Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect the FouseyTube arrest for false hostage calls, the tragic gender reveal plane death in Mexico, and a controversial flight diversion caused by explosive diarrhea. They analyze Deion Sanders' $27 million Colorado contract, the cultural backlash against his coaching style, and New York's tenant laws complicating Airbnb evictions. The episode blends absurd personal anecdotes about public defecation with serious debates on CIA recruitment IQ limits and Bitcoin volatility, ultimately highlighting how modern chaos ranges from biohazard flights to digital infamy. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Stuck in the Mud00:14:32
What's up everybody welcome to Flagrant and I just want to let you all know right now I know there's been a lot of messages because there was a lot of concern you were like are you guys okay at Burning Man?
I know you're stuck in the mud.
Is everything okay?
Is everybody safe?
Does everybody have enough food?
Is everybody have enough water?
And the answer to all that is yes because we were in the Hamptons where they have almost no mud and they have tons of water and tons of food.
We're having an absolutely amazing time and Akash was obviously filming his newest special.
Yeah, let's go.
Pamp, pamp, pam.
Now, any regrets for not being at Burning Man?
We know that you have none, you guys.
I think this might be the most fun year.
I think so.
Akash has a bunch of regrets.
All that mud.
Like, come on.
Son, if there was one year you needed to be.
This is the year I should have gone.
This is how you know God don't want me at Burning Man because he took me out the one year I would have liked.
Or, or he was like, damn, we were too hard on that kid the first time.
We need to give him his ideal Burning Man this time around.
Yeah, but then he wouldn't have put it this weekend.
He wouldn't have put the special date this weekend.
That's how it all felt.
God doesn't want me a Burning Man, bro.
Fair enough.
He wants me to stay faithful to my wife away from the mud.
Does it count as cheating in your culture when you guys fuck the ground?
Yeah, dude, because we love it so much.
But that does count as cheating.
It has to.
You know what I mean?
It's just like, it's the passion about the, it's not, it's not the fucking, it's the passion with which we do it.
You know what I mean?
It's like emotional cheating.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's emotional cheating.
I mean, look at that and try to not beat your dick.
Just imagine that.
Just imagine any time you exit your tent, you could just... Michael Jackson dance where he's just like on the ground or he's like, you remember that shit?
Oh, Jesus.
I don't have to.
Fucking I'm not going to be able to do it.
You could kind of feel it in the beginning.
You could kind of feel it.
The Michael Jackson dance.
If you remembered it, then it would have been big.
Yeah, it's our fault.
It's our fault.
Damn Michael Jackson dancing.
No one thought Moonwalk.
No one thought.
Why are you victim blaming?
You guys are on vacation.
You got to warm up this.
Hey, our bad guys.
Hey, guys.
I want us each individually to apologize to Alex for that.
You should, Marshall.
You should just do it.
Alex, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
I should have known about the Michael Jackson dance where he does that.
I accept your attention.
I don't know how it slipped my mind.
We could proceed.
I don't know what he said.
Okay.
I think Mark.
100% right.
I think, listen, as annoying as it would be, and obviously looking at it right now, going, okay, I'm pretty glad we weren't there.
It looks kind of fucking crazy.
Can't leave whenever you want.
Everybody's full of fucking mud.
It looks disgusting.
I do think that it would be the best Burning Man.
Yes, dude.
I mean that 100%.
I think hardcore burners are very happy this happened.
It's going to weed out the people who are like, oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
But also, like, Burning Man is about doing drugs, but it's also about connecting with people.
On drugs.
Yes.
And the best way to connect with people is drugs.
But the second best way to connect with people is to have a group struggle.
Yeah.
That's right.
That's true.
And it's why like everybody in Canada is so nice.
It's because you need to be nice to your neighbor because you might die.
Your heat goes out in the winter.
It's negative 40.
You'll die.
You need to be able to go to your neighbor's house and say, hey, how you doing?
Can I stay with you so I don't die and my family doesn't die?
And they go, of course you can.
So they're polite, they're kind.
Yeah, that's why CrossFit people are weird.
Keep going on that.
Because they're all hanging out, doing hard work together all the time, four days a week.
And by the end of like a month, they're like, you're my brother.
Yeah.
Work out together.
They're like, no, no, no.
They've almost died four times.
But it has to be almost death.
It has to be that level because I thought about this and I was like, well, why?
It's not just inclement weather because then people in Portland would be nice.
But the problem with Portland is it's just rain.
Yeah.
It doesn't kill you.
It's the perfect amount to just drive you crazy without ever hurting you.
No bonding.
No bonding.
It's sadness, but not hardship.
There you go.
Hardship comes together.
Yeah, hardship brings together.
Yeah.
You're going against the mud.
Yeah.
You know, I think that's what the British used to do.
No, okay.
I'll take it.
Alex.
Michael Jackson.
I'm saying it.
I'm with the mud jokes.
I've participated.
I just didn't get it.
There was the ideas were there, but it didn't really make it.
I apologize, dude.
That's on me.
It's on me.
Fucking hell.
Sorry, let me get it back.
Let me get it back.
Okay.
So the point is, I think that this would be by far the most fun burning man to be at.
And is there a little part of me that's up that set that we didn't go?
Yeah.
But we also had a fucking incredible time.
Like it was, this week was fantastic.
Talk about it.
That's fair.
Well, I first want to talk about your especiale.
I mean, maybe the best weekend of my life.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, up there with the wedding.
Really?
Yeah.
And I don't even feel bad saying that.
I don't even feel bad saying that.
What do you mean up there?
What do you mean?
It's like tied for first, and it might be first.
How cool.
I mean, it might beat Alberta saying it.
Only mentioned his wedding just so he doesn't die tonight.
No, you will see this.
When you get married, that's a fucking unbelievable thing.
But my wife is also here with me, shared the whole thing, and she'd been with me through all the broke shit.
So like, I have an out to be like, hey, you know what I mean?
You were at both.
So I can kind of get away with it.
But the wedding is amazing.
It's like a different level of happiness.
But this was like, you get this because we're older.
What the one-hour comedy special has meant to us our whole lives.
I remember watching Bring the Pain and being like, what the fuck?
I remember downloading killing them softly on an album and playing it on a TV.
You never watched the video of a wedding and been like, oh my God.
Yeah, we don't, as men, you're not conditioned to dream about.
So if you could, if you could relive one of them once, which will.
Comedy special.
And what's crazier, what's crazier, I already lived it four times.
There was four tapings.
Comedy special.
Yeah, you want to do a fifth.
Yeah.
Fifth, absolutely.
Oh, awesome.
It was the greatest.
And I really wanted to say thank you, first of all.
You showed us we don't need the networks.
And I've been thinking, just kind of like processing everything.
And it was no networks.
I didn't even go to them.
I just paid for it.
And the reason I was able to pay for it is because this little pod we started and you guys have supported us.
So thank you guys.
I was able to pay for it.
It was a lot of money and it fucking hurt to pay for.
But like, I'm so grateful to everybody.
The fans who came out, bro, I didn't even know people flew in from Seattle.
We had emotional talking about it.
Canada, fucking Miami, LA, New York.
People missed the sets we ran.
New York Comedy Club and they flew down from New York.
We even went to the Hamptons for it.
You guys went to the Hamptons, which I really appreciate.
I'd have been nervous if y'all were there.
I'd have been like, I hate knowing a bunch of people in the audience.
We got farther to the family.
So you guys did me a huge favor going further away.
But like, yeah, people, they said people were lining up like six hours early to get front row seats and shit like that.
Like, it was crazy.
Somebody, I don't know, somebody stole the stool I was sitting on.
People were like trying to buy pieces of the set.
We're actually trying to find a way to sit.
Thank you, man.
I didn't know how many pictures leaked or whatever.
Nick Pastori.
Fucking brilliant outfit.
Official shots to Rasta.
We mentioned them on this podcast.
They made a piece that I think you guys would actually like.
Was that the website that we went to?
Yeah, yeah.
They got some fire shit and they made that fire shoot.
Finally, bro.
I finally did it, man, because we were going through that website.
You need to update that website and just put only that jacket up there because the rest of the fucking carpets you had on there were absolute dog shit.
But what is the website again?
R-A-S-T-A-H.com, Rasta.
Rasta official.
Why are you a good guy?
He's wearing one of the carpets right now.
Honestly, that's a butterfly.
This is the first outfit that he's worn that I think is like really fucking horrible.
Yo, I was going to be like, shit, are you really?
I mean, this is unbelievable.
Fine China.
You dressed as like a Greek trinket store.
Oh, my God.
That's good.
No, I'm very proud of you.
I love you.
I'm so stoked for you.
I know how hard you've been working on this thing.
It's a lot of pressure to hold all that together.
And you fucking did it.
Shout out to your boys.
And I'm stoked, man.
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Thank you guys again.
Everybody came on.
I really am so fucking proud of what I'm saying.
So, what's the plan?
Where do you want to release it?
I wanted to just put everything I had into this thing, and I did.
I gave every ounce I have, and I feel like you made something really fucking great.
I really do.
And then after that, I'm not sure where we're going to go.
We're going to talk to some people.
Some networks were already kind of talking to us.
So, we're going to see what that looks like, what the YouTube route looks like.
We're going to compare them, and then we'll figure that out.
But right now, it's just take like a week or two, kind of decompress, and then get in the edit and figure it out.
Let me just ask you one question about your shirt.
Yes, when you put your shirts on, do you put them on feet first through the collar?
Why is that?
I wore this one.
Like, do you open the collar and stick your feet in and then bring the whole thing up to your shoulders?
Is that why?
Because something happens around here where, I mean, I can put my whole fist into your shirt without even really stretching the collar.
That's what I need you to explain.
Because you have a beautiful head.
Your head in your whole life has never gained weight.
You could be 200 pounds and you have the same beautiful.
Really?
No.
Oh.
Beautiful fucking head.
So I need to understand why the collar.
I tell you what I think it is.
I have a weird thing of something sitting on my neck and I always just adjust the collar.
It's just like a weird shirt.
I'm not strong enough to stretch out the collar.
Stop it, bro.
Listen, if Alex said that.
Alex is heading to the bottom.
Alex said that he was funny.
That was really good.
I don't know.
I did not laugh because it wasn't funny.
I didn't laugh because I'm exhausted.
That was great.
A mud joke made no sense.
That was great.
We're going to get back to the mud.
We're going to make the mud work.
We're going to make it fucking work yet.
But just please help me understand why the collar is like that.
I think that's why it's like that.
You just pulling it.
No.
I just fucking yank at it all the time.
I just don't like.
It's just anxiety.
Maybe.
Maybe it's an anxious thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, it might be.
Okay.
Because it's always been, I was even looking before one of the tape.
But you're going to still come into a V. Before you get dressed one day, I'm going to come to your house.
Okay.
With a fresh new shirt.
Okay.
And I'm going to watch you guys dress.
Okay.
Because I need to get to the bottom of this.
Okay.
This to me is more confusing than the pyramids.
I also like the pyramids.
I understand you're putting blocks on top of them.
He's just holding him back, like just banging on his head.
He looks like a bottle of a Case Azul.
Oh, yeah.
That's exactly what it looks like.
He's back.
He's back.
Alex is back.
I know he pronounced it wrong.
He's back.
He said Case, not Case, but it was so good.
It was so good that you do look like a bottle of clase.
I just fucking.
No.
Didn't he do it?
This whole time.
Okay, okay, okay, go on.
I also wore this on a plane.
I haven't changed since the plane.
Oh, you wore this on the plane?
Yeah, on the flight here.
Okay, cool.
It's probably more fucked up because of that.
Yeah.
But I thought about changing and I was like, no, that happens to me when I get on planes.
Sometimes I'll turn, you know, it looks like you're wearing your dad's shirt.
Yeah.
My dad gets a hula skirt.
You don't lay flat and then fuck up the shirt.
Bro, you're doing something wrong.
And we just need to acknowledge it.
It could be.
We just need to acknowledge it's a girl.
Is there something wrong with me that when I sit down, my pants come up to my knees?
Yeah.
Do we know what it is?
No, because look back to the short joints.
Look at, have you ever seen pants this baggy on me before?
Have you ever seen pants?
You had to pull it out.
But when you stood up in the movies, look at that.
And then watch them sit.
And watch her sit.
Magical.
That's magic.
Yeah.
You and I have a thing with clothing that cannot be explained.
Your bottom is my top.
Yes, it is.
Okay.
Yes.
Okay.
So we're going to fucking figure this out.
All right.
Have you ever put on a rash guard?
What does it look like?
What's a rash guard?
A rash guard is like something you would boogie board with.
What about a wetsuit?
A turtleneck craps.
Yeah.
What happens with turtlenecks to you?
Because you say it's like Sharon Stone.
I need to know.
I never wear a turtleneck.
I can't have anything on my neck.
Oh, it is a thing.
It's a weird thing I have.
I had my whole life.
I can't, I hate it.
Sexual?
I fucking hate it.
I'm not relate.
Just anything right here, I just fucking hate it.
What did Miles do?
He's catching everybody's catching.
What's Miles do?
Miles, do you, are you?
He's into choking or something?
Nah, he can't wear turtlenecks.
They don't fit.
Why?
Yeah, why?
Is it because they'll come up to the bottom of your nose?
Don't bail him out.
He almost started.
I was looking for the worst stuff.
The shit that they wear that's covered the whole face and all the rappers who wear it.
I was like, fucking skeet.
What?
That's Miles on Turtle's show.
Okay, so you felt great about the special.
Yeah, man.
Everything's awesome.
I'm so fucking happy with it.
Yeah, so happy.
Okay, and then you see what happens.
Look into some networks, maybe.
Look into self-release.
There's plenty of different options.
We'll see what the options are: who's talking, what they're talking about, and then we'll take it from there.
Is the shirt stretched in the special at all?
Probably.
I just got to bring it back to his shirt.
I'm curious.
I just see a picture.
Can I see a picture?
Let's see if we can see people.
I don't know if we have, if I have to tell them to give you a break, yo.
Yeah, bullying is.
I'm curious.
We're not being bullies.
I just want to know if we can see his belly button during the special from where his collar is.
We went through this one time.
We filmed a Netflix thing.
We filmed the Netflix thing with this guy, and we didn't realize until three weeks later that his entire bulge was in one of the cameras.
You can see both of his testicles and the penis and the small vein on the side.
Who didn't realize it?
Huge director?
I loved it.
What do you mean?
It's like, give me more.
We were like, do we try?
We literally were like, do we blur it?
No.
So you want to take it out with the color correct.
He was trying to increase the women.
Yo.
And what color were the pants?
They're like, what, black?
Navy?
Black.
Black is slimming.
Okay.
All right.
And your boy was still bulging.
Okay, so Burning Man, we weren't there.
Shout out to everybody who went.
And we're glad you.
To the one dude.
Yo, what happened?
Somebody died.
I feel like that's not that bad.
Don't somebody die every time?
Nah.
Not really.
It's really not a lot of deaths.
They have a good streak of not too many deaths.
There was the one guy who ran into the fire.
Crazy video.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's crazy.
When they like burn either the man or the, what is it called?
The temple.
He just ran straight into it.
Fucking nuts.
But who died this year in the mud?
There was another Indian joke right there about a wife running into the fire when the husband dies.
I was wondering if you would get to it.
Fuck.
No, that was like, that's intricate.
Burning Man Nightmare00:10:08
That's nice.
Yeah.
That was really good.
Damn it.
I missed that one.
Okay.
It's all good.
You got it.
You could have made that one.
Yeah, he got it.
I'm too tired to make the connection.
So I was just hoping you would get it.
I couldn't put the words together.
I just had a big weekend.
You had a big weekend.
Tour announcements.
We have added shows or more seats in the following cities.
Niagara Falls, Ontario, September 22nd.
Windsor, Ontario, September 23rd.
We added another show in Perth, Australia on November 13th.
Melbourne, we just added more seats for the John Kane Arena on November 16th.
And Sydney, we added a second show November 17th at the Aware Super Theater.
And Brisbane, we just added more seats to the Brisbane Entertainment Center.
Guys, DAndrewSchultz.com for all those tickets.
I can't wait to see you guys there.
Peace.
Also, guys, I do have to mention one date coming up, September 15th and 16th, Stress Factory.
Hurry up and buy tickets because they will sell out.
They are selling quickly.
Also, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you to everybody who came to my tapings at White Oak Music Hall, which is an amazing venue, by the way.
Thank you to y'all, but most importantly, thank you to the fans.
This was a fucking dream come true.
You guys flew in from everywhere.
You showed so much support.
I am so grateful to you guys.
None of this is possible without you.
And I just want to say thank you.
And I know some people wanted to, somebody literally stole the stool, which is cool, but also some people were saying they wanted to buy the set pieces.
We are trying to figure out a way to make that happen.
And if we figured it out, you can go pick up those set pieces at White Oak Music Hall, which, by the way, is an amazing venue.
I'm going to tell every comedian I know, if you want to do a show in Houston, they're the best.
And the whole place is gorgeous.
So if the link's not here, go to akasing.com, but it should be here by now.
Thank y'all.
Okay, so we did not go to your special taping.
Do you feel bad that we weren't there?
No, no.
If y'all were there, I'd have been more nervous than I already was.
You sure?
Yeah.
Okay.
See, I was so nervous after the first taping, my right forearm was like, fuck it.
I was like, why is it so sore?
And I realized I'd holding the mic like this for the full hour or whatever.
And then after that, I was fine.
I felt like we had enough.
But that first taping, I've never been more nervous in my life.
Really?
I was so nervous.
And were you like thinking about every single joke?
I was just, yeah, what could go wrong?
What can't, like, you know, everything has to line up.
And then I was like, if I hit my marks, I'll be okay.
And then I knew I flubbed some words, but I was like, with four tapings, there's the statistical probability of me messing up these same words three times again.
It's just not going to happen.
So I was relaxed after that.
You can always go back in and record some stuff.
What do you think was your best one?
So after that first taping, the second taping, I was like weirdly calm.
I said to Kev, I was like, I'm so calm.
I'm so not nervous.
I'm getting nervous.
I was more nervous this past Saturday in Poughkeepsie than I am right now.
And then I got off stage and then Kev was like, that was the one.
And then the cinematographer, Jordan Levy, was a beast.
He came out and he hadn't really seen the set that he might have watched it once, but he gave me a huge hug and he was like, we're done.
We got everything we need.
We have two more shows tomorrow.
Now we're just having fun.
We already have a top tier special.
And then I was like, oh, shit, okay.
That was the one, I guess.
So that was the taping that everybody, I got off thinking it was good, but everybody's like, nah, that was the fucking one.
We got some moments out of there that were great.
You hit everything.
It was unbelievable.
So like they were, that's when I felt bad.
Now that feeling was like euphoric.
Everybody telling me I'm done.
I was like, oh, great. We're good.
Yeah. Yeah.
So that was cool.
It was fucking, it was a great, greatest weekend of my life.
And now for the hard work.
I know.
I know.
That edit is a bitch.
I know, I know.
Start organizing your time now.
I know.
Are you off the road?
I'm taking six.
I got a stress factory and then I'm taking at least six weeks off after that.
And then fuck.
Just organize that fucking time and then get in there.
Are you doing it with Kev?
Yeah, Big Kev's obviously the greatest.
And he's like, this is the part I'm excited for.
And I was like, you're fucking crazy.
Yeah, this is going to be brutal.
It's going to be the worst part.
This is a brutal part.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The fun is over.
Yeah.
So it's misery until you put it out.
Yeah, I know.
And then when you're about to release it and you're at your lowest confidence because you've watched it so much and you're just like, wow, nothing is funny here in a whole hour.
You have to watch it with some strangers.
That was a good suggestion I think maybe you had where it was like, let's just get 10 people in here and just have them watch it.
And you'll hear them kind of laugh at it and you'll see how people watch the special.
So that we should do.
Absolutely.
You also need like an editor you can like abuse.
Or like mock or like or ridicule.
Yeah.
Take out your frustration on the way that their skull is shaped.
That's usually like that.
Yeah.
Shifty really earned his stripes that way.
You know, Shifty didn't sleep for about three months straight.
I just want to point out that.
And now he has an autoimmune disorder.
This guy is HIV, dude.
Every time we go on a plane.
No, this is for real.
Every time we go on a plane, he is unbelievably sick within six hours of landing.
Unbearably sick.
I've seen him not sleep for months.
He didn't sleep for months when we were doing the special.
The guy can't even travel premium economy without immune system completely failing.
What do you think this is?
You're a killer.
Yeah, you broke him.
Bro, the year doesn't even do anything.
The guy stopped working.
We did the special.
He just fucking sits down.
No, I'm trying to figure out.
I'm like, what is he doing?
I got to make up things for him to do.
Let's see.
Try some different subtitles or something.
Every week, I got to make up a new thing.
This kid is falling apart in front of us right now.
Shifty, what do you think of this?
See, he can't even speak.
Beats me, dude.
Can't even speak, dude.
That's it.
That's all I got.
That's what he wanted me to say.
Because he can't blame his employer for ruining his fucking life while he's in the room.
His vlog is like, ah, and that's all he got right now.
See that?
Yeah, we need vlog energy.
Yeah, we need shifty vlog energy right now.
Friend, that's just him when you're not around.
Look how happy he is.
Brother, I don't need him to be happy.
I need him to be healthy.
I'm not paying you to be happy.
I'm paying you to not fucking sneeze and cough all over the van.
Oh, my God.
But he only cares about him not getting sick and you being productive.
Yeah.
His actual care about your health non-existent.
I've never seen something.
That's not true.
I ask you every single day if you're good enough to travel next week.
He gets so angry when he found out that he was sick.
It's so funny.
We're in the car, and then Shifty hasn't talked or sneezed or coughed for like three weeks or three days.
We're fucking in some, which is a fucking world record.
We're in the car, and Shifty's leaning up against the window, and then the car gets quiet, and it's just us humming along, and you just hear this.
Bro, I look like Joe Budden finding out that girl is a tranny.
You know what I'm saying?
It was like a quiet place, dude.
It was a fucking quiet place.
And Jules turns around, like, what the fuck was that?
And Lurie just goes, Are you sick?
And Shifty goes, No.
And he says it one more time.
He goes, Are you fucking sick?
Shifty just goes.
You know, his progress, that's the first time he's believed anybody's sick.
Yeah.
Because if he had to miss work, I remember one time Al had like the fucking flu.
Alright, in LA or something, lazy, learning time sick.
He was dying, but I wasn't sick, bro.
This guy's not sick.
This guy who put fucking hand sanitizer in his nostrils.
Not sick.
He's faking it.
He's faking it.
Al worked so hard he got autism.
That's crazy.
He got work-induced autism.
Yeah, I almost never had sick shit.
I don't believe that sick shit.
I remember that.
I was like, what's wrong with Al?
And Andrew's like, the flu?
I go, really?
He goes, that's what he says.
What the fuck is that?
What time of year was it?
Winter, y'all.
All right.
All right, there's a chance.
There's a chance.
What do we have to do?
What were we doing?
What were we doing?
That's it, right?
God, who knows, dude?
You can't just sit there and the flu is going to stop you from sitting there and telling.
Hi, Miles Remedy.
Friggin' Miles into this.
Hi, Miles Remedy.
I'm never sick.
Miles are not sick.
Miles got the best of you.
Miles' never been sick.
Hangs out with West Village Gays all day.
West Village Gays all day, sucking and fucking in Fire Island all summer.
Never caught the flu, not one time.
That's what I'm saying.
He's around it.
He's got immersion therapy.
Bro, I'm just saying, Shifty's sick non-stop.
I'll be honest, I can't say what I want to say.
Because it could have come across as disrespectful, not funny.
But it wasn't meant in any disrespect.
What I'm trying to say is, Shifty has a new lovely girlfriend that I think is running him ragged.
Oh, she's sucking him dry.
I didn't mean to say that.
That's crazy, Mark.
You can't speak about that.
You're saying that.
I didn't say I was.
I was going to say they're fucking doing awesome adventures.
I was thinking they're doing awesome adventures.
I don't know.
They're going to play ping pong.
They're going to play arcade games.
Cave diving?
They're definitely doing a lot of sperm.
If you ask me, I'm just saying.
She might be stopping him from getting asleep.
Whoa.
Yeah.
His immune system is currently on his floor in sheets.
Shifty, is this true?
Is there any truth to this?
Father, he ruined one relationship.
Just one?
One of his.
Oh, one of his.
Oh, okay.
You ain't married, man.
That's a shelf.
Lightens up.
Son, that's a good ass point.
Yo, get married.
Yeah, lock it down.
Get married.
Lock it down.
Yo, make it real.
Make it real.
Make it real.
Lock it down.
I'm sick and tired.
I'm sick and tired.
Now he's sick.
I'm getting sick.
He's tired.
Motherfucker.
Come on.
For real, Shifty, this is an issue.
Lock it down.
And now you're blaming it on Calgary.
Tennis Addiction Obsession00:08:13
Do you know when you're frolicking around Bushwick all the goddamn time?
Shifty?
Anyway.
Oh, fuck.
We're going to have to talk about it.
So the Hamptons.
Let me tell you something, Alex.
Yo, that video.
He's ready to move, bro.
He's ready to summer.
Let me tell you something.
Never, ever again question rich people about anything.
About like leisure things.
They figured out everything.
Leisure is just one of the things.
Very rarely has there been a thing that rich people do that the non-rich, yes, we have a couple bucks now, but not that rich.
Shut up.
When I say rich, when I say rich, you know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I'm talking about old money.
So you say that.
Yeah, old money.
Never question old money, especially when it comes to leisure activities, but also vacationing.
There's no place they haven't discovered.
I don't know.
No, especially when it comes to leisure activities and vacation.
Okay.
They have been everywhere.
There's not a place on the planet that they haven't been.
And the places that they enjoy the most, they curate life over there, and it's fucking unbelievable.
You're not going to find a new one.
We went to Turkey.
We were like, yo, we're going to bulge them.
We're going to put this shit on the map.
The fucking mall floor was limestone.
The whole thing is built out.
It's done.
Beautiful, but done.
The Hamptons was incredible.
I hated on the Hamptons my whole life.
Never went once.
I said it's a bunch of stuck up, snobby assholes.
It was.
Still worth it.
Still worth it.
You are a victim.
You take tennis.
Come on, come play tennis with me.
You want to be that shit so bad.
Just admit it, bro.
Just admit it.
You want to be bougie.
You want to be old money.
You want to be old money.
You don't play tennis anymore.
You play paddle.
Oh, yeah.
Tennis is done.
I'm telling you, paddle is the cardiac.
No, bro.
Have you played?
Have you played?
It's the Hamptons.
Did you play?
Listen, they can't keep up with it.
Oh, Hampton people can't play tennis.
They can't.
Hampton people can't play tennis.
The old money motherfuckers are playing paddle, so you don't have to move that much.
Nah, tennis play.
No, they play pickle because of that.
You would say that.
The old people.
Have you played?
Listen, Al is five years behind.
I was you.
I've said everything you've said.
You're just five years behind.
In five years, you're going to be in the Hamptons playing paddle like these.
They went on the phone and I can't move.
Yes, I will be saying that.
Listen, it's the only young people are playing paddle.
I haven't seen one person that was all playing paddle.
It's young people playing paddle.
Here's the thing: paddle, basically, for everybody who's watching, go look at some YouTube videos.
It's ping pong, right?
No, that's pickleball.
Let me explain it.
It's pickleball is a game.
Okay?
Tennis is a sport.
Paddle is in between the two.
It's a lifestyle.
It's a lifestyle.
Bro, you know, pickle.
Here, you explain the shit you never did.
No, I'm on.
Look, I'm on board with you because one is.
Now you're coming.
Now you're coming.
It was created by a Spanish man.
Exactly.
He was too lazy to get the tennis ball when it got past him.
So he's like, yo, let's just put up some walls so this shit never gets past me and we don't have to go run and get the ball.
This shit's just always in play.
That's why they created that gate.
It's a genius game.
It's genius.
I mean, what's wrong with that?
It's a game created for a lazy motherfucker who didn't want to walk and get a ball.
It's still a great game, but it's not lazy.
It sounds like he wants to keep playing non-stop.
Yeah.
It sounds like he actually wants a volley.
He actually wants to get some exercise.
He actually wants to have fun.
He wants to play non-stop.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Or that.
Anyway, the point of trying to make it.
Alex likes the break, I think, of like the ball going out and like going walking, going to get it.
No, I like that.
Oh, yeah, you want to play more.
I like playing real sports.
I like playing real sports.
No, you're like, real sports are like what?
Like you guys are playing the sports.
Tennis is a sport.
Tennis is sports.
I'm not knocking tennis.
Tennis is a more sophisticated sport.
It's harder to play.
Real sport, yeah.
Real?
Real.
If you're stuffing balls in your underwear, is it real?
First of all, it's in your skirt.
Correct.
You're right.
So my point is this.
Wait, didn't Dub beat you?
Nah.
Of course he beat you.
He's a 6'1-6-1.
So he's afraid to come back.
Can I ask you a question?
He's afraid to come back.
How did he get that game?
He said not on the pocket.
And I don't mean that as an insult to you, but I don't.
I'm shocked he got a game.
How did he win a game twice?
And I just started playing.
Just started playing.
Just picked up the racket.
He's been taking lessons.
I haven't played in 40 years.
I beat him 6-1-6-1.
Son, Alex picked embarrassed after that.
You have another man teaching you how to be gay?
That's unbelievable.
You're paying a guy $200 to be gay.
I'm paying a woman to do.
Is a woman teaching you?
That's even worse.
A woman is teaching you a sport?
She is.
In what world do we exist?
That's another thing about.
I'm not doing well because I don't wear this skirt and I don't go, eh.
She was like, yo, go, and I'm not going, uh, when I hit it.
And that's why I'm losing.
She's telling you to do that?
She's telling me to go, uh.
Okay.
That's the thing.
Dub was all day.
Anyway, I did when you paid me the $200 for losing.
Damn, bro.
I'm not going to lie.
While we were in the Hamptons, I used an incredible invention.
One of the greatest things about this country is that we will find a way to turn anything into a gun.
We have a glue, gun.
We have a staple, gun.
Everything gets turned into a gun.
If it is something we value, we turn it into a gun.
And we finally did it with barbecuing.
Is there anything more American than barbecuing?
No, there's not.
Okay.
The only problem with barbecuing is that there's no gun element until now.
Shout out to the people at Grill Blazer, man.
Grillblazer.com.
They have turned grilling into guns.
Amazing.
Absolutely fantastic.
I love it.
I'm out there in the Hamptons.
We're getting the grill on.
If I'm being honest, I didn't grill for not one second.
Mark was doing all the grilling, but I came in when you needed the heavy artillery, when you need that Sous V gun to sear them steaks.
I was there.
Chick chick, boom, blasted them.
It was amazing.
The steaks were immaculate.
Did Mark do a good job cooking them?
Yes, obviously.
But what was everybody commenting on?
One, my piece, that gap, the strap, the blicky that I pulled out, sous-vied it non-stop.
Grillblazers.
Unbelievable.
And you know what?
You're going to get 15% off.
And it's not just the Sous V gun.
They got other joints as well.
So if you want to be strapped up for the end of this barbecue season, and if you're living in the warm weather where it's barbecue season all year round, if you want to be strapped up, you go to grillblazer.com, use that promo code Flagger, you'll get 15% off.
Go do it.
Go do it.
Simple as that.
You're welcome.
God bless America.
The problem is Alex can't play because I think if you play one time, you're never playing tennis.
Addicted.
I don't think you're ever going to play tennis again.
Obsessed.
I like playing real sports.
You have played.
Say whatever you like.
Nah, not the pat.
We're going to play one time.
I don't think you're ever going to play tennis again.
I'm just saying.
And because I'm saying that, I play real sports.
Because I'm saying this, we're going to play one time and then you're going to sneak out and go play.
She's not going to tell her.
He's going to be a Baptist.
I'm ready for the rematch.
I got you.
All right.
I'm ready.
I just remember you guys roasting me for doing this two years ago in Miami, but welcome.
No, no, them.
That sucked back then.
It sucked back then.
Yeah.
It was still not a sport back.
And now they're on board.
We're not playing a sport.
You know what?
As long as I get you guys out there.
I think it will.
Now I have four people.
Like a bro sport, though.
I think it will be like kind of secluded to like.
So right now it's like it'll be like golf.
Finance guys and shit.
It's golf.
Golf-ish.
Yeah.
It's kind of right now.
It's more foreign.
That's what it feels like.
Like a lot of Spanish speakers, a lot of people from Argentina.
So it's just kind of coming along.
Who is going to appropriate it over here?
Yeah, it could be finance bros.
Anyone that was playing tennis years ago, even if they were doing it just recreationally, are stepping into it and then they're addicted quick.
So you're seeing that.
And they actually at least now like, oh, wow, new sport right away.
I'm in.
Yeah.
Airbnb Tenant Struggles00:08:02
We got to go play.
We got to have a nice little tournament.
We got to have a flagrant tournament.
Yeah.
Should we try tennis first and then try that?
Should it require a real tennis?
It's a whole thing.
It's a whole thing.
It's a fun game.
Why can't games be fun, Alex?
No, as a game.
Can we play a sport and then play a game?
Why can't we play a game?
We could play a game, but let's play a sport, then play a game.
Okay, we can do all that.
Another thing that I want to say, an observation from this week when we were away.
I think I understand what Airbnb's purpose in the ecosystem is.
And this is going to seem redundant because it's quite obvious, but like I always looked at Airbnb as this replacement for a hotel.
I would just be like, oh, can I get a nicer house than I can hotel for the same price?
Yeah.
Right.
And going out to the Hamptons, and we had, you know, it was a nice group of us.
There was like seven of us, right?
And I realized the Airbnb experience for me is replicating traveling with family or friends, right?
It's just like, what is it like if you have a home in this place and you get to have all those intimate moments?
The great thing about going away with your partner and staying in a hotel, it's fucking awesome.
You have all these amenities and everybody's serving you, et cetera.
But when you go away with eight fucking people and you're all in your each little room and the only time you're really hanging out is maybe you agree to go to the pool or maybe you agree to go do an activity and then you maybe see each other at dinner.
But having this kind of communal living where you're all kind of busting balls, joking, telling stories and just connecting the whole time, man, it was fucking awesome.
It was really, it was really fucking awesome.
And I never looked at Airbnb in that way because I always was looking for the value play.
I was like, ooh, can I get the nicer home than I can, the hotel?
But now I'm looking at it in terms of like, if I'm going away with a group of people, even when we're on the road, like if it's a group of us and we're staying in a city for X amount of shows or whatever, I'm like, I want to just get a house.
I just want to get a house and have everybody there, everybody busting Involved, everybody cooking together, everybody drinking together, everybody barbecuing together.
And you really kind of see the group congeal and come together in this beautiful way.
And yeah, it was just, it was really cool.
So shout them out.
I wanted to shout them out.
If you're on the other side, if you're trying to Airbnb your place, definitely, and I'm speaking from experience, make sure they book through Airbnb because so I do property management a little bit, and there was a place that I had that I was renting out, and the guy was like, Oh, hey, let's go off of Airbnb.
No, Airbnb won't take the cut.
You'll make a little bit more money.
That person rented out that place, stayed there for three months, and I couldn't get them out.
No way.
There was nothing I could fucking do to get them out the place.
There's things you could have done.
No, no, I tried.
Yeah.
Came.
Yeah.
This guy is bald.
Yeah.
Jewish dude, too.
Whoa.
That makes a difference.
I was surprised.
I was surprised because usually Jewish people are such nice people.
And this guy really took advantage of me.
Where was the place?
In Rockaway.
Huh.
And that's why.
He just knew that New York is so like tenant-friendly.
Like you could be a squatter and it's crazy the right thing that we give you.
They know that the landlords loans a bad person.
They suit for suicide on his own accord.
That's crazy.
I used to, when I didn't have money, I'd Airbnb my room.
When I lived with Case, I just, or we would Airbnb the living room.
Sorry.
And then sometimes I'd do my room.
But then one day, I walk into my room and we just had our door unlocked.
Like, yo, friends can come over.
We Airbnb it sometimes, whatever.
One time I walk in, I see two Hasidic Jewish dudes.
One walks out of our shower, butt-ass naked.
And I'm just like, okay, I guess Case Airbnb'd this place didn't fucking warn me.
I just kind of start laughing, go to my room real quick, grab something, leave.
And after I get out of the apartment, I text Case like, hey, man, I'm ahead of an audition or whatever the fuck, but can you at least let me know next time you Airbnb it?
And then Case goes, I didn't Airbnb our apartment.
And then turns out these two Hasidic Jewish dudes, I guess, found out we from somebody else who Airbnb'd, we leave our door unlocked, came in, took a shower.
I came back like 30 minutes later, they were just gone.
Fucking ghosts in the night.
Wow.
Unbelievable.
You think it's the same guy that rented it?
Probably the same guy.
Did he leave a bunch of fucking cigarette butts everywhere?
No, they were getting out too quick, dude.
They took one shower.
Jews would be a little bit more nervous about what shower they get in.
You saw the schmeckling.
You saw the Schmeckle?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not big.
Got to be honest.
So what happened with yours, Al?
He left eventually.
On his own accord.
Yeah, but he moved to New York.
It took three months.
Did you show up to the place?
I showed up to the place.
And I showed up in a way that I would have thought he left after that.
God.
No, but he stood tall and he was like, he's been occupying places.
This is his vest.
Yeah.
This is his house.
He's definitely had done.
This is what they did in Palestine, actually.
Think about it since blood.
Yo, but it was crazy.
And I had to just steal your house, bro.
Yes.
So lucky.
In New York, they have these like really intense tenant right situations.
So if you rent a place and then stop paying rent, I think you have six months to stay there before you get kicked out.
Yeah.
I believe it's six months.
You could just say, I can't afford it.
And then you stay there for six months.
So I think oftentimes there are people that find ways to get these leases signed, stay for six months, they get kicked out, get another one, get another one, get another.
And Kim, it could be a bougie-ass place.
Usually they're doing credit checks, but if you can get around the system, be like, yo, I'll pay you all cash.
They'll give you that first month, but they're really giving you six months.
And I was there.
Fuck.
I tried to get a little extra money and I fucking paid for that.
Isn't that the lesson though?
You never found the guy, though?
Like, you never know.
I would have been in jail if I found him.
Yeah.
Like, I was really that upset.
Fuck.
So you were covering the bills that whole time.
Yeah, I had to pay for it.
Did he fuck up the place too?
Bro, he's like cigarette butts everywhere.
All the dishes, the dishes were fucking piled high.
It's like he just didn't wash the dish.
He just used every single fucking dish in the entire place.
Like it was a big thing.
You couldn't turn off the electricity or like turn off the gas.
You can't legally.
Yeah.
What about wait for him to leave and then go in?
I lived far.
And this is the time we were working.
So it's like, I'm gone all the time.
And you own the place?
What?
Yeah.
It was tough.
Holy shit.
It was a learning curve.
Never made that mistake again.
I mean, yeah, there's got to be something you could do, though.
If someone moves in your place and they don't leave.
You know, I was just in this situation right now.
Charlie LaDuff.
With my old apartment, with the sublet.
She stopped paying in the last like month and a half.
And because she was mine.
But I was not a fat Norwegian fucking cow.
I will destroy her.
She stopped paying.
And I'm considered the overtenant.
She's the sub-tenant, but I'm still paying rent to the building.
And I call the building.
I tell them my problem.
They're like, so here's the problem with New York City.
She's got all the rights.
Even though she's my sub-tenant, she's like, in order to get her out, we have to sue you, Dove, and evict you.
And then the eviction will happen.
So when I spoke to a lawyer, I said, they were like, all you need to care about, fuck your rent.
Make sure she leaves.
So I got her up.
Yeah.
When was this period that you were living with a fat cow that we didn't know about?
No, it's from my old apartment.
You said New York.
But my five, I got a new apartment.
I got a new apartment and sublet the place to the fat cow for like a short term rent.
Tell me how you got her out.
I sent the most desperate email out of Saturday.
That you could possibly ever read.
And then you read it?
No.
And a lawyer was like, wait, you're sending that?
Desperate Legal Email00:03:07
I was like, this is what I'm going to do.
And it worked.
And she scheduled her going, you know, getting out.
And she got out.
And she's, and now I've sent the attorney letter.
So I didn't send the attorney letter until she got out.
Because I was just like, I don't think at this point, like, this girl's fucking brave.
Nothing to lose.
Norwegian citizen, like, had a big startup and it probably just fucking failed.
And so she's trying to do that.
So I'll get, I'll get the money.
She's on LinkedIn.
She's, she cares.
She has a YouTube video about like women empowerment and being a boss boss lady.
I was like, I will show up at your next fucking conference and get on stage and destroy.
Nick, when he heard this story, no, I haven't said this to her yet.
Send it.
Show us.
Whatever the email did got her out.
I told the story to Nick and he was with the date and she was like, oh my God, this is so bad.
And Nick goes and he read it completely.
He's like, now it's just a game.
Now this is a fucking manhunt.
Were there elements in the email that were related to like your family?
Oh, just desperation of like, I can't afford this.
I'm a good guy.
No, you went the other way.
I'm a little bit more.
You play pity.
I can't sleep.
I play whatever character you need to be.
I could be a tough guy or I can look like a pathetic loser.
You didn't talk to me.
I did not care at all.
Give us that way.
I need to see that.
Oh, for the show, for the fucking listeners, for the viewers, please.
No, I don't want this story out.
And you can't.
Why'd you start talking into a mic about it?
Oh, we're just recording.
So I'm going to tell you a story in Miami when there were people fighting and I was in a car with me, my shody, and Dove.
Oh, I didn't.
What's the story?
Remember what it is?
So it was one of your friends.
He was throwing a party or whatever the case is.
We were leaving the party and there were people fighting outside of the place.
I had mentioned to you, I was like, oh, the quick way to like end it, you just be like, yo, the police are coming or whatever.
He's dumb.
Bros down the winner, goes, Police, police, bro.
You trying to be the police?
Oh my God.
Me and my shorty started.
Did they stop fighting, though?
No, they kept it.
It was the most.
He was like, Pelise, police.
The fact that my shorty died laughing at him was hollow.
What were you thinking in that moment, though?
I wanted to stop a fight.
I thought I was a victim.
Did I say it in Spanish?
I feel like you didn't explain it, Bob.
I feel like the directions were wrong.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break real quick because I'm going to tell you something that kind of annoys me.
The only advantage of having low testosterone and no muscle mass or the ability to burn fat like I've had my entire life is that I kicked full head of hair and you high testosterone fucks would go bald by the time you were 33 and that was the only silver lining to the dark cloud that is my genetic code.
Deion Colorado Controversy00:14:48
Unfortunately, these fucking idiots at Keeps are ruining the only advantage I had in my entire life.
You high T fucks that are going bald can get on keeps.
The second you start noticing your hair growing and it will stop the hair loss.
These sons of bitches.
Anyway, if you want to, if you want to get keeps, it's very easy to get quality expert care without visiting a doctor's office or pharmacy.
Of course they're gonna make it easy.
Why would they not make my life any happier?
It's easy to subscribe.
You get free refo reminders.
You never run low on products.
It's incredibly cheap.
The plans are affordable, half the cost of pharmacies.
This is bullshit.
Keeps also, remember prevention is key, you fucking stupid varsity athletes, and treatment can take four to six months to see results.
So act fast and if you're ready to take action probably gonna take you a while because you're too fucking dumb, you meathead, but you should go to Keeps.com slash flagrant.
I spelled it for you because you're too busy in the gym getting 18 inch biceps to learn how to spell.
That's not even true.
It's just me being angry and jealous and insecure really, at the end of the day.
So Keeps.
Thank you for highlighting my insecurity and making issues worse for me.
Thank god, i'm married anyway.
If you're noticing your hair thinning, go to Keps.com slash flagrant to get your first month free again.
That is keeps.com slash flagrant.
Now let's get back to the show, sadly.
All right, what else we got?
Yo Deion Sanders won his first game at Colorado.
Can you explain?
This is a big deal.
Let's talk a little sports real quick.
Deon uh first, you know, greatest cornerback of all time.
Every cornerback you watch now is basically just trying to be Deon, maybe greatest athlete of all time, maybe just in terms of athleticism.
But then he starts coaching at Jackson State and HBCU.
Yeah, and it works, he's good.
Jackson State is good.
What is an HBCU?
Historically Black College University, you're right, I should have explained that.
So these Hbcus, where you would think they would always be athletically gifted because so many division one college, 12 players are black.
They just don't seem to want to go there because they don't have the recruiting power.
Of these Alabamas and these you tease.
And by recruiting power it's not just a Financial situation, it's also TV time, right?
Like when you go to Alabama, you go to Auburn, you go to what are some other Texas Georgia, you're going to get on TV.
More coaches are going to see you.
You're going to be competing against other elite athletes, and that's really how a lot of NFL coaches sharpens iron and the NFL is watching.
Like, what is the division?
You know more about football.
Yes, the SEC.
They run a pro-style offense a lot of times.
That's just where the they always seem to win the national championship.
So now all the good players are like, I want to play in the SEC for the powerhouse teams.
Their games are always in prime time.
Always, LSU and Alabama is a massive rivalry that everybody watches.
Georgia and Alabama, Georgia, LSU, Alabama, Auburn, huge.
Yeah, so like the SEC gets everybody.
So HBCUs are not getting the same level of talent.
But Deion made waves at the HBCU, but he eventually, he always said, I'm going to leave when an opportunity presents itself that's worth it.
And he went to Colorado University, I guess, or University of Colorado, which has never been a $27 million contract.
And I think the university said, I saw a post about this.
I think the university said, we don't have the money to pay him, but we will.
And he agrees to go.
And I think that the boosters or the donors of the school raised $28 million almost immediately.
And they sold out every single game.
Yeah.
And they had.
So now they have more than enough money to pay.
And I am very much a casual college football fan.
I will keep up kind of casually throughout the year from Sports Center or whatever.
And then interest builds.
I was immediately interested in Deion going to Colorado.
Yeah.
Because he talks a big talk and he is a confident, arrogant guy.
Always has been, but backs it up.
But like little things, like at a post-game presser, people kept saying, Deion, Deion, Deion, hey, Dion, what are you going to do?
And he said, call me Coach Prime or Coach Sanders.
Don't call me Deion.
You don't do that to Nick Sabin.
You don't call Nick Sabin Nick.
And even I was like, buddy, we know you as Deion.
It's not that big a deal.
Yeah.
But he talks that shit.
And then he goes to this program.
And the first day he gets there, they film him speaking to the team that's currently there.
And they go, A lot of y'all might as well just transfer.
Whatever the fuck you knew football to be is over.
The way you used to do things is over.
Everything is changing.
I'm going to make my son the quarterback, Shadura Sanders.
He's nice.
He's got to earn it.
He's probably, he's coming in to be quarterback.
And he brings in like 75% of the team brand new.
Wow.
New transfers.
Highest transfer rate.
Holy shit.
I don't even know if that's exactly 75%, but it's a massive number of transfers, plus his new recruits, I assume.
So people are kind of like, what's going to happen?
I thought he would do well.
Wasn't there a guy that played on both sides of the ball?
Yes, Travis Hunter.
Yeah.
So his first game, his son is playing quarterback.
He's got this guy playing both sides of the ball in this like Colorado.
He's never coached at this level.
He's talking shit.
Everybody kind of is divided.
A lot of people want him to fail, think he's going to fail.
A lot of people think he's going to do great just because he's Deion and there were fans.
And then they play TCU, who was last year's second-ranked team in the country.
They lost in the national championship.
They beat TCU in overtime.
I think it was not overtime, but it was like 45, 42 or something.
Post-game.
But this program that has never really been that good beats the team that made it to the national championship last year.
Wow.
Not a historical powerhouse, but you should.
They were fucking number two in the country last year.
Beats them.
His son throws for 500 yards.
Whoa.
Plays out of his mind.
Dime passes everywhere.
This kid, Travis Hunter, plays pretty much, he plays like both sides of the ball almost every snap, plays out of his mind.
100 more position interception.
What the question does he play?
Wide receiver cornerback up there?
Yeah, wide receiver cornerback.
Holy shit.
So 100 yards.
Last in the Pac-12 last year, 1-11 last year.
And then they went from the Pac-12, which is a dying division, to the Big 12, which isn't like the SEC, but it's a better division.
They move divisions, beat the team that won that conference last year.
Sorry, not division, conference.
Team won that conference last year.
And then Deion goes in the post-game and he says, this is the clip that I saw going around.
He said, a lot of times when people see a black man talking like I talk, walking like I walk, talking to athletes that are 75% black, they get a little threatened.
But we hear, and this is what we're doing, and we're going to make noise and we're not going nowhere.
Talking to athletes that are 75% black.
Yeah, like not the percent, not each black person is 75% black, but the team is 75% black people, black kids.
And is that rare in sports?
So that's what a lot of people were saying.
That's not rare in sports.
But what he's saying is rare is a black coach talking that shit and then backing it up.
We know Nick Sabin is a great coach.
We know whoever the historic people, Bo Schembickler, whatever the fuck I'm, I can't, Jim Harbaugh, all these names that we know of.
Like, hey, these are great coaches.
And we kind of see them as somewhat stodgy white guys or just older white men.
And that's what we've seen.
And that's not bad.
I have no problem with that.
But what Deion is saying is, I think some people out there might be threatened by the fact that here is an arrogant black dude talking to black people as a coach and winning and kind of disrupting things.
And I, somebody tweeted the exact same thing you tweeted.
No disrespect to the guy that tweeted, but he said same thing.
Hey, buddy, I think most college athletes are black.
And then I just tweeted back to him, like, not trying to be mean, but I was like, hey, buddy, I think he just means like he's talking about him as a coach.
That was Saturday.
I just casually sent a text, didn't make a smart ass comment.
My mentions have been on fire for two days with just a bunch of triggered white people being like, oh, just because he's black, he can say this, blah, blah, blah.
Black people arguing with him.
This has become a really divisive thing.
Deion coaching has become this flashback.
What is the division?
I don't understand.
Because I do think there is something to what he's saying where it's like, people don't like this black dude as a coach in a position of authority talking that shit and then kind of disrupting the way things have been for a long time.
Oh, a coach should be humble.
A coach should be...
He should be humble.
A coach should be, hey, let's not talk too much.
Let's not boast too much.
Let's not demand respect of ourselves and say things like, you need to call me coach and walk out of post-game press conferences.
And then he's just like, I'm going to be me.
Are they doing the whole like, you're disrespecting the game thing?
They don't say that necessarily.
It's not, and I think a lot of the sportscasters talking about it.
But you've been doing that anyway?
I'm trying, bro.
A lot of the sportscasters were just like, hey, man, I don't think you can make this jump.
It's a big jump.
That's it.
But then a lot of the fans, I do think, are bothered by some of this shit.
Or at least just maybe there's bots in my tweets, but I've, I mean, it's been obnoxious.
I wouldn't wish I never sent this tweet just trying to clarify for somebody a simple point.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's become a massive flashpoint.
But also, you have to watch, if you're watching college football, you have to watch Colorado.
Yeah, most fun thing in college this year is going to be if Dion can do it.
How far he goes.
I mean, it's unbelievable.
I don't think he can win at all just because he started with a program that had nothing.
But then not only what does he do this year, what does he continue to do?
You know what it kind of reminds me of?
We are old enough to vaguely remember the Fab Five.
This feels like the Fab Five for football.
Like, it's just this new, exciting kind of thing that's more black than what we're used to.
Fab Five was Michigan's college basketball program that had Chris Weber, Jalen Rose, Shawan Howard, somebody from Plano, I forget his name, Jimmy King or something like that.
And then one more.
And they were all freshmen.
Yeah.
And they made it to the final four.
I think the final four.
I think the final four.
Jimmy King and Ray Jackson.
And then the next year, the finals, I think, or the final four.
And then Chris Weber had that historic timeout where he calls timeout where they're out of timeouts.
And it's technical free throws.
So they end up losing.
And they end up losing the game.
But they would wear like, I mean, this is how posh college sports were at the time.
They wore black socks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the country was up in arms.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Black shoes.
Like yours.
What the hell is going on?
Black socks.
These guys are so short to their knees.
Shorts to their knees.
What's going on?
But they were just these young kids that were just absolutely just crushing it.
There's a cool 30 for 30.
I think it's a 30 for 30 on it.
And obviously, Jalen Rose and Chris Webb are so fucking unbelievably talented.
Jawan Howard, very talented.
Like imagine the three of them who went on to have incredible basketball careers in the pro level.
Imagine all three of them being on the same team in college.
So naturally, they're going to go crush.
And they were just playing the game with a lot of like chutzpah.
Yeah.
You know, and okay, so that's what's happening.
And I feel like Deion is coaching with a lot of chutzpah to say, but he must be a great motivator.
I mean, it was awesome watching him talk to the kids when he was over at Jackson State.
Yeah, I was going to see that.
I want to hear Colorado pre-game.
Bro, he brought Bernie Renner in there.
Oh, I saw that.
That was funny.
Incredible.
He's like, yo, you need to talk to girls like this because they're going to be the ones to get you.
Yeah.
Like, she'll tell you what's going on.
She'll tell you the girls that are out there and how they're going to treat you, how they're going to take advantage of you.
So, yeah, he's just a fascinating.
She should go around speaking to colleges like the thought version of Catch Me If You Can.
You know what I mean?
He like warns them of what the Forgers are doing.
She'd warn athletes, this is how we're going to try to get you.
Just be ready.
Become an informant for that.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, so Coach Prime, let's see.
God, people get so upset about this stuff, huh?
Yeah.
So what he's saying is that there's a lot of people out there that just don't want to see a black man winning in this way.
They want to see, they're okay with the black man winning if they're doing it in like more of a traditional way.
John Tomlin for the Pittsburgh Steelers head coach.
He's like super outspoken, brash guy.
He just kind of coaches and wins, and the team is always relevant no matter what.
Yeah.
We love it.
Yeah.
But he's saying that you don't, people are a little threatened seeing me not ever code switch, continue to be Coach Prime.
Like, I'm doing this 1,000% my way.
And I don't even know if it's as much racial as it is.
We are kind of used to what we're used to.
And then anytime somebody fucks with that, we're like, I don't like this.
And to be fair to Mike Tomlin, I don't see him code switching out.
No, he bought the whole team black.
Black Air Force once.
Yeah, yeah.
But I hear what you're saying.
He's just a quieter guy.
I think that's his.
Thank you for clarifying.
He's more like what's his face?
From the Patriots.
Belichick.
Belichick.
Thank you for clarifying.
Yeah, I didn't mean to.
I know you weren't trying to say.
But, okay, interesting, interesting, interesting.
But this is just the fucking internet.
Yeah.
Upset at the culture war and using him as a lightning rod for whatever's going on.
It is funny to watch people who are really mad at cancel culture still get justice triggered as the cancel culture people.
Yeah.
Like you're the same guys.
Yeah.
You're the same human being.
Did you go back and forth with anyone in your mind?
I didn't.
I thought about tweeting to one guy who was like, how did this happen?
And being like, buddy, I have no fucking clue what just went on.
But I was like, even that's not worth it because that's going to get 20 responses.
You just let it breathe for a few days and then it goes away eventually.
I need more context in terms of what he said because I don't think saying 75% black a team is that triggering.
Just once you add race to anything.
To any situation.
It's such an easy button for people to get triggered.
And a lot of people would do it.
If a white guy said this, it would be blah, blah, blah.
It's like, I don't even know, dude.
Arkash, next week, it's Nebraska, Colorado.
Who do you have?
Oh, I got Colorado.
And it's not.
Nebraska hasn't been good since I was 18.
So yeah, that's a long time ago.
All right.
My wife was nine.
Stop reminding the people.
I didn't know her at the time, bro.
I didn't speak to her until she was 22.
It's weird, bro.
Yeah.
Fresh Prince was on last night, Nebraska.
It was good.
Your favorite show.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's a great, that's a great save.
Okay, what else we got?
Oh, yo, NFL starting this week.
Yo, you know what?
Last year when we did this in England, I said I think the Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl at the beginning of the year.
That's where you called it.
I switched over to the Eagles out of fear because I...
But there was a point in the beginning where you called it.
Yeah.
And what are you thinking this year?
You know who I'm positive I'm jinxing them right now, but I think the Cowboys have a real fucking shot.
The Cowboys have a real fucking shot.
And why do you think that?
This is just the best offseason they've had in terms of like making smart trades.
They picked up some veteran players to, you know, every team has holes.
It's impossible with a salary cap, a hard salary cap in a sport to not have holes and 52 roster spots.
But they like filled some of these holes with really like pretty good players, and they didn't pay much in terms of draft capital.
And the Eagles are the best team on paper.
I just think last year they had such great injury luck.
Like the Philadelphia Eagles were so healthy all last year.
In my brain, that has to run out.
And you have to.
This year, I just can't imagine it's going to be the same way.
On paper, they're the best.
And what about the quarterback situation for the Cowboys?
Kansas City Prize Picks00:05:56
The Cowboys have Dak, who I think is good.
He's not top five in the league, I don't think.
Didn't they trade for Trey Lance?
And then they traded for Trey Lance, who I think is a developmental piece in a year or two.
I think he could be really good or really good enough to get a draft pick back for if Dak is still really good.
But is that a sign that the organization doesn't believe in Dak long term?
I think it was just a fire sale.
Somebody said it well.
It said, you ever just go to Costco and there's something that's 90% off and you don't need it, but it's an unbelievable deal they got for him, right?
Yeah, he was the San Francisco 49ers' third pick in the entire draft.
They traded three first-round picks to get him, and then the Cowboys got him to get it.
For one fourth round pick?
Yeah, two full years later for one fourth round pick.
So like, let's just take a flyer and see what happens.
And that's what I think smart teams do.
That's what the Eagles would normally do.
So seeing the Cowboys do it, I was like hopeful about them.
So I think they might actually win it in the NFC.
AFC, I don't know if the Chiefs can do it again.
Again, they're the best, but because I'm a homes, but I think maybe, maybe the Bengals, but I would still probably put my money on the Chiefs.
But I do think the Cowboys might actually do it this year.
And I'm probably jinxing them as a fan.
Now, is this Cowboys delusion in the same way that Cowboys fan delusion the same way that like Knicks fans we're delusional?
I'm pretty good about that usually.
Yeah, we're not delusional.
I don't know what I was talking about.
Yeah, no.
Y'all actually build on something as a basketball organization, which really bothers me, but I'm usually not delusional about the Cowboys.
I'll buy in for sure, but not, it's rare.
Oh, so this is like real, isn't it?
I'm like quietly hopeful.
I'm saying it, you know, here.
This is the loudest side.
This is the only time I'm.
I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but America could use a Cowboys Super Bowl win.
Absolutely.
And what I mean by that is that like the Cowboys, whether you like it or not, are still America's team.
And what I mean by that is that there are Cowboy fans around the country that have no connection at all to Texas.
When you see Yankee fans around the country, their dad's from New York.
He moved out to L.A.
They were born in New York.
They moved out there.
There's Yankee fans around the country, but there is some sort of like connectivity to New York.
Yes.
Charlamagne's a Cowboys fan.
The fuck he got to do with Dallas?
Yeah.
His dad don't got nothing to do with Dallas, right?
I think it was just they were getting so much TV coverage and they were just so successful and exciting team.
So maybe there needs to be a Lakers.
If the Lakers are not good for 20, 30 years, it's like, what's we need, we could use the Lakers because it's good when the massive franchises say what?
I said they're coming up on that time.
But they won a championship in 2020.
That kept them relevant.
Exactly.
And it's good when the big franchises for the sports, for the different sports end up winning.
It's good for the sport.
Yeah.
Because they bring out the most interest.
Yeah, even if I casually, if I'm a casual sports fan, but this team that I just don't like casually is good, I'm a little more interested to see if they lose.
I mean, with all due respect to Kansas City, that is the worst thing that could possibly happen for the NFL.
The NFL's not thrilled about it.
That the team in Kansas City wins.
Yeah, yeah.
You want the fucking Giants to win, the Jets to win.
Dude, them LA Rams?
Yeah.
Nah, do we like it?
No.
Actually, you know, it could be good.
The Raiders.
The Raiders in Vegas doesn't hit as much.
Yeah, but just such an iconic franchise.
Steelers.
Steelers.
How do you pronounce it?
I know.
I was like, the Jets are looking good.
Did you see Hard Knox?
No, the Jets could be good.
Do you think so?
Yeah, the Jets could be good.
At least his falls could be good.
New York.
Here's the thing about Aaron Rodgers, too.
Does Hard Knocks gass you a little bit?
No, but Aaron Rodgers is different because he didn't give a fuck last year, I don't think.
He wanted out.
Now he cares and he wants to prove it.
Because he has to prove something.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
He has to prove that he's that motherfucker.
And sometimes you need a situation like this to ignite the competitive flame of these guys that are like the true alpha males.
There's no such thing as a starting quarterback as good as Aaron Rodgers who doesn't have an insane competitive drive.
Dude, imagine they don't exist.
The playoffs for the AFC.
If you're making your picks on prize picks, you're not going to know who the fuck to choose.
Yes.
Because it could be Aaron Rodgers, Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, Patrick Mahomes.
They could all meet.
These are four of the top five quarterbacks in the league.
If Jalen Hurts is top five for Philadelphia in the playoffs, if that's your last four teams standing, you're just like, holy shit, that conference is crazy.
Playoffs are going to be crazy on the AFC side.
Okay, so who are you putting your money on?
I think I'm going to have to go Kansas City just with prize picks.
Yeah, absolutely.
With prize picks.
I'm going Kansas City and Dallas, I think.
I think, yeah.
Again, Philadelphia looks the best on paper.
I just feel like they have to.
I just can't see them not getting a bunch of injuries this year.
And Jalen Hurts runs a lot, which he's fucking good at, and he's a hoss.
But that's also, these are NFL athletes tackling you now.
Yeah, the other guys run too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're randomly right a lot.
I'd be randomly right.
I randomly write a lot.
Okay, so what did you put it down?
You said who you said, Cowboys?
Cowboys and Kansas City.
And I think Kansas City would win that Jets.
And, you know, two teams play.
That's not a bad pick.
I think this year is going to be the first year where it's only one.
I think this year is going to be the first year where it's only one pick.
Only one single team.
I think Aaron's got it, dude.
I think the Jets are going to play the Jets.
I would love it if the Jets won the Super Bowl.
Against the Jets?
Yeah, dude.
But the Jets gets it.
There are no losers, and there are no winners.
Fuck, the Jets would also lose.
So I would be wrong as well.
Damn it.
Shit.
We're in a real conundrum.
We really are here, guys.
Okay, fine.
I'm going to go.
My two picks?
Me personally?
Dallas Cowboys.
Oh.
Kansas City Chiefs.
Holy shit, dude.
I think I'm going to go Dallas College and Kansas City Chiefs.
I am really independent.
That's a really stupid thing.
Discriminating by IQ Score00:13:54
You're going to benefit from you.
They couldn't disregard you.
And it has nothing to do with the fact that I don't know which divisions any of the teams are in, and I'll never learn that in my life.
But I think it's just because that is what my gut was telling me.
All right.
Well, hey, you can make those picks on Prize Picks in 60 seconds.
You don't download that.
Prize picks.
All right.
So what you're going to do is, is you're going to take my picks, okay?
Or whatever picks you guys want, but my picks will probably be the right ones.
It has nothing to do with the fact that Akash has the same picks.
Disregard my picks.
My picks are not out.
I would actually disregard his both my picks.
I agree.
Which are definitely Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City Chiefs, which I have picked because of all the football I watch.
And so what I want you to do is go to prizepicks.com and you will get a 100% deposit match up to $100 with the promo code Schultz.
Think about that.
Okay?
Think about that.
They're going to match your deposit up to $100 when you use the promo code Schultz at prizepicks.com.
Go get that.
Go get that money.
Earn lots of it.
Okay.
Love you.
Now, what else we got, Marquitz?
All right.
Mitch McConnell froze while he was talking.
He froze again.
Should there be age limits for politicians?
What's the rule?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Or physical performance.
Maybe he was trying to get a joke off on a podcast.
Sometimes you freeze up and shit.
He got hurt.
Sometimes, you know.
Yeah, don't you have to get retested for license?
They do like an eye test.
Driver's license, yeah.
Yeah.
All kinds of shit.
Like every like 10 years.
But this motherfucker's been in here mad long, like 30 years or something.
Yeah.
I mean, it's crazy.
Yeah, he got to go.
He got to go.
Game over.
Who's the lady that's in the wheelchair?
Feinstein.
Yeah, Weinstein.
Feinstein.
Feinstein, yeah.
He has to go.
She has to go.
Biden has to go.
Like, everybody, if your brain is off, you got to go, bro.
Yeah, that's completely reasonable.
Yeah.
I think it's spelling B or something.
I think they should all have him do a spelling B and do basic words.
Vervay gonna crush that shit.
Yeah.
President, I bet.
Brian Young.
Yeah, but see, he's doing the wrong thing.
He's like, oh, you should have raised the age limit to vote.
Nah, you should lower the fucking age limit where you could fucking.
No, yeah.
Yeah, if you're going to put like bumpers, you know what I mean?
You got to give a top and a bottom.
Yeah.
25 to 65.
That's it.
I don't like the raising the age limit, but that's cool.
Yeah, you can't raise it past the age of military service.
They have to have a say in what's happening in the country.
That's fair.
They have to.
If they're going to die for it, they have to have a say in the direction that it goes.
That's fair.
Now, if you want to increase the age of military service to 25, you can, but you're not going to get anybody.
By 25, they'll already have maybe a job, maybe a career that they're invested in.
We're already struggling at military.
Yeah, exactly.
See, we can't do a pull-up.
Have you seen this?
No.
They put out a study where they're like, of the military recruits that are voluntarily going in, it's like 30% are passing the basic army military test two years ago.
Yeah, literally, dude.
Going to the office.
Yeah, but now that everything's drone strikes, I think that we should have, you know, ones that are good at the control game.
Dumb dexterity.
Yeah.
Put them on twitch.
Yeah.
I should be a war commander.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, being great at war is going to change dramatically.
It's going to be all these gamers.
100%.
They're not going to have actual people in the field.
So maybe they flip it.
If you can do 10 pull-ups, you can't be in.
Yeah.
Can't be in.
Yeah.
No way.
Yeah.
You have to be.
You know, if you're too smart as a cop, you can't be a cop.
You have to be a detective.
It should be like that.
If you're too strong, you can't be.
Is that true?
What detective holding?
Oh, yeah.
That's not a thing.
They won't put you on deep if you're too smart.
What TV show are you?
I've heard this.
I've heard this.
Hold on, hold on.
I've heard this from multiple people, so it must be true.
From multiple detectives that wanted to impress me.
I've talked to them.
Detective sons, maybe, you know what I mean?
Who we used to do comedy with?
That's one of them.
Sure.
Sure.
Like, has any cop ever told you this?
He's like, yeah, I wanted to be a detective, but I'm an idiot.
You know what I'm saying?
They're probably too dumb to realize what's happening.
Yeah, it's out of tale.
That's not a thing.
That is kind of fun.
But it's okay that you thought it.
No.
I did think it.
Yeah.
There was a court case in the 2000s based on this.
So you might be right.
Why dick everyone?
It was at least a court case.
At least a court case.
They only accepted people in 2000 in the city of New London between some score between 20 and 27, and he scored above that.
And they only accept candidates within a certain level.
And he scored above.
Hit IQ.
It's too high.
Al dumbass had no idea because he probably scored a 23, did whatever the fuck he wanted.
He scored too high.
So he wasn't allowed to do that.
What was on that test vocabulary?
Is that why he didn't know this shit?
I'm figuring it out.
I'm learning while we're reading.
See, no one knows that.
I scored as high as you did.
I had tests.
I didn't get a 23 the first time.
It's very embarrassing.
No, it's very embarrassing.
I chose that number subconsciously for a reason.
Oh, wow.
I mean, they got to be looking for something, right?
They have to do like, like, you know, the CIA has a certain like personality type that they're looking for.
And there's that guy with the curly hair that's racially ambiguous who's going on all the mods.
Yeah, Busamante, who has to still be working for the CIA or something or he'd be dead.
You can't go on every podcast and tell all the CIA secrets and still live.
That's true.
Right?
Like you, he has to be like a part of the propaganda machine for the CIA, right?
I'm just not familiar with this person.
You've probably seen clips of him.
He's really knowledgeable and like fucking fascinating, but I just can't fathom that somebody could go on all these different platforms and start talking about all the nefarious shit that the CIA does without some sort of like recourse, especially if you were employed by the CIA.
It just seems like most of the time you're never out of the CIA.
Yeah, I 100% believe.
But like really interesting shit.
And one of the things he said is the CIA is specifically looking for personality types.
It's like kids who have dealt with trauma because you want a certain amount of trauma where you become really competitive because you're looking for outside validation, but not so much trauma that it's broken you.
And you're going to hurt yourself because you never will feel like you will get the validation at all.
Recruit comics.
Yo, I was going to say this whole cops probably can do that.
But I think you see some like athletes that are doing that.
I think you'll see, but it was interesting the CIA has kind of worked it out.
It's like, what would be the best employee?
Okay, these people who are seeking that external validation and we can curate them and mold them into the people that we need and put the carrot in front of them and the carrot will be like doing good for the company and making sure America is where it needs to be.
But there are going to be certain people who are just going to go, nah, fuck, no, I'm not doing that shit.
I'm not going to go to this fucking third world country and, you know, screw up their military or police system so we could extract some minerals.
That's why cops are doing.
And in this example, the city's rationale for the long-standing practice is that candidates who score too high could get bored with police work and quit after undergoing costly academic.
So they do that.
I heard that too.
So there's the reason.
I got bored and I quit.
No, for real.
So they'll do these studies and I imagine they'll find the employees that have stayed there for 30 or what is it, 25 and out, 20 and out, whatever it is.
And I guarantee they probably found like within two standard deviations of this IQ, these people stay the longest.
It's like, do we really want to have to retrain and get people up to this next level and have them walking?
Or do we want people who will be here for 25 years, they know the fucking beats, they're not going anywhere.
Oh, it's between this IQ and this IQ and this background, block them in.
That makes sense.
And it's, and the thing that's interesting is we do testing all the time.
It's not like an awful thing to do.
There's testing to get into Harvard.
If you don't score high enough on this test, you don't get in, right?
It's weird when we want you to be bad.
Yeah.
Being good, it's like, oh, this is an achievement.
Because you want it to be a meritocracy, especially when it comes to policing, which is like involves our safety.
That's why it's like, well, you don't want the best?
What the fuck?
The best and the brightest is the idea behind everything.
What is the best?
That's the thing.
Maybe they've figured out that the best is actually not some smart dude who's going to go, I don't like walking down the fucking streets every single day.
I want to read engineering papers and do something else with my time.
No, I think they're saying, what are the people who are going to stay?
It's not about whether they're the best or not.
I think the people who score high, they're probably great cops, but they're just like, hey, I don't.
What I'm trying to say is that being the part of being the best is staying.
Because if you are the best and leave, you're zero.
Yeah, you're the best.
Gotcha.
Yeah, but we tie in intelligence to it because what do they say, the best and the brightest?
It's like that, that's the colloquialism you.
Well, I want the best and the brightest.
We kind of tie those two together.
So when we're removing the brightest, we're like, well, then they can't be the best.
You see what I'm saying?
Inside, in here, we're like, well, then they're not the best if they're not the brightest.
Wrong to discriminate based on intelligence the other way or a lack of intelligence.
It's okay to discriminate based on a lack of intelligence, meaning this is how you get a job, this is how you get in school, this is how you become part of, I think they decide which section of your branch of the military you go in.
Like if you score really high, they're like, oh, we need you to be in the what is it called?
Intelligence.
Intelligence sector, whatever.
So is it, if that's okay, why is it wrong to discriminate based on too high intellect?
Why is it wrong to be like, oh, so you scored too high on this test?
If it's okay to do it with people that score low, why can't we do it with people who score high?
I think the assumption is that the threshold is that if you're past the point, you could go down.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, you're too smart to be a garbage man.
It's like you would do it the inverse way because you're not smart enough to do a hard job, but if you are smart, you can do an easier job.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I have the skill set.
But what if they've proven, or some economist that did this study, proves that like they actually can't?
Right.
But they need more stimulus.
And because they need more stimulus for whatever reason, they do the job worse.
That would be counterintuitive.
And so most people, they're like, yeah, it's wrong that you can't go down.
So we're just looking at that as like laymans, but the reality is if you do the research, they actually do a worse job.
If that's what it's like, companies will say you're overqualified for this job.
And they're like, people will be like, what are you fucking talking about?
I'm overqualified.
The company's like, well, this is the best.
We need people that have these qualifications because you're going to get bored with it.
It's the same idea.
But that guy's like, yo, I need a fucking job.
I will do this, I promise.
And to that guy, it's like, I can't eat because I'm too good.
Yeah.
I can't feed my family because I'm too good.
But we're looking at it as good.
You're not good enough for the job.
The good IQ range right here is what is good for the job.
And you're IQ.
Exactly.
It's the person who's going to stay.
The person's going to enjoy, I guess, their job.
And the person's going to put that love and affection into it.
And I guess they see it this IQ range, they think they're over it.
I guess the part that's in Congress is like they're talking about your long-term desire to stay at this job.
And that smart person's short-term desire is like, yo, no, my desire is, I want to be here.
You're telling me I won't want to.
I'm telling you, I do.
So we side with that person.
We're like, yo, he wants to be here.
What are you talking about based on probabilities he won't?
Bro, I wonder if like they see this happening with cops where, okay, you're a cop, you're in a position of power, right?
And authority.
And the smart cops start realizing, oh, with my power and authority, I could probably do some other businesses that somewhat rely on this power and authority.
Okay, I could probably do personal protection for people on my time off.
And I think maybe some in New York, I don't know if they allow the cops to do that on the side.
Like, I don't know if you're allowed to be like a private security.
Once you're retired, once you retire, you can, but not during.
So then I wonder if some of the cops are like, all right, well, what I'll do is I'll have a private security agency where I have all my retired buddies all working for me doing private security.
And now you got four or five, six other hustles going on while you're a cop.
And if you're the chief, you're like, all right, this guy's stretched thin because he's already working 40 hours a week on this other stuff.
He's sleeping on the job or he's not taking his shit that seriously.
He's not chasing that perp because he's got all these other things that are making him the real money.
I wonder if that's where things are going.
You're like, okay, these really ambitious and industrious people aren't going to take this job seriously.
And we really need them to take it seriously.
I like the idea of discriminating based on intelligence.
Being too smart.
I like that.
You've done it with women your whole life besides the one you're with now.
This is the first smart woman you dated.
You discriminate on intelligence for your whole life.
Think about that.
You see, shifty, that's why you get engaged.
Sifty not even here.
I'm so tired.
I was looking into that like that was my single like he was there.
That's my single.
I was looking the wrong ass side for my single.
Wow.
That is impressive.
You were telling me you weren't looking at Shifty?
No, I was thinking his camera was going to be on me and he's not even there.
And I saw he wasn't there and I was like, but I'm still looking there.
It'll move.
It'll move.
That's all right.
It's impressive.
I don't even know what's happening.
We might need to do age limits for the pod.
We might, honestly.
We might need to have an age cut off for this show.
Okay.
Can we discuss this latest Dylan Dannis and Logan Paul situation?
Yeah, have things escalated?
I mean, it seems that people really want Logan's fiancé to be having sex on camera because a video went out of allegedly her blowing this dude.
Identifying the Real Morgan00:02:44
And I think it pretty quickly is determined that it's not her.
Yeah, the woman in the video has tattoos that she does not have to.
It wasn't that quick to determine that.
You had to watch it a couple times.
Is that what you did?
Yeah.
Yo, the dude does a fire move in the video where she's one hand in it and he grabs her.
No, he grabs her other hand and he puts it on it.
Oh, I thought you the other part.
Nah, he was like, yo, you need help.
And just takes it and then she double hands it.
And it was just, I was like, yo, that's fire, bro.
That is a good movie.
Dude had a hog on him, though.
He did?
He had a hog on him.
You saw the video without the emoji?
Yeah.
I sent that to the group.
No, you didn't sent that to me.
I sent it to the group.
You did.
It's like two minutes and something seconds.
Dude goes from a good like four inches to a hog.
Oh, so she stiffens him up.
Yeah, okay.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break real quick because look, getting wrongfully injured sucks.
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Let's get back to the show.
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I think you know what's coming.
Buying Bitcoin After Hype00:05:47
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What percent has your portfolio gone down?
I feel like it's not that much considering you're still married.
But like, is it?
I was mainly in Bitcoin, and then I put smaller bets on.
And this is actually based on what he told me.
He was like, I think we should get the other.
There's no other.
Don't put this on.
No, my specialism.
You was already buying all these other weird-ass coins, and you were talking to these specialists and shit.
Yeah, the first coin I bought was one alt.
I had one alt, and that went up like 10x.
You bought me alt.
I know, because you were like, I feel like that's where we can.
No, you bought it for my birthday.
Yeah.
Well, after.
Well, after.
No, it was not your wedding.
It was for your wedding.
It was for your wedding.
This is on you, bro.
I can't believe you.
We can find these texts from 2015.
I cannot believe this.
Come on, dude.
Find these.
I will.
Find these.
How are we going to play Pat on the Hamptons with this type of financial advice, Andrew?
You're putting us so far away from the dream.
Bro, I'm not a.
Listen, I'm more competitive than I am smart.
And the idea of Akash getting rich without me getting rich really infuriated me.
So I decided to sink my ship too.
We were either going to sail away to being billionaires together or we were both going to be broke.
And listen, we chose to sink.
It is what it is.
It is what it is.
Bitcoin is still going to roar back.
Last time Pop was on the podcast, he had sweatpants and a shirt with a mustard stain on it.
So things are probably going well.
Do you know what I mean?
Because he's so casual.
He's a casual guy.
He's a casual guy.
He took a bus here.
He had a mega bus ticket in his pocket that fell out when he got up.
Things are going to be okay.
Bitcoin forever from Miami.
We love you.
From Miami.
He took a bus.
He doesn't live in Miami anymore.
He lives in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Yes, he had to move.
He had to move.
Oh, damn.
Pray for Pop.
They don't like him in the streets.
Bro, can I tell you something, though?
This is how you know.
Like, he really should be CIA because he's so charismatic that I still like him, despite him convincing me to get into this.
I still love you, Pomp.
I believe.
You have to.
You have to.
What is that?
Because you're already a made man.
23 MCAT right now.
Like, you have to believe because you're invested so much in it.
So, of course, you want it to be real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's your religion.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah.
But it's going to come back.
Yeah, I would believe that too if I was you.
I was right about it.
I've been Christians of the same for years, dude.
Yeah.
Literally, that exact sentence.
It's coming back.
It's coming back.
Do you see how being pop committed makes you want to believe that?
No, I said I see what you're saying, but I'm still right.
About what?
I was right about the cops.
I was right about flying cars, reincarnation.
Al, you with me on that one?
I'd be right here.
I'd be right randomly.
Don't make no sense.
One of the things.
I'd be right.
I'd be right randomly.
I'd be right randomly.
It don't make no sense.
I just be throwing things out there that I hear from people.
And I'm right.
And I'm going to be right about Bitcoin.
All right.
I hope you are.
You don't even got enough to give a fuck.
I think I do.
Okay.
You got a hard drive?
I said, you got your hard drive.
Yeah, the hard drive.
Just to buy one at 60 and where it went to, he should give a fuck.
Where's it at now?
30?
27, 57.
You should give it a 20.
It was 30 to losing 30,000 pounds.
No, but I bought a few.
I just bought one.
I bought them literally at the high.
I bought one at like 65 or something like that.
And the next day, or within two days, it dropped.
Then I bought another one at like 45.
I was like, can't go lower than this.
It dropped.
Then I bought another one at like 35 or something.
I was like, there's no way it can go lower than this.
It hit 19.
The actual high is 65.
Yeah, I bought it two days before the actual peak of Bitcoin.
You want to know when he bought it?
Go to the chart and then go to when it goes down that day.
If you want to know how to not invest, just follow me.
Just follow me.
Just follow me.
It's very simple.
Oh, man.
I am hype beast.
I bought Bitcoin after the hype, and I knew everything people were saying to me was absolute bullshit.
It's the same thing as the U.S. dollar.
No, it's not.
Okay?
Because they don't have curly-haired, Egyptian-looking motherfuckers named Busta Monte going into your country, shooting your prime ministers or whatever, because American dollars matter.
Yeah.
That's what we need.
That's what Bitcoin needs.
Yes.
You need to get a Persian-looking motherfucker like him to overthrow the Shah.
That's what we need.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes that needs to happen.
Yeah.
Send the boys.
Send the boys.
Ain't no boys protecting Bitcoin.
You ain't got no boys.
That pump.
Aliens Watching Us Cry00:12:01
You could be the army.
You could start the Bitcoin army, dude.
You could be the face of all.
You could be the general.
Come on.
It's a tech army.
We could form a nice tech army.
Yeah.
Indians would be nice with a tech army.
We got this.
Son, India is massive.
You don't think Indians were catching bodies back in the day?
The Indian Empire?
Yeah.
Of course.
But most of the other Indians.
What do you mean?
They were killing a lot of Indians.
That's the problem.
Well, they were just killing people.
They weren't called Indians yet.
But they were all around each other.
They're all just killing each other.
We called them Indians.
They just called them people.
They didn't know they were Indian until we got there.
They thought they were people?
It's shocking.
Is that what you're trying to tell me?
It's fucking shocking, honestly.
History is a crazy question.
Dude, imagine showing up somewhere and be like, yep, you guys are Indians.
And they're like, what?
We're just human beings.
We're like, no, humans live over there.
Dude, that's crazy.
Just running around naming people.
Oh, how much fun it used to be.
Yeah.
We can do it with aliens.
We could do it with aliens, though.
Yeah.
This alien shit.
Shit.
When we meet them, we can be like, you guys are aliens.
And they're going to look at us and be like, you guys are aliens.
Yeah, that's what's going to fuck us up.
When they say you guys are aliens, we're going to be like, what?
That's what y'all did.
We've been here the whole time.
Like, nah, you're aliens.
Oh, that's interesting.
So who gets to call who the alien?
The one whoever gets there.
Same thing with the same thing.
Whoever had the more advanced, just like y'all had the more advanced weaponry.
I'm not even taking shots.
Guns, drums, and steel.
They're going to have the guns, drums, and steel probably.
And then they're going to decide we're the aliens.
Well, no, no, because you're an alien if you enter someone else's territory.
So we would just be humans.
We'd just be people.
We'd just be whatever we are.
They would be the aliens.
They could be like.
Like illegal aliens.
Well, they would name you.
They would name us as winners because they're just like y'all named us Indians when you came over.
They're going to come over and name us.
Dude, what do their movies look like?
Indians?
They are awesome.
Aliens.
I quite like Indian food.
Jesus.
Aliens.
I'm just saying they got to have movies.
If we really do believe in aliens, they got to have movies.
They got to have stories.
They got to have TV shows.
And what do you think we look like in their TV shows?
If they have anime?
What are you talking about?
Somebody Asians?
No, that's Asian movies.
Those are Japanese films.
But you thought they were from Australia.
No, that was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
No, no, no.
They're from the live action movies starring Chris Lee.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but actual alien movies are probably fire.
Probably awesome.
If I had to bet.
I don't even think we would even understand them.
Who knows?
And we would probably look crazy because we assume aliens look weird.
What if that's just the outfit they're wearing?
We assume that they're naked.
You know what I mean?
We assume that their heads are all big.
They probably think that we have like big glass-shaped heads.
But it's actually just the helmet that we're wearing the whole time.
Keep going.
The real aliens are inside the alien, bro.
Just like we, they probably think that we're astronauts.
It's so funny when Mark describes these things and most people are watching and listening and they've the people watching and listening have seen movies before.
So what Mark is describing is in every movie.
But Mark hasn't seen movies.
So he thinks he's saying something.
He's going to start saying something.
What movie is that?
He's like, yo, what if we found a mosquito that was caught in some magma from dinosaur times?
And then we extracted the blood from that mosquito and then made fucking dinosaurs with it.
What if we did that?
That would actually be fire, though.
Dude, we got to pitch Mark on certain movie things and just not tell him.
Yeah.
This could be good.
That is sick, actually.
Dude, what's that?
One thing the scientists are thinking what they can do, but not what they should do.
Coming to Earth and just going to destroy Earth.
Instead of sending engineers up there, what we do is we send oil drillers.
I'm going to remind the people that the last time you told us about Armageddon.
You cried while you were explaining it.
Don't, don't do it.
I'd be emotional.
You've never seen a movie.
Bruce Willis got me.
Bruce Willis got me.
We're sitting in these exact scenes.
We're receiving permission to shake the hands of the bravest man I've ever met in my life.
He's getting damned now.
I've never heard of him.
I've been watching Maverick.
I've been watching Maverick.
I don't watch movies no more.
I watch the most banger scenes in Maverick.
Don't think, just do.
Hey, Maverick, don't think, just do.
Explain Armageddon to me, Andrew.
I've never seen it.
I can't, bro.
I'm going to break down.
Three minutes in, he goes.
I'm going to break down.
I'm going to break down.
Requesting permission to shake a hand of the bravest man I've ever met in my life.
He's the bravest man.
They drew straws.
Ben Affleck got the small straw.
Ripped his oxygen cord.
You care too much.
You got to care less about these things.
Bro, don't think, just do.
Don't think, just do.
Take care of my baby girl.
Take care of my baby girl.
No.
Y'all don't know.
I just wanted to know.
No, I don't know.
I just wanted to get a shot.
Steve Buscemi.
Fucking shit up.
What am I supposed to do?
Steve Boucevi.
Frank.
I shouted about the movie.
I just wanted to know what it was about generally.
Bro.
Do you want to know it's really about sacrifice?
It's about love.
It's about family.
It's about love.
It's about family, Mark.
The movie's really about love.
It's about family.
It's not even about what's going on.
I know what you're saying because they're not actually related.
So, Hardy, what are you saying?
It doesn't matter, bro.
Sometimes family's bigger than blood.
Sometimes family's bigger than blood.
It's about love.
You notice I've never asked you about a movie since that day?
Because I just sat here for 10 minutes awkwardly while you wept.
We will not go quietly into the night.
We will not vanish without a fight.
We're going to live on.
We're going to survive.
Today, we celebrate our Independence Day.
No, no.
Oh, shit.
Paul.
Talk about sacrificing that movie.
Is that brave?
Randy Quay, dog.
Randy motherfucking Quade.
What did he say?
What was the line?
Suck my dick, aliens, or something like that?
Come on, Paul.
How about Men in Black?
When Tommy Lee Jones retires, he goes, I'm going to miss this place.
What are you supposed to say?
No, you won't.
You won't.
Al crying right now.
I'll cry right now.
I'm like, I'm not good.
You know what the difference between you and me is?
I make this movie.
This looks good.
You remember Coco when he's singing to his grandma?
Shut up, Mark.
Shut the fuck up, Mark.
Al in his gay ass movies on a plane.
Three men always crying on a plane.
Who cries on a plane?
Who ever cries on a plane?
I would never do nothing like that.
Cry on a goddamn plane.
No, no one's ever watched the movie Lying on the Plane.
Blue Bayou got me on the plane.
Oh, my God.
That's periodic recommendation.
Oh, my.
I told you.
I already told the story I was crying while watching on someone else's TV.
So then, that's how you know it's one of the greatest movies of all time.
I'm watching on someone else's TV, weeping.
Watch that movie, The Enemy Rips Your Fucking Heart Out.
It's unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Weeping.
Unbelievable, dude.
Bro, that shit was crazy.
Oh, bro.
That shit was crazy.
I was so locked into the storyline, I couldn't even get it up on my own TV.
I couldn't even get because I was going to miss what the fuck was going on, and I didn't know where the TV is.
I almost tapped the motherfucker's screen to see where he was in the movie.
Bro, oh, Blue Bayou.
Go watch Blue Bayou.
Absolutely fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
I'm just saying, Mark, look what you're missing out on.
Yeah, it seems like a lot.
Look what you missed out.
You missed out on raw emotion.
This is why you're autistic.
Because you haven't experienced this raw emotion that we are autistic.
Say that?
Is he autistic?
He was autistic way before you autistic.
Oh, you are.
Actually, get gay.
He's like, this almost got in the way.
Yeah, he's like, actually, not too emotional to be autistic.
What are you talking about?
You were crying.
You're emotional.
You crying.
That one.
That one I was like, oh.
No, but you do have a lot of emotions.
Bro, I got to force it.
I got to force it.
I don't feel broken.
Six feet?
Six feet.
What?
Six feet?
Six feet, the five feet.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Whatever that little breathing movie that you watched.
Remember, you were crying about that?
What are you doing?
Remember the movie?
It's like, you got to be six feet away because my lungs don't work.
You're talking about COVID?
No, son.
Don't fuck you.
It's a movie.
You got lost on a plane.
We were going to like Hawaii or some shit, and you were watching this movie.
You were like, bro, he's weeping.
He turns to me.
He goes, You got to watch this movie.
Five feet.
It was Coco, bro.
No, it's the movie.
Five feet apart.
Oh, that shit.
Wait, hold on.
Not just it together.
Just sit together.
This one.
Oh, my God.
That movie kind of sucked.
It sucked.
That movie blew ass.
Oh, my God.
That movie blew ass.
Son, son, son, son.
Cole Springs.
I got fucking Cole Springs.
Blue ass.
I got it.
He cried a sweet life on this movie right here.
Blue ass, bro.
Yo, you wouldn't know about the sweet life.
You fucking.
Exactly.
This is the one, right?
Blue ass.
That's the one.
It's not the one.
I won't even compare that to Coco.
I can't even trust your Coco recommendation after saying that that's the same.
Nah, Coco.
Come on.
That's Coco.
Coco.
Coco might be the GOAT Pixar or whatever.
Come on, stop it.
You can't.
Might be.
I mean, honestly, stop it.
Honestly, it's just out of nowhere.
I just fucking remember me.
So, yeah, I gotta watch the movies and try to take the edge off the movie.
That hit me right there.
That shit hit me.
You can sing on it.
That shit hit me.
Mark.
You gotta watch.
Oh, God.
I'm trying to think of a kid.
You haven't seen The Godfather.
Yeah, that's gonna be on the slate.
That's not gonna make you cry, though.
No, it's fire.
I've seen a really good show this past weekend.
Hijack.
Oh, yeah, the Andrew's elbow joint.
Yeah.
Phenomenal.
Yeah.
Great movie.
Check it out.
Record for a dream, apparently, is good.
You're not gonna cry.
It's just great filmmaking.
Aronofsky's a beast.
Cry movies.
What's gonna make me cry?
What if I had to give it a?
I told you the motherfucking misfits that go to the moving stare asteroid and they gotta blow it up, but they can't because they landed in the wrong section.
This section is the hardest material ever.
Nobody could drill through it except Bruce Willis at the magic.
Come on, bro.
Nobody could drill through that substance.
It's pure titanium alloy.
What?
Bro, it's pure.
Steve Busceme is doing all the calculations.
Bobbles?
Yes.
And then he gets altitude sickness and starts to shoot everybody with a machine gun.
You brought a gun up here?
What is wrong with you?
You really see this movie.
It's not a detail you know about this.
It was baby Titanium Alloy.
I knew you saw it recently.
I'm on the last time.
You saw it recently.
It's an Irish day that they blew the landing by at least three miles.
When did you see it?
When did you last see this?
Honestly, within three months.
I showed it to my wife, and I was like, you better cry at this.
Or don't you hate the horror, but we all knew the stakes.
Don't you hate having to show movies to your wife when you were like 15 and be like, look, you're telling you young to have seen this?
You too young to have seen this movie from when I was going into high school.
It's in black and white.
She's like, what?
She's nine years younger than me.
She don't know.
Charlie Chaplin trying to explain French Prince to her and shit.
You didn't know.
We love that show.
You don't get it.
I'm trying to do swingers over.
I'm trying to show her.
Swingers not happening.
Not happening.
That movie was fire.
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, man.
That's one of the greatest movies ever.
Swingers.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Austin, Texas.
There's a few tickets left to come see me and Derek Poston this Thursday at 7 p.m.
Just to come see us do stand-up comedy.
Nothing else.
No other interactions are going to take place.
It's just going to be me and Derek telling jokes, connecting with other human beings.
And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
But hey, if you're not in Austin, maybe you're in Canada.
Maybe you're in Toronto, Canada.
Swingers Movie Paranoia00:11:19
I'm sorry, what was that?
I'm just saying they could theoretically give you oral sex at these shows if they wanted.
No.
They could just buy a ticket and see if you feel like doing it or not.
I have a wife, and a lot of the people that come out to the shows are men.
And so it's not cheating if it's a man, I don't think.
Toronto, on September 28th, you can come see me and Derek at the comedy bar in Daniel.
You know, you guys let us suck dick.
Maybe Toronto, I would consider it.
Maybe in Toronto, I would consider it.
We'd have to see what kind of men are coming to the show.
Toronto's cold.
You know what's warm?
That mouth.
I think you're saying, my dad, they're going to give it up to me.
All right.
In Toronto, the 28th, you can come see us.
Or in Austin, Texas, this Thursday on the 7th.
It's a late show.
Vulcan gas company.
We're going to have a bunch of people tapping in.
I'm telling you, it's a lot of going to be a lot of cool people, a lot of famous comedians, a lot of good comedians coming too as well.
I'll see you guys there.
I can't wait.
Open-mouthed.
Anyway, I wonder how much longer I can linger this date read.
I wonder if people have even skipped.
You know, who else lingers?
People that might want to suck your dick after a comedy show.
This idea is starting to grow on me.
You know what else grows?
Back to the show.
The YouTuber, FusiTube.
Yes.
Has been arrested and hospitalized.
Yes.
It's very sad.
Yeah, bro.
This was sad to watch, I felt.
It's just so entertaining.
It's unbelievable.
It's crazy.
Why is it sad to watch?
Just watching this guy fall apart.
Who's this guy?
So he's a very popular YouTuber that then became a very popular streamer/slash YouTuber and has recently been doing a sub-athon where he's just streaming non-stop.
You've probably seen clips of him.
They've been popping up everywhere.
Car crash, car crash, car crash.
Car crash.
Let's put it the best way.
Like every single interaction he's having with people on the sub-athon is just how do I turn this into a train wreck.
So, and then so my question is, why do you feel bad for somebody who's intentionally trying to do this?
Because people have started to suspect that he is just truly going insane.
Yeah.
That he's having like a mental health crisis.
And as a result, he was baker acted in Miami where he was doing a sub-athon and was arrested live on camera.
I feel like you have to be sane at some level to like, ah, every interaction, let me make it a moment.
So this is what he was eventually arrested for.
So basically, he calls 911 and tells him that he's in a hostage situation.
He has a gun to his head, even though that wasn't the case.
After spending some time convincing the dispatcher that his life was indeed in danger, four police officers showed up to his hotel room.
Then he claimed that his mother was in danger and someone was calling and threatening her.
And then he's been talking about that he has a stalker, that people are following him.
He's been like displaying signs of paranoia.
He's just like making up shit.
Well, there's also another streamer that does is talking to him and is calling him and telling him, like, I know where you're at, yada, yada, like, da-da-da-da-da.
So then he calls and he says, I'm going to ruin your life.
Like he calls the cops on himself in a weird way.
It's hard to tell what's real and what's not.
And it's just exaggerated to get the cops there quicker.
Yes, very much so.
I think you got to look at it like this.
It's like in the streaming world, the currency is really the amount of people that are watching your stream, right?
So it's like, how do you maintain those people watching?
So it's like, it's you have 10,000 people watching.
How do you make sure those 10,000 people don't tune out?
You have to have a car crash every single second.
And what he was doing is, I think he was doing like a live stream throughout the entire day.
So he would just be filming himself constantly.
Multiple days.
IRL live stream.
There's not a few of these guys doing that.
Yeah.
Aiden Ross is one of them.
Ty became the biggest doing the sub-athon, though.
Yes.
So he's doing a sub-author also streaming non-stop.
So I would see like people would clip his stuff and they put it up on Instagram.
They put it up on YouTube, et cetera.
So I'd see all these fucking clips.
And there's no question it was so unbelievably entertaining.
I mean, like every single fucking moment.
And granted, I'm seeing the clips.
So I'm seeing the most wild shit.
But it's just every interaction is heated emotional response to every single thing.
It's like the reason why I laugh so much at Dove when we're just hanging out is everything is at the 10 with the emotional reaction.
You leave a cup out here with some juice in it.
You don't throw it away.
He doesn't come to you at a five, like, hey, can you throw away your cup?
It's, I'm not going to call the cleaning lady at all until everybody agrees to clean up their cups.
This is fucking ridiculous.
We're going to get roaches.
We're going to get bugs.
I'm going to get some sort of disease.
I won't be able to see my family.
I'll never be able to see my family again.
And that is this guy on a million on every single interaction.
Yeah.
And he is producing it day after day after day.
Now, I don't know what it takes in order to give that type of energy.
Do you need a substance?
Do you naturally produce that?
And you need a substance to take you down.
Like some people who are manic can naturally produce those moments.
But the cost is eventually you have to pay that debt, right?
You're taking a debt.
I assume either substance or mental illness to keep it going at that high of a level at all times.
It's interesting.
Like, if I know, if he knows that there's a reward to these interactions, it's like, hey, I just got to act up.
Like, to me, that's the most sane.
If you know, oh, I just got to yell and be erratic every time.
Most sane people still have a lot.
No, no, no.
Like, if you walked around naked all over Times Square and did a cell-a-thon, you know, you could get whatever the fuck, make millions.
You're not going to do it.
Yeah, but that's the thing.
Now we're talking about like where people's morals are and what they're willing to do to I would say it's not just morals, there's also sanity involved.
I think that I think there's enough sanity that he's aware.
And I think that there.
This is the same guy who thinks you never got the flu ever in your life and you just missed days.
Well, well.
That's a good ass point.
I mean, let me finish.
I might get away.
I'm doubting my book.
There is enough sanity where he's aware of what leads to the success.
And then there is enough, I don't want to call it insanity, but there is he's missing enough of something that allows him to be way more shameless than the average person would.
Now, does he get there with drugs?
Does he get there with some sort of mental illness?
How does he get there?
I don't know.
But the average person would feel some sort of shame in the situations that he's putting himself in.
And maybe when he's sane, he doesn't feel that shame.
Or maybe when he's not on a drug, he doesn't feel that shame.
Or maybe when he is taking his meds, he doesn't feel that shame.
But I think that naturally as human beings, behaving in a way that would ostracize the group usually evokes some sort of like uneasy disposition in ourselves, right?
That's why we feel guilt.
That's why we feel awkwardness.
That's why we feel discomfort.
Right.
And it's appearing as if he doesn't feel it.
And that's why it's so hard to look away because you're like, how could someone be so comfortable in this situation that would make me feel so desperately uncomfortable?
And for a streamer, that is perfection because I can't take my eyes away from the guy doing the thing that I would never want to do.
Yeah.
In a purely objective sense, entertainment only.
I mean, it is.
If you look at Speed, he's incredibly good at this as well, you know, like barking at somebody.
Now, he's aware.
He's aware of what he's doing.
I believe at least he's aware of what he's doing.
But he also knows that if I behave in a way that isn't congruent to just normal social practices, it's going to draw eyeballs.
And what's interesting about him is that now people expect that behavior.
So it reduces the awkwardness.
It was more awkward in the beginning, right?
When people thought that he was just this absolute maniac.
Now they're like, hey, you do that funny thing where you act in like an awkward way.
Can you do that?
So I wonder if now it's even easier for him to play up the character because the expectation is set.
Now you're not being awkward.
You're being speed.
And we love it when you do that.
So could this be like a situation where Fauci's Fauci or Fauci?
Fousey.
Fousey, sorry.
He's trying to find his line.
Yeah, Fauci was accused of similar behavior.
I mean, but is he trying to find his line?
He's six feet away from everybody with a mask on.
Do you remember when he had that mental episode where he told everyone two weeks to fly on the curve?
Remember that when he had this breakdown in DC?
But do you think he's maybe trying to find his line like how speed has?
The character and the insanity are all in one at this point.
I think maybe that's the point.
And he's been an online personality for a while.
But that's the thing.
Didn't he have a lot of success and then went away for a while?
And now he's trying to gain it back and he doesn't really know how to gain it back.
And then he's like, oh, this is working.
Let me lean in.
I think that I think I would say the one difference between like him and like a speed is it's very evident that speed is behaving in a manner that is not congruent with normal practices for human beings.
And Fousey, it doesn't seem like he's aware of it.
Yeah.
Whether he is or not is left to be known, right?
Like we have a conversation with him and if he goes, yeah, dude, I was just running it up.
It was crazy.
Like everybody was watching.
I took over the fucking internet in five days.
So I had to keep on taking it to another level.
It's like an OnlyFans girl.
You start by showing it titties and then three months later, in order to keep the OnlyFans, you're getting fucked in your ass.
So starting out with one thing and heightening it, heightening it, heightening it.
So maybe he has that conversation with us.
But for Speed, for me, at least whenever I've watched some stuff, I'm always like, oh, this guy knows that this is ridiculous.
And if we're off camera, he'd be like, dude, I'm just going to dive into my laptop because it's such a ridiculous thing to do.
I think people will just laugh and clip about it.
And that's what I thought.
I also think Speed wouldn't.
That's who you thought he would.
That's what I thought.
I also think Speed wouldn't do a 30-day sub-a-thon all the time because he turns it on and off.
He picks his spots.
He's not doing that all the time.
And he, you know what I mean?
Like, as a sane person, he's going to be really quiet when he's not.
Speed's numbers are up.
So he maybe doesn't have the need to do a subathon.
Fouzi's trying to get his shit back, right?
I think even, I don't think Speed would do a sub-athon because he just.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's similar.
You can just watch the video.
It seems very like he's not aware that he's maybe in a mental health crisis.
Yeah.
Is he acting crazy or is he crazy?
And it's hard to discern.
And that's what the police arrested him for.
Basically, to figure that out, and that's also why he's so incredible at it because you don't know.
Like, you're like, fuck, am I watching somebody who's crazy or am I watching the greatest magician ever?
And the cops have showed up to speed before, and the cameras go off, and I'm sure speed is like, yo, I'm doing a thing.
Sorry, I'll cool off.
And then he doesn't get arrested.
But the fact that he got arrested is like, oh, he never turned the act off, which means it's not an act.
I think the act was different.
Like, he called the cops saying somebody is holding a gun to my head.
That's a false, whatever.
Like, that's actually a crime.
So they had to.
But when the cops show up, he doesn't calm down and go, no, guys, you don't.
He just is fully still in the moment.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But it's really the fact that I think one way and you guys think another way is like.
This is why you can't stop watching.
You just can't stop watching.
Now, the question is: Yeah.
If you live in New York, you can watch this for free.
You don't even have to stream it.
You can just go on the train.
False Gun Threat Call00:14:42
Don't you ever disrespect me.
How does that make it crazy?
They're saying it's the most entertaining city for what you're doing.
Just making sure.
Go to the Lower East Side, 3 a.m. and just hang out.
And you will see a thousand foosies.
Now it does.
Bowery J. Bro, I bought a knife.
Did you really?
Yeah.
What would you do about that?
Stop it.
Tomatoes.
A woman comes up to me and tries to harass me on the street.
What if a woman tries to bump into me?
You don't think that what would you do with the knife?
I mean that sincerely.
Listen, we're on the train.
Go ahead.
He just wants to show it.
No?
I don't even think that.
I don't even think he would show it.
He'd be like, tell us a story.
Can I suggest something else?
I wanted to take out my knife.
No, no, no.
Can I suggest something else with not a knife?
Mace?
Mace.
You're a mace.
Yo, this guy's incredible.
You are a white.
Mace guy.
I'm not a mace guy, bro.
I'm a sword fire.
Oh, you're a mace guy.
Yo, say that to my face, bro.
Oh, shit.
See how long it took that to my face.
Already.
In that time, I would have done that he took you down.
No, that don't even scare me.
It looks like that little pairs with that thing.
Yeah.
Couldn't cut a pair of stuff.
He's skinned an apple with nothing.
That's not doing no damage.
What do you mean?
That's a hint.
He really looked it up because he knows like four inches is anything longer than it is.
I'm going to make sure it's legal.
If I get a knife, I'm going to get a knife legal.
I'm not a criminal.
I'm trying to stop criminals.
I'm bad.
I'm doing nothing.
That's just a mace.
I know it's embarrassing because it's for like women or whatever, but it is the most effective tool for protecting yourself.
Thank God cargo shorts are in, dude.
I'm going to carry so many pockets.
I'm going to carry all the self-defense equipment.
I got a knife.
I got a little bullshit.
Like, I think the thing about having a knife, which is so terrifying, is by defending yourself.
Yeah, it's like shooting someone's action.
Shooting someone's easy.
It's easier to shoot than stab.
But if I have to do that, you're carrying this for no.
If I have to do that to protect myself, and then they're going to come at you, and you're going to be like, dog, you got me.
Distance six feet away with mace.
Bah.
Bro, second of all, they're coming at you.
And if you're not willing to gut them, they're getting that knife from you.
And you're getting stuck before you brought out the knife.
You're just getting beat up, getting your wallet taken.
It's not a sharp knife.
This is Charleston White's greatest service to humanity is letting men use mace.
That's the best thing he's done.
Mace.
That's actually a good idea.
Have a fake knife, pretend to drop it.
Mace.
He grabs the fake knife.
And then when he stabs me, it actually has a blade.
Just get mace that looks like a knife.
Yeah, I mean, just get a mace can that looks like a knife, so you feel like that's in a bitch.
Or mace little buttons.
They must have gun mace where it looks like a gun, but it's actually mace.
That'd actually be so sick, dude.
Yeah, it is.
Then everyone wins.
That sounds kind of hard.
I like it.
Someone write that down.
I like that.
Edit that from the pod.
That's actually kind of fire.
That is fire.
But that's going to get so many people killed.
Yeah.
Because you're going to pull out your mace gun and the other person's going to be like, oh, shit, he got a gun?
Gonna pull out my gun and then he's gonna shoot.
But if you shoot first, that motherfucker not getting his real gun.
He won't be able to see.
Oh, they already made my idea.
Fucking hacks.
Dad.
That's nah, but when I see the orange shit, I know that.
Well, no, no, no.
Yeah, but then you still get to take out this one.
If I see that, I know it's nothing.
You talk about a flare gun.
I'm 100% scary.
You think a flag's gonna pop out?
What do you mean?
That's a gun.
That's a gun.
That's just stupid.
I'm not fair.
You're not afraid of that?
No, no.
You are so looks like you're stranded on an island.
You want a fucking plane to come rescue you.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
Like, if you pull that out, someone pulls that on you on the train.
You're not a little afraid.
At first, put second at least, bro.
You should have pulled it.
And you got, here's the thing with Mace, you just shoot right away.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
You pull it out.
You got it.
You got to spray.
Yeah, this is not.
You got to let your shit off.
Because you're not killing them.
You're just burning their eyes.
I don't think you got to let it out.
You got to.
You have to.
Why not?
The reason why you don't have to is I think displaying it if that person has been maced before they're not coming near you if they haven't They've seen videos of people getting maced and they're on the ground water in the eyes etc.
I think showing the mace is gonna be very similar to gun that knife.
Shit, you're fucked, you're fucked.
I don't even talk about this mace gun.
But okay, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, bro.
So this is what you mean, if he takes this out, you gotta use it, because if they got a gun, you're dead.
Oh, that is what you mean.
Yes 100, 100.
Yeah no, I agree, and just use it.
Anyway, you're not gonna kill them, you're just gonna burn their eyes.
You can't open a box with this.
So it's like.
You know, I have something in LA, the taser pulse, the one that shoots out the little prongs.
Don't sleep on a box cutter, bro.
That taser took down the American government for a couple days.
Middle East one with a box cutter.
I feel like you guys are not giving that enough credit.
What is yourself?
On September 12th they had a throw all ours out.
Motherfuckers are coming looking for him at our house.
Really nah, but it sounded funny.
You don't remember when they said the dispatch team to go to Indian house?
He had so much trouble in school because of this 9-11?
Shit bro hell yeah, believe it.
Nah bro, he's been lying.
I went to school in Texas trying to get sympathy.
Dude, this guy don't even remember 91.
Remember when you were making that clock in school and they got so upset about that yo, that was such a funny ass.
And then people were so scared to be like yeah, it's weird, my man's making a tick, tock right when everybody says you're wrong.
I remember Andrew being like kick him out.
Yo, this kid and I was.
I was like and read your fucking mind.
And then he, he was on Twitter, yarn everybody.
So I texted him like what the fuck are you doing, man?
And then he sent me a picture of this and I was like yeah, you got that one.
Teachers were being polite to that little crazy motherfucker and you know what happened.
His, his family got a whole bunch of money in the lawsuit and then they moved to Qatar or some shit.
Yeah, they milked it brother, they milked it.
They milked that whole family.
That kid.
That's your clock.
Get out of here, bum.
And what time?
What time is it, bro?
He just tell me what time it is right now.
He pulled apart a clock and then just put it together like that.
It's not like he built it from scratch.
He deconstructed.
How'd you guys do your science experiment?
It wasn't a science experiment.
Nobody asked him Make the fucking clock.
Oh, he just came to school, like, yo, look what I got.
This TikTok shit.
One of the teachers was like, hey, the system then.
I'll say, I'm big enough.
One teacher came up to him and was like, yo, people are going to think that you got a bomb, even though I know you don't got a bomb.
And the kid was like, oh, no.
Exactly.
He's like, yeah.
Also, a science experiment, like for school, has to have hypothesis.
What's his hypothesis?
I bet if I build some shit that looked like a bomb, I'm going to get to go to Harvard.
Also, one of his parents had already sued for discrimination before Terrence.
It was a whole lot of experience.
It was a sane experience.
It was a social science experiment.
I actually kind of like this kid's parents.
I'm not going to fuck this kid, but fuck this kid's parents.
I like the whole family.
I like the family.
They're just like, yo, they getting over on the system.
They know what this is going to do.
Y'all going to overreact.
Boom.
We get a nice pay.
Ahmed Muhammad.
And we out.
How the fuck you name your kid Ahmed Muhammad?
That's already suspicious.
You need that.
Ahmed Muhammad.
Come on.
On September 14th.
Two first names.
Oh, if they did it on 11th, that would have been fire.
He was arrested on September 14th.
That was the day that he did it, though, right?
Okay, yeah.
Hold on, let me do the math here.
14th is Monday.
13th is Sunday.
12th is Saturday.
11th is Friday.
He could have done it on Friday.
Could have done it on Friday.
To his credit, you know, he finished building his fake clock.
I mean, that's crazy.
All right, what else we got, Marquiti?
I mean, that is crazy.
What else we got?
Oh, there was a plane that got diverted.
Oh, I thought you were talking about the gender reveal.
Oh, that video?
That video is crazy.
That one is crazy.
That video is crazy.
Do you want me to talk about that one?
Yo, you got to see this shit.
Oh, fuck me.
It's a girl.
Celebrating and shit.
But then they keep on celebrating.
That's the craziest part.
Son, how do the wings snap floppy?
I mean, didn't what happened there?
Pilot died.
One of you nerds explained this shit to me.
What the fuck, bro?
Miles.
I think he just pulled some G's too hard, bro.
Oh.
So he's coming down.
And he does an immediate pull-up.
He pulls up.
He said, You ready?
He's going to shake the hand.
And that was it.
Yeah.
Wow, dude.
What the fuck?
That shit just, that's like a paper plane.
Yeah.
It kind of looked like he could have landed it, though.
He died?
Yeah, he unfortunately passed away at the hospital.
That sucks.
But also, it's like, enough with these gender reveals, bro.
This is a lot.
This one is a lot.
Nah, I mean, I feel like people that were doing shit like this almost wanted to go wrong to have a viral moment.
Like, we've seen enough that if you're still doing this, you're a dickhead.
Yeah.
Forest fires.
I mean, like, how many people need to die at these gender reveals?
One life causes that many deaths.
That's crazy.
Yo, what was the forest fire one?
What was that?
Somebody did a gender reveal that had like fireworks or something like that.
Massive fire.
There's multiple.
There was another one, too.
That was a separate fire incident.
Yeah.
Cut the fucking cake.
See what the color icing is.
I have a cute, intimate thing with your family, right?
Yeah.
Losers?
There's also another plane crash in Mexico that was a gender reveal in 2021.
Get out of here.
Killed the pilot and the co-pilot.
I'm telling you, you're doing it at this point.
You're doing it on purpose.
You want some shit to go wrong.
That's why they were celebrating.
They probably want a son.
It's a Mexican family.
They wanted a daughter.
Get out of here.
I was just for one second.
I'm just saying that.
It was because it's a girl.
She can't even be trans if she wants to, bro.
It's like, you know what I mean?
Someone died for you to be a girl.
You better stay that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Fuck.
Or the fact that I'm a girl killed somebody, so I have to be.
Oh.
Do you think the pilot saw his girl?
He was like, fuck.
Another fucking bitch in this place.
Yeah, man.
That's fucking crazy.
All right, one more, and then we got to get out of here.
R.I.P. Pilot, that sucks.
R.I.P. The other plane story is crazy.
Yeah, which one?
The diarrhea guy?
Yeah, the diarrhea diversion.
Hijacked, hijacked.
Fire.
It kind of got hijacked.
This guy flying from Atlanta to Spain, transatlantic flight.
Out of Atlanta.
And like an hour into the flight, they have to turn around because there's a passenger on a flight with explosive diarrhea that has basically created a biohazard on the flight.
If you go to Spain and something, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I was immediately pouring coffee down the fucking depositing diarrhea around the plane became a biohazard.
They had to turn around.
So he was just shitting outside of the bathroom.
It's not exactly confirmed, but people are thinking that he destroyed the bathroom, shit all over the bathroom, part of it leaking out the bottom.
And then as he's going back and forth to the seat, he's eventually dropping shit throughout the plane in certain spots, is what people are claiming through the New York Post.
He got the reverse.
He's foosy shit.
Like, that's crazy.
Yeah.
That's legit crazy.
But also, maybe he's just his tummy hurts.
This crazy motherfucker keeps it in the bathroom at least.
Yeah, I can hit the ball.
That's an option.
But his tummy didn't hurt that bad.
It hurt pretty bad.
But you never shit on the ground, though, because it hurt that bad.
I have shit on the ground.
That's my point.
So you've had really, really bad, and you've had very bad where your tummy hurts, but you keep it.
Well, you don't need to shit on the ground if the toilet's right there.
Yeah.
Yeah, but what if it's a little far away?
You got to get over people and you have explosive diarrhea.
No, you just go to the toilet and you shit there.
But that's my point.
You've never had explosive diarrhea.
I don't think this is real.
I do.
I don't think that's real.
According to the pilot, it says there was feces all over the aircraft.
Not possible.
Yeah, this is a crazy person and he was going crazy.
Yeah, this is.
Or maybe it was a monkey.
Don't shoot around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't do it.
Come on.
It's disgusting.
Yeah.
That's disgusting.
Why?
Wow.
Chimpanzee, my bad.
It's really disgusting.
My bad.
Dad was very insensitive to monkeys.
All that to say, explosive diarrhea is a real thing.
I acknowledge that it's real.
Unlike you, that's denying that it's a explosive diarrhea denier.
Is that what you're saying?
I've had explosive diarrhea where I couldn't wait.
I couldn't hold it.
And it happened.
And it got all over me.
Where?
At a soccer game.
You were just nervous.
No.
He was in the middle of the day.
Have we heard this story before?
I never heard this one.
You shit yourself in a game.
When?
I was a young boy.
I was simply a boy.
How old were you?
Is this why you had to leave homeschooled?
Because you went part of the reason for me.
I was exiled.
You couldn't be at school as a kid all over his leg at a soccer game during a free kick.
And then my mom told the school that I died.
But didn't your mom actually help you out?
She did help me out.
Whoa, wait, Listen, in the middle of the game.
I want to hear from Bob.
He's going to tell the real story.
No, I don't fully remember.
But I remember his mom like saying bail him out.
He always bails him out.
I know.
My mom is such a shit friend of mine.
It really bothers me.
Right?
She like told the coach that something else happened.
I don't even know if it was agreeing with who there.
Anyway, go on.
What did she do?
She told the coach something else happened?
Yeah.
So she bailed you.
In the middle of the game, I had to leave the game because I had to go shit and I couldn't make it to the bathroom.
And so it just got everywhere.
And then my mom was like.
Everywhere?
Like on the field, whatever.
No, no, no.
As soon as I saw the toilet, it just happened.
So like the steps leading into the bathroom and then all over the walls and solid shit.
And then primarily in my hands and then my legs and feet.
Look like you're doing brown legs.
It looks like you're doing some reason.
Yeah.
It looked like Burning.
It looked like Bernie.
It looked like I just returned home from Burning Man.
It looked like I got picked up in a truck with Chris Rock and Diplo.
It was truly crazy.
No one has seen it.
Oh, God.
This is.
I was probably like nine.
So how'd your mom protect you?
So my mom came.
She was like, oh, God.
She was like flummicking.
She couldn't.
You never see that.
You still played soccer after they do it?
Scar you from playing soccer.
Well, that's the thing.
No one knew what happened.
I kind of just went to the coach, was like, Hey, got a dash.
And he was like, All right.
You didn't say got a dash of shit on the floors of the bathroom?
And I was like, dude, like, I have to leave.
I have to go.
So I like came off and like he got a sub on, and then I just left and like kind of just phased out.
And then I went shit all over the ground and basically none in the toilet, which is harder to do than what I did, I think.
And then my mom came up, was like, this is crazy.
She picked me up, got me like a towel from the car, like wrapped me and like left all the clothes in the my uniform in the bathroom.
Highway Towel Chaos00:04:32
Like you had an ass period.
She wrapped you in the towel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And no one knows.
Literally.
And then we got in the car, we drove, we got clothes, and then she was like, We're not going back to camp.
That's it.
And I was like, okay.
And then she was like, I'll cover.
And then she kind of told the coach that like there was a family emergency and that we had to leave at a certain time and I got his attention and that we had to go and then he left.
You know, you heard that some kids shit all over the floor.
You believed that your jersey was left there with the number on the back of it.
Yeah.
Trash though.
The very bottom of the trash can.
Okay.
Okay.
Never stiffy seen again.
Wait, the homeschool star before or after.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure it started after.
No, no, no.
You didn't want to show your face again.
Homeschool was before.
That's why I wasn't good at using the bathroom.
I was homeschooled this whole time.
I never had to hold it.
That's true.
So that was part of the problem.
I've never had why are you holding your head so hard?
Yeah, people get diarrhea.
It's a real thing.
Not like that.
Not like that.
I have celiac.
I have dairy sensitivities.
One time in your life and never again.
Well, I learned.
I grew from it.
I don't know what it happened.
I was like a vaccination.
I kind of had one bad experience.
What was happening on the field?
Like, did you feel it coming?
You're like, no, I can keep playing.
Yeah, I just, I mean, I felt bad the whole day.
I felt nauseous.
I had my stomach was hurting.
I probably scored goals.
I can't even really remember that part.
I think I was playing pretty good.
I was running fast.
I mean, my legs were black.
But yeah, I was doing good, I think.
And then, and then my diarrhea ruined it.
That's part of the reason I didn't play college ball, I think, was partially that day.
I think if you look at my record, it's like a couple goals short.
I think it was that half of a game that I had to get subbed off for.
And it was a family emergency.
So my mom didn't lie.
Yeah, that's not the truth.
It was a family emergency.
I wish I had a knife at that time.
Maybe things would have been different.
I would have been able to defend myself.
You would have stabbed yourself.
You guys have never had childhood diarrhea.
Why are you guys acting like I'm the only one with the diarrhea?
You ride yourself on a bike?
I told you guys.
That's one point.
And you kept on riding yourself on a bike?
Yeah.
And you kept pedaling.
Roll up the fucking bag.
It came out on a down push, my left leg.
I remember I pedaled down like that and it shit right, came out.
It hit my underwear that were baggy underwear.
It wasn't like tight ones.
And then some of it fell out down my leg onto the boardwalk.
Yes.
And no, chain is on the right side of the bike, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So left pedal.
And then it fell on the boardwalk.
Yeah.
I know what that feels like.
But that seems much better.
That seems like a deposit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, because you kept it moving.
Well, I went to my friend's house.
It was like right up the block, and I went into his bathroom.
And I didn't flush my underwear.
I fucked up there.
I wrapped the shit that was left in the underwear and I just put it in there garbage in the bathroom.
And they called my parents and they were like, Did Andrew shit his paint into his underwear and then leave him?
Fucking snitching.
Why would they snitch?
If you tried to flush it, it would have been.
Yeah, it was clogged towards it.
Exactly.
So it was kind of the right thing to do, but I should have taken it with me.
Put it in the top tank thing.
Nah, you take it with you.
That would have been a good thing.
Yeah.
They would have still found out, buddy.
I don't know how that works.
I'm not white people thing.
Oh, you've never shit.
You've never shit yourself out?
I mean, I've shit stains in my underwear many times, but I've never shit stains.
That's never shit stains.
That's just Tuesday.
Oh, I've never, no one not ever in a shit stains, but I can't believe you've never shit yourself out.
You've never had a shit stain?
You've never shit yourself.
I've sharded a couple times for sure.
Yeah.
I've sharded.
I'll tell this story.
Like coming back from Philly and I had like the spicy tie.
No, you said you shit on the side of the highway.
To me, that's shitting myself because I couldn't make it to a different location, location, location.
That's the worst thing.
The shit needs to hit your clothing.
You shit yourself?
Nah, sharded.
I've never actually sharded it.
On the way to your wedding, I stopped on the side of the highway and had the most beautiful, immaculate bowel movement I've ever had.
What did the side look?
What?
Yeah.
I was just, we were in a car on the PCH.
There's not that many bathrooms.
I had a bowel movement.
We had coffee in the morning.
I had to go.
And so we pulled off and it was a beautiful, it's like sun's rise kind of thing where it's like a sort of the side of the highway looking at the Pacific Ocean.
It was immaculate.
And that's not shitting yourself.
That is actually the preferred way to shit.
That's how most of us have shit.
That's India.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
That's exactly my point.
What's going on here?
Dave, you shit.
Is this a like, what's going on?
Close calls.
I like everyone, but nope, not me.
You've never shit yourself.
That's crazy.
I tell you, I told you my story, and that was bad.
Everyone shit themselves.
You never shit in the shower and then stomped it down?