Andrew Schulz and Akash Singh tackle the gas crisis, jokingly apologizing to Saudi Arabia post-9/11 while debating whether high prices stem from geopolitics or market forces. They mock Stephen Colbert's Tesla struggles, discuss Venezuela's food shortages, and analyze Meta's COO's claim that no two women-led nations would war, citing Indira Gandhi's assassination and the 1984 Golden Temple massacre as counter-evidence. The conversation spirals into absurdity regarding COVID brain shrinkage, Harvey Weinstein smuggling Milk Duds, and a Florida teacher attacked by a five-year-old student, ultimately blending serious international relations with chaotic banter to highlight the show's unique blend of satire and social commentary. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagrant 200:14:31
What's up, everybody, and welcome to Saudi Arabia's Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Sheltie.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
I'm here with Mark Gagnon.
I'm here with Alex Media.
I'm here with Miles Media.
We even got the Truffle, who's very apologetic for any stress that he might have caused Saudi Arabia.
And I just want to say that I understand diplomatic relations between the United States and Saudi Arabia haven't been the greatest, you know, from they've been a little tense for the last, I don't know, how long ago was 2001, September 11th?
How long ago was it when two of our favorite buildings went down?
That was fucked up.
Yes.
Right?
And obviously, you know, they had a lot to do with it.
But we got to move on.
It's time.
You know, time heals all wounds.
It should.
You know, and it also heals buildings collapsing to the ground.
Even building seven, what happened to that one?
I don't know.
Yeah.
The point I'm trying to say is, you know, a lot, it's time that these countries come together.
Yes, it's time.
Why?
Because we need what?
We need...
We need alliances.
We need alliances.
We need friends.
We need friends.
Everybody's going to make it seem like this is about oil being like, you know, seven, eight dollars a gallon.
It has nothing to do with oil.
We live in the city.
Why would you be so presumptuous?
You're presuming.
Don't presume, please.
Don't presume this is about two powerful nations coming together and forming alliances so we can all be safe.
Yes.
We don't care about oil.
I take Ubers.
That's on the driver.
Yeah, oil.
I didn't even know.
Does Saudi Arabia even have oil?
We don't know.
We don't know.
The point is, people are going to make it look like, oh my God, you guys are just kissing Saudi Arabia's ass so like OPEC starts like digging up some more oil or however you get the I don't even know where they got the oil.
I resent that accusation.
Exactly.
Why can't we just want friends?
Why can't I just like a culture?
You know what I mean?
Why can't I just like a country and you know be willing to overlook certain politics just in the name of friendship?
Yo, real talk minds your business.
Like I keep telling Americans like if they want to bomb the fuck out of Yemen, let them bomb it.
So what?
What's Yemen?
It's Yemen.
What's Yemen?
I thought it was a food.
Me too.
I thought they owned all the bodegas in Brooklyn.
They seem pretty cool.
Yeah, I like those guys.
I like them too.
Well, we don't need this tension.
It's too much tension.
I think that we need to work on diplomatic relations with Yemen as well, as long as Saudi Arabia is okay with that.
If they're not, then whatever they want to do.
That would be nice.
Absolutely.
Let's try to calm things down in the region.
Absolutely.
100%.
What else is there?
If you want to kill a journalist that talks some shit about you, who are we to say don't chop up their body inside a Turkish embassy?
You know what?
Who are we to say that?
That's nosy of us.
It is nosy.
Yeah, nosy's not a good quality.
No, it's not.
It's not a good quality.
And a lot of people in that region don't fucking like it.
Okay?
Yeah.
I'm just saying, guys, you know, there's a lot of people out here that they're not looking out for the future of America.
Truly.
And to be honest, the future of Saudi Arabia.
Oh, that's also just as important.
Very important.
Very important.
Yeah.
They don't like this right now.
They don't like charging people $9 a gallon for food gas.
They don't like such a thing.
No, these are good, reasonable, God-fearing people.
Absolutely.
God don't want you to pay $8 a gallon.
No.
Is that random anywhere?
No, I know.
I don't think.
I think it's a pillar of Islam to not be greedy.
The newest Testament.
Yeah.
The newest testament.
You know what I'm saying?
Which I respect highly.
Me too.
You know?
To the utmost respect.
Hey, listen, this is not a game out here.
$8 not good for nobody.
Both sides lose.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Why are we going to let white people divide us?
These Russians is out here dividing good diverse relationships.
Malcolm warned us about this.
Malcolm, a good Muslim man.
What did Malcolm say?
What are they going to divide you?
Divide and conquer.
Is that what you're trying to do to us?
That's what he said.
These white devils.
The black animal devils is trying to divide us.
We're not going to let that happen.
We're not.
Come on, bruh.
Cough up that oil.
Wait, wait.
Wait, what?
Hold on.
What?
I didn't know.
I didn't mean that.
All just about oil?
No, whoa, that's what you're just saying.
Hey, I can't just move.
You're a country?
You literally just said cover the oil.
No, I didn't mean, I didn't mean it like that.
Also, you don't even know what type of oil I mean, olive oil?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Do you not think they use olive oil out there?
You don't think they got a little hummus, a little baba ganoush?
You have a gas tank around your neck.
You don't even know if gas is in here.
That's presumptuous of you.
Why would I put gas on my chain?
It says gasoline on the lapal.
Yeah, that's so I could throw people off.
Like when you got a Jesus chain, it's really Jesus.
Okay, that's good.
Everybody with a Jesus game really got Jesus on their chain, Mark.
All those dudes that got diamonds on their chain is real diamonds, or it could be fakes.
It could be fakes.
It's cubic zirconiums.
Yeah, it could be.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So this might not even be gasoline.
Yeah, it looks like a flex that I'm wearing the most valuable commodity on the world on my chain while everybody else out here got gold and all this other dumb shit.
I'm just saying.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it might look like that.
This is the real shit.
I'm out here bawling.
Bitches getting mocked up.
Do you know what I mean?
Soaking, soaking wet.
Out here pushing packs on.
Real things.
You got it for me.
I'm pushing petrillium.
I'm out here pushing the real peak.
But that has nothing to do with us talking.
It seems like you're stuck up to the Saudi Arabian government because you want sheep oil.
I resent the accusation.
Me too.
Say how I feel.
Yo, he can't just appreciate a culture and a country and want to move on from IT relations.
Why is every time the white man wants to divide us?
Why is every time the white man wants to come in?
That's exactly what you just said.
What do you mean?
Are you Russian?
No.
Are you really Russian?
No, I'm not Russian.
I think Mark might be Russian.
Look at the colors on his fucking jersey right there.
He's Canadian.
He's Canadian.
They got certain things that we like over there.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
50% of our foreign oil comes from where?
Can I know?
My boy, Market!
Not like that matters at all.
Not like that matters at all.
All I'm saying is, I knew I saw something in you.
You fucking killed it in Toronto, dude.
Mark was murdering it in Toronto.
How great were those shows and shit?
Hey, listen, Trudeau, paint your face whatever fucking color you want.
Henry!
You know what I'm saying?
Do it out.
Ow, ow.
Can we just put aside for a little bit?
He went brown.
He was in line with our brothers.
So he was just trying to support Sonny and Ray, but we misinterpreted his Indian.
That's it.
We know who he's trying to do.
We, we were the racists.
We projected our racial history onto that man.
Why do we do that?
They had no racial history.
No big deal.
Y'all right.
You know what I'm saying?
You just called Trudeau a cuck like two days ago.
Why?
I didn't call him a cuck.
I said his mom got rinsed out by the Rolling Stones.
Yeah, you did say that.
That's different.
I said his mom got rinsed out by the Rolling Stones.
And James did.
They were sticking drumsticks in that broad.
That's facts.
That's facts.
That's written in the Rolling Stones book.
I don't know if that's in the park.
That was.
I do think we should talk about that's probably, you know, like a good thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, say that's cool.
You know, say, you know, Trudeau, probably a little musical because of that.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
I just think we should, you know, maybe make sure relations with Canada are good.
Would you like some seltzer?
Yo.
Would you like, would you like a little seltzer?
That's what a coincidence that we got the Canadian drive right here.
This is so weird.
That's crazy.
Some people are going to say, yo, you just put it there so that you could curry favor with Canada.
They would say that.
They would say that.
But the reality is, we love Canada Dry Seltzer.
We just happen to love it.
Fat, like, what other seltzer exists besides Canada Dry?
I don't know.
I've never heard of one that you're drinking from right now.
What was that?
Was that a liquid death?
What?
Is that a liquid den?
No, this is Canada Dry.
It's my favorite seltzer.
This is the best seller.
Matter of fact, you get some stains in your shirt.
You could clean it out with Canada Dry and you could drink it.
This shit has multiple uses.
Shouts to Canada for their utilitarian products.
You want to wipe some blackface off your face?
Canada dry on a cloth.
Immediately, you take it off.
All I'm trying to say is we got to look into the relationships that we have.
Okay?
Reassess.
How do you reassess things?
100%.
Second place on oil imports.
Who's second place?
Mexico with the left.
Hey!
We just had this place cleaned earlier today.
Oh, shit.
We had it cleaned earlier today.
She's Honduran.
She's not from Mexico.
Say what?
She's from Honduras.
Mark, you're getting it off by a bus stop.
Potatoes.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You know what I mean?
Exactly.
We need to, like, what are you even saying?
Why would we even, why would we even do that?
Thank you.
Oh, what is that?
What's going on here?
Oh, shit.
People are going to say that we're pandering to Mexico just because we get some oil from them.
That's not fair.
We're just switching the swag.
That's not fair at all.
People are going to say we just had these on set because we wanted to immediately pander to the people that provide our oil and make our life a little bit better and easier.
You know, it's just, you know, there you go.
People are going to say that we're doing this to pander.
I don't want them to say that, and I don't think that's fair.
Hey, we never pandered on this podcast ever.
I never pandered.
I don't believe in pandering.
I don't believe in it.
I'm thinking.
Literally, I'm literally just trying to make a better world.
I don't want World War III.
No.
You want World War III?
I don't want World War III.
I just want good relationships, and I don't care about what natural resources a country has.
And we don't care what y'all do in your country.
Like, we need to mind our own business a little bit.
100%.
That's it.
If they want us to cover our women up, some of these hoes need to cover us.
Sat once?
Fat ones?
Why not?
National Women Day.
These fat girls all out here celebrating too much.
They celebrated too much.
God damn.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Word up.
What's the guy, Muhammad bin something?
Muhammad Salam.
Mohamed is the guy.
That's the guy.
No, Muhammad bin Salaam, the guy of Saudi Arabia.
How do you want them to dress, fam?
You know, we've been taking fashion advice from other countries forever.
Maybe we need to switch it up a little bit.
Yeah, it's a little racist that we don't take fashion advice from non-white countries.
Yeah, we only go take it from white country.
Dare these motherfucking white people coming in trying to divide and conquer.
Again, yeah.
We're not going to have that happen.
I'm talking about Venezuelans, bro.
I'm talking about Venezuelans because we also need support.
We need support for Venezuela.
Yes, absolutely.
And the fact that we have absolutely nothing to eat on set is our way of showing you we understand what you go through.
Okay.
We are here for y'all as well, right?
This is us trying to relate to all these people for one reason and one reason only, Dove, because we want a stronger world.
We want a world that is united together.
It has nothing to do with the fact that your countries have oil.
Right.
Okay.
Get over that shit.
So why do you only start caring about this last two weeks?
What?
Why did you only start caring about like have I not always told you how Saudi Arabia was super lit?
Yeah.
Well, you were talking about you?
You know, you said that they were involved in 9-11.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I didn't say they were involved.
I said they did it.
He said they had any sense.
They literally flew the planes.
Not everybody's going to be a good driver.
And it's time to get over it.
That's what he said.
Wait, who said that?
Nobody in particular.
I didn't say such a thing, but I'm just saying we don't know who the mastermind was.
Do you know what I mean?
That's a good question.
Saudis, how are they going to fly planes, bruh?
Yeah.
Do they know how to fly even?
What do you think they normally do?
If it was a carpet, I don't think it would have bashed into the fucking World Trade Centers, but it's not a plane.
A plane is where it's a problem.
Don't you think?
It's a little bit different thing.
It's a lot harder to maneuver.
A carpet is one, two people max.
No gas.
This is a very different situation.
That would have been a splat.
Boom.
No, I don't think they would hit it.
I think they would have moved around it.
Oh, because the carpet also has a mindset.
They know how to move that.
They have experience with those things.
They could have just gone in an open window and put a new rug down.
That would have also been nice.
Wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What were you saying right there?
That sounded kind of racist.
That sounded a little racist.
How's that racist?
It sounded what you just did right now.
I was playing part of the game.
I just want to do what everyone else is doing.
No, Mark.
We're not being racist.
What is a game?
What game do you think we're playing?
Yeah.
We're always having fun, right?
We just trying to catch up.
Oh, is World War III fun to you, Mark?
Is that fun?
Are you one of those liberals?
Huh?
What does that mean?
Wait, do we like liberals or conservatives today?
Go middle right.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
It's wartime, Mark.
We don't have time for your liberal shenanigans.
Oh, you want all the animal rights, huh?
You want all the bathrooms and that kind of shit?
Do you know what kind of bathrooms they got in a bunker, Mark?
What kind of bathroom?
They're not gender equality bathrooms.
Are they?
I don't know.
I live in America.
We don't have bunkers for that kind of shit.
Mark's the type that's against fracking and shit like that.
Like, yo, we want the oil, baby.
Yo, yo, we're starting to fracking.
Wait, should we build a pipeline, you think?
Mark?
All the pipelines.
Yes.
Okay.
I want it.
He's playing a nad pipeline.
Yes.
Peace goes.
Okay.
Natty light.
Yeah, cores.
Cores.
We go all the pipelines, okay?
Directly to the A Pie.
What is your frat?
Yeah, Kai's house.
Kai Sai as well.
Miles, what is your also Kai Sai?
Hell yeah.
You let Miles into your frat.
It was in an Asian frat.
Shit was bad Asian.
Kai's.
Kai Sai.
All China needs is the oil wheel forget about that fucking pandemic they started real quick.
Unless all that needs to happen.
We already forgot about the Uyghurs.
The what?
Exactly.
Sounded like Mark for a second.
Hold on.
I can't take the hat off.
I literally tried it.
Don't come off of me, dog.
Because that's how much respect I got from my people.
I'm out here, bro.
Anyway, can we start the podcast?
I think it's time.
Do you think that we've made it clear our position?
I think very clear.
They know who our allies are and who our enemies are.
That's American vodka on the table.
That is American vodka.
We got inflation too over here.
Yeah, hey, we got to get it.
You know what I'm saying?
Come on, man.
Stock Market Jokes and Alliances00:04:29
How does all this pandering help the little guy that has to pay $9 a gallon?
Yo, yo, yo.
We're not pandering, dude.
Who is pandering?
We're trying to create alliances.
Now, if it just so happens that these alliances help out the little guy, then what?
What are you doing?
What are you doing to help the little guy by poking all the holes in our argument?
Yeah.
How's that helping a little bit?
We're reaching across the whatever table.
I'm fighting.
Yeah, we're reaching across the aisle.
I'm fighting for my brothers and sisters.
I got a Tesla.
I don't need no gas.
Okay, Stephen Colbert.
I see you.
I see you, Steve.
You know what I mean?
Stephen Colbert did a joke about that.
Yo, in real talk, it was a joke.
Yeah, people really want to jump on it.
And I don't like Colbert, but they didn't understand the whole joke.
Yeah.
He basically made a joke that he was like, hey, we can do whatever we need to do.
If we got to pay an extra gallon or two, let's sacrifice.
I'll pay $15 a gallon for gas.
I don't care.
And then he goes, Because I drive a Tesla.
And everybody's like, oh, what an elitist.
But he's actually just saying, I'm a piece of shit.
And I'm just morally, you know what I mean?
That's the joke.
And then everybody jumped all over him and was like, how dare Stephen Colbert be so out of touch?
Yeah, he's a piece of shit.
What happened?
I don't like Colbert.
I'm not a piece of shit for that joke.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Like, what a fucking douchebag that guy is.
He loves you.
I love him.
He's behind you.
He's behind you.
It's going to be silver.
It's five minutes.
Yeah.
Bro, you look like the Virgin Mary right now.
I'm like fucking muscle doc trying to wash his back.
Bro, where is that shit?
You can help me?
Yeah, son.
Can you get it for me, please?
God damn shit, motherfucker.
I'm out here trying to.
Why are you cussing me so much?
Because, because, bro, you needed it.
In that moment, you needed that shit.
You was acting crazy.
All right.
All right.
Can we start the pod?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
Let's go.
Do you guys want to do it in Arabic?
Should we do the pod in Arabic today or no?
No.
Guys, come on.
All right.
In all seriousness, though, then we have to make a promise that we're not going to pander or anything.
We're not going to, like, obviously we're just joking around, but we're not going to do any pandering or anything like that.
Okay.
Okay.
So start the pod.
Okay.
Okay.
Ready?
What's up, everybody?
What?
How much do you think The Rock's Come is worth?
How much do you think?
Honestly, Rogan undersold it.
You think?
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
All right, guys, we got to take a break for a second because you guys got to make money on war.
Okay.
World War III might happen.
And if you got some extra cash, you need to invest that shit so you come out on top.
That is the American way.
All right.
And you're not going to be able to invest in some good old-fashioned petro like me.
Your boy was pulled up outside the mobile station, you know, getting ready.
This was my investment, but you might be smarter than me.
You might want to go make some actual investments in the stock market.
And I'll tell you how you're going to make the most money when you do that.
You're going to join the Red Panda Club.
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Wild Techniques and Genetics00:07:04
Now, let's get back to the show.
Infamous tour, New Orleans, this weekend.
I will see you motherfuckers there.
Okay.
Few tickets left.
Alabama, you sold out.
But New Orleans, we will see your ass there.
The Orpheum, gonna be crazy.
DArewSchultz.com, go spread the word.
New Orleans, pull your asses out.
Then we got Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Montreal, New York City.
Go get them.
DandrewSchultz.com.
Akash, what you got?
March 18th through the 20th.
I'm coming back in Texas.
San Antonio LOL Comedy Club.
April 1st and 2nd.
I'm in Toledo, Ohio at the Funny Bone, April 8th and 9th, Tampa Improv, and April 22nd and 23rd, Toronto Royal Theater.
Hurry up, buy the tickets.
They're selling out.
All the other shows are listed on AkashSing.com.
Now let's get back to the show.
Yo, mad love for The Rock, but like, I'm good on The Rock's Come.
Oh, he was a hater, bro.
Are you saying just a drink?
Yeah, but you're just drinking.
That's what I'm saying.
For you, it's not that much, but for a woman who might use it to get pretty good.
Oh, is that what we're talking about?
That's that is valuable.
I thought we were talking about like rubbing it all over our face and bodies.
And I was like, I'm not going to spend $2 million on that.
A couple thousand for that.
Yeah.
But like, yeah.
If you turn out looking like The Rock, I'll pay a couple thousand.
You'd rather look like The Rock than you.
Son, he has beautiful skin.
Yeah, he's got good skin.
No, his skin is fucking crazy good.
And obviously, yeah, muscles.
Oh, I got that already.
Yeah, you're already good.
I'm there.
You're 100% good.
I could take the rock.
Take the rock and what?
Just a hand competition.
Grip strength.
You got him, boy.
Grip strength.
I got that.
Straight up finger strength.
You might have it.
I got that.
I honestly, I think we need to start competing, Al, like against the world's strongest people.
Because I really wonder if you could beat these guys in specific finger tasks.
I think I could take anybody.
Low-key, do you have the strongest fingers on the planet?
Yeah.
You don't think some bull dyke got the strongest fingers on the planet?
Right?
Just hitting pussies with this shit.
Oh, yeah.
For years?
Yeah, I haven't done that in a while.
100%.
Too much effort.
Were you the best at fingering girls ever?
Oh, sometimes I damaged him.
Really?
Yeah, that's how he did the abortions, bro.
Oh, my God.
More.
That's what he did.
More, Mark.
Holy shit, Mark.
What the fuck?
Jesus Christ.
I declare a song more.
That's what he did.
You got to set in the Twin Towers.
Oh, shit.
Bro, he's Russia.
That's what happened.
Yeah.
Jesus.
This guy's crazy.
Al, I mean, that is a wild technique if that's what you were doing.
I mean, I don't kiss him tell.
Okay.
So basically, there was a conversation where Rogan said that The Rock could sell his cum for $2 million.
Yeah.
$2 million.
Sorry, a million.
And if he jerked off twice a day, he'd get $2 million a day.
Really?
And women would actually be willing to pay because they'd want to have a kid that was that smart.
100%.
Etc.
Now, how much can come predict the outcome of a human?
That's the weird thing.
I feel like his dad's cum is more valuable.
Because the dad's cum that made the rock.
Keep going, boy.
Keep going.
Genetics are weird because you got to.
You're taking up that dude.
You got some good thoughts right now.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to, because you got to mix like the rock sister.
This guy's sister.
I'm thinking.
Listen, every time Mark pats his head like he's got cornrows in during the podcast, take a shot.
Okay?
Okay, go.
I'm just saying, like, because his genetics are great.
You know what I mean?
But he got his genetics from his dad and from his mom.
So if you're just some random chick in Minnesota and you're mixing the rocks cum with your eggs, you're rolling the dice.
You know what I mean?
Like you might get mostly your genetics and that shit might be trash.
Yes.
But it's worth it.
It's worth a roll of the dice, ain't it?
I mean, you're going to get a better chance at having good genetics than if you just fuck the bus boy at the restaurant.
Exactly.
Think of the dudes women have let come in them.
Yeah, me.
These girls don't let me come in them with my veiny testicle.
One of my testicles.
Don't undersell yourself.
Don't undersell yourself.
I'm be honest with you.
One of my testicles looks like the trader from 300.
Your testicles are the rock, bro.
That shit's a rock.
That's a real rock right there.
So they do just let you come in them.
Yeah.
Why is that?
Yeah, it seems crazy.
Yeah.
Have you noticed that?
No, I haven't.
You've never come in a girl?
Nope.
No, never.
Never once.
This guy.
I don't even know what that is.
And obviously, you've never done that besides just once.
Correct.
I mean, one girl.
One girl?
Yeah.
But sometimes girls let you come in them, dog.
That's crazy.
Real time.
What is the upside?
Sometimes you look at them after you're like, you are foolish.
Like, what the fuck do we just do?
There's a little bit of concern, though.
Go bought the rocks cum.
Yeah, 100%.
The fuck you doing?
You could also buy like any Harvard grads come, and that would also be like a little bit more.
Nah, nah, nah.
Can you, though?
No, no, no.
Yeah.
How do you know?
Whose cum is worth the most?
Say again.
Whose cum is worth the most?
My dad's.
How much?
How much?
My dad, dad.
I told my dad that's a hard one.
Yeah, you got the best cum pops.
I told my dad, I was like, yo, your cum is fire.
Yeah, that's all right.
You got to open that up.
I dapped him up on his balls.
Yeah.
That's a Hallmark card, but the card doesn't open.
It just rips and cocoa.
Nah, for real.
Like, we all love our dad's cum the best.
Yeah.
You don't love your dad's cum the best.
You are your dad's cum.
I know.
You think you're pure egg?
Bro, you're dressed like your dad's cum right now.
Is he not dressed like Sperm?
No.
A little bit, bro.
What plant sperm, you know?
Oh, come on out here.
I'm spermy looking a little bit.
I'm just saying, like, you don't appreciate being here.
Like, you have to be grateful.
I appreciate being here.
I'm just saying my mom probably could have got better cum.
But then it wouldn't be you, bro.
It wouldn't be me.
It'd be somebody without asthma, probably.
You know what I mean?
You got your asthma from your dad's cell.
I calm.
I'm almost cum asthma.
You know what I mean?
I think asthma is always from the male.
That's what's getting in the way of your breathing is cum.
So your intelligence.
Yeah, like you're choking.
You're like, I know.
I hadn't been able to stop.
So all the good qualities are coming from your egg.
Not all the good qualities.
Are you mostly egg?
I think I'm mostly egg.
Is that a new way where we can call dudes what we've always wanted to call them?
You're just mostly egg.
Yeah, a little bit.
Like sometimes you meet a guy and you're like, yo, you are fucking 75% egg.
Yeah.
100%.
Egg it.
You egg it.
Dude, that is crazy.
Do gay people have oil?
Before we keep saying that word, do gay people have oil?
They got everything, bro.
It's more like lotion, I think.
Yeah, what's lube made out of?
It's oil-based.
You start to rifle off brands.
Petroleum vs Shea Butter Debate00:15:18
Vaseline is petroleum, I'm pretty sure.
Petroleum jelly.
Yo, what a waste of, like, cut that, cut the Vaselina.
If we need petroleum right now, yeah.
Like, if that's the same petroleum, is it?
I assume so.
It can't be two kinds of petroleum, can there?
Can there not?
I don't think so.
Are we going to have to cut down on lip balms?
Nah, no, are we going to have to cut down on cocoa butter?
Are black people are you going to have to sacrifice?
Yo, if cocoa butter got oil in it, we cut down on cocoa butter, but not shea butter.
Yo, shea butter's out.
That's the ass I'm saying.
Let cocoa butter go.
You can have cocoa butter, you can have Vaseline, but shea butter.
No, shea butter is also gonna have to go.
We all have to sacrifice it.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Petroleum jelly is made by waxy petroleum material found in oil rigs and distilling it.
We're not doing it.
We're not doing this no more.
Shea butter, gone.
Cocoa butter, gone.
Vaseline, gone.
Petroleum jam.
We can take petroleum jelly.
Yo, what's the difference between petroleum jam and petroleum jelly?
What's the difference, dude?
Oh, well, you can't jelly the twin towers back together.
What?
What?
Why not?
You can't jelly your planes into the Twin Towers.
Fuck, man.
Did I mess it up again?
Why not?
I have a perfect opportunity.
Come on, goose.
Dude, Miles is goose.
Miles looks like fucking goose from Top Gun, dude.
Miles is goose from Top Gun, and I won't hear another thing about it.
And we might need you to fly some Polish.
Will you trust a Polish airplane, Beyoncé?
Is that the real reason why no one's accepting them?
You can add those shit, bro.
Take our plants.
And America's like, hold the fuck off.
You know, those ain't getting in there.
You go there.
It's just horses.
Polish people, these aren't planes.
These stay on the ground.
They eat carrots.
Yo, Germany's on our side for once.
Again, World War III, Germany don't know where it ain't at.
We don't know it ain't.
We don't trust them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Who can we trust in this game?
We can only trust whites and blacks.
Oh, okay.
Wait, German's not white.
I forget this.
German's not white.
Okay.
I told you.
Yeah, okay.
I forgot.
The sound of their language.
You already know.
It's too zippy, right?
It's too zippy.
Too zippy.
100%.
And I say this as someone who has a German last name, but I'm not from Germany.
Where are you from?
Prussia.
That's before Germany.
Oh, then you're Prussian?
I'm Prussian, bro.
That's crazy.
I'm Prussian.
Yeah, yeah.
Try to say some cute shit.
I'm going to send bullets in your direction.
Prussia, bro.
I was from Prussia and then my family knew that shit was about to turn to Germany.
They were like, we out.
Came to America.
There you go.
You know what I mean?
They knew.
Okay, we ain't electing no female fucking prime minister.
Do you know what I mean?
Angela Merkel waddling around.
Right?
This looks like the old dude from up.
You won't let the old dude from up make all decisions for your country, Germany.
Fuck out of here, bruh.
It's International Women's Day, two days removed.
Did you know that?
I would understand what you're saying right now.
Be honest.
Listen, we're back to your office.
Apologize to Saudi Arabia.
Apologize to Vietnam.
Why?
You know why, Al.
What you mean?
You know why.
I don't.
You know what you did.
You know what you did.
What did I do?
You did some stuff.
You tell me what I did.
Obviously, I meant to say another country, but I'm fucking rolling with it.
Okay?
Okay.
Venezuela is what I meant to say.
But I'm fucking rolling with it.
And you got to roll too.
Yes.
Okay.
That's where Frank Lucas got his drugs from.
That's it.
Apologize to Vietnam.
You sound like a geopolitics expert with like a concussion.
I don't know what you're saying.
You just kind of got back to it.
Mark, can you just spring roll with me for one fucking second?
We're trying to talk about Vietnam right now and international policy and how we can bring everybody together.
We're about to drown you.
We're about to drown you.
I don't understand.
We can hit you with the duck dunk.
Miles writing notes ferociously.
Can we get this back on track?
Yeah, how much is your come worth?
Say again?
How much is your come worth?
Oh, God, dude.
I've tried to measure it.
Currently, it's worth $0.
Wait, really?
Why?
Yeah.
And frustration.
Well, it might be negative dollars.
It's worth whatever one sheet of paper towel is.
Yeah, that's negative.
Yeah, negative.
It's negative worth one sheet of paper towel.
It costs you X amount of money to come.
Every single time.
It's a tax.
You have a come tax.
And a little bit of soap.
Also, that.
And a half shower where I only wash from my belly button down.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I can't come too high on my tits because then I got to wash more of my body.
And then that costs more than that.
He comes on himself most of the time.
Y'all don't come on yourselves.
You fucking egg it.
Y'all some real eggs out here.
Y'all not coming on y'allselves.
Nah.
Nah.
Come on.
Thank you, Al.
Let him know.
You don't finish on your back?
What you mean?
What's wrong with these eggs?
It's like that Kim K magazine.
Paper.
The paper cover.
Okay.
Can you explain to the people what you're saying right now?
Yeah.
It's quite clear what he's saying.
Yeah, it's very clear.
You read between the lines, bro.
Okay.
But you don't know how to do that.
I don't.
You need to learn how to read between the lines.
Okay.
Because that's where I operate.
Modern day Morse codes, huh?
Yeah.
You can't let the enemy in.
The enemy is listening right now.
You don't think Russians listening right now?
To this podcast?
100%.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
They got Russians assigned to this shit.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
And we're slowly converting them.
They're becoming fans.
They put on here trying to hate us.
Got Z's all over their fucking outfits and all that shit.
But we're converting them one person at a time.
What is the Z thing?
I don't understand that.
What does it stand for?
Yeah.
What happens to a Z if you turn it 90 degrees?
Is it N?
And then say it out.
You're not going to get me that easy.
What is this?
What does this stand for?
I wasn't going to go with that word.
That one's a little racist.
Yeah, that's what I thought about it.
Wait, is that a stand for it?
It stands for zip zip.
It does.
And that's their way of trying to fight back against us.
It does now.
Yeah.
When some zip-zips roll fucking tank into your village, what are you going to do?
You're going to fight back?
Or just zip out of that?
I'm not zipping out.
If they attack America, are we all signing up?
It depends where in America.
Miles, what are you going to do?
Sew the uniforms.
That's fucking Betsy Ross right there.
Total war.
Let's go.
Come on, Miles.
You got this.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
I'm going to help.
What's wrong?
Yeah, what's everyone's position in the battle?
What's everybody's position in the battle?
What's everybody's going to do?
I got.
Oh, Al is 100%.
He's going to push the button for the nukes.
Yeah.
Because your fingers would never fail us.
Do you know what I'm saying?
We put Al.
But what if he breaks the buttons?
Say again?
What if he breaks the buttons?
There is a little glass thing.
What if the glass thing doesn't open and all the guys can't pry it open?
But now we have Al snaps that thing off.
No question.
Totally easy.
Thanos.
Push the button.
Total destruction of the world.
Son, if you were Thanos, you would kill everybody.
Yeah.
No, snap, son.
Everyone would die.
They'd be like, what happened?
You'd be like, fuck, my bad.
Yo.
Have you tried snapping, bro?
Nah, it's an earthquake.
Yeah, yo.
Chill the fuck out.
Don't snap, dude.
You need to chill.
Okay, so Al controls the nukes.
Al controls the nukes.
Well, relax.
Diplomacy first.
All right, all right.
Real talk, bro.
What?
What is in there?
What?
What is that?
Is that the rock's come?
How much code do you have in there?
That would be the most expensive chain ever.
You just had a tank full of Dwayne's gun.
That shit.
That is expensive.
That shit.
The girls just sit on it.
Yeah.
I was just going to sit on the shit and I pour dude.
What?
Yeah, that'd be fire.
That's an expensive chain.
Yes.
Yeah, I need Ben Baller on that one.
Fuck, get on it, Ben.
Okay, what do I okay?
Then, all right, Mark, what does Mark do?
Yeah.
Mark is a double agent.
Okay.
Mark, the Russians think Mark is actually Russian.
Yeah, yeah.
You're going to be by.
By you're going to be over there.
Bilateral.
100%.
You're over there and you're going to give us information that the Russians are telling you.
You're a double agent.
But I'm a double agent.
Yeah.
So I'll also give them information from us.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait, what up?
Yeah.
You have to give us great information.
We tell you so they trust you enough.
Okay, like what?
We're coming over there.
Hey, hey, guys, we're coming.
Okay.
You're going to say something like that?
Hey, hey, there's some Polish pilots coming your way.
Okay.
You know?
Tell them I'm a snap.
Okay.
I was ready to snap at any moment.
Okay.
Okay.
You have to do that.
Yeah, I get it.
That's your responsibility.
Is there anything else that you'd like to do?
No.
I mean, most double agents have like a job that they do also.
Right?
Like, are they going there just as a spy or do they have like a bride?
You like point break.
Remember, they were like surfing undercover?
You're in the real world.
But am I like a hockey player that goes over there?
No, no, no.
You just, you just, you just live in a house with a bunch of cool, kooky characters.
Okay.
But you're also doing spy shit on the side.
He's a reality show star.
Yeah, you're a reality show star.
There you go.
100%.
Big brother, but in Russia.
You can't be big brother because they keep you in the house the whole fucking time.
That's not going to be a very good spy, is it?
That's a good point.
Okay, we need you out there.
We need you in the field.
You know, collecting information.
Sir, yeah.
Building alliances.
Yeah.
Okay.
With compromising people.
I could do that.
You could do Moscow Shore.
Yeah.
I'm like Epstein.
Okay.
Now, Akash, what are you going to do?
That's a good-ass question, bro.
I have an idea.
Oh, hey.
Do you guys have any ideas?
Yes.
I think that we'll need a very convenient place to get snacks and drinks and beverages that's probably open at all hours.
Is that something that you will step up to the plate?
I feel like it's pretty easy.
Do you think you got that?
I got that.
Okay.
My husband's Akash is like a cruise missile.
Talk to me.
Okay.
So you tuck him into a cannon and launch him and he flies into a building and then he can attack anyone.
And then what?
Why I got to be flying into a building, Mark.
Yeah, why?
Because that's racist.
How's that racist?
Andrews is very open-minded.
Not racist at all.
Yours felt racist.
No, you're a cruise missile.
You just talked about it.
You would like me crashing into a tower when you fly over there and you can attack any offensive.
Are you trying to say that he's a sellout?
Can we call him a Ted cruise missile?
You fucking right-wing sellout.
You right-wing sing guy with your ideology.
And then what are you going to do other than being the butcher of Manhattan?
I'm going to be, I'll be a murderer.
Okay.
I'll be a killer.
Okay.
And I'll run raids.
I'll run night raids, mostly on school.
And you're going to actually get the best gossip.
I thought you were going to just know.
You're a Russian puss.
You're not that type of person.
Well, I will be in Brighton Beach, and I'll just be like busting down box and trying to get information.
Bust that.
Busting down box.
Yeah.
Hey, tell me some secrets.
Is there some secrets in your esophagus?
Are you sure there's no secrets in your throne a little bit?
Can we get to the bottom of that?
You're going to have a lot of time.
What's that dangly thing back there?
Is that your plans for Ukraine?
Oh, okay.
Let me destroy that.
Okay.
You know?
100%.
Do you think that that's how we stop the war?
Shit, I like your job.
That's fire.
But sometimes I need help on my job.
I can't do it all by myself.
Tag team.
I thought Blue Shoe was a tag team party.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Well, no, our missions are sponsored.
We have sponsors for our missions.
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't know that?
I know now.
We have sponsors for our missions.
We're still Americans at the end of the day.
If we're doing a night raid on a certain town, then we can see Shadow Legends.
Exactly.
Exactly.
But we might need some gamer stuff so we stay up.
Oh, cool.
You see what I'm saying?
So we'll get all of our missions sponsored.
Then we can also profit during this horrific tragedy that is World War III.
Can we start the pod?
Miles, are you ready to start the pod?
So ready.
Okay, good.
Can someone give me one topic, please, that we can discuss?
That's a good, sweet topic.
Yeah.
Wait, can I ask you a cum question?
Yes, please.
Whose cum is worth more, the rocks or LeBrons or like a Mark Zuckerberg's?
Yeah, rank them.
Let's not worry about fathers.
Let's just worry about those three.
Rank them.
I think it depends.
I think if you already have like one athletic kid, it'd be fun to have a nice little smart retard kid to like build some apps or some shit like that, or at least fix things around the house.
So I think you want to balance that out.
Depends what you already have.
If you already have your like athlete, you're like captain of the basketball team, your like high school superstar, get a little Zuckerberg kid to create, you know, some financial security for the whole home.
Emotional retard, though, probably.
Yeah, 100%.
Like he's not going to let you hug him.
It's going to be very difficult.
And there's a high chance he'll be a psychopath and potentially a serial killer.
Right.
Yeah, 100%.
While LeBron, photographic memory, very athletic.
Also, mixed babies, probably going to be really good looking.
Think about that.
You got to think about that.
Wow.
That's a great point.
That might be.
Whose cum would you prefer?
I would actually, I would pay a lot of money for LeBron's cum.
Like, how much?
How much do I have?
Like, all of it?
You give up all your Bitcoins?
I'd give up all my Bitcoins for LeBron's come in my ass.
I don't know if that works that way.
That's a waste.
Jesus.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
That was crazy, dude.
Sorry.
Assuming I could get pregnant.
If I was a woman, I would pay millions of dollars for LeBron to come in my ass.
But why the ass?
Why not your pussy?
I don't know.
Just, you know.
You want to waste it in the ass?
Well, you just get it and then you drop it down with, like, you take it out with like a baster and then you put it back in.
To the other orphans.
Yeah.
I mean, this is painfully inefficient.
Like, there's a whole you right there.
Painfully you.
You're going to freak out for us.
I think enjoyable for some, for quite a few.
I guess you're right.
No, no, no.
Listen, I'm not going to push back on this.
This is what you like.
This is how you want to spend your time and your money.
So I'm going to be okay with that.
Yeah.
100%.
You know, obviously, this is not something you would do during wartime.
No.
There's things that you would need to focus on.
Give me getting cumbed in my ass.
Okay.
You have to.
We all have to sacrifice something.
Okay.
Shea butter getting cumbed in his ass.
There you go.
You know what I mean?
How do you think that LeBron's going to fit that dick in there without shea butter?
Okay.
You know what I'm saying?
This is going to be sacrifices for everybody.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to make sure you're managing your money.
And when I talk about managing your money, I'm talking about literally the money that you're holding in your pocket every single day.
I'm talking about credit cards.
I'm talking about IDs.
I'm talking about the important shit, the shit that you need.
Okay.
You need a wallet that can handle all that.
Not a wallet that's brittle.
It's going to break down.
A wall you might lose.
You need an extra.
Best wallet on the planet.
You want all your cards?
Boom.
They're ready to go right there.
And you know what happens if you lose your exter?
Akash, is there a way that they can get their extra if they lose it?
Oh, I think you might just call that big.
Oh, you can call it.
Oh, you could call.
You could track it down.
Brittle Wallets and Historical Moments00:13:34
You could use your fucking Google.
You could use it.
That's right.
They have a tracker on it so you never actually lose your wallet.
Matter of fact, if somebody steals your wallet, you could track that motherfucker down.
Surprise his ass.
I know what you're thinking.
Oh, what if it runs out of battery?
Solar.
All you got to do is charge it.
Also, I just want to mention the fact that the wallets are all RFID protected.
Do you know what that means?
That somebody can't run up on you, boop you, and steal all your shit.
If you want to get an extra, all you have to do is check out their wallets at extra.com, E-K-S-T-E-R.com, and get up to 20% off site-wide when you use the code FLAGRANT.
Make sure you do that right now.
Now let's get back to the show.
Yeah, if you get COVID, your brains get smaller.
Say again?
If you get COVID, your brain's smaller.
That's not true.
That is true.
That's not true.
Yeah, Fortune Magazine just put out a study that said the people that have COVID or had multiple exposures or long COVID have had like severe changes to their brain chemistry.
No, that's not true.
It's just you've been in the house with your girlfriend for a while and then your brain adjusts.
And I think your brain adjusts to the size of the person you're with the most.
So it looks like it's smaller just for a moment, but then once you go back out into the world, it will absolutely grow.
If you look at that study, women's brains are actually growing because of COVID.
Did you look at that?
They're actually getting larger because, yes, because they're in the house with us.
That's what a lot of people don't realize.
Oh, so on the average, it's a wash.
It's a wash.
Or that, yeah.
Yeah, it's a wash.
Oh, so you don't actually believe that like any of that stuff is.
No, that's not true.
There's actually no evidence to support that whatsoever.
So then how do you make your brain grow back then?
By not being around your girl.
Yeah.
By being out with your boys.
Yeah.
Boys trip.
Bachelor party.
One bachelor party, brain grows right back immediately.
Brains are resilient, dude.
Growing brain at the bachelor party.
Yeah.
A lot.
Get some laser shows and some fucking radio gaga going.
You're going to see this brain grow big time.
Yeah, big brain time.
Big brain.
That's cool.
Okay.
Come on.
Give me some more.
Okay.
Did you see Harvey Weinstein was trying to smuggle milk duds into prison?
Yeah.
Was this pitiful?
Why can't the guy have some milk duds?
Talk to him.
Talk to him.
Hey, listen, he's in jail.
Yeah.
He's probably going to get fucked a lot.
He's going to have a miserable time.
Is this that big of a deal?
He having some milk duds?
This is the first time me and Akash agree on prison reform.
This is sick.
Welcome to the liberal side, dog.
I don't agree.
Are you being laughed at?
I don't agree in prison reform.
But milk duds.
But milk duds.
Come on, bruh.
That's not reform in prison.
Let a motherfucker have some candy every once in a while.
Don't milk does as a candy feel like a punishment?
That's a trap ass trash.
If it was peanut MMs, I'd be like, Yeah, I get it.
Boom.
Peanut MMs.
Like, dog, peanut MMs, you can't enjoy those longer.
This guy's got years to fucking chew on one candy.
Oh, good point.
Peanut MMs, you blast through.
You love them.
Milk dud, you could really milk, for lack of a better term.
And while you're in jail, you want things to last as long as possible outside of rape.
Outside of rape.
That's a good point.
Mouth rape.
Mouth rape.
Outside of either rape, you just want this.
Let's just extend time.
Anything that could pass time.
So, what's the candy that's the most annoying to eat?
Jawbreakers, milk duds.
Oh, my God.
And then if his mouth is occupied, he can't get.
Yeah.
Yeah, 100%.
So true.
He's just protecting himself.
And he could probably buy you off a couple rapes if you just offered a guy rapist some milk duds.
Hey, buddy, how about this?
Or roll in a movie.
Trade.
Or roll in a movie.
Yo, he might still be able to get them rolls going.
He's pretending he can for sure.
You think that he's saying, oh, yeah, when you get out, I got you.
He might be raping again in prison.
Hey, if you want to be in the movies, you know, find my dick and suck it.
Oh, yeah.
Why would he stop raping?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Why would he stop raping?
Because there's no women around.
He was mostly doing that.
Yeah, but if he's a true rapist, it's about the love of the game.
Yeah, that's true.
It's not about the gender, it's about raping.
Yeah.
Interesting.
You know, so I think if he's really about that life, he's going to get back into it, boy.
Yeah, you got it.
Yeah, I want to know your intentions.
How committed are you to this game?
You know, real talk.
And if he's not a true rapist, then what?
We got to let him go.
Unfortunately, unfortunately, for those that do feel aggrieved, if it's not a true, if he's not a true rapist, we might have to let him go.
That's possible, dude.
It's possible.
I mean, honestly, what would Saudi Arabia, what would the kingdom of Saudi Arabia do?
That's how I answer a lot of these tough questions.
What would the kingdom of Saudi Arabia, what would the great country of Mexico, the great nation of Canada, what would they do in this situation?
Now, Mark, it seems like you're about to play a video that's going to be really interesting.
Yeah, so this happened in Walmart.
Basically, this white Karen lady just pulled up, saw these BLM candles, and just lost her shit.
My pussy matters, is what she's saying.
Yeah, that's what she's saying.
Black lives don't matter.
My pussy matters.
You make no sense.
What is wrong with you?
What's happening in this country?
Can you explain why this is happening?
She's just talking to the other dykes.
That's why she's throwing underhand to attract softball players.
She got a good arm, actually.
Yo, why does she go for the underhand?
Son.
Yeah.
Yo, Black Lives Matter, my pussy matters.
Both of those things can be true, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think one unless she was with the black guy.
And he didn't think that he destroyed her.
He destroyed it.
That's probably what it is.
That's probably what it is.
Could have had strong fingers.
Alex.
Alex.
I never met her.
Never met her.
Were you out there blasting her, dude?
I never met her.
Did you blast a Karen, dude?
I tried to convert her, but it didn't work.
Maybe you fingered her daughter and she felt it.
That's how strong your fingers are.
Al, that is absolutely crazy.
That was so crazy.
But so accurate.
But it might be.
Yeah.
I feel like I've been very reasonable this whole time.
That I feel like this is the most reasonable podcast we've done in years.
We are very reasonable people, and you're right.
I should have thought about that.
And I think that what I did was unfair to you.
I think it was 100% unfair to you.
I think you got it.
I think that's good.
I got that little hub bibie right here, bro.
Hey, Hubby.
With this girl that you were fingering, and you did something to her pussy to make her feel like her pussy didn't matter.
Was that the girl that you did the finger skateboarding thing in her pussy?
Was that the one?
It was Ollie and all Love Ass.
Because I could feel if I was a girl and a guy brought a finger skateboard and then started to use my pussy like a bull, I would be like, my pussy doesn't matter to this guy.
And then I might, if I was a racist like that woman, take it out on black people.
Yeah.
This is tech dick.
Yeah.
Yo.
Yeah, Tony Cock is just rolling around.
Yo.
But shout out to Tony, bro.
He broke his femur, bro.
Bro, yeah.
Well, soon, dude.
I hit him up and I was like, dude, this fucking journey back is going to be the most epic journey.
Like him coming back to land a McTwist.
Like if he just says there's one more trick he wants to do.
And the reason the stakes are so high, like at his age, breaking your femur, your life might not be the same.
It is a massive injury.
It's going to take so long to heal.
I think it's like the most dense bone in the human body.
The femur is the thigh bone, right?
Yeah.
Pretty sure.
Yeah, yeah.
So like, right?
Yeah, it is.
Okay.
I just wanted to make sure.
So because this one also is super dense.
Humorous, yeah.
Humorous, yeah.
So, and uh, but and he was like, yeah, you know, it's going to be tough to come back, might not come back, come back fully.
But if he just goes, all I want to do is come back and land a McTwist or land a, whatever.
The 900 is probably out of sight.
But like, every person who's ever put their foot on a skateboard around the world is going to be rooting for this.
Yeah.
Like all of a sudden, he gets to be a hero.
Yeah.
Again, and we all watch the guys who are smacking their skateboards on the coping of the half pipe.
Like, do it at the X games or do it at the Olympics.
Now, what trick did he get injured doing?
That's what I'm saying.
And that's the one.
Fire.
Yeah, you got to come back and conquer it.
Fire.
That'd be fine.
Okay, we got to look and see.
But that's got to be documented.
This whole thing, like, oh, that's great.
Okay.
What did you think of this chick that said that no two woman-led countries would go to war?
Did you see this?
I did see this.
This is the COO, I believe, of Facebook, which is now called Meta.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And she said no two women-like countries would go to war.
There's actually no statistics to support this at all.
There was actually more war when there was queens in charge of countries.
More aggression between countries when there's men, but actual war, there's really no statistics to support this whatsoever.
I've ever seen an episode of Housewives, yo?
Yo, real talk.
What are you in charge?
What about all them Karens on your app?
Do you think they're so reasonable?
All them Karen videos on Facebook.
Y'all ain't seen no Karen videos on Facebook?
Yeah, my pussy matters.
My pussy does matter.
Okay?
This motherfucker over here trying to act like women wouldn't get busy.
100% they gonna get busy.
100%.
I think they're going straight to nukes.
Just offer it.
Yes.
Yeah, guys just do that.
We just almost fight all the time.
Talk a lot of shit.
Don't really do nothing.
Hold me back.
Hold me back.
Hey, you got something to say?
Do something then.
Do something.
That's the one you guys in Russia did for 40 straight years.
Do the old war.
Yeah, you want to go outside?
That's every guy.
I would fight you, but we got to go a different location.
And then maybe then I'll fight you.
But it's raining, so maybe after noon or something.
We got to do this honorably.
Yeah.
That's facts.
Maybe women were in charge and then men had to.
There was just so much war and carnage that men had to like take control and take power.
Yeah.
Like I'm talking about like thousands of years ago.
Maybe there's a time where women actually ranch it.
Yeah.
And then men had to go, no, no, no, no.
We're all just going to continue dying if we keep this up.
Yeah, maybe.
I'm just saying.
Maybe, maybe.
Seems pretty reasonable.
Logic is sound.
It seems pretty reasonable, dude.
I don't know if that's supported by any history.
I don't know about that one.
That might be as historical as this.
No, the logic is sound.
I don't know about history, but the logic.
Well, think about it.
There used to be that Amazonian tribe.
They're gone.
Oh.
What happened?
The women-run tribes are gone because they killed each other out.
And now there's only one Amazon run by Jeff Pantos and by Jeff.
Oh, I was thinking the rainforest.
And what's happening to the rainforest?
It's dying.
Okay, yeah.
Also, that it's not holding up.
Uh-huh.
I think we're on to something.
And I think for all of our safety, we got to make sure that men are in charge.
That's the AC kicking back on, Miles.
Don't you worry.
Okay.
We got to stay cool in here.
But you got to look at countries that are led by women now that aren't in any war.
And then we're going to be.
Like which way?
Germany.
Germany.
Back when it was run by men, lots of wars.
Now there's a woman in charge, not that many wars.
Yeah, but that's because we shut that shit down.
We put our foot down and said never again.
Right, Dove?
Never again.
Can you name other female leaders?
Yes.
Go.
I don't want to.
Kamala Harris.
Yeah, also Kamala.
Kamala Harris.
Hey, she'd be locking everybody up, bro.
She's pro-war as fuck.
I mean, we're not in war.
We kind of pussy right now, bro.
Hey, hey, I think we're handling this perfectly.
All right.
Everybody's doing their part.
Yeah.
We're doing our part.
Other people out there doing their part.
And we're trying to make life as easy as it can be to live, Al.
Oh, Maggie, Margaret Thatcher?
She was getting busy.
The Falklands.
She was fucking people up.
South Africa.
Put apartheid in South Africa.
Indira Gandhi.
She put it in?
Pretty much, I think.
Wow.
Pretty much.
Pretty much, I think, was not the answer I was looking for.
I think she was the architect of apartheid, bro.
Really?
I think so.
Which is a cool of a name.
That's how she is.
Literally.
I just call it.
Architect of apartheid.
I was going to say that right now.
That shit sounds too good.
Son, if she was a pro-boxer, that's the champ.
Yeah.
That's the champ.
She calls all this like terrorism, racism.
She gets to be an architect.
The Titan of Terror.
The architect of apartheid, bro.
Come on now.
Fire.
What about Indira Gandhi?
Who's that?
Aka?
Yeah, she fucked a lot of people up, yo.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't know.
She got assassinated.
I thought you was calling Gandhi a bitch.
Who's this Cruella Deville looking ass chick right here, bro?
Yeah.
She got assassinated.
Go back.
Indian politician, central figure of Indian National Congress.
Yeah.
Was she related to Gandhi?
She.
They got four last names over there, bro.
I think she was the daughter of some.
Shut up.
You know you owe no shit.
Shut the fuck up, bro.
She was the daughter of an Indian person.
Really?
The daughter of someone named Gandhi.
Yeah, no shit.
I think Nehru, but you can double-check that for sure.
And then she got assassinated for what?
She called on a raid of actually Sick Gurdwara, the Golden Temple.
She called on a raid of there because she thought there were some separatists that were hiding out there.
And it's like a holy place.
And she's like, I don't give a fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Run up in there, kill whoever you got to kill.
And then three of her bodyguards are sick.
And they're like, we're not.
Okay, bitch.
Let's see about this.
And then she got killed.
And then there was a massive massacre of six in 1984.
Like, it was crazy.
That's why I have cousins who were born after me at like 85, 86.
And my parents were like, don't name them Sing, change their last name.
They like legit like Royce's last name wasn't Sing because people thought people might think you're saying, let's just take this guy out.
Oh, wow.
The Gandhi Daughter Story00:05:14
God damn, boy.
Yeah, it was wild.
It was a wild time.
God damn.
Wild time.
They were just getting slaughtered.
I have in-laws who were like fucking running and hiding in alleys like crazy stories.
Crazy story.
But yeah, apparently the study proves it that women wage more war than men did.
We know that.
We go home every day.
This is not lost on us.
I don't like this study, though, because it says it ranged the European actions from 1480 to 1913.
Seems like a convenient time.
Oh, that's pretty convenient.
It seems like a convenient time to stop measuring the study.
Yeah.
Right?
I love what they do that when they're like, white males are America's greatest terrorists.
A study that started in September 12th, 2001.
Statistics.
I don't know what Intel made this, but it supports, it supports our argument.
So I think we roll with it.
Well, fuck them.
Give me one more story, and then we're out of here.
Okay.
How do you want to get out of this?
How do you want to?
I want one more story.
Okay.
And I want it now.
All right.
This is just like a light-hearted, just like a fucking- Give me a fucking light-hearted story.
A Florida teacher was hospitalized after being attacked by a five-year-old student.
Did you hear about this?
It's not a five-year-old student.
These Cubans lie about their age so that they can play in little language.
Why do you see a Cuban?
I don't think they're afraid of that.
Because it's Florida.
It's Florida.
They lie about their age.
They can play Little Florida.
If it's Northern Florida, it might not be Cuban.
These Cubans be traveling.
These Cubans be traveling.
Can we see the name of the boy?
No, they didn't disclose the name, unfortunately.
If you're a teacher, you get it beat up by a five-year-old.
You deserve that shit.
Son, that's embarrassing, dog.
Real talk.
That's fucking unless it's Wax's son.
Yeah, Wax son might be able to fuck up a teacher.
The kid is two, and I'm scared.
These teachers, yo.
Complain about everything, bro.
Hey, hey, keep going.
Complain about everything.
This is going.
Yo, come on, yo.
You get the summers off.
Like, you get out of work at three.
Three o'clock.
The syllabus was already made for you.
You just got to read that shit off the paper.
You teach for a test.
They tell you what.
Yeah, here's the questions.
Teach that shit.
Teach the fucking question.
Suck all the dicks you want.
If you're a female.
If you're a female, you get to suck all the dicks you want.
Or if you're a male, don't suck.
Or if you're a male.
True.
I mean, that's wrong.
That's rape.
That's foul.
That's foul.
That's rapping, bro.
Reprehensible action.
No, you know that that's foul.
Unless it's of age.
Suck all the of age cock you want if you're a man, but not underage.
Yeah, even of age, that's a nut.
You know, that's like a.
I got to talk to my man Ben Salam about that one.
What I said.
What I said.
Isn't rape normal for y'all?
This guy was wild.
I heard that.
You were shocked.
It's like, is that what you mean?
I heard that.
That's what I heard, bro.
That's what I heard.
He's like, boy, so like, straight dudes, gay guys, like, we're not different.
And then he looked around for confirmation from everybody in a room.
I was setting y'all up.
I was setting y'all up.
That was a setup.
Oh, shit.
You're being slandered.
I know what you were trying to say.
You know what I was trying to say about that?
Sex drive is the same.
There's no like emotional attachment.
Yeah.
You want to hear this?
I was.
Yeah.
And they fucking don't get shit.
Say what you want to say, Miles.
You want to hear the size of this?
He's going to talk shit in them side chairs.
You know what I mean?
Motherfuckers.
Yeah.
Some of the bitch.
Special education kid.
The five-year-old.
Oh, that's different.
That's different.
Yo, he's 50 to 60 pounds.
He's 50 to 60 pounds.
He was fighting a woman in her late 30s, early 40s who was 5'4 with a slender frame.
That's a fair fight.
That's extremely fair fight.
I would have fair fight.
I would bet on that.
I put my money on the little boy for sure.
Where's my bookie code for that one, bro?
That would have been fired.
We got to get my bookie on.
Odds are in the boy's favor for sure.
You think so?
Absolutely.
Boy, why?
60 pounds?
That's like a small dog.
Yeah, but 60 pounds special needs, bro.
That's like 140-pound regular.
Yeah, it's a terrier.
That's what you think.
That's a terrier.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like pit bulls, man.
Yeah, it's a terrible.
Big old heads, you know?
She gets her leg or forearm.
Yeah, it's over.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Fair enough.
We should start to go fun me for her.
Okay, and then and for the kid.
Which one should we start it for?
Both.
No, her.
Cover her hospital, but also get the kids.
Long-term help?
No, I think training.
Yeah.
If we want to have a UFC champion, yeah.
We need that.
At five, if this is what you could do at five, you could take on a 40-year-old woman at five.
That's fine.
I mean, I can't believe that 40-year-old woman didn't do it.
Are there any retards in the UFC?
Oh, my God.
I mean, but some of them might be listening right now.
What's wrong with you?
Are there?
Can we let him finish, guys, before you jump to your conclusions?
Alex, continue.
No, I can't.
Nah, that fucked me up.
Continue the question.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Al, please.
No, that fucked me up.
Answer the fucking question that you asked.
I answered my own question, but I mean, there was this one.