Adam Rowe and Andrew Schulz dissect racial slurs like "Pak" versus the N-word, contrasting UK culturalism with American slavery's legacy while debating British food norms. They expose Hakim Al-Hakimi's tax evasion via a shell company under his mother's name amidst divorce allegations, then analyze AI music copyright challenges faced by artists like Drake. The episode concludes by criticizing the US response to TikTok's ban in Montana and outlining Rowe's upcoming "Adam Rowan Friends" tour, highlighting the tension between comedy storytelling and modern digital threats. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Liverpool Culture Drama00:10:53
There was some drama out there recently with KSI and the sidemen.
Yeah.
The word that is short for Pakistani.
Yes.
Isn't that racist?
And it.
What?
Yeah.
Well, maybe that's.
Maybe.
Sorry.
French people are rude and stinky.
They are.
Polish people work hard for cheap.
Irish people work hard for cheap and they're stupid.
Bikini's wife filed for divorce.
She goes to get half his money.
Turns out it's filed under his mom.
Fantastic.
That's how you know she was pure.
She never asked where the money was going.
This isn't some gold digger.
When my mom would make bolognets when we were growing up.
Ballin Aid.
Doesn't sound like a gay night out.
Ball and AIDS?
Ball and AIDS.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
And today we are joined by rising comedic talents, absolutely hilarious gentleman.
Some of you know him very well from his appearances here on Flagrant, but of course from his podcasts, his comedy specials, and just being a truly trail-blazing individual out there in the UK.
It's Adam Rowe, man.
Row, yeah.
What's up, Adam?
Are you ready for that introduction?
I know, I know.
It throws off comedians.
Like, comedians don't know how to handle compliments.
Yeah, it's just not.
Oh, shit, you're getting your teeth fixed and everything.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I take back everything I said.
I thought this guy was like a real Liverpool Schouser piece of shit, but you're coming up big.
In Liverpool now, the thing with your teeth, most people go to Turkey.
Yes.
Have you seen the turkey teeth?
They treat it like hair.
Like, so they shave it down to like pins and then they put like a.
Can I tell you something about Europe that really fucking bothers me?
Yeah, go on.
Is that you won't let Turkey into the European Union, but you all go there for the beaches, you go there for the hair, you go there for the teeth.
It's like, fuck you guys, man.
Do you think I run the EU?
You fucking run it.
You're the guy.
Adam Rowe.
There's nobody else in the Patreon.
They keep on team.
He wants to come in.
I'm like, no, They actually run.
No, They actually listen to it.
Listen to me.
There's a line between Turkey and Europe.
But for real, man.
But they left for you.
So Turkey could get in, probably.
That's why Wangland did it.
So that was a big part of the campaign for the people who wanted to leave.
They were like, hey, we need a teacher to join.
They deserve it.
And we know what they're like with their fucking hot women and straight teeth.
So let's just fucking leave.
Why doesn't Britain and Turkey create their own master European conglomerate?
The bees.
Because you both have everything that you need, right?
You guys are bald.
Your teeth are fucking jacked.
You're pale, right?
They're just covered in hair, right?
And, well, I don't know.
Like a nerve master tank.
But I'm just saying, you bring you guys together, you get the pigment that you guys always needed.
You'll have all 40.
But if you can convince the racists to actually vote, because they just think everyone...
Isn't that racist?
It.
Yeah.
Well, maybe that's...
Maybe.
Sorry.
Can we also...
That's a good answer.
That was a good answer.
Okay.
So they don't like...
But is it racism or is it like culturalism?
Because in America, it's racism because we all got the same culture.
Okay.
Like, you can be American and different color skin, and I just don't like you for that.
Whereas in Europe, it's at least like, oh, everything's fucking kebab.
Yeah, I don't know.
You know what I mean?
Like, they just don't like your culture.
But we want all their culture.
We just don't want their fucking people.
Well, that's on them.
That's on them.
Don't make your culture better than you.
Yeah, that's fair enough.
I think what Britain has done, I think what the West, like, America is a bit different, but Britain in particular, we take food from all around the world and then we add fries to it and we go, now that's English.
That's funny, bro.
That's, I like that.
I've never been for an Indian curry and not had fries with it.
Really?
What?
That blows my fucking mind.
How does that make you feel, though?
How does that make you know?
I don't mind it.
Are they bastardizing your dish or are they making it better?
I remember when my mom would make bolognese.
To be honest, my wife loves Indian food and loves fries.
She would love English.
White people make everything better.
It's like minorities, you got the idea, but you just need some whites to mold it into something grand.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, just cook some potatoes up, fried them.
That's it.
When my mum would make bolognese when we were growing up and she was really good at it, she would make a plate of fries to go.
Does that make sense?
That would sound like a gay night out.
Ball and AIDS?
Ball and AIDS.
Ball and AIDS.
San Francisco in the 80s.
Okay, so she would make bolognets, yeah.
And she would make a plate of fries to go with the bolognese.
That's good.
Of course, it's good.
Put a fries bad.
It makes everything better.
And I hate how they look at you guys like, you know what the fuck you're doing with food.
I even say that with British people.
Oh, they don't know what's going on with food.
You got the best cooking show on the planet, which is British Bake Off.
Okay.
And Gordon Ramsey.
Gordon Ramsey, right?
And Fries with Everything, which does make it better.
Anytime you go out on a date with a girl, it could be your wife, girl, if it doesn't matter.
She goes, let's also get some fries to share.
Totally.
Gordon Ramsey's gotten off a cliff because he started doing TikToks with his daughter.
What's wrong with that?
What's wrong with that?
Because he's losing, like, he was the scaredy, shouty, like, like, guy.
Everyone's like, it's a sexual.
What is it?
What kind of tiktok?
Yeah, he's fucking his daughter on TikTok.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's weird.
It doesn't mean taken down, but they call it good job.
Is he criticizing her and he's doing it?
Like, Bonnie Shane and his shit.
Stop the balls.
You've got to talk the balls.
It's a turducking for a reason.
You guys have to ducking out there?
Oh, this is where you put a turkey in the middle of the city.
That's what they're going to call their new country with turkey or whatever.
This is Keek America right here.
Yeah.
What is a band inside a bed?
Chicken inside a duck inside a turkey.
Three birds.
How the fuck?
Like, I struggle to get a chicken to be cooked to the right temperature.
That's British of you.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's British.
Don't let them shame you, bro.
Britain is really the second greatest empire ever.
Yeah, but and you created the first best one.
So it's like I'm just saying, you guys are all about it.
Yeah.
And you almost destroyed the next one that's coming in.
Like you guys saw it coming.
You saw the Chinese rising and you're like, give them fucking opiate addictions, right?
Yeah.
And it works for a little bit.
Bro, I'm giving you credit for everything British.
You know how black people take credit for like every great black guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like LeBron dunks from the Fried Online and black people are like, that's me.
That was me.
We did that.
We was in the gym soon.
I do that with scousers.
I do that with people from Liverpool.
Like the Beatles.
And the Beatles, Patty and Molly in the UFC.
Let me ask you a question.
Are the Beatles really from Liverpool?
Yeah.
So why don't they talk like y'all?
Because they have to go away and also they're from.
So what you guys talked about.
What you guys don't understand is the amount of accents in the UK is crazy.
And there's even.
Oh, you're so different.
Oh my gosh.
What university?
I can tell you where in Liverpool someone's from.
Listen, I'm on this side.
Yeah, what is Levin?
What are you talking about?
You're still there with the prize thing.
I ain't no problem with the prize thing.
No, but you do have different accents every like 30 minutes.
Less than that.
I can tell you which area of Liverpool someone's from.
So the Beatles are all from South Liverpool, which is slower.
But is South Liverpool also just like London?
Is that because that's what they sound like, that they're from London.
And I think it's a bunch of fucking horseshit that they're from London.
They've moved around, they've been all over the world, but like.
There's some private school kids, bro.
Just talk that shit.
It is what it is.
Yeah, that's what they like.
They've become fucking billionaires.
Their voice is going to...
You can't be a billionaire with this voice.
You can't be going into meetings with the richest people in the world.
I'm like, how are I, Lad?
You know what I'm trying to fucking drink?
We want to open up an Amazon factory.
Like, the Beatles talk a lot slower.
It's, you know, I'm getting on the bus.
So they sold out?
Is that what you're saying?
Totally.
None of them ever fucking came back.
Paul McCartney came back quite a bit.
John Lennon couldn't come back because he got shot in the face.
Yeah, I remember.
Ringo's like, I'm never going back.
Like, you know, they're idols in Liverpool because of what they did, but they didn't say, they didn't say so.
How did Liverpool react when he got shot in his head?
I wasn't alive.
You were alive forever.
Bro, you know everything in all of Liverpool's history, and I need you to sit here and tell us.
What was it like?
I think people were really fucking sad.
Yeah, I think there was a few riots, I think.
Do you think they rioted more than or when like the sun reported that horrible thing about Liverpool or whatever?
Well, the sun report on the Hillsborough disaster is just like you can't buy the sun newspaper in Liverpool.
Like a shopkeeper will tell you to go out to shop.
So that's what I'm talking about, bro.
Liverpool's a cocky...
New York is much more similar to Liverpool than it is to London.
You guys are like the Italians of Great Britain.
Yeah.
And it's just like if you give Liverpool a vote on independence, we would probably take it.
Even though it would be like a catastrophic.
Total disaster, like economically.
I think Liverpool will be like, yeah, fuck.
Because Liverpool, as a people, feel like totally disenfranchised from...
Why does everybody give you guys a bad rap?
Why do they ever say like, you guys are just on the dole or whatever?
You're like, lazy.
Why do people say that?
I know that word's so funny.
My family's Scottish.
We've been on the dole for generations.
Yeah, so it's because Liverpool gives itself an us against the world mentality.
And anyone who does that, the world goes, well, fuck you then.
Fuck you then.
Yeah, yeah.
Especially if you're in a socialist nation where everybody's supposed to be looking out for one another.
And then you've got this one little tiny part of it that's like...
Well, Liverpool is probably the most socialist part of the UK.
Like, certainly in ideology.
Like, scouses are like, let's make sure everyone's okay.
Yeah, you can make money and become a huge success, but let's tax those who do so that no one's fucking starving.
And a lot of the rest of the UK hate that.
England is quite a conservative country, like generally speaking.
The cities aren't, as they tend not to be over there.
But like in the countryside and stuff, like they're all.
Can you honestly rank the non-whites for me?
Okay.
In my order of how much I like them.
Yeah.
Most of the laws up there.
Egyptians.
Are we talking to hang out with at a bar to eat with because it changes the general situation?
We can go overall, but we could also get specific.
Hang out at a bar.
Let's start with that.
This is actually really good.
Hang out at a bar.
You know what, though, to his credit, it's kind of not racist that he was like, but what am I doing with that?
That's the least racist way to do it.
It doesn't make any sense.
Like, if I'm going to like gay bashing, I want some Jamaicans with me.
So what would be your rank?
Okay.
Because there's this immigrant problem in Europe that we don't really understand.
Yeah.
Right?
Well, the people in Europe don't even fucking understand it.
There's a really famous video from when after Brexit happened.
So Brexit was just England leaving the EU.
New Constitution Ride00:02:46
And the next morning they were like, so say, how did you vote?
Yesterday.
And he was like, yeah, I voted to leave.
And they were like, so why did you went?
It's all about immigration.
It's okay people coming in.
And he's just racist.
He goes, it's okay people coming in from Poland and French.
That's fair enough.
But Africa, no.
And that's why I voted to leave.
You don't know what you're fucking doing.
We've left Africa.
We've stopped the French people coming.
And he just walked off from the interview.
And that guy has got the same leverage with voting as someone who fucking knows what it's about.
Nah, that's a problem.
Not everybody should be allowed to vote.
No, you should just have to.
No, isn't that fire?
I love that.
It's so exciting.
Every time.
Dude, the elections back in the day, think about how exciting they were.
It's so funny.
Like, are we going to have to free these people tomorrow?
Like, that was every.
I stayed.
That was every election.
Like, you'd go to sleep, like, I don't know.
Sorry, boys.
It was probably better because there wasn't disparity in education, disparity, and everything that there is now.
And everybody would vote probably back then because you ain't shit else to do.
Right, right, right.
Elections are going to have to change in the next sort of 50 to 100 years, like completely, because as the internet gets bigger, it's stupid people who don't look into anything.
They just see a tweet and go, oh, that's a fact.
And I'm going to take that as a fact and run with it as if it's a fact.
Like, I'm not going to be passive, aggressively describing our show.
Yeah.
And I know better.
I shouldn't be allowed.
I'm not saying let me decide, by the way.
I agree.
I would be way on the back of the bus, like, of the, let's put these guys on a fucking fairground ride.
And while we do the vote, I'm going on the roller coaster.
I'm not in the fucking.
The crazy thing is, if you actually had to pass a test to be able to vote, no one would vote because no one would go take that test.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
But the people who really want to would take it surely.
Those people are so gay.
Yeah, of course they are.
People who like love politics.
That's who you should vote.
No, because they care.
They know all the Constitution.
They know all the whole thing.
But we're like, oh, this fucking thing.
You knew the first two and you out.
Yeah.
You knew the first two and the fifth.
What was the fifth?
I don't got to say shit.
And then, why should I need to learn the rest of the world?
I should be like, I played the fifth.
Yeah, yeah.
I should be allowed to say anything.
And then also, I shouldn't say anything.
That's it.
Freedom.
And guns.
I have the freedom to say fuck all.
And if you want to take that away, I'm going to shoot you.
That's all you need to do.
And also, this is important here.
I truly believe the Constitution is the greatest document that has been put together by mankind.
Okay.
And I know three sentences from English.
And that didn't hit me until right now.
If you asked me how the Constitution starts, I would say four score and 12 years ago.
Not even a drink.
Freedom to Say Fuck All00:07:55
They're white kids.
They're black kids.
The world is a vampire.
Asked it, but they're not.
So yeah, we don't really know what it is, but it is fire.
I don't even know if we have one.
I think you guys tried to dick ride.
Yeah.
Like after we got a constitution.
You tried to dick ride.
Everybody tries to dick ride.
You got like a cover constitution.
You know what I mean?
Like when they, when everybody's, when every country goes democratic, they try to dick ride and get a constitution.
We're like, we're like, that one looks good enough.
We'll just have that.
Iraq almost had one.
Iraq almost had this.
You know how many women got beaten reading it?
And you got to feel bad for them because they're so excited, right?
There's like a new constitution.
A virtual gaze.
Anyway, where do you rank the Iraqi immigrants as on?
I've got to go on who I hung out with.
Okay, go with who you hung out with.
Who's the best, man?
Like, who should we look for when we come to Liverpool?
When you come to Liverpool.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, that's like playing like you're mainly only going to meet white people.
Like, it's not that multicultural.
There's like 35 black guys, and they all just hang out together, and then the rest of us just go, you know what I mean?
Do they, when you say hang out together, like, are they on the team?
Yeah.
Basketball court?
There's a small bit of Liverpool called Toxeth, where the majority of the black guys from Liverpool live.
And that's where there was a lot of riots in the 80s because of racism and shit.
Oh, really?
And Liverpool knows how to write when they fucking want to as well.
They know how to get it in.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Liverpool riots were fucking toxic.
Really?
Yeah.
If you look at the images of it, it looks like the whole city's on fire.
It's great.
But it's great now that it was back then and we can just look at it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like when you see a picture of a disaster and you're like, do you know what?
It's not good that it happened, but that's going to make a great patent.
Isn't that just every time you guys lose a soccer match?
Yeah, pretty much.
Pretty much.
Wow.
Wow, that is cool.
Oh, yeah, they would fucking shit up.
But it's such a small town, so like you know who's there.
That's the bigger motherfucker, right?
No, it's not shit, to be honest.
It's like a million people.
Oh, okay, that's big enough.
Okay, Because sometimes when I think of, like, what is that terrorist?
What is that area called?
Yorkshire?
Yeah.
Is that where it's like Manchester?
So Manchester.
So Yorkshire's a county.
So Leeds is in Yorkshire.
You were there last year.
Yeah, that's it.
So that's in Yorkshire.
Leeds is one of the biggest cities there.
And then you've got Sheffield and Harrogate and York, obviously the title of it.
Manchester's in Manchester, in Greater Manchester.
Well, that makes sense.
Liverpool's in Merseyside.
Okay.
Because it's the side of the River Mersey.
Yeah.
But like Liverpool don't like everyone else from Merseyside.
So it seems like you guys have a lot of beef with the people around you.
Yeah.
And the people around you don't really like you guys.
No, the people really close to Liverpool want to be scouses.
They want to be from Liverpool.
So like if you meet someone from like the Widdle is the other side of the river.
It's like people from Long Island say they're from New York and it's like that's exactly what it is.
If you meet them, they'll be like, oh, I'm from Liverpool, but if I'm an earshot, I've got to come over and fucking correct them.
You know what I mean?
Say that again, slower, so I can pinpoint exactly where you're from.
You're not from fucking Liverpool.
And one of those.
So you will just G-check them on that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What colours you've been?
Whoa.
Wow.
So you know the bin that you put in this race.
Oh my God.
I thought you were talking about like your nanny or something.
You got a black now?
Yeah, you're in it.
Whoa.
Okay, so you guys have a specific color bin in Liverpool.
Yeah, it's purple.
And all the neighboring counties are either like maroon or black.
And if you're not purple, you're not from Liverpool.
Yeah, that's color war, bro.
That's worth it, bro.
No, for real.
I like that.
How would you check if someone's a New Yorker?
What school?
I've seen this happen.
They asked, what school did you go to?
And if you don't got a PS in front of a number, you're not from New York.
So it's like, that sounds interesting.
I've seen this guy.
That's good.
I saw them G-check each other on the street one time.
Andrew came up to some random girl.
She came to a show or something.
I grew up here.
Oh, what school did you go to?
Oh, yeah.
Legit, like, two years into comedy.
Two years ago.
Like, two years into comedy.
I don't know how she recognized me, to be honest with you.
Two years into comedy.
Yeah.
Damn, man.
We're going to street.
It wouldn't be an apartment.
But it was like, yeah.
What school did you go to?
I say, I can't pull something off the street.
Yeah.
So I say, two years into comedy, I'm going to pull something off the street?
I am.
That's the same thing.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
But yeah, he has no idea.
PS6?
Say what?
PS6?
PS6.
He said it enough that I know.
He's G-checked enough people.
That's what we do.
So you go like, where are you from?
And then somebody goes, oh, I'm from New York.
And then when you kind of feel like they're not, you go, you say it like curiously.
You'd be like, oh, shit, where'd you go to high school?
Like, as if we might know the same people.
And they're like, oh, well, I actually am from Maine, but then I've been here 10 years.
So the accent is so obvious with Liverpool.
Yeah.
That if someone went, if I had someone go, I'm from Liverpool, I'd be like, no, you're not.
You're not.
You're from the Willow or Southport or St. Helens, which are like the satellite towns.
You'll just know.
And then where do you go to schools?
Like, if someone is from Liverpool, that's how you'll sort of, that's the neck, but like, we already know whether they are or not.
That's the next.
Like my school produced a lot of like people like Stephen Gerard went to my school.
Paddy the Baddy Pimblet went to my school.
Shouts at Paddy, bro.
Yeah, he was like three years below me.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Did you guys ever tussle?
Are you fucking crazy?
Like people knew when he was in school that he was that dude.
Yeah, he was just a guy, like he was the guy who could fight.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
Like people, like everyone knew, like there's a lot of fight.
I went to an all-boys school.
Yeah.
So there's always a lot of fighting anyway.
And in every year, there's like, you know, that's the guy.
That guy's great.
Yeah.
That guy's great.
And then he channeled it into NNA when he was like, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, he's killing it.
This is in high school?
No way.
Yeah, apparently.
This is footage of him just fighting in the bathrooms in high school.
Oh, fucking this guy up.
And you're asking me, did I have a tussle?
Bro, I mean, is that your bathroom?
Who's this other?
It's a school bathroom, yeah.
Who's this other dude just taking shot?
I mean, Patty's a professional UFC fighter.
Oh, wait.
Oh, fuck.
Wait, Patty's a blonde, right?
Yeah.
Oh, he gets fucked up now, though.
Son, this kid's got heart shit.
You know what's fucking crazy about this?
Yo, I seen this video at the time, and this is the first time I've seen it since.
Hold on, hold on.
I remember this video going around school.
That's the end of the video.
No, it's 37 seconds and it's 39.
You dumbass.
Yo, Mark is a hater.
Mark is a hat.
I knew Mark is a hater.
I saw all the hardships.
Early stoppage.
Patty, you really know.
You're the hater on the pod.
He's an early stoppage.
Mark me the only cute motherfucker with long hair.
So you take the one video where Patty gets dropped by some kid in high school and then you stop it two seconds before he actually tell me to keep going.
I didn't know.
I know.
I smell hate on this guy.
Because you can see him catching him, right?
You can see then I go, keep playing.
He goes, oh, that's the end of the video.
Oh, before the amazing knockout.
That guy's from Manchester.
I was rooting for him.
I was rooting for the other guy.
Yo, shout out to Patty, but he does get caught, bro.
He still gets caught.
He'd be working that defense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he knows that as well.
He does.
Yeah.
Like, if you watch his recent things, he's like, he's.
Because after that last fight, he was very bullish in the interviews.
He's like, fuck that guy.
I definitely won.
And I think he's looked at it and gone, oh, I was a bit sloppy there.
Yeah.
But look what he's done in like a couple of years in the UFC.
It's unbelievable.
He's done.
He's incredibly charismatic and like he understands the game and he plays into the game.
He understands how to build a personality and he understands that the more the people root for him, the more money he's going to make in the UFC.
Totally.
And a big part of that as well is Liverpool.
Liverpool's a very parochial city, so having a full city.
Post-Fight Bullish Interview00:11:15
It's like...
What does that word mean?
It means get behind their own.
Like you're from Liverpool, we're going to back you.
And you know, you still have a few haters.
And once you get really big, like people who are jealous, like, oh, fuck that guy, I don't like him or whatever.
But in general, Liverpool is a, he's from here, he's doing well, we're all behind him.
Yo, um, I want to learn more about like what's going on in Europe right now.
So how do you guys feel about the Russia-Ukraine thing?
What's the sentiment out there?
Like, you know what I mean?
Did you know if you specifically Liverpool?
What are we just doing?
Why are you just laughing my guy's face like that?
I'd like you to just pause you before you.
You know when we went from Paddy Pimbo, then you just paused and gone, right?
It's a multiple choice of what, where is Andrew going next?
Patty's haircut.
It reminded me of like Russia for some reason.
And then I just went, yeah.
I just think.
Because Americans don't care anymore.
It's kind of sad, but like we've just kind of moved on entirely.
Yeah, people aren't really talking about it anymore.
Really?
Yeah.
But it's right over there.
But that's so far away.
Is it?
It just is.
It's so far away.
The funniest thing I can tell you about that is: so one of our producers on our podcast, his name's Finn, he's from a place in North Wales called Rill, right?
It's about an hour and 20 from Liverpool.
Yeah.
And like North Wales, there's really beautiful parts of it, but a lot of it is just a fucking shithole.
Yeah.
And there was a Ukrainian refugee who got put in Brill.
Oh, wait a minute.
And she went home.
No.
She said, fuck this.
I'm going back.
She went back.
Why?
Because water on Ukraine is incredible.
Wow.
Holy fuck.
Wow.
Rill, it's called?
Real.
R-H-Y-L.
Wow.
Or Rill.
If you're from Wales and you want to keep that language alive.
Oh.
Which most people don't.
Okay, so you guys got a bunch of refugees.
Yeah.
And did, like, are the days of like looking and caring for them over?
Is it kind of an annoyance now?
I think what people expected was.
You know, like when your family visits, it's like, oh, it's great to see you.
And then two weeks later, you're like, in the guest room back.
I also think a lot of people expected them to just be really hot women.
I think that's why it was so accepted that they were like, there's some Ukrainians who need some shelter.
I've got a double bed and she is welcoming me.
You read that story about the guy who took in the Ukrainian refugee, then they became a couple.
He divorced his wife or something like that.
But then the Ukrainian woman left him.
And now he's single again.
But like, that's what people were like, you know what?
Because like...
Britain has got a problem as a country where like the conservatives in the country are like we don't want any refugees.
That's a big part of why they left the EU.
And it's like, no, no, no more immigration.
No one from Syria.
No one from Turkey.
No one from any of these fucking water.
No, no, no, no.
That's their problem.
It's not our problem.
And then it was like, we need to put some Ukrainian people up.
And people were like, you know what?
Let's give this one a go.
Swimming and children.
They were very specific who was coming over.
No, I will have the women.
You know, the children can be in the kennel with the dogs.
Did anybody get a hot one?
The guy who left his wife for one, she was hot.
But then she's obviously got bored of him.
Yeah.
Would you take in any?
I would, yeah.
I've got a spare.
I've got two spare rooms.
Yeah.
Wait, are you single now?
Are you already shut up?
I've got a partner, yeah.
Already?
Yeah.
Fuck, man.
You like, stay.
You're like Pam Anderson, bro.
You just stay with a boyfriend or a girlfriend anyway.
I was single for like nearly a year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I started seeing someone and it's gone quite well.
So we just sort of.
Okay.
That's what you said last time, though.
So last time you were here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks to us, you got out of a bad relationship, really.
It absolutely was not thanks to you.
I think it was our women.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You took me to one side and you were like, there's something bad about this.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I started.
Can I be honest?
Can I be completely honest?
I didn't know the difference between the last girl and the girl before that.
Yeah.
I thought they were the same girl.
No.
So a few years ago when we first come over here.
I'm being honest because we went out to go have like lunch together.
Breakfast, yeah.
And it was the new one.
No, no, no, no.
Well, fuck me.
No.
No.
When did I meet the new one?
When I first came over, I think it was 2018.
Yeah.
I met you for breakfast.
And this is what's really funny, right?
So, like, I don't know whether people know the way me and you met and sort of became acquainted.
I was watching your videos.
I'm as well as a comic, big fan of comedy.
And I messaged you and was like, I'm coming to your show in London.
Let me know if you need an opener.
On the day you're like, yeah, come and do it.
So I've been watching your stuff.
I've always got like comedy on around the house when I'm just...
And the girl I was with when I came over the first time, before she met you, she fucking hated you.
She fucking hated you.
Do you not know why?
I'm curious.
I'm curious.
Because of his style of comedy, which is abrasive and confrontational and stuff.
And she was just like, it's offensive.
I don't fucking like it.
And I was like, okay, cool.
And then we landed in New York and I text you and you're like, right, let's go for breakfast tomorrow.
That was my first morning in New York.
So we wake up and she goes, she goes, where are you going?
I was like, oh, I'm going to meet Andrew for some breakfast.
And she goes, oh, can I come?
I don't want to use to just be leaving on the first one in New York.
I was like, I'm sure it'd be fine.
Come down.
And she left that breakfast and it was so funny because she had this look on her face as we left.
And she was like, I feel really bad.
And I was like, why?
She went, it's so nice.
Because in comedy, a lot of comedians can be a bit rude with your partner.
If your partner's there, they're just talking to you, like talking sharp, talking about comedy.
And you just didn't do that.
And you were just like, you were asking her questions more than you were even asking me questions, just getting it.
And she was like, he's giving me more attention than any of your friends that have met me.
Like from the phone.
She's like, I feel really, really bad about it.
I liked her.
And then I thought she stole from you because I confused them.
And I was like, that rotten bitch.
That wasn't it.
So, me and her, like, we just got to a point where we're like, we're not, like, we're two different.
She was really sweet.
She was great.
I haven't got a bad word to say about that girl at all.
She's a lovely girl.
So, then the next girl, the thief.
The girl I was with last time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, on the my latest special, which is called Juicy, is one long story.
And it's about the breakup with the girl I was here with last time.
She stole from you.
Yeah.
Can I just say one special legal reasons?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a work.
The special is a work of fiction.
It didn't really happen.
This is all legend.
Okay.
Can I just say one thing that was really funny?
Yeah.
Okay.
From the special.
And I don't want to seem like to give it away, but I think it would make people want to go see it.
So one of the things that she's great.
Is she bought his podcast merch.
With my money.
With his money.
Okay.
It doesn't seem that bad.
Here's the funny thing.
He sends out all the merch himself.
So he went under their bed, took out the hoodie, packaged it, put the shipping label on it.
And then, where did it go?
To her mum's house.
And you didn't know?
I just, like, I'm not concentrating.
I'm just putting labels and that one's going over there.
Yeah, I mean, just amazing.
But why?
What she stole was so, it wasn't like the biggest deal.
The biggest deal was the betrayal.
But like, when you, if you watch the special and find out the full extent of it and what she did and when and how and why, you're like, this is just fucking total self-sabotage and crazy.
But the special is fictitious.
Yeah, it's totally fictitious.
So we're talking about the merch.
Huh?
Why the merch?
I don't get that.
I can give you a number if you'd like to ask.
Yeah.
Have you asked her about it?
Obviously, so when we were over here, this is in the first five minutes of the special.
So we land in New York, we go and have a few drinks because we landed at like five.
So by the time you sue JFK and into Manhattan, it's eight o'clock.
And we're a bit tired, but I was like, let's go and get a few drinks and something to eat.
We'll go to sleep about midnight and then you've beat the jet lag.
Like, we'll just get up at a reasonable time.
And we're having one last drink.
And I've just, I do now, but like, I've a really bad thing for just not checking my bank.
Now that I know it's okay, I just don't look at it a lot.
Yeah.
But something made me check it.
And I was like, at the top, there was just a payment I didn't recognize.
And I was like, that's weird.
I don't recognize that payment.
I don't know what that's for.
I don't shop there.
And if she'd have reacted any differently, she'd still be getting away with it now.
Because if she'd have just gone, oh, you need to look into that.
I'm so like, I'd have just not looked into it.
But the panic in her.
Because she went, oh, that, that, that, that is weird.
Yeah, that's weird.
That, that's where they're, that, that's where I got my tracksuit from.
And then it took a few moments for me to piece it together, but once I pieced it together, but I kept it.
Like, she stayed with me for a week in New York because I was like, we'll deal with this.
You would have bought her a track suit, right?
Totally.
Like, especially when she bought it, I was watching a Liverpool game.
Like, if I'm watching a Liverpool game, if my girlfriend wants anything, that's the time to ask me because I will give her anything to make her shut the fuck up.
Just watch.
Yeah, Let me get back to you.
Like when you give a kid an iPad.
Yeah, yeah, just fuck off.
Just go over there and ruin your eyes and let me just watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It like none of it made sense.
And that's what made the breakup very easy because it wasn't.
She didn't ask you for things that she would totally.
So she felt comfortable asking you to buy her shit and then also just went behind your back.
Totally.
That's a weird thing.
It's so fucking strange.
Because once you're married, they just spend your money all the time.
It's just part of it.
But like, she knew she could spend the money for like reasonable stuff.
It's actually their money.
They often, they go, yeah, our money.
They'd be like, should we buy this?
And you go, yeah, we should.
What is the end game of saying no?
They divorce you and then take half your shit anyway.
It's their money.
It's cheaper to give them everything they want.
100%.
Buy the house.
At least I get to live here.
Yeah, this is good.
Okay, it wasn't, it wasn't the fact that she wanted stuff or took it, it was the fact she lied about it.
It was a lie, it's such an odd thing.
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense, and that's why it was ripe for comedy.
I think.
Oh, it's great.
I mean, the story in total, do you think?
I think he says in the uh, it's it so the it was about four thousand in total with with everything that she owed me.
Um, that that was sort of the rough, fictitious figure.
Gotcha.
You know, that I know.
I mean, she probably just didn't start with the track suit.
Well, she didn't start with the tracksuit, she started by getting her dog a birthday cake report.
Her dog a birthday cake.
Did she get you a birthday cake?
Because that's where I'd be upset.
She actually did.
So that was like a really sad when we got.
I haven't looked into it that much because I don't want to kill myself.
When we got back from New York, it was my 30th birthday party.
I mean, yeah, so she was like, I've got this cake for you.
And I was like, I don't fucking want to do it.
Birthday Cake Anger00:16:06
I'm so angry with you, bud.
Okay, I'm going to go a different direction because I have to say this before I forget, there's a moment from your podcast.
You have a great podcast.
I have a word podcast.
Okay.
Hilarious.
I see a lot of these clips, and there's one specific moment that I might have to send to Mark so he can bring it up.
I have to know if this is true or not.
Okay.
It is the moment about the guy who has an autistic we spoke about this last time.
I was like, yeah, yeah.
We did?
Yeah.
We talked about it on the pod.
Yeah.
Because he was, he was like made up.
Jamie, who that who you're talking about, he was like, oh, I watched your episode of Flagrant.
Did I ask you if it really happened?
I'm not sure.
Wait, did you tell me the story or did we watch it?
I don't think we watched it, but you brought it up.
This is.
I mean, I think about this regularly.
It is true.
Is it this one?
Yeah.
Every night, my brother beats me up.
Like, batters me.
So I've got blues on my.
Yeah, well, it's autistic and it's part of his routine.
But he does it as a character called Dr. Cat.
But it's quite menacing.
At what time of night?
Nine o'clock every night.
I get fatty.
Because he punches me in the stomach and all that.
So he puts my mum's mint green dressing girl on underpants on his head.
And then, but you'll phone me during the day.
You go, oh, your appointment's at nine.
And then he'll come up and he has like a clicking pen, and that's like the needle.
All right, patient and sedates me.
And then he'll have like kitchen tongues and nips out there.
But all the while, he's got like Joel Hart monitor on YouTube.
Boozing him.
Just jumps up.
Fucking jump up.
But my mum just goes, routine's important for autistic people.
Oh my God.
So if I gig like a few nights in a row, it's fucking.
Oh, he has a build-up.
It's like hangovers or you can't constantly drink.
Yeah.
And when you.
Is he a licensed practitioner?
No.
Just make sure you're going to be.
He plays.
His other thing is he plays, he watches like people having the driving test online.
But on his day off, he'll drive to the test center and watch people get the results.
You'll see the disappointment of elation.
You'll just watch him get the results on his phone though.
I'm thinking of Ombudsman.
What's he called?
Daniel.
I saw lots of shit.
I don't get the first one.
I'm not going to lie, bro.
Waiting at the testing center for the driver's license is fire.
Like every Vietnamese person walks out just going...
Bro.
Oh, fuck.
Have you met the dude?
The testimony?
Yeah, I think so.
No.
I'm not sure.
I feel like I would definitely know for sure.
I don't think so, no.
But that is our...
That clip is, like, it did like a couple of million views when we uploaded it.
Yeah.
But, like, that's being uploaded by loads of meme pages.
That's done millions and millions of views.
And Jamie, who's like one of the soundest guys.
I mean, he's a complete record, complete fuck up.
It's launched.
That clip has launched his career.
Yeah.
He's a stand-up as well.
So he's a stand-up and he'd been doing stand-up maybe seven years when he'd come on.
That was a couple of years ago now.
And that clip went mass mad viral.
Yeah.
And so he started his own podcast.
The Comedy Club in Liverpool, my home club, Hotwater Comedy Club.
They started their own podcast, The Hot Water Green Room.
He's one of the hosts of it.
Gotcha.
That's doing really well.
Jamie's just announced his first UK tour.
Oh, wow.
Today, or the other day, and his hometown sold out in like...
Does he tell that story as part of the act?
I don't think he wants to because everyone who's coming to see him has seen it.
Yeah, that's a great idea to not give them what they want.
Up though, that like they don't, like the audience don't want to see something twice.
Yes, 100%.
Brian Regan, what will happen is after his show, people will call out bits and stories.
I think that's a good way to do it.
Yeah.
To do your show, go on for your own call.
Yeah, break what you want to hear.
Also, stories have a different thing.
Like stories have a different kind of attention span.
In the same way that you can watch a movie again, if you're getting into a story, like after watching him tell that to you guys, I want to see him tell that in front of an audience because I want to see them laugh at it for the first time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I was looking at Alex watch it because I was going, oh, wow, he doesn't know what's about.
Shit, it's hilarious.
Yeah, so I kind of like funny.
I want to bring friends to go see that.
Also, his stand-up is so different to that.
Like he's very loud and he will get amongst the audience and be like this far from someone's face.
Oh, wow.
It'll be quite a change of money.
He's his brother.
He does a big doctor catching.
Can you drive?
Every one of his shows should be at nine o'clock.
Yeah.
Every single one.
But Jamie's great.
And yeah.
You guys are blowing up out there, man.
Yeah, man.
He co-hosted with me last week.
Dan, who I co-host with regularly.
Dan had a week off and Jamie coming and was co-hosting.
Like, normally when it's me and Dan, it's back and forth.
And often I play the fool to Dan playing the straight man on the show.
But when Jamie's co-hosting, it's like you just press play and just sit back and just go.
Just let her rest.
Just make the episode, Jamie.
There was some drama out there recently with, I think it was KSI and the Sidemen.
Yeah.
And the word that is short for Pakistani.
Yes.
Pac.
Yeah.
Can't say anything else.
Just one syllable.
It is weird.
I don't know.
What is your take on that?
Like in America, I don't think that that has the same sting.
No, but in the UK, it's a big thing.
Why?
Can you explain that?
Because obviously, like with the N-word, it's tied to slavery and stuff like that, which obviously.
It's also its own word.
It's not short for something else.
Yeah, but it's not used.
It's not like if it was ever used as just like short for something.
Or like, you know, I'm with my friend.
He's a pack, whatever.
Then that would be totally different.
It is only ever used with venom and malice.
It's used to bully anyone of South Asian descent.
That's all it's for.
It's not used in an affectionate or like normal way.
It's used to upset people.
Shut up, you're a go away, you're a you smelly.
Like it's.
Right.
But isn't that more indicative of like the racism that exists there, not like just making a word smaller?
The British are also Brits.
Yeah, totally.
But no one's like, you fucking Brit.
People fucking is doing the heavy lifting.
Yes, right?
There's a comic from the UK who's got a routine about the word we're talking about.
Yeah.
Isn't it crazy?
Like, I feel so like neutered not even be able to say this word because it doesn't have that sting here.
As far as I'm concerned, I mean, we had a guy who's Pakistani working for us, Vala.
And I don't even think, I don't want to speak for him right now, but I don't think he ever reacted like that.
And he's like from Pakistan.
Yeah, totally.
But like, for example, if Akash lived in the UK, he'd have heard that word called me Pakistani as a general rule.
Yeah.
That's his N-word.
Yeah, totally.
Pakistani is worse than the abbreviation because you're going through and saying because it's just short for the word.
So the funniest story I can tell you about this, there's another comic who lives in the UK now.
His name's Thomas Green.
He's actually from Australia.
And when he comes to the UK to subsidize being a stand-up, he was a teacher.
And he's teaching in Nottingham.
And he just didn't know about the word.
He's got the exact same relationship with it that you have.
It's just short for it.
And in Australia, it's used all the time.
That's the thing.
It's like, I don't want to interrupt the story, but I even had that bit about the word tranny back in the day.
So it's like transgender, tranny, grandmother, granny, Andrew, Andy.
Like, this is just what we do with words.
Yeah.
Now, I understand that everybody just had like hatred and venom towards a group of people that weren't even the right group.
You would call Indians that as well.
But it's just very hard to, I don't know.
I feel like right now everybody wants their N-word.
Like every group wants their N-word because there's a lot of power in having that because you get to silence people.
Of course.
Yeah.
You get to make people publicly apologize.
You know what I mean?
And the implication, though, is when you take a word that might not have that, that venom and malice associated with it, or that person might, nobody says, nobody that's not black is going to say the N-word, especially white people.
White people are really the only ones not allowed to say it.
And when they're saying it, like if you're calling somebody that, if there's not like a my in front of it, you know what you mean.
There's no confusion.
My is also wild as well.
Here's the thing.
I would you rather.
If you were to say the word.
Neither is yes.
That's the only N-word you're allowed to say.
If you were to say the way we're talking about now, the people who are upset with KSI would not be upset with you.
Because we don't have the...
Because you don't have it.
The reason KSI said it on his comedy panel show is because it's offensive.
Because of the way that it is.
That's why he's giggling like a schoolgirl when he does it.
It's like the, what is it? Tizzed out or something like that.
Remember the word that was remote.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, spaz in America doesn't mean retarded or whatever it means for you.
What does it mean?
It means a kid that had too much sugar.
Like that's literally how it is.
You can literally use it as some kid who's hyped up.
If you're a rapper and you kill a verse, But we have that as well.
But again, it's the malice and the intent with which it's used.
Calling someone a spaz is just, it means spastic.
So you're saying, what does spastic mean?
Autistic?
No spastic is like an old medical word for like people with fucked up legs.
People with fucked up legs.
Yeah, I don't think I even suck.
Nothing to do with their mental ability.
No spastic isn't like brain problems.
It's a cripple.
Yeah, it's a cripple.
A spaz is a cripple.
It's yeah.
That kind of makes sense if you think about it.
You fucking spaz.
Why doesn't it make sense?
It doesn't make sense at all.
Like if you were to be playing football or soccer and you like missed the goal, you fucking spaz because you can't use your legs.
We've never used it physically in America.
I don't think so.
No.
I never heard anybody call someone a spaz because of how they are physically.
No.
But the word case I got in trouble for.
So my mate Thomas, he's a teacher from Australia, where like on Australian TV, they have ads which are, it's the packs are coming.
And it's cricket.
Like the Pakistanis are coming for the cricket game.
So to him, it's just a normal everyday word.
And he's teaching in Nottingham.
And this kid puts his hand up and goes, sir, he's just called me P-A-K-I.
And Thomas looked at this Asian kid in the eye and went, so?
Yeah.
You are one.
I don't get it.
Because he is Pakistani.
And that's Pakistani.
We don't know that person.
Like, the N-word is not synonymous with black.
It's not short with black.
It stands for slavery.
You see what I'm saying?
But like, Pakistani.
No, but it's not a good idea.
Here's how we call someone Stani.
Can I call them Stanis?
You can give it a go.
You can give it a go.
In America, we're American.
Here's how we call it.
I don't understand.
It depends what you're doing to them when you say Stanis.
I love Stanis.
All right.
That's okay.
I love Stanis.
They're my favorite people.
Kazakhstanis.
I love Kazakhstanis.
I love Tazi.
Taji Mekostanis.
I love all the Stanis.
Tajikistanis.
All the Stanis.
Stanis are great people.
Here's the difference with the N-word also.
The N-word, not only is it tied to slavery, it was the offensive term then.
There was another term that wasn't offensive back then.
Oh, another N-word.
Lighter.
N-word light.
The N-word was offensive back then.
We had slaves.
I still want to degrade you.
So it was offensive 200 years ago when we didn't even see black people as people.
It's also weird.
It's part of the whole word.
Kids, you can't make part of a word.
But the N word comes from Negra, doesn't it?
Say again.
It comes from Negra.
Yeah, yeah, the Portuguese term for black.
Yeah.
Yeah, but Americans don't speak Portuguese.
So they were just like, oh, that means slave.
Okay, that's slave.
Totally.
And it's also a different version of the word.
The spelling is different.
Everything's different.
The way you say it is different.
Right?
If this was a different word, which it's not, it's half of what they fucking are in terms of the country they come from.
I just don't understand it.
I can't understand.
Homo is kind of offensive.
Not as offensive.
Why the hell is it?
And you go to a gang guy, you're like, you homo?
You're like, he's going to be out people?
No, if you go, are you homo?
I'm hetero.
Are you homo?
Yeah, but then the intent is okay.
You are a homo.
Then the intent is bad.
Well, yeah, don't say that.
Why are you pointing at me when you say that?
If you're a dirty ballikin homo, okay, see, that's where.
The dirty balickin is doing the heavy lifting in that sentence.
Yeah, yeah.
But homo is not bad.
But if you say, I would actually tell homos, get over that shit.
You are a homo.
I'm a hetero.
You're a homo.
Why is that offensive?
It's what you are.
Go eat your ball.
Your ballinades and get over it.
I've got, like, you are a homo.
Stop calling it.
I love that you're saying that.
Stop pointing at me.
To a largely South Asian area of the UK and watch you have this conversation with these people.
Let me think on that.
I'm a cork and you're...
Yeah.
Nah, they're asking you right in the face.
Pakistanis get down like that?
Yeah, You don't want to fuck with them as well.
Yeah.
Well, fucking I am.
So it's also like, is your point?
And your point is KSI contextually was using it in an offensive way.
Yeah, yeah.
The word in and of itself does not necessarily have sting.
I think there probably is a way to say it.
It's not taken to say as seriously as the M-wed.
Okay.
It's not.
Yo, don't let white people make a part of the country you're from, which you should be proud of, offensive.
White people just took away your country from you.
That's fucking crazy.
Yo, it's like, it's like if somebody, if literally, if somebody goes, if you would make fun of the people from the United States, like if other people from, and they were like, oh yeah, what do you got?
If you literally just called us, we're from the United States of America.
And you guys are like, yeah, these Americans, fucking Americans.
I'm not going to let you take away.
I am American.
That's a great thing.
I'm proud of that.
Japanese will also still say that word as well.
They'll call themselves where they're, yeah, you fucked with the PAKIs.
Country Pride Offensive00:15:04
Because they know the intent.
Bro, don't let white people take away your country from you.
Okay.
What if we...
I won't.
We're stopping them from coming in.
That's why I don't want to break this.
What if they didn't call them PAKIs and they called them Pakistanis in the exact same way?
Now they just can't say the country they're from?
No, well, what do we do then?
Yeah, they'd still be beef.
Yeah.
They'd still be like, you fucking...
Beef's not a problem for Pakistanis.
Bee's a problem for all of Pakistanis.
That's a very good point.
What a very good point.
Very, very good point.
But the word has just become its own thing.
It's become its own problem.
It's not short for that way.
Yeah, but that's because y'all are racist.
It's not because the word is bad.
Yo, fucking white people are devious, bro.
They have you thinking your own country is offensive.
That is next level racism.
You're the best at racism.
They got you thinking your own country is something bad to say.
You got to take that back from white people, bro.
There's also like, there's a context.
I would rename the country.
And then just want some shorten that.
That's it.
What are you trying to do?
What would I name it?
What?
What would I rename it to?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
I can't say that.
Did you say that?
We're going to bleed the whole thing.
But so every corner shop in the UK is often run by someone from South Asian descent and they are called PAKI shops.
So my dad will say, I'm going to the pack shop.
And he doesn't mean it offensively.
It's just quite offensive.
That's what that is.
Yeah, because they're just like, it's now tied to the word.
But you are right.
It's become more of an issue in recent times because of the currency.
Everybody wants their word.
Like, white girls trying to do it with Karen.
Like, shut up.
Like, everybody wants their word where if you like say it, it's offensive and now you can silence somebody and there's such like power and currency in that.
But nah, there's one word you can't say.
We all know what the fuck it is.
What is it?
Yeah.
Got it out.
Now is your time.
Now's your time.
I can't say it.
I can't say it.
Don't look at me.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
You gotta grin to your mouth.
I gave you a hot potato right there, bro.
Say this whole context.
Absolutely no context that you would say that.
Is there no context where you can say the N-word?
You personally would say the N-word.
Is there any situation in which you would say it, apart from when you're singing alone in the car?
You're saying around people.
When would I say it?
Is there any like...
This is actually a really fun game to play.
Yeah.
When can I say it?
Yeah.
If you're telling a story where someone else has said it, I don't know.
I don't say it, man.
I know there's white dudes that like try to use that as the excuse to kind of say it and they get their rocks off.
They're like, well, technically he was saying the word.
And a joke?
No, I don't say it in the jokes either.
I mean, but would you?
No.
If it like made the joke better.
No, I mean, it does make every joke better.
I wish I could say it after every punchline.
Robbie Slovak says it so well.
He says, it's comedy dynamite.
Any punchline just hits harder with the N-word.
Don't use it.
But it's a good lord.
Yeah, like Louie, the way he's squared.
What do you think about that?
I didn't like that bit because I never just wanted to say the N-word.
You think that bit bothered me?
Because I think he, Louie, as a white guy, was like, how can I say the N-word to black people and not offend them and get away with it?
I mean, not offend them.
Get away with it.
That's about all I thought.
I thought it was more impressive.
Yeah, I know.
But that's actually.
What's the worst thing I've seen?
I like that.
I like that.
Yeah, I like that as like a comedic task.
Yeah, see, I didn't feel like it was a comedic task.
I feel like it was just, how can I, a guy who wants to say the N-word, say the N-word?
If it wasn't funny, I'd agree.
But it's a really funny bit.
So then I'm like, yeah, he pulled it off.
I didn't.
He gets a pass.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, I don't know.
Like, my, I assume that Louie didn't grow up with a lot of black people.
So it's, he probably doesn't know how that has made them feel or hasn't like seen someone call his friend that word.
And that's the problem with PAKI.
Yeah.
Is I've grown up around people who've had that word thrown at them every day and hate it.
But I've also got like...
Can't they just imagine the rest of the word after?
They just end it.
Yeah, like somebody says it and then they just quickly go, Stani.
There's nothing.
What'd you call it, Stanny?
My friend.
Yeah, you didn't let me finish it.
You punched me in the face before I could say the rest of it.
Maybe they want to say the rest of it.
Maybe they do want to fucking say the rest of it.
I was just taking a really long pause.
That's it.
I needed some water.
A few years ago.
So there's a friend of mine called Ishan Akbar, another comic, and he's from Pakistani and Bangladeshi descent.
And we were doing it.
What do you call the Bangladeshis?
Bangos.
That sounds fucking hilarious.
That sounds racist.
But do they get upset about that?
No, I don't feel it.
Shout out to Bango's, bro.
Bango's are my favorite.
That is a phenomenal word.
Oh, my God.
That's hilarious.
Bangos?
Yeah, yeah.
What do you call Indians?
Indos.
We're just shortening everything.
But the Pakistani ones are shit.
So the Pakistanis are the ones that are just most sensitive.
Yeah, yeah.
And do they not realize that?
Would you think they would prefer Pecos?
Oh.
Maybe that's the problem.
I'll go back.
I'll try it and I'll come back and report next day.
Yeah, what if we call them Pacos?
Pacos.
Pacos.
Really saying correctly.
Pacos.
I'll come to what I'm saying now.
Pecos.
Yeah.
Pacos.
Which is delicious.
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's a good name.
Shout out to a bunch of pacos moving into the neighborhood.
See, that's when it's been diverted up the valley.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do bunch of value.
I've been up the valley.
That's not offensive anymore.
Yeah, they saved up the value.
They came to our poor, disenfranchised white area and they drove up the value.
He's to educate them.
Fucking Paco's coming in with a college education.
I know.
These are committed individuals.
We were at the Edinburgh Festival with Ishan, and there's like a 3 a.m. show.
It's called Late and Live.
And we're having a drink, and I went to meet three friends.
I was like, give me any word, and I'll try and get it into me set.
And if I get it in, you owe me a drink.
And if I don't get your way, then I owe you a drink.
So one of the guys gives me like parachute and someone gives me sausage or whatever.
And Ishan gave me PAKI.
So he goes, get that in.
He goes, but on top of that, he goes, I've just been paid £400 for a set.
I mean, I'll give you all of this if you walk on and say any English in, any Irish in, any PAKIs in.
And I went, I'll do it.
And I just bottled out.
I didn't get it in.
You did?
You didn't.
I couldn't do it.
How scary are these Pacos, dude?
I'm trying to understand, like, what's going on?
I genuinely was more worried about the fucking woman with the purple hair on the front row who I knew was going to be the most offended person in the room.
Oh, so you're really worried about the white people that will write blogs defending the Pacos.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Do Pacos call anybody else by...
Do they shorten anybody else's country?
I don't think so.
Like, what do you call people from Poland?
Poles?
Yeah?
You're a Pole?
I cannot believe that.
Do the Pacos call the Poles?
I don't know.
Is there a situation where Paco and Mango are all talking and they're just using the Paco a bango and a pole?
Yeah, a Paco a mango pole walk into a bar.
I'm going to say that it's so many talks and jokes.
Walk into a bar.
Right?
And then what happens?
Besides the Paco not drinking because he's devout.
Well, the bango sat with him and the pole's getting three beers from himself.
See how much fun it could be?
Can we call it a bangy a poly and uh you can't do that because in America you can't call them polaks, I guess.
Yeah, that's another one.
Yeah.
But we had like so many jokes tied into how dumb they are.
Who was the Polish person that did something stupid that just started this horrible?
I never want to show those jokes.
I remember as a kid reading joke books and it's like the Poles are so dumb.
Like what the fuck is that?
How do you get a one-handed Polak out of a tree?
What?
A one-armed Polak out of a tree.
How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree?
Check one.
Well, that's a good answer.
The other one was, the answer is wave.
And he's so dumb and Polish, he'll just let go of it.
So there's no stereotype in the UK that Polish people are stupid.
Isn't that crazy?
It's got to be a U.S. immigrant thing.
Just a new group gets shit on.
Yeah.
So it's a World War II thing that they were using cavalry in World War II when everybody had like tanks.
Oh, that's hilarious.
That's what I thought it came from.
So all stereotype of Polish people is yours for Mexicans.
That they're hardworking, the most fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good morning.
Great people.
Drink a lot.
The best immigrant group ever in the history of the world.
That's your guys' problem out there.
You guys don't like immigrants because you don't have Mexicans.
That's true.
I mean this sincerely.
There is like even the conservatives, they're like, oh, stop the border.
They don't mind the ones that got in.
Notice they're not going to send them back.
They're like, these ones are great, and we love everything that they're doing, and they're awesome.
Great time, amazing amount of fun, but we're at a limit.
Yeah.
I suppose the stupidest thing for us, like that's that's often leveled at Irish people.
What about Portuguese?
Why do the Portuguese get that?
The Portuguese get what?
They're called stupid.
I never heard anything about people from Polish.
Anything.
Not one thing.
French people are rude and stink.
They are.
Polish people work hard for cheap.
Yeah.
Irish people work hard for cheap, and they're stupid.
That's why they work hard for cheap.
Really?
Irish people as I do.
I love the racist term for Irish people.
Mick.
It's so funny.
Or Patty.
Patty.
Mick is funny because it's always Mick something.
Took me years.
Yeah, but Mick isn't even a racist.
It's again the same thing.
It's like short for your last fucking name.
You probably have a McIntyre.
You can't have like...
You can't call an Irish person a Mick.
No, you can't.
But can a Paco call a Mick a Mick?
Can they do that?
I'm just saying.
Like, why?
At a certain point in time, we just got to step back and go, okay, guys.
You don't use Jap, though, right?
What do you mean?
Like, Jab.
You wouldn't call a Japanese person a Jap.
Second I walk into the restaurant, they start going, hummus, I'm going to say, I go, Japa, Japa, Jap, and I'm just Jabba Japan.
You jab and jab a jab.
If you just go, yo, what's up, my Jap?
You wouldn't say that.
Let me think.
He's got that.
He's fine.
But I call a Japanese person a Jap.
Yeah.
You know why I wouldn't say it?
And tell me why, Andrew.
Because Jap is something offensive for Jewish women.
So I think it's a good thing.
I'm worried that that Japanese person is going.
I'm worried that he thinks.
I'm not a Japanese man or a Jewish woman.
I'm not risking it.
Hey, what's up, Jap?
And he's going to go, you think I'm jealous American puddins?
And he's going to get really upset.
Japanese American pedencies.
No, I don't think Jap is bad.
Why is that offensive to Jewish women?
Jewish American princess.
What'd you call your dick?
Your Jap's eye.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, what did I call it?
My what?
Like the open and tikcocky Jap's eye.
Do you have that idea?
No.
What is that?
You refer?
Yeah.
So like the.
You're a Jap's eye.
Yeah.
That's what.
Yo, that is fucking hilarious.
Did you not have that?
Wow.
Yo!
Jap's eye is a...
Can I get it in this?
I'm so glad I got something.
That's it.
So that's offensive as well.
Because obviously you're saying that Japanese people's eyes look like dicks.
They look more like dicks than white people's eyes.
That is, we can all relate.
It depends on what's going on.
But you know what?
Really funny if their eyes look like that, but their dickles are perfectly around.
They pee in a single.
Screaming.
That is interesting.
Jap does feel bad because there is historical context there.
And I'm sure you guys have the same thing with Paco, but with the eyes.
Yeah, but at the same time, but if we remove ourselves from it, we can acknowledge how absolutely absurd it is.
Yeah.
Like, how the lack of creativity.
The lack of creativity for Americans.
The best thing we could if we remove ourselves, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's never happened.
Say it.
Anyway, so the lack of creativity for Americans.
Like, I'm embarrassed that the best thing that we could think of for Japanese people was Japs.
There's a lot of ammo there.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I think they had other ones too, right?
Well, the fact that you have to Google them means that they weren't good enough.
You got close to one of them, actually, right there.
No, that wasn't them.
Oh, yeah, that's Vietnamese.
See?
Good point.
See, we at least did something good for them.
Yeah, it was creative.
It's embarrassing.
They fucking bombed Pearl Harbor, and the best we came up with was Jap.
Yeah.
I mean, we got our headback, though.
It's not like they bomb Pearl Harbor and you're like, well, you know what?
You're all Japanese.
That was the least of it.
Okay?
What should we call it?
What should we call it?
Japanese barbecue?
Is that what Japanese?
Come on.
Did we invent Japanese barbecue when you think about it?
Bro.
We can't let you get near the Brits, dude.
It just gets crazy.
You just get in your element.
It's too much.
Yeah, Jap, I guess, feels...
We got to talk to some Japs about it because I don't think that...
I don't even know if they're Japan American.
They're just princesses about this.
It's a Jewish American princess.
It's wine, I think.
We got to see what they think.
Like, what do you think they're more offended by?
Like, nuclear Holocaust or that word?
I think it depends what day of the weekend is and where they are.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
If you were out in Osaka chilling.
I don't think you can really use that.
You can't go and be like, oh, all right, you're a Jap.
And if they're like, actually, I'm upset, you can't go, well, at least I'm not nuclear holocaust right now.
That's a good point.
But what I would also say is you'd be like, this is one of the most beautiful Jap hotels I've ever been at.
Like, let's say you're in Tokyo.
You're like, okay, what'd you do for dinner last night?
Oh, my God.
We went to this Jap restaurant and we had the most amazing Jap sushi you've ever had in your entire life.
And then we went back to our Jab hotel and it was, dude, the Jap massage that I got before I went to sleep was one of the most relaxing things I've ever experienced in my life.
You can't say that after they didn't let us in their country for four years because of COVID?
What do you want me to say?
I did all of that.
What am I supposed to?
You're going to do that monologue and then just look at me and go, yeah, go on.
Just say something.
Just or no.
It's not offensive, to be honest.
There is a hot dog restaurant in New York called Japa Dog.
It's a Japanese hot dog restaurant.
Jappa Dog.
That's a place.
They named it, and I have to say it every time I go there.
Begrudgingly.
Why'd you have to say every time you go there?
Do you say wherever you are?
Japa Dog Restaurant00:03:50
They walk in and they go, Japanese.
They say that to you.
McDonald's!
When you walk into Japanese places, they yell.
You know this.
You've gone to Japanese restaurants.
They have a greeting every time you go in.
You didn't know this?
No, I've never been to one.
No, you're serious.
When you walk into a Japanese restaurant, the whole restaurant greets you.
Hamanasa Manasi.
Actually, look it up, what they say.
So there's a thing that they say every time you walk into a Japanese restaurant.
Hamanasamanase?
It sounds like that.
It's probably.
Welcome, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, Mark.
Good guess right there, buddy.
It probably is, yeah.
But you never know.
But you don't know.
They might just be saying, like, they might just be fucking.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
They go, and that means because the police are going to.
I'm not cooking the fish.
Welcome, please come in.
They got to say all that.
So fucking stupid to say, please come in when you're already inside, isn't it?
Yeah, I've already entered.
Yeah.
So what else could they say instead?
Instead of, you want me to invent a Japanese word?
No, but you could do a traditional dance.
I believe they call it Jap dancing.
No.
You think about Japanese shift clubs?
I just don't.
I don't get it anymore, man.
I don't get it anymore.
I don't get it.
I do agree that Jap feels bad.
It does feel bad.
And Paco with an eye doesn't.
Okay.
That's because they.
Jap might not feel bad in English.
Like Jap.
I'm so much more comfortable saying that.
You are.
Because there's no Japanese people.
Because you've never treated Japanese people poorly.
Yeah.
Neither have I. That's why I feel comfortable saying it.
But you don't feel comfortable saying Paco with an eye.
Yeah.
Because.
Because I have.
Because you've treated Pacos with an eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll have said that like in an argument in school with an Asian guy.
Really?
Yeah.
And then what happened?
I was about to say that.
And then did that help you win it?
Did that help you win the argument?
Probably escalates it to the fight and then you see in the paddy cliff get to the toilets or the center path.
That was Paco he was fighting?
Probably.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I'm glad that we got to the bottom of that, dude.
What about Viets?
Can we call them Viets?
Is that offensive?
Viets.
I'm just saying, like, what if we call Canadians Canades?
Is that offensive?
No.
Cambo is probably not offensive.
Cambos, can we call Cambodians Cambos?
That sounds like a compliment.
That sounds fiery.
Cambos, dude.
Yeah.
What about people from Nigeria?
We can call them Jerians.
I'm a dude, Palm.
Sometimes you shorten on the other end.
The first one is courage.
You've got to understand how more multicultural this country and New York particularly is.
There was one black guy in the town I grew up in in the pool, and he was called Black Alan the taxi driver.
That's actually pretty damn like open-minded when you think you added his first name and occupation Black Allen the taxi driver and does everybody knew him.
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Like my mother come back from like like she'd have gone somewhere in a taxi and come back like yeah, I was just at Black Allen the taxi driver, like can I tell you why that's the money?
He drank in the same pub as we parents.
Can I tell you why that's open-minded?
You could have just stopped at black and everyone would have known, yeah yeah, just being in black, speak perfect English.
Courage and Multiculturalism00:03:27
But you guys say with me something like why that?
That's a a northern thing yeah, in the north of England.
So in London they'll say my father, my dad.
Yeah, in Litfill, it's me mom, and you guys just choose to do that, knowing that it's wrong.
It's I just like my is almost, almost not in my.
He's asking a very interesting question right now.
It's a very interesting accent.
We should discuss this over exclusives.
Yeah, let's go to the library, pick it up, see if there's any literature.
I ain't see no problem, it's just not in my home, really.
Yeah, so would you be like, not to your current girl, but like to another girl you met on the road.
Would you be like, well you suck up me dick, suff me dead flames.
No way, no way, suff me dead, suck me dick.
I mean I'm doing it my accent, not that one.
Suck me dick, sufficient.
Suck me guano, that's fine bro, come on lad.
You would say, come on lad, suck me dick.
Not to a lad, no, get over here girl, and suffer me dead.
Get over here.
Do they say that to you?
Do you like?
Beat me pussy up?
Beat me pussy up.
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah.
And where was she from?
She's sometime between Liverpool and the Bronx, I think she's from me.
Pussy up yeah, I think she's from Glasgow.
Actually, beat my pussy up.
Bait bit, all right bit yeah, beat me pussy.
What are you doing to women?
That's the only part of them you can beat.
You have to take.
You know what I mean.
Beggars can't do choosers.
You know you're allowed to beat that part up.
A girl would say, lick me out, lick me out.
That makes sense, though.
And lick me out, lick me out, lick me out like beat me out.
Yeah yeah yeah, lick me out yeah, and do they speak to you like that?
They say, lick me pussy.
It depends on the context.
Like in bed maybe yeah, not in.
Like the fucking lick me out?
Yeah, what supermarket Scouse?
Dirty talk is awesome yeah yeah yeah, lick me talk doesn't work.
Like I have to put on like, if i'm ever dirty talking, like i'll put on my give me a little something.
Yeah, give me a little dirty talk.
How would you do it?
Oh god um, what do you want me to say?
This is your, this is your rank.
Hey, come on, you don't know what to say in dirty.
I've never got to look at someone like you in the eye and do it, don't you?
Oh, there we go now.
So much.
It sounds.
Scout is such an aggressive accent, so saying suck me dick yeah, okay.
How would a girl tell you to hit it from the back like, let's say, she wants to switch positions?
How would she be like, fuck me from behind me ours yeah, she said fuck me from behind me, from behind, but like in a more like girl, do they get more feminine from behind?
That's a good Scouch girl as well.
From behind me, from behind me, from behind, Uh, yeah, man.
Are all the positions the same?
Like 69, missionary, doggy style?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fast translations are.
That comes over.
Nashville Country Music Move00:14:31
Forgot the commission tag.
We got the book.
Do you call it doggy style?
Doggy, yeah.
You don't call it bango style?
That's that type of curry.
That's when he puts some vision.
That's when he put a French frider for freedom fry.
Have you ever had a backlash from a group of people before for the joke?
Just japs.
Today.
Yeah.
No.
Have I ever had backlashes about jokes?
Or from like a group?
Yeah, What's the worst?
I don't even know at this point.
All groups?
Every single group.
I'm getting backlash from Gujaratis because I'm doing crowd work on a guy.
He says he manages a hotel.
I said, your last name is Patel.
You good, you motherfucker.
Your parents own it.
And I just predicted.
And then I randomly guess the name of the hotel.
And then there's so many comments in Hindi about how fuck me and I have no respect for the state.
And it's like, yo, y'all are offended by everything.
This is, I literally just guessed.
You got backlash for that?
Oh, yeah.
So many comments.
But I think the Patels have been very successful in the hotel industry.
And then I guess in India, because with YouTube, I have a growing Indian audience because of shorts.
But like, I guess in India, they don't, they're just so in such a hurry to get offended.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, wow.
It's like a snowflake thing, the fence.
I think it's power.
Like, I don't think that people, yes, this execution is the same, but I don't think that they're, I don't think they're sitting there like, I can't wait for someone to offend me.
I think it's, I can't wait to tell somebody what to do.
And now I have a weapon to tell people what to do.
So I don't think it's like everybody's a snowflake.
I think everybody just wants a weapon.
It's like everybody wants to eat the mushroom for Mario.
Everybody wants the like the star that makes you invincible.
Invincible, completely invincible.
And it's just like given a little bit of power.
Yeah, it's like, you're not black.
You're not black.
You don't get it.
You don't get it.
Not in America.
I don't know how it is over there.
You don't get it.
Nobody gets it.
Just them.
You all decide to come here.
If you decide to eat at the dairy restaurant and you're lactose intolerant, who's that on?
It's on you.
Take that up with your mom and dad, yo.
Take it up with your mom and dad.
I'm just saying.
You might be the only man in history who's ever done a dairy intolerance racing.
I don't know what to do.
I gotta make it happen, bro.
I gotta put it in this situation that they'll understand.
I'm just saying, black people are entitled to every single thing that bothers them about America because they were forcibly brought here.
Everybody else was like, you see that racist ass country where I could get rich?
I'm going for it.
Everybody else did it.
Speaking of facts.
I'm just saying.
Everybody else was like, that place is racist as fuck, but I'm going anyway because I'm greedy.
Right?
And then they came.
Simple as that.
And we were like, come here, get rich.
Being black is also the hardest.
You know how hard being black is?
Jamie Foxx had a stroke.
God willing, everything is okay.
But you see that, and like, yo, shouts to Jamie.
Prayers up.
But also, this is a 55-year-old man who looks like he's 28.
He's a multi-millionaire in the peak of health.
And when he had a stroke, I was like, yo, being black is exactly as hard as black people say it is.
Holy shit.
Jamie Foxx at 55.
Yeah.
Bro, that shit is hard.
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
Shouts out to Jamie, man.
I don't know exactly what's going on, but I have heard some people say it was a stroke.
Speculation, I think.
Yeah, man.
Shout out to Jamie, man.
Also, change of topic.
Adam's trying to switch teams, by the way.
To what?
He told us this before, that he's trying to move to Nashville and become a country music star.
You love country, that's right.
I love country music.
Are you religious?
My dad loves country.
You need to get into religion if you're going to go live in Nashville.
It's big there.
Jesus is big.
And Jesus is big in the music, too.
It's beautiful.
Huh?
It's beautiful.
Jesus is big in the music, too.
I actually do want to say one thing.
And I mean this sincerely.
I mean this sincerely.
I don't believe white Christians.
I only believe Christianity if it's coming out of a black person's face.
I mean that.
Every white person that I see preaching, I'm like, you fucking liar.
You fucking liar.
No soul.
That's why I believe Catholics, because that's how a white person would believe in God.
He'd be up there like, fuck this shit, bro.
God, I'm not owning people.
You own me.
At least I got a nice house to live in.
But when I see white people up there, bro, it is, I think they're up to something.
Yeah.
If you're going to go Christian, you got to go black church.
Like Joe Alstein, you see him, he got all the words and everything, but you're like, no, something's off.
Nope.
What's the other?
But Creflo Dollar, who I know for a fact is just making money off people.
I'm like, he got the Lord in the middle.
What's the other guy?
Not Joel Olstein.
He's like an older guy.
What's his name?
He's a famous pastor?
Yeah.
People are famous pastors.
That's such a old white guy.
Yeah.
Don't believe it.
Billy Graham?
No.
He's the original, like, Telen of whatever.
Tell a novella.
Tell a novel.
You would believe them.
They'd be passionate.
Oh, that guy's wild.
Robertson.
So he looks like the devil, bro.
I'm convinced that if heaven and hell exists, that guy there is the devil on air.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like it.
Or it's just his face.
Have you seen the devil's advocate?
You know the fucking face that the woman turns into in the store?
It's fucking that.
I'm telling you, it's just white dudes.
You don't believe them when it comes to Christianity.
They have to be Catholic.
Christian white guys?
No.
Bollocks.
But he looks possessed.
There's something dark about him.
Yeah, he's a fucking weird.
Yeah.
He's just horrible.
Yeah, if I move to Nashville, it's not going to be religion.
I can get on board with them singing about him.
Yeah.
The same way I can get on board with a comedian saying something that I don't really.
I don't believe the comedian.
They're just trying to be funny.
Yeah.
They're just trying to rhyme something with fucking Jesus.
Yeah.
And it's fire.
Christian music is great.
It's fucking, I love full fucking week.
Can you tell them the story of your friend that didn't like country music?
Stop.
We're going to get him in a minute.
So, so Dan, who I host have a word with.
Yeah.
The reason we went to Nashville was Luke Combs was playing a stadium show.
Legend.
And they, everyone I do the podcast with hates country music and they take like they brag on me for liking it.
That's like a personality type that's kind of unfair.
It's very hecky.
Like how like Polish people are stupid.
Yeah.
It just became cool to not like country.
What kind of music is like everything but country?
People would say that in America, but they never listen to one country song.
By people, I mean me for most of my life.
And then I listened to country and I was like, holy shit, this is the best music.
Because there's fucking people who like country.
Because we're like, oh, I'm not like those people.
So there's no way I can like this music.
But once you hear it, shit.
That's interesting.
Tennessee whiskey up.
Give me that.
That's a good ass point.
We're trying to create distance between the people that listen and ourselves.
Hey, I'm not like those people right there.
But fuck it.
It's white people.
I'm not racist.
It is white people's.
I'm not racist.
It's in you.
I'm not racist.
I have black friends.
But country music makes you feel comfortable being racist.
Like, you just, fuck yeah.
Like, I get it.
I get it.
Like, somebody's got to fucking get the crack out of it.
What?
Come on.
I just like how simple it is.
There's no metaphors in country music.
They're just singing about.
Literal.
Yeah.
They're just like, I love me, wife.
Car.
She's doing me a little.
I love people there, but I've got a truck.
They never kill.
They never kill.
Women are the most violent.
Female country music is more violent than any gangster out that exists.
Every song is about murdering the cheating husband or keying up his car or doing something incredibly violent.
I don't listen to female.
I'm from one to two.
I gotta be honest.
I'm starting high.
But my point is, you cannot listen to female country.
Female Country is a very dangerous, toxic form of music.
I refuse to listen to it.
I skip every single time when I'm listening to my Luke Combs and shit.
I just got that ripping.
I'm fine.
Female Country, no.
Draw the line.
We took the whole squad out because I was like, I'm taking you to Nashville.
We're going to have the week there.
We'll end it with the Luke Homes concert.
We'll film the whole thing for our Patreon stuff.
And that's the plan.
And Dan, so one of the days we went to a ranch that's ran by a family and they had us there for the day, cook for us, let us use the branch.
And one of the guys who worked at the branch, and he's also a musician.
And Dan is the worst for ragging on me for hating country music.
It's been like a thing for him.
And he'd had like seven shots of moonshine.
Like he's fucked.
And the guy starts, he goes, right, these next two songs are sort of linked.
So he goes, the first one's about my sister.
He goes, she actually died last year.
She was hit by a drunk driver.
And this song is about what she meant to me and who she was and where I think she's gone and how I'm going to see it again.
And he sang that and he said, and then this next one is about the vengeance I felt towards the man who hit her.
And it's about like loading his gun and going to, he's like, but I won't do it.
And that's the song.
Like the vengeance he wants to exact but won't do it.
And we got it all on camera, including the very last bit where it panted Dan, who's rotten drunk, sobbing, and goes, I finally get country music.
That's all it takes.
Oh, it's fucking great.
And a couple of them have converted.
But then I got a message before, so they flew back to the UK when I flew here.
And Carl, who's my best mate and our lead producer, he put the second they landed, he put, if I ever hear a country song again or a good song in country style, I'm going to blow my own fucking head clean off.
So we haven't quite won Carl around.
Carl will come around.
Yeah.
And this is fucking so good.
Yes, that's great.
Charlamagne calls it white Atlanta.
Have you ever been to Atlanta?
That's what you said to me.
Yeah, it's just amazing.
It's a great city, a lot of fun, and country music is just the best.
And just the highest standard of women I've ever seen anywhere in the world.
Really?
Yeah.
You prefer it to like a Sweden or like a Denmark or something like that?
Yeah.
But it's the attire.
I don't like where those are.
Cowgirl boots.
Oh, yeah.
And the hat.
And you like heavy tits?
Are you a big fucking chug guy?
You like big fucking shit.
He's not lactose intolerant.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, it was fucking impossible.
And I was sat like at the Luke Hombs concert on the aisle and like quite high up.
So people just walk, it was just like a conveyor belt of the best asses you've ever seen in your life.
And they've all got cowgirl hats on.
Yeah.
Fucking tall.
What is a good ass for an English white guy?
Hourglass innit?
Oh, so you like it when it comes to the cap, but it went back out.
But do you like it when it comes also out like that?
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Just make it sure.
Yeah.
You saw a lot of that in Nashville?
Yeah.
Oh, the white girl's got cake in Nashville.
Bring up that girl, the singer.
This one's crazy song.
Holy shit.
What's her name?
Theo had her on.
Theo had her on.
That's right.
No, I didn't want to check in.
Look at this thing about to pop open.
Hold on.
I got to get the full video, but he is compared to England.
Oh, I've seen this, yeah.
I've seen this.
Oh, I've seen this.
I mean, she's probably pulling it up in the Newcastle.
She has.
I mean, it's retarded.
And that's not even a good angle.
Like, it gets even crazier.
And she's wearing camouflage.
Imagine that shit wasn't, you know what I mean?
She wasn't trying to blend in with that thing.
Do we have that video, Mark?
Yeah, I'll pull it out.
I'll pull it out.
Okay, so any thoughts about moving to the States potentially?
I would love to.
I'd have to bring the podcast in with us.
Of course.
Our podcast is so important to us and so bit.
Like, just like I earn more money from the podcast now than from stand-up, which I never thought was ever going to be possible.
That'll probably change with this tour.
The tour I've just announced is hits the tour you always sort of aimed for.
Yeah.
Like The venue I did with you in London, we're doing five shows there.
We're doing two shows in Liverpool in like a 2,500 season.
Wow, Manchester's 40 miles down the road from Liverpool.
We're doing the Manchester Apollo where I opened for Bill Baird a few years ago.
And for me, like with venues and with career-wise, ticking off like venues that mean something to me is so important.
So, like, when Bear came over a few years ago, I did four dates with them: one in Glasgow, the Manchester one that I'm now doing the same venue as, and then the Royal Albert Hall in London, the Royal Albert Hall now, to get back there with my name on the fucking tickets is like the goal.
Do you know what I mean?
Um, but like the podcast is sort of greater than the sum of its parts at the same time.
Like, I'm doing two shows in Liverpool in a really big theater, but then we did a live podcast show in December in the arena.
It's 8,000 people.
Insane, completely sold out, insane, and completely unlisted bill apart from like us bringing our friends on.
And we booked like a 90s pop band who like everyone knew they closed the show out.
Yeah, just brought them out for no fucking reason.
Great, great.
It was just a fucking party.
And yeah, I'd love to move here.
Like, there were moments in Nashville when we were sat around going, we could just move this to Nashville.
Yeah.
Just go home and talk because Carl, like our main producer, he's been with his missus for like 12 years.
So they're ready to break up or they're nearly done.
So Dan's married.
If they could convince their two partners, let's just go and give it a go for the year.
Yeah.
I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that we'd do it.
If you do do it, go to Austin, not Nashville.
Yeah, you'll get the same kind of country, you know, feel, but you'll have way more opportunities to do stand-up.
There's just not enough stand-up in Nashville right now.
There's a great club, Zaney's.
We went down.
So on the Thursday night, we took pretty much Thursday off from filming because we were filming like 12 hours a day for a week.
Because what we with our podcast, we do one public episode every week, one episode on Patreon.
But then every month we give them a Patreon special, and it's us doing something that isn't just a podcast.
So like we went to Amsterdam for three days in January, filmed for three days, cut it down to an hour and a half.
That's the special.
Oh, wow.
Nashville's probably going to be a three-parter because we did so much stuff.
Yeah.
But that's what, like, the reason our Patreon is so big.
So we're like, I think 13th in the world now.
Wow.
Wow.
So we've got 21,000 Patreons.
We've only got 60k subscribers on your pod.
Oh, wow.
So you just have converted like this large percentage of yours.
It's like a third of them sign up.
Amazing.
Which is just compared.
I always like very bullishly call us the pound for pound number one podcast.
Yeah.
That's great.
Like per viewer, we make the most money.
Manchester United Allegations00:08:28
Yeah.
I mean, it just shows the power of like, you know, building community and doing what you can.
Like we can put anything on.
We can go, oh, we're going to try something fucking stupid.
Do you want to come to this?
Yeah.
And the tickets just go.
Like last year, after I broke up with her, we did.
Did you ever have the TV show Blind Date?
Where there's like a wall with like three.
We just did that.
You just did Blind Date in front of a thousand people.
Just that who you met your current girl?
No.
No.
But the girl I chose that night and like we were supposed to go on a date is now in a very serious relationship with Jamie.
Get out of here.
Did you guys hook up?
No.
Did nothing?
No.
And one night, Jamie was in a pub in Liverpool.
And he texted me and he goes, you know, Lauren, who you met at Blind Date?
Did anything ever happen?
And are you like pursuing anything?
Because she's here.
And I feel like I...
And I was like, no, no, no.
Oh, God.
And he's like, nice one.
Look at that kind of boys.
She's fucking great.
She's lovely.
But yeah, they're together now.
All right, let's do some feel asleep, my boy.
All right.
Hakimi's wife filed for divorce.
She goes to get half his money.
Turns out it's filed under his mom.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
So there's this guy who plays for, was it Real Madrid and then Morocco?
PSG.
Or PSG.
And he grew up in Spain.
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And we obviously went to Morocco and we're like all into it.
That's where I first kind of really heard about this dude.
And just an amazing story.
I don't know if this is real, but it's going viral everywhere.
Yeah.
Oh, it's 100% real.
Also, this won't be like, this won't have been his plan.
As great as it is that he's, do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm funny.
Like, this will just be a tax dodge.
So he's like, oh, this, I pay my wages to Hakeibi Football Limited.
And my mum is the CEO of it.
And it'll be so he's not, it'll be, like, the way taxes work in Europe is if you do that, you'll pay a lot less tax on the money if it's getting paid to a business rather than an individual because you can get more tax breaks.
So it'll be that.
Like, it's very common, like, for comedians who start earning a lot of money in the UK, like their partners are then, like, managing director of Andrew Schultz comedian.
Yeah.
Okay, let's look at her.
So she's of Tunisian descent, born in Spain as well.
From Spain is like big.
And then apparently, there's reports that he's going to get half of her assets.
Yeah, because she's got money.
Yeah, her assets are in her name.
You never once thought about where the money's coming from?
Yeah.
You never once were like, hey, whose name is this?
Oh, you don't have anything in your name?
Yeah.
In years of marriage, it never came up.
It was never mentioned.
But it's so easily explained.
Like, if she goes, where's this money coming from?
He goes, oh, it's coming from.
This shell company, so we don't have to pay taxes.
Yeah, it's in monetary.
She doesn't know.
She doesn't fucking understand what it is.
What give a fuck does she?
Yeah.
Also, this is how you know that everybody's acting like she's some gold digger.
Like this, how you know, she was pure.
She never asked where the money was going.
Yeah.
She actually loved him, had kids with him.
Like, this isn't some gold digger.
She put two kids out here.
Yeah.
And he's going to take half of her shit.
That's some scumbag shit, if you ask me.
Is it a big, like, bad breakup?
Like, why is the news of that?
Oh, I think there's some infidelity going on.
I assume it's infidelity is because he's a soccer player, and that's apparently just what it is.
Even more so than the other thing.
You probably can't, like, you probably have to say the word allegedly, but there's rumors and proceedings, I believe, that the infidelity was not consensual as well.
Whoa.
Oh, that was an allegation.
There's allegations.
And apparently what she said is that's what we're like, it was too far.
Which is allegations, which I don't know.
It's kind of concrete timing.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Allegedly, she's like, not only have you cheated on me, you've raped someone.
And that's the allegation.
They've kept that in the tuck.
They could protect the players well out there, bro.
Yeah, we just hear about the money situation.
I hear nothing about that.
I heard nothing about that.
Is it why?
Is everybody on the take or something like that?
Like, why does the or why, why are we not getting that information?
Because...
Is that something everybody knows out there in Europe?
Yeah, like, I knew that before I knew the divorce thing.
But, like, I could list you a load of footballers.
There's rumors about and allegations.
Like, Christiana Ronaldo can't play in the States.
There's a reason he went to Saudi Arabia.
I won't say what that reason is.
We all know that.
Oh, I didn't realize it was due to that.
But I thought they dropped that case.
They dropped the case because he paid her.
But there's transcripts of him go.
There's a transcript of Ronaldo.
You could find it in five seconds where he's like, she repeatedly asked me to stop and I carried on.
Holy shit.
Like he's confessed it, but he was like, here's the money.
But then she came back and asked for more money and it was like, no.
Kobe doesn't have one as crazy as that, but Kobe got a wild one.
Kobe got one where he basically is like, I understand why she thought it was rape.
Like Kobe got a wild one too.
So I know it sounds crazy.
I know, but it's.
Kobe also went through the trial and then so the public opinion, it's easier to digest it because it's like, well, he was found not guilty.
So he's not guilty.
You see what I'm saying?
This is, I said she asked me to stop and then I just paid her off and everybody's overlooking it.
He's saying there's a player who plays for Arsenal And so it's sort of common knowledge that there's stuff going on with him, but he's just being allowed to continue to play because it's not, he hasn't been charged with anything.
Yeah.
So his name's Thomas Party.
He also plays for Ghana.
But like when Arsenal, when he scores for Arsenal and all the Arsenal fans, he's like, fucking get in party.
If you look at any quote tweets of it, it's, are you really celebrating this man?
Whoa.
There was one guy that had allegations got dropped from every team, and then the allegations were false or something and then didn't get re-signed.
Do you remember this?
I forget who this was.
This was like something recent English guy.
Mason Greenwood?
I think so, yeah.
No, so that wasn't false.
So Mason Greenwood, there's audio footage that his now pregnant partner was like leaked.
And she was like, oh, I didn't put that out there.
But it's she's because he was abusing her.
Like, she's not bringing something.
And like, she's audio recorded it to have as evidence.
And she's like, Mason, stop.
And he's like, I want to have sex with you.
She's like, well, I don't want him.
And he's like, I don't give a fuck what you want.
Jeez.
So he was dropped by Manchester United.
And he's still listed as their thing because it was going to court.
A witness dropped out.
She didn't want to press charges anymore because apparently she's pregnant with this child.
Whoa.
And she was like, look, yeah, it's a really horrible, toxic relationship, but I want to be back with you.
Yeah.
So he's now not going to prison because there's no charges to be followed up on.
I didn't realize that.
But there's audio that you again could find in 30 seconds on the internet of him doing that stuff.
But she's like, I love him.
I want to.
So then what do you do?
But then no Manchester United fan ever wants him to play for Manchester United.
There's some fucking idiots on Twitter who are like, oh, just get him back.
You know, he's not guilty.
And it's like, no, he hasn't been found guilty.
That doesn't mean he hasn't done anything.
And can you really then put him in a fucking Manchester United church and have children around the world fucking worshiping this guy when there's literally audio footage on the internet?
Is this a newer thing?
These soccer players are no good.
Yeah, these soccer players are cool hooligans, dude.
These guys are goofy.
Is that a good thing for soccer players?
Yeah, because we had this for football players in America, right?
Like this kind of sounds similar, but we have the excuse of, you know, they just are riddled with CTE.
Yeah.
I think social media has just made it easier for people like me to find out that it happened.
Like this has always been happening, you're saying.
I think so.
Like the reason I know the rumors about Thomas Party is that it was all over Twitter.
And the girl who was involved was like, the police aren't doing anything.
Here are literally screenshots of the text from me and him.
Jesus.
So she was like, nothing's going to happen to him, but I want you all to know who this guy is.
You would never have heard about that in the 90s if a footballer was accused of it.
Like, how would a victim?
Football, like, our soccer players are just so used to people like faking being hurt that they don't thought she was trying to draw yellow.
Yeah.
Blow the whistle.
No, it's a wild thing that that news never comes over here.
I mean, we do get soccer news.
Like this Hakimi story is just nuclear.
Everybody's talking about it.
But I think that's more like Manosphere stuff.
Yeah.
It's like a guy got over on a girl.
Yeah, yeah.
This is a victory for men.
That's why you know it's not.
He could be working in fucking supermarket.
AI Voice Imitation00:05:22
You know what I mean?
It's like Brittany's ex, what was his name?
Kevin Federal Federal.
Yeah, when he got that settlement.
Yeah.
It's the most American story of all time.
Yeah, I think Kelly Clarkson's husband got a bunch of money from her.
I didn't like that, though.
Wait, why?
I don't know why.
I kind of like Kelly Clarkson.
I didn't like that.
I thought that was close.
She's just so sweet.
Yeah.
She's just sweet.
She seems like a nice, hard-working girl.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
She doesn't seem like a gold-digging slut.
Right?
Like, she made all the money.
Yeah, nah, I don't know.
I hope she is that.
That was such a nice compliment.
You don't look like a gold-digging slut.
Yeah.
Good for you.
Good for yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know who Kelly Clarkson is?
Yeah.
Okay, you know the musician.
Okay, what else we got?
Speaking of music, AI music has taken over the entire world.
Have you heard these songs?
Yeah, the Drake shit.
Yeah, it's just a little bit of a shit.
The Drake on the Weekend Join is fire.
Yeah, the songs are great, but like it's kind of remarkable how quickly they've gotten good.
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like Travis Scott.
You know what I mean?
You know how women have been using like drag queen makeup, contouring and these types of things or traditional drag queen makeup and women kind of like have absorbed it.
So women's makeup is making them look a little bit more trans.
And then trans women, the surgery and shit is getting better.
So they're kind of like meeting in the middle.
I think that's what's happening why the AI music sounds so good because we're distorting people's normal voices with these like filters.
So there's these audio filters.
So a guy like Travis Scott is putting the audio auto tune on.
So it's changing his voice and making it more AIable as well.
I've never heard AI Ariana?
Ariana Grande?
No.
She's not like a robotic singer.
And I think academics posted something.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is like when we went to, when we were in London, we like sang in this booth.
And like they completely changed my voice to make it way better than it was.
When we even did that opener up song, like I did not sound like it at all.
They completely distorted my voice.
They're doing that with all of our favorite artists, whether they can sing or not.
They are changing them, manipulating them.
So it's like, it's just getting closer to what a machine can do.
And now they're meeting in the middle.
If you compare, this would be the real test.
You compare like Frank Sinatra with AI Frank Sinatra.
Because that's the most pure version of it because they didn't have all these tools to manipulate how the person sounds.
I'm fairly certain it would still be close.
Because again, Ariana, I've heard sing live at like SNL or something one time.
What she can say?
Holy fuck.
Here's a song I just found.
I've never heard it before.
This is Frank Sinatra Singing Toxic by Brittany Spears.
Okay.
Get into it.
Not even close to Frank Sinatra.
This sounds like Fred Astare.
Yeah, it's not even close.
And there's a perfect example.
And they just need more data and they can eventually kind of figure it out.
But Travis's voice is already AI.
So it's easy to AI him.
I think you can make Alex sound like Travis or me sound like Travis or you sound like Travis if you just put enough auto-tune on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will say though, to Arkash's point, like some of the ones like I think Rihanna did a Beyonce song and it sounds identical to Rihanna.
Like again, it's machinified.
Like Rihanna's voice is probably slightly machinified, but it still sounds.
If you play the, God, Academics did posted an Ariana Drake cover, I think.
And it's like, yo, this does not sound like a robot.
The thing, I think everybody's talking about it just because it's new tech and it's cool.
It's like, oh shit, let's see how this person sounds singing somebody else's song.
But at the end of the day.
No, they have them singing Hollywood, dude.
They have them speaking a different language.
Wait, wait, wait.
I just think no one's going to care.
Like in six months, no one's going to care because no one can put out a song saying, hey, this is a Drake song and make money off of it because they're going to get sued.
And then this whole shit is going to stop.
So this is just a cool little thing that we all care about now.
I don't think it's really going to be a thing.
Will they create remixes?
You know how we enjoy remixes?
DJs come out and they make these illegal remixes where they blend different songs together.
Will they start doing that with famous rappers' voices or famous singers' voices?
And if they're great, we like a great song.
It doesn't matter what it is.
Yeah.
Right?
The moment that person puts it out for sale, then the record label is just.
But that's the thing.
You don't need to put it out for sale.
Yeah.
Like it could just exist on the internet and then become the new coolest thing.
And it's almost like people don't sell music that much.
And all these TikTok songs also like.
Streaming sites.
Once it's on a streamer, you're profiting off that.
Yeah, you can, but let's say that they're not profiting on it.
It's just a popular thing to use.
Just a video that we like.
So then it helps the artist.
Now it's just another banger for that artist and the artist didn't have to do any work.
Yep.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's the same thing that DJs are doing now already.
But like, there's a weird weird copyright loophole where, like, if you do an impression of someone's voice exactly, they don't get royalties for it.
You know what I mean?
So, like, if you're not, it's like it's an imitation.
Like, if you're able to do a perfect Drake action, and then you cover like a Rihanna song as Drake, and you can do a perfect accent, he doesn't get a cut of you doing a cover that sounds like him, you know what I mean?
Or like any of these bands that sound like other artists, like they don't get a cut of it.
So, if you could release a song that has a feature from unknown Canadian rapper, and it's like, and if people come up with pseudonyms for all of these rappers, like Canadian artists featuring all my song, and it sounds exactly like Drake putting a fire verse on your track, is that Drake and is he entitled to compensation?
China Dominates TikToks00:07:02
It's just more work for lawyers.
And I don't think people are gonna like the song once we know that's good.
AI is gonna be like, ah, it sounds dope, but it's still a lot of fun.
I don't know.
This has already been solved in film.
So, you have the CGI rights to your face.
That's what it is.
And you can license your CGI rights.
So, like, what is the guy?
Bruce Willis, I think.
Bruce Willis.
Yeah.
So, Bruce Willis licenses CGI rights.
And there are other people who do the code.
Now, big time.
But for real, but think about it also with people who are part of existing franchises when they know that they're probably going to die.
You wouldn't even need to flip out Dumbledore if you know you could do it.
Right?
So, Harrison Ford.
He's doing a movie where he's aged down and he said this is the first time it seemed realistic.
So, he signed on to do it.
But he's playing like a guy in his 50s or whatever.
Yeah.
So, I think they'll just do the same thing with your voice.
And we know if it's fucking Drake's voice, and they'll find some way where it's like has to be within five percentage points.
So, it's authentic.
But that's if they pass a law.
Do they have a law that like inhibits you for it?
They will have to pass it.
They will once what happens without talking about once it becomes profitable.
Once there's money involved, they're going to find a way to get their money and they deserve it.
The problem that's coming with AI is that it's moving so quickly.
I was reading something about this the other week that because laws take so long to get passed, by the time laws are passed on AI, AI will be so much further ahead, and then they'll have to do it again.
Yeah, so law isn't going to be able to keep up with the rate of AI, and that's like a big ethical problem with it.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, they could theoretically, we would probably have to do the same thing for this pod, for our stand-up, whatever.
There's an AI Joe Rogan experience, it isn't great yet, but it's not there.
But the point is, and they say this at the beginning, this is to show how AI will improve.
It's just going to get better and better.
But episode one wasn't great by episode 1000, three years from now.
Yeah, that shit could be crazy.
Exactly.
I think they're quite some way off on jokes.
And the reason I think that is: so, a friend of mine is called Rebecca.
She put into chat GPT and said, Write me a joke in the style of Adam Rowe.
Yeah.
Now, they know when you're a comedian and when you're not, because she also put write me a joke in the style of Rebecca and then her say a name.
And it said, I apologize, I'm not aware of a comedian named Rebecca.
So it knows who is a person.
But for me, and you've got to understand how offensive this was because this is a robot that has tuck every bit of information I've ever put on the internet.
And this is the perfect amalgamation it's come up with.
It's like, this is something he would say.
I told my girlfriend I wanted to spice up our relationship.
So she bought me a paprika shaker.
I said I meant role play.
And now every time we have sex, she dresses up as a chicken tikka masala.
That was that is the internet.
My entire body of wear into two sentences.
And you're reading about this thing.
It's like the smartest brain ever.
It is the perfect brain.
It is a genius machine.
And you're like, this is what he'd say.
They chose the right setup, though.
Because that is the joke that I saw from you.
That I was like, yeah, you should definitely open when I was in London.
Oh, it was just the other strap-on joke.
Yeah, the strap-on joke.
It was so funny.
But yeah, yeah.
They had me on the setup.
Fucking those Pacos, man, with their curtains.
They always get in the way.
All right, what else we got, Mark?
Okay, so TikTok is officially banned in Montana.
Do you want to talk about that?
Apparently you just can't download it like a new, like you can't get it from the app store, but if you have it, you can still use it.
Oh, so in the whole state of Montana.
Yeah, and then I think they are charging platforms that keep having it available to download 10,000 a day.
So like if Apple still has it on the app store in Montana, 10,000 a day, fine.
Oh, wow.
If I'm not mistaken.
Yeah.
But they said there's no real way to enforce it other than making the app stores remove it off of the platform for a fee per day.
What I think is we're afraid that there's another country that is winning the culture war.
So it's not about extracting our data.
It's the fact that none of our apps can fuck with it and we don't like that, which is pussy.
Make the better app.
You also brought up, I think it was you brought up like you could put like propaganda on there from that country.
And I think you said this with the monk story, or maybe Mark said this.
It's just suddenly all over TikTok to the point that maybe China put it there.
So we would be like, yo, like your joke, fuck Tibet.
Maybe we should look into Tibet.
Maybe they're not victims.
Maybe these guys are crazy.
Yeah.
And that's another fear.
Yeah, they absolutely will do that.
And instead of having to buy ads on Facebook to manipulate elections, they'll do it through TikTok.
Give it 100% to be straightforward.
So make something better.
Like, don't shut it down.
Make a better version.
But I'm pretty sure apps also, like, once you agree to the terms and services, they can track other stuff that you're doing on your phone.
So it's not just.
It's not as simple as I put it.
And that was stupid, but like 100%.
And they'll know like what other things we're interested in and how they can sway us.
And absolutely will use it come election time.
Or they'll know how to target us with certain things.
So they'll know when a kid is conservative and they know what ads they need to send to him to make sure that he votes for Trump or votes for DeSantis or whatever is in the best interest of China.
Sure, 100%.
It just bothers me that no pun intended, we're bowing down and going, make it illegal.
It's like, no, make something better.
You know what I mean?
Like just make a better.
If the fucking Germans got some crazy plane, make a better plane so we could take out those fucking German planes.
Do you know what I'm saying?
You don't just go, no, no, no, Germans, no planes in war.
They should have done that, actually.
That's kind of a good idea.
Just ban planes.
Way better war type stuff.
Yes.
Make better shit.
But isn't that what we did with nukes?
We used two nukes and then we're like, yo, everybody chilling these nukes.
Just not making something new.
Let's pass a couple laws.
Let's get these nukes out of here.
Yo, we do be doing that shit.
The second other people got nukes, we're like, I think we need an agreement.
I think we need an agreement.
Yeah, we can't do that shit.
Now, I will say it's pussy of China to not let us put our shit over there.
You know, they don't want any of our apps over there.
So if it's like tit for tat, sure, but we were never that way.
We can't wait for Chinese dollars for movies.
We can't wait for Chinese dollars for everything.
It's like, fuck that.
What about the Chinese phone?
The Huawei or whatever?
I mean, I guess every phone is a Chinese phone when you think about it, right?
Like, that's where we're making them.
But yeah, I don't know.
It just seems, it seems soft.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
I want to see Mark Zuckerberg working.
I don't want to see him doing karate or fucking hanging out in Hawaii.
He's doing taekwondo or whatever.
He's at MMA fights.
He's hanging out in Hawaii.
And China's whooping our ass on these fucking TikToks.
He's an absolute sociopathic animal.
And now he's just taking it easy.
Right?
Like, what happened when you were fucking over your friends to become one of the most powerful people in the world?
Where's that fucking guy?
Come back.
You don't get to now be a fun guy that vacations and put zinc on his face.
No.
He's too important.
No.
You're our slave.
That's our white slave.
Mark Zuckerberg is our white slave.
You're out of the way.
What is the combo in England?
Are they going to ban it over there?
No, it's just not, it's not even a thing.
A lot of the source of discourse about it in Discord, about it in England, there's like source of laughing at the American government trying to do it.
Alfie Sociopathic Animal00:08:51
It's like, why the fuck?
Like, it's that souls are taking your...
It's like...
It's embarrassing.
You call it.
Yeah, but y'all already lost hundreds of years ago.
Like, you're comfortable with checking this.
No, for real.
That is part of it.
That is part of it.
Like, you don't care as much, but it's embarrassing.
Yeah, it's just, especially because, like, in the sort of the footage from is it in Congress?
Yeah, where they're discussing it.
Like, the guys interviewing the TikTok guy just look fucking stupid at every because he's just got an answer for everything.
And they're like, it's like that Kathy Newman, Jonathan Peterson, Jordan Peterson interview where they're like, so you're saying, and he's just like, no, no, no, I'm just saying what I've just said.
Yeah.
He's just embarrassing them.
So it's making the United States look a bit.
There's a great part where everybody's reacting like this.
They're like, they asked if he lets his kids use TikTok.
They asked the CEO.
They're like, they asked him if he lets his kids use TikTok.
And he said he doesn't.
And it's like, well, don't let your kids use TikTok, you fucking idiot.
Instead of go, see, this is how you know it's bad.
We'll be a parent.
You wait for China to parent your fucking kids.
Do you let your kids drink whiskey?
Yeah.
Fuck whiskey, dude.
I mean, it's just shocking, man.
It's shocking to me is that parents, that's the thing.
The parents, they don't want to have to look after their kids.
And I get that, I imagine as well.
It's nice you could just put a screen in front of your kid.
He doesn't cry.
He doesn't moan.
He doesn't bitch about anything.
You can do whatever you want for an hour.
You don't have to worry.
He's going to be safe.
I get that.
That's got to be nice.
He's going to be the best pair, bro.
For an hour, bro.
For an hour, one hour.
He didn't exist back in the day.
Right?
It's like they play blocks, they got bored, and you had to be like, I get it.
That's fucking boring.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, you empathize with the kid.
But now it's.
That's what child labor was about.
It was just like, go do something.
Give him something to do.
Oh, now you bitching in the shop.
Yeah, in the shop.
Kids want to work.
That's what Minecraft is, really.
It's just like building stuff all day.
You know what I mean?
Maybe the sweatshop thing isn't that crazy.
Yeah, they want to be out there in the field.
What else would they be doing?
Nothing on the internet.
Commenting on our videos.
I got bored with stuff like that really.
I started working when I was like 12, like just selling things.
Yeah.
So I'd like burn like pirate DVDs and sell them.
I had a paper round and I would sell fake DVDs and fake CDs to the customers on the paper round.
Fire.
We'd never had like a tuck shop.
Like you couldn't buy sweets or crisps at school.
So I'd just sell them on the yard.
I'd take like bags of crisps and chocolate and drinks and hustle.
Yeah.
Bro, you were OG Netflix, dude.
You were the first Netflix.
Like I would, I would do any like latest film release.
I'd get you that.
I could like if there was an album that comes out, I can get you that.
And I used to do a thing where it was like, if you just want to pick 10 songs, I'll just put them on a CD for you.
Oh, I had like two big neighborhoods worth of papers.
The paper round paid like £14 a week.
It was just nothing.
But like I was making like.
Oh, so you use that to get into people's homes so you can sell them all the other shit.
Gene.
Page paper.
And do you want to weld them?
Wow.
Fucking genius.
Damn, bro.
Why'd I stop?
Why did I stop?
Yeah.
Because I became 18 and you can't.
You're 18.
I think I was like 16.
Yeah.
Like 12 to 16.
And then when I left school, like I got a job straight away.
I worked in McDonald's for two years and then I worked in bars when I started to stand up.
Oh, wow.
Wait, you went from having your own business hustling to working at McDonald's.
Yeah, people don't want like an adult knocking on their door, asking them to sell DVDs.
They had to be a step down in income, though.
A little bit.
But I always just, I've always just been like, I will work every hour I can stay awake so that I can earn as much money and then just enjoy it.
I treated stand-up the same.
It was like, I did 10 years of before Have a word took off.
The greatest thing Have a word has done for me as a comic is given me the freedom to not do gigs I don't want to do yeah, so like I don't have to drive three hours for a few hundred pounds.
I can gig for nothing in Liverpool or Manchester.
Yeah.
And with the freedom to fail, the freedom to go on stage and go, oh, I don't have to kill.
Yeah.
I can figure this bit out.
Yeah.
Like the way you would use your New York clubs.
Of course.
That's not really a thing in the UK.
Like every gig is you're getting paid to close.
You've got to, like, you've got to deliver.
You've got to do 20 minutes.
Yeah.
Like, if I could just drop into a club and go, can I just do 15 minutes unlisted, just bang it out, do it wrong, get it wrong, upset people and go, oh, I'm going to go and work on that.
That's what Hava Word's done for me as a comic is, I like, do you see the special we were talking about before?
When we had a chat at the comedy song a couple of weeks ago, you asked me a question, I don't think we ever got to answer it, which was, how do you try an hour out?
How do you work that through like in clubs?
What I started doing was just putting on Adam Rowan friends.
So I'd have two friends on.
They do 10 minutes each.
We'd have an interval.
And then I would just do the hour with the complete freedom to fuck it up.
Really cheap tickets.
And I did Juicy maybe 30 times before I filmed it.
But that was it.
It's just 30 shows.
Because it's a story.
Yeah.
It was like, all I could do is find the meaningful bits.
And like, there was a couple of moments where I was like, that goes there.
And then I also had another comic director.
So he came to every preview and was like, tell me about that.
Put that there, put that there, change that.
He made me take jokes out that got big laughs because he was like, it doesn't matter to the story.
He's like, you get a big laugh, but what for?
It's just distract them from what we're trying to do.
Yeah.
Putting that hour together was, it was, I started writing it in September and we filmed it in January.
Like, how can you ever turn in?
That's crazy.
At a comedy club or you just found a venue and did it?
So there's a venue in Glasgow called the Rotunda.
And it's not a particularly sort of, it's not like a club that all comics want to play in.
It doesn't look very great.
But because I could, I knew we were going to get a pink velour curtain and I knew I wanted it really tight.
So what actually happened with it in the built, when we were doing the arena show with the podcast in December, my plan was do this, do this story, get it like find out how long it was.
And originally it was like 35, 40 minutes.
And I was like, right, I'll get that down to 20.
I'll do it at the arena show and I'll release the footage from that as like a mini special, like a 20-minute, here's the story.
Because all, like, because I was quite sort of constantly tagging my ex-girlfriend on Instagram and stuff, all of my followers have always been like, what happened?
Yeah.
Like, you seem like dead happy.
And like, what they wanted to know.
So I always felt like I owed them the story, which was a weird feeling to have when it's a personal thing.
Yeah.
You guys were so open about that relationship.
So I was like, I'll get it down to 20 minutes.
And then I did an Adam Rowan friends in London.
And I had me mates Alfie and me mate Vittorio open for me.
And they both come backstage.
They both had two things.
First of all, Alfie was like, that needs to get longer, not shorter.
He's like, there's more to that.
And you can't be boiling that down.
And then Vittorio said, that set will work at the arena.
Like, all of your fans will love it and it'll get a big laugh.
But you can't release it as a special from there because it's going to look stupid.
You tell them that story that relies on someone who doesn't already like you to have empathy and understand what it was about.
Doing that in front of 8,000 people is just not going to look right.
He went, that story.
And the sentence he used was, that belongs in the back room of a pub.
That is something that like an old man sat on his own would tell someone he's just met in the back room.
He went, find a little room.
So we went to Glasgow and there's a 200-seater.
We got the curtain, put it, and we were like, if the shots are all tight, you won't see how much of a shit all the room is.
We can just like really frame it.
Like it looks like we've invented a venue for it.
And it was perfect for it.
We did four shows, 200 people a show, two Saturday, two Sunday, and just filmed them all.
And in the end, we just used the last show.
Oh, wow.
It was the last show on the Sunday.
It was because I was like, oh, I've already got it.
Yeah.
Like, we've got it in the can and I relaxed and I was finding like little tiny new bits to it.
And I come off and Alfie was like, Alfie was supposed to go home.
Because that was the last show.
He was like, I'm going to get, because he was going to go back to London on a flight.
He's like, I'm just going to go home as soon as you're on stage.
I'll watch you do the first five and then I'll go because there's no directing to do now.
And towards the end, I could see at the back of the room, like Alfie's silhouette.
And I was like, what the fuck is he still doing here?
And I come off and I was like, what are you still doing?
He went, I knew eight minutes into that.
That was the one.
He's like, because he was doing the edit, he was like, I wasn't leaving.
He's like, I wanted to make sure you nailed every bit of it.
Because in the penultimate show, I'd come off and he'd gone, you've got it now.
But if you could do these 16 things in the last show, then it's perfect.
He went, it's already good enough.
But get these 16 things in.
And I got 15 of them.
We missed one thing, but it wasn't big enough for us to be like, and he was like, that is as close.
And he's like, I don't know how you've just done that.
I don't know how you've gone on with one show left to do and gone, do exactly what we did in the third show, plus these 15 things.
He went, but you did it.
Comedy Club Storytelling00:09:26
And the reaction to Juicy was just, it's changed what I want to do at my next hour.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I like my plan was this is one story.
So I've dropped two specials this year.
The other one, Imperious, was my last tour show.
Yeah.
And that's just an hour of stand-up.
That's just a tour.
Yeah.
Punchline, punchline, concept comedy.
Here's the idea.
Here's the jokes that make that point of view okay.
I was like, I don't want to be the type of comic who does like something like juicy all the time.
Yeah.
But the amount, like when I released Imperious, I was getting, I maybe got like a thousand messages from people.
And it was like one sentence, really enjoyed the special man, keep it up.
Yeah.
I've had, it must be 10,000 messages.
And Juicy's had less views than Imperious.
Oh, yeah.
But they're paragraphs.
They're people going, they haven't, because they haven't, they're not totally educated on all the stand-up.
It's not like I've done something completely groundbreaking, but they're like, I haven't, because they're only watching mainstream big hits.
They're like, I haven't seen this before.
I haven't seen one story.
I haven't seen it.
Casing.
I can't now just go, well, I'm not doing that again.
So I've got the new tour show I'm going to do is sort of going to be, I want to try and make it sort of the perfect animal of the two.
So I want to make the first half like bang bang clubby, abrasive.
It's about very introspective stand-up.
And then the second half will be one story that will, without telling, like without stamping it, will be, here's why I'm like that.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm trying to do with the next special.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
That's the plan.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah.
Story is story hits different, man.
There's something about it.
There's just something about it.
As amazing as, don't get me wrong, like I, you know, I love doing those bits or as you say, like the punchy, the stand-up kind of clubs.
Club comedy.
It's great and it's so much fun and it's great to antagonize.
But, you know, making sure that you can find a way to either bake that into story or having these personal stories.
I don't know.
People connect to it in a very different way.
People connect to storytelling stand-up the way they connect to a song.
The song doesn't have to hit every single thing that they've experienced.
Yeah.
But they relate like lyrics to the song.
Like a song can be about like someone's lost lover, like someone they that's what I'm talking about your boy.
Like he should explore that story on stage with his autistic brother.
Like there's a reason why Brian Regan fans are saying, can you tell that story about the whatever?
And the same thing with Burt.
And it's like, I mean, I even remember Eddie Murphy, the early story about the Goonie Google.
You know what I mean?
Like there's tons of bits that he had, but these like worlds that he built, you know, you really lock in on them and they're profound.
So yeah, it's cool that you came across that and you could continue exploring it.
I really want to do it.
It's really exciting.
And I already know the story I want to use for, because I haven't tried the story yet.
Yeah.
Because I'm just in, I need half an hour of bang bang.
Yeah.
Like once I put an hour, I'm like, I can't do that anymore.
Yeah.
So at the minute, I'm going to clubs where I'm like cocky and used to being, you know, you don't have the jokes.
Just like, and at the minute, I'm like, because I've got that freedom, yeah, and it's all about the special and the tour.
Yeah, I'm going to clubs where in the past I've been that hungry up and comer.
Yeah, who's just bodying people who are 20 years like further down the line than me, who've just been doing the same set for ages, coming hungrier than a newer, and with like a 20 that I've ran into the ground.
I've got none of it.
And I'm going on with like trying to find new bits on bills where people are killing.
And it doesn't often make you work hard fast because you're like, I'm not the worst act on the bill, but I'm not the best tonight.
And that fucking bothers me.
Yeah, shit.
Yeah.
It's this, yeah, this is the hardest part.
Starting from zero.
It's the best part, though.
I hate it.
The best part to me, yeah, I hate the beginning.
I like once I get because I like play and I like to take big swings.
And if I have like 15, I can take the biggest fucking swings because I can dig the deepest hole and pull myself out.
Yeah.
When I don't, it just feels like malicious or angry or there's just nothing silly.
I can't like set the tone.
So I like being able to go as crazy as possible, knowing full well, even if I'm buried under the ground, I have a bit that brings us back up to normal.
And that just allows me to kind of exist in a world that I find the most fun with stand-up.
It is most exciting finding new bits when you really need it.
But yeah, I do not like finding the bits.
Oh, God.
I hate that.
Just that the first time you get a big laugh with a new bit is the best feeling in comedy.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It's just.
And then the next time you do the bit and it sucks, what just happened?
Same night?
Was that not real?
Same night you just go upstairs and you're like, why?
What conversation have you people had?
You almost want to bring them downstairs.
Tell them it was fun.
But yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's great, man.
So you'll already book a tour before you have the set ready?
Yeah.
So wild.
Yeah, but I just know I'll get there.
Yeah, no, you have your process and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
So my tour starts in September and I'm doing six dates in mainland Europe.
Well, not in the UK.
We're doing Copenhagen, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, Paris, and Harlem, which is just outside, just outside Amsterdam.
And that's the September dates.
And then the UK starts in October.
But before that, like, I will do like club sets like you are in New York as much as I can between now and then.
Yeah.
So I fly back from here Wednesday night.
I land at 7 a.m. Thursday morning.
I'm going to go straight to our podcast studio and do have a word.
And then I'm going straight from there to Newcastle, which is about three hours away to do Adam Rowan Friends.
So I've got two comics on.
I'll host it.
I'll do crowd work, bring them on, break, and then I'll go on with paper and I will talk for as long as I can be fucked to do.
Nice.
I guarantee the audience, when I put the Adam Rowan friends on, I always say, I'll be on stage in that second half for at least half an hour and up to an hour.
And if I go longer, then great.
But 30 to 60 minutes, and that's the show you're paying for.
I make the tickets cheap.
And do they have an expectation that you're working stuff out?
Yeah, it's advertised as fully work in progress show.
Yeah.
And then the proper tour starts.
And then I'm going to go to Edinburgh again this year.
No, great.
Not doing that.
You'll be able to sharpen shit up over there.
Yeah, so I'll do the same.
I'll do the hour 20 times in August.
So by the time I go to Europe in September, I'll have done the hour in its full form 40 times.
And then I'll also have done 120, 150 club sets where I'm trying it in 20 minute chunks.
Like by the time I go to Europe and then come back to the UK, I'll have done most of the jokes 150 times.
Yeah.
Do you think English audiences are more accustomed to a long-form story because of fringe and storytelling at festivals like that?
No, because I'm sorry to be so blunt with that answer, but the fringe is its own thing.
And the people who go to the fringe don't go to comedy clubs and they don't go to comedy tour shows.
So comedy club audiences are expecting stand-up, punchy.
Yeah.
But if you can get them with the story, trying that juicy story.
There's times, and if people go and watch it, where I don't speak for five to ten seconds because I'm thinking about something and I want the audience to know I am and I want them to think about something.
To be, because I tried it in some comedy clubs before I filmed it.
And to have two or 300 people in a comedy club pin drop silence and changing what they've seen from stand-up before where it's not just you're still laughing at that one, here's the next one.
Yeah.
Was so cool.
But you've got to win a lot of trust to get them there.
If you do like a fringe show in a comedy club or like try and do half your fringe show closing a comedy club.
If they don't know who you are, they're like, no.
Who gives a fuck?
Like, why do I give a fuck about your story?
Tell me some fucking jokes, make me laugh, and then I'll trust you.
You've got to fucking hit them over the head first.
Like, most comedy clubs are in cities, and most cities in the UK are full of working class people.
And if you're going out on a Saturday night and you're closing the show, that is their one night out that month.
Yeah.
Like, they're not going to.
You got to deliver.
I think there's a way to blend them, though.
And I think that there has been comedians that have done it, you know, very well, which is like telling that story and making it hilarious on the way.
So using that traditional kind of punchy stand-up in those moments while still telling like serious and thoughtful things.
I mean, Chappelle has done that brilliantly.
And so yeah, yeah.
I'm excited for you, man.
I'm really excited for you, dude.
Dude, thank you so much for coming, my brother.
Anything else before we get out of here?
Obviously, tell the people.
All the specials I've mentioned are on the Have A Word podcast YouTube channel.
Released it ourselves, funded it ourselves.
It's youtube.com/slash have a word pod.
My Instagram's AdamRow Comedian.
I think TikTok's the same.
And Twist is Adam Rowe Comedy.
But yeah, don't go and buy tour tickets.
Go and check the specials out first and make sure you like it.