Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh revisit chaotic 2022 moments, recounting a Pittsburgh furry convention mishap and a Dubai investor's video idea that spawned "Squid Game." They debate inflation eroding $40's value, discuss trans pornography preferences, and speculate on mind uploading versus Bob Lazar's physics-defying claims. The hosts analyze Cardi B as a vampire, argue over flushing condoms damaging septic systems, and dissect the Will Smith slap as professional cowardice. Ultimately, they declare their current format dead, vowing to "burn the boats" for a new direction. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Furry Conventions And UFC00:07:49
Have you ever been to a furry convention?
Oh, we're talking about we are going to talk about who you're attracted to, right?
Do you know what else we will do?
Yes, yes, I do.
He's too high to have a conversation.
It's perfect.
It's perfect.
There was a UFC once?
No.
And it was in Pittsburgh.
UFC furry convention?
No, no, no.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm trying to tell you a story.
I thought it was both of those conversations.
There's a UNC once in Pittsburgh.
And the day we flew into town was the same day as a furry convention.
So we land at the airport.
We get the rental car.
We're driving to the hotel.
And along the way, we're like, what the fuck is going on?
So what do you do?
You like hop out and suck their dicks or whatever.
Jesus Christ.
They're animals.
Marijuana's not good for everybody, ladies and gentlemen.
If we've learned anything today, it's don't give in to peer pressure.
Imagine the aim.
When some drug addict offers you their daily drug of choice, you never don't listen to them.
Bro, he's much more high than you.
I'm not high, but I got a piss.
Well, you should probably go ahead and do that.
Hold on.
So the furry convention, go.
You guys pull up.
So who is it?
It's you who?
I don't remember who was with me at the time.
It was probably some of the folks that worked at the UFC.
We're probably, I don't remember, but I remember that as we were on our way to the hotel, we were like, why is everyone dressed like a mascot?
Yeah, Like, I was like, what is going on?
And we're passing by, what the fuck is happening here?
And then somebody figured out that it was a furry convention.
And by the time we got to the hotel, we became friends with the guy who worked at the front desk.
And he goes, dude, I'm so glad normal people are staying here.
I go, what do you mean?
He goes, most of the hotel is furries.
I go, what?
I go, well, what's the big deal?
He goes, dude, they want a litter box.
No.
They asked for a litter box to put in the front courtyard.
I go, what?
Disgusting.
They literally asked, they requested a litter box.
They were eating all of their food off of bowls.
I'm like, are you fucking serious?
He goes, no, dude, it's like, he goes, there's nothing.
He goes, I'm not saying everybody's doing it.
He goes, there's different levels.
I'm just saying we also use bowls.
It's not the craziest thing.
Litter boxes.
Some of these people are like Asians doing party drugs and fucking each other while they're wearing their costumes.
And they never take the costumes off.
I love that.
Burn a bit.
I mean, that's crazy.
You think that's that crazy?
I don't think it's that crazy.
I just don't like that the best.
The litter box is fucking insane.
Yeah, they got to have some Pixar bodies, though.
The Pixar animals are fired.
That's my point.
I hate the Pixar animals.
Got the dumb dumpsters.
But I don't like that they're cartoon animals.
Like, I like animals.
If you're going to dress up like one, be a little bit more.
Stop it.
Like the one that scared you is in China.
What the fuck is he doing, bro?
Be a full-blown Mark.
What type of bears?
You really like rainbow shirt?
Bro.
Somewhere in the Middle East, this guy hired a private investigator in North Carolina.
I have no contacts to find me.
And this is just something that happened.
Yeah, someone, this happens a lot.
So whenever people call local private investigators, they just let us know because a lot of people just want to know where I am for whatever reason.
Oh, the private investigators call you directly.
Yeah, it's usually, which now I'm giving away my secrets, but oh well, I'm in too deep.
But so he calls us, lets us know.
He's like, this time it's someone from like Dubai.
We don't really know what he wants, but he's just flying to North Carolina tomorrow.
And he just paid me to find you.
And we're like, okay, cool.
And so then the next day he gets there.
And then with the private, I have security.
Somebody's security went with the private investigator to meet him.
And my security's just like, why the fuck are you here?
Why are you trying to find Jimmy?
And the guy's like, I just have video ideas.
I really want to give them.
And my security's like, fuck you.
Why are you actually here?
And he just kept saying it like 30 times in a row.
He's just like, I just want to give him this sheet of ideas.
And it's just a piece of paper with video ideas.
Flies across the world, private investigator, everything.
And so they're like, we don't believe you.
And so they like, he let them, my security search his hotel room, couldn't find anything, nothing in there, just a suitcase of clothes.
And he's just literally just did all that to give me a list of ideas.
And then, and then when my security was like, oh, Jimmy's out of town for three months.
Did you ever get the fucking idea?
Yeah, well, then, and just get took it.
I was like, I'll give it to Jimmy.
And then he gave it to me.
And it was just like, it was like, open up a free gas station.
Like, open up.
Hey, that's actually a very Middle Eastern idea.
Yeah.
It was like, literally, like.
He's trying to make money off you.
He was getting a lick on me.
It was like 30 ideas like that.
And then I was just like, this is actually watch women read in public or something like that.
Is that one of them?
We did get Squid Game out of that.
Bullshit.
No.
Bullshit.
Yeah.
I stole the guy from Dubai's idea.
This is before the real Squid game.
That's the guy.
Yeah, no, he wrote it all out.
Yeah, he just allowed me to do it.
450 six months in the screen view.
This guy just hired private investigators, flew down there, all this money, camped out just to give me a list of video ideas.
And none of them were good.
None of them were good.
Wow.
Wow.
What a little.
You're a fucking idiot.
What a fucking idea.
You dumb idiot.
You're probably watching right now.
I've never told this story publicly.
Now he's going to know that I actually did.
And he's coming back because he's going to find it.
He should know.
You read his ideas and they sucked.
They were beautiful ass ideas.
He's got money to get an investigator.
If you can find him, he's got money, too.
Hey, next time, pitch him on a dish.
I got plenty of ideas.
Hired your private investigators.
I need ideas.
Just give me the Dubai ideas.
I paid Instagram and what you asked for.
One million.
Don't use the shit on a glass table.
I love you, dude.
I can show you, but you wouldn't.
Because you're a little weird about that stuff.
You are a little weird about that.
Kissing on the lips.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm on the cheek.
Yeah, I'd do that.
Okay.
Okay.
No problem.
Steal it.
Go ahead, steal it.
Because I'm on the middle.
There you go.
Steal it.
No problem.
Do both sides, okay?
That's fine.
Like, let's do a sneak.
Okay, all right.
Bobby, you're going to see.
And I have to say that.
Okay.
No, you're way too fast.
Because I know you're trying to kiss me.
No, I'm not.
I know you're trying to get it.
Way too fast.
Because I know you're a sneaky motherfucker.
Oh, homophobic.
I see.
Homophobic.
Oh.
So when we see each other, what do you mean by sneaky?
You know how he said it.
You know, he sent me his dick.
He sent me his dick.
I said, I love you.
And then he just sent me a picture of his dick.
And that's love.
That's love.
That's not love at all.
That's not love at all.
That's a cultural thing.
That's not love.
That's not cold.
That's not culture.
And we logged on to me.
We guys are in Italy.
We guys are in Italy.
We just bumped into each other on the streets.
Let's pick up home first.
Okay.
I'm walking down the street.
Oh, oh, oh.
I have figured out a warning ride.
I figured out a warning rod.
I figured out a warner.
Very smart.
If Italy saw that, you wouldn't think it was weird.
They're like, oh, that's a good idea.
No, no, no, that doesn't look weird.
That looked weird.
I got his hands here so you wouldn't kiss me.
But if everyone trusted his theory, it would still sit there wrong.
And there'd be spaceships, you know, crashing into moons.
Now, is that how you feel about the vaccine?
And, you know, and AIDS and stuff?
Like, how do you?
Yes.
What about AIDS and stuff?
Well, AIDS.
I trust AIDS.
I trust AIDS.
Trusting AIDS Theories00:04:55
Do you?
AIDS is doing a great job at what it does.
I'm not saying it should be doing it.
Right.
I'm saying it's a fantastic thing.
You know, yeah, like 9-11, you had to in the sorrow and the anger and the rage and the sadness.
You had to go, dude, fucking bullseye.
Bullseye.
Bullseye.
I'm glad you said it because I can't.
You know what I mean?
Some thank you.
Fucking IE.
Both?
You got both too?
Fucking Pentagon.
And the pending on it.
Are you fucking deep?
Boom, boom.
And building second.
Yeah.
I mean, just, but, oh.
Lord, have mercy.
Masterpiece, would you say?
Yeah.
In some ways.
Instead of research here, for sure.
I wish they hadn't.
Sure.
But because of all the people that died, they really nailed it.
They fucking nailed it, dude.
Yeah.
And I think they see it that way.
They can appreciate it.
One of my favorite stories about it was there was a documentary about it on PBS after, and they talked, you know, they tried once before with the truck bomb in the one notorious BIG sang about it.
I think it was 93.
It's like 95 or 96.
Yeah.
I remember it.
I was living here.
And 93.
So they got one of the guys that did it.
They took him.
They were taking him.
They talked to a cop.
This was a great interview.
They talked to him.
He just had a fucking Rainman moment right there.
I think it was 93.
95 or 96, I think.
What was 93?
Wasn't that, what was that?
The Somalia?
Black Bob Down?
It was in 93.
You're thinking of Kuwait, I think.
When did Biggie die?
97.
Okay.
I don't think he had time.
1993 was the bombing.
Let's go, Lisch.
Let's fucking go.
What the fuck?
Oh, I know my bombing.
And then 2004 was 9-11.
The guy that gets the 93 bombing, but nonsense doesn't work.
Once you have a kid.
Morning sex.
Bye-bye.
Really?
I'm not a big morning sex guy.
I feel like that's when you're at your worst.
I used to love it.
Yeah, I'm asexual.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, what do you mean?
Why morning sex?
Well, just because the kid ends up in your bed every morning.
They're like, wake up before you.
You want to go back to sleep.
You bring him to the bed.
Breastfeeding.
It's not really sexy.
Yeah, you guys did the pregnancy porn too.
That was wild.
That's like the one category I don't go to.
I've never watched it either, but she was so determined she wanted to keep working up until she was like six months in.
We did one scene where she was so huge and just full of babies.
Yeah, that she was just like, you fucked up.
Emily Willis.
I was like, I'm sitting here.
I can barely breathe.
You took maturity leave, basically.
Yeah, basically.
But like, okay, so when I was pregnant, it was peak pandemic, and that was the best time for OnlyFans.
Like, the numbers were just through the roof.
Everyone had their stimulus checks.
You set the record, right?
I mean, those were my record months for sure.
Like, I was not going to stop working.
Yeah.
So it was just, I'm pregnant, but we're killing it with money.
And then there are people who are probably extra freaky want to see the pregnancy stuff.
Can you feel the baby kick?
Is that weird?
Like, you got your hand on it and it's like giving you a pound.
I'm just saying.
What to say?
What am I saying?
I'm just saying.
You know, what do people think about when they're saying that?
I don't want to hear the comments.
You cannot ask.
Okay, I'm not happy.
You can ask Adam.
Did you feel it?
I don't remember.
The truth is I really don't remember.
Do you guys think you've completely revolutionized how people see porn?
No.
In terms of stigma, I think you have to do that.
I think the OnlyFans revolution as a whole has.
And I think she was very, very early on to be like a normal person who just started in the OnlyFans.
And like the level of attention that she got when she first started was insane because it just really felt like you were a normal person who chose to do OnlyFans or private snap at the time.
And there was definitely like something about that.
Whereas I feel like the public is maybe a little disillusioned to that now, where they realize, like, oh, they can make a ton of money.
That's why they're doing it.
Yeah.
I think maybe it's like the number hits, and then American greed gets like baked into our DNA.
We start saying, oh, that's a reasonable way to make money.
Like, we're totally fine with a pharmaceutical company.
We're totally fine with.
I'm sure you guys have gone through these moral gymnastics where you're like, oh, there are things that should be scrutinized, but they're not.
And this thing is very heavily scrutinized.
Well, a lot of OnlyFans girls get to 20K a month or something and they're like, oh, I've made it.
I'm done.
We're the greedy ones who are actually like, no, how are we going to take this to the next level and really make a real fucking business out of it?
And then that's like the mentality that led us to like, well, maybe we could do a podcast that's also a porno.
And this is plug talk.
Onlyplug talk.com.
Okay, so this is, I mean, plug everything.
I'm, I, because I do it.
American Greed In DNA00:04:55
No, it's fun.
Okay.
Throw that in there.
Plug talk.
Plug talk.
Interview the porn star.
Uh-huh.
Have sex with her afterwards.
Yes.
Keep the mics on.
No, we switched to the boo mic, which is so annoying because it would be nice to just fuck, but you got to deal with the headset thing.
I'm a journalist, bro.
We've had real, you know, we have a superstar on the show right now.
Yeah.
Okay.
I have my glasses somewhere, but I did real research, man.
I did like real in-depth Nardoir shit with you.
All right.
So what do you got?
Like Narwar says something that no one knows about the person, do you have something?
You played for the 49ers when you were 11 years old.
You're down as the assistant coach.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
Shit.
And you hate when people tickle your belly button.
This is good.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
You know what's funny?
I've seen him knock people out.
So I'm kind of tickling like that's a little annoying.
Well, you're on the hook side.
Yeah, that's true.
I gotta be careful.
Info from my brother.
No, I don't even know your brother like that.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah, I could have.
I also know another thing.
You don't like when people touch your toes.
That's true, Sue.
That's tough here because we were into toes.
Yeah, exactly.
You got a real toe thing.
Yeah.
This side of our own loves feet.
But what did they ask you?
They're going to be like, oh, Schultz, what's your position on foreign policy?
What do we do?
Well, it depends what foreign policy.
Gas prices.
What do we do about that?
Gas prices are going up.
Yep.
A lot of people is affecting a lot of people.
Can I take this one?
Sure.
Gas prices are going up.
Lower them.
That's honestly it.
I think that's brilliant, actually.
Guys, this is so easy.
I can't believe you think this is hard.
Give me another one.
He's killing it.
Okay.
What about like trans equality in America?
You don't think he supports trans?
He watches euphoria.
He supports gays.
He got the same length of pants as Gerard Carmichael.
That's a good ass point, actually.
What else?
What else?
Hot button topics, big issues.
I have to be ready.
I have to be prepared for this.
Or like refugees, like, would you take refugees and stuff like that?
If they can get here.
Yeah, if they find a way.
I mean, if they get turned away in a boat in like the Black Sea and then end up over here, that's impressive.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, I'm watching pirates and shit.
That's how Porgy started this whole shit, I think.
I think you should be able to arrive to America by boat.
Ooh.
I like that.
You can only come here by boat.
By boat, yeah.
I love it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like, who's going to stop you?
Like, if you just pull up to the East River, like, I don't think anybody's going to say you can't be here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's good.
No, they will say that, though.
They do say you can't be here if you just pull up.
Who's to say?
It's a Puerto Rican guy fishing.
There's no one that's going to stop you from like entering the country.
Come by boat.
People aren't coming by boat.
No, they are.
Who?
Cubans.
They don't have boats.
What do they have?
A boot.
If they had a boat, they could actually make it into this country effectively.
I'm supportive of this.
Really solved every problem.
Al, is there anything in your community?
Oh, yeah.
They've been complaining about the racism stuff.
Did you forget you're a black for a second?
I work for the government.
I'm supposed to literally get to it.
I'm a blue flag.
Well, yes, Black Lives Matter.
How do you feel about it?
I think they matter.
Okay.
You think they matter?
Okay.
I think they matter.
I don't think we should be able to touch black people at all.
And I'm only going to hire black Secret Service.
Why?
Because they hold the most secrets.
Yeah, they don't snitch.
They don't snitch at all.
Yeah, not snitch.
Blacks.
They just don't snitch.
So wherever we fucking go, nobody's going to know.
Okay.
Okay.
What else?
Employment's going up.
That's good.
I like that.
Yes.
Another hot bucket topic.
Do you call it a hot bucket topic?
Yeah.
It's not chicken, Al.
How do you feel about chicken?
How do I feel about chicken?
We are going to make all the things that endanger black people illegal.
Fried chicken.
Okay.
Sugar.
Police.
That's not a big issue.
We're going to start with fried foods and sugar and see where we go.
Okay.
Because black lives matter to me.
You just lost the black vote.
How?
You just lost it, but you took away everything.
How can I lose the vote if I don't let them vote?
Oh, that's also a good point.
So who's allowed to vote?
Say again.
Who's allowed to vote?
Whoever votes for me.
Oh, okay.
Oh, dictator.
Yeah.
Dictator.
Again, I'm not trying to be president over here.
We got to change some shit up.
We got to be able to compete with the Chinese.
Another one.
Go.
Oh, what about universal health care?
That's a good one.
I don't believe in it.
Why?
I've told you this before.
Because Americans shouldn't have to pay the healthcare for the whole universe.
That's a good point.
Okay.
That's ridiculous.
You can't cover it.
That's why it's so fucking expensive.
Maybe if we just started with America, it would be affordable.
Okay, so what about American healthcare?
Obviously, I'll provide that.
How?
Losing The Black Vote00:02:22
How you got to pay for it?
Go to the hospital.
They fix you.
They never said no.
Who's paying the docs?
Don't pay them.
That's a good point, actually.
No, I actually think it's through to the end.
Watch, I've thought this through.
Think it, keep going.
What happened to you?
These are your docs.
What are they going to do?
Mainly your people.
Well, it's about time my parents stopped being proud of doctors and not me.
Now look how fucking broke they are.
Dumbasses.
Also a good point.
Say, Joel, idiot.
This is all solved, really, when you think about it.
Now, what happens with your medical bills when you die?
Nothing.
They get passed on to.
I think that's student loans only.
I think you're confusing different loans.
What do you mean they get passed on to the American public?
It's a free rider problem.
Like, we all have to absorb like it gets wiped out of your credit now.
So it don't even affect your credit to not pay your medical bills.
We got free health care.
We just, it just, Canadians don't pay for it on the front end.
We don't got to pay for it on the back end.
It's the same.
Yeah, what fucking to actually pay your medical bills, dude?
Yeah.
Don't be a sucker, bro.
That's a sucker.
Go to the hospital, take their fucking shit, and then leave.
Hell yeah.
And then when they call, just don't answer.
Yeah.
You act like you ain't got cholera anyway.
You got to ghost them, bro.
This is what you got to do.
I can't believe that.
Like, you could ignore a girl who's calling you, but you can't ignore the hospital, dude.
Fuck the hospital.
Ghost the hospital 2024.
What the hell are they going to do?
They're going to come to your door, some nerd in smocks.
What are they called?
Scrugs.
That was the first time I ever did Molly.
And how was?
I was on stage.
And it was the craziest fucking thing.
So during the pandemic, we would have shows at Helium.
Yeah.
And they were.
Helium is a comedy club in Philly.
Yeah, Philly.
They would let me book the show, bring our friends, and then hang out after.
It was the only place we could go to a bar.
So Big J would come down every week and we would, he would bring Molly.
We would all do Molly.
And then it was like me, Norman, and Big J in the green room.
And he was like, come on, guys, do it.
And Norman's like, I don't know.
He was so afraid of it.
He was like, I was like, dude, do it, you motherfucker.
Love.
Love.
Feel up.
He took it and freaked out and left.
He got on the Chinatown bus back to New York.
He saw Molly on the bus.
Oh no.
Mark Norman riding the Chinatown bus is the saddest part of that whole thing.
I took it after I went because I was hosting the show and Jay was like, here, take some.
Comedy Shows During Pandemic00:04:13
So I was like, all right, fuck it.
And I took some.
And then while Jay was closing the show, he was like, Shane, come out here.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
And right when he said, Shane, come out here, I just felt a wave of like, and I never did it like that.
So I like felt it.
I was like, oh, literally, like, it makes your knees buckle.
Like, I was like, oh, shit.
And he brought me on stage and he was like, I couldn't talk.
I got on stage and I was like, I was like, everybody, I just, I'm on ecstasy right now.
And then they were all like, going crazy.
So I felt that.
I was like, oh.
I was like, yo.
I was like, dude, that's so nice of you guys.
And then Jay left.
He left me on stage.
Yeah, and I just had to, I couldn't talk.
I literally was like, guys, I have to go.
I'm so sorry.
How long ago is this?
It was first, it was during the pandemic.
It was right when the pandemic started.
That's the first time we ever did momentum.
It was the first time, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Then we did it every other week.
We did it every other week for like four months.
That's crazy.
Why do I like feet?
Oh, yeah.
I need this answer.
Big time foot fetish, guys.
Big time.
I don't fuck them.
Okay, don't make that.
That we know of.
Yeah.
So there are two reasons.
Okay.
Left foot, right foot.
That's all you need to know.
There are two reasons.
Okay, so there's true fetish, okay?
And in the clinical sense, a fetish is something that somebody actually requires in order to get aroused.
Okay.
So, you know, so fetish can be like people talk about fetish light or people talk about, but then there are true fetishes where people actually require feet or, okay, let's think about the extreme fetishes.
Right.
And so this is the dark side of this.
Okay.
So let's think, like, let's put feet there, but it doesn't have to be dark.
But then you could think like feces, dead bodies, right?
Bestiality.
This is dark stuff.
Exactly.
It's an immediate, so we have a circuit.
We have circuits in our brain that immediately give us the reaction you just give.
You put your head back.
It's kind of like, get me away from that topic.
Here's all.
Get me away.
Yeah, yeah, here's how we're talking about.
Right.
So our brain tends to put us into approach types, which we call appetitive, like smell, in the odor, taste, you want to get close to saying, or aversive, right?
Animals have this, humans have this.
Okay.
But if you think about the classic fetishes, all of those, feet historically had the potential to be sites of infection, right?
Historically, not now, right?
We wash our feet, we have socks, we have shoes.
Dead bodies obviously very infectious.
What do we do with dead bodies?
We preserve them and we get them into the ground or we cremate them depending on your leanings, whatever.
But you try and not get infected by them.
This is all, this has been known a long time.
Things like feces are contagious, right?
We know this.
It's putrid or vomit.
These things are petitive.
This is a harsh way to start off a discussion.
But if you think about it, all of these tend to evoke, for most people, an aversive response.
You want to get away from it.
So there are people who have this appetitive approach to things that are very infectious.
And a lot of the fetishes at their extreme reflect a kind of, I don't want to say miswiring, but a flip in what normally happens, right?
When you see vomit, you don't go, hmm, I'm going to take a sniff of that.
But when you smell fresh baked cookies, you're like, hmm, I'm going to take a smell and a break.
That's how I feel about this.
Exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
So the thing here is people don't develop fetishes to like water bottles or to tables or to light pussies.
So there's this kind of edginess of it's like they're sort of dancing between aversive and appetitive, and that's what makes it edgy.
Leather is another fetish, right?
And, you know, this has to do with like animal hides, people think.
Now, a lot of this is speculation because we don't really know how all of this evolved.
But because that's extreme fetishism, but then there are people who have like they like a nice, clean, beautiful foot.
Developing Weird Fetishes00:06:58
Yo, the way you're right, exactly.
You see go a pet.
Or that looks like a contour.
Describe that.
Contour contour, right?
His corduroys are short.
Right.
He's like, I guess, you know, butt pussy was too good.
Yeah.
He was just like, why would I?
I mean, imagine your husband is fucking his homie.
He's never going to come hang out with you.
Yeah.
What's the upside?
Yeah.
You're less fun to hang out with.
He's still having sex.
Yeah, exactly.
You got to make that shit weird.
Tight tight butthole.
Yeah, dude.
It's great for him.
Now, was that one of the things that Ataturk used to like really rally the Turkish people?
Yeah, boy pussy for everybody.
Turkish pussy would be hard, though.
Like, there's a lot.
Turkey's pussy, you got to get through it.
It's delight, bro.
Oh, by the way, this is actually funny, though, like, because in Turkey, there's still this concept called a pink slip because everyone has to serve in the military.
Every able-bodied male has to serve in the military either after high school or after college, depending on, you know, if you go to the college, you go to the officer's rank, which is like a little bit shorter.
If you study abroad or something, or if you work abroad overseas, you can do foreigner service, which is like super short.
It's like 28 days.
And there's always like, you know, financial compensation.
You can like pay your way out of it, which is what I did.
And so basically, one of the ways of like not having to serve is either you're like too fat, right?
Too fat to serve because you'll fucking literally die.
Or you have like a disability, like a medical disability.
Like, or exactly.
Or if you're getting fucked in the ass.
No, literally.
You think I'm kidding?
Like, this is how Trump dodged the draft.
Just being gay is not enough.
If you're a top, they don't like that enough.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if Abraham was receiving or delivering.
So Abraham Leggett, if he's if he's top, if he's not verse, if he's just the top, he's not getting out of service.
Wow.
Because fucking an ass is not considered medically gay.
But getting fucked in the ass is.
I tend to agree with that.
And it's less gay.
And this is like a thing.
Like, this is literally a thing where you have to get photos taken of you getting fucked in the ass.
And then doctors look at it.
No.
Doctors have to look at it.
It's called a pink slip.
And it was a thing in existence.
This is all to avoid 28 days in service.
This is all to avoid.
I mean, what if four weeks of service?
What if you're just, I mean, what if you're just gay anyway?
If you're already getting fucked, might as well.
Did you say that you got out of military service again?
On the internet.
For my next tour, which would be called Stevo's Gone Too Far Tour.
Transition.
Close.
You wouldn't cut off your dick, though.
I'm not going to cut off my dick, but I'm absolutely getting fake tits.
Right.
Now, I don't want to, I don't want to give away too much.
But anyways, what size?
And where are you putting them?
My last possible.
Where are you putting the tits?
In the proper position.
Up down on your back.
I know, too.
Our jackass director told me to get my camel back.
Like a camel, but up down like that.
I know.
But as I told our jackass director, that that will limit me in how much potential there is for bits to use with the tits.
They're on my back.
It's like, there's no.
Well, you're definitely going to get cumbed on your tits.
So wouldn't you rather that on your back?
There's no way you're not going to have one of your boys come on your tits.
That's not an idea that I had on the list.
Get a bigger bucket, my friend.
It's good.
But now, here's like can you add to that?
Can you get the Brazilian butt lift as well?
I would say BBL is.
You got to go BBL with them.
I am not ruling that out as a possibility, but fortunately, I have until next year to really make it masterful.
Yeah, yeah.
How big are the tits?
Dude, my last podcast guest was the botched plastic surgeon, Dr. Terry Dubrow.
Okay.
He says I can go D.
So you can go C What's that?
He says you can go D. You could probably go C. C is smaller than D.
I know.
Isn't he the shitty surgeon?
I don't know, dog.
He's had sex with one woman.
This Dr. Terry Dubrow podcast was the most fucking fascinating shit ever, dude.
We're talking about like what's it going to take to break one.
And he's like, he's like, you know, you can get the, you can get your implants with extra saline, like way extra saline.
So if you do get punched by like a professional fighter in the titty, it would rupture.
And you want that?
Well, come on.
And he, dude, we've worked out so much creative with this guy.
Like, I was like, if we got, like, if we got like a Capri Sun straw, can I pop it in there and fucking actually take a step?
Yo, exactly.
We decide what goes in the titan.
But yeah, I did speak with him after that.
Yeah, we can, we can, at the very least, dye the saline, if not just fucking use Capri Sun.
Oh, yeah, that's fire.
So now I want you.
You don't get sepsis or now, and here, maybe.
Here's the thing, what's so deeply important to me is that, in taking this from sort of the jackass format to like the live comedy format where like, it's actually a comedy show and each bit gets paid off by the video clip, right now I unlike a Jackass movie where everything just goes in the bag, like for my comedy show.
I really need it to make sense and to be clever.
Yeah, the way the bucket list is motivated by my relationship with my girl.
I'm picturing that the Gone too far tour is motivated.
No disrespect at all.
Yeah, what size breasts does your girl have?
She went from uh the committee to uh legacy.
You're gonna have bigger tits.
Crazy bro.
He's gonna be so juice and shit she's fucking.
Is that not the like?
A, A legit joke that like it's it?
Like faced with a man having fucking legit fake tits.
Yeah.
The more embarrassing thing would be the nipple ring.
Yeah, that's way gay.
Way gay.
Selling Lemonade Slanging00:15:07
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Let's get back to the show.
Also, you never sold lemonade as a kid?
I did.
My dad was sold.
I sold as an adult.
That was one of the most disappointed my dad ever been in me.
I came back from college one year.
I sold lemonade with Jamil.
So I saw my house.
Seriously?
I saw lemonade with Jamil right outside my motherfucking apartment.
I swear to God, my life.
How old were you?
20 maybe?
How much do you make, yo?
We made like 80 bucks.
I was like, I made more doing this shit than I do, you know, working or something.
I don't know.
We made some money.
I was selling lemonade.
An extension court, coming out the window to plug in our uh boom box, sold lemonade on the street and where people walking up to you like oh, you seem a little old to me, they thought that was lit.
There was some kids around the block selling it.
We didn't give a.
You trying to undercut us, really.
Yeah, there was some kids around the block trying to undercut us.
You bought them out or what.
No, I didn't buy them out, but I went over and gave them hard stares.
I gave him some hard looks.
How much were you selling them for?
One cup dollar.
Okay, that's pretty good.
Yeah yeah, that's not bad at all dollar.
Hit him up with a buck out there all day sweating.
We should do that now.
Yeah, i'm down to do it.
That's not.
If Jamil's here, he can vouch for Jamil here.
He can't be minimum wage though, but that's what I said, 80 bucks a day.
He's making 80.
We out there for like two hours.
Yeah, split it two ways.
You made 80 cups of lemonade, so 80 cups of lemonade.
Feel bad when you're an adult selling lemonade.
They let you keep the change and shit.
They give you 20 like all right man, good luck special.
These kids.
The kids don't need it, he needs yo.
Come on, man them kids.
He's like damn, mack them all down.
Bad, right now.
We was out there selling lemonade slanging, slanging that juice.
That's crazy.
Slanging that juice, that's citrus.
Yeah lemonade, I was slanging citrus.
Bro, 19 years old, maybe 21, might have been 22, might have been 20 legal drinking age yeah, legal drinking.
Slang and citrus.
I I slang this like we meant, why did you go get an actual job, say good, why did you like work at a real job for what?
I ain't no sucker.
What was I gonna do, bro?
What was I gonna do?
Sell someone else's lemonade?
I was gonna work at a diner, sell someone else's lemonade, or I could sell my own lemonade.
I'm an entrepreneur.
You want me to go work in a restaurant selling other people's lemonade?
That's a good ass point.
Pull up.
Can I have a glass of lemonade?
I should have done this, my goddamn self.
You know how upset me i'd be.
Wow, don't that make sense?
And who don't want lemonade in the hot ass summer, blistering heat?
Yeah, slang and citrus.
This was before me too.
What does me too, with lemonade?
I don't know.
That's nothing to do with it.
You're slow.
There was lemonade.
Yeah, it was before me too, though.
Okay, that's an important detail.
Dudes was more thirsty back then, bro.
Dudes is chasing women down the street out of breath.
Oh, people on the street, more women sundresses, looking crazy, dudes just walking after them, thirsty as lemonade.
Hell yeah Potna, that's what they were saying deep south.
I might have been shit.
That's crazy.
I never heard about this.
Yeah, so I did that, Jamil and I.
We did that boom box blasting music, and you only did it one time.
Say again, you only did it once in your whole life.
I did it for a little bit.
My dad was disappointed in me, and you know me, I and my dad's my hero.
I can't be disappointed.
My dad, I can't imagine.
He was disappointed in you.
So he was like he was.
He was like he would go like this, he'd like shake his head.
That broke me to to this day.
I, I what this is a real story and I tried to really sold that crazy to you.
You sold drugs.
That's a good ass.
Well, that's embarrassing.
Nice mother is embarrassing.
That's man shit.
What's up, man?
I sell dogs too, motherfucker.
Like a housewife.
You're a criminal.
He's trying to help sex offenders get thirsty.
No, it was not sex offenders.
They was trying to get numbers on the street like we all did before Tender Grind and Hinge.
Get money.
You know what I'm saying?
And so what happened?
Your dad was sad at you and then you said, all right, I'm going to pack it up.
Sorry, Jamil.
And then you dissolved your business relationship?
Yeah.
We split up the bread.
I think I did a weekend of it.
Or maybe it was like a week or something, but we were making money.
And then we split up the money and I was like, I think I can't do this anymore.
I'm disappointing my father too much.
My dad had his head in his hand at dinner.
And I'd say like, nah, dad, I made money.
I made like $100 or something like that.
We were out there for two hours.
He's like, why can't you do something honorable, like comedy?
Exactly.
I will do that.
He would respect more, but selling lemonade, he was harp.
And it was right outside his home.
You know what I mean?
Like, people know him in the neighborhood.
They got to see his sleep.
Failure of a son selling fucking citrus on the streets, dude.
Yeah, I didn't realize what that was like emotionally for him.
Every time he leaved the house, he got the fucking music bumping from our boom box.
Jay-Z.
He listened to the Jay-Z puts in lemon, babes.
You know, turn a quarter to a fab military has.
Yeah, you're out of business, man.
125 to 250.
Exactly.
I was out here.
Mike's hard.
Wait, really?
No, I wasn't selling hard lemonade, but we should have done that for the dad.
You gotta start that.
Schultz's lemonade.
Make it now, make a million dollars, and then buy your dad a house with it and be like, look, this is the house lemonade built.
And you go, son, I'm so proud of your lemonade venture.
Wouldn't that be beautiful?
He'd be forgetting, bro.
That's the thing.
So thank God he probably didn't forget that lemonade stand.
That's one of the last memories he's going to have of me.
Yeah.
Did you ever do anything after that lemonade stand?
Yeah, man.
Yo, that's dope.
For real, dude.
No, you know, the craziest thing about it.
I sold lemonade.
Yeah.
You guys won't believe it.
We were listening to rap music selling lemonade.
I sold lemonade to this little kid.
He would come by and his name was Cole.
Okay.
Cole.
And he ends up being like this fucking like music video director or something like that.
Yeah.
And his name is Cole Bennett.
He's quite popular.
Oh, yeah.
He's a YouTube kid.
And he, I think, ripped off lyrical lemonade.
I think.
Oh, because his thing is lyrical lemonade.
And we sold lemonade while we were listening to rap.
Fuck.
I really started minions.
He looked at you and thought, there's a less gay way to do this.
He did it probably less gay.
Yeah, yeah.
But my shit was fire.
You made a sign?
Say again?
You made like a whole sign to let people.
Like with another marker?
Yeah, like drew it like.
So I think we got a lemonade stand name too.
Never been more disappointed than you ever.
Why?
It was fire, bro.
Like it's summer, dude.
You can't call them nerds anymore.
What's nerdy about this?
What's nerdy about this?
Hell yeah.
The girls, Sue, no free cups.
No free cups.
I ain't give that one free cup.
That's so crazy.
Why is that crazy, bro?
Why is that crazy, dude?
What's crazy about this?
People are thirsty.
What is so crazy about this?
This is more or less me.
Weird adult has a lemonade stand, 500 views on YouTube.
Yeah, that's us, but in the streets with rap banging.
What?
What?
I should have stuck with it.
You know how lucrative the lemonade business is, bro?
You never had some crystal light?
You never made some lemonade?
Yo, think about it.
What happens when you add lemonade to iced tea?
Arnold Palmer.
Makes it better.
What happens when you add lemonade to ice?
Lemonade makes it better.
Makes it more watery, actually.
What?
They already got ice.
You eat, you drink lemon.
You drink lemonade without ice.
You just have a cup of lemonade with no ice?
Well, I don't know as much about making lemonade as you.
So you tell me how the process works.
I thought I had ice.
I always put ice and lemonade for these motherfuckers.
Yeah, on a hot summer's day.
On a hot summer's day, they get an ice cup and some lemon fucking maize.
Why is this crazy?
Y'all never had a side hustle?
That was my main, but you never had a side hustle before.
Yo, dick got it.
We got to have pictures.
Jamil, Jamil's not here.
Text Jamil, ask him, let me let me call.
Because y'all not believing it.
Hold on.
You called him?
I'm calling him.
This is wild, bro.
I don't understand why it's so crazy.
Yo, Jamil, I'm on the pod right now, okay?
Andrew just made it.
Turn it up.
He just made an insane claim, okay?
True or false, when you were 20 years old as an adult, you sold lemonade on the streets of New York City.
Yeah, 100%.
I told you.
Tell them, Jamil.
They try to act like we wasn't slanging citrus on these streets.
It was a summertime where a broke over a child.
That's the best idea you guys are coming up with.
Yo, they had a great location.
Yo, we had prime location.
We were out there slanging citrus.
Did we give up away one free cup, Jamil, no matter how bad the women were?
Not one.
Not one.
A lot of people came up.
It worked really well.
Yeah, it was ironic.
It was ironic.
How much money?
How much money did we make?
Dead ass.
Honest, honest.
I gave up what I thought was honest.
How much?
One day?
Yeah.
Like $300, $400.
Get the fuck out of here.
I thought we made like $100.
He was scamming you.
He was scamming you, bro.
It wasn't that much.
It probably was like $80.
I said $80.
I said $82.
I said $82, but we were there for two hours.
That's $40 an hour.
You couldn't get a job $40 an hour in New York.
Well, $20 an hour.
Yeah, I was buying like $80 and like, it worked well, man.
Yeah.
This is 18 years ago.
There was not a lot of things.
Yo, you know how much $18 was?
Or $20?
How much?
$40 was 18 years ago, bro.
That's your drinking money for the week.
It's like $60 now.
Son, it's like $60 now with inflation.
You can buy a movie at the picture show?
You can buy a movie.
Yo, Jamil, Jamil, do you remember what you spent your money on?
He saw Star War.
That's crazy.
Did you invest it?
What did you do with it?
I don't remember.
Son, it was.
I don't know.
I honestly, I do not know.
Maybe we threw a fire party where we had some Zimas.
Okay.
Probably bought about $60 worth of lemons.
Yo.
Oh, Mamoz, you can eat for days.
Exactly.
One for the fact.
$75.
You know what's really interesting?
They're mad quiet right now now that you're validating this shit.
When I was saying everybody laughing at me, making some sense, these broke boys, bunch of brokeies.
All right, Jamil, I'm out.
Peace.
Oh, my God.
To present my fourth piece of evidence.
Okay.
Give me your fourth piece of evidence.
Look, chicken.
We do owe you an apology because this turned out to be a great combo.
Thank you.
So you were right in that regard.
Thank you.
So far, you're getting beat on all this.
I mean, what Jay-Z song were you listening to when you're selling lemonade?
PSA, public service announcement.
Because there's a Jay-Z song called Poppin' Tags.
It's a good song.
In it, he says, act a damn donkey like the Pilgrims when they pop the tag on the Indians' home.
What did the Pilgrims do?
They bought Manhattan, you fucking idiot.
They didn't buy Manhattan.
Yeah, they did.
It was a bad deal, but they bought it.
They bought it.
They gave them a fucking seashell and some necklaces.
I would say they stole it.
And them dumb tomahawks took that shit.
I would say they ran back to Brooklyn, bro.
I would say they stole the Pilgrims, stole the land from the bank.
No, they literally purchased Manhattan.
Yeah, exactly.
They purchased.
I think it was like 20.
You guys are on record.
So Native Americans didn't know what money was and didn't get the idea that you could own land because they didn't feel like they owned it, but they did give them something for the land.
For Manhattan, at least.
Yeah.
They got a great fucking deal.
I would like to, I would still like to stay.
Do you not believe that?
Poppin Tags And Pilgrims00:15:33
No, I do.
No, I think they stole it.
I think they stole.
Yeah.
I mean, you look like you stole Pocahontas with your haircut, Jackson.
Okay.
That was great.
Listen, we should do some patron in question.
That was because you broke boys.
You broke boys and you should get your money up.
Son, how right was I?
$80 on the money, son.
Certain drugs.
That's a great point.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why is it nerdy?
Why is it nerdy to sell lemonade?
He's a grown-ass man.
But what's nerdy about it?
I don't understand it.
It's a grown-ass man selling lemonade.
But what's nerdy about it?
That's what's nerdy about it.
What's nerdy about it?
Is Mike a nerd?
I agree with you.
Is Mike a nerd from Mike's Hard Lemonade?
Yes.
That guy that made money.
I don't understand why selling lemonade is nerdy.
I don't get that.
It's childish.
It ain't nerdy.
It's nerdy.
So if you're a kid, you sell lemonade.
You a nerd?
No, because you're a kid.
So acting like a kid is a nerd?
It's a little nerdy for a kid to do to be honest.
So if you're adult, act like a kid, you a nerd.
So you come to the podcast dressed like Woody from Toy Store.
You a nerd?
Is that what you try to say?
Hold on, Jose.
Hold on, Jose.
So if you act like a kid, you a nerd.
That's what y'all trying to say right now?
Uh-huh.
Is that it?
That's what they're saying.
I'm not a bad person.
Did Andy walk in the room?
That's good.
Did Andy walk in the room?
That's good.
Oh, fuck.
I better sell something.
I'll sell lemonade right now.
Yo, I'll set up a lemonade stand right now.
We make $1,000 selling lemonade.
I got a special recipe for my lemonade.
If you want me to put on the special recipe, I'll put on the special recipe.
We'll sell all the goddamn lemonade.
You're going to prove your special too?
You're like, I'm sorry, discount cut for the special.
We're not selling the special anymore.
We're selling lemonade.
He just found purpose again.
Listen, listen.
I'm hyped.
Let's go.
Yo, if, hey, if do y'all want to start a lemonade company or not?
I got experience.
Wait, really?
Oh, shit.
I know the market.
I know who drinks lemonade.
I can look at a motherfucker and know if they're going to stop for some lemonade or not.
Okay.
Where are we going to set it up?
In Soho?
Say good?
Do you want to set it up in New York?
I'm going to set that shit up right outside Jack's White Freedom Compete.
What?
You would rather buy lemonade from a corporation?
How do people stop selling lemonade?
That's my crap.
Can you imagine he fucks a girl?
Can you imagine he fucks a girl and then two days later she sees him selling lemonade on the street?
I fucked you.
And she getting charged, yo.
And she getting in charge.
And she getting in charge.
What do you do for a living?
What is your job?
Son, we didn't have jobs.
I was in college.
I'm a student.
I'm a student.
That's what I say.
I'm a student.
I'm a student of the game.
I'm a student at Hudson's University.
That's facts, bro.
Your boy was out here slaying his citrus and y'all are jealous.
So when you went back to college and people said, what did you do this summer?
Did you tell them I sold lemonade?
Internship.
You paid an internship, bro.
That shit was unpaid.
So we might have been older, son.
We might have been older.
We might have been older.
How many months ago was this?
How many months ago did you do this?
I'm trying to put it together because usually in the summer, I would be on the beach.
So I'm like, why the fuck was I in the city?
We might have been in our 20s.
Oh, my God.
I think we were in college.
I don't know why we weren't at the motherfucking beach yet.
Did you go back home, buddy?
Oh, except for one.
Do you see?
Selling lemonade, bro.
He had lemonade to sell.
So, y'all didn't sell anything?
You didn't do a lemonade sale.
I did a lemonade sand.
No, I did not.
I did it in a cul-de-sac.
There was no foot traffic.
Yeah, that's dumb.
I set it up.
I'm always like, well, you're going down there with all that.
I had the sign.
I had the whole thing.
You thought people were going to drive to get a cup of your lemonade?
Bro, I sat there for three hours, didn't make a sale.
Bro, I want to be where the people are.
Ariel shouts to you.
He did it in front of that's true.
You don't got to shout out to fucking where we live in.
The whole spot.
Yeah, believe that.
But yeah, you didn't do a lemonade sand.
No.
That's crazy.
If I see a lemonade sand now, I'll go and buy lemonade.
I bet you would.
We wanted to talk to you.
What was a grown-ass man selling lemonade?
Yeah, it was.
It's funnier that way.
It's funnier when it was funny, right?
Because it was funny.
I thought it was funny.
Just give it away then.
Why are you selling?
Why are you charging?
I was broke and it was funny.
You know what I'm saying?
Your boy wanted $40, so I could have a nice little parlay that night.
Yeah.
Your boy was parlaying.
We would parlay.
Yo, we would.
Take two people to sell lemonade.
So, what are you doing?
Two people is hilarious.
You could have done shifts, motherfucker.
You could have sold lemonade all day.
You could have done it morning and night when the bars open out.
Listen, put the sugar.
It's more fun that way, bro.
I like doing shit in groups.
It's more fun.
I need some help.
Yo, hold on.
I need a breather.
Let me get a cup of lemonade.
That was ruined.
You couldn't drink a lemonade.
You couldn't drink.
You never get out of your own supply.
No, for real.
We were not allowed to.
People come up and be like, how is it?
I wouldn't know.
We don't drink our own lemonade.
100%.
It's so much sugar.
Oh, my God.
It's just me up.
Enjoying getting a tan while y'all was working minimum wage jobs, peasants.
You know what I'm saying?
Making the man rich.
Yeah, y'all was making the man rich.
I was the man.
I was a small man, but I was a man, regardless.
Oh, my God.
She would go there and they'd be like, Yeah, torture these motherfuckers.
Which they did.
They did it in Kenya.
They did Malaysia.
Anytime there was like, especially if there was like a communist uprising or anything like that, she was there doing PR while the fucking forces were out there literally wearing their disrespectful ass outfits.
They wore shorts and shit.
I hate that.
You're really big into military uniforms.
I do love military uniforms.
I think like if you're wearing, if you're getting domed by a guy fucking wearing shorts, like that's so disrespectful.
The Chubbies army is here.
God damn it.
I got killed by a couple of Chubbies Army.
The last thing that you see is some fucking sunburnt caps.
It's like red as fuck.
It's just, yeah.
Summer heat.
It's like, yeah, mate, we had to do it, dude.
It's bullshit.
It's like Fortnite dancing on someone's corpse.
Like, you couldn't cover them shits up, dude.
What the fuck?
It's just, it's fucked up.
And then they wear the cap with like the little fluffy thing on top of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You guys have a cap like that.
The Turks, they have like crazy shit.
They have the fezzes and shit.
Yeah, the fez, right?
Yeah.
That's Moroccan.
Oh, is that Moroccan?
I'm sure that's the first time.
Their version, right?
Yeah.
What is the point?
What is that?
Is that just like the version of the Yamaka?
It's such bad headgear.
It is, right?
It doesn't stay on your head.
It's so weird.
You got to clip it on and shit.
It doesn't even look that good.
Why are you trying to look like a cone head?
Yeah.
I never understood that.
It's got a little tassel on it, too, like you're graduating.
It's just silly.
Yeah, I never understood that.
I've never been a big fez boy.
Yeah, this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, this is what the guy with the ice cream.
Hold on, hold on.
Yeah.
The guy to the right looks kind of garbage.
He's kind of pulling it off.
Oh, just not him.
Here we go.
The Moroccan up there.
Yeah.
That Moroccan guy's doing it.
Oh, school.
That guy's doing it, dog.
Wow.
That guy's doing it.
That is a fit for sure.
I mean, the Blazer is crazy.
Elijah Muhammad wore some shit like that, didn't he?
Right before he killed Malcolm Excel.
Okay, explain to me why they don't just give you ice cream in turkey.
Here's the point of that.
So fucked up.
Yeah, I don't understand.
Yeah, a betrayal of everything, dude.
It's just like they're like, oh man, I want a delicious.
Yeah, I want a delicious treat and Turkish ice cream slaps.
They have like this weird thing.
It's like a gummy consistency.
Okay.
It's actually really good.
But they got to make you earn it then.
That's all.
Yeah, dude.
It's fucked up, though.
They'll do the flip or like he'll double cup it.
You have like the cone in your hand and then you're like, oh, finally.
And he's like, nope.
Fuck you.
You can get out of it, actually, if you prove you get fucked in the ass.
It's actually okay.
I walk around everywhere with the fucking ass.
Tranny porn, I call it.
But yeah.
Tranny porn, I call it.
Yeah, that's the greatest thing ever.
And you can say that because you're into it.
Love it.
I love it, bro.
I watched that shit.
Why do you like, you know, explain what the kiss my girl on the mouth, nigga.
Right after I come, I kiss Sam right on the mouth, though.
Derek's girl is here, by the way.
So we got to get her perspective.
You don't want to call her Samantha?
You want to call her Samantha?
Sam?
Sometimes I call her Samson.
Say Samuel.
Get over here.
No way.
But I love Tranny Porn.
I fuck with that shit.
The long way, the strong way.
The long way.
Really?
The strong way.
Okay, okay.
Now, why?
Why?
Now, we've talked about this before.
Why do you love Tranny Porn so much?
It is, we all watch porn, and it's the best of both worlds.
It is the reason we all use your hands like this art.
Well, because I have to let you know.
I don't want people to eat this as hate speech.
Like, no, I thought about this.
I wrote it down.
Okay, this is all scientific.
Go, go, go, go.
We all watch porn.
Look at Al's face, bro.
You watch porn.
Al, do you watch porn?
Son, this is worse than you did right now.
It's right.
I'm sorry, I'm right all the time.
Okay, go, go.
Okay, go.
We all watch porn.
Two reasons for both genders.
Basic.
With the guy, he's got to be in shape and he's got to have a leg of a dick.
Period.
You don't want to see no meat.
Nobody wants to see no jiggling and you don't want to see no small dick.
Period.
Point blank.
With the woman, she's got to be a bad bitch, fat ass, nice titties.
And Tranny Porn has found a way to like Dragon Ball Z go tanks that shit and fuse the best of both worlds.
Okay, so you got a big titties, good shape, but also big dick.
Huge.
A small dick, that's gay.
I don't watch that.
If she's got a small dick, I'm like, get this little dick nigga out of here, bro.
You're not even a woman.
You're not even a fucking woman.
You call yourself a wolf with that dick?
You call yourself a woman, bro, with your soft ass.
No, bro.
You got to be hard, dick, legged up, titties out, and a bad bitch.
And I'm all in.
Men are done, bro.
So, so, so, if there's a guy, for example, that's into tranny porn, but it's with smaller dicks, what do you think about them?
That's fucking gay, bro.
You want to see small dicks?
Who wants to watch porn and see a flaccid small dick?
A flaccid small dick is kind of disgusting.
Yeah, yeah.
When you see it on camera, it's fucking disgusting.
And you see it like getting fucked and it's flopping.
It's like, I'm already gross.
Now, you make that shit this.
A little different.
And it looked like this.
Now I'm like, wow.
This is artistic.
This is kind of beautiful.
It's like when you see those paintings in front, you know what I mean?
Like of a naked people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, this is beautiful.
Now, how did you break this down to your girl?
I told her, hey, I like training porn.
Actually, no, she saw me go on stage once, and it was like 30 minutes of me talking about how great it was.
And she was just like, oh, that's what you want to say.
Sam, that's when you found out.
Yeah.
Yeah, she found you.
She found out she saw Sam one night and was like, that's what he's doing.
Because she knows I'm in that bathroom, bro.
But, you know, that's my time.
I let her watch her shows.
When she's watching Bridgeton, I don't say shit, nigga.
I don't say a fucking word.
She don't watch Bridgerton.
That's her.
That's too good.
Well, the shit I watch is good.
The shit I watch get views.
I mean, Bridgerton gets views, but not the views I'm talking about.
Wait, what kind of mother are you talking about?
I'm talking, nigga, 25 mil every day.
He's watching.
Everything.
He's watching Mrs. Beast.
That's what there is, bro.
Okay.
And always something with you.
Okay, I have to ask this question.
Why is the only one in this room?
Be honest with me, dog.
Yes.
Watch that shit.
Al, we know you're lying, but anybody else knows that.
No, you don't watch it.
I believe that.
No, no, no.
I believe I've watched a trans woman fuck a woman.
That's what he likes, I think.
I like that too.
No.
No, no, no.
Two women that's lesbian.
I need another man and this woman.
So he believe them, bro.
I believe in trans.
I believe them.
They're women.
I have to believe something.
You think it matters?
Okay, good.
Look at I got you trying to put some tips in.
That's what I need to clarify.
That's what I need to clarify because I know I got thought.
He thought it was a trans woman fucking a woman.
So he was like, oh, yeah, I guess that's just like that.
It's just more tips.
It's the same shit.
No, no, no.
He likes.
I've never struggled with mental math so much in my life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go, So tell me what it is.
What are all the parts?
What are all the parts?
It's who's, yeah.
I like a male that is not a porn star, a dude.
Yeah.
In shape, huge dick.
Fucking a beautiful woman.
With a vagina resting on top or with a dick resting on top.
With a big titties and also a huge dick.
And that is the kind of porn that I start my day with.
Wait, so there's two dicks in this scene?
Yeah.
A man and a woman.
Son.
No.
Look at y'all, bro.
Y'all niggas in the pad, bro.
But y'all, y'all are playing Nintendo.
I'm on.
Fuck.
I got an oculus on.
Yeah, explain.
You might be right about this.
Explain it to Al to really get out.
No, no, I've got anyway.
No, because you're not getting it.
Explain the joy.
Because you're thinking about this gross.
Yeah, yeah.
Explain the joy.
It's not gross.
If you're thinking about a nigga that looks like me with a wig on, that is gross and gay.
It has to be a beautiful woman.
Just like all porn.
It has to be a beautiful woman.
She also has to have a gigantic penis.
But why?
Because that's really, because I believe in women.
I believe in their rights.
Have fun.
And do whatever they want.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Al doesn't believe in human rights.
No, bro.
Apparently, I don't.
What do you mean?
You can come on up.
Al, if it's a beautiful woman, right?
Everything about her is a woman.
Everything's beautiful.
And then you get down to the pussy, but instead of a pussy, it's a baton.
That's weird to you.
But you got so many options, though.
Like to pull.
Yeah, there's white ones and black ones and Asian ones.
All kinds of options.
You said huge dick, Asian's out the window.
No, bro, they're packing.
I've seen it.
Yeah, they're up.
So, wait, Al, that would be weird for you.
It's just not my cup of tea of porn.
Have you watched that ever?
Let's say, for example, you're seeing a straight porn star male suck a beautiful woman's huge dick.
Absurd Teleportation Claims00:15:53
I'm cool.
Even Samurai today.
That's kind of hot.
It ain't gay.
It ain't gay, bro.
You sucking a woman's dick.
That's as straight as you can do it.
That's the straightest way to suck dick, I think.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I'm crazy of straight ways to do it.
Is this so bitten up?
No, no, no.
I'm always right.
I said it.
I'm always right.
I'm good at everything.
Has this created any issues in your guys' relationship?
Is there, do you ever worry, Sam, about not being able to fulfill his desire?
Yeah, you don't have enough dick for this guy.
No, no, no.
I hope I can't fulfill his desires.
I'd rather him, you know, wear himself out in the morning.
Bro, that's cheat love.
Oh, oh, you need it too much.
So you need it too much.
Yes.
You need a nut every single day.
I nut twice a day, minimum, minimum, bare minimum.
And in the other days, depending on the day.
Do you remember how time I have and how much fun the day has been?
Yah comics, bro.
Wow.
And I support that.
And you support what do you mean by you support that?
Like, you keep nutting.
Bro, I come out the bathroom, relax, chill.
I hug her.
I don't attack her.
So he's been question, question in the morning, dog.
She knows what it is.
Question, this might be a little too much, but then would you prefer if she wears a strap on?
No, that's gay.
Why are you making it gay?
Why are you making it so gay?
You're gay.
I'm recognizing it's homosexual.
I'm recreating, bro.
I'm not going to lie, dude.
I'm recreating.
You fucking gay.
Yo, the way you ask questions is wild gay.
Finally.
Finally, you guys.
Finally.
Thank you.
I can try to come down all this time.
Derek, I feel you, dog.
He was going to get mom on the day, bro.
Okay, go, go, go, go.
Ask your question.
That's your gay ass question.
That was the question.
Because it recreates that scene.
My mind is racing right now.
I could talk about a bunch of abstract thoughts.
Go!
This is what we like here.
Yeah.
Did we get on the weed or what?
Yo, you give me the weed.
I'll be fucking flying with abstract thoughts.
No.
No, but you figured out teleportation.
I want to hear this.
I really think I have.
This has dust on it, too.
No, no, not that type of dust.
Schultz, wait, Schultz.
I'm not hitting it.
No, I'm not into it.
Again, no, because no, wait, hold on.
Let me explain this teleportation.
Go, go, go, go.
Because also, dog, I'm not smoking this if you don't smoke it.
All right, let's fucking go.
Just one thing.
We can't win this every time.
We bread hours every time.
We got enough.
I've never smoked online.
They've never seen really?
They've seen me high.
They've never seen me smoke.
This is your Elon moment.
Things worked out for him afterwards.
I love you, Schultz.
I'll do it here.
Fuck it.
But okay, teleportation.
All right.
I think you just teleported.
I'm locked in here.
That was it.
Come back.
Come back.
That was it.
All right.
This one.
There's, hold on.
There's going to be a point, I believe, where human beings will be able to.
This is absurd, but it will happen.
Upload their consciousness onto X.
I don't know what it is, blockchain, internet, whatever the fuck you want to call it, whatever thing that doesn't exist yet.
The consciousness will have the ability to learn, grow, and adapt based on past learnings, growings, and adaptations because of AI, artificial intelligence.
Machines learning how to learn.
Cloning, also illegal now, but cloning for humans.
For humans, yeah.
You could clone a fucking dog in Korea.
You know that?
I bet they love that.
I bet that.
Why are they doing it?
I don't know.
Fucking KFC needs something about it.
Jack Harlow, say what you say.
What's pupping again?
So look, so cloning is a very real technology that already.
That already exists.
It exists we.
We just choose to not clone humans because it's fucked up, but people have done it with their dogs and Ellen cloned her dog.
What?
Yeah, you know this.
She cloned her dog.
Her dog passed and then she cloned it.
They cloned a sheep in Scotland.
They're like yeah yeah okay, so that technology exists.
Also, the uploading of your consciousness will exist.
Fact will exist.
They've started this.
You know that, not consciousness, but they've like created um, they use, like someone's social media, a guy whose wife passed.
They use her social media to create like a version of who she would be online.
Yeah yeah, is that it right?
Here it was Barbara Striker.
Clone the dog now.
No, look at Ellen's dog too.
Maybe they're clones.
They both get healthy okay, okay.
So eventually this will be tricky.
I need to iron this out before I pitch it in my presidential campaign.
But eventually, when humans find a morally sound way to clone their flesh puppet, this will only be available to like upper class people who have the means to holy shit to do.
Clone yourself.
You upload your consciousness somewhere, re-download it, you grow up and then you download the consciousness back to you.
You don't, you don't have to grow your your your, your body would be in parts of the world that you visit frequently.
Right, so I could get to.
I could get to France right now and you oh, it's drop box, it's Dropbox, Dropbox.
You got 10 bodies.
Bingo, I live in Miami as well.
When I want, and i'm in this hyperbaric chamber, and when I want to be there, i'm bingo.
You station your body and you're conscious.
You can clone it, but also modify it.
If you want to, bingo in Miami, you could have a, like a Cuban, what we've been talking about or Covet okay, this is interesting.
You have a Japanese, Schultz.
I wanted to have a Japanese.
No, you can't.
Why not?
Why not?
You can edit it, gene editing what he speak Japanese, or be Japanese.
Well, I have to.
I'm talking about clone.
Yeah no no no no, you would look Japan i'm talking about.
I'm talking about Schultz.
Yeah, so he's Schultz, but he's cloned.
And then you gene splice.
No because, because when you up, when you, it would have to work like this, when you upload your consciousness and it, it beams to your next body, the one that it came from needs to be the exact same.
No no, no.
It needs to like, turn off yeah yeah yeah, yeah.
You can't have two operating at the same time.
You can't be fucking everything up.
That's when it could get down, and you know what.
We won't be able to do it wait.
But you could download someone into someone else's little flesh, right?
Essentially, call them sleep.
So, like you go, you go to Europe to be your daddy, Logan Paul, that could re-download into your body and then murder somebody in his body.
Bingo, that's.
We just made the best horror movie ever.
It's actually.
Why would you murder?
I wouldn't murder no, but it'll happen.
This is where things get tricky and why this probably will never happen, but I figured it out like we don't need to worry about it.
The question is, how do we upload our consciousness to some sort of server?
Present, bro?
How do we upload our consciousness to a server?
Can I tell you something?
Yes, I watched a clip from Rogan the other day.
Oh boy, we're about to figure it out right now.
It's gonna be, it's you.
I took a couple It's and it's over.
I just want to let you know.
That's covered in dust.
It's over.
And it's covered in dust.
Blowing for it.
Blowing for it.
And I just want to let you know.
I'm depressed for two days after I smoke weed.
And my, so for my honeymoon, I'll be in Venice just moping around crying on a gondola for you.
Sounds so bad.
For you.
Woe is you, dude.
My life is so hard.
You know, I'm in an unagundo.
I'm eating fucking shrimp skin.
That's sad.
Here we go.
No, I was watching.
Here's the other abstract thought.
And now it's abstract.
Bro, you got to hit this.
Oh, yeah.
No, we're all here.
Yeah, we are.
Okay, good.
No, okay.
The UFO, the UAP phenomenon that is happening right now is actually fucking absurd.
And we're not talking about it enough.
Fuck me.
No, it's good, dude.
You're going to be so fucked up.
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
He's going to be cooked.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Dude, you got to take the reins when he gets off.
Oh, God.
You can't be wearing all white spindles on the fucking pitch.
Hold on, hold on.
You said UFO, and then you said UAP.
Unidentified.
UAP.
Unidentified aerial phenomena.
Okay.
That's what they're kind of calling them now.
I have a theory on this.
Please tell me because I'm so fascinated.
Okay, subject.
Very simple.
Obviously, there are UFOs here.
People go, why aren't they coming down here and then destroying us?
When we send our astronauts into space, we don't send them with weapons.
There's no nukes.
There's no guns.
There's nothing.
They're just looking to see what's out there.
No, but we're still exploring.
That's the issue.
They're still exploring.
Exploring what?
If you have that kind of technique.
Bro.
Our civilization?
Yeah.
Do you think they're interested in our bullshit, man?
We travel with a wheel.
Okay.
Oh, this is a conspiracy corner.
Let's go.
Let's talk about it.
Okay.
Okay.
They travel with a wheel, yes.
We travel with a wheel, yes.
But still.
Aliens look at us like ants.
But we're also sort of sort of.
People have ant farms.
People are fascinated.
The other day, I looked at.
Let's rewind one second.
I'm for this conversation, a little bit more based in like what we know.
Okay, go.
Because you're assuming that the UAPs are extraterrestrial.
I'm giving that credence, but I also kind of think it's us trying to flex other countries.
Like, yo, we got some shit.
Behave.
But you know, got some shit.
Do you know what kind of shit you're talking about, dude?
No.
These things have technology that defies physics.
The laws by which that govern our entire fucking existence.
Some of these UAPs straight up defy everything we thought we knew.
And so I was watching Rogan in this clip and this physicist.
Bob Lazar.
No, it wasn't.
He's he's he's the uh Area 51 UFO.
Do you know him?
I had dinner with him.
You had fucking dinner with Bob Lazar.
First time I hung out with Rogan.
Yeah.
He took me to dinner with Bob Lazar.
What's he like?
Believable.
No fucking way.
I believe he believes.
I'm not saying that he's right.
I've met people who believe they believe and it's just not reality.
Yeah.
And there's people who believe that the earth is flat.
There's people.
And they went to the convention.
They believe the earth is flat.
Really?
Wild or what?
Hold up.
Y'all don't know about this?
I know.
I didn't know you were.
No, this.
Yo, why would you?
YouTube buried it because it's a conspiracy theory.
Go.
This is one of my biggest accomplishments.
Yo, I made a flat earth mockumentary.
When I found out there's a group of people, there could be one in this room for all I goddamn know.
To your right.
You have no idea.
The white guy.
He's going to play cool.
We know what you think.
I live it.
Doug, when I find out there's a group of people who genuinely believe the earth is flat, I said, I must infiltrate.
I found out they had a convention.
I went to it under the guise that I, Logan Paul, believe the earth is flat and I'm interested in becoming a flat earther.
They thought it was good for their movement.
I went.
I ended up speaking on stage, came out as a flat earther.
Coming out of the flat earth closet, dropped the mic.
They all cheered.
It was a mockumentary.
We filmed the hippies.
Yeah.
Yeah, there are people who generally think the earth is flat and they all really believe that the earth is flat.
And hearing their logic sometimes, like I just don't, I can't, I can't follow.
I can't get it.
Here's the thing.
They don't have any real proof for that.
What I will say about...
But they have theories.
And technically, all we have are theories.
So, I mean, it can be backed up by others.
Nobody.
There's a small difference.
All I'm saying is with the Bob dude is that he worked on something.
And I believed that he worked on something that we couldn't describe or how it works through like our understanding of life.
For sure.
For sure.
So there was that part that I had to get through.
It wasn't like whether he saw aliens or not.
It was like, did he work on some shit that he doesn't know how to describe based on our understanding of physics?
No.
He convinced me he did.
That's all.
Still at dinner.
He was talking about it.
No, because we went because Rogan was going to meet with him the next day.
Oh, before the pod.
So, yeah.
So he's like, do you want to come with dinner with me to this guy with this guy?
To kind of vibe out before they went out of the program?
He said on the pod that he did it because he thought that I was like a good trust.
So like if people were bullshit, like he could like trust me, like a good judge of whatever.
But I thought it was just like, we just did a pod.
He's like, you want to come to dinner?
But he didn't convince me aliens are real, but he believed whatever his life is.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
Like, yeah, he was like, he didn't even want to argue.
No, I know, which makes it, it's so hard.
And it's tough to poke holes in his stories because they say the same.
You believe in aliens, huh?
For sure.
What do you mean?
Dude, I think anyone who doesn't believe in aliens is fucking stupid.
Why?
Do you know how big the universe is?
The answer is no.
None of us do.
None of us can comprehend how actually fucking big the universe is.
Just about damn near, brother.
Damn near infinite.
And so, so fucking high.
Every time, bro.
Every time.
Bro, it just hit me when I went like this.
Go on that.
Like, I analyzed myself.
Like, after I did, I was like, that's weird you did that with your finger.
Like, yeah, dude, that pain, Michelangelo.
Queer.
He was queer.
Michelangelo was queer.
This guy's a president stop.
That is true.
No, didn't he have fun?
By the way, I had a lot of fun when I was younger.
Way more funny than this.
Bro, I am too aware of everything that's happening.
Yeah, that's what we done.
That's what we did.
Oh, my God.
I was pushing my knee down.
I was like, oh, you're almost in an Indian squad.
Okay, yo, back to aliens.
No, no, no, no.
This interesting.
You're an open thinker.
I'm the mic.
And I came to say hello.
That was horrible.
I'm higher than I was on Rogan, dude.
Something on that dust.
Dust is great.
Am I fucking losing?
Back to aliens.
Yes, bro.
Come on.
Back to aliens.
He started talking about the aliens, man.
Just go.
Yes, bro.
Just go on that.
Firming paradox, bro.
Universe is infinite.
Yo, what?
And expanding.
And it's infinite and expanding.
These two smoke.
That's why they can.
So there's a likelihood statistically.
Statistically, it's almost fucking impossible.
Holy shit, dude.
I forgot you had a yellow one.
This is not yellow or whatever.
That's green, though.
You called your shirt white earlier.
No, is that white?
It's like light pink.
No, damn.
I thought I was colorless.
I don't see color.
That's a thing, bro.
I'm that woke.
Yeah.
Despite you being human, what?
What?
What is going on?
Dude, where did you go?
Where did you go?
Nah, I just, I was wondering what happened here.
What happened was that you made me smoke a dust lawn, right?
Smoking Dust Lawn High00:03:32
And then you got a little bit high.
And then I started thinking about every single thing as it happens.
Yeah, I know.
I know the feeling.
You're describing like the first time being hot.
No, the first time I was high, this did not happen.
But now, it's like I'm aware of every single thing that's happening.
Yeah, yeah, because you're a hyper-thinker and an over-analyzer.
So why would I do this?
It's probably why you're a good comedian, dude.
But why would I do this drug?
Don't.
It's a bad decision.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Some people can't handle it.
Yep.
Yeah, you can't handle it.
We warned you, too.
What do you mean?
You know what?
You know what the fucked up part is?
He told me.
I told you.
He told me.
I told you.
Because I thought it would be funny, and now I'm like, damn, bro.
What do you mean?
Yeah.
It's the most funny.
I don't know.
No, because now I'm worried.
About what?
All of it.
Why would you worry?
I'm worried.
Can you elaborate on that?
I just want to make a good program.
Yeah.
Yes.
You know, he was having fun.
That's already happening, bro.
He was young having fun.
But no, that's already happening.
Right now, we're giving unique, authentic experiences.
What I was telling you before, you guys made fun of me, is the green one I didn't know you had.
Right?
The whole time.
No, I knew you were in the middle of the year.
I didn't know you had it.
And they brought the reds.
Exactly.
And then you were drinking out of the red.
And all of a sudden, after I got high, it switched color.
Okay.
Yeah.
That was a lot.
That was a lot to handle.
Wow.
That was.
I actually feel you.
That was a lot to handle.
If I was drinking this and then you got high and it was a different color, and knowing you only bought red for this program, I could see how that could trip you out.
Yeah, it did trip me out to an extreme place.
He brought the green.
It's the best mixer.
Oh, this is the best mixer?
I can't say anything like that.
Why not?
Come on, dove shit.
Drinkers sponsored me.
I can't say anything.
Oh, because it's the best fucking mixer.
Can I say it?
Actually, let's try it out because it's the best mixer.
What would you mix it with?
Me?
Yeah.
What?
Hey, what'd you say?
Yo, dude.
Wait, what'd you say, bro?
No, I'm not going to mix it with.
Oh, oh, rum.
Oh, no, he's talking about rum.
Rum, dude.
Yo, mix it with rum.
He's been in Puerto Rico.
This is so total synergy.
I thought that you were indeed talking about sperm.
No.
I thought that you were saying a word that's slang for sperm, which is fine.
If you mix prime with sperm, I'm sure that that would be fine.
I'm sure.
Some of his girls are.
Oh, yo, this guy's crazy.
You've never like hydrated them?
Yo, when one of your girls grabbed the prime off the fucking counter with her middle toe like that?
No, talk to him.
When she hit it with the raptor claw from fucking Jurassic Park, yo, when she Jurassic Park the prime off the counter.
Yo, remember?
Yo, do you remember when she did it together?
You don't remember that?
Do you remember when she.
I'm watching that dinosaur surrounding TV.
They tap, they tap that pump.
It's a predatory hunting name.
They do, but do you remember when she put the cotton on you with both her feet with that middle toe and she just fucking rolled that shit down?
Go through the door.
Go through the door.
And then he's taking a drink.
He's like, door to the left, Rick Ross.
Mike Cannon Controversy00:07:50
You just made songs about it, Kanye.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll be behind you.
Make bangers.
As long as you're making bangers.
Like, we got into Jesus for a little bit because of one of his bangers.
Yeah.
Jesus did walk.
Women dance to a song calling them gold digging.
You don't think you can get Jews to dance to the sandwich?
Yeah, we all dance.
It's a new way.
Make bangers, Kanye.
Get off Twitter.
Yeah.
So, not pissed off at all.
You didn't care.
I was just like, something's up here.
I don't know.
I asked a crowd about it.
I don't read the news.
I like intentionally get away from it for two years now.
So I'll ask audiences, like, what's going on in the world?
Yeah.
And one of them's like, Kanye's homophobic.
Like, what did he say?
Or not homophobic, whatever the other one is.
Anti-Semitic.
Anti-Semitic.
Yeah.
And they were like, he said.
He's super gay to hate the Jews.
Right?
It is super gay to hate the Jews.
But I was like, what does that mean?
They're like, I think he means his agents.
And I was like, oh, I've been saying that for many years.
They're your Jews.
Yeah.
When you're upset, you're like, go talk to your Jews, tell them to get you a break from the road, you know?
And even if they're like, they're not a Jew, but they're in the Jew arts.
Yeah, exactly.
They're your Jews.
So he's just like, I'm mad at my Jews.
Also, what is the dark eyes?
It's just like, we're good at being agents.
I don't know.
You're like, I'll get you some money.
Like, sweet.
You're good at that.
Go get it.
You can say it.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It's not the worst thing in the world to be good at making money.
Yeah, I don't think it's a bad thing.
Yeah, who's making that a bad thing?
I think it's, yeah, when does it get bad?
It gets bad when it's like you're organizing in a way.
They're taking my money.
Yeah.
Well, that was a funny thing.
Be better with your money.
Fucking Catholic fucking going.
I'm loaning her.
But that's the thing we were talking about with when it comes to the Jews running Hollywood.
It's like, well, they haven't exactly made themselves heroes.
Like, if they do run Hollywood, where's the Jewish superhero?
Yeah, none.
They're still the villains.
Oh, you're right.
Like, Magneto is Jewish, survived the Holocaust, and he's still the bad guy.
Wow, you're right.
Holocaust survivor, bad guy.
He's a bad guy because he saw what about that.
Isn't that crazy?
Wow.
Like, the Germans put all the cool stuff in him, so maybe there's something that's just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You'd think he would just be like, let's get revenge on Germans.
He's like, let's get revenge on all the goals.
You know, his power is to control metal, but is that just like to get the money closer?
Because back then, according to the money.
He hides it in his helmet.
He's the most racist thing.
That would be the actual Magneto.
He's just like, just collecting trades.
And then he goes by wishing well.
Yeah.
Who is this guy?
He's like, he's a shitty superhero.
He's my lawyer, actually.
Dude, that's crazy.
That's how they got him to unlock his pals by moving a coin.
That was the very first thing they made him do.
Holy shit.
I told you that my buddy Paul, when I was in middle school, this kid, I don't want to say his last name, but he was his Peruvian.
And there was this kid, Howard.
This is fucked up, but there was this kid, Howard, who was his Jewish kid.
And every day during lunch, we would go to Subway to get sandwiches.
And Paul would put a nickel on the middle of the table.
He'd be like, watch, watch.
He's going to go forward.
He's going to go forward.
Just watch, just watch.
Just watch.
And Howard come back with his sandwich.
Paul is just staring.
You ever see someone put a mouse in a snake cage?
Yeah, so there is some, I guess, I don't know, real shit there.
I don't know.
I don't think Kanye's doing anything.
It's just like overhyped.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
People are like, he's just anti-Semitic.
It's like, I'm not seeing it.
I don't know.
When does it become a problem for you?
Are you just kind of like numbed all of it?
He's not doing anything.
I don't know.
He's not doing anything.
He's just like expressing a little disinterest.
It's like, that's fine.
Same thing.
Remember Mike Cannon, whatever his name is?
Mike Cannon on the other side.
Not Mike Cannon.
No, no, not Mike Cannon.
The older one who looks younger.
Mike Cannon, just animals and film specials.
Not anti-Semite.
Yeah.
Nick Cannon got in trouble for it too.
They tried to take a show.
Like, who gives a fuck?
It's okay.
He's just getting real paranoia.
They're not doing anything.
Yeah.
It got real bad once.
This isn't that bad.
It's just a celebrity saying, like, that's not it.
Yeah, Alex, follow that.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
He sounds like a reasonable win for this take from him.
Can't black people say the same thing?
It got real bad once.
Yeah.
Different now.
Do you think that there is an oppression Olympics that black people and Jews are fighting for them?
They just got involved.
They're kind of winning.
Black people got it.
Whoa, That's crazy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's a hot take.
They're winning in terms of the oppression Olympics.
Jews are winning?
Yeah.
No way.
Blacks are number one.
Blacks are number one because Asians tried.
And everyone's like, shut up, dude.
No one cares about you.
Yeah, we weren't buying it from the Asians.
Yeah.
More stories about Jews, but blacks.
Why is that?
I don't know.
Just, I guess.
I wonder.
People who write stories.
Yeah.
Write stories about Jews.
I don't know.
Hey, hey.
Learn how to write.
You think blacks aren't winning the paint Olympics?
The Oppression Olympics?
Absolutely not.
Wow.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
That's a wild take.
That's right.
That's the wildest take has ever been on this podcast.
Yeah, I thought Kazi just said, y'all run everything and he's done.
But he's still here.
He's still fine.
No, he's not.
Yes.
Nothing's off so much.
He's being talked about non-stop.
All his money is gone.
He's still got $400 million.
Deals are done.
Like, he's done.
He's done out here.
I just wonder.
I think that that's like the amount of action.
The hard drive guy drops the N-word and people celebrate him.
Which one?
Well, that's NASCAR, though.
You got to think about it.
Well, there's not enough black people.
Wait, wait, but has anybody, you've got to have an example of somebody who said something bad about black people who's also done.
I mean, Megan Kelly is the example I always use.
It's like she asked about Blackface and then immediately she gets kicked off the air.
And then gets a new show.
No, she has her own show.
No, she's doing her own show.
She produces her own show.
Oh, she produces it.
But it's not, it's never, either way, it's not easy to go after either one.
I think what it has to do is how many group, how many of those people are in the industry.
So for example, like you can't say anything about black people in basketball because even if black people don't own the basketball teams, they run basketball.
They run Donald Sterling.
Exactly.
Please just don't take as many pictures with black people.
Yo, that was that racist.
Because then it's even more racist.
Like, don't even be in pictures with them.
That's a crazy thing.
That was wild.
He was like, you can fuck him.
Yeah, from a rich white guy, old money, country club perspective.
He was saying, like, I don't, I'm progressive, but I don't progress.
Friends are not going to get it.
I just don't want to deal with their racism.
It's like, it's like the gay at Thanksgiving.
He's like, just say you're my friend.
It's fine.
You know, I love you, babe.
Just come on.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
I think it's like how many people are in the industry and then you have to respect them.
And maybe that's the idea about representation.
No, you know why the industry is hella Jewish?
What?
It's because it's you have to operate at a failure level for a while financially.
And so, like, if you're wanting to be an agent or manager, you've got to work for four.
It used to be $450 a week, tons of overtime, no overtime pay.
So, who can live on that?
You need someone funneling you money.
You need a rich person funneling you money.
Halloween And Religious Beliefs00:03:30
Yeah, we just had money, so we're able to be like, go follow your dream.
Is there ever like, is there ever this feeling like, all right, you know, Akash, for example, being a comedian as an Indian, he should be an engineer, he should be a doctor, whatever.
Being in front of the camera, is that looked down upon?
Did you ever, were your parents ever?
No, they just didn't think it would work.
They'd be like, no, what a pipe.
You know, I'm sure for all of you guys, it's like, you can't do comedy.
That's like a wild celebrities in comedy.
No one we know could do it.
You know, so that, but once I started making a little money or I got my first commercial, they were all like, oh, sweet.
And they're 100%.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, go.
Were your parents different though?
Because you were raised Orthodox.
Yeah, well, first I had to get out of that.
Yeah.
So I'm like, what was that?
We did a little research here.
You found the orthodoxy.
You weren't, you're like born-again orthodox.
Yeah, when I was little.
But you started out as just regular.
I was like conservative and then third, fourth grade.
My dad's like, let's get religious again.
What were you doing?
Oh, fucking hookers.
I was like, I was fucking giving it to these babysitters, bro.
They didn't even know.
No, but what happens in like the fourth grade?
So suddenly it's like, oh, oh, hey, remember Halloween?
Fucking try to keep a memory of it because we don't do that anymore.
It's pagan.
That was the worst one.
Yeah, what's the deal with that?
I had a Jewish friend growing up and I wanted to do Halloween with him and his parents were like, nah, you can't do that.
That's the worst one.
That's expensive.
I just said, dress as a Jew.
Like, that's perfect.
That's scary in my neighborhood.
Exactly.
They're coming.
They're changing the neighborhood for better or worse.
I don't even know.
You're buying up the neighborhood.
What's the Halloween thing?
It's pagan, but I remember switching to a religious school and then the teacher asked me, like, what some, I guess, guess Columbus Day.
She goes, what's this day?
And I was like, you know, where you know something?
I was like, it's Halloween.
And she was like, October 20th.
And I was like, she's like, no, it's Columbus Day, but also we don't do that.
And I was like, wait, what do you, what do you mean?
She's like, yeah, we don't do Halloween.
It's pagan.
Damn.
Like, what's pagan?
You guys have your own Halloween.
Yeah, poor and poor.
It's great.
You're supposed to get drunk.
Religious Catholics don't do Halloween.
Really?
What are you talking about?
No, Jehovah's Witness.
We break all the rules.
It's so lame because it has nothing to do with religion anymore.
You're not actually worshiping.
You're just saying like you're devil worshiping or, you know.
But that orthodoxy is by the book.
By the book, yeah.
So definitely pick and choose.
Okay, so how do you get out of that?
You go to yeshiva.
Went to seminary for a couple years and then realized I didn't believe in God.
Why?
It just wasn't in me.
It's just like, why do you not like tomatoes?
It's just like, you just think about it and you're like, it's not in there.
But you were reflecting.
There was a moment where you were just.
Yeah, I was like, oh, I don't think I believe in this.
Drugs.
No, I just, there was this, I wanted to turn off a light on Shabbos once and I didn't do it, but I was worried about people.
It's in the special a little bit, but like people going by my window in Jerusalem, you're shalaim.
And they're like, I'll get in trouble if they see my light go off.
But then it just like struck for about a year.
I struggled.
I was like, why would I care about the people seeing me?
It's not their law.
It's God's law.
So he has to take that up with me.
Yeah, that's who I'd fear, not these people.
And I'm like, and then I'm like, maybe I don't really believe in them.
Like I always say, like, if you're jerking off, like, if your dad's in the room, you're not just going to jerk off.
Because he'd be like, what are you doing?
Like, oh my God, like, I didn't know you were real.
Like, you're positive he's real.
So you just, you don't do it, you know?
But like, if you weren't sure, you'd be like, I don't know, I don't know.
Stabbing Versus Shooting00:04:28
But it's not a real thing, you know?
It had nothing to do with that light.
Yeah, and I just didn't believe in it.
So I had to like, I had to make a hard decision to get out.
Yeah.
That you thought were fine a few years ago and not just not okay anymore.
Words Jake Ball that were fine a few years ago.
Maybe that's song.
Who knows?
But like, but like, I think, and Charlamagne made this point, but like, British people know there's like certain words that have different meanings here than back home.
Cigarettes, like, there's a cigarette word that like back home is something crazy.
Yeah, it's not like we look at drill rap with it when they're saying it, we're like, ah, you can't, you got to change that.
Yeah, no, it's a little bit arrogant.
It is quite crazy.
It's quite crazy that.
Stop speaking the way you speak.
It is the most English thing to do.
You're going to change your language.
Colonial.
Colonization right there.
We're not going to let you colonize Beyoncé.
A black woman.
A black woman.
That is fucked up.
That is fucked up.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I feel like with music, it's freedom of speech, isn't it?
It's you're open to just say and do within reason anyway, but like to say and do what you like.
But yeah, I don't know.
Like, I guess with Beyonce, she's got a certain type of audience and she has to try and please her audience.
And if that means changing a line, you got it.
I guess.
But are there people here suffering from spaz that were upset about it?
What do you call them?
Spazzers?
I have no idea.
That's a porn sound.
I am.
I have no idea, bro.
I have no idea.
This is just mind-boggling to me.
Okay, especially in the genre of music where wild shit is being said every single time.
Yeah, like drill.
You're getting people talking about, oh, yeah, I stabbed this guy, then I stabbed this guy.
Last week, I also shot this guy, but anyway.
Yeah.
Do you believe the shooting stuff?
Yeah.
In England.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
People have guns in England.
But is it like a communal gun?
Like, how do you get access to it?
It's like a library.
Yeah, like to have a car and you're like, I'll take it.
I mean, I allegedly.
Yeah.
We're not getting in trouble here.
But I know.
We're about to find out why Wasabi is.
I guess if you want to get a gun, you can get a gun.
Yeah.
But it's like it's hard.
It's way harder than it is in America.
In America, bro, you could just walk in anywhere and get broken.
That's too fair.
When I was in LA a few weeks ago, just walked into like a sweet store.
And there's just guns being sold.
I was duty-free at the airport.
You get a gun and a trouble around here.
Yeah, exactly.
Shot one on the way here.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
It's great, bro.
But I was like, bro, it's so cheap.
Yeah.
It's so cheap.
Yeah.
It's cheap.
Yeah.
I can't believe it.
And I also think it's less savage, to be honest with you.
I think shooting someone is less savage than stabbing.
Well, it's kind of more cowardly.
Cowardly.
That's what I mean.
Like, I would rather shoot you from afar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then like be up close.
You're calling us pussy right now.
You're making us look bad.
It is a little pussy, bro.
Maybe you spaz it out with the gap.
Yeah, exactly.
Jim, bro.
I'm just saying, would you rather stab like, Al, you had a life of crime before podcasting.
Like, was it more comfortable for you to potentially shoot?
Life of career time.
I'm definitely shot from afar.
I was pretty supposed to shoot from it.
And then you could miss on purpose, and they don't know that's a pussy, you know?
But like the stab thing, like you can't even miss.
It's not, but I mean, like, there's something really personal and like horrible.
You're staring at someone in their eyes while stabbing them, bro.
Yeah.
And you just see the life like seep out of them.
Allegedly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Compared to you just shooting and peacing out.
Yeah.
And you just, it's just like, oh, you just see, like, on the news, like, oh, he's dead.
He's like, oh, shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's, it's wild.
Is it a bad with the knife?
The knife bag is pretty bad.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's pretty bad.
So they're just walking up to.
I'm trying to understand this.
Now, do you feel more comfortable doing it because you know?
Why do you say me?
Just hypothetically, when you stab him.
I don't stab anyone, bro.
I'm a civilian.
I'm a civilian.
The Horror Of Stabbing00:02:38
I'm saying it now.
I ain't on the streets like that.
I don't know.
I will fight in the ring, okay?
And that's it.
Fair enough.
Okay, when Deji is trying to make money, when he is out there trying to get some dollars on the streets, on the road, if you will.
Some peas, some bees.
And now he, and you know, is there ever a feeling like after like stabbing somebody where you're like, the healthcare was taken care of, you know?
Like, do you know what I mean?
Where like you're like, you know, they'll be all right.
Yeah, NHS, yeah.
I mean that sincerely.
Yeah, no, no.
Big up the NHS, man.
Yeah, pick up the NHS.
We are, man.
Always safe.
It is a weird.
So, like, our boy Jamil, who's here, he does all our partnership stuff.
He has international health care.
He doesn't even have healthcare at home.
Isn't that weird?
That's so wild.
Wait, so if he got shot in America, would he just wait for a British ambulance to come over?
It's like days.
It's fucking nightmare.
Combustion.
God damn.
GHL.
Yeah, no, he travels a lot.
So I guess it's beneficial, but it's so much cheaper than just getting the health insurance at home.
Yeah, but how often do you go to the doctor, right?
Well, I mean, it depends.
If you're just in the head for money, or if you're on the streets like that, bro, you probably need to get soy.
Every once in a while, but you can't go to the doctor and ask questions and shit.
No, I do remember, like, I had a headache or something like that.
No, not a headache.
I burst my eardrum and I had like pain.
This was before I was fighting Logan.
I was sparring some like 120 kilogram guy.
We don't know what that is.
Oh, it sounds really little.
100.
Oh, really?
260.
No.
Okay, double.
Oh, no.
Something like that.
2.2.
Yeah.
Okay.
260.
So when he hit me with a left turret.
But 120 is like, you got your eardrum.
Fucking dwarf.
Okay, go on.
But he hit me with a left turret, burst my eardrum.
I was like, fuck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So then I was traveling, obviously, to go to Vegas to get soaring.
And I was like, oh, I've got like ear pain.
So I helped the doctor and I was like, oh, yeah, like a doctor in America.
Can I get soy?
So he came over, sorted me out.
He was like, yeah, that's $1,500.
Yeah.
I was like, you've given me tablets.
Yeah.
You've just given me tablets, and that's $1,500.
What the fuck?
Yeah, it's like $50 for a Tylenol at a hospital.
Bro.
Ear Pain In Vegas00:03:25
No wonder people are there like that.
They'll do it with this.
Yeah, yeah, but we get a knife, you know, not us.
We don't set the prices.
We just treat you.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
We just be treating you.
If you have private practice, you could decide how much I'd be able to do that.
If you said the price, it'd be way more expensive.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
That's not wrong.
And the medicine would be shittier.
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This product contains nicotine, and nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Now, let's get back to the show.
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Bottom Surgery Discussions00:14:58
Okay.
Make sure you go there.
Let's get back to the show.
Now, can I be serious?
Okay, be serious.
Tommy Fury.
More serious.
More serious?
Okay.
Thomas Fury.
Thomas Fury seems to be afraid to come to America to fight you.
Yeah.
That's what some people would think.
Yeah.
I mean, look, he's backed out of the fight once already with an injury that we don't know whether or not was actually an injury.
You claimed that he had hurt his pussy lips.
Yes.
Vaginitis.
Oh, damn.
And it was more of an odor?
Was that the he was so bad that he wouldn't have let him on the plane to come over here?
Wow.
Yeah.
The odor.
Yeah.
It's a new thing at the TSA.
Oh, really?
That's what the dogs are standing for now.
100%.
100%.
Okay.
He just fogged up that machine when you throw the triangle on.
It was pretty nervous.
How did you end up getting your dick sucked on stage?
Doing too much, Miley.
Was that it?
It was really my fault.
I really think it was Illuminati secret agent just destroying my rap career.
You don't think you just have a sex addiction?
That's never crossed your mind?
I mean, I think everybody has a sex addiction.
That's what addicts say, bro.
Everyone loves alcohol.
When you're blaming the Illuminati instead of, I need my dick sucked all the time.
Let me tell you the dick.
So this day, I mean, you know, this is like early in my career.
It's like, you know, I'm just not starting to really get cracking like that, you know?
And so I got this show or whatever.
And I was, at the time, I was doing the shit to him, Molly.
That was my drugger choice.
So I was just doing Molly like every day.
So I'm always horny and like weird and shit.
So it was a lot of girls at the show and they were feeling the boy, you know.
So, but it was like, like I would be rapping and I'd be like on this corner, but like a group of girls and they'd be like rubbing me, like grabbing my dick and shit and all that shit and doing all, you know, just being creepy.
But then I'll go on the other side of the stage.
It was like one 50-year-old looking old white lady.
And she's doing the same thing, but she's going a little further than everybody else.
That's what I'm saying.
I think it was a planet agent.
And this is the time I used to wear, I used to wear Rick Owens all the time.
You know what I'm saying?
So I had the long t-shirt to hang down to your knees and shit.
So, you know, they keep grabbing my dick and shit.
You know, after Molly, I'm like, I think I want to feel the real deal.
So I go back to my DJ booth.
I just pop the motherfucker out a little bit.
You know what I'm saying?
So now I'm in front of the stage full charge.
So you took your own dick out first.
So when I went to her side of the stage, she grabbed that book.
Oh, it's real.
So then she just pulled the shirt up and started doing her thing.
Kept rapping.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I got to do the show.
I mean, I was paid to do a job.
And did you let her finish?
No, no.
The thing was, it just got so crazy.
It just was so fucked up because you got to think, man, it was a lot of guys at the show, too.
And they were like getting smushed and smashed.
And they was getting closer and closer to the dick.
I was just seeing the look of horror on niggas' faces.
What if Jason just grabbed that shit out of her?
Three stiff bitches.
Three stiff bitches.
So I felt bad.
So obviously to myself, I'm like, after the show, this is who I'm fucking.
You got it.
Yeah.
So where you at, bitch?
So I bring the bitch, I get her, and I bring her backstage.
She's like, I'm on my period.
I can't do nothing.
I can't go nowhere.
And then just left.
And she had like a scary look on her.
Everything about it was just weird.
I'm like, dude, this was a government secret agent that was sitting here.
And what were you doing that the government want to stop?
I was too good at rap.
Too good at rap.
That has happened with the government before.
They got to see what is his weakness.
What is his weakness?
And then they say, let me show you how we can fuck this nigga up.
They found it.
Yeah, they got me.
They got you with sex.
Yes.
That's men.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
Did that hurt your career?
That situation?
I would say so.
How?
I would say so.
Because that was like the biggest moment of my career.
So more people knew about that shit than they knew about my actual fucking music.
Like I was on entertainment tonight.
All type of.
I'm like, why is this happening?
Like, I'm seeing all type of shit.
Everybody's reporting about it.
CNE and all that type of shit.
But they wouldn't talk about my music.
They talk about me normally.
Yeah.
But, but I tried to spend it until I got sexually assaulted.
But this is before the cancel stage, so it didn't really work out real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And now that I know that you whipped it out first, it makes it a little harder to prove that point.
Yeah.
I don't want to talk about it no more.
You should have just made it that you should have just made it your thing.
Get my dick.
That's a good point.
This is what made it worse.
So after that show, I think I came to New York maybe a few dates later.
And you know how you want to like get content and shit.
And they was like interviewing like people online.
And I remember this one dude in line.
He's like, man, I don't know who Danny Brown is, but if he's getting this dick sucked at shows and he got bitches like that in the crowd, I'm definitely pulling up.
So it became this thing of where guys thought the girls at my shows was freaky.
That's crazy.
So what happened was I would always get these messages from girls.
I'm like, Danny, I love you.
I'm a huge fan and all that shit.
I love your music and shit, but I can't go to your shows.
The guys there are so fucking creepy.
Oh, really?
So it got to the point where I wanted to, I stopped trying to make that kind of music just to not even, you know, so I don't like rap about like getting my dick suck songs and shit like that.
I would like make a three-minute long song about getting my dick sucked.
You know what I'm saying?
But now I wouldn't do that no more.
Can't even rap about your passion.
But now it's a sausage fan.
Now I go to my shows.
It's not one bitch.
You're back in prison.
That's what it is.
Ain't nobody breaking here, though.
There's no upside here.
At least they had good workout programs.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Soft Peter.
White lady tried to do it.
What?
Suck your dick.
The 50-year-old?
Oh, at the show.
Yeah, she was white.
Yeah, it was a white lady.
Oh, bro.
She had no business being there.
Your first white lady?
My first white lady?
Yeah, yeah.
Bro, I'm from the days of Black Planet.
What does that mean?
I would go on Black Planet just for the white bitches.
Wait, white.
Wait, I didn't even know that was a thing.
That's a real nigga.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Explain Black Planet to everybody, man.
I've never heard of that.
I've never heard of this while I was talking about it.
Black Planet was a website for dating for Black people.
But every now and then, you'll see some white bitches on that motherfucker because they want some niggas.
You get what I'm saying?
You know what I'm talking about.
You know that.
I feel like that wasn't real white girls, though.
You fucking the type of white bitches on Black Planet, they niggas too.
You get what I'm saying?
I had to grow up in my status of getting a white bitch.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, these ain't real white bitches.
These bitches just worse as us.
These bitches, these bitches, EBT card bitches.
A white bitch with an EBT card is dangerous.
And three baby daddies that's all black.
Oh, man.
You a black bitch?
So I was like, man, these ain't real white bitches, man.
I got to step my shit up.
Yeah.
And then when did you step your shit up?
I guess when I get that thing now.
Now?
Now I know what a quality white woman is.
Because before, you know, you just, whatever.
You just doing whatever.
See, I was one of those guys, man.
Detroit is predominantly black.
You know, everybody talks about interracial relationships and all that shit.
And how is motherfucker be attracted to who they're attracted to?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's just something in me.
I was always attracted to white women ever since I was born.
I don't feel bad about it.
You get what I'm saying?
I remember fucking driving past the Catholic schools, seeing that motherfucker let out.
All them bitches come out with that skirt on.
I'm on the bus, going to motherfucking sweeting house to go work, wash dishes and shit, looking at that shit like one day, bitch.
Damn, I had one of you.
This nigga was always horned.
You know, this is the most horny dude.
This is crazy.
And then.
I mean, like I said, it was a hard, because, you know, as a nigga, you got to start out fucking fat white bitches.
Right, right, right, right.
Why is that?
That's the gateway drug?
Because that's what they want.
You know, you got to go with who like you first.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
So if you like white women, as a nigga, you ain't got no money or a place to live.
Yeah.
A fat white bitch is a goal.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
What?
Saving your life.
So many couches I've slept on.
What?
Eating monkeys, all that kind of shit.
Wait, what?
Eating the monkey off.
Yeah, I miss the easy one.
What race has the best sex?
What race fucks the best?
I mean, I wouldn't know, but in my head, I would think all the like the Latina Mexicans, because the come on, my leave.
I think they shit just crazy for some reason.
How'd you not know?
You never tried that?
I never had sex with Latina.
And they don't like me.
Why do you think?
Come on.
You gotta try it again.
I don't live in New York.
That's another thing, too.
Yeah, but you live in Texas.
And I have, I'm a one-woman man.
I have a wife now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I do.
Oh, you're married.
Trying to be.
Trying to.
Try to be dudes.
Listen, you don't have a wife now.
You might have a wife one day.
I want to marry the girl that I'm with now.
And then what's stopping you?
Financial reasons.
Do I believe you?
That's what you gotta tell them.
Like, when I get the money right.
Yeah.
When I get the money right.
Scam likely.
Have you ever thought about having a vagina put in installed?
I don't want to suspect.
Yeah, a below ground pool.
You can climb the ladder for the above ground, but it's just not the same.
Because you can get the inside painted and make it look like a colour.
It's the infinity pool.
That's a joke.
You cannot get the inside of your vagina painted.
That was a pool reference.
Yeah, I mean, I've totally thought about it.
It's like one of my goals for sure.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean, I just don't want to talk for the rest of my life.
And also, too, like devastated.
I know.
You talked about it in first episode, too.
You were like, why would you?
What a gift.
Because you talk, that's you.
But for me, as a fan, I'm like, don't talk.
I want to see that dick print.
I know you do.
I want to see you walk around with these pants on, print it up.
That's what I want to see.
So it's like, I don't.
What's your face?
Your face, body, print, heels.
Jay feels spoken for, bro.
That's what I mean.
No face.
But that's my message to all the shades.
It's like, I don't talk.
Stop talking.
That's real, though.
That's real.
I want to see it.
The print.
I want to see like.
Oh, I was like, you want to, what do you, what do you want to do?
You've already seen it, Derek.
So, and then do you feel a pressure with your follow-up would be, do you feel a pressure with your career that there are so many people that do enjoy the sheenish that it would affect your career negatively if you got the shina that sounds so magical?
That has definitely been a concern of mine, for sure, because you know I don't want to shoot myself in the foot a little like.
Yeah, I know obviously my audience, but my main reason too is like I love having sex.
Yeah, I think all of us love having sex, and if you have had sex with someone who has had anal, you would know that there's like a lot of preparation that goes into it.
So yeah period king, go ahead tell us about it, go on.
Yeah, I'm just saying like you know that digestive system.
Yeah, so it's, it's you gotta.
It's like think about what you Eat.
No, that's tea.
You know what I mean?
Like, for real.
It's real.
It's real.
So it just makes it really hard to have to be dealing with that all the time.
Yeah.
So I would just like to be like a gutter bitch.
Like disgusting.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm eating McDonald's.
I'm going to put it all in my mouth.
And you're going to put your mouth on it.
Because I don't got to clean shit.
Yo.
Oh, I don't got to clean shit.
I'm sorry.
That's the assumption.
And the pussies that get installed, are they like ready to go?
Is there, has been there like new technology?
I'm not just, I'm not really familiar with the, what is it called even?
The surgery.
The bottom surgery?
Yeah, the bottom.
It's called bottom surgery.
So I'm not familiar with that.
Look at our ally over here, our resident ally in the room.
So, so what, like, he's not an ally.
He just studies his enemy.
Friends close, baby.
Daisy, I hear you coming on the podcast.
I don't know.
Mark didn't bring his cross today though.
Tuck that one.
Talk about tuck it.
Okay.
No, no.
So the bottom surgery, like, like all surgeries, these things improve.
Yes.
Right?
Like, you even look at like breasts now compared to like breasts in the 80s.
It's crazy, right?
I mean, 100%.
Yeah.
So it's like, I imagine bottom surgery is drastically improving.
We haven't even talked about our top hat.
It's all great.
We haven't even moved up yet.
We're still down there.
But so I'm like, is there part of you that's like, yo, I'm going to wait because every six months to a year, the pussies get out of the way?
Right.
That's what I've been doing with Macbooks.
You get a new iPhone.
They come out with the new shit.
You had the 2024 pussy on the way.
Yeah.
There's a refurbishment period.
Yes.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
There are, oh, never mind.
I was going to say there are, there are children in workshops.
No.
Sorry, Apple.
Yeah, no, I, I mean, yeah, the technology is obviously getting a lot better.
Improving Breast Augments00:02:25
It depends.
I mean, you just got to go to a good doctor, you know?
Because there, yeah, it's just, it's, you got to go to a good doctor.
I love, I love, I've seen some things.
I've seen some vaginas.
Have you, have you had sex with a bottom surgery?
A trans crawl?
Not with bottom surgery.
So that would be a trans.
Oh, wait a minute.
I feel like that would be a good way to like, like, you know, you test drive a car when you want to get bottom surgery.
Right.
You see which, yo, what doctors you have?
I will say, I have my friend, my friend, Natasia Dreams.
Okay.
See, I knew I have to see their face.
Somebody know my name.
I was like, oh, I knew that would land.
No, she showed me her pussy and it was really fantastic.
Can she feel it?
Immaculate.
Yes.
And it gets wet the same.
Yes.
Wait, how does it get wet?
How does it get wet?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it depends.
What did she just say?
This guy's crazy.
I don't even know what to say after that.
There are different options that you can get.
You can just get a regular vagina.
There's also an option like deluxe.
There's the deluxe.
What's that deluxe?
It's called the sigmoid.
Wow, I'm so medical.
It's called the sigmoid colon version, where they take a bit of your colon and then they use it at the top of your vagina and it helps lubricate more.
Wow, yeah, because they do self-lubricate.
Because, oh, oh, I was like, is that me?
Oh, that's Matasi.
I've seen her.
Yeah, I know you have.
I know you have for sure.
Sure.
Yeah, no, there's like different options.
It depends.
I mean, I don't know how it works because I'm not a doctor, but like some like semen, half of it, like a small percentage of it is sperm, and like the rest is like seminal fluid.
Seminal fluid, yeah.
So like it's all coming from like the same place.
Oh, so they can reroute some seminal fluid.
Yeah, yeah.
And so obviously, like, I don't have a G spot, I wouldn't have a G spot, right?
But they place it where your prostate becomes your G spot.
So then you can orgasm.
Seminal Fluid Facts00:15:10
Yeah.
And then the Japanese broadcast is the only one that's why they cut it out or something?
They cut it out of the US, but Japanese and like Australian didn't have a cut out.
You want to play the Japanese?
Wait a minute.
They pre-recorded it.
You're saying this isn't live?
No, there's like a 15-second delay.
So because everything happened, they just dumped a bunch of you.
You can see Will Smith saying it, but you don't hear it.
But luckily, there's a Japanese broadcast where you can hear the whole thing uncensored.
Have you heard it?
Yes, please translate the Japanese as well, Andrew.
I can do that if you want.
I had no clue because I heard the, I didn't know it was Japanese, but I heard the agent in the background.
Yeah.
Now, do you want to guess before the translator translates what it's going to be in Japanese?
Yeah, I can say exactly what it is.
Okay.
Wow.
Wow.
Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.
Okay.
How do you think that's going to be translated in Japanese?
It's about to come in.
Yeah.
I think it's honey musta.
Honey masta.
Honey musta.
Okay.
That was pretty honestly.
I don't know.
Don't ever say I'm racist.
That was honestly.
Don't ever say I'm racist.
That's a shot.
Don't ever say I'm racist.
Okay.
Did I not just say it?
Did I not just say it?
It's what I do.
It's what I do.
Okay.
A father protects his family.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's what I do.
Oh, shit.
Fuck out of here.
Y'all thought y'all was setting me up to be racist.
And then no.
Well, yes, and then no.
Uh-uh.
Uh-oh.
Go.
Don't ever stop.
You want to keep going?
Yes, I can fucking keep going if you want me to keep going.
Let's see.
Wow, dude.
It was a G.I. Jane joke.
Keep my fight.
G.I. Jane.
Proper name.
G.I. Jane.
No joke about it.
I'm going to.
Okay.
I'm going to.
I'm going to.
Yeah.
Come a cuze.
Okay.
Well, actually, Will is more.
Yeah, he was.
All right, let's see.
Dana White posed on the gram.
Oh, okay.
That's what he was going to.
Yeah, he held back.
That was the funniest part right here.
Greatest night in the history of television.
So we are here to give a documentary out.
To give an Oscar.
That's the best part.
Will had a great tweet when he noticed that.
His nigga was so flustered.
We're here to give a documentary.
We're going to give it out.
We're going to give it the documentary.
It's an NFT, actually.
We're giving this document as an NFT.
That is the best part of that whole shit right there.
He literally said, oh, I could.
You could.
Oh, I would love to know what you could.
Yeah, it would have been awesome.
Nah, he was about to go in.
It was the out-the-mouth thing.
Yeah.
That's what he was about to hit.
Guaranteed.
Keep my wife's name out your mouth.
Keep other dudes out your wife's mouth.
That's what I think the comeback was about.
That would have been so good.
Yeah.
What?
He would have got.
I mean, that would have been good.
I mean, if he said it, it's a grown, and then Chris Rock is an absolute superstar.
The torch sells out the next day.
His torch is probably doing fine.
Maybe.
Hey, Chris Rock.
Maybe he is Chris Rock.
That's a good point.
I'm just saying.
You never know.
Yeah, he would have gone to his all-time great.
I mean, yeah, yeah.
I mean, he's in the shower right now, probably.
Like, God, yeah.
He missed his moment.
I had so many.
He's got lines on it.
Everyone's texting him.
Perfect jokes.
Yeah.
You're the Gen Z, bro.
You know everything about rap music.
I honestly don't know what Kid Cuddy does.
I know he's in movies sometimes, and every time I see him there, and I'm like, he's not famous enough for how bad he is at acting to be here.
What was it?
Hey, can we be honest?
That wedding dress shit, Dennis Robin Ben done.
Ben done it.
Ben done that.
Ben done it.
Yo, that shit is older than screw music.
Yeah, you want to talk about dinosaurs.
You want to talk all this dinosaur talk.
Come on, dog.
Okay?
You did the whole, I'm going to wear a wedding dress for clout thing.
Corny.
Super corny.
Y'all like that?
Wait, that's your hero?
Bro, he was doing Kurt Cobain, your hero.
He's doing that too, dog.
Kurt did it first.
Yeah, he was paying homage.
Stop paying homage.
Stop dick riding.
Stop dick riding.
Oh, I like the energy.
I'll hear dick ride.
I like the energy.
No, for real.
Don't say that.
Yo, why is it that these young millennial white kids love soft-ass black dudes so much?
Because black people are not scared of them.
Why you love emasculated black men?
Why you gotta emasculate black men for them to be famous and successful?
Have you seen where rap music came from?
That's fire.
What are you talking about?
Funk Master Flex wearing like frilly shirts?
They were all super gay back in the day.
No, What are you talking about?
You crazy, bro.
You crazy.
Adidas track suits, dog.
Yeah.
Adidas tracks.
Fuck suits to flex?
Yeah, fuck my face.
I have one picture of NWA in a freaking wedding gown.
That's your screw motherfucker.
You're talking about Grandmaster Flash.
You don't even know their names.
That's his, yo, you just screw music right there.
That's you, dummy.
Real tough.
Now, one picture.
Look at you.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Bro, this is how rap music started.
Nah, nah, nah.
Those guys dressed like the village people, bro.
Let me see.
This is what rap music came from, all right?
And we're just getting back to that.
The truth, the roots.
That's fire.
That's fire.
Every one of them gay bitches, bro.
Bro, they're all wearing leather pants.
That motherfucker's throwing the Capitol, bro.
Every one of them in that goddamn picture was there.
Look at that fucking outfit he's wearing in the front.
That Bud Light.
That guy was there.
Front row.
Stop hating.
Those dudes get pussy.
That's my point.
We're going back to it.
Kid Cuddy gets pussy.
No, Kid Cuddy dresses like he gets fucked.
Yes.
He does.
He is like pussy.
All emotional and sad.
All these black dudes that y'all look up to.
What's going on over here?
There's some racism.
That's agenda.
Real talk.
That's get out.
What?
Y'all are get out.
Y'all get out.
Why do we need black men to be all hyper-masculine?
I need black men to be wherever the fuck they want to be.
Exactly.
Not dressing like white ladies.
Why is that bad?
Yeah.
Why is that bad?
He's dressed like Kirk Cobain.
He's dressing like a white lady.
He's dressed like Kirk Cobain.
Port Cobain was trying to dress like a white lady.
Whatever his fucking name is, bro.
Kurt Cobain was trying to dress like a white lady, dog.
He definitely wasn't dressing like no minority.
He's from fucking Seattle.
Yeah.
Okay.
So he was trying to dress like a white woman.
So that's even worse.
So what?
Kid Cuddy's trying to dress like a white man.
Try to dress like a white woman.
That's double white.
But that's what he wants to do.
That's beautiful.
Be white.
He wants to do that.
That's your hero.
Be original.
Bro, I love Cuddy.
Bro, he won Mad Grammys.
For what?
So did Mecca Lamo.
Daniel.
What's that song about?
Day and night.
That's the day.
The whole day.
You just described the whole fucking day.
Yeah, that's everything.
What?
What?
Everything?
Every day.
You just described every day.
What about it?
Bro, there's day and then.
Day and night.
What else?
The Lonely Stoner seems to.
What's the last words?
Free his mind at night.
Yeah.
The Lonely Stoner.
And why are you including the day in that?
Why'd you say at night?
At night.
At night.
That's how it makes sense.
The Lonely Stoner seems to free his mind at night.
There you go.
See how that makes sense?
You can't even declare that shit.
Seems to.
If you disagree, I understand.
Say what it is, fam.
That's a good point.
Kid Cuddy makes music for people that have been through reality.
He seems to.
Binware.
Benware.
Benware.
I'm going to get it, bro.
It's fucking unbelievable.
It's for people like me and Cuddy that have been through real time.
It's for bachelorette parties.
Every fucking bachelorette party, they're playing that stupid song, Guaranteed.
They relate to this so much.
I'm such a Lonely Stoner.
I need to smell weed to go to sleep at night.
Yo, yo, yo, right?
Soft.
He's unoriginal, dog.
Everything about this guy has been done.
He's an angsty white guy in a black guy body.
He dressed like Herco Bain.
He dressed like the Madonna or the fucking Dennis Robin wedding dress.
What's original about this man?
Tell me something.
Mark.
You don't know anything about him.
That's a white thing to say.
That's what he said.
You understand me?
Yes.
We do understand you.
We do understand you.
You're not that interesting.
If you have to wear a dress, you're not that interesting.
If you have to ever put on a dress, style over substance.
You're not that interesting.
Simple as that.
Mark, rebuttal?
Rebut?
Feel free to rebut.
Don't worry.
Why?
Because you have no rebuttal.
When you come back, it's just dumb.
Yeah, bro.
It's just dumb, bro.
I'm just saying, bro.
Do something interesting.
Be a vampire.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, Playboy Cardi, I get it.
Playboy Cardi is a fucking legend, dude.
This guy's the truth.
This guy makes music.
That's original.
Vamp life.
Wow.
That was good.
That was good right there.
Come on, son.
Yo, y'all gotta learn more about the next generation.
You're not out here, bro.
Vampi.
Vampi.
All you gotta do is pull the cookie.
Pull the jacket over.
Pull the jacket off.
Vamp life.
Vampi!
It's vamp life for life.
And you know what?
It's gonna be long life because we vampires.
We don't die out there.
Vamp life.
Vamp life.
Kid Cuddy ain't got no vamp life.
Kid Cuddy don't even gotta call somebody.
Kid Cuddy can't even engage his fans.
How do Kid Cuddy?
How does he engage his fans?
What does he do?
Everybody, unite.
What does Kid Cuddy do to unite all his fans?
What could he possibly do?
Nothing, bro.
Nothing.
What could he possibly do?
I was just laughing.
Describe how the world revolves around the sun.
Day and night, bro.
What does he do?
How does Kid Cuddy bring them all together?
He's not Playboy Cardi.
He'll never be Playboy Cardi.
Never, ever in his life.
I wish Kid Cuddy would come up to Playboy Cardi talking shit.
I wish he would come up to us to vamps talking shit.
Come up here, Kid Cuddy, talking shit.
I swear to God.
I swear to fucking God.
I'm not playing no more with Kid Cuddy, bro.
If he comes for us one more time, it's on.
It's literally on, bro.
I swear to God, I smell blood in his fucking veins.
What do you do when you smell blood?
I want to suck it out.
I want to fucking suck it out.
Where are you going to suck it from?
Literally, I can feel my canines growing just because I'm getting so angry trying to defend my Lord and save your dad.
You really dressed up like Kyl Dracula for this shit too, son.
It's fire, the hair, and everything.
I'm not playing around right now, Al.
I'll fucking bite you.
I'll fucking bite you.
You thought that big-ass collar is going to stop me from getting at that neck?
Is that what you thought?
I'm not ready for Vampire.
I'm not there yet.
Okay, final thoughts on what she wants to do.
Somebody finally said, Kanye is a genius.
Okay?
Playboy Cardi is the GOAT.
Okay?
Kid Cuddy is a nobody.
A nobody.
All right.
Okay.
And that's it.
Name four songs from Kid Cuddy.
What about Pete?
Pete Davidson?
Yeah.
Stop bullying Pete, yo.
Yeah.
You ain't doing nothing wrong but come on your wife.
Okay, oh my god.
Or in or in.
Possibly.
Possibly.
What's got me?
Come on there.
Why you mad?
Why you mad?
Big ass dick just going to town on your wife?
Who cares, bro?
Wow, you get up.
I will say this seriously.
Pause that shit.
I will say it seriously.
If, if, but if Pete comes from Playboy Cardi's ex that's crossed on a line.
What's that girl's name?
Iggy Zalia.
Igazalia.
Send that.
Vamp's not having that.
Vamps are not having that.
That's not if you want to be a vampire.
You went after the palest bitch on earth.
Ain't that funny?
What a fucking bomb.
I just.
Yo, I saw you trying and I was like, oh, no.
I was ready, dude.
I was ready to fucking go, dude.
But can we move on from Kid Cutter?
Guys, in all seriousness, can we actually take this serious?
Yeah, in all seriousness, can we take this serious?
Yeah.
Okay, there's truckers in Canada.
The truckers haven't even moved.
How are you going to pivot?
The truckers in Canada haven't even moved.
What?
Stupid.
No, this is an important transition.
The truckers are just standing there.
Okay, the cars aren't even moving.
Being racist.
Do you know how confusing this is to the Muslim world that they're not running over innocent people?
They're just sitting there.
Do you know they're just sitting there?
What?
You know, Cuddy made a compilation album where every song goes into the next one perfectly.
So did he just do that?
I feel like we could use that a little bit.
He made an album where what happens?
Every song goes perfect is a compilation album.
In on the moon, it's just like every song goes right into that.
Like that's never been done before.
I'm just saying, it's brilliant.
It hasn't really been done in hip-hop like that.
You can say ramp hop like that.
You can use that on this king go.
We go and transition, transition along the way.
Yeah, that just transitioned perfectly.
It just transitioned perfectly into the next topics, which is the truckers.
Who have been moved starting this weekend and arrested?
Yeah.
Wait, what?
They're not arrested.
We got to go say that.
They moved them, though.
They moved them.
Wait, what?
What did you just say?
I swear to God, did you really just tell me this?
Did they start to get bigger?
They can't get bigger, bro.
They can get no bigger.
I swear to God.
Are they coming after my drug?
Are they coming after my drug?
Are they coming after my drucker?
Are they bigger coming after my drug?
Yeah, they are.
Is this Playboy Cardi?
What?
This is Playboy Cardi.
This is from his first album.
What's it called?
It's from his first album.
What is this called?
The Long Night.
Bro, the Long Night.
The Long Night.
It's called Day and Night.
Yeah, yeah.
The Long Night.
This is from Playboy Cardi's first album, Posthumous, because he's dead.
Playboy Cardi Album00:03:14
He's a vampire.
That's true.
And dude, it's fire.
Dude, he's the best, bro.
He's the fucking best.
What is your favorite Playboy Cardi song?
You know what?
I just know when I feel it, I just love it.
I don't even ask for that.
You just feel it in your soul.
You just move.
What is your favorite Playboy Cardi song?
I don't know.
I can't ask how about black music.
Shooter.
Shoot it?
That's what I came out to.
For the last like song.
I remember recommending that to you.
Yeah.
Chifty, what's your favorite Playboy Cardi song?
Vampim.
Vamp Anthem.
Oh, yeah.
Mine too.
I love that one.
Yo, Vampantham is fucking sick.
That should be making me go crazy, dog.
What?
You want to know the Vamp Anthem?
Yo, hit Vampam Anthem real quick.
I'll sing along to it.
You ready to bust it?
You ready to bust it?
Bram, Stokers.
That's all I got, baby.
Well, everybody wanted it to be on the tonight show, so you made your own tonight show.
Look at this.
For you.
You got fucking stage lighting and shit.
This is hilarious.
But you kind of did this.
That's the thing.
But I didn't.
He's just doing that so you don't think it's a bad idea anymore.
Exactly.
This is your idea.
He doesn't mean that.
He said, no, this is all you.
What did I do?
I didn't do any of this.
Yeah, you did nothing.
You did absolutely nothing.
No responsibility whatsoever.
Joe, we have a little bit of a debate that needs to be settled.
Oh.
Because the last time we all hung out, Mark was with us after the fight.
You remember we went to the fight?
In Phoenix.
In Phoenix.
And we sat down at a great steak restaurant.
They gave me shit for this, first off.
And you push or something.
No, no, no, no.
We thought it could be worse.
Okay, we're sitting down.
You get the tomahawk.
Yes.
Okay.
Everybody else looks at the menu and they look at the most expensive thing and they go, I'll just do one below that out of respect for Joe, who's going to pay for this dinner, as you always do.
Oh, I see.
What are you doing?
Mark?
Why are you doing this?
Joe goes, it's sitting like this.
It goes, Joe, and then Mark.
And then Joe goes, oh, the tomahawk.
And then Mark doesn't even wait for the waiter to come over.
He goes, double it up.
What a bad.
I trust you guys.
Double it up.
That's a good move.
I don't see where there's a problem.
Thank you.
It's an expensive steak.
Oh, you don't think Joe can do that?
You don't think Joe's got it?
We're having fun.
Come on, bro.
You can't think like that.
You can't think like that.
You cannot think like that.
Andrew, you've been hanging out with me too long.
Yeah, I think that's an idea.
Yeah, you said it super nasally right there.
So they can jewel it up for Joe on the show.
You should never think like that.
It's just a restaurant.
You're not buying Ferraris.
Yeah.
You know?
But we go steaks.
You're going buying steaks for people?
Who gives a fuck?
You're supposed to drink, have fun, order wine.
Have a good time.
Yeah.
Now, Mark was a little disappointed that you didn't finish your steak, bro.
Okay, all right.
I didn't say it like that.
No, you did say it like that.
You did.
Robert Moses Real Estate00:14:58
No, no, no.
I'm the kicked him guy, and you were like, I finished it.
And I thought about finishing his.
I didn't know it was.
I thought we were just having fun.
I left a couple of pieces of meat.
You did bring it up.
You were like, man, you know, I could do two of these easy.
And I was like, all right, well, if you're going for it, I'm going to go for it.
And then I did not say I could do two of these.
No, come on.
No, you fucking people have the weirdest things you focus on.
What do you mean, you people?
You people.
You got this crew of people.
You're focusing on how much a steak cost.
That's it.
And then how much did you eat?
Did you eat it all?
You didn't eat it all.
I can't wait a month to talk about it.
Oh, when it gets on, the first thing you want to talk about is how much he ate a month ago.
Fuck is wrong with you guys.
You changed this into like a regular studio.
You've abandoned all the rules of podcasting.
That's right.
We have.
New York was so poorly planned as a city.
Yeah.
And even like the suburbs are so poorly planned.
Talk about it.
You would think that people would recognize the value of being on the water and then buy up the real estate and then maintain that real estate for themselves because this is the most beautiful view and everything is great here.
In New York, the water is like littered with projects, a fucking highway on one Manhattan alone.
There's a highway on one side, a highway on the other side.
So you're not, you're on there, but you're seeing traffic and fucking honking.
It's nice that you can hop on the Westside Highway or you can hop on the FDR.
It can be convenient, but at the same time, like if you're a developer, like put it fucking underneath, like in Chicago or something.
Then you go out to Rockaway.
There's projects on the beach.
Great for them.
There's a whole section from maybe like 20th to 60 of nothing.
And then nothing.
You can make a building in like a bunch of buildings in that space or condos, whatever.
Just nothing there.
Hasn't been developed.
It's disgusting.
Why do these poor people get the view?
What's wrong with this?
It's disgusting.
Seeing poor people looking at water.
I hate when it comes to it.
His people displaced him.
He does that.
It's gross.
I hate when you do that.
These fucking poor people, why do they get it?
You know what I'm saying?
It's such a cuck thing to do.
It's such a cucky thing to do.
You know what I mean?
We're trying to argue like guys with jobs.
I'm just saying, I agree.
I agree.
I blame his people.
They displaced us out of Manhattan.
Fucking the Scots.
The guy, it wasn't, it was.
It was Moses, his people.
No, no, no.
Oh, yeah, it definitely.
No, it was Robert Moses.
I mean, we would take that.
My people stopped him.
Wait, really?
Yeah, that is true.
Fire Island.
Boom!
What do you mean, my people?
Fire Islanders.
Yeah.
Well, my people are Fire Islanders.
Isn't it mostly gay men or Fireball?
Mostly, but that doesn't mean it's all.
The rainbows are your people?
Yeah, I'm a rainbow.
It's the LGBT community.
I'm the LGBTQ community, but I'm a Fire Islander, and Robert Moses wants to put that highway right through Fire Island.
We said, eh, eh.
Yeah, nothing's going through us.
Yeah, facts.
Facts.
Facts only.
Robert Moses is a wild boy.
You said facts.
Yes.
Sorry, guys.
Yes.
My bad.
You question whether Moses is going to be your people?
You guys claim everybody.
He claims everybody.
Do you don't know this one?
Iconic developer.
Whoa.
Wild boy, though.
Yeah.
Wild motherfucker.
I will say I remember really wanting a water view in New York.
And then after we went to Miami and looked at that water and then came back, I have an apartment now with Waterview.
And I'm like, this is the ugliest motherfucking water.
I'm looking at the Hudson.
I'm like, this doo-doo-ass water I'm looking at.
That's a runway, basically.
The fucking Hudson.
It's incredible.
I mean, if we could redesign Manhattan, clearly it would be different.
But when he made it, though, it wasn't like, oh, it's a bunch of rich people all hanging out.
It was like, oh, let's come here and try to get money and focus on this one little like part in Lower Manhattan, right?
Yeah, and then we need like a place to store the poor so that they can come into work.
Yeah.
Let's just give them the best beachfront property that exists.
Like what fucking idiot developer looks at beachfront and goes now a bark size.
Tell you, bro.
Thank you, dog.
They sound like Robert Moses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'm saying like, what?
Let's put him on the beach.
Come on.
Listen, the point I'm trying to make here is a developer.
That'd be a great episode of Seinfire.
Robert Moses designed for.
What would you do?
You're up my ass, Jerry.
I'm trying to put him on the beach.
What's wrong with the beach?
You know what's so funny?
This is my.
Keep going, What does your dad do, bro?
What?
Yeah.
What does he do?
You tell us?
He's a real estate agent.
Where does he put the houses?
He doesn't build houses.
He's not a developer.
He's a real estate agent.
Wait, what?
Wait, I actually don't get the flip, though.
No, no, no, no.
You need to say so, bro.
You know.
Yeah.
He is not a developer.
Well, he takes advantage of the development.
What do you mean?
What?
He's like just an agent?
He manages a real estate company.
What do they do?
They sell houses to people.
And then the good ones?
The good of who?
The good houses are where?
In certain areas?
I mean, the wealthy parts of France and your.
That was his choice?
No.
Selling it to whoever wants to buy it.
Paris was built like 300 years ago.
Yeah, you kind of.
That's not bad.
He's like a huge house.
That's how you do it.
Why is it that?
I really thought you had him.
You made me question what my own dad did.
I was like, is my dad Robert Moses?
Oh, no.
I didn't think he's developing, but I think he recognizes the property value and then can profit off of it.
Okay, so then what's wrong with your dad would agree with me?
You'd be like, what the fuck is that project doing on the water?
I thought your dad just gave presentations.
Yeah, that's really all he does, actually.
I mean, he's like a manager.
He tries to inspire the brokers.
Go sell houses.
There's maybe something there.
There's got to be a little silver beast on property argument.
Come on.
Does this not make any sense?
There's a little shoreline on the argument.
I'm telling you.
If you're selling the property in the high-value places, he's not giving it up.
This is out of the schedule.
Come on.
Hold on, hold on.
So if you're selling it.
No.
Mom just spun cycling.
No, no, but am I not making sense?
No, you definitely decided.
I see what you're trying to say, but it's not.
It's not the drug dealer's fault.
It's the drug makers.
Come on.
You're still part of the, you're still part of the supply chain.
We know what you're saying.
I'm trying to say it's just not his fault.
He's fit it, nigga.
He's spent it.
Let's put a bet on this argument, all right?
You guys know what time it is.
It's time for the spin cycle.
I still think I'm right.
Oh, man.
How am I wrong?
I still think I'm right.
Explain to me how I'm wrong.
He's taking part of the system.
Where the rich people push the poor people out so that they can put their places in the nice places.
Just because you're a part of capitalism doesn't mean you're complicit with all the bad parts.
Come on, bro.
He killed you.
He killed you with that shit.
Wait, why?
Because he just brought up a great counterpart.
Which is.
Just because you're a part of capitalism doesn't mean you're complicit in all the ill shit that's going on.
Not all of it, but just the part that you're profiting off of.
If you make money off, I don't, first of all, I don't think this is bad.
I'm not making a judgment.
But you guys are saying, but you guys are saying that what I'm saying is ridiculous.
A developer would probably want the good.
Come on.
I got.
Wait, you get upset.
It's so funny.
I just don't know how I'm wrong.
It's driving me crazy.
Totally.
Inside, he's like, come on, guys.
Let me just get it out.
I said that outside.
I was inside.
I said it outside.
The best real estate agents sell the best property.
Where's the best property?
By the fucking water.
Oh God.
Right?
Yes.
Yes, you're right.
He's holding the bar.
I'm holding him up because I feel like you guys are not being honest.
Yes.
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
If he sells real estate, he's complicit in the system that's designed.
He's not complicit.
Part of it.
He's part of this system.
He's the part.
Okay, hey.
He's part of this system.
Miles saved Akash on that one.
I got no laugh.
And then we heard a little squeaking.
Hey, speaking of bombing, why don't you finish your point?
I wasn't trying to be funny.
I wasn't trying to be funny.
But you're saying he's a part of it too.
He's a part of the problem.
It's not a problem.
I'm saying get him out.
He's a part of whatever he's mocking you for.
He's no different than this.
Fuck, I dug too deep in it.
I am right.
I am right.
You technically are awful.
No, you're not wrong.
Yeah, you just thought it was such a fucking haymaker.
That's why we were kind of like, yeah.
I fucking bobbled that.
It is.
I bobbled it crazy.
You bobbled it.
I bobbed it crazy.
George, you bobbled it.
But it's not wrong.
I just didn't know how to articulate it.
Yeah, you just got too hyped.
I thought I had like a fucking game over.
Yeah.
And then it became funnier to just trash everything I said.
Well, you don't have to think about it this much.
You have to deconstruct why you bombed.
Fuck, man.
I thought I had it, too.
I thought I had it.
I thought Mark was doing his socialist thing, and I was like, oh, here you go.
I was doing a situation.
Go be depressed.
Go back to being depressed, you son of an idea.
Oh, God.
Come on, Jerry.
Fuck you all, man.
Try to give him the beach front.
They call me Robert Moses.
Kramer busts in.
Let's build more beach.
Everyone's like, that's a great idea.
The beach is where you want to be.
Everyone wants to be on the beach.
Let's make two peaches.
Every day, guys.
Listen.
I'm not leaving.
Let's drain.
Let's drain the ocean.
I'm not leaving.
We drain the ocean.
There's projects on the beach.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
If we were to redesign at least Manhattan, there's no park in the middle.
Put the park around on the water.
Where do the poor people go?
In the middle.
The ocean.
Where it's hot.
Yes, in the ocean, man.
No, Mark.
No.
No.
This is the best birthday present you could have got.
Happy birthday, Mark.
Happy birthday, Mark.
Happy birthday.
Son.
Motherfucker.
That was a heavy load on that spit cycle.
That shit was courageous.
I'm not done.
Sorry, son.
We're not done.
We're not done.
Son, don't close it shrunk right now, bro.
That's why you answer like that, bro.
Your pants have been through this good cycle a whole lot.
Oh, my cool.
That is so.
That was so funny.
Listen, I don't know what to say.
Listen, I don't know what to say.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what to say, but I know.
I know for a fact.
I know for a fact that if you had a house somewhere and they built a project next to it, I honestly hope you all invest in real estate and they build a fucking project next to all, every single and I hope it's Mark's dad that builds it.
I hope Mark's dad builds a project next to both of you.
I hope that.
I genuinely hope and believe that that will happen to both of you.
I hope that.
I hope that I hope your income goes to zero and you're poor.
I hope you just fucking shrink two and a half inches for no reason one day, lose two and a half inches of height for no reason one day.
What do you wish for me out of nowhere?
Oh, you'll get your wish tonight.
Happy birthday, okay.
And then miles, fuck you.
Okay, I was out of the spin cycle.
You had to give Akash that one fucking laugh and then I was right back in all on Akash, Jesus.
I hope everybody at home enjoyed that.
Five bucks a month, dog.
We gotta raise the prices.
We gotta raise the prices because this is too much abuse.
I can't take this much abuse for only five dollars a month.
Oh my god, all right.
Fucking Christiano, or something.
We peaked too early Jerry, a dude in the ocean, listen.
So we did a cool vlog out there and uh, but we could use some redeveloping guys.
I don't know what to, I don't even want to look at any of you.
How would you redesign New York?
I really want to know.
Very simple, okay, he got too greedy.
He got too greedy.
He got it with the first one shifty, but he got too greedy.
Um this yeah, bring it up.
Bring it up.
Beach all around the water.
Well, it's already there.
Crazy concept, okay, Central Park gone, what is it?
Nobody goes buildings.
Okay, poor people, poor people.
Okay, they could be poor, they could be rich, it really doesn't matter to me.
At that point, we need to be in Manhattan.
Let's just send them out.
Well, that was the original idea.
That's why it looks like Four Rock Away, though that's rich people.
Greedy Developers And Parks00:15:04
Hit them in fucking.
You know what I mean where?
Long Island, Staten Island, Staten Island there, where they are in the middle of Staten Island, they are just, they are there.
They are there, far rock, the closest beach to Manhattan.
What about?
Filled with the poor?
Put them in Corona, not in a bad way, not even in a bad way.
You had said it, I said it can't say that it's very uh low yeah, and black no, it's not black.
No, it's not as mixed, really.
Yeah yes, you thought it was black the whole time.
That's crazy.
No, your miles is showing.
Or underground what about underground miles?
I'm sorry.
Okay, keep going.
This is gonna tough me.
I gotta put more sauce on it.
That shit's crazy.
That is crazy.
My internal miles are showing.
That's funny.
Okay miles, they can say nothing wrong about you, bro.
Yeah, these motherfuckers can say nothing wrong about you.
Crazy, okay.
Jesus Christ, are we still looking at Manhattan, right?
Anything else you guys want to talk about these pieces of cunt lip?
Come on.
Can we talk about it?
What's going on in your life, Andrew?
Listen, tell us about that.
What's stressing you out?
Anything?
You motherfuckers, bro.
You, motherfucking Jesus.
The fact your hair is falling apart.
He's got like walk of shame.
No, because there's too much real anger.
Blast me through the wall.
I don't want to get.
I don't want to cut out and fucking dwarf.
Okay, what else are we going to talk about?
Fucking, you were obsessed with cereal, dog, and non is free.
You were obsessed with that.
I was.
I was.
I figured it out.
I figured that he did it.
Wait, really?
I solved it.
I did a map.
You've settled with that?
You did a map.
Don't get me.
I printed out a map.
Who's on the map?
I listened.
There's a lot of.
There's a lot of redevelopment that couldn't do it in Pennsylvania.
Let me tell you that.
No, I think that Adnan.
Do people even care?
I think people cared.
Do you remember it?
Yeah.
I remember it.
You were too young.
I didn't listen to Cerebral.
I listened to it.
When did you listen?
I listened to it the first time around, and then I listened to it in like 2017.
You were old enough the first time around.
Or re-listen to it.
It's so good.
It was unbelievable.
Didn't you create a whole map in a entire map and we did the times and everything.
But you really did?
100%.
He absolutely did it.
100%.
He actually made a map.
Yes, I swear to God.
It's like the red rope.
I printed out a map that was the size of the green thing back here, minimum.
When did you do this?
As it was coming out, week by week.
Five years ago?
Yeah.
Where you also have a bunch of people?
More than that.
It was more than that.
It was way more than that.
It was also so eliminated.
No, no, no, no.
I was absolutely.
He was absolutely.
And there was another thing going on that I can't talk about.
Oh, okay.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Extreme boredom and depression.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
From a different thing.
Okay, this broke, fucking son of a bitch.
Okay.
Everything's falling apart.
Everything's apart.
He's ripping this shit.
Let me tell you something.
Bro, you got him at a metal fork, and that should have been a bit of a damn thing.
Can I tell you guys something that I actually mean?
Mark's father's a murderer.
He's a war criminal.
He's a murderer.
This guy bombed a wedding.
He's murdered me today, okay?
He's added another body.
If you are wondering what he has killed, he has killed me.
Okay?
I just want everybody to be incredibly clear.
Take that out of his hand, bro.
Why?
What do you think I'm going to do with this?
I like those.
Those are good.
What do you mean you like that?
You don't need to destroy it.
Well, you think I just squeeze it so fucking hard out of anger?
This started so positive and so happy.
I'm so fucking infuriated.
Miles was not on your side.
Of course he's not, bro.
Yes, that's like an asshole.
I do the whole fucking podcast in a profile.
I was like, Mark, let me help you.
Let me help you.
Hey, there you go.
Keep it in that angle right there, and I'll do the entire podcast just like this.
Given my facial features, a profile is obviously the best way to film me.
If we could do anything to improve my confidence right now, it would be film me in a profile as my nose hits the other side of the screen.
Yeah, that looks good.
They're going to build a project on your nose.
Mark, shut the fuck up.
Mark, shut the fuck up.
Okay?
My dad's just been convicted, bro.
Fuck that guy.
Listen.
Listen.
Alex, Alex, fuck you.
Sorry, this is.
You could have killed me.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, Alex.
Okay?
How about trying to swing back?
Yo, fuck you, right?
Listen, fuck you.
Fuck Mark.
Fuck Mark's dad.
Fuck Mark's whole family.
Okay?
Piece of shit.
Fuck Miles, to be honest.
Fuck Miles.
Miles is out of the ring of protection.
He's completely out of the ring of protection.
Miles is that he was in for a good two weeks.
He's completely out.
Oh, fuck.
Okay?
Fuck you.
Oh, fuck.
But fuck Alex.
Mostly fuck you.
Mostly fuck you for even growing up there so we have to talk about this.
If you didn't fucking grow up there, okay, then we wouldn't be talking about that.
Why was I poor?
Fuck.
Listen.
Poor with a view like that.
Man, life is so hard with my beachfront property.
Oh, God.
I have to join a gang.
It's so hard.
I can't boogie board all day.
What an asshole you are.
You could be boogie boarding all day.
You want to break in white women?
Yes, you did.
You piece of shit.
In Richard, you piece of shit.
This kid's Hawaiian, and he chooses to join a gang and carry a fucking button around him.
It was busy stuff.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Privilege you grew up with.
Privilege.
I'm living on the second floor of a 4,000 square foot.
Look at a building.
Look at buildings and cars and honking.
You got seagulls flying.
And then on weekends, you got to go out to Long Island to see on the beach roll like this.
Oh, you didn't need to be hateful, bro.
You didn't need to be hateful, bro.
Leave it in.
You didn't need to be hateful.
Miles, you're back in the circle.
Let's go.
Leave it in, Miles.
But cancel it out.
Oh, Miles.
I said I was racist 30 years ago.
Miles ago.
You're going to show it.
You're going to be.
You called you break.
The whole ship's going down.
The whole ship's going down.
We're going to burn the whole building.
George Dad is going to rebuild on top of Phil League.
Okay?
Listen, you leave that fucking thing.
Remember, you call you a racist?
Women, Claude?
If you leave it in, make me racist.
Miles.
If you leave it, it proves my boy.
Miles.
Remember when you were talking about those people and how they talk about us?
No, no, no.
I was on your team for a second.
Remember, you said to me, those people always talk about you.
In their views, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Remember that Miles?
You're on your team for a second.
You are on my team.
You're on my team.
You're a mom.
Come on.
You're in the family business.
God made it this way.
You remember?
Blonde-haired, blue-eyed fucking geniuses, bro.
I like that.
I got stayed so quiet.
He don't want no jacket.
You're seeing him pulling you into it.
You're right.
You're right.
See what they do.
Miles, you see what they do?
We have to be so loud, right?
Come on.
We have to be so loud.
I know.
Come on.
Give you a little jab.
We just aren't.
Slap boxes.
Let's slap boxes.
You started it, to be honest.
I was trying to be on either side.
You did one thing that killed me, bro.
You said some shit like, maybe you could use that.
Oh, yeah.
It's like, I think there's something there.
I care about that.
That was hateful.
That was hateful.
I had a bad example.
I had a bad example.
Yeah.
But it was right.
Yo, the more I think about it.
That shit was kind of off, dude.
I know.
It was a little bit off.
But it was on, but it was all.
It had the right words.
Yes.
It had the right words.
Some of the words moved up.
Hey, the meeting was wrong with the right words.
Exactly.
It was a simile.
It followed the spirit of the law.
Yeah.
That's what it was all about.
Okay.
Motherfucker, I was catching strays, son.
Yo, Miles came in.
Molly came into Yammy.
Shifty snickered through the speaker.
Oh, I hate that ass crazy argument.
I had that assistant.
You just got Miles a boner right now.
God damn, man.
His dick was like a stickers, bro.
Got the veins.
Hey, don't talk to my man like that.
I got you guys to talk to my man like that.
Don't talk about it like that.
That's crazy.
Miles, you get hard to whatever you want to get hard to.
You get hard to whatever you want to get hard to, my boy.
Like, people who like Trump are like, what a great interview.
People who don't like Trump is like, you were doing softballs.
It's like, I know nothing about politics.
Like, how deep can I do?
The first question was a hard ball.
Yeah.
But it was the compliment, man.
Yeah, yeah.
So it was surreal.
I'd never been to the White House.
The whole White House kind of mid or what?
No, I liked it.
Really?
Yeah, I'm like one of those weird, like, history.
How old are you?
38.
You're using mid, huh?
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
That's crazy.
We've actually been trying to work on his vernacular.
We've been trying to ask you.
Why is he crazy?
That's young.
I think you're smart.
What is mid?
Mid means like not good.
Somebody came up to me and said it the other day.
And I was like, what is that?
I didn't expect to hear, but it was like a teenager.
It was a teenager.
Yeah, yeah.
But you use it, right?
Like, you don't buy shorts or like mid-cause I guess.
I use it like, where is it?
It's in the middle.
No, not that way.
No, I'm a, I like the White House.
I'm kind of like a buck.
Was the White House like a mid?
Have they been on you about that?
No, no, but it's pretty lit.
Like, exactly.
It's funny because he gets every type of thing wrong.
Like, all the vernacular doesn't know anything.
I think he maybe used it right.
No, I just didn't expect it.
He did.
And now we've been trying to help him with it.
And then the one time he gets it right, you come in and go, fuck you.
Because I'll still do it.
That's still.
Like, it's new.
I shouldn't do it anymore.
No, you're also going to use like cap, which he's going to find.
So please.
I use cap.
Yeah.
Like, so I do that.
I do that BFF thing with like, so they'll throw words.
And I'm like, I don't know.
I'll just start using it.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because listen, it's the holidays, okay?
It's the holidays.
You're going to be sucking on candy, canes, eating gingerbread, cookies, pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, all these other things, thinking you're not going to get your dick up, but you are.
And you know what's going to help you do it?
That's that blue chew.
Same active ingredient that's inside Viagra Seattle, but this is the chew.
This is the one that's got you lit up for the holidays.
Lit up?
It's Hanukkah, baby.
Okay.
This is that ninth candle.
You got those eight candles, but this is the ninth.
If you need to take care of business, Blue Chew has got your back.
Okay.
If it's Christmas, if it's New Year's, it don't matter how saucy you are.
Blue Chew has got your back.
And this is what you need by your side.
Little packet that's on you, no matter what happens.
New chick, uh-oh, need a surpriser, need to drop off something super, need to drop off something marvelous, extravagant, need to do the best work of my life.
Blue Chew's got your back.
Not only that, they got your back for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
That's right.
You get your first month of Blue Chew free.
The first month of the best dick of your life free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
When you go to bluechew.com and make sure you use the promo code flagrant, think about that.
That's a gift that keeps on giving.
Okay.
Bluechew.com, promo code flagrant.
You have a Merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, and a happy New Year's.
Now let's get back to the shit.
You lied to me in fucking Mexico.
Whoa, what did I lie to you about?
What did I lie to you about?
Because everyone's coming, don't get me fucking liquor, right?
And you bring me a drink.
I go, I'll get what you drink.
What's about to happen?
Is great.
Please tell me.
Yeah, no, this is great.
This is my love.
Never backfired with you.
I feel like when you tell us, tell them what happened in Mexico.
Tell them what happened in Mexico.
In Mexico, okay?
Yeah.
Everyone's like, tell them what happened.
Look at this face, dude.
This acting, bro.
Okay, go, go, go.
I'm fucking serious.
No, you're in the Pineapple Express.
I know.
Go ahead.
Let me start over, dude.
In Mexico.
Yeah.
All right.
In Mexico, all the people we work with were telling him, don't get him alcohol.
Don't get an alcohol, right?
Oh, wow.
So there was an open bar, right?
And he goes, the only thing I already know is to not get it.
And you look at me, you go, what do you want to drink?
I have the same thing you're having.
You went to the fucking thing, you had liquor, and you gave me some weird sprite thing that had no liquor in it.
Right.
What a fuck.
Wow.
How dare he save your life?
But I'm already in the disease.
I'm going to get it anyway.
I'm not going to support it.
Not going to support it.
Not going to support it.
Yeah.
If I relapse, Andrew.
Love me.
Andy Schultz.
Yes.
If I relapse.
What do you think?
Dude, he got mad at me.
How do you get mad at me?
So mad at me for not giving him liquidity.
What do you think love is, Bob?
This is what addiction is.
Is that why you stayed in that relationship so long?
Dude.
Oh, no, I got shot.
Don't fight.
Sit down.
Sit down.
I don't want your fucking life to come off to get my home.
I love you.
That's what you fucking texted me, you fuck.
You got up like a transformer.
Bro, transformer.
Yeah.
Bro, that's the guy.
That's the guy going, look at that guy going, that's the dude going, looking around.
Where is he looking?
He's back in front of the camera.
Oh, my God.
So proof is in the pudding that I did the right thing in Mexico.
Did I not?
Yes, dude.
And you know why this whole thing started?
He got into a fight with me, yelled at me.
Drake Transformer Moments00:15:55
Yelled at me for not getting him booze.
Bobby's the only transformer that's more dangerous as a car, though.
Dude, can you be funny, dude?
Oh my God.
Oh, my God.
That's so fucking funny.
Watch out.
He's turning back into a beetle.
That's really funny.
Fuck me.
This dude relapsed in Mexico, got mad that I didn't serve him booze, and then the breaking point was got drunk on his own.
Got drunk on his own.
No, you started this.
But in the hotel room, don't talk about that.
I'm absolutely going to tell the hotel room.
Say it.
What happened?
Got drunk.
Well, he's sober now.
So we're actually, and we're happy.
We're not using it.
I'm not using this against him at all.
And he knows that.
But he got drunk without me.
Yeah.
You went behind my back and did it anyway because I was trying to like, I walked into the room and then he left and got booze, didn't you?
What day of the week was this?
Wednesday or Thursday.
Wednesday or Thursday.
Oh my God.
And then you threw up all over the place, right?
In my hotel room.
In his hotel room.
And then I came to the door the next day because he wouldn't answer his phone.
And what did you greet me with?
Pooh.
Pooh.
He had shit all over his hands.
Oh, my God, dude.
But because you were having fun with the fucking poo.
You just had to surf.
Pooh.
Yeah, yeah.
He's fine.
He answers the door.
With poop on his hands.
And then he goes, there's droll up all over the chairs.
Yeah, yeah.
It was insane.
I was so drunk.
And I had poo all over.
I don't know why.
There was poo everywhere.
I had poo all over my hands, vomit everywhere.
I had a vomit beard.
And I came, I go, poo.
You know, he's like, we got to go home.
We got to go home.
We got to go.
You guys left Mexico.
That was our second to last day.
Second to last day.
We had to do one more show.
We got up in there for the last show.
Yeah.
But my show was good.
It was the money.
It was the most.
No, you know what was funny, though?
That was the last day he ever fucked her.
I mean, he knew that was it.
That was it.
It doesn't get lowered.
I think he did it on purpose.
It does.
But I stopped at that.
Yeah.
I just think he knew it was over.
I think I knew it was over.
I can't continue because I don't want to lose everything.
Oh, yeah.
You could just feel things slipping away.
And then when I get real serious with him, would you say what you say?
Joke again.
I didn't miss it.
Would you say?
It's okay, Andy.
Would you say?
Nothing.
I'm not a good actor.
All right.
Okay, but you were saying.
No, I'm sober now.
That's good.
Santina, you're saying when you get real serious.
He knows when I get, he knows when I'm actually being serious.
Yeah.
I got real serious in Mexico, and then it was like the end.
Yeah.
It was the end.
We both knew it was like, it's not going to happen.
But Santino gives you a long leash.
He does.
Yeah, yeah.
He's very patient.
But you know what?
He's very patient with you.
I want to say something that is not funny.
It's real.
You know, I have come to understand and feel that he is one of my best friends.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I regret saying it, but that's how I feel.
It was still kind of shitty.
It was, I finally come to understand he's one of 20 years.
Third circle.
Third circle, third circle.
Yeah, Third circle by myself.
Yeah, so this man loves you.
I love him as well.
I know he knows you love him.
But do you know that he loves you?
I do.
That's a question.
I really do because there's a, you know, you can be loved.
I know, and I'm accepting it.
I accept a lot.
It sounds like it.
I feel love here.
A lot of love here.
We do love here.
Yeah, I feel when I walk in here, when I lock eyes with you, it's like I'm seeing like an old army veteran.
Like we're in war together.
Against.
Against, yeah.
Against Ryan.
Imagine you both pop up with guns and you're like, hey, man.
Still here?
CNLAN.
Get down!
See the face, Bobby.
This was one of the most amazing videos I've ever seen.
And I've been meaning to ask you this ever since I saw this video.
This is very important.
Are you going to play it from here, Mark?
I'll play it.
And it's a little graphic.
So it's a little bit of a video.
Oh, we know you were there.
Just to bear witness.
I was there.
So was that?
Yep.
Luckily, I was there to do that.
Now, why did you think that was the thing to do?
That's what you're supposed to do.
Hey, man.
Someone breaks their arm.
You reset it as quickly as you can.
How many arms have you reset in your career?
Uppers in the group of one.
That's how many girls I got is that sexual.
That's cool.
Why did he let you do it?
That's what I'm shocked by.
He didn't say, get the fuck off of me.
No, he could have said, leave me alone.
Don't touch me.
Bert, you have no fucking clue to talk about you drinking Galilean Gatorade today.
There's no way.
I think we need to.
I think we need to.
You're focusing on the wrong thing.
Okay.
He was the one that put it backwards like that.
That's the thing that's wrong.
He did it.
I mean, he hurt himself.
Yeah, he did.
He goes to run.
He goes to jump, right?
No, he fell on it.
No, He goes to jump, and Tom was like 270 at this time.
And his body wasn't set up to hold 270.
So as he went to leap off.
That's a funny way of calling him fat.
This leg exploded.
So his patella ruptured, and he went to grab himself and stop himself with his arm.
And as he did that, it snapped and spun in a circle.
Now, that...
That's not good.
Yeah, that is the impetus.
That is the thing we should focus on.
Not my resetting it.
Do you think they were going to leave it like that for the rest of his life?
And then like, leave it there.
Leave it there over there.
No one's going to touch it.
No one's going to eventually reset it.
Do you think when they got him on the fucking durne that they were going to go, no, no, leave his arm back behind him like he's trying to pick his own pocket.
But hopefully it's not someone named the machine that does.
No, but someone's going to do machines.
No nurse.
They were going to know.
They're an actual machine.
They were just going to flip it around.
Let's give it a little flipperoo.
And so I did.
What I did, a lot of people have come out and said that I probably saved his life.
He might have.
He honestly might have.
That's really good.
Because they were going to cut his whole fucking arm off and look at the money.
The same doctors prescribing hydroxychloroquine for COVID.
Can we give those four guys credit?
The four dudes running around doing my imitations are killing it.
They're making money on these guys are killing me.
Oh, the guys that imitate you.
They're on fire.
Yeah, I'm so, it's out of all the things in my career that have ever happened, that may be top 10 of happiness for me.
The fact that people bring them to V-Conference.
Maybe they have to perform at V-Conference.
Maybe.
We'll see if they get pussy.
Yeah.
Of course they will.
Is this guy the best one?
Is he the best impersonator?
This guy's a fucking beast.
What's your question for me?
All right, so basically, I'm getting now to get into the public speaking room.
Who are you?
I'm going to be calling this every single house in the United States of America.
Okay?
Giving them public speaking tips in their bathroom.
Shower.
Fucking fucking garage.
Yeah.
In the garage?
I was eating shit for like 17 years, two tips for free?
Okay, bro.
You think it's a good idea to call every single house in America?
Yeah, Brooklyn, are you making this an NFT?
I'm not missing this now.
Okay, bro, like, garage sales.
Pause.
I once read that you said that OnlyFans is a garage sale for pussy.
That's all.
You didn't say it.
No, but that's not what you said.
That's what history will say.
History will say.
You said history will say that NFTs are garage sales for pussy.
Not your quote.
No, I wouldn't use that word.
Huh.
Vagina?
Gary B!
Listen, I think.
Is Tabasco sauce spermicide?
And do we really think Drake put it in?
I hope he did.
You got to explain the story.
Okay, so basically what's happened is there was an Instagram thought.
This is the huge, allegedly.
Okay.
Instagram thought and Drake link up.
Drake puts the smash on.
Okay.
Put a condom on.
She described his penis.
Seven inches.
Stick seven inches.
And yo, Drake kind of looked thick, man.
I'm not going to lie.
He's a thicker dude.
Yeah.
He's not skinny.
Adds up.
He doesn't look like he got skinny.
Thick beard.
There's no Jason Derul.
Even his head is thick.
Doesn't he have like a wrestler head a little bit?
He has a kind of thick head.
Yeah.
Like his head kind of looks like one of them stone sculptures.
Oh, like Easter Island?
Easter Island.
Yes.
He's got a little bit of an Eastern Island head.
Yeah.
He used to look downsy in the beginning.
He had a little downsy.
Now he's grew into it.
Yeah, bro.
He glowed up.
Yeah, he did glow up.
And I think he's doing something with the eyebrows to like make it look a little bit less downs.
Because the eyebrows look like a thatch roof.
Like, I remember once I saw ninjas crawling on his eyebrows and looked they were sneaking in to do something, but it turns out the guy's not downs.
And he's putting Tabasco sauce in condoms, which is absolutely fucking brilliant.
High IQ points there.
Very downsy.
Why?
That's more oddsy.
That's like more Otsy saying, maybe.
He's on a spectrum.
See, this is the thing that a lot of people are assuming.
We're assuming he put the Tabasco sauce in there to kill the sperm.
But you ever seen like a Mexican with some cheetos and then they take some?
Yeah, he might have been getting like a Latina, exactly like he might have been throwing it in there right, and then that's like a delicious treat.
Yeah, exactly for him or for her.
Who knows?
Okay, you know what I mean.
I can see either.
Who knows?
You don't know what these people are into.
We don't even know what this girl is.
If that girl's Latina, there's a chance that she was so drunk she thought it was a bag of fritos that had some hot sauce in it and then she just started pouring it on her pussy, like the mangoes on the street exactly, mangos.
They put hot sauce on it 100.
What's to say that Latinos don't want also to have hot sperm?
If Latinos like everything hot, why would they not want some hot sperm?
Maybe he's just trying to cook things up for her.
You know what I mean?
100 food, 100.
I think that's where Mexicans come from, hot sperm.
Yeah, this is possible.
I'm not positive, though.
This is definitely possible.
The logic adds up.
What's that?
The logic adds up.
The logic, absolutely.
Now, do you guys really think that he did that.
I want to think that he did that, so I choose to think that he did that.
Okay, you're choosing to think it.
Al absolutely thinks, which makes me feel like you might have a little insider information over here.
This is all allegedly.
He might.
He might have tried this before.
I got 15 abortions.
Maybe he has a couple cholulas, a whole lot of money by this, god damn.
Yeah, but girls were emptying condoms into their pussy.
That's another level of fame.
Nah, girls do that, emptying condoms into their pussy.
Yes yeah yeah, i've heard about this.
Just, can you imagine them with like, those huge fake nails trying to undo the condom?
No, you don't undo it, you just cut a hole in top and pour it in there like you're designing a cake.
Oh fuck Mark, that was pretty good thanks, it's great Bitish Bake Off.
But like it really is great British Bake Off, they just poke a hole in the bottom and then you can write the name or happy birthday on the clip.
Oh my god yeah whoa, you write the name on the top of it like a hostess, like a, like a cookie, that is.
But that is kind of wild.
That is kind of wild that you reach a level of fame where you have to destroy your sperm even though it's in a condom.
And another question I have is, has that ever worked?
A girl has used the sperm that was in the condom to get themselves pregnant.
After the fact, I could see it working.
You got a lot of first episode of Ray Donovan.
It's just.
It's just a bag of sperm, bro.
Yeah, but it's spermicide in the condom, spermicides in the condom.
I wouldn't know about condoms, I don't really sound.
Also, how long sperm lasts for bro?
How long does sperm last for son?
It's in there swimming bro.
Say what.
It's in there swimming dog.
It's not out in the atmosphere, but once it leaves your dick it's got to have a shelf life of like 10 seconds or something, unless you put it in the freezer, and then it could last a long time, son.
Yeah, but now you're busting right into the freezer.
It's a cup, and then they take that cup and they put it into a freezer.
Yes, so if you're busting to the condom, you got a little time.
Yeah, i'm saying you got a good half hour probably.
Wow, this could work.
This could absolutely work.
Yeah, I don't think this is my.
This is my theory.
I don't think it's real.
I think that Drake is a brilliant marketer and he's like i'm gonna lean into people believing this is real and i'm gonna fan was it fan the flame a little bit yeah, and now we're out here talking about it because it's an absolutely phenomenal story.
And 100 he does have to worry about who he gets pregnant.
Yes, like I don't get why you gotta throw it away.
I always flush the condom down in the toilet.
Yeah, why don't you do that?
You're gonna stop out the toilet.
That's not supposed to get flushed.
It's the middle of the Hilton Dog.
You're not gonna give a fuck about their toilets.
So you was doing that at home too.
I flush condoms always.
It's the city he doesn't live on septic.
Yeah, what's the what's the worry?
Yeah, this is like so many apartments in my building also.
I shit four times a day.
It's ready to go.
Well that's, that's the difference that you gotta throw in the backyard.
You actually knew a person who put so many condoms in the toilet.
Oh, did you go?
It destroyed the potato.
Oh, my friend, Puzzle man coga, tall piles of destroy.
I want to push out.
And they had to chop down hairy carry.
They chopped out an oak tree in the front yard because the septis ain't got to get removed.
How many columns he was derking off in back in the day.
Sperm is on.
Yo, you gotta tie them before you flush them.
If you don't tie them before they flush them, then it shit gets fucked up.
Why would that?
Yeah, why does that make a difference?
They get filled with water, it turns into a real balloon.
Right?
That's how you clog the whole thing, bro.
It's like an artery, bro.
You got all these full balloons.
There's just water rushing through there, expanding, and everything gets blocked up.
That's why you got to tie the knot at the top.
Not so these sluts don't pour it in our cooter.
It's really because it will blow up within the plumbing system.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Same thing why girls can't put the tampons in there.
But why?
Why?
Because that also blows up.
Y'all never seen a tampon go in water or cranberry juice?
Yeah, it gets all unraveled.
Cranberry juice.
Yeah, cranberry juice is more like a period.
Yeah.
He's not with the commercials from the shit.
I'm like, what?
Also, use the blue water in the commercials.
When they use red in the commercials, dudes were like, yo, get this gross shit off TV.
What the fuck is going on over there?
They're buying ocean spray, bro.
Like, we're watching football.
Dude gets concussed.
He's just bleeding out of his nose.
Totally open.
That's a gladiator.
That's a gladiator.
A fucking tampon goes into red ink.
Yeah, get that hypothetical whore off my TV.
I'm not doing that.
Come on.
Dirty slut.
Yeah, man.
There's some dirty whores out there, man.
It's uh, it's fucked up, man.
Yeah, I don't get why you can't just do something else with the condom.
I'll be honest.
Yeah.
Put it, like, have a shoebox put under your bed.
Like, video.
We don't really believe this is real.
I don't.
But I believe it has happened, though.
Yes.
I dead ass believe it.
Really?
Yeah.
So they probably order room service.
They believe everything.
Yeah.
They order room service.
Yeah.
The room service comes with the little condiments, and they probably bring room service sometimes.
They do be doing.
I believe that 100%.
Because allegedly, he probably does take his condoms away after he fucks.
How do you think he rolls it off?
You ever think about that?
Like when you're thinking about Drake?
Like, you ever think about how he rolls out hockey?
Like, when he finally gets it off.
He's just rolling it off.
When Nord rolls it off, I gotta roll my shit off.
You could just take yours off.
Son, you pull.
My shit be staying on.
No, no, no, it don't.
You could just pull a condom.
Yo, condom gets stuck inside.
So I mean if I go, if I go soft, if I go soft, I'll leave it in the pussy and I just put the hot sauce direct.
I throw the hot sauce direct in the pussy.
Yeah, I mean, fucking hold, guys.
Hot sauce, white sauce.
Rolling Off Condoms00:04:28
I don't know, but looking at Mark is pissing me off.
Okay?
What?
Do you want the fucking sunglasses, dude?
I hate you so much.
Is it the sunglasses?
Is it the sunglasses?
Definitely contributing.
Take them off.
Take them off.
Yeah, you got to switch it up, dude.
Let me see.
Oh, dude.
Oh, so much.
Well, now you look like you look like shit, but Al actually can pull off those fucking glasses.
You look like Morpheus.
No, he doesn't.
He looks like the key maker.
It's a Matrix reference as well.
Thank you, Al, for at least getting it.
Thank you, Al.
Bring up Matrix when you haven't even seen it.
It's the new Matrix.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
God.
Man, it cooned Boza.
Manic Koonenboza.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to steer the country in the right direction right now.
I don't have time for your fucking movies about woke red pills.
You know what I mean?
Dude, that movie was the first fucking red pill, dude.
Yeah.
You wouldn't be here without that movie.
Made by two trans women, respect.
What's redder than that?
They're trying to get periods.
I don't know.
Guys, I don't know, guys.
I don't know.
I need you both to take off those sunglasses.
I'm seeing the world in 5D now for the first time.
Okay.
Why?
I don't know.
I see amazing.
I can't believe this is how he sees all the time.
Whoa, dude.
Yeah.
Everyone's black.
It's awesome.
Let's go.
Black history glasses.
Best world.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
I'm in Waganda.
Let's go.
Except Biggie.
He's white now.
It has reverse effects.
It's really straight John Candy.
Al, wake it up, Miles.
Okay.
Al, can you please take the glasses off?
Yeah, but it's absolutely infuriating me.
Why don't you try?
I think that I think that's what you're missing.
I'm not gonna watch them.
I'm not gonna wear them.
No, I like that.
I like that.
Try them.
That's embarrassing.
If I was wearing it, if I was gonna compete in the Olympics, bro.
That's what happened when I'm threw the lip gloss.
You just didn't catch it, bro.
Just catch it.
Who'd you throw the lip gloss?
He tried to kill you, remember?
You try to take your life.
Oh, my God, dude.
I hate you so much.
Why?
Yeah, these that don't work.
They don't work.
They don't work, dude.
Terrible sunglasses.
I mean, same break on me because hold on.
Actually, low-key, dude, you don't look horrible.
No, you don't look horrible, dude.
I'm leaving him on.
I'm not going to like you.
Honestly, he doesn't look hard.
Yeah.
You killed it.
I mean, you look really cool.
Hey, hold on.
You look fucking cool, dude.
I don't know why it's so funny, but it's it.
Can I give one suggestion?
Just take him a little bit down.
One centimeter.
Bang.
Dude, you look so goddamn cool.
It's on my head.
I'm going to fuck everybody, dude.
Everybody getting you, literally are Tom Cruise right now.
Top gun.
But he hides one of his best.
Yes, dude.
No, no, but then you get the top gun like that.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Al almost let me suck his dick right now.
I did almost.
Yo, having nice eyes is cool with glasses because you peek over them and bust it out.
You were hiding your best clothes.
You're being humble.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, I'm being humble with this.
Take them off.
Take them off.
Show it to him.
Oh, shit.
You're low-key, dude.
Do that one more time.
Are you tricky?
No, but my balls got fattened, then my pants just split them, so I got the fat lips.
So I got the fat pussy lips because my pants just hit it with the skin.
It's always impromptu and so vivid.
That's what?
What?
What detail?
Yeah, I would spit on my own clothes.
I saw it's so graphic.
We never told the people how you clogged up all of TSA.
It almost had a national security risk.
Why did I do that?
You don't remember this?
No, what happened?
This is why we're marching through TSA, TSA pre-check.
No one's in the airport.
There's mad room.
Like, we're going through the line.
And I go through, Dove goes through, Vala goes through, and we're standing there.
And Scholz is like, Where's my shit?
Like, my backpack and my jacket are not coming through.
And he's like walking around, looking at the people, asking TSA.
They're kind of looking around, like looking at him, kind of annoyed.
There's a line of probably 40 people lined up in TSA behind us now.
And they're all pre-checked, mind you.
So they're all pissed off.
Like, yo, can we go?
Yeah.
And they pull him aside.
They go, Yeah, it seems like a jacket is stuck in the x-ray machine.
Wow.
Can't handle me.
He looks at all and he goes, Yeah, apparently there's a jacket stuck in the x-ray machine.
I think I know whose it is.
This guy.
Performance fleece, bro.
Performance fleece.
Are you rocking that old Navy?
No.
This is Nike's head.
No.
I was Nike.
And there's nothing wrong with old Navy.
We should be proud of Old Navy.
I had some fucking cargo shorts as a kid.
I had cargo pants, too.
TSA Security Lines00:03:32
Did you have any?
Son, you got cargo pants now, bro.
Yeah.
Sit in that, Al.
Sit in that.
There's nothing cargo about these goddamn pants.
Okay?
You know what cargo pants are.
I got it.
Crazy there.
I didn't even, it was so wrong, I didn't even know where you were going.
I'll be honest with you.
I had no clue.
But do you remember cargo pants to heyday in New York City?
We all had them.
We all had them.
Tan.
Sometimes if you black, you had the camos.
Yo, you know, no, no, no.
Don't give him his shit back.
Don't give him a shit.
What are you wearing sunglasses for?
Guess my forehead, bro.
You've got a visor, son.
You don't need no fucking sunglasses.
Yeah, you're good.
Like, his hat extends forward because his forehead's so big.
Is it crazy?
It's not even the face.
It's depth.
Yeah, your eyes are pushed in.
Yeah, sunk it, but it only feels like my forehead's protruding.
Yeah, it's not your forehead that's sticking out.
What is it?
It's a little combination of both.
I'm trying to help him out.
Oh, yeah, it's normal.
Yeah, it's normal.
You're not built like Peter Dinklich at all, dude.
It's not at all, dude.
It's not at all.
Would you be gay right now?
From French to gay, I don't know.
Well, that's the gateway.
Would I be gay?
Be gay.
Could you say more words so I know how to answer that?
Would I be gay?
Come in more.
Would I be gay if?
Would you be gay?
Just in general.
Would you be gay?
I actually like the philosophical.
Yeah, we're being French.
Would you be gay?
Yeah.
We're in a cafe.
Given the opportunity, given the hey, that's for you to were there.
Yeah, sure, why not?
You don't need circumstances.
No.
What if you just had an emotional and like romantic attraction to a guy?
Would you just go with it?
Indulge in it.
I would be scared and I would contemplate going towards that fear.
Because of public scrutiny?
I'll tell you a moment that I felt I almost became gay.
Sociology, sort of like let's go.
Okay, I was 16, 17, living in where I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts.
And we had my friends and I did a lot of drugs.
And a friend of ours took us to a downtown Boston loft show.
It was like a concert in somebody's loft apartment.
And it's super cool.
And I felt so cool being there.
And a friend of mine knew some of the band, so I got to meet them.
I'm 16, I'm 17, smoking pot, you know.
And so we're leaving the loft.
We're going down these stairs that are going like this.
And some guys are going up because it's continuing.
And one guy goes, Hey, and I look up and there's a guy at the top of the stairs.
And he goes, He's wearing like buddy holly glasses or something.
This is the 80s.
And he says, Hey, and I go, What?
He goes, Where are you going?
And I said, Well, we're leaving.
And he goes, You're cute.
And I said, Thanks.
And he said, Come back up.
And for one second, I thought, That's a choice up there.
That's just going going back up, letting my friends go back to Newton and being gay.
That was a choice.
But I looked at him and then I went forward in my head to the big, you know, cock coming all in my face.
Leaving The Loft Mall00:12:12
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, nah, let's go home.
Homosexuality is a choice, is what I'm taking from this.
For me, at the moment, it was a homosexual act would have been a choice.
That's always a choice.
An act is always a choice.
Well, it was like a name.
What's my nature?
Is that my nature?
Is that what I want?
Is this, you know, I like things about the moment.
I liked that he was invited, that he was a grown-up and I was reaching out to wanting to be a grown-up.
And he validated me.
And I liked, yes, that he validated me and that he said, I want you to come up and hang out with these grown-ups that you don't even know.
Yeah.
That was interesting.
But then when I added the gay sex angle in my head, I thought that taints the moment for me.
I don't want to because the sex part.
I don't want to have sex with a man.
I don't desire men sexually.
But we want validation from men.
Sure.
And we want to feel cool.
And you're at the cool loft.
And then in that age, you just, someone gives you that, you know, you go, oh, yeah, I want to hang out with you.
You made me feel like you think if you weren't allowed to talk about it, I liked it too.
I liked the way he talked.
He was assertive.
Something about him.
He seemed open and cool and like fatherly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm going to fuck that guy.
I'm going to fuck that kid.
Come on up here.
This is my guy.
Good for you.
You're French, man.
I'm not sure.
You have a French honesty, dude.
I think that you're, I think you're from where you are from in the world.
Where am I from?
Like stupid lands that we're calling.
I'm sure you're aware of this about like what's happening right now in America and how popular UK drill is becoming.
Are you familiar with this?
Not too familiar, but yeah, bro, bro.
I'm not, I'm not kidding.
Dude, I'm serious.
There's a song by Central C. Do you know Central C?
You've heard of him.
Yeah.
Do you know Central C?
I have to teach him about drills.
Hey, do you know this rapper in English?
Listen, there's a genre of music called the UK drill.
And Central C is a young bloke.
Is that what they're called?
He's the Mandem.
Yeah, he's one of the Mandem.
The Blokey.
Yeah.
Is Blake a good word?
No, Bloke's more like a collection.
He's going to be like an English thing, you would say, like a white English thing.
No, he's not.
Well, what is it?
He's half Guyanese.
Yeah.
Whoa.
He's like a quarter Indian probably.
And then what's the other half?
I think Irish.
So he's part bloke.
He's half bloke.
Yeah.
He's bloke-ish.
Yeah, I think he's a broken black.
He's bloke a little bit.
Half of his family's like...
He's Oak at least.
Yeah.
You know, half his family's a little.
Anyway.
Okay, so he had this song, and then the opening lyric was just so catchy.
Yeah.
How can I be homophobic?
Yeah.
Right.
And then immediately you're like, I would like to know how you could be that way.
And then he has a good answer.
Answer.
His bitch is gay.
Yeah.
He keeps explaining it to him like he doesn't know.
And that's.
But he keeps looking at me like I'm explaining.
I think he's like, is this dumbass really going to explain to me?
Like, I don't know what to say.
Listen, a lot has changed since you started hip-hop.
Listen, you started hip-hop.
I know this hip-hop didn't start in the Bronx.
It started in East London.
Yeah.
Okay.
With the nasty blokes.
Listen, it was a crazy time back then.
Hip-hop was interesting.
No, I remember.
I was with this one.
This is the version I remember.
Yeah.
Wasn't it crazy?
Because originally, like, you know, we can go back.
We'll tell the mandem about it.
So, you know, back before that, before there's grime, there is, what was it?
There was garage or something?
UK garage.
Garage.
And then before that, what, drum and bass or something?
Jungle.
We called it jungle back then.
But that's.
Am I allowed to say that?
Yeah, How did they name it?
You know, sometimes things.
There's just people in the neighborhood, man.
What is that?
The white people go.
The white people.
It was jungly, eh?
And then it moves up.
That's a little better.
You made my blokes.
For sure.
I think there is a lot of pressure.
If you think about it, the pressure's on Tommy.
Yeah.
Because he is fighting for the professional boxers and the boxing community.
By the way.
And his main brother, his name, his last name, his dad.
He's the runt.
Yeah, he's the runt of the family.
And they literally he's a good-looking runt, though.
He's a handsome guy.
That motherfucker's fine.
He's fancy.
Admit that's the hottest boxing you've fought.
Yeah, you haven't fought a more handsome guy.
Yeah, I wouldn't touch his belly button.
Of course, dude.
You wouldn't take a little body shot, some tequila out of that thing, though.
No, whatever.
So left a little.
If you look a little bit closer.
You almost got knocked out, bro.
You almost got knocked on the shit.
Fuck out.
I'm Bob a little.
Tell us about Tommy Fiori's selfie fucking ass.
If you know, you look so fucking hard the other day, bro.
It was actually beautiful.
Shifty, bro.
19 years old.
You know what I mean?
He put on a fresh little fit.
It was looking good.
He was feeling himself, bro.
And he had a Vans shirt, right?
He had a Van shirt on.
And it was matching.
Everything was good.
And this is masterful.
He goes like this.
This is that passive-aggressive white shit that Akash always says white people do.
I didn't understand it until it.
But he goes, he goes, Shifty, you know what?
Vans is a fucking amazing mall skate brand.
Like, fuck a mall, son.
Call him Zoomy, son.
Why are you doing Vans, bro?
I'm going to say this on everybody, dog.
He does that.
When he can't get pussy, nobody gets pussy.
No one's getting it for a long time, then.
Effidently.
Effidently.
He's such a jealous man, yo.
What's that about?
Shifty was feeling himself, bro.
Yeah.
He was killing it.
He was killing that van.
Killing him with the bands.
Trying to elevate him, bro.
He's not a passing camera.
Get him with the vans.
But why did you call it a mall skate brand, son?
Vans is iconic.
You know, maul shit.
This motherfucker rocks vans, too.
I like vans.
That's why I said that.
But why did you body him?
Why do you say mall?
Because maul is a diss.
It's a mall brand.
That's a kind of fire body, though.
I ain't gonna lie.
You can say anything about somebody, but put mall near it.
Wow.
And it's a media diss.
I'm using it.
I'm using that.
That was fire.
Bro, that's a great mall haircut, bro.
Any mall in front of anything.
Anything.
Which it shouldn't be because there's nice places at the mall.
Yeah, but you said it.
Yeah, like what?
What company do you have?
What do you mean?
That's a great mall restaurant.
Yeah, that's a great mall restaurant.
Yo, that is devious, son.
This is fucking crazy.
That's a piece of shit.
You're a real piece of shit.
He's a bad guy, dude.
Honestly.
Son, there's malls that got Rolex stores in them.
I know.
That's a mall watch brand.
I mean, if you get it from there, bro.
If you get it from there.
He got your Rolex.
God damn, you got me a mall watcher.
I got that shit at Rolex, son.
Don't do that.
I went through it, dog.
There's five different motherfucking stores against that guy down the street, bro.
That's right.
Nah, nah, dawg.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't you see what he's doing?
You see what he's doing?
You see what he does?
You see what he's doing.
You're an evil motherfucker.
It's a nice one, though.
You're like a evil.
He's evil, bro.
This guy's a bad person.
Yo, you need God, bro.
I don't know why.
He needs God, dude.
Without God, this is a bad man, bro.
A lot of people would die with you.
Yo, a lot of people would die with you with you that have God.
If I didn't have God, what would I be?
Mussolini, Hitler.
Mussolini, Hitler.
Him.
Nah, I got God, bro.
This guy loves God.
I believe in me.
Buy my special.
Buy my special.
Please.
Please, Bayern.
Free speech.
Free speech.
Dance.
I think we got to talk about that, right?
Yeah, we got to talk about the most important thing.
Al is such a deadbeat right now.
He's just getting drunk, shitting on everybody, getting up and walking out every half hour.
Fucking sucks.
Hey, we got to talk about that.
And then just walk out.
He made me got to go pee, too.
Oh, shit.
Is it P-Break time?
But when he comes back in here, we're going to talk about them pants, bro, that Al got.
Yo, Al got pants like he dances like this.
Like, what is this shit right here?
Raven?
Rave.
Oh, yeah, raving.
Rave.
Oh, fuck.
I thought that was going to be better.
I got a piece.
Can we break for one second of piss and then get it popping?
Video games.
I think the gameplay is more important than the equity in the brand.
So, for example, like Americans didn't give a fuck about soccer, but we became obsessed with FIFA.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Same thing happened with hockey games.
Like, I didn't give a fuck about hockey.
But the games were lit.
The gameplay was so dope that, like, I was invested in it.
Yeah.
And I think that's probably like Mario Kart a little bit.
But that's an interesting thing.
Like, you develop a game around this brand that's bigger than the game.
Yeah.
But if the game is lit, you don't need to be coughing off this money to 007 and the James Bond Enterprise.
Because even if James Bond wasn't there, if it was just called Zero Dark 30 or some other shit, I think you need the hook.
You need the hook.
So the hook gets us in.
It's like a brand sponsor.
Pokemon was a car game for mad long, but I feel like it didn't pop so it wasn't.
But then what's the one that these kids play now that they're killing each other?
They fly off the helicopter.
Fortnite.
That had no hook.
And it fucking demolished.
But it was free, though.
Yeah, that was like the first one that went free.
Free games are free.
No, no, no.
You pay money for.
Fortnite is a free game.
You download it.
I did not know that.
Like in the app store, you download a free game.
You download it on your console or on your Xbox for free.
Which is smart because make money through the other thing.
And they make crazy money off skins and other shit.
Selling fake in-game products.
Jesus, I didn't know that.
And then they had the whole thing with the loot boxes, where you're basically gambling in the game and they cut it out.
I heard about this.
Yeah, the app stores threatened to.
But it's like actual gambling, where it's like, okay, I'm going to put in X amount of money.
Then there's a percentage I could win this other shit.
Yeah.
But not money, right?
Just loot or whatever.
I think it was just loot.
But then you could trade loot and like sell it and gain money that way.
I'm pretty sure.
I don't know.
I don't really play Fortnite that much.
We're talking gaming right now.
This shit wheelhouse.
You lured him back in.
Shift the end.
Why did Pokemon pop off?
Was it card game, cartoon, or video game?
Pokemon was big in Japan, came here, and then, yeah, it was like card game was big here.
And the anime came out at the same time.
Pokemon is a great like mall video game.
But it is, though.
You didn't hear us tell that whole story?
Oh, yeah.
So that mall shit, bro.
That shit really just.
What did that make you feel?
Like when Mark just shit all over the outfit that you meticulously put together, you were looking cool.
Like, stop.
That's cool.
Stop.
Can we get married in the mall?
It's cool.
It's cool, bro.
Like it's in Kanye's song.
It's cool.
Nothing wrong with a mall.
Where did we go surfing?
A mall?
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
The mug is good.
There you go.
The mug is good, bro.
I just want to show off his pants.
I've been waiting for the opportunity to show off his pants.
He didn't even walk out that way.
He walked right to the center camera.
He's holding.
We're back.
No, that's shit, man.
We're talking about Shifty, bro, and how he chipped away at his fucking self-esteem.
What do you mean?
Come on, he can't even wear it.
I didn't hear him.
I just heard you guys talking stupid about video games.
Thank you.
No.
Yeah, he came in for the video game.
We're talking about the fan shirt you were wearing.
Remember when Mark shit all over?
He called you a mall as a mall skate brand.
Shifty Self Esteem Issues00:02:37
That's fine.
I just ghosted him for like a week.
I didn't talk to him.
Damn!
Yo, get in there, Shifty.
Get in there.
Get in there.
That's not a comeback.
Talking about what a body bitch market is.
That means he got in his feelings and he's like, oh, I'm not talking to you for a week.
Are you in your feelings?
No, I'm just not a professional comedian.
I can't out-talk him.
Well, he's not a professional.
He's more like a mall comedian.
Sit the fuck down, you like.
I hate your fucking pants.
Sparrow sky is crazy.
That was good.
Crazy guy.
You killed it, that shit.
I know.
So crazy.
Is that a joke?
So that shit was crazy.
This is so like with the like the Pac-Man interview I saw was a very similar one.
It's a political one.
Yeah.
But it was very, and he didn't play up the goofy as much.
Was again somebody trying to get him and talk him in circles, and then you talk them in circles.
Do you lean into kind of being aloof because you know I can win that way and the win is that much more satisfying?
Actually, I wish I could say that because that sounds really cool, but like it's much more this.
I'm involved in a negotiation with fear quite a lot of the time, like, so I'm not like I don't walk into environments and think, Yeah, fuck all you.
Like, I'm like, oh shit, you know what I mean?
So, I'm dealing with the reality of that.
I'm dealing with the reality of fear, like, not in a hopefully high-pitched, anxious way, but I'm observing the fear, which I've come through training and time to regard as your body is energizing now in case you have to be fast, you know, dealing with what adrenaline is rather than pathologizing adrenaline into a neurotic state.
But I don't feel like I'm going to go in there and I'm going to fuck him up.
Although, in my mind, I do think when I'm dealing with someone like Jeremy Paxman, who's like, I don't know, he's like, maybe he's like Anderson Cooper or something like that.
He's like a political commentator.
And he again was like trying to get you.
Trying to get me.
Yeah.
Right.
And also that stuff, the other thing is, which I like, is I believe in that stuff.
I believe that primarily political discourse is carried out in a way to exclude ordinary people.
And even the distractional tactics of turning people against one another on the basis of race or gender ignores the crucial arguments around class that most ordinary people have more in common with one another than they have in common with the elites that govern them.
And that's always kept off the table while they exacerbate our differences to turn us against one another.
So when I'm like actually confronting one of those people, I think, fucking no, I'm talking to them right now.
And like, so when I'm like, I try to stay very, very calm.
And then if they personally fucking do me, it's all like, yeah, that's it now.
I'm ready.
Female President Politics00:15:42
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, because that's rude.
Like, I'm an Englishman.
That's a gauntlet around the chops, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, what it is, is I don't go in there sort of overly confident, but I do go in there with a sort of a set of beliefs that I sort of hold on to.
So something like that morning joke.
I weren't in a very good mood, actually.
That and that.
Yeah, that one where it's that lady with the blonde hair, Micah.
You know, like when like when I went on that, I didn't feel that good.
And now I weren't particularly happy with the trousers I was wearing, to be honest.
And like, so like when on top of that, they was started mugging me off.
I thought, oh no.
Yeah, they thought that they were trying to have like, I think they thought they were going to have fun with you.
Like they thought that you were going to come in, they were going to tease you.
Yeah, you were going to be the clown and they were just going to kind of laugh at you.
And you didn't look that happy going into it, which is always funny when you're trying to convince people to come to your happy tale.
You know, I'm terrible at that.
And, buddy, there was a moment where you just said decided.
You're like, okay, well, this interview is about to get taken over right now.
And I'm going to tell these people who I am.
And it's going to be really interesting.
And they fucking folded.
Yeah.
They got nothing to lock at them people.
No disrespect to them.
They're probably all like beautiful human beings.
No, didn't he kill his secretary or something?
Well, that doesn't seem right.
Was the secretary particularly inefficient?
Was there a tribunal process?
Was there an opportunity to discuss KPIs?
Not delivering in these straight to execution.
Why is the dick size so at the head?
The reason why it's important is because you girls don't understand the volume of your pussies.
Right now, you girls are sitting here and you're both in your head going, I got the tightest pussy.
Because you haven't heard anybody tell you that your pussy wasn't tight in your whole life.
We say your pussy's tight because it's a reflection of our dicks.
Right.
When we're going, oh, your pussy's so tight, we're really going, oh, my dick's so big.
Right?
So, so you're tied into like your tightness is tied into our ego, right?
So every girl thinks they have the same size pussy and it's the tightest because every girl's been told they have the tightest pussy.
When you're at the gym, you're not peeking into each other's pussies, right?
So you have no clue.
Everything's internal.
Guys, when we're like fucking peeing at the airport, you might walk and then there's a guy and he's holding his shit.
You're like, yeah, that's the fucking thing.
What country is he from?
Are you saying more like because you're so exposed to other men's penises that it's on your mind more?
Okay.
You just see it.
And it's like, it's just naturally, you're just naturally competitive because it's in, you see it.
You see it and it's in porn.
You don't see internally what's going on in there.
Like there are pussies that are like tight and then they open up on the inside.
But I guess what I was trying to get to is like dick size.
You've never seen a little rugby football.
You can be a better lover.
Yeah.
You know, and with like the guy with the not as big dick could have been.
No, no, I want you to keep saying this lie.
This is adorable.
Keep going.
Are you serious?
It's the motion of the ocean.
It's not.
I am not saying what it is.
I'm just saying like there's, it's not that, that's not the end all be all because no, it's really not.
No, that's been like the worst sex of my life, like the bigger dicks I've had.
But you're, you're like a tiny thing.
That's true.
You know?
Thank you.
So that's the thing.
So you probably don't need as much.
Totally fair.
But a bigger girl, she's going to need to get filled.
The fuck, huh?
Let's go.
Right?
Let's go.
Right?
Let's just go.
That's at the fuck up.
Right?
She's going to need some fucking Campbell soup.
You know?
Chunky, maybe.
Right?
So your idea of what it is is going to be different.
And your idea of like vagina size is going to be different.
Yeah, I have no concept of vagina size because I don't care.
I only have one to be concerned with.
Yeah, well, we also have that, but you haven't been told anything to concern you.
Like, no guy's in there like going, the fuck.
Yes.
But there are girls who have different sized pussies.
That's a fact.
Also, by the way, girls don't walk around thinking we have the tightest pussy.
Yeah.
I have given myself a very fair assessment.
I think.
I'm not like, oh, God.
You know, I don't think I have the grippiest pussy.
I think I have strength.
Like, my kegels are real strong and I know how to time it with the undulation of a man.
What does that mean?
When he thrusts in and out, you time when you squeeze, right?
You squeeze and suck.
It's a timing thing.
If you're just constantly doing this, there's strategy involved.
But I don't think that I have the tightest pussy in the world.
No, I think I just know how to do it.
And that's how I feel that men should also look at it because there's no, I also, but I'm very anti-body shaming.
Like, I don't, like, I just don't see a reason to talk about like dick size and like better or worse because I've had sex with different sizes and different people.
And like, it's not, there's not a correlation to the good time that I had.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
If the motion was good, is there a size that you would like the ocean to be?
Husband dick.
Husband dick.
Husband dick is where it's at.
Guys, like, do you want some kind of not a woman president?
I know the answer is not.
Hey, stop your thing.
I do want a female president.
Trans female?
No.
That'd be fire.
It's very progressive.
That'd be fine.
I don't divide them up.
Okay.
Female is female.
Okay.
And the future is female.
So these are all.
Why is that fine to be on the shirt?
But when someone says it out loud, the future is female.
But no, I would love a female president.
That would be fire.
But do you want to know on some level?
I was working.
You got to let him finish.
I know when a Schultz insult is coming, so you got to let him know.
I don't know.
I think it'd be great.
I think it'd be great for our country.
Do you know what I mean?
You should call your insults.
Insults.
Don't you want diversity?
We had a Catholic president with JFK.
Yep.
That was diverse.
Yeah.
He's a Catholic.
What is he going to do?
Yeah, I don't know if I want to picture my president being fingered as a child.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Exactly.
Not all Catholics were fingered, okay?
Oh, I thought you were talking about John Hart.
No, I mean, like, a Catholic president, all I picture is like that diddle and shit like that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, that's a weird thing to lead with.
Like, I'm Catholic.
Do you think the priest is like proud of that?
Like, he's like, y'all fingered a bunch of opioid addicts.
I figured the president.
Yo, that's crazy.
Okay.
But no, but seriously, tell me why.
I know.
I don't, my female president, whatever.
You're against a female president.
I was, I was working on a bit about how, like, do you guys want?
I don't, I want to know that when a female president is in office, that she's not sucking dicks.
You don't want your president sucking dicks.
Like, if you're married, like, there should be like four years.
Your husband can have like a size all-only business because I don't want all of our world leaders to know like she's not a vote.
Like, she could be.
She has to service her husband at some point.
That's fire.
Yeah, yeah.
She should never be in a subservient position.
She's a female president.
She could, though.
That's fine.
No, no, no.
Outsourcing.
Everybody's happier.
Well, she could be lesbian.
But so everyone would know.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
Yeah, which that would be perfect.
Lesbian president, fire.
That, yeah, that's positioning.
I did a lesbian president.
President's gay.
Or prime minister for y'all out there if you don't know what a president is.
Yeah, fucking poor.
Poor.
Fix your teeth.
I don't think we'll have a female president in our lifetime.
We said the same thing about black president.
We did.
I never said that.
You did.
Winnie.
You know, you never thought it.
I thought it was.
Nobody ever asked you, but you did.
You were a little surprised when I said that.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think.
I don't remember.
Yeah.
I remember when he was giving his acceptance speech.
I didn't know for it, so I don't know.
Get that motherfucker off the stage.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you remember?
I literally thought that.
I'm like, why is he in public right now?
Do you remember the inauguration when it was covered with the bulletproof glass?
Yes.
It was wild because as soon as you saw the family walk out and then from what angle you saw like all the reflecting of the light, it was so it gave me like made me sick to think.
But wouldn't you think it'd be great to have a female president?
Why would a female president?
It has to be the right one.
A bad one would be the worst thing ever because no one would ever want one ever again.
And like it would be such a setback.
I'd say wait till the fucking perfect one, then Russian one is.
There's nobody you'd vote for now.
What about Elizabeth Warren?
She be talking sense.
Michelle Obama.
Michelle?
Nikki Haley.
Yeah.
Tulsi Gabbard.
Yo, shout out to Tulsa.
Yeah, I like Tulsi.
I like Tulsi a lot.
I don't know what happened.
I feel like there was a weird little hit job that happened to her.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Everyone said she was like a Russian bot.
I don't want to get too political.
Okay, me.
But if we did.
I'm not talking about her body.
No, I'm saying, like, if we did have a female president, right?
Yeah.
And I understand that you don't want her giving blowjobs because you feel like that's subservient.
It's more like I just don't want leaders thinking that's going on because there's a lot of other countries that are way further behind than we are that might look down upon that.
What if, what if she's getting fucked in her shitbox?
They might think we're weak.
I was gonna say, they may think we're weak.
If they know it's just shitbox, they're like, that's a fucking man.
She takes in the ass like a man.
That's a boss.
I don't think there's anything wrong with giving blowjobs.
I think it's a very empowering thing.
But do you ever like you're married now, so you're never gonna get it?
No, I don't remember what they're like.
But what I'm saying is, I do remember there was a time where I felt so weak when I was in a blowjob.
But I felt like I had no control whatsoever.
That's true because you got, I have two sets of teeth.
Don't do this when you talk about it.
This right here, you stop.
This right here, you stop this immediately, okay?
You gave me some winter dick.
This little pig.
Don't do that at all.
It is, I guess, really a power position because you are holding the most valuable part of your body in your in your between your teeth.
Interesting.
Remember, there was that great Chappelle joke.
No, no, who was it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, where the she was sucking the dick and then she went to get shit done, sucking the president's dick.
Oh, we need to lower these taxes.
Is this a Google circle?
Oh, yeah, that was.
It was killing them softly.
I think we should, I really think we should lower taxes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was way better when he did that.
I'm sorry.
I lobbed up to you because I was like, I'm going to butcher it.
That was the meanest thing anyone's done about Chappelle the last month.
Jesus, man.
Okay.
It's very funny.
Go check it out.
I just wonder if there's a female president.
There's just certain things we have to let everyone know.
You know?
Like what?
Like, just she's not, you know.
She's not what?
She's not going to ever.
She doesn't have any balls on her chin for four years.
She's not going to have her period.
Oh, yeah.
I don't have to worry about that.
Oh, that's a good point.
I don't know.
Do you think about stuff like that?
When there's like a woman leader?
Do you look at the husband and go, like, oh.
Do I look at the husband and go, oh, he's got to deal with her.
Or just something.
I don't know.
We've never had a female president.
I care.
Like Angela Merkel?
Yeah.
Her?
That was cool.
Do you know Silvio Berlusconi?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he, do you see, I did a podcast for Wanderer where I like narrated it's the whole thing.
So I learned a lot about Silvio Berlusconi.
Can you explain who Berlusconi was?
But also like kind of a gangster.
The most gangster.
Super billionaire.
Controls the cable networks.
He basically, he's basically what Trump did.
They were going to Mussolini that shit one more time.
Well, basically, he owned all the TV networks.
He put all these like shows, like showgirls on, and then put them all in parliament, like literally showgirls.
Like he just like bought the country.
He bought the football team, soccer, whatever the fuck.
And his slogan to run for prime minister was go Italy and aligned it with football.
And that's the most important thing to them.
So he just like, people would go like, why do we vote for you?
And he's like, go Italy.
Italy wins only.
Like it's very Trump.
Like Trump loves him.
Super corrupt.
Like just a lot of money.
You can't be excited about his country.
A lot of mafia money.
Well, no, the week that people were invested, the magistrates were investigating his money laundering and not paying taxes.
His truly four best friends, like you, you, and you, were all found having just committed suicide, like in their homes.
Like his three best friends, like the most crazy shit.
Were they in Orlando?
It's a great question.
Great question.
These are things that we have to know.
Before we get conspiratorial on this podcast, these are things that we have to know.
There's a video of him calling Angela Merkel a fat ass.
I mean, she's not the best built bitch I've ever seen in my life.
But is that kind of what you want out of a leader?
Yes.
Sturdy hips.
Yes.
I don't even know if she has hips.
Like cankles?
Yeah.
She's like...
Who's like our hottest leader that we still respect?
Oh, that we respect?
Like a mal clooney?
Like, who's like, how hot can you be?
Look at her.
Hold on.
How hot can you be and still be taken seriously?
No, I need you to.
Nah, I respect this woman.
Yeah, this, she's going to get shit done.
No kids, right?
I don't think any kids got a husband, no kids.
That is a Down syndrome-y haircut.
You think she has Down syndrome?
That haircut, her barber does, for sure.
Who is that fucking NFL team owner?
Oh, yeah.
Al Davis.
Al Davis.
Mark Davis, Hassan.
Yeah, Mark Davis.
Mark Davis.
Yes.
Mark Davis.
Yeah, she's an odd one, this woman.
But you don't have to look that bad.
Is that Coco?
No, this is Coco.
Isn't that Ice Cube's wife?
This is the Croatian president.
I don't know if this guy.
That's her body.
I don't know if this got debunked or not.
That looks like Coco, Ice Cheese Wife.
Let's move to Croatia.
It's the Croatian president.
You see what I'm saying?
So it is possible.
Okay.
Go there.
Okay.
Yeah.
It is.
How big is Croatia and how serious are that?
Very big.
These, I think.
Okay, so what problems is she solving on a daily basis?
Croatia.
All of them.
Croatia, what's going on?
Four million people in Croatia.
Yeah.
Four million people in Croatia.
Okay.
Four million.
Yeah, yeah.
You have no excuse not to look like that.
This is the listen, the president sets the bar.
Got it.
You need to be an attractive, good-looking man or woman.
I'm not pointing at you because I'm saying you are.
I'm just saying that Angela Merkel is representing Germany in a way that's kind of odd.
Do you want that to be the face of Germany?
The man from up?
You mean the parachutes from up?
I mean, come on.
This is not how you want your country represented.
No, but she gets shit done.
Look at that.
She's not busy trying to look good.
She gets shit done.
I was wondering how fake this one was.
Yo, this is fucking Ratatouille.
Ratatouille is your president or prime minister or whatever the fuck it is.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
I'm curious what Brian Possane was up to.
Yo, what happened to Brian Possein?
She's out of here running busy.
Okay.
Okay.
Can we be serious?
It's interesting.
It'll be, I'm not like, oh, we need a female.
I'm like, don't put any women in any positions where they're going to fucking suck until they're fucking extra good.
Why?
Because you think we're going to go, I told you so?
Well, no, just most politicians suck.
Women are not, right?
Fake Ratatouille Presidents00:03:04
Or are disappointing in some way?
I mean, think what politicians do we still like after they served any time?
Barack.
Yeah, that's true.
George Jimmy Carter.
But I don't know.
Jimmy Carter, we like it.
If he drops a podcast, are you still going to like him?
I'll listen to a Barack podcast for sure.
That voice, I'd listen.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, I feel like he sees like one podcast away from people being like buddy.
They did do a podcast.
I'm not a cancer.
He narrated the lakes, the parks, this thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He narrated that show.
Yeah.
Called the Parks Project, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
And he just told everybody about the parks that we have.
Yeah.
But it's wild because we're like, hey, Brock, white people know about these.
Hold on a second.
That got greenlit.
This is by Netflix.
That was greenlit by Netflix.
Gotcha.
Are you about to say something about Netflix?
No, not at all.
I think that they're making phenomenal decisions, obviously.
They made a great decision with you.
Dropping it on a Monday night, the night everybody's super excited to watch some stand-ups.
That's Tuesday morning.
Dude, what is with the drop times on that?
You know, the problem with Netflix is they literally just, they, what is it called?
Ah, fuck, They're like, they, okay, they think they're like an old Italian town where there's only one restaurant.
Do you know what I mean?
They're like, yeah, we can take a nap during the day because there's no other place for people to go.
Yeah, yeah.
But now that there's like a bustling city, you have to change things a little bit.
You have to learn how to market.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
And they're not like dropping it on a Monday night.
Well, here's the thing.
I do make lots of transphobic jokes in it, so please tune in.
Oh!
Do you think that in your lifetime, you will be able to befriend an Indian or something like that?
I really do.
I really do.
Yeah, I didn't believe that.
No, no, Ask me again.
Ask you again.
Okay.
Do you think in your lifetime that you will be able to befriend an Indian there?
Yes.
Yeah.
No.
And what do you think is getting in the way?
No, I have Indian friends.
That's what they say.
I do.
That's what they say.
I have Indian friends.
Who would you name?
I can't sing for Canti.
Named for Indian people.
Shanti.
My friend Shanti, she used to open for me.
Shanti?
Yeah.
The rapper?
No, she's from San Francisco.
Okay.
Very funny comic.
Okay.
That's one.
She's very Indian.
Name another one.
Name another one.
Izzy Zanzari.
That's two.
He returns your phone calls?
No.
Izin Zanzari.
What's the third one?
I'd say Akasha.
Oh, no, no.
Danny from Community.
Danny Pootie?
Yeah.
Love him.
Oh, good.
Danny Pootie, great guy.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't he half Indian?
What?
He's half Indian.
Yeah, yeah.
Still, I love him.
That's why you love him.
That's all I know.
That's why you love him.
Literally all I know.
Which half do you like more?
Yeah, we know.
We know.
The half that thinks Andrew is nice to him.
You know what I mean?
How many Indians do you know?
None.
I don't.
I didn't claim to know any of these people.
Do you know a lot?
My neighbor.
He actually does the best Indian accent for a white guy.
My neighbors aren't whatever as a kid.
So yes, I do know a lot.
Indian Comedians List00:14:57
Wait, you can do it.
The only Indian is children.
That's true.
They grew out of it.
You do.
If you're lucky, you do.
Wait, I want to hear the Indian.
He's Adolf Hitler's great.
Look at that.
Dude, he's Adolphian.
My Indian Adolf Hitler is really good.
Go, hit it.
Are the trains ready?
We've got to kill the Jews, man.
Dead on.
Dead on.
Did I get the sound guy?
No, you lit it up with the sound guy.
So good.
Oh, my God.
You are a good actor, dude.
Oh, my God.
Oh my God.
So this is him just being curious.
He's just kind of looking at me.
No, no, no, no.
Incorrect.
You don't think you smell it?
No, that's a polar bear.
He smells meat, and he's trying to get in there and eat that dude.
That's 100% what's going on.
He's not curious.
You don't see you sniffing around?
Uh-uh.
That polar bear.
Look at this.
That polar bear smells that man's meat.
That's why he's doing this.
This has nothing to do with curiosity.
He is trying to bite that box to eat that man.
100 million percent.
I mean, this is insane.
Yeah, because polar bears only eat meat.
They're not like any other bear.
They're the most predatory of all bears because they don't have any other options.
They don't have any vegetables.
There's no grass.
All they eat is fucking seals or anything else.
Yeah, photographer's on.
Anything that's there.
Polar bears will come for you.
So what do you do in that situation?
Dude, pray.
I heard the most terrifying story of these explorers.
They were on an icebreaker and they were on an icebreaker.
I don't even know if this is true.
What's an iceberg?
So they're out there wherever the polar bears live.
And they have a leak in their boat.
And they have to literally get off the boat because the boat's sinking.
So they make their way to an ice raft.
They get off the boat onto this ice raft and they wait.
And there's multiple hours before someone can come get them.
And they see a polar bear.
And they see a polar bear on a neighboring ice raft.
And he's looking at them and he stands up and bloom comes up in the water and pops up on the next one next to it.
And they're like, oh, man.
Bloom.
Back in the water, pops up on the next one next to it until he's right next to them.
He dives in the water, comes up onto their ice raft, takes one of the guys, grabs him, pulls him into the water, swims with him over to the other one, and starts eating him.
Fuck.
Right in front of those dudes.
Holy shit.
So they're standing there going, what the fuck?
Where do you think it was heading at?
Get away before.
And then the boat comes.
So they have to watch their friends get eaten by a fucking polar bear.
They have to watch their friend get eaten alive by they eat you alive too.
They don't bother killing you.
Do you think friends have died from like grizzlies or anything like that?
No.
No, I don't.
I do have friends that have been chased by grizzlies and attacked by grizzlies.
They have brown bears.
Well, most of the time, it's what they're trying to do is scare you.
Most of the time, it's like a female with her cubs, and you just zigged when you should have zagged.
That's his thing.
He thinks he could zag at the right moment.
There's no zagging with bears.
And that's happened with friends where they got charged, you know?
Shot at them.
You know what happened with camera?
No, he never had to do that.
But Steve Renella from that show Meat Eater has a horrifying story of they had shot an elk on a Fognac Island, which is this island in Alaska where the biggest brown bears live.
These things are fucking huge, man.
Like 11-foot-tall bears.
They're monsters.
And they killed this elk.
And when they went back to retrieve it, they noticed bear shit.
And they ignored it.
And they said, let's just sit down, have lunch, and we'll carry this meat out of there.
And they heard a noise, and then they turned.
And there was this fucking giant beast just running through the camp.
And they all stood up and guys were falling over each other.
The bear was like running right past them.
One guy, this guy's name's Dirtmouth, wound up on top of the bear as it was running down the hill for like 30 feet, falls off onto the ground.
The bear runs off into the woods and starts hoofing at them.
And then they scramble back to the camp.
They didn't have their guns on them.
The guns were sitting there.
All they were doing was eating lunch.
They had no idea it was going to happen this fast.
And then all of a sudden, then they've got guns.
They've got to try to back out of there.
Wow.
But the bear had claimed their elk.
Of course.
Oh, it took their kill.
They got off easy.
He decided it was theirs.
Oh, yeah, they got off easy.
They just lost an elk.
Who cares?
Who cares?
They're lucky that's it.
I don't even know if they lost the whole elk.
I think they only lost part of it.
I think they were in the process of cutting it up and shipping it and moving it back to their camp, which was like a couple of miles away in this rugged terrain.
This thing just come out of nowhere.
Yeah.
Is it just the bear that you have to worry about?
You got to worry about everything, man.
That's the thing that's great about the woods is that it's a human reset.
When you're like legitimately out in the mountains, it's a human reset.
Right.
Because you realize, like, oh, oh, no one gives a fuck who you are out here.
No one gives a fuck about you.
Everything here is trying to do their thing.
Right.
Them bulls are literally killing each other to fuck.
They're killing each other.
What do you mean?
They grow weapons every year.
They compete.
They kill each other.
I don't know they attack each other.
That's how females choose.
The males will like, there'll be competition.
Whoever wins is the dominant male, that's who the female will mate with.
Dude, meet with two bullshits.
Whenever she's in a seat or whatever, that's when male competition happens.
She's saying, I'm going to choose the dominant male because I want the strongest genes for my offspring.
Yeah.
I control this because I got the angles.
So look what happened.
Look, they start smashing at the water.
Those are two big-ass bulls.
And they decided they both want to be the king shit of the herd.
And so they have to go to war.
So if you are in the woods and you're elk hunting and you hear clackity clack, clock, clack, clack, clackety, clack.
You're like, oh, shit, they're fighting.
And you could run in and kill one of those bulls because they're distracted.
Yeah.
Have you seen what they got locked up?
Sometimes they'll like lock up their antlers and they'll just die that way.
Dude, I've watched this personally from, you know, 50 yards away.
Really?
It's amazing.
It's amazing to watch.
It's wild.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
And then what happened?
Well, my situation, the wind was bad and we never really could get a shot.
It was like there was too much, there was too many trees and shit in front of us.
By the time we got to them, they had smelled us and took off.
What's the biggest animal you could beat the shit out of?
I don't think I can beat the shit out of a monkey.
I was scared a monkey would fuck me.
What about a wolf?
I'm not kidding.
Did you see that video?
Do you ever see that video of a monkey pulls that strip of that dude's head off?
Oh, monkeys are freakishly strong.
But it just climbs.
This guy's like trying to be peaceful.
He's like on his sitting crisscross applesauce.
And the monkey comes and sits on him.
It's like, hello, my friend.
He's like, and the monkey just bites his head and pulls a giant chunk of his scalp off and runs away.
Can you get that up, Mark?
I mean, pulls like a fucking Subway sandwich-sized chunk of scalp from this dude's head.
I'm not bullshitting.
Like this big.
Do we have monkeys in America?
No, we do not.
What about South America?
South America has some monkeys, yeah.
Arian Foster, who's a football player, he said I could take a wolf.
Yeah, he was crazy.
We talked about it on the podcast.
We did a podcast together.
That's ridiculous.
No chance.
No, impossible.
Even you.
You're a monkey.
No, chance.
No chance.
No chance.
You would get, it's literally like a machine that crushes moose bones.
Okay.
Okay.
So no animal.
A wolf's bite is five times stronger than a pit bull's.
Did you see this?
And their teeth are designed to crush bone.
Oh, this is the craziest shit I ever seen.
What are you doing in this situation?
So this is a family that went to Thailand for like a trip, okay?
If I'm not mistaken.
So they're like hanging out and they go to like an orangutan exhibit.
And this is like one of the, this is not graphic, but this is one of the things that they do.
I'm saying, I do this.
Watch this lady get bit.
But she's just chilling there, and then they do like an orangutan experience.
And this is what happens.
He walks up behind her.
Do you see?
What she's grabbing?
Grabbing her boobs.
Smiling, tongue.
He smiles and then just dips.
But I don't think I would want to be that close to an orangutan ever in my life.
No.
Yeah, it's not necessary.
If that thing wanted to, it could pull you apart like a roll of toilet paper.
Just shh.
Yeah.
It could pull you apart like you were nothing.
Yeah, these people are like.
We think of our, like, oh, it's something much bigger than me.
It's like, it's kind of the same size as me.
It's not even the same thing.
Yeah.
Strength to weight ratio.
We're made out of jelly donuts.
That's what it is.
There's not a goddamn animal where you wouldn't be able to fight off a feral cat.
Bears are the scariest animal.
I'm glad we actually cleared that up.
I think they're one of the scariest.
I accept that as an apology.
But big cats might be even scarier.
Yeah, I'm more afraid of a big cat.
Big cats are scarier.
Way more afraid of cats.
Bears, I feel like I could get away, or I feel like I do something.
But with a tiger or a lion.
I'm being dead serious, but with a tiger or a lion, I feel like there's nothing.
Do you remember when you scared me with the bear thing?
No, what was that?
Do you remember this?
I forget where we were.
We were at some comedy club.
I told you about my fear of bears.
And I was like on edge all day because I was like going through all my childhood trauma with bears.
And then you just popped out of nowhere at the comedy club.
I think we're in like Salt Lake City.
Do you have a lot of childhood trauma with bears?
I mean, kind of.
As a kid, it was the scariest thing in the world because we would just be sitting in our house and all of a sudden all the trash cans would rattle and I'm like six years old and all the dogs would start barking crazy and then we'd run outside.
There'd be a bear there.
And Florida bears are like Florida people.
They're all very, very unpredictable.
Smoking PCP.
These bears are crazy.
Unpredictable.
Running from the law.
Wearing Trump hats.
Yeah, they got guns and shit, bro.
These bears have guns, dude.
And I would go outside and I would just bump into one and I'd run inside.
I'm like six years old.
And then my family found out about it.
They bought a bear mask.
And then we had a full bear mask and I'd be sleeping in my bed, eight years old.
My brother kicks in the door, wakes me up, and growling, and I'd wake up and there'd be a bear inside me.
This is amazing.
So we made fun of you because of this?
I didn't listen to a lot of things you said earlier.
I got so terrified of bears.
And then they knew once I got comfortable with the bear mask, then they just flipped the mask inside out.
Oh, my God.
So it was like just a beige.
Oh, and then we did something.
We drink it.
We were planning to do it.
Oh, I don't know if we ever did it, but we wanted to scare it.
You could do the full bear costume.
I was terrified.
It's still coming.
Oh, my God.
Please go.
It's going to come.
That's the scariest animal.
Real bears are fucking, they're weird to see because you actually see them in the wild.
I saw one grizzly, and it wasn't a big one.
It was only about six feet tall.
But it stood up and it was looking at us.
It was looking at us in a totally different way than anything's ever looked at me.
I saw a bear when I was in fucking Montana and its cub.
Nothing to me.
It did not.
I was biking.
I was a big bear.
Might have been a black bear.
Maybe a black bear.
Did you see him?
I swear to God in my life.
I was at my boy Edmundo's bachelor party.
We're doing a bike trip.
I don't believe you.
You need to get high.
I picked it up.
He's not arguing with you.
He's fighting against the feeling the weed is bringing inside of him.
What is the feeling?
I don't think I'm high anymore.
I think it passed.
Oh, yeah, you're fine.
Okay, let's get him a little bit more then.
Afraid of bigger.
Give us a blunt because we're in New York the way we are.
We got to smoke a back load.
Oh, yeah.
Pop these out.
On the ground, bring the whole joint over.
On the ground.
No, no, give the whole thing.
Oh, we got the dipped ones.
That's too crazy for me.
Just bring the whole thing over and then we can choose.
So here's my answer: on the ground, a bear is not as scary as a shark is in the water.
When are you going to just be in one of our videos?
Whenever you want.
Would you actually?
In a heartbeat.
That's sick.
I'd be honored.
Let me see what we got coming up.
Let me run some of these.
Is there a camera behind us?
I just want to let you know, I do get scare.
Yeah.
I do have fears.
Okay.
No one cares.
We're just.
I'm kidding.
Kidding.
Now you just got it where it's funny for me to be mean to you.
Yeah, so I've definitely into it.
That's the show.
We mean to sell it for money.
The next one is fully booked.
You can't come.
Damn it.
It's last to take hand off.
Private jet keeps it.
Last to what?
Take hand off private jet keeps it.
Take the hand off of that.
That's sick, dog.
That's a banger.
But he would lose.
Like, it's not even like.
Yeah, I wouldn't.
He would give up so fast.
But I mean, like, the thing with the private jet is it's the cost of it.
Just finally sell it.
Yeah.
I guess.
Yeah.
Dumbass.
I'll buy it off.
All right.
All right.
Let's see.
Well, see how I got myself back in the video.
Oh, yeah.
The one after that, we're testing like crazy experiments.
So we're seeing if like a brick wall can stop a train.
If like a Lego wall can stop a Latino.
I'll be there for that one.
If like if you, a tank with like whatever, connected to a train, which one pulls each other.
Ooh, that's interesting.
What about a tank and like a Chinese person?
No, see, he does this.
He does this.
That's a historic event.
Not that we got you.
Yeah.
That's a historic event, dude.
No.
This is why your ad revenue is low.
Fuck.
We're losing money.
We're bleeding money.
This podcast could have had great.
You have me, the family-friendly guy here.
We could have had great RPMs.
And you just, hey, you just said no to $30,000.
You know what I do?
I reinvest the money, bro.
I give the money back.
Yeah, yeah.
All does.
You give the money back.
Exactly.
We don't need those dollars.
We want content.
But so we're, okay, it's stuff like that.
So experiment video.
I don't know if you want to come.
The one after that, we're going to try to fix a thousand people's eyesight.
I think it'd be cool.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because, like, just a lot of people.
A lot of people just can't see.
And the only reason that it is because they just don't have money, which kind of blows my mind.
I love that.
Yeah.
So that's beautiful.
That's philanthropy.
Yeah.
You can come to that one if you want.
So what's the next one?
See, the problem is like if I go any further, sometimes I'll just say an idea and then like there's 30 YouTubers watching.
They're going to go do it.
They're like, oh, you're doing that in November?
All right.
Guys, we got to get up in October.
They do.
I can only give you like the, you know, I'll be honest, I am down 100% down.
I fucking love what you guys do.
I think it's absolutely amazing.
I would be honored to be in video.
So whatever one, I think it would be funniest if I was really afraid.
Okay.
And there are things that I'm quite afraid of.
Well, we are.
We are going to the Antarctic later this year.
I will do that.
Okay.
Everyone says that.
We got like.
I will.
Oh, you will?
I will go to Antarctica.
Okay.
We got a.
Tariq's our person picker.
Post is wanting to go.
We might get Logan, Casey.
Holy shit.
We got to see how many seats are on the plane.
Yeah.
Does he get to go over Post Malone?
Yeah.
You don't have a White Iverson.
You know what I mean?
Come on.
You don't have one song.
You know what?
I want to rip Post, but he seems like a really sweet guy.
No, he does.
But I don't even know if he's going to last.
He just.
Say again?
He seems sweet, but I don't think he's going to last.
It's not a last to leave.
He's just there for me.
Antarctica Expedition Plans00:15:14
Come on.
Wait, it's too late.
Let's bring everybody.
I think we got to bring it.
All right, well, then we need a bigger jet.
I think we're going to need a bigger jet.
Do you mind sitting on Post's lap?
Oh, which way?
Can I face him?
That'd be kind of fun.
One of the things we're going to do while we're there is there's tons of mountains I've never been climbed.
So we'll climb a mountain in Antarctica, be the first people to ever climb it.
We have to be the first person to do a podcast on Antarctica.
I know.
That means I got to bring the boys.
Thanks, brother.
Although, Bogan wasn't planning on doing it impulsive there.
Yeah, but nobody wants to watch that.
Nobody wants to watch all that.
Listen, we'll do it at the same time and let's just see whoever just like the YouTubers watching this with all the ideas.
They're like, let's go.
Yes, we'll bring Starlink.
I'll bring Starlink with us so that we get it up first.
Yeah, that's smart.
Genius.
I like that.
This guy's got it.
Yeah.
Okay.
We got this?
I think so.
But if we're going to go through all that effort, we got to really optimize it.
Talk to me.
Like, you know, less going off tangents, a little more structure, probably.
Just really get that retention.
Some type of like story at the end that people watch the whole way.
You're really taking the essence away from this podcast.
Yeah.
No, what?
It's the essence to keep it random.
I don't.
I don't want to.
You know how like when British people ask questions, they're really just shitting on you?
Yeah.
That's right.
I'm not.
I'm trying to help you.
I care about you.
Are you trying to have a successful show?
I'm trying to get your attention up so you get more views so you can shit on Netflix more.
Let's go.
No, but we like Netflix.
Netflix is good.
We both use them.
Yeah, but you make more money on your own.
That's facts.
Yeah.
How much is that?
Thank you so much for watching, Flavor.
Oh, fuck.
Now they're leaving in the middle.
Was that a good?
Now they're leaving in views.
Oh, fuck.
I mean, we're still in.
We're still in.
Come back.
Everybody about, hey, you lost 2% to 3%.
Do we bleep them?
What?
Do we bleep that moment?
You should, or you lose viewers.
Oh, that would keep them interested, actually.
Okay, okay.
Title and thumbnail for this episode.
What are some interesting things?
You were talking about sexual positions, I think.
You were talking about that.
Then it'll get stressed.
That'll get dangerous.
Yeah, I guess press.
Okay.
It needs to be like, why Mr. Beast Stalker or something like that?
Story I was telling about Dubai.
Mr. Beast drinks alcohol for the first time.
Yeah.
I think that won't get views.
That was good.
No, was that a good one?
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Yeah, You're pretty good in the bad bucket.
In the bad bucket.
Yeah, that's the worst.
We're talking about the good ones.
Oh, we don't want to do good buckets.
Okay, talk about the ones that, you know, keep my money.
I've never done anything bad in my whole life.
Ever once?
Never once.
Oh, dude.
I'm just a perfect person.
Yes.
Christian.
No, I laughed.
Oh, shit.
We got him back.
Sorry, Tari.
Take that, buddy.
Crusades 2020.
Let's go.
Okay.
How Mr. Beast is making more African Americans.
Okay, that?
I don't know.
I don't think though.
That might.
What's the point of the colour?
Remember, the goal here was to keep the money the same as I came in.
Yes.
So wait a minute.
Wait, what do you mean by that?
I don't know.
I just feel like you're going to just keep taking this and run with it.
Yeah, yeah.
We got to affect the brand.
We need to tame one.
Tame it.
Okay.
I mean, here, just come up with.
You're the data guy.
Come up with something great, and I'll just tell a story to give you the title.
Yes.
Oh, so start with title and then we'll wrap this up.
Like, ideally, we would have done this before the podcast.
So we could have tricked them.
Oh, shit.
That would have been genius.
Mr. Beast slaps Andrew Schultz.
That would be pretty good.
Is that a good one?
Can I do it?
Let's go.
Let's go, baby.
Oh.
I don't like.
Did he grab his nuts?
They were hanging down like a bulldog.
Yeah.
So I didn't want you to slap him.
Would you grab the nuts?
Well, you could have slapped my butt, hit my nuts.
I'm trying to have a baby with my wife.
Gotcha.
So I got to be careful.
Here, can we get like a free...
Tree, can you grab like a free roaming camera?
We can get like, we got a free listening.
We got free up there.
Okay, can you just punch it on his face?
Okay.
I actually have to slap you.
I just need like a, no, face me.
Okay.
And I'm like, do I go with it?
Bro, my hand's so cold.
Just deal with it.
So now act like I'm slapping you and look at that guy.
You have a cold hand.
He's a robot.
So act like I'm slapping you.
Look at the camera.
Okay.
Eyesight makes them click, dude.
Your hand is, bro.
Feel how cold that hand is.
Oh, my goodness.
You don't get X Machine.
No, I'm good.
Not you.
You know what my favorite moment of your Rogan was?
When Rogan is getting all excited, or he's like watching somebody climb a mountain or some shit.
And he was like, oh, freaky.
Dude, I'm getting scared just watching me.
Look, I'm nervous.
Feel how sweaty my hands are.
And then he just, Jimmy just goes, nah, I'm good.
No, it's like, dope.
You feel the sweat on my hand.
I was like, I really am good.
I don't need to feel it.
I think I was like, I can imagine what it feels like.
But you felt it, though.
Did I?
I don't remember.
No, you didn't.
I really don't.
That was the most alpha shit.
That's when I was like, yo, this guy was Rogan.
You're on Rogan.
You're like, yeah, sure.
I just.
And you were just, he just goes, she literally goes, I don't need to feel it.
He was so insistent on it.
He's like, feel it.
Like, if we were this close, he would have been like, feel my hand.
Dude, I want to look in your hands.
We should look into that.
You think that?
Yeah, what is this?
This is a problem.
It's freezing.
This is a very serious problem.
Yeah.
Is it crones?
No, for real.
Like, can you beat off?
Can you jerk off?
What is it?
It's very weird.
And I don't know what's going on.
Yeah.
My right hand isn't freezing, but my left is.
I wonder why.
I wonder why one of them is freezing off to me.
Bro, I haven't jerked off.
I've been sitting here the whole time.
Yeah, exactly.
That we know, dude.
You want to saw my dick.
Yeah.
Well, you were looking at the analytics earlier.
I saw that.
The analytics is.
I think you're jerking off.
That's why this is here.
I'm like, oh my gosh.
There's a hole in the keypad when we take it.
There's a dent at the bottom of the computer.
Look at that, bro.
Dang.
We got our thumbnail.
There we go.
Okay.
Wow.
Wow.
You defended Chris Rock's honor, dude.
Yeah, we did.
That was awesome.
How long do you think I'm going to be in this?
Until we decide you can get out.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're really a prisoner of this.
You're like Jada in her own marriage.
Just treat it.
Jada or Will.
Well, hey, Jada wants out, can't get out.
That's facts.
What did you guys think of what happened?
Thank you, Squire.
I mean, dude.
First off, the costume.
I mean, that's fire, right?
Is this just in case like Will tries to attack you?
Yeah, this is what comedians are going to have to wear now.
On stage?
Yeah, we're going to have to dress prepared for violence, dude.
Yeah.
This is what it's like now.
Comedians are under attack, dude.
Wow.
Everyone wants to talk about Ukraine.
Comedians are the real ones that are under attack.
We're the Ukrainians of America.
Absolutely.
You don't look like the Kingslayer.
You're not the Kingslayer, but you're like the Prince Layer.
I'm the Prince Layer.
Yeah, 100%.
Which Prince?
Yeah, the Fresh.
Fresh one.
Definitely.
Okay, guys, what were your thoughts on what happened with Will and Rock?
I mean, that was unreal.
It's hard to hear.
We can't move on.
You want to hear something funny?
I saw a tweet that said it wasn't even Rock's joke.
It was one of the writers.
That's so good.
What do you think he's doing backstage?
The writer just like, here's the thing.
The writer probably thought of way worse jokes about infidelity and was like, let's go with something mild.
Dude, she's wearing a green, like a military green outfit.
And is she going to be in G.I. Jane?
No, no.
No.
They're not making another G.I. Jane?
No.
She's not doing this for a role.
What?
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
No, no.
She's doing it because she has alopecia.
She's losing her hair.
Yeah, which is apparently a huge deal.
I had no idea.
Every person at the Oscars has fake hair.
Every person in this room is losing their hair.
Yeah.
Shout out to Keith.
But no, for real, like, if there's one place where you can wear like wigs and fake hair and all that kind of stuff, it's the, like, every girl there probably has extensions.
Yeah, but she wanted to be proud.
She wanted to come out and just say, yo, this is my hair.
Well, then, keep it a buck.
Be proud.
Do you know what I'm saying?
If this is a big deal for black women to not wear their own hair, why have my women been cutting off their own shit and sending it this way for fucking decades?
Talk that shit.
You can't get a nice weave.
We always got a race with it.
A crusade.
You saw a crusade in there.
Ready for a crusade right now.
You look like it, man.
Yeah, y'all would get there first, but by the time I get there, I think that was the strategy.
They're like, if we just make them walk there from England in these outfits, the Muslims will just be dead by this time.
There's no way that we're just waiting for them, bro.
Son, you're looking for a crusade.
I thought you were looking for the yellow brick road over there.
It took a while to go.
The joke was great.
The joke is great.
The joke is exceptional.
But it did take you a while to get there.
But that was fucking good.
Bro, Tin Man, bro.
Yeah.
Now I feel bad for him.
They said no one's ever rented this outfit before.
Say again?
They said no one's ever rented this.
I was like, I want to rent that.
They're like, wait, actually, Mark, we didn't rent this outfit.
Oh, that's right.
This is handed down.
Forged, yeah.
Forged.
Yeah, it was my family.
My Scottish answers when we were fucking up the English in their butts.
You know what I mean?
We were cucking out the English, dude.
We were Will Smith and the English, dude.
If there's any August Alcina, I mean, if there's anything you want to say to Andrew, now's the time because he can't do nothing.
I can't do shit.
You can say whatever you want to me.
Okay.
But if there's any time to use your Scottish accent, now is also the time.
I definitely want some freedom from this outfit.
That's for damn sure.
Now, now, question, guys.
Jada Pinkett Smith's hair condition.
You think that's actually Alopecia, or it's all like the RB singers just rubbing her head.
Oh my God.
Oh, my God.
What?
That's crazy.
They said that her head is like the new log from the Apollo.
Gross.
What?
You thought I was going to give all the Rose jokes in the intro?
Come on, we got to have a couple leftovers for the conversation.
If you wrote that, you could have a career.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
That's a wild, right?
You got to keep this going forever.
At least you got to swing on him.
I swing back.
Will.
You got to challenge him to a joust.
Yo.
That's fire.
Yeah, dude.
Will he just put Jada like that?
Yeah.
Will took all my Oscar and I'll use Vala.
Yeah, sorry, Vala.
Show the head.
Let's go.
We got some growth.
Yeah, right.
Vala making a comeback.
Watch out, Miles.
Okay, what were your guys' thoughts?
Like, immediate reaction was crazy on the internet.
Usually, Arkash said it was fake.
He dropped his face.
I thought it was fake.
I thought it was fake too.
I don't anymore, but initially, I was like, there's no way that's real.
Okay.
And then I was watching with Dushar and my wife, and they're like, no, Chris's energy shifts way too hard.
There's a moment, I don't know if y'all noticed when Chris is about to clap back.
Not like fight him, but he goes, keep your wife, Will goes, keep your wife's name out of no, keep my wife's name out of your mouth.
And Chris goes, he was about to unload.
He needed to.
Yeah, he did.
He needed to.
And we would have been completely fine if he went crazy, bleep him out, whatever.
Yeah.
You got slapped on TV.
Yeah.
100%.
Not on TV, the TV.
Yo, literally, four losers, the Super Bowl.
The theater nerd Super Bowl.
The Virgin Super Bowl.
The Virgin Super Bowl, he got slapped.
Yeah.
And it's so fucking crazy because the initial reaction was like, yo, Chris is pussy, blah, blah, blah.
I don't think Chris is pussy for not hitting Will back.
I think he's pussy because he was worried about his career.
I thought he was worried about his career, but I also think.
Like, if he acts crazy, if he acts professional in that moment, all the execs and everything are, oh my God, thank you so much for doing that.
And you acted like a man.
Will you?
I don't know if we can trust this person.
He's got issues, mental health, this, that, the other.
And then Chris is the ultimate professional.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but it didn't work out like that.
What do you mean?
We're not looking at him like that.
The people.
Not us, not us.
I'm saying the decision makers in Hollywood.
Like, he didn't hit him back so he could be in Zootobia 4, right?
He's like, I need to be doing voiceover work.
I need to do all that shit.
Which is sad.
That's the sad thing.
That's the social meeting.
That's his career.
Son, Antonio Brown is not beholden to no one.
Antonio Brown.
That's a horrible example.
No, Think about it.
Most athletes in that situation go, oh, I got to make sure that I keep my composure and I don't, you know, curse out the coach.
I don't do any of that kind of shit.
Antonio Brown said, fuck it, took off the jersey.
I do whatever I want.
I'm not beholden to the NFL.
Now, I'm not saying you should be Antonio Brown, but he's free.
That motherfucker is free to act whoever he wants and he doesn't do what the NFL wants.
He doesn't do what the coach wants, you know, the Buccaneers wants.
He does what Antonio Brown fucking wants.
Lloyd Mayweather.
Sure.
He don't have no sponsors.
He didn't have to worry about people pulling out whatever.
I'm going to sell my next fight on my own, make $100 million, and that could tell me shit.
Better example shit.
Because Chris Rock can't do movies, but he could do stand-up.
Yes.
He literally, his new tour is called Ego Death.
Antonio Brown.
Getting slapped at the Oscars and not doing nothing.
You can't have an ego about that, bro.
And he can't even come back and make jokes about Will.
Yes, he can.
Yes, he can.
There's two types of black people.
There's black people, and then there's Will Smith.
Every time black people want to have a good time, Will Smith come and fuck it up.
That's good.
How you doing?
Yo, Will Smith always wants some credit for some shit he's supposed to do.
I protect my family.
He's supposed to, you dumb motherfucker.
Be my four-fifth mind.
I hate Will Smith.
The media.
You didn't want to have the Oscars.
I'm looking at the audience for the media.
No, I'm looking for Will Smith.
That's going to be so fire.
Okay, fine.
But let's like...
His career is his life, right?
Like, like you live and you make movies and that's your job.
Yeah.
And that's also your life.
And so it's like, yeah, he just defended his life by not swinging back.
Yeah, but his life.
That's the gayest shit, man.
He's in movies.
He makes money by being in movies.
I know you're trying to disagree with us, so you have to have a take, but that's being genuine.
This is good.
This is tough.
Okay, bail him out.
Bail him out.
Will rant.
Will rant.
Will ran.
Will ran.
He did kind of.
Slapped him, turn around quick and started moving.
I don't know if it's a run.
I mean, it's pussy of Will to slap him, though.
No, no, because that's the most.
He's the 140-pound soul.
That's the thing, though.
I would rather get punched than get slapped.
What do you think weighs more?
Oh, my God.
Chris Rock or the hair in the shower drain of Jada Smith's out.
What do you think, Chris?
No?
I'll try so hard not to.
Yo, did they think they wasn't going to get these jokes?
That's crazy.
Like, are you like, come the fuck on, bro?
You think you could do that and not get more jokes?
You think we're going to, from the comfort of our own home, not talk more shit about Jada?
I'll be honest with you.
Punching Versus Slapping00:07:57
And I resonated a little bit with Chris.
Because I've been punched on stage.
Yes, yes.
I have been punched on stage.
What happened?
Can you tell the story?
I was doing a show, my first show in Harlem.
Yeah.
Shout out to Mocha Lounge.
Shout out to Mocha Lounge and Smokey.
And I went up and I was making fun of some Puerto Rican guy and I wasn't funny.
It wasn't even that good, but I was making fun of his ass.
And he walked up to me and there's no stage.
You're just performing right in front of like the bar, basically.
And he just walked up and I was like, what's up?
And he just swung on me.
Now, luckily, they grabbed him before I could do nothing.
Yeah.
Chris Rock didn't have that lucky.
Luckily for him.
No, no.
Luckily for him.
Before I could do nothing.
Yeah.
Luckily, they grabbed him before everybody could see I wasn't going to do nothing.
Let me word that correctly.
But I said that the first time.
So I get to look like the, oh, I would have fucked him up.
And I remember they just gave me the mic and they're like, all right, keep going.
And it was like a legendary story for me because it's like, how do you react to that?
I know everything he felt in that moment.
Except it wasn't by Will Smith on the most famous stage possible.
But in the moment, going like, what the fuck is going on?
But luckily, they all grabbed him and threw him out.
So I didn't look as pussy as I was about to be.
Did you have a sturdy chin?
Oh, he didn't drop me or nothing, bro.
So you had a sturdy chin.
Chris had a sturdy chin.
He leaned in, smiling.
He looked like the shark in shark's tail.
Do you see the picture of him leaned in, cheese dust?
That's Will smiling.
I think he thought Will was joking for Will Smith.
He's the guy.
I think he thought Will was joking.
I think he was like, oh, no, here we go.
Let's do a little bit.
Then he legit slapped him and he just says it like, you know, this guy just slapped me on national TV.
You mean he's just shot?
I'm just saying in that moment, you're not in fight or flight mode.
No.
You're in like complete shock mode.
Yeah.
And so I'm not like, I'm not angry at him for not doing anything back.
Obviously, you'd want to see him at least tackle him or do some shit, but it is so unbelievable.
All of us watching are like, I can't believe this.
Imagine being there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I definitely empathize with him for that.
But like, you got to address that shit, fam.
You got to start going, right?
You got to say something.
I'm going to see you after or something like that.
I'll see you backstage.
Yeah, boom.
Even if you don't, leave immediately.
We'll handle this backstage.
Yeah.
Hey, Will.
Some of us have a little bit more professionalism.
Some of us have a little bit more decorum.
The show must go on.
I need to be in Zootopia 6.
Okay.
But I'll see you backstage.
Yeah.
That's my point.
Yeah.
Like, I don't think you fight because it's like, if you fight, you're fucking up your whole bag, your whole life for what?
Your honor?
Like, nah, you can fight.
You can fight.
Your ego, bro.
You're not going to be a fan of your honors, huh?
Ain't nothing wrong with Honor.
He got paid 70 fucking million for doing a bunch of movies, Madagascar and shit.
Who?
Chris Rock.
Chris Rock.
Like, he's getting paid dozens of millions of dollars to be in these animated movies.
Like, if he fights.
He's got dozens of millions.
He doesn't sound that himself.
They're not going to put him in movies now.
If he like scraps and gets on the ground and defends himself, if you get slapped, you're allowed to defend yourself.
They might look like that.
But here's the problem.
He can't do nothing.
That somebody said, I think Mike Albane said this.
I would love to see if The Rock said something instead of Chris Rock.
Then is it keep my wife's name out of you?
I'm going to give you one.
What if it was Jimmy Kimmel?
What if it was a white dude?
What if it was Ricky Bridge?
Will Smith ain't hitting him, yo?
Yeah.
That's it.
Probably right.
What do you think, Al?
I don't think he's hitting him.
I don't know.
I think Will was fed up.
And this is the thing.
I think Will.
It could have been anybody.
I think Will was fed up and then he took it out on somebody he knew he could get away with taking it out.
Which is why it's so pussy to me.
He's known him for like 25 years.
But he's also made a lot of fun.
I want to make a point about that.
He did make jokes in the past.
I want to make another point.
Nobody in that room was rooting for Chris Rock.
What do you mean?
Keep this in mind.
All the people in that crowd have been made fun of by Chris Rock for the last decade.
These are people who live in their own little Hollywood bubbles.
Nobody ever gives them pushback.
Nobody ever teases them.
Nobody ever says nothing to these people.
They don't have a sense of humor.
You go see these shows and they're like groaning about all these jokes and then applauding when the joke is virtuous, right?
Yeah.
They see every they have to go to these events because they want the public applause.
They want the public validation, but they know that they're going to get caught in the crosshairs from a Chris Rock joke and it drives them crazy.
And they were happy.
Did you see the way Samuel Jackson dapped up Will Smith afterwards?
Did you see the way that Denzel and Bradley Cooper?
Watch it, watch it.
I'm just saying.
Denzel a loser, dog.
No, no, no, no, I gotta give credit.
Keep his name out your mouth.
I will.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is like they were on the side of Will.
These are people.
A lot of the people they are humorless.
It's not like we have actual comedians in the audience.
They can't go back and forth with Chris Rock.
So they were loving the fact that Will got up and slapped the bully.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think they were rooting for it.
But again, Will Smith was the bully.
You get bullied and then you pick on another kid that you won't do anything to you.
You're not a bully.
Yes.
And Will Smith is choosing to stay with the woman that's causing all the bullying.
Whether that's that's his choice, fine.
But if that's the bed you made, you lie in it.
I'm honest.
I'm being serious with you.
And this is not my idea.
So I can't give credit, but I won't give credit to this person because I don't want him to get in trouble.
But a friend of mine was like, I sincerely believe that Jada is a witch.
Like with spells and shit.
Is this 1300s?
Are you talking about Schultz in the 1300s?
Hold on.
I'm serious.
I spent the weekend up in wherever we hung those witches.
What is it called?
Salem.
Medieval time.
No, I spent the weekend up in Salem.
No, no.
I was talking.
I was talking to somebody, and they were like, no, I think she's like a literal witch.
Like, I think she has him mind-controlled.
And he laughed at the beginning, at the beginning.
That's what fucked him.
Yeah, can we discuss that?
Okay, the joke happens.
It's a very easy joke.
Everybody who's watching now has already heard it.
And not a mean joke, by the way.
Not even that mean.
He laughs, though.
And then she gets a little.
She rolls her eyes.
Okay.
She rolls her eyes.
And I think he went up there because he had to make up for the fact that he laughed.
That's right.
Now, you lie a lot about being Mexican.
Can you?
You're a big time liar about being Mexican.
Can you cut that shit out a little bit?
Why do you think it's lie?
Do you speak Spanish?
Claudo que si.
No, Español way.
Abos Español?
Claro?
Go ahead.
Yo, he was struggling.
You don't speak Spanish, Louis.
Shut that fucking shit up already.
Bibi en España.
Bibi unaño en españa.
Okay.
Y tambientra baje muchos esterantes.
Yes.
No.
Claudo que es.
No, no.
Eres español.
Nar estás.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, it's grammar.
That's what makes a person a person.
Don't be defensive.
Don't be defensive.
You're really easy villaging this right now.
No, you really are.
I own it.
I'm defensive about it.
But you don't even know anything about why I'm Mexican.
I mean, why do you think?
Do you really think I don't know why you're Mexican?
I don't know anything about what you know.
I hope this ends in a fist fight.
I just kicked the shit out of each other.
I do my research.
Yeah.
I know about these things.
Research is me search.
Oh.
What?
Now that's a saying.
What?
That's a saying.
When you're doing research, you're searching yourself.
It's like when you're writing, you're always writing about yourself, even if you think you're not writing about yourself.
I'm a smart motherfucker, too.
I'm French.
I know I'm French.
I'll make up with a man right now.
Mark is giving up to invite him upstairs.
Come on.
Got some spiral stairs.
Yeah, we do.
Did you feel when you walked up those stairs?
Kicking Each Other Out00:02:02
They weren't spiral, but I like that.
It's half a spiral.
Don't tell people what's on the back end.
Yeah.
I didn't go back there.
I don't know anything.
I believe in that.
I trust that.
If you tell me that's a spiral staircase.
Yeah.
You want to go for a walk up the staircase?
No, but it's there.
Can I try again?
Hey.
Hey.
Where are you going?
If that guy had done that, it would have been like, no, no, no.
So you guys don't know how to act.
You don't know how to pick up.
You don't know how to pick up a teenage boy.
Damn, bro.
Okay, okay.
You don't act sexy with a teenage boy.
You act cool.
Hey, what's up?
Come on.
Oh, fuck.
Is that cool?
I mean, it almost worked on me.
That's why I know it.
Right, right, right, right.
Cool's changed, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So, so it's all good.
We all get old, bro.
And okay.
Am I the oldest person here?
I think so, right?
What do you mean, you have to ask that question?
Oh my gosh.
Break up the font on your iPhone again.
Awesome.
When you talk about the bald fat guys crying at Top Gun, I was like, was Louis crying at Top Gun?
I cried at Top Van Maverick.
I did.
The reality is, this chapter of Flagrant is done.
Okay?
And as we've done in every single place that we've been and as we've done in every single moment of our career, we have to burn the boats.
Because the only way you survive is if you tear it all down.
You absolutely destroy it.
It forces you to survive.
It forces you to thrive.
It forces you to change the motherfucking game.
That is all we know.
And it's all we will do.
So, without further ado, I think it's time to burn the boat.