the first time she got to do it.
Yeah, what jobs do you think they'll be able to get?
Like a food job.
They could probably take over something like that.
I don't know.
Make a mean beef patty.
Yeah.
I play soccer better.
Probably.
It helps.
Apparently they got the best roti in Trinidad.
You know, I can believe that.
The best Barata, but is in Malaysia.
Yeah.
So.
Really?
Yeah.
That I've had.
Are there a lot of...
Oh, yeah, that's right.
There's a lot of Indians out there.
Yeah, yeah.
The best tika masala in England?
Yeah, because that's an English dish.
But what's the best Indian food from India?
Mumbai God.
That shit cracks off, dude.
That shit cracks.
Mark, what were you going to say right there?
I was just asking.
We're going to talk about the feet stew on this.
Whoa, whoa, shit.
That's racist.
That's a racist comment.
They make it.
It's all right.
No, no, no, no.
What makes it racist?
They don't all use their feet.
No, I'm saying there's one person.
Like, what are you making a racist food?
You're making a sound.
All Indians only use their feet.
They use their armpits.
It's a type of food from one day.
That shit when he takes the fucking non and white.
Best Tika Masala in England00:07:36
Yeah, I know.
And I know it's AI, right?
No.
Automatic Indian.
Exactly.
That's where it comes from, dude.
Anyway, how was your guys?
Yo, the first time he had a baby, remember there was like a 20-minute story?
This time, the second after he had a baby, he hit the group chat like, hey, so what's going on with Maduro?
I think I might have done that while the C-section was at it.
Son, I've never seen, I might have sent out a text during a C-section.
I've never seen a person drop off in enthusiasm.
Yo, it's not my enthusiasm, it's y'all's enthusiasm.
I don't even know if you guys congratulated me.
We did.
Come on, everybody.
I had him to send a text to the group chat, like, yo, I have a child now.
No, I have a child now.
And I think you might have just hearted it.
I think I got a phone call from him for like, I think I had gendered your kid.
Yeah, I did a fake compliment to my kid.
He was like, oh my gosh, she's beautiful.
I go, it's a he.
He goes, a handsome son of a gun.
I didn't know you didn't.
That's the last time I spoke to him since I had a kid.
That's the last time I spoke to him.
I asked to see you New Year's Eve and you didn't respond.
It's New Year's Eve.
I just had a child.
You want to hang out on New Year's Eve when I got a new baby?
That's a timeline mix.
Come on, bro.
That's a timeline mix.
You didn't even have a child.
You didn't have a baby, bro.
You didn't even have the baby out.
No.
Oh, shit.
My bad.
My bad.
What about last New Year's Eve?
You think you want me a way too far?
Yeah.
Come on.
Man, I asked the baby's name.
He didn't respond.
I found out via IG.
We didn't know the name until very late.
Oh, that's kind of fun.
We did a last-minute leave the hospital because we were debating between two.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Can you share?
Yes.
There's Lincoln Lawrence Schultz.
Nick Fuentez Lawrence Schultz.
And then we went with Lincoln.
We went with Lincoln.
The other Republican.
The second best leader in American history.
No, Link is great.
Great.
Love it.
No, what was really the other option?
I love the name Jones.
Was those first names as a first name?
Yeah.
Never heard anybody with that as a first name.
That's cool.
Well, it's hard to say with Schultz.
Jones Schultz.
But like Lincoln is like, my brother's middle name is Lincoln.
My dad's name is Lawrence.
So it's basically.
And then Emma's like grandma's middle name is Lincoln, too.
Oh, really?
Oh, didn't your dad love Abraham Lincoln?
Yeah, it's the biggest.
That's why he named my brother after.
Oh, so you won.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what happened.
They were debating.
He won.
That's the least she could do after she carried him for 10 months is let me name it.
You know what I mean?
Like, I barely got to spend any time with that baby.
I know, dude.
You gotta wear your paddle so often, probably.
I know, dude.
Having to take her to the hospital.
Was this go-around to the hospital?
Was it normal?
No, every single time, it's absolutely terrifying.
All right.
I think because it's scheduled C-section, right?
So it's like, and in my mind, it's the same thing, which I imagine you guys are thinking.
You go in, numb it up, cut a hole, unzip, take out the baby, done.
And zip it back up.
Zip it back up.
Yes, of course.
And this one, that's kind of like what you think was happening.
There's this like curtain down.
All of a sudden, I see like this, the same doctor, her head pop up above the curtain at one point in time.
And then she starts going, the bilco cords wrapped around the neck.
And I'm like, I can't see what's happening.
Emma's kind of hearing stuff, but she's out of it.
She's asking me to tell her stories about like Shiloh to like distract her.
Yeah.
And like, I realized in that moment, like, all we do is just kind of hang out with her.
There's no stories yet.
You know what I mean?
It's not like, oh, remember when she was in her soccer game and she hit the winning goal?
It's just like, remember when we fed her three times a day so she stays alive?
Right.
So I'm like inventing making up stories.
Yeah.
Oh, remember when she said that thing she wasn't supposed to say?
And then we laughed.
She was driving a rickshaw in Port of Spain.
Come on, she'll remember that.
So, so, so, like, I'm saying that while, and then, like, I see the doctor is like pushing down to get the baby out because the baby wouldn't come out.
Like, like, Acevent.
I don't know if you guys saw Ace Winter 2, remember, like in Africa, where he like just pushes the stomach and the baby flies out.
Okay, but this is like a part of that.
Is what she was doing to get the baby to leave.
Yikes.
Interesting.
And it was so just terrifying.
And then you're like worried that Emma's going to bleed out.
And like, of course.
It's just peek around the curtain, see what's up.
When the baby was healthy, I did the thing that you should not do, and every guy will fucking do it.
Do not do it.
Every guy will do it.
I'll do it, you know, God willing.
If we're able to have another baby, I'll do it again.
But and you just glimpse for a second and you just wish that you didn't do that.
Yeah, it's brutal.
Really?
Oh my God.
Fuck.
It's one thing to witness birth where it's supposed to come out.
But like, you just saw a surgery.
Bro.
I'm going to be honest.
It's worse where it's supposed to come out.
Yeah.
No, because there's already a hole for it.
Nah.
Nah, but it ain't built for that.
Yeah, when you see that cute little thing get like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
When they fucking squirm their head to get out, that shit is great.
Wait, did they do that?
Yeah.
Yeah, and then sometimes they squirmed.
None of these guys have seen that.
No, I have.
I did clinical rotations in high school because I was supposed to be a doctor.
I've seen a C-section and this couple let me illegal.
It should have been.
But this couple, they came and asked the mom and the dad.
They're like, this kid is, he wants to be a doctor one day.
He's doing this as part of his high school program.
Would you be okay with him watching?
And they were like, yeah.
So I'm in the room.
I'm in the room.
I'm on the other pussy.
First pussy I saw.
You know what's crazy?
That, and I worked in a nursing home.
So I saw old.
Blue pussy too.
I cleaned it.
Perineal care.
Oh, I'm 16 years old.
I'm watching childbirth.
I see the baby squirm its fucking head to get out.
The baby juice or whatever the fuck flies everywhere.
I'm legit.
I'm not ready for this.
So I do a full fucking one sexy.
So the dad was buying a mom.
I'm like, what the fuck is this little veck doing in here?
Get him out of here.
Yeah.
Dude, I had no clue about this about you.
Yeah, dude, I forget all this shit because it was so far.
You know what I mean?
There was a whole failure of becoming a doctor after that that blocked out.
You're trying to block it out.
Tell me about the C-section.
C-section, they cut it.
That was what I saw first.
They cut it.
It's bloody, but they cut the stomach open and then they kind of just pull the baby out.
Yeah.
Which is, theirs didn't have any college.
Are they pulling out organs and stuff too?
Not like there was shit just all over the place.
And then they pulled the afterbirth, the placenta shit.
And so it's like a second little lump that comes out.
But I didn't see any organs.
I didn't see any crazy shit.
The natural shit.
I thought her liver was just chilling on the table.
And I looked over for a second.
There's blood everywhere.
And I thought that they just removed her whole insides to get out there.
I know it doesn't make any logical sense.
But I mean, there were bags and bags and bags of blood.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
I don't remember that much blood.
Maybe I just forgot.
It was 25 years ago or whatever.
You've seen it.
Which one did you find tougher?
The vaginal was tough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because that it ripped shit down to his body.
Oh, yeah, they're shit, and they got the bag underneath just this blue fucking garbage bag.
Get off the recycling.
Yeah, it's a recycling bag.
They throw it in the glass pile afterward.
The C-section was much better.
C-Section Placenta Stories00:13:31
Yeah, dude.
I agree.
Pulled it out.
Oh, yeah.
And then they took the placenta and just put it right on a stone.
I was like, no, dude, it was nothing.
But they were just so rough with it.
Like, just crazy that that's proto-they are rough with it.
You gotta rush it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
Show announce, and we're all doing this in less than 10 seconds.
I will go right now.
We begin March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island, August 8th, Halifax, Nova Scotia.
Ah, gosh.
January 15th through 18th, this weekend, Phoenix, Arizona.
This Friday and Saturday, Salt Lake City at Wise Guys.
January 24th, Cancel Comedy, Hard Rock Casino.
Thank you guys.
Casino?
No.
Cafe?
Card Rock Cafe.
And we're back.
You're just trying to tell stories the whole time while they're just ripping.
I got no fucking clue what was going on.
Honestly, that sounds harder.
You trying to stay locked in?
I just know.
And I'm usually good at kind of talking in front of people.
And that one.
You're not ready.
You had no prep.
You got no material.
You know what I mean?
No one likes a heckler.
Unresponsive crowd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That baby's heckling.
Too much going on.
Oh, just terrifying.
Just terrifying.
But it worked out.
It really is fun.
We got a beautiful baby.
Shout out to Link.
How's it?
Emma is recovering.
How's it different having a son than a daughter?
Do you feel different?
You feel a different bond?
It is different.
Really?
Yeah.
It is different, I feel.
How so?
You just like him more.
Like you just immediately.
No, no, no, I'm much more inappropriate with him.
So like he's two days old.
Yeah, but like the second I saw his like dick and balls, like I'm immediately commenting on it.
Like immediately I'm making jokes about it.
Like I'm telling all the nurses, like, you know, I'm just doing the classic like dad shit, you know?
And I'm messing around with like our, our, you know, our nannies and the baby nurse.
And like, it just, I'm, I'm teasing about him in a very different, inappropriate way that I could not do with Shiloh.
Yeah.
Like Shiloh, it's like pure protection.
I love you.
I don't ever want.
I don't even feel comfortable joking around in any kind of like sexual scenario with Shiloh.
But with Link, it's like immediately he's breastfeeding on my wife.
And I'm just, I'm making sounds.
Like, it's just any, I feel very comfortable being like inappropriate.
Come on.
Dude, is that?
I feel like that's a good idea.
Is that odd to say?
For whatever reason, I'm like, I don't know.
I'm like really protective over Shiloh.
Yeah, it feels like how it should be.
Like, that's daddy's little girl.
And then this is dad's friend in the making.
Y'all are going to be friends.
Y'all are going to be best friends.
That's what you want with your son and your dad.
And then your daughter is like, I mean, obviously we get along, but that's my little baby.
That's my little baby girl.
Yeah.
It is.
Yeah, so far.
Sucking noises.
Those are crazy.
Hell yeah.
Get that.
Get that.
Get that out.
I think I would do that with my daughter and Silo.
Yeah, I don't know.
Damn, you have a kid?
Yeah, my baby will breastfeed disrespectfully and I don't like it.
You don't like it?
No, because it's disrespectful.
What does he do?
Because he'll be on the bus.
How old is that motherfucker?
15 months.
Still?
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
That's what I saw.
I'm like, grow up.
Still on the bottom.
It's fantastic.
That's all this is for you, bro.
Hey, you're trying to keep that titty girl.
That's what I do.
You don't want that titty.
You want them titties, bro.
You keeping him like a dairy pal.
That's crazy.
With all due respect.
No, no, with all due respect.
Because Emma's stacked right now.
I looked at her today and I said, we got to take pics.
I said, dude, I put a picture of Emma's nipple on Instagram by accident.
That was wild.
You want to know the wilderness?
You want to know the wilderness?
Emma, private on Instagram.
I looked at her.
Emma's private on Instagram.
She wants no attention, like nothing, right?
Like, and she, once you have a kid, your body is not the same in terms of your relation and the sexualization of it.
Like, once women have a kid, it's not like, she was almost like, ah, whatever.
You posted it.
Yeah.
Like, I literally, she was like, I think I can delete it.
She's like, if you can delete it, delete it, but I don't care.
Like, she doesn't see her nipples in the same way.
It's a weapon, dude.
That's a tool.
It's a fork.
Yeah.
Like, they see it like a fucking piece of silverware.
Before the baby, my girl is a little bit more.
But the rest of the internet doesn't.
That's true.
That is very true.
That is very true.
They do not.
They're like, Schultz, what are you thinking?
It was funny because I got all these DMs, bro.
No, I got all these DNSs.
But they were like, bro, I know you haven't slept in days.
And it's like, I've slept every single night.
My weakness is 99%.
I posted this on eight hours of sleep.
Like, put your girl's nipples on.
You should probably take that down.
Anyway, bro, before the baby, girls will be like, oh, I don't want to wear this bikini at like the family function because it's like, it's too revealing.
The second baby comes out, parents in the room just double-dropped.
Dude, feeding it up.
My double-dropped.
Because it's just like, oh, he's crying.
I'm sorry.
Someone else might need some.
Mark, hold on.
You just got to try to hang it out in case enough.
Because this is the disrespectful part.
This is what I was saying.
He doesn't just utilize one.
He'll be on one and then this little hand will pop up and then he'll start twiddling the other one.
Nah, you know what?
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Have you noticed this?
Wait, hold on.
Wait, wait, no, shut up.
Shut up, shut up.
Yo, you remember, and he denies this to this day.
Remember Miami?
I knew when Dove said he walked in his crib and he just saw a mad shit.
Like, were we allowed to say this?
What?
When what happened in the room?
Wait, this is not a true Miami.
What room?
When Dove walked into the oh my god, we're doing this again, bro.
Come on, guys.
Are you gonna believe this?
You guys are gonna believe this.
You just said that's what goes on here with him now.
Daily Sam.
Okay, we're a tribe, okay?
We do primitive style parents crazy.
Sometimes it pops out, you gotta feed the baby.
You kind of lean over and decide out there.
Okay, can we just feed the kid?
You just banish her to another room, you send her away, say, Go away, heathen.
You're impure.
No, no, I agree with you.
I don't think that the body should be sexualized.
Exactly.
You whip them both out when you have one kid.
Because he needs to dial the radio, bro.
I'm telling you.
He's trying to tune the fucking thing.
You're trying to get the FM.
He's on it.
That is.
That's the gag now.
That's the baby.
He's doing it.
Staring at me.
My kid and probably every kid, but my kid loves them titties so much, bro.
He'll be eating, right?
He'll be eating.
Throw up on a titty while he's eating and then just keep on eating.
And I'm like, get it.
Get it, little man.
Get it.
Don't pull off for nothing.
Don't be stopped.
Take that down.
Take that down.
He should have had nothing daughter yet.
I need this boy to harden me up again.
No, Paul, I need it.
I did.
Paul takes the crazy.
I got too soft.
I got too soft.
I need that boy to harden me up again.
I need him to harden me up.
He's on out here gagging on.
Come on, son.
Yo, get gagged.
Why'd you say gag?
Gag?
Why'd you say mine?
No gag respects in this fucking family.
Gag?
Yo, he's taking it down, thrown up out the corner of his mouth, keeps on sucking.
That's crazy.
And if my wife tries to wipe his mouth, he's like, fuck off, me, woman.
I'm getting mine.
He's like, Rocky, dude.
Yeah.
Keeps it moving.
It's kind of beautiful.
He is unstoppable, dude.
Yeah, it's kind of beautiful, dude.
Yeah.
So I think he came out dick hard.
100%.
I think he came out dick hard.
Hacking?
Look, man, I was like, yo, he got a huge dick and red balls.
His balls were so red.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like the sack was so.
That's why we got you these, by the way.
Yeah, that's what it looked like.
That's what it looked like.
And Emma's like in a daze.
And I was like, I was like, yeah.
I was like, yo, I think you got a huge dick.
And Emma goes, she's like, she's like, she's like, really?
She goes, in a genuine way, she's like, how do you know what a kid's dick is, big or not?
Good question.
Question.
And I'm just like, honestly, I have no clue.
I was just really hoping that.
No, I've seen a lot of kids dick.
Yeah, this is a good thing.
I'm doing research.
Damn, that's crazy, dude.
So, your kid was starting the C-section from the inside.
I think so.
I'm not leaving.
He said, I'm not leaving.
You hit him with the Leo.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not fucking leaving.
No, but he's never seen pussy, man.
Damn.
He never felt it.
He felt it.
He never felt pussy.
He felt it.
No, because he had an IVF.
So he didn't feel it on the way in.
This motherfucker never felt.
We got to give him a feel, so maybe that's why he loves Titty so much.
But isn't that crazy?
Didn't feel it on the way out.
Didn't feel on the way in.
Damn.
There's still helpful on him, though.
He got you a future, what's it called?
Gold star.
I thought about that.
Like, that's above platinum.
Yeah.
Oh, that's beautiful, dude.
The miracle of life.
The miracle of life, man.
That's amazing.
By the way, did the doctor see the Netflix special?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did she have anything to say?
Yeah, she, she, first of all, she was like, first thing she said was, uh, he's to my wife, she says, he's a comedian.
I go, she's like, yeah.
And he's like, she's like, wow.
I didn't find him funny at all.
Yeah, the most terrifying day of my life.
Yeah, I'm horrified.
I couldn't breathe for about a year leading up to this moment.
Maybe that's why.
Maybe I was really stressed every time they come here, hoping to hear a fucking heartbeat.
You can't explain why you were bombing to a person.
No, you know what I mean?
And then we were trying to do that.
That was a stressful time.
You're like, all right, you're trying to ham it up the second time.
Nah.
What do you do for work?
That's why he was doing it.
You're not.
I was, I was, uh, yeah, I was like, I don't know, man.
I don't know what to say, Mark.
I don't know what to say.
How's your dog doing?
Is your dog?
Oh, yeah.
Your dog's getting further neglected.
No, no, no.
I'm good with the dog now.
Oh, really?
Yeah, because now y'all are both in just a minute.
No, this was fire.
The dog, it's karma is a beautiful thing.
It's a beautiful thing, Karma.
Why is that?
Because the dog will annoy Emma and I.
But Shiloh annoys that dog.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Shiloh is giving that dog a run for its running.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, non-stop.
The second she wakes up.
Shiloh got a fake dog that looks just like our dog.
Another Savi and carries it around all day and still is just driving this dog crazy.
Shiloh feeds Sabi every morning, feeds Sabi every night.
And the second she's Sabi's done eating, Shiloh is driving that motherfucker crazy.
They have no life-preserving skills.
Like little babies.
None.
My little baby will do is like grab the cat's tail.
Oh, yeah.
Cat will spin around, swat him, and he's just dying last.
Dying.
My best friend told me that.
He said, All you're doing is trying to keep your kid from killing themselves.
That's like the first five years.
That's all it is.
And they try.
They try.
And then you try to like coach him.
You're like, no, no, no, gentle, gentle.
And the kid just smacks the dog on the head.
And you're like, all right.
Oh, that's right.
You have to say gentle because they don't understand the concept of no when they're younger.
Like they don't know a negative.
Don't touch.
They just know what touch means.
So you have to find other ways to tell them to do things.
So when my daughter slaps the shit out of me, I have to say gentle.
So she's like, I'm like, gentle.
She's like, yeah.
But if you say don't hit, then they're like, oh, hit.
Yeah.
I'll smack the shit out of this dog.
Yeah, they just hear hit.
I can't believe your wife's still breastfeeding with all due respect.
I didn't mean to.
I thought it was 18 months, right?
Nah.
Yeah.
I mean, in New York, it's like a month.
Yeah, New York is a very New York family.
Yeah, we're in Florida time.
A deep south family.
It was important for Emma to go a year and that, like, it is.
Why are you surprised?
Didn't you get breastfed till like four years old?
Oh, me?
Yeah.
You said you my dad took care of me.
Hold on.
Whoa, you didn't notice your dad breastfed?
No, my dad stayed home.
My mom went back to work.
I knew he was hung by it.
That's where I got most of my testosterone.
So, how long were you on the milk for?
Say, yeah, how long were you milking?
I don't think they gave me milk.
I think I was Dr. Pepper and Cheetos for the most six months for the first six months.
For real.
Like, I got maybe formula or something.
I don't know how much breastfeeding I was doing.
Oh, I thought you said you breastfed until late.
Nah, nah, nah.
That was you.
That was you.
Nah.
No, no, I'm not.
I'm definitely a formula kid.
You were formula, right?
Yeah, I think my mom went back to work.
And like, my dad was able to take off.
Like, he didn't get paid for it, but you could, you wouldn't get fired if you're a man and you like didn't go to work if you had a kid.
But they're like, we ain't gonna pay you.
And so he stayed with me, I think, for like the first six months.
Wow.
So we were just chilling.
Oh, that's awesome.
Better dad, better dad than you, though.
Dr Pepper and Cheetos Diet00:10:25
Huh?
Better dad than you.
Damn, bro.
Damn.
That is rough, dude.
Of all people.
I'm going to hit him with honesty this early.
I'm not going to try to be a good dad.
You know what I mean?
Take two at least.
I did take two weeks off.
No.
No, technically.
I didn't.
The third, it was 10 days.
Yeah.
Week and a half.
Week and a half.
Now you're back in here slaving away.
Damn, bro.
I feel like shit now.
You know, my wife is alone with an army of Trinidadian care workers.
Shiloh got a whole special, bro.
Shiloh, I'm telling you, dude.
I'm telling you.
People don't care, bro.
People don't care.
People, y'all don't care.
Wait, what do you mean?
No, you guys don't care.
You guys didn't even say congratulations.
I say, guys, I had a baby to the group chat.
A couple of y'all hearted it.
A couple of y'all thumbs up.
I darling was just captured, bro.
There's a lot of stuff.
This fucking retard goes.
He goes, your heir is here and spells it E-I-R.
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
Because I definitely chat GPT a lot.
A lot of Al's texts be coming up with dashes.
Oh, I don't know if you noticed it.
There's been a lot of dashes in the message.
Have you been using Chat GPT?
Yeah, all the time.
To send text messages to people?
Yeah.
Really?
Really?
It's helpful?
Yeah.
You said talk to Alice.
If it's just me, it's going to be every nigga this, nigga, that, nigga, that.
Everybody only.
Doesn't your Chat GBT talk like a black person?
Hold on.
You're concerned that you'll say the M-word too much if it's you talking?
Yeah, because I'm talking to some white niggas.
Al doesn't use it a lot around non-black people.
I don't know if you notice.
He says it's selective.
I've been curious to laugh, but that's about it.
Yeah.
That is true.
He whitens it up around us.
That's always dressed like that.
Oh, so you code switching with us?
Nah.
It's not necessarily a privilege to be just out of uncomfortable.
When do you hang out with non-white people?
I'm just trying to understand.
You went up home with a white woman.
Over the break.
You work with white and Indian people.
Over the break, he was with an entire country of non-whites.
And then over the break, you went to Spain.
I'll get that.
You got to get that.
You are.
He's not because I'm moving there.
Yeah, but you can say it.
They don't care.
Also, they're not white.
Yeah, they aren't that.
They think you're that.
Yeah.
No, they think you're something else.
They think I'm something else.
The word you just said is short for Hispanic.
I'm not sure for Spanish.
Yeah, but they don't see Hispanic when they look at people.
Well, they don't see Hispanic when they look in a mirror either.
So the word is fine.
Hey, they speak Spanish, they Spanish.
That's the New York rule.
That's some white people.
That's the New York.
You know the New York rule.
Don't pull me in.
You know the New York rule.
I want to go back to pretending that he's not.
So you code switch around us and you have to be a different version of yourself with your fucking painted nails.
Stop just thinking the nigga that much.
No, he doesn't.
That's the only thing.
No, it's one of my careers.
You never say it that much.
Around you?
Yeah, dude.
Can I tell you this is one of my biggest.
You're not around nobody else.
You're not around nobody else to be saying it.
Okay.
This is one of my biggest gripes with Al.
That's why I feel like you don't use it, that you're not that good at using it.
Oh, man.
I told you this.
That is true.
You aren't that good at it.
It's not good, right?
Some people are really good.
Cam Patterson, I'm not a good man.
Fucking vintage.
It's like a beautiful Merlot.
Yeah, but you're in the middle every time you see it.
You're not a shooter, bro.
You're not a shooter.
Some people got it.
They're like Steph with it.
They just drop it and it buckets every single time.
I'm a fundamental player, you know?
You are more fun.
You're like, I'm trying to think.
You're like that Australian guy.
Steve Blake?
No, no, no.
Adams.
Stephen Adams.
You're like Stephen Adams.
You're like Stephen Adams.
Yeah.
Mark.
He's good, too.
If you didn't put it out, I was like, oh, shit, you know what?
But Josh Giddy, also.
Yeah, also him.
No, that's Mark Loop.
Yeah, that's true.
Objectively speaking, who do you think has the best M-word in the office?
Objectively speaking.
And why don't we all just look in the direction of that person on three?
One, two, three.
Oh, hell yeah.
Al, good job.
I say, I saved you.
I saved you.
You know, Miles is over there, right?
Al, good job.
Good job.
I wanted to save you.
I appreciate that a lot.
No, but seriously, do you think?
I don't know if Miles ever said it.
Put sunglasses back on.
Yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
I don't know if Miles ever said it, but if you did say it, I do feel like it would sound cooler.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, Miles got that.
Miles said, Give me that.
Give me, give me a little.
You can't handle all that.
Come on, Miles.
No.
No.
Yeah, no, don't.
What are you doing, Joe?
Come on, Miles.
What do you mean?
Come on, Miles.
Yo.
What do you do?
What, what, what?
I need to do something crazy.
Al, Al.
What's up?
I want you to feel comfortable and confident.
I feel very comfortable.
Is this too wide of a space?
You think?
Yeah.
Is the office, is the studio environment?
Is it too white?
Oh, yeah.
You guys just playing with a dick outside.
Hold on.
Fuck.
It was a dildo.
All right.
That's a difference.
Yeah.
A reasonably sized dildo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why is that?
Why is that?
I mean, like.
Black guys have dick.
He stuck it on his forehead.
You have an LGBTQ business.
Your business is LGBTQ.
Your nails are LGBTQ.
Okay, but you guys said a white space.
Yeah.
This is a very white space.
But you're just now you're talking about us playing with a penis.
But like white people shit.
Black people are sex positive.
We're sex positive.
Are you against sex positivity?
You have a sex positive business.
Yep.
Yeah.
We want to make the gay people in the studio feel comfortable.
Yeah.
So I stuck a giant massive white throbbing cock on my forehead.
That's more Hispanic.
It was a little darker.
Yeah.
That was a Hispanic dick.
That is funny too.
What do you mean?
And it was uncut.
And it was an uncut dick.
Yeah, nah, that dick, that's that's Spanish dick.
That Spanish dick?
Yeah.
Wait, why did you find it with Spanish?
The guys were saying they thought it was big.
Nah, it's a decent size.
You thought that was like a big penis you would describe it as?
I would say it's a decent size.
I thought it was massive.
Wait, what does that mean?
Decent?
It's decent.
But like, it's not small.
It's not huge.
Is that bigger than yours?
Would you say?
No, very close.
Would you say that that dick is longer than yours?
It's a little girthier towards the base.
Great as the dick.
You can't show it.
You can't show it.
You're in trouble.
I was really studying.
I was like, yo, this shit is close to my shit.
But you would say that one's a little girthier and then a little bit longer than yours.
No.
Oh, you think you're longer than that?
No, it's about the same.
Like I held it, it's about the same.
So you're by the back.
You could tell the exact length.
No, I held the shit like this.
But you're gay.
Can you held it up?
You put it on his face.
Yeah.
And dick just a tear.
Yeah, but that's white clothes stuff.
Hold on, hold on.
You're just being gay.
Hold on a second.
That's why you can't be in the office.
You just walk in and just dicks.
And then you can pick it up and now I'm gay.
You held a dick to your dick, though?
No, I held it around.
He's got muscle memory of his hand around his dick is what he's trying to say.
Okay, yeah.
You grabbed the shaft of the dick and wrapped your fingers around it.
Yeah.
Yo, you put it on your face.
He put it on his lips.
Nah, yeah.
You ain't going to make me gay.
I ain't going to make it.
I don't want to show it on your show.
Just take a gulp, bro.
Just take a gulp.
That water is very small.
Yeah, how big is that water compared to your shit?
That shit is tough.
How big is that water?
Remember what Al said he had a 10-inch dick once?
Nine and a half.
Nine and a half inch dick.
And then we just brought a six-inch dick in, and he was like, that's a decent size dick.
That's not six.
That's not six.
I got a good eye.
Y'all know.
I got a good eye.
That's a six.
You can tell how big a dick is.
I know.
I just know that's not.
But that is a six-inch dick.
It's not a six.
It's on the box.
It says six.
We literally.
Bring it in.
Get the dick.
Get the dildo.
And we need something to measure it with.
Technically, we have to blur it.
Well, Joey will measure it over there to find out the exact length of Alex's dick.
Because now Alex has confirmed that his dick is no longer than that.
It's like the OJ Glove moment.
Yes, it is.
We're about to find out.
The dick fits.
Oh, this is not good.
Yeah.
All right.
Hold on.
We got to hide it.
We got to hide it.
Okay.
Happy New Year, everybody.
That thing is like maybe five.
Yeah, that's a five-inch.
That's a five-inch.
Well, a piece of paper is eight and a half by 11.
Oh, wow.
That's a good point.
So this is where it starts.
No, you got to go, yeah.
No.
So you don't count the balls either.
Yeah, of course.
I think that's a six-inch dick.
Yeah.
Maybe five and a half.
This is 11, and you just got a little space right here.
No, no, no.
You can't count and suction.
No, you can't count the suction.
You got to count it from there on the base of the chest.
Guys, are you guys intimidated by my dick?
Honestly, a little bit.
I mean, if you have a 10-inch dick, yeah.
Sure.
Honestly, a little bit.
I'm going to be honest.
It's a weapon.
Probably everybody's dick is bigger than mine.
I'm not really intimidated by much of it.
So I just don't think that's nine inches.
I'm going to hide this one, sir.
I don't want to get demonetized.
I took one for the team.
My bad.
Sorry.
Sorry for fucking putting the show on my fucking.
My bad, dude.
Jeez.
Fucking Patriots.
Oh, my God.
You are a Patriot.
Yeah, man.
Respect.
Yo, shout out you, bro.
Yeah.
Shout out you.
Hold on.
Someone call me.
You've never looked more comfortable, bro.
Do I look taller?
I got lips in right now.
That's all.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
Intimidated by My Dick00:02:44
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Peace.
What's your New Year's revolution, Al?
New Year's.
Is that what it is?
I thought you said that yesterday is that.
Y'all raising your kids in New York?
Because if so, there's a solid chance at least one of your sons ends up doing that.
All due respect.
You know what I mean?
We all do respect call our kids hypothetically gay.
But you say you're more comfortable making inappropriate jokes.
We talked about my boys changing.
Yo, which one of y'all kids is going to take some dick?
How about that?
Let's talk about it.
Damn, Al.
Yeah, with all due respect.
Let's talk about it.
I just did it because he said he's more comfortable making inappropriate jokes about his son.
So I said, well, there we go.
Yeah, I'm fine making inappropriate ones where he's a heterosexual man, not some hockey show watching.
Have you been watching this, Bob?
No, I haven't watched it.
I need to.
Sound news, everybody.
Nice, guys.
Good news.
But yeah, no, the chances of a kid being gay, I mean, you're going to love them no matter what.
You got to hit him with the Kevin Hart answer.
Did you hear?
He was in an interview.
They're like, do you want a gay kid, daughter, whatever?
He goes, I just want two healthy children.
I was like, oh, nice.
He learned from that Oscars concept.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he got out of it.
It became, it went viral on Twitter.
I was like, yeah.
But it was a good answer.
It was very good.
I mean, is that what you want at the end of the day?
Exactly, right?
I want two healthy kids.
That's all.
100%.
And I think the healthiest thing.
Let's go to this video.
What is this?
What is this, Miles?
Do you guys want to watch a clip from the hockey show?
Can you explain what the show is and why it's going on?
Why is this like a big deal?
Why do Stray Girls love this so much?
All right, Stray Women, first off, love this show.
I don't know why.
Is it based on a slut novel?
It is based on a slut novel.
Okay, well, that's why.
It was a show that was a book, and then it was a show that got optioned in like Canada.
It was sort of a low-budget, like little show based on the book.
Then HBO picked it up in America, and it went fucking nuts.
Bonkers, unintended, over the break.
And it's about two gay hockey players who secretly are lovers.
There is a Russian man on the right here that would be the, if you had to sort of like, I don't even want to give them to an NHL player, but it would be like the two top best players.
I know you're going to say.
Yep, there's two of them, and I just went a while ago.
He's going to say, he didn't want to disrespect him, but we're not saying he's gay, but he's like the Alex Ovechkin type.
Another one would be Crosby.
And then there would be Sydney Crosby.
Like Alex Ovechkin's like the bad boy, the rough guy, or whatever.
He's like a badass Alex Ovechkin.
And then Sidney Crosby is like kind of like a bad guy.
It's just a Russian and I don't want to fuck with Russians.
No idea who these people you're talking about.
But we get it.
We get it.
You're not white.
No, I want to get some context.
Everyone knows you're not white, bro.
Can I get some context?
I want to enjoy the story.
I literally gave you context right after.
Everyone knows you're not white out.
But when he's dressed like this, he is white.
You say the N-word so much when you're not with us.
You say it all the time.
You're not white.
Your son's gay, bro.
You're so gay.
It is true, though.
If he does record a podcast at WTF, there is a very high likelihood.
Likelihood.
Likelihood, they're all over the place.
Popping up everywhere.
Okay, what is this?
What is this clip?
This clip is they're just hanging out.
They're playing video games with the boys, just like you guys do with your friends.
I imagine this is a common situation you run into, correct?
Yeah, of course, dude.
Me and the homies.
The boys are hanging out.
It's a long clip.
A guy on the left never played a video game in his life.
Also, the hockey team is called the Metros, which I think is a hilarious.
Oh, come on.
That's fun.
Get to the fucking.
Oh, do you want to?
What are we doing?
We're watching the whole show.
Oh, that was crazy.
What did it do?
He was doing this little joint right here.
You guys wanted the point.
I'm telling you, you got to watch the.
It's slow burn.
He wants to warm us up.
What's he doing?
What is he doing?
Yeah, and your son will find out about it.
It's a fucking animal.
Y'all with don't do respecting.
Who's that one go with that with all dudes?
I apologize.
I don't want respect.
Your mom's a slut.
You're fucking up.
Yeah, that's right.
My mom deserves some good dude.
That's OD.
My mom deserves some good dick.
Just like this guy's about to get.
On the phone, he just said, I'm not going to touch you, but if you get hard, things get to happen.
This is like if someone has my nicotine pouches, I'm trying to get them back.
Son, it's so sensual.
I do the same thing.
That's the hardest part of the show.
It's the sexuality, dude.
Oh, oh, he's great.
I can't even react to this shit because I got upset.
People got upset at me last time we were watching the champions show.
What was the movie called?
Warriors?
Challengers.
Challengers.
No.
Bro.
No, no, no, no.
It's fire, dude.
Come on.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Why is he fucking awesome at it?
What the hell?
Oh, yo, yo.
Oh, my man.
He's hungry.
Damn.
Enthusiastic.
You know, that's Soviet shit.
Yeah.
He doesn't understand the concept of no.
That's fire, dude.
Look at this.
This is crazy.
This isn't even a crazy scene.
What do you mean it's not a crazy scene?
What do you mean it's not a crazy scene?
He's blowing the other guy on national television, Miles.
You know how you show your boys your apartment, right?
This is what you do.
You go, hey, I'm a rich hockey player, you're a rich hockey player.
Let's look at our apartments together.
So, this is the whole show as they just hook up with each other for the first four episodes.
It's pretty hookup.
And then the last two, you sort of get some storyline.
And so, why do straight girls like this shit?
Dude, it makes straight girls horny.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
Sound effect, right?
What was that sound effect?
You got to drop an octave sometime to explain how horny it is.
I like the apartment.
Open, open kitchen.
I love the layout.
What a nice little fire.
Yeah, right.
The nice sliding doors.
Fireplace.
I don't love the fireplace.
It's a little too sterile, but it is nice.
The space is open.
Just having a fireplace?
It's not cozy enough.
I agree.
Oh, but it's about to get a lot warmer.
Oh, man.
You know, I lived in New York long enough that whatever.
This is the dude's making out.
Kind of the wide angle.
See, dude's making out.
No.
That's come on.
Oh!
This shit is like a jump scare.
Nice.
Come on, bro.
This is the scary I ever seen in my life.
Brother glasses, bro.
Oh, my God.
This is Hills Have Eyes.
It just happens like that.
28 days later.
They shoot it like a horror.
Is that the idea?
They added like a horror film.
That was nuts.
The other guy shows the other apartment.
Do you do it missionary like that?
You junior boys.
Why do you want to girls?
No, because girls have butts too.
You know what I mean?
But can they go even in missionary?
Yeah, they're very innovative, these folks.
Hold on.
Is this going to just be the same thing again?
No.
It would never, dude.
It would never be the same exact thing.
Oh, God.
No, this one's got way more buildup.
It's way more sensual.
I'm built up.
Fucking really built up right now.
Oh, not the breathing.
By the breathing, bro.
The ASMR breathing.
The whole show is that.
It's a lot of sound effects.
A fully.
And are the actors straight?
That's a great question, dude.
Because that's fucking acting.
What they was doing just before, if they're straight, that's acting.
That shit resting.
Golden globes.
No, you got to, bro.
Because Al is still in a fucking comatose state after what he just.
He's hole in his head.
Like, you got to be.
Al, you got to do it without the glasses on me.
The glasses a little bit.
I've been able to just peek at it.
But yeah, you think you could act like this?
You're in movies?
Could I act like that?
Of course, bro.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, method.
Yeah.
I could do it.
I could get dome.
Oh.
Oh.
This is how it's edited.
Yes, there's a lot of people.
A lot of jump times.
That jump wasn't that crazy.
Well, this is the first time.
Don't they need lube or something?
Give me the context of the show.
This is the first time they hook up.
Okay, question.
Don't they need Lu?
Ew, wait, I said, wait, shit.
Didn't I take that?
He had a bubble on him, though.
My mother's got a bubble.
Yo, run that back 10 seconds because he kind of got a fucking thing on him.
Oh, no.
Nah, he does.
That's like the daughter from Landman.
The daughter from Landman and him got the same cheeks.
Okay, there's one.
You wouldn't get behind that, Al, if there was no balls coming back at you.
If there was no balls coming back at you, you wouldn't get behind that, Alright.
Objectively, he's right.
I gotta be honest.
Yo, he got a good butt.
You can't deny it.
Especially for a white.
Oh, why is he playing his dad?
Wait, they like that?
Yeah, that is fascinating.
That guy's straight.
That guy's straight.
Just wait.
He's straight.
Which one?
The guy.
The guy playing with the tip.
Look at his laugh.
Nah.
No way.
He's doing that.
He's doing the perkless.
There is no way.
Oh, my God.
I'm farting.
If you bring my legs up like that, I'm farting, bro.
I'm sorry.
What happens when you pull out that thing?
What happens when you pull out that thing, dude?
Secrets.
This is a hockey movie?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Six episodes.
Is the show actually good or is it?
Do they need lube, guys?
Why are you watching?
Oh, no.
Wait, well, this is more traditional way.
That's how you would imagine it.
This is old-fashioned, conservative gay sex.
Conservative gay sex, yeah.
Oh, no, he's grabbing my pillow.
Now he's grabbing out of it.
Damn.
What the miles?
All right.
All that to say, Miles.
Yes.
Why are you watching this?
For the show, honestly.
For the show.
For the pod.
So I could bring that up for you.
One more.
So, how does it end?
Can I show you one more thing?
This is one more clip from the hockey movie.
Yeah.
This is from a.
Oh, this is hilarious.
Trembling October 1st, guys.
Yeah.
Oh!
Yo!
Yo, shout out!
My father!
Shout out IMC!
Stop trying to game on a son, Marie.
Stop trying to game on his son.
Let us have a chance.
I spent so much time editing that last time.
How did you do that with Sora?
Oh, so much AI.
That's incredible.
The funniest thing is, you have to upload all the photos of you guys, and then I have to go make them kiss.
And they go, no, we can't do that.
And I go, they're fake characters for a fake movie, and I really need them to kiss to sell this to a studio.
And they go, yeah, sure.
Here you go.
I mean, that was incredible.
I mean, that's wild.
It's a real Bender's trailer that I just truncated down and tossed some more shit on.
Oh, my God.
I know we're supposed to hate AI and it's horrible and we hate it, but the ability to make things gay that aren't.
Okay, what the fuck is that?
I never got to add this thing to the clip.
I just wanted to show that there's more.
I feel like this is just you got to see that.
That is actually phenomenal.
That looks like me.
That shit is crazy.
We killed it.
Yo.
I mean, the sensuality is really beautiful.
Oh, number seven.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, look at that.
True love.
There's one more.
Jeez, please.
No.
You guys saw that?
One more.
You guys saw SVP?
This is phenomenal.
You don't have Al doing anything?
Damn it.
Do you see SVP thing?
Oh, yeah, Miles.
Wait, what do you have from SVP?
Oh, this is the New Year's countdown?
Yeah.
That's hot.
Happy New Year.
Mamdani.
Protester.
This is a phenomenal pick.
What do we got?
Come on.
Yo, why do I have to kiss two different guys?
Why couldn't it have been Shifty and Alex or Joey and Alex?
Why do I have double dicks?
Yeah, and Miles got none, except for on New Year's.
Oh, my God.
You guys are really trying to make my son gay, man.
I did get footage from Miles and David on New Year's.
No, press play right now.
I don't have anything.
No, Joey has it.
Joey, press play and edit it.
Go and do whatever you need.
Sora that shit and make it as gay as I'm doing.
This is not Miles.
I'm surprised you didn't get the scene of him and I'm not sure.
This is not Sora.
I tried finding that scene.
That is screwing.
Yo, look at the arm lock.
Look at the house.
Yo, you know what's crazy?
Daddy, take your glasses off.
It's crazy without the glasses.
I'm telling you.
Let it in.
Let it in your eyeballs.
Nah, that shit is better.
It's like 3D.
Coming at you, dude.
Oh, my God.
What is this?
What is this?
That's a nuts ball.
He threw a nut at you.
Damn.
Bro, that's crazy.
What prompt did you use?
Mine wouldn't do that.
No, the problem.
Oh, whoa.
That's crazy.
Well, I coincidentally found the first frame, which is a real photograph.
Let the record show.
So if you go to the first frame, this is what actually happened.
Yeah, that's real.
He's wrestling me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how it starts.
That's how it starts, dude.
It's always a beautiful 2000 square foot of podcasts.
Y'all are kind of dick-to-dick right there.
Yeah.
And now this is where it goes fake right here.
God.
So I had to add a little bit to the end.
The way I did it, because I said the same thing.
I was like, can you make these two guys kiss?
And they were like, no, we can't do that.
And I was like, this is the last photo I have of me and my husband.
Please.
Just one final embrace.
You have to.
Now he's dead.
We have to beg.
And I was like, well, if it's for your husband.
Wow.
You have to like beg and trick these AIs into doing gay shit.
Yeah.
AIs are black.
That's excellent.
You got to trick them in some gay shit.
That's all.
Chat EBT.
You got to make them measure your dick.
That's from another pod.
That's from another pod.
I saw that joke for another pod.
Which pod?
I want to see who's.
Oh, I don't.
Maybe it's Chris Joseph Nose on.
I don't remember.
Oh, my God.
That's unbelievable.
Chat EBT.
Unbelievable.
Shout out to whoever said that.
Phenomenal.
I didn't want to steal that joke.
Phenomenal.
Isn't AI beautiful, dude?
Oh, my God.
No, we hate AI.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we hate it.
We hate AI.
Fucking fuck AI.
So not funny and weird.
And all this AI slop.
Oh, look at that slop.
Look at that fucking slop.
Making Two Guys Kiss00:07:54
Look at that.
Enough.
That shit is crazy.
That's crazy.
But I don't even think that's AI.
How long does it take to make these videos?
That's not AI.
A matter of seconds or a matter of minutes?
Probably 45 seconds.
Minute, maybe.
Can you make several of Al kissing other men?
Why?
I can try.
Wow.
Why are you mad at me, right?
Stop, man.
Why are you hurting my feelings?
Why are you attacking my character?
The picture is really easy to make.
It's actually taking the picture to the video.
Why are you mad at me, bro?
I have a couple Benders questions for you.
Not Benders.
The other gay hockey show.
He's flustered, right?
He did Rival.
He did Rival.
Bro, he's bricked up.
Yo, Benders is a much better name for our gay hockey show.
Wait, so you watched this show for real?
I watched episodes of this show.
I watched a few scenes here and there because I was like, I got to see what the hype's about.
And also, I think it'd be really fun to show you.
I watched episodes of this show and I watched a few scenes here and there.
Which one is it?
I did not watch the whole season.
I missed the first two episodes.
Now, can we get a girl in here and just ask them why if this is hot in the way that like maybe us seeing two hot chicks, you know, hook up is hot.
That's what I'm guessing.
Okay.
Is that the either?
Can we just ask him?
We just made it straight and then Al immediately understands it.
Oh, man.
More pussy on the softball show where they make it.
That sounds cool.
Well, maybe not softball, right?
Because we want to see.
But what if they're hot softball players?
No, no, no.
Like L-word.
Remember that show?
Yes, vaguely on Showtime.
Yeah.
Like, I don't even remember anything about the show other than there's lesbians and then you'll have some soft core porn shit like that.
And now they're just a sport.
Okay, here's the thing.
They would just, Alex, I don't know if you count because Alex.
Yeah, you don't count.
That's true.
My straight roommates are jerking off to this.
Straight roommates, meaning females.
Yeah, yeah.
Hot boyfriends love this show.
Okay, now.
Nah, I'd be mad if my girls watched this show.
So let our girls come.
This is fantastic.
Let Alexander.
You got to watch another nigga's.
Nah.
Keep going.
I'm saying, like, work through all his feelings because I understand what you're saying.
Like, what is it about getting turned on by other dudes and then you're getting turned on by gay shit on top of that?
Nah, and then you're with me.
Nah, nah, nah.
Can't do this show.
What do you see about me?
Yeah, Jessically, you're back there.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
And Al has zero gay tendencies at all, so I don't understand why you want to straighten it.
But that generation likes soft men.
That is true.
Do those men look soft to you?
Yes.
They take it back.
No, I don't know.
They're kind of taking it in the most masculine way.
They are athletes.
They're athletes with huge arms.
And the way that they were getting after it.
Yeah, it's extremely fun.
It started slow and sensual.
That was some sense.
But then once they were in the fucking, they became guys.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, hold on.
So guys is so good.
So, okay, I understand this.
Okay.
So, the only so this is what I'm wondering with the women here.
What's wrong with the world?
What, what are you, who are you seeing yourself as when you're watching it?
See, that's the fun part.
It's like a new thing that we're like part of it, I guess.
Okay.
And you like, I mean, obviously, the Asian guy is the woman.
May I get it, but I see your point.
Because I watch the show.
It's the dynamic.
Okay, more context.
More context to the question.
Okay.
So if we're watching traditional porn, we're imagining ourselves as the guy.
The girl is doing the things to the guy.
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
We don't really watch like girl-on-girl porn.
I don't want to speak for you guys, but like just girls is for girls.
People do.
But girls do, not guys.
Like, I don't know any guys who are like, I need to find something to drink off to, and it's just two girls petting each other or whatever.
Yeah.
With girls, if you're watching two guys go at it, you're watching a guy blow another guy.
Right.
You're not imagining you're the guy getting blown.
Nor am I imagining giving a blowjob.
It's more of just like a feeling.
It's like it's just a part of this.
It's just hot.
To be a guy.
Yeah, but also like you're, I don't, that's not really.
They're acting kind of masculine.
What happened?
Yeah, I don't know.
They're all in birth control.
They prefer feminized men.
Look it up.
Ooh.
But are those men feminine?
And who invented birth control?
Exactly.
Yes.
The Rocky Stars.
Whoa, why?
Stop trying to think because then we'll get two million views.
Stop.
Stop trying to make this the biggest podcast we've ever done.
What the heck is wrong with you?
What are you doing?
Talking about the one thing that gets views on the internet right now.
Calm down.
Don't let us start talking about Argentina and Wildbart.
Okay.
So you're not visualizing yourself as one of them.
No, it's not so simple.
It's just like, oh my God, this is a good thing.
Damn, damn.
That felt like a shot.
Yeah, that was crazy.
Like, yeah, we watched porn and shit.
Sophisticated the way we watch gay.
To be honest, yeah, it didn't come kind of simple, right?
Like, oh, that looks too small for that to go in there.
Oh, it got in there?
Oh, okay, Phil.
More of a science.
Okay.
Okay.
So again, what is hot about it?
What isn't hot about it is my question.
Like, I'm just like, I'm in a different world where I'm like, that is good.
Like, my friends are barking at the TV.
Really?
So then, would you be with a guy that's bi?
Would I?
I mean, yeah, I have.
Wait.
I don't know that.
He dropped a hand.
I thought it was the most.
I just don't get it.
I just don't get it.
She thought he didn't want to check me.
Oh, well, what about this?
And he's like, yeah, I'm doing that every day.
That's fair.
Okay, she's pants.
You remember she's pants.
She's pants.
That's right.
She can't be pants.
All that shit is.
What are you?
What is pants?
Tan is a woman that loved the colour.
That sounds kind of pan, to be honest with you.
No.
Is it pants or pans?
Pans.
It's Pam.
It's Pam.
Pans.
Pam.
Pam.
Pam sexual.
Okay.
So, okay, pansexuality is a sexuality.
That sounds exactly like what you just said.
Yeah, this is you.
How are you denying that?
Well, we don't want to put labels on anybody.
I do.
Listen, if you want to understand it.
We got to figure this shit out.
There's rules.
Okay, that was nail polish.
Guys, Pete Rose, Bernie Man.
Now, if we really want to throw it back to the 1970s, Tanya's going to get on that mic and shut this whole shit down.
So we have to hold one second.
Don't let it get that much just yet.
Okay.
So, just okay, just out of curiosity, there was a point in time, there was a point in time where, at least when I was growing up, I think if a girl knew that a guy had done something with another guy, maybe even in the past, they were not as attracted to that guy.
And you're saying, like, in your generation, that is kind of.
I'm kind of an outlier with my friends.
Like, my sister, like, would never hook up with a bad guy.
That's like a rule she has.
Well, I didn't even bring that up.
Some people have that.
I like how you're saying sucking a dick is the same as being black.
No, she said bye, guys.
What do you mean?
Listen, black guy.
I thought you just brought up your sister never dated a black guy.
And none of you guys battled.
I said my guy.
I thought you said black eye.
And we wouldn't bat it on.
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Soul Hemp Derived Products00:15:22
Now let's get back to the show.
I want to understand the world we're all living in, the world that we're raising children in.
Yes, of course.
Okay.
And there's no judgment.
There's no adjustment.
We're moving to this world.
We're moving to Greenland.
Okay.
Okay.
So if a guy was like, yeah, you know, I've hooked up with some dudes, whatever, like that, but I also like chicks.
There's no, there's no knock at all.
No, I'd be like, great.
I'm fucking a gay guy.
That's cool.
Oh, but you also see him as gay.
Yeah.
I mean, I work here.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
That is a good thing.
That's a point deflection.
She masked her own closed-mindedness for a second and put it on us.
Don't do that.
Jesus.
That was just.
That's you.
Okay.
Okay.
Hold on now.
You see the world properly in one way.
Okay.
I agree.
I can see things as gay the way you guys do.
I just don't see it as a negative.
But wait, we don't see it as negative.
We don't see it as we don't.
Well, because we don't hook up with them no matter what.
So if somebody's gay or straight, it doesn't matter to us because we're not attracted to them.
Yeah.
You're thrilled your son is gay.
I wouldn't be thrilled if he was straight or gay.
Good.
Yeah.
Being thrilled he's gay, I feel like means there's something wrong with being straight.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with being straight.
It's kind of performative.
It seems performative.
This is the performative liberalism that I think rubs maybe people from our generation the wrong way, where you're like so stoked, you're almost like pushing it.
Where it's like, well, if you actually think it's fine, then you're just excited that he's a good person.
That's what I would be excited if he was a good person.
That was such a woke answer.
I'm really impressed.
I think y'all woke.
Y'all don't realize that we're the real woke ones soon, dude.
He's fucking lived.
You're going to realize where do we woke from?
I also grew up in a dance family, guys.
You guys just found out about gays.
My neighbor died of AIDS.
Okay?
Like, this is brand new for y'all.
We've been on this gay shit.
You know, that's actually the series finale of me.
And benders.
I don't think we made it to the series finale.
Cancel.
He cut it.
Okay.
So, so, so, okay, just so we understand it.
So it doesn't affect it at all.
And guys are more confident sharing these things because there might have been a time when we were growing up where if a guy did do some gay shit and then they're like, I don't really kind of want to do that.
They would never share it with a girl because they'd be concerned that a girl would judge him.
Yeah.
I think bi men feel like the most prejudiced.
Like they feel like people aren't into their whole vibe.
Because it's like engaging.
You're not straight enough for the straights.
Not gay enough for the game.
Like being in huge biomen.
You often hear that from black biracials.
Yes, it's like you're not black enough for the black community.
You're not white enough for the white community.
So you're kind of in the middle.
I'm not going to speak on the black community.
I'll give you an example.
Like you worked in this office.
Exactly.
This white office where we throw around the top.
How are we a white office?
Like, who's white here?
Besides me, I don't know what.
But the who's white?
Like, look around.
He's Puerto Rican.
He can't be Puerto Rican.
Shifty's Mexican.
He can't be Puerto Rican.
Shifty's Mexican.
He speaks Spanish.
He's Indian.
Shifty.
Dave is African.
You guys are African.
They're from the continent of Africa.
Al, can I tell you something very honest?
This is the thing I noticed.
White people don't think Jewish people are white.
We think they're white.
And Jewish people are like, we're white.
And white people are like, no, you're not.
This is a very funny thing.
They're interracial, like the same.
They don't.
We're like, no, y'all are white.
And they're like, yeah, we are.
And white people are like, no, Exception brothers, bro.
No, I'm just saying.
So when he said there's no white people in his audience, he was like, I'm like, everybody.
This is just me and Akash.
That's it.
You think that Shifty's a white guy?
Shifty's white.
Shifty, are you no different?
But it's like.
Yeah, but no.
He doesn't speak a ton of people.
There's no fucking ice raid or whatever here.
And you don't have a car anyway.
So you're safe.
Yeah.
Too soon?
Too soon.
Okay.
Anyway, point being, there's no negative, there's no negative attachment whatsoever if a guy's like, I'm by.
No, and honestly, I think I implore all the straight boyfriends to watch this with your girl.
It'll just be fun for everybody.
To follow up on that, on Al's point.
If your girl watches this, not your girls, hypothetical.
This is a whole different world.
You live in a different dimension.
Yeah.
You watch this with a girl.
She gets all horned up.
You guys have sexual activities after.
How does that make you feel?
You gay by association.
Yeah, you know.
You know that's good.
You'll watch that together.
Yeah, you have to do it.
You just watch it.
You just watch an episode and then you go straight to the bedroom.
But you're having straight sex.
Yeah, having sex with a woman is straight in here.
But she got turned on by watching gay guys.
Why are you watching it with her?
But fucking.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
Nah, I could do it.
It's good.
I was jokingly saying I'd watch this show on our call yesterday, and now I'm like, nah.
It's really so good.
You should watch it.
I watch it.
I don't believe it's good.
From the cabin.
100%.
I think girls are overlooking that it's probably not a good show because they...
Oh, it's a shit show.
The dialogue is garbage.
There you go.
But then they're banging it.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
And also, if you say it's not.
I'm not doing shit shows.
Everyone's watching Landman.
Sam is terrible.
What streamer is that on?
So I'm going to go to the next stage.
Hold on.
Hold on one second.
Shifty, I need you to chime in over here.
Are we really going to talk shit about Landman right now?
I hear it's not good.
What's Landman?
It's white TV.
It's Republican TV.
It's fire, bro.
MAGA got a show?
MAGA got a show.
The only shows that work on TV.
What they did right.
This is Taylor Sheridan.
He's the guy who did Yellowstone.
What's that movie that's fire?
Hell or high water?
He's fucking a genius.
Like, he's a literal genius.
Yeah.
But what he did, what he does so brilliantly is he only casts hot chicks.
So every girl in the show is a dime.
Even smart women in the show are hot, which is obviously fiction.
But there's a lawyer in the show who's like a 10 out of 10, which has never happened in the history of female lawyers.
But 10 out of 10 is super hot.
Every girl's super hot and every guy's ugly.
And it is like a guy's dream to watch super hot chicks be attracted to other girls.
That sounds exactly like Heated Rivalry.
Yeah.
Heated Rivalry is two fucking smoke shows banging all the time.
That's why women like it.
Yeah.
Where's the ugly guy who shouldn't be able to get laid and then he's getting laid?
It's a woman.
Yeah, that's what, that's what, but that's what Taylor Sheridan creates.
Oh, you're saying the hook is that the guy gets the hot girl.
I thought you were just saying we just like.
Like an Adam Sandler.
No, The ugly guy that you relate to shit on Adam Saylor.
I'm saying he casts really hot women as his wives.
I laugh.
Who's the hottest woman he casts?
He married Jennifer Anison.
One of them did.
They're like in Hawaii.
Jennifer Anison got it.
I think she's a pretty good looking girl.
She was like America's sweetheart.
She's like, well, she's beautiful.
She's great.
She's beautiful.
She's not the lawyer from fucking Taylor's also.
Come on now.
In that movie, he leaves Brooklyn Decker for her, who is a literal sports illustrated swimsuit.
Yeah, that is actually realistic.
That makes sense.
Then he leaves that girl for Jennifer.
With some sports illustrated model.
No, that's just for like a little girl.
He gets engaged to that girl who's okay.
Gorgeous.
The point that I was rejecting, I completely take back, and I was wrong.
You were right.
That's what Adam Saylor did brilliantly, and that's why he's a genius.
Okay, there you go.
Yes, you're 100% right.
This is what we want to see at the end of the day.
Grove.
And by the way, I'm talking all this shit about uh ice skating show.
Also, by the way, if they're gay, if the show is about ice skating, it's not hockey.
But uh, I watched the talented Mr. Ripley last night.
Is that gay?
That's the first ice skating show.
I've never seen it.
You guys never seen Talented Mr. Ripley with Mad Damon?
Oh my god, phenomenal.
This movie is a great movie.
Is it ice skating?
Phenomenal.
No, it's not ice skating, but there's like some homosexual undertones.
But this is back in the day where they just kind of like tease it, but they don't show it.
Was it before broke back?
Yeah, broke back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is like Matt.
It's like a couple years after Goodwill Hunting.
Jude Law is in it.
Also, what a piece Jude Law was.
Oh, handsome son of a bitch.
Gave Balding Men Everywhere.
Hope gave Balding Men everywhere.
Yeah, with that little receding hairline.
Yeah.
Okay, somehow Alex got out of this conversation.
It's just us to boys.
We started talking about girls that are hot.
You just said Jude Law's hot.
She left in the men being hot.
Yeah, I know.
I get it.
Okay.
What is this?
I don't get it.
It's Kalchi outs for outstanding performance by an ensemble in a drama.
Oh, where's this nominated?
Where's Landman?
Negative 1%.
All right.
Well, maybe it'll pull around at the end.
They haven't.
What does Calci know?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I bet you Calci know.
All right.
You guys want to watch The Pit?
Oh, someone's going to die.
They don't.
Isn't that every show in the hospital?
Don't we?
We get it.
I have no idea what the pit is.
Yeah.
It's a medical drama.
Is it like the new ER?
TR, right?
But is there anything unique about it?
The episode is one hour long.
It's one hour of content.
Like the timeline of the show is one hour.
Do they do C-sections?
24 was like that.
That's kind of dumb.
Yo, yo, shifty.
Shifty shifty.
Mike up shifty.
If you retard Max on his pod, she's going to call you out.
Okay.
Miles retard Max just right there for one hour.
You did retard Max.
The shit in the show is one hour of peanut butter.
That is one hour of peanut butter.
It's like totally worth it.
One hour long.
It's one hour of content.
Yo, you're right.
You word this nut, peanut butter.
You worded it weirdly, but yeah.
Don't do that.
You are within the story.
It's one hour.
You meant that it's an hour of real time.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was a show, there's a very famous show called 24 that did that effectively.
Yeah.
And then another show called Adolescence.
Oh, yeah.
It was.
He also did that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The famous like Wonner show.
It's all one shot.
And that kid just won a Golden Globe.
He did one of the phone.
He was phenomenal.
Oh, he did.
Yeah.
That kid shot to the police turnoff.
What about the dad?
The dad should have got something too.
Dad wrote.
Dad wrote the shit.
Really?
That actor?
Stephen Graham.
Beast.
Wow.
Beast.
Biracial.
Yeah.
But you wouldn't give him credit because he doesn't look the part.
It's fucking unbelievable, dude.
Unbelievable the world we live in.
Black Hollywood is running everything.
It is crazy.
And the guy who made the music for Wakanda, white guy.
And the music for Sinners, white guy.
We don't give no credit to Ludwig.
Yeah.
Why can't we celebrate when white people make the best African music?
Why can't we celebrate?
I need some Ludwig von Gorinson.
Why can't we celebrate?
Yo, Sean.
He just won a Golden Globe, bro.
They gave the white man a golden globe for something.
The only guy who win the Golden Globe for Sinners was a white man.
Hollywood doing that thing.
Look at him.
Oh, he's like me.
Oh, my God.
He does look hella like Mark.
Yeah, that's tough.
I mean, spangers.
Wakanda forever, that's Wakanda forever.
He used AI.
He used AI.
No, this is look at that's what Konda.
That's Sinners, bro.
Wow.
He did.
He did Wakanda.
He did Sinners.
He looks like Asher Roth.
Yo, shout out Asher.
Yeah, shout out Asher.
The goat.
But this is beautiful.
We're all working together.
And it's merit-based.
This is what we want.
Nothing wrong with that.
Yes.
Does he bring Dildos to the office?
Maybe.
What's wrong with that?
Who knows?
What is wrong with bringing Dildos to the office?
Six inches.
We're not shooting this fucking hockey show.
Sorry, they don't have the fucking slenderness at the base that you do.
Yes.
Your dick gets skinnier towards the bottom?
Slightly.
So it like opens up.
It's like a nerf.
It's like a nerf football dick.
Not that dramatic.
But what does it look like?
Like a nuke from Fallout?
Like a snake after a meal?
What does it look like?
What does it look like, dude?
Black stick.
This is MLK's vision, bro.
This is fun.
You like MLK?
Right?
Can't we be supportive of this?
I am supportive of it.
You like MLK, right?
I don't believe it.
If a black dude did the music for friends, wouldn't you be excited about that?
Wouldn't we celebrate that?
What music besides?
You think a white guy was keeping that piece of music?
That's true.
You think a white guy?
Yeah, nobody.
He couldn't.
He couldn't even do it.
He couldn't even do it.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
Okay.
All right.
I'll give it to you.
I'll give it to you.
Sometimes you guys got it.
Al, do you know what MLK's birth first name?
Shut up, Mark.
You know.
What was it?
MLK's real name.
He got his tattooed on his arm.
He got a tattooed on his arm.
I want to see that cover up.
You might know.
He might know.
Let's just see.
We don't know.
What's his literary daddy's last name?
You're scared.
What's Martin Luther King's birth name?
Okay, look it up, Joey.
I don't know.
Do I need to?
Oh, man.
It's a random question.
Al's tattoo going from Martin to Malcolm very fast.
What is his real birth name?
His real birth name is Michael.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
What's so crazy about that?
Anti-climatic.
Which is inch.
Just an interesting fun fact.
That's all.
Whoa.
Yeah.
I just figured everyone knew that.
Michael King Jr.
Yeah.
I did not know that.
You know Malcolm's last name?
Well, before we move on to that, why did he change his name to Martin Luther?
Then I think him and his dad, like wait, is this himself?
Maybe I thought that's where you're going with it.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, the truth is kind of boring, but I think he just was inspired by the Reformation that Martin Luther led to vindicate the Christian faith.
I have heard about that.
And where was that Martin Luther from?
He was German.
What did he decide?
What year did he decide?
After a trip, then what year?
Wait a second.
Hold on.
Wait, I'm like, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on, Shifty.
Go.
Was it in the 1930s, man?
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
This one.
It's hard to ask.
What's happening?
Hold on.
Hold on one second.
Hold on.
I don't know where you're going.
You're not going to stop doing this.
Martin Luther King.
Oh, I see it.
Went to Germany in the 1930s.
He had some great ideas.
I didn't know this part.
And then immediately changed his name to a white man.
Oh, my God.
This one off the rails.
Pawn Shop Money Gambles00:14:55
My bad, guys.
I'm just saying it's another example of German and black greatness coming together.
Yes.
German and blacks coming together to make Wins of Gold.
Ooh.
In Germany.
Yep.
That's great.
Damn right.
Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah.
You know, according to certain podcasts, they'd say that Jesse was treated like a king out there.
That's what people have said.
That's what certain people are saying in certain podcasts.
People have said it.
You know, it was all propaganda.
I don't know.
Jesse Owens was a Okay, what else we got, boys?
What else we got?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Yes, go.
Akash, go.
All right, so I have a camera person.
Oh, my God.
This is handles all my editing, all my content.
He was the head of my content.
He called me like a month ago, and he was like, hey, man, I need to come clean about something.
I had a gambling addiction.
I worked through it.
I just want to let you know.
And, you know, I owe it some money, but everything's taken care of.
I said, okay.
Nice.
That's great.
It's good for him.
No, Not Big Kev.
Kevin's straight.
I won't say this guy's name, but yeah.
So I'm like.
You met him when we were in Abu Dhabi.
Yeah.
I was like, okay.
Hey, that's all good.
You recovered.
He asked me for a Cauchy promo code.
Did you know that?
I never told you that.
He was like, yeah, what is a promo code for Cauchy?
I was like, oh, I'll get you one.
As time passes, the edits are looking a little sloppy.
They're coming late.
I'm starting to get concerned.
I call the guy that he works with, who's a responsible guy, realtor, whatever.
I'm like, hey, man, I'm starting to feel weird.
This guy has all my camera equipment.
I needed you to find a way to get it back for me because they're both not in New York.
They're international.
They come from Canada.
So he's like, all right, man, let me see what I can do.
I get a text from the former addict texting me.
He goes, dog, I would never steal your equipment.
That's crazy.
I start feeling so guilty.
I say, yo, man, how could I accuse him of that?
This guy performed.
He worked through it.
I get a text 10 days later.
I'm doing a gig for Kraken.
Shouts to Kraken.
That was great.
But I get a gig at three in the morning.
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
All of your equipment is at a pawn shop right now.
Three different pawn shops.
You know how hard it was for me and nothing.
The greatest Toronto area.
You know how hard it was?
Oh.
All my drives and you should hire them.
And not just the cameras.
Yo, that's facts.
These H-1Bs, bro.
That's what you keep hiring these H-1Bs.
You got a higher ride.
America would never do that.
Now, he might fuck the audio and video of every single time, but you would get your cameras.
He said I went to a pawn shop, which sounds like minority behavior.
If I got to be honest, I feel like the whites do the pawn shop.
I think the whites do the pawn shop.
It's a mix of both.
It's a mix of both.
It's just some real poor shit.
Son, all my drives, all my shows, any clip on upload, gone.
So I call this guy, and I'm trying not to lose my mind, but I go, are you fucking kidding me?
You know what's crazy?
I go, you know what's crazy?
You text me 10 days ago, tell me you would never steal my equipment.
I believe you.
I feel fucking guilty that.
And then he goes, he goes, I swear to God, he goes, it's the playoff.
He goes, no, no, no.
He goes, I didn't steal it.
I pawned it.
I was like, oh, oh, fuck me in my face.
How different?
Oh, how different?
And he got mad at me.
He was like, I just can't understand how you don't see the difference.
I was like, dog.
He just had to get his money back.
And you don't just go buy it, man.
He's about to win.
He was about to win.
We're about to be rich.
Oh, gosh.
We ain't about to be rich.
Why are you damned on it?
He's making a play real.
Yeah, Landman is down now for the Golden Globe, but you don't know what could happen, bro.
We got a year.
He's a finale.
We got a year.
Peanut butter.
I had to pay attention.
And I'm calling the pawn shops he went to, like, hey, this guy stole my equipment.
I need to get it back.
And they're like, he didn't steal it.
He pawned it.
They're like, well, we need him to come in because we need proof that it's his or that it's not his, whatever.
As far as we know, it's his.
So he got to go in and get the equipment back.
That's actually really funny to empathize with a pawn shop.
Like a pawn shop exists for people with addictions to sell shit that's not theirs.
And you call them like, it's not even his.
Like, they're supposed to be like, oh, this is hurting now.
This has never happened here before.
I'm saying, I'll give you the money, but I can't trust that guy to get my equipment again.
And they're like, well, I don't know what to tell you.
And they're like, do you have receipts?
And I'm like, yeah, I can find receipts.
And they're like, all right, let me call you back.
I call six times.
I don't get a call back.
They don't give a fuck, dude.
They're just like, and it's not even there being shady.
It's like, I don't give a fuck about your little international.
I got to ship this internationally.
Even if you give me the money, get the fuck out of here.
I'm not doing that.
So I had to figure out a way.
It took all weekend.
I was panicking all weekend.
Sorry, I ignored your phone calls, huh?
Should have hit a pause.
I should have hit a hospital.
Well, but then he would have needed the guy to go in.
And I don't, I think Haas would have wound himself, gotten himself in trouble.
Fair enough.
So, to protect Haas, I had the guy's business partner who's like, like I said, a responsible guy.
He dragged him to the pawn shop in there.
But anyway, how fucking sad is this, bro?
I mean, oh, no.
I was just checking in with Arkash because he wasn't checking in with me with my child, so I was making sure he was okay.
And he hadn't send a single message my way.
That's cool.
You ignored me trying to hang out.
I did.
I did.
I have a child.
He seems justified.
He has another problem.
I had issues, dude.
It was a real thing.
So, what is the status of the camera?
So now that guy, you know, what's also crazy?
The guy who took the pawn the equipment was like, oh, I needed to pay my business partner back.
I, because he had apparently taken his credit cards, maxed them out, wrung up crazy debt to him.
Do you know what he's gambling on?
I gotta know.
I don't know.
But this is what's gamble responsibly, dude.
I have a problem with gambling, but do that shit.
Here's the thing about gambling addiction: drink.
I grew up with alcoholics.
You drink enough, you'll just die.
You drink too much.
Heroin, you do too much, you'll just die.
Gambling, whatever I can get my hands on, I can just lose it.
Yeah, but now he's probably sucking dick.
I hope so, yo.
I hope he is.
I hope you sucking dick for parlays.
I want that for you.
I want that.
All right, come on.
I just want that.
I tried to be empathetic.
It didn't happen.
I'm going to be honest with you, bro.
I will be an extra in heat of rivalry right now.
Sucking dick to gamble is crazy.
That's insanity.
I'm just feeling like every other thing.
Dude, addiction, right?
Like, nobody's so addicted to sex, they will suck dick for it.
And that's sex.
Wait, hold on.
Like, if you're a straight dude, you're addicted to sex, right?
No, they do gay shit.
Just because they're so addicted to sex, that's addiction.
Yeah.
No, that's addiction, bro.
That's addiction.
But gambling, like, is anybody sucking dick to put money on the game?
I hope so.
Yeah.
If it is, 100%.
We need a betting market on Tashi for that shit immediately, bro.
Can we put a market up for your boy?
Yeah, I would love that.
Yeah, odds on whether or not he's sucking dick.
He'll probably lie about it because he told me he stole my shit and pawned it.
Not because I stole it.
He pawned my shit so he could pay this guy back.
That guy was like, he didn't pay me back.
So that's why, because I was like, I don't believe you.
There's no reason you would steal my shit to pay back this guy that you're so close to.
This guy's going to give you money.
I didn't say his name.
No, but he's going to do it anyway.
And somehow Akash is going to lose.
Somehow.
Akash is going to spend a quarter million dollars in a lawsuit and wins to the guy who sold all his camera according to a pawn.
He sending me four days later, he's like, I'll pay you back as soon as I get on my feet.
I was like, you ain't getting on your fucking feet.
I didn't even respond.
What is this dumbass sex you're sending me?
Poor guy, though.
I mean, poor guy.
Yeah.
He's an ass.
He's an addict.
He's an addict.
You got to treat him like an ass.
I hate all of y'all.
I hate all of y'all.
Your wife is white.
Your son's a gay.
No due respect.
I hate all of you.
No due respect.
You're too rich for people to feel bad for you, bro.
Yeah, it's fine.
You're too rich.
Now, if he pawned all of Jaseline's bags, that would be hilarious.
That would be fucking hilarious.
I'm not going to lie.
That would be absolutely hysterical.
That would be content.
Oh, my God.
But it was really you on the side.
I was the video camera foot.
He's got a stretchy on.
I don't know what happened in the bags.
Wait, so did you even ask about the parlay?
Because I feel like before I judge him, I want to know.
Yeah, did he?
What was he gambling?
If he won, I'd have got my shit back.
No, you wouldn't because he wanted to gamble more.
Like, once you got some heat, you got to keep rolling.
He got to work.
He lost whatever he got.
He broke again.
But if he loses enough times in a row, he's about to win.
Exactly.
That's true.
So you can't lose forever.
Yeah.
It's gambling.
You know what I mean?
It's called gambling for a reason.
Be called losing if you lost forever.
Eventually, you're going to win.
I think we got to let him roll.
Call him.
Call him up.
We got some cameras in here.
Yo, we should invest.
We got to invest in him.
Okay, for real.
Call him up.
Okay.
Tell him, tell him I want to put one dick suck on his phone.
Let me memo you a dick suck.
How much do you want to pay?
No, no.
I'm not.
I told lips.
You're going to pay through gay sexual acts.
That's it.
But you're going to get your dicks.
Hold on.
My wife just had a kid, bro.
She's cut open, and I ain't getting my dick suck in a long time.
You don't want somebody going through something a little desperate.
He's going to want it.
You think them hockey boys want it?
Oh, yeah.
This guy.
Shit.
Like gambling at it?
Fuck.
He's feeling lucky.
Call him.
Lucky, dude.
Anyway, shout out my duro, though.
Poor, what the fuck?
Come on, I want to see Venezuela.
I want to see this episode of Pawn Stars of just your guy going to hell.
I feel bad for this guy.
Yeah, I feel bad for him too, bro.
Al, I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate your five-inch dick.
I hate everything about you.
That's a problem.
We should come back.
Wait, how did he get the cameras back?
I had to have his homie go get it with him, and now it's in his homie's possession.
But he didn't spend the money yet.
No, he spent all the money.
So you have to put the money up to get?
I had to pay the money.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I had to pay his homie the money to go get it.
And then I got.
And the main issue is all my shows and shit were on.
It's like I'm working on a new hour.
Everything is.
No, I'm getting it hopefully this week.
This nigga just got got by a guy.
Yes.
I got twice.
You ain't got no cameras.
This is what I got.
Anybody else in Canada?
Haas gonna go to jail.
Who the fuck else?
Haas is going to jail.
Haas is good.
Yeah, Haas is good.
He's good.
Money.
He got to go with the guy.
Yeah, we could send somebody with him that wasn't his partner in crime originally.
I don't know where the guy lives.
I got to figure out where he lives.
Why do you have to figure out where he lives?
Do you know where he lives now?
Why would you sent his money?
So then why would you have to figure out where he lives?
But how does he get the guy to go to the pawn shop?
Yeah.
The same way he's getting the guy to go to the pawn shop now.
That guy knows where he lives.
Going to his place, grab him up.
Let's go.
So you do know where he lives.
No, because he doesn't, but his partner is.
His homie does.
If you reach out to a random third party, he's going to be like, all right, where's the guy so we can go to the pawn shop?
I feel like we're getting off topic a little bit here.
I think what we should be focusing on is this poor guy and what he's going through.
Yes, exactly.
And I feel like I feel like, Akash, when you presented this, what you were really trying to speak on is the suffering that this guy is going through.
If the guy had to sell your camera equipment, you think he wanted to do that?
Yeah.
He didn't want to mess up this relationship he has with you.
Yeah.
This is the best thing he's got going on.
You should have texted him back with the hotline for the gamblers.
Yeah.
Give him the candlesticks, bro.
Jean-Valjean, you stole.
Here's some more.
You need it.
You need it, bro.
What is that?
Son.
Les Mis Rabble.
You never seen Les Miserable?
No.
No.
There's a reason why they leave books out in Iraq.
Wait, what?
There's a reason why they leave books out in the streets in Iraq, man.
I don't.
What do you mean?
The man who reads does not steal.
And the thief does not read.
Put the shades off.
Come on, bro.
Yeah.
Little do they know.
The U.S. does both.
Give us that.
Give us that.
Yes.
Oh, man.
Well, let's start with some fun.
He was cool, too.
Yeah, I liked him, man.
I think you got to give him a second chance.
Yeah, I didn't talk to him.
No, I talked to him.
I was talking about sports for an hour.
Yeah, he was giving us some good.
He was talking to me about gambling.
I swear to God, no lies.
I was sitting next to him when we were going to today.
And I had no idea.
No idea.
This is kind of Al's fault in a way.
What did he, what were you, were you putting a battery in his back?
I don't know.
I was just acting like I was paying attention, but now he doesn't.
He's telling Al, he said, Yo, I got all this camera equipment.
He goes, Yo, you can pawn this shit.
I'm tagging the under on Al's dick size right now.
You're trying to get under Al's dick.
Damn.
That's where I hope my hallway's going to have to meet him.
Send this guy WTF Media Studios addresses.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, hey, he could probably use a job, actually.
He's a talented camera person.
You have so much empathy.
You should give him a job.
I got guns.
That's fine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This guy's an addict.
You're going to shoot a guy with a mental health issue?
Yeah.
No, if he comes to my place, China.
No, you said you would do this.
He didn't steal it.
He shouldn't have to do it.
He pawned it.
Yeah, he's not going to steal your shit.
He's going to pawn you.
I ain't no bitch.
I'm shooting.
What the hell?
See how I use the N-word to be funny?
Committee device.
Damn.
Listen.
And you see how it also didn't really land?
Damn, Al.
He's taking away your N-words.
See, this is why I don't say that.
I don't think China should be allowed to use it.
I don't think you should be allowed to use it because you're just not good at it.
I believe that.
I believe that.
Damn.
I believe you.
He's trying to steal this.
He's just bad.
Yeah.
Nah, he's just bad.
He's a sucker.
He got rocked.
I didn't get robbed.
I had to support his addiction.
I have empathy.
You were right this whole time.
Hey, if you need a job, yo, I'm going to text you.