Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh celebrate Schulz's December 8th wedding to Tranny, recounting a chaotic bachelor party in Mexico involving tacos, mezcal, and wrestling. They debate hypothetical scenarios like making out with a celebrity crush versus taking $50,000 and share graphic anecdotes of drunken travel mishaps in Paris and Japan. Ultimately, the hosts reflect on how weddings transform social obligations into vital moments for expressing genuine support, marking the serious shift from "my girl" to "my wife." [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Future of the Future00:14:53
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's the future.
Oh, it's the future right now.
What do you mean?
Right now, it's December 8th.
Okay.
When we're recording this, but this is coming out.
It's the 7th.
Yeah.
I need to run my shit back.
I don't even got the time right on this shit.
Somewhere it's a flesh.
You in the future of the future.
I'm in the future of the future.
The 8th is lit.
So this is the 21st this is coming out on?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Now, I got to tell you guys, I don't know exactly what we're doing today, but you guys have a game plan for me now that I'm officially married.
Is that correct?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Correct.
Okay.
Well, this is technically your bachelor party.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
So we're having a bachelor party after the wedding.
We're recording it before, though.
Yeah, I mean, we're doing it before.
So you're just going to see it after.
Okay, by the time you see this, Andrew will be married.
Right, but we're having a Flavor Bachelor party.
Is that real?
That necklace?
Done.
Obviously.
Come on, dog.
Oh, I didn't know you had a fucking Cuban bust down.
Bust down, son.
Okay.
I guess.
All right, so tell me what this game is.
What are we playing?
This is what I need to know.
Yo, by the way, everybody who hit me up and I didn't hit you back because of, you know, I'm on vacation or whatever like that.
Or what is it called?
Honeymoon.
I just want to say thank you guys so much.
This is assuming everything goes well.
This is assuming everything goes well.
Some horrible shit could happen.
Who knows?
Nah, bro.
I got my new, I got my new Forsche.
Oh, you got the Porsche.
Well, now I will have the Forsche by now.
Yeah, yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
So God forbid I get into a horrible car accident on the way up to the wedding.
No, Jeddahs are safe.
Say what?
Yeah.
I got a Volkswagen Speecher.
You know what I mean?
And I actually justify it like this.
I have a Volkswagen Speecher, but it is a real Speedster.
The other day, we were in your friend's Maybach.
What was it called?
Like the GLS, Maybach?
It's a Maybach.
I think it was Sebastian.
Maybe it was a Maybach SUV.
But it was really a Mercedes GLS.
Oh, yeah, the one that sat three people only?
Yeah, it says three people only, right?
But here's the thing.
It's a Mercedes, right?
But people call it a Maybach, but it's a Mercedes.
Do you know what I mean?
Why can't you call it that?
Because Mercedes owns Maybach, right?
That was free.
So screw Mercer.
Mercedes, I'm about to make it happen.
I'm about to bring it back.
I'm about to bring it back, right?
So Mercedes owns Maybach, right?
It's the same thing.
The car is the same model as the GLS, right?
Wait for it.
Does Mercedes not own Maybach?
Yes, it's a part.
Let me make the point before you shoot.
It's like a brand within Mercedes.
It's like saying a Toyota's Alexis.
Yeah.
No, Toyota owns Lexus.
Yeah, but that don't make a Toyota Alexis.
No, I'm not saying it does.
Okay.
Because I'm not claiming to have a Porsche.
I never said I had a Porsche.
I got a Speedster.
You see what I'm saying?
My shit ain't a Porsche, but it's a Speedster.
Just like this.
This, like, this fucking car right there.
That GLS.
I got it on a Jetta.
My shit ain't Jeddah.
What kind of speedster you got?
It's a bug, bro.
It's a Volkswagen bug because back in the day, my shit is Vince.
It's vintage.
So what I'm saying is, I got a Volkswagen speedster.
That's what I have.
Now, who owns Porsche?
Say what you chess.
I don't know.
Volkswagen.
Volkswagen.
Daddy's home.
Daddy's home.
Y'all got your little baby Porsches.
When Daddy come through, I got the real deal.
You know what I'm saying?
Daddy's home.
Daddy's home.
I should have stretched you, man.
Daddy's home.
Daddy's motherfucking home.
Yeah.
And it's the real Bow Wow Dewey.
Oh, yeah.
I got the real Bow Wow Silky on my head.
This is here in front of the planet.
Hey, hey, be the man you want to be in the world.
Whoever said that.
Denzel Washington said that.
Be the man you want to be in the world.
Yeah, you made that.
You know what I mean?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
You pretend you got a problem.
I'm pretty sure y'all out of shooting me, though.
Oh, shit.
I got a motherfucking speedster, and I don't got nothing else besides that.
You have a wonderful Jeddah speedster?
No, no, I got a speedster.
Not a Jeddah.
Damn, man.
That was God.
For real.
I got a Volkswagen speedster.
I got a vintage Volkswagen speech, but it's just a speech, sir.
I don't got to say nothing else about it.
I ain't got no Porsche.
I got to say something else about it.
That shit is a motherfucking bug.
You got a love bug.
You had to give back your Tesla.
Yeah, fuck that Tesla.
Ha!
Should have got a fake Tesla.
Yeah, you should have got a Leaf.
You should have got a Nissan Leaf.
Something that actually works.
That's my next car.
You had to give back your Tesla.
I gave that shit back.
Exactly.
So you're talking all that shit.
You don't even got a car.
That was Dove's motherfucker.
Yeah.
Dove found a way to give it to his ass.
And then that shit didn't work for him.
Now he got to give it back.
I gave it back no money.
I came back.
He came out and got no money for it.
This is STD.
I came out of Tesla.
Wait, man, how'd you come back on top?
Because normally, when you release back early, you got to pay thousands of dollars.
Okay.
Without paying anything.
Why?
How'd you do it without paying anything?
I don't know.
I just complained the right way.
I said, listen, man, I was doing business with this Jewish dude.
They said, say no more.
Respect.
You said, just bring it back.
It's all good.
So you had to pay no money to give away your Tesla.
Correct.
And Dove had to pay at least three months of payments to give it to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Plus, deposit.
Plus, deposit.
He came out of duck.
You truffled Dove.
I truffled Dove, dog.
Wow.
I'll truffle out this bitch.
Wow.
But when Dove found out, he's like, wait, do I get any money back?
That's what I'm saying.
You want some of his money.
Yeah.
I'm my nothing, bro.
Now, but he came out.
You came out.
Honestly, I think there's a point to be mad.
Hey, that's cool.
That's cool.
I'm not getting no money back.
Nothing.
No reason.
The audacity to ask me for money.
For what?
Of nothing.
I got back nothing.
But you should have.
You should have made money.
You should have.
You should have had to pay $3,000.
You got to give him half of those savings.
Half?
You gave him half?
He didn't give me the pussy.
He didn't give me no pussy.
I'm going to give him half.
Facts, bro.
I like what you're saying, Andrew.
You should have got that post-nup.
Like, yo, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm right now in the beach in Brazil trying to avoid the convo.
That's what I'm doing right now.
My girl, like, what's up with that post-not?
I'm like, drink another coconut, girl.
We're not talking about post-nups.
Not until we back.
You know what I mean?
And you're pregnant.
You can't go nowhere.
Oh, it's like that.
Okay.
What?
No, make it happen so you can, dog.
Dude, we don't talk about the post-nup till the post-nut.
Okay, talk about this game while I shoot Miles on the side of his fucking face.
So we got a list of words.
We got a list of words.
And if anyone says them, then everyone's got a drink.
Can we go to the wide and show, Mark?
We were just complimenting on how amazing he looks on this.
My fucking fire son.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks amazing, the tattoos.
And Al, I like the Casablanca jacket.
I'm just giving out compliments right now because I'm married.
You're not married.
The Casablanca jacket's fire as fuck.
I don't know why you went with the sweaties with it.
I was going for comfort.
Okay, but the Casablanca jacket, fire.
I like that shit.
Akash.
Hey, bro, I tried.
Dove, we got it.
My gosh, what is this outfit, bro?
Son, I had three minutes to put this shit together.
No, you didn't.
Didn't we talk about this yesterday?
Yeah, but what I've been doing, I've been lying.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
That's right.
Well, you didn't have to make it all sad.
Why you got to make it all sad?
Wow.
You said what have you been doing?
Because we make fun of each other on podcasts.
Why?
I said I've been doing it.
We've been lying about your car.
We didn't lie about your car until recently.
I told you so I had to leave idiots early.
I got to get back to Tesla.
But no, in all seriousness, I think y'all look very good.
Miles, you actually did make an effort today.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got the full track suit.
Literally full track suit and matching cons with it.
Yeah, you have to match it.
He actually has a fit on today.
I've never seen you pull together a fit.
The first one of 2021.
I love these Florida boys in New York.
Come on.
Swag and shit.
Ling Bong is so lit.
We need motherfuckers from Side Talk on the podcast.
Yeah, let me hop.
All right, there's a few more rules.
A few more rules for the game.
If you touch your face, you got to take a sip.
Oh, fuck.
If you see someone touch it, you got to call them out.
They got to take a sip.
If you have to drink with your non-dominant hand, if you pick it up with your dominant hand, you got to take another drink.
If your joke bombs, you got to finish your whole drink.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Fuck.
We're not even going to shoot.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I'm supposed to surf later today, too.
Yeah.
Imagine I drown because I'm so drunk tonight here.
And y'all are the ones that actually killed me.
Damn.
R.I.P. You're going to drown.
Don't blame us because your joke bombed.
Yeah.
Fuck.
All right.
So I got to come with some real good shit.
The wedding will be the memorial.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Does he get a fucking shot?
Does he drink his whole drink for that fucking shot?
I'm drinking right now.
I'll drink it all.
You're not going to drink your whole drink.
You got to drink your whole drink.
You got to drink a heavy sip.
Heavy sip.
Okay.
Okay.
There you go.
Oh, God.
Oh, the truffle is gone.
The truffle is fucking gone.
And he wants to re-up.
He picked up his liquor, dog.
Of course.
Oh, my God.
Come here.
Oh, should I get out of my seat to serve you?
Oh, Mr. Off camera.
Is his match?
Off-camera.
You're off-camera.
Come on, dog.
Jesus.
This guy's ridiculous.
That's where I was going.
Good for you.
That was a great shot.
That was an excellent shot.
That was a baller right there.
That was amazing.
Okay, let's go.
All right.
Where is your defense system now?
Okay, didn't bump.
First one's good.
Okay, I got some momentum.
Okay, go.
All right.
Those are the rules of the game.
Those are the rules.
Yeah, there's a hidden list of words.
So if the word is said, then Miles or I will flag it and then you got a drink.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Now, can the people at home play this with us?
Yeah, of course.
If you're watching, you should be drinking.
Pour it up.
Okay, good.
And then the same rules apply to you guys as well.
All right, go.
Hit it.
No, so that's everything.
Those are the rules that you're going to get.
You can give his dominant hand right now.
Drink.
Damn it, bro.
But you didn't take the drink.
Not if I was holding my non-dominant hand.
That counts.
Yeah, you can't.
You can't even hold it.
Yeah, you can't pick it up in your dominant hand.
Oh, that's easy.
That's done.
It's easy.
I already know how I'm going to avoid it.
You fucking idiots.
He's holding the gun in his right hand.
Right.
That's all out.
You can't shoot hot.
Bro, that was wild, dude.
Sorry about that, Dove.
That was fucked up.
All right.
Of me.
I'll never miss again.
All right, let's go.
Make sure to have blanks there.
All right, so now you've been officially married for when this comes out.
You'll have been officially married for, I think, three days?
Three days.
How are you feeling?
I don't know how I'm feeling, Mark.
Why would you ask me a future hypothetical question like that?
I was just trying to explain.
You can't speculate.
How do I feel?
I think that I'm going to be in Brazil.
I think that my first day or two, I'll probably be really stressed because I don't have any structure or anything to do.
And I'll probably be looking at theentrashol.com, see how many ticket sales are going.
Infamous store, you go check it out.
And yeah, I'll probably just be falling apart emotionally, as I usually do.
And then probably around like day three or four, I'll just accept that I'm just going to be kind of comfortable not doing anything and that's okay.
And then it will start to kick in.
So right now, I'll be in the middle of crisis and happiness.
Oh, hell yeah.
I'm on my way to happiness.
And it's going to be in Brazil?
100%.
In Brazil.
Because that's where I'll be.
Wait, but why did you guys pick Brazil?
Well, because that's where we want to celebrate after our wedding.
You think I'm stupid enough to say the word that I'm not allowed to say?
Wait, what?
There's probably one of those words.
I'm not going to say that word.
That's what I'm saying.
You don't even know what word you're not trying to say.
Because he's trying to lob it up.
He wants me to say, yo, you do.
You want me to say it?
Post-wedding celebration.
That's what I'm going to do.
Okay?
That's what I'm going to do.
Nothing to do with moons.
Nothing to do with sweetness.
Whoa.
It's not motherfucking.
You owing what you don't even know.
I had some words as well.
Little did you know, I had some words.
I brought my own little bag of tricks, guys.
Come on, yeah.
Everybody chill out, Miles.
Miles?
It's really scary.
I know how accurate you are.
Okay.
No, but I'll be doing my honeymoon.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.
You lightened it up halfway down.
I know.
I didn't do that right, dude.
What a surprise.
I didn't smoke half of it.
Half his beard is melted off the side of his face.
Dude, you need to.
I gotta put that shit up.
No, I had to.
Listen, stop.
You don't have to do payback.
Also, no payback.
Oh, every 10 seconds, you gotta take it, or every 10 minutes, you gotta take a sip.
So we're gonna be really drunk.
I got time.
It's just one sip.
You can't do one sip.
I could take one sip.
All right, let's go.
Let's go.
Your boy out here sipping.
It's bachelor party time.
Where the hoes at?
What a slut.
Oh, shit.
You see my reflexes though?
Turn on that one right there.
I was next level.
I literally swatted it with my Ski Master Slump God.
I had to teach fucking Shifty who that was today.
Shifty's washed.
Yo, Shifty, you are fucking washed.
You really are.
You didn't even know who Skiemass the Slump God was.
Yeah, a little self-you know all them songs about him?
Skippity-bobbity boob.
You guys never heard him do that skippity bobbity boob?
That guy's crazy, man.
Okay.
How does this compare to your actual bachelor party?
Oh, this was way different, man.
No, actual bachelor party, we never spoke about on a podcast.
And it was fucking awesome, man.
We were high on Molly.
Mark was being a nerd about it.
No, I wasn't.
Yeah, you were.
Oh, you were really worried.
You left at nine o'clock.
You were the bigger nerd.
How the fuck you managed to do that?
No, you left at nine.
That is a good ass.
I have to side with Akash here.
You were a bigger nerd than him.
Akash was old.
I'm old.
He still is.
He's old.
I'm building.
I don't know what it is.
Akash tried to make us look like shit.
Like he was like, man, I'm going home, man.
I'm not trying to get no pussy.
And we're like, we ain't trying to get no pussy neither, bro.
That's not how you staying out to get pussy.
We staying out to be, you know, loving friendship.
I think the only thing keeping me from getting pussy is time.
Yeah.
No.
You are arrogant.
That's what you knew if you were out past 10 o'clock.
It's going to happen.
Oh, it's 2 a.m.
That's when they just start throwing pussy at me.
Real time.
I got to go get some sleep to avoid all these bitches.
I know that's what you think.
Seven.
I know deep down you think.
I actually did the bachelor party perfectly.
How'd you do it?
Because I hung out.
I did my time.
You know what I mean?
I was there for everybody.
I did my time.
And then when y'all did my time.
This is the second best day of his life, bro.
You said that.
Literally, I'm with all the people I love.
Yeah.
And no winning.
And then where y'all got too drunk at night, man.
It's the best party.
Fuck with all the people I love.
It's the best.
But then Yaba got too high.
So I was like, well, they don't know what the fuck's going on anyway at this point.
I'm going to just go.
I wasn't high.
Yeah.
I wasn't high.
I was drunk and then I got high off Molly, but that didn't make me up.
Son, I left like an hour after the Molly.
Fuck.
What'd you do?
I was in the wrong hand again.
Dumbass star.
Dumbass.
And you just took a sip with the wrong hand together.
Yeah, no.
Okay, I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
All right.
You know?
Okay.
So, yeah.
So we're out there.
We're on fucking Molly.
And then Mark tries to analyze it.
He can't just have fun.
He's just, I'm like, how you feeling, bro?
And he goes, well, I understand this is just my synapses firing in my brain and there's certain serotonin chemicals or whatever.
I'm not a drug guy.
I'm not a drug guy.
I want to calculate the drugs.
Doing My Time00:04:58
I don't want to be like going.
Calculate the drugs.
I ate a laser, Mark.
You didn't know you could do that until I did it.
Yeah, why'd you eat the laser?
I don't know.
I just wanted to see if I could swallow and come out my nose.
I tried to sneeze it out.
So I opened my mouth, the laser would go in.
I try to breathe out of my nose, and I didn't do that.
It just stops in the back of the throat.
Yeah.
No gag reflex, though.
Nothing, dude.
Cheese up.
Nothing.
Day one of the bachelor party.
Yeah.
Everyone got kicked out.
Oh, my God.
That's right.
We went on a really cool taco tour.
It sounds corny, but it was one of the most authentic.
I also didn't go.
Oh, that's right.
You weren't there.
And neither were you.
I was waiting for this guy.
Yo, when he arrived, he's like, yo, Akash, why are you late?
He's like, well, this flight was a little bit more convenient, so I chose bits off.
I had no excuse.
He didn't even try to go.
I got no excuse.
I put an excuse.
At least I lied.
Why would I lie, yo?
Yo, literally, he's like, his flight was easier for me to get to.
Easier for what?
Easier for what?
I know when you work.
We work the same time.
You didn't have nothing to report.
You wanted that lay flag.
I got a lay flat.
Respect.
Respect.
That's selfish.
I got the lay flat.
That's selfish, bro.
You wouldn't take a fucking lay flat.
No.
Not for you.
Dude, I remember your bachelor party.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where'd we go?
I don't think we have one.
We had one.
Did we not even have a bachelor party?
No, bro.
I didn't have one.
Nothing?
No, I should.
I should have a post.
You did the wedding too hastily.
Huh?
We did the wedding too quick.
Not both of them.
You did one of them really quick.
So quick you forgot to pass out some invitations.
Yeah, that's true.
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that part?
Yeah, I didn't get invited.
Huh?
I didn't get invited.
None of y'all got invited.
None of us got invited.
That's weird.
You got invited to mine.
I did y'all a favor.
You didn't show up to mine.
You remember that?
Yeah.
Because I was going to Rupum's wedding from Indian Matchmaker.
Trash excuse.
Son, I had to go to an industry wedding.
You know what I mean?
More connected.
There might be an agent there.
Who knows?
All right, guys.
Look, I got to tell you something very important.
I'm very intoxicated right now, but come December 30th and 31st in Boston at the Wilbur Theater.
I will not be this intoxicated.
Okay?
And we will be doing an infamous tour there.
And you know what?
Fuck it.
I'm drunk right now.
So we added another show.
We're at another show Friday.
You sure?
Yeah, we're at another show.
We're at another show Friday.
So we already got three shows that sold out.
We're adding the fourth show Friday.
Officially, right now, it's on and pop in.
Boston.
Pull the fuck up.
Okay.
This is coming out the 21st.
You got a few days to get them tickets.
But ideally, it's already sold out by that.
But listen, the infamous tour, four shows in fucking Boston.
Ding dong, bing bong.
You know what I mean?
We out there for New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve's Eve with the boys and the girls.
You know what I mean?
Also, The Andrew Shows for all the new shows in the new year.
Go get them shits.
Go to theandrewshows.com.
I meant.com, but you already don't know what time it is.
I got to stop talking.
Akash, promote your dates.
I'm high.
I don't remember when this shit airs.
So you probably missed my DC shows December 9th through 11th.
They were probably sold out, you fucking idiots.
January 7th and 8th, I'm going to be at Hyenas in Dallas.
I'm coming home.
Y'all better sell these shows out.
January 27th through 29th, I'm going to be at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois.
February 3rd and 4th, I'm going to be in Richmond, Virginia at the Sandman Comedy Club.
Also, Canada, we're coming.
March 11th, Vancouver.
I'm going to be at Vancouver Playhouse.
Sell that shit the fuck out.
Let's go.
And Toronto, we back in a bigger venue.
Like I told you, we would be April 22nd and 23rd.
I'm going to be at the Royal Theater.
We're doing theaters now.
Bring that ass out.
Let's sell that shit out again.
We'll actually have the show this time.
AkashSing.com for tickets.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to make sure your dicks are as hard as they can be.
Okay?
That's my personal responsibility.
And you know who's going to help me do it is Blue Chew.
Blue Chew, same active ingredient that's inside Seattle or Viagra, but this is the chew.
This is the one we rock with.
And this is the reason I'm getting married.
Okay?
It's the reason the boys on this podcast are already married.
Blue Chew.com.
Make sure you use that promo code Flagrant and you're going to get it for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 for shipping.
That's it.
Enjoy Blue Chew.com.
Go there.
Go do it.
Now let's get back to this episode.
I'm a pretty bitch.
Yeah, you hear me.
That's my type.
How does that song go?
You would have known shifty old fucking shit.
Washed.
Washed as shifty.
That's my type.
What is that?
Eight inch bigger.
Eight inch bigger.
Damn.
That's my type.
That's the bar.
We're back to gay shifty.
I think shifty gay again.
All right.
But in all seriousness, you were bad about your wedding.
You can admit that.
I was great, dude.
Tasting Mezcal00:14:27
Y'all a favor.
You want to sit through two religious ceremonies?
That's a good point.
That first one was wild.
I don't know, yo.
At least on a Zoom one, they wouldn't have fed us dirt.
That shit is so good.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Y'all need to stop.
I was fucked up.
They just reached into some fucking.
Yo, what, Al?
Al, you're being a dick.
That shit actually looked like Miles attracts you, bro.
Yeah, that's true.
They really feed us Miles Tracks.
You have to admit.
I just dropped the ash on me.
That shit burning.
Yeah, it should burn, bro.
You gotta chill the fuck out, dude.
Seriously, you gotta chill the fuck out more than everybody.
Listen, it was nice of them to feed us, but you had delicious food outside.
We didn't need anything extra.
And that shit hardened mad quick.
I made some fucking slippers out of it.
I can't make y'all hating on Hollywood, dog.
It's the best.
But you could be honest.
I swear I ate that for breakfast when I went home.
You're lying.
Dead ass.
I've been to your house.
No, eating it for breakfast isn't the problem.
It's how they delivered it to us.
Yeah.
Why, baby?
That was the hard part, dog.
Just barehanded.
Yeah.
What are you supposed to do?
They just raw dog that shit in my mouth.
That was crazy.
It was worse.
Come on, bro.
Don't be gay about that.
Did they feed you?
The dude didn't even do his hands.
He ate it and then spit it into my mouth.
Little baby bird.
I know little baby bird.
You were disrespectful.
Did he?
I was disrespectful.
How you figuring?
He just knew.
He knew your spirit.
Your spirit is disrespectful.
I'll be honest with you.
I'll be honest with you.
You meant that.
You meant that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're not wrong.
You're not wrong.
There is disrespectful bones in my body.
Not all of them, but some of them.
Which one?
Which one?
Say what?
I don't think you have a respectful bone in your body.
Esophagus.
You do something.
Disrespectful.
His esophagus gets disrespectful.
Yo, my esophagus be getting so drilled up.
For real, dude.
I got to take some time off.
That's why I'm going to Brazil.
Yeah, respect.
Do you know what I mean?
I just need to come on, bro.
Yo, you're going to get your body done when you're down there.
Hell yeah.
Honestly, I need to get my shit.
What do you think?
That BBL.
Oh, Al, you don't know.
I got Botox.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you missed it.
No, no, no, I do.
How'd you know?
I did when you lied to me.
No, I never said I didn't do it.
No, no, no.
I had to watch this motherfucker.
We were at the green room somewhere.
He was like, yo, I've been moisturizing her.
My skin's looking good and shit like that.
I did that.
I knew the whole time this motherfucker had Botox already.
I mean, I was just watching him cap.
No.
I was like, oh, yeah, though.
Moisturizer, son.
Look at you, though.
I got to go in my life.
I got that shit last week.
Swear to God, my life.
Swear to God my life.
I got from the same woman that gave me all them creams.
Geology.
No.
She made me a believer.
She made me believe.
I swear to God, my life.
How would I be talking right now?
I could just say I did it.
Literally, did I come in the other week and it said it was a couple weeks ago?
I got my teeth white, too.
I got my teeth like a week ago.
I started to glow up.
I'm about to leave my girl.
I'm looking at her like, God damn, yo.
Obviously, you with that guy.
You know what I mean?
But now my skin all taut and shit, smiling big.
Yeah, you know me.
Snug.
I'm going to Brazil.
Yeah, Sempayo.
What?
What?
Not Sempayo.
Yeah, what's that girl's name?
That Tranny.
Yeah.
That's fine.
That's funny to look Tranny.
That's what I want you to look like.
I honestly.
That'll be fire.
You think?
Yeah.
You got your tummy.
Shit shout to the moon.
Yeah, yeah.
If I come back tranny, I can say whatever I want.
Come back black tranny.
If I come back black tranny, that would be super fire.
Say whatever I want, even about you.
Even about you.
I've never seen anybody smoke something so fast, bro.
Yeah, I know.
He's cheating, bro.
Relax, dog.
I'm a real one, guys.
You really are.
They got sugar in that thing, bro.
You are going to town on that shit.
You're going to get high, Akash.
You got to be careful, man.
Which cushy is that?
If I don't drink, it's one of the cushy pre-rolls.
I don't know.
I think dream.
So maybe I'll be past the fucking out.
It's got to be sleep, dude.
It's my fucking bachelor party once again.
He's gonna be like, it's gonna be Ben Uyada, though.
I left your bachelor party.
Like, I am arrested, bro.
The rest of y'all were a wreck.
I was like, I feel good.
You and Laurent, you and Laurent would go.
You and fucking jerk your meat.
Yeah.
Our boy Jerky Meat would go home early.
Laurent just had a kid, so he's like, I'm getting all to sleep by a fucking camera.
No, I could tell one night, though, he wanted to stay out.
And he kept being like, stay another 30.
And I stayed an extra hour, and then I was like, I'm leaving this.
I was saying bye to him.
Oh, we all got a drink.
Why?
10 minutes, yo.
Oh, shit.
Come on.
Respect.
Respect.
Cheers.
That's why I'm taking on these CBDs.
Get back to it.
That was a long 10 minutes.
That mezcal tasting.
Oh, yeah.
Why'd you get kicked out?
I didn't get kicked out because we were all there.
We're with the homies.
I wasn't there.
I never would have gotten out.
Yeah, you don't know anything about this.
Definitely got it.
But say how it started.
The taco tour ended.
We went on this amazing taco tour.
And it wasn't like bullshit.
It was like hole-in-the-wall taco spots that were the legit fucking spots.
At least we assume.
It was the five best tacos you ever had in your life.
Absolutely.
Unbelievable.
Not even a question.
We're drinking fucking tequila.
We're getting shitty.
They're trying to tell us not to drink.
And we're like, what the fuck is going on?
So we get shitty.
By the end, we go for a mezcal tasting.
It's just in this bitch's apartment.
We thought it was going to be at a fucking bar or some shit.
The same girl that was taking us around telling us not to drink that we were drinking.
Yeah.
Paper tin walls.
Don't drink.
Don't drink.
Beautiful spot.
And we were just throwing them back.
Throwing them back.
Throwing them back with the tacos.
We're going into this fucking spot, and it's literally 10 dudes.
And all of us enjoy tension.
Like, yeah.
This podcast, a lot of times, is built off of not being able to say something and the fun that's around not being able to say it.
And that's all of us in that room.
And we were in there.
Once she said that you can't fucking speak that loud, it was over.
It was over.
We got the speakers.
There was some white dude telling us about the mezcal.
Once we found out he was from fucking Portland or like North California, it was over, dude.
We didn't have no respect for him.
We were supposed to try 10 different mezcals.
We got through two, and the dude pulled who he thought was the most responsible of all of us in another room, Jason, most reckless motherfucker on England.
Little did he know.
Pulled him in another room.
He was like, You look like the responsible one.
I think we should cut this short.
I'll give you money.
I'm responsible, but he ain't shit.
No, no, he ain't.
He ain't at all.
Shout out to my boy Jason.
So we got kicked right out the fucking mezcal tasting, man.
He said, I'll give you your money back.
Just please get that.
Yeah, please leave my house and please be quiet on the way out.
Wow.
Yeah, that's what you missed.
That was the same night Dove was looking crazy wide.
Remember that?
Oh, yeah.
That one picture of Dove.
Oh, no.
Don't you give him a shot in 0.5.
He got to hit that picture, bro.
We got to bring that up.
This is and Mark brought this up yesterday: how Dove's stomach looked like Britney Spears.
And I think it's important a little bit.
Yo, if you dance in your living room holding your titties, you're Britney Spears.
100%.
100%.
If we wax your chest, you're Britney Spears, dude.
Oh, so that's why he said he would rather have Britney over Britney Redder.
100%.
That makes sense.
100%.
100%.
That'd be great, bro.
Just lay on top of each other like fucking Lego.
That shit would go right.
Just fitting perfectly, dude.
Oh, wait, yo, that's a drink.
Al said, tuha.
No!
That's a drink.
That's a drink.
Everyone's got a drink.
Take away the tuck.
No, no, they didn't take it away.
It's only once.
It's only once.
It's the first time everyone's got a drink.
Oh, okay, good.
So you have this list somewhere so we can verify this?
Yeah.
Oh, you got on the phone.
You think I would lost?
You think I would lie, though?
No, no, no.
I wish you would, to be honest.
Okay, go.
What do you mean go?
Oh, we got to keep doing the podcast.
I would just say, after the mezcal tasting, I thought it was going to be a calm night and then Matterall just came to our lives.
God bless out.
And we turned up.
Oh, my God.
We really turned up.
We truffled.
Dove was truffling the fuck out of this dude.
He didn't know that the guy was giving him prices in pesos.
And then Dove just broke this man and then found out that it was dollars.
Like, oh no, he didn't know that the guy was giving him prices in.
What was it?
I mean, it was low.
It was the other one.
Right?
I don't know how to do that right now because I'm fucking high.
Yeah, it was pesos.
Oh, there's the picture, Doug.
Yo, Dove looking crazy.
I'm at the edge.
Look at my foot is big.
Yeah, thick.
Oh, someone you're built like a Mexican in this shit.
Yeah, he was.
Oh, man.
Oh, my boy.
0.5 stretches.
Or 0.5 is less.
You should look skinnier.
No, no, no.
Come on, bro.
You look spongebob in this bitch.
Dude, you look like shit, man.
You do it, dude.
Yeah, but I smashed that night, did I not?
You did smash it.
Smashed that night.
Or was it the next night?
No.
Next night.
No, next night.
What was the line?
No, you said the first night, though.
Oh, what was the legendary that you said to the girl to get her to come with you to the next spot?
Look at the line.
It was one drink, no sex.
We're all leaving.
We're all leaving, bro.
It's like three in the morning, and I just hear Dove in the corner.
I cannot go.
I cannot go.
No, I cannot go.
I gotta go.
I have to go home.
I have to go home.
And then Doug just goes, one drink, no sex.
Let's go.
So, Doug, how many drinks was it?
Zero drinks, five sex.
And then the next day we did what?
Luchador's Luchadora.
Yeah, the Mexican wrestling was fire, dude.
Oh, that shit was lit.
That was cool.
That was really cool.
That was really good, man.
Them motherfuckers were about it.
Yeah, that was, and it was way different than WWE.
What was the difference?
It was way more technical, I felt.
Like when I was younger, there'd be certain WWE characters that could do all the flips and all that kind of stuff.
And then there were other ones who were like just personality.
Yeah.
And these guys, obviously, they had personality, but and they had these different characters, but most of it was the tricks.
It was acrobatics.
Yeah.
And gymnasts.
And they're gymnasts.
And then all three of them would be in the ring together.
It would be three on three.
Yeah.
And like sometimes they're all in, sometimes they're like tapping each one in.
It was like a best of three thing, which I had never seen before.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
They had rounds like Street Fighter.
Yeah.
My fuckers would get pinned and you thought it was over and then they keep fighting.
We were very confused for a little bit.
Yeah, but it was impressive.
Yeah, they got it, man.
They fucking got it.
And it was kind of like stand-up, like in a weird way.
Like they would have an initial move that got a reaction, then a tag on that, another move, another move, and then the big finale.
And by then, you just find yourself getting out of your seat and clapping.
I'm like, you were doing this without talking.
Like you've choreographed an applause.
Yeah, they didn't have any of the fucking interviews that they do in the American WWE promos or whatever they call that shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, man, that was fucking.
And then, can we say that my favorite story of the whole trip?
What was that?
When you and Al shared a moment with one of your dear friends.
So, one of your dear friends, I don't want to necessarily say his name, but you, uh, oh, yeah, we sucked Molly off his finger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, one of my boys, you know, give a shot.
This mad funny.
This mad funny shit doesn't make it.
Fuck off.
So, no, this is mad funny because he's one of my best friends in the world, right?
So, he comes.
So, we already did some ice roller feeling good.
I'm eating lasers and all that kind of shit.
This is the next day, right?
And we're just enjoying our life, and everything's fine.
And I'm already high on Molly.
I'm drunk.
I'm on Adderall.
Like, everything is positive, feeling good.
I feel in a safe place.
I feel like these are my brothers, and they could never do anything to embarrass me or make me feel stupid.
These are my brothers.
Like, this is who I'm destined to be friends with for the rest of my life, right?
So, my boy just rolls up to me, dips his finger into Molly, comes out.
There's Molly on the finger, and he just points at my mouth, right?
And I just go, All right, boom, take it.
I don't know.
You went full knuckles.
You went full knuckles.
I went to first.
No, you didn't die.
He pulled it away, and I was like, no, I'm not done yet.
Yeah, but I even cleaned like this.
I did the whole cocaine show.
He does fit.
And then sucked it off.
You gagged on my side.
That's even gay or something.
You sucked the finger after I sucked the finger.
Different figure.
Different figure.
David Vick.
So then he hits Al.
So he does that to both of us, right?
And then afterwards, he goes, y'all just suck my fucking finger.
How y'all gonna just suck my finger like that, bro?
What the fuck is wrong with y'all sucking my goddamn finger, bro?
Why'd you suck his finger?
Say what?
Why'd you suck his finger?
I didn't suck his finger.
I took Molly from him.
No, nah, you went full knuckle down.
No, the way you describe it is I sucked his finger.
I did Molly that happened to be on his finger.
But I didn't suck his finger and there happened to be some Molly.
You sucked the Molly off his finger, which might be even gayer.
I just suck it, dog.
Yeah, to be honest, I just gave him all tongue, no lips.
I gave him all tongue, no lips.
You got no foreplay.
That's because you got no lips.
Son, you would hate him right now.
He remembers that shit, dude.
His finger got hard.
Bro, it was initially like this when he gave it to me.
And by the end, fully spread.
All right, I'll drink.
All right, I'll drink that esophagus, bro.
That's just no respect that esophagus.
I thought that was going to be a killer, but that was my final wrestling move.
Now you went for it.
I respect that, actually.
You went for the whole finger.
He said Al took more than me.
Whoa.
He said you took more than me.
He did.
Nah, and I'll do Indian bird.
You went Indian burner?
Nah.
I looked at like a retard.
I was like, just a little bit?
Yeah.
Okay, what else happened?
I think, I don't know.
I don't really remember.
I just knew I was late.
And that shit sucks.
I missed my flight.
You missed your fucking flight.
Mark missed everything, bro.
I had to wait for that motherfucker for an hour at the airport.
Yo, I gosh, it's so annoying.
What did he say?
Well, I'd be annoying because I didn't want to leave your dumb ass.
We're landed at the same time, and every minute he's like, hey, you almost here?
I'm like, bro, I'm in customs.
I'm not just waiting around.
He's like, oh, you almost there?
Like, every 10 minutes until finally.
This motherfucker is all cap.
You think I texted you a bunch of times and said that I can hang out with you?
I'm trying to be nice.
I don't want to abandon you.
Piece of shit.
I try to be nice and you make me that fucking bitch.
This guy wanted to be my friend.
Nobody else was there with you, Mark.
Fucking Mexico with your white ass sticking out like a sore thumb.
You didn't look like this.
This guy could have survived.
Oh, yeah, probably.
Honestly, no one would have fucked with me.
I looked like this.
That's fine.
You should have came like that.
That would have been fire, bro.
That would have been fucking like a broken.
You look like fucking Mark the Mark, to be honest.
Now, you look like a mark.
Oh, shit.
Yo, smoke that whole cheese.
I would be like, yo, where'd you drink?
I ain't a motherfucking joint after that one.
You on a nice run, too.
Like Mark.
Getting It In00:07:36
Yeah, what the?
I don't even understand what that means.
I thought he was understanding the joke.
I need to shoot you just for wasting my time.
Wasting my brain.
That's just a little pun, a little play on order.
Oh, like he was a mark.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Nope.
All right.
That's another 10 minutes.
We all got a drink.
All right.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm trying to shoot your hat right off your head.
Fuck.
Are you drinking or not?
I'm drinking, bro.
Don't try to.
Little bitch.
I am a little bitch.
Nah, he's got a surf later or something, so he's pretending he can't drink.
Yeah, I'm pretending I can't drink.
So where are you surfing indoors?
I'm surfing in Jersey.
I'm where you live.
You surfing in Jersey.
That shit is whack.
Oh.
I just put it in that hand.
I didn't drink.
It was going down.
All right.
What's the rules on it?
I already took the drink.
You can't touch it with that hand.
You just can't touch it?
If you're putting it down, just don't like hold it the whole time or like all right, Miles.
All right.
All right, Miles.
Okay.
So now that you're a married man, I have a few questions for you.
Okay, talk to me.
Would you rather see your parents have sex or have your parents watch you have sex?
Have my parents watch me have sex?
100%.
Well, my dad's memory's gone.
So he's going to forget about it immediately unless I throw it down.
The only thing he remembers.
And I don't know.
I got a good relationship with my parents.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm totally fine with that.
You can't totally fine?
Yeah, not seeing me nut, but seeing me stroke.
Now they gotta see you nut.
No, I have to come?
Yeah, obviously.
You gotta see me comfy.
They've heard it for years.
Yeah, like my parents have heard me fuck, guaranteed.
No, 100%.
Really?
And since I'm a you fucker, they've heard fuck 35.
Listen, my mom would see girls walk into the place.
Like my parents aren't me fucking.
No.
100%.
The bed knocking, coming down sweaty, half hard.
Coming down the stairs, sweaty, half hard.
Medium swole?
Medium swole.
Okay, Ma, can I get an orange juice?
Your boy needs to build up them sugars.
Real talk, 100%.
So she knows that I was getting it in.
And I've heard them fuck forever and walked in on them on purpose, knowing that they were fucking.
I did.
I did that.
Because it's fun.
You gonna fuck all loud, knowing damn well we could hear it.
Oh, Lottie.
Lottie.
Oh, Lottie.
Oh, Lottie.
That's what my mom would say his name.
Like, we don't know our dad's name.
Like, we're not going to go in there and check to see if something's wrong with Lottie.
My brother would go in there all the time, like, is everything okay?
He was mad young.
He was mad young.
He's like, fucking eight years old, waddling into the room.
Dad, are you okay?
Mom keeps yelling your name.
And then he'd open the door.
There was no locks in the doors in our apartment, White House.
Respect.
Real respect.
And he just walked in.
My dad's like, oh, stop, stop.
My mom, stop, Greg.
Stop.
I was just getting my family rinse.
Everything's fine, and especially me, Fanny.
My fan was getting there rinsing.
All right.
Holy shit.
Fucking fanny is a gap open right now because your dad was putting his fucking Christmas tree of a cork inside of me.
Holy shit.
It was unbelievable.
I was saying his name because I wasn't sure if it was him.
I was like, what is this thing?
Is it a ninja turtle's lunchbox or your dad's fucking coke?
It felt humongous.
It felt fucking humongous.
I thought it was a wee ninja turtle's lunchbox.
I did.
I thought I could open it in a fucking capiza and my phone out.
I really did.
So that was me.
And my family.
Ayos, what do you think?
Huh?
I gosh, I ain't shit.
I got shit.
You might be right, yo.
Ah, guys, cool out.
Oh, man, we got a lot of shit.
I keep throwing it back, bro.
That's because I had that joke bomb.
I had to take the whole shit down.
That's true.
Okay.
He got asthma.
We're making him smoke multiple joints.
Chill out.
You gotta drink.
Y'all, I gotta do something.
No, you already did.
It really counts as multiple.
I'd rather watch my parents have sex.
Give my dad some pointers if he's not putting it down right.
Come on, dad's poor form.
How do you think your daddy?
Mom deserves better, huh?
How do you think your parents do it?
You think he throws her in the dog?
I don't think so, man.
I don't think so.
But I'm gonna tell him to change it up every once in a while.
Gadu.
You know, change up.
Do that shit sometimes.
Gatu, my dad be on top.
I don't know sockets that fucking dig into the sheets.
Hey, man.
You got to know your positions.
My dad was on top with no ass.
Yeah.
My dad got no ass.
Negative?
Yeah, he got the negative.
I'm walking the room just seeing no ass.
I'm like, okay, dad, putting it down.
My mom's head slammed against the headboard and shit.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
Y'all never seen your mom's head slam against that boy.
Never.
Oh, Lottie.
Boom.
How's mom don't even have sex anymore?
I didn't cheat.
She's fine with that.
You know, you're not a good son.
I would watch them because I want her to get some.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
Yeah, I do that.
But you know, yeah, I guess.
I just seen them so much.
It's like nothing for me.
I believe that shit.
Like, watching a Christmas story.
You really seen your parents.
You know what I mean?
Like, come on.
We've seen it.
We've seen that shit 12 times.
I get it.
My tongue is stuck.
Yeah, you're going to shoot your eye out.
He's going to shoot your eye out.
Oh, man.
All right, what about y'all?
What would you rather?
I'd probably watch, dog.
I don't want to see, I don't want them to see my stroke game.
Really?
Yeah, that should be.
So your stroke gave that trash.
I don't know.
I just feel like they're Catholic.
They got nine kids.
Your dad puts it down.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I probably, yeah, I'm probably winning.
They win.
Not nine kids.
Son, I threw a number out.
How many?
They can't even object either.
Well, maybe it's not.
I don't know.
It's seven that we know about.
So seven, there might be plus.
That was close.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was close.
So seven.
Yeah.
Your parents be getting in it.
You never heard them.
Well, I guess you're younger.
What about the older brothers and sisters?
Did they ever hear your parents?
They never spoke about it.
But did they hear?
That's what Catholic did.
I don't know.
He was talking about it.
They never said anything.
But you hear, bro.
It's a house.
Like, they're in the West Wing, bro.
Oh, they got their own thing.
They got the wing, dog.
Oh, wow.
So she could just let loose.
I was just upstairs.
I didn't hear anything.
But it maybe didn't happen after me because I only have one younger sister.
So maybe that was a rap after that.
But maybe the older ones heard about when you were getting conceived.
For real.
I remember when my mom and dad conceived my brother.
Oh, my God.
That shit was crazy.
Wait, what?
We were at the beach, and I just heard my mom just fucking like she was grunting on that shit, bro.
She was grunting on that shit.
I was like, nah, this bitch getting pregnant tonight.
I felt it.
I felt it, dude.
For some reason, I was five.
I was like, nah, she's finna get pregnant crunching like that.
And what'd you say?
You say congrats or what?
Yeah.
Dapped my dad up.
Gave him orange juice.
Yeah.
She threw a little towel at my mom.
Wipe that up.
The losers, bro.
Wipe up the losers, bro.
Wipe up the losers.
Oh, my God.
Second player.
Wipe up the losers.
Girl Brain vs Mom Brain00:12:35
Would you rather make out with your celebrity crush?
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I'm high.
All right, would you rather make out with your celebrity crush or get $50,000?
Make out with my celebrity crush now that I'm married?
Yeah.
Or get $50,000?
Yeah.
Or make out with my celebrity crush.
Just make out?
Yeah, just make out.
But the reason they're a crush isn't for making out.
Yeah, but that's all you get.
Nah, give me that 50,000.
Give me that thousand.
50,000 is the makeout of money, though.
That shit ain't real.
What are you going to do with 50,000?
That's not even a bit coin, bro.
This guy's high right now.
That's not even a Bitcoin.
Yeah, but it could change your life.
Think what you could do with 50,000 of people in India.
Yeah.
Or here, or sitting right here.
Do you just really shit on 50,000?
Yeah, no, yo, I got to be.
That's not a good hypothetical amount of money.
Would you suck a dick for a million dollars?
Yeah, but you're a bad guy.
You got a fucking big amount of money.
Yeah.
It's just would you make what would you rather make out?
They're raised at stakes.
It's low-stakes ass hypothetical on both sides.
You're like, who gives a fuck?
Yo, that's it.
Hey, you get to make, you get to kiss somebody.
Which side would you take?
And it's hypothetical.
I mean, he could say fucking right now.
Fuck the celebrity or you have a million dollars.
Either way, he's cheating.
You're making out his cheating.
You make it out.
It's hypothetical.
Your girl not upset about it.
That's the only reason you took the 50,000.
I'm married.
That was your whole round.
I don't need to make out with my crush.
I'm trying to clap cheeks.
But the silky for real.
I want the clap socks.
What are they called?
Clap cleats.
Clap cleats.
You got to explain that.
Yeah, there's socks that got like rubber studs on the bottom so you don't move while you're fucking.
Yeah.
And they call them clap cleats.
That's fire.
That's great.
But what's funny?
South Clap cleats.
What's funny, those are called booties.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
The version of those right now, they're called booties.
The socks with the grip on the bottom.
So they already have a sexual energy.
And you end up, oh, like, because you're getting booty.
Yeah.
So we make Al drink the whole fucking tequila bottle for that.
That wasn't a joke, though.
I know, but it was just so boring that maybe you should drink the whole first tequila bottle.
I'm done.
Nah, not the whole tequila bottle.
I'll drink for you if you want.
I know you want to.
Yeah, absolutely.
Dove has a problem, dawg.
We got to look out for him.
He really does.
Okay, what else?
Next question.
How about single people?
Would you rather fuck your celebrity crush or have a million dollars?
Oh, oh, oh.
Who is it?
See how that's a good hypothetical?
Dumb ass.
Point that at me?
Jeez.
I want the millie.
Over what?
Over who?
Who are you turning down?
What you screwing?
Celebrity crushes.
What you screwing.
What are you screwing it?
I watched him do that for 30 seconds.
I'm like, when it's going to get tightened.
It's a belt.
It's a belt.
30 seconds straight.
I was like, he was screwing that shit.
Looking around the room was half 15 seconds in.
He got frustrated and he's like, fuck, I'm going to keep screwing.
Just scoop.
You all had it off just now and you put it on.
I'm fucking used to having like tough ass hands.
I'm like, God damn, I'm weak as shit.
I can't fucking tighten this thing.
Who are you turning down?
Who's your celebrity crush?
What is this?
What I'm doing with this.
No, a better question for Dove is married to your celebrity crush or 50 mil.
Oh, that's brilliant.
Not even celebrity crush.
Not even celebrity crush.
50 mil, or you meet your wife tomorrow and you can marry that woman.
Or you get 50 mil right now.
50 million, you die alone.
50 mil, you get alive.
50 mil, I die alone.
No, no, no, no.
Don't die alone.
There's still a chance that you can.
Yeah, you might be able to meet your girl.
I'm glad that you broke her.
You might even get it.
You could find her trash either.
Perfect white.
Question.
I'm taking the 50.
You understand?
And I'm doing things with that 50.
To welcome in all the little Hebrews from the land of Israel from Montreal.
So you can pass on ambitious for Shakespeare.
Yeah.
Have a little more sexy.
You want money more than love?
More than happiness.
I've been in love twice, guys.
No, you haven't.
You haven't been in love.
You've never been a millionaire.
You were in love with that one blonde girl.
What do you mean?
My first love.
No, the other one.
I know your first love.
Yeah, and you don't want that back.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Y'all got a catcher, y'all got a catcher.
I'll get it.
You're being shifty.
You had a diversion.
All right, you got a drink.
All right, Dove.
What?
Why would you give up on true love?
You're saying that I could find it eventually.
I'm 37.
I'm gorgeous.
But you might not have done Botox yet.
I might have done Botox yet.
Pulled the trigger at the exact time I got hit by it and I thought I shot myself with the nut.
I literally, I was like, did it come out the side?
I was holding on to that one.
How the hell did that happen?
I thought it came out the side.
Oh, sounds like Alec.
I'm high.
Yes.
That's the thing, guys.
I don't know.
Are you alive or lying?
I'm probably.
I never start smoking weed.
But that's the hustle.
That's the cushy hustle.
It's cushy, bro.
I took a look at the hustle one is right there.
Oh, it's going to make you hustle, not it's a hustle.
It's called hustle.
Oh, okay.
Next question, Mark.
I like these questions.
All right.
Dude, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
That was good.
That was really good.
You almost got it.
He matrixed that shit.
Oh.
Yes, I still roll.
Let's go.
Yes, I still hit him.
That's nice.
You didn't catch it on the wide, but fuck, I still hit him.
Doesn't matter.
He's out of frame anyway.
Okay, next.
All right, your girl and your mom switch bodies.
Yep.
Oh, God.
Oh, this is the worst one ever.
Yeah, yeah.
Your girl's got your mom's brain.
Yep.
And your mom's got your girl's brain.
Yep.
You got to smash one.
That's why I said.
You got to smash one to me.
Smash my girl's body.
With your mom's brain?
Yeah.
Bro.
What?
To switch them back?
That's what you're going with?
What kind of gay ass shit is it to like fuck a girl for her brain?
I mean, who are you guys?
I just have sex with a girl for her thoughts.
Just be quiet.
We're going to both pretend it didn't happen.
Back to business.
But then your mom's going to look at you and be like, Andrew.
She's going to forget.
Handed in.
It was way different than your father.
It won't be her talking to you.
It's way different.
I'll be here wild for that.
You would never smash your mom, even if it was your girl's brain.
You're looking at your mom's body.
You see it.
The little hairs at the bottom of her ankle.
Yeah, but that's no more for you.
That's home for you, though.
You already been there.
She got hairs in the bottom of her ankle.
She all shave.
You've been there before, though.
Say what?
You've already been there.
I've been in both of them.
Both of them.
I've been in both of them.
I don't need to go back to my mom.
You know what I mean?
But it's your girl's brain, though.
Just be quiet.
Don't say nothing.
I guess.
Mom, don't say nothing.
Shut up.
Let me get through this.
Say what?
No, that's happening.
Yeah, Thanksgiving the next year.
It's like, damn, that was weird.
No, it wasn't.
It was what it was.
It was what it was.
We don't bring it up no more.
That's what it is.
She just, what?
Did she think I don't fuck?
Yo, would you think that's what I'm saying?
She just don't fuck.
Would you rather have sex with your dad or your mom?
Because your dad might forget.
Oh, dad, 100%.
Yeah, right?
100%.
I'm saying that's better.
Am I?
Al is freaking out right now.
You would rather have said my dad's going to forget about it.
That doesn't matter.
He's still in his body.
You're fucking a dude, bro.
Yeah, but he don't get a spot.
Yo, you would rather fuck your mom or my dad, bro.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
That's the most horrible.
You wouldn't rather fuck your dad, he completely forgets about, dab him up five minutes later.
He's like, man, my ass feels nothing.
Why does my ass feel nothing right now?
No, but you wouldn't rather do that?
He's going to completely forget about it.
It's the memory that's going to haunt you, not the experience.
You're too old to get molested.
You know what I mean?
You're too old for trauma.
Motherfuckers talk about trauma when they fucking.
I experienced trauma when I'm saying you'd rather fucking dad.
And my dad wasn't going to remember?
Absolutely.
My dad would remember.
Okay, so whatever he remembers.
Fuck my dad for sure.
Call it even.
You fucked me.
I fucked you.
Oh, man.
You fucked my credit.
Fucked you.
There it is.
Okay, go.
All right.
Nah, you got to.
No, you got to answer.
I asked the questions.
Nah, bro.
Answer that shit.
Answer that shit, my boy.
Yeah, I agree.
Answer it.
What was the question?
Would you rather read it with your girl's brain or your girl with your mom's brain?
Dumbass.
Hi.
Yo, Mark.
Hi.
Nah, I agree, bro.
I might just smash my girl, dog.
Yeah, your girl's body.
My girl's body?
Mom's brain.
You gotta fuck your mom's brain, bro.
You're not fucking brains, yo.
But it's like, yeah, conversation after that.
It's never the same.
Why is it not the same?
It might be better.
What if our relationship gets better?
Hell yeah.
That's weird.
Why is that weird?
Because you're such a tender lover.
I'm just saying it could happen.
You don't gotta kiss her and shit.
Just flip her over, put her in that bow, wow.
You know what I mean?
Just put your mom's brain in that bow wow and then go to work.
Yeah, then she thinks it's her dad.
Not even worry.
Yeah.
Just attack it.
What?
What?
That's a good question.
Would you fuck your mom or your dad?
Nah.
No, you got to answer this.
We all remember.
Hold on.
Your dad.
Your mom or your dad.
Your dad don't remember.
Dad don't remember.
Your mom doesn't.
You will remember.
Yeah, probably no memory.
I probably live with you.
Yeah, that's for sure.
You selfish, dog.
Yeah, dude.
You took your mom.
If you answered that, both remembered.
I didn't.
No, That's kind of caveat.
Add the caveat.
Who would you rather fuck?
Yeah, I told you.
Yeah, you a homophobic.
Yeah, crazy.
You wouldn't just slide up in your dad's fucking choking kiosk.
All right.
Son, it's the altruistic fucking ghost.
It's the altruistic thing to do, Al.
The most important person in your life, whoever that is for you, commits a crime.
All right.
So my dad commits a crime.
All right.
Your dad commits a crime.
My dad commits a crime.
So I'm talking to my girl about how the most important person in my life committed a crime.
It's heartbreaking for me.
Go.
My dad's still on my screen saver.
My girl can't even get close.
She came in close to me.
Be taking all these pictures.
She's like, is that going to be your lock phone?
I'm like, dude.
No.
All right.
So your dad commits a crime.
Yeah.
And you got to serve prison time for him, life in prison.
Okay.
But he gets to go free.
Okay.
Or you commit a crime and your dad has to serve your sentence.
Or even though he's innocent.
Yeah, that one.
I go to jail.
You make your dad go to jail.
I go to jail.
You wouldn't.
Actually, yeah, you said for my mom.
For your mom.
The most agreeable person in your life.
Hey, I would go to jail for Andrew's dad.
For life?
For life.
Yeah, I do great in prison.
I'm gay.
Nah, nah.
I think your parents, I think our parents wouldn't allow it to happen.
They'd be like, yo, we already lived a great life.
Let us rock out.
We already staying home all day anyway.
Right?
Like, we're not leaving the house.
Spit in a Cup00:03:06
Yeah, you know, you staying home and then go on and get fucked in your ass.
These are two different.
They don't fuck the old.
They don't fuck the old in jail.
How do you know that?
How do you know that?
I know it.
How?
I believe.
I don't know why, but I believe that.
They don't fuck the old in jail.
There's respect for the old.
What?
It's respect for the old.
Only one guy got fucked in Shaw Shank.
That's the least.
Monte never got fucked.
Morgan Freeman never got fucked.
Never.
Red.
Never got fucked.
Red never got fucked.
Only one guy got fucked in Shawshank.
That's what I'm saying.
It was fucking bad guys.
Yeah, but they only showed the one.
Yeah.
Andy Dufray.
Good ass Andy Dufrane.
Yeah, but he needs to get fucked with his hair a little curly ass.
You know what I mean?
Put some wax in his hair, put some pomade in your hair that day.
Come on, now.
Get some grip on that.
You know what I'm saying?
Them clap cleats.
Them clap cleats.
Ooh.
All right.
Would you rather lick the bottom of a homeless man's shoe that's living in New York City, lives in a subway, his shoe is mad gross.
Okay.
Would you rather lick the bottom of his shoe or have someone in this room spit in your mouth?
Spit in my mouth, yo.
Yeah.
Oh, you got a drink.
Drink it out.
I trust y'all spit over a homeless guy's fucking soul.
I mean, how different is a homeless guy's soul than anybody else?
That's what I'm saying.
It's just the street that we walk up not being like there's no shit.
But you got to be on his podcast every week.
Knowing what?
That you just mouth that.
It's Andrew Schultz's flagrant too.
I figuratively got my mouth spitting already.
Who cares?
And Alex, you looked Andrew's sloppy seconds.
That's basically.
It was different fingers.
No.
Different figure.
Different figure.
And I don't remember, so it didn't count.
You reminded me.
You remind me of it.
Honestly, the real you, dog.
You didn't Molly and the real you sucked some guy drinking.
No guy.
No guy.
I don't know what the rest of that sentence was.
I don't know the rest of my sentence.
I honestly don't.
But what I want to say is neither of them is that bad.
What do you mean?
Like getting spit in the mouth of by another person on the podcast.
It's not crazy.
Who you have spit in your mouth then?
Probably none of you.
What do you mean?
It's got to be someone in the room.
I don't know.
It's tough.
It has to be anonymous.
Oh, you want it to be like in a.
I don't want to choose.
Oh, you want like turkey based drink?
Okay, so all of us spit in a cup.
You just.
I drink one of them.
Yeah.
That actually made it.
And also, and also, I got real real.
Wait for it, though.
Wait for it.
My face instinctively frowned.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
And we mix up the cups on some three Carmani shit so none of y'all even know.
I know you don't spit.
We all spit in the same cup.
Oh.
No, that's crazy.
That's too crazy.
You can't mix a spit.
Mixing a spit is too much.
That's disgusting.
I can have fresh organic spit, but I'm not going to have no fucking shit.
I'm objecting.
Yeah, I can't.
I can't.
I think I would lick a homeless guy's shoe.
Yeah, that's easy.
Yeah, that's easy.
That's easy.
That's light, of course.
Tetanus shot, you're good to go after that.
Defending the Outfit00:13:39
Okay, go, next one.
I mean, Dub is near a blackout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's shit.
I really am concerned about the amount this guy drinks.
Can I read it?
He's good.
He's good.
He's moroccan.
Something's wrong.
Whenever I ever blacked out, been an asshole, nothing.
I have a responsibility to do a podcast.
You have a responsibility to look at fucking hotel rooms.
That's another test.
That's another word.
That's another word.
That's a good word.
That's a good word.
Hotel rooms?
Yeah.
Hey, here's something that's drinking cup, Dev.
Oh, it's already a lot.
Oh, God.
You got to re-up.
Dev, I got to re-up.
I need a slightly sober it up.
You got to re-up on an L.
No, I'm truly not sobering up.
And also, he has asthma.
I didn't know you could get this high on CBD.
That's good.
That's good.
My as well.
Okay.
Next question.
Okay, would you rather get some more ice, my G?
You can pass on this one if you want.
Would you rather smash your partner's sibling or your best friend's sibling?
My partner's sibling.
Yeah.
Partner's sibling or my best friend's sibling.
Well, my partner only has boys, brothers.
All right, so that's awesome.
So I got to smash one of your siblings, yo.
Yeah.
That's the top thing.
Oh, fuck.
What's up, dog?
Shut your mouth.
I do have to finish what I started back at prom.
I do.
I might have to finish.
Oh, I took Dev's sister to prom.
You know what I mean?
I did.
I took her to prom, and then I didn't do anything.
Your boy kept it respectful.
I was a gentleman.
Respect.
No, I mean, I was on some pussy shit for sure.
But he's back.
You're getting respect.
But I get respect, dog.
I might have to finish the deed.
I would do that before I had sex with one of my girls' brothers.
Absolutely.
Damn.
But no disrespect to obviously your sister's husbands, who are great guys, and I love them.
I think they would just understand the situation on this.
Hypothetical, if your girl had a sister, would I dick her down?
Would you dick down your girl's sister or one of your friend's siblings?
I think one of my friend's siblings would be a lot easier to continue to build my relationship with my girl.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably better.
100%.
Yeah.
Would I probably enjoy it more digging down my girl's sister?
You don't got to answer that.
Probably just because I like that type.
That's what I'm saying.
That's my good question.
The stock is closing into the genes according to my type.
She can only be 50% jealous.
You know what I mean?
Because she got 50% of the same genetic material.
I think it's more than 75.
Probably more.
Probably closer.
Way closer.
Well, no, 50-50.
Just get over it.
I'm fucking you.
Rearrange.
Yeah.
Similarities between siblings are 50-50.
It's 50-50.
Retarts.
Yes, it is.
I think it is.
It's 50-50.
You think it's 99?
Like, no, no, but it's way closer to it.
It's a twin sister.
That's not even cheating, bro.
That's a mix-up.
Yeah, I could fuck that.
It's 50-50.
I think it's 50-50.
It's genetic materials.
50% the same.
No, that makes no sense.
They're sharing 50% of their moms and 50% of their dads.
They're both sharing it.
So it has to be closer than 50-50.
It's 50-50, dog.
That nigga's eyes.
He's a bad guy.
That shit don't make no sense, bro.
Look it up.
National Geographic says about 50%.
You stupid.
You stupid fuck.
You stupid fuck.
Nah, he was on board with me, too.
You got drink too.
Drink, drink.
Dumbasses.
Okay, let's go.
All right, Andrewski.
Yep.
I have some images of you from back in the day from when you were taking Dove Sister the Prom.
Okay.
I need you to defend them, okay?
Okay, let's do it.
I need you to defend why you looked like this.
Okay, you have to understand.
I hate that guy.
You have to understand.
Under the table, I was wearing my clap cleats and I was about to break those sisters' backbone.
But your boy with the long hair, looking pretty as fuck, dove looking cute.
Not gonna lie.
He was looking cute.
I had the fuck out of here.
You got some lips on you, dog.
Son, look at the long hair beauty right there.
Your boy was a beauty, bro.
That's red hot chili peppers.
Son, 50 brass knuckle necklace.
I got a brass knuckle necklace on.
You rocked that for a minute.
You rocked it.
I rocked that shit for a while.
Hell yeah.
Would you wear that same outfit?
Son, Mark.
This is literally at your age right now.
You're going through your long hair phase.
That was me.
But why are you dressed like Volla?
I did dress like Vala back in the day.
100%.
100%.
I mean, this is wild.
So, why did everybody have that?
Oh, that's fire.
We're on the West Coast, bro.
We got to throw it up for the West.
You did the East Coast.
You did the West Coast.
Oh, yeah.
Shift your hand and now you're East Coast.
I need you to defend this picture.
Okay, go.
Do you remember this one?
Oh, yeah.
If I was playing guitar hero with the dick out, and this is my apartment that I was living in, New York City.
If you actually zoom in on that, my body is incredible.
I'm 100%.
I don't have to defend this.
It defends itself.
It defends itself.
Yo, it defends itself.
Yo, low-key, I was thinking, you look kind of broad like.
I look good there, dude.
It was close to peak.
Was that peak?
No, there was a peak where I was just Wolverine.
Look at the curtain in the back.
That's where his bedroom is.
That was alcohol.
I had the alcohol bedroom.
Yeah.
There's two alcohol bedrooms.
Actually, through that little door, there's a bed if you see at the bottom.
You're just hearing sex, by the way.
There's no walls.
Like, it's just everyone's out, man.
It's a commune.
It's a commune in the East.
I got a body like that.
100%.
Oh, shit.
Is this peak?
That's not me.
You look great, dog.
You look great with the fucking trees under your armpits.
Shout out.
This is pre-manscape.
I don't think that's me.
What are you talking about, bro?
That's you.
I have so much chest hair.
I don't have that much chest hair.
That might not be him, bro.
You're wet.
Oh, but yeah, that's me.
That was me back in the day, fucking shredded, ripped, just working out by myself.
Don't know a single thing in the gym, just being great.
Hitting that boxing bag right there, dude.
We had a boxing bag hanging in the apartment.
These are the days.
I don't think that's me.
I don't know.
I don't think it's me.
It's you, but it's you because the army hair is so great.
Hold on a second.
So, you know, what do you do?
What are you doing?
It's you.
That's gotta be great, dog.
You know what it is?
It is actually me.
Here's the thing: the pixelation makes it look like hair.
You almost hit yourself at the mic.
Did I?
Oh, oh, drink.
I didn't take a drink of it.
You're holding it.
Hold on.
You're holding it.
Yeah.
All right.
Explain this photo.
Yeah, your boy was fucking ripped.
Explain this.
Oh.
Oh, we were in Mexico.
Were we?
What are you wearing?
I don't know, but what's under my eyes?
I got a cowboy hat on.
Yeah, you went through some phases.
Yo, this is crazy.
You know what I'm talking about?
Free-driven life.
No.
Oh, my God.
This is at the beach.
This is at the beach.
Yeah, that's probably Jamil.
And this is at the beach, and we were just wilding out, drinking our fucking asses off.
That's my boy Josh and my boy Zach in the back right there.
Oh, these are crazy.
That looks like a knockoff of Friday Night Lights, and you look like shitty Tim Riggin.
That is facts.
All right, what is this photograph, Andrew?
Can you explain this?
It's a little pixelated, but you get the idea.
Oh, this is our Halloween party.
Oh, I was at that party.
Yeah, we would throw epic Halloween parties at the apartment.
Yeah.
And there was one time.
Did somebody die at one of those guys?
No, he didn't die.
He got a seizure.
Wait, what?
No, no, we would throw epic Halloween party.
Like people pouring out the fucking apartment.
It was insane.
And I missed most of them because I'd be on the road.
But this one, I guess I was there, and I was Clark Kent.
And Clark Clint?
Clark Kent.
That looks like a bad one.
That's my boy Chris on the side.
He's wearing leader hosen.
Jameel is right there.
I don't know what the fuck.
He's dressed as Shazam or something like that.
But I think he's just a pirate or something.
Is he a pirate?
I think so.
I don't know.
A genie?
And then that's Evan Browning right there.
He was Magnum P.I.
I remember thinking that was a good outfit.
Ah, that's true.
That's 10 minutes, by the way.
We got a drink.
Anyway, there was a guy who had a fucking seizure, hit his head on the radiator, was just shaking on the fucking ground.
It was hilarious because there's all these people in superhero costumes just watching this person fucking die.
All right, explain this photograph, Andrew.
What do you think this is?
Oh, that's me writing them jokes, boy.
Where are you living?
That's in my room.
I was in the same apartment.
But then we got doors.
You got doors there?
Yeah, by then they had doors.
Yeah, we got doors.
But wait, what's going on?
I'm just writing jokes.
Just writing some jokes?
Yeah, I think so.
Why?
All right, what's this one?
Oh, yeah.
We just getting that cheddar.
That's me, Jamil, and Chris.
Look at the fucking cargo shorts that Jamil got on.
Let's go.
Out here, breaded up with the fucking mud coffee.
Oh, hell yeah.
Let's go.
Hell yeah.
What is this?
That is me in a Birkenstock with some dry ass feet.
But I got that fixed up.
I got the Jubila.
How'd you fix it?
I went to the same dermatologist, gave me the Botox.
I was like, fix these feet.
And then she gave me some creams.
Let's see.
Foot Botox?
Break them shits out.
Honestly, my bad foot.
Remember how bad my bad foot was?
You look like Kevin Durant.
Yeah, we're seeing it.
Yeah, Kevin Durant.
Remember how bad my bad foot was?
That's my bad foot now.
Oh, that's my bad foot now.
Remember, I had one dry ass foot.
Why she ain't do that to your face, bro?
I know.
What a hell, right?
Yeah, that foot looks amazing.
10 years younger, that foot.
That's a 22-year-old foot.
That's amazing.
All right, go next.
What is this one?
Explain what this is.
Oh, this looks a little bit racist.
It is.
She said that was me doing the Asian squat, bro.
This is us in Edmonton, Canada.
I don't think people ever heard this joke.
I know.
We never put this joke out and then we took it down.
I might bring that shit back.
Bring that shit back.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I remember that joke.
I might have to bring it back.
But your mom, right?
Story with your mom.
Story with my mom.
I'm going to have to bring that shit back low-key.
All right.
What else we got?
All right, so far doing pretty good.
Can you explain this?
She's a little Asian chuck of the thumb, though.
Can you explain what this is, you?
Ooh.
This was after the show in Orlando.
This fine-ass girl came up to me after the show, asked me if she could give me that throat.
And it is what it is, you know.
Like, I needed to oblige.
That's a wild dog.
That's so wild, bro.
Wait, that was your grandma?
That's my actual show.
Oh, I'm thinking about a different show.
I'm thinking about a different show.
I think she came to New Orleans or something like that.
Those are fighting words, Mark.
I know.
What?
I gotta fight my grandma.
Yeah, try to do that to me.
All right, what is this?
Okay.
The legend.
This is so funny.
What is this?
You tell me, Andrew.
Go down.
What is this?
You gotta blur out those numbers in case they're still active.
Oh, this is funny.
What is it?
Where is it?
Is this a yearbook or something?
Definitely fire.
What is this?
I mean, this is pictures from the beach, surfboard, that kind of stuff.
I don't know.
I'm trying to ask you.
Explain yourself.
It seems like a dude gave you two of his phone numbers.
Scheinberg.
This is when you actually had a home phone.
How crazy is that?
One of those numbers is my home phone.
The other, I guess, is my cell.
My mom is so rugged.
She still kept her shit.
She kept her phone.
She lives in Philly and still has her.
She brought her Queen's number.
718 number.
I love it.
My parents still have a house phone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My mom's still.
My mom's.
Yeah, mine too.
I don't know what this is.
A yearbook?
I don't know.
I just got a lot of money.
I just got a random collection.
You got the picture.
Yeah, I got a random collection of photos.
I was just going to see if he was going to explain.
I mean, this is my handwriting, 100%.
Still to this day, the same handwriting.
Shineberg.
It's got worse, actually.
I think.
Honestly, let me explain what this is.
Oh, that's your boy smoking that weed.
I'm a little incriminated.
No, it's just some CBD.
Come here to CBD.
That's college for sure.
This is going to be the last one here.
What do you think of that?
Aww.
Yeah, don't put that up there.
You know that the fans are going to replace that cake with dingoing.
Bro, Young Dove?
Can we be dubbed?
He's a stud.
Oh, shit.
Where'd that shit go?
Your mouth, dog?
Yo, son.
Tell me.
I'm being objective right now.
And listen, let's just be objective right now.
Those two kids walk up to you at a bar, college bar.
There's no way we're not getting it.
I'm getting drugged 100%.
Wait, what?
What did you say?
I'm being dead serious.
Those two kids walk up.
There's no way we're not.
We're not.
There's no way we're not closing.
Especially we're in like a small beach town.
We're so it's like everything's going on, so many different things going on.
New York, LA, we got gold leaf in our shirts.
Yes, you know what I mean?
I got long ass hair.
You think I'm on some surface shit that I got to get a New York accent?
Like what?
No joke.
You look like Twilight.
What's his name?
Edward Cullen.
Rob Patrick.
I'm a Cullen fam.
Like, I'm not.
If you want to see Edward Cullen, check this out.
Yo, look how skinny Jamil is.
Holy shit.
When he was stealing that Asian girl, bro.
Yeah, what were we guys doing?
Yo.
Crazy.
Yo, you want to know why I'm lost in high school?
This is why I'm so grateful for your girl.
You're getting married in a few weeks.
Yeah.
This is why I'm so grateful for your girl because before your girl came around, bro, you used to dress so bad.
I mean, this is unbelievable.
I think Akaj got shorter.
I look tall in that picture, huh?
Yeah, you do look kind of tough.
Yo, this is crazy, man.
I thought that outfit got together.
That's funny because Akaj dresses exactly exactly the same.
Has exactly you.
All I need to do with that outfit is put on some nice pants.
You got some old man shoes in that shot, though, too.
But the glasses, I don't know.
The glasses, I went through a little period with those glasses.
Like the CVS joints.
Yeah, you get fucked up.
Yeah, I fucked up with them glasses, bro.
That was a last-minute choice.
I mean, that was a broken.
Okay, what else?
What else?
What else?
All right.
Okay, so.
But the kid gave fire.
Speaking of your girl.
Simple Skincare Routine00:02:51
Yeah.
Those are my two pairs of Jordans.
Remember, they got me on Brilliant Idiots.
I know.
Somebody tweeted.
Schultz really only got two pairs of Jordans.
And I responded personally to them.
They left one.
They right up there.
And I responded on Twitter, but like direct back to him.
Yeah.
And I don't know if Charlemagne was like snooping my mentions or some shit, but there's no reason you should see this tweet.
This is a private interaction back and forth, but he must have been just looking or maybe it like notified him or something.
You know, sometimes like you see interactions.
I still got to understand how Twitter works because I thought when you respond, everybody sees that shit.
No, if you respond and their at is first, only the people that follow them see the tweet.
And you.
And you.
Sweet as you.
So what's a quote tweet?
Quote tweet everybody can see.
Everybody can see.
He got off Twitter for a month.
He forgot how to social media.
Instagram.
What is it like?
I just quick re-post.
I don't know.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Anyway, Charlamagne found that shit somehow.
I don't know how the fuck he found it.
He brought that up on Brilliant Aids.
I was like, God damn, I thought that was a private person-in-person conversation.
Boy out here exposed for my Jordans.
All right, what else?
We got any more?
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because the holidays are upon us, and you've probably been worrying about getting your parents, siblings, spouse, girlfriend, neighbor, whoever, something.
But have you gotten a gift for the most important person of all of them?
You?
Okay, that's right.
It's, excuse me, time to treat yourself.
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First Gift Gave00:15:19
Okay.
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Think about that right there.
They should have put that in the beginning of the ad.
You heard me right.
70% off.
Treat yourself this holiday season.
Now let's get back to the show.
As we know, you're about to get married to a wonderful girl.
Yep.
And me, my friend Miles and Dove yesterday asked her a few questions to see how well you know you're dearly beloved.
Guarantee I get every one of these shits right.
Guaranteed.
We got 25 questions.
Guaranteed.
Miles, can you keep score?
Guaranteed I get every one of these shits right.
Guaranteed.
Okay, let's put a bet on it.
Do you remember when we played heads up?
No.
Oh, actually, yeah, I do.
We put heads up.
Let me tell you something.
Heads up, me and my girl.
I know whether she'll know about the thing or not, and I know how to get her to know about it.
I was actually in presence.
And I got to speak a different language with her because I know what she wanted.
She would have understood what was happening.
But she get that shit every single time.
So this game, this is light.
Let's go.
Okay, so what percentage do you think you're going to get right?
You said 100%.
100%.
I won't get a single one wrong.
Okay.
So this is a trick question, then that doesn't count.
All right.
So if you get a single one wrong.
Yeah, I'll take a drink.
The whole drink.
I'll take the whole drink.
Well, I should probably take one little drink.
How many of these guys were going to kill me?
All right.
So what percentage you want?
What percentage do you want?
I'll take half a drink.
All right.
And I poured a fucking big one.
You guys gave me double up.
It's basically a drink.
All right.
Go.
You bred it yourself.
But then he also poured that fucking guy.
All right.
All right.
What is your dearly beloved's favorite color?
Black.
Correct.
Damn.
Damn it.
Where was your first date?
Our first date?
Yeah.
Viselka.
Correct.
Damn.
Who wakes up first?
Oh, she does.
Correct.
Who said I love you first?
I did.
That's correct.
What's the longest that you couldn't shit?
Two weeks.
And where were you?
Well, with her or with him.
It was really with him.
It was in Israel.
You're saying the longest I couldn't shit with her.
Yeah.
That was in Japan.
Okay.
That's correct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do you remember your bowel movements?
Son, he don't remember nothing else in his life.
I know.
Well, because all my memories be with this fucking asshole.
And I got to remember everything.
She's going to use it against me.
Okay, go.
All right.
What is your beloved's favorite restaurant?
Ooh.
This is important because she's a favorite.
This is actually a really interesting one.
And in fairness, she said it's really tough, but probably blank.
Oh, okay.
So she was struggling too.
She doesn't even know her own favorite restaurant.
Like, I could tell you her favorite dish in the city.
Can I get multiple answers for this?
I'm not about to be drunk.
That's not how it works.
Her favorite restaurant?
Yeah.
Favorite restaurant?
That's tricky.
That's not fair.
That's the point of the game, though.
That's not fair.
Yeah, but you got this 100%.
Yeah, but like, she don't even really know her favorite restaurant.
That's what happened right now, bro.
She doesn't know her.
She doesn't know her favorite restaurant.
How about you give him three?
And you're going to drink?
Nope.
Ooh, damn.
Oh, he's drinking anyway.
She don't.
She doesn't know her favorite restaurant.
Hold on, Yeah, everyone, hold on.
Her favorite restaurant.
Favorite restaurant?
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Stop being a bitch in answer.
This is in the whole world?
Yeah.
This is in the whole world.
This is in the whole entire world.
You're drinking, bro.
Start drinking.
Do rag ass.
Favorite restaurant in the whole world.
Yeah, that's a question.
Yeah, dog.
This is actually not a fair question.
You want to come back to it?
Let's come back to it.
No, you got to answer that.
Is it in New York or in the whole world?
I don't know.
Son, answer the question.
Text me the name of it.
Answer the question.
What game is it?
It's in New York.
It's in New York.
Oh, that should make it easy.
That should make it easy.
Now what?
Her favorite restaurant?
No, bro.
What else do you think we asked it?
You want to come back?
I know.
Now, answer the question, bro.
That's it.
I say, answer the question.
I'm going to come back to it.
I'm going to come back to it, but you got to answer it later.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Her favorite restaurant.
Can I get a cuisine?
There's no such thing.
This doesn't exist.
Answer the question.
Just answer the question.
It doesn't exist.
We're going to come back to it.
We'll circle back.
That's incorrect.
Oh, shit.
Carbone?
You don't love yellow.
It's not Carbone.
No, it's not.
This actually doesn't fit.
Let me tell you why this doesn't make sense.
Finning.
I mean, it's inside.
So you're going to spun himself.
That's crazy.
This is why it doesn't count.
Because she could objectively.
That's why it doesn't count.
I caught it.
Mama, copy, please, right now.
No, he's copying me.
She got so many different places.
That's an unfair question.
He's like, How about I gave up with Bristol Pepper?
He's like, come on.
Okay, go.
All right.
Where did you have your first kiss?
We had it at the Globe.
Wow.
That's correct.
Okay.
What was your belief?
Wait, Mark missed one.
Who made the first move?
Oh, who made the first move?
I did.
My nigga.
That's incorrect.
She says that's incorrect.
That's not.
I told her.
I told her to kiss me.
No, I mean in the relationship.
Who made the first move to initiate combo?
I thought we were talking about hooking up in the globe.
Yeah.
No, she, yeah, of course.
She slid in the DMs.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's the website.
Don't you?
The first move is a sexual connotation, which was me.
I made the first move.
No, no, no.
Okay, I'm sorry.
That's right.
My bad.
My bad.
Okay.
Sorry.
Yeah, that's fucking.
What did you do?
What'd you do?
What did you do for the second?
No, I was slick with it, boy.
What'd you say?
I said, one drink, no sex.
I tell you.
Words every time.
Every time.
You double.
That's it.
Double kick.
All right.
All right.
Go.
All right.
What was your beloved's childhood dream job?
Ballerina.
That's correct.
Yeah, I knew that one.
What is the drunkest that you two have ever been together?
Oh, shit.
The drunkest.
You gotta tell the story.
Oh, my God.
The uh, is it Paris?
That's correct.
Yeah.
What happened?
Uh, we just got absolutely shit-faced.
We went to Bar Hemingway.
We're drinking fucking martinis.
We met these two people, and uh, they took us back to their room, and we just started clearing out their mini bar, just smoking fucking cigarettes in their room, just ripping sigs, and then drove drunk the next morning to Versailles in a rented, like old-ass car, that vintage car.
I was shit-faced out of my mind, and I might have shit the bed that morning.
That was probably the bed at their house.
No, we got back to our slept for one hour, then drove out there, like literally shaking from alcohol poison.
That's what he called.
He's like, Yo, Doug, we met this like couple.
Like, uh, can we get them another like classic car?
Like, this whole thing, yeah, we tried to get them.
We were just drunk, it was what it was: drunken and having sick.
You were drunk in the morning, too, though.
I was drunk.
I was absolutely shit-faced where I was like, shaking.
That's what I was shaking on the drive.
That's a good time.
Yeah, and it was a fucking stick shift, too.
I was like stalling it out in the middle of the Paris streets, people honking at me and shit.
Is it at least right side left-handed driving?
Or like being in the left-hand side?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Because in England, you're on the other side doing stick.
You're fucked.
You fucked.
Game over.
Done.
I was even sober that sounds in Spain trying to learn fucking stick.
Oh, really?
I know stick, but on the other side, it's, I can't imagine.
Fucking stalling.
They don't, they're not on the other side in Spain, bro.
Yeah, Spain.
He was.
He was drunk.
No, they're not.
Yes, yeah.
They're not, though.
He lived in Spain's time.
Maybe not.
Yeah, yeah.
You really thought they were.
It's all good.
No, no, son.
I'm on a roll.
Next question.
What was the first gift that your girl ever gave to you?
This is a tough one.
This is a real tough one.
You might be done after this one, bro.
He's really the first gift.
Is this a birthday or is it a Christmas or something like that?
What is it?
I asked your girl yesterday at 7 p.m.
I said, Yo, what's the first gift you ever gave?
And this is what she said.
Boom.
I mean, she has to be.
Every time he don't know, the question's unfair.
She's mad.
The question is, that is kind of funny.
That'd be the worst in a spelling beat, bro.
This is why Indians always win.
Gift that she gave to me.
And you repeat the question.
But enunciated gifts.
The first, say that in a sentence.
First gift that she gave to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The first gift that she gave to me.
Yeah, yeah.
What theme song are you singing?
ESPN, I think.
I need Money Night.
So that's a team.
Isn't that Money Night Football?
Yeah.
No, I fucked that shit up.
Let me see here.
The first gift my girl ever gave to me was, I got to really think on this.
Can we come back to this one?
He's getting that.
We're coming back to the house.
No, Any.
We came back.
We're coming back to the favorite restaurant gift that she gave me.
Oh my God, what is this?
You should have said 90% just to give you some wiggle.
I still haven't gotten it wrong.
Okay.
I still haven't gotten it wrong.
She got it wrong.
She got it wrong.
The first gift that mattered, she got me a wallet.
That's the first gift that mattered.
What wallet?
Oh, the little gooch, baby.
A little gooch?
Is that what she has on it?
No.
No.
But that's the one that I remembered.
That's the one that I remember.
Yeah.
The whole point is what do you remember?
You double the fucking fucking questions.
No, like, yo, shoot him.
It was good.
It was the good, right?
The first gift that was good.
Oh, what?
What?
He just did the first gift that was good.
Oh, yeah.
We got a drink.
No, I meant that one.
Wait, what?
What drink?
What does she give you that wasn't good?
No.
No, I'm just teasing.
Actually, it's been really thoughtful.
I don't know if this is what you're referring to, but she makes these books for me of these memories.
Oh, that's cute.
That's a cute gift.
Yeah, but that probably wasn't the one you're referencing.
No, it's not.
Come on, bro.
That's a cute gift.
My girl gave me one of those.
Yeah.
I know, but I'm like, why you're great.
She's like, this is why you're great.
And then she had all these things.
It was really thoughtful.
Yeah.
That's his girl great.
I don't know though.
You're 4 for 2 for gifts right now.
No, I know.
I know.
I honestly can't remember the first gift she gave me.
What was it?
She said, break your drink and then we'll answer.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Well, give him the satisfaction.
Quote unquote, the first gift I gave him was AirPods.
He lost them 12 hours later.
I yelled at him.
It wasn't a huge fight, but I was very, very angry, is what she said.
Okay, okay.
Is that true?
I forget.
I was like, I forgot where I put them fucking AirPods.
That's a good thing about me forgetting is I forget our fights and shit, too.
Yeah, that's smart.
That's smart, actually.
That amnesia works.
Those are the AirPods that were trying to connect to everyone's phone.
Remember that might be it.
I still got them.
All right.
All right.
I asked your girl, what was Andrew's, what is Andrew's most used phrase?
What do you think she said?
Let's go.
Did she say that?
No, that's not how she said it.
Really?
Chocolate dandeli.
Yeah.
Nah.
I mean, drink again, chocolate.
She did say.
100%.
That's not what she said.
Drink again.
Chickadenda, right?
Chickadende is chocolate chicken.
That's not the same thing, bro.
They're literally the same thing.
No, it's not.
Chicken tenders turn into chickadende, turn into chocolate.
Motherfucking Latin turned into English.
They're not the same thing.
This is a good ass A.
I got you, bro.
That was good, girl.
That's it, man.
At a moment, like, with all the speed and shit, that was fucking good.
100%.
Yeah, yeah.
But chocolate dandele, 100%.
That counts as a dub.
That's a dub.
No, bro.
You got that was your second answer.
Well, here's the thing.
That's not a real word.
Oh, Jesus.
You said a saying.
Yo, I'm about to shoot myself.
That shit sucks.
But no, I got that right.
Chocolate dandelé.
I got that.
Oh, man.
All right.
All right.
No, that's an L.
That was a second.
That was a dub.
That's a thug.
No, that's a dub.
That's a doubt.
I'm going to step it up, bro.
His first answer.
Let's go.
Let's go.
That's an actual saying.
Yeah, but it was a second ago than it was chocolate dandale.
Chocolate dandale is chickadende.
No, it's not.
That's a nice difference.
Yo, shut the fuck up while I shoot you in the tooth.
This shit gonna stick right on your tooth.
Yeah.
All right, go.
Next.
All right.
All right, we got a couple easy ones and we're gonna get some wild ones.
Okay, go.
First of all, you're not doing that great.
Yeah, he ain't doing that great.
I'm killing this shit right now.
You were at first.
I was worried.
100 for one Brittenhouse.
All right.
Who spends more time?
Who spends more time on social media?
Oh, I do.
Yeah, it's not even close.
All right.
Who's got a quote-unquote wilder family?
Oh, she does.
Yeah.
That's correct.
All right.
What adjective describes Andrew in the bedroom?
This is what I asked her this question.
This is what she gave me an answer.
She gave me one adjective.
Is apologetic an adjective?
It actually is.
Is it apologetic?
No.
What describes me in the bedroom?
Yeah, what do you think she said?
You're brought to me.
This is funny.
I was enjoying the superficial, bro.
You're asshole.
That's a great question.
Who's going to be an adjective?
All right.
No, let's see.
Quick.
It's quick an adjective.
It's quick an adjective.
Everything is an adverb, technically.
That's an adverb.
Quickly.
That's an adverb, technically.
That's an adverb.
No, don't shoot me with that.
Okay.
That's a great question.
In the bedroom.
Quick is an adjective.
Yeah, quick is an adjective.
Quickly is an adjective.
What's your final answer?
Swift, just dominating force of nature.
So far, all these are wrong.
You're 0 for 6 right now.
Talking About Intercourse00:02:10
Okay, but no, no.
Let me just actually say my actual final guess.
And then he'll drink again.
In the bedroom?
Yeah, yeah.
Spinning your mouth a lot.
Soaking your attention.
Oh, now you don't like that anymore.
So more, just never do that again.
She put it in the beginning, put up with it probably because you wanted me to like you a lot.
That shit's so annoying, bro.
Yeah, girls are like, yeah, actually, don't like that.
Yeah, I love all that stuff.
And then you don't, and now we're married.
And then we'll make a deal about it.
Hell that.
But let me think.
Real, the adjective.
In bed?
Dog, I hate that young.
Multiple questions.
I hate it.
I just want to make sure I'm understanding this.
What is my.
How did you get through school?
We're talking about sex.
We're talking about sex.
What do you think?
We're talking about this whole time.
We could be sleeping.
We're making it.
Apologetic?
What is the.
Hey, I spent most of my time doing it.
That was nice.
Yeah.
That was nice.
Okay.
So, listen, so what are we talking about here?
We're talking about the intercourse.
Are we talking about intercourse?
That was the implication, but I said in the bedroom.
So she assumed.
The question I asked her is: what adjective describes Andrew in the bedroom?
That's the question I asked.
Unprotected.
Okay, good.
Okay.
What I exercise, me in the bedroom.
Not often.
Is that an adjective?
Let me just tell you.
No, no, no.
Let me just say it.
Let me say it.
Yeah, you say it.
Okay.
Take a real guess.
This is real care.
What I think it is, is.
Can I have one?
That was like really close.
You need more?
Yes, please.
Yeah, pass that over.
Let me think about the answer to that.
What adjective describes me in the bedroom?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Might as well.
It's like caring.
Considerate lover.
Really sweet.
Here, pass that over.
Really sweet and kind lover, considerate lover.
You want to circle back to this one, though?
Yeah, let's circle back to that one.
Shared Experience00:15:29
Fast.
I don't know.
Fast.
What did she say?
Her answer was lazy.
I get it.
Yo, because I'm on my back.
But that's how you know, that's how she.
Yeah, what's the strategy?
That's how she climaxes, bro.
Like, if you're going to climax on your back, I'm going to be on my back.
She's trying to get you out of here.
What are you doing in there?
Hat is.
I'm on my back.
Can you show us?
I'm doing it.
This is me during sex until you climax, and then your boy goes to Tong.
Your boy goes to Tong.
I don't want to go with this.
This is how you know that that's the answer.
So if I'm on top and I give like three like really hard, passionate pumps, I'm nutting.
Like real hard, passionate, like grab your shoulders and shit like that.
You gotta play to win.
You gotta play to win.
I think I'm gonna be.
Yo, I just want to spend more time with you.
You know, I just want to spend more quality time.
Yeah.
Why you cock that?
I don't know.
Because you might need to get shot.
All right, next one.
Don't cock that hammer.
Next one.
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Now let's get back to the show.
All right.
All right.
We're going to circle back to some other ones.
But what's the grossest thing Andrew has ever done around?
No, Let's go.
Let's go.
Do that one.
All right.
I'll ask this one first.
What's the strangest place that you all have ever made love?
The strangest place that we've ever made love.
Yeah.
The strangest place?
Yeah.
You want Dub to go first?
What do you're crazy?
It's like the strangest place here made love.
In the car wash.
Really?
Yeah.
Like the self-serve car wash?
That's actually fire.
Yeah.
Why are you saying that for years?
I've done that.
Really?
Yeah.
Thank you.
The strangest car wash.
When you get to stay in the suds and shit like that, and then you're going to do the suds.
You know, you don't finish, but you start up.
You got to do it.
Smash or like, hey?
Yeah, both.
The strange clean.
I think girl, but what?
It depends.
When?
I don't know.
Yeah, but that's strange.
But why the car wash?
Like, just because it's visually stimulating?
It's visually.
You're on a drive.
Because you're in public, but nobody can see you.
Exactly.
You know what I mean?
So you want to have sex in public, but you don't.
In college, it was always public.
Like, whoever's.
Wait, what's your crazy thing?
That's the craziest place you've ever made love.
Why?
Why?
There's just too many paces.
Stop.
Hey, give us a couple examples.
Restaurant bathrooms.
A church.
Charlie is easily the wildest.
That's discountful, dog.
At this side, Jesus ain't got no pussy and you did.
Jesus' mom ain't getting no pussy and you did.
Come on, bro.
Thank you.
Thank you, bro.
Thank you.
I had to do it for God.
He's blasphemous, bro.
She's cool.
She is cool.
Remember when Delwent all in on that dude's car?
We're in the elevator.
I was in the bathroom of a church.
Oh, respect.
Yeah.
Said I should be boring.
I was Catholic.
That shit.
That's what that girl was doing.
Beach.
The beach is cool.
Beach?
Yeah, the beach is cool.
What beach?
That don't seem that strange.
Fire Island, his beach, one time.
Wait, who was it?
Oh, the dude, huh?
Nah, yeah.
Okay, honestly, I don't know the craziest place.
What about a Japanese Ryukun or whatever?
Wait, what?
You had sex at Ryuka?
Like, one of them places like them little fucking Ryuka.
I did all that shit decades ago.
You know what I'm saying?
We stayed in a Ryukun.
Respect.
And then I think we had sex in that shit.
Or ate just mad pickle vegetables.
One or the other.
All right, wait.
What's the craziest place we had?
That's 10 minutes.
We got to drive.
What's the craziest place?
All right.
Her answer.
You're not doing well in this game.
Yeah, it's going down.
I started off with heat.
She's going to be happy.
Her answer was, so I said made love.
She said, ha-ha, made love, but nothing crazy.
Dot, dot, dot.
The kitchen counter question mark?
Oh.
Okay, okay.
We ate it.
Yeah.
Thanksgiving?
Oh, that's Thanksgiving.
Stuffing was?
No.
No, I think that's good.
She was the one doing the stuffing, bro.
Yeah, boy.
The new studio is you talking about.
I christened it first.
You think you did.
Yo, it's all good, dub.
We got that sloppy sex.
Okay, next.
All right.
What's the grossest thing Andrew has ever done around you?
Oh, that's a fucking tough one, bro.
Come on, son.
There's so many.
So many.
A shit in a bed, dude.
That's shit.
She's literally shit in a bed next to her.
If that's not the worst, this is the best.
I'm farting.
I bite my toenails.
I like, I mean, come on, dude.
It's non-stop.
Pick my nose like crazy.
Feed it to the body.
You like a puppy she adopted.
It's really true.
It's really true.
That's like a shelter dog.
She's really good.
But if the shit in your bed isn't the grossest, I don't want to.
What's the answer?
Yeah, what is the answer?
She said it's tie for two.
Okay.
You got one of them correctly.
Okay.
That was the shit in the bed.
Yeah.
And then they'll.
What's something that's oh, I scratched my ass and then smelled my fingers?
That's crazy.
Okay.
You told it out.
Dude, you're Mensa.
It's crazy.
I know.
He's got that, bro.
I'm out here.
I love this.
I love my girl.
All right.
Who would last longer on a deserted island?
Oh, her.
Yeah, easily.
That's correct.
She's resourceful.
Yeah, she figured out all these different things.
I'd be calling y'all.
Mark, how you started fire?
Yeah, what's SOS and Wars Cove?
Yo.
All right.
What's the first trick?
Drink your drink, Mark.
Drink your fucking drink.
Yo, you too.
You too.
You too is right.
Thank you, dog.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
All right.
What was the worst travel experience you two have ever had together?
I think I know this one.
Yeah, I think I know this one.
The food in Egypt.
What happened?
It was just awful.
The food in Egypt.
We didn't like the food there.
The worst travel experience.
We didn't like the Ryuken in Tokyo either.
Wait, what was wrong with the Ryuken?
It was just fucking...
We just didn't need it.
We need a little more luxury.
We need a little more luxury.
What do you mean?
What was the fucking thing?
It was like they're trying to recreate.
I know.
The worst travel experience?
But I loved Egypt, man.
I thought it was so fucking cool.
But the worst travel experience.
Are we talking about out of the country or in the country?
Didn't he motherfucking answer the question?
No, it's important.
Technically, the answer is out of the country.
Okay.
I know this.
If he gets it wrong, I think I'll answer.
Oh, you got it?
He talked about it.
You want to phone a friend?
He talked about it on the podcast.
Really?
I think so.
I think I know what it's going to be.
Am I off here?
I don't know.
You guessed.
You might be right.
I just know the answer.
I wonder how honest she's going to be.
The final day in Japan.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's not so specific.
I don't want to answer, but that's what I want to know.
If she was honest with you, it would be the final day of Japan.
Because I heard about you saying you, Yahoo's argument.
I was done.
What can you tell her?
I was done with everything Japanese by then.
I heard that.
I didn't even call Uyeda for a month after that.
I did it, bro.
Like, I was done.
I had enough.
Like, I had enough.
I remember that.
I had pizza the last day.
I was like, I need something kind of American.
You're wrong, yo.
I think I know what it is.
What do you think it is?
Is it flying back from Mexico?
Oh, that doesn't count.
That's correct.
That doesn't count.
That's on you.
That's her worst experience.
That don't count.
That was my favorite.
That was my favorite travel experience.
She throwing up in the bathroom and she's sitting on the floor of the bathroom in a fucking airplane.
You got to think what she's going to answer.
Can I close the door so I can laugh?
Really?
I thought she was saying a shared experience that we thought was whatever, but I knew.
I was dying laughing.
Come on, you know, ain't no wife going to talk about a shared experience.
She's talking about it.
She's got a shared experience, bro.
Y'all that you guys have ever had.
That doesn't count.
Yeah, that doesn't count.
All right, go on next.
But I got that right now.
She ain't happy.
You can't be here.
I got that right because it's cat.
Hold on, hold on.
You got that.
No, no, no, that's cat.
No, his answer was he was done with everything Japanese.
That ain't a shared experience either.
God damn it, black bitch.
You can't shoot again right after you missed.
He answered it the same way.
You missed me, bitch.
Remember that?
Remember that from Delhi?
Yeah, he answered it the same way she did.
Yep.
No.
What was burp?
Yeah, he answered like a woman.
I didn't say why.
He answered like a woman.
I didn't say why.
Nah, because our last day, we got into a big-ass fight because I was done with Japan.
And I just went to the pool and chilled.
And then she came to the pool and I just started swimming laps.
I don't even swim like that, bro.
I think I might have been in jeans.
Son travel fights.
I need some time to myself.
Travel fights are worse at.
So that is what I would say was our worst shared experience.
But okay, next one.
All right.
What was the first trip you ever took together?
Japan.
She says that's incorrect.
Define trip.
Come on, stop with that, boy.
No, it's like you are off.
If she wants to talk about it, okay, if she wants to talk with me to fucking New Pulse or whatever like that, that's fine.
And then I said, I love you at the end of the trip.
That probably.
Oh, yeah, that's kind of a trip.
Wait, but dumbass.
New Paul's.
Is that the answer?
She says our first trip was upstate New York.
New Pulse and then Tokyo.
Okay.
But literally, Tokyo's a trip.
If you said, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
If we going upstate, if we go to Pokonos, that's trip.
That's a trip.
Hey, it takes me on trips.
We went to Jersey.
We went to fucking, what is it called?
Commons where you buy the cheap shit.
Hell yeah.
Woodbury Commons.
Ain't no trip.
$50,000 of Woodbury Commons is.
A trip is a flight.
A trip ain't no drive.
A trip is a flight.
Nah, a trip is a fucking trip and a trip.
A trip ain't no drive, bro.
If you go on a ski resort someplace, Poconos, that's a trip.
That's a trip.
That's a trip.
Three days.
Three days away.
He's actually right now.
I can just say it the fuck up.
Three days away.
The fact that she had to even mention Tokyo as well is that she knows that ain't no fucking trip.
He gets partial credit.
He gets partial credit.
He's partial credit.
No, you get Airbnb.
It ain't a fucking trip.
Your little cute ass Airbnb.
Grow up.
You know what I mean?
Four seasons.
Ooh.
That's what I'm talking about.
We didn't stay there.
But it's cool, though.
We didn't stay there.
Pretty expensive ass spot.
We went in that bitch.
All right.
Now I'm going to circle back.
All right.
What's your girl's favorite restaurant?
Oh, we never answered this one?
No.
Just got it wrong.
Miles talking shit.
Yo, Miles' salty in the corner, bro.
I like it.
I could give you her favorite restaurants per food group, but I can't tell you her overall favorite restaurant, bro.
Right?
It's so annoying.
Just get the answer wrong so we can find out what the right answer.
I want to know the right answer.
Tell me, get it.
You love your wife.
Y'all fucking get it wrong.
She's one of those.
Y'all acting like this is my idea.
All right, let's see.
Y'all acting.
Y'all acting like I decided to do this.
Y'all acting like you over this game.
It's your game.
You guys decided to do it.
You dropped the play in the game.
No, you're not.
Well, can I get it right?
I'm married.
My girl going to be listening to this mom surfing in Brazil.
And if I come out of the fucking water, she's going to be pissed off for no goddamn reason because I don't know the fucking restaurant we have sex in.
Wait, what?
Lazy.
Talk about lazy.
Talking about lazy.
That shit stopped.
Talking about lazy.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going to be real active.
You're not going to lie.
Okay.
I'm going to be real active.
Lazy.
Hilarious.
Letting you fucking sit on me this whole time.
You think that's lazy?
Letting another human being sit on you?
Another motherfucking human being sit on you.
That's lazy.
You bury the weight.
That's the weight of the whole human being.
That's lazy to you.
That's lazy to you.
That's fucking lazy to you.
Fuck out of here.
You know what I mean?
Bearing the whole weight.
The whole weight of another motherfucking human being.
The whole team is on my motherfucking back this whole goddamn fucking time.
Come on now.
That's ridiculous.
You wouldn't call me lazy.
That is hilarious.
Me lazy.
I gotta bring you up on me.
The silkies.
I gotta bring you on me.
With the silkies.
I can do rag activity right there.
Let's go.
You know what I'm saying?
Let's go.
Tell you, listen.
I'm not playing around, bro.
I literally, I'm out here.
You all the way over here leaned up over there on your fucking pillow.
I got to scoop under you.
Whoop, baby.
You think I'm going on top, so I got to fight that.
Get you back on top of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then what?
And then it's pipe time.
Dennis, Mario, brothers, baby.
You don't.
No, We're in the second board.
I'm sorry.
No, no, but for real.
Favorite restaurant.
Yeah, favorite restaurant.
Let's say it's.
Give me a little list.
You say it's Mexican.
Oh, ready?
Ready, ready?
Stay right there.
Al, stay right there, Al, because you're about to do that.
I knew you was going to do that.
Stay right there, okay?
You stay right there.
You ready?
Her favorite restaurant in New York City, okay?
She says, I'm lazy after paying the bill and then laying on my back after having fucking Mexican food full to the brim.
You gotta drink.
Son, you got the light from the fucking timer.
It cut you off.
Yo, smoke something, I got you.
Yo, honestly, this is my bad.
This is my bad for not getting this.
This is my bad for not getting this.
I fucked up.
Yeah, we know.
I fucked up on this one.
There's only one question I could admit that I actually fucked up on this one.
Fucked up.
It's Cosme.
But you right.
Favorite Day Hint00:12:54
You right?
The only reason why I didn't think of that is because I don't love my wife.
No, The only reason why I didn't think of that shit is because I was so caught up in this like international places that we went to.
But Cosme is her favorite restaurant.
That's a flex.
It's facts, bro.
We be international, though.
Yeah, you know, when you're taking her across state lines, took her to New Paul's, New York, bro.
Home of Sunny Newport and Storm King.
You know what I'm saying?
I took my girl's norm can.
That's the first place we went.
Did you put her right under that big-ass structure?
I just prayed to God, bro.
That it would fall?
Yeah.
There's a kill your girlfriend thing.
Yeah, it's like King Arthur's sword and the stone.
But opposite.
No.
Yeah, you put her under the stone, and if it crushes her, then you get you're free.
Ah, that's what, yes.
But he takes the stone, he takes a sword out of the stone.
Yeah, he's king.
It's the opposite.
But that'll make him king.
Yeah, it does.
No, it just makes him have that sword forever.
Nah, son.
Ex-caliber, that makes him king.
That'll make him king, bro.
The king is a king.
Stay the chosen one.
Not me.
Whoever could take that shit out is a chosen one.
So who, what happens to the king who's been kinging?
He just got to go, oh, he got to retire just because this motherfucker could take a sword out of the stone.
Yo, Al's shirt's been off this whole time.
I didn't notice, man.
It's dark.
I got it right, Al.
Cosme, favorite restaurant.
That's a no-brainer.
Easy.
I mean, after you told him the food group, yeah.
If you said where'd I propose to my wife, then I would know.
That wasn't the one.
Clearly, I knew it enough to propose to her there.
Okay, go on.
All right.
All right.
What was the worst date you guys ever had?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She got said cosme when he proposed.
Is that where he proposed?
Yeah.
That was what he just said.
I respect.
All right.
The worst date.
The worst date that we ever had.
I asked her this, so keep that in mind.
Like, what was the worst date for her?
For her.
Kind of like a travel experience for her.
The worst day.
She was getting her brains out on a flight.
And you were like, I was upset with you.
I got you.
The worst date we ever had.
I said, baby, you want to come see daddy do some stand-ups?
I think you're right.
You want to see daddy do some stand-ups?
I think you're right.
She said, yeah, I want to see daddy do some stand-ups.
I said, okay, baby, I got to show the comic strip live.
Yeah, and then what'd you say?
I said, why don't we, before we do that show, why don't we go get some Japanese food right across the street with my guy?
You know what I'm saying?
My guy be cooking up the fire Japanese food.
Never been sick once me.
Yeah, that's light.
So we go have some Japanese food.
Sick once me.
Me?
Never been sick once me.
Young Yoda on the channel.
I know, right?
I don't love to play around.
I speak English.
Okay?
Speak that English.
GG, let's go.
So we go have some Japanese food.
Your boy scarfs down the Japanese food.
No big deal.
Shorty order some dumb shit.
Dumb shit.
Order some dumb shit.
Fuck you, dove.
Oh, my God, bro.
I know this shouldn't be a surprise, but it hit his nose.
So, Shorty eats some sushi, doesn't tell your boy that it's immediate food poisoning.
We go across.
She's sitting in my set, not laughing at all.
You know what I mean?
She's just sitting there holding her stomach.
I'm like, is she dying laughing?
Did she got mad because she wasn't laughing?
No, I didn't get mad at all.
She's just sitting there, like, literally has severe food poisoning.
And she be getting food poisoning.
Since his stomach having ass, you know, anytime I try to culture this woman, bro, she be throwing up for no reason.
She don't want to talk.
Yo, I'm out here, dog.
You gotta run every five seconds.
I farted out.
I don't throw it up.
Y'all smelled your fart yesterday.
That's respect.
That is respect.
The smell.
But am I right?
Yeah, you're right.
And what happened?
What happened?
What happened?
Yeah, she'd be fucking throwing up and shit like that.
Non-stop.
Her worst experiences both were just her having just her throwing up.
Yeah.
So this was her full answer, all right?
Andrew took me to the comic strip and his favorite sushi spot.
And then we went back to the comic strip.
And I felt really dizzy.
And we were in the Uber.
And I was like, I don't feel good.
And he walked me into the building.
And in the building lobby, I vomited all over myself.
Not in the lobby.
You walk into the building and then they have a little outside place for your dog to piss and shit.
And we just opened that door and she threw up right there.
And she said that was our fourth date.
Yeah.
Respect.
What a sweet girl for watching you perform, feeling sick as shit.
Oh, that's.
I thought that was the illest.
Yeah.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Like, she's about to throw up, sitting there trying to thug it out.
Man, those days were dope, man.
When your girl be lying about who she is.
Like, those days are so far.
Okay, what else?
All right.
I asked her, What is your favorite quality about Andrew?
Hmm.
Money.
I'd be rich as fuck.
I'd be rich as fuck just paying for trips and restaurants and all that shit.
Oh, that's a nice post from Blizzard Peppers.
You know how much it costs?
You know how much it costs for that post?
I'm not sure what you're doing right now.
What are you doing?
You know what I'm saying?
Just take a picture online and a fucking story.
My wife stopped listening as soon as they got rings.
Let's be honest.
Exactly.
What he said is our wife stopped listening as soon as they got rings.
They got rings, bro.
I don't need to give a fuck about this anymore.
No, Go ahead and read.
What is my most what is what she say?
She said, My favorite thing about Andrew is his kindness and his generosity.
Yeah.
That's basically what I said.
It kind of is low.
It kind of is what I said.
Like, I was right.
So we're going to give me the W on that one.
What do you think?
All right.
Go.
All right.
What's your girl's favorite day of the week?
Who got a favorite?
Never mind.
Right?
Who got a favorite day?
What's your favorite day of the week?
Don't most people?
No.
Thank God it's Friday.
Where do you think that came from?
Yeah, it's a whole restaurant.
Dumbass?
Yeah, dumbass.
You agree with me?
Nah, you're an idiot.
Don't shoot my friend.
Jesus.
Hey, don't shoot my friend.
Hold on.
What is it?
Because that's a lot of weeds.
Oh, shit.
That's all good.
For no reason.
Nah, you had that coming.
You've been talking mad shit to this man.
Yeah, yo, fuck Miles, bro.
Yeah, fucking dickhead.
Okay.
What is my girl's favorite day of the week?
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah, one is seven chance.
What?
You have a one to seven chance.
I guess.
Nah, but there's probably a reason why one is the favorite day.
And it's Tuesday because that is date night.
That's correct.
He crushes.
That's correct.
And then what was your favorite day that you two have spent together?
In my whole life?
Hey, in her whole life?
I guess in your life.
In her whole life?
In my whole life?
Yeah, yeah.
In all his whole lives.
In ours' whole lives.
Yeah, the faith.
She stayed on the teeth.
Oh, nice.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out of boot.
Shifty's drunk, bro.
Yeah, yo, shifty, chill.
All right, my most favorite day.
He's a yoga.
He's not drunk.
That I oh, thank you, good sir.
My most favorite day that I.
Oh, thank you, good sir.
I feel mad, nigga.
I mean, our engagement day was great.
I love our engagement.
Our favorite day.
Oh, like, I mean, there were days in Japan that were so fucking cool.
Morocco was just.
I have a lot of favorite days.
That's nice.
That's beautiful.
I have a lot of favorite days.
Why are you hating?
Because he's alone.
Fuck you, dude.
You'd be alone forever.
Why are you so accurate with me when you chew it?
It's easier to talk.
Oh, my God.
I got your motherfucker right in his forehead.
Yeah, fuck you, dog.
That's fucked up, man, trying to belove his fiancé.
You ain't let that shit happen.
Hold on, let me think.
Favorite fucking day.
Can you give me a little bit?
No.
Oh, come on.
No.
Whichever one it comes to.
You said you might be 100%.
Yeah, bro.
That's true.
You said you'd be 100%.
You've been mad far off.
She already lost.
So be honest.
What's your favorite day?
You're Bailey Patterson public school right now.
Nah.
Son, that's 65.
You're coming close to that live.
Nah, I got this shit easy.
This is light.
My favorite day with my fiancé, just like the best day ever.
I'm trying to think, like, this is just the best day ever.
Like, just being so excited.
Just enjoying it so much.
Your boy needs an inhaler.
I'll tell you that shit.
I'm going to be hired.
I'll give you mouth to mouth, bro.
Can we give him a hint?
Yes, give me a hint.
Yeah.
Give me a hint.
It's the day you propose.
Wait, what do you think it is?
Just say what your favorite day is.
I'll say her favorite day.
Give me a hint.
Because the day I propose, not my favorite day.
She started a fucking fight that morning, dumbass.
She almost didn't get proposed to that night.
I remember you talking about that.
I remember that shit podcast.
I'm holding this shit in my pocket, this big ass fucking box.
I'm like, you are fucking retarded right now to fight me.
Big box.
Big box.
Yeah, the big box.
Yeah, Bing Box.
We got the ice bag.
I thought that shit was a watch.
Son, real talk.
Real talk.
But don't disrespect it because that shit costs way more than a watch.
Miles, give me a hint.
Don't worry.
What was your favorite day?
No, just be honest.
I ain't got no favorite days, bro.
But she's not in a bad mood.
Be vulnerable with us.
What was your favorite day?
So like two days.
Be vulnerable.
What was your favorite day?
No, but just favorite.
Throw something out because you might get it.
And then I'll be way faster.
You got a drink.
Hurry up.
Let's take a drink.
Let's take a fucking drink.
Take one little surface.
How are you going to search to them?
I don't know, my G.
I don't know.
Does this count if he has that in his head?
Oh, you fucked up.
You're not allowed to drink water.
You can't do that.
I'm not going to give you my cupboard.
I threw the dub.
No, give him some little Sundays, bro.
That motherfucker not drinking.
He's not partying.
You're like counting my cupback out of respect.
You threw your cup at him?
Yes.
What happened when I was?
Well, he was being a huge cuck.
Yep.
What was your favorite day that you guys spent together?
Come on, bro.
Man, I want to get this right.
No, no, just be honest, man.
No, it's not about honesty.
It's like, I want to tap.
The whole thing's about honesty.
No, no, no, no.
It's not about me not wanting to be dishonest.
What I'm saying is I'm trying to tap into like a feeling that I had.
And I remember specific days where I was like, oh, this is the fucking best.
And so I'm trying to lock in exactly where we were.
But what was that for you?
Just be personal.
Well, it's not about me getting it right.
I don't get credit for when I'm right.
I get credit for figuring out great if you got the same day that she's thinking about.
Yeah, that's a good point.
It'd be great.
And then we could just edit out.
If I'm going to give you a little hint, give me a little hint.
No, no, no.
First, you answer, then I give you a hint.
Give me a little hint.
First answer is technically in the future.
Oh, come on, bro.
How am I supposed to guess that?
No, that's so easy.
That's the biggest thing.
Her favorite day that she ever spent with you.
You want to know?
Divorce day?
Our divorce?
Half day?
That's a half day.
That's a half day.
Yo, my wife got a half day coming.
No, no.
Our wedding day.
She said, the day that she gets to spend forever with you.
What a sweet girl, man.
And she went on to say, Andrew, how lucky we are to have found one another, to look forward to every minute we have together, to every day, to every laugh.
You are one of a kind, and I'm so happy to call you mine.
That's beautiful.
Yo, Mark teared up a little bit.
Oh, that's nice.
If y'all weren't here, I would cry.
But y'all are here.
So I choose violence.
Okay, no.
My favorite day.
She better not repeat them bars in the bows, though.
This is hurting before.
All material.
No.
What I would say, one of my favorite days, I can't say it's the favorite day.
One of my favorite days when we were flying to Japan, We watched Avengers and both Avengers together, and we watch it in the same seat because we use mad points and shit like that to get like a little firstie going.
And then she just sat in the seat with me.
And the Japanese people, they're so like they don't want conflict.
So they just let two people sit in the same seat for six hours straight.
And how do you both hear it?
Say what?
How'd you both hear it?
One headphone each and subbies subtitles.
Also, I know what they're saying.
And it's not a lot of dialogue in that movie, fam. Hulk Smash.
Nah, wait, what headphone each?
That'll make sense, Brie.
That'll make sense.
Why not?
Son, like you can't stretch the joint.
Yeah, you can use your own headphones.
Are you absolutely retarded?
No, you can't use it.
Are you absolutely retarded?
Yeah, but what they gave us wasn't those.
Japanese People Advice00:13:01
What they gave.
They gave us the.
Oh, no, we had a splitter.
Oh, sorry.
Okay, okay.
He's right.
He's right.
Stupid.
We had a splitter.
Oh, y'all, motherfuckers.
You get one, motherfucker.
Shut up, dude.
What you've been doing this last month, eating?
I'm sitting down.
You guys looking like, Don, take out that gut right now.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Sitting down.
Sitting down.
That's different.
Yo, oh, shit.
All right, here we go.
So, all right, was that the last question?
That was it.
I got that right.
So, how many are how many I got right?
All right, Mom.
Do you have his total?
Yeah, it's like 20 and a half, maybe.
Out of 25?
I'm gonna give me 21 out of 25.
Oh, that's 80%, bro.
Who's taking y'all on?
You'd be minus.
You'd be minus, dog.
Yo, come on, give a 21.
21.
That's still a B minus.
I think I got 21 out of 25.
I think that's fire.
Yeah, it's a lot of hints.
That's 84, I think, right?
He said a lot of hits.
He's a hater, this guy, dude.
Okay, whatever.
I'm afraid to not get them right.
What?
Yeah, I want my girl to think I love her.
All right, we stopped down for a second.
Yeah.
Is that what you're saying?
I mean, that's it.
Oh, that's the end of the podcast?
Yes.
Okay, listen, guys.
How many hours have we gone for?
We've gone for two.
Do you have any marriage advice for you?
Yeah, what I would like before I get out of here.
How can we help you?
How can we help you?
I would like marriage advice from the gentlemen that have been married, and I want to know how it changed their lives and the things that I should look out for.
And I mean that seriously, but also we're going to have fun with it, obviously.
But I do mean that seriously.
I actually think in a life like ours, where it's always so hectic, this is, it makes things easier.
You, I feel like your relationship is the least hectic it's been since y'all been married.
Yeah, marriage has been great because there's no, first of all, there's no uncertainty.
Like every small thing y'all ever get into, it doesn't mean anything.
Like whatever.
This will sort itself out.
We're together forever.
We got time.
You get these little small fights.
You get annoyed.
Early on in a relationship, when you're in a fight, you're fucking, oh my God, what's going to happen?
How do I make this right?
Okay, be mad.
Now you're mad.
I'm mad.
We're mad.
We'll be all right.
We have our whole lives to figure it out.
So I don't stress any of that shit.
I think she stresses it less.
And then in the lifestyle where you're everything is like not structured, kind of, as much as you try to structure your day, you're traveling to a different place every weekend.
You're doing different things on the pod.
You got different, whatever.
This is one thing that is static and secure and always there.
I think marriage helps in a like in this lifestyle.
Yeah, big time.
Yeah, that stability is amazing.
And then on the wedding day, there's going to be so much shit going on.
So many people trying to get your attention, people that flew in trying to talk to you.
Make time for her.
Pull her aside.
Like when all the craziness is going on, be like, yo, can I just have a dance with you just alone?
You and me?
That's fire.
I wish she told me that shit, dog.
That's a swagger.
That advice last year.
That's the swaggiest thing you've ever done.
Just don't forget that it's for her.
And that is her day.
That no matter who else is there and what's going on, the most important thing is that you guys are spending time with it.
That's great advice, man.
That's great advice.
Yeah, I wish I got that shit.
You did a lot.
I think you were great on your wedding.
Yeah, you remember it's her special, dog.
It really is.
It's her special.
It really is.
So, as much as you're there, you're there for her.
And it's honestly so much, especially Indian wedding, so many functions.
So stressed, so fucking annoyed.
But those days, the amount of love that you're going to get and you're going to feel, it's like, it really is the best days of your life.
Yeah.
It's so weird because, like, I was selling this to, I think, selling sister Mark the other day.
Like, I don't like, I know it's going to sound crazy, but I don't like forced attention.
Yes, I know.
I like earned attention.
Yes.
So, like, I don't believe I deserve attention just because I was born this day.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
You don't fuck with birthdays.
I don't like birthdays for that reason.
It's like, why are you going to fake like me today?
Like, oh, you really like me extra today because it's my birthday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your calendar told you.
I agree.
Fuck that.
I didn't do anything to be here.
Well, maybe I did, I guess.
Yeah, you swam the fastest.
Fast.
Got on that egg.
Survivor.
Hell yeah.
I remember that shit.
I was all up in my mom.
Oh, you're right.
Let me chill out.
But like, so I don't love forced attention in that way.
I like being on stage where I get to give the audience something and they enjoy it.
And I get to see them laugh.
And then their laughter makes me go, okay, it's worth them paying attention to me.
And if they laugh so hard, they're like, like crying or some shit.
I'm like, oh, wow, I'm getting extra.
Like, that's awesome.
Right.
Right.
This is like the icing on the cake, you know?
So with a wedding or with like a birthday, I'm like, all these people are coming out and they're doing this thing just for me.
And like, I don't get, it feels weird.
And so like, I guess there's part of me that's like, I want the wedding to be really fun so that we can all really enjoy this shit.
And like you guys get something out of it.
No.
But I have to also think that like this is for her.
She's been dreaming about this since she's a kid.
It's for her then you.
It's for y'all.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So you just enjoy it.
Yeah.
People are going to want to love you and that's cool.
That's why they're there.
But maybe I got to look at it like this is a safe time for people to show love.
Dude, it's amazing.
Yeah.
And they will.
I kiss this guy on the cheek 12 times on my wedding day.
It's the best.
They would just give me tongue.
Done.
You remember that?
I kissed you on the cheek too.
Al wouldn't let me homophobic.
Homophobic.
Be sucking fingers, though.
I put some molly on my lips.
You had a fucking hole.
No, I guess what it's like is like, maybe I have to look at it that way.
And like, some people, they need an excuse to be honest about the way they feel about you.
Like when I was a molly, I get to tell my friends how I really feel about them all the time.
And that is how I feel about them all the time.
But it just feels like, I don't know, sometimes it feels uncomfortable.
It feels inorganic.
In a wedding, it's organic to do that.
Yeah.
So maybe I look at it like that.
Like, here's this opportunity where people get to celebrate you.
Yep.
And it's weird to just do that on a regular day.
But now they also have the excuse to do that.
And I have a different perspective on weddings after having a wedding.
You haven't had it yet.
Well, no, like planning that shit.
Like, well, technically, I have, but like I hated weddings before.
I was like, do y'all want me to even go to your wedding?
Like, I was like, I just thought it was a nuisance to even be.
Like, yes, what do you mean?
I know.
I was like, I don't need to go.
I didn't.
You didn't.
But then I started realizing, like, for you specifically, I was like, this is a really important thing, like, culturally.
Yeah.
And your religion and your culture is very important to you.
So I was like, I, that, so that's important to me because it's important to you.
So I wanted to be there.
And I did film an ad outside.
You're selling my boogie spot.
I was selling my boogie right outside.
Yeah, promo code what?
Flagrant.
No.
But, but no, like, I was like, okay, that's important to you, so I'll go.
But when it comes to, I don't know, it was like weird.
Like, obviously, you, I was like, I don't know.
No, do I need to be there?
Is it like, what is the point?
It's just like a stupid party.
But now I see like when people aren't able to come, like, some of my girls' family can't come.
Yeah.
And I'm just like, and I see how that affects my girl.
Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, fuck, that's how people feel.
Yeah.
Like, they take it as like they're not important enough.
I don't know if you interpret that.
That same thing happened to me.
Okay.
I didn't realize that weddings were important until I had one.
Okay.
And then I was like, yo, every wedding I go to, I'm going to dance till the very end.
Yeah, like I'm going to be up.
I'm going to do my best.
When people left my wedding early and they're like, yeah, we got work in the morning and got to go.
What is that?
But with the people that stayed all the way to the very end, I was like, yo, that's dope.
So every wedding I go to, I'm like, yo, I'm on the dance floor.
I'm getting everyone hyped up.
I'm the last one to leave.
And you don't realize it until after you have a wedding.
You're like, damn, I wish this is how people behave at my wedding.
Yeah.
And then you get to pay it forward.
Also, can I say something about y'all?
Yeah, say it.
This dope is like, I don't know how to phrase this in a way that's not disrespectful.
Why are you going to be disrespectful?
Like, y'all are my girl's friends, too.
Yeah, of course.
My girls' friends are my girls' friends.
That Venn diagram goes one way.
Yeah.
I got you.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, she even said to me once at the wedding, she before when she was like, she was like, yo, when we do this wedding, she's like, yo, don't go out and like do drugs without me.
Like, let's make a rule.
And I was like, you know me with rules.
Like, if you give me a rule, I'm going to break it.
I don't, I do not do well with rules.
If you give me freedom, I fly back.
I'm like one of them birds that like go seasonally and shit.
Like, I'm going to come back to the nest no matter what.
If you give me freedom, I come back.
But if you give me a rule, I have to break it.
And she's like, fine.
It's just like you and your friends are going to have all the fun.
Because we're fun.
And we also got years on a lot of it.
Not all of us, but we got years, but I like it.
I put my titty out.
But what was cool about it is she was like, I know that you have more people coming.
But she's like, I also feel like close to a lot of the people that you have coming.
And I thought that was really cool.
Of course.
On you guys.
Yeah, of course.
They're like, you guys made her feel like you're there for her as well.
Family.
I used to do the thing when I was in college where I would be mean to my friends' girls.
And that was just because you're just some insecure little kid that you're like, oh, I'm going to lose my friend.
And so I would tease them and shit.
And then at a certain point, when my friends started getting married, I was like, oh, I have to be nice to this person, first of all, just because that's their, they'll always choose them.
But also, that was so childish.
Like, that's your family.
That could be even more.
I learned that the heart of my family.
Hey, me too.
I love you, brother.
Anyway, so it's good to switch the perspective.
And I'm stoked that you guys are going to be there.
And I'm excited for this day.
And I know Mark and I were talking about what it's like to have all the people that it's cool to have a day where here are all the people that you collected and you've thought that it was worthy to maintain relationships with them.
Yeah.
And they're all there just because you love someone else.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
They all showed up just for that.
Yeah.
Fly thousands of miles for that.
I don't know.
I just think that's so cool.
I'm excited to have the collection of 38 years of life.
The most amazing people I've met in 38 years.
These are the most amazing people I've met in 38 years.
And they're plus ones.
And they're plus ones.
Not everybody gets a plus one, my boy.
It's going to be a few plus ones.
I don't know.
I just think that's a really cool thing.
Like, I want people that don't know each other to meet and have cool conversations.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, so many of my groomsmen, I had so many, and I was like, they don't know each other.
They're going to get away from me.
We all make friends.
And then we got fucked your friend's mouth, your cousin's mouth.
You wish you did, bro.
That guy was his name.
That's not true.
You wish you did.
Oh, that sexy motherfucker.
Yeah.
We were talking about girlfriends.
I was like, ew.
And then we talked about a guy.
He's so lucky.
We took turns on that man.
Like, he was Andy Newfrane.
Hey, you know what?
For real, bro.
Remember when he swam through shit?
What do you call it?
Water?
That was fire.
That was good.
That was a decent joke.
That was good.
Like, quick, quick.
That was a decent joke.
I'll drink the rest of my drink.
It's fine.
No, no, no.
You got to serve.
Yo, chill, chill, chill.
You're going to drown.
Chill, stop.
Anyway, asshole army.
I hope you found this entertaining.
Oh, last thing that's kind of dope.
This sounds corny, but just saying my wife.
My way.
You've been saying my girl for so long, and it sounds mad, childish now.
I'm sure wife gets old too, but right now, I feel like a fucking grown-up finally.
That's my wife.
And it's nice to say.
That's my wife.
That's the most important person in my life.
That's my wife.
That shit right there.
That's fire.
That's true.
Like, nah, y'all don't have pets.
You got a pet.
You got a pet?
Come on, it's a cat.
You got a cat, dog.
You ever walk in your dog early in the morning?
Yeah.
And you see a motherfucker walking their dog in the morning, you're like, oh, you have responsibilities.
Yeah.
Like, I respect you.
You woke up before you wanted to.
Walk your cat.
To walk your fucking pet.
Yeah, 100%.
I'm with it.
That's what my wife feels like.
Yeah.
Saying my wife.
Saying my wife feels like you.
When a guy says my wife, it's so cute.
I know.
I was killing it.
It was so old.
Yeah, when you fucking dog is like your.
Nah, I see how that could be interpreted in the weird light time as not me.
No.
What I'm saying is like, keep going.
When you say my wife, I got to take you seriously immediately after.
When someone goes, yeah, my girl was talking about, I don't even listen.
That's a child, bro.
I don't listen.
If you say my girl, I stop listening immediately.
Fiancé, I take you a little seriously.
A little bit more.
Yeah, my fiancé, whatever, because the weight of what she says matters for the rest of your life.
Yep.
So even if you're like, my wife said this crazy thing, now I know you're going to have to deal with that for the rest of your life.
And I'm like, ooh, this is interesting.
This motherfucker is going to be miserable.
Right?
But like, your girl, if you go, my girl, like, yo, you can get rid of her.
But wife, I got to take you seriously as a human.
New Family Hope00:01:51
Yeah, that's fine.
You made a big stakes decision.
Yep.
I respect that.
That's just dope.
You made a new family.
You made a new family.
Yeah.
That's fire.
Yeah.
I don't know if I believe in that, though.
You know what I mean?
We Schultzes out here.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I mean.
It's a new family.
It's you and her.
That's it.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm saying their family.
Because some motherfuckers didn't pull up.
If you're at the wedding, you family.
If you're not at the wedding, you the ops.
Most people aren't at the wedding.
Say what?
Most people are the best.
Most people the ops, Mark.
Yeah, yeah.
Most people, you know, Andrew.
Most people the ops.
Most people the ops.
You know what I mean?
No, I don't know really what you mean.
No, I'm just kidding.
We're all friends.
Anyway, guys, this has been an episode of Flagrant 2.
Thank y'all so much, man, for supporting us, listening to us, taking care of us, enjoying us.
I hope you enjoyed at work.
I hope you enjoy at home.
I hope you enjoy on a ride.
I hope you enjoy in every aspect of your life.
Thank you for telling other people about it.
Thank you for telling other people about it.
And then they say that we're crazy, and then you still tell more people about it.
Yep.
That means a lot because this was spread because of y'all.
So thank you so much for everything that you've given us.
And Merry Christmas, too.
This is coming out at the very end of the year.
Yeah.
And I'm still high.
Also, that too.
That too.
We're going to have some new changes in the new year, man.
We're going to do some very exciting things in the new year.
And I can't wait to share with y'all.
We're cooking up some stuff.
And yeah, we're going to make you proud.
It's going to be very cool.
New Year's going to be very cool.
I wish I could tell you right now, but I can't tell you right now.
Once it gets closer to done, we'll probably tease a little bit about it on the patrion.