Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect the fake CGI kiss in Avatar: The Way of Water, framing actor refusals as positive boundary-setting, while debating Leonardo DiCaprio's age-gap relationship and Sam Smith's "hell" performance as industry provocations. They analyze Francis Ngannou's Tyson Fury fight, question the UFC's business model, and share personal ayahuasca experiences contrasting spiritual awakening with organized religion. The episode concludes with a chaotic skit mocking American history, including the Emancipation Proclamation date, and features a guest promoting a YouTube special containing intentionally racist content filmed in Portland. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Kisses, Titties, and Me Too00:07:09
We're stop go.
We're stopping.
I know where to stop.
Do you really think this is trying to kiss me right now?
You harder than not.
Okay, ready?
You may now kiss the husband.
You was gonna do it, bro.
You was gonna do it, bro.
You was gonna do it.
I'll stop.
You may kiss me.
You was gonna do it, bro.
This motherfucker gets rammed in the ass in a movie, but he can't even kiss his man right now.
Like, that's crazy, D.
It was like TV shows.
All right, kiss me then.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Do it again.
Don't make it too dramatic, though.
Yo, kiss his little motherfucker.
Don't look at him next time.
Yo, yo, why are you kidding?
Don't look at me.
Okay, let's just restart and then you guys just both go slow until Ray.
Okay, ready?
You may now kiss the husband.
Hey, yo, what's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
Listen, a lot of people are making a very big deal about this.
The fact that Jonah and Lauren didn't kiss in the movie.
The movie's fake.
Wait, they didn't get married?
Bro, they didn't get married.
Eddie Murphy's not a nation of Islam.
Okay?
Julia Louise Dreyfus is not Jewish.
You didn't storm the capital.
She might be Jewish.
I didn't storm the Capitol.
Yeah, I guess you didn't.
Okay.
No, we were busy.
My point is, there's these people that are getting like so upset that I exposed that a movie was for Avatar is not real.
I hate to break it to you.
Avatar is not a real fucking movie.
What I'm confused about is why people at home are like, nah, they better kiss.
And it's like, why don't you respect Shorty and her decisions if she doesn't want to?
Or respect Jonah and his decision.
Maybe she feels uncomfortable doing it in front of that many people.
There's hundreds of people in the room because it's a fucking wedding scene.
Why don't you let the girl do what she wants with her body or let the dude do what he wants in his body?
Where is this audience out of nowhere that's like, no, for me to believe the plot, they better.
They better make out.
Yeah.
Who the fuck are you?
Watch the free movie on Netflix that you steal the password from your ex-wife.
Do you know what I mean?
That you're still allowed to do shout out to Netflix.
All I'm trying to say is it's a movie, bro.
I guess people are curious.
They're like, oh, why would you bring it up?
Because I thought that shit was hilarious.
Because I saw it happen.
I saw them not kiss.
And I was like, how are they going to play this in the movie?
And then when I watched it for the first time with Dove, I noticed the CGI.
And I was like, oh, that's how they played it.
So you didn't think it was not fair that they should have or that they shouldn't have.
You just thought it was funny.
Yo, if a woman doesn't want to kiss somebody in a fucking movie, they don't have to.
And if a man doesn't want to kiss a girl in a movie, they don't have to.
This idea that the audience is going to demand it, you're like a little bit crazy.
Yeah.
Like if you're upset about that, you're a little crazy.
You're a little creepy.
It's creepy.
Those are the same people that's going to that's going to say, oh, we shouldn't pressure these people into doing certain things.
Well, why are you pressuring them?
I just think it hit so many millions of people.
It was like the biggest movie on Netflix in the pack fucking however many months.
And so millions of people saw it.
And then there's obviously detractors that didn't like it for whatever reason, a political thing that, oh, there's a racial dynamic and this is stupid, whatever, whatever.
So now they're finding anything that they can to try to attach their narrative to why they don't like it.
There are people that are upset and they're looking for justification, but like, yo, telling a woman what to do with her body is not the justification you want to die on.
That's not the cross you want to die on.
Listen, I'm only giving you advice out here.
It's like, I'm not going to be the one going, if a woman signs up for a movie, those lips are mine.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that's a little bit crazy.
You're being a little crazy.
To me, seeing how it actually happened, I was like, oh, okay.
That's what's crazy, though.
He ended up having a pretty big role in the movie when you think about it.
Yeah.
He had a huge role in it.
Not on screen.
Promoting it.
And promoting it.
That's what I'm saying.
I need to charge more.
Listen, when you get, when I'm in a movie, you're mad now because you didn't know that there was an option to not do some of the scene.
You did a gaze and you had to actually do it.
That's true.
That's true.
I didn't know.
I didn't know I could say no.
I didn't know I had that power.
I want to make it in home.
They said, you know what I mean?
Your character's gay.
What did you say?
I put my hands on the tile.
I put my hands on the tile.
I said, just make sure you don't have it in the shot.
Show my face squinting, but don't show anything else.
I didn't know what I could do.
It was a different time.
They had a key grip behind you.
It was a different time.
You know, it was a different time.
Say again.
That was your best acting.
What do you think?
It was your best acting.
You think I was acting.
You think I was acting, bro?
I was method while I was out there.
Yeah, staying in West Hollywood living a life.
You know what I mean now?
Come on now.
Come on now.
I see them pants high again.
I just want to say again.
Listen, you're going to be just like me in West Hollywood grabbing titles.
You're going to be driving just a little bit.
All I'm trying to say is a thing that happened in the movie that doesn't expose anything about the movie and has brought in millions of people, like has opened the eyes of millions of people about it and wanted them to see it.
That's a net positive.
Also, makes the people who made the movie look cool because they respect the demands of the actors.
How many creepy fucking producers and directors you hear about in Hollywood making people do uncomfortable shit?
Literally, the whole Me Too movement is producers and directors are making women do things that they don't feel comfortable in movies, right?
The whole Me Too movement started about it.
Now we have a perfect situation where you have the producers and directors that are acquiescing to the demands of the actors, saying they don't feel comfortable doing something.
And that's a negative?
I need to see the names of the people upset about this.
That's progress, bro.
Low-key, I need to see the names of the people upset about this.
I think we need to have a conversation with them about how they want to control what women do with their bodies.
You know what I got to say?
You know what I really got to say to everybody involved in the movie?
What's the you're welcome?
You are welcome for showcasing how kind and understanding you are of your actors and considerate and making sure that they feel comfortable in the roles that you have given them.
Yeah.
That is.
You got another movie coming out.
Did anything not happen in that one?
I'm curious, did it?
Did any movie man actually joke?
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something.
You put me in a movie, motherfuckers gonna see it.
Motherfuckers gonna see it.
Listen, for how long I'm in the movie, the amount of influence in terms of how many people saw it has never happened before in a film.
This is crazy.
This never happened before in a film.
This has been a movie where there were some titties that you went to go see just for the titties, right?
Back in the day?
Yes.
Every movie.
Wild things.
Wild things.
Yeah, so wild things.
Those titties probably had a better ROI.
Be honest, right?
No.
How many people saw Wild Things because she's a star of the movie, bro?
Oh, okay.
Your boy's not a star.
Well, the titties weren't a star.
The titties were a cameo.
Say what?
The titties were a candy.
The titties was, I mean, they were a cameo, but they were also crazy.
This is the threesome.
The titties were so crazy that Nev Campbell, who was the other girl in the threesome, didn't even take her shirt off.
Wow.
Because it was like, what's the point?
I can't.
We're not looking anyway.
Peter's Shoulder and Radio Fame00:04:57
That's it.
Our eyes are averted.
Simple as that.
You tell me what this one?
Hey, bro, it was my boy Matt Dylan.
Come on, come on.
I mean, just truly unreal.
Oh, shit.
That's part of the scene.
Yeah, Denise Richards.
Just absolutely.
Hey.
She's gorgeous.
Yeah, that was a crazy, that was a crazy moment.
Shout out to Chuck Sheehan.
Yeah, yeah.
We might have to run this back.
I mean, she got the one-piece babysit on.
That was the champagne.
Damn.
Yo, Matt Dylan is really Champagne Poppy if we want to keep it above.
No disrespect to Drake.
No disrespect to Drake, but Champagne Poppy is Matt Dylan wild things, bro.
He did it for you.
You saw this in the theater?
Son.
Say what?
You saw this intermediate.
I saw it in the theater.
I saw it at home.
I saw it at home.
I love it.
The bathroom.
Like, I've been seeing this movie in so many different places.
Keeby Herman with it.
Facts, bro.
Facts, facts, facts.
What you got, Doug?
You got the screenshots on your phone?
No, he got 10 calls.
We maybe should put that shit on.
We should put that on.
Let me quiet.
We can edit a girl.
No, that's what.
Yes, We're quiet.
Got it off from Mr. Put it to the mic.
No, Please, please, Doug.
We'll edit it.
We'll edit it.
So this is culture.
Why are they off?
What do they want?
This is culture.
This is culture.
Okay?
Listen, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And make sure you end it with, you're welcome.
Yeah.
Millions.
You say it.
Millions.
Millions.
You say you're welcome.
Millions, bro.
A lot of people talking that even local radio host Peter Rosenberg was talking about this.
And I'm going to give Peter a gift that he's never got in his life.
I'm going to care about what he has to say.
Okay.
That is, that is the reality.
Now, I'm not saying Peter's a bad broadcaster, but some people have that intangible thing that makes people care about what they say, right?
And Peter just doesn't have it.
And that's why he always has to be a parrot on someone's shoulder.
Peter's never been able to exist on his own, right?
He has to be next to someone that people care what they say.
Right now it's Ibro.
Before it was Sypha, right?
He does a sports show with a couple other guys, but he knows deep down no one gives a flying fuck what he has to say.
But I'm going to give him that gift.
I'm going to give Iago the gift of caring what he has to say.
He believes, right, that he should control what women do with their bodies.
He believes that he should tell a woman to kiss another dude if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that, right?
And that's a little bit weird.
That's a little bit of an uncomfortable thing.
I'm totally okay with the fact that movies are fake and sometimes kisses are fake.
A lot of things are fake in movies, right?
We discussed that earlier, but he needs that shit to be real, right?
What did I expose?
That movies are fake?
Oh my God, I can't believe that they're fake things that happen in movies.
That's crazy.
This is an absolutely like astonishing, mind-boggling thing.
But the reality of the matter is that Peter is genuinely going through what I would call end of career envy, which is, no, no, no.
Which is, because you have to understand, the first time I met Peter, he was hosting a show that I was a guest on.
Oh, wow.
And now.
Hip hop squares.
Hip-hop squares.
And now he's commenting on something I've said that's news.
He doesn't want to be on the local radio commenting on a thing that I've said that's news.
National news.
Right?
So it's like he wants to be the person that creates the news, but he's been in radio for 30 years and never been able to do it.
Because people don't care enough.
It's not that he's not good, but he just doesn't have the thing.
When Charlamagne talks, people care.
When Ibro talks, people care.
There's a reason why Ibra, who was like the head of the network, wasn't like, hey, Peter, you take the show.
Because he knows.
He knows he can't do it.
There's a reason why he doesn't get his own sports show.
He knows he can't do it.
Right?
So here's the reality.
I'm going to give Peter that gift.
I listened to what you had to say.
And I also listened to the apology because he came back and apologized.
Oh, he did?
Yeah.
Came back from the break and he's like, listen, I shouldn't have said that.
And I was acting like this.
And that's why people don't care what he has to say because he says something and then he backs off it.
Why would I care what you have to say if you don't care enough to stand behind it?
Stand behind what you say.
It's like when we had Stephen A. Smith on.
Remember we had Stephen A. Smith on?
You're talking about what's interesting.
Talk about how you feel.
Let's just sit on your feelings.
Stand on your feelings.
Because if you're not going to stand on your feelings, nobody else is.
And that's why you're always going to be on the shoulder.
You're going to be on the shoulder of men who stand on their feelings because you don't have the courage to do it.
Right?
So I'm going to care.
Today I cared.
I gave you your 15 minutes.
This is as good as it's going to get.
And Soon, in the next few years, when the radio thing fizzles out and your career is done, you can know for a fact that no one will remember a single thing that you did.
Let's talk about them Chinese balloons, huh?
The Annoying 19-Year-Old Teenager00:16:06
Shit.
What do you guys think about the Rosenberg thing?
I thought he was completely right.
I actually agree.
I agree with his take, actually.
I thought, yeah, he nailed it.
What was his take?
I didn't even understand it.
He's like, how dare you say that movies aren't real?
It's like, when you watch like the Terminator, like the guy isn't made of liquid.
Because he's not in movies, so he probably, he just doesn't care.
I see it.
He doesn't know how to make sometimes.
I see.
He still thinks Keanu Rees can dodge bullets.
Yeah, yeah.
John Wick doesn't kill all of these.
So you know what I mean?
And then sometimes people use stunt doubles.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, I'm just like, it's baffling my mind.
The fact that they would put this girl through anything really fucking bothers me.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, because who gives a fuck?
Do you know how many times they use fake asses, fake tits in movies?
Yeah.
Like they literally ass doubles.
Like they could have done a million different things.
In this one, they use CGI.
They could have had another person just go do the kiss.
I don't know who decided they were more comfortable with it not happening, but like have some respect if they feel more comfortable with that.
Why is that angering you?
Like if what's his favorite?
If Tom Cruise decides to not do one of the stunts in Mission Impossible, I'm good.
I don't need him to be attached to every plane.
I'll never watch again.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
You know what?
You're right.
Fuck that guy.
Oh, movie purist, you know?
Al loves Jackie Chan.
That's his favorite actor.
Yeah.
He doesn't understand what he's saying, but he loves him.
That's his favorite.
BTS, what you doing?
Anyway, what else we got?
You guys all saw Last of Us?
Yes.
Yes.
Tell me if this was a creative choice or tell me this was just a random coincidence that Last of Us is trying to show how irrational women would be if they were in power.
Is that, is that, because clearly the producers go, look how beautiful a gay love relationship can be.
When two men are together.
When two men are together, it is bliss.
It is pure bliss.
Yeah.
And then when there's a woman in power, it's like, oh, just kill everybody.
It doesn't matter.
We need a doctor.
Just fucking kill the doctor, right?
There's something going on here, right?
No, that's a good point.
I think that's what the producers of this show are trying to explain.
Did you watch it with your girl or you watched it along?
I watched it with my girl.
Let me tell y'all something.
Let me tell y'all something.
I watched it with my girl and I'm not going to tell y'all shit.
I'm not going to tell y'all.
So now you're not going to say it.
What are you supposed to say?
What are you supposed to say?
You watch it with your girl.
You can't be like, come on, is this, you know, this is why?
Right?
You do it subtly.
That's what I'm saying.
It takes so long for y'all to vote.
You can't say that.
You say it subtly.
You say it very subtly.
She goes, oh, that character's so annoying.
You go, right, yeah.
That character is annoying.
Yeah, that character's making bad decisions.
If she doesn't say that, then what?
Well, it's a good movie.
She's thinking it.
So you just like, she's already thinking it.
Oh, don't you think that character's annoying?
That's such a bad choice she just made.
And then she's like, yes, it was annoying.
And then it happens three more times.
You're like, man, all of these characters of this specific gender are so annoying.
Now, what if she really admires the character?
And what if she thinks that she's a good leader?
Then you have to be a better teacher.
This is where you come in.
You got to start doing some education, all right?
The old-fashioned way.
No, I'm kidding.
My girl's asleep five minutes in, but listen, listen.
That's just how we watch television shows.
So I got to check in with her the next day.
But that was crazy that the first woman in charge was an absolute animal.
Right?
Or maybe that's progressive, though, because what if they made the first woman in charge and then she was like amazing and everyone loved her and didn't make any mistakes?
Everyone would be like, really?
How annoying is this?
They put it on the show.
Oh, I agree with it.
Like, I watched it and I was like, oh, you got it right.
That's the best thing about the show.
It's very realistic.
The whole thing is being realistic.
The idea that the fungus can be.
The fungus can live and go in power and they did be setting up everything.
They set up the science of it.
100%.
Did you know that the initial person that was supposed to play The Last of Us Guy and the girl, it was supposed to be Leonardo Caprio in a relationship?
Did you guys feel like it was thrown off the vibe though?
I feel like that was.
This is a very different show.
Wait, wait, is it?
No, it would have been an awesome show.
Somebody said that the same age difference exists.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a difference between Leo and his new girl.
Yeah.
And then the father, the guy, and the girl that's.
Joel and Ellie.
Joel and Ellie.
Leo would have killed it in that role.
He would have crushed that.
He would have been great.
Literally, he would have crushed the fuck out of here.
Yo, why now?
Speak up about Leo, son.
What?
This shit's weird.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'll say right now on a podcast.
And no, no, I'm being right now.
If Leonardo Caprio was starring in it with the girl.
It would have been better.
I agree.
No, Because he would have been fucking her.
I'm not going to watch any episode.
He fucks her.
I'll watch those for you.
I'm okay with that.
Are you willing to watch that?
You could watch Leo do that?
What?
It's acting, bro.
You should know this better than anyone.
It's real.
I don't understand why people get upset.
No, you get it.
Hey, listen, listen, listen.
Now you get it.
Y'all weird, bro.
Y'all weird.
Those episodes will be Mark's Wild Things right there.
No, that is a little crazy.
Does Leo need to chill?
Son, y'all need to tell me.
It's a little bit.
Y'all need to call y'all mans out.
What do you want us to call him out about?
I don't know, but that's weird.
White people don't have y'all mans like you guys do.
Yes, you do.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what clues of y'all mans.
But how am I?
What he's trying to say is, white people, we don't, we're not responsible for all whites.
Yeah, but you're responsible for every black person ever and everything that you guys do.
Exactly.
LeBron was a championship.
Like, we did it.
Yeah, exactly.
We did.
We did.
I was in his gym shooting with him.
But Leo, that's not our man.
Even though we admire him, not for that.
Yeah.
But we admire him for his ability to act.
You know how hard it is to act interesting around a 91-year-old?
Do you know how much?
Maybe he's practicing.
Maybe he's practicing acting interesting.
Interesting.
You don't even believe it.
You don't even believe this shit.
I'm trying to.
You know what I mean?
I'm trying to help him.
Son.
The girl is younger than Titanic.
No, but you know what's funny?
She's what?
Younger than Titanic.
What does that mean?
So Titanic came out, and then her parents had sex, and then she was born.
She was born 2001, 2004?
2004 is crazy.
She's never been on the earth while the two towers were here.
Son, son.
She three years after 9-11, bro.
She's never even been on the planet.
She wasn't even conceived.
She was still sperm by the time Osama did that.
Wasn't even involved.
50.
Son.
She's got the perfect alibi.
She was in high school during the pandemic, taking classes online.
Okay, well, she might have got held back.
That doesn't prove anything.
What you mean?
She might have got held back to two years out of do Florida virtual school or some shit.
I don't know.
She might have got held back.
To me, I'm like the high school thing.
That's whatever.
Son.
I don't even know what's going on, bro.
I don't even know what you guys are debating.
Leo is dating a girl who's 19, right?
Yeah, she was in high school.
And that's wrong.
She was in high school.
He's 48, right?
Well, it's creepy.
Yeah.
It's creepy.
Now, what none of us are doing right now.
It's not illegal.
What none of us are doing right now.
Weird shit.
What none of us are doing right now is looking at her Instagram.
Because that is going to change maybe the way you think.
Because we've already done it.
Some of us are a little bit quieter.
I ain't look.
I ain't looking at no 19-year-old.
No.
You looking nasty.
Nah, you're nasty.
Nah, that's not.
Hold on a second, son.
Hold on.
How old do you got to be to look at a 19-year-old's Instagram?
Because I know when you were talking about it.
You were 30, you were looking at a 19-year-old.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm saying, like, it got to be within a gap.
Okay, what's the gap?
This is crazy.
Get that ass.
I'm going to say 10 to 15.
Once you go beyond 15, you were looking at a 15-year-old?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell is wrong with her?
That's fucking weird, bro.
First of all, dude.
Math, right?
You just got to be a little bit more.
You're still math, right?
She would be 19.
You look at a 10-year-old.
He just said the 15-year-old's a cutoff.
I wasn't paying attention fully.
You said no.
You said 15 is a cutoff.
Clip it.
I don't know.
That's what you said.
You just clip that, bro.
Nah, fuck that.
That's what you just said.
Speak more carefully.
Let's fucking get her ass up.
Try fucking TV.
No, he's too busy fucking having a bricked up.
I'm watching this 19-year-old.
You are.
He can't even finish his sentence right now.
He pulled off a girl on the ceiling.
What's up?
He's like, he said, YouTube's.
Holy shit.
What in the world?
What in the world is going on over here?
I mean, 10 to 15.
She falls within mine.
Yeah, that's your age.
Look for Leo.
You could do that.
That's way better.
This is like, tax the billionaires.
It's like, but not you.
He's like, that's what he's doing.
What you mean?
He's like, I can holler at her, but not him.
So Leo.
He's 15 years, bro.
Every second he don't get her Instagram.
Okay, but that's crazy.
I think this is it.
Oh.
I mean, can I get my five-minute hit?
Hold on.
Can I get my five-back?
Hold on.
You can't get my hands on her.
Hold on, son.
I told you.
Hold on.
I told you.
Y'all are crazy.
14 where?
19 where?
That ain't 19, bro.
Leah's a sniper.
Yo.
That ain't 19, bro.
Yo, yo, yo, make the pics bigger, bro.
Make the pictures bigger, bro.
Make the pictures bigger, bro.
That ain't 19.
Come on, that girl looked 32.
Son, she's 32.
She ain't 19, bro.
She 19?
I don't know what's happening.
Somebody fact check.
I think she's 19.
Don't go back too far.
Yeah, that's true.
She's standing there 14 now, Mark.
You switched through 15.
That was two pictures, bro.
I only went back too far.
That's all for the same year.
This is all fine.
This is an of-age person.
She's allowed to go to war.
I mean, Leo, not that bad, guys.
Son, I gotta tell you, bro.
After 18, age a number, bro.
Whoa.
After 18.
Is she gonna fight the Chinese, bro?
No, but look, if a Chinese sends another balloon, we gonna send her and her balloons over there to fight the fucking Chinese.
Is that what we gonna do out?
Ow.
Is she old enough?
Nah, we're not.
We're not?
I don't know.
I don't know the right answer.
This is a fucked up headline.
Leonardo Caprio is not currently dating a teen.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
And then literally the picture of Leo and a team who is allegedly not dating.
Son, that is wild.
How are they going to run it?
What is happening?
They just try not to get sued.
Is she a teenager?
Is she not a teenager?
She is a teenager.
She's 19.
She's 19.
I just say he's not dating a 19.
That's the thing.
So the headline says she's not currently dating a teenager.
Okay, he has a lot of people.
I'm so confused.
But he was younger then.
43.
He's 48 now.
Is this like a sarcastic thing?
I don't know.
I think basically they're just.
What the fuck age is she now?
She's 19.
So then he is dating her.
But it's not a confirmation that they're together.
So it's just rumors.
So it's allegedly, they don't want to get sued.
So they're saying this is the 19-year-old that Leo keeps hanging around, but they're not dating.
So this is a satisfactory.
Y'all are crazy.
Like, you can't even be around a 19-year-old without the assumption of dating.
That's she just has a book of puns.
Like, what's wrong with that?
Yeah.
He doesn't wrong with you.
She's just telling him this part.
That's it.
Come on, bro.
Why is the scarecrow get an award?
This is the one time that white people aging bad works out for you.
Because this bitch looks way older than 19.
That's calling a little girl a bitch.
Yes.
That right there, that's all.
That ain't no little girl.
That's full-grown bitch right there.
All right.
And you ain't telling me different.
That's falling down in the fucking.
Yeah, yeah.
You waffle.
Son.
Son, I swear to God, if you go down one birthday, you go for one of them.
If we go down one birthday, if you see a fucking candle on a cake in this goddamn fucking Instagram scroll, we're going to prison.
You're a wild boy for that one.
Do you want to pull a feet pics?
No.
Not at all.
Come on, bro.
He's my feet too old.
He's my feet too old.
Oh, that's funny.
Oh, that is funny.
I might have gone back to.
That's my bad guy.
Yo, son.
I'm fucking apologizing, everyone.
Mark, Mark, you're a fucking twisted sex uncle.
I'm sorry.
Everybody watching, I'm sorry.
Leo, why'd you do this?
He ain't even had to Google that shit.
He had it ready.
Leo can't even stand next to a woman without people thinking that they're going out.
The audacity.
The audacity, bro.
There's got to be something sexist about that.
Why can't we talk about that?
That's sexist to assume that he has sexual intentions with every girl he's near?
True.
Why can't he just be friends with the young buckaroo?
Why would anyone think he has intentions with this girl?
Sheesh.
You see the picture of him in the bathing suit standing next to her?
Yo, chill out.
His body's wild.
No, his body's wild.
What do you mean?
Tell me anything that you have to say.
What are you trying?
He's trying to get out of that.
Why are we judging Leo?
Oh, at 48.
No, no, don't do that.
So when we had him in a spit cycle the other day, I was calling him Uncle Luke.
So this motherfucker.
Mark, get this fucking child up.
I'm sorry.
Mark, come on.
So we had Miles in a spit cycle the other day because he thought he was doing some wild shit that he couldn't remember at the fucking karaoke party.
This motherfucker started texting me.
He's like, yo, who's Uncle Luke?
Like, is that a good thing?
Is that a bad thing?
It's like, how am I going to come off?
Yo, I got to read this shit.
Can I hear the diamond?
No.
Okay, but he was going through it.
He was going through.
You can't read it exactly, but you can't.
But you can exaggerate it from memory.
Yeah, yeah.
It's way funnier how he said it.
It's way funnier.
I thought he was going through it.
And then he was like, wait, is this the same Uncle Luke that Drake said in his song?
And I was like, yeah, that one.
He's like, oh, okay.
It's a compliment.
Kind of.
Oh, fuck, kinda.
Anyway, look.
Yeah, it's a compliment a little bit.
Listen, listen, listen.
Leo is out here doing Leo things.
You know what I mean?
Nah.
For Al, it's a little too much.
It's a little too much.
You think that he needs to stay.
I think the older you get, the larger the spectrum gets.
In other words, a 60-year-old dude can be with a 35-year-old woman.
I believe that.
And I think that you're okay with that.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
So he just isn't expanding his spectrum accordingly.
Spectrum is just stinging.
Son, teenager is wild.
Bro, that's wild.
That's wild, right?
For 48?
Yes.
I don't even care if you're older, but nah.
We saw the IG.
That's all I'm saying.
Wow, for that.
That's why we saw the IG.
When you don't look 19, you got to consider that, I think.
Keep going.
Keep going.
What do we have to consider?
It's one year legal.
You have one year cushion.
So there's no illegality issues.
You guys are ethically ambiguous on it.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm not ambiguous on anything.
Hello.
Indians is rapists.
To quote you, that bitch don't look 19.
That's a whole ass bitch right there.
God damn it.
All right.
This is true.
She does not look 19.
And I'm sure that he was quite frustrated when he found out she was right.
DiCaprio's Good Lover Debate00:07:44
He was like, crap.
He was crestfallen.
He was crestfallen.
I was like, I wish you looked the, I wish you were the age you look.
That's 20.
You're older than 19.
Exactly.
He probably found out late.
He was furious.
He probably thought she was 24.
He had a sign to NDA and he was like, I got to get my mom to do this.
And then he was like, well, why would you need the guardian?
And yeah, he was pissed off.
And he fucking grounded her.
And that was it.
Yeah, exactly.
That was the whole thing.
Can he ground his girlfriend's low-key?
Yeah, I think you can.
Really?
You can down or dig it?
No, what time?
What?
On the ground?
Put the baby in the corner.
Yeah.
You just say, go away.
Yeah, if you need to.
Do things who puts little bibs on them when they're going out to eat and like snaps a little applesauce.
That's crazy, actually.
It's quite possible he's older than her dad.
There's a 29-year age gap.
So if the dad had her before 29, he's older than the dad.
Call me that.
Let me tell you something.
If you're a 19-year-old girl dating a 48-year-old guy, you don't know how old your fucking dad is.
The dad failed.
The dad failed, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a window.
Yeah.
Exactly how much older I am than my wife.
That is the window.
Cut off his dad plus about a year.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Anything more than that?
He's fucking absurd.
Tax the billionaires.
Tax them, bro.
Tax the people to make more money than me by $1.
That's it.
Everyone that makes $1 less than me, don't tell me.
Hey, I'm nine years older than my wife, and dad failed.
I thought I leave, bro.
I'll tell you that right now.
You ain't watching.
This guy is a maniac.
Yo, what we got to do is keep this part in.
He's going to ask us that.
Yo, can you just cut that shit up?
No, no, no.
Okay, leaving that part.
Really?
Okay, boy.
Okay, boy, I see you.
So is my wife.
I'm fairly certain.
I just need to get her permission and then I'll get back.
I don't like this because the girl's Israeli.
And there's the, she's a beautiful Jewish woman that could be.
No, no, no, no.
Don't cut her hair.
Fast forward and pass.
Cut it right there.
That part of it.
Fast forward this part.
Cut what he said.
You said you don't like her because she's Israeli.
And that she's a beautiful Jewish girl and that she could be with an amazing Jewish guy.
I don't think Leonardo Caprio is Jewish.
He is Jewish.
He is.
Is he Jewish?
Is he really?
Yeah.
No, he faked this.
His last name is fake.
His last name is like Dershowitz or something like that.
Bro, look it up.
There's no way.
So he changed his late.
He's changed his name, bro.
Come on, bro.
It's Jewish, bro.
Dude.
If he wasn't Jewish, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
He's not Jewish.
Yes, he is.
Look, right there.
Last name.
This is DiCaprio.
I don't think he's Jewish.
Well, you'll learn a new thing.
It's a very Italian last name, right?
Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio.
Wilhelm.
Wilhelm.
Come on, bro.
Extremely German.
That's pretty Jewish.
Is Wilhelm Jewish or German or German?
Not Jewish.
There's a short situation.
This is Jewish.
You were either on Jew or German side.
You never know.
Who knows?
You really don't know.
It's a wacky tossing.
His fucking wacky thing.
What could it be?
Who knows?
But all that to say, I think she could be with an amazing Jewish guy like Dove.
I think it's fucked up that he's taking all these Jewish models.
He really is.
And he is defiling them.
I don't know what he's doing.
We don't know if he's defiled.
No, I mean, I think Leo's probably a good lover.
Yeah, I think he's a sweet guy.
I think he's a great lover.
I don't think he's an evil.
You don't think he's a good lover?
Yeah, actually, no, I don't think he's extremely giving.
I don't see him as like a gracious.
You could be not a giving lover and a good lover, probably.
See, this is how I know that I don't think they're a good lover.
No, I'm very giving.
I'm getting Bob and my cheek.
Bob and my gene.
I'm very giving.
That's the only way I would be giving.
I mean, I ain't getting no other way.
I got to be giving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a general way to be a good lover.
Yeah, for me.
You're not giving with the genitals.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
You don't got the interest?
No, no, no.
They take it more than anything.
Wait, really?
Do you have an any?
Yeah, I have an any dick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Oh.
Absolutely.
Well, it's no fun like this.
Let's just keep it going.
Here's Tom Brady's new girlfriend.
Holy guacamole.
She has an MBA and a Masters of Science.
5'11?
Also Jewish.
Those tits are 19 pounds.
Shit.
Al, that's somebody's girlfriend.
That's literally the new mother of this.
God.
What is happening?
Damn.
Come on, Al.
Y'all not seeing what I'm seeing.
That's funny.
It's yeah, you know, this is just a rebound.
You know, you're not taking it.
I think it's just surprising coming from you.
I expected it here and I got it here.
I know these are ready.
I just have gotten all my respect.
We got already.
I don't think this is real.
I don't think they're a real thing.
I think she's using it.
She's been the bird.
I think those things are real.
But specifically, are you afraid of me?
I don't think the relationship is real.
I don't think they're actually doing anything.
Well, why are people speculating about that?
She's been saying I'm in love with him for like weeks or months or whatever.
She has this whole thing.
It's like a whole bit.
And there's no like actual, I don't see any pictures of them together.
She just keeps playing it up.
Al just gossiping.
I think everybody's gossiping.
I don't know.
Maybe, you know, because I actually, from what I understand, when I looked at it, I'd say any pictures of them together.
And she, this is like a bitch.
She loves Tom Brady.
She grew up loving Tom Brady, et cetera.
And then she said something like, I have a big reveal coming this Sunday, but that I don't think.
I think that's why people think.
You think Leo's girl grew up loving Leo?
Yes.
No, Titanic might have been before her time.
Yeah.
Titanic was for sure before her time.
We talked about Leonardo DiCaprio's incredible taste in young pussy.
Have we discussed that?
Have we discussed his impeccable rookie signings?
Listen, this man's ability, this man's ability to see.
I mean, I'm trying to think of somebody that has had this much success.
Like the Warriors.
Yeah, the Warriors.
Yeah.
The Warriors.
Yeah.
Bill Belichick.
Like, who is Sabin?
Because he gets him out of high school and they're just ready.
This is Nick Sambin.
Joe Jackson.
He's pretty good.
Well, Joe Jackson was good also, but they were his own.
Yeah.
Nick Sabin.
This right here.
He's Nick Sabin.
I mean, like, nobody has scouted high school talent the way that Leonardo Caprio.
He's recruiting.
He recruits.
You know what I mean?
Like, that guy's a recruiter.
You know what I mean?
They're ready.
The guy can't miss.
The guy can't miss.
Five stars.
You know what I mean?
Literally every recruit coming back to back.
You said in-back or on-back?
Both.
Okay.
Phu.
Is that a blue check you think?
If you meet a girl and you're like, oh, this is Leo's ex?
Yes.
Does that automatically raise her stock?
Yes.
You wait a few years.
You know what I mean?
Is it qualified, you're saying, if she got her pussy smushed by Leonardo DiCaprio?
Exactly.
There's a lot of weird dudes out here.
No, blue check, like, is it qualified?
Oh, I thought it meant that it would increase in value forever.
You're so white.
Unfucking believable.
Unfucking believable.
That you made that a stock reference, dude.
God damn it.
I'm the wolf of Wall Street, dude.
Oh, we know.
Yeah.
Rabbit Stories and Weird Dudes00:14:51
We've seen you.
We've seen you turn into the fucking werewolf of Wall Street, bro.
We've seen you in that full moon come out, my boy.
That full moon come out.
The ears started going like, they started getting pointy.
He started getting hungry.
He started getting real hungry.
God damn.
Can we get back to this?
Yes, let's just be serious.
Can we just be serious?
Yeah, let's just do feelings on facts.
Let's just go through a bunch of stories and just tell me how you feel without any facts on the story.
Okay.
I want to talk about.
I want to talk about them chopstick balloons that was flying over the United States of America.
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
Yes, the Chinese Lantern Festival.
Can we talk about the Chinese Lantern Festival?
Let's talk about it.
That's all that was.
Mark?
She's Korean, Alex.
North Korean, bro.
Oh, shit.
Come on, son.
My bad.
Come on.
What sign is that?
That's North, bro.
You got to throw the ends up.
All right, so they shot it down.
It was flying over America for a few days.
Yeah.
Right move or wrong move?
To shoot it down?
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on, bro.
Ben shot that shit down.
Yeah.
Ben shot it down, though.
Right move.
Or do you think they left it up there to let everyone know, hey, China's a bad guy, and then shot it down while everyone was watching?
I mean, that's an acceptable reason.
Maybe we were trying to extract as much information because we knew that shit would get damaged on the way down.
But what information do we need to extract?
Our own?
We need to find out what they know about us.
That's the least Indian shit you've ever said.
You don't know how computers work in it.
Internet and shit.
That's an interesting point.
You're like, okay, what's connected to them?
They spying on us.
Yes.
I know what his point is.
His point is like, they spying on us, so we're just going to learn the shit we already know about us.
But we want to know what they know about us.
Yeah, but if we hack they shit, then we can get into all their stuff and find out information.
Ooh, didn't think about that.
You didn't think about that.
Yeah.
Reverse engineering.
Chinese computers.
Boy.
Boy, boy.
Hey, yo, whoa, whoa.
This is like the third time they hacked us.
They didn't hack us.
They was flying a balloon.
They hacked us before.
So we ain't hacking any hacks.
They hacked us in like this like 70s or 90s.
Bro, bro, bro, bro.
They flew a balloon.
They hacked us before Titanic came out, son.
They didn't hack us, bro.
Old.
They didn't hack us.
They bin hacked us a couple times.
So we took out Bruce Lee.
This is the first time we took real action.
We got that get back.
And Brandon Lee.
Come on.
Son of the whole family to really think about it.
Fo faux make your kids don't grow.
It's a two-part.
How did they do that, bro?
That is facts.
And Fo Fo is your PHO, P-H-O.
Yo.
What are you saying, bro?
Listen.
Listen.
But no, you were saying your little bullshit.
What was you saying, you old bullshit?
Why you lied so hard for China, bro?
I hate China.
I don't like China.
We need to beef with China.
Wait, wait.
So you're not going to slide on China?
You wouldn't slide.
You shouldn't slide on.
You wouldn't slide.
I would slide on China.
Oh, okay.
Make sure.
Son.
I'm about that life.
All right.
Let me see your slide.
Yo.
You ready?
Oh, I don't know.
Let me see yours.
Let me see yours, though.
With a little heck in it.
White as fuck, dog.
Mad choppy.
Mad choppy.
It's supposed to be white.
A white guy created it.
That's a good point.
Chris Tucker.
No.
Where you been, bro?
Wait, I'm all when you're on the pod when I slide, when I did the fucking Kodak black shit.
I was doing a Chris talk all the time.
That's why I was like, what was this?
Yo, you're the whitest motherfucker.
I'm white, dog.
Holy shit, white, bro.
That's why I don't get the.
What is the Chinese motherboard can actually collect data-wise floating above America?
It's above Montana.
Like, I don't get what it was actually.
Where do you think we keep our nukes, Mark?
But what can they not see from everything else?
They trying to see if they pointed to them.
If they don't know, we might go around the other side.
That's my point.
Or through?
Why don't they go through?
Oh, do you think we dug all the China?
Yes, that's my question.
You don't think we dug all the China?
I think we have.
100% we dug all the Chinese.
That's just a decoy.
That's how them motherfuckers got here, probably.
Came out your nose.
You know what year it is in the Chinese three-year?
No.
Do you know what year it is?
Bunny, I think.
The year of money?
No, oh, bunny.
No.
I think bunny's one of them.
Do you know what year it is?
I don't.
Rabbit.
I think it's the year of the rat, right?
Come on, man.
Well, I think it is, actually.
Do you know what it is?
Come on, bro.
Why are you doing that?
Why am I doing this?
Mad it sensitive, man.
That shit is fucking super racist.
Yeah, too.
Why do you do that?
That shit is super.
We were having fun here.
Who is it racist against?
Come on, bro.
You know who it's racist against.
Against who?
That gigantic, fat, fucking titted North Korean that's going to come on the podcast in a week.
That's who it's racist against.
Bro, did you look it up?
How long does it take?
It's so hard to tell.
It's a rabbit.
I was right.
See?
Of course, you're right.
You're in the fucking middle of it.
You didn't see them bouncing around for checking the rent.
You're crazy.
Shout out to him.
Top three favorite rabbits.
Go.
Oh, bunny?
Bugs.
Okay.
Guys, come easy.
What?
Roger.
Bugs, number one, bro.
Stop it.
I was thinking that vibrator joint.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that was fire.
That's probably number one.
Energizer.
Energizer.
Fire.
B-Rabbit.
B-Rabbit.
I think the best rabbit.
Also, fire.
But anyway, yeah, it's a year of the rabbit.
So why'd you ask that dumb question?
Oh, man.
Fuck you, Mark.
You might have to slide on you.
Damn, I touched.
Where the fuck you been, bro?
This motherfucker thought we were talking about Chris Tucker.
God damn it.
I looked at him and goes like, do you remember the whole combo?
I didn't listen to the lyrics.
I just saw you dancing.
That's it.
This is one thing we all kept going.
When I slide.
You all.
I don't know the song, dog.
I don't know the song.
We watched Super Gremlins.
I know the podcast.
People, if you don't want to know what Wash looks like.
Exactly.
Right here.
This is Wash.
Right here.
That's the first time in my life I heard Super Gremlin was when you played it on that video.
Damn, bro.
I ain't listening to it.
No, you're not Wash, bro.
You cool as hell, bro.
No, you're the coolest guy.
You a cool.
He not listening to it or you singing along to it.
Oh, no.
No, no.
If we're debating whether I look cool or not.
Okay.
We in it together is all I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, you're cool.
I'm not cool.
No, you might be cooler with that slide.
No, you might be cooler than me with that slide.
No, you got, you got off-white on, you cool-ass guy.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's true.
You are cool, bro.
That's true.
That's true.
You're a cool ass guy.
The jacket my wife got me three years ago.
Now, don't try to do this.
Yo, you're cool as hell, bro.
Vintage vintage, you got vintage.
That's a good point.
I'm very cool, you are.
Look at all.
Look at this, down to the shoes.
God damn, come on bro, you are cool bro, you a cool dude.
I pulled my hip a little bit doing that just now.
That's cool.
That's cool, bro.
That's what's cool about you then.
You cool, you know what I mean.
No, you not watch, you are the.
You are the coolest guy in the room.
Oh, thanks man.
Hey, thanks man son, you are cool.
Hey, thanks guys.
That's awesome.
I'm a cool.
If we call him cool or wash, it's still not funny.
Either way bro, I don't know.
I'm trying to find the right way to make money.
No, I can't say that.
One damn it.
We have to find the game.
Okay, let's go.
What do we have?
Another topic, yeah, Sam Smith is being all gay and also the devil son the, the Christians.
Yeah, he's all, even gay.
I don't get it.
No no, but like when are the Christians gonna realize they're just?
They've just been used by the music industry to sell albums for years.
They're the outrage engine of the music industry.
It's like heavy metal.
It's Sam Smith also, my man is gay.
He's being what you think he should.
Everyone's always like gay people are going to hell and he's like, all right, i'm in hell, sign me up, stop it.
Don't do it that way.
Let me see this.
He's paying homage to the guy that you say that he loves, like this is your idea.
He wouldn't even know what the fuck hell is, unless you said gay people was going there.
Yeah, so is he just biting?
Little Nas X, Dil Nas X also did it.
Christians got all upset, but I mean, that's the same little Nas X gay mad devil in that.
But they didn't do it.
Music musicians have been playing on Christians fearing the devil.
They're just the first two gay people to do it.
Yeah, but all i'm trying to say is, like yo, if you're Christian, you can't be mad.
If a gay dude is embracing hell, that's your fault.
That is your fault.
That's true.
Say he's welcome in Heaven.
Now you can have a problem with it.
Yeah, who's this?
That's Sam Smith, bro.
Oh, she's trans.
Wait, who is that?
Bv Rexa?
That's Kim Petrus.
I'm pretty sure who's Kim.
No, she is trans Petrus.
Trans yeah, but I call that a broken clock.
It's two times alright a day, something like that.
Why don't you say a word about his outfit?
Say I did.
I told you about his ankle shot you trying to hate right now.
I did not like it because he dressed like Bill Murray in that boat movie.
What's, what's?
That's not.
You're not getting a honey.
Life Aquatic, son.
That's good.
Oh, you think he looks like a lawn nose?
You think he looks like a lawn nose?
Don't let Mark get into the pictures, because you post once you get to the technology.
Why don't you start shooting so I can get this one off?
He had this up for an hour bad hey, I had it up for two hours.
Oh yeah, wait a minute.
No, you don't think he looked like no Mark dressed too regular.
I already thought about it.
I'm getting bullied into neutrality.
That's the thing.
I just dress normal and then no one says anything.
You look like Captain America before big.
Yeah, if you gotta explain, it's really funny.
Hey guys, if you explain it, you know it's hilarious.
Google LIFE Aquatic, though.
That was fire.
Yeah nah, LIFE Aquatic.
I got you on.
That was fire.
I gotta google that one.
I don't know if you gotta google.
It's really fun.
That's a great reference.
It's good.
That's a great reference.
Oh boy, son.
That's a great reference.
Okay.
But look, in all seriousness, it is him, son.
It's good.
I give it to him.
Okay.
That's fucking good.
In all seriousness, can you give me another topic, Mark?
Yes.
Because I don't know if we spoke about these Chinese balloons.
Definitely did.
What?
Let me talk about them in a sec.
The Yomi Parks, bro?
No, no, She is from North Korea.
She's a defector from North Korea.
How do you know?
You did mad bad on that test.
I got everyone right on that test.
No, you did.
The test in this in a little bit?
The test in a little bit?
That's how nice I'm with it, bro.
God damn, I think how nice I was.
I think you're taking a test later.
I think we might be taking a test a little later.
I don't know you're Asians.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Fuck you.
What type is this one?
Well, what type of that one?
That is an Indian guy.
Thank you.
He's a mud-drilling Indian.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know what I mean?
Compromise.
You know how you find it.
Okay.
But seriously, can we get back to this, Al?
Yeah, son of a bitch.
Francis and Ghana has accepted a fight with Tyson Fury.
Oh.
That's not my way to respond.
No one's sad about it.
That's what I need to do.
You need to shake fucking Aka.
I was just bringing up a story.
No, he's accepted.
I wasn't sad when I said it.
I wasn't being sad.
What the fuck?
I wasn't even sad.
I was just saying.
No, you're a loser for that.
He accepted the fight.
You're a loser for that.
Francis Nganu and Tyson Fury is scheduled.
Actually, I don't know the schedule, but they have accepted the fight.
It's a big fight.
And I'm not happy about it.
Why aren't you happy about it?
Because I'm pissed off.
Why are you pissed off?
What's bothering you?
What's got your panties in a bunch?
What's got your butt lips tuckered after a long day on a range?
What?
That's not insane.
What has got your mouth chapped?
Yo, what's up with you, bro?
What?
What are you doing to your cat?
Why is your cat always scratching you to?
Oh, no.
This is just one time I was playing my cat.
Are you fucking your cat?
No, I'm not fucking my...
Are you doing that kitty flushlight thing again?
They call it a pussy, but yo, fuck him.
Also, you don't think I can fuck my cat without getting scratched?
It's a small cat.
It's literally a tiny cat.
I don't think you could.
You could absolutely not.
I don't think you could.
Yes, you could.
You killed it first, obviously, but it's no fun.
Yeah, that's shit.
You wouldn't have to guilt.
You could just push it down.
It's not hard.
It's a small cat.
You could fuck a cat, dude.
I think you should.
No.
He's mad confident he could fuck his cat.
There's no doubt.
He's gonna get scratched.
Easily.
You fucking your cat.
No, because I got scratched.
That means I was playing.
Nah, he was like, ooh, let's go.
We're talking about a cat here.
A cat has the ability to shape-shift.
Sheep shift?
Shape-shift.
It's kind of true, but I think I can.
You don't think you can fucking cat?
No, no.
Without getting scratched is the big thing you put in there.
Yeah, I could.
Son, it goes wild and shit.
I would imagine.
I ain't a cat fucker like you.
Are you?
I never fucked a cat.
Nah.
But I don't think it would be that hard.
Are you like forcing your cat into being affectionate?
You're like holding it too long and then it scratches to get away?
I will do that.
Which is almost more sad than fucking.
You put peanut butter on your nuts and you have to.
Cats don't like peanut butter.
Oh, they don't?
They're thrown that out.
Yeah.
So there I am.
That shot you got scratched.
Yeah.
I ruined our peanut butter for no reason.
Yeah.
It's fucking, it's frustrating.
You ruined the peanut butter.
Because I put my whole dick in the peanut butter, dude, just to find out cats don't even like peanut butter in the first place.
That's just annoying.
I get out of the peanut butter jar.
I did an American piece.
I'm still eating the peanut butter after a dick's been inside.
I'm not going to let it go.
Toast.
UFC Fights and Cat Confessions00:12:14
That is crazy.
Yeah, you're not going to throw away perfectly a peanut butter.
It's my dick.
Wait a minute.
Wait, you put your dick in the middle of your peanut butter, dude.
What?
Wait a minute.
Who's on first, guys?
Oh, that's why he won't let Miles live over there.
That was a good point.
Peanut butterfucker goes off.
Hanging out with Miles the other night.
I completely understand why.
Like, no way.
No one's fucking my cat but me, Miles.
No, not even that.
I'm talking about the party.
Like, that's my point, dude.
He gets around the cat.
He has a couple too many.
No, he's unpredictable.
Okay, listen.
Nobody.
Francis Nganu is going to fight John Jones.
What?
What are you coming up, Mark?
That's the wrong article.
No, that's not it.
No, he just.
No, Tyson Fury, Francis Nganu.
I love this.
I'm actually, and I think Tyson Fury is the best heavyweight ever.
I genuinely think he's the best heavyweight ever.
I am concerned about this because when boxers use their gloves, they're thinking about doing the four-ounce gloves.
He said they're doing four-ounce gloves.
So, yeah, so it's like boxers use their gloves to block punches.
And obviously, UFC fighters can as well, but more punchers get more punches get through when you have these tiny little gloves that just kind of wrap around your fist.
When you have these kind of bigger mitts, throwing it up here, another mitt is coming.
It's just two big things kind of hit.
It's easier to defend.
And you're talking about a guy who's been boxing every day since he was a kid.
You can't relearn your defense.
Yeah.
And he's a great defensive fighter.
But my concern is that those four ounce gives Nganu a chance because you know Nganu has learned how to defend?
He's learned to defend against four ounce.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, that's a great point.
So it is something where I'm like, I hope that he gets some sparring in with the light gloves.
And I hope he sees, oh, shit, certain punches are getting through.
I can't engage the same way.
Well, he had a quote that at the time was convincing.
He said something like, Yeah, I know he punches hard.
He's the baddest man on the planet, but I've also been punched by Deontay Wilder.
And it's like, that's a good point.
But then I didn't think about the fact that more small punches are getting through with him.
You've been punched with eight ounce gloves or 10 ounce gloves, whatever they fought him.
You have a punch with four ounces.
It's just knuckle.
Yeah.
I mean, like, it's at that point.
And with that amount of weight, it's like.
But it's kind of cool that he took the fight on those rules.
So I think it's the only way it's remotely 100%.
Yeah.
Now, I think it's fake.
You don't think it's actually confirmed?
No, no, I don't think they're going to really go all out and try to hurt one another.
I think it's a money grab.
The fact that you have Tyson referee in the fight is like he's never refed a fight before.
Yeah, that part was kind of weird.
That is strange, but how hard is it to ref a fight?
Especially if you boxed your whole life, don't you know when it's getting to like whatever?
Get in there.
This is the same guy who chewed somebody's ear off.
Yeah, he's going to understand the frustration.
I mean, shout out to Mike, man.
We want him on the pod, so I won't talk shit about him.
But I would rather come on and then say what you said.
Yeah, my name is Mark Gagnon.
That's not it.
Why'd you do a white voice when you did that?
Yeah, that's very strange.
Oh, my name is Mark Gagnon.
That's how you sound.
No, don't use white people's voices for your fucking pleasure, bro.
I liked it.
Son, this is Black History Month.
You better watch out.
I do whatever fuck I want this mom.
So I just got to let you talk like a fucking dignified human being for no reason, dude.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, I think, listen, I'm buying it.
I hope they both make fucking boatloads full of money.
I think it will be a real fight.
I think you just get two guys in a room in a ring fighting.
I don't, especially if they're competitive, I don't think they're going to take it easy.
Like Tyson Fury's the best at what he does, Nganu's the best at what he does.
They're putting them in a ring.
I can't see them both being like, hey, let's take it easy.
Like they're in their prime.
I think it's going to be like how Mike and Roy Jones was, where it's just going to be like Mike started to go full in, but Roy was just like, pop shots move, pop shots.
Roy's in his 50s.
Roy's fighting somebody again.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, there's a fight coming on.
I forget what it is, but I saw it.
But yeah, he's fighting somebody again.
Somebody said something as a saying, apparently, like, boxers don't retire because they can't hit anymore.
They retire because they don't want to take hits anymore.
These guys haven't retired.
Those guys had both retired.
Now, Roy's coming back, so maybe whatever.
But like, I can see Roy 20 years out being like, I don't want to get hit no fucking more.
Francis Nganu and Tyson Fury, I both see them being like, I don't mind getting hit.
I want to win.
I hope it happens.
I'm definitely not going to be able to do it.
I don't know.
I'm optimistic.
Sign him up.
Let him win it.
I think Tyson wins because it's his arena.
But the reason why heavyweight boxing is so compelling is that anybody can land.
It doesn't matter if the other guy's big.
And the force behind that punch is crazy.
Yeah.
So it's like anybody can land.
We're going to watch because even if there's a 10 to 1 favorite, if he gets hit, the amount of pressure that is created at that weight and that skill is putting him out.
So it's like people would watch Deontay Wilder fight Tyson Fury again.
Yeah.
Even though he won easily.
That's why I'm surprised.
But like they would watch and again and again because they know it's one shot.
Yeah.
That's why I'm surprised you think Tyson will win because like he gets clipped.
Yeah, he gets clipped.
He's gotten dropped and he got dropped with 10 ounce gloves.
Now you're going to get dropped with a four ounce glove.
That's a whole different story.
Yeah.
I don't think he comes up from that.
That's interesting.
That's interesting.
That is interesting.
Now, I will say that Francis Nganu has never boxed somebody of Tyson's caliber.
That's my only thing.
I don't think he didn't start getting into fight sports until he was like 20, right?
Yeah.
Now, he did start with boxing.
I think that was the actual thing he first started even back in, I think he's from Cote d'Ivoire.
Cameroon.
No, Cameroon.
Yeah.
Okay.
My people.
Respect.
So he did start boxing there.
So he has some pedigree in that.
And that's what he believes that he's good at.
And clearly the way he knocks people out in the UFC is like, he's striking.
Yeah.
But the skill level of Tyson, you're talking about the best heavyweight ever and the most challenging ever to fight.
A guy of that, he's 6'7.
It's crime.
He's reaching easy.
Yeah.
How tall is Nganu?
I think Ngano's probably 6'5.
But still, like, he's up there.
But still, like, Nganu's not sparring guys.
Or maybe is he 6'9?
Like, I don't know.
It's fucking massive.
Francis is 6'4, 250.
I think Tyson's 6'9.
I think 6'9.
I mean, just massive.
Yeah, yeah.
And skilled.
Like, it just doesn't happen.
The footwork, the hand movement, like the head movement.
Some people say Shaq's footwork is crazy.
For his size.
For his size?
That's what it seems in curious.
But it's very impressive that Francis is taking the fight.
He's like, yeah, I'm going to get in, never boxing, going up against the greatest heavyweight ever.
I love Francis, but what other option did he have?
So surprisingly, Francis does have a lot of options.
I mean, to make this seems like eight-figure payday.
Oh, you're talking about for the most money.
For big money.
Yeah, for the most money, of course.
But he does have other options.
He could sign with Bellator.
He could sign with One Championship.
He could do other like private fights against other guys for whatever reason.
Not private, but like the one-off type of things.
So he does have places he could go.
But to make real money, it's Anthony Joshua, Deontay Wilder.
People would pay to see Deontay Wilder versus Francis Tyson Fury.
Like we're literally looking at the most destructive human being alive, Francis Nganu, against the most destructive boxers alive.
And we will pay top dollar to see any of them.
He is in a great situation.
And this is why the UFC fucked up, I think, in my opinion.
He's going to make way more money not being with the UFC, even if he loses his fight.
The one fight, he's going to make way more money.
I was thinking that.
So now it's just further incentivizes all the UFC fighters to be like, let me get out of this shit and then move on.
It's almost like a developmental ground at this point, it seems like.
And then you'll get your big payday.
Like you make, you climb to the top of UFC.
And then at some point, there's a massive payday waiting.
And they're like, look, we paid you what we paid you.
You want to go get a big payday.
Go fight a boxer.
Go get a figure somewhere.
I don't think the UFC is saying that at all.
Yeah, I guess they're not saying that, but I think that's what it could become.
Like at a certain point with UFC, if they're not going to pay you, you could be like, all right, well, that's fine.
You don't have to pay me.
I'm going to go do.
I think what happens is UFC will have to change their model.
But UFC does not see themselves as a fucking developmental ground.
No.
And look at you don't really become that.
You're going back to potentially fight.
You need the action.
That's the lights.
That's the stardom.
Yes, go make, he's 36, Francis.
Make your money.
Payday money right now, but if you want some engine to continue exposing you to the world, that's UFC.
Yeah, I mean, UFC made Francis.
There's no question.
He also did great within the UFC to make himself.
But yeah, he did it.
But the UFC's, if Francis goes and has success and these other people go and have success, they're going to have to find a way where they don't become the developmental ground.
The last thing they want to be is the thing that builds up guys, and then they go make all this money.
They want to be part of all that money like they were with Connor.
The biggest payday the UFC probably ever made on a fight was the Connor Mayweather fight because they were the promoter on Connor's side.
So it's like you need that.
I'm just shocked that they wouldn't just do, hey, go out, get that money.
We'll do one fight with whatever, and then you come back to us.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, Francis, if he wants to, he can go do that fight.
If he wins or loses, can come back to UFC and they'll have to bump it up.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
But then UFC looks a little like they look like they lost because they weren't willing to give him the money.
Now he comes back and asks for more money.
And then if you cave, it's like, you want to know something crazy, though?
And you're right, but you don't know something crazy.
If Francis wins that fight, okay, he is solidified as the baddest man on the planet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
How can a fight promotion be the top fight promotion if they don't have the baddest man on the planet?
You have to empty the book.
If he goes to any other one, immediately, they are legitimized, at least at the same level.
Yeah.
Bare minimum, whatever heavyweight fights you got going on in the UFC, they ain't the ones.
Yeah.
And that's not even that expensive to legitimize an entire promotion.
Think about that.
Like 30 million?
Whatever the, whatever it is, it's like you take that investment from Saudi, you take that investment.
Saudi is what I was saying.
They'll throw ungodly money at anything.
And then immediately legitimize.
That division is legitimized over UFC immediately because Francis cleaned out the division.
Yeah.
Except for Jones.
And Jones still got to beat Cyril Gahn.
If Cyril Gahn beats Jones, it's one of those things where it's like too much.
It costs you too much to not pay.
I don't know if there's probably a better saying for that, but like, it's like, you know, when like a tech company has to buy that upstart.
Whatever.
For sure.
It's cheaper to keep her kind of thing.
Literally.
Yeah.
Literally.
Yeah.
It's like it costs your brand too much.
It costs Prada too much to not have a place on Fifth Avenue, even if it loses them money.
But if they need to be seen like those other stores.
You got to be in Fifth Avenue.
Yeah, it's tricky.
What do you think of Connor coming back and fighting Michael Chandler?
I mean, I just love it.
We don't care about belts.
Let's just be honest.
We don't.
I know it's, we care about the most compelling, interesting fights.
It's really what it is.
Like whether or not Izzy's fighting Pereira again for the belt doesn't matter to us.
Yeah.
We know that that fight is going to be an absolute mayhem situation.
Yeah.
So that's why we're tuning in.
And it's like, I know for the guys who are fighting, like working their whole life to achieve that accomplishment, I don't want to take away from that 100%.
But for the fans, we want to see the most incredible fights with the storylines that are in case of the fight.
I think that's more real than the belt.
We see through the belt.
We go, yeah, it's not really real.
Like, yeah, you won a bunch of fights in a row.
That's cool.
But like two guys that actually hate each other, oof, like that storyline is incomparable to him.
Story, you said this before.
Story is the, I think the end of Game of Thrones, story is the most powerful thing in the world.
Yeah.
Nothing will compel us like story.
So even if like Izzy doesn't fight Pareta and then he loses and then they fight each other not even for the belt, I'm still going to tune in.
I'm still tuning in.
It's with Nate Diaz.
It's like he's a perfect example.
It's like we just want to see this guy in the fucking ring.
And I do love that about the UFC is that they're willing to make the most engaging fights.
I think it's really cool that Connor's willing to do the tough coaching because he's going to be one of the coaches for the ultimate fighter.
They have that series.
So he's a coach and Chandler's coach and then they fight at the end.
And Connor's worth so much money.
Steroids for Kids and Real Belts00:02:26
Yeah.
To take that chunk of time out of your life, that's like a big commitment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think he has to because like he's lost too many of his last fights where it's just like, I don't think he got.
But he could just retire.
He's rich as fuck.
No, I know that.
So it's like right now he's, I think it's more so like, hey, I'm building the brand back up.
Like I want to be looked at as that guy.
So one, I'm a coach all these guys.
I'm a win you ultimate fighter and I'm going to win this fight.
Like I think it's just like all.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Maybe he could need some time to hear anything.
I just did.
No.
No, maybe he could need some time to get back into the testing pool.
Yeah.
That's that's kind of what I mean.
Maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, like, also, if anybody going through injury that doesn't use steroids is an idiot.
It speeds up the reproductive process.
It allows the muscle to build up faster.
It allows everything, the cell growth is faster.
Like it should be legal to use.
Yeah, the regenerative process.
It should be legal to do it.
I think.
But those are probably different steroids than like Windscrow and Trent and shit, right?
I can't imagine like jabbing yourself in the ass is the same as like, oh, I'm going to do like my ankle steroids and shit.
You would know.
Right?
New them shits real quick.
See, you've been off of it.
That's why you're not healing.
I'm going to give my kids steroids 100%.
You know, Messi got that.
And I was like, can't you just give any kids hormone?
Allegedly.
No, I think that was confirmed.
No, he got HGH.
No, I mean, the fact that you're going to give your kids steroids, that's like.
Fine, I'm allegedly definitely going to give my kids steroids.
That's awesome.
Why wouldn't you give your kids HGH?
Why is that abuse?
It is.
Why is it abuse to definitely give your kids steroids that I don't have?
That guy's abuse.
How is it abused?
Am I here to do that?
Y'all are going to be sad when my kid's abusing your kids if they're playing basketball or something because my kids are going to be 70.
You're going to raise a bully?
Yeah.
There you go.
Look at that.
Wow.
No, he's going to be a gentle giant.
He's going to be like Tyson Fury.
He's going to be 6'9.
You don't think all these giant athletes weren't on a little bit of HGH when they were kids?
A tiny bit?
You're saying Tyson Fury's on HGH?
When he was a kid.
Wow.
That's not illegal.
Wow.
Wow.
There might be something to that.
That's not illegal to be a five-year-old.
Maybe something.
He doesn't know what he's doing.
Someone just gave him.
What about a girl?
You're going to give her some fake tits?
I'm giving her HGH.
Oh, yes.
You give her real, real fake tits.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Nice.
There's nothing wrong with that.
If you love your kids, that's what you would do.
Facts.
Yo, we got the homie coming through.
Yes, sir.
Fake Tits, HGH, and Family Shouts00:15:05
Very funny dude, good friend of ours from way back.
So we bring him through right now.
We got to do that.
But right before we do that, I just got to give a huge shout out to our boy Nick Sonnenberg.
Okay, this is not our homie that's coming through right now, but this is shout out.
Come Up for Air is out right now.
This is our boy.
He's a brilliant dude who does optimization for the most famous, successful people on the planet.
So the people that tell people what to do with their lives and how to make their lives better, he tells them how to make their lives better.
Now, I'm not talking about like emotionally, he's not going to coach you through like what to do with your relationship.
That kid's a robot.
Okay.
Hasn't felt anything in the entire time that I've known him.
Literally just like this.
Okay.
Boom.
A total Elon.
That being said, he's a genius.
And if you're looking to organize small business or going to organize big business, if you're at your job and you're like, how can we improve this?
How can we optimize it?
How can we make our lives better?
You want to get this immediately right now because he's giving you all these tips that he charges fucking tens of thousands of dollars to all the leaders of industry.
He's giving away for you right now in this book.
So make sure you get come up for air for my boy, okay?
Or from my boy, Nick Sonnenberg.
And we love you, Nick, and best of luck with absolutely everything.
And we're back and we're joined by hilarious comedian, friend of the show.
Honestly, one of my first looks on TV came through.
Yes.
Yeah.
Through you.
I think you as well.
Yeah, kind of.
He tried to get me.
He fought for a cut.
Yeah, he tried to get me with you on the show.
Bro.
And MTV was like, nah.
The amount of fighting that we had to do to get him on MTV.
Dude, it was really nuts.
They were like genuinely like, no.
He really truly didn't.
He's not Gareth Reynolds.
I'm not going to be on again, bro.
I was like, shit.
I want to know what's the whole deal.
Why did they say no to Akash?
I could never get an answer, but I was like, we became buddies just hitting open mics.
And I was like, it's fucking hilarious.
And then they basically, they were like, no.
And I couldn't.
I was really fighting for me.
I really was because I was like, he'll be hilarious.
And they were like, no.
And then it was like, Shells.
Yeah, they were like, for sure, let's go.
And then account, they were like, no.
We love that guy.
Yeah.
And who was the host?
It was Hassan was the host.
Hassan Minaj was the host.
Really?
Was Hassan tainting the well?
Do we have to go?
I know for sure.
You have to look and see.
No, no.
We're coming for you.
No, no, we're not.
We're not coming for you.
We're fucking coming for you.
If you were creeping.
No.
What was the name of the show one more time?
I don't know if I should say it.
I just philosophy.
Philosophy.
We are coming for that ass when we find out.
Only room for one, bro.
Only room for one.
They didn't say it out loud, but come on.
Well, they said no out loud a lot of times.
Repeatedly, like four calls of no.
So you pitched multiple times and they said, I was serious.
I was like serious.
I was like, because I was like hitting mics and then I was also producing the show.
So it was basically like, I was like, oh, does this person be great or this person be great?
And I got a couple on that way.
So I just figured it'd be easy.
But no, the wall was like strong.
They built a wall.
They built a wall.
They did.
Yeah, they built a wall on MTV.
I did a show on MTV.
It was like a dating show.
It was, I mean, one of the.
Next.
No, it was Next.
I wish I did Next.
That would have been pretty the fucking dream.
I was about like 11 when that show, when Next came out.
But this, I forget the name of the fucking show.
Jesus.
Yeah, me too.
That's how old I am.
I thought it was called Next.
Bro.
My memory's.
It's almost like Miller wanted to shift topics.
No, no.
But Next.
No.
It was called The Hookup.
Oh, yeah.
The Hookucko.
The Hookup.
Right, right, right.
And they would not, like, this, I did not want to do this fucking show.
I remember I did the pilot and I was like, fuck it, I have to do it because I was like signed to MTV.
So if they wanted to put me in a show, that would do it.
I did the fucking pilot.
And I remember when they called to tell me the show was picked up, it was like, they're like, we got it.
And I was like, congrats, guys.
Are you looking at new hosts?
You guys should maybe keep looking.
I thought you might find a great one out there.
Bro, I tried to get Akash on as a writer.
They said no.
It isn't.
It's a writer.
It was behind.
It wasn't even up to the camera, right?
I think the guy's behind the camera.
You know what's crazier?
The other two writers they had for the pilot just didn't show until like four hours before we filmed it.
And they were still, and me and him wrote the whole thing and they were still like, nah.
Like we rewrote.
I don't know.
We rewrote it.
Literally.
They said no.
And I said, just keep coming to work.
Yeah.
He did say that.
Like.
They spy.
Literally like Costanza, which I don't know that reference.
Horrible show that that's probably from.
And awful comedian that's based on.
But literally.
Don't know what you're saying.
Yeah, I don't know anything about that guy.
But that is white privilege.
What is it?
Showed up to a building expecting them to be okay with it.
If I did that, they'd be like, yo, call security, get this guy the fuck out of here.
No, that'd be racist.
Yeah, exactly.
That's true.
They wouldn't.
Do you know how they would also probably think you're security because of your history as a cop?
Yeah, exactly.
That's also true.
You don't think they wouldn't be threatened by Akash showing up?
That's also true.
I'm showing up in a building.
Isn't it 10 years ago?
Him pulling up to a building?
Akos was in a room writing with people that were employed when he wasn't.
Yeah.
For days.
And then he just kept on showing up and shout out to like the showrunner.
He was just like, fuck it.
You want your boy to work on it?
And I was like, oh, no, he's already working.
He's hired.
Yeah.
Cool thing.
He didn't create a George Trump.
The exact story is I think they were like, we'll make your friend a writer.
Just please stop harassing the execs.
I think that's what they told Andrew.
Wow.
So harassment gets you somewhere.
Yeah, you didn't push hard enough is what we're trying to say.
No, I don't.
I mean, again, he couldn't have just showed up on the panel.
They'd have been like, pretty sure that guy's, there's like not a fourth chair.
What's he doing?
You know?
Yeah.
Pooh.
Yeah.
You shoved Jared.
You know, they called him Nakosh at MTVR.
That was like a nickname.
I don't want to say it, but we're getting in the weeds.
Yeah.
Okay, so you've given up producing television shows to be a stand-up.
Television shows have given up having me produce them to be funny.
I didn't want to say it like that.
No, but that's, I mean, I'm not going to be.
But if that's what's going on.
I'll be honest.
Okay.
And then, so break this whole situation down.
How do you do that transfer?
Well, honestly, because I was hitting so many mics here, I really just started like doing stand-up consistently.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, was featuring for a while.
Then my podcast got kind of big.
And then from with TJ, I was able to start headlining.
And then it's really just been like that.
I mean, I still work in TV.
Like I still write on stuff.
Do you want to make more shows?
Are you done with that?
Is that era of television done?
Like the kind of, it was like almost game show-esque they sort of like that sort of stuff.
Yeah, that's, I mean, like part of the problem is cheap is now like the new good with that stuff.
So it is sort of like...
It's back.
I mean, that sort of stuff is always getting produced.
I think as far as like creative stimulation, that is kind of the lowest hanging fruit.
Yeah, yeah.
If I could make a show that was like a good scripted show, like some of the stuff I work on and write on is like that.
That I enjoy still.
But you can't beat, like when the executives are ruining your idea or telling you who you could put on stuff, you can't beat like the reaction of a live audience like in a club, writing your own stuff.
No notes, as you know, obviously.
Like not having anyone tell you what you can and can't say is super addictive.
So I like it better like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so the stand-up special is out right now.
England, weed, and the rest.
Yeah.
What is the rest?
The rest is the stuff that didn't fit into the two first buckets.
Gotcha.
Good approach.
I wanted to keep it in for time.
You stopped smoking weed before you filmed the specials.
You had to like change your jokes, right?
Well, I had all this weed material, and then my buddy was like, but you stopped smoking weed.
And I was like, yeah, is that a problem?
And he was like, yeah.
So then I had to write stuff about not smoking weed.
Yeah, why'd you stop smoking weed?
Well, I was doing a cleanse for ayahuasca.
Because he couldn't get me on the show with Regina.
Yeah, he carried a tremendous amount of guilt.
He tried to get Ayakosh's life together.
So he was like, I'm going to get clean.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know a lot of ayahuasca.
Purge myself of that.
And part of the thing is you don't smoke weed leading up to it.
And then like, you know, through the experience, I was like, I think I'm done smoking weed.
And then I just was.
That has happened with a few things, too.
So you're just trying to prep for more drugs.
And so you just quit though.
Yeah, yeah, right.
Yeah.
We want the hard hit.
So I was just like, but then, so it just kind of filtered out.
And I mean, I'm talking, like, I've smoked weed, like, I'd smoked weed like every day for like 20 years or something crazy.
Yeah.
So I lost.
Bongweed, too, not just like hitting the ball, like, yeah, bongs.
Wow.
Yeah.
Were you high when you were pitching Akash to the network?
I really wasn't like, I was high when he thought I was funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was the problem.
I was seeing like even auditioning.
Like, I don't know what I was thinking either.
It's not going great.
Did they ever give you a straight-up reason?
Like, no, they seem funny.
They just didn't think he was funny, which I was just like.
Wait, they said that?
We're like, we don't think he's funny?
I think that's a good thing.
I'm finding that out in the moment.
Why are you sharing these personal games?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
That is fucked up shit.
Are we even filming?
There's no fucking stuff.
Smoke weed again, you piece of shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
I think you need a six shot of son.
Fuck it.
Pakistan forever.
That's funny.
Did the ayahuasca clean you out?
Did it get your brain nice and right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
There's stuff where you're like, you go in, like, you're like, I want to know this and that.
Who's the fucking insurance guy you look like?
What the fuck?
I thought it was going to be about ayahuasca.
Oh, I've been trying to think about it for the last fucking 10 minutes.
The commercial, everything's going bad.
Mayhem?
Mayhem!
It looks like Mayhem does.
Which insurance is it?
Is that progressive?
All-state.
No, All-State is the black guy with the deep voice.
That's fair.
The guy from Major League.
You're talking about Dean Winters from the All-State commercial.
Oh, they're both All-State?
Yeah.
Oh, is it?
No insurance company's got money for two ag campaigns, right?
Wait, they got rid of the black guy?
Yeah, the black guy's not on.
No, no, no.
We're talking about Jake.
We're talking about Jake Strange.
Oh, Jake from St. There's a different black guy, 24 black guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe they did get rid of him.
And heat.
That guy was a legit actor.
It was crazy.
He was doing insurance.
He does look like me.
That's me fighting for Akash.
Okay, sorry, go back.
Okay, that's what you're saying.
Ayahuasca.
It would drive me fucking crazy.
Well, I mean, it's going to drive me crazy for the rest of the day to be honest.
This is good.
To look like a fucking movie star, he was on Oz.
He was a commercial.
I don't know about it.
Maybe he was on Oz.
I mean, that's not a movie, though.
He's a pseudo-star.
No, no, I'm not trying to start mayhem being.
You can try to start Mayhem.
He wasn't on philosophy.
I tried to get him on.
I said I didn't have enough band-aids.
But I went into ayahuasca being like, all right, I'll see what happens.
And then, yeah, it does.
You get like, first of all, you feel like real good for a while after.
Did some gay shit happen?
No.
Nothing.
Yo, I don't believe that.
You don't believe that anything.
Nobody has like some gay shit happen.
Well, what do you mean?
You mean like what you come out there with controls?
You're going to see this.
You're going to see your fucking dead sperm that would have been your kid.
But you don't see one dick and gold.
That's DMT.
DMT is like seeing.
It's the same thing.
DMT is the experience you get from the bottom.
I'm seeing MTV on GMTV.
Have you ever watched that?
It doesn't make any sense.
No, DMT is more like what's released when you're born, when you die, when you dream.
You can smoke it, and that is where you have like a 10-minute version.
Ayahuasca is much more like you kind of leave your body and like literally the front lobe you feel like is wide.
Like the third eye, the third eye shit you see all the time.
It does feel like that is open and then you're kind of having a dick ever slide into it or something.
I don't know.
It was laughing.
Is that why you haven't done ayahuasca yet?
I'm worried.
There's not enough dicks.
Ayahuasca.
That's how I pronounce it, huh?
That's why I'm working.
For real.
I am a little worried about that one.
You're not worried about that?
No, I'm good.
Bullshit.
I think you throw up because you're making room for all the cums.
Yeah, yeah.
Or you're full of it.
You already got loaded.
You said one thing you're allowed to do.
Yeah, you're saying one thing.
You came having had.
No weed, only semen.
Straight up.
But there's no crazy story.
Everybody's like, I have this all-tragic story, this, that, the other.
Nobody comes out with that weird gay shit that was part of it.
No, I never, I didn't.
How many times have you done it?
Five times.
Not one gay thing?
All right, all five.
Thank you.
Jesus, okay?
How good is he?
The best.
No, never.
I mean, you have, there's tons of crazy shit.
Like?
Like, I was, oh, I was telling him, like, I mean, every time I've done it, I've cried at some point.
Not in anything, huh?
That's pretty gay.
Yeah, that's very low.
I like crying.
To me, in a good way.
That's gay in the best way.
Yeah, thank you.
And not gay and also the best way.
Thank you.
Crying is fire.
Yeah, crying.
You also, the first time I took it, my grandma had died.
Like it turned out crazy.
So she died like five days before I took it.
Then I took it.
And then I was sort of like opened up to like, oh, wow, like maybe we're all part of this galactic stew.
And, you know, she like, so we're all interconnected.
And then so I go to England for the funeral.
And my mother, who like looks at me as like the guy who smokes bongs every day, I'm coming up to her and being like, she's still a part of us and she's still with us.
Memories are what keep her alive forever.
And you know, my mother's going like, who the fuck is this guy?
Yeah.
Like, so there's a lot of that shit.
Like, it changed me from, like, fully atheist, way more agnostic, way more open to, like, there being, you know, some higher purpose in some way.
Why doesn't the church use this?
Why does the church not use this all the time?
They're always like, oh, send people to a different country and go talk to brown kids about believing in Jesus.
You've got all the consultants.
You know that they don't.
Where do you find ayahuasca?
I don't know.
Peru or some shit?
South America, right?
Yeah.
Most Catholic region of the world.
I don't think that's like a da Vinci code.
You know what I'm saying?
Just see it.
American Pope put it there.
Maybe the Pope put it there.
I don't think I'm going to do it.
That's possible.
You don't find ayahuasca in Iran or Iraq.
But those people believe in God a lot, though.
So what's happening there?
That's a good point.
I should have went somewhere else today.
You don't find it in Amsterdam or Norway or Sweden.
It's all over Amsterdam.
They love drugs in Amsterdam.
Nah, fuck, man.
I got a lot of good pushbacks.
Shit, man.
Well, what the fuck point you want me to make?
Okay.
What fucking point you want me to do?
I was on your side, too, and now you lost.
God damn it.
It did get lost.
This is like a damn thing.
It's like him pushing for Akash.
Like, get Akasha.
We're not talking about Akasha philosophy anymore.
We were never talking about Akash.
All right, I never pushed for him once.
Jesus, I didn't even have a show.
Thank God.
Okay, no, okay.
But yeah, if you just send people around the country, around the world, like missionaries with ayahuasca, every person that does ayahuasca is like, yeah, I believe in God now.
It's like the most pure fire.
I don't believe in God, so why don't you believe in Catholicism?
Yeah.
Come on.
What I hate about religion is the specificity.
Whoa.
Minority Killings and Black History00:13:22
I'm open to the, well, what I don't love about religion.
Thank you so much for that.
Is the specificity.
Yeah.
So I'm open to like...
Not the penophilia.
No, I mean, look, two each of their own.
You haven't tried it?
Well, you don't know that.
So you don't have to make a shit.
Well, maybe.
But it's like the idea that we know exactly what this, like with like Christianity or like, you know, the idea that it's like people view God as like kind of like this Matthew McConaughey like bearded dude in the clouds to me seems a little bizarre.
And the fact that we have all these specific edicts and stuff like that, most of this was written down by a guy who claimed that he like was talking to God.
And that's always a little red flaggy for me to think that someone had a direct line.
So you don't like the edicts.
I don't like the specificity.
I think if we, I think if you look at most of the religions, for the most part, there are a lot of uniting factors, which are about like love, you know, kindness, a lot of the stuff that is in a lot of the scripture of these things.
But they do get lost, I think, when you're dividing people into camps.
And that's why all these fucking wars start.
I mean, people are always fighting religion wars, like religious wars.
And I just think that that stuff, if you actually kind of just boiled it down to like a couple of things that are very uniting factors, you would find that people would have a lot more in common.
Good point.
Love, peace, women stay inside.
Helping, you know, like those things I think are.
A lot of religions say women stay inside.
And no one ever brings that up, huh?
No, well, in my religion, they get to go outside.
They are allowed to?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Only outside.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
Inside.
No, no.
Go outside as long as you want to.
Yeah.
Peace.
Weeks at a time.
Especially during the big day.
No, man.
The whole podcast is about history.
Not that kind.
Yeah.
Oh, the good kind.
Well, not racist history.
Well, no, okay.
It's super.
You started in 93?
Yeah.
Yeah, when we were stopped racism.
Yeah.
No, yeah, my podcast has tons of like, I mean, the country's history is extremely racist, and they never tons of watermelons.
Well, we go through like the history of the world.
Tell us the history of watermelons.
Tell us the history of watermelons.
Everybody thinks they're delicious, and as they should, equally.
Let's move on.
Okay.
Nothing.
Okay.
That's it?
No, it's my podcast.
American History.
I forgot you were here.
I hear that a lot on your podcast.
There is it.
We'd love to have you on.
Let's talk about it.
No, let's talk about these things, Gary.
There's a ton.
It'll be like 350.
Yeah, let's talk about the story of Thanksgiving.
All right, so that's one where it's like you're taught, you know, you're taught your whole upbringing as a white child.
That's a different hit.
Talk about that.
Talk about that.
Talk about the history of fried chicken.
I'm not sure the first person who fried it, but God bless them.
And now I do believe in God, actually.
Yeah.
This is better.
This is fun.
Yo, it's fun being on the black side around white people.
I don't want to be the white guy.
He's the white guy.
He is the white guy.
We're the black guys.
All right.
Tell us about walking really slow crossing the street.
Oh, my God.
Look, I mean, the hand's blinking.
Take your time.
Oh, this is powerful.
I know, man.
Wow, this is great.
Do it to him.
Okay.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
Yeah.
Cracker.
Hey there.
Cracker.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey there, cracker.
Okay, I heard you.
Yeah, why don't you tell us a little something about the Louisiana purchase?
Cracker.
Come on there.
Cracker.
That's a white fist.
Oh, it.
You know what white fists were used for back in the day?
What were they used for?
What were they used for?
Wow.
I mean, how far back?
Think about what you used that white fist for 100 years ago in America.
I wasn't here 100 years ago.
Writing a lot of oppressive legislation.
My family was in Canada, bro.
Oppressive legislation.
Oppressive legislation.
My family was in Canada helping runaway slaves.
So I actually think that's a good thing when you think about it.
So you're welcome.
Every white person wants to be Canadian.
Right?
Every white person is like, oh, I'm Canadian when we talk about race.
Oh, I'm from Canada.
Yeah.
You a cracker like the rest of us.
You'll crack an ass cracker if you look at your ass.
Nah, bro.
Nah, bro.
We're going to talk to you about some real race shit.
Hey, Thirsty all of a sudden now?
Yeah, why are you supposed to be thirsty?
You're thirsty.
Thirsty, though.
Huh?
Huh?
What are you drinking in that little thermos there?
Yeah.
Got some Kool-Aid in there?
I bet you do have some motherfucking Kool-Aid.
Why am I drinking all our products?
You probably don't even know how to put sugar in there, you fucking white hunk-ass cutty hunk.
What's this made from cotton?
God damn, Annoy!
Yeah, it's Egyptian cotton.
It's made from cotton.
Do you notice he got the extra big size?
So black people could pick more.
Is that one?
Wow.
That's fucking racist.
This is Egyptian cotton.
This is actually from Egypt.
It's really expensive.
That's still black people, though.
They had slaves?
They're in Africa.
Yeah.
Aboriginal slaves.
I didn't see anything to do with any of this.
Listen, don't say his favorite words.
Can we make some money off something?
Is there any profitability?
Does someone say profitability?
Listen, all I'm trying to say is you crack and start acting up.
The question is going to come to you.
When was the Emancipation Proclamation signed?
When was it signed?
The first time?
Yo, you see how he's using miles to just repeat the question?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When was it signed?
Say again?
Yeah.
When was it signed?
1863.
I don't think that's correct.
Might be.
I think that's pretty close.
Don't put me.
You're Mr. History, right?
No, no, no, no.
I quit that podcast.
Mr. She reads a lot.
I distanced myself from that show hours ago, bro.
He's fucking right.
You're right, white boy.
That thing's close.
You're fucking right in 1866.
This is my history month.
I've been reading, dude.
Have you?
What you've been reading?
Right now is a self-help book.
Self-help.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Are you three-fifths?
You're afloat?
Iceberg Slim is another great book.
Are you familiar with Iceberg Slim?
No.
You haven't read that?
Well, I mean, you could have stopped without the vat.
No.
I like how you stop.
You haven't read?
No, I haven't.
He's been smoking weed for two decades.
No, no.
Bro, you got to read about Iceberg Slim.
Okay.
What to do when you're pimping and you got to get rid of a girl?
You can't just leave her.
Uh-huh.
What do I do?
Shit.
You want me to give away the whole book?
Chappelle talks about it.
I mean, I don't like reading.
You got to break a bitch.
Yeah, you got to break them.
It's either break them or you find someone else to take them.
Are you a breaker?
You a taker?
I mean, I've done a lot of ayahuasca, so I guess I would probably, I would want to let her down easy, but I guess, I mean, I guess take her.
Nice.
You would.
You would take someone with me.
Well, yeah.
That's what they do.
That's what they fucking with.
I can't believe I tried to get you on my homeland 400 years ago.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yo, you sure is a takeoff.
I see it.
I see it.
Mr. Reynolds.
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.
Finally, the respect.
Talk about your YouTube special now, Cracker.
Okay.
Well, it's not the easiest segue.
I'll be honored.
But I'm not above a plug.
So.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am a white guy.
Yeah.
Put it out on black motherfucking history months.
I'd love to.
It's called England, which is a control.
Yeah, they never did anything wrong to black people, historically speaking.
Look, you're a motherfucking historian.
Look, they have apologized privately many times for what they did.
Privately.
It's called England, Weed, and the Rest.
And you can go to GarethReynolds.com.
Again, who I think is white, but I don't know.
And there's a special link.
But again, I think that the rest.
The rest.
Yeah, the rest.
Yeah, that's what it's called?
No, well, I guess what you call him.
They're actually going to change the title, I think.
I don't know if I'm beyond being able to do that, but I definitely think she'll change it.
What should you change it to?
The death of a comedian.
Now we're on to something.
Yeah, I like that a lot better.
Fucking on to something.
Whatever you guys can pick.
I'll call it that.
No, are you always real?
He says we should stop.
Decide.
Pick and design.
Wow.
I think you should vote about it.
As you always should do.
Sonic, you got out of that.
Woo-hoo!
It's fucking close.
I feel like I cut the bomb wires with two seconds left.
Bomb wires?
Oh, here we go.
I don't even know what that one means.
You know what it means, Gareth.
I don't know what that one means.
What the fuck does that one mean?
That was racially charged me in my life.
No, no, no.
That's what Huston did to your show.
No.
Come on, bro.
That's not fair.
First of all, comics do on ridiculousness.
Shout out to Nick.
Shout out Rob Deerdick.
Nobody can talk about that little keychain-looking motherfucker.
You look like a idiot.
You never want to snip Rob Deerdick and just click him onto your keychain and walk him around.
I don't like that.
Do you ever want to do that?
Oh, yeah.
All the time.
Shout out to Rob Deerdick.
Oh, fuck.
What?
Rob Deerdick killed a black man to have success?
That's true.
You can't just say that.
I think it is true.
I'm going to jump.
Rob Deerdick murdered a black man.
That's characteristic.
Sacrificed a whole black man.
You can't say they murder people.
He's big.
Yeah.
He was five-thirds of a person.
Maybe when you think about it.
He murdered.
Oh, man.
That's a hell of a fraction.
Oh, that's crazy.
All of the box.
All I'm saying is, Rob Deerdick paid the ultimate price for his success.
Are you willing to pay for it?
Well, yeah, yes.
Wow.
Or no?
I guess I'm a little confused as you ask.
Are you willing to sacrifice a minority for yourself?
No, no, no, that's thank you for being clear.
No.
Not one?
Not one?
No.
Not one.
You can pick the minority.
You get to the minority.
Now, first of all, I don't see color, but no.
But think about how many minorities you're going to help with your money.
I don't like it.
I'm not signing this deal.
Really?
You want to help minorities?
Look, look.
You can make all the money in the world.
You just got to kill one minority.
It's a single minority.
Very good.
There's probably one sits almost dead.
Look, I'm going to get dropped from All State if I'm not careful.
You won't.
No, I would not.
You just got to knock them over.
What do you mean?
Knock one over.
Just push them.
They're almost dead.
Knock them over.
What does that mean exactly?
I don't know.
I don't know.
You can kill minorities.
No, goddammit.
He's good.
Obviously, he's good.
I'm just saying, you can kill one.
You get everything that you want.
Got to be a minority, though.
Got to be some melanin and then gotta be some melanin.
Oh, no, no.
Gotta be it.
Gotta be it.
No, you can't.
What is this?
Why white people always do that?
I'm uncomfortable here.
Well, listen.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what it's caught into.
Right?
What?
I missed the bird shit.
It's the way you get allowed to go like this.
Just one day.
Yo, get that webbing untouched.
You can do more than one, I guess.
Is there a quota?
Well, I don't like it.
You want to kill more than one?
No, no, no.
Too little for you?
No, I would like a hat.
I mean, just coma toast, I think, would be plenty.
Maybe just like dead temporarily and then broadcast.
What was he saying right now?
He was trying to do that little fucking slick white shit where they just say something and all the herd is like, I'll kill 6,000 of them.
Well, I don't think that's fair.
That's what I heard.
I don't.
I didn't.
Weren't you this sort of thing?
I thought you had done a white side seat for a while.
I had nothing to do with this.
I've already killed plenty of people to be.
Don't talk to this fake cracker.
The fake cracker?
Don't even call me fake.
I'm a cracker.
Why am I not a cracker?
You're not a fucking cracker.
I'm a cracker.
I am a cracker.
How dare you?
I'm a cracker.
The audacity to take my cracker to me.
No, you're not a real fucking cracker looking at you.
That fat, thick ass.
He ain't no real cracker with a fat, thick ass like that.
I am sitting down with his pelvis all high.
I'm a cracker.
You're a missile.
His bald ass motherfucker right here.
Why are you calling me?
That's the cracker right there.
You, you not no fucking cracker.
Let me be a cracker.
No, you don't.
Let me be a cracker.
You're not a cracker.
You a Bolivian or something like that.
Yeah, you a sneak.
You a sneak minority, bro.
But you, on the other hand, you gonna have to kill some browns.
Hell, I know.
I have to kill some browns.
I don't think I can.
I really.
The more actually we get in the conversation, the more I'm secure with a no.
Grandma Insults and Cracker Labels00:06:39
It's a pass.
It's sort of like when I pitched Ikosh.
It's a hard no.
It's a hard no.
You're not killing it.
They're not a ginger.
Yeah, they're like mutants.
That's fine.
I mean, minorities.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm fine with it, believe me.
Wait, are you even considered a ginger?
I mean, that's kind of.
Because your hair is brown up here.
You just ginge up on the face.
So you're opting in to ginge.
I don't want to opt in, but what can I do?
You let you grew your full facial hair.
Or do you just only eat box on heavy days?
Yeah, no, this is box scruff.
100%.
I thought I was like died at blood dyes, huh?
People do dye it.
Indian people often dye their beards.
What?
Red?
Sometimes orange.
Wow.
That's a bold move.
They put Mendy, but it goes orange if it's gray.
Oh, yeah.
No, I would never do that.
That seems...
First of all, that's appropriation.
I'm not okay with that.
As my people have been through enough.
They have.
The English?
The red English.
Yeah.
We can't go to beaches.
They're not in the Royal Family anymore.
Yeah, they got kicked out of the Royal Family.
Yeah, exactly.
Why are you afraid to go to the beach?
Because of the sun.
What about the sun?
It burns us.
And when it burns you, does it make you snatch up a bunch of black people and take them with you wherever you're going to go?
Absolutely not.
No.
That's not what you do when you're a bad person.
How do you not know what a sun is?
I know what a sun is.
You just asked him what the sun was.
You, my son.
Right?
I didn't ask.
This is crazy.
Hey, man, bro.
I don't know what's happening right now.
But I don't know what's happening either.
That's so much fun.
I don't know what race everyone is in here.
That's what we need.
Is this like ayahuasca?
And I put it in the water, to be honest.
Dude, ayahuasca.
Yeah.
Did we talk about how gay that is earlier?
He did?
Yeah, yeah.
There were dicks going in the third eye hole.
No way.
Yeah, it's not.
No way.
It's the spiritual shocker.
Yo, but why don't you blink that shit?
Be like, psych.
Well, it might hurt the guy.
The shaman would get hurt.
Oh, is it the shaman's dick?
I mean, I don't know.
I couldn't see it.
I thought it's a family member.
Wow, that's...
Because you often see family members when you're deep in an ayahuasca-induced trance.
Oh, yeah, you saw your grandma?
Well, yes, but I don't think her dick was anywhere.
You saw your grandma?
I mean, she girl like loosely.
No, no.
She doesn't have a dick.
Well, thank you.
Yeah, that's my point.
It's a grandma.
Yeah.
Oh, I think it's a good idea.
This is a dead grandma.
We're still remembering this, right?
This is a dead grandma he's talking about?
How long ago?
Well, now she's dead.
How long ago did she die?
Like 10 years ago.
Six years ago.
Oh, six is.
I'm not great at mom.
Come on.
Look, too soon.
Yeah.
We can't joke around about that.
We can't joke grandma.
That's too soon, bro.
You out here trying to have jokes about your grandma's dick.
You know what I mean?
I'm not trying to joke around about that.
That's serious shit.
Was it cert though?
Say, Kay?
Was it certain?
Yo.
No.
Wait, your grandma's not Ethiopian?
No.
What exactly is going on?
I don't think we should joke about your grandma.
You said that.
No, no, no.
I'm pushing back.
You're not going to joke about my grandma.
Thank God.
I've seen pictures of my grandma.
Have you met her?
Never met her once.
Really?
Never met her once.
Okay, well, there you go.
Definitely not going to make jokes.
But I still feel like I might see her one day.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I saw a picture of a once shocking resemblance to my dad.
Are you mad about it?
You know that happened.
A little bit.
I don't know why I was, but I was a little bit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But shout outs to you.
You're up there.
I love you.
Likewise.
Sorry about the dicks.
And apparently, so cool.
Grandmas.
Grandmas are the shit.
Were you close with your grandma?
Yeah, very close to my grandma.
She has to be sick.
No, that's not okay.
No, no.
This guy's crazy.
No guy crazy.
No.
No.
What?
Peach.
Yeah.
A peach?
Is it a peace or a peach?
Oh, okay.
What the fuck is going on here?
A peach.
She's a peach.
Yeah, was.
So she had a fat ass?
No.
Come on.
Peach emoji.
Come on, bro.
You can't be talking about your grandma like that.
Bro, that's crazy.
That would be crazy, but no, that's not.
I'll talk about your grahams like that.
I would never.
You're saying she got the peach back?
No, she was like a gem.
She was a gem.
Yeah.
Okay, that's better.
Gem is better, but Steve is a peach.
Well, you know.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I mean, now I do.
Because you were trying to say Graham's got the apple bottom.
No, I would have said, I would have.
No, no.
So you said she had the bread boxes.
The bread basket?
She had the bread basket.
No, bro.
Well, now my mother has to avoid this.
No, no, no.
We're not talking about your mom's, bro.
No, that's a violation.
That's a no-violation, chill.
I was trying to say that your grandma had the bread basket and enjoyed the pumpernickel every once in a while.
Look, run back the tape, god damn it.
Don't tell a black man, Brunt.
I'm so stupid at it.
Wow.
Run back the tape of me saying, run back the tape.
No, bro.
We can't do that.
What'd you say to your grandma when you saw her?
What did you want to do?
I didn't even see her.
I just felt comfortable.
Comforted for the fact that she was okay.
Who is that?
What's that peach?
Yeah.
No, I just felt like it was all right.
Like it wasn't as like, you know, it wasn't.
I see Andrew doing stuff out of the corner of my eye, which is trouble.
But no, I just felt like comforted with, you know, the fact that she wasn't around, but she was still kind of there.
That's what I felt.
They're all there, man.
Yeah.
That's what I think.
They're all there.
Yeah, it's like they're all, you know, they're all there in some way.
And that, and that is what matters.
They're inside us, too.
I'm not going to.
Nice try.
I'm not falling for that one.
You got me on a couple.
That one, no.
What are you even talking about?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Your grandma's inside you.
My grandma, I never met her.
Well, how could she be inside you?
She can't.
I never met her.
Okay.
But maybe some shit, right?
Right?
Right?
But maybe some shit was from my grandma got inside my pops, then got inside me.
So your dad was inside you.
Facts.
Oh, 100%.
Okay.
My dad's all up in this.
Now, if I said that, I feel like I'd have a hard time.
Yeah, because you would probably be sucking on your dad's dick.
That's all bullshit.
Me, I'm just saying that there's an influence clearing shit.
But you're going to make it all sexual for some weird fucking reason, man.
Wait, so now, is your dad cirqued?
No.
Is it a whole line of uncirque?
You got to stop talking about your family.
He's English.
You're not circed.
I didn't do that, book.
He's English.
English, not Cirque.
He was born in England.
Bing Bang Names and Dad Talk00:07:56
We're not Cirque, bro.
Hoodie boys, let's go.
I don't know.
I mean, I was born in America, but of English people.
But again, I mean, they don't have a great history either.
Who?
Cirque duno?
Yeah.
Oh, there you go.
Damn it, clean.
Sorry.
They tried to.
No, man.
We don't want to talk about your dick, bro.
But that's what I came here to talk about.
No, Where's the dick, Cam?
I'll show you.
That's what white people always do.
Look at my dick.
We're very proud of what we've been given.
Yeah.
Do you do that white thing where you and your white friends tuck your dick between your legs and then make it look like you got a vagina?
Yeah, Buffalo Bill, you dance.
Challenge of the lamb shit.
Don't we all do that?
Yeah, pussy boy stuff?
I love it.
I do that.
It's so fun.
It's awesome.
I really do that shit.
Yeah, it's really fun.
How do you guys propose that game?
That game?
Yeah.
Just kind of naturally happened.
You're born into it.
You see your dad do it at parties and you go, well, when I'm grown, I'll do that too.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the hot.
The first time you saw your dad do it at a party, were you in front of him or behind him?
Well, I was first in front and then I was behind and it looked like he was pooping a dick and that worried me.
But then I learned that that was just what we call behind the scenes.
Behind the scenes.
It's a different game.
Yeah, it's a different game.
Yeah, exactly.
BTS.
What's your favorite BTS member?
I like them all equally.
Really?
Yeah.
There's not a specific one you like?
No.
Not high or judo shop?
No.
No.
No, sir.
No.
Hold on.
You're trying to tell me there's not one specific member that you really like.
I'm being really clear.
100%.
You know, you already lost your show, right?
You can just have fun with these questions.
Yeah, no, I'm still trying.
There's something I can salvage.
I want the commercials.
Listen, I want the mayhem commercials.
The mayhem commercials are very important.
What I'm trying to say is, if you were to say objectively, if you lined up all the BTS members in front of you, you're scary.
Okay.
Who?
Terry Hawkins.
Wow.
That's good.
It took me a long time, but I really was slow to it, to be honest.
My gosh, likes it.
He didn't get on philosophy because of that dinosaur reaction.
The registry took 30 seconds.
He was like, Damn, Manslow.
Yaki?
Man Slow.
Which one is he?
Bag it out of Terry?
I was gonna bag it up, Terry.
I was like, I don't need it.
Bag it up, Terry, is also a legend.
But if we're talking about BTS, do you know what BTS is, first of all?
What is it?
I don't even think you know.
It's a boy band.
It is.
Thank you.
From where?
I'm not 100%.
So I'm going to be careful.
Listen, listen.
Can I follow you?
I'll use a math analogy here.
No.
Wild.
Wall of July.
You got the right answer.
You finally got the right answer.
To describe how you don't know where they're from.
No.
Why would math box into your head?
I'm not going to do it.
No.
Where are they from, bro?
I'm going to name you.
In my opinion, heaven, because they are fantastic.
They are fantastic.
I'm going to name countries.
You just tell me yes or high no.
Well, I don't love the game.
High yes or high no?
I'm not a big country.
Can we do that?
We can, but yeah, it might get a little diplomatic.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
Ready?
Yeah.
And you have to answer in the accent from that country.
Yes.
I actually might.
I thought you were starting.
No, okay.
Okay.
Come on, bro.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do know what you mean, but no, still.
You know how they say, come on, bro, where BTS is?
Do you know how?
Yeah.
You don't know how to do it.
No, I don't.
Okay, let's play this way.
Taekwondo.
Listen.
The fuck is going on?
Is this an episode of Last of Us y'all reading that book?
Stupid ass puns in this.
Are they from North Korea?
I'm going to be pretty secure with a no, honestly.
No.
I think I will, one I'll give a strong answer to, and I think that one's a no.
You sure?
Yeah.
I feel very confident that they are not a North Korean boy band.
Yeah, none of them have fat tits.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
If you look at them straight on or in front of a profile, none of them have super fat fucking tits.
Yeah.
No, it got, yeah, no, it's a pass.
Okay.
No, North Korea.
Yeah.
Okay.
Number two.
Okay.
Are they from India?
I mean, you really, baby.
I appreciate how clearly the first couple no's are, but I'm worried that when we get to the lightning round, I'm concerned, but I'll say a no for that one.
China.
I'm going to say a no for that one too.
Japan.
I'm also going to say no.
South Korea.
I'm going to say yes.
Wow.
What's that?
I thought I was going to have to cheat for you.
I thought I was going to have to dip you over.
You got it, bro.
Thank you.
You got it.
You're good.
You're good.
Thank you for mousing that so clearly the whole time.
All seven members.
Oh, no.
Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah.
King tang, walla walla, and bing bang.
I gotta run.
I really am.
I can't think you got the seven.
Some of those names are pretty close to the other one.
And here you see him seven.
That's really impressive.
That shit really impressive.
That is insane.
That is all.
Why did you count the seven?
You did that?
I can't.
That's their fucking names, you racist.
Y'all think that's not their names?
You think I just magically came up with exactly seven from O-E-U-A-A, Ching Chang, Walla Walla, and Bing Bang?
Man.
I think it's Ting Tang, by the way.
I don't think it's Ching Chang.
I think it's Ting Tang.
I don't know what Ting Tang is.
I know that BTS is Bing Bang.
Yo, that's it.
It's Oo E, Uh, Ting Chang, Wa Walla, Bing Bang.
That's it.
And Big Bang got the moves, bro.
You've never seen Bing Bang.
You've never seen Big Bang hit a solo before.
You never seen Big Bang hit a solo?
What's fun?
You never seen that?
You never seen Big Bang before.
We got canceled dogs.
I love his solo stuff, though.
I think we're going to kick cancer.
I love his solo.
Bing bang when he steps out by himself.
When he's ooh, Bing Bang.
Ping chang.
Y'all think I can get the spotlight, goddamn it.
Get out the way, bro.
When the spotlight hits and Bing Bang steps up into it, bro, the crowd goes crazy.
Oh, my God.
It goes fucking crazy.
For real, dude.
Energy.
That's pure energy.
That is energy.
Real talk.
Some real energy for sure.
Because the rest of them know.
Yeah, right.
Ooh, E and ooh.
Yeah, they're telling us.
They're like, listen, I don't got what Bing Bang got.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like the Chris Kirkpatrick.
Right.
Yeah.
Chris Kirpatrick.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
He would get his ass kicked.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
A lot of that.
You know, we will get his ass kicked.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That's the only reference I know that I got.
I have no idea who that is.
He was in Backstreet Boys.
Or in Sync.
Oh, okay.
Or in sync.
Yeah, yeah.
Which none of them can fuck with Bing Bang with VTS.
Yeah, come on.
Apparently, Bing Bang is going on a solo career.
I really think he's going to do great, too.
Why do you think he's going to do great?
I don't want to get into it.
I'm worried there's some traps ahead.
Can you tell the difference between a Japanese and a panda bear?
Like, if you see a panda bear next to a Japanese person, like, that's a pretty good game show.
I bet MTV would do that.
I feel pretty good that I could.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
One's probably eating a bunch of bamboo and the other's not a bear.
Yeah.
I think it would be a giveaway.
Okay.
All right.
What kind of Asian is this is like how is this?
Some people gotta do this.
Amber Energy Colors and Racism00:05:26
This is so good.
Yes, yeah, I'll do this.
No, I have to fucking do it.
It's a new MT.
It's a new MTV.
It's TV game show.
It's a new MTV game show.
It's so good.
This is tough, y'all.
I'm going to learn so much.
This is anosophy.
Oh, man.
Nobody knows this many of them.
There's nothing racist about this, I don't think.
You don't think?
I feel like it's, I think it's dangerously close.
I don't think they're dangerous.
Chinese.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Good work.
Okay.
This one.
Shit.
I'm going to go Korean.
I'm going to go Japanese.
I'm more Chinese.
I also have a Korean.
Wow.
That's a Korean.
I'm bad at this.
Bravo.
Oh, no.
This is tough.
Vietnamese.
Thriving.
That's a white girl, I think.
No, that's definitely.
I can't tell.
That's hot ones.
Whoa.
Wow, man.
Yo, you're good, really.
Dude, you're three for three.
I think you've vindicated all the time.
I think you can just say whatever I want.
I think you're behind the test.
I can say whatever I fucking want.
Listen.
Listen, listen, listen.
Stop it.
Okay.
You're fucking pushing it, bro.
Yeah, I agree.
I got a little aggressive at the end.
You are fucking pushing it.
I've had some drinks.
I can't lie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, we can talk about your favorite band, too.
Leonard Skinner.
Hey, the greats.
Yeah, yeah.
Led Zeppelin.
Fuck yeah, man.
The zip.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Incubus, you know.
Oh, man.
311.
Do you know?
Amber is the color of your energy.
Oh, man.
No.
It's a banger.
It's a banger.
Amber is a color.
That's all I heard on ayahuasca.
What a shit with this.
Amber is a color of your energy.
Whoa.
Now you're feeling it.
Amber is the color of your energy.
There's other words, too.
Hammer is the color of your color of your energy.
Whoa.
I was feeling it.
Amber is the color of your energy.
Yes, right?
How much would be if a dick just smashed right into your forehead?
I died.
Yeah, that's it.
Well, cut that out.
Okay, but no, seriously, before you go, man, were you like the class clown growing up or something?
This is like an amazing shift.
All right, let's get it.
Were you like the class clown?
Were you wild?
Yeah, were you like a crazy guy?
Okay, what Asian is this?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Amber was the color of my energy.
Whoa, dude, amber is the color of my alert, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, that was pretty good.
Every once in a while, yeah.
You just got to keep shooting, you know what I mean?
For sure.
You got to keep shooting.
I agree.
Never stop shooting, bro.
That's right.
You'll never stop shooting.
No, I've shot.
Wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
Okay, let's try.
Come on, dude.
Come on, dude.
I saw.
Oh!
Oh, with that finger up.
No, dude.
No, bro.
What I'm trying to say.
That's better, man.
That's about her, bro.
It's about the color of her energy.
That's really the point here.
Make sure that you go check out England.
Weed.
And now you're not.
Okay.
And the.
And.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And the rest.
That's right.
Right.
Make sure you.
England, weed, and the rest.
That's right.
There you go.
Yep.
Make sure you go check that out.
Yep.
Yes.
And really watch it for what you're really fucking trying to say about blacks.
Well, now this is where.
Mostly.
Well, I feel like.
Look, if you'll go watch it until I get to that message, I think is a good way to finish.
Maybe start with that, guys, at home.
Maybe you'll start with that.
Yeah.
The section where he's talking about the blacks.
Interesting, you decided to film it in Portland where there are no blacks.
It is, that's what we all said.
It was pretty interesting that I made that direct decision.
Yeah.
It was, in retrospect, I think, a little racist, honestly.
There's that joke in there that is really fucking racist that you say, where like blacks come to Portland to pay homage to their mecca, the Nike employees store.
And I said, I thought that that was a really racist thing that you said in the special.
Do you really feel that way?
No, no, that's just for comedic.
Honestly, I don't even remember saying that, but I think it was probably for comedic.
That was in one of your black sections of the special.
Oh, in one of the, yeah, well, yeah, no, I did this special four different ways, and one is extremely racist.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, what do you want?
It's controversial.
That gets people talking.
Yes, it does.
Yeah.
So, yeah, no, there's an extremely racist part of it.
And yes, to answer your question, it was just a joke.