Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect the detention of WNBA star Brittney Griner in Russia, speculating it serves as political leverage amidst the Ukraine conflict while debating whether her American status makes her an "enemy of the state." They challenge racial definitions by arguing whiteness relies on English proficiency rather than phenotype, contrasting this with conspiracy theories about pandemic closures and Russian media influence. The hosts also compare Elon Musk's disruptive innovation to Jeff Bezos's logistical perfectionism, analyze Cain Velasquez's lethal response to a molestation accusation, and discuss the risks Zelensky faces from alleged Nazi factions within his military. Ultimately, the episode suggests that geopolitical tensions and shifting cultural narratives often override traditional legal or racial frameworks in modern discourse. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagrant 200:14:28
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Shelsey.
I'm here with Akash Singh Mark Gagnon, Alex Media, Miles Media.
We got the truffle.
Even Chifty is up there, man, in that cam, creating those cool angles.
I had to bite my tongue with my wife today.
Let's start with there.
Let's start with this.
I had to bite my tongue with my wife today because, you know, today's the first warm day in New York.
Yeah.
We've had in months.
And she's like, yeah, it's like 60 degrees outside.
And I look at my phone because I don't like it.
I'm like, there's no way it's 60 degrees.
And then I says there's a high of 72.
And then I go, I go, wow, it says it's going to be a high of 72.
And then she goes, I don't think it's going to get up to 72.
I love that though.
And I grinded my teeth.
And I'm like, oh, really?
But inside, I'm like, what the fuck do you know about weather?
Okay.
Well, how the fuck?
What do you mean you don't know?
You don't think it's going to go to 72?
Can I tell you something?
The phone says fucking 72.
Can I tell you something?
She's a Schultz now.
Is that officially a Schultz?
There's all kinds of good expert information in her face.
And she's like, nah.
Dude, I'm looking.
Where do you think she learned that from?
What is it?
Geologists?
What is it called?
What are they called?
Do the weather?
Geologists?
Meteorologists.
Meteorologists, whatever the fuck they are.
It says 72.
And just to look at my wife, she looks right at me.
I don't think we'll get up there.
I didn't.
I honestly, I started shaking.
I was like, do you want to start fighting already at nine in the morning?
You know what?
We'll get to 68.
We'll get to 68 degrees.
How hot do you think it will get with your expertise in meteorology?
How hot will the day get?
Not only should she just throw it out.
The lights are turning off.
I'm so angry.
Not only is she throwing out a random hot take, it's also the hot take you want to happen more than anything.
More than anything.
You want it to get warm so bad.
I need the warm.
I went outside and I think I felt happy the first time in three months.
I think my seasonal depression or whatever that shit that women make up is real.
And it got hot and I was like, it's going to be 72.
I can walk outside with a t-shirt.
Oh, I don't think it's going to be up to 72.
Based on what?
Based on what, woman?
Oh, are you saying that she took something that you believed in dearly and then shit all over it for no reason?
Is that what she did?
I have to tell her now.
I wonder where she learned it, guys.
I had to tell her now not to do the devil's advocate shit with me anymore.
No, you just have to do it back down.
She's the devil's wife.
What are you talking about?
No, because I understand I do it.
You know, like she was even editing.
Forget it.
I can't even say this.
Like, I'm giving her edit notes like I give y'all on her stuff for Blister Peppers.
And she has to remove me from the room.
And I literally, I got so into it.
I was like so charged up.
I was like, yeah, you should send her all the things and then make sure it snaps.
Make sure you watch it.
No, that's not how you say it.
There's no way.
That's how you say it.
You say, oh, you want people to not watch this?
You want people to not watch your videos?
Literally, that was the note I gave her.
I was like, you could do it your way, or you could do it the way where people will watch it.
Yeah, that's what you said.
But it's up to you.
That's what you said.
But it's up to you.
And then she goes, Andrew, how would you like if I do this about you and you asked her to review your comedy or something like that?
And I literally was so like charged up and angry.
I was like, well, then don't ask me then.
You ask me.
That's how we get views in this place.
I thought you were going to take that super left.
I thought you were going to be like, what could you tell me?
Well, that was way back then.
That was in there.
Andrew hitting though.
72.
Yeah.
What do you know about temperatures?
Connecting with our inner Native American, y'all.
You know, when the knee hurts and you see the feel of rain coming and shit, you have to be a little bit more.
I see how that's native.
Well, Neil Beckham Jr. Natives, they just like taste the ground and like, oh, there's going to be an earthquake tomorrow.
Like, come on.
They know that shit.
Earthquake tomorrow.
They be knowing.
Ground tastes quaky today, guys.
They be so bad.
They be knowing, bro.
That's good, dude.
That is good.
Oh, God.
I don't know why that frustrated me so much.
Because you wanted the warmth.
I bet you she's monitoring the temperature right now.
And if it never hits 70, I'm going to get a screenshot.
Oh, my God.
Today's high.
70.
She might be right.
She 100% might be right.
We're at 71 right now.
Oh, let it hit 72 during this pot.
I'm calling her.
Hey, babe, go outside.
Why?
Because it's 70 fucking two degrees right now.
We got to warm it up.
We got to do something.
What do we do?
Open the oven.
I don't know.
Like, there's some way we can just warm it up outside a little.
One degree just to set it up.
Spray your aerosol cans.
Everybody.
Start global warming a little more.
You need it right now.
You just got to double.
Drop the nuke.
Yeah.
Go in on her.
If she's like, oh, I'm so excited to go on a trip to the Bahamas.
Be like, I don't think we'll get there.
And she's like, what do you mean?
You're like, yeah, it just might not happen.
Yo, I got a shit on the thing she's excited about.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we have a nice date night tonight.
Yeah.
I mean, for a happy marriage, don't do that.
But if you want to prove a point, yeah.
But I stepped it down.
I didn't say anything.
And I knew I was going to come here and I was going to share with you guys.
That's mature.
You share it with 500,000 people.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
But why would she say that?
It's the one person that matters.
And you know what?
You know what?
She said this when I went back, and I was like, I was like, why do you think that?
I stuttered.
I was so angry.
I go, why do you think that?
And then she goes, oh, because Apple didn't say it.
And I couldn't really refute it because now she's working off technology too.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
But god damn, did that charge me up?
I was charged up.
You didn't ask, what do you think it's going to get up to?
Say again.
Did you ask her, what do you think it's going to get up to?
No, because I was too focused on just like just dealing with my anger and frustration.
I'm going to be honest, though, it might not happen today, but Apple be doing that a lot.
They'll have a high and then it'll never actually get even close to the high.
And then they just slowly adjust the hourly temperature.
Oh, yeah.
And that shit be driving me fast.
They gaslight you.
They gaslight you.
Apple is a gaslight.
Oh, it'll be 75 and hit 71.
They're like, yeah, we always said 71.
We always said, yeah, fuck.
They do that with the time, too.
How distance like time to your destination?
And then they bump it up like five minutes.
Like, that's not how you said at the beginning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Especially when it's red.
Yeah.
Hour 51 becomes two and a half hours.
They act like they told you the whole time.
I chose this route because of our initial conversation.
Now you're changing it up, moving the goalpost, bitch ass.
This is something that happens regularly.
Are you telling me?
You're telling me at Tim Cook's Apple, this is something that happens regularly?
Regularly.
We got to put a stop to this.
Apple gaslights.
Samsung would never.
Never.
Are we going to switch it up?
I would love to.
Let's all go Samsung.
Are we going to sung it up?
Yeah.
Y'all want to sung it up?
Nah.
I'm so dead.
I'm going to sung it up right now.
Oh, you got that watch?
We'll get you a real watch, dog.
Don't worry about that.
Yo, when did the Apple Watch become the thing that everybody does?
Not me, bro.
What do you mean?
Everybody does Apple Watch.
My girl did the Apple Watch.
That shit failed today.
This is how you knew I was angry.
My girl did the Apple Watch, went on her run.
The shit failed, so she couldn't get into her apartment because the apartment has like latch to get in.
And she was just knocking on the door for a minute, and I knew it was her.
But you know what?
I thought I thought, enjoy the weather, baby.
It's a beautiful day outside.
Why don't you soak up this 69 degrees?
No way.
Hell's yes.
Hell's yes.
Don't take your phone on a nice little run.
Think your Apple Watch is going to get you back in the house.
No.
No.
Try to call me on that shit.
You can't.
Look all stupid.
Like a fucking CIA.
There's no way.
So this shit's fire.
You're hating.
Am I hating?
You're hating a little bit.
I think I missed the whole thing because I got the early Apple Watch.
Yeah, I did.
I got the Apple Watch when I was living back with my folks.
Yeah, shit was dumb early, and it was just a shitty watch.
It didn't have all this workout technology that y'all are doing and like heartbeat and all that other stuff.
Or it didn't.
I didn't know how to use it.
Huh?
EKG.
EKG.
Protect your family.
Wait, what's this?
There's a thing if they fall down, there's like a little alert that goes on.
Jews are so concerned with health.
They're like, monitor your heart murmurs.
That's the part that you like the most.
Yeah.
The best part about it is you can just leave your phone at home.
You go out to dinner, no phone.
But I feel like this is more of an interruption because it's constantly buzzing.
They just put that shit on mute.
How do you ignore your wife with no phone?
I need you to get the answer for it.
Yeah, exactly.
Listen, guys, I think we need to talk about a couple of things.
I want to talk about Britney Spears and why she posted a Jewish star.
Yeah, who's your favorite Britney of the week?
Britney Griner or Britney Spears?
Yeah.
Ooh.
Free both of them.
Yeah, exactly.
We got to free all the Britney.
Yeah, Loki, lock up one of them.
And then free the other.
Obviously, Mark is referring to Britney Griner, who's currently in a jail in Russia, and Britney Spears, who's currently posting wild shit on the internet.
And all the people who said free Britney are now regretting that they put that message out there into the world as Britney Spears is slowly devolving into a, what, a porn star?
I love free Britney.
You do?
Yeah, it's amazing.
It's so amazing.
Wait, why?
Tidies is out.
Yeah.
The Titties is out.
I know this, man.
I'm a simple man, bro.
I was a simple man.
But you don't think that she's a little off her rocker?
Who cares?
Is Kanye off his rocker?
Yeah.
I don't know if he is.
I used to think he was outside.
What's the entire outside?
It's whatever Apple said.
What did Tim Cook said?
That's the motherfucking temperature.
I don't know if Kanye's off his rocker.
He's off his rocket, bro.
All right, fine.
He's clinically has bipolar disorder.
Anyway, so what?
No, I'm just saying this one.
She has something.
We don't know what it is yet, but yeah.
Just keep showing him titties.
Okay.
But I want to get to that.
I want to get to the story.
Okay.
Okay.
But before we get to the story, I want to talk about Akash Singh and his write-up in the New York Times.
Oh, okay.
We out here.
We out here.
You can wait, Brittany.
Bitch, both y'all.
Both of y'all got time.
Akash, one, how does it feel?
Yo, it was really cool.
Can we tell the story?
Can we tell the real story?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, bust it down.
Okay, so I tried to get Akash, son.
Yo, bust it down.
Yo, shut up.
We tell the real story.
They try to get Akash.
You can't get this man.
You can't get this man.
Try, New York Times.
All right.
Tell the motherfucking story.
I'm sorry.
I got so charged up.
I'm so charged up.
I was asked to do.
I read the whole shit angry.
All right, so I got asked if I want to do an article in the New York Times.
Somebody wanted to do a write-up on me.
I'm not sure if it's a Rogan thing or what.
You got to be a little bit nervous.
And I go in, I'm talking to this guy.
To his credit, he was arguing with me about shit.
I had never done an interview like that.
Every interview I've done, not many, but they ask you a question, you give an answer, and they move on to the next question.
This guy and I talk for like two hours, and he's pushing back on shit.
He keeps bringing up Hurry.
And I'm like, I don't, I didn't make this special about Harry.
It has nothing to do with Hurry.
I don't want to talk about Hurry.
And he's like, well, you can't not talk about this special without talking about Harry.
Can you just let people know who Hari Kondabala is?
Harry Kondabala, for those of you guys who don't know, he's the guy that made the special that got a poo taken off the air, essentially.
The problem with a poo.
Yes.
And my reaction was not to him, it was to this whole thing.
Like, we're going to take a poo off the air, really?
That's what we're reaching for as brown people.
Which he plays a part in.
Yeah.
So I did, but at the time, I'm also very wary of like being painted as like this right-wing.
Like, we joke here, right-wing Singh, but everybody listening knows me.
They have context.
I have to be very guarded about people trying to make me some kind of like right-wing, like brown Candace Owens type thing.
I don't want that shit at all.
So we're kind of going back and forth.
And then we start arguing about something.
And then he says something like, well, there's two camps of comedy, right?
There's the woke camp and then your camp, the anti-woke camp.
And I'm like, whoa, I'm not that.
I'm not woke at all.
But like, I'm not in some anti-woke camp where all I do is shit.
That's not my, I don't care about it that much.
Yeah.
And then you're Akash Singh.
I'm Akash Sing.
You're in your own camp.
I'm not camp by my own thoughts.
I'm not beholden to any of you.
That's why we go on stage alone.
So we can say the things we want to say.
So then he and I legit start arguing in this fucking tea house.
We just start like arguing at some point because I say to him, No, no, no, I resent what you're saying right now because you're too smart to do this.
You're too smart to paint me as one of these guys.
And I know people want to paint me as one of these guys, but I'm not that.
Like, I'm not doing like Glenn Beck asked me to do an interview.
I'm not going to do Glenn Beck.
And he looked surprised for a second.
He's like, You wouldn't do Glenn Beck.
And I was like, Fuck, no, I'm not going to do Glenn.
Look, I'll do it if I do Rachel Maddow and I'm doing both, but I'm not going to lean into a balance just to make money either side.
I'm not that guy.
And I think he had an idea of me being completely polar opposite of Harikondabalu.
I think in his mind, it was just like, well, this guy seems to completely disagree with him.
So he must be this other guy.
I don't begrudge him for it.
I just think we had a misunderstanding.
And I also think his interview style, to be fair to him, I don't want to shit on him.
I think he just picks at what you're saying to get context.
But I had never done an interview like that.
So I'm like, this motherfucker out here trying to get me, yo.
Yeah, he is trying.
I was, yo, that's him right there.
But I was going, I he said something like, you had Alex Jones on your podcast.
And I go, I don't think we need to talk about that here.
Because again, I don't want him to take the thing there.
And then he goes, well, I can't talk about you without mentioning that you had Alex Jones on your podcast.
And I go, I think you can.
So like, I'm pretty sure.
It's almost like he had a preconceived notion of who you were.
And every time you were creating pushback for that notion, he was trying to find another way to justify it.
That's why I was upset.
And I could have been, and I called him afterward.
We talked afterward.
He cleared the air.
He was like, Look, my style is I'm going to push back to get context on who you are.
And I realized what I was thinking is this motherfucker is exactly that.
I want to give him credit.
I think he's just, he would do this with anybody.
Like, if you're a left-wing guy, he's going to give you a right-wing point of view just to see what you dig deeper on what you really think.
And then by the end of it, he talked to me about like, so you seem like a pretty moderate guy.
Is it tough to do comedy that way, et cetera?
And that didn't necessarily make it in the piece, but I respected that he asked me.
He said you were moderate, left-leaning.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know.
He said, you said you were that.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah.
And I do like that he said I heatedly balked at the notion of being an anti-woke comic.
Like, put that shit in.
I do not fucking want that.
I thought the piece was good.
Yeah.
And I thought the piece exposed that you had an answer for every potential criticism of you.
So I'll give him credit in that regard: is that like he was feeding you lines that some people might have been deflated if they had to respond to, like that could have kind of hung a lot of people out to dry.
But you've thought about this so much more than the average person.
So there's no way that they're going to put you in this position where you're going to be this radioactive, polarizing figure about these things.
And to be fair to anybody who interviews me, you should, if I haven't thought it through like that, I shouldn't put out the special.
I shouldn't put out a special call, bring back a poo if I haven't thought this through at every level.
And I thought, now I'm comfortable.
Justifying Preconceived Notions00:05:32
I stand on this.
So I don't, yo, I was heated when I left that interview.
I was like, I don't know what the fuck.
I called Andrew.
I was like, bro, I think this motherfucker tried to get me, whatever.
I emailed him.
Then he was like, yo, I'm sorry.
You feel that way?
I genuinely don't.
Give me a call if you want to clear up the air.
And I called him.
And then we did find a place where he's like, look, if you don't like the article, that's fine.
That is your right.
And I understand it's nerve-wracking to be written about because you don't have control of it.
But just, can you do me one favor and just read the article first?
And I was like, yeah, you got me.
I think you got me on that.
Like, read it before it comes out.
No, just read it before you rush to judgment and tell me I slandered you or whatever.
Like, don't do it.
No.
That's fair.
Yeah.
I mean, look, I can feel the way, but I have nothing.
Go on.
Yeah.
Did you read it first?
Yeah, but the good thing.
You were right.
The good thing is we have this platform.
Right.
If he did slander me, to be like, yo, this motherfucker slandering me full of shit, whatever.
We can fight back against it.
My only issue is the fact that it kind of seemed like he went into this interview with a preconceived notion of who you were.
And he seemed like he was trying to justify that preconceived notion.
And I honestly.
No, I'm only getting this from what you shared with me.
Yeah.
If that's how he felt, I'm glad he felt that way because he's smart enough that we can have an argument and I can give him all the counters and then he can put that in his piece.
Because he did his job as a reporter, which is put out an honest piece.
As much as I want to be emotional about it, I'm glad that guy who's a reporter who's going to be honest in his actual piece felt that way.
Because then let's have this argument and then you write your piece on it.
And it feels natural you'd have a preconceived notion, right?
Like, any person has that.
You watch someone's content and you're like, oh, I wonder if this is what this person's like.
Then you meet them.
I think if you actually watch someone's content, you wouldn't have a preconceived notion that was that wrong.
That's my feeling.
I think that if you were a fan of someone's work, that you would have a more nuanced view and holding it up.
And that was the one thing I was thinking who Akash was.
That's the one thing I pushed back on is he told me he heard my Rogan.
I'm like, yo, you heard my Rogan.
Then you did it.
You would have to.
I said these things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He brought that up.
He's like, yo, you brought this thing up in Rogan, where you said the woke movement is overall leading to a good place.
It comes from a good place or something like that.
So it was a fucking, it's an intense thing when you're sitting with somebody for two hours and just disagreeing.
And then you walk away thinking this motherfucker is going to write something about me.
And we had intense disagreements in that two hours.
It wasn't all disagreement, but like there were moments where I'm like, bro, I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck this guy thinks about.
If he just wants to zone in on that part, he just wants to zone on that part.
Now, again, to Andrew's point, I've thought this all through.
So you can come at me with this.
And if you actually want to talk, you're not going to find a lot of holes in my logic.
I'm not completely right at all, but like I've thought it through.
So I thought he did his job, but I walked out of there being very uncomfortable with just like, I don't know what happened, dude.
This is the fucking New York Times.
I do know they lean left.
And I probably am a slightly left-leaning guy, but like, I'm not, you know, I'm not, I don't want to be painted in any fucking light that I'm not.
That's not authentic.
So I walked out of there like, I don't know what just happened, but then it came when I read the article, I was like, yo, this is cool.
I like that it was more about you than about the special.
Yeah.
Like we were talking about this the other day and Giannis actually had a really funny clip where he agreed with everything you said about like there's no point in having like comedy reviewers.
Yeah.
Like like the audience reviews.
Yeah.
We don't need a reviewer.
Right.
Like we just need the audience.
And if the audience is laughing, then those people find it funny.
Yeah.
So that's why I like that the article is more about like you and your opinions about this topic.
Right.
So writing about a comic and like what they mean and what their messaging is and what the point of a special like that is, great.
Yeah.
But like judging whether a comic is funny or not is like, we don't need.
Yeah.
Were they laughing?
Yeah.
And he didn't do that.
And he diametrically opposed me to Harikondobala more than I would have wanted necessarily.
Because again, and I'm glad he included in the end that I think he's a funny guy and he's a good joke writer and he's hardworking.
Like I don't want to sit here and make it a fucking beef.
You know what I mean?
That's not, that's not.
And we'll have Hari on the pod.
I would, yeah.
Hari, if you ever want to come on the pod and discuss Apu or other things with Akash and us, we are more than welcome to having you here.
Yeah.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Open discussion.
You feel a little bit better, though.
You feel a little bit better.
Oh, yeah.
When I read it, I was like, yo, this piece is good.
My parents read it.
They were proud.
Like, that's another thing.
To them, this is the biggest.
This is bigger than a self-produced special on YouTube to them for sure.
Even if a million people saw it, they're like, yo, this is the New York Times.
This shit means something.
I'd send this to India to our family.
And they're like, holy fuck.
Yeah, to that point, to older folks, like that's people were driven to theaters and to movies and specials from like the New York Times calendar and arts and entertainment section.
It's different now, obviously.
And Andrew's speaking from the point of like you can drive it yourself.
And older immigrant cultures are, they need validation from the outside because that's how the world functions for them.
This is everybody.
It's like, yeah, the stamp of approval, especially for older generations, comes from when institutions co-sign you.
Older people probably saw the Netflix special that we did and they were like, oh my God, this guy has made it.
Not realizing that there are far more lucrative endeavors that we've done that just didn't have that name.
Same thing with New York Times.
Lucrative and profile driving.
Yes, of course.
But there is something nice about getting access to something that not that many people have access to.
There's a gatekeeper to be in the New York Times.
And then you were chosen.
You created a piece that, regardless if that person wanted to write a critical piece or a fluff piece, I mean, you made sure that it was the piece that was based on like how you felt.
So that was up to you.
But like, regardless of what that dude's sentiment was going into it, you created a piece that should have been written about.
And that's pretty awesome.
Gatekeepers and Geology00:02:47
Yeah.
I'm, yeah.
Again, I'm proud.
And keep in mind, you created it and put on YouTube.
Yeah.
Like, that is power to the creator.
You put a piece out on an open platform and it was so provocative and successful that the New York Times is reviewing a YouTube piece.
Yeah.
So to me, that's the changing of the guard right there.
Yeah.
And that, you know, testament to you.
That's that's this guy that created the model.
That's a question for you guys.
What's the thing?
I was slandered a little bit.
They said I'm 38.
I'm not 38 for two more months.
So New York Times, I expect a retraction.
Say that guy didn't do that.
He doesn't even know who you are.
Printed apology.
I might have told him I'm 38 because I should be rounding up.
But point is, point is, you know what I mean?
Do some googling, you know?
You tricked him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You stuck it to him.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you got to get your skin game up, okay?
There's really no skincare regimen for dudes.
I mean, you can go to like a fancy dermatologist and maybe get one, but there's nothing that you can actually get that's going to take care of you and be simple.
You go to the dermatologist and you have 15 different lotions because they're probably getting paid on each one and they just want to run it up so they can add another piece to their home or a pool in the back of their house, but not geology, okay?
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Now let's get back to the show.
Infamous Tour News00:02:59
Infamous tour news, guys.
Birmingham, Alabama this weekend might be a few tickets left.
New Orleans this weekend might be a few tickets left.
Then we're coming to Cleveland.
Cleveland, I'll see you there.
Then Pittsburgh, I'll see you there as well.
Get that right now.
TheandrewSchultz.com.
Also, New York City, Radio City, we added that second show.
Go gobble up them tickets.
Akash, what you got?
Yo, quick reminder, Vancouver, that show has moved to July 1st, Canada Day.
I'm running for prime minister.
Let's go.
March 18th through 20th, San Antonio.
I'm going to be at LOL Comedy Club.
April 1st and 2nd, I'm going to be at the Toledo Funnybone in Ohio.
And April 8th and 9th, I'm going to be at the Tampa Improv Akashing.com for tickets.
And now let's get back to the show.
What is the thing for you guys as performers that the parents are the most impressed by?
You could say, like, it's the money, the, like, my dad's impressed when I say how many people were at the theater that show.
I can tell him.
Thousand people in Toronto this weekend.
It's like, yeah yeah, I think it's the theater size.
The theater size, what that looks like, is always very exciting.
I think obviously, like Netflix is something they can just register and like, share with their friends.
Yeah, but also now it's so much easier to like, share images with their friends because they're all on Instagram, they're on like Facebook, so they can do that a little bit more.
But yeah that's, it's probably venue size, that's.
And here's what's different, the thing that your parents can personally be proud of and be impressed by is different than the thing they can share with their friends.
Like money is really cool, but your parents just can't say like, oh my god, Andrew made so and so thousand dollars this weekend doing this.
They can't tell their friends that without being giant douchebags.
So uh, Netflix Special, a NEW YORK Times write up whatever that thing is.
They can send that to their friends and be like, look at my boy.
Yeah, but the thing that means the most of them is probably money.
But they can't tell their friends that without being giant assholes.
You know what I mean.
No, that's fire, that's so true.
Yeah also, your parents going to see you in the theater and like I wish they could have gone to Toronto, because New York was obviously crazy, but i'm sure Toronto was the craziest.
And your parents not even just seeing the number of people, the hoopla yeah, that would be like, oh my god, look at all these people going crazy.
For my son yeah, it's fun.
It's also nice to like treat him well within the theater, like give them like really fancy seats, like I don't know.
Just that experience for them, I think, is really special.
Yeah yeah no, that's great sharing that with them, plus 25 at your own show.
Yeah, shout out.
Schultz has rolled in Camerons.
Those are the cameras, the cameras.
Yeah yeah yeah oh yeah, I have my whole family from my mom's side that lives in Color that comes to the Toronto shows.
Toronto was great Toronto.
Thank you so much, man.
That was unbelievable.
Like the best thing that could ever happen to you in any city where you perform is getting canceled yeah, and then rebooking shows right, because we probably got like a million dollars in free marketing yeah, from Massey Hall canceling us.
And then we did these three shows at a bigger venue, Meridian Hall, and it was.
It looked insane.
Yeah, it was crazy.
It was crazy dude, and we had Snow, pull up.
Russian Oligarchs and Vapes00:13:59
You guys know the rapper, Snow.
Yeah yeah, he was great dude, okay.
So Snow, if you guys don't know, we're gonna have him on the pod.
This guy is an absolute character.
He is out of a it's a movie dude, like.
I mean, it was just unbelievable his story.
He basically, when his song informer came out and i'll sing it, so you guys know informer, you know, so like he don't even know the lyrics.
We asked him back.
We asked him backstage, he goes, buddy i'm the first mumble rapper yeah.
So his story buddy is so fucking.
His story is unbelievable.
When that song came out, went number one, he was in prison.
Get the out of here yeah, and the label did this on purpose.
He, he had two like a.
He had like an attempted murder charge or whatever like that, or like two in Canada.
So while he's on bail for that, he comes to New York.
He's just chilling, kind of like rapping, singing on the corner and Mc Shan finds him and records an album with him.
He goes back to Canada to go do the time he beat the attempted murder.
He got another uh charge and he's just in prison.
His shit just explodes and the song is so goddamn catchy.
I've been singing it for the last two days just because we played it three times.
My wife is fucking singing it.
Like, it's unbelievably catchy, this song.
Every once in a while, a song would just fucking do that.
But he started telling us his life story.
Like, the guy comes from, like, a family of boosters, like thieves.
Like, that was the profession.
When he was in prison, he was there with his brother, his dad, his cousins, like, literally, his whole family.
More people were in.
Thanksgiving in prison was better because the whole family was in prison.
Like, he told me, he was like, when I was growing up, if you got like a regular job, you were a loser.
Like, my family wasn't proud of me if I got a regular job.
They were in good boosters if they were all locked up.
Exactly.
They could have been better.
I didn't say it was the major leagues.
But yeah, so he was just telling me, like, growing up like that.
And he grew up in this Jamaican neighborhood.
And he's one of these people who I'm like so convinced that life is so much more nurture than nature.
Because when you meet him and you see him and like just the way that he is, the guy's Jamaican.
He's Canadian Jamaican, dude.
Like it's authentic.
Like I know people who put it on.
This is who the guy is.
It's hard to be mad at somebody who's authentically that.
He's authentic.
And he came out and he fucking, oh, dude, it was great.
So he closed the show.
Apparently, I was even reading about it.
The reason why he stayed in jail when the song came out was because he wouldn't snitch on one of his boys.
Because he didn't commit the crime, but what his friends did, he knew, and they wanted him to be an informer.
Yo, you want to know the crazy thing?
That's the song, isn't it?
This is the crazy thing.
So in Canada, there's a rule where like if you're on the stand saying what happened, it can't be used against you in the court of law.
Okay.
His boy did the crime.
Yeah.
He didn't do it, but his family had so much beef with the cops that they were trying to put it on him.
The cops knew.
Okay.
But his whole family is, I mean, his mom got her legs broken by the cops.
Like the cops just hated his fucking family.
So they tried to put the attempted murders on him.
He knew that he wasn't the one that did it and his boy did it.
So his boy goes on the stand and admits everything because it can't be used against him.
Right?
So he gets to go, oh, I did this, I did that, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
And he says the exact way that everything happened.
So the jury goes, well, it must have been him.
Now it can't be used against him.
And then Snow gets off because clearly he wasn't the one who did it in the first place.
This is out of a movie.
And the most fucked up part is his song is the number one song in the U.S.
It's the highest charging radio song ever.
To this day, it's like the highest charging radio song.
He was like number one for eight weeks.
Yeah.
And he wasn't able to go to America.
To tour it.
To tour it.
Gets kicked out of country.
Can't go.
Goes to Japan because he's killing in fucking Japan.
Gets kicked out of Japan as well because I guess he's a felon.
So he's locked in Canada.
I think eventually he was able to come back here.
Daddy Yankee puts out the remix of Informer recently.
Number one fucking song on Latin radio.
Number one.
So now he's touring again with Daddy Yankee.
What is it?
Concalma.
You know she notes them.
So I think we need to get him on the pod.
Apparently he's doing drink champs soon.
But we got to get him.
But Candon was fucking great.
Thank you guys so much for coming out.
I didn't realize this, but that was a lot of people's first time out.
Yeah, I was thinking about it.
Yeah.
Oh, and it was so smart for you to not cancel the shows.
Yeah.
Because you got everybody's fucking people were fucking charged up and it was, it was really great.
I don't know.
Like it was really great to be able to deliver their first show in three years.
Yeah.
Like it was really great that that was the first live event that they were at.
Yeah.
And I don't know.
I like those stakes.
I like that.
I like it to be heightened.
I want, yeah, I want to give you the fucking night of your life, man.
Like, and it was just, it was just really cool.
It was, it was just really cool.
Thank you guys, everybody who came out.
It means a lot.
I hope you guys had a great time.
Yeah.
What else?
What else, guys?
Brittany Griner locked up.
Brittany Griner locked up, man.
Do you know the background of this story?
Are you familiar with it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you want to break it down a little bit?
Yeah.
So basically, in so, Brittany Griner is a WNBA player.
She plays for a WNBA team in the United States.
And in the offseason, you go to Russia, play for a WNBA team there.
And that's where you make a ton of money because the oligarchs basically run the league, sponsor everything, bred up all the girls that play.
Yeah.
I mean, she was making like a million dollars a year to go play over there.
She's not making close to that here.
I think the team she was playing for is in Katerinaburg or something like that.
Elkinburg or something like that.
I don't know the exact name.
But yeah, basically, she goes over there.
She's been playing there since 2015.
So she's gone for the past seven years back and forth to Russia.
Like, she has roots in Russia, like where she's like, has her house where she goes and stays the whole deal.
Yeah.
And then this time around, she went and, like, there's no exact date.
Early Feb.
I think it was like February 4th or something like that.
Early Feb, is what I've heard.
So she goes early February and she's in the airport going into Russia.
And as she's walking past like a narcotics dog, the dog sniffs what they claim like narcotic material in her bag.
They search her bag and they find basically like hash oil or vape oil from her.
It's a vape that has hash oil in it, allegedly.
Yeah.
And then they say, all right, yeah, this is like a class one narcotic, blah, blah, blah.
Russia.
You're trying to bring narcotics into Russia.
That's like a huge crime.
Five to ten years in prison.
And basically, she's locked up.
But no one knew what had happened at the time.
So it had been a month, basically.
The New York Times breaks the article and says, Yo, Brittany Griner's been in prison for the last month.
Now, keep this in mind here.
This is a week before the Russia-Ukraine war starts.
So when this story pops up, I think it was two days ago.
Everybody's going, oh shit, she was going over there and they got her.
They locked her up and they're using this as some sort of like tool for war, right?
We're going to get a high-profile athlete from America and keep them in prison.
This will put pressure on America to either negotiate with us or help us get what we want, et cetera.
I don't think that, and now that we know that it happened weeks ago, I don't think that this, I think this was coincidental.
I think Brittany fucked up by having some hash oil in the vape.
They arrest her at the airport.
And I think that she's in jail.
And I think before Russia invades Ukraine, they're probably doing a check to see which Americans and which high-profile Americans are in Russia.
All of a sudden, Brittany gets flagged and they're like, ooh.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Because please believe, if you're a high-profile athlete in Russia and you get caught with a little vape oil, you're let out.
These oligarchs are doing whatever the fuck they want.
We went to a strip club with hookers that was right across the street from like the court in Moscow.
There's no rules as long as you have money.
And these oligarchs could easily get her ass out without a question.
And but a week, let's say they find out two days before they invade Russia, Ukraine.
They knew they were invading Russia-Ukraine for months.
Apparently, and I can't confirm this, but the Xi Ji Ping, whatever, the fucking Chinese guy, he told them not to do it until after the Olympics.
So an invasion is planned for months.
Right, right, right.
Right?
You got to make sure that you have a war chest built up, meaning you have enough money that you could sustain any type of hits, not only to your army, but to your economy.
Like what these sanctions are doing for Russia right now.
I think they saved up $650 billion as a war chest.
Right?
So they knew what's going on.
That gets flagged.
And I don't know this for sure, but 100% I believe that they're keeping her ass there.
Yeah.
As like a bargaining chip.
Yes.
I don't even know if it's a bargaining chip, but just basically a way to put a little pressure on the U.S.
Yeah.
Like we could keep your girls here.
Simple as that.
And then what do we do?
She broke the rule.
She knew the rule.
Yeah, man.
What do we do?
Do we go to war for a girl who broke the rule going into another country?
I think an A-list movie star would get locked up for doing something like this and they would not get let out.
And we wouldn't have much leverage.
I don't think.
So, like, I think for Britney Grinder, it's weird because maybe she thought, like, I won't get in any trouble.
I got this oligarch back in me because I'm trying to figure out what makes you so bold as to take drugs internationally.
Honestly, it could be an accident.
I would 100% believe that it's like it was a silly vape pen.
It was in one of her bags.
She's got three different bags.
She's in fucking Amsterdam for a week, doesn't remember.
Yeah, I mean, she was flying New York to New York to Moscow.
But, like, this is my assumption.
I don't think she's going, I'm going to sneak this by.
And she probably knows how strict things are in Russia.
Granted, she's backed by this oligarch who can get her out of any trouble.
That being said, let's not ruffle feathers.
Also, she's aware, way more aware than most people, of the tensions between Russia and Ukraine.
Apparently, they were all told this stuff.
People in the Ukraine were told, get the fuck out weeks before.
So she chose to go back, knowing full well what was going on between Russia and the Ukraine, and that war was going to probably happen within Ukraine.
So it's not going to hurt her in Russia.
But still, that is her bread and butter.
That's where she makes all the money.
Yeah, that's where you make the money.
I understand you're going back.
I also, I feel sorry for her.
I also think there is a part of you that's like, yo, you know where you're going.
You know what the stakes are.
You got to be pretty fucking careful, yo.
Yeah, I don't think you have room to say, and it's not to say I don't feel bad for her, but you don't have room to say, ah, I just packed the normal bag that I packed.
You got to look through your shit pretty thoroughly if you know you're going to Russia at a time like this and you were warned about it.
100%.
But I do also go like, have I really looked into my backpack?
You know what I mean?
I got a bunch of pockets in my backpack.
I don't really know what the fuck is in there.
It's possible that there's a little vape pen or there's some fucking CBD oils and shit.
Honestly, domestic, I completely understand how that.
And I don't smoke weed, but like you're going from fucking here to Colorado.
I mean, it's illegal there, but you know what I'm saying?
What if she's not packing her bag?
This is a millionaire WNBA player who's got all these different things.
Her wife could be packing her bag.
Yeah, that's true.
And her wife could have left it in there from the last time they did a trip together.
This could be completely accidental.
I don't think she was like knowingly trying to break the law thinking, oh, they're not going to do anything to me on Britney Griner.
I think she's got into Russia plenty of times with it.
Yeah.
So it's like, she's like, oh, I'm good.
I get taken care of.
Now, if somebody else packed their bag, that's different.
But if you've been warned, yo, you're going, you're making a choice to go at a pretty crazy time.
You have to know this isn't any, this isn't just every other time I've gone.
This is a different thing.
This is almost like the NBA players in the bubble.
It's like, oh, you can't get anything in and out, in and out.
The big players got whatever the fuck they needed.
So she's looking, she's probably going there.
It's like, eh, I'll be all right.
Like, I have an oligarch who owns my team.
That is, I'll be good.
No, this is this is what Al's saying is really interesting.
When you see how malleable the law is, right?
For this oligarch or for the team that you're playing with, when you see how malleable the rules are, and they are malleable in these countries, right?
When I say these countries, I mean the countries where if you have money, shit just goes your way.
Yeah.
Right.
You start to think that you are the oligarch.
You are above the rules.
She probably, and I don't even blame her for this, didn't realize how distant she was from that oligarch.
She is an American, which is an enemy of the states.
That's the thing.
You got to be aware of the fact that you're not like, you're not an oligarch.
Not only not an oligarch, you're an American.
Like, that's a different fucking thing.
How much is Brittany Griner or the average American really reading up about like Russia-Ukraine?
If you're living there, you should be aware.
If she was just visiting and it's in her bag, cool, I can understand.
And I'm not saying I don't feel bad.
There's a lot of validity to what you're saying.
I also think there's validity to you got to be fucking careful, though.
Damn, what can we do for you?
I went to the Ukraine while they were at war with Russia for a party weekend.
You weren't on your best behavior?
No, I found a girl in a nightclub, and then I paid for a hooker by going to five different ATMs.
I would do everything I could personally to get you out or whatever, but like, what the fuck is Schultz thinking?
No, I mean, every one of us would be like, well, privately, what the fuck was this guy thinking?
Fam, 100%.
I guess what I'm trying to say, and you have every right to say that.
Like, I put myself in that situation.
I guess what I'm saying is, I can see how it's easy to be negligent.
Yes.
And it's easy.
Like, I didn't even research how close Kiev was to Crimea and where the shit was going down.
I didn't even look into it.
And we went that year.
I only went and you were like, that's the only spot my dates line up.
My mom says, yeah, dress warm.
I'm like, I mean, that's it.
I got it.
I got a message from Expedia.
This is an act of war zone.
What?
What?
Why did you tell me that before I fucking bought the ticket?
They let me buy the ticket.
I get a message afterwards.
Yeah.
By the way, don't buy the way.
Yeah.
They go, this is an act of war zone.
Do you also need a rental car?
Sheltie looked at his phone and was like, it's not an act of warzone.
War Zone Ticket Scam00:03:16
That probably won't happen.
I asked my girl.
I was like, man, is there a war?
She's like, nah.
Just tension.
They say it's DEF CON one.
It's DEF CON three.
It's not a hot war.
It's a Cold War.
Yeah.
By the way, also, she should know a lot of these Russian roles.
I mean, she's a lesbian, and Russia isn't the friendliest to.
I mean, they're paying these WNBA players a lot of money.
Who says that they're not friendly towards the police first, but then afterwards?
You know what they were doing for years?
Oh, yeah.
What was that song by the two little lesbians?
What were their name?
All the things she said.
All the things she said.
Tattoo.
Yeah, they were fired.
Yeah.
Whatever happened to them?
Where are they at?
I don't know.
WNBA is somewhere.
I don't know.
Okay, so then what happens to Britney Griner?
She's staying, but dog.
Until sanctions are lifted.
We're on the brink of World War III.
We can't fuck around with anybody in another prison.
I don't care who you are.
If it's Brad Pitt, hey, you in that motherfucker, dog.
Who would we go get?
Do you think it's any NBA player?
Who would they go get?
I mean, LeBron, we're getting.
You think so?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not even a question.
We're getting LeBron.
Hostily, or like, hey, take what you want.
No, I think there's going to be like a conversation that's behind the scenes and where it's like, we're going to need LeBron back.
Yeah.
And then they're going to go, well, you have two of our spies.
And then we're going to go, okay, you can get three spies.
For LeBron.
Yes.
Yes.
He's that important a cultural figure.
It makes America look so weak if we can't get LeBron James.
Think about it.
You're young.
So LeBron is like Jordan for your generation.
Imagine Michael Jordan was locked up abroad.
That's war, fam.
I'm not going to lie.
People need to get killed.
People need to get killed.
You can possibly drop a nuke for me.
Not an Israel Jordan there.
Oh, no, that's their shield.
If we're not dropping somewhere far away, the surrounding cities for sure.
That's the only reason we're not dropping the nuke.
Jordan would survive the nuke.
Yeah, he might.
He probably would.
He might be the only one.
Oh, you'd survive.
You would kill me with a nuke, bitches.
I take that for a while.
I think he'd break out of prison on his own, to be honest with you.
I don't think he'd get locked up.
I think he'd just hop over them fucking jails here.
Gaming 6 versus the Russians.
Bro, I'm just saying, there are certain people where we are getting busy.
And it'd just be back talks.
I think it's called, what is the behind the scenes combos?
What do they call that in politics?
Back channel.
Back channel.
Exactly.
We're giving them spies.
We're giving them some people we have locked up from them.
Or we have some of their like quote-unquote, like not their real ambassadors, but people that are like basically here to meddle with shit.
And we're like, okay, listen, you can have these people back.
We got them locked up.
You can have them back.
Or it's not even people that are over here.
It's people that are locked up in another country in Europe.
And then we call that country in Europe.
We're like, yo, France, we're going to need you to give up some spies to Russia so we get Jordan back, yo.
We're not doing that for Britney Griner.
Yeah, is this a testament to how little we like are going to do for Britney Griner?
Because if LeBron got locked up, I don't even think we let that hit the news.
This wouldn't even be a news story.
Had a month and America was like, nah, you could leak that shit.
Son, we had 30 days to get this girl back.
Nobody even knew she was gone.
A seven-foot black woman that can dunk, and we didn't even know that she wasn't in America.
That's the worst part, yo.
Is the WNBA season going right now?
You gotta be feeling like shit right now.
Trading Spies for Jordan00:02:51
Yeah.
Like, nobody's talking about nobody.
Yeah, I'd be tight.
This is the only way she feels lonelier than when she looks up in the stands at a WNBA game.
I think we just got to get a Russian.
We got to capture one.
Okay.
Who?
Ovechkin.
Oh, hockey players.
I heard a crazy story about Alexander Ovechkin.
So, you know how, like, the Stanley Cup, they've had a few different Stanley Cups, but the Stanley Cup is one cup.
And it's the same one every year.
It's not like you get one, you get to keep it.
It's the same one.
And they add the little plates onto it.
And then every NHL player, when you win the Stanley Cup, you get a day with the cup.
And not only do you get a day with the cup, and this also is with the NBA trophy as well.
There's a handler of the cup that goes with you everywhere the cup goes to make sure that gets back.
So Ovechkin apparently goes back to Russia, loses the handler.
So some people are like, this cup that we got right now ain't the real cup.
Oh, wow.
Putin got that shit.
Yo.
Man, it's crazy.
I got to care that.
I thought that sort of inspired me.
That's like an Ocean 12 from Jabber J eggs.
That's upsetting.
I was like, smiling, looking at you like a golden retriever.
Tell me it's good.
Tell me the story.
Yeah, I don't actually care about the Stanley Cup.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you're not clapping your girl's cheeks the way that they should be clapped.
Okay.
And ladies, if you're listening right now, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
You're not getting your cheeks clapped in the way that they should.
Okay.
And there's one solution for that.
And that's clap cleats.
You see that right here?
Do you see that?
You can wear socks and clap cheeks in a masterful way when you've got a little bit of that traction on the ground.
You don't have to expose your feet.
Okay.
Ladies, also, you can wear these.
A dude's hitting it from the back.
Okay.
You're falling all over the place with your socks slipping and sliding.
You can't have sex the right way.
The clap cleats are going to save your night, gonna save your morning, might save your fucking life.
Okay, I love the clap.
I wear them on my hands too.
I wear them on my hands too.
Not because I'm down on all fours, but because I might need to clap cheeks with these hands as well.
And I need to get a good grip.
If a girl's bucking and going crazy, reverse cowgirl, I need to latch on, hold it there so she doesn't go astray.
Okay?
Clap cleats.
You use them on all four appendages?
Yeah.
Appendages.
Is that what it's called?
Get to clapping and get 20% off when you use the promo code flagrant.
Go to clapcleats.com, promo code flagrant.
That's 20% off.
Okay.
You buy a pair for your feet, a pair for your hands, and you're fucking ready to go.
Matter of fact, buy some for your girl as well.
She could just stand there like Eeyore, waiting, waiting to get clapped.
Let's get back to the show.
On principle, we got to lock up Ovechkin.
On principle.
Just one.
So we don't look like bitches, dude.
Lindsey Graham and Hate00:08:05
And we'll treat him nice.
We love Ovechkin.
You know what I mean?
He's a good guy.
Yeah.
We'll give him like a nice little rank in a cell or whatever, but like you can't, you know, we just want tip for tat.
That's one thing.
We need tip for tat.
Brittany Griner is not getting touched in that prison.
Which prison everybody put her in?
Oh my gosh.
In the woman's prison.
Come on.
What do you mean?
Which prison?
Oh, the woman's.
Why was you there with it, Mark?
Yeah, that was fucked up.
That's fucked up.
You're the same.
Yeah, like I know a little bit about the most dangerous prisons in the world.
I'm not a bigot like you.
Yeah, what a fucking jerk this guy is.
You're going to play games with someone's life.
What did I do?
You're going to put her in one of them Russian jails where people got tattoos on their knees and shit?
She'd be able to handle herself, bro.
You never see Eastern Promises, honey?
Nah.
Dude, you haven't seen movies.
That's a crazy movie.
Where's the prison at Super Cola?
They sent them that far away.
I was talking about not the gulags this motherfucker.
The one in Siberia.
That's a gulag.
No, the gulags was in Ukraine.
That's what I thought.
Yeah.
They're everywhere.
They send them everywhere.
Nah.
Yeah.
Nah, you don't think there's only one gulag?
There's only one gulag.
No, there's gulags throughout Ukraine.
Yeah, them shits was in Ukraine.
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't Ukraine back then.
It was just a gulag is, to be honest.
I just know the name.
It's just a word camp.
I thought it was a food.
It's a word.
It sounds like a delicious shit.
It's just a work camp.
You sound like a German.
Just a word camp.
Yeah.
Making some purses and shit.
Okay.
Okay, so we move on from Britney Griner.
I'm just curious: how do Russians here in America feel?
It's like, are they wondering, is the Russian hate going to start?
Yeah, stop Russian hate.
Yeah, apparently it started.
Has it?
Yeah, that Russian tea house spot has been empty for the last two weeks.
Yeah, people just haven't been going.
Oh, what hate?
But that's different, that's how it started.
What happened at the start of a fucking coronavirus?
Keep it about because we kept eating Chinese food through the whole fucking pandemic.
During COVID, Chinatown was empty.
You remember that?
Nancy Bloom.
We were all inside.
That's because we, yeah, that's what we stayed in.
So we're going to go to the next step during the beginning of February.
Nancy Belozi.
We went down to the delivery son.
Not one Chinese restaurant closed the entire time.
That's like the conspiracy theory.
Not one Jew was in the towers.
Not one Chinese restaurant closed the entire time during the pandemic.
That's all fire Chinese.
Do you blame us for not going to Chinatown at the beginning of the pandemic?
I didn't go to Chinatown.
What are you talking about?
Of course.
That's where that shit came from.
Chinatown.
It's only specific.
That's racial.
It came from a Chinese town.
Yes.
A town in China.
A town in China.
Yeah.
So I'm staying away from all Chinese towns.
I wasn't going to Wuhan, but I went to Chinatown.
I was up in that bitch trying to get to the bottom of this.
I was doing my detective work.
You know what I mean?
Call me Batman.
Riddle me this.
You were just wondering.
Why y'all started it?
I'm saying, who is the most likely to have just flown from China?
Where are they going to stay?
Probably Chinatown, right?
I'm not going there just yet.
Let's wait till this shit spreads throughout the whole country and then I'll go double.
Whoa, so would you not go to like a Russian part of town?
No.
Nah.
I've been going Russian part of town pre-war.
Stop in the Russian part of town.
Stop Russian hate, bro.
Stop Russian hate.
And matter of fact, you haven't been doing enough to support.
We spent a lot of time in a Ukrainian restaurant.
We spent a lot of our formative years in coming to Ukrainian restaurant, Veselka.
Let's go.
And what have you done to help the Ukrainian people?
Nothing.
Oh, nothing.
You don't help farmers.
You don't help Ukrainians.
You help nobody.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?
You help nobody.
I went to Veselka three days ago.
I'm like, Dabit, Dabit, do.
Three days ago.
When was the last time you were there?
Did you buy anything?
Yeah, dude.
Was you buy pierogies?
Lies.
Borsch.
I know for a fact that this is lies.
I know for a fact this is lies.
I checked up on you, boy.
Oh, I checked up on you.
I did check on you.
I talked to the people at Veselka.
I said, make sure they treat him good.
And what did they say?
I was actually there.
No, you weren't there.
I did.
I swear to God, I was there.
Veselka's been closed for a week.
I was going to take pictures there for the New York Times write-up.
And then what happened?
And then they wouldn't let me in.
Told you you didn't buy shit, son of a bitch.
They know that you're not helping.
They wouldn't let me in.
I was trying to help.
Yo, you weren't trying to help me.
I'm trying to take pictures for the New York Diamonds.
Why do you just bust down the door and invade that shit?
They were like, yo, you got to go in the other door.
You got to wait in line.
It was like a 45-minute wait.
They wouldn't let me skip the tables.
They wouldn't let me take pictures.
Yeah, because people actually trying to support Ukrainian business right now.
I'm trying to do a piece of shit.
Give them PR.
They're in Dagestani.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
They thought you were a Nirmaga Medov coming in there.
Instead, you went to a tea house, right?
Yeah.
Oh, Russian?
Was it a Russian tea house?
You son of a bitch.
No, it was fucking so the gayest tea house, quite frankly.
Alice's teacup.
Oh, that place is nice.
It's nice.
I've never been there.
It's not nice.
No, it's all right.
It's the only place that nobody was in.
So we went there.
But what have you done?
For Ukraine.
I don't like to talk about my philanthropy.
But I have done a lot.
In the past, he's an all.
In the past, I've done a lot.
And currently, I've done a lot.
Yeah.
Yes, I have.
Yeah.
I've donated to Ukrainian propaganda.
Okay.
I have done everything in my power to dispel Russian propaganda.
You dispeled a lot of Ukrainian propaganda.
You got that flip.
Damn, last week, weren't you all like, hey, every story is fake.
That makes Ukraine look good.
You're the Russian.
You're the fucking Russian.
Oh, wait.
Oh.
You didn't know which side I'm on.
What side are you on?
On Russia's side.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Start Russian hate, everybody.
That's my motto.
Start Russian hate.
We got started here.
Jesus.
Right now.
What?
Jesus.
What did I say?
The only person who kept it real was Lindsey Graham.
What did Lindsey Graham say?
He's like, yo, somebody over in Russia, just assassinate that motherfucker.
Wait, who?
Who?
Who?
Assassinate Putin.
He said that, and then everybody, his whole squad was chill out.
Yo, but like, calling for the assassination of Putin is like, what are you doing?
How?
I mean, how?
How is a good question, but I'm not outraged that he said it.
Yeah, but like, as if the people in Russia are like, oh, we should.
Like, you don't think the people that oppose him haven't thought about that shit?
They were talking about it.
And they're not waiting for Lindsey Graham to give them the okay.
There's like a bunch of Lindsey Graham fans in Russia, bro.
Is that it?
Yeah, yeah.
If Lindsey says it, now we're going to get this shit.
Lindsey's our guy.
We got to listen.
Lindsey Hive, bro.
Lindsey Hive is deep in Russia.
Yo, they're apparently trying to assassinate Zelensky.
Yeah, three times they tried.
This motherfucker bulletproof, dog.
You know what's funny is that, like, he knows about three.
Yeah, there's got to be more than that.
But the Russians are like, oh, y'all think it was just three.
That's adorable.
But is he making that up?
You never know.
I mean, isn't this whole thing one big assassination attempt?
That's true.
It's not just three times.
It's like every time.
That's true.
The whole thing is, yo.
And that's the thing that's crazy.
We take for granted the ease of being a politician in America.
Yeah.
In other countries, being a politician is fucking brave because if you lose or someone else takes power, off with your head, fam.
Yeah.
Here it's just getting kickbacks and saying shit to dumb people.
Here's making fucking $200,000 a year and having $200 million in your bank account.
Yeah.
Whoa.
You should get for that.
Right?
No.
I know that sounds crazy, Nancy Pelosi, but like, maybe we'll just bleep that one word.
Maybe we'll just bleep the one word that I know.
Who knows what that word could be?
Yeah, who knows what that word could be.
But if you're making $200,000, you have $200 million in your bank account.
Maybe we should your fucking and roll it down the streets in Chinatown.
Yeah.
Who knows what those words are.
Maybe we should do that.
Who knows what those words could be?
Those words could be.
Wasn't just a bleep?
A great positive message.
That was a positive message.
I'm just saying, if you're making that little in salary and somehow managed to amass $200 million.
Wait, I'm not clear yet.
What do you think should happen?
I think that we should in Times Square.
Okay.
Okay.
And I think that we should throw a thousand chopsticks at her.
I think that we should do that.
Death by choppa sticks.
This is so graphical.
I think that we should do that.
Do you think that that's a good idea?
There might be something else going on here.
I'm not fully clear on what you're saying.
I'm just not catching it yet.
What do you think should happen?
I think we should drown her in duck sauce.
I think that we should put her in a Vada duck sauce.
And I think that we should drown her.
I think that we should do that.
And then we should see if she could drink herself out of it.
Oh, interesting.
I think that one actually stayed in.
Say it?
I'm just saying, I see.
Bleep the one word and then in duck sauce, it could be.
You know what I mean?
Levels of White Identity00:14:42
It is just like in the more radical a country is, the more understandable it is when their leader dies.
Like, if Putin gets assassinated, it's not like the people in the West are going to go, well, I didn't see that coming.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, this is a civilized country we're talking about.
I mean, that's a funny thing.
I was thinking that there might be a joke about this, but like, you know how all these reports are coming out about like Ukrainians going like, we are blonde-haired, blue-eyed, European.
Like, I think like Ukrainians just realize that there are levels to whiteness.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, white people know there's levels to this shit, but we don't really acknowledge it.
You know what I mean?
And like, you don't tell the other ones.
We don't really tell them.
And it's funny because there are some whites.
There are some whites that think that they're not part of like top-tier white, but they are.
Oh, please rank the whites.
I would love to know this.
I don't know.
I got you.
I don't know.
This is.
You ready for the whites?
You ready for the white ranking?
This is the white ranking.
Europeans are whites.
Okay.
Western Europeans, though.
Western Europeans are whites.
Okay.
Okay.
These are white people.
Italians, they think they're not.
You're white.
You're part of it.
All of them are whites.
Even Sicilians.
Even Sicilians.
If, for example, if Russia tried to invade France, it's on and popping.
Okay.
Like when the fucking Notre Dame was on fire, the whole world was crying, donating money, firemen from all over the fucking place coming down to do it.
All of Ukraine is on fire.
And people are like, well, we'll figure slowly, slowly but surely with diplomacy.
Let diplomacy work, right?
And I really think that there's a little bit of a gap.
Yeah, there's a little separation.
They're white, but are they?
No, they're Eastern Europeans.
Like when you look at fucking Khabib, that's a white guy.
You know what's funny?
Is Khabib white?
You know what's funny?
What's funny is the way they talk.
That's what it is.
That zip, zip, zip shit, that makes you not white.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Dude, Al, if a white guy is talking that zip-zip shit, is he white or is he not white?
I don't know.
A white guy walks up to you.
Zip, Y'all all white to me, though.
No, but be honest, though.
Be honest.
You're a white guy in fucking skinny jeans and like a tight shirt and it stops before the bicep ends and he's talking that zip-zip shit.
See, but you just threw this whole shit because I thought like Italians, Irish, I thought that was gay white.
That's gay white.
But here's the thing: we never call it Western Europe.
We just call it Europe.
And then we call it Eastern Europe.
Exactly.
Because it's not West and East Europe.
It's Europe and Eastern Europe.
It's like Virginia and like West Virginia.
Yeah.
We think West Virginia a little shittier, right?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like a little bit.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I agree.
And that's really kind of what it is.
Now, it's fucked up.
It's fucked up.
He's the lowest white.
Say what?
Who's the lowest white?
Who is he?
Not even white.
Yes, he's so funny.
He's African.
Yeah, he's white.
He specifically is African.
He's African.
I do not think I'm white.
You're white.
He's white enough, but he's African.
See yourself?
He's from Africa.
He's from Africa.
Yeah, but like a few generations back.
400 years ago.
No, no, South Africans moved there.
His people have always been there.
Yeah, but this guy's white, bro.
Why?
You don't view him as African Americans.
No, he's not white.
No, he's not white.
You don't view this guy as like Arab?
Yo, yo, he's more African than you.
Yeah.
Stop it.
He is more African than you.
He is 100% African.
You're 50%.
And whatever percent got to Puerto Rico.
He's crazy.
I'm exactly what French Montana is.
He gets to say the N-word.
Say it up.
No!
Say it!
Because apparently, because I haven't been shot at yet.
Wait, is he just shot?
Wow, that did not make you any less racist.
I know, Jamie.
I know.
I'm black enough and I hadn't been shot at.
Literally, that was Al Gage.
And it was because he was shot.
That's weird.
Because y'all have the same complexion, but I view you as white and he's not white.
He was born in Pakistan.
I was born in LA.
But also, I was born in the U.S. Wow.
Yeah, so now you're learning there's levels of French Montana.
Do you agree?
No, Spain?
No.
Spain?
White difference.
I'm just trying to tell you, Al, they're white.
Okay.
What about Cubans?
Cubans?
Depends.
There's white Cubans, there's black Cubans.
Right.
Yeah, but we don't see Cubans as white.
White Cubans are.
Culturally, culturally, they're not white.
White Cubans, we bring them together.
I'm telling you how white people are.
I did not know that.
White Cubans, we bring them on board.
Wow.
We bring them on board.
You didn't bring them on.
Oh, those are the ones going for a trip.
Say again?
You didn't bring on Elian.
That wet little motherfucker onto the land, did we not?
Gave him a tie.
He's gone here through the oceans.
Yeah, but then we sent him back to his dad, bro.
You can't just be swimming for no fucking reason, bro.
Also, he didn't throw fast enough.
Please believe.
Please believe we could put him in a little league.
That motherfucker would be in Miami to this day.
What about Uruguayans?
You think they're white?
Yeah, there's white Uruguayans, then there's Native American ones.
I'm just saying there's levels to this white shit.
Yo, yo, Poland, that's where it starts to get a little bit.
What?
No.
This is so easy.
Poland is white.
I am.
I think Poland is super high.
There's levels, bro.
Yo, then why would we sanction Cuba if Cuba's white if it's got white people?
No, it's Cuba's a country.
Poland's not.
Poland's a people.
What are you saying?
Poland's a people.
See what the temperature is right now.
I call it 68 degrees right now.
Listen, listen.
Let me look at this temperature.
And also, back to your point: like northern Italians, white.
South of Rome, get tangible.
But I think culturally we view Italy as white.
Hey, y'all think we view Cuba as white.
Hey, can I be honest with you?
Poland's super white.
Can I be honest with you?
What you got?
It's based on your language, bro.
If you speak that zip-zip shit, I'm going to be talking about this.
So what is this?
Luca Doncic.
Luka Doncic.
What is it?
What?
Luca.
Luka Doncic.
Does he speak that zippity zippity doodading?
He's Slovenian.
If he's zippity-doodotting all over the place, that guy is a little bit off-white.
Are you saying, Melissa, you can't claim him?
Say what?
You can't claim him.
He ain't black, bro.
He's Obama.
That's a hit.
Y'all get back on.
We got Luca.
That's what it is.
Fair trade.
All I'm trying to say is there's levels to this white shit.
Y'all think all white people are the same?
We're not the same.
Did Trump marry a white woman?
No.
Wow.
He married a minority white.
Wow.
Is Khabib white to you?
When you see Khabib and all his people, you see three white people?
No.
Not really.
How do you describe it?
Khabib commits a crime.
What do you tell the cops?
That's a can you just answer this real quick?
Khabib commits a crime.
What do you tell the cops?
The kid from Jumanja that was transforming this monkey looking dude.
I can say that.
Okay, yo, what are we saying?
If you got a stan in your country, that shit ain't white.
Yo, yo.
Stan, that's us.
Yeah, yes, yes.
That's us.
Kazakhstan?
Because they on that zippity zip shit.
And if you do that shit, you're not white fully.
But if you learn how to speak English like a normal fucking white person, you know what I'm saying?
Can I be honest with you?
Can I be dead serious, honest with you?
No, no, no.
This is facts.
Can I be dead serious honest with you?
If you're from regular Europe, yo, that ain't no white dude, bro.
Hey, hey, we're not talking about that.
You're distracting right here.
If you're from regular Europe, if you're from regular Europe and you speak your language, but you don't also speak English, you're not white.
Like, if you only speak French, if you only speak French, you're not white, bro.
You're not white.
You know what I'm saying?
You want to natural?
Learn some fucking English.
I think he's right, yo.
I'm saying, son.
In those countries, they teach you both.
Even if you choose not to speak, you're choosing not to side with them.
You're the ops.
You don't speak you.
That's different.
You're the ops.
Okay.
Do you speak English or not?
That's white.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Al, you white.
Al, you white, bro.
Yeah, he chooses English like I ain't all the way.
I swear you're not white.
If your English was nicer, you'd be white.
Nah, but Al chose not to learn Spanish.
That's how white this man is.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
You a white boy.
You have to.
Fuck out.
I'm a white boy.
Come on.
Nah, nah.
Hey, white boy.
Hey, white boy, you part of this, bro.
I think that's my N-word, bro.
White boy.
So that's the that's that's facts, bro.
You from Hungary?
Come on, yo.
Yeah.
You from Hungary, you don't claim white?
And you know the Caucasus Mountains, where the word Caucasian comes from, is Ukraine, Russia.
Caucasian comes from English, bro.
If you speak English or not, that's it, bro.
I'm sorry.
This is facts.
You know what I mean?
You meet a Portuguese, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, bro.
That's not white.
That's white, right?
They don't speak English.
You never seen a Portuguese person?
Here we go.
Put on the fucking show with the people speaking Portuguese.
Fine.
Love on the spectrum or whatever.
Bless the name of that show.
No, they definitely sound a little tardy with their shit.
They do.
They sound a little tardy.
City of God.
Them motherfuckers.
They're a little bit tardy.
Bro, Czech Republic.
Check your English, bro.
Do you speak normal or do you speak the zippity zip shit?
Because nobody's trying to listen to that.
Zipper mouths.
Yo, do you see Puin?
Do you see Pooin?
Pooin's every address is zippity zipper zippity.
No, bruh.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Cut it out.
Cut it out, bro.
If he was invading a country that spoke English and didn't know how to speak any of that zippity zip, then I think it's a different game.
I think it's a bit of a bad thing.
What are Scandinavians?
Say again?
What do they say?
Depends which ones.
Finns?
What are the not white fucking Norwegians?
No, no, no.
Finland, Finland, that's Russia, bro.
Yeah, Finland's actually not considered Scandinavian.
Yeah, they're not part of it.
Sweden?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I know.
Yeah, they're fucking Russia, bro.
They're the whitest, dude.
What are you talking about?
Wait, you think they're white people?
They're the whitest people.
Their English is always.
Blonde hair, blue eyes.
They're the ones that we cry about.
No, no, no, no.
That's where it's wrong.
That's where it's wrong.
Okay?
It's not about blonde hair, blue eyes.
That's not what makes a white.
No, it's not.
That's not what makes a white.
Talking about this.
This is a thing.
Well, it's not Hitler's fucking Germany no more, son.
Yeah.
You think we live in Hitler's Germany?
The motherfucking boys.
Stop that.
Yeah.
That came in with some English.
And how do we discriminate?
How do we do it?
Language.
Language.
You know why?
Because Germans, they speak that zippity zip shit too.
You ever hear some Germans speak?
Yeah.
Einzev Einze.
That's zip.
That's theirs.
It's close to zip.
Okay.
Real talk, can I be honest with you?
No, no.
I need to be honest with you right now because I don't think you understand this.
I don't.
I'm confused.
English?
Yes.
That's a romance language, bro.
People are like, oh, that's Germanic.
No, it's not Germanic.
It's a romance.
There are six romance languages.
Okay?
English, baby.
We're not playing around out here.
Okay?
Let's go.
It's the Roman motherfucking empire in this bitch.
So you better choose up.
Okay.
All right?
Yeah.
What language do they speak in India?
English.
Because they're white, boy.
Yeah, little white boy.
No, no, white boy right there.
There's no white boy right here.
I'm just saying, this is the truth.
It's just stuck.
There's three crackers out here.
Hey, yeah.
Listen up here.
Honky.
Listen up here, hunker.
Let me tell you a little something, bro.
You chose up.
You're on the right team.
All right.
My cracker.
My honke.
My white boy.
Now, do you want to play a video, Mark?
What video do you want to play?
This is a Swedish person speaking it.
I'll tell you if she's white right now.
All right, let's see.
Go.
You have my hit the arc?
Shut that fucking thing off.
Shut that stupid fucking video off.
Shut that fucking stupid video off.
She ain't even get you.
Yaba yabba yaba da.
You flintstone bitch.
Ain't nobody want to hear that yabbity doo dah shit.
Okay, not white, bro.
I'm sorry.
Hitler made that shit too easy, and then everybody got fucking arrogant.
What did Hitler make easy?
Blonde hair, blue eyes makes you white.
That don't make you white.
That don't make you white.
So being white has only been around for like a few hundred years.
How long has English been around?
A few hundred years.
That's not true.
What?
First, 900?
First language.
What the fuck language do you think the Bible written in, bruh?
Yeah, idiot.
Fucking dumbass.
Oh, you've been reading the Bible in some fucking other language?
It's English.
The Bible was written how long ago?
Thousands.
And it was in English.
English, yeah.
It was written in English.
You think God doesn't speak English?
You think God really out there?
You really think you honestly believe that God, the one who controls everything, is out there hawking Lugies all fucking head?
How the hell could you write it on the scrolls?
Spitting all over the fucking scrolls the whole time on the parchment.
Parchment back in the day.
That evaporated if water got on it.
We speak in Aramaic, right?
Say what?
Aramaic.
That was Aramaic.
I just spoke.
Aramaic.
I think God speaks Italian.
God do not speak Italian.
I think God speaks Italian.
Why wouldn't it?
Why does he speak?
Who's the most Catholic?
Huh?
Who's the most Catholic?
The most devoted?
Italians.
Who got the most beautiful language?
Italians.
You love speaking Italian.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
Hey, be honest with yourself.
No, I don't.
Be honest with yourself.
I know you're trying to set me up for something, but I'm not going to do it.
I was hoping you would do it, but even if you.
When I speak Italian, I speak English.
Shifting Race Ideas00:04:13
No, that's Italian.
You're speaking Italian.
Yo, Italians, if you actually think about it, speak more English than they do Italian.
Whoa.
Okay.
Name one word in Italian that isn't also the same in English.
Bellissimo.
Exactly.
English word.
English word means beautiful.
Oh.
That's a good-ass point.
I don't.
We took it back.
We take all the words back.
And we use it as part of our vocabulary.
It's our word.
Simple as that.
Bon appetite.
That's English.
Prego.
Say what?
Prego.
Nobody uses that dumb shit.
Nobody said Prego in their fucking life.
The sauce.
Prego.
We use that.
That's what's the most pregnant people.
What is Prego?
That's how you make spaghetti.
That's a pasta sauce.
Yeah, exactly.
Prego, we turn that shit into pasta sauce.
Don't come in here with your goofy ass words.
Speak English.
Give me any word.
Do we have any other words?
Exactly.
Y'all forgot.
Baguette.
That's not Italian.
That's French.
Say again?
Pizza.
Our word.
Our word.
Spaghetti.
Duo.
What?
Two?
Duo.
Y'all really going to numbers?
Y'all really ran out of so many words.
You're going to numbers.
Do it.
It's do it.
We don't use do it.
We don't even know the word, bro.
Do it.
Dua Lipa.
It's Duet Lipa.
It's closing up.
Sorry.
Okay, question then.
Forget about these.
You watch this whole thing.
Forget all these anti-Semites.
What race are Greeks?
Well, you know the answer to that.
Depends where they work.
If they work in the diners, they're fucking white.
Oh, okay.
But if they work in Athens, they're not white.
Wow.
Actually, no.
Greeks are white.
Okay, yeah.
Hell yeah, they are.
Because they do speak English.
Do they?
Yes.
Can I be honest with you?
Yeah.
I don't have 100% confidence when I say that.
I don't think you have 100% confidence in anything.
You said that.
Everything is not.
You're right.
You're right.
In Mikonos, they only speak English.
That's white.
White.
It's very simple, dude.
Japanese, white.
Why?
Didn't you say everything in Japan sounds like you're going, honey mustard?
They just said something racist and put it on me.
And because it was funny, I'm going to take credit for it.
But if it wasn't funny, I'd be like, you just said something very racist.
Also, he proved his point that they said an English word.
Exactly.
They said honey mustard.
They were speaking fucking English the whole time.
Every time we walk into a restaurant, honey mustard every single time.
And that's how they feel.
You feel comfortable.
You're going to get some tempura?
You want to dip that shit in some fucking honey mustard.
You don't?
You're going to get some chicken tempura?
You don't want to dip in some honey mustard?
Barracusa.
Honey mustard, barracuse.
Why that room they are?
Son, they learn it, bro.
There's a lot of romance languages to shift through.
They're learning, bro.
Get out of here.
Y'all hating.
Watch some cowboy bebop losers.
What is Lynch?
What?
Okay.
We have.
Okay, listen.
We have a guest.
A white person.
You're not going to get an argument for me on this one.
I'm just saying.
We have to shift our idea of race.
We have to shift our idea of gender.
We have to shift our idea of all these things.
It's what you are, what you tap into, what you identify as.
Okay.
Okay.
That's what I'm saying.
Is Caucasianness being white has changed?
I don't know what Caucasian is, but being white has changed.
Who in this room is not white?
You're white as fuck.
Yeah, little white boy vanilla.
Vanilla face.
Look at that.
So who's not white?
A white boy?
Who's not white, though?
Al's white.
Miles is not white.
Can I be white?
Why is Miles not white?
Because Miles is not white, bro.
Who's he named after?
He speaks English.
Miles Teller.
Miles Teller.
Why is Miles Teller?
I mean, Miles Davis.
Yeah, Miles Teller's white.
No, Miles Teller's white.
But no.
Miles Davis wasn't white.
What did Miles Davis speak?
Miles Davis is black.
Miles Davis is black.
But he spoke English exclusively.
You're messing up something very important here.
You can be black and still be white.
Yes, I understand that.
So why is Miles Davis black and still black?
He's also white.
Who Is Miles Not White00:02:19
Thank you.
So Miles then is white.
No, that kid's black.
Miles is black.
Look at his hair, dude.
Yeah, you're right.
Miles, you got some black ass hair.
Yeah.
Nobody can see him.
Nobody can see him.
I had no idea.
Nobody can see him so they really don't know.
They just think it's Bob Ross sitting there in the middle.
Listen, shifty?
Yeah.
Mexican.
Yo, I agree with that actually.
Yep.
Dove, African.
I'll allow it.
Vala, Pakistani.
So he's black?
No, he's African.
That's not a race.
That's a nationality.
You don't know anything.
Okay?
Shut the fuck up, you.
Okay, I think we're getting too deep into this, and I don't want us to get distracted.
Okay, Britney Griner's in jail right now with her white ass.
Her white ass.
You know what I mean?
They got an innocent white person locked up in a rush.
A white woman knows.
A white woman.
Britney, bro.
A white LGBT woman.
We got to get her out of there, man.
Wow.
Got to get her out.
We are going to get her out.
And I think I know the man to do it.
And he's going to come on this podcast right now.
Bring in our guest.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second.
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Native Deodorant Switch00:11:51
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Now let's get back to it.
Hey!
Shit, I heard you guys were just in Toronto.
Yes, we were.
Okay, but we're talking about more pressing issues.
What's the best race, right?
Yep.
No, that was answered a long time ago, Ryan.
Are you white?
Yeah, I would say I'm white.
Schultz black.
Akash, I'm unsure.
Mark's pretty white.
Hell yeah, dude.
Now Mark is white.
Yeah.
Fortunately, they've been white for a long time.
Fine.
We're yeah, I do drop.
Like if there's, if I get someone's blood and they go 1% Portuguese, I go, not white.
Interesting.
See, Portuguese.
Didn't I bring Portuguese up?
You didn't.
That was a good ass.
Definitely not.
If it's Italians in my favorite, they go, we're not, what?
I'm not white.
You go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If they start rounding up, you know what I mean?
Like, if they start saying anyone who's not white's out, you think the Italians are going to be like, well, I guess we're dying.
Kissing the cross.
Italians love crosses.
Ryan Long, you have a special that's out right now on YouTube.
White immigrant.
White immigrant.
Emigrated from the great country of Canada.
What part of Canada are you actually from?
I'm from Ajax, which is outside of Toronto.
Okay, how far?
Like half hour.
Oh, okay.
You know what I was thinking?
It's funny.
Last time your studio reminded me is when we were in Miami in that place, I was in the building with you guys.
Yep.
And they scammed me out of a thousand bucks.
No.
Everyone in Miami is trying to scam you.
Wait, why?
What happened?
Listen to this.
So I think I was paying like three grand a month for my thing or whatever, right?
And Schultz hooked it up.
And then I got there the last day.
I go, we're going to be here for one more day.
Our lease was up.
I go to the place.
I go, hey, can we extend it for one day?
You know what I mean?
We still, we're writing this movie.
We go, can I have it one more day and just whatever the rate is?
And she goes, yeah, yeah, no problem.
She calls.
She goes, listen, we can't give you that room, but we have this other room.
I go, whatever.
It doesn't matter, right?
Then I get there a week later.
I get a bill for a thousand bucks.
She goes, yeah, that room we gave you is.
It's a thousand a day.
I go, yeah, if you go, right?
If you called me and you go, listen, yeah, yeah, we got a room, but it's seven times the price for the one day.
I would have been like, yeah, yeah, we'll just work out at my fucking hotel today.
No.
Can you believe that?
You can't trust these not white cities, man.
They're not speaking of Irish in my scum.
And she was, you know, I mean, they go, what?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Who was it?
The woman who kind of ran the party?
I loved her.
She was very nice, too.
I was very surprised because when I got the thing, she was very like, yeah, of course, man.
We could hook you up.
Like, that room's booked up, but we'll find you another room.
Oh, no.
This is Canadian naivete.
Wait, wait, hold on.
You got it back, right?
Well, no, my style is more eat it than I go on podcasts and talk shit behind their back.
That's not my style.
Like, bend over.
Yeah, Dove doesn't do this.
No, I know.
Justin Silver was saying the same thing.
Like, Jews are like, what are you, out of your mind?
Yeah.
He would have walked over there.
It's like, they paid me a thousand bucks.
Or they're just taking the hotel, kick the original owner out.
That's probably the most Jewish way.
The logging Political Ryan Long.
You know what the best part about that building was that you guys brought Alex Jones there?
Yeah.
Because it was a little, you know, it's a workspace where people are working on their blogs or whatever.
And they got Alex Jones just cruising around.
Stumbling in.
Just buzzing around.
Like, what the hell?
Alex was wild.
That was a crazy episode.
That episode is gone forever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that was fun.
Your squad here just very much reminds me of Toronto.
I don't know if you thought like that.
You guys fit in there, but really?
Yeah.
You guys are the most Toronto squad in New York.
Get out of here.
I don't know.
I don't like you coming out and insulting us.
It's just an insult.
Just because it's just the highest compliment.
Because we have one Indian guy.
He's like, this is true.
This is it.
I found it.
He got Brampton.
He has him sort of Jamaican looking.
We have 100 of him.
You tell me that guy can't be a part of the OVO squad.
Obviously OVO.
You guys are OVOs.
No, he's Quebecois.
He's like.
He's actually Canadian.
But he's not Toronto.
He's Montreal.
Wait.
That sucks being Quebecois because everyone's like, oh, French sexy.
And you go, not the way they do.
Is Toronto at the level of cool where you can say people remind you of Toronto?
And you think it's a compliment?
Yeah, we're New York.
In my mind, yes.
Really?
This sort of show is insulting.
And I'm like on Toronto right now after doing these shows.
So I don't want to give too much pushback because I'm so grateful.
But at the same time, like, this is New York.
You're like, I'm not these fucking dorks.
Well, I'm not anybody else.
You're New York City.
Well, you're less Toronto, to be completely honest.
Yeah.
Keep going.
But again, look at Alex.
This is a compliment.
But yes, you guys have all.
I feel like you're cruise Toronto.
This guy looks like everyone on Queen Street West.
That all allows.
That is actually true.
I think this is just.
This is what that means, Relative.
No, no, this is what this is.
This is there's so little diversity in comedy that the fact that you're just around non-white people, you're like, I think I'm back home.
I think this is what this is.
Yeah, well, gosh, like, there's tons of Indian dudes.
I mean, New York has tons of Asian dudes.
We have more Indian dudes.
You think?
Hell yeah.
Toronto guy.
Heller.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of Asian.
And the Indian dudes have two molds.
They either go urban or like full frat boy.
That's here too, a little bit.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to choose.
You don't know.
No, yeah.
You have more like Indian dudes that kind of go like nerdy Asian guy, sort of.
But we have Asians here that thug it out too, though.
Yeah, you do.
You have more.
Oakland Asians are kind of thugged out.
Thugged out Asians rule.
Yeah.
Tattoos.
Yeah.
Tattoos.
You go, dad couldn't have liked that.
Wait, why are we Toronto, though?
I just think your vibe.
What does that mean?
Yeah, that means nothing.
Okay, what is Toronto in a nutshell?
Like just a bunch of cool guys.
Just cool dudes, different backgrounds shooting the shit.
Yeah.
Funny, successful.
Funny dude.
I've never felt so smashed tons of chicks in Montana.
Right, dicks are dripping wet all the time.
Describe New York as Toronto again.
He's never New York.
Okay.
Son of a bitch.
Oh my God.
I hate this.
But every New Yorker I've ever met that went to Toronto is like, you, I actually love it here.
Like, I've never met one New Yorker that didn't love Toronto.
No, Toronto's dope.
Jamil was there this week and he was like, he's still there.
What are we talking about?
Stuck it out.
Yeah, our buddy is like, yeah, we're just going to hang out for another week.
Yeah, no, no.
Toronto's fire.
I've always loved Toronto.
Toronto's a dope-ass city.
There's a, yeah, there's like much hotter girls.
How do I say this?
And this is like all across Canada.
I'm not trying to say that the dudes aren't good looking, but the girls are way better looking than the dudes in Canada.
That's Montreal's for sure.
But Toronto, too.
He just, you took a real shot at him.
He's not going to be like, oh, I'm hot.
Come on, no, no, no.
Is that, I mean, like, the chicks are smoking fucking hot.
The wheels are good looking.
They're fine.
But like, we're just talking about this.
And I don't know if it's true because I feel like everyone just stops looking at girls in their own city.
No, you know what I mean?
So you give it up, then you go somewhere new.
You're like, look at all these girls.
And you go, you have that where you are, too.
But you're one of those fucking stupid bitches.
Yeah.
When's the last time you've been out in New York?
You're not out in New York.
Like, oh my God.
That is a good point.
But he's also saying in New York, the dudes aren't the gap.
He's talking about the gap.
We got hotter dudes in New York.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what he's saying.
Yeah, we like hot dudes.
Yeah, we've got hot dudes.
Are we still in Toronto?
This podcast?
I think dudes are hot everywhere, but where are your favorite dudes from?
Favorite dudes.
Montreal is my least favorite dude.
Damn it.
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
Where are you from in Quebec?
My parents are from Montreal, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they have two models, white dudes though.
They have two dudes.
That's his mom.
This is a piece, dude.
That's just a piece.
Those are talking about my mom's hotness, please.
Yo, my dad back in the day actually had a little thing going on.
Nice.
Yeah.
He's a little thing going on.
I'll show you his feto pics.
Is he tough?
Yeah, he worked out.
That's one of the molds.
What do you mean?
GSP.
That's one mold.
Like, just fucking juiced, geared up, just fired up.
Like, would you wait tough or not?
You look at me.
Like, they're fired up.
Or you look like a skateboarder from 1995.
He's very Montreal.
He fits everything without juiced up, skateboarder in 95.
It's all there.
It's all nature.
No nurture, bro.
That's like that's what you see that in Quebec.
They said they go, but they're not serving poutines anymore.
They change the name because it sounds too much like Putin.
That's funny.
Freedom fries, dude.
That's why I went to a Russian robin tug two days ago and then just didn't pay as my trivia.
Did a tug and run as a trivia fucking run.
Have you ever paid for pussy?
Yes.
Where?
Probably, this was, I think, London, Ontario, probably maybe like eight years ago.
It's stunk.
Dude, it's stupid.
Literally?
What do you mean?
Well, I don't know.
It felt like a like I, it was very, uh, I feel like I'm okay with chicks, and I was very like a little tiny kid.
I'm just like, and then, so if a hand job's that much, you know what I mean?
And how much they am fumbling with the money?
And then you take, she's like, okay, take clothes off.
And you go, okay.
Yeah, I feel like a bitch, dude.
What is she looking?
800 pounds related to me, dude.
Nice.
Asian girl?
No, this was white chick.
But no, I didn't like it.
But I thought at some point in my life, I'm like, dude, I could be the fucking prostitute guy.
The boys are over calling some prosties.
Like, I could be that guy.
And I'm just like, I don't have it in me.
I can't be that guy.
I think it's just because you went cheap.
I bet if you went expensive, he'd be like, you know what?
Yeah, I'm trying to understand what this is.
You went to like a rubbin tug or you had one come over?
No, okay.
Yeah, I think he had an ugly girl come over for a cheap price.
Is that it?
That's correct.
He went bargain basement shopping on it.
But I was with dudes that were experts in this.
And there's still another guy.
This is my favorite.
It's our body.
You know, Tyler Morrison.
It's not him.
Tyler's the man.
But he's the best, but it's not him.
But there's another guy who's like small town Canada, right?
And legendary story.
He took, he had this prostitute or whatever.
And he goes, and they just heard him from downstairs.
He comes.
He goes, that'll wake you up.
That was Tyler.
It's a buddy of his.
It wasn't him.
I love it.
Shout out to Tyler.
Tyler Morrison.
Fucking hilarious.
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UFC Leg Shoots00:03:58
Guys, I think it's time for some feelings, no facts.
I got some feelings, no facts.
As the foremost UFC specialist, do you want to talk about Cain Velasquez?
100%.
Greatest anime journalist of all time.
So Cain Velasquez, I don't know if you heard this story, Ryan.
What is it?
Do you know who Cain Velasquez is?
I don't know who he is.
Okay, so basically he was a UFC.
Is that it?
He was in jail, but he's not very.
So basically, what happened was he found out that there was somebody that was molesting his kid.
I think this kid was four years old.
And it might have happened.
I saw Bisping say this on Rogan.
It might have happened up to like 100 times.
He found this out, and that person was, I guess, arrested and then let off with like a slap on the wrist.
So he went and shot at him and ended up hitting that person's stepfather, who might have been the reason why he was molesting in the first place.
I don't know their relationship, but the stepfather could have definitely diddled in some fucking molesting traits.
The molesting family.
It could be it.
Honestly, that's kind of how that shit happens.
I don't know if it happened from the father, maybe the stepfather, maybe not at all.
I actually flipped the tables.
I molest my dad.
That's a story.
Yeah, yeah.
Genius.
So basically, so basically he went after him and because he didn't get justice, he went after like, I'm going to take justice into my own hands and shot at him, ended up shooting the stepfather, not the person.
But now everybody's out here like, yo, I understand why you go crazy.
You let the courts try to handle it.
They let off the person that diddled your fucking kid.
You're just going to let that happen?
Yeah.
There's no way.
And he's in front of a school.
This motherfucker might be at it again.
I got to stop this guy.
He shot at him in front of a school.
Now, that's my only issue: don't shoot at him in front of a school.
You're a UFC fighter.
Just beat the dog shit out of him.
Because you don't want a straight bullet to hit a kid.
I don't give a fuck if it hits a stepdad.
But just beat his ass to within an inch of his life.
It's also way more understandable, even if the damage is worse.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you shoot a guy in a leg versus beat the shit out of him, like, shooting him is worse in the eye of like the society.
You're beating the shit out of him.
I'm like, oh, I can forgive that, even if that's a worse punishment.
Yeah, it's just assault.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like, oh, yeah, you beat up a guy, even if his fucking brain is ruined forever versus getting shot in the leg.
Yeah, there's never any like you shoot someone, and it's just assault.
Beating his ass is attempted murder every single time.
You just raise your shoulder.
Yeah, isn't it?
Or no?
No.
So you can like shoot someone in the leg and people are like, that's just assault.
I mean, like, if you shoot in the air, if you don't shoot at the person, if you're pointing the gun at a person, usually they go attempt at murder, right?
I don't know.
That's just, can't he, can't he plead momentary insanity?
They got to let him off for this, right?
Like, can't you go, listen, the guy who touched my fucking four-year-old kid a hundred times is in front of me.
Not if you got lost my mind.
Showed up at the school.
So much intent.
Yeah, how long can you be momentarily insane?
How long is a moment?
Three to six months.
Three to six months.
No, I might be insane until the guy's dead.
Like, that might happen.
If you really hate that guy, I thought it was a family member.
I didn't know it was his kid.
If somebody touches your kid, I think the moment of insanity is probably a year or two.
Yeah.
It's probably a long-ass moment.
How long have y'all been mad for?
I was mad for two hours this morning with the 62 degrees.
I just bought a gun for this Miami place recently.
I'm just gonna say that.
That's what I'm talking about.
They fucking Batman over here.
He's right, though.
You go, what's the point of being a UFC fighter if you got to get your gun involved?
And we would feel physically like, do you remember that Larry Nasser moment where one of the, he's on trial and one of the fathers of the daughter charges at him?
He's like, let me get fucking five minutes with him, please.
They charges at him, and your heart breaks for this guy because they stop him before he could get his hands on Larry Nasser because you want that you'll beat his fucking ass.
That's what you would want for a UFC fighter to find this guy and then just fucking destroy his face.
But what was the pedophile?
Shooting at him is less satisfying.
Here's a question, though.
You go, because if you're a UFC fighter, isn't it true that your hands are registered weapons?
Yeah.
So was he not either way, he's in the same situation.
Who registers the weapons?
You don't actually have to register.
I think they're just automatically registered.
Are they?
What is your trash?
What is your 0-9 in the retire?
Like, does it come unregistered?
No, I think this is one of those.
Markets are on your permanent record.
Like, there's no fucking permanent record anywhere.
So that's a myth.
Jack Harlow Heroics00:15:26
Yes.
I think it is.
I think it is.
100%.
Oh, okay.
You can't beat people up anymore.
I think boxing there.
Specifically.
Apparently, Bruce Lee is the one that popularized that.
And it was kind of like a marketing thing.
It's like it has some truth in it, apparently.
If you are like, you know how to fight and you attack someone, you can be held at a higher penalty than you're doing.
Yeah, like soldiers.
Higher penalty, but not like a firearm.
My only issue is just beat the fuck out of him.
That's what I mean.
Maybe he didn't be because he's like, that guy could be strapped too.
Yeah, and you don't know what weight class the pedophile is.
But he didn't try to kill him, right?
He just shot in the leg.
No, he shot at him and missed.
And then he hit the stepdad, I think, twice, which is fire.
The stepdad's gonna live.
Yeah, killing him with fists is messier, that's for sure, in front of a schoolyard.
Yeah, I don't even know if you need to kill him, but just beating the fucking story.
But maybe he's trying to send another message to all the other pedophiles around the school.
Did it want to pop it?
Yeah, there's probably other pedophiles watching from a van.
He could have saved the kid that day.
Think about it.
There was a pedophile about to molest a kid and then Sean start bucking off.
And he goes, This guy's a hero.
Yeah, exactly.
Motherfucker was scouting.
He was hunting.
Send him.
Yeah.
No, we're saying a different pedophile.
Oh, scare that guy off.
There's some girl meeting a 50-year-old guy for pizza that just got like a message being like, you know what?
Let's not meet at that point.
Yo, this guy's that fucking out of business.
Okay, hit us, Mark.
What else we got?
All right.
Do you want to talk about Jack Harlow being the newest white man that can't jump?
So Jack Harlow is the new star of White Men Can't Jump.
Nice.
And this is infuriating.
Yeah, I don't like it.
Why are you bothered?
Because I wanted to be that.
I actually want to play Wesley Snipes.
You know how they like flip every movie and they make the black version?
I want it to be the other way.
I want to play Wesley Snipes, and then I want a black kid to grow up and be kind of like nerdy or whatever.
And then he comes on and hustles.
You know how many takes it would take for you to get a dunk?
Say again?
Yeah, how many takes?
I can't dunk no more.
I used to be able to dunk.
I saw him dunk on a little five-foot Mexican kid.
It was wild funny.
Wait, where?
Where was this?
We played pickup one time and you just dunked on this fucking little kid.
It was so funny.
Yeah, fuck out of here, little kid.
Yeah, it is what it is.
When we own a court, everybody's the same age.
You know what I'm saying?
But yeah, so I'm actually okay with this.
Like, I think that Jack Harlow is kind of a.
I'm excited for Jack Harlow because I like Jack Harlow.
I like Jack Harlow.
He's won me over, but I don't know if he can act.
And Woody was so fucking good.
Woody is the most underrated actor maybe in my lifetime.
He's one of the best actors in history.
Yeah, you got three Oscars.
I looked this up.
Yeah, dude, he can do comedy and drama.
Yeah.
There's only a handful of people that can do this.
He did fucking Cheers and True Detective.
Yeah.
Then he did mad movies, White Man Can't Jump.
And then I think People vs. Larry Flint, he got best actor.
He's a beast.
Like, he's a monster.
So he's got to fill those shoes.
It was going to be very dangerous.
That's the thing.
He's one of the only two guys in Hollywood, probably him and maybe one other that looks better when he's bald.
Yeah.
Like he went bald and you're like, yo, being bald is sick.
Yeah, he got it.
Yeah, no, he's the man.
Bruce Willis, yeah, that's the other one.
Yeah, Bruce can work for Bruce.
Pull that fucking bald head off.
Anyway, yeah, I'm actually concerned with Jack Harlow because it's just like, dude, you have like big shoes right now.
Yeah, that's my concern.
I don't know if he can act like Woody.
And Woody could hoop.
Jack Harlow seems like he could hoop, but like Woody in that role is so believable and so funny.
Yeah.
He's like vulnerable when he needs to be.
He's an asshole when he needs to be.
Talk shit when he needs to.
He's like perfect.
He does everything, knocks it out of the park.
Yeah.
And it's a campy movie, and sequels are campier.
So half the fucking goofiness will be the fact that what does campy mean?
Because I felt like you just disrespected white man can't jump.
Yeah.
Like it's the gags are kind of like kind of goofy.
It's like tongue-in-cheek a little bit.
What is tongue-in-cheek mean?
I also don't know that one.
I've been dying to know about this shit over here, bro.
You've never heard of camp?
No.
It's like slightly ironic.
No, it wasn't.
It was straightforward.
The movie was a drum.
I'm young.
I don't think you understand.
In 1992, that's how we all thought.
You don't think any part of White Man Can't Jump is like kind of like supposed to be it's well, it's funny for starters, obviously.
But yeah, yeah, but it's funny in like a like high-level humor.
I don't do tongue-in-cheek because that is real life, bro.
Yeah.
Do I do tongue-in-cheek?
I don't do marketing.
Do I ever do tongue-in-cheek?
I don't know what tongue-in-cheek is.
You guys watch like Austin Powers, and you guys are like, there's no similarity between Austin Powers and White Man Can't Jump.
I'm picking an extreme campiness.
Wait, wait, hold on.
You know, like Fat Bastard.
Like, they were kind of being extra silly with that costume and go, I thought they nailed it.
Yeah.
There's parts.
I'm so confused.
Me too.
I have no clue what's going on right now.
Okay, well, sequels of movies like that are always goofy.
Okay.
Like, there's no way that they're casting Jack Harlow.
They're trying to get, you know, nostalgia.
It's a nostalgia play.
Well, we don't know yet because it's a remake, not a sequel.
And so what is happening, man?
I'm so y'all throwing a lot of terms around.
And I'm just trying to say what you feel.
He has.
Dumb it down.
Dumb it down even more.
How do you not know what camp is?
Shut the fuck up, Mark.
Yeah, I don't know what camp is either, bro.
Camp?
Like, Mark Picture Show is Camp.
It's uh, sex in a city camp.
It's a gay ass movie.
What you talking about?
Is sex in a city camp?
Can be.
They're sometimes pretty.
It's like ironic.
A little bit.
A little bit.
Bad boys camp.
100%.
No.
What?
What about the dark night?
Every action movie is a little bit.
Yes.
I feel like every movie's camp.
Mission Impossible.
What's not camp?
Mission Possible, not as much.
Schindler's list.
I mean, for me, it was.
If I'm not jacking off, but literally a little camp.
It really needs to be absurd.
Exactly.
Literally, Camp.
Yeah.
No, so I think that.
What is that movie that Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum redid?
21 Jump Street.
That was Camp.
And the way that they were satirizing the original.
Son, you're just throwing out more terms.
I don't understand.
What the fuck is happening, y'all?
I would say that's more just like straight up.
Are you confused at?
I'm always confused.
Hey, Jesus, bro.
Yeah, you know what?
So you think that they're gonna 21 Jump Street, the new 21 Jump Street White Man Can't Jump.
I think it's gonna be someone like Jack Harlow, probably is gonna want to play it really straight.
I bet you the idea is it'll be a little goofier.
I bet you a guy like Jack Harlow's coming in to make this serious.
This is his masterpiece, probably.
He thinks this is his eight mile.
It could be the director of this movie right now is finishing up their remaking House Party.
So he's doing that.
Who's in House Party?
What white rapper are they putting in that movie to play kid?
Not sure.
Find out.
All right, I got another one.
Okay, go.
Uh, Governor Cuomo, former Governor Cuomo, yes, who uh killed a lot of old people in retirement homes and also was trying to diddle his employees.
Yes, uh, claims that cancel culture ruined his political career.
Yeah, what's your talk?
Yeah, yeah, we cancel people who kill old people.
Yeah, that's a guy I'm okay canceling.
As a politician, you can be canceled if you kill old people and then lie about it.
Oh, I thought you were gonna get canceled for that, though.
That's true.
Yeah, you sexually harassed a lot of people.
I thought that.
Oh, I thought you were talking about him canceling those old people.
Yeah, he did also cancel them.
That's what ruined his life.
Okay, I got you.
You're right.
But yeah, I see what he's doing.
And the fact that he did it at a black church, I think, is amazing.
Yeah.
Like he's doing it in a house of forgiveness.
Yeah.
Like he's testing everybody's Christianity.
As he said, yeah, I touched some people and I killed a bunch of old people and stuff.
But yeah, how would he feel?
He already died for those things.
Yeah, I don't know if this is the comeback.
Is he going to spin right?
So he goes on podcasting, yeah.
Yeah, he's going to be a right-wing podcast.
Is that what he's going to do?
Yeah, that's the root.
Anti-cancel culture.
He's anti-cancel culture.
I don't know, man.
Do you care about Cuomo at all along?
Do I care about Como?
I like the fact.
It's funny that both the Cuomos are just on the scene, like at their house, back at mom's house, eating pizza.
Both Cuomos are out.
But no, I would say this part of cancel culture is more the like die by your own sword.
If he, like, his whole thing was kind of part of that machine, you know what I mean?
So he's dying by his own sword of the rules that he, you know, probably agreed to when he was part of it.
I saw on Twitter, and I don't know who tweeted this, but somebody said that in like in six months, Zelensky is going to have a Cuomo-esque moment.
They're not going to give him one right now, though.
They bury that so fast.
Not at all.
But that's what they were saying.
Now, I don't know why they're saying that.
Yeah, but he's not like, he's not profiting off of like calling other people out.
He's profiting off of shit that we, how real it is, I don't know, but we all say it's heroic.
Like you're in your, you're fucking defending your country.
You're still undeniably heroic.
It's not, hey, it's not word speak or whatever.
It's like just talking out of your mouth and saying a bunch of shit.
You're doing it through action.
So it's tougher to call somebody out for that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like Cuomo talked all this shit about how great he was during the pandemic and you're killing old people.
Yeah.
He put a book out about how great a job he did.
Yeah.
If you're surviving multiple assassination attempts, I think you could survive a cancellation attempt.
I don't think much would stick on Zelensky right now.
Nothing.
I mean, even all the people that, you know, like, yeah, whatever, last week, they're like, there's no trans people.
Like, you're out of here, whatever.
And that under the rug.
You know what I mean?
Well, there's any normal times.
Basically, they're so all the they're sending all the girls out of the country and the guys have to stay and fight, right?
So trans people, they're like, no, you're a dude.
Like, you're fighting.
That's progressive.
Yeah.
They're saying you are what you want to be.
No, no, no, no.
Guy transitioned to girl.
They're like, girls are in the country.
And they're like, all right, see you guys later.
And they go, no, Oh, I'm going to be honest.
If our life is on the line and you built like a dude, however you identify, you're fighting.
Right, but I would send me home.
Any other time, that would be, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can girls stay and fight if they want to?
I think so, yeah.
So anybody can stay and fight if they want to, but you can leave on some Titanic shit.
Like women and children are allowed to go.
I see, I see, I see.
But not trans women.
But not trans women.
That is interesting.
I'm not mad at that.
Because there should be a few pussies who are just like, yo, let me just throw this dress and get the fuck out of here.
Dude, I was 100% missed out finding my way out of it.
So, so it's not even anti-trans.
It's more anti-loophole.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I kind of get that a little bit.
And during war, you got to make laws without thinking about them.
Like, you're not.
I don't have time for this.
Yeah.
You would have been on that side anyway.
That's not my point.
What do you mean?
My point is the people that would be really mad at that won't be right now.
Right.
And there's a hundred other of those things.
Like what?
Give us some more.
Okay, what would be more?
Oh, I heard they're not letting a lot of Africans in.
Okay, here's an example.
Like, the African stuff, exactly.
There is legitimately like a pretty good cohort of Nazis in Ukraine, like stuff like that.
Is that true?
That's when I'm, I don't know enough to be the Zielinski win an election if there's that many Nazis.
Let me tell you something about the CIA.
No, I'm kidding.
I mean, yes.
But like, isn't Azov?
I think you're kind of like a right-wing neo-Nazi group in the Ukrainian government.
That's kind of, yeah, you seem to know more about it.
I just read one Wikipedia article, and apparently it was like this right-wing, like, fringe group that got absorbed into the government.
Into the government or into the military?
Well, it's a bunch of Nazis, like a bunch of New York podcasters.
But it gets New York, or it gets money from the government.
Yes.
And my understanding is it was a military operation that was in, I guess, this Azov region, or is Azov the name of the operation?
I understand Azov is like the group.
It's the group.
And basically, they're absorbed into the Ukrainian military.
Right.
But I think it's being positioned as if that there's this like massive Nazi faction.
Right.
My understanding is they don't like the current situation in Ukraine at all.
Right.
So they don't like Zelensky, but they also don't want to be part of Russia.
So they're basically like, okay, the lesser of two evils is Zelensky, and we can fight for Ukraine.
And after that, we'll turn into a bad guy.
Would that not describe the Cuomo situation?
Like, nothing of this was sticking when he was the lesser of two evils and they didn't like Trump and Cuomo's are going to be the minute and all that's kind of over.
It's like, all right, yeah, but you're out too, Cuomo.
Well, that's the thing.
Be careful when you become a hero, dude.
Because only one way to go for a hero.
And I think that's what happens is like we exalt these people without looking and doing a little background check.
Unless they only let heroes be people that they got dirt on.
Ah, that's not like some CIA puppet shit.
I don't know if that's the case.
But like if he is a puppet for the Ukrainian government and he's put in there by the West, it's like, yeah, we're going to let you do whatever you want.
You can be a hero.
Because we know we got this shit on the scene.
Yeah, you're on Abstinees.
You're on the line.
Like, yeah, we're efficient.
And like, we're going to let it out, but it's always going to come up.
And if you act up, then we're going to let it out.
You act up, and all of a sudden, it's like, well, he was in the Panama papers.
And it's like, oh, interesting that stuff's coming up.
So I think what's happened a lot of time right now is like the, we were talking about this earlier, but like the devil's advocate political commentators, right?
Like the kind of grifter types, they're latching on to this Nazi thing.
And they're just going like, oh, yeah, they're all Nazis because they just want the most like salacious hot take.
They're basically comics without being funny.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And so they basically are searching for this hot take.
And I don't know if there's grounds to say the entire country of Ukraine is full of Nazis and that Russia is justified in invading them to get rid of the Nazis.
I mean, I was in Ukraine.
Did you feel like there was a Nazi presence?
Well, you were also told by a black Hasidic Jew.
Well, they go out there because there's like a shrine to the Chabad rabbi, but there's a lot of folks there.
Yeah, one other thing.
This is completely random, but do you have a solution for how we can lower gas prices?
Yes.
Do you have any thoughts about it?
Because right now we have a $4 national average.
Some parts of LA, it's like seven, eight bucks a gallon.
That I like.
No, that I think the solution to gas prices, you just raise LA's prices.
Yeah, only them.
Only that.
So like lower North Dakota's price to $2 and raise LA's to $28 a gallon.
That is a great idea.
That's how everybody wins.
This is my theory of what's going to happen.
I think gas prices will go up and they'll hit like fucking $9, $10.
And I think they will be like, them Ukrainians are Nazis, bro.
There's a big Nazi faction in the Ukraine and we need to weed that shit out.
And we need Putin to do it because he's the man for the job.
That is my suspicion.
They want to bring her back.
Brittany Griner needs to come back.
We need her for this year.
It's a big year for the WAPA.
A lot of things are going to happen.
What team does she play for?
Huh?
What team does she play for?
Putin.
I think she plays for Team Putin right now.
And as long as we're on Putin's side, we're going to lower these gas prices.
No, that's really what the war is about right now.
The war, it's like you have all this support from the West because the West hadn't been affected by a lack of petroleum exports from Russia or natural gas too, right?
So it's like the second we feel the effects, we're going to see how much support we have for Ukraine.
The people of Ukrainian relatives and stuff are always going to ride for and support it.
But the average dude that's in California, that's in LA, that's now paying $8 a gallon, $9 a gallon, is he going to be posting a flag?
We're going to see.
Well, that's the other conspiracy angle where, oh, there's a ton of environmentalists like in the UK that got a lot of, you know, stuff pipeline shut down.
And basically, the end result of it is they're more dependent on Russia.
Yeah.
And it's coming out that Russia's, you know, kind of funding a lot of these organizations and stuff like that.
Musk Stories and Ethics00:15:04
Yo, there's, there's a, oh man, I had a tweet that I fucking screenshot or something like that.
I don't know what it is, but it was like this.
What are like the top 10 Facebook stories?
Yeah.
The top 10 Facebook stories before the war and when Russia had access or when the Russian like Facebook farms were able to put their energy into those stories.
What was the exact thing?
Because basically Facebook was banned in Russia.
Or like that now Russian, like Russian Facebookers aren't able to access their accounts.
And so prior to the invasion, the top 10, and for whatever reason, there's a few different things happening with this, but like for whatever reason, most of the time leading up, the top 10 were typically right-leaning on Facebook.
It was like 10-4.
Yeah, Tucker, there's Hannity.
Which kind of makes sense.
You have an older demographic on Facebook, blah, blah, blah.
But then after the invasion, all the top things were like Occupy Democrats, like a bunch of left-leaning Democratic Facebooks.
Retweet of Trump's Orange.
Yeah, basically, like all on Facebook.
And so the thought is, oh, are there these Russian bosses that are funding all this right-wing information on Facebook and using because they lost access?
Well, that doesn't explain Ben Shapiro and Tucker, really, does it?
I think it depends.
How would Russia be behind it?
Suggesting that Russia is like putting Facebook ads and putting money behind their content and trying to push their content up on Facebook.
They got rid of Russia today, too, or like the, which I didn't realize the extent to which they just like in for, I'm from Canada, but they have CBC, right?
Or in Britain, they have the BBC, which is paid for.
But you have to live and be a resident to have a show there, right?
That's the whole thing.
Russia has this huge, you know, their national broadcaster that has a bunch of television shows in America with American comedians.
Like there's a couple of New York comics that have TV shows on Russia Today that oh, RT.
Yeah.
They just straight up said they go, that's no longer like people are tweeting like, yeah, my television shows.
Lee Camp, I think.
Lee Camp, yeah.
Now, this is my suspicion.
Now, these are all extreme political angles that they have, right?
So whether or not you agree with Lee, it is a very extreme left take.
He's an extreme left take, yeah.
So if I was a foreign country, I would put money behind extreme right takes, i.e. Ben Shapiro, Tucker, and extreme left takes.
Whatever one's convenient, cause a division.
And then you cause division because division, if you have the infighting, then we can't fight anywhere else.
And I think that's what happened on Facebook.
It's not pushing any one ideology.
It's pushing extremism.
Extreme ideologies.
Exactly.
And that's what I, and that is the strategy.
And I'm sure that's what China's doing, et cetera.
But so it doesn't surprise me that Lee Camp, his show is on Russia today.
And it doesn't surprise me that they're putting money behind Facebook ads for Shapiro, et cetera.
Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah, well, his is a, he was very, you know, it's a big anti-war show, which right now is a kind of Russian propaganda, if you want to look at it that way.
100%.
Like, war is bad.
It's like, okay, well, what are you working for?
Putin?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was actually.
He worked for Russia today.
He was working for Putin.
Yeah, they were buying TV shows.
And I'm just like, I was always like, that's so wild.
You go, I have a TV show.
What network?
Like the Russian government.
Yeah.
It's like a funny comedy show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember Lee.
I remember him being in New York.
He's a sweet guy.
Seems cool.
Seems funny, too.
But yeah, but that is weirdly enough, like the most, and I know that he's, I actually am not too familiar with his politics, but I imagine like leaning a little bit more socialists.
But like that is like the most American capitalistic thing is like take the bag from whoever gives it to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like it's hard.
It's like, oh, Russia's going to give me money so I can do my show.
Okay, boom.
I'm going to do it.
And it's always sometimes like a bit of a fuck you to people who wouldn't give you the bag anyway.
You go, all right, well, you could have gave me money, Comedy Central.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah, absolutely.
Now I'm funding a war.
So I think to that, the stories thing, apparently, like a few days later, they were back to whatever they typically are.
And it was just like a few day window that seemed like an anomaly.
And for whatever reason, that's disappointing.
Or they figured out how to use VPNs in Russia.
Exactly.
It's tough to say.
I'm just saying it went on television.
It's not on TV anymore.
I was talking about specifically the stories.
The articles were referenced.
The top 10.
Yeah, the top 10s and whatever.
Yeah, I mean, however, I don't know.
If Russia is behind sewing division in the United States of America, however, they sew that division in the United States of America, they will project that onto Ukraine.
So however we see Ukraine through the lens of Russian media, that will be the same way that they divide America.
So it's not surprising to me that all the propaganda is.
Look at the Nazis that are in Ukraine.
It's like, yeah, they've been calling Americans Nazis.
They know that works.
Yes, they know how to piss us off.
They know how to rile us up.
Yeah, 100%, right?
So they know what they're doing.
So how do we fix gas prices?
Is there any way?
I told you.
I mean, there's easy ways, but people aren't going to like them.
Which is, you know, like all the pipelines they wouldn't let happen and stuff like that.
But the soldier's probably the real one.
But even Musk.
There's nuclear plants you can just open back up.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
Even Musk came out about that.
He's like, yeah, we have to increase wealth production, right?
Yeah, we have to do this game.
You know, Musk has been doing cool shit this whole time when he the hyperlink stuff.
Yeah, he's so much better than Bezos dog.
Fucking Bezos.
Dude, he's a better person.
Your boy sucks, dude.
Your boy, Bezos, Bezos a beast.
That's your guy?
I love Bezos.
Bezos.
That's such a funny person to love.
I got to pee.
You guys keep going.
Okay, we're back.
Sorry about that, guys.
I can just Bezos.
I don't necessarily love Love Bezos.
I don't think he's like the most ethical person in the world, but I do think his process is fascinating.
And he's kind of like a perfect supervillain.
That's why I said I like him.
You take him over Musk, though.
I just like both.
I don't.
I think they're like brilliant innovators.
Choose one, dog.
Choose one.
Well, what do you want?
You want real money or do you want perceived value?
That's basically what it is.
If you want perceived value, that's Musk.
If you want real money, that's Bezos.
But I like Musk's social liquidity.
I think that's such a cool way he built that.
Musk is the meme.
The memes are great.
I think Musk is more rare than Bezos.
Bezos, there will be another badass businessman to come around in 20 years.
My dad said this when Walmart was running everything.
He's like, Walmart's going to get taken down by something.
When I moved here, Sears was the company.
Yep.
And that's just, that's America.
That's capitalism.
I don't know that we're going to see another Musk for a long time.
And girls hate Musk, which makes them sick.
That makes him fire.
Dude, the amount you almost like him more because girls will be like, he's the worst.
He's an idiot.
And then before you know it, you're like, actually, he's the best.
Girls say that about Musk.
I feel like many women don't like Musk.
They hate him.
Really?
Yeah.
He's just a super rich dude that doesn't kind of play by the rules, posts like, you know, he shit posts.
First of all, he, he, I'll tell you what's bad.
You're right.
He built his company.
He willed his company into existence.
Yeah.
That's what's cool about it.
He's white Kanye.
You know what I mean?
I've noticed girls hate on billionaires in the way that dudes will hate on like super hot girls.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Personality.
Yeah, they're like dumb idiot.
She's like, this model's a fucking idiot.
And then if she's like, oh, you want to fuck?
He'd be like, yeah, of course.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd marry you today.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Bezos thing that's interesting to me is like he didn't invent anything new.
He just perfected something that already exists.
And I know that Elon didn't invent anything new, but like clearly his technology for electric cars is far superior than anybody else's.
Like Bezos is still using the same trucks to show you.
You think Wanda's changing the world in a more material way?
I don't know if it's, well, which one is that?
Musk, because you go, what Bezos is offering, probably just by virtue of like progression, we would have had a way to order everything pretty cheaply from one place.
Yeah.
A curated ordering system probably would exist, but what Musk is doing, potentially that would not have takes it off and then lands again.
It's pretty fucking crazy.
Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm in, I'm weirdly more impressed with what Bezos did, Mr. Red, yeah, yeah, because there's so much more competition.
It's like so many people are shipping packages every single day, right?
Like the guy just found a way to make tape not annoying to come to break when you open the package.
Like, how did nobody think about that before?
Like, that enough is more to me.
That's more impressive than an electric car.
There's electric shit in cars all the time.
I've been driving electric cars since I'm a little kid.
Those little fucking toy cars are all electric.
Electric car exists.
They just found a way to make it bigger.
Tape that breaks, but also stays together.
That's genius.
Nice.
Yeah.
So he just, he just perfected it.
No, no, no, no.
This is the worst take you've ever seen.
Yeah, no.
But I'll tell you, here's everything.
No, no, I guess what I'm trying to say is he was competing with.
So Bezos did tape.
You did yours.
No, no, no.
So basically, he looked at this business that everybody does, right?
And he found a way to perfect it.
Elon is doing a business that nobody does.
But I don't think why he's so.
So he's competing with nobody.
That's not true.
There was a lot of people who are competing with every car company.
Before Elon.
Yeah, everybody says that.
The first one was electric.
An actual electric car company that existed.
They had a documentary called Who Killed the Electric Car because they were the EV1.
Yeah.
I didn't know what it's called, but they were around like the early 2000s and then just went away.
They got like 45 miles between charges or 90 miles between charges, whatever it was, and then just went away.
And other companies have all been racing to this.
I talked to a guy at an auto shop who, after our Tesla got damaged, but they didn't exist, right?
So this guy, he said, Tesla is legitimately beyond even like engine and battery and all that shit is changing the way cars are made.
Like the body.
It's just everything is done so efficiently.
So there was competition in that sense.
And everybody's trying to make electricity.
What was the other electric car company that existed while Tesla was taking whoever made that fucking EV1 that couldn't handle it?
Yeah, Chevy made the Volt.
No, no, no, no.
What was the just the electric car company?
There wasn't any.
You're slicing it very thin now.
How is that slice of thin?
We're literally talking about electric car companies and there's only the automotive systems or car companies are making electric cars.
So just because they're not exclusively making electric cars?
So because they're tape, not fully electric.
So because GM, yeah, Chevy Volt, fully electric.
Was before Tesla.
He's on Leaf, fully electric.
Was before Tesla.
Before we started buying Teslas for shit.
That was before you started buying it.
I'm slicing it thin now.
They had before they had Tesla like 08, 07.
So Tesla doesn't exist until you buy one.
I don't think there were mass.
No, I don't think the masses had Teslas until what?
2011?
Are we slicing thin or not?
Exactly.
It's the same shit, dog.
They're both there.
My point is, my point is, Tesla comes out and it's one of one.
And it's amazing what he did.
He killed the dealerships.
He, the assembly line, like the other one.
It's brilliant.
It's brilliant what he did.
I'm not questioning it's brilliant what he did.
What he built is absolutely amazing and his ability to play into internet culture and use that to build social equity and have people essentially invest in him.
Like he understood that like he is the company.
So as famous as he becomes is as valuable as the company becomes.
And we all believe that he is the smartest person in the world.
100%.
There's no pump.
He knew how to pump.
And he used the internet to do that.
He had to figure that out.
And there's how many comics do we know that can't even figure out how to put up their fucking clips online?
Insane.
Right?
And it's like, and it's right there.
It's right there for them to do it.
They don't know how to fucking do it.
He's a pump-no-dump guy.
Real talk.
100%.
Pump and hold.
Pump and hold.
And he's built it, and that's genius.
What I think is that we're so wow by.
Pump and spend.
I mean, straight up pump it.
And then he had now access to billions of dollars.
And then keeps on reinvesting it.
Yeah.
100%.
What I think is we're so wowed by what he's doing because he's innovating.
He's creating new technology.
The electric car is new for us.
We're like, oh shit, that's amazing.
The rocket to the moon.
That is and landing.
That's new.
So I think we undermine what Bezos did.
I think it's kind of similar to like Gates in a way, where it's just like, I don't know what Gates really made, but the guy made billions of dollars.
And Bezos, what did he do?
He found a way to deliver shit in a day.
That's not that interesting.
But the organizational processes put together to deliver all this stuff is fucking unbelievably fascinating.
And if, and, and you, you run a business, we run a business.
Organizing a business is fucking hard.
Yeah.
And that motherfucker found a way to do it and make it profitable.
Like, the business makes money.
Yeah.
Elon barely makes money.
But you're talking about it in two different ways when we talk about who's legend.
That's the equivalent of like you're talking about best action figure hero and you go Arnold versus Schwarzenegger.
And you're talking about their acting process.
And I'm like, dude, I like that he, you know, hurts the stuntman.
Like, to me, I'm saying Elon Musk, like, as a like, whatever public figure is the coolest.
Yes.
If you're saying what they actually built better, you go, yeah, maybe.
And remember, he built PayPal before that.
So, yeah, we weren't arguing who was better on Twitter.
Yeah.
That's what you thought we were talking about.
It's a huge difference.
We're discussing billionaires.
I have 70% discussion.
What he said earlier is kind of the same.
Elon Jeff Bezos is the legend businessman ever.
And that's super impressive.
But I think we're going to get another one of him.
I think Elon Musk is more rare.
I see what you're saying.
And that's why I value that.
Businessmen continue to come up around, but true innovation doesn't come around that often.
Okay, I hear you on that.
I think that makes sense.
I just hope that we're not undermining his innovation within business.
No, he's a loose cannon, and Bezos has been consistently great.
Yes.
But I don't mind that you're a loose cannon.
Yeah.
I'm just saying, like, his ability, if Bezos didn't pick fucking books, and I think this whole space thing for him is basically his way of going, like, I could do that shit too.
I just pick books.
Like, I literally, I think he's like, this shit ain't hard.
You just put the smart people in position, you organize, and then you have them execute.
You see how quick I made a rock exactly.
Like, I literally think that's what it is for him.
You think he's like, you think this guy's smarter than me?
It's not that hard.
Yeah, MIT.
Who's the smart one?
Here's more money.
You go build it.
Oh, we need more money.
Here's more money.
Go build it.
So I think that's what the ego thing is about.
It's not really about space.
It's about people valuing what space is.
Conquering, yeah.
Or just, oh my God, space is so cool at Star Trek.
You must be the smartest person if you know how to make space shit.
Because selling books doesn't make me think you're that smart.
If you don't have a Tesla, Elon Musk doesn't affect your day-to-day life nearly as much as Jeff Bezos.
Your day-to-day life is way better for 98% of the population because of Bezos.
Interesting.
Yeah, Again, I think that is just like Ryan said, that's the nature of the beast in capitalism.
Someone is going to come, someone's going to be better than Bezos at some point.
It might not happen for a few decades, but someone's going to be better.
I don't think we're going to see an Elon Musk.
I don't remember an Elon Musk in my lifetime.
I remember the Waltons before Bezos, and whoever the fuck Sears Roebuck, whoever that was before that, that's the nature.
That Musk thing is just more rare.
Yeah, do you value?
It's like, do you value greatness or like unique greatness?
I think I see what you're saying.
The unique part, yeah.
Hmm.
They're both great.
And Bezos has affected my day-to-day more.
I gave back the Tesla.
I like Elon more.
I want to like actually, I don't know.
Personality-wise, only I kill Bezos.
No, personality-wise, like Elon seems fun online, though.
In person, apparently, he's weird.
I know people know him, and they're like, He's in real life, he's like, check out his meme.
He's like, Beautiful, hilarious.
Unique Greatness Value00:10:18
Hilarious.
Apparently, he's not this super.
Yeah, Bezos seems more social.
Yeah.
Normal.
Yeah, he seems more normal.
100%.
And what he's doing is also seems more normal.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, but yeah, I don't know.
That's an interesting one.
I think we all like the trope of the kooky scientist billionaire guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Again, that's a fucking idea.
Dude, we've been waiting to see that our whole lives.
We hear about Einstein, this fucking weirdo scientist with the crazy hair.
Yeah.
That's the closest that I know.
If you think he's a fraud, fine, but let's just take it at face value.
Elon's fraud, yeah.
A lot of people think Elon's a fraud.
I'm not talking to anyone in this room.
I'm talking to people listening.
A lot of people are like, oh, he didn't invent PayPal.
He hopped on the board or whatever.
He didn't invent the electric car.
He hopped on the board.
Apparently, if you dig, it's not as great as it seems.
Self-driving cars aren't really self-driving yet.
Yeah.
But I don't, let's take it all at face value.
What he did, he's the closest thing we've had.
Is he a Nazi?
Yeah.
He's a Nazi.
Is there a Nazi faction inside Tesla?
So he has a Ukrainian Nazi factory Tesla factory.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, I, if I. Are they going to stuff the Jews in those holes in the ground that he's been building?
No.
Is that what the boring company is really about?
No.
Is that how you clean traffic up?
Is that how they're going to clean up the traffic in LA?
They're taking the Jews underground.
I don't know.
No.
Okay.
Make your point, Akash.
I just think he's the closest thing we've had to Einstein since Einstein in our lifetime.
Yeah.
This kooky scientist guy has changed the world as far as we know it.
Yeah.
That's him.
Bezos is.
But if he didn't do all those things, why do you think?
I believe he's, I think he did all these things, but there's a lot of people who are like, nah, Elon Musk is full of shit, whatever.
And then I choose not to listen to them.
Yeah, as a pop culture figure, he's cooler.
As a business, you know, if you're like studying businessmen, then yeah, whatever, boring Bezos.
Oh, sorry.
I just got a tweet that says that tomorrow they're going to launch more Starlink satellites, which are going to give Wi-Fi to all of these cutoff Ukrainians.
Oh, boy.
Pretty good.
What's Bezos doing?
Sending him a couple books?
He sent them the art of war.
So easy to hate on Bezos, man.
Y'all are tripping, bro.
I think Bezos got it.
Bezos sucks, dude.
He stinks.
Why?
Why do you hate Bezos?
He's a fucking dork, dog.
Do you like it?
Elon's not.
Do you like it?
Nah, Elon, cool as fuck, yo.
He'd be bagging bitches.
He got mad.
Baby mamas out there.
Hosted SNL.
As an African man, bro.
Yo, yo.
Apparently, he showed up to SNL with a bunch of sketches he wanted to do, too.
Fire.
Love all of it.
Kooky motherfucker.
Motherfucker, Matt Kookie.
Nah, he's more likable for sure.
Bezos sucks, dude.
Well, you know, we can really streamline this process.
Suck my dick, dog.
You don't think Elon does that?
No, not on Twitter.
That's Bezos' whole ethos is, you know, if we.
This is how Russia wins.
Let's just put shit on Twitter.
And then Akash is like, yeah, this is what's doing.
These are the people.
No, I don't think that.
I do think it's a problem.
You gave back the car, you fucking piece of shit.
You gave back the car.
You fucking fraud.
Why?
It didn't have enough.
We didn't get the good engine.
Dove got us a cheap battery.
The lesson.
Worked well for me.
Didn't know you were going to drive to Philly.
I mean, you got across the country.
Where do you need to go?
Philly?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Without charging it in the middle of the night, huh?
Is it a pain in the ass to charge?
Yeah, just my wife is driving mad late, pulling over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You see this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep going.
Keep going.
You just bought up the social media presence, bro.
You don't even like what he makes.
You don't even like what he makes.
You don't even like it enough to buy a new one.
Why don't you buy the one with the bigger engine?
I'm gonna.
Yeah.
I'm gonna win.
He's gonna win.
I'm waiting on this fucking $8,000 Build Back Better Credit to pass through.
We're being completely transparent.
This motherfucking government to help you out.
Don't make Elon Musk welfare shit.
This is Jews are cheap.
Indians are way cheaper than Jews.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on.
You can't dangle an $8,000 credit in my face and then take that shit away and expect me to still make the purchase.
I don't think you buy a new Tesla.
I might not.
I don't think you buy a new Tesla.
I still like Mesmer.
I have a new power car.
I still like Musk more.
You don't believe in a power car?
I told you.
Bezos got more Amazon games.
Tesla is not even close.
It's not even fucking close.
Okay, you bought before a split?
Yeah.
Oh, so you got the split?
Yeah, because I believed.
Did you buy after the split, you cuck?
Where's your stock at, you bitch?
I never bought it.
Fuck that guy.
No, I got a little bit of Tesla, but it was probably after the split.
I mainly lose money on everything.
That's good.
Dude, I lost fucking 60 grand on Topps baseball cards this year.
60.
What?
The fuck?
Are you just 60?
60 grand.
Why?
What happened?
Stupid Danny Polischuck.
You guys know.
So it was a stupid SPAC that was going to buy Topps baseball cards, right?
Yeah.
And in his mind, it's you can't lose.
So legitimately, the day before the SPAC was supposed to, you know, unspack and become a company, they lost their license to sell baseball cards.
Wow.
Oh, my God, dude.
Oh, my God.
How much did Danny lose?
He lost way more.
Yeah.
I didn't need a license to sell baseball cards.
Well, I mean, put it this way: like, you, if you could buy them from someone that's licensed, but you can't just print baseball cards, right?
Oh, they were going to print them.
Yeah, they were.
Well, they were the company.
But you have to contract with the NBA and the NBLB.
Like, you have all these contracts, right?
They didn't have that set up.
You think they should have.
You didn't look that up.
No, they had it, but basically, it was up for renewal.
But it was kind of like, yeah, obviously, this thing's like a tiny little thing.
And then the one tiny thing that went wrong, I guess, did that no one thought would go wrong.
And yeah, I paid the price for it financially.
Wow.
Because Fanatics bought Tops, right?
I thought it didn't SPAC.
It like it basically got bought independently.
And it was the guy.
It was one of those big GameStop guys at the GameStop.
People were fucked for the guy's name, but whatever.
Yeah.
Bringing up bad memories.
Do you know what SPAC means?
Yeah.
What does it mean?
So for a company to go public, essentially, you need to do a bunch of stuff, right?
But if to go private, if I want to buy your company, it's actually, you know, unless there's an issue with antitrust.
It's not that big of a process.
So you essentially pool everyone's money together and buy the company from a private sale and then go, you know, essentially put it on the market.
Because so you skip doing an IPO essentially.
A company that's already on the market.
No, you can't be on the market.
No, you're not on the market.
The company that buys it is already on the market.
And that's why.
Well, you can buy a company that's already on the market as a SPAC.
No, no, no, no.
The SPAC, I think, has to already be existing on the market.
The SPAC is just a blank check.
It's just straight up a pool of money.
Right, right.
But in order to IPO or in order to already be on the market, I think that's the way they get around the system.
Is the company purchasing companies already on the market?
They buy this other company and it gets absorbed into this one.
And your shares are in the one who's already on the market.
Yeah.
And the way around the system is an IPO.
Yeah, it's a way around the system.
Yeah.
So that's where it got fucked.
Well, I mean, I could have got fucked either way.
I think.
How much did you think you were going to make?
Let me ask you this.
A lot.
Like what?
Did you have a number in your hand?
10x?
No, I probably thought.
I think I had basically 100K in it.
In my mind, I was like, yeah, I think I'll probably make a clean 50, probably.
Something like that.
Yeah.
But again, I've lose money on most of my trades.
So I'm pretty net negative.
To put in $100,000 to make a 1.5x is so crazy to me.
I don't think I've ever beat the SP 500.
Why do you do it then?
You can't win if you don't play.
Fanatics owns time.
You also can't lose if you don't play.
That's the other side of the quote.
Well, now I'm in GDP.
I'm down.
I got to get back up.
Yeah, you got it.
I bet you the next one will be the one.
You can win if you put in the SP 500.
That's how you can win.
I have some wild clans right now, dude.
What do you got?
I don't know.
Just like a bunch of weird stuff, like pharmaceutical companies and shit like that.
Like, I don't even know what they do.
Why did you do it?
Legitimately, I'll meet people at bars that do this shit and they're like, this is the one.
I go home and buy it.
How many of you win on these?
I've had a few big ones, but I've liquidated most of those winnings.
I stay at the table, dude.
Not more McDonald's of this room.
Not good at it.
Canadian and everything.
Also, my body, Danny, so into it.
He'll tell me something.
He's such a piece of shit.
He'll go, oh, you got to buy this.
It's a big thing.
And I'll get it.
And then I'll be like, oh, this.
And then, like, three weeks later, I'm like, yo, this thing's down like 50%.
Oh, you didn't sell?
You didn't sell?
Yeah.
You're going to sell.
And I'll go, you couldn't take it.
I couldn't get a text.
Yeah.
But you're selling?
Oh, man.
Also, I don't think a 1.5 return is bad.
That's what he was hoping for.
No, no, no.
100k hoping for a 1.5 return.
You put in all your money in the fucking SP to get what?
10?
Less?
Six?
Yeah, no, that's a great return.
1.5 is a great return.
That sounds amazing.
You're skewed because you invest in crypto.
You think 50% on my money?
50% return, you're the greatest stockbroker in history.
Yeah, I'm not putting all my money into that.
You're assuming that's all his money.
Where do you get all?
I'm not putting that much money.
Period.
I'm not putting 100K into anything unless I think if you wanted to put money.
Money is told I'm going to put in letters.
It was free money.
I was like, how much do you put in Bitcoin?
Yeah, into letters that are nothing.
How much you got in Bitcoin?
A handful.
More than higher cash.
Yeah, exactly.
What are you talking about?
Because I expect my goal is not 1.5x with Bitcoin.
Yeah.
My goal is 15 to 20X with Bitcoin.
See how both of you don't know how to invest at all and you like Elon?
Do you see how both of you don't know how to invest any fucking clips?
I actually do.
I just looking at the investment.
I put more money in this shit than you put in crypto.
That's a fact.
100%.
Yeah, Bezos.
No, I put twice money on it.
I'm a real fucking business that makes money.
Real Business Investing00:03:13
I love the shows.
Things I'm just losing my money in crypto.
I'm losing money everywhere.
I'm also losing my money in studios.
I'm losing my money in employees.
I'm tearing through it pretty good on my camera.
You have a special that is out right now.
Whiteimigrantyoutube.com slash Ryan Comedy.
And I want everybody to go check it out.
We love Ryan over here.
Your sketches have been absolutely great.
But I'm excited for people to see the stand-up.
Yeah, you guys are the best, dude.
Thank you.
Dude, I was both of you.
Your thing was fucking awesome, dude.
Thank you.
You know what?
The best thing about Andrew is I think whenever people call you for help, you're one of the only guys that actually puts your head in the problem where you go, you know what?
Let me go look at a few of your things and I'll get back to you.
Like, you know, you actually do put your head in the problem, which I feel like I try to do a bit with other people because of that.
So I think that's like pretty sick.
And you should.
People appreciate it.
But I really want people to go check out your special and blow it the fuck up and then keep touring.
I mean, obviously you've been touring, but having that stand-up piece out do well, you'll notice the difference.
I think it'll help.
Yeah, it'd be cool.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I put together, I almost have a new hour now, at least already.
That's impressive.
I mean, I have probably a half hour.
It's been four months and I have some material left over and this and that.
So I probably have like a half hour, 35 minutes and I'm like, okay, this is new and great.
You know, 15, 20, that's a little whatever.
But yeah, I'm starting to tour again.
People need to understand that.
Like, it'll take you years to put together that hour, and now you have to jump back on the road once you put it out.
Yeah.
So you gotta, you gotta build it up.
You know what?
The heart, the most annoying part, I feel like, I don't know if you did this too, but so I basically trimmed my thing pretty tight where it's like I turned three-minute jokes into two-minute jokes where I go, that extra minute goes in the garbage.
Cause, you know, it's, yeah, it's, it's not like I'm going to go do that part.
It's like I literally shaved off 10 minutes.
Can you use that for parts now?
Yeah, there's a few things, but a lot of things, no, just like an extra, you know.
Sometimes there's like lines or tags in these things that can like fit another thing.
They come back around.
Yeah.
I was talking to, who was I talking about this?
Oh, oh, weirdly enough, Louie.
Because you heard about Louie that had to go to Ukraine to do these shows.
Anderson.
So this was maybe a month ago.
I was sitting with him and he was telling me he had to go to Ukraine to do shows.
And he's like, and I need to have this amount of time.
So he was like, I'm working like relentlessly to get to an hour because he had just dropped something.
And he's like, no, I've really been putting my fucking head down and every single day, just kind of like grinding out.
And he goes, and there's some things that you don't use special and you can kind of use those for parts.
And I started thinking about that, like, yeah, that's totally true.
There are lines and tags and references, et cetera, that exist that we just kind of throw away when we put out our final version of the special, but they can be used in other shit.
They eventually come back, but it's not like I can just take that 15 minutes and be like, hey, but you're right.
Over time, somewhere it'll fit in.
But I did like, it was kind of cool.
I've done this two other times, but it was cool to finish recording and start again.
And I was like, oh, fucking sucking in the clubs.
And then I remember coming home and I'm like, okay, I have one joke.
Yep.
Oh, it's so demoralizing, dude.
But also, it was, but like the one joke I was like, yo, I'm fucking stoked.
I have a joke.
Grinding for an Hour00:01:27
Yeah.
But dude, how's oh man, it's so interesting.
Like being on the road, you do an hour and then getting up with new, how long 15 minutes feels.
It's a rough 15, yeah.
Bro, like just feeling the end of the laugh on the joke you know works.
But then when your newest, when your best joke is your newest joke, yeah, the worst feeling is you're like, I'm murdering.
Then you do another joke from old and it's way better.
Yeah.
But the best feeling is you're, you go, the best thing in my set right now is my newest thing.
Yeah.
I also think we overinflate the new, at least for me personally.
Like this, if I'm going to laugh on something new, it's like I can see every person smiling in the audience.
If I'm getting a laugh on like something old, I will notice the guy with his arms crossed.
You'll be like, he's right.
That guy gets it.
He's through with it.
That guy gets it.
Yeah, everybody else is a fucking idiot.
That guy knows.
Why is that?
But with new, I'm blind to it.
Because you're excited about it.
You love doing it.
You don't love that old bit anymore because it's not new.
Yeah.
That's so true.
We be cheating on our jokes all the time, bro.
Give me the mistress joke.
I want that new bitch.
So funny.
Well, look, Ryan, I want everybody to go check out your special.