Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh navigate holiday chaos, debating worst Christmas films like How the Grinch Stole Christmas and analyzing a viral "Wicked" singing boy. They tackle dark hypotheticals, including committing crimes if eradicated from humanity and workplace safety fears regarding a coworker named Miles. The group dissects the kissing scene in Challengers, Eileen Gu's Olympic switch, and trivia covering Katy Perry's flight companions and Diddy's baby oil seizures. Ultimately, the episode blends absurd humor with provocative moral questions, concluding with Gen Z word games and a phone call from comedian Lil Pete about family feuds over ice cream. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Lip Bite and Herpes Lie00:15:22
You took a bite out of your lip, bro.
What is that?
Son, I can't even defend it.
It's like, I might as well just be like, I got herpes.
Because if I describe it, you're not going to believe me.
So, okay, yeah, tell your lie.
Yeah, I know.
That's a good way to put a great way to position it.
It looks like a great way to position it.
I got it.
I got it.
How do I even get out of this?
I thought it was going to heal.
I was putting fucking ointments on that shit for the last two days.
Like, yo, please, God, let this shit be healed by flagrant.
Yeah.
No, your girl's giving you a shit.
She's like, put this on.
It'll fix it.
I was on stage last night looking at the whole front row.
Like, please, Lord, don't let him spit on me with that fucking herpes on his lip.
Yeah.
So, anyway, so yeah, that's what it is.
His story was that he peeled off like a little piece of skin.
My lips were dry and cracked, and I had peeled a little piece of skin off.
You asked him about the herp earlier?
Yes, yesterday it was way worse.
It looked crazy yesterday.
He's projecting, bro, because he's ashy.
Because he's an ashy little YW.
I am an ashy.
Dude, look at that.
He's an ashy little YW.
Look how ashy I am.
No, he's trying to show up his calf.
Come on, don't look at it.
Look at that.
You can't tell.
You got Asian calves.
That's a compliment.
Yeah, that is.
Yeah, your calf is.
The rest of you is frail, but the calves is out.
I don't even need to say the other part.
You mustered up the courage to compliment me.
Let's just sit in that.
You can't.
I thought you meant.
Yeah, but I'm tough up top, and my bottom is frail.
When you said Asian cast, I thought you meant that I had like sparsely growing hair on them.
Oh, also that.
Also, Asian's got like about seven hairs top, so they can't count them.
So, yeah, they disperse.
So, God gave me that nigga show off.
Just like bald spot, right?
Any other observations you like to make about it?
Say, you got your calf out.
I was trying to show you ashiness.
I didn't need to be criticized for other things as well.
I feel like Alex shaves his legs, to be honest.
Do you?
I'm just not hairy.
Let me say.
Oh, I'm ashy as fuck.
That shit is like crocodiles.
You're not ashy.
Oh, no, you are.
Yeah.
You look like a Louis bag.
You just insanely tic-tac-toe about shit right now.
Louis bag.
I was like on Canal Street right now.
Oh, that's so funny, Mark.
Yeah, more.
Yeah, more.
More close to Calps.
Come on, we got to shoot him.
Shut the fuck up.
Why don't you shut the fuck up?
You're going to give me the herp.
I don't want that.
They haven't had the herp, bro.
Fuck on it.
Be honest, dude.
You definitely have herpes.
I've never had a blister in my life.
All right.
I've never had a blister.
You never had a blister anywhere.
No, like the herpie blister.
Do you want to do this?
Do you want to do this?
Oh, blur.
Do you want to do this?
You're not going to end up blurping.
Okay, let's go.
Do you really want to do this?
I really want to do it.
Let's go.
Ohio.
Tour.
Funnybone.
Columbus.
I have no idea.
I'm trying to put it together.
I'm like, you don't remember your whole shit?
He's fine.
You wouldn't even come to the show.
Shut up.
You had Mark set up the cameras.
Shut up.
Yo, can I just tell the story?
Okay, okay.
All right.
Thank you.
You had Mark set up the cameras.
You had Mark set up the cameras because you're like, I can't let people see me like this.
I have a reputation uphold.
Okay.
And you had a full-blown, and it wasn't even on your lip.
It was like, it was this one here.
It was like in the corner.
It looked like you were stretching your mouth really wide for something.
And your lip had cracked and you had to take a fucking weekend off of shows.
Pity lasts from shit, dude.
That's what you get right now.
I'll fuck with it.
You a trooper, man.
He's a real one.
Fuck you.
Keep him around.
Shut up.
Shut up, Al.
I'm starting the clock.
All right.
We got one hour 15.
Everyone's got a blur.
I'm hot as fuck with these goddamn fire sweaters.
Fire sweater.
Yeah.
They're not ugly.
They're fire.
Can we get some AC though, please?
Tuck and click.
Yeah, we could do a little AC.
Yeah.
All right.
You want to get into Christmas vibes?
You got a story to tell, Schultz.
No, I got no stories.
We would love to hear.
You got one story.
We're dying to hear.
What happened?
Oh, blister.
Oh, I told you that.
That's where that's the story.
That's the story.
We are fucking staying with me.
What do you mean?
That's the story you're going.
It's fine.
Yeah, I got it.
I'm like, okay, I don't like this.
I don't like this energy from this.
What'd you like this at?
Like, come on, Alex.
You carry the same energy.
Y'all been bullying me since I sat down.
Bro, I almost didn't get the downout.
I almost didn't get the downout.
I wasn't getting the downout.
I'm telling you.
I don't know.
The only reason I'm a little suspicious is because you've had this before.
What'd you call it before?
Inpodigo.
Oh, that was a different one.
You had multiple flares on you.
Put the AC on.
It happens in the winter.
Inputs.
It was an early flag.
You remember that?
Let me tell you, I'm going to have to use my blurb.
I'm going to have to use my blur.
Already?
Yeah, I had that shit way back in the day.
Damn.
That was terrifying.
I completely forgot.
That's the only reason I'm suspicious of this.
It could be a flare-up.
No, That's like a virus.
You get that from like a.
So is Herpes, isn't it?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
It has.
I think it's in the name.
It's like Herpes Simplex one, I think.
Where is it in the name?
I thought it was a Herpes Simplex virus.
I thought it was a good idea.
My God.
Yeah.
All right.
Can we play some Christmas games?
Yeah.
Guys, this is the greatest season of all time.
Cream.
Okay.
If anyone doesn't know, we're joined here by my friend Andrew Schultz, my buddy Akash Singh, Alex Media, Joey, White Media.
Call him a friend.
Also, my friend.
And we got Shifty, and we got me.
All right.
And in the spirit of the season, I figured we play some holiday games.
Let's fucking do it, dude.
What do you think?
What do you say, Al?
This is a weird energy.
I like it.
Why is it weird?
Just go with it.
Go with it.
Why is it weird?
Why are you being so critical, dude?
Yeah.
No, it's different.
Insecurity is different.
Posture is not insecurity.
So y'all not going to notice that he's just being different.
No.
We notice you're being different.
You're being weird.
Yeah.
I got my paint.
Touched in LA?
Hey, dickhead.
Look at the seating arrangement.
Yeah.
We're trying to have some fun.
Can you let this guy try to let us have some fun?
Let's have fun.
All right.
There we go.
Politics.
Al's not in the Christmas spirit.
Oh, no, no.
I don't think I was in the Christmas period.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It didn't hit me yet.
But come on.
Also, you got to act right because I want you to know I have shooters in the room right now.
Bang.
Shifty.
Whoa, Oh, shit.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So don't fuck around.
All right.
Hey, we brought these back.
We got Shifty with the nerf guns.
Okay.
From the rafters, all right?
Yeah.
Also, we got Miles.
We got the whole glah global.
Come on.
Oh, come on, man.
We got the whole gla gla boom.
All right.
So you bet a duck, bitch.
Okay.
So just watch out.
You just better watch out.
Did we have the gla gla boom?
Big hit.
Yeah, if anyone doesn't know, Miles is on the ones and twos.
He's playing all the pretty buttons, right, Miles?
No, you're supposed to play sound effects.
I wanted to shoot someone.
God damn it, Miles.
Okay, what are we doing?
What do you have for us?
This is a beautiful Christmas special brought to you by Flagrant.
Yes.
What do you have for us, Mark?
Well, we can start with just some Christmas questions, okay?
We're just getting to the vibe of the spirit.
It's hot in here, yo.
That's okay.
These sweaters are these.
Yeah, we're cooking right now.
I'm not going to lie.
Okay, tell us.
Honest question.
Yeah.
Worst Christmas movie of all time.
Go.
The worst.
Yeah.
What's the worst?
That Grinch shit I saw this weekend.
No, terrible take.
Awful tick.
I couldn't do it.
Awful.
Maybe I'm too old.
I saw it as a 41-year-old man.
It was terrible.
You've seen Jim Carrey's movie.
And I love Jim Carrey.
I mean, no disrespect.
I know he put in a lot, but I just couldn't.
I couldn't do it.
That's a bad take.
I would say that's probably the best Christmas movie.
The cringe?
That's crazy.
That's a fucking movie.
That's the stupidest thing you've ever said in your life.
Nah, nah, nah.
The Tim Allen joints.
Santa Claus is the best?
Never seen it.
Sucks.
The Santa Claus joints were, I think, incredible.
What do we talk?
Home alone.
What are we talking about?
Back to back, like Drake.
Bang, bang.
Elf.
Like, it's way better.
Elf is phenomenal.
I put home alone about it.
I think Elf is a little overrated, bro.
It's just overplayed.
I think Elves overrated.
But also, it was so gassed by the time I saw it.
I was waiting for it to be the greatest movie I've ever seen.
Oh, okay.
So, like, because everybody was like, this is amazing.
But I thought it was kind of you've explained it to me.
That's my entire personality.
Yes.
If I'm bad, high expectations, I'm going to hate it.
Yes.
Okay.
But yeah, it's a good movie.
Wait, worst is a hard way to phrase it.
I tried to watch this Christmas, but it's just too old.
Which one is that one?
I don't know.
Some little white kid.
He looks a little retarded.
Wait, what?
What the fuck is this Christmas?
I believe it.
Is this a new movie?
No, it's old.
A Christmas story.
Oh, that one.
You fucking.
Yeah, there we go.
This Christmas movie.
This Christmas is from 2000 New Pods.
This kid?
Yeah, that one.
That's a great one.
I watched the whole thing on a plane a couple of years ago because I was like, yo, Christmas time, whatever.
Don't hit.
Don't hit when you watch it all the way through as a grown-up.
That kid's the main elf in Elf.
Yeah, yeah.
He also produces his podcast, actually.
That kid.
Nah, but if you saw it, play it, Miles.
That was good.
None of us see Miles as a producer, so we didn't get it immediately.
But that was good.
Yeah, play it.
Play it, dude.
Which one of the old one?
The bomb, motherfucker.
Come on.
And bomb twice.
Mark bomb twice.
Oh, oh, this is high-level Christmas production.
We got the clock clock boom.
We got the clock clock boom.
That's also a good bomb.
Yeah, that's a nice bomb.
Okay.
No, Christmas story slaps if you see it as a kid.
It's unbelievable.
How do you do worst?
I didn't see it as a kid.
We got to do most overrated or something because the worst Christmas movie is hard.
Grinch is most overrated to me.
That's fair.
You can say a Christmas story.
That's a good take.
Yeah.
I'm going to say the other best is Nightmare Before Christmas.
Sucks.
I don't even remember.
That fucking guy creeped me out, yo.
Tim Robinson.
Jack Skellington.
Nah, that from Tim Robinson.
Tim Robinson.
What's the guy's name who makes all them cartoons movies?
Tim Burton?
Tim Burton.
Tim Burn.
Yeah, that guy.
That's the guy that's a Nightmare Before Christmas.
And he's married to the Harry Potter with Bellatrix.
Bella Trix Lestrange.
Yeah, she's in it.
She's in it.
100%.
Yeah, yeah.
No, that's, I think, all-time best Christmas movie.
Nah, best soundtrack for sure.
Love actually, unbelievable.
You watch the second that's on, you're watching it.
You've never watched Love Actually?
It's a great movie.
Phenomenal movie.
I feel like you just don't know the names of The Holidays.
A great movie.
It's a little, it's corny, but it's great.
Love Act.
Scott of Beast.
Kate Winslick.
He's amazing.
This one.
You've seen it before.
Hugh Grant.
The kids story.
You like it is phenomenal.
You would like it.
I'll check it out.
You like romantic movies, right?
Not really.
Oh, is it because you're autistic?
Nah.
It doesn't help.
It's fake love.
Did you fake love?
Yeah, there's no arguing.
The movies be too neat.
It's a fucking movie.
Yeah, it's too nice to be.
It's too nice.
Have you seen the movie?
No, I'm assuming.
Just by just arguing.
Oh, it is?
Okay.
So then I might like it.
I was judging a book by the cover.
That looks like a bunch of chunky cracks.
What you going through, man?
Y'all niggas are.
Don't try to M-word your way out of this.
Don't you dare try that with us.
No, you want to call him a black idiot.
It's so cathartic.
I can't.
I gotta let you do it.
Now tell us what you're going through.
What's happening emotionally for you?
You have a rough flight or something?
I feel like you bring in somebody's.
Maybe you're all cranky pants.
You feel you were nice.
It is Scrooge McDonald's.
A little tight energy in it.
You're a lot of people.
Scrooge McDonald's.
Do you need a little tickle-tickle?
Do you need a little tickle-tickle?
Tell me.
Do you want to tickle?
What if I tickle your fans?
I can turn it off.
Nah, this shit throws a hammer.
I've seen it too many times.
Oh, you see it?
I know I've seen it too many times.
Everybody says this shit.
That was from the group chat.
Tanya dropped that in just first thing in the morning, no context.
Absolute heater.
Yeah, I mean, Arkash, what do you think?
Is this racist?
You know what?
Jewish people got enough hate coming at him.
They can send some shit to me.
Y'all got it.
There you go.
There you go.
I would argue that this one's better, though.
Is that real, though?
That's AI, right?
Can you turn it up, Archer?
Just earthly jingle.
You gotta accent this to the group.
Second enough.
Yeah, second.
You studied it, so you sent this to the group.
Yeah, but how does it feel when he calls it to you?
Like, what does it feel like?
What part hurts more?
Because he definitely is one of them.
That's a good joke.
That one's definitely one.
Damn, dude.
Takash been radicalized, bro.
Nah, that one's stung.
All right.
Can we go to the group chat and get some more group chat videos?
This is, I mean, this is an all-time banger.
Have you seen the kid that goes...
We need to turn AC up in this motherfucker.
I don't know what this is made of.
This is 100% like Icelandic sheepskin or something.
I am dripping sweat right now.
Me too.
Okay.
We need to go cold.
We need to bring everybody else in the studio.
I'm nothing to freeze out there.
Where are you going, Miles?
We're going to just open the door.
All right, open the door.
We're airing it out.
We're airing it out.
We're airing it out up in this bitch.
Okay.
Have you seen this?
This is a kid that goes to the dentist.
He gets put on laughing gas and he starts singing.
I want some laughing.
No, no, leave that open.
Have you not seen this?
I've seen it.
This is unbelievable.
Yo, this is phenomenal.
What is he singing?
He's singing wicked.
This is what he's inserting the.
I mean, what a beautiful voice.
Yeah.
I mean, unbelievable, bro.
Going into the yay is fire, right?
I'm glad you brought that up because they've made edits about it.
I mean, it's beautiful.
Unbelievable.
So this is the edit that they've made.
Okay.
That's the most beautiful nigga I've heard.
Gorgeous, right?
I mean, what a beautiful voice that kid is.
It's unbelievable.
I'm curious if he knew he had that in him before he got the drugs.
Like, he must be like a musician, right?
That's my assumption.
Yeah, he's got the best voice ever.
But was he just a regular TikTok kid and then got drugs and then it just came out?
Yeah.
I don't know about that kid's voice.
Because it might have been the parents and they just recorded it and that's it.
This is the beginning of the song.
Skateboard Edit and Beautiful Voice00:06:38
Oh, break my heart if it's AI.
Wouldn't it break your heart if it's AI?
I hate that we're getting to the point that we can't tell.
No, no, it's not AI.
There's no way.
There's no way.
I was hoping it wasn't just marketing for wicked because that clip is going crazy right now.
Yeah.
But he would be on Ellen immediately if this was 10 years ago.
And it was a different word.
It may be over.
Well, that's what's interesting.
It's not the N-word.
Oh, what is he saying?
So the lyrics are, you're never going to bring me down in the actual wicked soundtrack.
So he's saying, me down.
And it sounds like the N-word.
Nah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, it's like that dress.
Is it blue and gold or black and blue?
Guys, I got a couple shows on the books right now.
Providence, Rhode Island, March 28th.
Okay.
We also have great outdoors fests in Halifax, Nova Scotia, August 8th.
Okay.
Mark Gagnon coming.
Yes.
Cam Patterson coming.
Lucas Zelnick coming.
I think they're going to have some local guys on it too.
We're going to have a crazy show up there at the Garrison Grounds.
Go get those tickets right now.
DandrewSchultz.com.
Also, guys, show dates.
As soon as the new year starts, I'm at the Pittsburgh Improv, January 8th through 10th.
Then Phoenix, Arizona, 15th through the 17th.
Get your tickets for that quickly.
The Wilmer, I think there's less than like 50 tickets left.
So if you're not getting them now, you're kind of fucked.
But the next day, January 24th, Fox's Casino, get your tickets for that.
Those just dropped.
Augusting.com.
We got all those dates and more.
Generational triumph tour.
We love y'all.
We're adding dates.
Thank you so much.
God bless.
What's up, people?
Mark Gagnon here.
I'm on the road.
I'm going to Salt Lake City, Utah, January 16th and 17th, Washington, D.C., February 19th, and Charlotte, North Carolina, February 22nd.
And then, of course, I do my monthly show in New York City at Marylo.
You can get the tickets there on my Instagram every single month whenever we do that show.
I'll see you guys in the next video.
Thank you.
Yes.
See you there.
Peace.
And guys, all of you who tuned into AM Mornings, thank you very much.
It was an awesome show.
We do it every Sunday at 11 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.
Just go to ammornings.com to call in.
But now it's the holidays.
It's the time to give back.
I am also throwing a benefit show, a comedy show.
We're going to have a bunch of guests on January 24th.
This is cancelcomedyx.com to get your tickets.
All proceeds are going to Food Bank for New York.
So yes, please get your tickets.
When you buy tickets, when you drink, when you eat, all that is going to go to feeding people in need.
So I'll see you guys there January 24th, cancelcomedyx.com.
Peace.
We got more shit from the group chat.
All right.
Oh, this is legendary right here.
Shout out, Chris Jocelyn, man.
Explain the significance of it.
Okay, so this guy just won skater of the year, right?
He did what's called a tray flip down this place called El Toro.
It's a 20 stairs.
So imagine 20 stairs.
Okay.
A tray flip is the board rotates in a 360 and flips at the same time.
Apparently he tried the trick, and I'll butcher this.
I'm such a skateboard casual, but he tried to flip like eight years ago or something like that.
And then he kind of rode it out, but his truck broke.
So he like rode it for a little and then the skateboard kind of gave out.
And some people were like, ah, it doesn't count.
Like it would be, it would count for all of us if we did a fucking Ollie and we did that.
But for a professional skateboard or whatever.
So eight years later, he goes and just fucking stomps it.
He doesn't try it again for eight years.
I don't know.
Maybe he did.
Maybe, I don't know exactly.
But 20 stairs.
So think about this.
That shit is nuts.
That's crazy.
And you don't land it the first time.
So there's videos of him trying it.
Just imagine.
It's like, how many times can you jump down 20 stairs?
Yeah.
Just think about that.
And you're just hoping you don't get injured badly enough that you can't do it again.
Exactly.
So every time you're doing it, like these guys learn how to fall like the parkour guys.
Yeah.
Stunt men.
Yes, exactly.
But dude, it's this awesome video.
He goes, I fucking did it.
His kids run out.
They give him a big hug.
That's nice.
There's, look at, look at him.
No, I love this, that triumph shit.
Look at this.
Oh, that's great.
And he's kind of brock, too.
Oh, the dude is fucking diesel.
Usually they'd be like skinny ball.
Son, skateboarding is different from when I was a kid.
What people are doing on a skateboard.
Like I grew up on Astor Place, right?
And like all the kids that would go become like the Supreme guys would all be skating Astor Place.
And then there was like Union Square.
There's a place called the Brooklyn Banks downtown.
You remember.
Okay.
There was this place, the Cube, right?
You guys obviously know that.
And obviously these guys were good and we saw the Tony Hawks and all these things.
The things people are doing now on a fucking skateboard, like kickflips onto board slides on rails, then kickflips off of the rail.
You know, Tony Hawk, this is what it sounds like.
You know, Tony Hawk, you would just do these crazy combinations.
That's what they're doing in real life now.
Yeah.
They're doing video game shit.
I almost wonder if the video game pushed the R forward.
The R forward.
Because kids are playing and they're like, oh, you could do it.
Why don't we try that?
You could bring into an airport and run on the baggage clan.
If you wanted to.
If you wanted to.
100%.
But like the level of difficulty for something like this and just the level of physicality and injury.
Yeah.
There's crazy people that falls off that where people just absolutely blow their whole legs out.
They did blow their ACL.
They share their groins.
Like the force, when you land 20 steps, boom, boom.
Crazy.
Now the wheels are up a little bit, but like.
I've seen him do some stuff because I was looking into all his stuff after this, right?
And like I saw him do some things that he was, there wasn't something as big as this, but you could see him realize he wasn't going to land the trick in the air, quickly kind of kick the board out of the way, and then do his like land and roll.
He did an Alex Media backfoot.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, this shit was, this is like a whole dock on it.
That's like how big it was for skating.
It's just funny how the steps has a name.
I think it's like El Toro High School.
There's a bunch.
There's one called the Leon 25, which is in Leon, France.
Oh, okay.
But Mark Rodriguez was interesting.
Look at that.
But he almost makes falling seem like it doesn't hurt that much.
If you fell four stairs, that's like the rest of the day.
Oh, yeah.
I tried rollerblading back in the day because that was cool.
Three stairs, I was like, I'm too pussy.
He drunkenly fell out of a pizza parlour.
Are you trying to talk to Shifty or something?
Yeah, I can't run out of fucking torture.
I was an electric bike fan.
Hold on, there's two different conversations going on.
Pizza Parlor Rules and Steps00:15:06
I was drunkenly in a pizza parlor and I saw Shifty walk by and he just sort of waved and then I tried to run out of the pizza parlor and be like, yo, Shifty.
And I didn't tell there's a stair coming down out of the pizza parlor.
Yeah.
Fully fell in front of like, it's a popular place.
A lot of people in line and just fully fell and then had to act like I wasn't in pain running up to Shifty and being like, dude, how are you?
Dude, were you with Shub when he ate shit on the grate?
Oh, yeah.
Shub are walking down the street.
It's pouring rain.
It's cold.
There's ice everywhere.
And he's on one of those metal parts of the sidewalk.
I look over, the next thing I see are Shub's feet next to my head.
So I had one of those almost yesterday.
I ran out of my apartment to go to do shows.
There was ice on the ground and my right foot went and it was like cartoon.
It went straight up like fucking Nazi walk.
And then thank God my left foot was on not ice.
But I was almost like on the way to the Uber.
The Uber driver's looking at me approach.
He sees the leg go flying and I see his eyes open up like, oh no.
I did this yesterday.
I'm chasing an Uber.
Like it stops on the street and everyone's honking at him and I see him and I'm like, oh fuck, just stop, please.
And he starts to drive and I'm like, no, no, no.
I start to run and I hit ice and scramble and then I catch up and he's like, bro, where were you?
And I was like, you don't even understand.
Yeah, you don't even understand what I've just been through.
Yeah, you don't have ice where you're from.
Yeah.
Should just let me do.
No, can I just bring up one thing before we watch?
Oh, I love these videos.
Oh, good.
I'm doing good.
Because it's interesting you said you bumped into Shifty in the neighborhood, Miles, because Shifty now lives with you guys.
Yes.
So I have another set of eyes on what's happening in the neighborhood.
Right.
Yeah.
So just letting you know, Miles, you know the rules of the office, right?
What is this?
Absolutely.
There's no sexual relations with anybody that works in the office, right, Miles?
You know the rules in the office, right?
I know, like, can I use my Elden Blue or something?
I'm just saying, Miles, you know the rules of the office.
There's no sexual relations.
Let Miles get dick wet real quick.
Don't talk about me like that.
How can we describe the moisture of any woman that works at this office?
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm just saying, Miles, you know the rules.
Apparently, apparently.
Apparently, there's no chill, fam.
What you doing?
Yeah.
Was he mouthing a blow to the ball?
No, I was trying to make the sound when you're fucking back in.
Are you fucking a squirrel?
Yo.
Hey, go back to Benoit, Miles.
Come on.
Miles.
I saved you.
I just want to thank you for taking all the fucking moment.
You're welcome.
So much fun.
Hey, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
Okay.
All right, back to this.
So, you know the rules.
There's no, we're not back to this.
Go back to this.
He's fraternizing.
He's a penball.
He's living way with anybody that works in the office.
I'm just saying.
Shifty didn't even snitch on you.
He's like, yo, it's so crazy.
I see Miles and Alex everywhere getting bagels together, getting ice cream together, just walking down the street, skipping.
He said that he sees you as non-stop together.
You live down the block.
I got fucking eyes on you.
I live near everyone.
I'm with you.
Mark all the fucking time.
He never says you see him with Mark.
He never says, though.
Say gay.
He's gay.
Who's gay?
Alex.
He was gay.
That's true.
All of his friends are gay.
That is true.
So there you go.
It's friendly.
When did Alex become gay?
She's big.
No way.
Yeah.
Alex, Chris.
Come on.
Hold on.
Hold on, Alex.
Alex, what?
Yeah.
No way.
Nah, get out of here, man.
I will buy it.
Alex!
Alex, come on, yo.
You're leaving me alone.
Carpet, you can show.
What is this?
Hold on, Alex.
Are we outing you on the whole pod right now?
Look at me.
Hold on, hold on.
Yo, made her gay.
She's full in the first place.
She was straight when I knew her three weeks ago.
She was gay, though.
Look how she dresses.
She doesn't dress.
What's happening, dear?
What is happening on a podcast?
What type of attacks are this?
We have to protect the marginalized communities here.
I don't think you dress gay at all.
Not to be anything wrong with that.
I did say I dressed like a little boy.
That was when you dressed like a boy, though.
Hold on.
What's going on?
Is this a new thing?
You got one haircut.
I have had sex with women, but I'm not gay.
But I don't know if that's the answer.
How can a guy say that?
I've had sex with guys, but I'm not gay.
Just look up that first one.
Andrew Schultz, Andrew Schultz.
Okay.
Yeah, that works.
That'll get him off.
Now you're good.
Can we have him?
You took them, bro.
Can we have him?
You fucking got him, dude.
Andrew Schultz, Andrew Schultz.
I think it was Andrew Schultz.
He said his name right now.
Okay.
Oh, come on.
Hold on.
The way that the holiday commercials just became real?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes, yes, this is life-reflecting art or whatever.
Right.
Okay, okay.
So, okay.
They're saying you're gay, which is totally fine.
To get out of the Miles accusation?
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yo, is Miles.
I've been there.
Can we just understand what's happening?
Shifty told you.
I'll tell you what's happening.
Is Miles making you feel uncomfortable?
Because if he is, you can talk to me and I'll make money for you.
Hold on, kill me.
Fuck Miles up right now.
Yo, say that.
You're not protected by him.
Oh, fuck Miles.
I'll do it.
You've got nothing wrong.
Tell me what boys crack it.
That you don't have to meet up with him if you don't want to.
I say, y'all getting married, y'all getting the fuck.
This is also there.
There's a different route we go.
But I'm just saying, it's like, you don't have to feel like you're subordinate to him.
No, I don't.
You don't feel like your career is on the line.
Miles has a really unique condition where he can like hang you.
Ready?
His face.
He's a he's completely smooth down there.
He's a Kendall.
It's not.
No, not a good one.
Not a good one.
Shoot Miles immediately.
Shoot Shifty.
He fucking.
What is happening?
That's my fellow wax boy.
What is waxing?
Guys.
No.
Hold on.
We smooth.
How do you even know about his pubic region?
No, God.
You're just calling him asexual in a creative way.
You put this fat.
You know, I have no penis.
And you're not going to be afraid of that.
I'm trying to say that he's not like a sexual person.
I can't say that because then they're going to go, how do you know that?
Well, you cry that from the top.
How do you know he's from the top?
How do you know?
If you're saying he's asexual, you have nothing to be concerned about.
If we're getting pizza, stop.
Oh, you're saying that he doesn't make you feel uncomfortable.
No, no.
Okay.
Well, that's good to know.
Yeah.
But I don't think that was your concern.
I think you just wanted to out.
How long can I win?
Six minutes?
He's going through it.
Don't let him go through.
I don't know if you know.
No, no, no.
My concern is this.
I want everybody that works here to feel safe.
Yes.
Yes.
And I know how Miles is with women.
Right.
I know how he is with women.
He goes through them.
Yeah.
He goes through women.
He has tens of women.
And then he's in Brooklyn, walking up and down those stairs, getting to that apartment, and he's reading them books.
He's never read me a book.
So I think I'm in the clear.
He's never read you a book.
He's never read me a book.
Gays can read too, Miles.
I've heard women.
That's why you read it.
Okay, so like, I just know that I know he has this like soft, sweet demeanor.
He's a Lothario.
But he is a Lothario and he seduces women.
What do you mean?
He's a seductive man.
He's a man.
I don't believe you.
We're rolling me back to like hyping me up.
I don't want any of it.
I'd rather be.
You, you are, girls like you.
They're like talking to you.
They're like being around you.
Do you not like being around them?
Yeah, it's like my 32-year-old governor.
No!
Play the sound of the broken.
Hold on now.
Hold on now.
That felt like a shot.
31.
That felt like an absolute shot.
He was one of my moms.
Wow.
I know, I know.
Okay.
So, okay, so it's completely platonic for you, is what you were saying.
Yes.
Do God.
I don't know what happened.
This is a Christmas gift for all of us.
Yeah, really.
I want to make sure that our female co-worker is safe.
We have to bring a quota before the end of the year by having at least one woman on the part.
And, you know, we get to at least squash a little rumor that was running around the office.
Where's the rumor fucking start?
Oh, you know, you know, my wife, Emma, Emma thought that you guys were going to hook up immediately.
Emma called this months ago.
At the same time you said your wife's name, I called Shifty a shithead.
I just want to clear up.
I wasn't calling her a shithead.
I was calling Shifty one.
I think you just use your blurp.
I think you just use your blurp right there.
You get one blurp, and I think you have to use it there.
You would rather, you would rather.
I just cleared it up.
My blurp doesn't get anything.
There's no clearing it up.
You called my wife a shithead.
That's crazy.
You can't just say Andrew Shulcher and make it.
That's not how it works.
I'll try to make a joke.
He tried his best.
It's okay.
Come on.
We just keep talking.
She's got to roll over.
The whole time we're talking, I'm like ducking because I think he's going to shoot.
He's not going to shoot you.
But if you call my wife a shithead, obviously you should blurp that because you wouldn't want that to go out there on the internet.
It's very disrespectful.
God forbid that she saw it.
I would never call her a shithead.
Emma thought that you guys were going to have an intimacy issue at work.
She said that on the 4th of July, and I was like, that's crazy.
I would never touch Miles.
I'm sure he was like, well, but that is the angle.
What team are you on?
I just think I did it to me.
Hold on.
Miles, she would never touch you, and she's not that picky.
Even with gender, she doesn't give a fuck.
But she knows one thing for certain.
She's not giving you shit.
But can't be honest, that is kind of his game.
You don't see it.
You don't see it.
You don't see the moves he's making.
He slowly weaves you in.
He never told you some random facts about container ships, and you're like, oh, man.
I like that doesn't do it for me with him.
Say good?
That doesn't do it for me.
No.
Container ship facts.
He's not telling you about the Mersk container ships.
I think he's saving them for the room section.
Okay, so the deep, the deep cut facts are not something that worked for you.
Yeah, no, that's not like my improv guy.
You guys know I have sex with clowns, like professional clowns.
So I don't know where this is coming from.
Listen, come to our wives.
Is that supposed to be an insult?
No, it's just okay.
Like, that's just.
You mean, like, am I not funny?
Is that what it is?
What the fuck is that?
Oh, no, Miles.
Miles, no, he gets back.
Shut up.
He's not back in the world closer, my boy.
You are funny.
You are funny.
Yes, you are funny.
Let's play an improv game.
Maybe this will work.
Let me suggest something.
Yes, okay.
Let's do a scene.
Christmas party.
And you guys are married.
Okay.
Yep.
Here we go.
Here we go.
And go.
How does it go?
We say word?
Yeah, exactly.
You start with word.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, go.
Toaster oven.
Pop on.
I don't understand how the game works.
Damn, bro.
I thought he had a chance.
All right, maybe I'm not funny.
Damn.
He has no chance at all.
Well, after that, improv.
It's just not.
I just don't think I'm in that bucket for Miles.
Like, he has a roster of actual people.
You know what I mean?
And I'm like, a little brother.
What team are you on?
You know, Alex is really just putting you through the spin cycle right now.
Yeah, you're on the spin cycle.
What are you feeling emotionally as you go through this, Miles?
I don't know, dude.
This is overwhelming.
I'll be honest.
Yeah.
You made Miles uncomfortable.
Yeah, Miles is sad.
If anything, David's probably in the other room jealous.
That makes me happy.
David's jealous of your attention.
No, just the attention.
He's a star.
No, no, Miles' time.
Not the attention.
Miles.
Miles what?
No, I think David wants to fuck Mark now.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, he does.
Don't blame him.
Is it true that David was Shifty's friend first?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
Wow.
What happened?
What a slut, dude.
He run away.
Yeah.
I thought you brought him in.
No, he was my homie from way, way back in the day.
We had mutual friends.
Oh, he's community dick.
Yeah.
And then I connected him with Shifty.
They almost lived together.
Oh.
Wow.
Now you said homie.
Eh.
What did you mean by that?
Who you are.
Can I just have a soul pop room?
Yeah, no, can we just have a nice, enjoyable soul pop?
That's the shit I like to do.
Okay, sure.
But what did you mean by and like, did you not?
He was my friend.
Oh, he was your friend.
Know if I will use the well, he wasn't Mark's friend, I don't think.
First, he's a social climber, this guy.
I mean, he was like, Yeah, my gosh, thank you for your contribution, motherfucker.
I feel hurt, I feel hurt.
He can try to try to leave him for you next.
Just wait, just wait.
Did you say you feel you feel hurt that he hasn't tried to appeal to you?
Is that a little bit?
Maybe I'm after Mark and then you're after me.
Who knows?
Okay, I see.
It's too dark for him to be friends with me.
Damn, that's on David.
That's true.
Is he a racist?
Yeah, is he?
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
He stopped full of black guys around Bala Klamas and called the cops.
No, he didn't.
Yo, I think they just stole from Uniclove.
Fan shopping bag.
He called the cops on a Lululemon.
He used to live across the street from.
He was really scared.
That's a funny way to say a store he was shopping in.
No, he literally lived across the street.
He probably called the cops because he saw four black dudes walk out with three with ball clocks.
And I told that story in front of Archer, and Archer was disgusted.
Archer was like, as he should be.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
That's a horrible thing to do as a human being.
We're grateful he gets us ads for the podcast.
And we're not going to change anything about it.
Kraken Ad and Free Bitcoin00:02:53
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I mean, shout out to everybody who watched that Kraken ad that we did.
Also, yo, thank you guys all for being part of it.
David, you did a great job.
It was David's idea for me to take the sesh out of his mouth.
Yeah, that wasn't my mouth.
That was his idea.
Sound effects were too much.
There was one take.
We should have used it, but like I couldn't find it in his mouth.
And I spent like six seconds just searching for a pouch.
David, do you feel unsafe in the workplace?
Yes.
Okay.
Just want to make sure.
He's acting.
We're acting.
It's not like we were trying to fuck our coworkers, Miles.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
You walked right into that one, dude.
Yeah.
Trying to court your coworker.
Anyway, shout out Kraken, bro.
It was funny when Kraken has to do the ad.
We were just like, listen, we'll do it if you let us do whatever we want to do and there's no notes.
And they were like, okay.
And I was like, I'm seeing we get asked to do a lot of these ads and we tell everybody the same thing.
So if you're down, we're going to make something funny.
You just got to trust us going to be funny.
And they're like, okay, we'll try it.
And then, you know, I don't know.
I think people liked it.
Yeah.
That's fine.
And it doesn't feel like it's an ad.
You know, you did great too, Al.
No, I heard I got nominated.
Yeah, for the flute horn.
Yeah, we kept Alice.
He's supposed to say fiddle in the ad.
It just won't take out of nowhere.
I didn't know he did it right like seven times.
And out of nowhere, he goes, flute horn.
And we go, what are you even, what's going on in that head of yours?
It was a choice.
You didn't make an actual choice.
He's like Paul Daniels, huh?
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All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Now let's get back to the show.
I want to get back to the Christmas spirit.
Okay.
Alex, I just wanted to make sure you felt comfortable and safe at work.
I feel comfortable.
And also in your neighborhood.
Yes.
With your coworkers.
Yes.
Okay, good.
Do you guys have any plans in the near future to hang?
We'll probably both kill ourselves right after this.
Really?
You would rather kill yourselves than give Miles anything whatsoever?
Is it that bad?
Somehow no one feels uncomfortable.
I mean, everybody.
Wait, what just happened?
That was...
I feel like you guys would, and again, I don't want to suggest anything, but I feel like you guys before death, you would probably do something.
No.
If they work here, no.
Before death.
Miles, would you rather kill yourself?
Be without seriously off.
And again, there is no pressure, and this is just a hypothetical conversation.
I'm very curious.
Would you rather, hey, Miles, would you rather kill yourself?
Because I can't answer either way.
If I kill myself, I ate her.
Yeah, I'd rather kill myself.
You'd rather kill yourself.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
The answer is yes.
That's the safer HR answer.
That's the safest answer.
That's the right thing.
That's what we want.
And am I posing a question that's like wrong?
Yes.
No, no.
I think that's a valid connection.
Is it a bad question?
What I'm saying?
No, I mean, if the goal is to not have office triss, then I don't want to have office triss.
Great.
I'm doing this because that's to protect the culture at the office.
Yeah, but the way you're posing the question.
What am I saying?
Well, you're saying, would you rather kill yourself or have some type of romantic relationship?
Technically, that's what she brought up.
That's going to hurt her both ways.
Yeah, but what I'm trying, I like to empower the people at the office.
So I don't want to sound voices.
When she brings up a great hypothetical, I would like to also present that to Miles and see if he would shoot himself in the fucking head before he made out with Alex.
And how do you feel about it?
We're going to go with a yes on that.
Damn, that's insulting.
That's a safe answer.
You've made out with David.
He also works here.
What the fuck is happening?
I'm still fucking an issue with that one.
What the hell is going on?
It wasn't brought to my attention.
And if it was brought to my attention, I would have said something about it.
Yeah, that's fair.
Make out with David.
You would make out with David.
I did not make out with David.
Yes, you did.
No.
I kissed one.
Mouth kiss.
Kiss one homie one time.
Mouth kiss.
Y'all just kiss a homie one time?
Nah, bro.
For New Year's.
What's going on?
Speaking of hypotheticals.
Yes, go, go.
Speak more hypothetical.
Can I quarterback this shit?
Yeah, quarterback.
Mark, you got to take over, Mark.
Can I pose a hypothetical to the group?
Yes, you can.
All right.
This one.
Joey.
Would you cheat on your girlfriend?
No, it's okay.
All right.
All right.
If you could commit a crime, but the crime you commit could not be committed ever again, what crime would you commit?
So think about it.
Oh, you commit a crime.
You have to do this heinous act, but you know that for the future, all of humanity will never.
Alex, you don't have to leave.
Alex, you don't have to leave.
Don't let him fucking tell you what to do.
Alex, do not ever let him tell you what to do.
That's not his role.
Come on.
You don't he will piss.
Let me see.
Let me see and see.
Sit down.
She was so comfortable.
Stop blushing, Miles.
You make yourself comfortable.
All right.
That was offended by that.
Okay.
You commit.
All right, here, maybe we pose it out.
You commit one crime.
You can commit a crime.
Once you commit it, humanity in perpetuity will never have to deal with this crime again.
It doesn't exist anymore.
You can protect humanity in perpetuity, but you have to commit it.
Did you see this guy's answer?
Yo, play it.
Right.
Once you do this, no one after me can do it.
No one, it will never happen again.
There's an answer that's great for humanity.
Any crime?
Any crime?
Like me, bro.
There's things that I'm like personal about.
Bro, the safety of women and children is big to me.
Bro.
Because that's the answer that's the best for humanity.
But then you really brand yourself if you say it.
Yeah.
But like, how's yeah.
I think you go murder.
Yeah, murder is the safest easiest.
It's the safest answer.
Murder is the easiest.
Well, what if you go sexual assault, but on a guy who's a raised?
That's there's didn't Dave have a bit about that?
Like rape and a race or something like that?
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
He saves, but he rapes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a fucking phenomenon.
Yeah.
So there you go.
No, but that would only save from that only saves from being raped.
And now who the fuck cares?
They shouldn't a lot.
And is it gender specific?
I think yes.
Okay.
Wait, what if it isn't?
Go.
No, I'm saying, like, if you rape a male rapist, then you only stop male rape.
No?
No, no, no.
It would stop all.
That's what I'm saying.
We have to bring up male.
No, we got to bring it down.
You're thinking about this is really smart.
Fuck you.
So, no, no, no.
No, you're right.
You're right.
It just stops all.
You could rape a guy, but it would stop all rape, male and female.
Okay.
You're going to get dinged.
No, I'm still going to murder.
I was just, I was just asking.
Who are you asking for?
Why are you asking?
What was the curiosity about this?
This is the fun game.
Just asking a question.
I can't ask questions.
Because you definitely would never do it to a woman.
We know that.
Yes.
None of us here would ever do it to a woman.
Anybody.
No, you can't do it.
Definitely wouldn't do it to a woman.
You can't.
But you could maybe do it to somebody and then protect all women.
That's how you got done.
This was consensual.
That was a good attention.
That's a good attempt.
I'm just saying.
You could rape a terrorist.
Oh.
It's not bad.
It's not bad.
And then you could protect women in perpetuity.
You wouldn't do that to protect women?
Nah, I'm sorry.
Really?
Yeah.
Some grapes have to happen.
I'm sorry.
Whoa!
Hey!
That is what this game is.
Would you do it?
So we can't just say what's you do it?
Yeah.
You would do that to a terrorist?
To a terrorist?
Yeah.
I would.
Not even a question.
To protect all of humanity?
Yeah.
No grape again?
No grape.
That was selfish, yo.
No grape again.
That's a bad person.
Murder's worse.
What do you mean?
Murder is a worse crime.
Nah.
Then like a child?
No, grape is worse.
Yeah.
I think murder's worse.
Yeah, because sometimes your moral compass is crazy.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
But you could just go to some therapy and then you could have therapy.
Don't try to black out therapy to save yourself.
You could, though.
He does do that when he goes out of therapy.
Yeah, it throws out the N-word therapy.
No, but he will put it up to get himself out of trouble.
He could go to therapy.
He could go to therapy, though.
You could go to therapy.
Therapy, all right?
Nah, bro.
Come on.
And life is still going on.
Like, you take somebody's life.
It's over.
There's some awful people.
You wouldn't murder a terrorist.
This is supposed to be Christmas.
Good point.
Good point.
That's a good point, dude.
See, why are you doing these fucked up hypotheticals, bro?
We're just on the topic.
I just figured that out.
I suggested that one.
I suggest that.
I'm grapefruits, no question.
Can we say SA or something?
Yo, SA.
I thought we could say grape and then we date.
Well, it sounds like it.
Knowing the good I'm doing for humanity, my dick will be so hard.
I am.
Come on.
Really?
Blurpy.
Altruism turkey.
Come on.
Come on.
That's what I'm telling you.
You don't have to do this.
You could just do tax fraud.
Well, who cares about tax fraud?
You piece of shit.
You stop all the tax fraud.
Oh, wow.
But who's a healthy fucking economy, bro?
All these people are robbing us from the tax.
Economy.
Shut the fuck up, you white fucks.
That's the whitest answer I ever heard in my life.
Fine, I'll up perjury.
I'll commit perjury.
You'll commit perjury.
Yes.
I'll get a speeding ticket.
I'll go in.
I'll be like, I wasn't speeding.
And then there's no more lying in court.
No more lying in court.
That's interesting.
That's interesting.
That's a decent answer.
See, there you go.
Yeah, it's a fine way to be a pussy in a smart way.
Yeah, I'm going to get one.
Fine, genocide.
All right, G. Was that what you guys want?
All right.
You would do that to terrorists.
You genocide.
There was an answer that could have really got us in all the YouTube piece.
And I want you to know that you stayed away from it.
And I commend you.
Imagine you genocide the Nazis.
All of a sudden, no more Nazis ever again.
Bada bing.
We did that once, 45.
It worked.
Yeah, they never came back at all.
Those ideologies are completely dead.
Yeah, well, the hypothetical wasn't posed back then.
They did it for no radiation.
They should have done it for the hypothetical.
I'm just going to do it for the hypothetical.
If you did it for the hypothetical, it would have worked.
Come on, hey, man, okay.
Yo, come on.
Stop.
No, that shit.
This is weird because we can talk about this.
You were trusting anybody.
That was bad.
That was it, bro.
I'm not going to lie.
That was some targets.
You already know how I feel about this one.
This one.
Grip, Nose, and Crooked Face00:02:37
That was hard to get.
This one is hot.
Yeah.
This one is hot.
The Challenger's one was gross.
Yeah, but you just.
This shit's kind of hot.
But you just tapped your monkey pump.
I don't know why you saw it.
Pause.
Pause.
Let me tell you why.
Pause.
And then pause.
Listen, let me tell you why it is, I think.
Because that's how people who really know how to kiss start a kiss.
Come on.
See what I mean?
The Challengers one was like, oh, we're about to have our first orgy.
Like, it was so try hard, right?
Yeah.
Like, also, if you're both straight, you wouldn't be actually trying to tongue kiss Zendaya together.
Like, none of them was believable.
It's a lot of straightest part of the movie.
Yeah.
These are some Irish gays in the field just fucking kissing, but they could kiss anywhere.
You know what I mean?
Like, we don't need to get into it.
This is this kind of.
Because it's true love to you.
I don't even know if it's performative.
It's not performative.
It's authentic.
It's authentic.
They're not even gay.
That's straight.
That, to me, is heterosexual.
Thank you.
I agree with me.
Thank you.
I agree with you too.
That's heterosexual.
I'm back out.
I'm back out.
Me and David are good.
You're saying, can you watch this?
Watch this with a straight dick and just tell me.
Just look at this.
Come on, Al.
Also, no tongue is nice.
Yeah, no tongue.
The one on the right enjoyed it more than the left.
Left is, he's kind of.
No, he didn't.
Look at him.
No, yeah.
Watch.
Look.
He's really going.
He's kind of like, hey, yo.
All right.
I'm just saying.
If we're going to break down real love and break it down, people.
What are we doing out there?
Hold on.
Hold on.
So tell me, tell me what you were seeing in him that let me know that it was nice.
I'm just saying, like, you see the grip?
Oh, the grip.
Back in the neck, he pulled him out.
Back in the neck and pulled him out.
Yeah.
Yeah, the grip.
Also, like, I relate to this because you see how his nose is crooked.
Like, I think it's part of me to see myself in it a little bit more, right?
Like, does that happen every time?
What do you mean?
Yeah, of course.
Happens when I brush my teeth in the morning, look in the fucking mirror.
Yeah, of course it does.
You know what sucks is I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for like six months.
Oh, yeah.
I have apparently a deviated septum.
Oh, shut up.
Yeah.
That's the Jewish shit so you can get a fucking shit.
I know.
I know.
I'm aware.
I went to the ENT.
My nose is natural.
You're good.
World Cup Trolling and Gay Champions00:06:26
Fair enough.
But I went to the ENT and the ENT.
What happened?
What happened?
I just don't believe it.
Oh, really?
It's natural.
Yeah, she's a you don't think it's natural?
Blurp.
Blurf.
I got it.
I get one.
I get one.
You already blurred.
No, I didn't.
Come on, bro.
Let's go.
Al, that was really fucked up.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was really funny.
That wasn't fucked up.
Al, I'm on.
Al, Alex, that was what you said.
And I'm glad we blurred.
Super good.
That was horrendous.
What he said.
That was actually horrendous.
Al is so fine, dude.
Yeah, bro.
It's fucked up.
Oh, you say I'm fine.
I like that.
All right.
This is one of the last apps of the year.
Yep, 2026.
Yeah.
What is your hope for next year?
Oh, I know that what I want for next year.
What?
What?
I just want the United States to win the World Cup.
That's actually fucking great.
I don't even want us to win for us.
I want us to win because of how much it would piss off the rest of the world.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's never going to happen, but it's phenomenal.
But it means so much to them.
Yeah.
And we could take away that joy.
Why would it ever happen?
It's just not going to happen.
What are the odds?
What are the calcium odds that we win the World Cup?
That we win?
That we win.
Extremely low.
Well, what are they?
This is 2020.
Look how low we are.
Holy shit.
2% trending down.
Yeah, trending down.
Okay.
No, that makes okay, whatever.
So there's a chance.
Yeah.
Are you going to go to a game?
It would be the greatest sports event in American history.
Which game are you excited to go to?
USUS too.
US verse.
I'm going to go to U.S. Verse.
Who else?
Well, you know who's in the group.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'll go to U.S. Verse.
I'm not actually picky, to be honest with you.
I'll go to Basin U.S. Verse.
What's your favorite verse in the Bible?
All of them.
Yeah, I do like all of them.
But no, U.S. Verse.
I'll probably go to U.S. Verse something.
That's a good one.
I'm excited for that matchup.
Verse got a hell of a defense.
Who is in our group?
Chile?
No.
Who's in our group, David?
Get your shine on, David.
Who's in our group, Dave?
Australia, Paraguay.
And then the winner of a playoff game between Turkey, Romania, Slovakia, and Kosovo.
That's a good group.
I give you a soft group when you host, though, right?
That's what we were saying.
They got to give you a lot of people.
When America's got Australia, everyone's like, let's go.
But who's the toughest in that group?
Paraguay?
Paraguay is my guess.
Australia, probably.
We are smoking Australia.
Try yeah.
We are smoking Australia.
That's not even close.
Well, they were also cheering when they got us in the group.
Man, God.
Don't be disrespectful.
They might be disrespectful.
They were fired up.
No, we got that.
That's what I want for Christmas, USA World Cup.
They designated a game before any of the teams were picked as an LGBTQ game.
Why?
In terms, like to honor the LGBTQ society.
It's the one in Seattle, right?
It's in Seattle.
And then they drew the teams, and then they're randomly assigned.
The teams that are playing in the gay game is Iran and Egypt.
That right there is next-level trolling.
It is.
Let me tell you something.
How amazing that trolling is, bro.
Because you're going to find out what those people care more about.
Do they care more about their country or rainbow flags all around them?
Because they're going to have to sit in the gay-painted arena, right?
Yeah.
And cheer on the gay game.
Do they want to win the gay game or lose the gay game?
Yeah.
No, you got to win.
Yeah.
But that makes you the champion of gay.
You're the gay champions of the World Cup if you win that game.
What a win to win.
So now we're going to find out.
That's why the World Cup is the great equalizer in a lot of ways.
Like all of a sudden, like every country in Europe that's been saying, we got to stop immigration.
The World Cup comes around.
They're like, all right.
I think we can wait for this World Cup to finish and then we'll stop the immigration until the next four years.
Yeah, it is beautiful when there is something that people care more about than anything else in the world, especially when it's useless like a sport.
The French national team is African.
I mean, they were born in France.
There was a lot of them.
A lot of them were born in France.
And fed there.
I feel like wherever you're fed, that's where you got to play.
Yeah, I like that.
That's a good rule because that's what made you that.
That's a solid rule.
If you're fed.
How long?
18 years?
Oh, okay.
If you're fed for 18 years in a country, it doesn't matter what your background is.
That's where you have to play.
You don't get to be fed in America for all these areas and then go play somewhere else.
I like that rule.
Right?
Because it's like we made you who you are.
There's like that skier that ski for China, remember?
Yeah, Christina Yang.
Is that?
I threw it out there.
I thought it was kind of close.
That sounded bad.
Eileen Gu.
Whoa, whoa.
I think that's a DJ.
That's a DJ.
It was almost so racist.
You were one letter off from a crazy slur.
No, that's Korean.
That's Korean.
That's Korean.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Six, seven.
No, no, no.
Eileen Wu.
Eileen Gu is the skier, bro.
I was right.
He was right.
He was fucking.
Now he's racist.
He was fucking.
Now he's racist.
I know he's.
Now he's racist.
That's the skier, Eileen Goo.
Now who's racist?
Oh, she's actually cutie, too.
We thought about putting her in the Street Fighter.
Really?
Which character?
We thought about putting her in a Street Fighter.
I'm just saying.
We thought about it.
We thought about putting her in a Street Fighter.
The name was thrown out there.
I'm just saying that's what you're talking about.
What made you change your mind?
What made you pivot in a different direction?
I mean, I don't get the ultimate say, but you know, sometimes they throw names around.
They're like, Schultz, what do you think about this name?
You know, and I was like, traitor.
That's true.
That's what I felt.
I was like, she's a traitor.
That's true.
And she won gold over there for Big Air and Half Pipe.
Now, she's nice.
She's like, and she's like brilliant.
She went to Stanford, I think.
She's like beautiful.
She's like a supermodel who's also the best at snowboarding.
No, no, she's sops.
I know she's the opposite.
That makes it worth it.
It makes it worse.
That makes it more devious.
Because she would be arguably the biggest athlete in the Olympics every single time if she stayed here.
And now we got to kind of like fake, act like we don't care.
Black Rifle Coffee and Morgan Pivot00:02:53
Yeah.
Come on, Eileen, come back to the boys.
Yeah.
You know, she got a retarded background.
She got the retard.
Oh, my God.
They threw everything.
I almost don't blame it.
She's a smart girl, like you said.
She's a joint Stanford.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
Take a break for a second.
Listen, you show up to a blood drive.
Oh, yeah.
The person in charge is a vampire.
No.
One sip, your donation's gone.
Oh, my God.
Along with the rest of you, there's a reason why you wouldn't let a vampire run a blood drive.
There is.
Just like there's a reason why Morgan Morgan is America's largest injury law firm.
I don't think they're trying to say that lawyers are blood-sucking, lifeless humanoids.
I think they're trying to say when you have a problem, you want the experts to be on your side.
Yes.
Not like some vampire in disguise at the blood drive.
So the opposite.
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100 Points and Overtime Break00:15:30
Now let's get back to the show.
All right, you want to do a Christmas quiz?
Yo, this guy.
Don't say this guy.
Yo, fuck Mark.
I'm not going to fuck Mark in the show.
No, don't fuck Mark.
Don't fuck Mark.
I'm the only one that cares about criminals.
Hey, I'm ready to Christmas.
Hey, guys.
This for Christmas.
He's to have Christmas.
He just wants to be anti-Semitic.
That's fucking anti-Semitic.
Stop that.
You wouldn't want to set up Christmas.
All right.
Let's take your little Christmas quiz, Mark.
Let's do it.
You worked hard this Christmas, bro.
I did.
Let's do this on Christmas.
Oh, we got panels.
Everyone gets a board.
Joe, we got markers.
They're in the car.
All right, here we go.
Oh, my God.
Yay!
Here, I'll pass it down to Alex.
All right, here you go.
Here you go.
There you go.
All right.
This is a year-up year-end review.
All right.
I'm going to ask you five questions with four different categories, okay?
You have to write down.
You have to put an answer.
Yep.
And I'm going to ask you the questions and we're going to go through the answers afterwards.
All right.
Yep.
Oh, my God.
You got some crazy.
What was that?
Nothing.
What was that, bro?
Dude.
Al has been radicalized, bro.
Al has been radicalized.
Hence, my dictionary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
That ancient Indian thing.
I could draw it.
It's fine.
Question number one, all right?
Yes.
This kid went viral this year.
Yes.
You remember that, right?
Yes.
Who is this?
What country is he from?
Now, for the record, you're going to get points based off of who's the accurate one and then also who's the funniest one.
What country is he from?
Watch the video.
That's what it is.
I need to watch the video.
You've never seen this?
No.
Oh, my God.
This is huge.
Swag.
This was one of the big trends of the year.
All right.
Question number two.
Best picture.
Sidney Sweeney posted a lot of Instagram pictures.
Which of these pictures was the most liked?
Come on now.
We already know what time it is.
Shit.
I put one in there for you, Schulte.
Which one was the likes?
Go zoom in on that.
Zoom in on that.
Let's get a good.
Ooh.
Oh, okay.
God gave some people everything, huh?
That's crazy.
Which one got the most likes?
Okay, go on.
We got a new Pope.
What city is he from?
And what's his name?
Okay.
This couple went viral this year, all right?
I don't know if you remember them.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
What company did they work for?
Oh.
Got it.
Bonnie Blue had an amazing year.
Yep.
Breakout star.
Yep.
How many men did Bonnie Blue sleep with in 24 hours?
What was the third question again?
I got distracted by the toast.
We got a new Pope.
Where is he from?
What's his name?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, I got it.
Let's go.
All right.
You ready?
Yep, let's do it.
100%.
Let's do it.
Let's fucking do it.
Also, if you get it wrong, we might have a punishment.
Shifty.
All right.
Oh, fuck.
Question number one: this little kid or a foreman on the boat.
Alex, what was your answer?
China.
Okay.
Schultz?
Thailand.
I said one of the Chinese ones.
Nope, nope.
The correct answer is Indonesia.
I'm wrong.
One of the Chinese.
Partial points, partial points.
I have credit.
Partial points.
Arkash gets 50 points.
They're all Chinese.
Number two.
China question mark, question mark.
Yo, y'all are raising it.
So I kind of get a point as well.
Arcash gets 50 points, Joey.
I need you to keep everyone's points on this, okay?
Sidney Sweeney, most liked photo.
A C.
I said D because they're about to get two more likes.
Wait a minute.
D was the most liked.
He was the most liked.
I said A. We're an ass country, dude.
I love that.
Zoom in on that.
Zoom in on that.
That gives me hope.
We need to see that closer.
Well, I also did a little math on this.
The photos.
Yo, Shina Shifty, the most loyal dog in the game, Kim.
That was fun.
But the glasses.
Backgrade damn Shifty.
I'm trying to make him a good guy.
He fucked up.
I love that.
The two photos that you think would be the most liked, don't fucking point, shoot that at me, are more recent, so they have less time to get the likes.
Nah, but this is a significant difference.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Number three, go.
All right.
The Pope.
What's his name?
What city is he from?
Chicago.
He's from Chicago.
Leo, did you put Chicago?
I did put Chicago.
I got the name wrong, though.
I just wanted the whitest name I could think of.
John Jonathan.
I put John too.
These white people.
Like, that's it.
That's exactly what I did.
John.
John?
John Luke or something.
Alex?
I said Chi-Town, Mr. Pope.
Nope.
We're going to give 50 points for Chi-Town, 50 points for Chicago, 50 points.
What's his real name?
What did you say?
He said Chicago and Leo.
Mark, what's his real name?
Jonathan.
Robert.
Fuck.
Damn, big ass.
It's not Leo.
His Pope name is Leo.
His pope ain't that what I got credit for.
No, but Miles asked me his actual name.
Nah, but he gets credit for Leo.
He just said that's what his name was.
He's the Pope.
I asked you what his name was.
His name was Leo.
Yeah, he can say that.
So he gets 100 points.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But his real name is something a real Catholic should know.
No, His name is Leo, bro.
Number four, go.
All right, number four.
SpaceX.
I don't know.
Ashley Madison.
I said Flagrant.
That's a joke.
100 points.
What the fuck?
That was good.
They worked for a company called Astronomer.
Oh.
What'd you write, Al?
I just said, I don't know.
Come on, bro.
All right.
Sex with dudes in a day.
How many men did Bonnie Blue sleep with?
Go ahead.
1,012.
1,036 was my guess.
I just put 1,000.
I put a million.
Because I believe in her.
1,057.
Wow.
Akash gets 100 points.
Why should you do extra?
Wow.
Do you want another round?
She really loves it.
I feel like Schultz is pissed.
Oh, I want another round.
Do you want another round?
Yeah, we could do another round.
All right, let's go another round.
All right.
Katy Perry went to space.
Okay.
Name two other women that went to space with Katy Perry.
What musicians started the TikTok trend 6-7 based off of one of his big songs?
Taylor Swift, one of the biggest artists of the year.
Just dropped the album, Showgirl.
Life of a Showgirl.
Name one song on the album.
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
That's not fair.
All right, go.
Oasis went on tour this year.
Name the two brothers.
And then final question: How many bottles of baby oil were confiscated from Diddy's house?
Per the indictment.
Okay.
And then last one, actually.
Yeah.
Name a famous musician that died this year.
Whoever has the most monthly streams for the musician they name gets extra points.
All right, Ray, let's do it.
Run it.
I'm completely out of order.
All right.
Who did Katy Perry go to space with?
Alex?
Bezos, bitch, and Ellen.
That was close.
Like that.
Like that.
That's going to be 50 points.
That was close.
Because technically, Lauren Sanchez did go to space.
Lauren Sanchez.
Ellen is not in the country.
She's been out of the country for years.
Yeah, she's out of the country, bro.
Really?
Yeah.
All right, Schultz.
I had the No Doubt, the girl from No Doubt.
Gwen Stefani.
Gwen Stefani.
Okay.
Is she in it?
Nope.
Question?
Yeah.
I mean, fact-checking me, Gwen Safa did not go to space, bro.
You're thinking of Katy Perry.
Katy Perry and Gwen Stefani.
No.
No.
When did Quinn Stefan go to space?
Leah Thomas?
No.
Kaylin Jenner was my guest, was one of them.
Well, who drove the spaceship?
That was what I was thinking.
I said Kaylin Jenner for that exact reason.
Okay, who else?
Rosie O'Donnell.
Nope.
I thought the most feminine woman I could think of.
Are you sure Ellen didn't go?
No, Ellen did not go to space.
No doubt went.
No, okay.
I think it was Katy Perry and No Doubt.
Oprah and a scientist?
Question mark?
Okay, a scientist?
There had to be a female scientist.
All right, who went?
Who went?
All right, Gail King.
Who?
Oh, it's not Oprah.
That's a Gail.
That's an Oprah Jason.
That's Oprah.
Yeah, Lauren Sanchez.
Yep.
Aisha Bow, who is an aerospace engineer.
Amanda Wynne.
And Carrie-Ann Flynn.
Who's Amanda Wynn?
And what kind of win?
Are we talking like W Y N or the Asian?
Vietnamese.
Oh, NG.
All right, next one.
How does that make a difference?
I was just curious.
I'm glad an Asian went.
All right.
She got 100 points for now.
What artist had the TikTok trend 6'7?
I said Sprillux.
The correct answer, Alex, what was yours?
Kanye.
Okay, so the correct answer is Skrilla.
Skrilla gosh.
That's 50 points.
Six, seven.
All right.
Next question.
Six.
That should be 67 points beyond.
What was the next question?
Name a Taylor Swift song.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Name a Taylor Swift song.
Yeah.
I had nothing, yo.
I love Travis for that.
I love Travis.
Okay.
All right, let's see.
There's a white girl in the room.
Ophelia.
There you go.
Ophelia.
What is wrong?
She got her on.
All right.
What is it?
The fate of Ophelia.
Oh.
Got him.
I ain't doing that to you.
That's exploitative.
That's exploitative.
Hey, he's negative.
HR in the room, yo.
Yeah, that is fucked up.
I don't like it.
You didn't have to do it like that.
You ain't have to do that.
Yeah.
Do that shit outside the office.
Thank you.
But what did you put?
I put, oh, Kelsey cracked my cervix.
Is that the name of one of the songs?
That's 30 points.
That's 50 points for Alex.
All right.
All right, go.
How do you get 30 points?
Crack my service is kind of funny.
Yeah.
There you go.
Oasis Brothers.
Yeah, David.
Okay.
David.
Because he always says that group.
Yep.
And you too.
Wait.
Funny.
50 points, 50 points.
Let us go.
I know this one.
That's 50 points.
I know this one.
All right.
What is it?
Noah and Liam.
Say again.
Noah and Liam.
No.
Okay.
Schultz.
I love when you're confidently wrong.
Very close.
You're very close.
What is it?
It's Liam and then another one.
I forgot that.
No, what is it?
It's Liam and Noel.
Noel.
It was that close.
I got both.
All right.
100 points for Alex.
All right.
Give me 70.
75 for Argus.
Yeah, 75.
Thank you.
50 for Schultz.
25 for Alex Media.
No, I get 50.
All right, fine.
It's 50.
I don't give a fuck.
How many bottles of baby were wearing at Diddy's house?
I think it was 10,000.
10,000 is what I wrote down.
Oh, my God.
I wrote 10.
10,000.
The correct answer is 1,000.
Oh, that was my second.
I knew it was a factor.
I'm the closest without going over.
What did you say?
200.
They said 10,000.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
All right.
Alec gets 100 points for that.
Come on.
Price is right, gay.
All right.
I'm going to need help, Miles.
I need you to look these up.
Look it up a lot.
Name a musician that died this was that you just like that was aggressive just now.
All right, you're gonna help me.
I'm locked in.
I got some good answers up here.
Name a musician that died this year.
The guy who got killed by his son was, did he do music?
Come on, bro.
All right, Schultz.
Name the guy that died.
The musician that died.
Go.
He just died.
People know him, so he's either music or something.
He's not a musician.
I wrote the director from the Stone Roses because I forgot his name, but I feel like that's partial points.
The Stone Roses?
Yeah.
I've never rock band.
What is that?
Who's like some local band?
Especially.
Local band.
Didn't Jan Jackson die?
Why are you trying to kill him?
Albany.
I'll queens, bro.
Come on, Janet.
I don't think Jan Jackson's.
Yeah, just ignore him to death like an ass.
Fuck.
Damn.
50 gets points.
The answer is Quincy Jones.
Quincy Jones died this year?
Also, David Bowie died this year.
Oh, no.
2016?
DiAngelo died years ago.
D'Angelo is a good one.
D'Angelo, how does it feel?
How does it feel?
Shout out D'Angelo.
No one gets points.
No one gets points.
Quincy Jones died in 2024.
Wow.
You should get some credit for Douglas Kalo, yo.
Ozzy if I was born would have been a great one.
He died this year.
Ozzy.
Ozzy's.
You would think also second would be Brian Wilson, but he doesn't have that many streams compared to his band.
From the Beach Boys.
All right, you want sports?
Ozzy.
Ozzy.
No.
Sports.
I'm into it.
He really thought he was cooking with this shit.
I'm having fun.
It's on Patreon.
It'll be on Patreon.
Don't worry.
It'll be on Patreon.
Cute.
I really did think that.
What do we have time?
I really did think that.
Yeah, come on.
No, I wanted to.
Oh, it's a 10-minute clock.
Come on.
Is there anything else y'all want to talk about?
This is on Patreon.
This is on Patreon.
I'm just saying, bro.
I just want to make sure within the last 10 minutes that we talk about everything we want to talk about.
That's fair.
Maybe there was another thing that we were going to talk about.
I mean, there are many other things.
So this app is ending right at the tent.
I don't care if you're mid-sentence.
It's cut.
I like that.
He's angry.
You can't speak to us like you speak to Alex and Williams.
Okay.
You're not going to be a commanding, powerful individual here.
We might go to overtime.
That's true.
There might be an overtime in this episode.
There might be an overtime.
We might go dark.
Go dark.
We don't care.
You think we need these lights?
That's true.
I do.
All right.
We got New Yorker of the Week.
We got some Gen Z boomer school shit we can put you on.
Yo, I need.
I feel like I'm.
I feel like I spent enough time online that I'm nice with the Gen Z shit.
All right.
I feel like it's probably impossible for you guys to surprise me with any content whatsoever.