Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Schulz Almost Dies On Vacation

Jan. 5, 2021 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

02:38:34

Schulz Almost Dies On Vacation

# toxic masculinity tesla tax evasion andrew schulz apple inc celebrity culture crispr donald trump electric vehicles elon musk genetic engineering georgia election hawthorne grooming jeff bezos kumail nanjiani neuroroot political corruption

Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh recount a terrifying near-drowning in Hawaii where Schulz survived by bending his knees to release a coral-entangled leash, while simultaneously dismissing an ex-girlfriend's clout-seeking abuse allegations. The duo debates Trump's Georgia election claims as potential coup tactics, mocks Hilaria Baldwin's Spanish heritage, and analyzes Kumail Nanjiani's fitness backlash as hypocrisy. They conclude by speculating on Apple's EV impact and the societal shifts if CRISPR extends human life to 150 years. [Automatically generated summary]
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Believing All Farmers 00:02:00
	What's up everybody?
	We're back.
	It's your boy Schultze, Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, Taylor in the other room, slapping the base.
	You know what I'm saying?
	No disrespect.
	Look, man, serious moment.
	I do want to address something very important.
	And that is, as we've always said on this podcast, we have to believe all farmers.
	If a farmer alleges something, if an Indian farmer alleges something, we have to believe it.
	Even if we didn't research it at all, okay?
	Even if we just trusted our podcast co-host and assumed that they would know a lot about Indians.
	I'm right, yo.
	I'm right.
	You good.
	You Gucci.
	I'm viral, son.
	Gucci, yo.
	I'm killing it, bro.
	I'm out here.
	Yo, I'm with you, farmers.
	Even though none of y'all got the internet, you poor fucks.
	But for real, we standing with you.
	I'm a jot.
	You know what a jot is?
	I do.
	I learned what that shit is, too.
	After the fact.
	What I'm referencing is...
	You are Jut, though.
	If you know what Jots are, you that.
	How you pronounce it?
	Jut.
	Jut, it's Jot.
	We got to shed some light on the farmers, bro.
	So basically, basically, to let everybody know, Akash has been telling us about this farm situation that's going on in India.
	Farmers, apparently, are, you know, there's a new bill that's getting passed that's going, I guess, you know, decrease wages even further, potentially.
	Word, R.I.P. to the farmers.
	R.I.P. to the farmers.
	I'm sure there's two sides to every story.
	You know, Mr. Two Sides to Every Story, Mark coming in.
	You know, when we were talking about this before the podcast, Mr. Two Sides of the Story, Mark comes in.
	He goes, do you even know what they farm?
Water Breath Reality 00:14:44
	Which is the really reasonable thing.
	I'm pretty sure without them farming, we can support them, Mark.
	What could they possibly be farming?
	Soy?
	Whoa, dude.
	I'd be okay with that.
	I like a little soy.
	Come on, soy sauce, where I'm supposed to dip my mom in.
	You ain't never had no anime.
	It gives you titties.
	I'll tell you what gives you titties.
	Work on a Netflix for three months.
	Your boy was looking like a beluga on the beach, bro.
	I posted one picture with my girl, who's been working out for the last three months, and me next to each other on the beach from a distance because the close-up would have been too crazy.
	And I looked fucking horrendous, dude.
	My body went to shit.
	First of all, you 37.
	Second of all, I used to take two shits.
	I had a six-pack again.
	And that's, bro, it is bad news for me.
	Your boy is sloppy.
	Hey, bro, I started in bad shape.
	I'm coasting now.
	Yo, that's catching up to me.
	You started fat.
	Yeah.
	So anything not fat is a win.
	I'm winning.
	Yo, I'm beating genetics.
	You like the Browns.
	I am the Browns.
	You make this playoff, y'all.
	Motherfucker doesn't gain weight over Thanksgiving.
	He's like, wait, I'm the Browns.
	That's perfect.
	All right, before we catch up, I want to catch up with everybody.
	I do have to tell y'all a funny, not a funny story, a fucked up story.
	Okay.
	Because I didn't tell you guys this when I was on vacation because I didn't want to rattle you guys.
	But real talk.
	I'm lucky to be here right now.
	Really?
	I almost drowned in Hawaii.
	100%.
	I thought there was like a hit on you or something.
	No, son.
	I almost drowned, bro.
	The water, bro.
	I was in the water.
	I don't know if that's where you drowned.
	The ocean amid the ocean.
	I'm in Lanai, Hawaii, right?
	Small island, Hawaii.
	Remember, I told you I was the one island that doesn't have surf, right?
	Yeah.
	And I was like, fuck how I picked the vacation on the one place that doesn't have surf.
	I love surfing, right?
	I mean, I love surfing so much.
	I went to the surf park in Waco, Texas, instead of seeing Chappelle and Joe Rogan perform.
	I drove two hours to go surf at Waco is a wild place.
	Waco, Texas.
	That's where the cult was or something.
	That's where the cult was, yeah.
	Bailing meat raping everybody.
	Son, but outside of that part of it, this surf pool is absolutely amazing.
	I got to surf with these guys who are incredible.
	And they were amazing, bro.
	Outside of the cult.
	Outside of the cult and like the shooting and whatever happened there, the BSR surf camp, bro.
	You guys got to go.
	That shit is absolutely amazing.
	Perfect swell.
	Thank y'all so much for having me.
	It was unbelievable.
	I'm at Lanai.
	Okay.
	I go surf the first day.
	Historic wave.
	So they'll never get waves like this.
	Nobody, nobody, they've never seen waves like this.
	Right.
	For years.
	You go look on YouTube right now, surf in Lanai.
	The videos are from 2012, 2013.
	There's no waves.
	They've never seen it.
	It's like five years ago.
	Five years ago.
	This is two sides to every story.
	There's a lot for Hawaii to go without waves.
	We're not talking about like when it snows in Florida.
	We're talking about the surf capital of the world.
	Whatever snow is in Florida.
	You look up snow on Florida.
	There's videos from like 2012.
	What is the future?
	Indian nationalists might have a point.
	Big hot farmers.
	Believe though.
	That's why Akash is so fat as a kid because the Indian farmers, this whole time is American farmers.
	I saw what you're fucking talking about.
	Indian farmers be doing right.
	Okay, so I'm there, right?
	I surf the first day.
	I get aboard.
	Somehow, I finagle aboard.
	Just to let you guys know, everything was stopping me from surfing there.
	I called the hotel in advance.
	I was like, hey, can I surf there?
	They're like, no, it's illegal to bring a board into the ocean.
	It's a marine wildlife preserve and we don't allow surfing.
	I go, that's weird.
	I started asking different people on the island, how do I get aboard?
	Finally, I find a way to get aboard.
	Board meets me at the hotel.
	Hang out with my girl.
	I can't ditch her the second I get to the island.
	So we fake go to the pool for a minute.
	You know what I mean?
	30 minutes.
	We get the fill in.
	I go take the board in.
	I surf.
	This wave, it's the softest, easiest wave in the world after the takeoff.
	The takeoff is right over reef and rocks.
	So once you get up, you're good and it's the easiest ride.
	But getting up, you're right on, you see the coral heads bubbling in front of you as you're paddling into the wave.
	First day, surf.
	The way you're talking to me is the way you probably felt when I was talking about the India farmer thing.
	You're just like, I knew everything I said.
	I learned absolutely everything about it.
	And those are my people.
	When you come into Hawaii when the waves start fucking with the farmers, bro.
	I'm coming to you, Indiana.
	Once we start treating farmers with respect.
	Okay.
	What do they farm out there?
	Yeah.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	You're going to take them iPads, let you farm over there.
	China.
	But anyway, so first day, surf, fine, I survived.
	Second day, surf.
	Fine, I survived.
	Yeah.
	I've started to have this weird fear.
	Yeah.
	And I think this fear is somewhat a function of like, there's almost like a function of like guilt in success.
	Where I'm going, am I biting off too much?
	Right.
	Like, I took a small plane to get to the Lanai thing.
	And I'm like, am I asking for too much?
	Is God going to smite me because I couldn't just stay in Hawaii?
	You say small, you mean private?
	I did take private.
	Oh, my God.
	It is what it is.
	Why are you trying to unflex for us, bro?
	I'm just...
	Because the sentence didn't even make sense.
	He's like, I took a shitty plane.
	I was like, am I doing too much?
	I took a too much point.
	It wasn't completely private.
	There was someone else staying at the resort that I was really bummed about, but it is what it is.
	And the resort provides it.
	I didn't have to pay for anything at all.
	I made it look like that was a graham.
	You know what I mean?
	Shout out to the farmers.
	I make shit look like I know what I'm talking about.
	So it was the shuttle plane, too.
	It was a shuttle, son.
	It was the shuttle, son.
	It was a shuttle.
	I'm like, this is the shuttle.
	I saw you look fly.
	You look fly, I saw you look fly.
	Hey, what kind of resort got a private plane shuttle?
	This ain't no Hilton.
	I made the other people on the flame plane stay out the picture.
	Yeah, and I was trying to go on the plane.
	I was like, hold on, let me flex.
	Let me flex.
	And God was like, oh, where?
	You go surf?
	We'll go see about that.
	So, third day, I go in the water and I'm starting.
	I've had this feeling a couple times, even on the trip.
	Like, we were on a cliff and I was looking over the cliff.
	And I'm like, yo, do you, should you chill out a little bit?
	Like, why are you pushing it?
	Like, you've been given so much.
	Like, God or the universe, whatever it is, has been so great to you.
	Why do you need to go extra?
	What are you doing?
	Like, that's disrespectful.
	I don't know why I'm having these feelings.
	You do this all the time.
	But lately, it's been happening a lot.
	I get it.
	Right?
	Does that make sense?
	A little bit, right?
	Bro, throughout the whole, like, the last all these months, anytime some bad shit would happen, you would just look at the ground, like, kick some shit on the ground, go, what does it mean?
	Yeah, what does it mean?
	What's the meaning of all this?
	I was like, what do you mean?
	Like, you don't have a book, Mark.
	Okay, I'm still searching for the book.
	Some bad shit happens.
	Ah, what's the point?
	Yeah.
	They don't talk about private planes and Corinthians.
	Okay.
	I'm still trying to figure it all out.
	Okay.
	So, third day.
	That's that white boy shit, man.
	Al, third day, we go back in the water, right?
	Yeah.
	This is historic surf.
	But here's the amazing thing.
	People are so unprepared for surf on the island.
	It's not a big surf island.
	I'm surfing historic Hawaiian surf.
	Alone.
	Five people tops.
	So what I was doing was I was waiting for the locals.
	Shouts to the locals that were able there took me out.
	Ben, Brian, they were great.
	I would watch them.
	They were on the takeoff spot and I would stay a little bit to the right away from the rocks.
	So I was like, they really know how to take off in a crazy spot.
	If I'm a little away from them, I'll be safe.
	Takeoff is what?
	Do you start the surf?
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	When you paddle into the wave.
	Okay.
	Right?
	So I go, the third day, it's literally one person out and me.
	And the other guy's a tourist as well.
	He's at the hotel.
	So neither of us know where the takeoff spot is.
	So we're just guessing.
	A huge set comes in, right?
	I go to paddle for the wave.
	I pop up.
	I get to my feet.
	The board's a little wobbly.
	The wave really jacks up and I fall.
	And since I know the rocks are beneath me, I pancake.
	Instead of going straight in, I go out as much as I can.
	I start tumbling.
	Everything's fine, right?
	The wave washes me around.
	I paddle up to the surface.
	As my hands breach the surface, I blow out my air.
	Natural reaction, right?
	You know, you're about to breach.
	These are hands are above the water.
	I blow out my air and then I stop.
	I'm like, what the fuck?
	I paddle again.
	I stop.
	My leash will not let me go.
	The leash had wrapped around the coral and the board had me locked under the water.
	I'm paddling.
	I'm fucking kicking.
	I'm kicking.
	You saw my foot was all black and blue.
	I posted that picture.
	I'm kicking the reef.
	The reef is scraping up the bottom of my feet.
	I'm literally in that moment going, holy shit.
	Is this, is this it?
	Yeah.
	Keep in mind, I blew out the air.
	Yeah, you're oxygenless.
	I take a breath because I have no more air left of water.
	I thought that's when you die.
	I thought it's you take the breath of water and then you're dead.
	I swear to God, in this moment, I went from panic to like game time.
	And everything calmed down and it got pinpoint.
	There was one thing that I had to do and focus on.
	And I remember when I was surfing in Waco, one of the guys there, all this is happening in like a fraction of a second.
	This guy, Eric Geiselman, shout to him.
	Said once he was surfing in Tahiti, he got slammed and his board got wrapped around the coral.
	And he tried to grab his leash by bending at the waist down to get it, but he couldn't.
	So what he did is he bent his knees up to him to grab the leash.
	Like for whatever reason, it was easier or stronger.
	That's the part I was missing.
	You couldn't.
	I was like, why can't you just?
	I thought you were just trying to kick the board free.
	No, I was trying to just get up.
	I didn't even realize it was there.
	You can't even bend down to take the leash off.
	Exactly, right?
	Why couldn't you do that?
	At first, I didn't know.
	I just heard it tug.
	I felt it tug.
	And then in that moment, I was like, oh, fuck.
	So I'm about to go, how do I get this leash off?
	And then I remembered the story he was telling me where he bent the legs up.
	And in that moment, nowhere, I just breathe water.
	Everything gets pinpointed.
	Like, there's one thing.
	It's game time.
	That's the only way I can describe it.
	Like, it was weirdly the most terrifying and empowering thing that's ever happened in my life.
	Like, when your life's about to turn off, that in that moment, you actually have some calm to get it done.
	Like, you have a couple more seconds to like get yourself out of this predicament.
	And I remember I bent my legs up.
	And as I bent my legs up, I grabbed the leash.
	The leash and the board pop up and I breach the surface.
	Bro, terrifying.
	That's wild.
	Terrifying.
	And what do you do after that?
	You just float on in.
	I went back out.
	Served more?
	Yeah.
	Because if I didn't go back out, I'd have a fear for the rest of my life.
	So I went back out, bleeding out of my fucking foot, and I got like, you know, a few more waves.
	And then I went back in.
	That was so funny.
	It's just like, he's telling me the story, and I just, it's just in my head.
	Why people shit?
	Why is this shit?
	Like, the moment you saw the reef and the dangerousness, like, go surfing another time.
	No, no, no, no.
	I haven't had waves like this in years.
	Doop?
	I haven't had waves like this in years.
	It was historic.
	It's been a half a day.
	I'm so glad you're here because I can't.
	Because if you weren't here, I couldn't say it verbally, but I was dumb.
	I was stupid first.
	Why was that dumb for chasing my dream?
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, all these farmers.
	I didn't have any dreams.
	These farmers wanted to farm, bro.
	That's all they want is to farm and make a living.
	All I want to do is surf.
	You don't make no living surfing?
	You don't make no living surfing.
	That's true.
	You can't have that many dreams.
	I make almost as much as they do.
	I'm going to be honest.
	Honestly, the amount of money a farmer makes in India, I probably make a bout.
	I know.
	That's why you need some minimum support surf prices.
	It's real tall.
	Hey, come on, Modi.
	Is that his name?
	Yo, your boy had to get that wiki on, bro.
	I had to get that wiki.
	I'm dying.
	I'm glad you're here, bro.
	Me too.
	You know, I'm going to be honest at the beginning.
	That story said, you almost drowned.
	I was like, everybody almost drowned at some point.
	No, no, no.
	But that shit was real.
	When I breathed in the water, that shit was crazy.
	Yeah.
	That was a crazy ass feeling, bro.
	And then you're just stuck down there.
	That's when I was like, oh, shit, the board is just holding you down.
	I pull up like this and I go to take the breath because I'm just timing.
	I'm not assuming my leg is caught.
	And as I blow the air out, and as I go to take the breath in, I'm still under the water.
	I go, I go, oh, shit.
	So how many breaths do you think you get?
	One more.
	You only get one water breath.
	I don't know.
	Maybe some people get zero.
	I must have had a little bit more oxygen in my lungs or else I'd be dead.
	But I mean, that was crazy.
	I didn't take the water breath like underwater now.
	Breath, you're swallowing water.
	That's a water breath.
	That's what happens, bro.
	But I mean, you call it a water breath.
	It's called that.
	Yeah, it's official.
	Why do you just say, yo, I swallow water?
	No, it's a motherfucker.
	They just pay the farmers more.
	There's a lot of questions you need to just ask, bro.
	Why are you asking dumb questions, bro?
	You just do it, yo.
	That's the point.
	You just do it.
	So when you drink your coffee, you're taking a coffee breath.
	The fuck are you doing?
	That's drinking coffee.
	That's drinking.
	It's different, bro.
	Yeah, you did that.
	He wasn't trying to drink his way out of the ocean.
	I thought about declining for that, but you can breathe through your nose no matter how much you drink.
	Yo, I did try to do this.
	I did try to tilt my nose up and thought I could reach the surface with my nose just like a dorsal fan.
	Just one more deep breath.
	Yo, maybe that's how I did it.
	Oh, you're right.
	Do you ever try to go snorkeling?
	Or they're just like, they hand you the goggles and they're like, yeah, you're good on this.
	That's really fucked up.
	That's really fucked up.
	I did go snorkeling, though.
	That shit is that hard.
	She was hard.
	I tried that shit.
	That shit hard, bro.
	I tried that shit.
	So hard.
	How do you know that the water ain't going to get into the hole?
	I think you got to do like a tour.
	I just tried to go out there.
	I can't really swim that well.
	Yeah.
	I ain't seen nothing, bro.
	And I didn't get the floaties or no shit.
	No, I got no floaties, dog.
	Yo, I guess, bro.
	What the fuck is wrong?
	What are you talking about?
	Oh, now you do white people shit.
	Yeah, you're not.
	Snorkeling.
	Nah, black people can do snorkeling.
	Because you wear the fucking life vest.
	No, we didn't.
Snorkeling Struggles 00:15:07
	I didn't have one.
	They just handed me these goggles like gold.
	Oh, you're an idiot.
	You're an idiot.
	There you go doing that type of shit.
	You're supposed to float right on the top.
	They didn't have me no life jacket.
	I was like, am I tripping?
	I got nothing.
	You got to do a tour for that kind of thing.
	Yo.
	Anyway, man, shouts to the hotel, man.
	Because y'all try it and the farmers, but the hotel did try to protect me.
	They were right when they didn't want me to surf at all.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm going to be honest with you, bro.
	I haven't.
	I'll be honest with you.
	Let me tell you.
	It's a wildlife preserve.
	It's a shulk preserve, man.
	Fuck that, yo.
	I'm the wild.
	Bro, he is wild-ass life over here, bro.
	Yeah.
	That's a wild-ass life.
	Bro, this, let me tell you something.
	I haven't seen anybody.
	You know, I've probably seen a total 15 people since I left.
	How great is that?
	It's really cool, but I haven't experienced, like, you know, like, obviously, I've seen the reaction to Netflix thing online and stuff like that, but I haven't really experienced any people, right?
	So I didn't know what to really expect, you know, because there was almost like nobody on this hotel.
	Talk about that, yeah.
	Bro, yeah, private islands.
	The hotel, the way they treated me, bro, day three, I thought they thought I was someone else.
	I started to get concerned.
	They thought you were Joe Coy.
	I literally thought they thought I was Joe Coi, bro.
	I thought they thought I was Joe Coi, bro.
	It was unbelievable, bro.
	I went to this other resort that they had.
	Yeah.
	I didn't have my wallet.
	They said, it's okay.
	We'll take care of it.
	Oh, shit.
	That's why.
	And then low-key part of me is like, I think they know I almost died.
	I think they know I almost died, dude.
	They know you Netflix's very own.
	NVO.
	Honestly, there's no way.
	I think they thought I was somebody else.
	100%.
	Nah, nah, they knew.
	What are you talking about?
	I really, it was too much.
	Jeezy, not that famous.
	That's your little bike.
	He ain't on Netflix.
	I don't know, bro.
	I think they got it wrong, dude.
	I swear to God, I believe that in my core.
	I'll slap you in your face, yo.
	So, Mark, when we back on the road, that room service, bro, that's what I'm saying.
	I'm all everywhere.
	I already did that ring.
	Better put your card down.
	That's a joke.
	He don't need you.
	Oh, no, no.
	He don't need you.
	This motherfucker, son, him and Dove are so fucking cheap, son.
	And they always go like this.
	That's the thing.
	He's not cheap until he's around.
	I know he's only cheap around.
	You know what?
	I guarantee you, I know this man.
	You know what it is?
	He doesn't like unfairness.
	It needs to be like even.
	Exactly.
	And with Dove, he's like this truffle pig.
	I guarantee he's like, this truffle pig and try to get over on me.
	Fuck that.
	Pay everyone what they're owed.
	Exactly.
	Like the farmers, right?
	Exactly.
	100%.
	Shout out to the farmers.
	Okay.
	So, but, okay, so we're in Austin.
	Obviously, you do Rogan, right?
	Somehow, Dove finagles away onto this trip.
	Yeah.
	He don't need to be on a trip.
	I was wondering why he was coming.
	I thought he was going to let him love.
	But he's such a genius.
	I didn't even think about this.
	We're so used to like paying for shit ourselves.
	Yes.
	He goes.
	And I call up Netflix to see if they'll give us a budget to travel for you to do all the press.
	And I was like, holy shit, that's a brilliant idea.
	They probably do that.
	I'm so, you know what I'm saying?
	We're so locked into like, we gotta, we gotta go out, we gotta do all other things.
	Like, we didn't even realize a billion-dollar corporation got money to spend on flights, right?
	So I said, okay, go get it.
	He goes, okay, great.
	I'll just get rooms to the four of us.
	I was like, oh, you fucking truffle.
	Oh, you truffle.
	I see it.
	Okay, it's fine.
	He gets a budget.
	He's right to do that, though.
	He's brilliant.
	No, but if he got the flights, he could get his own.
	That's his finder's fee.
	No, his finder's fee is being the EP.
	Yeah.
	I made him the EP.
	You get paid for that.
	He got you a free flight.
	I was supposed to get the fight, but you didn't think about it.
	I know, and that's why I have the truffle.
	He's your accountant.
	That's what I'm saying.
	He's your Jewish accountant.
	Fuck it.
	Fine.
	Point is.
	I knew he was going to try to find a way.
	Right?
	And I knew what was he doing?
	We get there, and I know he's finding a way.
	And he's like, Yeah, just put your card down for the room.
	Yeah.
	And I know if my card's down for a room, the mini bar is gone.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Right?
	I know.
	I know this is what the truffle is going to do.
	Now, usually when we're on tour, I don't.
	What are you talking about?
	You know exactly what I'm talking about.
	Did you ace the mini bar, bro?
	No, no, no.
	No.
	This one.
	Son, snacks?
	What?
	Bro, I hate snacks.
	I eat organic only, bro.
	Bro, I had one bill after, I don't know where the fuck we went.
	Mark was on the road with us for two weeks.
	I got one bill from like one of these hotels, the Hilton Garden Inn or something like that.
	I thought he ate the whole guard.
	One in a fucking bill.
	It's like $100 a night to stay in these places, right?
	We're in Alabama or something.
	You can't spend that much money in a hotel.
	The bill for Mark's room is like $300.
	I don't know what happened.
	I don't know what happened.
	Why do they put all the food in there if they don't want you to eat it?
	They want you to eat it.
	They want you to eat it.
	So you're welcome.
	So after that, everybody got to put down their own credit card on their room.
	After he fucked it up, now we all have to put down our own cards.
	I'm keeping you accountable, Al.
	So there you go.
	Al buying porn.
	Yeah.
	Al buys porn.
	Yeah, he buys pornos.
	Al buys porn.
	You know, I like that classic 80s.
	You know, see a little bush down there.
	Let's go.
	We're back.
	90s.
	Al likes 80s porn.
	I got it.
	Got me.
	That fucking truffle, man.
	He found a way to do it.
	So, wait, what were they butting heads about, though?
	Oh, just absolutely everything.
	He didn't want to put his card down.
	So we were there at the front desk for a good like five minutes with MJ Bickering.
	Nah, put your card down.
	No, you put your card down.
	Put your card down.
	Like, they just kept going.
	But again, I don't care about the money.
	Like, I, whatever.
	I spend money still.
	But if I know he's trying to get over, I have to fight it.
	So we had an all-out break.
	You actually have to make sure he lets me pay sometimes because he always like just pays.
	I'm like, I don't want you to pay that.
	Nobody could pay.
	But then I know Dove is going to be different.
	Dove could pay.
	This poor guy at the desk, like this teenager running to the front counter is like, so anyone else have a card?
	He's going to have it for probably six minutes.
	Like they're arguing.
	You know what's on, y'all, though?
	I guarantee you, you had ample opportunity to be like, you know, fuck this.
	Put my card down.
	And that would have probably guilted one of them to just be like, all right, I'll put up.
	I'm not going to have fucking Al paying for all this.
	You could have ended it right there.
	If you were willing to take that risk, I don't walk around with the wall.
	You know what Dove said?
	I go, Dove, Dub, we're not going to do this.
	We're yelling in the fucking, in the, in public.
	Everyone's staying at this hotel.
	Yelling in public.
	Everyone in America's outside.
	Donnell is there with his little dog.
	They're in the bottom of the bottom.
	They're running around.
	They're in a lot of paper.
	And I'm having a full-on screaming match with Duff.
	Okay.
	So at one point, Dove just goes, fine.
	If it's going to be like this, then just give me an allowance.
	Give me $2,000 and I'll just take care of that.
	I go, $2,000?
	What?
	But it sounded like a deal.
	It sounded like a deal.
	He did try to make a deal.
	I was like, oh, shit.
	We got to start asking for what they were doing.
	You can't make deals with these people.
	Right.
	No, but in all seriousness, I love you, Dove.
	Give me a little bit of land.
	Just a little.
	All right, yo.
	I've been having so much fun laughing at Akash trying to get comfortable with this bike.
	I hate it.
	It keeps dropping down, right?
	And he's terrified to twist it.
	I twist it as much as I can humanly in my room with my dad.
	I was like sitting all up, all uncomfortable.
	It's hilarious.
	He's like, look, I'm fucking Andrew in the ocean, bro.
	Son, dude, like, Drew, just sit back and let it lean on you.
	That's it.
	Just lean back.
	Lean back, get comfortable.
	Yeah, dog.
	I've never been here before, bro.
	It's been a while, yo.
	It's been a minute.
	Just now point it up.
	Just put it out back your mouth.
	Tight, right?
	You can't do nothing, yo.
	You ain't do nothing.
	You pretended you moved it.
	You ain't moving for shit.
	Yo, son, we were at one of the hotels, bro.
	And the hotel's got these water bottles, right?
	And it's me is the general manager of the hotel who clearly thinks I'm someone I'm not.
	My girl, my girl asked me to open up the water bottle.
	That's an emotional roller coaster, ain't it?
	My hands were soft because we've been soaking in baths.
	Bath baths.
	You in baths all day?
	We're soaking in baths, bro.
	Yeah, this guy drew takes baths every day, apparently.
	Let me tell you something, bro.
	When did that happen?
	Bro, me, my girl, general manager of the hotel.
	I tried to open this bottle, bro.
	I damn near sliced half my hand open, bro.
	Fucking coral reef.
	Literally, I just kicked coral reef.
	Coral reef, not as sharp as this fucking bottle.
	I had to give the bottle to the general manager of the hotel in front of my girl, bro.
	Did you play it off, though?
	Like, yeah, he got it.
	Nah.
	I think at that point, like, she heard me make noises trying to open it.
	Like, I was like, I was looking up at him, like, yo, tap in, bro.
	Like, what are you going to do?
	Say the bottles are fucked up.
	Say it's a malfunction.
	Damn.
	See, that's what I would have came out.
	I'd be like, oh, no, let me get this bottle.
	You get the next one or whatever.
	That's it.
	You know, just like step in, but act like I'm taking it.
	And they'll be like, ah, I changed my mind.
	You got to walk.
	You're a homie.
	Nah, you pretend you need a bottle opener.
	I fucking GM and be like, oh, it's a twist.
	It's not my fault.
	I didn't.
	I thought it was corked.
	Yeah, I thought it was.
	It's so hard to bottle.
	I thought that was a cork.
	Yeah, that would just shit be fancy.
	That is some private island water.
	Yo, speaking of vacations, y'all see Al's story going to the corona capital of the world?
	Young.
	Son, anytime I asked this guy for help, he was like, I can't.
	I'm immune, baby.
	I'm immune.
	That's a HPV, motherfucker.
	You're not going to have to.
	Hey, thanks to me.
	You're welcome.
	Thank you.
	You're going to vacation.
	Y'all are welcome.
	Loki, I think someone figured out why California got so many cases of Corona, bro.
	Why is that?
	It's not indoor dining.
	It's everybody in Cali goes to Mexico for the weekend where there's no fucking rules, gets corona in Mexico from all these parties, and then comes back to Cali.
	Anybody in Idaho going to Tulum for the weekend?
	Yeah.
	That's a good theory.
	Right?
	And people in Georgia, you know, you know what?
	This is what I think it's like.
	It's like, you know how they built skate parks?
	Because when the kids were skating on private property, more of them got injured.
	What they're doing, what's up, Taylor?
	What they're doing right now is California and New York, when they're shutting down everything, they're forcing us to be in more danger.
	They're forcing us to have the house parties.
	There's these like Airbnb parties apparently everybody's doing.
	You've heard about these shits.
	So you just Airbnb, you got invited?
	Yeah.
	And what is it?
	It's just like...
	I mean, it's just, they're usually younger kids, but it's just a house party.
	It's a house party, but now you're in a tiny little fucking house.
	Right.
	Or you could be at a restaurant with like regulations.
	Everyone's got to be.
	Just you and your girl.
	Yeah, everyone's got to be distanced.
	Everyone's got to have masks, whatever.
	You could regulate the restaurants.
	I feel like it's such a fuck-up and they don't even see it.
	Bro, the government has failed in every way possible.
	Every way possible.
	No, the fucking Indian government, bro.
	They're raising cattle to bring back the relatives, okay?
	They want to see their grandmas.
	My God.
	No way.
	Is that why y'all don't eat the cows?
	It's Coco.
	Yes.
	It's that movie, bro.
	Coco?
	Yes.
	Coco's Mexican.
	It's the same.
	But it was not.
	Bring it back their grandmother.
	You had him.
	I know.
	He was so weak.
	He got greedy, son.
	He got crazy.
	What's the meaning of this?
	God, you just go.
	Two days.
	What are you trying to say?
	Let's hear about the mini bar right now.
	He ate the King's Hash Pete on M's.
	He was like, that Snickers look good too.
	Bro, I spiral, bro.
	I'll literally eat three packs of MMs and then I'll go, I got to replace these.
	And then we go and I'm like, I need a gas.
	I'm like a junkie.
	I'm like looking for like a way to cover up my mistake.
	It's fucking $45.
	Money had to dance in a wallet.
	Yeah.
	You got to replace it.
	Yeah, it was bad, bro.
	I was filling a vodka with fucking water.
	I was in trouble.
	What's up, Taylor?
	How you doing?
	I'm good.
	I'm sorry.
	You know, black people talk.
	So what?
	I was in a meeting and it was.
	We don't care about your other job, yo.
	You're going to make this a problem.
	I said, you know, black people talk.
	No, well, tell black people not enough.
	That was 2020.
	It's a lot of fun.
	This is a handful of white people at movie theaters everywhere.
	Shut it up.
	All right, but for real, though, Akash, you went to Aruba.
	You went to Aruba.
	Magical.
	Did you really?
	Magical magical place?
	I hear the locks on the bathrooms at the hotels work great.
	Boy, I was missing the joke.
	You went to a Ruba.
	Did you really go to Aruba?
	He went to the scene.
	I'm completely missing.
	I want to know what the fuck is going on, Jeremy.
	I need to bring on my vacation, bro.
	Wait, what happened?
	He's triggering.
	No.
	I didn't even know what happened.
	My retard ex from a fucking decade ago did a post a few days in after the Netflix thing.
	This fucking day.
	Oh my God.
	But she said that I was an abuser.
	She says, I was abused, right?
	And then she goes into her examples.
	And it's like, one time he told me to change my outfit because it was too sexy.
	Hold on, Taylor.
	Believe women.
	We're believing on women.
	Absolutely, Taylor.
	Hold on.
	It gets better.
	One time I'm so triggered by this.
	It's been 10 years later.
	It's a decade later.
	I should have another guy that I'm interested in, but I'm still thinking about my ex.
	One time he told me I was wearing too much makeup and took some of my makeup off.
	That's abuser.
	That's abuse.
	That's abuse.
	It gets even worse.
	One time he cleans my sneakers with.
	No, he cleaned his sneakers with my toothbrush.
	That is true.
	But I didn't know.
	I read that.
	I didn't even know.
	Okay.
	I didn't know.
	I didn't know it was her toothbrush.
	I just thought it was an old toothbrush.
	And I give it to you.
	This is back in the day when you were wearing J's and shit like that.
	How else can you clean up?
	Clean people towels?
	But here's the thing.
	You take a toothbrush.
	This is the best thing.
	This is important for any impartial party that doesn't know Andrew intimately.
Toothbrush Mix-Up 00:06:11
	If you don't know Andrew.
	I do remember it was Air Force Once.
	And I got them shit.
	Wow.
	Dempsters was so clean.
	He was on vacation.
	He had that arm and hammer toothbrush.
	The toothbrush was filthy.
	I took all the blue out the bristles.
	Yo, there was no blue left in the bristles.
	That's how much I was brushing.
	I was going to ask how it would have been disrespectful if you, depending on the shoe you used to clean it.
	It was an Air Force One.
	That's the second shit you've ever had.
	No, no, no.
	That's important.
	I don't think he did it on any other shoe besides the Air Force One or something.
	You would ask that if he used your toothbrush, you'd be like, oh, shoes.
	What would I do?
	Hold on.
	What would I look like walking around my baby fat jacket and some dirty ups?
	I look like a fast young boy.
	So watch my sneakers a little bit.
	So I can slow it up.
	That's a thin man.
	I'm not even glad to send you guys.
	So, point is, hold on one second.
	I want to make this distinction.
	Anybody who kind of knows Schultz adjusts is like, oh, he's that really smart guy on the Netflix thing.
	He's a genius.
	He's also a fucking retard.
	And if you know him well enough, you know that is the kind of retard shit he would do.
	No, without knowing it.
	Here's the thing.
	That's just a toothbrush.
	I'll just use that.
	This was so funny about this.
	I think we spoke about this on podcasts in the past.
	I remember telling her family.
	I remember it.
	It was a joke.
	My family, like, yeah, you were.
	No, this wasn't when we were living.
	It wasn't when we lived together.
	I remember talking about it.
	It was like.
	Imagine how stupid he was.
	Maybe a thing, but it's not like intent.
	What happened when you found out that it was?
	I died laughing.
	I was like, oh, that's why you've been sick, dumbass.
	You should have been brushing your teeth with the ground.
	That's how you get sick when you brush your teeth with the ground.
	And then you stop.
	What do you mean I stopped?
	I did it once.
	I wasn't doing it every day.
	I just grabbed what I thought was my toothbrush.
	I cleaned it.
	And I guess I didn't throw it in the garbage.
	Wait, hold on, Tom.
	You thought it was your toothbrush.
	It's not like we had different toothbrushes or something.
	No, but with your house, I do not know where a toothbrush is.
	That's wild.
	How much do you think?
	You just see a toothbrush there.
	I had toothbrush back in the day for the bottom.
	You needed it back.
	You needed it back.
	I just left it on the thing.
	Look, honestly, I don't remember the whole thing, but it wasn't my intent.
	Like, if this is something you're with, you don't want to kiss someone who's been washing their teeth with the grounds.
	I think the worst thing that you did was tell her that she has too much makeup on because every girl loves to like, or every girl doesn't love to hear like they are beautiful, natural.
	Yeah, but if you look, but if you look at the compliment you said, I know.
	No, she's being sarcastic.
	But it's so tense that we all thought it was.
	Hold on.
	Hold on, yo.
	Hold on.
	What is the worst thing I did?
	No.
	And then, but yeah, that's it.
	Honestly, like, is that crazy?
	Like, if your girl's face is different color than her neck, like, she was looking like you when you were Sean King.
	Do you know what I mean?
	So I was like, you gotta fix that shit.
	The way she looked, just when you said she was looking like you, she said, and then when you finished, honestly, I don't recall.
	I don't recall.
	The only thing I recall is the toothbrush because that shit was so fucking hilarious.
	Yeah.
	It was unfortunate, but absolutely hilarious.
	And in retrospect, very glad it happened.
	In the moment, wasn't happy, but so happy now.
	And then the last thing that she said was the Aruba shit.
	She said, we got in a fight in Aruba, and she went to the bathroom and locked the door.
	That she locked the door.
	His temper got so out of control.
	And I read this, I swear to God, on the flight on the way to Aruba.
	Yeah.
	That's behavior.
	Yo, yo, I'm like, you better check your motherfucking temper, yo.
	Then I got there, and I was like, Chelsea, how do you lose your temper?
	It's such a magical place.
	It is a magical place.
	Nah, Aruba?
	It's one happy island.
	No, that's not.
	That's what they say because the Van der Sloot guy killed the chick.
	Remember the Van Ver Sloot?
	They said after Andrew left, it was like, yo, this shit got loud.
	It's like a big negative energy is left on it.
	Bro, the water is bluer.
	But dead ass, that's complete bullshit.
	The lock in the bathroom door shit, that's complete bullshit.
	I just did something.
	Like you just said earlier, you said this was 10, a decade ago.
	Why is she even, she can't stand your blow up?
	That's all.
	Well, yo, but that's the funny thing.
	It's like, I don't want to talk about the clout chasers because this is what they want.
	They want the attention.
	You know what I mean?
	And it's like, I feel the same way about like bloggers and like people who write like things, whatever.
	Like, I only want to beef.
	Like, I only want to fight someone who got more money than me.
	And I only want to beef with someone who got more clout than me.
	Right.
	Because otherwise, I'm giving you clout.
	Clearly, you can't get enough clout on your own for your career.
	But I knew this shit was going to happen because when we were doing the monologues, when we were doing the monologues, right?
	And they started to really pop and like the rock was reposting.
	The different people were reposting.
	Joe's reposting.
	Apparently, somebody sent me, she tweeted something like, it's really fucked up to see my ex is being exalted right now when he's a racist, he's homophobic, he's all these things.
	So I was like, oh, I see what's going on here.
	When I'm shining, someone's a little upset.
	But we just got to cut that shit.
	Like, there's one way to not talk about it all.
	But the other thing is, I'm not carrying nothing with me.
	I'm not going to go the rest of my life going like, oh, oh, my God, is this person going to say some shit?
	No.
	Cut it out.
	Respect.
	The advice is you're supposed to, when you move on from an ex, you're supposed to do better than the ex in evidential.
	I'm doing better.
	I know.
	But either way, she's supposed to focus on herself.
	That's all.
	Yeah.
	But it's hard when your boy's shining, bro.
	It's hard when your boy's shining out here.
	But I was trying to think too.
	Full moon.
	Every time you look up, oh, my tooth, bro.
	But I was going to think too much.
	My outfit's too sexy.
	Like, my outfit's too sexy.
	What guy has not said to his girl?
	If you haven't said to your girl, her outfit's too sexy, your girl is Garibagio.
Keto Shake Advice 00:03:50
	Come on.
	Can you explain when you say her outfit?
	Because you're going to have to outfit.
	Her outfit was too sexy.
	We were going to hang out with blacks.
	They were going to hit on her and I was going to have to defend myself.
	There's the racism.
	She might be on to something.
	She might be.
	Wait, is that what she's wearing on?
	Wait.
	She's wearing something stupid, probably.
	Of course.
	I said the same shit to my girl.
	You know what I was thinking?
	Because I will say to every girl that I'm with, if I got to walk down the street with you in some crazy shit and there's going to be people potentially being disrespectful, that shit is on me too.
	No, you're right.
	Your outfit's on me.
	Because if somebody looks at you and says something and it's disrespectful, who do you look at to defend you?
	Yeah.
	So we're going to decide the outfit together.
	We're going to pick an outfit that keeps us both safe.
	I already have my brush with Death.
	Desert is she.
	I have a question.
	Do any of you guys have an ex or anyone?
	Like, say you're not in the position.
	I guess you guys are in.
	Do you guys would, if your ex did better than what you guys are doing now, would you feel a type of way?
	Or do you guys have a bad?
	I would never let some shit like that happen.
	Never.
	This is a bad.
	I'm comfortable.
	I'm trying to do everything in his power.
	Nothing will motivate me more than doing better than an ex.
	I've pepper sprayed my ex, right?
	Talk about abuse.
	All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because let's be honest.
	We all got fat.
	Okay.
	We're inside.
	Can't do anything outside.
	December, obviously, eating all that good stuff.
	It's Christmas.
	No such thing as Christmas calories.
	And it is January.
	And it is January.
	Resolutions.
	That's resolutions.
	We got to get it back.
	Okay, how are we going to get it back?
	We're going keto, man.
	I know you heard about it.
	I know you've heard about it.
	It works.
	I'm on the keto.
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	It's January, it's 2021.
	We're getting it back, all of us.
	I'm in it together.
	All right.
	Akash is in it.
	Alex, Media, Mark, they're going to be in it.
	Tara, I won't comment on a woman's weight at all.
	You are perfect.
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	Let's get back to the show.
Driver License Drama 00:07:42
	All right, so you pepper sprayed an ex yeah, he's cheated on me, so that's what happens.
	So, um, I tell look, I'm being that was a shot to her current man.
	That wasn't her.
	That was for her current man.
	When we first met, I'm like, stay on my side, we won't have a problem.
	You better watch her.
	Hold on, that's too much dick for one human.
	That's true.
	That's a good point.
	Yeah, better watch her.
	You gotta share the wealth, yo.
	You gotta learn how to do that Megan move.
	I do don't do that.
	So, um, but I was gonna say, what's going on with her?
	What's the guy?
	The big dick guy's name from the special.
	Oh, Wardy Joubert III.
	He's not.
	Yeah, that's your man.
	That's your man.
	Your man is Wardy Joubert III.
	He's in all those memes.
	Wow.
	With the big old thing, with the tremor.
	My man has to do that.
	I'm saying that to say, right?
	We like it wasn't a good relationship at the end of the day, though.
	Right now, I can see where I played a part in the relationship, how he played a part in the relationship, and how it crumpled and everything else.
	And I don't have no animosity or nothing to worry about or nothing like that.
	But it's interesting how she's like, that's why I'm saying it's just for clout.
	And she's like, of course, it's for clout.
	Every girl that I've dated, I have no real issue with.
	And I actually really wishing them the best.
	Yeah.
	And I actually felt that way about her, but then I saw the clout trout in her and I was like, oh, this is what she needs.
	Because listen, it's tough.
	I get it.
	When you've worked in the industry for as long as she's been working in the industry and it hasn't worked out, you gravitate to anything that's going to try to generate energy or attention.
	That's just what happens to a lot of people.
	The stupid thing that they don't realize is, is that what you want to be known for?
	Yeah, I thought about this like because I lived with him for six months.
	Yeah.
	And so I wanted to be sure, like, I spoke about this because I knew he would wild out.
	So I was like, what's it?
	How's a diplomatic way I could say this?
	First of all, none of y'all texted me.
	I didn't know if you knew, to be honest with you.
	I'm about to go to Aruba and I'm like, I can't even tell this guy about my vacation.
	Yeah.
	I got to pretend I didn't go nowhere.
	I saw that shit, man, earlier.
	You're on vacation with your girl.
	I'm not going to hit you and be like, yo, by the way, you're trying to drown a Hawaii.
	I thought y'all didn't care about me.
	That's why I drowned myself.
	You're on that plane.
	Did you even do that?
	I was about to drown myself and I was like, nope.
	You're on the tiny plane.
	You're like, keep going to those mountains.
	Just let it rip.
	No, but you, you saw it after we spoke.
	It was just like, yo, don't even give it energy.
	I know.
	That's why, like, I don't even want to give it energy.
	Even like now, I don't want to give it energy, but it is what it is.
	I don't want everything following anything to ever follow me.
	Like, we're shutting this shit down.
	Obviously, this person's going to fucking yap anytime anything good happens to me.
	You're going to hear them fucking yapping because that's all they have.
	And if they do get something good, which I hope that they do, I really do.
	Then all of a sudden they won't because that's what it is.
	People are addicted to attention.
	And fucking LA does that to you.
	And also, assholes, don't message her.
	Like, don't, don't, don't give it.
	Don't give her what she wants.
	Chill.
	Yeah, please do not do that.
	I mean, she already shut down comments on the post because motherfuckers were going crazy.
	But, but yeah, don't give any attention.
	The best thing you can do is not talk about this or any of that kind of shit.
	Don't give her the attention that she wants.
	Because right now she's settling for any type of attention because she can't get any.
	So any type of attention, that type of desperation is no bueno.
	I don't know how much makeup she has on her.
	Come on, Son, Jayla.
	It was wild, though.
	Yo.
	But let's hear about a peaceful Aruba trip.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	She was serene, yo.
	I mean, I stayed in the villa.
	And me and my girl, when we fight, we fight.
	Yo, we have it out.
	I couldn't even think of fighting.
	Really?
	It's just such a happy place.
	All the luggage guys.
	I highly suggest Aruba, bro.
	Did you stay in the villain?
	She really wants to know if you stay in the villa.
	Yeah, like not staying in the villa.
	We were at the race.
	Tell us about your villa.
	Don't you hate when motherfuckers ask the questions so they could talk about some shit?
	Hey, you ever been a black woman growing up in Philly in the 90s?
	Oh, nah, let me tell you about it.
	Bet.
	So she did that to me.
	She's like, You never met Kobe Bryant?
	Oh, yeah.
	She literally got a bunch of people.
	Yeah, you got from Philly.
	Did you grow up next to Kobe?
	Like, Kobe didn't grow up right next to you.
	Yeah, I'm from Lower Mary.
	I'm talking about Red Brown.
	Did Philly even rent Lower Marion?
	No, let him tell about Lower Marion.
	How was your motel six?
	Like eight inches.
	That's small.
	What the hell is Aruba?
	Because it was lit, bro.
	She was so great.
	We brought two girlfriends down there to be honest.
	That's how great an experience I thought we had.
	Meaning the first one, I was like, this is so great.
	I'm going to bring the next one.
	Copy pace.
	Tap on the bus.
	If it works, don't fix it.
	That's all I know.
	That's just bullshit.
	Son, I took the next one, too.
	I went jet skiing.
	I had a great time.
	Jet skiing.
	Son, I felt like Jay-Z on that bitch, maddening her ass the whole time.
	Like this.
	Hey, I'm on Tucker.
	Now I stood up on the jet ski real tough.
	Shit, Nick Dick Energy.
	You know what I mean?
	Wolves tipped that bitch over, got real scared, sat back down.
	That's what you do, bro.
	Did you guys, did you guys ride together or separate?
	Hey, separate.
	But next time we're together and she's driving.
	You're holding on to the back, just jet packing.
	Baby, I'll let you.
	Does your girl like to drive?
	Yeah.
	Like that.
	Oh, it's the best.
	Yeah, it's great.
	Oh, it's the freaking best.
	Okay.
	All right, go.
	So, your energy.
	You say it's the best.
	Like, you just don't have to.
	You make it sound like you have a choice, though.
	No, I do have a choice.
	No, because you can't drive.
	No, I'm bad at driving.
	You don't have a driver's license.
	But I bet I have a driver's license.
	I don't know if you can.
	How do you think I get on the planes, Mark?
	I don't know.
	It's called an ID.
	You have an ID without a driver.
	You can get an ID without a driver's license.
	Oh, my God.
	Can't you see this guy using a toothbrush and not knowing who it is?
	He did not know.
	Didn't you see it?
	I thought it was my toothbrush.
	You should have seen how white them sneakers were.
	But, bro, motherfucker, I commented.
	When I was walking down the street, they're like, oh, shit.
	Like, you get them from the factory.
	Damn.
	Was that Oral B with the long bristles?
	We're not going to skip over that.
	You don't know that there's not.
	I honestly didn't know you could get a regular ID.
	So you just go and you can have, can I be me?
	Why do you need someone to be you?
	You got to prove you're you.
	You're in the bars, go on planes, all that shit.
	I bet you I could get a fake ID.
	Oh, wow.
	Chelsea with the aunt.
	Whoa.
	While we're talking about fake allegations, I bet you I'm an 18-year-old college girl.
	Oh, shit.
	I'm like, watching Superfed.
	Oh, my God.
	No, in all seriousness, I bet you.
	I bet you.
	And honestly, I'm going to say this quietly.
	Just in case motherfuckers is listening, Deep State.
	Yeah.
	I bet you I could get a real ID, but it's fake.
	In other words, I could start at a library card and work my way up into a driver's license.
	It's not me.
	Take that.
	This guy's a fucking piece of shit.
	So the flex was.
	That's how old he is.
	He started with a library card.
	You know how live the library is now?
	You can rent tools.
	You can rent tools.
	What kind of tools?
	Hammer.
	Shovel.
	What the fuck are you?
	What are you talking about?
	No, you could rent tools.
	What's the library you could do?
	Get the library card.
	You go in and they got the tools.
	Dewey Decimal.
	Is it really a library?
	Dewey decimal those tools.
	Self-help.
	Self-help.
	Self-help stuff.
	But in all seriousness, Ben Uyeda told me, shout out to Ben.
Library Card Flex 00:17:01
	When was the last time you went to a library?
	I haven't.
	I went like 10 years away.
	I haven't.
	Low-key, they could just not have anybody work in a library.
	They could just keep the door open, but nobody works there.
	Yeah.
	And I think nobody would notice.
	Yeah.
	Like, at all.
	They forced me not to come back.
	What'd they do?
	They sent me a bill for a book I ain't returned.
	Never went back.
	It's cheaper to keep her.
	Boom.
	So that's why you talk about your Judy Bloom.
	We don't need 60 odds with this Judy Blue.
	It's cheaper to keep her.
	Come on, Judy.
	We're going home.
	So wait.
	So you're in Aruba, you're having a time of your life.
	Did you meet with Ray Allen out there, Aruba Ray?
	Trying to get that locked down right now.
	Go back.
	But did you?
	I didn't get to meet with him.
	No, I got tickets to the show.
	Who's that?
	Didn't get to meet with the owner of the comedy club.
	They have a comedy club in Aruba in one of the hotels.
	Is that where you went there for?
	Yeah.
	Well, both times I went there to do the show.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I'm going to try to line that up next time.
	But you stay in the hotel, go do shows, come back out.
	But he's a great host there.
	That's what I was asking.
	Like, maybe you guys went to a restaurant or something.
	No, next time, though.
	Any sightseeing?
	We did like a little boat tour around the island, private tour.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Thank you, Patreon.
	And then we ate on the beach, had a couple meals.
	It was dope.
	Mad romantic.
	Mad romantic.
	Did you walk on the beach at night?
	Yeah.
	Yo, Taylor, we don't care about your nighttime beach while we're like, are you the full moon?
	What's the stars on the moon?
	Did you see Orion?
	Orion's Riley's belt.
	There you go.
	It's Orion's belt.
	He loses when he calls an intern to suck his dick.
	I mean, damn, shout out to O'Reilly's belt.
	O'Reilly's belt.
	That is crazy.
	All right.
	So, did you guys, were you guys fornicating at all?
	We got it in a little bit.
	Yeah, boy.
	Yeah, boy.
	No, you know what I mean?
	Yeah, you got to.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Hell yeah, bro.
	Honestly, dude, for the first time in months, I wasn't stressed.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	My sex drive went through the movie.
	Oh, let's go twice a week.
	I was out there two times.
	Real talk walking around with the hard deck with the dang-a-lang, bro.
	It was, I did it.
	I had sex at nighttime.
	Vacation sex is different.
	Vacation sex is different.
	I had sex in the morning and then I had sex again at night.
	Whoa.
	Son, I haven't done this for years.
	The triple crown for years.
	I went triple C on it.
	Whoa.
	Yeah.
	And my control game.
	She had a contest.
	Trash control game is.
	She orgasm once just riding my semi-hard dick because I nut it so fast.
	I just laid it on my belly and she was like, All right, I got this.
	I was like, We could do it.
	My gosh.
	Is that abuse?
	One time I was forcing myself, orgasm.
	I really have a question about this.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	When it comes to y'all orgasm or holding out orgasm, do y'all like count like to I try to count things in the room.
	Like I would count how many nails are there.
	I count the nails, and then if she is making any sounds whatsoever, I lose all distraction.
	Or I lose my distraction, yeah.
	But I try to count like the nails or the screws in the wall or count the seams.
	I really try to get into arithmetic.
	Wait, you said that.
	It's a Fibonacci sequence.
	I go into a Fibonacci sequence.
	You're like a beautiful mind.
	I really am.
	That's what it is.
	You don't want her to mold.
	You said she makes any sound.
	Oh, it feels too hot.
	Yeah, she's not going to ask it.
	It up.
	It's different.
	Absolutely.
	You can't beat the shit.
	Y'all would rather the girl not make any sound?
	No, no, no.
	I wouldn't rather it.
	But when I feel really good, shut it up.
	Yeah.
	I put it in.
	I put in AirPods.
	Noise.
	I can't stop.
	I do a noise manager.
	I listen to my face.
	I listen to 99% invisible while I'm stroking it out.
	It feels too good.
	Like, you start to see them really getting into it.
	That's the tricky thing.
	That's why I fucked the sci-fi.
	Bro, that was broke back in my life.
	No, but just like.
	That's what the woodpecker.
	Wait, wait.
	Hold on.
	How do you do scient again?
	That's the Netflix theme.
	Oops.
	Oops.
	It's interesting.
	God.
	Yeah.
	Alice.
	Yeah, how we do.
	Oh, that shit.
	Dumb as a cake for that one.
	Yo, the true choo.
	True, true.
	The true true.
	You already know.
	Come through.
	Showtime.
	Okay.
	Flag it full mass.
	My shit was full mass, bro.
	Sunday, noon.
	You know what I mean?
	Full mass.
	Akash, what do you think about when you try to say up?
	Son, I'll just be letting that shit go, yo.
	Come on.
	What are we talking about?
	Really?
	Bro, this is the best part about religious life.
	You know what I mean?
	Because pleasure isn't the.
	Yeah, yo, get it down.
	Don't y'all feel pathetic if you don't make your girl.
	I feel pathetic every time I'm fucking.
	Yo, Akash really figured out life.
	If you start fat and then you get skinny, everything's successful.
	If you start pathetic with sex and then slightly less pathetic, it's a win.
	Everybody disappointed out this bitch.
	You ain't alone.
	Son, you were the most Buddhist person ever.
	Son of a nigga.
	Or Hindu.
	I don't know whatever it is in my life.
	But it's Zen.
	You know what I mean by that?
	But like, instead of constantly wanting more, you start out with all of it and then, or whatever it is, nothing.
	And then if you get a little, you feel good.
	That's a brilliant way of going through life.
	Is that Buddhism?
	Is that Buddhism, son?
	Yeah.
	So really, you never try to last?
	Like, what's like, what's like, I mean, hold on.
	Sometimes when you're going to come quick and you're like, fuck, I can't come this way.
	Wait, what's the longest, though, to you guys?
	Taylor, I don't want to hear it because we're three hours.
	I don't want to be a little bit more.
	You never saved the village.
	You never saved the village.
	It depends which time zone we're in.
	You know what I mean?
	Can coon, he can last up when he starts fucking me.
	It's Eastern, but by the time his dick gets in my vagina, it's going to sit here.
	All right, hold on.
	So, go.
	So, you're never trying to stretch it out.
	There's another, not, you know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	No, I think if I, if I'm trying to stretch it out, I'll like stop.
	You know what I mean?
	We'll do other stuff, then I'll come back.
	Oh, hold on, Taylor.
	Oh, that's a good move.
	Hold on.
	So, you do intermission.
	We'll have a little intermission.
	And then you'll go down.
	Brief intermission.
	And you go down and walk.
	Yeah, we'll do other stuff.
	You know what I mean?
	Whatever we do.
	What is that?
	Get some snacks, maybe?
	Yeah, go back to a little fourth place.
	I'd be feeling like a loser doing that shit.
	Like when I'm about to buzz, I'm like, hold on, hold on.
	And I just started sucking on titties.
	Well, you don't say hold on.
	Yeah.
	I can go like this.
	I gotta go straight yo.
	Hold on, 20 seconds.
	I need a 27.
	She'll be like, is that full or is that a 20?
	Not full.
	Let me get the whole thing.
	Copy.
	Go to commercial.
	I need a commercial break.
	For real.
	Al, what's your technique?
	Pull-ups?
	Just jump on the bar and start lifting in prison.
	Nah, I don't.
	The weirdest shit.
	Blood flows down his dick.
	It's getting bigger.
	His legs are just shriveling up.
	I'm a slug.
	All right, Al, what's your technique?
	Nah, and I don't know where this came from.
	Back in the day, I just would think of baseball because it's so boring.
	Yeah.
	And so I would like think of like players like.
	Yo, that's how Latino Al is.
	And so I have to like picture myself like running the bases and shit like that.
	And like, I really, if a noise happens, fuck.
	Now I'm running into pussy or something like that.
	Like it just can throw me off.
	But if I stay figured out basel sliding into the houser up there, like, are you fucking kidding me, bro?
	Pump hard.
	Are you kidding me?
	Are you blind?
	But then it works every time.
	And then I go.
	Really?
	Either that or having TV playing in the background, and then I'm just concentrating on the episode.
	Have y'all ever closed the tip of your dick like a toy purse and just didn't let the company get it?
	You just fold the skin over.
	Yes.
	It's a drawstring.
	Tuck yourself in the bed.
	You got a string bag.
	All right, I got my jersey in there.
	I got my cleats.
	Okay, we're ready to go.
	Zip.
	Yo.
	That be kind of lit.
	Yeah.
	Can y'all please answer the question?
	What is lasting?
	Never say in the villa.
	What is lasting to you?
	Can I tell you this, Taylor?
	This is what lasting is.
	I'm going to be 100% serious.
	Yeah, tell him.
	Tell him.
	Lasting is after you come.
	Yes.
	No matter if you come in two minutes, I lasted.
	If you come in 20 minutes, I lasted.
	Boom.
	But when you come, that's when the clock starts going.
	And then it's just 15 seconds more.
	Exactly.
	The job is done.
	Bend it over, get to cracking.
	Hey, hey, there, your back looks dry.
	Oh, what a shame.
	Oh, what a shame.
	Why don't we do something about that?
	Some cedophil.
	Some cedophil.
	Some cetaphil.
	I hate cetaphil.
	Wait, what cedophil?
	Is that like a face wash or like a cream or something like that?
	Oh, I thought that's when the plants are made.
	That's cool.
	That's when our house is a cell.
	I thought he was talking about the shit Bucci was made out of.
	A lot of film.
	So the girl comes two times at least.
	Come on with all this.
	Like, it's crazy.
	How greedy are you, yo?
	That's greedy.
	Okay, let's go on top of our greed.
	Do y'all eat her out before?
	Feminists.
	Yeah.
	After you eat her out.
	After.
	Nah, before.
	Not crazy.
	Nah, if we eat her out, that's what we do as a team.
	Yo, y'all ready to go down?
	Yeah, one, three, two, duty, bro.
	I got my headset.
	All right, boys, we ready?
	We're ready to go.
	Mark, get back up.
	We saw you go down there.
	T-Bo, get in there, baby.
	I'm just trying to help y'all girls out.
	And you say you can't last without me.
	Our girls are good.
	You see the rock on my girl?
	Bling.
	That's going down, bro.
	How long you go down?
	Look at that.
	How long can you use that?
	You think?
	How long can you use it?
	What, the rock?
	Oh, that's done.
	That's already over.
	It's a week.
	No, that diamonds last forever.
	That's your slogan.
	Yeah.
	You mean, like, how long can I use it to get out of shit?
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I don't know, bro.
	You know what I mean?
	It's going to work.
	You're getting comfy, bro.
	But you got to lean into how beautiful that shit is.
	Like, sometimes I'll just be looking at it like, God damn, that shit is fire, ain't it?
	You should just make comments just randomly.
	I do.
	Okay.
	I do.
	I harass that ring.
	I abuse that ring.
	It's like locked away somewhere right now.
	Matter of fact.
	You know.
	Seriously, that ring got PTSD.
	Yeah.
	Shut up.
	Yeah.
	Mark, what's your strategy?
	No, no real.
	I was, yeah, no real strategy, really.
	I was trying to do the math thing for a while.
	Yeah.
	And then honestly, one thing that did help is just talking.
	What do you guys think?
	This is going to sound like some serial charges.
	I was listening to this podcast.
	I'm talking about the anemia.
	That should treat with confidence.
	This might work.
	Yeah.
	What y'all talk about?
	No, it's kind of cool.
	So I'll just be like, yo, so what's your plan for the day?
	I didn't know I didn't like it.
	It was kind of cool.
	I didn't like that.
	What?
	Y'all tell us it's cool.
	It is cool.
	Okay, cool.
	I'll teach you guys about sex.
	Whatever you guys want to know.
	Sit on Daddy's lap.
	I'll tell you.
	I might need that.
	I'm going to tear up and switch the angle.
	Just pop a red cut.
	Y'all just start having a conversation during sex.
	It's a good conversation.
	I tried it.
	I was like, black girl, because we would not have that.
	Why?
	Because y'all.
	Stop talking, Taylor.
	That's not sexy.
	Don't go there.
	Don't go upstairs.
	What?
	What isn't that a horror movie?
	Why are you going upstairs?
	I don't know.
	What?
	What?
	It's behind the door.
	Probably how guys find the clip, though.
	It's behind the door.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's like an escape room.
	Yeah.
	Take a picture frame.
	There's a map of Aruba.
	What?
	What?
	What are you talking about?
	You can't escape the room that you lock yourself in, man.
	Oh, my God.
	Hey, bro.
	I'm telling you.
	Here's what it is.
	You're not going to come for me.
	Not going to come for me.
	This is what you said you do, though.
	You go over the top.
	Yeah, I know.
	They were like, man, just don't talk about it.
	Nobody's talking about his dead.
	And I was like, is it though?
	I took it personally.
	I took it personal, bro.
	And then I went surfing.
	Why are you doing this?
	But you dead ass, though.
	Yeah, I tried it once.
	It kind of worked.
	What did you talk about?
	What was your conversation?
	How did that go down, though?
	Yo, Taylor, you didn't think I had anything to do with it.
	No, I didn't like it.
	I don't understand that.
	How it doesn't show it?
	It's a gift from God.
	What?
	As you get older, you really realize how true that is.
	It's a gift from God.
	Oh, son, yo, hard dick.
	Sustainably hard jacket from God.
	Then on the vacation, when I started, my dick started getting hard again for the first time, like three months.
	It's like the waves in Lanai, bro.
	It's like the waves in Lana.
	And it's historic.
	It was history.
	I was out there making history, bro.
	I thought I was like a kid, dude.
	My dick was hard.
	Yeah.
	You know, sometimes it gets hard and you're like, babe, let's get this going before it's not.
	Yep.
	Not like that.
	My shit was hard.
	She was like, oh, I just got to use the bathroom.
	I said, take your time.
	I'm just going to sit here.
	Take a shower if you need to.
	Whatever you need.
	This shit is hard.
	Went outside with a heart, came back in hard.
	Just showing it off.
	Son, I literally was outside on the porch.
	The room had a porch.
	No big deal.
	You know what I'm saying?
	No biggie.
	Private shuttle.
	You use the trashy or the...
	Porch is the poorest way to say carrots dim.
	I just have to say it's all shit.
	I call it a porch.
	Come on.
	We got a smoking deck.
	It's a George Foreman grill out there.
	You know, he's out there grilling, you know, screaming at my girl.
	Take your fucking makeup off, baby.
	Myself, some sex.
	Oh, my God.
	But in all seriousness.
	Yeah, I think the conversation thing works.
	If anyone's looking for namati, it's also kind of hard because it's like, oh, we're just like talking.
	Like, oh, yeah, I'm not doing anything.
	It's only a movie.
	That's the most Catholic way to go about that.
	We're not doing the thing that's a sin.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	We're just doing something.
	Scott can't see us right now because we're just chit-chatting.
	He's listening in like, oh, they're making plans for the afternoon.
	I tricked him.
	I think we really tricked him, man.
	Keep your skirt on.
	He won't know what's happening.
	All right.
	So, Taylor, I can tell that you really want to speak about the length of sex.
	Okay.
	No, I have another question.
	What is your other question?
	You're allowed one more question.
	Okay.
	I love this rule.
	Yeah, this is a great.
	This is fire.
	You said you have uncircumcised or circumcised?
	I have uncircumcised.
	Uncircumcised.
	You have circumcised.
	Yeah.
	Too much cut off.
	Who do you think?
	Is that true then?
	Seriously.
	Too much cut off.
	A little part of the top is cut off.
	Like a burn victim?
	Honestly, it's a little crazy.
	The top of my dick is flat.
	It's like a Lego.
	My dick is a rectangle.
	It goes square at the end.
	You know the new Nordstrom Tower they built?
	That's his dick.
	Bro, his dick looks like a monolith in Arizona or something.
	My dick looked like Minecraft.
	Yo, what?
	Is it called Minesweeper?
	No, Minecraft.
	Minecraft.
	Yeah, for real.
	My dick looked like this Mike.
	Damn.
	My dick looked like this Mike right there.
	That's it.
	They just cut the head right off.
	It's a bluff.
	He's got a bluff.
	It's a bluff.
	I don't know what that means.
	They cut too much tip off the wrong head for this one.
	They really did.
	They could have shaved some nose down.
	You would have been good.
	I know.
	That's why my nose looks so big.
	Yo, someone says something so mean to me, bro, but that shit was so funny.
	They go, I had a picture of me, and I thought that I was, you know, I thought I was looking fine.
	I thought I was looking cute.
	And someone said, damn, Schultz, your ears look like you've been wearing COVID masks for the last 10 years.
	Oh, that was good.
	That was good.
	Wow.
	That was funny, bro.
	That was funny.
	I was going to ask, which one do you think is more sensitive?
	What?
	Which dick is more sensitive, like, to bro, the bean bag.
	Why?
	The sleeping bag.
	I was thinking yours would be.
	Nah, drawstring.
	Nah, because mine is out available to the world.
	Yeah, he's shown it off.
	My dick is like a construction worker's hands.
	It's callous.
	There's cuts that never heal.
	His is like a little, what is it?
	Sleeping beauty.
	Yes, a diamond.
	It's not a diamond.
	Diamonds.
	Diamonds.
COVID Mask Joke 00:13:56
	Come on.
	That was crazy.
	Why are you trying to do it alone, bro?
	Why is y'all?
	That's the most important thing to me.
	Nah, son.
	Yeah, it is.
	You ain't digging no diamonds, bro.
	Why are you doing that?
	That was definitely the same thing.
	Why are you doing it, bro?
	Here's Moisonite.
	He got her.
	He got that Moisonite deck.
	It is moist.
	Did she just randomly play with it?
	With what part specifically?
	I said one question, Taylor.
	Taylor, Taylor.
	But I feel flattered now.
	No, keep going.
	Taylor, take your notes, okay?
	You're not taking enough notes.
	She's taking one note of the show.
	She said it to me.
	I hear the fucking computer on her lap like she's doing some shit besides just interrupting.
	I'm over here killing some good flow.
	Taylor just pops up like a boulder in a river.
	Hard wreath.
	Hard.
	You're the wreath.
	Okay.
	If you missed the story, we're almost dying.
	I shouldn't be here right now.
	He really did.
	I thought he was bullshitting, but he really did almost die.
	You'll hear the story when if you came on time, you would have heard it.
	I almost drowned when I was in Hawaii.
	This is in the newest episode of Flagrant 2 Park.
	There it is, Flagrant 2.
	You can find that at Flagrant 2.
	Yeah, just unfortunately.
	Okay, we're doing it right now.
	Now, okay, so Alex, you went to the COVID den.
	Okay.
	Oh, yeah.
	You had a good time at the COVID den?
	Great time of the COVID.
	You were partying, partying.
	Mexico Day don't give a fuck.
	Yeah, not at all.
	Anything interesting happened?
	You went with wifey, brought wifey.
	Yeah.
	Awesome.
	And some people there.
	And some people who are there.
	Yeah, like I just met people that were there already.
	Who Weezy was there?
	That's what I was asking.
	No, no, Weezy was in Columbia.
	Shango.
	Nah, just a friend out there, Ryan.
	Some people.
	You don't know.
	Okay, fine.
	Fair enough.
	If you don't want to share anything about your vacation, that's fine.
	I'm prying.
	They go to a different school, bro.
	You would have known.
	Yeah, you would have known.
	I see how it is.
	Nah, but yeah, they don't give two shits about growth out there.
	And do everybody have it?
	I mean, no.
	They don't make you get a test before you go right now.
	No.
	That's like America.
	Nothing.
	We had to get a test 72 hours prior.
	I didn't have any of that.
	Shit cost me $640.
	Don't get me started on this.
	This is why you need Dove, bro.
	Don't get me started.
	The one day I'm not using the truffle, all of a sudden I spent $640.
	They were watching.
	Jam a fucking test into my nose.
	Nah, those free tests, the lines for them shits.
	Oh, crazy, right?
	If you know a line, lineless one, let me know.
	LaGuardia Airport, the first two times I went, no line.
	Third time I had to go.
	What do you mean online?
	Wait, you got a test at the airport?
	No.
	LaGuardia Airport in parking lot B has a testing site.
	You just drive in and out with that bitch.
	Yeah.
	That was like some like quick in and out shit at the time.
	Now I think everybody's onto it because the third time we went before Aruba, we had to wait like an hour.
	Oh, shit.
	But the first two times I went, before I gave it to y'all, and then to make sure I was cool to come back, no line.
	Legit in and out in 10 minutes.
	Whole thing.
	Shit.
	Did you have to do that?
	You just told a bunch of 100,000 people.
	No, you had to test through 72 hours.
	You're good.
	Okay.
	You're on your third question.
	Okay, Mark.
	Where'd you go?
	I went to Florida.
	You went back home?
	Orlando, Florida.
	Something.
	It was the best.
	You had a good time?
	Yeah, this is crazy.
	Just harassing children.
	Yeah.
	That's all Mark does when he goes back to his family.
	He has like hundreds of kids.
	His family has hundreds of kids.
	We're Amnesty.
	We're really Mennonites.
	You are like Mennonites.
	What is a Mennonite?
	I don't know.
	Okay.
	No, it's like the Quaker people that live in Pennsylvania.
	Oh, the motherfucker's furniture.
	I don't know what.
	You thought that was the Jewish.
	Okay.
	No, that was our sodomites.
	I was going to be like, wait, the oatmeal people?
	Yeah, the oatmealers.
	Now, I would say we went, in the amount of time that we've all known each other, we went the longest that we've ever gone without talking to each other.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	I mean, when we left each other on the 19th, I don't know if we even spoke to each other until 26th.
	Yeah, at least.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Maybe 25th or something like that.
	Yeah.
	So what did you do?
	Bro, the first day I got back, I slept 18 hours.
	Let's go.
	The first day, like straight through, like I woke up, ate some food, went back to sleep, like all the way.
	And then just like hung in Orlando.
	That's the thing.
	Orlando's open.
	So life was normal.
	It's like normal.
	Like everyone wears masks.
	That's the one thing I realized.
	I wonder if you have people so confined, you get like that California situation where like people are just going to like house parties and like doing their own shit or finding like escape valves.
	Whereas in Orlando, every business has their own discretion.
	Yep.
	And pretty much every place I went to had like distancing and masks.
	And it's just not that big a deal.
	But you could just do whatever.
	So like go to a park.
	Do they enforce the mask or no?
	Yeah.
	I mean, people just kind of go with it.
	Like, yeah.
	Like, if like there's some people that are crazy that are like, yo, I'm not wearing a mask.
	I'm not doing it.
	And they walk right through.
	And then that's one at every 500.
	Yeah, they never say anything to that guy, but I think there's less of that guy than yeah.
	It seems like it's kind of that guy makes the news, yeah, right, but that's not the average.
	But it almost seems like that's a reaction to like being confined.
	Yeah, that's the skate park thing.
	Yeah, it's like if you let if you create the skate park, less kids get hurt because they're not grinding some random rail from this building and then suing the building and that kind of shit like that.
	So like you just create the rules, the rules are the skate park, put a fucking mask on or do some social distancing.
	We talked about, I think we talked about this as soon as Corona happened, but this is a country that's legit built on rebellion.
	It's so in our DNA.
	In Europe, you can lock everybody down and they're just kind of listening.
	We are founded on nah, fuck your rules.
	We're doing our own thing.
	You saw that shot he just took in Europe, son?
	Yo, Europe.
	He called y'all some bitch-ass motherfucker.
	He said y'all.
	Wow.
	Yeah, he went there, bro.
	Akash, Akash, not taking no prisoners, bro.
	He even said that.
	Literally not taking no prisoners, bro.
	Fighting, yo.
	Solidarity with the farmers.
	Yo, we out here.
	That's a great idea.
	Move the farmers to Europe.
	Oh, yeah.
	Y'all will get whatever you want.
	One thing I want to call out about.
	So I was in Tulum, which is supposed to be some like energy, earthy, like retreat, yoga shit.
	Son, oh my God, the bullshit, the level of bullshit that's there.
	So you have rich people that are pretending to go for like just to be wellness.
	Yeah, wellness and shit like that.
	And then they're at the turn up spot popping bottles.
	I care about my body.
	I care about it.
	Yeah, it was so retreat.
	It was so hypocritical.
	But it looked like a lot of the people that would be at Burning Man, it's just you're forced to have to spend money at that place.
	Yeah.
	So at Burning Man, there's no money to spend.
	So it's like they're forced to actually live that life of just the energy realness.
	And low-key, if you haven't had that at all, how nice is it?
	Oh, here the club pumping.
	You haven't had that in three months.
	That's why I went.
	We've been fucking Hermitcraft for like the past three, four months.
	I'm like, I don't even really like parties like that, but every night I'm going out.
	Yeah, it felt good.
	So it didn't matter.
	Yeah.
	Like you didn't care at all.
	Not at all.
	You're sure do you care at all?
	No.
	And it's funny because she's not immune, but she ain't care at all.
	She might have antibodies, bro.
	I'm promising my girl got antibodies.
	Yeah, we got to take that test just to make sure.
	But then I'm traveling everywhere, seeing the folks.
	I'm good.
	Once I got antibodies, we're at least.
	Oh, no, no.
	I'm still cautious with the folks and shit like that.
	Where?
	Like, I saw them over this break, but I mean, I saw them two days after I got a test or whatever, just to make sure everything was goochy.
	Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, get the anti, just to be sure.
	Antibodies.
	How would you have it, but you don't got antibodies?
	No, no, not antibodies, the actual test because you can get it again.
	No, you can't.
	That's all.
	Stop with the stop with the bullshit.
	Like, here's what I don't understand.
	I feel like you would say that.
	I can understand the antibodies.
	You're part of China.
	You're part of the communist party.
	I'm sorry, I love my mom.
	I don't want to kill her.
	But keep going, Akash.
	Keep on capping for China, bro.
	Keep on putting on that cap.
	That fucking triangle shit Raiden used to wear.
	That's Al right now.
	I can understand if you got antibodies and they wear off, cool, you can still get it.
	But if you have antibodies, that's what fights the virus.
	Yeah, but the shit mutated already.
	Yeah, but you're still good.
	Yo, also, could I just say that this is very important?
	We're going to give FA credit for this, but like all these fake woke bloggers getting upset at the special because we called it the Chinese virus or whatever like that.
	As a joke.
	As a joke, mind you, but not.
	We call it the Wuhanic plague and all these kind of things.
	All this is racist.
	All of a sudden, the UK strain is not racist.
	Oh, right.
	When it's white people's virus, oh, it's not racist when it's the UK strain.
	Maybe it just fucking comes from there.
	Maybe that's what it is.
	That's funny.
	So it was mad because all these Asians were hitting me up and they were like, yo, don't bother with the Boba T bloggers.
	Boba T bloggers is so Asians call the woke Asians.
	Oh, that's great.
	They're like, yeah, none of us fuck with them.
	They're stupid.
	They don't get it.
	Bograty?
	Boba T, like Boba T.
	But he's like, because it was so funny because all these Asians were like, yo, this hit me up.
	They're like, yo, this shit is so done.
	Like, you literally made fun of every group of people in the special.
	And it's like, one guy hit me up.
	He goes, low-key is kind of arrogant to think that the whole thing was just about one.
	Right.
	Like, you got to be like selfish to ignore all the other people that got made fun of.
	It's relentless jokes.
	So everybody going to get gone.
	Everybody getting.
	But literally, this is what we said was going to happen.
	It's so funny.
	In the fourth episode.
	I was happy for you when I saw that shit.
	Oh, yeah.
	Outrageous the best marketing.
	We literally in the fourth episode were like, this is how media works.
	The no-name bloggers say something's outrageous.
	Yep.
	The quote-unquote real organization, news organizations cover that no-name blogger as if it's news.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	Now it looks like a real story because the quote-unquote real news organizations are covering it.
	And then the bloggers continue to have a little energy behind their back.
	And that's why I don't engage with them on Twitter or Instagram and that kind of shit because you're not big enough.
	If New York Times writes an article, how fucked up it is, I'll go back and forth with the New York Times.
	But like, remember when Cameron was trying to beef with Jay or like all these guys might call out a bigger rapper?
	It's like, Jay's like, oh no, I don't have time.
	Because he made that mistake with 50.
	Everybody says it blew up 50 cents.
	Exactly.
	About a dollar.
	What the fuck is 50 cents?
	Yeah.
	So don't do that.
	Even though I already did that with my exit.
	Yeah.
	This episode.
	But outside of that, we're not doing that.
	The whole time he says that, I'm like, nah, we're moving on, bro.
	We're moving on.
	2021.
	Exactly.
	Buy her album.
	Yeah.
	We're going to make it go platinum.
	So yes, the shit mutated already.
	Yeah, but from what I read, if you got the vaccine, the mutation would, you'd still be fine with the mutation.
	It's not like a mutation that everything is.
	Ain't no mutation.
	It's nothing, bro.
	It's nothing.
	Just drink your tea juice and tea and be good.
	Taylor, if you don't be quiet about this, I swear to God.
	Her first question when I said I had got Corona was, wait, does this mean it's real?
	So I'm not saying you enjoyed president Ernest question.
	I'm not.
	I was lame.
	Taylor, have some respect.
	Amen and a woman.
	Yeah.
	I love that.
	I like you.
	You hear them say that shit, bro.
	Oh, my God.
	That's the new thing.
	Doug, one of this dude was doing this like Senate hearing.
	Y'all didn't see this?
	Oh, dude, he was like, and he finished the Senate hearing with something.
	It's God bless America.
	Amen.
	And a woman.
	Wow.
	Amen is not about gender.
	If it was, it's a grammatical error.
	It'd be amen.
	Or like the man.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But how funny is that shit, bro?
	Like, we're going to be woke about words that don't even have gender.
	It's all so performative, yo.
	I don't even want to give these guys attention.
	But a woman is kind of like a bad person.
	I like a woman.
	Yeah.
	A woman sounds like some shit you say before you tell a girl.
	Hey, woman.
	Hey, woman.
	Hey man.
	Hey, woman.
	You are a woman.
	Hey, woman.
	Hey, woman.
	We're going to the club.
	Hey, woman, you need a new toothbrush.
	And a turtleneck.
	Fuck.
	All right.
	There's your clout.
	You got it.
	You happy?
	You got your clout.
	Giving it.
	We are moving on.
	No more of this.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	What do you got, boy?
	Give me 10 minutes.
	I got a feeling.
	All right, what else?
	We got to have some stories.
	So because we haven't seen each other in so long, we didn't really like reflect on the year pretty much.
	Oh, yeah.
	Anything?
	It would be cool if we did like a project that did that.
	Like if we dedicated four months, like every single day to last year.
	Yeah, someone should do that and like break it up into little parts.
	Fuck, this is why you're a visionary, yo.
	Yo, bro.
	I appreciate you, bro.
	Now, what did you learn this year, Al?
	You start hating, bro.
	I need we need mics that are better to throw so I can just chuck things.
	Oh, so I got some good stuff coming.
	We could do resolutions.
	That's one thing I'm doing.
	Okay, so I'm reading right now.
	That's the same for me, yo.
	First book I'm starting with is uh Obama's book.
	What?
	What do you say?
	Obama's book?
	Obama's book.
	Which one?
	The one he just said.
	Oh, the brand new one.
	Yeah, the new one.
	The new one, the one that black people.
	No, I was good.
	Yeah, that book is not all about black people.
	Black people, stop hating on me.
	I was good to you guys.
	It wasn't my fault.
	Put some respect on it.
	It wasn't my fault.
	I just said hope.
	I didn't say do.
	Nope.
	It's nothing.
	Nothing like that.
	I put respect on it.
	It's good so far.
	I'm only like about like six chapters in, but it's good.
	It's really good.
	And like you can see him coming into uh politics green, and then he doesn't even realize when he becomes a politician.
	Like he, he, yeah, he gets like lost in it and he becomes the thing that he sought out not to become.
	Oh, so he's critical of himself.
Reading Resolution 00:15:42
	Yeah.
	The shit is real.
	Wow.
	I respect that.
	Let's go.
	That's one of my resolutions.
	Try to read at least 10 books.
	A year?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'm going for one a month.
	That's what I'm going for.
	Yeah, that's 20.
	That's good.
	Yeah.
	Get a library card, bro.
	Yeah, yeah, you rent out a hammer, rent out a book.
	It's real talk.
	Get whatever you want.
	Like, they have everything there, bro.
	All right.
	What you doing?
	The fact that y'all are reading makes me want to not read so much.
	I mean, yo, that's nothing new.
	The fact y'all reading makes me want to keep not doing a thing I'm already not doing so.
	No, I'm not reading.
	That's pussy, bro.
	You out here like this?
	Like, like switching.
	Oh, oh, let me lick the paper.
	You're so old.
	Switching papers, bro.
	How you read with a Kinder?
	No.
	Bro, there's a line in the special.
	We got to talk about it.
	We're going to do like an inside joke.
	Some of you guys listening right now watched our inside joke series.
	We're going to do an inside jokes.
	We're going to bring Robbie.
	Maybe we fly F.A. back over.
	But about all of our little hidden jokes and the little hidden pictures and all that kind of stuff in the special and like really kind of like break it down because there's, you know, a lot of black people have watched it so many times.
	They're catching these new things.
	And thank you guys for that.
	But, you know, we can say where these ideas came from.
	There's shit in the special that actually makes no sense.
	There's a joke at the end that is a word, two words that aren't even words.
	Oh, yeah.
	Right?
	The etymology of this is for whatever reason, you know, how like in Japanese culture, there's this thing called umami.
	Parmesan is umami.
	And it's like the perfect collection of flavors.
	It's like sweet and salty and all these things.
	Like they're like, oh, this is perfection.
	This is what your mouth desires.
	Right.
	I think auditory umami or like that's hearing a word, but also saying a word is chicken tender.
	Saying chicken tender is just feels so good.
	But you don't say chicken tender.
	We say it's evolved.
	It's evolved even more.
	When I went to Hawaii, because I was closer to Asia, so it just got even more.
	Streams everywhere around the radioactive, you know?
	So it went from chicken tender to chickade.
	Yeah.
	Chickadee tende, right?
	And then I don't know how it got here, but it was like chicken dandel.
	Oh, oh, okay.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I've heard that one.
	Chicken dandel is like COVID, bro.
	So at the end, there's a joke about Biden where he said his hair is more plugged in.
	No, he's more plugged in than the hairs on his chickadende.
	Yeah.
	I say chickade.
	Yes.
	Right now, they transcribe the whole special.
	Oh, yes.
	They didn't ask for our transcription.
	Somebody went in there and did it, and they transcribed it as the hair is more plugged in.
	No, he's more plugged in than the hairs on his jiggity bende.
	Okay, wait for it.
	This is my favorite part.
	It's not bad.
	It's not bad.
	It's good.
	This is my favorite part.
	Jiggity is capital J and Dende is capital D.
	So they were like, no, that's probably someone from Jiggity.
	I love you to do it in like 30 languages.
	Bro, that's another thing.
	They, the special, so many people like around the world were hitting me up.
	They're like, yo, they took your special down in Sweden.
	They took it down in South Korea.
	They took it down.
	And it's because they didn't have the transcription to their languages available until a week later.
	Okay.
	Because there was so much to transcribe.
	And I think we fucked up.
	I wish we never let them transcribe it.
	Because it's, you know, how like it's meant to be consumed in English because so many of the jokes are wordplay or alliteration.
	And once you change that into another language, it actually doesn't make sense.
	So we should just put our foot down.
	You're saying chickity tende.
	I'm saying chickity.
	It barely makes sense in English.
	I don't even know if it's English.
	We're not sure.
	Okay.
	Listen, we were really exhausted by the end of it and on a lot of Adderall.
	And Chigity Dende made sense.
	But point is, a lot of people would literally hit me like, yo, we can't watch it.
	We can't watch it.
	So if you are in another country and you want to watch it, now you can.
	And if you still can't change your Netflix setting to English for the whole Netflix, that was my favorite thing about it was the inside jokes.
	Yeah.
	I thought that was just cool that you still did chickity thing.
	I didn't know who the fuck would get that besides us, but you did it.
	Honestly, I don't know who has.
	They just did it for us.
	It literally is four of us.
	There's so many jokes.
	We're like, chickadee tende in the recording.
	Nobody in this room.
	Appreciate the picture, by the way.
	Oh, very funny line.
	You know that you're on the train with the Indians.
	I thought so.
	I thought so.
	I even tried to pause.
	I was like, I think that's me.
	But then the daddy one, I was like, that's great.
	There's a, you're on the you're also in other ones, too.
	I only saw those.
	You're on a Zoom call.
	You're on a funny call.
	I got to rewatch it.
	All right.
	All right.
	People were losing it.
	They were laughing at Alex being the Congolese cabbie.
	Yes.
	That was great.
	Yeah, dude.
	That was great.
	We had a lot of fun ones.
	There's one in there that like it's probably illegal because we use one of the filters on Instagram.
	But the cheerleader for the bulls.
	I mean, it's still probably illegal.
	Yeah, it's whatever fucking it.
	The cheerleader for the bulls is Mark.
	That's great.
	But we sent the picture and they're like, who the fuck is this?
	They're like, oh, no, it's Mark's cousin.
	Like, she gives us permission.
	Yeah.
	Why can't you just say it's Mark?
	Because then we were using that filter and they don't have permission.
	We just snitching on ourselves.
	No big deal.
	But this whole barn, okay.
	You've been snitching on yourself a lot today, to be honest with you.
	When you ain't do nothing wrong, what is it?
	When you're free, the truth shall set you free.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm not afraid of the truth.
	I think that was Malcolm X.
	Yes.
	Or Malcolm Little.
	We got to get some clips.
	All right.
	We got to get some clips.
	What are we talking about?
	Yes, all right, guys.
	It's 2021.
	It's time for New Year's resolutions.
	You know what a great resolution is for any man?
	Step up your self-care.
	You've been in quarantine.
	You probably let yourself go, not just with the weight, but also you're probably not showering as much.
	Let's be honest.
	You probably fucking stink.
	All you got to do to fix that is go to hawthorne.co.
	It is an entire line of men's grooming products that they send to you if you just answer one quiz.
	They ask you questions like, do you smoke?
	What do you like to drink?
	How often do you shower for guys like Mark?
	And I'm going to be honest, me a little bit.
	But point is, you just answer the quiz and then they send you every product you need.
	And I'm also going to be honest, if you're single, fellas, this shit looks official.
	If you want to impress a girl when she comes over and make it look like you got your life together, these products are beautiful, dog.
	The packaging is gorgeous.
	The soap grown man ass smell good hand soap.
	I'm telling you, if you want to get your life together in one step, you just go to hawthorne.co and use promo code flagrant.
	You get 10% off your first purchase.
	First purchase.
	That is Hawthorne, H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E dot C-O.
	Promo code flagrant.
	Let's get back to the show.
	Yo, how well did Akash just read that ad?
	Don, I know that.
	It is needed.
	Where's Miles, yo?
	Come into the room, Miles.
	I'm not betraying you.
	Miles, get over here.
	Yo, Miles, get over here, bro.
	Oh, where'd he go?
	I don't know where Miles is.
	No, he hits.
	I have him come in.
	He's certainly not editing an ad read, bro.
	We were on the road, so Miles was editing the clips and he was putting in the ads in the episode.
	And Akash read an ad.
	You read an ad like you just learned how to read, bro.
	Like it was your first time reading, bro.
	That's what it looked like.
	You read an ad.
	Bro, wait, what happened?
	It wasn't my first time reading that ad.
	But what happened?
	You know how to read.
	I'm looking off my phone.
	Then you try to look up a camera.
	Then you look at your phone.
	Miles, come here, bro.
	Come here.
	You're going to get a little shine.
	Come here.
	So come on this side.
	Wrap all the way around and just come down right here.
	Only time I'll ask you to take a knee.
	Now, not like that.
	Okay, now.
	They do look kind of.
	If we had to make a racist in the podcast, guys, this is Miles.
	We're in the wide, right?
	This is Miles.
	Okay.
	Miles is a brilliant graphic designer for the Netflix series and is also helping out with the edits for the podcast.
	Not enough of the edits of the podcast.
	Now, I knew something was wrong with the episode.
	And this is the episode when we were gone.
	When I started getting all these DMs, like, damn, yo, Akash reads like he's on a treadmill.
	And I'm like, wait, what's going on, bro?
	Akash stopped and started the ad so many fucking times.
	Did you hear that and then leave it in on purpose?
	I didn't know that I had to edit ads.
	I just place them in.
	I don't even listen to that.
	Right, because you would think if you're reading, you would be able to do it.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Yeah, I just thought they'd be fine.
	I just put them in.
	Yeah, why would they not be fine?
	Yeah, because you just get to read it.
	Yeah.
	It's just one pair of people.
	Don't do that shit.
	How many times she'll start over every day?
	I've never started.
	I never in my life.
	I have never done it in my life.
	No proof of.
	And you know what?
	I gotta do it because Neuroroot.
	Neuroroot.
	Okay.
	Neuroroot is all you need for your neural needs.
	Okay?
	What's that?
	I'll get up there.
	Neural root, okay?
	From our good friends over there, erratics remedies.
	But right now, it's Neuroroot.
	Yeah, don't read it.
	Neuroroot.
	You're Floyd Mayweather over here.
	Neurorude.
	That's right.
	Where is it at?
	Here it is.
	Neuroroot.
	It promotes brain function, memory development, a positive mood.
	Neuroroot focuses.
	He gets a whole ass TV.
	Big screen, 50 inches.
	I'm here.
	Damn, my gosh.
	Interrupt me right there because I said focuses instead of focus.
	You're going to have me on the ropes, bro.
	Yeah, we're going to have to edit that.
	We're going to have me on the ropes.
	We're going to have to edit that.
	But in all seriousness, if you don't want to read like Akash, you got to use NeuroRoot.
	I wasn't rooted that day.
	That's true.
	If you were rooted, you would have read that shit perfectly, bro.
	Seamlessly.
	That's a good point.
	Thank you.
	You know why you were on AdWall?
	Because we sold the fuck out of Neuroroot.
	That's right.
	We sold out Neuroroot.
	How amazing was that?
	Thank you for your contribution, Miles.
	Neuroroot is...
	Miles, set the fuck back down.
	John, Miles.
	Let's go with racists.
	Okay.
	Of a racist and picture.
	And he was chomping that gum that you would give me PTSD from September 12, 2001, bro.
	Whoa.
	Way to bring back the past, bro.
	That's crazy.
	Judy.
	Hey, dude, you fucking went straight jiggity denwers.
	I never forget.
	I remember that.
	I never forget.
	You remember that day?
	Do you never forget?
	Because of Neurorud, guys.
	Euroote.
	Well, make sure your memory is the absolute best it's ever been in your entire life.
	And you know what?
	From our good friends over there, Radix Remedies, you know they're our good friends because we've been rocking them with them for a while.
	Wow, we are not playing games over here.
	I want you all to go get rooted so you can perform to the best of your ability in life, okay?
	Yo, visit neuroroot.com slash flagrant and use flagrant.
	Fuck you, Miles.
	Fuck you.
	Leave it root.com slash flagrant, okay?
	That's N-E-U-R-O.
	R-O-R-S-B.com slash flagrant.
	And use the code flagrant for a 20% discount.
	Son, the R-O-R-O-O-O, that's tricky.
	And you could do anything?
	Anything.
	If I was rooted, I would have hit that shit so fire.
	Yeah, I believe that.
	Damn, I would have said that shit like Hilaria Baldwin.
	How do you say Doro Root?
	Neuroroot.
	Okay?
	Anyway, guys, we got to get back to work.
	All right.
	We just probably paid an ad, I think.
	That's where we would insert an ad.
	As you can say, we're just flying off the seat of our pants.
	Is that a term?
	Flying by the seat of your pants.
	We're flying off it, too.
	I never understood that.
	Flying by the seat of my pants.
	Pants don't have a seat.
	Yeah.
	Tamper Taylor.
	That's a stupid term.
	And we've been saying it our whole lives.
	The seed of your pants is the ass.
	Yeah.
	Now are you flying by your ass?
	Whatever.
	You know, the point is, I just want to say, while we wrap up the special stuff, I just want to say we have been making a lot of positive change.
	James Corden, that we called, I believe, a fat fuck and a special.
	It was crumbling like a crownut in Corden's mouth.
	Yes.
	Is now the Weight Watcher spokesperson.
	Yo.
	I think we get a little round of applause for James.
	Yep.
	Taking his life in his own hands, flying by the seat of his sweatpants.
	Just doing it.
	Good for you, James.
	That's good for him.
	Yeah, we're making punishment.
	Get it, dog.
	That's all we wanted, bro.
	Congrats.
	That's all we wanted.
	Hey, thank you.
	On behalf of people who had to look at James Corden everywhere.
	Thank you.
	Bro, Weight Watchers really believes in him, bro.
	Yeah, dude.
	That's a roll of the dice right there.
	I'm going to be honest about Weight Watchers.
	All their spokespeople.
	I like James Corden.
	Oh, come on with that shit.
	I just want to see his little skinny ass in a moment.
	Aren't you on punishment?
	What happened to you?
	Big S SUV is the only thing you can fit his fat ass into.
	Let's get them cars small.
	Yeah, fiat.
	Oh, shit.
	Chickadee tende.
	Chickadee tende.
	Whoa.
	Okay, ready, guys?
	Leak phone call.
	I'm just going through conversations.
	Oh, Trump trying to get that vote.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Hey, bro, people be lying.
	Find some votes, my buddy.
	Most of you be lying out there.
	He needs a dove.
	He needs a voice.
	What is the controversy here?
	Real talk.
	What are they?
	Yeah.
	He's just doing the same shit he's been doing on Twitter this whole time.
	Yo, this election was stolen.
	Find these votes.
	They stole the election.
	That's all he's saying.
	Everybody's acting like this is some smoking gun or something.
	But it is wrong, though, isn't that wrong?
	Yeah, the facts.
	We're going to feel no facts.
	Like, the fact side is like people are saying he's attempting to stage a coup by forcing the officials in Georgia to try to leave.
	He's not forcing.
	He's asking.
	He's saying, yo, fam, I'm the president.
	Find some votes to do what you do.
	Find them votes.
	The feelings part of it is that shit's lit.
	You got to do what you got to do.
	I don't know about that.
	I love how he talks, though.
	Like, he talks on the phone.
	Knowing that he's being recorded.
	Yeah, he's a mafioso.
	Cool.
	He's that's why he that's good, son.
	What did he say exactly?
	Yeah, yeah.
	He's like, if you were to, yeah, if you were to find 11,200 votes, but he said exact numbers, sonny.
	How do you say it?
	If you were to find 11,201 votes, like that would be great if you would go find them.
	Yeah.
	We just need one more.
	That's what he said.
	He's like, I heard.
	I heard they're there.
	I heard they got ripped up.
	You just gotta, you know, but that's say in the same way mafia meant get off the charges a lot.
	That's how I feel like he's gonna be with this.
	Like, all right, you know what he's trying to do, I guess, but he never says anything that you can pin him down with.
	You're not gonna get charged for nothing.
	It's bad for the country.
	Yeah, the move is: I like the move.
	He's out of here.
	And the move is, yo, behave yourself.
	I think the powers of beer are going to come and just go, yo, behave yourself.
	They're going to go, yo, listen here, bitch.
	Yo, you're not supposed to fuck up what we got going on.
	Somehow you did it.
	Yeah.
	They're literally like, I don't know how the fuck you did it.
	Somehow you did it.
	Yeah.
	You tricked the system.
	It ain't supposed to work like this.
	Okay, but you tricked the system and you somehow beat the system for four years.
	We got it back to where it's supposed to be.
	You're not going to jail as long as you keep your mouth shut.
	And I think that's going to be a deal.
	And if he opens his mouth, you're going to see them taxes come out.
	You're going to see a lot of problems.
	If he keeps his mouth quiet, you're going to see him chilling on a boat somewhere, enjoying his real estate business and doing what the fuck he does.
Tax Responsibility 00:11:43
	That's my assumption.
	But he's even like galvanizing some senators to reject the fucking election results.
	Yeah, that's the shit that.
	But is anybody even paying any mind?
	Like, you know, Biden's going to be president.
	I think Ted Cruz is.
	Yo, that guy's a cuck.
	Yeah.
	Dude, that guy is a super cuck.
	Him and Marco Ruby are embarrassing.
	Just embarrassing.
	The biggest of cucks.
	You know what that is?
	Listen, that's a funding meeting.
	He destroyed his fucking wife.
	His wife.
	Insulted the fuck out of his wife.
	And you know how big a cuck he is?
	This is how big a cuck he is.
	Trump is fucking his wife and pulls his dick out and then starts about to come on his wife.
	And then he just swan dives in front of the cum and gobbles that shit up.
	That's the type of cucks that Ted Cruz is.
	Super cuck.
	Unbelievable levels of cock.
	Dude, imagine someone insulted your wife, bro, publicly.
	She's ugly.
	She's not the prettiest, but you don't gotta say it, right?
	You don't gotta say it.
	You just let that shit be bygones.
	Yeah.
	What's a bygone, bro?
	Bro, it's like by and gone, yo.
	Is that really what it is?
	Yeah, it's bygone.
	Nah.
	So all these stupid ass sage.
	We gotta get them to feel like when you kick out your gay son, I think.
	Bygone.
	Bygone.
	Go away.
	I'm a man of God.
	You are not.
	Okay.
	So, what are we thinking about this?
	That's just classic Trump.
	You know, it's not surprising.
	Obviously, he's trying to do whatever he can to stay in power.
	He could sue too because it was leaked, right?
	Whoever recorded it?
	Yeah, he didn't.
	He could sue them.
	Maybe.
	I don't think so.
	I mean, if you know, you got to find out who recorded it, like, or, you know, who leaked it.
	But I imagine every presidential phone call is recorded.
	Yeah.
	Like the phone got to be tapped to the president.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, it's just, it's just one of these tricky things.
	Like, I think people are latching onto it because this is a perfect example of what this is.
	The media needs Trump.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, we already know he's out.
	We know there's not going to be an electoral college nonsense.
	We already know what's going on.
	Yeah.
	But the media needs this big boogeyman to talk about.
	And Trump is that boogeyman.
	And so any story that has him connected in it, where he looks like an idiot or he looks potentially evil, they're going to come back.
	Corrupt.
	Particularly corrupt.
	Yes.
	Because it's already over.
	It's like the finals are done.
	You're going to leak a story about LeBron after it's done?
	No.
	Yeah.
	Well, not LeBron, I guess, in the kids.
	It's complaining about it.
	It's like when the Kings lost to the Lakers in that one in what, 2002?
	They're like, yo, the officials, the officials.
	All right.
	Who cares?
	Yeah.
	It's over.
	It's over, bro.
	It's over.
	It's over.
	Like, what do they really want?
	What do we want to happen here?
	You want to see Trump hung?
	Is that it?
	Like, the people who are saying this is treasonous.
	Like, do you want?
	Is that what you want?
	You want to see the president get hung?
	Is that what's happening?
	No, I don't know what to do.
	Firing squad.
	Like, what do y'all want?
	I want to see him go to jail.
	For what?
	For tax fraud and everything else.
	Yo, yo, first of all, I paid, I saw the amount I'm supposed to pay in taxes.
	Defraud them, Defraud them, yo.
	This shit is preposterous.
	Anybody who defrauds the government for their taxes is my hero.
	Yeah, my hero.
	And I'll say it on the podcast.
	They probably listening right now.
	I'm going to figure it out.
	Paying them a papers here.
	We come, bro.
	Come on.
	I don't know.
	I'm going to figure it out.
	This is the clip they're going to take.
	Andrew Schultz, tax evasion.
	I'm going to figure it out.
	I support the Biden Harris administration.
	There we go.
	Son, his taxes are crazy, bro.
	Why are we fucking paying them?
	Sorry, I just got it.
	Thank you, Taylor.
	Taxation of representation.
	Especially for black people.
	We shouldn't even be paying them at all.
	And it is too.
	I shouldn't be paying it either.
	Yes.
	I'm not racist.
	That's my favorite.
	If it should just be racist, pay them.
	Yes.
	Yo, what if what if only what if only people?
	Yeah, this is dangerous.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I was about to be on board already before you even said it.
	Who should be paying taxes mostly?
	Whites.
	That's not true.
	Yes, white people need to.
	Not only specific types.
	Yes.
	Specific types.
	Specifically, not me.
	Yes.
	Question.
	Wait, wait, question.
	Would all of you in this room, besides Taylor, be upset if reparations were given by just not just black people not having to pay taxes?
	Like, would you like to do that?
	Honestly, I would be more upset.
	Really?
	I'll be.
	I'd rather one-time payments.
	Just pay it out.
	Printed up the money.
	No, but then that's your tax dollars going to us.
	I'm fine with that.
	So that's like you taking some responsibility.
	That's it to me and Dove in the hotel.
	It's just me and Dove in the hotel.
	That's issue.
	I thought it would be worse that way because that's coming out your own.
	But they would raise our taxes.
	Let me tell you something.
	I've said this on this podcast before.
	Motherfuckers, you could up to, I think it's wrong to do over 40% in tax, but anything over 50%, if you're paying in taxes, you work for the government.
	You are an employee of the government.
	Nobody pays 50%.
	Some people didn't figure it out in time.
	Let me tell you something.
	People pay over 50% of taxes.
	You're wilding something.
	I'm not wilding.
	That's the way it's set up, bro.
	This is Corona.
	We lost money.
	Son, why you think?
	How do we lose money?
	We lost.
	How do we lose money, though?
	We make the money.
	Yes.
	We had a bad year.
	This was a bad, bad year.
	You just got here.
	Now you're lost.
	They're going to jail.
	I'm out here being honest, out here paying over 50% of taxes.
	Y'all are going to prison.
	Except Mark.
	50% of your total income with taxes.
	More than 50%.
	Son, you're wild.
	More than 50%.
	I took a hit.
	We couldn't go on the road.
	This guy going to prison, son.
	Straight to jail.
	This guy going to prison, bro.
	Straight to jail.
	This guy going to prison.
	Let me tell you, it's going to be you and Donald Trump sitting in that fucking jail cell, dude.
	On me out here paying my fucking whatever it is, over 50% of taxes.
	Over 50% of taxes, bro.
	I work for the government.
	I work from January to June for free.
	I was working every day for free.
	And the government just took all that money.
	What the fuck they did?
	What did they do?
	I rode my bicycle here.
	I didn't even take a subway.
	I should get all my money back.
	Yep.
	At least we should get jackets.
	I never called 911 jackets.
	Or U.S. government employees.
	Yo, can I get a jacket?
	A little pin.
	A lapel.
	I know what you're talking about with jackets.
	I thought it was something I promised to buy him, but I never got it.
	I didn't know you actually did actually win, motherfucker.
	I didn't know you actually didn't give him a wedding gift because he went on vacation.
	Thank you for bringing this up, okay?
	I was waiting.
	I didn't give him a gift.
	Absolutely not.
	Yes, you did.
	No, you did give him a gift.
	I did it.
	I didn't give him a gift.
	After the fact, we both were mad late with it.
	I didn't give him a gift.
	He did not give him a gift.
	Because I thanked Don Gosh for the gift.
	He was like, oh, yeah.
	I'm like, Alex, Andrew, everyone got you the same thing.
	And I was like, well, Alex did.
	Nah, I was in the archives.
	I was late.
	Reminded me to give you some.
	To be fair, he took a week off and I still paid him.
	That's the gift.
	That's the gift.
	I was going to say, you're a specialist.
	I told him that's the gift.
	You took a week off and I paid him.
	Mark is wishing they had mics that you could throw now.
	Son, he gave you four days of PTO as an employer.
	He was like, that's a gift.
	Side, side.
	Side.
	That's a gift.
	That's a gift.
	He got a whole week off without telling me.
	Right after we signed a deal for Netflix.
	Yeah.
	He's the co-creator of the show.
	He's not a fucking employee.
	He's the co-creator.
	He's responsible for the fucking chater.
	How can you give him days off?
	That's a great question.
	I gave him days off of this.
	That's the one day he said too.
	Not all creators are created equal.
	Not all creators are created equal.
	So he got a week's pay, which is far more than any gift.
	Here's how I know he was getting, dog, he was going to lace you with a gift because I was like, yo, you want to like together?
	We'll get something, Mark, something nice.
	Let me tell you what you were going to get.
	Your gift was reduced by half.
	So you were going to get what you get a week.
	Right.
	Double.
	Okay.
	But since you were a coward, your cowardice costs you, and then you just got a week.
	But I didn't have to work for a week.
	Yeah, that was your gift.
	You didn't have to work for a week and you got paid money.
	This worked out.
	Yo, you made way more than his stupid gift.
	What did he give you?
	DuckTales, the video game?
	Where did it come from?
	First of all, duck hunt.
	Don't disrespect my club.
	Dogwing.
	That shit was lit, actually.
	All right, look, all I'm saying is, all I'm saying is that you got too much.
	That's too much.
	Andrew's not good at special events, okay?
	That's just what it is.
	Yeah, he's not going to.
	And that's fine.
	I'm not good at what?
	Like, just everybody.
	He was going to do it.
	He was going to lace me.
	I'm just killing you.
	That was an insult.
	That was an insult Alex just made.
	We're not going to skirt over that.
	It is true, though.
	What is it?
	What do you say?
	Like, you're not good with any big events that are around him.
	Your wedding.
	His wedding.
	He hasn't remembered a single birthday the entire four years I've been.
	You don't know about birthdays?
	So this is the only thing where I'm going to disagree with you.
	You don't give a fuck about his own birthday.
	That's how I am.
	I don't give a fuck about my birthday.
	He had a party for his birthday this year.
	Who planned that?
	You sure did.
	Yeah.
	So?
	You don't think she's calculating?
	That's the thing.
	I get a party, she gets a party.
	Now I'm taking a fucking Croatian shirt or some shit.
	This is so hard to play.
	She's genius for you.
	40 chests.
	Yeah.
	Come on.
	Okay.
	But that's to like people who know you.
	It's like.
	You see him walking his shit back.
	No.
	You're a selfish piece of shit.
	You are.
	But it's like, that's your shit.
	What's selfish is to tell the person the day before, the night before, I literally text him, when you're back.
	Next week.
	That's not selfish.
	That's fear.
	Yeah.
	That's fear.
	That's what that is.
	I was a coward.
	I admit that.
	What's going to happen?
	I was afraid.
	You should know.
	You're going to dang it.
	Half of him.
	My parents.
	We believe in accountability over here, man.
	Show studios, we believe in accountability, bro.
	You should have seen how angry I was when I was on Adderall.
	So when I was doing fucking three Adderall a day to get the special push, bro, I was snapping at everybody.
	Snap, snap, snaps.
	You know what I mean?
	Hungry, hungry hippos over here, bro.
	I wasn't playing around.
	Mark had to give me a call one night.
	He said, hey, hey, this little manipulative ass mobile.
	I'm a great friend.
	He goes, this is going to mean he's getting great.
	He read some fucking book about the best way to manage up.
	You got to train your boss.
	He goes, I was still on the Adderall, so I was almost about to snap again, but I was like, all right, let me give him this little shit.
	Ace Brother is still at the studio.
	Keeping Miles and sleeping together on the fucking stage.
	Yeah, they just cuddled up on the fucking thing.
	I go, he goes, he goes, hey, man, we just, you know, it's been really hard a lot of these nights.
	And we just want to let you know, man, you know, we love you, bro.
	You know what I mean?
	We love you, bro.
	So anything.
	One-man intervention.
	Anything, we're here for you.
	We love you.
	I was like, all right, thanks, bro.
	Because I know there's a little extra.
	So I almost got off the phone.
	I was like, all right, thanks, bro.
	He goes, oh, yeah, yeah.
	And then, you know, since we love you so much, you know, if there's anything you need, you could just, you could talk to us about it.
	You know what I mean?
	Is there anything you need?
	I mean, this sounded like a decent call.
Adderall Snap Point 00:04:24
	Sounds like a really nice thing to say.
	Where is the manipulation?
	Where's your perspective?
	Why did you manipulate me?
	How is that manipulating?
	I love you shit.
	You're not a call to tell me you love me.
	Nicole's told me to stop snapping.
	Well, this is a snapping turtle season, baby.
	Did he mention snapping?
	Yeah, he mentioned snap.
	Oh, okay, okay.
	Well, thank you for that, Mark.
	Everyone was really stressed.
	I just thought, hey, maybe giving him some a love bomb might help.
	Listen, I didn't need a love bomb.
	No, yes, you did.
	I didn't need a love bomb.
	Yes, you did.
	You needed bombs.
	I didn't need a bomb.
	I respond to bombs.
	Tommy love bombs.
	Back to you were saying that I'm super selfish.
	I only think about myself.
	You're so zoned in focus on what needs to get done that the little things like a bird.
	Just one question that you don't care about personally.
	Just one question to the listener of Andrew Schulz's Flagrant 2.
	Do you really believe what Alex is saying right now?
	Do you really think that the Schulz Studios produce Andrew Schulz's Flagrant 2 is really about when's your birthday again?
	Go make it up your point.
	No, but that's just the point.
	It's like the things that you're so focused and lasered in on the things that you're doing and you care about.
	So the things that you don't care about for you, yourself personally, like your birthday, you don't care about that for others as well.
	Yes.
	And that's understandable once you know.
	Like my very first birthday, I was like, this motherfucker enters my birthday in every time he books a fucking flight and he couldn't remember my birthday.
	And then I'm like, oh, yeah, we can order something this morning and he'll forget later that night what we fucking ordered.
	So it's like, that is just how you operate.
	And then you don't feel away about it.
	And the thing, and I understand the reason why it looks selfish.
	And it's because of the nature of our business, the projects that we're often doing happen to be focused around me or my name, right?
	If, like, for example, like if we were Apple, the company, Apple is the project.
	The iPhone is the thing.
	So we're all working on this one thing, right?
	So if Steve Jobs or if Wozniak are saying, hey, we need to make this fucking iPhone, whatever, like that, it doesn't look as selfish per se because the project is separate from them.
	It's not Steve Jobs's Steve Phone or whatever.
	But because of the nature of the business, it is going to be what this is.
	So yes, you're 100% right.
	But if I was to like defend myself a little bit, I would say that these things that we're all creating, and I never say I'm creating it.
	I'm very we about this, but do benefit everybody.
	Yeah.
	And as you know, that's not a knock.
	I know.
	It wasn't a knock at all.
	I was just, it was just one of those things that you have to know you to see how you operate and then you never feel away about it.
	Right.
	But initially, you could feel away.
	Initially, yeah.
	My first, like I said, my girl's birthday.
	And I believe that.
	I looked at her ID while we were on vacation.
	I was like, yo, your middle name is Catherine.
	Yo, I've done that before.
	I didn't know how it was spelt.
	Yo, that's what it is.
	Wait, what do you mean for?
	And I was like, oh, is it an E or the E?
	Know that I either son, I still can't pronounce my ex's last name, still can't, but it don't mean you're a lover, yeah.
	So, I guess, yeah, you're yeah, that's a good point.
	It's like singular focus on the task at hand, son.
	When I was a kid, all the TV shows are like husbands would never remember the anniversary.
	I was always like, It's so easy, it's a date.
	How, why is that?
	Why is that?
	And now, as I get older, I'm like, oh, you got to you're focused on everybody.
	I just got to make sure this whole family survives.
	Yes, we got to make money, we got to do this, we got to do that.
	I don't got time for this other shit.
	Mentally, this is the goal: take care of this, everything else.
	She got that, yeah, yes, 100%.
	This is the same thing.
	We got to get to this goal.
	Yeah, there is a different pressure in that regard.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's like uh, I, you know, how I remember my girl's birthday because it's Valentine's Day.
	So I'm straight.
	That's more.
	That's great.
	Why don't you just set a calendar on your calendar?
	Well, Facebook is good for that.
	Any of my friends that listen to this right now, if I message you, uh, happy birthday, Facebook.
	No, but I'm just saying for your girl, like, why don't she have a reminder in your pulling it?
	I should do that, right?
Family Survival Goal 00:03:12
	He just took away any goodness from that.
	Happy birthday, I don't even want to give you that.
	They know my heart.
	I didn't remember.
	I didn't remember it.
	I didn't remember.
	That was all Facebook, bro.
	They remember.
	That's what I'm saying.
	We do.
	Yeah, I should have given you nothing.
	I should have given him nothing, bro.
	Can you believe that?
	Take a whole week off.
	I can't believe it.
	But I atoned.
	I fixed up the studio.
	We built the whole storage space.
	That is true.
	I pay my penance.
	That's true.
	I didn't pay for all that.
	You know what I mean?
	But the labor.
	That would have been pay for the labor, too.
	What'd you pay for the labor?
	I paid, bro.
	I got a good deal.
	Hey, no, no, no.
	I got a work deal.
	The work deal.
	You guys did.
	You know, I'm very grateful.
	He does me, bro.
	Yeah, I did dove you.
	I got a dove.
	No, no, no, no.
	I'm just easy.
	But I was absolutely furious about that.
	I was absolutely furious.
	But yeah, it is what it is.
	You know what I mean?
	When are you getting married?
	You know what you said?
	I was getting married already.
	It's like, bro, nigga.
	What?
	He didn't say it, but he did it, bro.
	He said it with an exhale.
	He just teleported.
	He wished he was on the jet ski again.
	Just far away from here, bro.
	Standing up.
	We had our Hindu ceremony, but we haven't had the reception or the six ceremony.
	But what I thought this was admirable of you is that you said you weren't getting married until the farmers were treated with respect.
	Yes, it is, yo.
	You refused because of your support.
	A lot of those farmers are Punjabi.
	Obviously, your girl's Punjabi.
	And you guys being able to put their clarity in front of your wedding is beautiful.
	Yeah.
	Maybe we just give them all the money, baby.
	Maybe that's what we do.
	You know what I mean?
	That's fire.
	You know, you could leave me out of that.
	No, I'm talking about wedding budget.
	Oh, that evening.
	Bro, you're giving reparations to farmers now?
	That's what this is.
	Yo, why do you hate farmers on my side?
	Yeah, bro.
	Why do you hate farmers?
	I'm saying black people deserve it first, but he's trying to give it all to the farmers.
	We're on board now.
	Let's go.
	Yeah, let's go, Mark.
	Let's go.
	Wait, oh, you want American reparations to go to India?
	Yes.
	Homeland.
	Wait, wait, hold up.
	Wait, that's what you're saying.
	The white man is going to give you tokens to pacify you without giving you actual financial success.
	What's that?
	Malcolm X quote I saw on Facebook today.
	Oh, shit.
	What's the token?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, what's the token?
	What's the token?
	I'd rather give him a Metro car.
	So Soho Karen and shit.
	50-year-old New York is everywhere are dying right now.
	That's my demo, bro.
	All right, no, for real, though.
	Respect to them farmers, bro.
	Yo, solidarity, yo.
	Can we talk about this Soho Karen situation?
	That shit was hilarious.
	Yes, we can, but low-key, like, if farmers are protesting, bro, I'm saying, yo.
	They already out there in the sun for the job.
	It's nothing for them.
	It's nothing for them.
	They have all the free time to protest.
	That's it.
	What do you got to do?
	The crops are growing.
	Yo.
	They brought six months' worth of food.
	They're there.
	They're good.
Soho Karen Situation 00:14:43
	They tucked it in their fucking house.
	Holy shit.
	And they do have the pug.
	The cornucopia.
	They could put the food on top of the pug and then they're Latin.
	No.
	That's a cornucopia.
	Is that a cornucopia?
	That's what they have on Thanksgiving.
	They take that shit off and there's fruits in there.
	That's right.
	That cornucopia is different.
	That's a Caribbean.
	What's the dole?
	Wait, like the Chiquita banana.
	Chiquita banana.
	Chiquita banana.
	Is that what you call them?
	Chiquita bananas, bro.
	What is that?
	You call those Latina women Chiquita bananas, bro?
	I should.
	Is that what you're doing?
	It's kind of fire.
	I'm mad.
	It's kind of fire.
	That's what I call Nick Cannon.
	Chiquita banana.
	All right.
	So you want to talk about this white lady that went crazy?
	Yeah.
	Supposedly she's Puerto Rican, though.
	Wow.
	Yo, Taylor, watch your mouth, yo.
	No, no, no.
	Yo, Taylor, watch your mouth.
	That's a George Zimmerman.
	Watch your mouth.
	That's that George Zimmerman shit.
	Latinos, you need to cope for yourself.
	She's probably Dominican a story.
	She looks like a white Puerto Rican.
	That's fucking because they're not us.
	We're different.
	We're different.
	We're better.
	We would never do that.
	Never, ever.
	Ever.
	We would never have our purse around a young black kid.
	Yeah.
	That Puerto Rican woman was too trustful.
	Yeah.
	Why was she so trustful, you think?
	What?
	Yeah, I'll be getting her.
	All right.
	Yo, Taylor's lost.
	No, but so I saw the video, but what actually happens in the video?
	What happened?
	No, I'm asking you because I see her run after a dude, and now everybody's mad at her.
	No, there's like security cam footage.
	She's in the hotel.
	There's like, so the guy is a guy and his son.
	Okay.
	Two black dudes.
	And the guy is like a musician.
	Son, you should.
	He's like a famous musician that was like performing in the city.
	And he was with his son.
	And they're at the hotel.
	And this woman comes up and goes, yo, I don't have my phone.
	That's my phone that you have in your hand to the son.
	Yeah.
	And the dad's like, you're talking to my kid like this?
	Like, it's like an 18-year-old kid.
	Like, he did not touch your phone.
	She goes, that's literally my phone.
	He's holding it in his hand.
	Super easy to figure out if it's someone's phone or not.
	So he starts filming her and is like, yo, this isn't your phone.
	What's wrong with you?
	And so she starts going off.
	She gets the manager.
	She says, go get my phone from the kid.
	And the manager is like, all right, he doesn't know what's going on.
	So he's like, who took whose phone?
	I don't know what's happening.
	And then she like jumps over, lunges, tries to grab the kid.
	The kid runs, throws out the door.
	He like tries to get like tax.
	She like tackles him.
	Puerto Rican.
	And then it somehow diffuses.
	I didn't see how it resolved.
	She literally says this.
	She goes, his lies and deflections.
	He's so adept at his lies and deflections.
	That's how he got the phone.
	What's up, Puerto Rican woman trying to look at everyone's phone?
	What is your death?
	She's like, let me see your text.
	Just show me your text and we'll see it.
	Oh, I got so many messages about that.
	The greatest, bro.
	But then basically, they find out that her phone was in an Uber the whole time.
	Stupid.
	Stupid bitch.
	And then they must have been Dominican.
	Yeah.
	Telling you, bro.
	They be wanting that clout.
	He's lying ass.
	Lying mad light skins be wanting that clout, bro.
	That's who should pay taxes.
	Who?
	Light skins.
	Racist.
	Yeah, what?
	Wait, what?
	What?
	Racist.
	I ain't paying taxes.
	Wait, so only the farmers should pay taxes?
	I think you say.
	I thought we were on their side.
	That's light-skinned ass.
	That is fucked up.
	Light-skinned Puerto Ricans.
	Yo, Mark hates Muslims.
	Hates farmers.
	Not true.
	Come on, bro.
	I literally love it.
	He hates light-skinned people.
	No, I think they should pay taxes.
	You want them to pay.
	You're going to make them pay because of how good they have it.
	Oh my gosh.
	Light-skinned Portuguese.
	We should be thankful.
	Oh, my God.
	Light-skinned black dude with beautiful blue eyes.
	What about it?
	He's the most sought-after person in society.
	No, because he's not fully accepted by anybody.
	Yeah.
	You don't know what that emotional turmoil is like.
	I do.
	I'm an immigrant.
	I'm an immigrant, bro.
	Say what?
	I'm an immigrant.
	You're not an immigrant.
	I know exactly what that's like.
	You're not an immigrant.
	I wasn't born in this nation.
	But you're not from here.
	I don't really think you haven't immigrated.
	I really thought he was French.
	We haven't accepted him.
	For the first six months of being around him, I thought he was French.
	He ran Baldwin.
	He ran with that French.
	She fucking stinks all the time, never takes a shower.
	Yeah.
	All of her things.
	That's him appropriating.
	Yeah.
	Stop stealing culture.
	Nick.
	I'm Hilaria Baldwin.
	That's what it is.
	Bro, great transition.
	Or as she would say, transicion.
	Break this down for me.
	This is Alec Baldwin's wife.
	All right.
	So Alec Baldwin's wife, probably a little clout chase, needs a little clout.
	Lies to the clout.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like the clout trouts do.
	Lies and deflections.
	And apparently, she's been front and she's from Spain, I guess, or has some family from Spain.
	One of her parents is Spanish.
	Even that, like, they're not positive about it.
	It's a little iffy.
	Yeah.
	But she was full white girl and then has transitioned into this like super Hispanic woman.
	Like there's a point where she's on this cooking show and she's searching for the word cucumber.
	And she's like, and you take the how do you say that one?
	Oh, cucumber.
	That was the best.
	That was a good one.
	I'm pretty sure, and someone should look up this: cucumber is cucombre.
	I think we have to look that up to make sure.
	But if that's the case, you fake bitch.
	You can't even say the word.
	No, she was trying to find it in English.
	No, I know, but I'm saying it's the same word.
	Do you know what I mean?
	So, um, that was a good fake, though.
	Because Spanish people do that shit all the time.
	All the time.
	How you say that?
	How you say when the black people move into the neighborhood?
	How you say beautifulness?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	How you say when they take your cell phone?
	Yeah.
	How you say what these back.
	Give it back.
	But in all seriousness, she's been faking for a while, and he's been leaning into the fake shit as well.
	And oh, this goes to another thing I want to talk about.
	There's another story that's going on.
	And then I guess the internet lit her up.
	Why they're so upset that she was faking to be Spanish, I'm not sure.
	Usually, this happens when like you get something like, what was that Instagram account that would steal the memes?
	Oh, yeah, Fat Jewish.
	Fat Jewish, right?
	Remember, Fat Jewish got a Comedy Central show or something, right?
	And then the backlash on Fat Jewish came because he got something that the people thought was undeserved.
	Right.
	So did she get a show or was she getting like...
	Yeah, it's called Marrying a Rich Man.
	But she must have got something like, she must have been getting something that people felt like she was occupying their culture to get when she actually wasn't it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I don't know.
	Even that cooking segment wasn't that for a book that she was putting out.
	Ah, so boom, that's it.
	If she put out like a Latin cooking guide and she's not even Hispanic, and she's like deep in this.
	All of her kids are named Spanish names.
	Hilarious.
	She said that she was born in Mallorca.
	Ooh.
	Was never born there.
	Like, even.
	And so she backed it up.
	She was like, no, I was born in Boston.
	And then she tried to blame the media for misrepresenting her life story and like her identity.
	But then if you go to like her, like her agency biography says she's born in Mallorca.
	If you go to like her IMDB, says she's born there.
	Like all of these things that like she has control over, so to speak.
	This stupid bitch.
	I bet she doesn't even speak.
	Okay, so the people in Mallorca speak Mallorquin.
	It's similar to Catalan.
	Yeah.
	I believe it's called Mayorquín.
	And she would be fluent in Spanish because they'll speak both languages.
	Like in Barcelona, you know, they speak Catalan and Spanish.
	But if she was like really living up to her Hispanic roots, she would live up to the more Catalan roots because they're like almost like separatists.
	I wonder if the people in Majorca also are like that.
	But at least that would be her language.
	When she'd say, how do you say?
	The word that she would first think of is the Majorcan word, not the Spanish word.
	What a fraud.
	Yeah.
	So apparently she like visited Spain because I think she might have like some relatives or like family there.
	Yeah.
	But she's about as Spanish as you are.
	Just because Alec.
	I'm pretty Spanish.
	I live in Spain.
	I've been probably spending more time in Spain than you might be more Spanish.
	That's true.
	Whoa.
	Oyo, yoy.
	So what is this?
	Oy, yoy, yoy.
	Oh, not Spanish.
	Oy yoy, yoy.
	That's yoy, oi, yoy, yoy.
	Spanish song, oy, yoy, yoy.
	That's that song.
	Yeah, Mr. 305.
	Yeah, it's Pitbull.
	There you go.
	He's worldwide, bro.
	He's in Spain.
	He's like Santa Claus.
	What do you want to know?
	Like, that's Mr. Worldwide, bro.
	He knows who you're sleeping.
	Okay, so what's the takeaway here?
	What are we thinking?
	What do you think the real root feeling is for the animosity?
	Go.
	Well, the animosity, I don't know necessarily.
	I thought you were going to say her reason for wanting to do this.
	Okay, let's give me that.
	So now there's two questions.
	One, I know too much about celebrity gossip, bro.
	Are you watching Bachelor tonight, by the way?
	Of course not.
	Let's fucking go.
	I'll watch what he play.
	Anyway, so the question is Bachelor, yo.
	Did Alec Baldwin have micros right up your alley?
	Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
	I thought the black one got off already.
	That's not a shot.
	What are you talking about?
	Back to back, bro.
	All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I need to tell y'all about how I was getting busy out there in Hawaii.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I wasn't stressed because we didn't have anything to do, but you know what?
	I also was?
	I was chewing it up and chewing it out.
	Yeah, your boy was doing work.
	Okay.
	Chewed it down.
	Chewed it out.
	That's what goes on over here.
	And if you don't know what Blue Chew is, welcome to the show, baby.
	Give your girl the night of her life.
	Okay.
	Ladies, tell your man to chew it up and chew it out.
	Simple as that.
	Hardest dick you'll ever have.
	Blue Chew has been with us from the beginning, and we want to start new beginnings of relationships for you dudes out there looking to leave a good first impression.
	Okay?
	Blue Chew, simple as that.
	You go to bluechew.com, use the plate of the code Flagrant.
	Okay.
	Use that promo code Flagrant and you can get it for free.
	All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
	How crazy is that?
	Blue Chew.com.
	Use the promo code Flagrant and you get it for free.
	Just pay the $5 shipping.
	Try that out.
	Have the night of your life, the weekend of your life.
	Do whatever you want.
	You might meet your wife.
	Let's get back to the show.
	So, basically, one question is, did Alec Baldwin know?
	Did he know?
	Did he know what the deal was?
	Of course he knew.
	He's an actor.
	I don't blame that.
	I don't blame him that much for that.
	I think that's why the backlash is happening.
	Because I think if you are conservative at all, you're looking at him like, fuck you.
	You're always grandstanding.
	Your Donald Trump impression sucks.
	Everybody sucks his dick like it's good.
	Yes.
	Fuck this guy.
	And you're like cussing out your daughter on phone calls and shit like that.
	Don't like holier than thou us.
	And then you find out this, it's like, oh, and your wife is fake Spanish?
	Fuck both.
	He leaned into it too.
	He named all his kids Spanish names.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And when they're on talk shows and shit, he'd be like, bro, when they're on, there's a, it's like cringe-worthy watching now.
	They're on, I think it looks like Ellen or maybe he's co-hosting for Ellen or something like that.
	And the audience is talking to them.
	And she's like, yeah, sometimes with my friends, I'll be like, and then he'll ask what I said and be like, oh, you're the most handsome guy in the world.
	Like acting as if she's speaking Spanish so that he doesn't understand.
	And like she's co-signing the whole thing.
	It's brutal.
	Wait, let's post him some bail.
	Okay.
	What if she just tricked him?
	That's the question.
	And maybe she did trick him.
	It's just a lot.
	It's a very.
	Like, she got to live the lie now.
	Yeah, but you really get to that shit is like that's like some crying game son.
	You go meet her moms, you go meet her dad.
	Like, yeah, if you have five kids, you're gonna meet the family.
	The amount of lying you got to do for years, yeah.
	But if you meet their family and they all speak German, that's not like a little bit, you're not a little bit curious about that.
	I think what Akash is saying is a catalyst.
	I think when you are the guy who's grandstanding, Twitter can't wait to take you down.
	And they couldn't get an Alec for anything.
	So they went after Wifey, who was obviously being fraudulent.
	And the same shit is happening with Kumael or whatever his name, yeah.
	Kumail, right?
	Yeah.
	Do you know who he is?
	Kumail Nanjani, the comic?
	Yeah, he's jacked.
	If you ever see him in a movie, no, he's jacked.
	You know, like that.
	I auditioned, but it wasn't good enough.
	That's just so, dog.
	So, so he was like all over Twitter.
	I'm like, why motherfuckers talking about this guy?
	Yeah.
	And I realized what it was.
	They're upset that he got like super jacked.
	Yeah.
	And it's not because he got jacked.
	It's because he'd been kind of like the poster boy for like woke shit and like pushing back against a stand-up special called beta male.
	Now you look like the opposite of a beta male.
	You're playing a superhero character and you're an alpha male and you like probably use steroids or HTH to do that.
	And he has all these tweets about like what?
	I don't know if he used that shit.
	Of course he did.
	But I've been working out my whole life.
	I look like me.
	You think so?
	Yeah.
	Son, stop, son, son, son, bro.
	It might just be the Indian farmer.
	He's Pakistani.
	Fucking steroids.
	Okay, I'm sorry.
	Hindustani.
	It's Hindustani.
	We got to get him on him.
	Yeah, Rogan couldn't stop talking about this too, bro.
	We got to get them shit.
	Point is, that's a perfect example of the internet waiting to consume you.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like of you, grandma.
	What do they consume him for?
	And what are the tweets or whatever?
	They're just, they're just the tweets were like what you were saying.
	Like, I think one tweet he had is like, we need to take down toxic masculinity.
	And now all of a sudden you're like Mr. Yoked guy, like eating fucking elk meat.
	Like you're like Indian Rogan, right?
	Or you're Pakistani Rogan.
	Don't do that again, though.
	Say good.
	Don't do that again.
	My bad.
	So it's like, I think the internet isn't upset that he's jacked.
	They're upset that a guy who insulted those type of people leaned into that for career or aspirations.
	So it seems like you're a bit of a grifter and he might not be this, but it comes across that way when you try to make your career on being woke and thoughtful and open-minded.
	And then the second you have an opportunity to be a superhero in a Marvel movie, which we would all take to be fair.
	Exactly.
	But if we are also not grandstanding.
	And I admit, I ain't shit.
	We all do.
	There we go.
	I'm not your leader.
	I ain't shit.
	I don't really know about the farmers, but I fuck with y'all.
	Question: Akash.
	So you can't take drugs due to your religion.
	Would you have steroid up in HTH to get that role?
	Ooh.
	How much is it paying?
	That's what I'm saying.
	You know, it's paying good.
	Because there's only one thing Hindus worship more than God, and that's money.
	So tell me.
	I'm just saying, you know, if it's a good amount, it's Marvel.
	You know, it's definitely how much to get you to eat a hamburger on this podcast.
Grifter Career Talk 00:02:56
	You eat.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	It would be millions.
	It would be millions.
	How many millions?
	Wow, because now he's realizing his life right now.
	How many million?
	Nah, because I'm thinking, what's a real number?
	It would be like I'm willing to make tax fraud.
	Yeah.
	How many millions?
	We're going to start to go fund me.
	Yeah.
	How many million?
	Start to go fund me.
	We hit 10 million.
	It's on.
	Yo, no bullshit.
	You'll eat the entire hamburger for $10 million.
	I think I would.
	And we would split this half.
	He started to see how I was real about it.
	I'll do it.
	10 million?
	Fuck yeah.
	So you do it for nine for check?
	I suck a dick for like one.
	You suck dick before me eating hamburger.
	Bro.
	You're more Hindu than you are straight.
	That's crazy.
	Yo, that's commitment, bro.
	Yeah.
	No, in all seriousness.
	In all seriousness.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I would eat until I threw up.
	I'd probably throw up.
	No, you wouldn't.
	It's fucking $8 million.
	In all seriousness, $8 million cash right in front of you.
	Yeah, you do.
	Yes, $8 million.
	Yes.
	$5 million in unmarked bills.
	You don't have to pay taxes on it.
	So it's really $10 million.
	Yeah, Cayman money.
	Cayman money tax haven.
	$5 million in unmarked mills.
	Say what?
	Unmarked bill.
	Like, nobody knows you have this money.
	It's just your money.
	Six and a half.
	And you got yourself a deal.
	Five million right now.
	It's in a suitcase in the other room.
	Five million dollars.
	Nah.
	You have five million dollars you can give to the farmer.
	That's life-changing money, bro.
	For those cash.
	Five million.
	Hey, you got five.
	I know you got enough.
	You could mark the other million.
	Six million, you got yourself a deal.
	Six and a half.
	Let's go.
	Five million.
	Take it or leave it.
	No, I'm good, yo.
	Wow.
	But you're sucking dick for a million?
	That was a joke.
	No, it wasn't.
	No, it wasn't a joke.
	I suck dick for the love of the game.
	200,000.
	I suck dicks I'm a professional.
	I take my craft seriously.
	Yeah.
	You let me down, bro.
	Boy, because your faith was so strong and you just crumbled for money.
	So, yeah, that's fucked up, bro.
	That's fair.
	Fuck you, money.
	It's fuck you money.
	Nah, sorry.
	I'll take one hamburger for fuck you money.
	Nah, I don't believe that.
	Five million.
	I don't know if that's fucked.
	That's more like screw you.
	That's why I said 10.
	You're jerk.
	I think 10 is fuck you money, like forever.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	10, you could you could do well.
	Yeah, you're good.
	If you kept it all for you, if you didn't donate some to those who need it, yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You're gonna never be rich.
	I know.
	The second you get money, I'm like, what about them starving ass Indians, bro?
	You don't think that shit is already happening?
	You don't think that shit is already eating me up inside?
	Every time I look at my bank account, it's getting higher.
	I'm thinking about four family in India.
	I'm like, I ain't talking about this.
	We gotta figure out yo, we gotta figure this out, boy.
	Yeah, sex every single one of them that talk shit because you're not a doctor.
	Be like, oh, am I?
	You know what?
	I can't because they don't have electricity.
	So I don't know who side them all.
	Yeah, I feel guilty for them.
	I don't know.
	I do.
	I'm on the side of the farmers.
	That's all.
	I'm on the side of farmers, too.
	What do they farm, Mark?
	Pepperidge Farm.
Tesla Brand Bet 00:13:26
	This guy's stupid.
	I know that.
	I hate him.
	I hate him.
	How do you not know about white people?
	I'm having something made to throw at Mark.
	But it's going to be on a zipline, so it can't hit anything else.
	It's just going to be going this right in his forehead.
	Yeah, forehead.
	Four heart.
	My forearm?
	Yeah.
	I'll be Milano Cookies.
	All right.
	So big.
	All right.
	What else we got, son?
	What else we got?
	All right.
	We talked about our great work we did with James Gordon.
	James Gordon.
	James Gordon.
	He spelled out in front of his face.
	He ain't no white people.
	Yo, I'm doing mad things.
	So y'all get the fuck off my back if a G look like a C or a bike.
	He doesn't know any white people at all.
	Son, they're all the same, son.
	Lucky I know y'all motherfucker.
	I don't know your birthday, so what?
	I mean, you don't know white people.
	At least he knows who James Corden is.
	Oh, fuck.
	Did we already talk about how Al thought the two people that worked at the production company that made the special were the same person?
	This motherfucker is so racist, bro.
	This guy is a racist.
	You a racist, bro.
	But I'm in your face with it.
	So you got to respect it a little bit.
	It's not like covert.
	It's like, yo, I really don't know y'all.
	Like, yeah, look, that's what races were doing for hundreds of years, and you guys hated that shit.
	Yeah.
	Y'all ain't put no respect.
	Like, all right, you got us on the boats.
	All right, that was a nice cross.
	You burn.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, you guys never said that because that shit's fucked up.
	Yeah.
	Nah, but I come knowing.
	Like, you know, already.
	They just like snuck up on him.
	That's that's that sneaky shit.
	That's sneaky shit.
	We can't respect the sneaky shit.
	I don't really think he got himself out.
	Nah, you are a spinner.
	Apple car is lit.
	All right, let's talk about this Apple car.
	Get you some Apple stock.
	So Apple's coming out with a car, right?
	Yep.
	This is why I think this potentially interesting conversation.
	I don't think, and you should want to know about this as a Tesla owner.
	Yeah.
	I don't think Apple comes out with a car unless they got a better battery than Tesla.
	The number one issue with Tesla is battery length.
	It's still amazing.
	If you need a communal car, it's amazing.
	If you're going to drive around your city, your town, whatever it is, it's absolutely perfect.
	But if you're someone that got to drive long distances, you would prefer a little bit longer battery life.
	Yes.
	If I drove long distances, I would like.
	For what you do, it's literally the perfect car.
	It's perfect.
	But for people like, let's say, for example, you're out there in Long Island, you're driving into the city.
	Oh, yeah, that would be.
	Maybe most people in the U.S., most people live in like suburbs.
	And then they drive in.
	You get caught in traffic.
	Hour in, hour out.
	Boom.
	So, but Tesla is doing a lot of things to resolve that problem.
	Like they're offering crazy discounted prices on solar paneling.
	Like they're like pretty much replacing roof panels with solar panels.
	That shit is lit.
	So then you can have a charger at your crib.
	And so you never have to worry.
	And that's renewable energy.
	So it's like saving the world at the same time.
	No, no, what they're doing is absolutely amazing.
	I'm not being critical of Tesla.
	I'm just saying for Apple to get into the market, I would assume they can't come into the market with a worse battery.
	Yeah, they have to be ready.
	They have to be either equivalent or as good.
	Now, who is maybe the best in the world at creating tons of battery life in small objects?
	That's a good point.
	When was the last time you charged your iPhone?
	Shit.
	Last night.
	But they find a way to squeeze as much juice out of it as they can.
	I'm using it 11 hours a day.
	It doesn't die.
	Literally.
	If that's the case, I think they're coming into this game going, okay, this is the future.
	Electric cars are the future.
	We're the best at batteries.
	We're actually better than Tesla at batteries.
	He's better at engineering, but we're better at battery.
	And at the end of the day, you don't need a rocket ship car, which Tesla's are.
	You need an electric car that might take you 450 miles.
	I think they come into the game and I think they beat Tesla's battery.
	And then if Tesla doesn't come in and get that, it could affect them.
	This is the best thing to happen for customers.
	Competition.
	Yes, keep going on this.
	Tesla, this is.
	No pressure.
	Oh, no.
	Now they got pressure.
	Yeah, before, no pressure, no competition.
	Everybody's so fucking far behind us.
	Even like BMW, Nissan Leaf, who the fuck cares?
	BMW is trying to come out with an electric.
	Tesla already on self-driving.
	So like we're past all y'all.
	We're lapping you.
	Yep.
	Now that Apple's coming to the game, Elon Musk is about to crack the whip on battery life.
	Yo, 300-mile range is a big deal before.
	Get that shit to 500, 600 before 2024 because we got to be ready.
	Matter of fact, the Tesla truck's supposed to have 600 miles of battery life.
	They're going to have to hit that now.
	I mean, they're going to have to make all their cars get better because now there's competition.
	And he will because he's that dude.
	He's brilliant.
	He's a brilliant guy.
	But like you were saying, competition is the best thing for the consumer.
	Yeah.
	We want Apple and Tesla to go to war over battery life because then we're going to be sitting on thousand mile battery cars.
	This is for cheap.
	I can't wait.
	Yeah, this is this is this is the best thing, but if you're a non-electric car producer, you should be terrified.
	Oh, what?
	Oh, everybody's fucked.
	Right?
	Because now once when they were the only game in town, you as GMC, you could be like, all right, we're just competing with Chevy.
	I'm not even worried about that.
	They got their little niche thing, but we're not worried about it.
	Now, oh, this is where it's going.
	Oh, we got to get in the game quick.
	And we're competing with these two branding geniuses.
	This is what's kind of scary about it if you're another company.
	You know how Walmart killed Toys R Us?
	Yeah.
	Because they would take a loss on their toys because they know if you're at Walmart buying toys, you're going to buy other shit like that.
	Oh, I didn't know Walmart killed Toys R Us.
	Walmart killed Toys R Us.
	Toys R Us was like, yo, we're toy stores.
	That's where you get toys from toy stores.
	Then some specific thing.
	Yeah, then some company that has nothing to do with toys is like, you know what?
	We're finna do toys too.
	That's Apple Car.
	If you're a GM, you're looking at Apple like motherfucker.
	You guys do fucking phones.
	How you getting into cars now?
	Hold on.
	This is our thing.
	Akash.
	You're about to bleed them dry.
	Amazon probably gonna have a fucking car.
	Google already probably working on Apple's guy.
	Real quick, what does Tesla have in their center console?
	It's an iPad.
	Yeah.
	Let's be honest about what it is.
	It's an iPad.
	Imagine you actually had the iPad.
	Imagine your phone is already synced.
	Yeah, you get in.
	It knows all your shit.
	You got the app connected to the car.
	It tells you how far you're driving.
	You won't buy a laptop if you have an iPhone that's Apple just because it's just because it's so seen.
	Can you imagine dropping 70,000?
	Because you're like, that's all Apple.
	If you're going to drop $70,000 on Tesla, you're like, it's the same, but it already goes with all my shit.
	It makes my life 10%, 5% easier, bruh.
	And low-key, I think Apple needs this.
	I think Apple needed a new, they haven't had anything hardware.
	They had the AirPods, which are really good.
	The AirPod Pros are fucking shit.
	And that was huge, I think, like for market share for their business.
	It became like a multi-billion dollar revenue stream for them.
	Just the AirPods.
	And to be fair, I don't normally give Apple credit for some reason.
	I'm just a hater.
	That one, though.
	Other shit I use where I try to talk on headphones or whatever.
	Nobody can hear me.
	This one always strikes you.
	By the way, it says that Tesla Zoom's past $700 billion in marketing.
	It is the most valuable car company in history.
	Nothing has touched Tesla.
	And rightfully so.
	My man is.
	I'm long on Tesla.
	I believe in Tesla.
	I believe in Elon Musk.
	Oh, I thought about something.
	I'll throw this by you because I'm, again, terrified of investing in things because I don't have any control of the product.
	Right.
	So I'm like, I can't affect AT ⁇ T's decisions.
	I don't want to put money in it.
	And this is pussy.
	Don't do this.
	I'm giving you the worst investment advice right here.
	I'm not giving any investment advice.
	But I thought about something that gave me a little bit more confidence to potentially enter a market.
	Instead of making predictions on the market, I want to invest in companies that are run by people that I respect.
	100%.
	That's my philosophy.
	That's why I fuck with Tesla because Elon Musk.
	That's why you fuck with Amazon because of Jeff Bezos.
	If you look at a guy that's like a revolutionary thinker, that's a company you trust.
	And what I'll fuck up is I will always wait for the bottom.
	Tesla was at like $400 a share, and I was like, I think it'll get to 300.
	Let me buy 300.
	And then I bought like nothing.
	I have like three shares at the time.
	And now it's worth, compared to what it was then, it's like $3,3500 a share.
	They split, so it's not that, but that's what it would be worth if they didn't split.
	And I fuck myself by trying to be a perfectionist.
	But if you see a company you believe in or a leader you believe in, invest in that company and just know it might go down, but in the long term, you'll win.
	That's easier for me because like...
	That's how I do it too.
	But okay, so this is, I'm sure, a strategy like smart folks that are like doing it or doing you're doing it.
	And I bet a lot of other people are doing.
	I think Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffett, said like he looks at management and like longevity of a brand or something like that.
	But like it just for me, for someone who's scared to enter the market, I bet a lot of other people are also like scared to put their money in something.
	They don't have any clue what's going to happen.
	I'll put my money in the hands of problem solvers.
	Yeah.
	You know, in the same way that like Zuckerberg.
	Not only Zuckerberg, but like with you guys.
	Like in the same way when I'm thinking about like adding more pieces to the team, I'm looking for problem solvers.
	I want people that see a problem, they go, okay, how can we get around this?
	How can we figure this out?
	So if I already am comfortable doing that, investing in that way, maybe I could do that with Elon or maybe I could do that with Apple or something like that.
	Now, the only tricky like flip side of that is that when you have a superstar CEO like Bezos or Musk is that they are so much more open for exposure.
	And that their own personal decisions can affect your money to a larger degree.
	You're saying personal decisions outside of just in life or even in business.
	So, for example, like Walmart, we don't know who the Waltons are.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, but like they're still bodying people and like taking names and running shit.
	But like Musk puts out a tweet where you tweet some dumb shit and all of a sudden the stock price tanks.
	And it's like, the tricky flip side of that is that you put a ton of control into one sole individual.
	Whereas like other people would invest and just be like, who's gonna like, I don't want the superstar.
	And like, I think there's two different philosophies to it.
	No, that's a good, that's a good, it's, it's more of a safe bet to just invest in the brand because if somebody does something wrong that works for the brand, you could just remove them.
	It's almost like one of those shows that have like large casts, like a criminal minds or something like that.
	Like you could take one of those actors out and the show can continue.
	So it's kind of safe vehicle because God forbid some guy or girl on the show says something racist, whatever, and then gets fired, right?
	The show still continues.
	But Ray Romano's show, if he said something fucked up, is no longer.
	Roseanne is trash now.
	The only thing I worry about is if they die.
	Because real talk, capitalism, if I'm investing in a product, we all know Amazon is doing some foul shit business practice wise.
	We're going to keep buying.
	It's the cheapest.
	It's the most convenient.
	We cannot help ourselves.
	It is our DNA.
	We could, Elon Musk could tweet some wild shit and we don't like Elon Musk.
	If you want an electric car right now, that's who you're going to go with.
	It's just what it is.
	So if I trust the business mind of this person, I'll ride with them.
	Facebook, I didn't invest in Facebook, but I was like, I trust Zuckerberg at the time I was broke, but that's why.
	And low-key, the greats, even if they are canceled or whatever, they run it back.
	Like Steve got fired, ran that shit back.
	You know, Elon got kicked off the board or whatever, ran it back.
	Like Korean went broke and ran it back.
	He's up bills.
	Disney is frozen right now.
	I'm ready to come back.
	Wait, is he Walt Disney's frozen?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's what they say.
	You never heard that?
	Yeah.
	No.
	Cryo.
	That's like an old school rumor.
	You never heard that one?
	I thought it was a fact.
	I hear that shit so much.
	Word?
	Yeah.
	I respect that.
	I don't know if it's a fact.
	I just heard it so much.
	You got to do that when you're alive.
	Break when you die.
	Yeah.
	No, no, no.
	You can't be dead.
	You freezing some dead shit.
	About to die.
	I don't know.
	You're on your deathbed and shit like that.
	On your deathbed.
	Yeah, freeze it up.
	Yeah, freeze it up.
	That's the son of that.
	But yeah, he's ready to run it back.
	There you go.
	But yeah, that guy.
	Similar to the leaders, the way I invest is just products I use.
	Oh, because that's it.
	I have so many people.
	If it's just products I use, it's like, oh, I'm, I tend to use the products I like that work well.
	So it's like Amazon, Disney, I mean, Apple, Tesla.
	It's like, I go to these things.
	Fucking, if you had Popeye stock.
	No, but I'm just saying, that's just how, and I feel comfortable because I hate the market.
	This shit feels like gambling.
	Yep.
	But it's like, if I'm going to dabble in it, at least let me just do it with companies I feel comfortable with.
	And it's probably not the way it's going to be.
	I'm already making the most money, but I'm already invested.
	Dude, I learned something when I was on vacation that's like, it's so wildly unfair.
	But it's wildly unfair, but I saw kind of like how the world works, right?
	I don't usually go to like a fancy resort or something like that, right?
	Like, but I was at this thing.
	And again, I spoke to very few people.
	But what's interesting at these resorts is like the people that end up going there usually have some money, right?
	And they have some money either because it was handed down or because they made it and they were themselves successful.
DNA Fix Hope 00:08:38
	And when you sit down with these people who have made it and they're successful, they share so much like information, like valuable, cool information with you, just because that's what you're talking about.
	And you're like curious, you're going to talk to them.
	And I can't imagine how many deals have been made, new partnerships have been built, new investment ideas have been put together simply from being in a circle of people who are also successful.
	And then you see this one class of people continue to go up and separate itself from poor people, not because they hate poor people, but simply because they're not having the same interactions in this like quote unquote safe space where everybody must kind of be something.
	You know how like a fraternity party between sorority and fraternity, like the girls at the party know, all right, the guys are in Kai Sai, so they can't be that bad.
	And the guys know, okay, the girls are in DG, so they can't be.
	So everybody kind of feels more comfortable talking.
	I'm like, as valuable as it is having these conversations and just like learning this stuff, I also am like, oh man, it's so unfair that they're...
	That's what makes podcasts amazing.
	Like Joe Rogan podcast.
	Yeah, you guys.
	Experts aren't experts.
	These are, you're just bringing on brilliant people and then they're just talking.
	These are sharing conversations that happen at country clubs for years.
	And for the first time in history, the average person like us is able to listen in on like a fucking super scientist.
	It's never been accessible to us because the country club is inaccessible.
	Wow.
	You had to literally go to school to have access to some of these brilliant people.
	And it's, I mean, I was talking to this one guy and he's invested in a genome research.
	Yeah.
	And what they've found, what they can do now, you know, they can remove the genome.
	No, they can remove the part of your DNA that gives you sickle cell for black people.
	They can go in there and change that piece of DNA.
	There's a, I think there's a company called Chrisborn, right?
	That's the one I was going to say.
	Yeah.
	And what there is, is there's this thing, I'm going to learn a little bit more and try to invest in it, but it's basically a fund that invests in like the top 15 of these genome companies.
	So two or three of them will end up popping and then you do well.
	But what he was breaking down to me is they can go in and fix impurities in our DNA.
	So for example, let's say you have some crippling illness like ALS or something like that.
	They can go into your DNA and replace that part.
	That's what they're working on right now.
	They can't do it through and through.
	And also there's ethical problems where it's just like, I want my kid to be this tall.
	Rich people get to change all their DNA.
	Yes.
	So the bad part is rich people get to change all their DNA and increase that gap.
	But the good part is my dad, who's got fucking Alzheimer's, if he lasts another six to 10 years, they might be able to fucking go in there and fix that part of his DNA.
	Yeah.
	I think the Human Genome Project is one of the big ones that does it.
	But in Harari's book, he talks about there's a, what he calls like a DNA artist or some shit.
	Yep.
	There's this Brazilian dude that took a rabbit and swapped out one of the strands of the DNA to make it glow under ultraviolet light.
	And so like in any part of nature, like being able to glow at night is like the worst thing you can do.
	Like if you're like a land creature or whatever.
	But he was able to swap this piece of the rabbit with like.
	It didn't glow.
	Yeah.
	No, so it did.
	Ah, so it didn't.
	So he was taking like what do they call it?
	Not chlorophyll, but like whatever the like.
	Cetaphil.
	No, but like whatever like the jellyfish and the ocean use.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Bioluminescence.
	Yep.
	He took that gene, put it in a rabbit, and then it glowed green.
	And so he was actually able to like alter the visual appearance of this rabbit.
	And he was like, we could do it to people.
	We could do it to anything.
	And that was in like 2004.
	And so here's the thing.
	Obviously, there's ethical concerns and we don't know what the long-term effects will be.
	But the guy said to me, this guy who has, he was an eye doctor, but he also invested in these companies and that was his big thing there.
	And I'd only get to have this conversation because we're both sitting at the same snorkeling thing, right?
	I can help you not drown.
	Yeah.
	You can have gills.
	Went to, I literally, he's telling me he's like, in the next 10 years, we should be able to increase life expectancy to 150 years if you can make it the next 10.
	Now, again, who knows?
	Akash said we will have flying cars in three years.
	We're like, there's no fucking way we're going to have it.
	Again, but same book talked about all this stuff, actually.
	Guys, a quack.
	That's a quick quack.
	Guy knows not fucking dunce over here, right?
	Idiot.
	But it was a pretty cool thing.
	And maybe I have false hope, obviously, because I have, you know, people in my life affected by illness that like is just going to eventually kill them, right?
	Which is just what it is, or they end up dying.
	But I mean, imagine in our fucking lifetime.
	I think it's really going to be nuts.
	This is right here.
	If they're already, if it's not perfect, but they're there, how long till they're there?
	And then when that's there, babies are whatever you want them to be within 10, 15 years.
	It's like fucking nose jobs.
	Like you didn't see those back in the day, and then everybody started doing it.
	Yeah.
	Now, there's a like kind of a weird, like ethical dilemma that comes with it.
	Not even ethical, but like a social implication that comes with it.
	So let's say they're able to increase life expectancy, but they're not able to cure or like prevent mortality.
	So you can live to be 150, 200, but you're still susceptible to the same things that an average human is susceptible to.
	So if you're in a car accident, you're still just as likely to die.
	Are people less likely to take risks in their personal life, both like financially, both literally with like their bodies?
	Are people less, are they more risk averse?
	Explain the argument for why they are.
	Because I think conventionalism will be like, what would the difference be?
	I think what he's trying to say is the saying life is short.
	Whatever, do this, do this.
	That's not true anymore.
	Life is long as it's twice as long as it used to be.
	Right.
	I guess what I would say to that is that it's already long.
	Yeah, it's kind of what I'm saying.
	You know, when we were maybe living 40 years, maybe it was a little bit more gung-ho.
	And fuck it, I'll just take this sword and I'll run into this group of people.
	What?
	To his point, life expectancy has increased from like fucking 25 to 75.
	Yep.
	But that didn't happen within our lifetime.
	That happened over centuries.
	This could happen within 10 years.
	So we go from living at 75 to 150.
	Well, fuck.
	This is a different way to look at it.
	So bring this conversation full circle from the beginning of the podcast.
	What I was feeling was avoiding risk.
	My whole life, I've been risky.
	It's been very beneficial to me.
	But I got to a point where I was like, well, this is pretty nice.
	I got people I care about and I love and people that I'm responsible for.
	It's selfish of me to risk.
	Am I being selfish?
	Maybe you're right.
	Yeah.
	Like you're 17, you have like no bills, like no rent, no kids.
	Like, yeah, I'll go do whatever.
	I'll go skydive, rock climb.
	Like I'll be drunk and jump on this train as it's passing by.
	You don't give a shit.
	But then as soon as you have life and all of a sudden now you're 50 and you're like, yo, I have 100 more years I can live.
	Like if you're 50, you're like, I might die when I'm 70.
	I might die when I'm 75.
	Like I gotta have whatever.
	I can't go skiing until I'm 90.
	This is what I'm saying.
	I can't.
	Yeah, I'll do that when I'm 100.
	Yeah.
	Then you still have 50 years on top of that.
	I still think that boredom will overtake most people and I think they'll go after these certain things just to create some sort of like distraction.
	But is the loss greater considering like if someone dies when they're 70, we go, yeah, you know, he lived a good life.
	You die when you're 70 in 10 years.
	Wow, that's so sad.
	That will change, but I don't think our taking risks will change.
	I think taking risks will change dependent on the success in your life.
	But I do think the sadness at a lost life will be dependent on the percentage of his life that could be lived.
	Right.
	Just like it is now.
	A 30-year-old dies.
	We go, oh my God, he was so young.
	I would love for us to get to a point where if a 100-year-old person dies, we go, so much life could live.
	95 years old, he died and even get to 100.
	I think it's his 100th birthday.
	Wow.
	Do you guys want to live that long, though?
	If life is good, if you're switching out my parts, but if you're oh, okay, yeah, go for the cyborg.
	Let's go, bro.
	Okay, I want to look like one of them Cuban cars.
	You know, when you go to Havana and the outside looks fire, but the inside is held with duct tape.
	Do me like that, bro.
	I need a new one.
	I'm all about it.
	Yeah, anyway.
	Look, we should probably wrap this up.
	Yeah, that's episode long as fuck.
	Guys, we love you.
	We appreciate you.
	Thank you for rocking with us.
Cyborg Life Dream 00:03:06
	Yes, dear.
	What's that?
	I have a thought of the day.
	Oh, go, go.
	What's your thought?
	So, that's over the weekend.
	And I was high.
	And I had like a word of a day.
	I forgot what the word of the day was, but it was something about the scent.
	Now, I thought I started talking about the word scent.
	What is silent?
	The S or the C?
	Ooh.
	I would say.
	Why are you looking at me like that?
	I didn't even know I was looking like that.
	That was unintentional.
	I would say is silent.
	Yeah.
	Because yeah, because when is an S silent?
	It could be in scent.
	Akash.
	The C is not always the S sound, though, except scent and like century.
	But most words, the S is always su.
	I can't think of a word that starts with S that sounds like c.
	You know what I mean?
	Well, S H.
	Yeah, but just the S C wait wait.
	S C Schultz.
	Whoa.
	Yeah.
	Oh, shit.
	That's S C.
	Oh, that's S C H also.
	God, that's S C H, though.
	Didn't think of that.
	H is the dominant letter.
	H be overpowering on me.
	H is a beast.
	It's like, it's like root beer.
	You know what I'm saying?
	That shit is.
	If you put root beer in anything, that should taste like root beer.
	Yeah.
	Orange root beer is just root beer.
	When you mix up all the flavors, that should be just root beer.
	Yeah, strong, powerful.
	Yeah, that's a good point, actually.
	I never thought about that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	But yeah.
	I think that we don't know the answer, but I'm pretty sure we're going to be okay.
	That's actually true because scent and scent.
	Like if you sent mail with someone and 10 cents.
	Yeah.
	And the scent, the smell.
	Yeah.
	No, that's what I was talking about.
	The scent.
	Yeah.
	But also when you sent mail.
	That's what he just said.
	Yeah.
	What?
	His exact point.
	I'm explaining to her ass.
	I know.
	That was her point, too.
	We both got it.
	Yeah, that was her point, too.
	Tell her what we were thinking.
	You kind of just tailored that one.
	Maybe I should pay taxes, bro.
	I don't need to rely on the state when I'm older.
	I'm going to pay you $190 you deserve.
	You know what I'm saying?
	That's my bad.
	Sorry.
	I need the old people homes, all that kind of shit.
	Shout out to CRISPR.
	CRISPR, whatever it is.
	Anyway, asshole Army.
	We love you.
	We fuck with you.
	We'll be back on Patreon this Friday.
	We got many more of these thoughts.
	That's what happens.
	It's like you come in, you realize like Mark texted me yesterday.
	He's man, I got so much shit to talk about on a pod.
	Like you get in, we just get so caught up in different conversations.
	And then I always, towards the end, it starts flowing.
	You're like, oh, yeah, I want to talk to you guys about food trucks.
	I got a food truck thing.
	Anyway, we love you.
	We appreciate y'all.
	Thank you so much for rocking with us.
	We back 2021.
	And I'm excited.
	We got some things to share with y'all, but we won't share just yet.
	But trust me, we got some good stuff coming.
	All right.
	Peace.
	God bless.

Chapters

00:00:05 Believing All Farmers
00:02:06 Water Breath Reality
00:16:50 Snorkeling Struggles
00:31:57 Toothbrush Mix-Up
00:38:09 Keto Shake Advice
00:41:59 Driver License Drama
00:49:42 Library Card Flex
01:06:43 COVID Mask Joke
01:20:39 Reading Resolution
01:36:22 Tax Responsibility
01:48:05 Adderall Snap Point
01:52:30 Family Survival Goal
01:55:42 Soho Karen Situation
02:10:26 Grifter Career Talk
02:13:22 Tesla Brand Bet
02:26:49 DNA Fix Hope
02:35:27 Cyborg Life Dream