Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Kamala Harris's nomination, theorizing Democrats subverted Joe Biden to install a compliant candidate while mocking the shooter as a "pimple-lipped incel." They debate whether Trump's assassination attempt was staged to boost his image, contrasting it with Theodore Roosevelt's 1912 survival, and critique exclusive debate sales as anti-democratic. The hosts reflect on their desensitization to global violence amidst a massive Microsoft outage that grounded flights, ultimately suggesting both parties are corrupt and voters must recognize who truly controls the administration. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Kamala Harris Warhawktua00:14:38
Biden is out in Kamala's and the election went from drool runnings to cool runnings faster than a female cop can fumble her firearm.
Move over, RFK.
This November, we've got a new throat goat and apparently her headshots don't miss.
Kamala Harris, or as we call her, Warhawktua, the half-black, half-Indian parents met at a 7-Eleven robbery, is officially the Democratic nominee.
Surely the Dems, the party that calls Trump the end of democracy.
Surely they allowed the voters to choose Kamala, right?
What?
No?
Wait, there's no right to choose?
Guys, this is a presidential election, not a woman's body in Oklahoma.
Now, I don't want to seem like a flat earthing dinosaur denying, believe all women conspiracy theorist, but it kind of feels like the Democrats dragged Biden's lifeless corpse through the campaign long enough to avoid a primary so they could place whoever they wanted as the nominee.
And that's about as Democratic as North Korea's got talent.
Sidebar, last year's winner, Ching Chong Chestnut, ate 46 rats.
Congratulations, Ching Chong.
That's a lot of rats.
We'll look forward to seeing how many you eat next year.
What I'm saying is they used a vegetable to install a plant.
And honestly, we would have been happier with a fruit.
But the reality is it doesn't matter.
Last week, Trump became invincible, literally.
He was leading before, and now he's number one with a bullet.
At this point, if the Dems wanted to beat Thrifty Scent, they'd have to run George Washington.
And Kamala could work for him.
Paid.
Paid.
Now, why is Trump invincible?
Because he has the power of Hulkamania, obviously, brother with a hard R.
And also, because this pimple-lipped, pug-faced incel, we'll call him a trench bulldog, tried to make Trump's brain public domain.
Fortunately, even a bullet couldn't make Donald open-minded.
Now, getting a shot off at the president must be an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish.
I mean, not as difficult as finding binoculars to fit his eyes.
Jesus, he looks like the sloth from Ice Age, but he must have designed a pretty ingenious plot to circumvent the Secret Service.
Oh, what's that?
Wait, you're saying that Herpy Potter was just walking around with a loaded gun like he was on an Alec Baldwin set?
He was carrying a fucking ladder and a rangefinder.
He propped it up on a building that had cops in it, positioned himself on the roof with a perfect sight line to the president, and no one did anything?
This Mickey Mouse security detail was so goofy, it made Donald duck.
Oh boy.
Who's in charge of the Secret Service?
A lady?
Wait, what?
Seriously?
Well, of course you didn't have anyone on top of the building.
Women only care about shots on a roof when there's a pool party.
Now, I don't want to seem like a Bigfoot tracking, moon landing, denying Jews don't control the weather conspiracy theorists, but it doesn't exactly feel like a 20-year-old fetal alcohol-faced McLovin should be able to infiltrate the most advanced security detail in history.
I mean, the only other thing he's penetrated was his palm.
Did Kim Cheeto hire Epstein's Nyquil Night Watch?
What the fuck is going on here?
This just doesn't feel right.
And that's the problem.
Nothing feels right.
We have officially entered the post-truth age.
We can't trust the media.
We can't trust the government.
We can't trust the pharmaceutical industry.
We can't even trust the food we eat.
So who can you trust?
Me, your good friend Sheltie.
This episode has been brought to you by Pfizer.
There is no promo code.
There's nothing to fill out.
They're already inside you.
But before we bitch, whine, and complain, just remember, like it or not, this is what we asked for.
We wanted fast content that makes us feel good.
We want politicians who lie to us.
We want sugary food to fill us up and pills to slim us down.
We don't want what's good for us.
We want what's convenient.
So we made our bed.
Might as well get comfy.
Sleep tight.
We are back.
We picked a hell of a week to take off.
Someone was telling me, I think it was Miles, that on Patreon, we said, bro, this is crazy.
How weird is it?
What exactly did we say?
I think we opened Patreon by saying, hey, if we miss anything this week, our bad.
And I think you said every Asian died, which that didn't happen.
Okay, few.
And then we talked about Al being in the Secret Service and that he would have to protect Trump.
Yep.
And then Al was like, I would only save Obama.
I wouldn't save any other president.
How crazy is that?
Yeah.
Alex and that girl have the same MO.
Exactly.
Exactly.
They got the same energy.
I would have been fumbling his gun.
I would have stolen Trump's shoes for sure.
He would have grabbed his shoes and be like, dude, there's a lipstick on that one.
I told him for the lips.
Protect your shoes.
Get his shoes.
Gucci.
When he put the black fist, I would have joined him.
Okay, so let's catch ourselves up.
Obviously, last week we had a pre-recorded episode.
Shout out to Shitza Gigs.
And then everything happened.
Literally, everything happened.
Yeah, the world shut down.
This is crazy.
And we're not even talking about you going to the biggest wedding ever.
No, so we got to get to that as well.
Akash was at the Umbani wedding.
Umbani wedding.
Yeah.
It just sounds rich.
That name is.
Yeah, it does.
It really does.
Did you feel poor?
I was so happy to be there.
I couldn't even be insecure.
That's a yes.
I was so happy.
I'm a broke boy.
But I knew going in how broke I was relative to them.
So there was nothing that was going to...
I knew how not famous I was there.
I knew how not rich I was, how ugly I was there.
It's all rich.
No, Akash.
Every time Akash goes to India, he always comes out.
He's like, I just feel so bad at the level of poverty.
It ain't happening there.
They're looking at me like that.
They're like, damn, America's struggling.
Okay, okay.
We get to Mbani Wedding a little bit.
All right, let's just reflect on what happened.
Okay, assassination attempt for Trump.
Yeah.
Fuck.
I mean, is it dated to go back that far?
Should we start with the immediate or let's just start there and go?
Okay, assassination.
Immediate thoughts when you saw it.
I'm in India and I'm like, why the fuck am I going back?
I'm in this opulent wedding.
I got to go back to this shit.
Yes.
A little while.
You got to stay in India.
Yeah, I can't stay anywhere.
It's not like they're fucking 10 million Muslims for no reason.
But now they're killing whites.
They're killing whites.
That's the problem.
They were killing whites.
They were trying to kill Trump.
Oh, yes, yes.
That's what things get.
Okay.
My funniest thing was the group chats.
So I have my black group chat and it's like, man, that shit is fake.
It was just so funny the dynamic.
That was great.
Okay, so the black group chat was like, that shit is fake.
What was the white group chat saying?
Also, yeah, you.
You a separate white group chat?
You have other white friends?
No, no, no, no.
Because my white guy, I still, I be like, stay black every time I leave him.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm not going to lie.
The only reason I thought that it was, it was immediately, I thought that it was not fake.
I knew something was shot, but the sound, like, maybe I'm used to movie sounds for guns.
New Yorkers don't know what gun sounds.
That's the thing.
So we're like, BB gun, of course.
Or what are the mosquitoes?
Assault gun.
Yeah, the assault gun.
Because the sound was like, oh, this isn't like a booming rifle like what you hear.
So I was like, okay, what exactly is happening?
I thought someone was shooting at him, but I didn't know what it was.
Yeah.
So that was initial.
And then I heard the glass hit his ear.
And I was like, oh, that makes more sense.
You know what I mean?
Like, how does a bullet hit your ear?
Yo, you a hater, bro.
What?
That's what I heard first.
Let him get shot.
We just said first reaction.
You just said first reaction.
I heard that too.
Let him be Megan a stallion, bro.
Sometimes a ricochet counts.
Well, now we know.
There's a bullet.
Now we know.
We know a bullet actually hit him.
Now, yeah.
Oh, that's okay.
That's what they're saying.
Good.
I don't even really know.
I mean, how does a bullet hit your ear?
It's so fucking let him get shot.
Look at your ear.
Look at your ears.
He can't even be gangster.
He won't let Trump be gangster.
Why didn't he get shot?
I don't know.
We got to see the wound.
Okay, so what do you think?
He's just trying to get into your black group chat, though.
Don't worry about that.
We have an insider.
It's fucking Busamante right here.
Tuck, Trump.
Tuck.
Did you hit Bussamante?
No, I just stole his style today.
Yeah.
I just looked like it was.
Now, tell us, tell us.
I don't know.
But it just seems so crazy.
Like, I believe a bullet hit his ear because that's what the story is.
Yeah.
But it's just the idea.
Like, your ears.
You can hit mine.
You can hit my ears.
But we got to look, though.
Like, if your ear, like Miles' ear, look at Miles' ear.
Yeah.
You ain't hit Marshall.
Come on, bro.
You ain't hitting that.
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
It'd be nifty tough.
There's no way.
He hit Miles' cheek before.
Yeah, Miles' ears are trans, bro.
My boys are talking to you.
You gotta hit that chin.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
That's very kind of you.
I was trying to.
If you get Miles Chin, you are an American sniper.
From four.
No, you are John Wick.
But Miles will come back with a surgery looking amazing.
Dig a chat.
Okay, so that's what I thought at first.
I thought it was the glass, and I was like, oh, maybe the bullet ruptured his eardrum or some shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then now I'm like, nah, okay.
So the knee-jerk reaction for a lot of people was, this can't be an actual assassination attempt.
It's too crazy.
It's too crazy.
Yeah.
Our generation has never really witnessed it.
We've only kind of heard of it, imagined it.
And got hit.
That's the craziest part.
So, and also, I think that we're like so detached from reality at this point.
Like, we really, just like we were saying in the rant in the beginning, it's like, we really just don't believe in it.
I'm desensitized to all of it.
My first thought, honestly, was liberals really can't do nothing right.
Like, y'all fucking do it.
They just fail every time and everything.
Because the gravity of it didn't even sink in.
Because we just see all this crazy shit.
So it's like, man, y'all fuck this up too.
How y'all missing?
I ain't gonna ruin everything.
That's all I thought.
And I just moved on.
But you need your jump to it must have been a liberal.
Or, or if just, yeah, then second thought was maybe it's fake.
Maybe this ensures the election win for him.
This is going to because the way he raised his fucking fist up in the air, it was so hard.
I was like, I can't imagine that being real.
That was my first thought.
It had to be fake because he was too cool afterwards.
I thought if I would do it, like, I thought if I would sit back up or stand back up and like try to take in the moment.
And I can't imagine.
Bro, the wherewithal.
Bro, I had a sleepover once in my apartment when I was young in high school, and there was a shooting in the parking lot outside my apartment.
Okay.
And we dropped to the floor and we were walking around.
I'm in an apartment building.
We're hearing a shooting next to it.
It's not like there isn't even a window the bullet could come in.
But the rest of the stuff.
But we are crawling like this to the bathroom, going to my parents' room.
I was not terrified of the bullets.
This guy got shot at, clipped, grabbed his insoles, and then stood up the extra two inches, raised his hand, and then kept it moving.
That was.
Yeah, baller.
I mean, how could you be so secure that, especially given America's history, there's multiple shooters?
Yeah.
Right?
Like, you know, the history.
You looked at the JFK file.
You know that there were three different people, someone in the knoll, someone in the building.
I mean, maybe even this one.
I know.
There is some reason.
There is some acoustic shit that apparently two, maybe even three.
Oh, really?
They saw it.
I didn't hear that one.
That was a conspiracy.
Yeah.
And then apparently, Kim Cheadle didn't even deny.
They were like, was he a lone shooter?
And she basically says something to the effect.
We will pull it up.
She was like, I, you know, she just basically like reiterated what her original comment was, but like kind of chose not to answer whether or not it was a lone shoe.
Kim Cheeto is the director of the Secret Service.
Former.
Former.
That's right.
She just resigned.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, okay, the disbelief.
I think there are some people that didn't believe it because they just fucking hate Trump, right?
And they saw that this was going to be something that really benefited him because he looks fucking majestic.
I mean, you got to give it so.
The picture is crazy.
If I'm framed that, that's his next NFT.
Yeah, that's an album.
That's it.
Yeah, I mean, he's making $100 million off this.
Which crazy thing, Miles even told me the guy that took that photo also took the photo of George Bush when he found out that the World Trade Center got hit.
Holy shit.
Now he's in on it.
Or the guy's whispering in his ear.
He's in on it, bro.
Because if you're at both of those moments and you have the defining picture or video evidence.
Yeah, or he's just a good-ass photographer.
Why is he still a school in Florida?
If a fucking president has shown up to a school, you send fucking incomes.
Now they called him.
They call him.
They say, line up right here.
Had that flag flying.
Clip him in the.
That guy's a baller.
Like, we're talking about Trump coming up after a shot.
That guy was standing there back to the shooter.
Oh, that's crazy, though.
He's just standing there.
Because he knew it wasn't going to hit him.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe.
But yeah, kind of a crazy photo.
Okay, so yeah, a weird thing also happens when someone gets shot and survives.
It's like anything that they've done before that, you forget about.
Like after he got shot, stood back up, pumped a fist, and came back out.
I think it was even the next day he went golfing or something.
I was like, I think I'm a Republican.
Yo, yo, Elon came out and donated the $42 million a month.
Did you see this?
No, no.
So he came out.
He's like, I fully endorse Donald Trump.
I'm donating $42 million a month.
That's crazy.
How do we do his campatre on?
How do we get him to subscribe?
$45 million a month.
I'll tell you how.
We just got to say end puberty blockers.
But he made that tweet, like a declaration that, oh, I'm back in trouble.
And I'm like, nigga, we know he's like, oh, no.
So he's thinking, this is the thing that a shooting does, or surviving a shooting does.
It's a permission slip for all the people that were secretly Trump supporters to come out.
And that's where the benefit is.
Like the benefit is not like, I don't think there's someone that saw the shooting that was like, actually, I will vote for him.
I think it's now you can see all the people in the public support him.
I saw a baseball player like they hit a base hit and just hit the fight.
They hit the fight or they go like this and they attack their ear.
I think they did do that in baseball.
I think that's just a call.
Oh, okay.
That's a fastball.
But like now you just see him, bro.
I thought I knew.
They're shouting out the dog there.
But now you get to see people like mask off supporting him.
And that I think is going to do way more for him.
And it's because he's viewed as a victim.
And I think that you could take that victim narrative.
You could also turn into, well, if they, whoever they is, is trying to kill him because it was suspicious.
The circumstances were incredibly suspicious.
Secret Trump Supporters Emerge00:03:52
Right.
So it is easy for you to go down the line of thinking that maybe there was an organization or a group of people that wanted him out of here.
Right.
And if you go down that line of thinking, you're like, well, if they want him out of here, what the hell is he planning on doing that these people want him out of here?
And if these people are these nefarious individuals that are the deep state or ruling the country, whatever, I definitely don't like them.
Man, I got to support this guy to get those guys to fucking.
It's real.
Everything he's been saying is real.
All that drain the swamp shit, it must be real because they want to kill him.
Yeah, confirms everything.
And this is what we talked about on the call.
And you mentioned the post-truth era.
Whatever you want to believe, this one allows you to believe.
If you hate Trump and you think he's a weak candidate and he knows even if Biden is old, he'll still probably lose.
This, you're like, oh, he did this.
He's so good.
How does a bullet graze you?
You drop to the ground.
Then we see the blood.
You could very easily have whatever.
Whatever you want to believe, this lends itself to it.
It's the perfect.
That's what we talked about.
Why is there so much conspiracy theory around it?
Because whatever you want to believe, this allows you to believe.
That's nice.
I like that everyone's on the conspiracy train now.
It's just so nice.
It's getting a little hacky.
It was just right-wing people.
You don't feel a little bit like y'all are making a lot of people.
Well, now I'm switching up.
I believe CNN is right.
I believe all of it.
But that is true.
It's we have so much information available to us that you can satisfy whatever theory you have.
It could be conspiracy.
It could be reality.
It doesn't matter what it is.
There's enough information.
There's enough information to show that there were multiple shooters.
Yeah.
So now the idea that, like, let's say the FBI or the CIA or some organization was involved in this, right?
Let's just say allegedly, whatever was involved in this.
That's not even enough.
Yeah.
Right?
They didn't hire this lone wolf and then killed the Patsy.
No, no, no.
There were three different people that did it.
And they all somehow miss.
Yeah.
Which makes no sense.
Yes, exactly.
But if that's what you want to believe, there's enough information for you to go out there and get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if we're built for all this information.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Or maybe we're the first generation with it.
And it's like the first generation of people who smoke cigarettes where they're like, yeah, this can't be bad.
Dak Shepard said that one time.
Like we ate, he's like, when we grew up, we were eating so much sugary junk food.
We had no idea how bad it was for us.
It's all fucking processed and fake and artificial.
And now we're wising up and we're learning how to use that wisely.
He thinks the same thing will happen with technology.
Right now, we're taking all of it in.
We don't know how bad it is for us.
We're going to start to learn and then evolve and figure out how to use it.
So we're the generation that's going to have to deal with it.
Maybe the kids can discern between like real news and fake news.
And maybe they just don't subscribe to any of it.
But us, we're the people getting taken advantage by the Nigerian credit card scams.
We're literally with everything we read, every headline that satisfies my feelings.
Yes, and it's only getting worse, dude.
Have you seen the AI videos after Biden dropped out, which we'll get to, the AI videos of him being like just cussing out the camera and stuff like that?
The dubbing is off, but everything else looks perfect.
And they're going to get the dubbing better and better.
It's going to get to the point where we're like, I don't even know.
It's really not.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Now, I was thinking, if the bullet doesn't hit Trump, if he's not bleeding, does anyone care?
Like, is it just like, oh, there were some shots fired?
And then people care, but not the case.
People can deny it.
I'll tell you why.
RIP, the firemen, died.
There was a casualty.
I think if there's no casualty.
Then people are like, there was no.
I think people, I agree with you.
I think there's enough plausible deniability that it even happened at all.
But the fact that the dude died, that's when all the people that were trying to discredit Trump.
That's true.
That's when they start to pump the brakes.
They're like, wait a minute, there's an actual death here.
You know, I mean, yeah.
I was even looking at it.
Like, there's a thing in history, like, FDR got shot or got shot at.
Nothing hit him.
It hit the mayor behind him and killed the mayor.
But we don't even remember.
It doesn't even come up.
It's not even a blue.
I never knew he got.
And just because it didn't hit him, it missed him.
Firemen Death Discredits Trump00:03:27
It hit the mark.
Which there's a whole conspiracy about that.
I'll spare you.
Wait, wait, tell us.
People think it was the mob that set up the hit and that it was never supposed to hit FDR in the first place.
That was supposed to hit the mayor behind him, who is Mayor Cermak of Chicago, and that the Chicago mob hired this guy to take out the mayor.
And so they killed the mayor, and that was what it was intentionally supposed to do because FDR spoke for like 10, 15 minutes and no bullets came.
And then as soon as the mayor came up, that's when he shot him.
And apparently the guy used to be like a high-ranking Italian military member.
But why would they try to kill the mayor in the most difficult way possible?
Because he was like a challenge.
He was public.
But I'm just saying, you could get to a mayor.
Like, with the mayor's near the president, it's going to be the greatest security detail you've ever seen.
If the mayor's not with the president, we used to see Bloomberg on the subway.
Really?
Yeah.
That's wild.
He would take the subway to work.
Yeah.
Oh, apparently that's what that's the story.
Now you think about it.
Yeah, shout out to him.
I mean, at the time, he was liked enough where he could take.
No, he's still respected, but like towards the end.
People are like, yeah, you're doing, you pumped the brakes.
You're doing too much.
Like when he was trying to like change New York with like the sodas and shit like that.
But that was the straw.
Yeah, I'm really upset about that.
You know what it is?
He's like, you should be five or four.
Yeah, they're fucking up your business.
Yeah, yeah.
But the markup ain't better on the smalls.
Margins are better.
Yeah, I learned about this at the 7-Eleven conference.
Oh, wait, we have to talk about that too.
Yeah, it was a little, it wasn't.
Yeah, we'll talk about it.
It wasn't as close.
All right, Akash also.
I mean, you've done so many cool Indian things.
You're living like an Indian dream.
I know.
This is the best three weeks of my life.
Okay, Akash also performed at the 7-Eleven conference in Orlando, Florida for all the 7-Eleven owners.
Yeah, we'll get to that.
Yeah, we will.
You thought the Imbani wedding smelled bad.
I want to know what Orlando was like.
The Life Tour, last leg update this Friday, Del Lago Casino in Waterloo, New York.
Then Saturday, the Mohegan Sun Arena.
And then at the end of the month, we've added a second show at Oceans in Atlantic City.
And then the fall, we are closing it out.
San Antonio, we've added a second show.
Las Vegas, Cleveland, Columbus, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Rama, Ontario, Portland, San Jose, we've added a second show.
Denver, we've added a second and third show.
Salt Lake City, we've added a second show.
And Honolulu, we're finishing up the tour.
I cannot wait to see you guys all there.
And then that is it.
It is done.
It's crazy to even say.
So these are last options for you to come check out the life tour.
Thank you guys so much for making this the craziest tour of my life.
All of my dreams came true, and I'm so grateful for that.
I will see you guys out there.
TheandreShields.com for those tickets.
Don't get fucked at the resellers.
Go to the website and get them.
It will be the most affordable for you.
I promise it.
Peace.
Also, guys, we got one more date in July.
We got the Comedy Zone in Jacksonville.
I'm there this weekend.
Both Saturday shows sold out.
Friday tickets still available, but they will sell out.
End of August.
I'm coming to Hawaii, Honolulu on the 29th and 30th.
And then September, we got five weekends in a row.
I got Las Vegas.
I got Doral, Florida.
I got Timonium, Maryland, Magoobi's Comedy Club.
I got Greenville, South Carolina.
Those tickets at Akashang.com.
Also go to Fontanius.
I told you guys I invested in a chai shop.
The chai is fantastic.
Go there.
It's in Dumbo, F-O-N-T-A-I-N-H-A-S.
I love y'all.
God bless.
Let's get back to the show.
Hawaii Comedy Tour Dates00:14:47
Obviously, assassination, every conspiracy theory under the book.
The kid is a lot of weird things about the kid.
No social media.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's weird.
The BlackRock commercial is fucking weird.
You know who produced that commercial?
Ling?
Yeah.
So the guy that did the guy code, he created Guy Code.
Also does social media content for BlackRock.
And he produced that commercial.
He wasn't there, but his DP was there.
Randomly, his DP was also in Israel on October 7th.
So I'm like, keep that bitch away from him.
Yeah, yeah.
Him and that photographer.
Yeah, this is going on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is odd.
This is odd.
He had to go and get all the footage and he had, because BlackRock hit him up, he's like, yo, we got to give all the shit to the FBI.
Like, they didn't fucking already know how it was going to go down.
And he goes, he said he looked at the end, not the NDA, like the permission slip that the kid had to sign.
And he goes, I'm sure I'm just thinking this retroactively.
Like I know what the kid did.
So now I'm applying this to this permission form.
But he goes, it was the creepiest handwriting I've ever seen in my life.
Well, I don't know what that means.
He had a shaky hand.
You know what I mean?
We know that.
We know that much.
Margie.
That's not crazy.
Anywho.
That is weird.
No social media posts.
Yeah.
Has more BlackRock commercials than Instagram.
What fucking world?
Yeah.
There's no other pictures of him other than him saying he's got a 10-inch dick.
Registered Republican.
Yes.
Donated to the Democrats.
I heard something about this.
Go.
So apparently, the theory, again, this is just some shit I read online.
Yeah.
That he was a registered Republican so he could vote against Trump in the primary.
That happens a lot.
Like in Orange County, if you're a Democrat in Orange County, that's always going to go Republican.
You basically register as a Republican so you can vote for what you believe to be the lesser of two evils.
Yeah, so I saw it.
I was like, wait, he was because he was a Republican first in January and then donated to Act Blue in like September or some shit.
And I was like, this makes no sense.
But now if he's voting against Trump, then it's more consistent.
Yeah, mind you, he's 20, so she just got the right to vote.
Yeah, so it's like donated under 18, I think.
Yeah.
But still, it's on paper the perfect person to convince to do this.
Because if you're a registered Republican, but you've also donated to the Democrats, America can't tear itself in two because you can't exactly pinpoint that this was just like a insane liberal that digested all the rhetoric about how Trump is actually Hitler and he thought that he had to do the heroic thing and take him out.
Now we're confused about what his real intentions are.
Is he a diehard conservative and he think that Trump's taking the party?
The conservative wouldn't have missed.
What are we talking about?
No, that would have been a target practice.
Did you see people throwing trans on him?
People are throwing trans on the shooter.
Like this is like an early rumor, right, when it happened.
They're like, oh, he's a trans shooter.
I love that.
And then they just found some random trans chick and they're like, that's the one.
That's fire.
I wonder if he's in hell.
He's on Twitter and cracking his shit for real.
He's on him.
The shooters at hell are like, yo, I try to kill a president.
I'm not trans.
Come on, bro.
Realistic here.
He's silting my looks.
Yeah.
I mean, it is crazy.
He looks like every school shooter ever.
We didn't have that conversation.
That was like a casting for him.
There was like, we need a school shooter look.
Who do we go to?
Yeah.
Open call.
That's the kid.
I'm a beard away from being a school shooter.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
No, no.
It's so distinct what school shooters look like.
Yeah, you got too much of a tan.
I appreciate that.
The hair.
That was this weekend.
Yeah.
But it's so distinct what they look like that I think that we need to stop being so polite about them.
Like, you know, in the way that we're kind of, I mean, no longer, but white people weren't polite with black people.
Like, they crossed the street.
They changed their slavery thing.
Also the slavery thing.
But like, there was like a fear of them.
They're like, uh-oh.
There is not a single...
I knew who the school shooter was in my school.
He didn't end up doing it, but they found a list of people he said he wanted to kill.
I talk about him on the pod all the time.
You were on it.
No, I wasn't.
Jamil was on it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Jamil was on it.
Carlos was on it.
I talk about a lot because I want people to know that I know.
Maybe you know.
That kid was racist.
To hate Jamil and not you is racism.
No, I was nice to him.
You know, I was tiddling him and shit.
I had his back.
I liked him.
He was a fun kid.
Turn off the lights, run through the desk.
He was an entertaining kid to have in school.
Talk shit to the principal.
It was great.
My point is, if every one of us know who the kid is that's going to do it, why isn't there this, like we had stop and frisk or whatever for British people?
Well, you can profile them, but you got to be nice to them.
You don't want to push them.
No, no, no.
I want to profile the fuck out of them.
Yeah.
El Salvador.
Like brown people get searched more at airports.
It worked in El Salvador.
Yeah, yeah.
We need El Salvador for school shooters.
Dude, there is, I'm glad you said that.
Vala, who works with us, right?
Every single flight we've ever been on, he gets randomly selected for his bags.
He's not blown up one flight yet.
It's working yet.
Because it works.
Even if he wanted to, he knows that they're going to look at the fucking bag.
Clearly, he wants to do it.
Clearly, they can't help themselves.
But we have this ingenious system where they randomly select the people that do the fucking crime.
So if we apply that to the school shooters, which I'm sure you knew one in your fucking school.
You knew one in your fucking school.
Exactly.
You knew which one of your brothers and sisters would have blown that shit the fuck up.
I got him on my head right now.
Yeah.
It's fucking you, Mark.
No, he's not fucking you.
He's not, bro.
My point is, we could apply a little bit more prejudice to these kids.
It's never a surprise.
Whenever it happens, there's never all the friends that go, I couldn't believe this fucking happened.
Every single time, it's like, yeah, he kind of thought he was going to do it.
Say something.
What is it?
See something, say something.
Yeah, see something, say something.
Snitch.
Call the cops the second you see them.
Yes.
I think it should be more.
Yeah.
We need like a referral system.
Also, if you're a Twitch streamer and you think that you touch kids, like, let's go.
Let's go.
You know, more of this.
Let's go.
Like, just call the cops.
You're swatting the wrong people.
Yeah.
SWAT.
School shooters.
All of them.
SWAT, SWAT, SWAT.
Yeah, but you said you had fun with the one that would have been the shooter in your school.
So it's like if you snitch on them, now you get rid of the kids.
Alex, I saved the school.
You realize I saved the school.
If it was up to Jamil, we would have all been dead.
So Jamil is torturing this little motherfucker.
Okay, me, I was just tickling him and shit so he could, you know, he still made the list.
Say again?
He still had a list.
Yeah, once he started the list, then I had to be like, bro, okay, come on.
We can do that, though.
We could have like a community resource officer that's in charge of tickling all the school shooters at a mid school.
And then that would still be.
That shit works, bro.
You gotta leave it love.
Tickling a motherfucker that wants to shoot you.
That shit works.
If the cops got up on that room and they're like, Gucci, Gucci, there's no way that this goes down.
Yeah.
You're right.
I believe that.
Yeah.
No, I think we need to do this.
Send him into schools, tickle all school shooters.
Leave it love, dude.
There it is.
Everything everywhere all at once.
Leave it in love.
You know what I mean?
Love these farmers.
That's fire.
Exactly.
Anyway, yeah, so we got to do something about them.
We all know who it is.
You know who's in your school.
You know, that doesn't mean that they are going to do it, but they're the ones that are closest to doing it.
And we need to just go to the teacher.
Just be like, yo, that motherfucker's weird.
Stop playing.
Let's talk about it.
Stop talking about it.
Thank you.
It's actually on us if we have more school shootings.
That's true.
Yeah.
Like it, like.
We need gun control, we need crazy control.
You can't have one without the other.
And it's not like the women should like, you know, why'd you dress that way?
Like when they get or whatever?
Yeah.
But when the school gets shot up, it is that way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If we take both seriously.
You know what I mean?
Like, you knew today we're going to do it because of the way he dressed.
He was in camo pants and apparently had body odor.
The body odor is a dead kid.
That sounds like you, to be honest with you.
Every one of them don't fucking clean themselves, bro.
Yeah.
Which they should have known he was coming, bro.
They should have smelled him or something.
It's a real issue.
See how someone said that?
If there's a kid in your school who smells bad and he doesn't have enough friends to tell him to put on the odor, not an immigrant.
You're fucking dead.
Yeah.
You can't be an immigrant.
And they stick to all the Indian.
I got it.
Listen.
Lump them in.
No.
Because they're not even actually enough immigrants too.
Maybe.
Maybe, yo, I think he's going to shoot at the school.
And it's like, no, he just needs the odor.
And it's like, all right, a win is a win.
That's a good stick.
Then we got less 7-Elevens and shit like that.
Say again.
We're going to have less 7-Elevens of the school.
Yo, but the young Indians don't stink, bro.
Yeah, they get fades and shit.
Yeah.
They got young movers don't stand.
The immigrants just grew up in a place where there's much more smell, so they just fit in.
And Asians don't have body soda.
You're not going to get away with starting to fade your shit, son.
Calling you out.
Calling you out, son.
I'll call you out, son.
The movie's coming out.
They announced the movie.
Nah, you fade your shit.
What do I have to do?
I have to bring it back.
Yes, nigga.
That shit was fire.
So once I saw that shit go viral, did you see the kid getting hair body?
Once I saw that shit go viral, I was like, nah, I gotta fade this motherfucker.
I can't let this actually become a trend.
That kid's gonna be responsible for it, not me.
Yo, the fact that his last search on his phone was porn.
Respect, though.
What else are you gonna do?
Respect, though.
Do we know what the video was that made him shoot a president?
I need to see what the thing is Lisa in is Palin.
It was that Palin Palin.
It was a classic.
Do we know the video?
No, I don't know if they put it out.
I don't think so.
But that is, if you're going to go through with it, post-nut clarity, he really meant it.
Yeah, that's true.
You know what I mean?
Like, he wanted to not do it.
Son, if it's Stormy Daniels and he's like, how dare he do it to this angel?
I got to defend this woman's honor.
Yeah.
The real whitest night ever.
Okay, whatever.
So now we have it.
So pick up the stuff on the phone.
Like, was he planning?
Was there stuff on the phone?
We're never going to see that phone.
Like, we're never going to see the Epstein list.
They said he searched like Trump, Biden, DNC, RNC, like a lot of important people.
I think he also searched like former military.
There's no planning of this situation.
Not that I've seen.
Not that I've seen either.
That's weird.
All right.
Well, it just gets weird because RNC happens.
RNC is a banger.
Yeah.
Like the clips from the RNC go crazy.
It does feel like WrestleMania.
I'm not saying that just because the Hulk was there, but also the fact that when you have someone that can move, like political audiences are always the easiest to move because you just say the talking point, they go crazy.
But then when you match like a God-given talent to move an audience, which obviously Hulk has with the talking points, tearing open the shirt.
It was funny.
He ripped an American flag.
Like his shirt had an American flag on it.
And he ripped it.
And I was like, wait a second.
Hold on now.
Isn't that part of the?
Hold on now.
We got to look into it.
Yeah, I didn't notice that at all.
Yeah, I mean, it's like an eagle and shit.
Yeah, we got to look into this.
It was funny.
But I'm surprised Trump let people outshine him, though.
Because his actual speech I heard was like a bit of a snooze fit.
So the speech was mid, but I thought that that was kind of brilliant.
It's like I was hoping he wouldn't make the mistake he made last time, which is essentially when he's, he's a great, what is it called?
Like chaser.
You know, like what is that?
The pre-fontaine.
Did you guys watch that pre-fontaine running movie?
Yeah.
Like he was like a frontrunner.
He always had to be way ahead.
But like in running, it's actually most effective to be right behind the person so you can like draft them.
Yeah.
Right.
And so when he was chasing in that first election.
Yeah, underdog.
Underdog, unstoppable.
And then when he was not a front runner, it was hard for him to do it because the same rhetoric just seems like bullying.
When you're the underdog, you're talking nice shit.
When you're on top and you're doing it, it's just bullying.
So when he gave the mid speech at the RNC, all he needed to do was show up, right?
That's really all he needed to do to be heroic.
Like he was shot a couple days before and now he's out there, you know, with the tampon on his head and just giving a speech.
And when the speech was mid, I was like, oh, he's actually playing this really well.
Yeah.
It was nice to see him get emotional.
Like seeing him get emotional was like, whoa.
The only time I've ever seen him genuinely smile is when Hulk was doing his thing.
There's a great clip where it cuts away.
You never see Trump smile, by the way.
Yeah.
Genuinely.
You never see him laugh.
You can't describe his laugh.
Never heard it.
Oh, shit.
Never heard it.
It's one of the reasons why he's so funny because he never breaks, in my opinion, because he never breaks.
So everything he does, you think is serious.
Right?
So even the things he's doing sarcastically, you're like, is he serious?
You never see him just laugh or chuckle.
And when Hulk is, when the Hulks, when the Trumpomania comes for you, and it cuts out of him and he goes, and he clearly has this like human moment.
Yeah, that's awesome.
He gives this kind of mid-speech.
He's talking about unity and it's like, oh my God, it's his.
Here we go.
Yeah.
I mean, you've heard him on the phone with RFK.
The RFK convo.
You guys heard that.
I haven't heard this.
It's like, it's a different Trump, in my opinion.
Like, you hear Trump on stage, and he's just like this crazy energy, like, never really breaks, like all the same shit.
And he's on the phone with RFK and he's like, yeah, like Biden called me.
And, you know, he's a nice guy.
And I was talking trash about his policies.
Oh, I didn't want to.
I didn't have the heart to tell him.
But anyway, vaccines cause autism.
This is apparently like what he's like in person.
Like makes you feel like a superstar, love-bombed.
But it was just like so charming on the phone.
And he was saying that.
He's like, RFK, yeah, I think we need to look into the vaccine.
Why don't you drop out and I'll have a place for you.
You can start looking through this stuff.
I can understand because prior to being president, he was liked by a lot of people.
So it's like, I can see behind the scenes, he's actually 100%.
I mean, those guys are brilliant at maneuvering, period.
So he knows how to move large crowds.
He knows how to move one person.
You know what I mean?
It's like a brilliant level of charisma.
Yeah, social savant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, so, yeah, I'm like, okay, he's got this.
And then immediately after that, Biden gets COVID.
Do you guys think Biden has COVID?
I do think he was sick.
He tried to get speedy COVID, you think?
Is that what's going on?
We got to look into that.
I don't know.
I'm going to say, it is amazing timing that he would get COVID, which would force him to step down.
Well, he hasn't blamed COVID yet, is the thing.
Has he?
No, well, it just stopped him from making public appearances.
Yeah, okay.
And so immediately after the peak of Trump's fame, he gets COVID and he's fucking 81 years old.
You're like, uh-oh, is this going to take him out?
Biden COVID Conspiracy Theories00:15:24
Yeah.
Like, is that how you top Trump?
Does Obama sit him down and be like, Joe, we need you to die?
There's only one way that we can get the energy back here, and you got to fucking croak.
So we're giving you the vid.
Well, have you heard the theory that he's done?
There's like a whole like, this is a thing.
I haven't seen a video of him.
I haven't seen a picture of him.
He literally Twitter is crazy.
It's crazy.
No, no, we were talking about this.
Like, he resigned like a fuckboy.
Like, you've been with us for decades and you just send a text to Twitter like, yo, I'm out.
Yeah.
Like, usually you would have some sort of video.
And I understand he has COVID, so it might be, you know, bad to have people in there.
But he's upset.
They bullied him.
They forced him to go.
TOJ can't talk.
He's fucking gone mentally.
Like all the jokes that he's dead, fine, whatever.
He can't talk.
I don't want to see you make another fucking statement where you fumble through every word.
Off the teleprompter, he's pretty good.
He's pretty good off the teleprompter.
I think the point we all agree on is that when a president says they're not going to go up for re-election, it's usually done in a more public, forward-facing way than like a post on Twitter, you know, with a digital signature.
Like he didn't even sign the shit.
Yeah.
He's tight.
So he's tight.
That is the theory that they bullied him out, essentially.
They definitely did.
And the same people that were like, nah, Joe got this, all of a sudden flip on him.
So my question to you guys is, was that the plan all along?
Were they waiting for the because they did it at the perfect time?
They didn't do it right before the Republican National Convention.
If they do it right before, then the whole RNC is addressing Kamala.
They do it right after.
So now all the addressing of Joe and everything that they did at the convention is useless because Joe's out of here anyway.
I think we're giving Democrats way too much credit.
They don't ever do anything correctly.
And they're all fucking, it was, I'm not here to do this.
We salute you, Joe.
Shit.
That motherfucker should have been dropped out.
That was selfish of you to stay in.
In the same way, we put our Ruth Bader Ginsburg on all these fucking t-shirts.
If she just decided I'm in my mid-70s with cancer, I should drop out of being a Supreme Court justice while Obama's in office, Roe versus Wade might not get overturned.
These motherfuckers are selfish at every turn.
I don't think there's some grand conspiracy.
I think that motherfucker wanted power and he stayed in.
And I honestly think the visual of Trump getting shot and then standing up and raising a fist in the air, think how he looks versus Joe Biden walking up a flight of steps.
There's no fucking way you vote for that man.
And the Democrats are inept and they're going to, when Trump wins, I think it's a shoe-in.
Maybe combo is better than I think.
When Trump, I don't want to hear nothing about white supremacy or racism or they didn't want a black woman to be friends.
Y'all fucked it up at every fucking turn because you're selfish.
You don't give a fuck about nobody.
Don't blame us when Trump wins.
Now, first of all, I agree, beautifully said.
Okay, cold world, very cold world.
The fact that they would do that to him.
Now, is there any truth that the longer they waited, the easier it would be to just make Kamala the nominee?
Yeah.
That's what I suspect because I had so many different people like pull me aside over the last like three months, maybe even longer, that said, Joe will not make it to the election.
They are going to pull him out and they're probably going to put in, and some would say Michelle, some would say Kamala.
Some would say Gavin Newsome, Abian Hillary on.
Michael Mallis at Hillary here.
Michael Mallis at Hillary.
So if every one of our people that seems pretty invested politically said they're pulling him, they're waiting for the right time.
And then it happened.
It's hard for me to not believe that there is some potential design to this.
But here's where I would argue with the he's dead thing.
Yeah.
Because him being, if he's actually dead, that's.
No, no, no, I don't think he's dead.
I don't think he's.
Yeah, but that theory, if he was actually dead, I'd be perfect.
No, no, Tommy just said that.
Yeah, no, that theory.
Yeah, yeah.
I was just addressing the previous like, is he dead thing?
But then in terms of waiting, it would be the brilliant time.
It would be a, it would be a brilliant time to wait.
Because you subvert your constituents, right?
You basically remove their ability to nominate the person, and then you get to put up the person that you think will hold down the party.
And by hold down the party, I really mean do what you tell them.
Yeah.
Because I think we can all agree that Biden is just doing what people tell him.
There's a few people out there we imagine.
I don't even know what this is.
The managerial class.
The managerial class.
But the crazy thing is we don't even know what this is.
The balls, the chutzpah, to call Trump the end of democracy when right now the elected official isn't even the person making the decisions.
And there are people that are kind of okay with this.
They're like, yeah, but they're doing a good job because whether they're doing a good job or not doesn't matter.
Like if there's a tyrant in some country that's doing a good job, it doesn't mean that he's not a tyrant.
He's not a dictator.
This is, in a lot of ways, this is like fundamentally against the core values of the American political system.
You have to have representation.
If we vote for Biden, I want to know what Biden wants to do.
If we vote for Trump, then I want to know what Trump wants to do.
Now, if his cabinet is, wait, what are you saying?
I think that all presidents have a bunch of people around them making the decisions, and then they give the cosine if they agree with it or not.
I think he's still capable mentally to give the cosine on other people making decisions.
I don't think he's that far gone.
Now, I will say this.
I agree with you, and I do want that.
I want my president to be like the best HR director ever.
He doesn't have to be the expert in everything, but I want him to have experts around.
But I also want to know who the experts are.
So if Biden was like, hey, here's my cabinet, and these are the people that help me make all these decisions, then I would also know who I'm kind of voting for.
And I'd know.
You don't really know.
No.
But actually, maybe, I don't know.
My understanding, and I think with Trump, the idea with Trump is, I'm not trying to make it a comparative thing, is the reason why he's so volatile and scary is he won't necessarily listen to those experts.
He's going to do what he wants to do.
And I think with Biden, it was like, he's going to do what the party wants him to do.
He hasn't done anything to like move the party line in any direction.
No.
Right.
It's been the exact typical thing that the party wants.
And it's just funny to call Trump the end of democracy when we're kind of seeing democracy be subverted by the Democrats as well.
I'm not saying that Trump wouldn't end it, but stop acting like you're holier than now.
I think that's why people get annoyed by Democrats.
They're like, there's this like arrogance and condescension with the way that they describe Republicans as if they don't do the same thing.
Yeah.
And if you vote Republican, it's there's something wrong with you.
Yeah.
That is infuriating.
Y'all are, again, you're just as corrupt as them.
They just don't lie to us.
I was saying, I was, I was, who was I fucking talking to?
But it was just about like Democratic identity right now.
Like, I don't know a straight dude under 60 that identifies as a Democrat.
I know straight dudes that vote Democratically.
I've voted Democratically my whole life.
Yeah.
But I don't know one that identifies as that.
Like someone's like, I'm a Democrat.
Yeah.
Republicans be leaning in on that shit.
Hey, I'm conservative.
I'm a Republican Republican to the day I die.
I don't know a straight male under 60 years old that identifies as a Democrat.
Do you know one?
I think it's the fact that you got to look up.
No, because I did not know that.
You got to look up and calculate because you don't know what because they're gay.
They are the party of gay.
He just identifies as a Democrat, but he doesn't know if he's straight or gay.
That's hard.
No, but I was just going to say that.
I was like, it's like being straight.
Like, nobody needs to be like, yo, I'm straight.
It's just like, okay, if you're not yelling that you're a Republican, most likely you're a Democrat.
But Republicans feel the need to have to yell and tell everybody.
You could make that argument because they feel like they're like victimized by the fact that the media is controlled, et cetera.
And that's a good argument.
Don't get me wrong.
But I also think that there's a branding issue with Democrats, that they lean too far into the rainbows and straight dudes.
Like when I grew up as a Democrat, this is how I saw, this is how I saw Democrats.
I was like, this is, again, this is the perception of what happened as a kid.
I was like, yo, the Democrats seem to like black people.
Yeah.
And I like black people.
So I want to be with the side that likes the black people.
Black people make cool shit.
And Republicans are black.
I seem to hate gay people.
No, no, no, no.
Fuck it.
We're not even talking about gays yet.
Republicans were seen as racist.
The branding of it.
I don't know if that was true, but in New York, it was like, yo, you're Republican.
Are you kind of racist?
You know, I'm even looking at like my family was all Republicans, you know, outside of my dad.
And even the way that my dad described it to me, he's like, yeah, I grew up in like a Republican household.
But when it came to the civil rights, it seemed like they didn't really step up and they didn't really care.
And like my dad was like, I saw all my like, my brothers and shit dodge the draft.
I'm the only one that entered the draft.
So you're talking all this warship, but you're dodging the draft.
I'm the only one that actually was in the army here.
And you're just ignoring the civil rights thing.
Nah, I'm a Democrat.
So it was this feeling of, to me, acceptance and like looking out for this group of people that were very important culturally to America.
Right?
Okay.
So black people, cool, Democrat.
You don't like black people?
Republican.
Right.
Now Democrat got nothing to do with black people.
Now Democrat is gay.
It's just like, how do we protect the gays?
How do we make everything trans?
How do we make everything DEI?
And DEI is just gay, everything, right?
Just gay women.
It's like women, gay, trans.
That's the only branding.
I feel like they don't give a fuck about black people no more.
They front like they do.
But here's the thing.
Oh, they front like they do.
Yes, yes.
It may be all parts front like two.
But you got to ask yourself this question.
And this is why I think that straight dudes just don't identify with it.
Let's say that Republicans are thought of as a racist.
I think that's going away a little bit.
But let's just say Republicans are thought of as racist still.
But Democrats are thought of as gay.
Would you rather people think you're racist or gay?
Gay.
You rather think people think you're gay.
Gay than racist.
Because you're black.
You can't be racist.
Oh, he got out.
That's clever.
I think for the average dude, right?
You're cool with the gay shit.
Obviously, you lean in with the fucking nails and stuff.
But I think for the average dude, they would rather people think that they're a little racist than a little gay.
Well, yeah.
They already tell you that you're kind of racist.
So you're like, they'll be like, oh, yeah, you got implicit racism.
Yeah, you're implicitly racist living in America.
So you're already racist.
I'm like, all right.
Well, if I'm already racist, I'm not going to be gay.
I'm good.
Not the Nip Tucks.
I don't want to fuck with the Nip Tucks.
So the branding, I think that they really thought that they were doing the right thing, being progressive and protecting these oppressed people.
It could come from a good place.
But they lean so far into that.
Yeah, and they need some protections, but they lean so far into, you know, to your point.
Alienated all the straight dudes, and now you just got a bunch of women, gays, and trans that are like rah, rah, rah, Democrats, and everybody else is like, All right, bro, how many Disney movies we gotta make gay?
Why was Grinder going crazy at the RCA?
Really quick, to your point, you know, but they keep that shit on the level.
Do you know what I mean?
They don't grind her, not Instagram.
Yeah, that's true.
Biden got the trans in the fucking uh in the White House.
Biden had the trans day in the White House.
Oh, yeah.
He got his head, uh, what is it, executive for energy is wearing a fucking dress and shit.
Like, what is going on?
Put a fucking suit on, go suck cock on the weekends, Monday through Friday.
You gotta dress like a soldier.
You know what I mean?
This is why we don't ask, don't tell because you're wearing a skirt.
It is performative, too.
It's like a lot of performative shit.
Like, come on.
Sorry, what were you saying, though?
What were you doing?
To your point about just Democratic, the branding, they used to be for the blue-collar worker.
You know, the head of the Teamsters spoke of the Trump thing.
He called the RNC and the DNC head and he's like, hey, I would like to speak.
And then DNC never got back to him.
RNC was like, come through and speak.
Stupid.
So all your blue-collar workers, even if you don't, if you're not a union, whatever, you're looking at the head of the Teamstress, the most powerful union in the country, maybe, saying, I'm pro-Trump.
We're going to fix this.
Am I going to vote for him or the guys that are gay, gay, gay?
Y'all aren't speaking on my behalf.
Nobody ever talks about how MAGA, a large part of what created it is those people felt like all I hear is I'm white, I'm racist, I have white privilege, I'm poor as fuck.
There used to be manufacturing jobs in my town.
Now it's a ghost town.
What's happening?
Not only are you telling me you don't care, you're telling me I'm privileged.
Fuck you, suck my dick.
I'm going and you're trying to make my kids gay.
That's a huge thing.
I don't got enough to deal with it.
I don't got enough to do it.
They still got the racist stink on them, though.
If you have Hulk Hogan there speaking, like, oh, what did he do?
My daughter can't date a nigga.
Like, come on.
He did say like, though.
He's a nigger.
What did he say?
Yeah, his daughter couldn't date a black guy.
Oh, but you.
You don't got a daughter, yo.
You don't know what it's like.
Just don't take pictures with her.
Yeah, come on, Al.
One day you're going to get a daughter.
You're going to have a daughter.
And then we're going to see how you feel.
Do you think you're more gay or racist?
Nah, I'm way more racist.
Yeah.
Way more racist.
1%.
I'm 3x more racist than gay for sure.
Yeah.
I can even tell you which racist.
But you can also tell us which guys you would bang.
I'm not banging no dude.
But if I had to line up the people I'd be racist to, that's life.
That's my liar.
Yeah, and I'd be open with that.
But like, wouldn't you, like, honestly, Al, get over here and change this.
Like, if you had to do a racist act or a gay act, which one would you do first?
Now we're talking racist.
Racist.
That's the thing.
There's so many racist things you could just say.
And most of you would be like, yeah, they do be doing it.
You're not even upset about it.
But if you have to kiss a dick for a little, I'm a curb stomp motherfucker.
You have to go down and say black people that don't know.
I'm going to that stuff.
You're not counting an agent.
Al can talk all the shit he wants.
I know who he's voting for.
Who?
Hey, T voting for Trump.
Facts, bro.
Facts.
Trump train is coming, dude.
Yo, we going MAG on the pod, bro.
You might have to go MAGO on the bottom.
Oh, we're starting now.
You was never mad before.
You been in the hand too long.
That's what I'm saying.
You know, the handy self-love is like MAGA now.
Elon's Kennedys is trans.
And he blames the woke mind virus.
Not the fact that he's been building rockets for 20 hours a day, ignoring that little motherfucker.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, it's so great.
That's the most, you know, you like 12 kids.
You don't spend no time enough.
Elon, yeah.
It's like, what do you think your kid is going to do to get attention from you?
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
He's going to wear a dress, so you start at least going, yo, what the fuck is going on over here?
Matter of fact, he's probably trying to send that little motherfucker to the moon.
There ain't no gay people on Mars.
Transition to another planet.
But that is a good question.
Like, how many trans kids have both parents in their life loving?
Okay.
Come on.
I don't know if there's anything.
We don't know.
It depends on what burrow you're doing.
If you're in white Brooklyn, probably a lot.
Elon Musk Family Neglect00:03:55
Yo, I don't know.
Also, Elon got like 10 kids.
One of them was bound to be gay, statistically.
Odds are.
He got 12 kids.
God damn.
He got 12.
And only one of them.
That's not bad odds, dog.
Well, my parents had seven, and none of us are.
But you would be if you were allowed.
Yeah.
We've talked about that many times.
I mean, there's a gay.
I'm more gay than racist.
There's a gay in there.
I love one.
Trying to get out of here.
What do you think?
You were racist or gay?
Bro, I'm pretty gay, dude.
I'll be honest.
I love you.
Are you a dad?
Wait, wait, wait.
I mean, last night I watched like five hours of like a talent show singing.
Which one?
The kid Tongue.
North Korea's got talent.
I watched a little North Terrace got talent.
That should make me tear up.
Mark's definitely a little gay.
I got theater kid in me.
I got theater kid.
If he got the RNC, he'd have grinder.
Let's put it that way.
I'm double seeing him.
I wouldn't believe.
Let's go bang a dude, but it wouldn't be a black guy.
So, what does that make, man?
Every other one.
Nah, let's talk about that.
Nah, let's talk about that.
It makes him soft gay.
If you're not taking Black Dick first, is that racist?
I wouldn't take Black Dick first.
Is that gay or racist stuff?
Yeah.
I can't tell if that's gay or racist.
Like, are you not taking Black Dick because of gay or because of racist?
Because they look rude.
Because they look rude about it.
They fuck rude.
Take your shoes off in my house.
Don't worry.
Tim's a fuck me.
Come on, yo.
Yeah.
Take that shit.
Yeah.
Come on, little black dude yelling at me while I'm already getting fucked.
I just love it.
Come on.
Be loving or sneak another language.
I'll make it up in my head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll go Mish.
I'm going to go Mish.
No.
Yeah.
That's way more loving.
Y'all are so gay.
You just want to be Maggie.
You're fucking racist.
You're racist.
MAGA.
So racist.
Son, where is Matthew Crooks when you need him, bro?
Yo.
Nah, but I find it funny.
Adam 22's wife, like the only dudes she slept with were black guys.
She went straight black when he let her do her thing.
Like she's fucked.
That's selling it.
That's what he's saying.
That's the only thing that, I mean, that's the thing that's going to make the most money.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, you need the most pay-per-view.
And Money Mayweather turned heel to get pay-per-view buys.
It's the same thing.
You're porn category blacked, right?
Yeah.
There's no yellow.
It's the most shocking yellow.
There's no yellow.
And that's not urine.
So they know exactly what he said.
There's no change on chestnut in the porn category.
Okay.
And wasn't that crazy when he ate 46 rat sex?
I couldn't believe it because I've been a fan of his for a while.
I remember last year he ate 37 rats.
And I'm watching Mr. Ching and I was like, yo, this guy.
I was like, there's no way he could consume more rats.
There's truly no way he could.
And I remember the crowd, they were cheering.
Ching, chong, ching.
Chong, ching, chong.
So you dip it in water and shit like that to make it so duck sauce, bro.
Fire.
Fire.
He's mixing animals.
You can't put a rat in duck sauce.
That's not all yo.
Not at all.
You know who else was there?
Black widow.
I literally was actually there.
There's no way.
I'm pretty sure.
Well, who's happy with that?
She was just taking that rat.
No, she wasn't.
100%.
Dude, that's crazy.
Black widow.
I don't know.
You don't know?
No.
Oh, let me put you on, bro.
Yeah.
Dude, this is the one.
This is the greatest competitive eater you could say.
Let me pull it up.
Let me pull it up.
This bitch look bad.
Bring it down.
Bang.
Not that one.
Bang.
Wait, she's actually a competitive.
Yeah, she's one of the greatest ever.
You don't know who Black Widow is?
Nah.
Why are Asians good at this shit?
Because they got to compete with 2 billion people for food.
You would think more Indians would be in there.
When are y'all going to step it up on the hot dog eating conditions?
Can you eat hot dogs?
Nah.
Ah, fuck.
There's too many different animals to fuck around.
We didn't even know what's in there.
God damn.
Yeah, that's fair.
Asians care about weird sports is honestly the thing.
They don't care about cool sports like cricket and badminton.
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Yo, I learned some fire shit about cricket, man.
What's up?
Cricket's kind of fire.
I ain't gonna lie.
It's so fun.
It's kind of fire.
Cricket kind of fire.
But that, I know this is going to sound like I'm making like a loyal to the soil joke.
I'm not.
But the longer the game goes, the more bowling, the more pitching, it affects the grounds.
Yeah.
So you could fuck it better.
I didn't say it coming back.
I didn't see it coming.
In all seriousness.
So it affects the ground.
And the ball starts, the ball, I guess you would call it.
The ball starts bouncing in unpredictable ways later on in the game.
So if you have, I don't know if it's better if you have an advantage or disadvantage bowling, but that's something that you got to calculate with it.
Yeah.
I think that's like a thing you never even consider.
Imagine like the wood started changing during a basketball game.
And right when you start to figure out the spin of the bowler, the ground starts changing.
So now you've got to calculate everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've got to play.
But that's tennis, same thing.
Like Wimbledon to play on cricket.
That's right.
And the longer the tournament goes, the harder it is.
Bro, I mean, this is even like you want to get to the minutia.
The later the game, the higher the grass grows.
Oh, shit.
So they have to keep the grass at a certain level.
But it's like in hockey, where like the uh, you know, you need the Zamboni to come and fix it.
Anyway, I thought that was an interesting component with the coaching of I'm very like, what's the word, a noob or whatever with cricket?
But yeah, there's so much detail that they think about everything.
Also, you could, you could like send a guy into bowl and then take him out and he could still go back in.
Yeah, but they can only bowl a certain number of over a certain number of balls.
But you can mix and match throughout.
Yeah.
Thousands.
So there's constant strategy.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'm kind of fire.
We got fire.
I don't know.
I mean, if two billion people like something, it's probably, I feel like we're treating cricket the same way that Americans treated soccer.
Yeah.
Where first we reject it and eventually like, what you need is like the video game.
Yeah, and also you need America to get once America is good.
If anybody's in it.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
But I don't know who posted in the group chat, like it was they were playing paddle with cricket.
Yeah.
That's laughing because you're like, yo, this is fire.
And I'm like, this is just pickleball.
Nah, but that shit is heavy.
Yeah, but it's heavy.
It's just pickleball.
You thought it was fire.
It was the hand-eye coordination.
True athletes.
They really are two athletes.
Did you see how focused they were when there's no mud on the ground?
I mean, they didn't miss one stream.
Peter Thiel Political Influence00:14:50
We're either going to have an Indian president or an Indian vice president wife.
We're going to have an Indian in the White House.
Yo, can y'all explain this JD Vance thing?
So Trump picks JD Vance.
So I've been trying to research.
Fucking JD Vance.
I've been trying to research this guy all day.
So grows up, born in Middletown, Ohio, big Rust Belt town, like blue collar.
Grandfather is a steel miner.
Goes to Yale.
So mom did estranged from his father.
Mom was a drug addict.
Like, men in and out of her life, whatever.
He has to move to Kentucky, gets raised by his grandparents, goes to OSU, like really pulls himself out of whatever, out of the tough situation, goes to OSU, then goes to Yale Law School.
Weird story or cool story.
Vivek.
Him and Vivek are homies.
He has three kids.
He has an Indian wife, three kids.
Only one of them has an Indian name.
The name is Vivek.
Yeah.
It's quite possible the guy's named after Vivek Ramaswamy.
I don't know.
They're like homies.
There's a thing where Vivek is being asked that, and he's kind of denying it.
Yeah, but he's like, we're close friends.
We're close friends.
You have to ask him about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the other kids are like Noah and some other Christian name.
So gets married.
2015 starts a venture capital fund, I think.
And 2016 rolls around.
Election rolls around.
Very anti-Trump.
Fucking hates Trump.
Doesn't just hate Trump, the person.
Says something about his policies.
I have the quote written down, but something like they range from absurd to immoral or something like that.
So he goes at Trump as a person.
He compares him to Hitler as a person, goes at his policies, shitting on him all the time.
Starts a charity in Ohio, doing all these things.
I think the charity eventually folds.
2021, he enters the Senate race.
All of a sudden, loves Trump.
Pro-Trump.
Hey, this guy's great.
January 6th wasn't that bad.
What y'all did to him didn't make any sense?
I think a lot of Democrats are like, what the fuck?
We loved this guy a few years ago because he wrote this book in 2016 called Hillbilly Elegy.
What does that mean?
You know, I had to look it up.
It's the same thing as a eulogy, but a eulogy is typically written.
I'm sorry, spoken and typically more like praise, like praising.
And elegy is more like sad in tone and is written only.
So it's the same thing.
But it's a eulogy for Hill of the Hillbilly.
For like the, yeah, this top, this part of America that's just dying.
Ah, God.
It made it into a movie.
It made it into a movie.
Ron Howard did it.
Ron Howard directed it.
The book liberals love.
They think this is like our kind of Republican.
Like this, he's not in office yet, but we love this guy.
And he's, this is what's also funny.
A lot of the book is like blaming Hillbilly culture for what happened.
Not like, he's like, you can still pull yourself out.
This is America.
Hillbillies feel like if you work hard, then there's no point.
There's some like self-reflection.
Yeah, there's some pull yourself up.
But it's funny because liberals are like, that guy's great.
If he was black writing that book about black people, Republicans would be like, this guy's awesome.
And then the left would have been like, what's Uncle Tom?
Fuck you.
Great point.
Yeah.
So they love him.
But all of a sudden, anti-Biden in 2020, voting for Trump.
This is weird.
He says, oh, I got to know Trump.
I like his policies, but it is a really fucking strong 180.
When you called his policies idiotic, when you knew them in 2016, what changed in those four years?
It seemed kind of like that's just what gets you elected.
He got asked to be the second most powerful person in the world.
Yeah.
But this 2021 before, so he started angling for it, probably.
He needed to win the election.
You want to win as a Republican.
I need Trump on my side.
Let me just say I was wrong.
That's kind of what it seems like.
So how does he pivot?
What does he say?
So he's just like, I didn't know the guy.
I actually agree with a lot of his policies.
And this is where it's like, I don't hate the guy, but you're a, it's just a politician fucking thing.
If it was genuine, I'm cool with that.
I like the fact that people flip-fly.
I think flip-flopping is important in life.
When you get new information, you should change your mind.
Yeah.
But that's too big of a flip-flop.
But here's the thing.
That's where if you're doing it, it's like, it's impossible for you to be a person in politics and not know somebody's policies.
So you were either ignorant to your field if he was in politics when he was saying this about Trump, or did he switch?
I tend to believe the latter.
And I tried to do a lot of digging on this guy the last couple of days.
And here's one thing that's like, yeah, I don't know how genuine you are.
One policy that he really agrees with Trump on is stopping illegal immigration.
Fine.
He says, my mom.
Why is that?
I don't get too big.
Let me get there.
Let me get here.
So he says, my mom almost died.
And this is true from a heroin overdose, from probably drugs that were shipped in here illegally from Mexico.
Come on, here's, here's what, here, let me get to this.
So, okay.
She's dying because she does.
The mugs.
Yeah.
But she probably.
We could shut down the heroin.
We could shut down the fentanyl, all these things.
She's going to have another drug.
She's going to have alcohol.
Well, here's where, here's where, again, let me get this car.
You're going to see this is like, oh, all right, I see what it is.
His mom started as a nurse addicted to painkillers and then OxyCotton.
When he graduates from Yale Law School, the first law firm he works for represents Purdue Pharma, who makes OxyCotton.
So you got no fucking problem with Purdue Pharma, with Big Pharma.
I'll go hard at illegal immigration, but the Pharma lobby, I'm not, that's fine.
Also, this is even fucking crazier.
His charity was called Our Ohio Renewal.
And it was just, I think the initiative was like, let's rebuild Ohio.
Let's rebuild this part of America that I grew up in that I love.
One thing that he did, very nice in theory, he sent a psychiatrist to Middle America to help people with OxyContin addictions.
The psychiatrist he sent was essentially on Purdue Pharma's payroll, literally did studies being like, OxyContin's not addictive.
It's not that bad.
And now you're sending this lady to get these people clean.
So to me, it's just like, oh, you're kind of a fraud.
You're kind of.
Also, it doesn't feel like a drain the swamp guy because it feels like a swamp creek.
And I think this is where...
Again, I don't know anything about him.
I got to do my research.
But from what you're telling me, this does not feel like this political outsider that would galvanize the Trump base.
Other dots to connect that tie back into the Elon thing that you brought up earlier.
I didn't even know that he was donating $40 million a month or whatever.
He said that before Vance got elected or chosen as VP, right?
So when he starts his startup in 2015, his venture capital fund, Peter Thiel, backs it.
This guy, JD Vance.
In 2021, when he decides to run for Senate, Peter Thiel donates $15 million, which is a massive amount of money to a guy just running for Senate.
So he seems to be in the kind of the pocket of these Silicon Valley guys, it would seem.
Apparently, Biden, Biden has done, or the people behind Biden have done some things that you should praise.
They broke non-compete agreements.
They are cracking down a little bit on like techno-fascism, which is like Silicon Valley.
This is an interesting part of it.
I've looked up techno-fascism.
I asked Robbie.
Robbie's on vacation.
I was like, tell me about it, this guy.
And he's like, just look up techno-fascism and whatever.
Basically, one important part of this idea of techno-fascism is Silicon Valley doesn't have to play politics anymore.
They can kind of set the agenda.
If Elon Musk wants a policy out there, instead of going to the government, he can just start tweeting about it.
Maybe even theoretically, not that he's doing this, pumping tweets that push the agendas he wants, then that becomes what the voter base wants.
And then the policy changes that way.
Biden is kind of cracking down on Silicon Valley.
Y'all shouldn't be able to just run amok like this.
I don't know how much he's actually accomplishing, but that's his idea.
You look at this guy, JD Vance.
He's already in Peter Thiel's pocket.
I'm Elon Musk.
I love Peter Thiel, though.
That motherfucker's badass.
He's a badass.
All these guys are bad.
Elon Musk is a badass, but he's not.
He's not the best gay.
And he's not even a Democrat.
Isn't that funny?
Isn't that interesting?
Even the Democrats are too gay for Peter Thiel.
He's more racist than gay.
That's the thing.
This guy fucking gets it.
He's not going to let himself be defined by smoking cocks.
He's a billionaire that developed all these incredible businesses.
He's like an early investor in all these different startups that now become these like billion-dollar companies.
You think the only thing people want to think about him is he's gay?
Matter of fact, I think he took down Gawker for Hogan simply because Gawker outed him for being gay back in the day.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And the change's name.
Which is low-key a gross thing.
Yeah, that's gross.
Gawker's fucking gross.
They're vile.
That's disgusting.
You're talking about the gay.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the best.
No, yeah, to be gay back in the day.
That's not what you're doing.
No, that's what I was saying.
Come on.
AIDS everywhere.
What the hell?
Come on.
No, it is gross to just out somebody like that.
Absolutely.
But that makes this guy seem like he's kind of in the pocket of like.
Like, how is he going to be able to manipulate people that want to get their start in tech if they already know he's gay?
Peter Thiel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a good question.
You know what I mean?
Hey, millions of dollars, honestly.
Yeah.
That's what he'll do it.
Shout out to Peter Thiel.
I like that guy.
Nah, I got no problem with it, but it does seem like this JD Vance pick happened because a lot of money got thrown behind him.
Yeah.
Trumpy, Trumpy, Trumpy.
So what does Trump see in him?
I think he sees someone who can't overshadow him.
That's probably part of it.
Talk that.
Talk that's like, think about it.
I think fucking cream puff.
Little cream puff around.
Tickle that cream puff.
Tell me that cream puff.
I won't shoot you now.
You just start with Kamala.
I do feel like four years of Biden, Kamala was silenced a little bit.
Like, hey, don't make Biden look bad.
Don't overshadow him.
Shut up.
And that worked for Biden because people are like, I'd rather keep Biden here than have Kamala.
I think Trump saw that and he's like, I don't want anyone who is like, people would even want to replace me.
Like Pence.
Pence, yeah, but you did that with Pence.
Yeah, but Pence was kind of like, he had the evangelicals on his side and like they backed him a lot.
This guy, nobody gives a fuck about him.
I think he helps you seal Ohio, which you probably would get anyway, but you need that Rust Belt.
You need Ohio, Michigan, all that.
I think he saw the debate.
And I think after the gun shit, he's so far ahead.
He's like, I don't even need anybody right now.
He's actually distancing himself from the abortion ship.
Which is smart, too.
He distanced himself from Project 2025.
Yeah.
This is what I hope.
He got explained all these shit together.
He doesn't think he's the extremist anymore because he's like, oh, I got this shit in the back.
So now I don't got to be extreme anymore.
So it's like, let me pick somebody that nobody gives a fuck about, that nobody wants to replace me because I got it.
He has straight Democrats.
Yeah.
He does.
I generally believe he has straight male Democrats.
Nah, I just think people are going to stay home.
Which is almost a vote for Trump.
It's impossible for Trump.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
They will abstain.
Yeah.
I agree.
I don't know if people will go as far.
I mean, the shooting thing, the day after the shooting, if the election was there, I'm voting for Trump.
But you got four months till then.
That's the thing.
He could fuck it up in four months.
Like, it's so tricky because.
When they announce Kamala, well, when Biden said, like, I'm supporting Kamala.
And then immediately Trump was like, nah, we got to change the debate.
I'm like, because he don't want to give her shine.
Nah, it's not.
That's a hat, black, half.
And you know me.
You ain't going to argue with this girl and make nothing.
She could kick the fuck out of him in the debate.
That's a slaughter.
So the fact that he wanted to change the debates, he's like, oh, I think he's a little scared.
That's because she tried to be white.
She's going to be black as fuck in these debates.
This is the only time she's ever going to look into it.
Throw a scandal or something.
So next we need to form a prosecutor against a convicted convict.
I mean, it's a great matchup.
It's a pay-per-view matchup, but I wonder if he's looking at it like a prize fighter, like a like Connor McGregor can't listen to every single person that calls him out because you're just going to give that person shine.
But if you notice, after Jake Paul's win against Mike Perry, shout out to both of them.
I hope they made all the fucking money in the world.
Yeah.
Both of them.
But Connor started talking shit to Jake because he knows Jake got the energy.
Jake is at a level where it's worth talking shit to.
Jake wasn't initially.
When Jake was fighting the YouTubers or whatever, he wasn't big enough for Connor.
But now Connor had to step out of that fight.
He feels he's coming down a little bit.
And this Jake guy is unstoppable.
So now you talk some shit.
So I wonder if Trump's looking at it like, okay, if I go on the stage with Kamala, I'm going to give her a shine.
She cannot create herself.
I can just create shine.
I can create moments.
I dodge bullets.
What is this chick going to do to galvanize?
I could give her an opportunity to galvanize.
I'm already on top of her.
High risk, no reward.
Now, the American people deserve a debate.
That's what I was saying.
They're doing a debate.
He just said, let's put it on Fox, not whatever was supposed to be on CNN.
Oh, because he wants the moderators to be a little bit more.
Well, actually, the last one is.
That's also crazy.
You can pay for the rights to a debate.
That's insane.
No, we should not be exclusive.
In the same way, the State of the Union address is for every network.
This is politics.
This should be bigger than that.
It should be on C-SPAN.
Absolutely.
You're fucking insane.
No, no, no.
This is like a thing that we should be objective about, and I should be able to objectively vote for who I want.
I don't want you swaying the questions in either direction.
I should be allowed to make an informed vote.
What the fuck is going on?
You can just buy the rights like it's a Super Bowl.
It is tricky, though, because that is like the, I hate even saying this because it sounds like such a fucking trope, but like the culture of consumption, the fact that we only really value things that are monetizable.
I know you're laughing because it does sound gay, right?
Yeah, the culture of consumption.
But like it's, it's the same thing.
Like I even talked to, I was, I talked to my wife about this a little bit.
Like the reason why I think motherhood isn't valued in American culture as much as it is valued, let's say in like Indian culture, is because you can't monetize it.
Like the things you can monetize are valued.
Hedge fund directors, ooh, that's valuable.
Why is that more valuable than teachers not valued?
No, it shouldn't be the same.
You can't monetize it.
So when culture is dominated by money, we only value those positions that can generate revenue.
And then you leave to the wayside these very important positions, i.e. teacher or mother.
You have women out here that feel like they should work, even though they don't have to, just to meet up with societal expectations.
And then all of a sudden, they're not hanging out with their kids.
Or you got, I don't want to sound like I'm taking shots at Elon, or, but you got a dad that got 12 different kids and he works 20 hours a week at all these different things.
And you could argue that he's upholding democratic values and doing all these amazing things for society, which he is, but at the cost of what?
Yeah.
Right?
Like he might be chasing the bag, but at the cost of what?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Sorry to derail, but you get what I'm saying.
There are limitations too.
I agree.
That's why it got this way, but there's got to be a line.
It started gay, but then I think it got to a good point.
No, it's still straight, but by the end, I got straight.
I think so.
But it started pretty gay.
Yeah, speaking of straight.
I started with a culture of consumption, and we don't give moms enough credit.
I was like, I got to date myself out of this.
Yeah, you just got to, I think elections should be spin-free in those, like we're all going to do afterwards, spin the fuck out of it.
So they're talking, let them talk.
Culture of Consumption Shifts00:08:09
So genuine question, how do we decide who the moderators are then?
Like, and who makes that decision?
Does each, is it like a jury?
No, the jury would be decided by the defendant's lawyer, right?
To a certain extent, they get to eliminate certain jurors.
How does it work?
It's decided by both.
But don't they get to omit certain each side gets, I think, 12 people they can knock off.
Find someone each side is okay with.
Yeah.
So now, but now we're going to have like a super, now you got the fucking Supreme Court where you got like the Republicans and the Derby.
Like what is the.
But that's how debates used to be.
They used to have one debate on CNN, one on Fox, one on a neutral 13 people or something like that.
Like that's what they used to do.
When?
As a kid, there wasn't any.
Most of us didn't even have cable.
I saw debates in 1992 when I didn't have cable.
So it wasn't on CNN.
There's no way it was on CNN.
I remember when they used to have the ticker at the bottom of like, oh, how much people were like scoring the debate as it was going on.
And that was a CNN thing that they still had.
Well, every channel would play it.
It wasn't exclusive.
Exclusive rights is bumped.
I could have swore.
No, it was on every channel.
One channel.
It was for effect.
1992, 1997.
In the Declaration of Defendants, but it's like they have to do it.
So I think that C-SPAN, it's like a government thing.
So they put it on all the channels.
But now the tricky thing is like...
I don't think a debate.
They have a commission, apparently.
Yeah.
They have a commission of presidential debates that is like responsible for selecting the moderator.
Now, I will say this: I thought CNN did a great job with the last debate.
Yeah, I thought the last week was good.
Yeah, so, but I do agree with you, which is like you shouldn't be able to put up money.
It's crazy to the exclusive rights to democracy.
What the fuck are we doing?
That's the most capitalistic shit.
Like, this is fucking right to democracy.
Yeah, it really annoys me.
One thing that you did that JD Vance shit, great.
Thanks, hey, man.
You really locked in on it.
Thank you, Doug.
We got to send you as an Indian.
That's your Tesseract.
We got to send it.
He was around so much brilliant shit.
He came back.
You were talking about Hillbilly Elegy and shit.
No, I know.
Yeah, dude.
I need to be in December.
I'm going back.
I'm getting little goosebumps at this shit.
Okay, go, go on.
Apparently, one thing that Trump can do against Biden or against Kamala is be like, do you think Biden was senile?
Like, do you think during his presidency he was senile?
And then if she says no, then it's like, well, why didn't he continue to run?
Like, what's going on?
And if she says yes, and it's like, well, why did you support a candidate that was senile in the white?
That ain't gonna work.
You don't think so?
Yeah, I don't think so.
I read it.
I was like, it's good.
I don't think people will care, but it's good.
But people ain't gonna be able to do it.
I think what will happen is I think that it's so funny how pendulums swing.
Like, didn't we always say, even on this podcast, like, Republicans get in line?
Yeah.
Republicans get behind their candidate and Republicans are going to support it.
Now it feels like Democrats are adopting that same philosophy where they're like, yo, where's the party going?
Is it going with Kamala?
All right, give her all the money.
She raised some crazy amount of money.
And I don't know if that was transferred from Biden or she generally got the most donations in it.
But that's also a bit like, of course, you only have a fucking month to donate.
You're going to donate.
There's only a month.
We're all going to give it a few weeks until the DNC.
Yeah.
So of course we're going to donate.
I thought that was a bit misleading.
Yeah.
I heard another crazy thing.
Go, go, give me.
Give me a shot.
This is a fun little just like weird.
I love, I love it.
People are talking about all the Trump shooting.
They're saying, like, oh, this is Teddy Roosevelt moment.
Yeah.
Because Teddy Roosevelt had an assassination attempt.
I think the guy shot him and it got stopped by his whole speech.
And he got shot.
It hit his eyeglass case, hit his speech, went into his body, didn't kill him, and then gave the speech.
Where did he get shot?
It happened in Milwaukee.
Now, Teddy Roosevelt gave his speech after he got shot in Milwaukee and gave like an 86-minute speech.
And then Trump gets shot, goes to Milwaukee for the RNC, and then gives a 90-minute speech.
Had to do it.
And Miles pointed out, he's like, yo, he must have gone an extra four minutes, heard about this thing.
And he was like, fuck it.
I'm doing a 90-minute speech.
Just in top of the bottom.
Just in top four more years.
Teddy Roosevelt.
Yeah.
That was definitely intentional.
Got it.
He wanted to have the longest speech.
He's like, yo, after I got shot, I gave a 90-minute speech.
A good move.
You can't fuck him in.
But he went off script and then it got a little boring.
Oh, that's always hurt Trump in the past going off script.
No, but it's so funny.
When he's on script, it is not that same excitement that you get from Trump that you get from, let's say, Mike Tyson.
You know, I think we even said on the pod, like, the most engaging thing a human can do is not let you know the next thing that they're going to say.
And I think that's why Mike is so engaging.
It's like, even on the podcast, right?
He'll be on fucking pounds of shrooms.
And then out of nowhere, he'll just start crying and telling you the importance of having no ego.
You're like, what the fuck?
You never know what he's going to say next.
And Trump has that quality.
But when he's reading off the prompter, you limit the superpower.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
So, but at the same time.
I think he kind of backfired a little bit on this one.
Well, I think when he's the underdog, the superpower is really helpful.
When he's the frontrunner, limit the superpower.
Exactly.
And he started going, saying the same things that he says, like, I'm that dude or whatever.
Everybody's fucking shit.
And I'm going to do this and that.
And he kind of, it took the sincerity out of we feel bad for you right now.
He should have milked that shit.
Because he started on like reading the teleprompter and it was like, oh shit, this is a new Trump.
That's how you get the fucking people in the middle.
He's like, oh, shit, okay, maybe he's like changed a little bit.
And then he went, reverted right back to his old shit.
I think that kind of hurt.
That was like a misstep.
He could have really capitalized on that moment.
If he's like, you know what?
After getting grazed in the ear with some glass, I'm going to change man.
Yeah, this guy's a hat, bro.
You can't even get a shot.
But he's just, he cannot help but do the funniest thing at all points in time.
When he walked over to the fireman's outfit and then kissed the helmet, unbelievable.
It's like, I think he's being genuine.
I think he's being authentic.
It just also happens to be the most ridiculous thing to kiss the helmet.
Yeah.
I mean, that was part of the speech.
He's like, that's the goal flagship.
I think, I think, he went over to it genuinely, but feeling compelled to kiss the helmet.
I think that's just Trump, like, okay, what is the funny?
I mean, the funniest shit is the one I sent you where he's doing a speech.
He's like, I'm not supposed to be here right now.
And everyone goes, Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
He goes, thank you.
But I'm not.
I'm not.
Like, he wouldn't even be so stubborn that they're like, you're supposed to be here.
He's like, you guys are wrong, actually.
I'm not.
Listen to my point.
He's just the funniest.
He can't help it.
He's so good.
That's wild.
Okay, so now we get Kamala and we see what happens in the coming weeks, in the coming months, whatever.
America's just the most interesting country when it comes to these elections.
It's not fucking shit.
It's reality TV.
It's weird that glued to this shit.
Son, I'm like a little, and this is not good, but I'm a little like excited.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's not good.
You shouldn't be excited for what's happening.
It's not a reality show.
It's not fucking House of Dragons.
But there is this part of me that's like, oh, oh, oh, it's happening.
It's the new season.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It does feel like it's a little bit different.
Season finale.
Season finale is coming.
You think Biden will be able to acknowledge the election results?
You think he's going to have the mental ability to be like, all right, I won or I lost.
Oh, dude, I lost.
The clip of him, it was seeming like he greets that girl and he thinks it's his wife.
And then his wife grabs him and I'm like, no, no, no.
Have you guys seen that clip?
That clip went viral.
He's talking to some woman and he seems very warm with her.
And then his wife comes over, Jill, and like kind of pushes him aside.
And what everybody was saying is he thought that was Jill, like genuinely thought that was.
No, there's a picture of all due respect.
There's a picture of Jill Young.
Yeah.
That could have been Jill.
Yeah, come on.
What are those white pictures looking like?
Viral Election Result Clip00:15:03
Oh, no.
No, that's actually a good move, guys.
Remember this.
Yeah, like, oh, I thought it was you.
We know what you have too much.
He's smart.
He almost leaned in.
Yeah, you saw that?
He came up with the finger.
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
Anything else with politics before we get into before we get into this wedding?
Diddy needs to hire those people.
Well, now the shooter's dead, but hire a bad shooter because that's the only thing that can save his reputation.
Nothing will save Diddy.
Yeah, if he gets that he's done.
He gets grazed.
If he's grazed, you're going to feel a little bit bad for him.
Not even a little bit.
Not even a little bit.
Not even a fucking fraction.
You don't think so?
I mean, I don't think.
Give me the gun.
I'll hit that motherfucker.
Maybe an album.
Maybe an album.
Nah, I don't think music ain't going to do it.
I mean, once that video dropped of him just fucking ragdawing Cassie.
I mean, that was insane.
Yeah.
Al, I think that's a bad take.
Yeah, that was the worst.
That was the worst take.
That was a bad take.
I heard in a while.
Stand on business.
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Akash was at the wedding.
Yeah, what would you say in terms of history?
I'm sure there's like royal weddings that were talked about, but they weren't, they didn't happen in the social media age.
Yeah.
The energy around this wedding.
This is like trending.
Yeah.
This was our royal wedding.
Okay.
Like when Megan married Harry?
Yeah.
And we were all talking about this is dad for Indians.
Yeah.
Way more opulent because you didn't have to do it on the cast.
That's the other thing.
I feel like this was bigger.
Oh, much more.
They spent $600 million.
The reason why I think it was bigger in terms is they could flex in a what's the word that the royals have to do it in a certain way.
That can't really have to be dignified.
It was on TV in America, the Royal Red.
We were watching that shit.
Sure, sure, sure.
But this shit was on social and TikTok in a way.
They're also allowed to flex more.
Exactly.
Flex culture is like it's sort of encouraged, whereas like with British aristocracy, flex culture is like discrimination.
But I hear what Al saying, like, yes, it was this huge moment.
This would be the, this is by far the biggest non-royal wedding in history.
Yes, it felt royal.
Yeah.
You get the invite to go.
I need to know like a few things right off the bat, and I want you to tell me all the stories.
How many people are at this event?
9,000 the first day that I was there.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
I heard the Sunday there was they were expecting 20,000.
I didn't feel like it was that much more crowded on the Sunday.
I thought we were all just tired.
So there's 9,000 people at this thing.
And then as it goes on, maybe more and more people are invited.
I imagine you're invited to the whole thing.
So all the three.
I wasn't invited pre-wedding, obviously, but all three of Day's events, I'm invited.
Okay.
And then it's more exclusive earlier and then gets, yeah.
Okay, your invite to all.
Your head going into this.
Are you going, are you thinking like, where are they going to seat me?
You know, how like there's that.
A little bit, but I try to remind myself a month before this, if you told me at the pre-wedding that I was going to be invited to the wedding, I would have been like, you're out of your fucking mind.
There's no way.
Is this like, I'm trying to understand culture.
Is this like if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married in America?
Like hard.
Or is it even bigger?
Yeah, they're not, they're not famous like Bollywood stars are famous, but they're like, imagine Bill Gates really wanted to flex his wealth and then married another super rich person.
And then they happen to be friends with all the Hollywood celebrities from childhood.
Okay.
And they're all at this wedding.
Okay.
Okay.
So you go.
There's 9,000 people.
Yeah.
Are you in like a different area?
Because it seemed like you were rubbing.
No.
Okay.
Everybody.
So first of all, I've been trying to, from the moment I got in, I was like, how do I describe this to the boys?
And it's so big that it's hard to wrap your head around.
It's at a convention center.
The entire convention center is dedicated to this wedding.
Every floor.
And it's like, it almost feels like a fucking Metroplex.
Like each floor is its own little city.
And you're walking through what look like beautiful movie sets.
Like there's that.
You remember that movie I had you watched, Gungubai?
Yeah, yeah.
Like that old India.
There's one, like one floor where you're walking and it feels like old India.
That's fine.
And you're seeing people play sitar.
If you hear music, it is done live.
There was no music music.
Everything is live.
You're walking through, as soon as you walk in, it's just palatial, like just high ceilings, beautiful carpet, decorations everywhere.
Philippe completely renovated this convention center.
The entire convention center is dedicated to this wedding.
What's parking like?
Oh, you don't even park.
You just pull up.
Like you're getting an Uber, you're getting a driver.
They had a driver for me the whole weekend.
So everything for you is curated the entire time.
Yes, because they're so on it.
Like they said, they curate everything.
They took care of the flights.
They took care of the hotel.
They took care of the car.
I just have to be there.
Wow.
So you're getting a driver to and from every event.
You show up for the first day.
Yeah.
Is there seating?
Is it just everything?
So the first event, do you remember when I did the Barath?
Do you remember when we were in the parking lot of the Griff and I was in a little bit?
So the idea is you are a king and you are going to meet your queen.
So the whole kingdom, which is your side, is out dancing and celebrating.
That's the first thing I walk into.
That.
But with them, it's inside, air-conditioned, but it's like 9,000 people.
And whereas my Barath was like an hour and you're like, by the end of it, everybody in every Indian American wedding is like, let's come on.
We're done.
We're tired.
This one was four hours, but you come and go as you please.
We literally left in the middle, got Jai, hung out for like 30, 40 minutes, then just walked back in.
And this is the fucking craziest thing.
You walk in, you see all these Bollywood stars, beautiful.
Like all of them look better in real life.
But they are friends with this kid since childhood.
So they're in the bridal party.
They're all dancing in a little circle, no security around them.
If you wanted to be an asshole, you could just bully your way into that.
It's amazing nobody did it.
But you can just bully your way into the dance circle, talk to everybody, give everybody high five.
Like I'm looking at massive, massive stars, no security.
We're all just there.
Thousands of people.
How many people there would you say were familiar with you and your work?
So a good number of people.
One Bollywood actor actually came up to me and was like, I'm a fan.
I really like what you do.
That's awesome.
Which was fire.
Shouts to Ritesh Deshmukh.
I really appreciated the love because that made me feel like, dude, one person knowing me.
I'm unbelievable.
But so this other kid, Rondir Alabadia, who helped, he's a podcaster.
Shouts to him.
Fan of the pod.
This pod as well.
Helped me get there.
He was like, I'm telling you a lot.
So I've got to recognize a good amount of time, right?
Yeah, I did a pod with him.
Beer biceps.
Yeah, beer biceps is his IG handle.
But he told me, a lot of a decent number of people approached me and he was like, honestly, a lot more would have, but there's like a respect thing here.
Yeah, and there's like an like the weird thing with you as like an NRI, meaning you don't live in India.
They look at you a certain way, like he's not as approachable.
So there's actually even more people.
There's a huge flagrant fan base.
Like huge.
That's right.
So many people, like childhood friends, are like, yo, we love flagrant.
You tune in all the time.
So like fans, shout out to them.
They were so sweet.
Blood gang.
They don't mind the jokes.
Clearly.
Love it.
Love it.
And it was cool because I didn't feel, I thought all his childhood friends would be like kind of pretentious assholes.
It felt like a whole family vibe the whole time.
Celebrities, dude, there's one guy.
His name is Skudan John.
And I want to shout him out because like, you know how women love the Titanic here in America?
This director, he's not even an actor, director.
He's directed like six movies like that that women love that much.
So I saw this guy literally every 20 seconds in the Barath, a girl asked him for a selfie.
And every single time, great energy.
Take the selfie, get back to it.
Another guy, Vudden Dovan, my wife asked for a selfie.
He takes the selfie and I say to him, we're next to each other.
I'm like, hey, man, thank you.
That meant a lot to my wife.
He puts his arm around me.
He's like, hey, man, don't worry about it.
I got a wife too.
I know what you got to do.
You got to keep him happy.
Something like that.
It's loud.
I can't hear him.
I'm pretending I can hear him.
Dude, the fucking most embarrassing thing.
I expected Bollywood stars to be there.
So I'm like, I'm kind of cool about it.
I didn't expect Indian cricketers to be there.
So this guy, Hardir Bundia, he's the one that you said can't be Indian because he's so swaggy.
Oh, yeah.
He walks by.
I swear to God, he's this close to me.
I'm maybe here.
He walks by.
I look up.
I see him.
I go, Harder Bundia.
I scream his name.
He did me the fucking courtesy of pretending he didn't hear me.
But I had to grab myself and be like, you're 40.
What the fuck are you?
Now, we're allowed to lose it for athletes, man.
I was like, I realize athletes are different.
But I was like, this kid is at least 10 years younger than you.
This is a child to you.
Why are you screaming like that at him?
It was so fucking embarrassing.
But it was just like, dude, I couldn't believe how cool the vibe was and how cool everybody, no pretension.
It was a fucking awesome experience that first day, especially.
Where were the Western famous people situated?
Like, is Kardashian near you?
Who else is there?
I didn't see Kim.
John Cena, I missed, but I know John Cena was in the Badat.
He was dancing.
John Cena was in the mix.
He was in the mix.
Oh, yeah.
Nobody could see him.
But he's in the mix.
I know people that got selfies with him.
He was in it.
I didn't see the Kardashians.
Whatever.
I didn't see them at all, really.
But we saw other Western famous people.
Also, it was fucking crazy.
Again, I told you, if you hear music, it's being done live.
I hear Calm Down, that Remy song.
I look over.
It's Remy doing Calm Down.
Wow.
Does two songs, leaves.
Fire.
Kenan, that other guy, he comes up, does two of his bangers, leaves.
Another massive Indian rapper, A.P. Delone, comes up, does two of his bangers, leaves.
Like, if you hear a song that you like, it's the motherfucker that did the song doing the song.
Wow.
So that's what we're dancing to.
That's fire.
And again, I'm so happy to be here.
I don't feel self-conscious.
I'm dancing my ass off.
I don't give a fuck who's looking at me.
Y'all can judge me all you want to.
You're not going to remember me tomorrow.
You didn't recognize me in the first place.
So I'm having a time of my fucking life that first day, especially.
Food is crazy, but the problem is in that Badat, you're like walking with everybody and you're trying to kind of, I'm so mesmerized by these Bollywood stars.
I'm like kind of trying to stay around them.
So we missed all the fire food stands.
There was like Tiramasu with caviar, all this crazy shit.
I missed all that.
But that was the first day.
You just saw everybody.
Dude, we're waiting for parking.
This guy, Salman Khan, is there.
He is top three.
Shaduk is the one that I fucking would lose it over.
Shaduk Khan is the one I'm.
He's the one I would, he was there.
I didn't see him.
Thank God for me.
I met his son.
Son is a very sweet kid.
But I didn't, yeah.
Salman Khan is top, he might just be as big, maybe.
Top two, three, probably, top five of all time.
He's just waiting for a car at gate 19 with me.
I just see him kind of standing, no security, no nothing, just waiting, saying what's up to people, wearing like a fucking $900,000 watch or some crazy shit like that.
Unfucking believable.
Saturday event, we so because the prime minister comes, if you get there after him, Yamodi shows up.
If you get there after him, they don't let anybody in.
Obviously, they actually take security seriously here in India.
So we didn't get to go to the actual like ceremony because we were like, he got there fairly quickly.
And we assume Indian wedding.
Be an hour late.
Oh, no.
But then we go upstairs to this dinner area.
They have food for you.
What was that conversation with you and your wife when we were late because she was getting ready to rest out all the five minutes?
You know what?
I didn't realize how many stars were going to be there.
I would have been upset if I knew.
I thought we were all going to be late.
I was like, everybody's going to be late.
Everybody's on time this one fucking day.
So then I was tight afterward.
But we go upstairs.
We're going to go upstairs and be like, nah, we were boycotting on behalf of the big job.
Yeah, we're there for the farmers.
Exactly.
Yeah, we're for the farmers.
So we go upstairs and it's like, when I say they have food from Dubai and food from Singapore, I mean they have restaurants flying.
This is cool.
This is cool.
You're tough.
And I'm assuming this is like Ananda Bai's favorite places.
They have an Italian Italian food from a restaurant in Dubai.
There's a guy, asshole Oswell, fan, from Singapore, has French food.
The French food from Singapore is catering.
You go sit at a table.
They bring you whatever you want to.
So you take a look at the business.
The food from those restaurants is literally the people from those restaurants went there.
Which is in a giant ballroom.
It's like 15 different restaurants with food.
And outside of the ballroom, the entire hallway, 100 yards of desserts.
They're making fresh waffles.
They're making crepes.
They got gelato.
They got cupcakes with flowers on them and then edible flower petals.
Like any fucking dessert you can fathom is there.
Is there any like Indian dudes like sitting cross-legged, mixing a soup with their feet and like real traditional street food?
No, no, not at all.
They had Indian street food, but it wasn't traditional enough.
That's the problem.
Yeah, that's the shit I like.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
That was a little authentic in that way.
But then we go sit at the ballroom.
Exclusive Business Catering Event00:02:35
This is when it's like, oh, this is fucking crazy, the caliber of people that I'm with.
My wife and I are sitting at a table.
We're alone.
This sweet girl comes up.
She's in her 20s.
She's like, hey, is anybody sitting here?
We're like, no.
And she's like, can my mom and I sit here?
And we're like, of course, sit down.
We start talking 20 minutes.
She asks, how do you know the, how do you know Anant or Mukesh, whoever she says?
And I'm like, I don't.
I just don't.
I'm like, I don't.
And they're like, she's like, what do you mean?
I'm like, I got invited.
I showed up.
She kind of chuckles.
I ask, how you know the Anandai?
And she's like, oh, I know Mukesh.
We like are on this board together.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
I asked, where do you live?
She's like, oh, California and New York.
So I'm like, okay, she's got some money.
She asks me what I do.
We start talking.
I ask what she does.
20 minutes into the conversation.
She goes, oh, we own teams, like sports teams.
Not like arrogantly, very sweetly.
It was like, oh, we own teams, sports teams.
And I was like, what?
And she was like, yeah, we own.
I'm not going to say which team, but I'll just bleep it.
She goes, yeah, we own.
I go, which team?
She goes, and I was like, and then Jislina's like, yeah, we've heard of them.
She's saying it like me having heard of it.
Big drop off from yeah, yeah, yeah.
You could say we own sports team.
You know what?
You know what's funny, though?
She's probably going to make the greatest ROI on the second one.
At what point did you look at your girl and be like, it's pretty sick, right?
Son, the whole time, she was like, at the moment, she was a little anxious at how like small fish we were.
And I was like, we're here.
Are you talking about it?
You're there.
Yeah, I'm like, this is crazy.
We're here.
They don't need to know who I am.
I'm here.
You can't kick me out now.
There's always going to be somebody more wealthy.
There's always going to be somebody more successful.
But you got to, it's good that you were able to stop and just be like, hey, a few years ago, we were living together with three roommates on Airbnb to make ends meet.
And now we are guests.
Yeah.
Insane.
I mean, just an insane, like, I really, of all the moments I've had, this is the number one I've made it moment in my life.
And not to say I'm done or whatever, but like, oh, I, this is a thing that I'm going to remember forever.
Outside of actual the craft and specials and all that, this is number one.
Like, what a fucking validation.
The validation.
And as a kid who grows up outside of India, you're never really validated by Indian.
And it means so much because to Americans, we're Indian.
And then we go there thinking we're Indian and they're like, no, you're not.
Yeah, you're American.
You're American as fuck.
So that felt like, yo, and then seeing Bollywood stars, it's like, imagine y'all grew up in China and the only connection you have to America is Hollywood movies.
Imagine if you went to America and saw Tom Cruise.
Like that's the level of what, oh my God, this is unbelievable.
That's what I'm feeling.
American Identity Validation Crisis00:11:39
And then, yeah, yeah, we touched on this earlier, but like I think this, it was also cool when we talked about Anant, when I saw him interacting with his wife, genuine love.
The pictures of them interacting, they're like giddy to be with each other.
And that was fucking cool.
Cause like, yeah, this wedding is about the Ambanis establishing themselves on a global scale.
It's about changing the perception of India.
All these things are happening.
But it's very cool that it's an actual love wedding.
You know what I mean?
Like, not a love marriage, like they fell in love and they'll see if they can make it work.
But they're like, they've been together since like high school, childhood friends, super in love.
And it's like, yo, this is just a fucking great experience all the way around.
That's fire.
Shout out you.
Thank you, man.
You're a filmati now.
I'm so happy to be there.
I'm dreaming of selling out.
And I just, I'm very honored to be so.
Now, that wasn't the biggest event that you went to.
Yeah, you had to leave.
Yeah, I had to leave.
I needed to leave to go to something else.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Something that was potentially, this is like the American Ambani.
Yeah, it is.
It really is.
And it's a real full circle moment for me as well.
Okay.
I went to the 7-Eleven, the National 7-Eleven franchisees convention.
I mean, bring back a poo to this.
Like, it just, look at God, dude.
You know what I mean?
Like, I asked for this.
I manifested this.
Are you performing at it?
I'm performing at it.
Now, before you perform, are you interacting with people?
I got there the night before because I went straight from India.
Yeah.
Got there the night before, saw a few people, but I hate seeing people before a show.
Yeah, I fucking hate it.
Because it's like, this is a private gig, especially.
What if I bomb and then you're just going to remember me being this fucking cocky, whatever?
You know what I mean?
I hate it.
So I'm trying to not see too many people, but you also don't have much time.
We go there for sound check.
Ceilings are dumb high.
It's another one where it's like, oh, God, we'll see what this is.
There's a crazy fucking echo on the microphone.
I'm like, oh boy, here we go.
Different convention centers.
I get there.
These Indian motherfuckers jip me, dude, these good juice.
I perform for a certain fee and they tell me it's PG-13.
I'm like, all right, this is what I would do for PG-13.
I get there and he's like, hey, by the way, you can't cuss.
And I'm like, you got me, you sons of bitches, because I definitely charge a lot more.
I can't cut.
What the fuck?
I just cuss.
You know what I mean?
So I'm going there and I'm like, I'm a cuss.
I don't care.
Y'all are not going to tell me what to do.
I get, first of all, they're doing some charity auction.
The chairman of the whole convention keeps complaining about the echo.
He's like, what's going on?
He's talking to the mic.
He's like, this echo is killing me.
So I'm like, I got to go to 40 minutes of comedy after this.
Mark's boy, Ross, opened up.
Shout out to Ross.
He did what he did his thing, brought me up.
And I'm like, I'm ready.
I'm doing my thing.
I'm cussing.
I don't give a fuck what y'all got to tell me.
I look, I see all families, and there's a six-year-old girl, a seven-year-old girl, 11-year-old right in front of me.
Oh, my God.
Right.
The closest human beings to me.
Oh, God.
So I'm like, I can't.
Now I have to perform queen.
Or you could just auction them.
That would have been a good idea.
Come on.
I don't work for Mr. Beast.
I just, I mean, I just, I had to, I did like a little crowd work that was like, what do you want to be when you grow up?
And they were like a teacher.
And I'm like, oh, that's so sweet.
I want you to know your parents hate that answer.
Like, just little jokes that I could get away with that aren't remotely inappropriate.
But then I still got to do 40 minutes of comedy cognizant of the fact that there's children.
That is the worst.
Don't bring your kids to comment.
Cuss word that isn't a punchline.
I have to edit it.
It's not hitting.
I got through it.
They were all very happy afterward, but like, honey, yay, yay.
I should have known when I was doing an Indian gig that it was not going to be worth the money.
I should have known.
But it's still such an honor.
What percent was Indian versus?
Oh, this was so funny.
If you were Indian, I knew you owned a 7-Eleven.
And if you were white, I knew you were a vendor trying to get your products into the 7-Eleven.
Oh, that's fucking great.
Celsius is there trying to, they want to sell it.
They want to slang these drinks.
God bless.
If you're Celsius or you're fucking Core Water or whatever, every white person was like, you don't own it.
But that must have been a wet dream to see all these white people groveling back to the mountain.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, and even at the Mbani wedding, Europeans are serving me food.
Like, not even white people, Europeans.
I mean, what a fucking fucking like, just like the white people.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, not JD Vance whites.
I'm talking fucking.
It's like Forrest Gump at the end when she gets a white maid.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, what a time.
Oh, watching these white people grovel and serve.
Oh, I got the fucking, what a weekend.
Do people come up to you at all and say, like, hey, thank you for doing bring back a poo or that?
Nobody, you know what's funny?
And this is how much the coast thinks they matter and they don't.
I asked, I was like, I was going to do some Apoo jokes.
And then these guys are young guys born in America.
They live in Jersey, obviously.
And he was like, what happened?
They got rid of him or something, right?
And I was like, yeah, it was like a whole thing, the documentary.
He's like, yeah, I think I know about that.
And I was like, oh, I was going to do some jokes about that.
He goes, nobody's going to give a fuck.
Yeah.
So I didn't do it, but I felt it, but they didn't give a fuck.
That's so interesting.
It's so, we're so detached here.
We were so attached here.
We don't realize how detached everyone else is.
They don't care.
Yeah.
They care about three things.
This ain't making the list.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, that's so funny.
Did you tell them, like, yo, I just came from the Mbani, wouldn't it?
I told one person he was very excited.
Bro, I would have opened with that video.
Yo, gone on stage.
I had no material about it yet.
I'm still so thankful to fucking get invited.
Yesterday I'm at the Mbani.
Today I'm at this shit.
It's that simple.
Yeah.
I might have mentioned it on stage, actually.
I might have thrown it out there, but I don't, I definitely didn't get a big pop off of it.
That was, oh, God, I hate this term.
You know, what do they call it when you're, I heard this term in the black rooms, actually, but when you're like really up against an audience, slavery.
No.
When you're fighting against a lot of obstacles and the crowd is kind of like doing their own thing, you got to really fight to get their attention.
Mud fighting is what they call it.
Oh, gosh.
So my first thought.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh.
The gift that keeps giving me because my first thought was, oh, this is going to be a mud fight.
And I was like, I can't say that on flavor, but I have to be on it.
So what did you say?
A love affair?
I said it.
No, I actually came at the end of the set.
A couple of times.
Bro.
What an experience.
Dude, what a weekend.
Did you go fuck to the Orlando show?
No, no.
She's like, fuck all that shit.
I just stayed in Indiana.
This is so close.
We talked about moving there.
We're going to go, yeah, Orlando?
It is awesome.
It is nice.
Yeah.
No, but you talked about moving to spending some part of the year there or full-time.
Some part of the year, at least.
What would be the ideal time to go?
Hopefully it aligns with our schedule.
Yeah, that would be, whatever we do, we have to align with this.
Like, is summer there too hot?
Well, where my mother-in-law lives in Bangalore, it's perfect year-round.
It's LA weather all year.
So then that's your Hamptons, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So this wedding was that nice.
You're like, yo, I'm bad.
I know, yeah.
Yeah.
I think about it, honestly, every time I go back.
This is a no-brainer.
If for a certain amount of time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Also, the cost of like living, like the cost of being.
So the guy, this guy, Thunderme Butt, big comic out there, shouts at them.
He was talking about this.
Just say this guy, because whenever you get into their names, it just sounds like we're muting the audience.
There's a guy that's not going to be able to do that.
Every name has been the exact same name.
The only name I talk about the world.
Sonica.
So this guy's talking to me about the kind of the fuck you number in.
Fire is the number.
Financial independence retire early.
In India, it's about $1 million U.S.
So you have $1 million U.S. You never have to work again.
The money that you make will just apply your life.
You're rich.
You're rich forever.
Wow.
So you could have a place there where you live for a certain amount of time, but you could also just live full-time there.
Yeah.
I mean, I think.
But then you'd be away from the book.
I know, I know.
I wouldn't do that, but I think a place there is great.
A place there.
And like, I grew up so disconnected from my roots.
To have kids.
I'm fucking cry talking about it.
To have kids that feel connected.
Yeah.
Go there and like make fun of my Hindi and tell me how white I am.
And like they feel like that's home as well.
Ah, God.
So what would be so much to me?
What would be like an would you do July and August to go there?
Yeah, I get maybe like a summer or like summer.
I mean, ideally, you live in a few different places, honestly.
But like that is a place that's two places there or India, fucking California, Spain.
Like that'd be great to be able to live everywhere.
But with kids, it's all, you know, it's all in flux.
That's go-go.
Would you host us?
If we wanted to come by and do a pod?
I'd host the fuck out of you.
Yeah.
I mean, we would have to do that.
If you had a place in India, we'd have to go once a year.
Yes.
For a week.
Yeah.
Come on.
Servants?
Come on.
I don't like to host you.
You're not doing that.
Servants?
Oh, you mean you got to come on?
Yeah, we ain't doing shit.
We would hate when I host you.
I'd tell them what to do.
That's kind of fire.
I like that idea.
Go to a house.
Where is it located geographically?
Like, where is all the water?
Is it south?
And I want to say west, but I don't know geography, even America.
I don't even know where the fuck.
Ask me where Maine is.
I got no clue.
But like, would it be what I'm saying is, do you get a house on the beach?
Do you get a house?
We did this on the pod once.
We talked about, I think, Akash.
South Central.
There you go.
Akash once said Bangalore is on the beach.
And then everyone's going to be a little bit more.
There was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was fun.
It's kind of global warming.
Yeah, man.
Chennai, I've also heard is beautiful.
Most of my family's in New Delhi, but it's too fucking hot.
What's the Goa?
Let's all get a flame share in the Goa's flame ship.
You're lost to be Goa.
But you can't.
You can't get on that beach, man.
I mean, if you get a compound on the water, we come out for like a couple weeks.
Yeah.
He keeps shaking his head.
Anytime we say any in India word, he just starts shaking his head.
It's very disrespectful.
He's good at it, though.
I gotta be on it.
You guys nice at it.
That's Goa.
Look at that.
And they're Catholic.
Yeah.
And is that the beach where like all the Indian dudes coming in?
Nope.
Nunga River.
No, no.
Nope, never.
Goa is the greatest.
Goa is the greatest.
You got palm trees.
Yo, I'm kind of feeling this Goa move.
What about Goa, my boy?
I would be open to Goa too.
I just want my kids to feel Indian.
They won't feel Indian there.
Bangalore will be more Indian.
How Indian you want them to be?
Very.
Dude, there's some, my friend was telling me there's some people that grow up, their kids don't even speak Hindi.
They're so removed from, they're growing up in India.
But so many rich people go to Western schools.
Oh, they don't even speak Hindi.
I'm not doing that.
If I'm going to India, we're going to India.
Let me see what we got going on.
Just give them a monks.
That's Goa right there.
Yeah, bro.
The Catholics coming through with that everybody.
Bro, I was going to say the same thing.
Yo, Catholics got fat tits in India.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
I ain't never seen Indian tits like that.
I didn't know that.
Hey, man.
Yeah, Catholics got it going.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
She even almost got abs.
Yo, we might have to do the Goa, man.
I think Goa is the move.
I'm open to it.
Can you go to Zillow in Goa?
I need to see some properties in Goa.
Oh, dude, it'd be astonishingly affordable.
It's 83 rupees for a dollar.
But when people do that, 83 rupees to a dog, when they do the conversion thing, things are more rupees over there like 30, 40 rupees or whatever, but it's still, you're just.
Okay, so there's still a difference, got it.
No, no, I need it on the water, bro.
If you go for it, let's go for it.
Do you need to do like security?
Would you need to have like fence and everything?
Oh, fuck are we talking about, dude?
You're not worried about that at all?
Please don't scare me.
Come on.
I grew up with what I didn't grow up with.
Goa Property Investment Move00:08:09
I know black people.
I'm scared.
Yeah, but you still smoke.
That is, I have a real, like, when you leave New York, you have a real like overconfidence in how tough you are.
I'm like, this shit don't scare me.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
Like, you go to Cincinnati or whatever, you're like, fuck a St. Louis.
You're like, this shit ain't scary.
And then you read about St. Louis and you're like, I should be scared.
Oh, gosh, the beach compound in India that you go to for the summer?
Flames.
That's kind of a vibe.
It's a flames idea.
It's a flames.
It's kind of a vibe.
Bro, you lock this one down?
Come on.
He needs to be on the sand, bro.
This is great.
I think this is damn near.
Yo, this is fire.
Come on.
Cop that, bro.
You got it.
How much is that?
Let's look that up.
Let's do the company.
Ooh, we looking at some water?
I mean, I would prefer you're right on the water, but whatever.
We could work things out.
I would prefer he's right on the water.
I would prefer they'll take a mil for it.
1.7 mil for a 4,200 square foot loft.
That's not even bad, dog.
That's expensive.
I think that's expensive.
I don't.
I don't know.
I feel like that's pretty good for them.
I'm not really familiar with the Indian housing market.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Relative to America, I feel like, come on, we're on the water.
Yeah.
400,000 square foot.
That's a $10 million house in Cali.
Yeah.
It is an apartment, though.
It's not like a, we need a compound.
I think they need to own the land.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll get this going.
All right, we're going to figure this out.
That would be fire, though.
How about y'all?
Y'all do anything interesting?
Doesn't like this.
Al had trouble with his flights or something.
Son, though, entire weekend, but it was just that whole outage situation.
What happened with the outage?
Microsoft dude, a fucking automatic update, apparently.
It's a company called Strike Force, and they sent out an automatic update that bricked a lot of computers.
Blue-screened a ton of computers.
Every computer.
Basically all computers.
And the problem was that they can't fix it automatically.
It wasn't that they, oh, we fucked up.
We'll resend another update or revert all the computers.
All the computers had to be manually fixed.
Yeah.
So like encrypted, you have to put in the 48-digit code to get it back online.
So if you're like a college with like 1,200 computers on it, that's a long weekend.
And then it shut down all the flights.
And it's like the least, it was like one of the times where it shut down the most amount of flights since like 9-11.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Crazy amount of flights.
Every airline except who was Alaskan Air.
Yeah, a spirit.
A spirit don't give a fuck.
They barely run out.
They don't update the computer.
They go by sexton.
They're going by the moon.
But yeah, it knocked everything else and no one could fly.
Yeah, we were delayed as fuck coming from.
But it got resolved fairly quickly.
It didn't affect my life at all.
Nothing.
The only way you feel is to get flying.
It was supposed to be back yesterday and then pushing my shit 24 hours.
Oh, so it's still affecting.
Yeah, it's still like a chain effect because everything got backed up.
Yeah.
So now the problem is getting flight crews because they have a certain amount of time they're allowed to work.
And so when you try to pull people from different crews, and then if they're about to go over their time, they'd be like, oh, no, you can't fly on this plane because it's going to go over the time.
So now clear it up by Friday, y'all.
Yeah, it's going to be bad for a while.
Oh, you think it will be bad for a while?
Still.
Oh, yeah, just yesterday.
Like my flight got pushed 24 hours because they didn't have three.
That's crazy.
Miles got it the worst.
Miles bought NCAA football.
And I paid extra money to play it early.
You can play it on the Friday or you could pay extra and play it for three.
How much extra?
Like $100.
Do they have like a to play three days early?
$100?
50 bucks, maybe.
Okay, just real quick.
Do they have like generational teams?
Like, you know how you could play.
As the Mannings or some shit?
Yeah, like back in the day.
I'm not certain.
I don't know.
Could you play like Sandusky Coach Penn State?
Probably.
Like a Paterno version.
What version?
Joe Paterno.
Joe Paterno with the coach.
Joe Paul.
But yeah, he got it three days early, spent $100, and then couldn't play until the day it was available.
You got to get that money back, Miles.
Microsoft's having a lot of problems.
I'll get it.
Yeah, you'll get it.
Oh, it's Xbox?
Yeah.
Microsoft.
What the fuck are y'all doing?
One of the fun things about the post-truth era is that when these global cataclysms happen, we're so desensitized because we're just hearing fucked up shit all the time.
I was way too calm about everything that happened the last two weeks.
And it might have been that I was out like at the Hamptons and I'm chilling and like, dude, the president got fucking shot.
I'm like, oh my God, like is Paddle going to be open a month?
It's so easy to just be in your bubble.
And I guess maybe that's what happens to New York and maybe more so California.
New York, you actually have to be in the street.
You have to like walk places.
But imagine like you're like a rich person from California.
Right.
And you're living most of your life in your house.
Right.
Some shit happens.
It's really fucked up.
But then you go walk on your yard and you look out to this beautiful view.
You take a swim in your pool.
Like it doesn't feel as annoying.
It doesn't feel as stressful.
Like in New York, you feel it.
Like when the Black Lives Matter marches were happening, like you couldn't avoid it.
Like you see it.
It's right there.
They're not feeling that shit in Santa Barbara.
They're not feeling that shit in San Diego when you're living in this like beautiful two-acre house.
And out there, out east, man, nobody, nobody was afraid.
People were joking around about it.
They said, they said, yeah, there was assassination in Sambon Trump.
Like they shot him like five times and missed.
And then I can't say who, but someone's like, yeah, bro, I thought it was Bronnie James that tried to shoot him.
Like it was, people were just joking around like it was nothing.
Yeah.
What is that?
Like, I don't know.
I'm still desensitizing these things that are, they should, like.
Yeah.
I was, it was wild how desensitized I was to the initial, my initial reaction was like, all right, here we go.
I just got deal with people yelling.
That's what I was annoyed by.
That's funny.
For me, it's the opposite.
Tell me.
I was just glued to every news station.
I wanted to get updates, find out all the tea.
Like, I was like the fucking Super Bowl.
I was interested in tea, don't get me wrong.
But like, so I had one of my boys hit me that, and I will protect his identity.
But a friend of all of ours, he hit me, he said, you got to get security for your family.
He goes, get security for your family.
Shit is about to go down in America.
Anybody talking about these political issues could potentially be a target.
You got to be ready.
You got to lock down.
Be careful out there.
I love you, brother.
And I was like, is Paddle going to be upset?
Like, the only thing I could think about.
Yeah.
Well, I think urgency is a greater thing than importance.
Explain.
Yeah, I mean, the president getting shot at is like more important than like your kids' football game.
Yeah.
Your kids' football games are more urgent.
You know what I mean?
Like on like a grand scale.
So you're like, yeah, I got to go on my thing today.
Or like, I have work or whatever the fuck.
So like, yeah, you just, or what's in front of you.
My whole family lives in the suburbs.
Like, they were talking about it, but they're just like, yeah, we had a birthday party for my niece.
So they all went out and just like drank.
And you know what I mean?
Like, I wonder, but I truly wonder.
I remember being younger.
And I hate to talk this thing up to like having a little bit more financial freedom, but like I remember being younger, being so invested in everything that happened, like watching every fucking YouTube video that would come out about this issue and that issue.
And maybe I just have like, I mean, I don't know if you guys feel this way, but like maybe there's like an exhaustion that happens with it.
Yeah.
And you don't have more shit to tend to.
That's true.
I mean, you have a wife, you have a baby.
My baby's like engaging with me.
Oh, dude, it's that's urgent.
You get to make her laugh and like you get you guys that you connect.
Like she spilled some shit for the first time.
I was like, oh, it's a lit.
Yeah.
Like I went and got my wife this coffee that I knew she really wanted and the straw was sticking out of the coffee and she hadn't even taken a sip and she put her sugar in it and put her like cinnamon on top.
She's ready to have the perfect coffee this shit.
And I saw the baby reach for the straw and I was like, get that shit.
Knock that whole fucking coffee down.
I was like, what is happening?
It's happening.
President Safety Exhaustion Fears00:04:23
The coffee assassination is more interesting.
Way more.
It's more urgent.
Exactly.
This is kind of fucked up.
I don't know if we have to cut it, but so I went to the gun range when I was out in San Diego and I'm like, I wonder how hard that shot was.
So I tried to put the target out the same distance, but the ranger is at it.
It only went 100 yards.
And how far was the shot?
300, 400?
Oh, I thought it was 160 yards.
That's it?
Yeah, I think so.
This guy's a loser.
Yeah.
This guy's a fucking loser.
It's hard to impress out.
I know, right?
You gotta have a $600 million wedding progress back.
Yeah, people are fine.
Executor don't, dude.
Executioners warship.
You know what I mean?
Literally.
Execute.
Okay, so I put it all as far as I can go, 100 yards, and I was using a rifle, hit it multiple times.
Not bullseyes, but it's like we had like the person target and all shots hit.
You hit body, though, because I saw what you posed on.
I wasn't aiming for body.
But my man was aiming for head.
He's a hero, dude.
Well, he's an idiot.
You keep aiming for body.
He's not a big a target.
No, but body, you assume that they got the vesti on.
You got one of those big-ass bullets.
It goes right through.
That shit.
That's ticking about.
Really?
Even the, it will go through a, what is it called?
Tef Kef Kevlar?
Kevlar.
Kevlar vest.
Well, I don't know about that, but he would, Trump wasn't wearing Kevlar.
I would imagine they put him in a...
You think he wears Kevlar when he's like doing a...
You think they put him in like a minimum vest, like a cheap vest?
No, I just haven't.
Don't think he's wearing anything.
I thought it's like, hey, this is supposed to be secure.
Either no vest or whatever the best vest is.
He's not doing anything in between.
I imagine they would clown him if he wore some shit and it was obvious.
They'd be like, oh, he's scared, but you should be scared.
Bro, we were looking up the stats.
You remember this, Mark?
We were looking up the stats of the amount of presidents that have been, there's been an assassination attempt on.
It's coming in at like 25%.
For really?
That's the most.
Look what the records show, all of them have had attempts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
How many have actually been shot?
Yeah, three have been shot, four have been assassinated.
So that's seven.
I thought we got up to 12 with.
So then there were other ones where it's like bullets got fired past them.
And then like someone threw a grenade at Bush one time and the shit just didn't go off because it had a handkerchief wrapped around it.
Oh, shit.
There's so many of those.
So we're looking at if we, if we got, I think we got to 12 where there was like a bullet actually missed them or hit, but a bullet was shot at.
A job where 25% of the people are in killable situation.
Like literally, that's more than ice road truckers.
That's more than the gas station attendant.
Like, this is a, I, I don't know.
Maybe I'm detached from how dangerous being president is.
Most of us are.
I don't think most of us know the numbers at all.
They all have assassinations.
Everyone.
How did Barry, how did Barry make it past?
Wait, who?
Barack?
Oh, he had a bunch.
There was a dude that shot bullets like at the White House thinking that he was outside.
And then there was a bunch of other ones that just got mad at you.
Take the shot you get.
But there was the thing.
I remember when Barack.
That's like what happened to you with the parking lot shots.
Brock rolling on the ground.
I think I got bulletproof glass at the White House.
But I remember when we were in DC, there is a restaurant we ate at.
Do you remember this restaurant we ate at?
You actually came to the hotel.
Yeah.
Capital?
I think it was the Capitol Hotel or something like that or the American hotel, whatever the fuck it is.
And it's literally across the street from the White House and at the restaurant that's on the roof.
You can look down on the White House.
You look down on the lawn and you look down on, there's the lawn in the front and there's a lawn in the back.
And I saw that and I was like, oh, the president just can't walk around.
Yeah.
Like, because nobody checked me for weapons or nothing.
I just walked into this and I went upstairs to eat Kalamari.
If I had anything, so when your president stopped giving them ideas.
I know.
I feel bad even today, but like low-key, it made me be feel like a little bit of empathy for them.
Like they are in a shoebox the entire presidency.
That's what they're doing.
And that camp David sucks.
And that's why they got to go to Camp David.
Camp David is walk around outside.
Yeah, they can drive on Camp David.
That's the only place where presidents are allowed to drive a car.
Yeah.
But then Trump's at his fucking golf shit.
Because they could block it off.
From people getting inside.
White House Roof Restaurant00:03:33
Gotcha.
So I almost, I'm like, yeah, I need to get out.
Yeah.
Like, I can't be just sitting in the fucking old office all that beat up.
Bro, Gerald Ford almost got murdered by two women at separate times.
They pulled the gun on him and like one of them misfired and the other one didn't have any bullets.
Go figure.
Andrew Jackson, they try to shoot him.
The guy pulled out a gun.
Gun misfires, throws it down, pulls up another gun.
That one also misfires.
And then Andrew Jackson beats the shit out of him with a can.
Fire.
They try to pull him off.
They go, yo, let me have him.
And then he starts beating the shit out of them.
Let's go.
Grand took down the Fed.
But yeah, crazy, bro.
He thought it was an inside job.
Andrew Jackson was like, oh, this is a setup.
It was.
I kind of feel this one was.
And they've smeared him.
They smeared his reputation because he was bad to Native Americans like every fucking president was.
That's what happens when you take down the Fed, bro.
Never forget.
Never remember.
I remember this.
You remember when I went on Albert?
See, that was when I was into YouTube videos.
Yeah.
The last one that I watched was the way I felt about that.
I could have been radicalized.
Thank God I'm not watching them shits no more.
Anything Mark sends me, I go, what is this?
I got to bet it before.
This was good.
This is good.
This is good.
Okay, boys.
First of all, great to see y'all again.
So stokes.
Yeah.
You got to have this weekend.
Thank you, man.
I mean, really fucking awesome.
And yeah, man.
Yo, it was good to see y'all.
Yo, Flagrant, we really gave them a pump fake with the episode.
Like, I just want to let y'all know we were all away and we were in the group chat, like, yo, we have to, we were in the group chat.
We're like, yo, we got to come in.
We got to do this episode.
Like, this is huge and people are going to need it.
And my mom texted me because I told her I just went out there and I was like, yeah, I'm going to take some time off.
And I think this happened.
So I'm going to, I'm actually going to go in.
And my mom texted me this: take the 10 days off.
Life is short and can end at any moment.
I'm only your ma.
So what do I know?
And my mom had just had surgery and she's like, oh, I know.
Why are you talking like that?
Yo, I think it's like she was like, she's a tank, like nothing.
And then she, you know, she does this gallbladder thing.
They got to take the gallbladder out.
And like, obviously, everything with my dad.
And I think she's starting to realize her mortality a little bit.
And I remember sitting there and I'm out with my family and my fucking wife and my daughter there.
And we were out there.
Dove and Mark came out.
And I was just like sitting there.
And I'm like, okay, I think that I think it's okay to take some time for you.
I think we've dedicated about 17 straight years to trying to achieve everything that we wanted.
And you've earned a fucking 10-day stretch, even though there was an assassination attempt.
And I'm glad we did it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a great ad.
I'm glad we did it.
You want to talk about pump fakes?
I called the Patreon episode Secret Service Dropout.
They wanted it.
I cannot.
They wanted it.
They were so mad at me.
And I apologize, patrons.
I really apologize.
Anyway, patrons, we got something cooking for you this week.
It will be fun.
Let's go to Patreon.
Yeah, let's get it.
We're going to go to Patreon right now.
Join us over there at patreon.com/slash flagrant.
Thank y'all so much for rocking with us.
I hope y'all enjoy shits and gigs.
It's a really fun episode.
So I want you to check that one out if you haven't checked it.