Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Joe Rogan's cancellation over alleged comments on child abuse, tracing the controversy from Subway sandwiches to accusations of "kid fucking." They debate cancel culture's tendency to label individuals broadly while discussing Eileen Gu's suspicious switch to representing China for sponsorship money. The conversation shifts to Biden's proposed crack pipe distribution kits, racial disparities in drug enforcement, and the cotton gin's role in extending slavery, ultimately questioning whether children are modern slaves due to parental authority. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Kid Sex Confessions00:08:01
What's up everybody you lucky motherfuckers getting a second episode this week But we had to do it because we were missing a key component to the flagrant 2 podcast when we did that other episode first of all shouts out to Aben Preach for filling in the best I'm sad I missed him, but the god Akash Singh was busy trying to get Rogan canceled again.
Yo had to do it you had to do it I can't help it I was listening phenomenal episode you absolutely killed it It was so much fun.
You guys had this amazing rapport.
I knew you were gonna fucking do great.
Thank you.
And I went on and somebody sent me a link I think to the group chat.
I forget what it was and it was your fucking smug face smiling ear to ear as Rogan's about to get canceled again because you roped him into kid fucking.
Yeah.
What the hell did you do?
Okay.
I truly don't remember.
I roped him into kid fucking.
I truly don't remember how he got there.
Sure you don't.
Wow.
You were talking about Subway sandwiches or something like that.
I think it started with fat people and then Subway and then you were like, you're a kid fucker.
And then you were like, don't you like that, Joe?
You said something like that.
You roped him in.
How'd you rope him in?
Dude, I don't know.
I went in there with a mission.
You know, I was like, hey, Joe hasn't done anything for us.
Let's get this guy canceled.
You know, this guy.
This guy doesn't elevate anybody.
We got to get him out of here.
Literally the episode where he's got to be on his best behavior ever.
Akash is out there.
So what do you think about kid fucking?
Huh?
What about when it's a guy who fucked a young a young boy who fucks an older woman?
What about that?
And poor Joe took the bait.
He's like, that sounds like fun.
He just realized it's more fun early on than most people.
And then they proceed to shit all over you later in the episode because you weren't kid fucked.
Yeah, it's true.
That's true.
Someone told me it wasn't a choice to be a virgin.
No, no.
What was the convo?
My boat.
Yo, I think we were talking about Subway and then we were talking about like, yeah, it's fucked up, whatever.
And then he said, but it's not as bad if a guy fucks a male, if a male teacher fucks a female, male student fucks a female teacher.
There it is.
As the other way around, which is something.
We all agree.
Yeah, something we all, I guess, have publicly talked about for years and suddenly it's a problem.
Yeah.
And then that was it.
He was basically like, you just hope it's a hot teacher for your son's sake.
Yes.
Not a cafeteria lady.
Of course.
Yeah.
What a monster.
Yeah.
What a piece of shit.
No, but he had a kind of funny take on it.
He's like, you just found something really awesome earlier in life.
Yeah.
Which is so true.
And like now you waited till you were 31 to have sex.
Hey, dude, why did I do that?
Son, real talk, like, what a compliment to your girl.
Yeah.
Like, low-key, did she feel it?
Was she like, you are a virgin?
Was there a reaction at all?
Yeah, that's like a dab.
I'm going to be honest, I don't think she felt much of anything.
We never asked you about this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How was your first time having sex?
It was a fucking nightmare.
Tell me.
It didn't fit.
What didn't fit?
She wasn't putting it in you.
Yeah.
No, mine didn't fit.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She didn't strap it up or anything.
That's her first time.
I know.
No, I didn't start getting pegged till later.
That was like anniversary stuff.
No, but it didn't fit.
It was just like, I didn't.
Really?
Man, it was a whole fucking thing.
Did that feel pretty good?
No, because it took so long to find it in the first place.
When it didn't fit, I was like, y'all be fucking kidding me.
I just got here.
No.
So it's like waiting all fucking weeks for concert tickets and you get to the gate and it's closed.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You buy a house and the fucking key's not the right key.
I am dreamt of this house for years.
Living inside in here, never moving out.
Yeah, they gave you the wrong fucking key.
Don't look at the virgins.
Don't look at them relating.
I've been falling in pussies this hell.
Whatever.
These guys aren't going to heaven.
Yeah, exactly.
It is what it is.
This guy didn't wait.
Fuck out of here.
Yeah, exactly.
No, I did.
I did.
We did it a little bit.
Yeah.
Waited longer than you had.
His econom doesn't count, bro.
I didn't have sex.
My rubber had sex.
That's true.
You fucked a condom.
Conham fucked her.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, dude.
You're so much smarter than God.
So much more, dude.
Wait a minute, but this is interesting.
So, the first time, couldn't find it and it didn't fit.
And when it didn't fit, was a little bit of you like these other hoes was lucky.
You know what I'm saying?
Now they want to know how to beat you.
I don't think either one of us felt that way.
I know we were both like, let's just, let's just, yeah, we'll try again later.
Oh, really?
This is not, yeah, this is not.
So, you just bumped it traffic style and yeah, we just had to put a pause on it because it just wasn't happening.
What did you do in the meantime?
Beat it down or just let it what would you do?
Wait, what?
What do you mean, beat it down?
Like, jerk it on.
Okay, oh, no, no, girl.
I'm like, he's Indian, actually.
No, I think I cried in a corner and uh just hoped it would work out the next time.
We got there, though.
Yeah, really, yeah, we got there.
Nice.
It just took a little time.
Wait, same day, or did you like try a different day?
I think it was same day.
I think it was Amazon Prime Akash.
Block out the memory, so I don't have full recollection.
Hold on, you were fully bricked up, Akash.
Full brick, right?
The Cobra was out the bastard.
Follow, obviously.
It was half-bricked.
Wait a few years, my friends.
When you've been fucking for longer than you've been alive, there's a lot of half-bricks out there.
Shouts to Blue Chew.
No, longer than you have not been alive.
I've been fucking longer.
I've been alive.
Is that true?
I've started in Pussy.
I had two sections.
Actually, you started in balls.
Whoa.
Damn, bro.
You started in.
No, no, no, no.
I wasn't fully formed in balls, but I was fully formed in pussy.
You started.
I was half me when I was in the ball.
Oh, so you, so you have, are you half fucking?
I'm half woman.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm half woman.
All of us are.
You're two spirits.
I am two spirits.
Every single one of us.
Yeah, you're sperm is only half of you, dude.
We're all two spirits.
The better half is the female one, the one that has compassion and empathy and like listening.
Yes.
Thank you.
I thought you guys would support that.
I do support it.
You know what I mean?
Nah, bro.
Come on.
I'm full sperm, dog, out this bitch.
You're a full sperm?
I'm full sperm.
Really?
Straight from the nuts, bro.
I live in nut sets.
Hell yeah, bro.
XX chromosome, bro.
Fuck that why shit.
Why why?
Yeah, why why?
Why?
Wait a minute.
Damn.
We're all two-spirited?
Is that what I'm saying?
I thought I was on to something.
No, we're all two-spirit.
You're right.
Sounding like your all-sperm is way cooler.
Yeah, no, I may have sound more swaggy, but scientifically, you know what I mean?
You got it.
But we couldn't all make that argument.
Well, not all of us.
If you're C-section, you can't.
But some of us can make that argument that we've been in pussy from day one.
I'm day one pussy right here.
Tearing up pussy.
Yeah.
That's your block, bro.
Son, real talk.
Yeah, rep your set.
Yeah.
Like, were you C-section or regular?
Maybe that's why you couldn't find it because you didn't know where it was.
I was in a C-section.
You were probably digging down Belly Boo.
Yeah, I was C-section.
That's why.
You were C-section?
That's what you didn't know, dude.
Something happens when you come out the canal.
You know where that shit is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100%.
I 100%.
First time I had sex, I knew exactly where that shit is.
Whoa.
Dead ass, for real.
On the beach, sand everywhere, dude.
Kind of like Valvala lost his generation.
This was consensual, though.
But on the beach, July 4th.
What, dude?
What?
Dude, you want to get everybody canceled, Akash?
You bringing up these topics?
I didn't bring it up.
You brought it up.
You brought up kid fucking.
I'm talking about when I was a kid and I fucked.
Yeah.
Okay.
How old were you?
I was 16.
And how old was she?
18.
Nice.
Whoa.
Wow.
Whoa.
Yeah, rapist.
She's a rapist.
I got fucking ranked.
We got to cancel.
Yeah, dawg.
We got ranked.
I got to call her up about that.
Yeah.
You got to call the police.
You still got her number?
I got the police right now.
Call the police.
It's my friend's cousin.
I can get the number right now.
Oh, you can make that call.
100%.
I can call him right now.
Actually, that'd be kind of fun.
No, no.
I think this is a Patreon, guys.
No, It's Valentine's Day.
What are you doing?
I haven't spoken to him in a minute, too, so this is going to be really fun.
You weren't invited to my wedding, and I didn't invite him to the wedding.
Joe Rogan Perspective00:13:44
Yeah.
I thought we were cold.
Let's see.
How are you going to open the combo?
We'll see.
You remember that time when nut in your sister?
I'll try that one.
It was her cousin, but it was cousin.
Let's see.
See if he picks up.
He's a school teacher, so he might be doing something with children.
I don't think we're getting him.
Hello?
Yo!
What's up, dude?
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you so much, man.
I'm sorry I didn't invite you.
It's all good.
Listen, I heard a bunch of people who got COVID at that thing anyway.
Yeah, everybody got COVID, dude.
It was really fucked up.
It was better that you didn't go.
You need to teach America's youth, you know?
Yeah.
Fucking entertain them more like it.
Listen, I'm just doing the podcast right now, and none of my podcast co-hosts believe that I lost my virginity to your cousin.
Oh, yes, you did.
Why is he sounding so sad?
Okay, Akash, in all seriousness, you didn't get Joe Rogan canceled again, but you guys did have a fun conversation.
Great podcast.
How do you feel about it?
I felt good.
I didn't want to try too hard.
I didn't want to push too much.
But I felt like it was good.
I felt like I did what I needed to do when I got there.
You were excellent.
Thank you so much.
I mean this objectively.
And I'll tell you something honestly.
And I think I texted you this.
I didn't know.
I knew I was going to be excited for you.
Yeah.
I didn't realize how happy and exciting it was.
Like, no, I was like blown away.
Yeah.
Like, I got emotional.
I did too.
You're supposed to.
No, at you.
Yeah.
How supportive have you been through this whole thing?
How much I said this on Rogan so more people heard it, but the amount of help this guy gave me on the special, he said a couple days before it dropped, I got from 12 to 4 p.m.
I'll help you edit.
This guy taught me how to elevate every aspect of the special and stay till 4 a.m. 16 hours.
But he's why the special was late, but it was worth it.
That's what we do for each other.
And you spent hours with me like when we were preparing for guy code and all these things back in the day.
This is just what we do.
But I was just so proud of you.
You were so eloquent, so articulate.
Like, yeah, just great perspective.
And like, you were really yourself there.
Like, I think a lot of people go on Rogan and they're so caught up in like what that moment is that it's very easy to lose yourself.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
It's like you're sitting in front of the president and all you start to go is like, oh, I guess maybe I do share more views with you.
Yeah.
Right.
And it's like you gave pushback.
He started talking about the JFK assassination and literally you just went, JoJo, Joe I stopped listening a while ago.
I had to.
I couldn't believe you said that.
I couldn't believe it.
I was like, this guy's got balls.
Or he used a pee bat.
And they did take a pee break.
I did.
I had to say true.
G's up.
I know.
You did two and a half hours with him before a pee break.
You can go 30 minutes on his fucking body.
You see how little water I drink?
Say what?
See how little water I was drinking?
I didn't notice.
Dude, the amount of focus I was going in there with, I was like, I cannot slip.
This guy, you know, sometimes you'll say some shit in like an argument or discussion or whatever.
And as you're saying it, you're like, oh, there's a little hole in here.
I hope they don't catch it.
Yeah.
He catches it every fucking time.
Every fucking time.
Which that's why I was so excited for you going.
I was talking to Kunal about this because I bumped into him last night.
Okay.
Yeah.
And I was just like, I think that like you're not going to go.
A comedian is not going to go on Rogan's podcast and say anything about cancel culture, wokeness, et cetera, that Rogan doesn't already know.
He's already spoken to the best experts on this.
Yes.
Right.
He's spoken to the people who get paid for a living just to think about this stuff.
So a comedian coming on, right?
You're not going to blow him away with that.
But you have your specific experience that he doesn't know about.
He doesn't know what it's like to be an Indian American dude.
Right.
And what you feel.
Do you feel oppressed?
Do you feel offended by jokes, et cetera?
Like, he can't tell you how that feels.
And he probably hasn't interviewed people who have given that perspective.
So you got to be an expert.
And it was this really cool thing where he was like listening and like really curious.
And like you guys had this cool comedy discussion, but you still had this nugget of information that he didn't have, and he was really curious about learning.
And you just executed perfectly.
And, you know, I don't, maybe I'm fluffing you right now, but I just was so proud.
I've listened to the episode maybe two times.
I just keep scrolling back and forth, waiting for you guys to talk about me.
And I don't know.
And then, but no, seriously, it's just so good.
And I think everybody should go listen to it.
But like, you were so good, so calm, so like confident.
Yeah, I was, I was nervous as fuck.
You didn't come across.
Well, I, the things I always hate when I press too hard.
When you try too hard, that's the thing that I know I've done.
So I was like, do not think that just because so many people are listening, you need to try too hard and push too hard to be funny.
Let the shit happen as it happens.
Don't try to make yourself somebody you're not and just be honest and authentic and talk.
And if you don't agree, obviously you respect the fuck out of this guy.
So you're not going to be disrespectful.
Yeah.
So just have a respectful, like, I don't know.
What do you think about this?
Anything you wish you did differently?
There were certain things that I wish I had said, little points I wish I had made, but like overall, I just wish I didn't get him canceled.
That's the main thing.
So funny there, it came out that there's this person who gets paid to listen to every Rogan podcast for misinformation.
Well, that's the person that did the article.
Really?
I thought those were different people.
No, no.
So Alex Patterson was the person on Twitter.
It was the person on Twitter, and that's the person that kicked up the story in the first place.
So the main tweet is: Spotify's Joe Rogan and comedian Akash sing mock child sex abuse and claim it's quote fine for boys to have sex with adult women.
Bro, I think I got brought up in that same thing because they were going through past episodes and literally exactly what's going to happen is like we call this right.
It was like, first it's going to be racism.
The next it's going to be misogyny.
Your first, I was listening to your first Rogan because I thought it was so good to just like mentally be like, this is the mindset.
Yeah.
There's a moment where you predict exactly what's going to happen.
Like an hour and 28 minutes in, you say they, when your ideas are too good and big like to for them to compete with, they just make you radioactive.
And then you literally said, they're just going to make you racist.
Oh, I don't need to talk to Joe Rogan.
He's racist.
Bro, it's, and then I say, I think transphobic and all these other things.
And then after that, yeah.
Miles, we'll give you the clip because Shifty just cut up the clip.
You see it in everything.
You see it in comedy.
It's like, oh, I can't do that type of comedy.
So I'm going to make that comedy radioactive so that this is the only type of comedy that's allowed.
You know what I'm saying?
It doesn't have to be comedy.
It could really be any kind of situation.
It's like you're just trying to carve out the market share.
Like, oh, that comedy's dirty.
That's edgy.
That's sexist.
That's bigoted.
Censor it.
Censor it.
But it's also like the same thing you see with the right versus the left.
There's a lot of people online from each side that want to censor the opinions of the other people instead of having a better opinion.
Yeah, that's what they're saying.
They want to shut that opinion off.
And when they don't have a better opinion, they just make you radioactive so they don't even have to talk to you.
Hey, Joe Rogan, you're racist.
And you're like, what do you mean?
Let's talk about it.
You're like, I don't talk to racists.
Yeah.
Oh, that was clever what you did.
I went through that.
Like, the second I had an opinion that went against the grain, immediately I'm labeled as something that they don't even have to have a dialogue with.
Right.
They just shut you down.
Yeah.
Oh, you're a white supremacist.
Exactly.
Oh, you're alt-right.
Oh, you're this.
You're that.
It's like a magic trick.
It only works if you don't know what they're trying to do.
But what a job.
Yeah.
Like, your job is literally to sit there and cancel Rogan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the hardest part of that is not liking the podcast.
And you're going to.
Yeah.
It's too many different people on there.
You have to like.
If you're going to start liking it, you're going to start getting perspective.
Yeah.
And then you're going to have to quit your job.
Right.
Or hate yourself.
It's like those people who are, what is it called?
Spies for the mafia.
They work for Donny Brasco, whatever that is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a policeman, but you're undercover.
Yeah, like, but like, I think what might happen with some of them is like, you actually start to fall in love with these people.
I'm sure, yeah.
You're with them all day.
I think you can separate, though.
The good ones can't.
I think so.
Sometimes if you're there long enough, you're going to.
I mean, if you're in it and like you're learning interpersonal shit, I get it.
But I think if you're just observing or like doing something you think is unethical, doesn't align with your moral code, I think you can remove yourself.
Yeah.
What if you start doing some of those activities with them?
I mean, he's doing 13.
Rogan is right here in his ears for 13 hours a week.
Yeah.
At some point, if you're actively listening, you're going to be like, yo, this is pretty fucking interesting.
You're at least going to have more perspective.
Yeah.
And you're going to go, well, he definitely isn't what everybody's saying.
Right.
Low-key, this could be the best possible thing.
That person quits their job.
It exposes everything.
He's getting another watchdog though.
You go, yeah, they moved on.
They got promoted.
They will.
But if those people keep quitting, it's like, wait, why does this one job, which is the easiest job in the world, why do these people keep quitting?
And then they'll do a think piece and it's like, I actually listened to the guy and I found out, wow, it's like a lot of unique voices on here.
He's trying to have a good perspective.
Sometimes he's having saying jokes, but a lot of things he's saying that are horrible or out of context.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And to an eye-opening thing, thank God.
He asked me how I was doing up top.
You were like, how do you open the Joe Rogan podcast?
When he asked me how I was doing, I just kind of laughed and I was like, buddy, how are you doing?
And that was like, that was my genuine feeling.
But it was such an interesting answer.
He said, it's a relief because I've known this was out there and I've wanted to apologize for it.
I've regretted it.
And now I just get to do that.
So now that that's out of the way, they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
It's freedom.
You're scraping for a joke conversation where we're laughing, talking about something.
Everybody, I heard an AM radio, the TikiWiki did this shit like three weeks ago.
Why is it worse when this exact scenario happens?
Male student, female teacher versus the other way around.
They literally pontificated why is it worse?
Because they all accepted that it was worse.
We all accept that it's worse.
Not everyone is good.
And then somebody said it was kind of a little like vivid, but he was like, I think this is vivid, but I think when it's a female, like a young female, she's the one getting penetrated.
And that's why it seems so much more visceral for us.
Yeah, penetration is always worth worse.
Yeah.
Because it's like female teacher to female student.
And they're just like rubbing, you know, box lips.
Yeah, yeah.
Clap cleats, bro.
I'm with you, man.
If they're just rubbing box lips, bro, if they both throw on the clap cleats, kick one leg up on a wall.
You know, and just start clapping with that labia, dude.
That angle, right?
Teacher and the student.
I'm talking about a teacher that's in NBA.
There we go.
I'm talking about a teacher.
I'm talking about a teacher that might be 30 years old and a student might be 25.
Yeah, somebody's like, they might be 31.
It doesn't matter what year they are, but I know that they're older.
And I know when them coochies start clapping, bro, if they don't have the right clap clean on, they might slip fall all over the place, Alex.
It's an episode of Whiplash.
Don't do that.
It's good.
You got wipeout, whatever that fucking show is, you know, where Asians can't do things.
You know the show, right?
Right you are, Ken.
Ninja Warrior.
That's NXT.
Oh, that's Ninja Warrior?
I don't like calling them all ninjas, buddy.
That's a little bit more racist.
That's a little racist.
Yeah.
Alex, I expect better from you as a black man.
So what?
Wipeout is Americans.
Oh, it's the American version of it.
Okay, okay.
So American Ninja Warrior is what?
You might have got me on that one.
You might have got me.
Okay.
But you feel good.
Response has been good.
What is funny with this person, Alex Patterson, that's like watchdogging.
Yeah.
Is that every, I think what will happen more likely is that every time that there's a stretch or a reach to try to find something, because ultimately the job is maintained by finding shit to get outraged by, and there's not a ton of stuff to get outraged by.
So things like this, for example, Akash's tweet where this person's trying to like put Akash and Joe in this awful conversation.
All the replies are like, LOL, that's hilarious.
Oh, this is a reach.
Or I think it's funny you should not take comedy that serious.
Or this account is Joe Rogan's best bits compiled.
Yeah.
Like all the comments.
I can't find one comment.
This is on Twitter.
And people following like a very like, I don't know, like liberal, cancelled kind of person.
It's great for Joe.
Yeah, this is good.
Yeah.
It's great.
Literally paying attention to him is what the cancelers don't do.
That is the problem.
That's what canceling is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like you don't know the full picture of a human and you're getting them out of there off of the worst thing that they said in their life.
Right.
So if you have someone who all of a sudden has context and they're holding the, what's it called?
The release button for the guillotine, but now they have context.
They're like, do I really need to write this whole article?
He was clearly joking and 10 seconds later said it was bullshit.
Yeah.
Now, if only someone did that for the news.
Yeah, why don't we have one person who just listens to the news 24-hour news cycle and just writes down every time they get them wrong?
We got a teenager that tracks Elon Musk jet, but we don't have an adult that's just watching CNN and going, this is bullshit.
Yeah, you should have one for all of them.
See, Fox Noobs, MSMBC.
Every single one.
When I was in middle school, I had a teacher named Mr. Davis, and he would give extra credit for when we found out he was wrong.
Oh, yeah.
We had one of those.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
Like, he was like, fact check me.
If I say some shit, go read it.
And he's like, sometimes I'm going to say some shit that's wrong.
That's dope.
Like, on purpose.
Yeah.
To see if you guys pay attention.
That's a little wild.
He's a wild boy.
This dude was a wild boy.
That's a little wild.
But I've never seen somebody control a room.
Like, literally, I get comedy things from him.
Really?
The guy was an eighth grade American history teacher.
Eracer you, huh?
The guy's just like, what?
Why is that relevant to history class?
So in American history?
Very.
That's a good point.
But like, I've learned more in American history than anybody else, than anybody else I've ever taken class from.
But like the way he controlled that classroom, it was unbelievable, dude.
Like everybody, nobody spoke.
Never cared to be anybody's friend.
Never tried to ingratiate himself to the class at all.
Eighth Grade Investing00:03:23
That's a good teacher.
And he, I mean, the craziest kids, the kids who were like getting in fights, all that kind of stuff, walked it.
Dude, we weren't even allowed to enter the class until he said everybody lined up outside the class.
Stoic.
I didn't even think I saw him smile the whole time.
It was absolutely, it was like, I was like, oh my God, you can control a room just with like pace and intensity.
And what is it?
You wanted his respect, like all the people in the class?
I just learned that like silence is valuable.
Why did y'all fall in line for him?
What do you think it was?
I think that he didn't care if we liked him.
And I think that he cared.
I think that we felt like it was, there would be consequences for our actions and he wasn't to be played around with.
And he made class very easy to succeed in.
He told us the things he wanted us to write down.
And he's like, write this down, write this down.
And then kept talking, write this down, write this down.
And all of us got this sense, like, as long as I'm here and I'm writing down the things that he's telling me and I get tested on these things, I can do well.
It's not like write an essay and then a teacher based on how much they kind of like you and your fucking handwriting gives you this score.
Yeah.
Right.
It's literally, it's literally like, these are the things that I want you to take away from my class.
And if you pay attention and do exactly as I tell you, you should be able to get a class.
And A, he said, everybody in this class starts out with an A. You're fucking it up yourself if you choose not to keep that.
Yeah.
And it was just like profound.
Eighth grade?
Why do I remember this guy?
Yeah.
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Now, let's get back to the show.
School Curriculum Debate00:05:26
I think history is also a good class for that, too.
I don't know.
I always had a lot of reverence for my history professors, history teachers, just because there's like you're talking about something that's like, it feels consequential, especially in like eighth grade when like nothing's kind of consequential.
Right.
And like you're talking about like great men and like history and all that shit.
I don't know.
I feel like there's something about like the subject that like I had one history teacher because she would teach us shit outside of the book, like especially Texas history is like very, hey, we teach all the good shit only.
And she taught us like the magic bullet theory for JFK.
She taught us about the Reagan Granada scandal, I think it was.
And like the only reason he got away with it is he shredded the documents and shredded the evidence and Nixon didn't.
Like she was like, this is 97.
We didn't know about conspiracy theories.
We didn't have cable internet even.
And she's just teaching us the fucking shit that you're not.
Yeah, they need high.
Okay, ultra, bro.
Not cracking the black communities.
You're like, fuck America.
Let's go.
Not too much, but when it came to certain shit, she'd be like, hey, here's like a real piece of history.
And then when you get older, you're like, oh, she was actually teaching us shit that wasn't brainwashing.
That's cool.
That's dope.
I wonder if she can get in trouble for that.
I don't know.
If you go off syllabus, can you get fired?
That was a public school?
Yeah, it was a public school.
Isn't that interesting?
You teach what you think is the proper history and you can get fired.
You get fired.
I think it was just a few nuggets.
Every like a few times a year, it happened.
But I remember all of them.
That's why a lot of teachers get in trouble when they try to teach Black Lives Matter because it's not in the curriculum.
But they're like, hey, this is a big current event going on.
And then parents come home outraged.
Like you saw, I think there was like a kindergarten class doing a march.
And it was like just they had them with signs and pickets and all that stuff.
Just teaching them about marching.
Parents were outraged.
Like, this is not what our kids should be learning in school and shit like that.
But that's what the teacher, of course, the teacher was.
Now, what do you think about that?
I don't think.
I think, especially kindergarten, it's too young, right?
But then it's like what age.
I don't understand the full.
It depends what's on the sign.
It's just finger painting and like fucking turkeys and shit.
I'm like, all right.
You know what I mean?
But even like Thanksgiving and shit like that, they still whitewash it.
Yeah, like that's the tricky thing when you're teaching, right?
When you're coming up with curriculum and the government has to do this, right?
There's like someone in the government that sits down like, what do we need all fifth graders to know?
What do we need all sixth graders to know?
Or five-year-olds, six-year-olds, like eight-year-olds, et cetera.
It's easy to go like at 19, we should learn all the nuance of history.
But as you're coming up, like, am I going to teach a first grader who Columbus really was?
Yeah, I didn't want to know.
Dude, they taught us kindergarten and kindergarten.
Thanksgiving was beautiful.
They came and shared the fucking corn or whatever.
That's great.
I love knowing that as a five-year-old.
See, I'd rather you just not teach it.
Don't teach me fake shit.
But then how do I appreciate Thanksgiving?
You don't need to.
Yo, but here's the thing, Al.
Like, it's not a day.
History is fake shit.
That's the thing.
And that's the thing that's really hard for us all to digest, right?
We have to balance this equation, which is like, how do we make people proud of our country?
And everybody does that and teach them enough truth.
So you just start selecting the truth, right?
And it's like, if you literally teach history, like there's a reason why when we grew up, we went to the public school system in New York City, you and I, right?
We basically learned the same things.
I don't know what the fuck happened in World War I because we weren't bullied.
That World War II, all of a sudden, we the motherfucking stars, right?
For Will Smith and Independence Day.
It was like revolutionary war and then World War II.
We skipped Warmer.
We don't need to learn about that.
And they're like, some shit happened in Korea, some shit happened in Vietnam, and then Iraq.
Yeah.
Right?
We got Saddam.
And it was like, you just move it all around.
And low-key, like, I try to have like empathy for the people who create these like systems and like structures.
And I'm just like, what are they trying to do?
And they're like, what do we want to instill in these young kids?
Patriotism.
Yes, because the country actually functions better when you're proud of the place you're in.
You know, like Miles and I had a long debate about this yesterday.
And he has a lot of great points.
But it's like, one thing that I'm concerned about in America is a lack of patriotism.
Yeah.
Like I want us to be more proud.
And I want us to be more proud because I think when we're more proud of America, we take care of one another more.
Right.
It's like when you think America is shitty and you see a bunch of people living in fucking tents in LA, you start going, oh, this is America.
It's a shitty place.
When you believe America is amazing and you see that, I think you start going, why the fuck are people living in tents here?
Yeah.
When we got billionaires flying rockets to the moon for fun.
Yeah.
This is what that shouldn't be happening.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So now I don't know if that actually changes behavior.
I think people have been living in tents in the 90s when we were all gum-ho about America, but I'd like to believe that there are things that we can do to kind of instill that.
Is there a way to do both, which is, hey, we did some fucked up things, but every country's done some fucked up things.
That is a product of progress.
And America is still one of the greatest countries to live in for sure.
I think that we should teach the fucked up things.
I should think that we should teach the nuance of American history at ages where they can digest it.
And I kind of agree with Al's point earlier, which is like, like, low-key kind of avoids certain things until they're ready to have the full discussion.
Like, Thanksgiving, teach the Thanksgiving, teach the holiday.
This is just what we do on the holiday.
Christmas Myths Explained00:09:00
I don't even know the fucking origin story.
Do a sex ads.
Go on that.
Go on that.
That's interesting.
Go on that.
Like when you're kids, it's like, oh, yeah, mom and daddy love each other as a baby.
And then later on, you're like, oh, yeah, well, they have sex.
And literally, you're like, this is what sex is.
Yeah.
And then you start watching porn.
You're like, okay.
Those are the levels.
You know what I mean?
It's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't need to teach them how the baby happens.
Teach them enough.
But don't teach like a fake version of it because now I don't like to say that I learned the real shit.
I don't want to know about no storks.
I don't like Santa.
Now I don't trust you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't think I'm going to do Santa, bro.
This is this religious shit Charlamagne always talks about.
I'm going to do Santa.
Why?
Because he's stealing a shine from Jesus.
Yeah, that's why not that.
Nah, that's it, family.
I don't like that.
You don't got Santa on your neck.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't want to lie to my kids.
Yeah, Mark's talked about this.
One time he was like, yo, my little cousin asked about, he lives in New York City.
Oh, do you get to see the Ninja Turtles, right?
Yeah, exactly.
You have family in New York City?
No, no, he lives in New York.
His little cousin was like, oh, you see, Mark would have a whole family member here and not introduce us, right?
Piece of shit.
But you don't know my second cousin.
Listen.
And the kid said, you know the ninja turtles.
You live in New York.
He's what, five maybe?
And Mark said they don't exist.
And Mark just didn't answer the question.
No, that's not true.
That's not true.
He said, hey, have you seen Splinter?
And I said, no, I haven't because, you know, apparently, from what I've seen, he lives in the sewers and I don't go in the sewers.
So I don't know.
Okay, that's truthful.
So I didn't lie.
Yeah, he didn't lie.
But I don't want to perpetuate the idea like, yo, there's ninja turtles running around.
Yeah, there's Splinter.
Some other uncle might have been like, oh, yeah, I saw him yesterday.
He said, be a good boy.
You're such an idiot, dude.
You don't dump Stanley.
A kid can't have an imagination.
You don't want him to exercise his imagination.
But it's not his imagination.
Someone told him to believe it.
Yeah, that's why I'm like Disney movies.
They didn't run to a pad.
I didn't believe it.
He was real.
What?
You didn't believe he was real?
No.
Son, I remember my brother packing a bag because he was about to go live with the Power Rangers because one of his friends told him that shit.
I remember I went into his room.
He's packing sneakers and all that shit.
I'm like, what are you doing?
He goes, yo, Power Ranger's picking us up tonight.
I got a pack.
Let's go.
Like, he 100% believed that that shit was real.
I believed that that shit was real, dude.
Hell yeah.
I used to watch Dragon Ball Z and I swear to God I made a fireball in my hand when I was younger.
I swear to God.
Dude, all of it.
Yeah, they got to believe or something.
Exactly.
And I don't think you should squash a kid's belief, but I don't think you should perpetuate the belief and then have to lie to him later or tell him the truth later.
Be like, yo, that's Santa's real.
Yo, kids don't care.
What a stupid stand to take.
Now he's splitting hairs.
Well, you know, I was annoyed when I found out Santa wasn't real and I was like, Santa real?
No family is real.
No, you worship the figures.
The kids worship the gifts.
So once kids find out Santa ain't real and they realize they still get gifts, they're like, I don't give a fuck about that fat motherfucker.
I still get presents from mom and dad, bro.
Because I could kiss up to mom and dad.
That's my point.
I can't kiss up to Santa.
So why would I lie to them?
You jealous.
Because they want to believe.
Santa's jealous, this guy.
Keep going.
Son, he's jealous of Santa because he's going to be a parent.
He wants to have a lot of kids, probably.
You're going to be a great father outside of this.
But the kid's going to be like, Santa's coming to give me gifts.
He's going to be like, this fat fuck.
Also, old truthful ass kid to school, conspiracy theory ass.
I was like, a five-year-old telling all the other kids, oh, yeah, Transformers don't exist.
That's Santa motherfucker.
Lies.
You're going to have Alex Jones.
You're a kid.
That's going to be.
My brother told me Santa's not real when I was like five years old, shattered my whole shit.
And then I tried to pass on that misery because I was miserable.
Santa's literally a conspiracy.
If you teach your kids Santa, you're teaching them a conspiracy.
Okay.
So you're not just saying conspiracy theory.
But what's the conspiracy?
There's a man that flies around with elves in the North Pole that comes into your house and goes through a chimney, even though you live in New York.
You're going to have a chimney.
You don't have a chimney.
Where does he come in?
How does he get in your house?
He takes the elevator.
What'd the doorman say?
Oh, yeah, you can go up.
Are you thinking the first person that figured out that it's hard to be Santa Claus in a city?
Yeah, I know.
You see him just break his head?
Like, how does he get in?
Yeah, no shit.
We know it's hard for him to get in.
So how are we going to lie to you?
The window.
The window is easier than a chimney.
You don't think he's stoked to be in the city?
It's like, thank God I'm not in the fucking suburbs.
I get to go in the door.
I buzz downstairs.
Like, delivery.
What are you going to tell your kid when he goes, oh man, like, how come Santa gives me way better presents than my poor friend?
The Jews.
Yeah, the Jews.
I never, I don't ask.
I don't ask.
I'm worried about my presence.
We compete in presents, yo.
I'm playing video games at myself.
What kind of charitable ass kid do you think you're going to have?
He's that kind of asshole kid who thinks going to school with all the presents.
Like, what y'all poor motherfuckers got?
Nothing?
Like, come on, bro.
You know that as a kid, your boyfriend just got shit.
They got one pair of shoes.
I was the poor friend.
No, of course.
And I had Jewish friends.
So it's like they didn't get nothing.
Well, no, they got eight gifts.
They didn't.
And Jews spread it out.
They give you one sneaker on one day.
Get your sneaker on the other day.
If you wanted to end anti-Semitism and y'all went hard body on Hanukkah gifts, that would be a big, big step in the right direction.
Because if you could make Hanukkah streamlines, all you got to do is eight fire gifts, and then all of a sudden, slowly we're all going to be like, yo, I didn't really celebrate Hanukkah, not Christmas.
If you're a neutral party like myself, like these two, neutral parties always go towards Christmas, dude.
Yeah, because it's gifts.
Hanukkah's fucking dreidels, dog.
Anybody doing that?
Chocolate takes too long.
It's like, why are we doing this one at a time?
Like, come on, come on, come on, you bust a fat nut on Christmas.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a love bomb.
Oh, yeah.
Waking up early.
Remember going to sleep the night before?
Yeah, dude.
I'm about to get everything.
I don't remember that.
Yo, we got to throw a dub at Christmas.
No, you know what they have on?
Do we?
You know what they have on Christmas?
But should he focus on getting gifts for other people?
Also, that.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's the beauty.
That's what Christmas is about.
You guys know, dumb Christmas is we all just tell him all the nice things we did for him throughout the year.
That's a good ass point.
Here's how we saved you money.
Yeah.
Are you doing Tooth Fairy?
Say again?
You're going to do Tooth Fairy?
Oh, with my children?
Yeah.
I don't understand the.
I'm doing all of it, bro.
But I don't understand what that does.
I don't know if I ever did Tooth Fairy with my family.
I don't know if I ever did it.
My parents put money under the pillow in the middle of the afternoon.
And they were like, look what the Tooth Fairy left.
You it was like six bucks, which I was like, this is amazing.
But I was like, there's no tooth fairy.
And then they said, yes, there is.
Then I picked up the pillow.
They forgot the fucking tooth.
And I like, I was like a tooth about that shit.
I like marched to the room.
I was like, the tooth is still there.
Explain that.
That's so good.
That's the thing because immigrant parents don't have the same tradition.
It's all new to them, dude.
They didn't know.
My dad might have told me Santa wasn't.
You and your parents found out a tooth fairy same day.
Same exact shit.
Same exact day.
And there was no Google and shit back in the day.
So they had to call like their whitest friend.
And they were like, yo, how the fuck does this work?
I don't think my mom, I don't know.
Like, my mom's Scottish, so like, that tooth fairy is working.
Like, even into adulthood, that motherfucker is right overtime, weekends, the whole shit.
And I remember once I lost a tooth, and my mom just handed me money.
Like, she was like, I'm done with this shit.
Like, she just handed me a $5 bill and I gave her the tooth.
And then we just went our separate race.
That's so funny.
Immigrants, bro.
Business transactions.
They get the job.
They don't got time for that.
They don't.
Let's work.
Let's make a dream here.
Yeah, they came from way worse.
So they're like, whatever.
Take the money.
Get the fuck out of my face.
I got work to do.
Yeah.
I think she probably saved that tooth for herself.
She's like, I'll give you 10 bucks if I can put that in my lower jaw.
That'd be great.
Come on, dude.
Your parents be losing teeth, boy.
My dad is fucked.
What?
Yeah.
Nothing, dude.
They're gone.
I bought them new ones.
Yeah.
You haven't bought your parents' teeth yet?
No.
Dentures.
Your parents aren't old enough yet.
62?
When you're mid-30s, you start buying teeth.
Yeah.
No, I bought a new set, but we got a fake set for the wedding.
Right.
So the fake set completely just shattered in Mexico.
And he's just been living with no teeth.
How?
How did it shatter?
Say what?
How did it shatter?
My dad don't know how to bite with the new teeth yet.
Tortilla?
Definitely not tortilla.
I don't even think we have hard enough food to shatter.
A tostado, maybe.
Maybe that.
But like, yeah, my mom was like, yeah, all the teeth kind of fell out.
And I was like, what?
And they're like, yeah, yeah, the temporary ones.
You got a warranty on them things or what?
Oh, no, no.
We're going to do okay.
We're going to get him the proper teeth.
The proper teeth that he deserves.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Because you can't have your parents with no teeth.
It looks like you don't take care of them.
I think we spoke about this.
Yeah.
But at what age, though?
Like, if they're like 100, can you be?
They got to have full teeth.
100%.
If they're alive, they got to have full dentures.
Yeah, it's just dentures.
It's not natural teeth.
It's dentures.
Yeah.
106 years old, wheelchair, frail.
You're going to let your full teeth.
Your mom at 106 walks.
Full teeth.
The tricky thing with my dad is that his memory is gone, so he can't do the dentures.
Oh, he'll just forget.
Yeah.
He just won't put them in.
They'll fall out.
He'd be like, fuck this.
I mean, my dad woke up every single day in Mexico for the last month, not knowing where the fuck he was.
Right, right, right.
Think about that.
Yeah.
That's gnarly.
Yeah.
Like, they lived in Mexico for a month, and every morning he'd wake up and just hear Spanish, and he'd be like, what the fuck is going on?
Olympic Citizenship Rules00:07:54
Am I in Brooklyn?
What the hell happened?
They go for a walk.
He's like, where the fuck are we?
Go to sleep the next morning all over again.
Damn.
Groundhog day, 30 days.
That's kind of real talk.
Yeah.
That's a little wild.
Kind of cool, though.
Yeah.
The excitement of traveling like every day.
You think your mom just took him to the same place over and over and over because she liked it?
And she's like, you've never been here.
Honestly, I could see her doing that.
Yeah.
It's not a bad move.
Yeah, I could really, I could really.
Like, if she found one taco joint that she loved, you just take him every day and be like, we haven't had these.
This is an adventure.
And every day he'll be like, these are fantastic.
Yeah.
That's a wonderful day, right?
100%.
One tooth at a time falling out of his mouth.
She's taking him right back to the same goddamn spot.
You just follow the teeth there, bro.
Perfect.
He's like, canceling ground.
Immigrants.
You got to love them.
Okay.
Let's talk about some more immigrant drama.
More shit with Eileen Gu.
So Eileen Gu, I think we had spoken about this last week.
Patreon.
Last week, Patreon.
Okay.
Eileen Gu has won gold in freestyle skiing.
Eileen Gu, born in America, raised in America, trained in America.
Yes.
Half Chinese.
Family moves, I think, when she's how old to China?
Actually, I don't even know if they went.
She plans on going to Stanford college here.
But in order to compete for China, she has to be a Chinese citizen.
And China doesn't allow dual citizenship.
Oh, really?
Yeah, this is where it gets a little interesting.
She's a baller, bro.
But she won't answer the question.
Bro, that shit is kind of funny.
Red Bull let it slip.
Go, go, go.
Red Bull basically said that they're her main sponsor, that she gave up her citizenship.
And then reporters try to confirm that.
They scrub the convo.
So it's still not clear where there's another Chinese-American zoo yi who's being blasted by the entire figure skater.
And then you get blasted by China.
That's times the difference.
500 million people.
Because that zoo Yi didn't fucking win win gold.
This girl won gold.
What I think, what is annoying about this whole situation is, well, there's a couple things.
One is like she one won't address the whole citizenship thing, but also she won't just admit that she got paid.
Just like, stop, oh, I care about my heritage.
And this is all about embracing my hair.
Shut the fuck up.
You or your dad got a boatload of money.
Okay.
You got tons of fucking money.
I know her father, I think, was offered some job there.
I believe so.
I got to double check that, but yeah, I'm pretty sure he's like an AI guy.
So there might be some sort of like thing where you had to accept, but you got paid a shit ton of money.
You took that fucking money.
You renounced your citizenship.
Okay.
You were raised, trained in the United States of America.
You plan on coming back to school here.
So don't give me this.
Oh, I love my hair to somebody.
Well, stay there.
You love it somewhere.
It's right there.
Yeah.
You're competing for them, right?
You want gold for them.
Why do you want to come back here?
Clearly, you love something else over here, but we're not giving that boatload of money that they're giving you or they're giving your family or something else like that.
But this is a fucking money play.
There's no way in fucking hell that anybody would choose China over America ever unless they got paid a shitload of money for anything.
Yes.
I don't care what you want to do.
You want to run around on a fucking thatched roof?
You can find one in America to run around on.
But what if they gave her some other deal?
For example.
I don't know.
Like if there's like a sponsorship thing, so it's not direct money, but it's like, hey, you're going to be the biggest star in China or you can be like one of 10 stars.
That's money.
And also, but here's the thing.
In fairness, how much could she make being a freestyle skier in America?
Like we give them all these props during the Olympics, but they're not making besides a few people like the sponsorship.
She's cute.
She can make money.
She's a Victoria's Secret.
She got signed by Victoria's Secret.
So she's going to have her own other career.
She'd make great sponsorship money 100%.
She'd make great sponsorship money 100%.
I'm sure that they're paying her family or they're paying her far more money.
Far more.
And I get that you're doing that.
My point is, don't skirt around answering the question about citizenship and then don't act like this is an embracement of your heritage because it's not that.
You're embracing money, which you probably learned to do in America, right?
We put that shit in you.
We sure love some fucking people.
Did you know that, though?
Doesn't she have to pretend it's about love of culture?
Yeah, but I'm going to call you out if you're being fraudulent.
Fair enough.
That's all I think.
I think it is a money play, but also it could also be she just wants to be a superstar.
And she knows that over there, she's going to be a superstar.
They idolize her.
They look more.
Like she just, she gave up American citizenship to come over here.
So they're going to prove that.
I won't acknowledge that.
Well, still, like, she could play for both teams.
So they're going to prop her up because they're going to be like, hey, others do the same shit.
So it's like she wants to be a superstar.
It might not just be the money.
I hear what you're saying.
Like, she wants that fame and maybe cares about that fame.
Yeah, she won't be able to.
She wants to be an idol where here she wouldn't be that big.
What's that?
Plus money.
Like, because it seems like you're suggesting that they're paying her directly.
Like, yo, come compete for her.
Direct or indirect, this is a financial gain.
That's what this is about.
Because you're still coming back here to go to college.
Like, if you love your heritage and everything so much and you just love the lifestyle in China, go get educated there.
Clearly, they have great institutions.
They're making a lot of engineers.
Say again.
She's half Chinese, half.
Well, now she's 100% Chinese, right?
She's a Chinese citizen.
Yeah, but I mean, she could like both of her heritage.
My feeling is, you're not Chinese.
Yeah.
You're not Indian.
I'm not Scottish.
We are American.
That's what the fuck we are.
Now, I know you identify certain ways, but let me just make the point I'm trying to make.
When it comes to the Olympics, you shouldn't even be allowed to do that bullshit where you go compete for your heritage's country, like where your mom is from or something like that.
Like, I know Americans do that when they're not good enough to play for the American team, right?
That's valid.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not okay with that.
Stop stealing a fucking position on that team from someone who actually is raised, born, trained in that country.
That's fair.
You're stealing their opportunity.
That's not going to be fair.
You had so much more privilege training in America.
You had so much more privilege growing up here with the institutions, the education, even within your field, and you're stealing it from someone who actually represents their country.
What if they don't have an athlete in that sport?
Say again?
What if they don't have an athlete in that sport?
Then they shouldn't compete in it.
Some of you can be Jamaican?
Sorry.
If they don't have an athlete in it and it doesn't reflect the culture at all, then you're just finding a way to get into Olympics on a caveat.
Like, no, if they don't care about it, it's not worth it, then no, no.
What about the ball players who were playing in their country, started balling out in their country, and then America took them for the NBA?
NBA is different.
That's professional.
Olympics is not professional.
They go back to play for their country.
So instead of playing for the USA team, they play for.
They started playing in their country.
Yeah, so you're okay with that.
If they started to play in their country.
If they were born, raised, and trained in your country, that's where you should play.
Okay.
100%.
Like, if you were born, raised, or at least it's starting there, like the formative years.
Yeah, I know Messi technically went over to Barcelona at age fucking 13 or something like that.
But at least in his beginning years, that's where he's getting trained in the sport, right?
And putting that time in.
If you lived your whole life as one citizen and then you suddenly want to go play as another citizen for the Olympics, he's saying I fucked up and that does make sense.
You're stealing a job from them.
The Eileen Goo point, if I went and did some shit for India, I would live in India afterward for at least a long time.
At least a while.
What if you split the Euro up?
So little New York, Florida, Tax Verde.
Split the Euro up.
Because China not letting you split the citizenship up.
China, no.
Another country.
But I'm saying, like, if you're a Jamaican chick living in Canada, you learn how to curl.
You're pretty good at curling.
You can't make the Canadian team, but you have Jamaican citizenship.
Jamaica doesn't have a curling team.
And you hit them up, go, yo, let me curl for you guys.
You don't even have anyone going.
Let me just pop in.
That's also curl.
I'm okay with that.
That's also different, though.
No, that's different because you're not taking anything from anybody.
You're not taking a job.
You're still a fake way of being able to get it.
No, but you might inspire the sport to that country.
And you're still a Jamaican in Canada.
She's saying it's going to happen in China.
Like, you're being treated as a Jamaican.
You know what I mean?
Like, you're Canadian, but you're still looked at as a brand new person.
You're so in love with this girl, dude.
Jamaican Curling Dilemma00:06:26
Yeah, I don't know.
Defending her at every time.
Like, now, what about the foreign players who come here to play in the NBA?
They're taking possible positions from American basketball.
NBA is professional.
Olympics is not professional.
That's the distinction I make.
For professional, go ball in China, do all those things.
But Olympics is not professional.
Because Olympics is not, it's supposed to be for country, not for self.
Professional is for self.
Yeah.
I don't really give a fuck.
Luca Doncha didn't really give a fuck if the matters all about professional leagues.
Like, I love it when NBA players go play in Turkey, China, anything.
Get your money, dude.
Like, and expand the game.
Go there.
Do that.
Like, that's awesome.
But when it comes for country, like, I think that you have to represent a country.
In order to represent a country, you have to fuck what you're representing.
Yeah.
Like, if you spent no time there, you don't have any kind of cultural impulse from that country.
You don't even know your own fucking national anthem.
Like, I'll be honest.
I don't know the Scottish national anthem.
Joke.
Right?
God save the queen.
I don't know.
Do you know the Indian national anthem?
So it's like, if we don't even know the fucking anthem, dude, who are we to go say we're representing the country?
Now, identity-wise, you can you cannot hide the fact that you're Indian and proud of all these things that are way more important than a stupid anthem.
There are Americans that probably don't know it, but like it's cap if you're like, I feel like I need to represent this thing.
No, you don't.
Can you just take it a bitch?
I didn't for who somebody's farting and I smell something.
I've farted many times.
How dare you blame me?
How dare you?
You let it smell too.
That's even more disrespectful because you could have stopped.
He was angry.
I was hanging out.
When I'm angry, I can't.
I can only do one or two things, right?
It's like it was impossible for me to formulate these arguments and hold in the smell of a fart.
Yeah.
Are you really okay?
Have you smelled your own farts, dude?
Yeah, but I say something like a gentleman.
What do you want me to do?
Stop talking about Eileen Goo for a second?
Yes, exactly.
Real quick, I farted.
Sorry.
And then keep going.
All right, fair enough.
We'll do that in the future.
We're professional.
Usually it's loud enough, dude.
I had to say something.
You smell it.
Because it was the second one.
It's in my coat.
I feel it on the back of my coat coming up my neck.
The first one I let go.
Yeah.
And it was so, it's so strong.
I was like, it has to be from the person closest to me.
Can I tell you something?
Geographically speaking, dude.
I'm wearing car hearts.
It's just like a work pant.
I thought it would keep it in mostly, and it's not keeping me in at all, dude.
The thing is, like a slow release.
It is a slow, dude.
Literally, I can feel it coming out through the angle.
I can see the fumes.
It's like summer in Texas.
It's just fucking just hovering, right?
I almost put the sock over the pants and just kind of locked it in.
Do you have a biohazard suit?
Yeah, we did.
I should have done that.
Yeah.
I'll do that next time.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
Does it smell that bad?
Yeah, it really does.
I thought I was getting used to it.
Yeah.
You know, sometimes you get used to it.
Then I inhale.
I was like, nah, that shit is fucking smelling soft.
I feel like I've raised the temperature in the room.
You have, though.
How does it taste, bro?
You have to get warm.
It's spicy, bro.
That's why I thought it was one of mine for a second.
I thought it was one of my smart so close to me.
I was like, God damn, that must have been me.
So, so what do we do?
What is the what's wrong with the Jamaican shit going to play going to Curl?
That's the only thing I don't agree with.
Like, are you spending time in Jamaica?
Like, how connected are you to the culture?
She wants to be in the Olympics.
Yeah, but they don't have a team anyway.
You want to be in the Olympics?
Fucking work at it.
Well, she's currently.
She's pretty good.
No, pretty good doesn't get you to the Olympics.
In Jamaica, it does.
But if she goes there and wins.
All right, fine.
You know what?
I'm going to 23 and meet it and find out that I'm actually part Ethiopian.
And I'm going to go to Ethiopia and I'm like, hey, guys, I'd like to be a downhill skier.
Do you guys have anybody going?
That's amazing.
You still wouldn't do good.
You don't think I cut through the fucking wind with this nose, dude?
Are you kidding me?
I would body these motherfuckers.
So downhill, I need to be way down.
We got to go down, right?
Downhill skiing is just who is willing to kill themselves more.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
Yeah, you're not.
I am not.
You're right.
You're a risk averse.
You're right.
I am risk averse when it comes to my.
I don't even like heights.
I'd be out there like, yo, this is stupid, bro.
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, where's the short track speed skating or something like that?
All of a sudden, you get terrified on my balcony.
Remember back?
Yeah, I don't fuck with that.
Also, it looks like Ethiopia has a downhill ski team.
Holy shit.
God damn it.
Let's go.
There's no way.
Look at them light-skinned assioc.
Bro, killing it.
So, yeah, I'm like, if there's no sport and you want to go to another country, look, make everything consciousness.
I'm going to keep it a buck.
Dreadlocks make it.
That's right.
Dreadlocks in a ski helmet is amazing.
I'm telling you, yeah, dude, the Jamaican girl that wants to go do it for Jamaica.
That's hypothetical.
I don't know if that's true.
I'm just saying it's like you're Canadian, dude.
Like, you were taught this game in Canada, right?
You were trained by Canadians to be good at it.
Like, everything about you and your connectivity to this game is Canadian.
Right now, a different one is, let's say, for example, you are Jamaican or you're Argentine or you're Brazilian, but you grew up in America.
But everything about you playing soccer is Argentine or Brazilian.
America hasn't reinforced your love of soccer.
America hasn't done anything to help you flourish.
You spent your summers doing these Brazilian soccer camps and your family's been telling you guys, like everything about you loving soccer is culturally Brazilian or Argentine.
To me, that's a better argument.
But you just taking some Canadian shit and being like, yo, let me go to the Olympics.
I'm kind of, I'm Jamaican.
Jamaica, you got this?
That's cheating, bro.
Be good enough to be on that fucking Canadian team.
Nah, I don't know.
Why?
Because I'm like, you're going to say.
Why should you have an advantage just because your parents were born somewhere else?
Because you can inspire people in Jamaica.
You inspire them.
But you did nothing.
But you're not doing it to inspire.
You do it because you want to go to the Olympics.
And there's still a benefit that comes from it.
Even if you're being selfish, you might.
How the fuck they gonna curl in Jamaica?
What are y'all talking about right now?
They bob sled in Jamaica.
Do they?
Yeah, bro.
I seen the movie.
They didn't finish the race, but they walked that bitch across the country.
They near killed themselves alongside a bob sled.
Sanka.
You dead, man?
Yeah.
And you get Jamaica a silver medal or something, which they'd be stoked on.
Yeah.
They don't have that many people in the Winter Olympics.
So it's like, oh, shit, we got someone on the medal.
That's dope.
You're not good enough to make the gold medal team, which I assume is Canadian.
But you think that you're good enough to win it all for Jamaica, even though you're doing it with other people who have to do it.
So you compete against those guys and you lose.
Big deal.
Who give a fuck?
Yo, get better, yo.
Yo, when we become socialists on this fucking podcast.
We're just going to run to another country and then take advantage of their opportunity.
Fuck all that, Joe.
Fuck all that.
Peanut Butter Nation00:02:28
That's what my parents did, bro.
That's what all of our parents did.
But at least they lived there.
Do you know what I mean?
They made a life.
Do you know what I mean?
They didn't give up their citizenship and then stay there.
They didn't go back.
They didn't get American citizenship and then go back.
Yeah, exactly.
Because they knew what time it was.
Son, this is bad for America.
Yeah, that's why they did it.
That's why they gave her the bag.
They gave her the bag because they're like, oh, she's willing to turn her back on America.
America must not be that great.
It's a great play.
However much money they promised her was worth every single penny.
It was a brilliant play by China.
It's a PR move.
People are willing to turn their back on America for this other country.
That other country must be more lit.
And the fact that we let that happen and we're letting her get off with this whole, I'm just embracing my culture.
Fuck you are.
Yeah.
Fuck you are.
She's doing damage to America.
Yeah, she is.
And she wants to come back and get educated here at Stanford.
I bet they got an institution over there.
Embrace your heritage over there.
Yeah.
Embrace the fuck out of it.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
100%.
I don't like this Eileen Goo.
I don't like her.
Dove, I know you love her.
I'm sorry.
I mean, she's hot.
Objectively hot.
Objectively.
Yeah, and that's the American side that makes it hot.
Mix with that fucking Chinese sandwich.
That's a pretty goddamn good combination.
We got to come together, America and China.
We make some beautiful people.
Oh, yeah.
That's true.
PB and J. That's us.
PB and J. Wait, what does that mean?
Peanut butter and jelly, dude.
Peanut butter's not that good.
Jelly's not that good.
You mix them.
You got a good little sandwich.
Nah, peanut butter is delicious, but which one are we?
Peanut butter or jerry?
We're peanut butter.
Which one are we?
We're peanut butter.
Peanut butter, bro.
Peanut butter.
We are peanut butter.
The peanut butter made in America.
George Washington Carver.
Damn right.
Black history month.
Black dude.
Yeah.
Yuck.
Yeah, China.
If you are pissed off about that, talk to me.
What do they hate?
You know what I mean?
Black people having freedom, probably.
They don't like their people having freedom.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they don't like black people.
You don't like black people having freedom?
That's a double negative for that.
That is a good ass point.
And I never seen Asian people fucking with jelly.
They got bean paste.
Son, what is that bean paste?
Yo, fuck out of here with your peanut butter and bean paste sandwich.
Ain't nobody want that.
Dorks, man.
Yeah, get some jerry.
That's a dessert.
Yeah.
Red bean paste.
Put that shit on some sourdough toast.
Yeah.
Get the fuck good.
Speaking of powerful Asian Americans, you saw Nathan Chen.
Yo, shout out to Nathan.
This is the guy right here, dog.
This dude killed that shit.
Trojan Brand Critique00:08:43
Doing a real man sport.
Yeah.
Look at this.
Lutz.
Woo!
Sao cow.
Somebody triple toe loop.
Yeah.
So he's killing this whole shit.
I think he's Chinese.
Like Chinese American.
No, no, he's American.
He's American.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
He's Chinese, dog.
No, no, he's American, bro.
That's an American-ass kid.
Look at him.
Yeah, handsome kid.
Pure sex, that guy.
Pure sex.
Pure sex.
And then his score came in.
He was like, I think one of the last people, two Japanese people in the rankings.
Oh, shit.
He was perfect, dude.
You just skipping through the most important parts?
I'm about to show you a score.
I'll show you the score.
Yeah.
Look at that.
I think you got that.
That's a quadruple right there.
No, I've done a triple toe.
Have you really?
Yeah.
I've done a triple axle.
No, he didn't.
Wait, what?
What the fuck?
I've done a triple axle.
Then I went ice skating.
I fucking triple axle.
Do it right now.
I need ice.
Nah, you can do it right now.
No, you need the speed.
You can't even do a double standing up.
I can do a double stand it up.
Do an axle.
Do one axle.
Do one 360?
I need to do one.
It's a serious.
No, it's a double.
It's a double.
No, you didn't even do it a whole week.
370.
I didn't get it.
You lay the short.
No, the 360.
He ain't landed.
I landed.
No, you didn't.
360.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yo, hit a 540.
Hit a one and a half axle.
Yeah, yeah, you got it.
You got it.
He's sick.
540.
540.
Sucked it.
Suck that.
You're not landing.
I was going back.
I didn't land it.
No.
I did.
No, you got to stand up.
And then you got to go like this at the end of it.
Like, I stand the gymnastics.
Yeah, son.
So I got back to this.
You got to finish it like gymnastics.
I got to get one of these at the end.
For America.
You got it.
You can't land.
You can't land.
No, I got Tim's on.
I got Tim's off.
Oh, you Tim's my ass.
Tim's my ass.
Son, it's like 20 pounds.
Dude, do a 360 you can't do it.
Dude, do a 360.
You can't do it.
Yeah, come on.
Do a 360 you can't do it.
Dude, I got Tim's on.
You can't do 360 in Tim's?
No.
Why?
Yo, that's cash.
You don't even do 30 pounds on the bottom.
You don't want to jump off.
You don't want to jump off with a white.
You're going to lose a jump off to a white man during a black history month?
Oh, shit.
No, we won't forget that.
Every black person to understand I got Tim's off.
No, every black person knows that you could fight in Tim's, you could run in Tim's, and you could jump in Tim's.
Stomps and stops.
Stop a landing.
Stomp a 360.
You might do one 360.
It might help you land.
You do it.
No, no, no.
Black guys can't jump.
They're not jumpers.
They're not jumpers.
We're not jumpers.
It's too much black history money.
No, you got the spinners, bro.
They're not spinners.
They're not spinnering those races, bro.
We're fired and strewn.
Just do a 360.
Ah, fuck.
Come on.
That's what I'm talking about.
God.
Here we go.
There you go.
Watch that thing about to drop, Al.
Play the black national anthem.
Okay.
This is the black national anthem.
Okay, here we go.
That's 360.
Do 540.
Do 540.
Now do 540.
Not do 540.
He's stacked up.
Not do 540.
Now do 540.
Okay, let's see 540 then.
Let's see 540 then when you fall your fucking head on a corner.
Nope.
Didn't stick it.
Fell back like a bum.
I was in the street.
Fell back like a bum.
Fell back like a bum.
You can't even stick a little bit.
Also, he was using his arms, hella.
That's technique.
That's technique.
I didn't know he was supposed to use the arms.
That shit.
Oh, damn.
Alec arms was crazy.
Look at this.
I was rating shit all over Al, and then he used the arms, and that centripetal force was fucking amazing.
Hold on.
Turn it to a helicopter real quick.
Oh.
Suck!
I mean, after your fifth time.
No, no, no.
Keep it.
See what happens?
See what happens?
No, but keep it a buck.
Right there, when I found out how to use the arms, I stuck that landing, bro.
Like that bitch who broke her ankle in the gymnastics?
Yo, do you remember her?
No.
The gymnastics bitch from America.
She broke her ankle, but she landed that one.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you're talking Nancy Kerrigan.
I honestly kept thinking of that too.
But she didn't break it.
Something on you will be broken by today.
My neck hurts.
I already stressed my neck muscles.
So when did.
And I'm fucking winning, bro.
Holy shit.
Yeah, we need some AC.
My farts came out because I took my jacket off.
Oh, God.
I tried to time my fart with the jumps to give me a little bit more elevation.
I literally, that last one, I farted when I jumped.
And low-key, that's why I spun so well.
I like that you have to take off your jacket to get that last one.
Nah, because when I spin, it catches me.
I got Tibbs on, bro.
Tim's help you jump, bro.
Fuck out of there.
They do help you jump.
Yeah.
Way better than these.
Yeah.
Who's ever jumped in those?
Nobody ever jumped in these, bro.
Dr. Jay jumping for the fucking free throw line.
Dr. J's.
I mean, he would wear those.
He said Dr. J wore those to play basketball.
These were the only sneakers that existed.
Exactly.
And they jumped.
Actually, Dr. J didn't wear these.
He wore Tim's.
He did wear Tim's.
Fuck out of here.
He did, sure.
He played basketball and Tim's.
He's only in February.
Did they even have Black History Month back then?
Nah.
When did we get it?
Yeah.
I got to look that up.
That's a good ass.
It had to be before MLK Day.
Otherwise, they'd have definitely done them shits on the same day.
Nah, I think it's probably October 1970.
1970.
MLK Day was Reagan.
Oh, shit.
It was January 2nd to February 28th, 1970.
Oh, no, no.
Took away a month.
Fuck out of here.
Y'all lost a month, bro.
Yeah.
Step it up.
Ask when they cut that month off.
Step it up.
Yo, they're really 350 history.
Ain't that fucking crazy?
Shit.
Ain't that wild?
That's crazy.
That's crazy, though.
Two months, bro.
Gerald Ford is the one I think that first recognized as president.
That was 1976.
Right.
Shout out to him.
Jesus.
Shout out to Gerald, bro.
Why do you even like that car?
He breaks that shit down.
Yeah.
When did they?
George Washington carver that shit down.
Jesus.
That's crazy.
Anyway, shout out to Nathan Chen, bro.
Spun that whole shit.
Yo, got the highest score ever.
American Nathan Chen with the highest score ever.
Shouts to America.
That's what I'm talking about, my boy.
Let's go, Nathan.
Yup.
Did it.
Wow.
Body everybody else.
That's what I'm talking about.
Five points higher.
Sluts in Japan.
They can't fuck with us, bro.
They can't fucks with us.
Oh, so we do it to them.
They just get a little payback.
What you mean?
No, he's born and raised here.
Yeah, but you still.
They see their own right now.
So you don't think they're looking at that?
It's like.
Nah.
You traitor.
Nah.
I think so.
They're looking at his parents like that, maybe.
Nah.
Right?
His parents, maybe they see that, but that motherfucker don't ever punish the sons for the sins of the father, Al.
Damn.
Yeah.
Damn.
That's a hero, dog.
He's a hero.
National hero.
Yeah.
I might get a fucking Eileen Goo.
That's the first goal we got, right?
First goal could have been Eileen Goo, could have been two poor girls, 18.
Okay, old enough to hey, hey, you go to war, you can get called bitch.
Both can happen.
Nah, I sympathize with Eileen Goo, bro.
Yeah, why?
Why, you cuck?
Because she just got money.
The only thing is that she's not honest about it.
I agree with that.
She's the only one.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, that's my only criticism.
Well, I have two criticisms.
One, just the fact that you can do this, and two, that she's lying about it.
And she would have got money here.
You're acting like a hot girl with a Victoria Secret contract had one route to money who was also accepted to Stanford.
Oh my God.
She's not some fucking hopeless girl in the projects trying to make it out.
No, she can, she's not as much.
This probably a middle-class girl grew up with resources enough to be a fucking skier.
You think she grew up poor as a skier?
No, I don't think she grew up.
You know what I mean?
Poor skiers.
Her mom taught skiing.
Yeah.
Yeah, it probably wasn't poor.
At Tahoe, yeah.
Yeah, she wasn't.
Oh, she was a Tahoe.
What a rough upbringing she must have had.
Yeah.
I sympathize.
Yeah, just save.
My ass, America.
Low-key, I would be all right.
Honestly, not all right.
It'd be annoying, but I'd be like, if she went, yo, America didn't cough up the bag.
I wouldn't write that.
America was cheap.
America doesn't value me.
I could respect America in America to value myself and get paid the most that I possibly can get paid for my duties.
Now, she's still shit all over America and is a traitor, but at least she'd be honest and I could respect her as an honest human being.
She's our Benedict Arnold.
Yo, real talk.
She's our traitor.
She's a traitor, dog.
It's got to be sympathizing for traitors.
Damn, the way he became French last episode so tonight.
Condom Name Issues00:10:04
What is up with you?
What are you trying to do, bro?
You need to visit your parents now.
No, you know what it is?
He's about to turn on us.
You've been away from home too long.
He's about to turn on us.
That's what it is.
Sometimes you get other offers.
I'll sympathize because he's for sale for China, too.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But I said that off rip, though.
What do you mean?
Whoever treats me better.
They will never treat you better.
We don't know that.
They don't treat their people better.
I haven't heard of it.
Alex, the last time your people were purchased, it didn't go well.
Okay?
I wouldn't put yourself up for sale.
I haven't heard their offer.
Hey, hey, hey, if you think they treat the Uyghurs badly, I'm not going to finish that sentence, but I think we know where it's going.
Where is it going?
I don't know.
I don't know, Akash.
The cancellation trail continues.
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Now let's get back to the show.
And we're back.
Okay, let's talk about this.
This is very important.
Yes.
Okay.
Biden is getting shit on right now.
Yeah.
For trying to provide clean crack pipes.
Yes.
Why is that bad?
Because it's an opportunity to morally grandstand for the other side.
Yeah.
That's all it is.
Explain that.
It's fucking irritating.
It's their opportunity to run with the headline and say, Joe Biden, look what he's doing to our country.
He's just handing out crackpipes to people.
Who's saying what?
Like Republicans.
I understand this.
Conservative news.
Conservative news is what is Joe Biden doing to America?
The headline I saw today was Joe Biden hands out crack pipes in black communities for quote racial equity.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable time.
Yeah, you gotta respect the title.
That's how they get clicks.
Yeah, that's good.
That's great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We should hire that guy.
Yes.
I mean, that was phenomenal.
Yeah.
I have to read that article.
Yeah.
Hands out.
Yeah.
It sounds like he's doing it.
He's walking around like they're turkeys on Thanksgiving.
There's just a big old fucking U-Haul that he has crack pipes in.
Bro, he's like the tooth ferry, but for crack, bro.
He just fucking goes in the house, slips a crackpipe under the pillow, keeps it moving.
Damn.
Okay.
Now, the real story is that they were handing out these care packages.
Yes.
Right.
And they want to incentivize drug addicts not to use needles because needles is where you have actual what?
Well, it was like just a proposal, and it was one of the things.
So like they're trying to get the care packages.
They're doing clean needles too.
Yeah.
So clean needles, but they're like, if we can give these crack pipes out, ideally they won't switch from smoking it to shooting it.
Because when they're shooting it, they're sharing the needles.
That's where AIDS and what's the other one?
Hepatitis.
Hepatitis gets shared, et cetera.
They also said like the broken up crack pipes, you can get like cuts and all this other stuff.
It'll cause these weird infections.
And basically they think like if you can do drugs in a safer way, it will create, I guess, a safer community and less spread of disease, et cetera.
And probably make it easier to come back from that addiction.
Coming back from that addiction when you already got hepatitis and fucking AIDS is going to be a lot harder.
That's true.
And this program or programs like this have been around for a really long time.
For a long time.
And it probably also like it's less cost on us for health care.
If the guy goes in and he's got AIDS, it costs us that much more money.
So Charlamagne had an interesting point where he was just like, yo, when are we going to stop?
When are we going to start blaming Democrats for their bad messaging?
It's like, you put out the messaging.
Yeah.
You said that he did this.
Like, if I'm them, I'm not even saying anything.
I'm not even making this a fucking headline.
Like, if it has me saying okay to giving out fresh crack pipes to the people in these areas, I know how that could be taken from the opposition and turned into a tool to punish me.
I'm not even going to say anything about it.
Just slow rolling.
In order to.
So they put the proposal forward.
And in the proposal.
That's what I assume.
They have 11 things.
They have infectious disease kits, safe sex kits, sharps disposal kits, syringe and prevention, blah, blah, blah.
Vaccination services, all this shit, screening for infectious disease.
And then one of them is just safe smoking kits slash supplies.
So it doesn't actually say crackpipe.
It says safe smoking kits slash supplies, which more or less means crackpipe.
But the wording is they're trying to hide it inside the bill.
Who decides like the best way to make a crackpipe?
Like there's a focus group that the government has to hire to be like, okay, this is the most efficient way to make a crackpipe.
It'll take some years off a drug dealer's sentence.
Yeah.
Maybe.
100%, right?
Like it's not like they're just giving you a little piece of glass.
Like they are printing these fucking things.
It's like when they hire Leo and Catch Me If He Can?
Yes.
Let's get the best crackpipe maker who is in jail and have him make crackpipes for the crackheads.
Yeah, if you had an infinite budget, how would you make a crackpipe?
Are we going to make better crack smokers?
Like shouldn't doing crack be hard?
It should burn your fingers, right?
It should make cuts on your mouth so you don't do it.
You shouldn't like start smoking crack and you're like, this is enjoyable.
Yeah, it shouldn't be fucking freeze pipe for crack, right?
Like, it shouldn't be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's, I mean, yeah, but also, don't you want to, it's like handing out condoms in high school.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to prevent the pregnancy because we don't want the shit downstream.
And these are the same people that would get upset about that.
It's just, no, dude.
What do you think about the numbing condoms that numb you on the inside?
I've done those.
But yeah, it numbs you.
And then you're like, man, sex is boring.
Well, low-key, I think that the NYC, we were talking about this on Bruin Inc., but the NYC subway condom, I actually think that that had diminishing returns.
What is it?
The NYC, New York City made like condoms.
Condoms for free.
And they were just given out for free, but they were so uncomfortable that you were just like, if that was the first condom you ever use, you're going, oh, I'm not using condoms.
These shits suck.
The first condom you use has to feel as close to sex as possible.
So you go, I'll just have protected sex.
Like, do you remember?
Yeah.
They were thick and like you didn't feel it.
And tights.
It was just awful.
And I remember I'd rather risk it than go soft in a girl.
Because that's the real, that's the real issue, right?
It's like with wearing a condom is the embarrassment of not feeling it and either not coming or fucking softening up.
So as a dude, your ego is going to take over and you're using like, well, I'm definitely not failing right there.
But your ego is probably taking a hit pulling out of MTA condom in the first place.
You never pull it out, hit her with the bing bomb?
You never did that, bro?
You fucking be like the L trainer.
Yeah, dude.
I remember them shits.
Yeah.
They said MTA on it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bro, come on.
Yeah.
And it had like the different train styles.
Yeah.
And like, who makes it?
That's how she gets home after you just take the record.
Yeah, exactly.
But like, the fact that they think that we like the subway so much, we're like, yeah, that's where I want to fuck.
Like, it had to be somebody outside of New York City.
Oh, yeah.
Like, there's so many other things that you could do and make and brand a condom around the Empire State Building condom.
Big, hard, strong.
The Rockefeller condom, right?
Like, some fire shit that you want on your dick.
Like, I want my dick to be the Empire motherfucking state building.
But the subway, what about the subway?
Is sexual?
Nothing.
I mean, it's long.
I don't know.
It comes late, bro.
That shit sucks.
That's what you don't want in the period.
You want the period on time.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we can think of the worst reasons.
It's filthy, full of disease, comes late, not reliable.
Sometimes there's other dudes in it already.
What's good about it?
It gets you there.
It'll get you close.
It won't get you exactly where you want to go.
It's dirty.
You could probably get sick from it.
You don't want to be there too long.
It's the whole thing.
Yeah, nothing is good.
Nothing marketable.
Yeah.
Sometimes you start in there and then there's just some dude sitting next to you for the rest of it.
Yeah, it's actually the worst possible marketing.
It looks like it's like a bathroom custodian.
You know what I mean?
Like, no bathroom custodian is going to sell you the condom that says like bathroom on it.
You know what I mean?
Like it's going to say Trojan or some shit.
Like give me the brand name.
Even if you give it in the subway, make a brand name.
Yeah.
But even Trojan is not that good of a name.
Yo, I thought about this and I'm sure some comic has done a bit about it, right?
Like, but it is possibly the worst name for a condom.
Like the whole idea of the Trojan horse was you sneak something in there and then once it's in there, all the little guys inside get let out.
Yeah.
Which is the last thing you want from a condom, right?
You want to get inside and then they don't get out.
They just stay in there and then you pull it out.
Yeah.
They're like, this horse is comfortable.
How the fuck did they, why would they not?
No?
Yeah.
I mean, I like the idea of a horse.
Horse is good.
Horse is cool.
Yeah, horse dick.
But I think the actual Trojan is the warrior or whatever, right?
Which is also kind of weird.
The horse is on the fucking condom.
The Trojan horse is.
Is the horse on us?
Slave Owner Anger00:15:15
Yeah.
Isn't this part of the branding?
I thought it used to be.
I think they took it off, but it used to be.
That's how old we are.
Fuck.
Buy them three packs of the bottom.
Three, which ones you go for?
No, I went for a gold pack because just like you could flex that you'd use in gold pack and magnum shit.
The magnums, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like being in the club and getting bottles and shit like that.
It's like, I got the gold pack.
Yo, and the thing about Magnums, bro, I remember like, I remember the first time that I tried a Magnum, I was terrified.
I was like, please let me fit this Magnum.
And then I looked at Magnum and I'm like, oh, it's the same size.
They're just charging more so that you can have a magnet.
You pay a premium so the girl thinks you have a huge dick.
Yeah.
It's the same fucking size.
Yeah.
It seems like a good investment.
It's a little bigger.
Okay, but like marginally bigger.
Yeah, but like compare it with the MTA condoms.
It's way bigger.
That's upset.
MTA condoms was one size fits one group.
So anyway, are you going to get one of Biden's crack pipes?
I mean, I want, I got to get my hands on one.
That's what we were talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's how we got here.
Listen, this is flagrant too.
There's no rhyme or reason for anything.
Yeah.
You think he did it for his son?
Oh my God.
That's great.
That is fucking great.
If anybody knows crackpipes.
Yeah, he's probably the one that's the one that designed it.
Finally, a job that he's actually cut out for.
Like he's had all these government jobs that he has no experience, right?
Like running energy for Ukraine.
Nope.
Painting.
Nope.
But crack pipes.
There you go.
Know the man for the job.
There you go.
That's always time nepotism's like, sometimes you luck out.
Most qualified crackpipe maker ever.
I've worked my whole life for this.
Dude, Hunter Biden is designing the crack pipes.
Exactly.
And if they aren't, dude, if they aren't, Joe's a piece of shit.
Wait, why?
I'm just saying, finally, you have a position for your son.
That he actually deserves.
That he deserves.
Could help people with.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
He was doing crack.
Yeah.
I thought it was heroin.
No, cracks.
He's smoking it out.
This is weird.
White people doing crackers.
Yo, what you've been on cracks.
No, Hunter's an ally, dog.
Oh, respect.
Yeah.
Didn't the government put crack in like black neighborhoods in the first place?
Yes.
Yeah.
So this is just them doing the rest of it.
Did they put it in there?
We don't know.
No, they did.
I mean, honestly, when I heard this bill come out, and I was like, black people, watch out.
They're preparing you for another batch.
Oh, the Ria?
Economy's tough.
Start throwing crack in the hood again.
They're killing y'all with the opiates, right?
Say it.
They're killing y'all with the opiates.
We're killing ourselves.
I mean, they killing.
They are killing us.
Yeah, it's the government.
I am.
There's pharmaceutical companies who aren't getting any pushbacks.
You smoke meth, right?
You smoke meth?
You can shoot it too.
Okay, so are they doing anything for meth heads?
Snort it.
Are they doing any of this kind of thing?
No one cares about meth heads.
Yeah, it's white people dying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is not care about white people.
What if that was the Republican outrage?
What about the clean meth kits?
What about the white people dying?
Yeah, where's our stuff?
Come on.
See, that's black privilege.
You guys give crack pipes.
You get all the best crack.
Where's our opiates?
Yeah, because I always hear that.
Reagan funneled crack into black neighborhoods, but how it's but if he wasn't making the crack coke he was funneling in and then we Turned it to crack.
But I mean, white people using Coke just as prominently as Black people.
But you guys figured out how to make crack yourselves.
It wasn't.
That's a story.
I'm unclear.
I think it was a guy in LA.
Yo, blame it on.
You can blame him.
No, no, no.
You can blame that shit on the government and it was a black guy at LA.
People's not blaming on the government.
You don't want to take that tail, bro.
You don't want to take that.
I mean, but also, you know how they say crack has got to fly.
Say what?
Us inventing something.
It's kind of fly.
No.
Charlamagne had that joke.
He goes, you know, black people frying up everything.
No, but you don't want that black guy to get credit.
You know how Eli Whitney or whatever that made the cotton gin?
They say like one of his slaves made it and then he took the credit.
That's what I would let crack be.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eli take the credit for that shit.
You don't want that slave to be like, no, me.
I'm the one that extended slavery by 100 years.
No, it's true.
You're right.
Fucking cotton gin.
Well, that is a crazy.
I remember learning about that in Mr. Davis's class, by the way.
Oh, he told you that.
Well, yeah, and he was saying that he was saying that like it was becoming, it wasn't economically viable.
Slavery was losing its economic viability in the South because it was just, it required too many people to get the amount of cotton that they were getting.
Right.
Right.
Because you're housing, feeding, all this other stuff.
Right.
And then the cotton gin enabled the slave to get so much more cotton for the amount of hours worked.
And that's what ended up extending it.
Yeah.
Kind of wild.
Yeah.
Now, yeah.
But if that guy, they taught us that, right?
Yeah.
They didn't teach us that.
They taught the cotton gin like it was some great invention.
Fucking, that's the South, dog.
Wait, you're lying.
Dude, they didn't ever tell you, like, oh, this extended slavery.
This was why you're lying.
Please tell me a lying.
Bro, y'all want to know something.
This is so funny.
That's crazy, bro.
First of all, it's absolutely crazy.
But second of all, this is something really interesting.
It's like Eli Whitney or his slave invented the cotton gin, right?
Which essentially all it is is a strainer for cotton, right?
So you basically pull the cotton through and then the seeds of that cotton get caught.
It wasn't enough, it was like another fucking hundred years before we found out to make orange juice without the pulp.
You're saying we could just put it in the cotton.
Bam.
Wait, who invented that?
Maybe another slave.
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
But I'm just saying, like, isn't that crazy how much longer it took?
Yeah, I think, yeah, cotton was more profitable than orange juice, though.
Was it, though?
That's a good point.
Was it, though?
Like, in Naples, what were they making?
Like, Florida?
Yeah.
Florida was built on orange juice.
That's true.
That's true.
Yo, real question.
As damaging as the cotton gin was, truly, if that guy didn't make it, what would we do?
There we are.
Market.
Market.
Would we what?
What would we be wearing?
We'd be wearing cotton, my friend.
How?
Well, they still made things with cotton before.
It was just more expensive, you dumb fuck.
Okay, so you think we can all afford cotton?
Well, what do you think we'd be right there?
Nah, you're going to sit in that.
Sit in that, Boosh.
What do you think we'd be wearing?
What do you think your jacket's made out of right now, bro?
Not cotton.
That's my point.
Well, there's other materials, too.
So I'm saying that's the foundational material.
That's the fabric of our lives.
You think?
That's the slogan.
What were people wearing?
Oh, fuck.
That's good.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Yo, cotton low-key?
Overrated, dogs.
Low-key.
Like, can we say that?
What's your favorite shit?
My favorite material?
Yeah.
Like, Undy's got to be cotton.
Huh?
Undy's got to be cotton.
You can't wear no fucking.
Oh, no.
There's definitely better.
Definitely better materials.
Like what?
Cashmere?
Yeah, cashmere would be a cashmere underwear for sure.
Isn't that cotton?
No?
No, it's cashmere.
Miles?
We should just use it.
No, cashmere is like made out of camels.
It's made out of camels.
Yeah, fucking dumbass.
Fucking idiot.
You would think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, cashmere is camels.
Camels.
Cool is lambs.
Wool's land.
Wool would be better off.
Wool's way better.
Yeah.
You never done that?
Also, your undies are definitely made of like rayon and like polyester.
Yeah, polyester.
Nylon is also lit.
Nah, but it's breathable, though.
There's a lot of breathable materials.
Mesh.
Yeah, lace.
Velvet.
Yeah, I'm wearing lace.
Everybody eats, lace is fire.
Is Egyptian cotton?
Was his people picking that?
Say again?
Egyptian cotton.
Egyptians didn't have slaves.
Yeah, never once in history.
Never once in history did the Egyptians have slaves.
Never one single time did they have slaves.
They were doing sex shit.
Never once in history did that happen.
Okay, Dove?
Yeah.
Did you say camels are cashmere?
Yeah.
Very confidently said that.
Yeah, I said that was some of the colours.
It's some bullshit, right?
I knew it was some bullshit.
Thank you.
I knew it was some laces.
I've never heard that in my life.
I knew that was something.
That was like a camel hair cashmere combo sweater, but nah, bro.
What is it?
It's like a type of cam of goat.
And there's like even a high.
Do you know one?
Do you know?
Yeah, he only has a shock with this.
Yeah, his answer ain't that good.
It's like a first to letter.
I also just realized that Mark, every single day on this podcast, sits in front of the ninja turtles, and that's why his nephew asked about it.
And you know who's not included in that painting?
It's fucking Splinter.
And that's why he was asking.
Where's Splinter?
He wants to know.
He wants to know.
You're there with Bebop and Rocksteady, but that's it.
Yeah.
And I don't know where Splinter is.
I haven't seen him.
And I'm not going to lie to you and say, oh, I've seen him all the time.
You motherfucker.
Oliver, if you're listening, I haven't seen him.
Maybe he's in the corner.
Oh, it's Ollie?
Yeah, it's Ollie.
Yeah.
Good kid.
Dude, the kid loves the ninja turtles.
He does, eh?
It goes crazy for it.
They're great.
Ninja Turtles are in this child.
100%.
It's goats.
There's cashmere goats, Pashmina goats, and some other breeds of goat.
What about linen?
What is that?
Where you get this camel shit?
Yeah.
Yo, Miles, bro.
Don't even Google it.
Miles L, Miles, Miles, Miles.
Just take Del son.
I'm doodling right now.
Yeah, Miles, take the rosy L. Just give him those jackets, bro.
Who throws out what part of the camel?
Camel be like that.
That's just comfy.
Linen is a plant.
You agreed with it.
Say what?
You agreed with it.
Like, I was a dummy.
Yeah, nah, I didn't.
Nah, I didn't.
You did, too.
I was going to check the taste.
I didn't check the taste.
I was like this.
I gave him school face.
Like that.
I gave him that shit.
I was like, no way.
You're a dummy?
No.
No, you're a dummy.
I called him a dummy.
Remember when this guy thought we wouldn't have clothes if it wasn't for slaves?
I said, no, fucking an uncle.
That's comfortable camels.
What an absolute camel.
Like, we're the only people who make cotton in the whole world.
Less comfortable clothes.
That's all I'm saying.
We're better than that.
That's not as comfortable.
That's women.
It's a baby muck.
Are you kidding?
What do you think the shecks make wear?
Them shecks.
What he was wearing the other day.
He said, why?
I'm living life, bro.
I'm out here dressing like a Saudi Arabian.
That's linen?
Nah, Monday.
Much right here?
I don't know.
Monday, you had a linen shirt.
I had linen.
I'm in linen.
Bro, linen's lit.
Yo, leather.
What about leather?
That's better than cotton.
Leather hot as fuck.
Don't shut up with your Indian little cows.
Fuck out of here, bro.
Y'all don't know nothing about leather.
Leather is nothing.
You ain't wearing no leather.
I'm wearing leather right now.
I'm wearing leather right now.
I'm wearing leather drawers.
I'm wearing leather drawers.
Your shoes are leather.
You're wearing leather right now.
What is that?
But shoes are leather.
That's good shoes.
Why are you killing cows for that?
Yeah, you shouldn't have a cotton wear leather.
I ain't shit.
I never said I was shit.
I just said cotton is more comfortable as clothing than leather.
No, leather isn't.
Exactly.
I got to go moral high ground.
Hey, what animal does leather come from?
Leather's taken from the duckbill plow.
So if you wade a river and find 10 duck pulled plowdy pie, then you can turn it into one leather jacket.
Everybody knows this for a fact.
Some motherfucker over there trying to make me look dumb, and I agree with him.
Just because his hair looks so beautiful, I agree with everything Miles says now.
Yeah.
He kills his hair, bro.
He's still.
He's trying to find a camera.
Ain't no such thing as halfway crooks, Miles.
This ain't Harry Potter.
Yeah, they got it.
Fucking camels, you went for with all the animals, bro.
I've never even seen a motherfucking Middle Eastern dude in Kashmir before.
Yeah.
What do they wear?
Probably cotton.
Cotton?
Thank you.
The fabric of our lives?
No.
You would.
You would.
They were a lot of linen, bro.
They were silk.
Silk, though.
Silk.
I've seen some fat muzzy pips.
You can't say that.
I have, though.
I have.
Wind hits her.
You see that box poking out the front.
You've never seen this.
Little camel toe, though.
Yo, yo.
Kashmir toe right there, baby.
Come on, baby.
Fire it up.
Oh, my God.
Seriously, though, man.
Seriously, them Muzzy women look fine in that silk when that wind hits.
You never seen it, bro?
No.
Come on.
Come on, Nick.
Come on, man.
Oh, come on, Nick.
Yep.
But Akash's original point that slaves make the best clothes.
Is that what he said?
I'm just saying, I think the best fabric came from the worst thing.
That's all I'm saying.
Is it the best fabric?
But where do we get all of our clothes made?
Where?
That's true.
From China.
Not from fucking fair rights.
You know what I mean?
Not from not slaves.
The tides are turning.
Wait, what's going on here?
What are we arguing?
I can argue both.
Which side are we arguing?
Go.
Mark, take that home for me because I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
But I think you got it.
Maybe we let Al handle this one.
Yeah.
Mark, you're the shit.
Mark Mark Dunno.
Mark Donald.
I don't know.
You're on the fence with one.
If I agree with him or not.
How's any of slaves make the best clothing?
Period.
Even today, you could argue this point.
Are kids slaves?
Are they slaves?
That's a school of hard knocks, bro.
Yeah, like, is a child a slave?
Oh, you make them do chores in your house?
I mean, isn't that what children are?
They cannot do what they want.
They do not have freedom, and they have to do what you tell them.
Yes.
You basically, every American, that's where America went wrong.
Make your own slaves.
Okay, no.
That's where America went wrong.
That's not where they're wrong.
Make your own.
No, that's the same thing.
Stole other people from their land.
I think that checks out.
I think you're on the wrong side of this one.
You're on the wrong side.
Yo, hey, if you want some people to work your fields, make your own.
Yeah, get your fat, sweaty wife off her bed and put some fucking kids in that broad.
Or put her on the bed.
Put her on the bed, too.
Get her head out of that trunk.
Get some clap cleansers.
Yeah, get some clap cleansers.
And then put some cum in her pussy hole.
For real, that's really important, dude.
Fill her up, man.
You're out here buying.
No, we're not buying.
We make it.
Homegrown.
That's righteous.
That's right.
Farmed.
Organically sourced.
Organically.
We're not sourcing.
We're making it, dude.
Yeah, made in America.
Made in America.
Insourced.
Insource.
We're not outsourcing this shit.
Insource.
Al, how would you feel about that?
I would love that.
That's okay.
America got it wrong.
America got it wrong.
Yes.
Have a big fucking family, dude.
Yeah, that's what they try to do, I think.
And then they stopped.
And that's what killed the nuclear family.
They're passing out safe sex kids.
That is like NTA conflict.
Honestly, slave owners killed the nuclear family.
No.
Yeah, I agree.
Slave owners killed the nuclear family.
Do you do that?
Fuck the slave owners, dude.
Fuck slave owners, dude, for what they did.
They killed the family dynamic.
All these spoiled-ass kids running around the slave-owned house, dude.
Oh, not doing a single thing for them goddamn selves.
A bunch of whiny little fucking bitches drinking mint juleps.
Right, dude?
For real, Miles.
Write that down.
Okay?
Seriously, man.
He's still Googling where fucking Tashmir comes from.
Yeah, he has no clue.
It's just on fire.
I'm talking about the history of Pakistan, right?
What is Kashmir?
Nuclear Family History00:02:41
Come on, dude.
It's all good.
All right.
Are we done with this topic?
Yeah.
I think we figured it out, guys.
When do we figure out?
Slave owners?
All children are slaves.
Yes.
That's the ethical thing to do is to have your own children be your slaves.
And yes.
And they're not considered slaves.
They're considered children.
Yes, correct.
Your children.
Your children.
Very important.
Now, what if you, Schindler's, lifted it?
What if you adopted?
See, this is that's unethical.
It should share your DNA.
So adoption, you can't do it.
No.
I have to treat my adopted son differently.
Yes.
Yes.
And that's what got the Duttons in trouble in Yellowstone, if you really think about it.
If you really think about it, right?
Sending Jamie, sending Jamie over there to Harvard to get his little law degree because he wasn't blood.
Sorry, did I ruin it for some of y'all?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
You ruined Yellowstone.
Whatever will we do?
Don't treat me like Rogan.
Don't disrespect me like this, hot gosh.
Oh, man.
Okay.
I think we're done.
I think we figured it all out.
I think we figured it all out.
Is there anything else?
Thanks for the crackpipes.
Thank you for the crackpipes.
And we need somebody to be looking down our episodes to make sure that we don't say anything bad.
Yeah.
Like, when do we get that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's kind of funny.
We're not there yet.
I mean, we're not even close.
We're getting there.
Yeah.
Guys, guys, guys.
That's been another episode of Flagrant 2.
We love you.
We appreciate you.
We're out here grinding for y'all.
Yo, twice a week.
Real talk, twice a week at the Patreon.
And Patreon.
Three times a motherfucker.
We're not playing games out here.
I'm going to keep doing this, bro.
I'm having fun.
I think that makes sense.
You know what I mean?
People want it.
People want it.
We got to give the people what they want.
That's what we do.
We have to serve up this flagrancy now more than ever.
You know what I'm saying?
Enjoy it while we last.
They're going to try to get us out of here.
So enjoy it.
But we're going to go 100 miles an hour up until then.
Al still hasn't done a 540.
Why don't we end on you doing a 540?
It's fun.
I did a 540.
What are you talking about?
The second one was a 540.
The second one was a 360.
You never did a 540.
No, no, no.
It was more than 360.
It was close.
It was close enough.
I'm taking it.
It's Black History Month.
I did it.
Whoa.
So you get to be lazier on Black History Month?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
That's like the whole thing.
Okay, I think that checks out.
Yes.
Does it?
I'm not doing a lot of Alexa jumping from Black History Month.
So this month they get to, you know.
Exactly.
Interesting.
Okay.
They got to cut a few corners.
Fine with that.
Guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast.