Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, Mark Gagnon, and Taylor Ganger dissect Trump's hospital discharge and Hope Hicks' modeling background while debating homophobia as fear versus hatred. They critique Saturday Night Live's decline compared to Dane Cook and Louis C.K., argue that crowd wisdom now supersedes critics, and analyze Jimmy Butler's historic triple-double in the NBA Finals. Ultimately, the episode blends political speculation with cultural commentary on comedy's shifting landscape and sports resilience. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Trump Discharged From Hospital00:10:59
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I got Akash Singh here, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, Taylor, Taylor Ganger on her period, came in woofing, yelling at us all, saying, yo, I'm on my period.
And while we talking about discharge, Trump just got discharged from the hospital.
What's going on, yo?
Trump's going home out.
Did Trump beat Corona?
Is Corona over?
Do we not have anything to worry about anymore?
Chris Christie got it.
If Chris Christie survives, son, I don't believe in Corona, yo.
Chris Christie, Chris Christie, yeah, dude.
Is the penguin.
He Danny DeVito, bro.
Yo, real talk.
Real talk.
If this guy survives, Corona doesn't exist.
He's like Magic Johnson to AIDS.
You know what I mean?
Like, great pet damn.
Hold on.
Go, go, go.
But I want you to break it down.
What is it?
I don't know really where I'm going to go with this.
Okay.
Are you guys?
Oh, yeah.
I'm on board.
You guys are on board.
Can I try you pussy?
You guys are on board, so I'm just going to leave it there.
Magic beat AIDS.
Okay.
And now you start looking at AIDS.
He's like, is that she a real magic got it in 91?
Thank you.
I don't look at AIDS like that.
Why not?
I'm still terrified AIDS.
I mean, fucking gay dudes all the time.
I'm getting more generation.
Yo, we got new listeners that don't know you're actually straight, bro.
I got coming out in the beginning of the episode before they know our humor.
What you gonna do?
Hey, guys, get on board.
You're gonna find them with those dudes.
I gotta do it.
We're gonna go off this hypothetical.
Why would I do such a thing like that?
Yeah, you're right.
If Chris Christie can get it and bounce back, it's like, oh.
I mean, he's gonna bounce.
I don't know if it's gonna be back.
He might be into a grave, but that guy's built for bouncing.
I'm just, I just can't believe that this guy got it.
Chris Christie, Trump.
A bunch of people.
Kellyanne Conway, I think she's good, right?
She's skinny.
She's a little old, but she's skinny.
She's a little Tim Burton character.
Who's she looking?
She is a nightmare before Christmas, Halloween, all them shits.
But I think she could make it.
Kaylee McEnany?
Oh, no, it's Kayleigh McEnany, I think.
She's the new Kellyanne Conway.
Okay.
She's younger, Kellyanne.
You know, Trump gets younger, bro.
Trump's going to go with these old ones.
Yo, Trump is like a GM.
He's just trying to get younger at the position.
Real talk?
That's literally what Kelly McEnany or whatever her name is.
How Irish, bro.
Just relax, dude.
Holy shit.
She'd be coming up to the podium like, all right, what are the questions?
So, Al, break this whole thing down to us, man.
What's going on?
So, Trump is.
So, both candidates agree to get tested before the debate.
What day was the debate?
Tuesday.
Tuesday.
So, Tuesday, both candidates agree to get tested before the debate.
Yeah, they were supposed to get there, but I believe five to six hours earlier before the debate.
That's right, because it's live.
Okay, now.
So, Trump gets there late and he's like, hey, guys, I don't want to hold up anything.
Honor system, I'm good.
Let's just go on so we can start on time.
And they still started a little bit late.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Biden does get tested.
Biden gets sex.
He's negative.
He's negative.
Trump shows up late, so he's like, yo, let's just get it popping.
Because it's a 15-minute, what'd you say, Mark?
Rapid response test.
There's a 15-minute rapid response test.
So potentially they know that Trump has it or could have it.
And they know that because Hope Hicks fell ill what day?
Monday was it?
I think she has confirmed it was confirmed Wednesday, I think.
Okay, but Hope Hicks.
But I think there was an aide said that she was sick on Monday.
On Monday, right?
I think she's self-quarantining the plane.
If you guys don't know who Hope Hicks is, Hope Hicks was like an aide of Trump's.
It was a friend of joint, bro.
A piece.
A piece.
And a friend of Ivanka.
That's some OG shit where you start smashing your daughter's friends, bro.
Yo, this girl's come up was so wild.
I like to talk to me.
I hopped on her Wikipedia as a final.
Of course you did.
He's like, college students.
Yeah, motherfucker, tell me what's Hope Hicks all about?
She sounds like a porn star.
She really does, yo.
Watch out the Obama administration.
We're gonna name it.
So basically, she is so like, I saw a picture on Facebook first, and it was like, Hope Hicks gives Trump Corona.
And I was like, all right, we got to find out what the deal with her is because she's looking amazing in the picture.
Yeah, I'll get a picture up so we can show the people.
So basically, the deal with Hope Hicks is like, she used to be a model.
She's like some Connecticut girl, like rich.
She was like tight with Ivanka, was like managing all her shit.
And then in 2014, Trump goes, Yo, I think, or no, 2015, he goes, I'm going to run for president.
And he was late 2014.
And literally sits her down.
She has no political experience.
He goes, You're going to be my press secretary.
And she goes, All right.
She's like 26 or 28 or something.
Nah, that young.
She's young.
How are you friends with Ivanka?
Isn't Ivanka mid-30s?
30-something.
I don't know.
She was, I'm pretty sure she's young.
She's like 20.
She's kind of a babe.
Are you showing it to the people at home?
Yeah, well, she's kind of a babe.
Okay, go on.
So then she goes, All right, bet.
I'll do it.
And then she does it.
He gets elected.
She becomes like the interim press secretary and then ends up leaving the campaign, but then comes back, I think, in January this year.
And then gives his motherfucking corona.
But she's like just some model, no experience.
And Trump's like, yo, you're going to be, you're going to be my person.
What does that say about Trump?
He's able just to pick random people to do these jobs.
Yeah.
I don't think it says anything about Trump.
I think it says something about politics.
That's how easy this shit is.
That's a better way to put it.
I'm just holding it.
I used to look at it.
I think it's hard to be a president.
No.
I used to look at these people and be like, yo, press secretary.
That's amazing.
Like, I wonder what Ivy League you got to go to.
I've never thought about that for press secretary.
Really?
I like any high-breaking career.
It's a different job I thought of.
If you're in the White House and you're interacting with the president every day, I would have thought you are from like an amazing pedigree yourself.
Word?
Yeah.
Yeah.
To be the secretary?
The press secretary.
The press secretary.
What do you got to do?
How does the president feel about it?
You should talk to him.
Yo, you would be a good person.
That's literally what you do.
You'll be a fire.
How would I know?
I look like the president.
I'm the secretary.
Can I take a message?
I just called up there with some post-it notes.
I'll put it on the Oval Office door.
Here you go.
He's a zero-out copy of what he said.
That's it.
Yo, would you do that job?
Be a press secretary?
Yeah.
Get the desk where you could get the Bobo underneath, but no one can see.
You know, the wooden desk with a bigger picture.
You know, the male secretary hitting his thing on his body.
You know, the Bobo.
You never heard of that?
Bobo.
Taylor, cover your ears with Akash Cousin's hair.
Yo, wow, he appropriated.
What?
Stealing that hair, yo.
India?
Say what?
Where is it from?
Where is it from?
Some other brown country I know.
It's not from India.
It's from Sri Lanka.
Point is cheap ass hair.
Point of tech.
You got to hang on them Sri Lankans, yo.
Point is, I don't, I think that Trump is exposing something quite interesting about government, which is any idiot can do it.
And I'm not saying the girl is an idiot, but she's a model.
So it's not like, it's not like you can't be smart as a model, but you cannot be.
You can definitely not fucking not be smart and be a model.
Right.
Right?
I think we've all, and I mean that for men and women.
Like, would you hire a male model to do anything but model, Al?
Absolutely not.
What if a guy was like, I'm a male model, but now I could do audiovisual shit?
Nah.
Mark is laughing at the idea of him coming up here, putting up the lights, but hella squeezing his ass to get the V lines.
Juliana is an entire movie about how stupid male models are.
That's it.
And imagine if you're a woman, even dumber.
Jokes, Taylor, is on that period.
She's gonna swing.
Taylor came in saying she was on her period, so I gotta be on good behavior.
She said her PMS was last week, but I gotta be on good behavior.
Point is, he is exposing.
You could just put anybody in there.
Right.
The post office dude.
Yeah.
The post office general.
Yeah.
Or whatever that is.
Would you do that?
Post-master?
Post-master master.
So in the postmaster, how many masters we got?
They were trying to put a master in a lot of shit.
Yo, what if he called himself the post master?
What if he was like, I'll do it?
I got to change the name slightly.
Taylor, don't look at me like that.
I'm saying he was gonna do it, not me.
Why are envelopes white?
Why don't you ask yourself these questions?
Okay, the manila folder is yellow.
Where's Manila?
Oh, Philippines.
No, shit.
Oh, shit, baby.
Massa is running the fucking puss off.
How do white people greet each other?
Manila.
Oh, you lost me.
You never heard that one?
No.
You never heard white guys walk up to each other and be like, What's up, my MAGA?
Yeah.
You never heard that.
I'm pretty sure they have, though.
They do that.
And sometimes they use ER.
And I say, dead that shit, yo.
Shut up.
They do.
Hell, haven't you heard that shit?
They got a lot of history behind it.
I don't want to say that.
It's crazy.
I don't even say it with the ER.
Yeah, make America greater.
Okay.
Anyway, point is: a lot of these jobs any of us could do.
Why have we been putting them on a pedestal?
Because a pedestal, guys.
Pedal stool.
Tell me, I couldn't be press secretary.
I'll bring a pedal stool in the notes.
It's pedestal.
Why?
It's pedestal.
Pedestal.
Stole?
S-T-A-L.
Now you're wilding, bro.
Yeah.
It's not pedestal.
I thought it was stool at least.
Nah.
How do you spell it?
That's the most trans black you've ever been.
P-E-D-E-S-T-A-L.
Did you learn that at a lot, Barry?
That's where I spent my Valentine's Days.
Let me ask you one thing.
So, but for real, I think a lot of these positions you don't need any expertise in.
Ben Carson, right?
Yes.
This guy is a genius neurosurgeon.
Okay.
You know Ben Carson in Trump's cabinet.
The guy's the head of housing.
What's that got to do with anything?
Former head of housing.
He's not still the head of housing?
R.I.P. Dodd.
That's Herman Cain, bro.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Hell, bro.
Some would say they all look alike.
Al, you're a wild-ass boy over there, bro.
Son, there's not many black people in this cabinet.
I'm surprised.
God, dude.
Thank God you didn't say he was the rice dude, bro.
If you did that, that would be the most inappropriate comment ever.
You want to call him an uncle, Ben.
You know what I mean?
You got that.
Point is, though, you could do any of these jobs.
All of us could do these jobs.
What's so difficult about it?
I don't think, I feel like y'all are getting it confused just because Donald Trump is in office.
I feel like.
That's the point.
Donald Trump is in office.
Yeah, like I don't think that's crazy enough.
I don't want to prove that any of us could do it.
Honestly, how hard is it to do?
That's actually, if we don't have a deep state, I'm a little concerned.
That's a great point.
We need a deep state to fix all the fuck shit that the dummies end up doing when they get in there.
Yeah.
If you got, if you got Trump, you need a deep state.
You need a deep state.
Not even Trump, all of them.
You need a deep state.
I need a deep state of young minds.
We're going up against China.
You think I need Nancy Pelosi going up against China?
Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, China?
Who you think is winning that?
Deep State Handles Lamb00:06:30
Be honest.
Nancy Pelosi can't even do a lunge.
Yeah, nah.
Do you remember when she tried to kneel for Black Lives Matter and then she just stayed there?
They had to pick that bitch up.
She laid down.
She laid down.
She laid down for Black Lives Matter, bro.
And the rest of them left her there.
She's like, look at her trying to brag how much she care.
Whoa, you care that?
You care two minutes?
I hate you.
What?
I'm just saying, we need a deep state.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Wouldn't you guys feel a little safer if you knew that there were some supremely intelligent people running America underneath the people who say they're running America?
Yes.
A little safer.
100%.
100%.
Mark?
Keeping us on the top of the empire.
That's it.
Just keep us on the top.
Al.
I don't know.
I want to know the people who are supposed to be running this shit.
You want to know who makes the sweatsuit you got on?
No, you don't.
You just want the sweatsuit to be fly.
I don't want to know where it's coming from.
Exactly.
You don't want to know where it's coming from.
You don't want to know how the sausage is made.
You don't want to do it.
Yeah, I want to know.
You want to know how many degrees it is in the room where these mouths are.
I just want to know who it's coming from.
That's it.
So I want to know who the orders of cutting are coming from.
Oh, okay.
So you want to know.
You're fine that it's made in a fucked up way.
You just want to know who's responsible for the fucked bones.
Yeah.
Okay.
So he wants to know who is in charge of the deep state, but you don't care what they're doing.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Do what you got to do to keep us nothing.
Most people want plausible deniability.
What do you mean by that?
I think most people, like, they want life to be beautiful.
They want life to be effortless.
And they don't want to know the cost of that beautiful.
100%.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Like, if you really knew, if you really, like, knew what we had to do to have this life, you might feel pretty shit.
100%.
I openly, I realized this years ago, I don't want to know.
I enjoy the life of luxury that America provides for most of its citizens.
I don't want to know how we got it because I know it comes at a cost of other people.
Like, we're fucking over a lot of other countries to have this shit.
Yeah, I do.
I want to eat.
I don't want to know any lamb.
Go.
They're so cute.
Lambs are cute, dog.
I go, this is kind of messed up a little bit.
In this case, the lamb.
What's a lamb?
A lamb, like a baby sheep.
Like a.
Like, when he's eating the meat, lamb, he don't want to think about how they kill this little cute ass animal.
Yeah.
In our case, the lamb is Africa.
Bro.
Fuck out.
Wow.
Bro.
At least you're calling a Cuban.
God damn it.
Yeah, man.
I feel like I kind of knew that.
He knew what?
That a lamb was a sheep.
A baby sheep.
You put me on that afternoon.
You could put you onto that dude.
And now I don't really be eating lamb that much no more.
Makes no difference to me.
Yeah.
You don't have to block it.
You don't lying.
You don't want pot.
I learned about lamb the food before lamb the animal.
Yeah.
So lamb has always been a food to me.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
So the fact that it is a baby sheep, I don't even have a visual of what a baby sheep is.
I don't have a visual.
Sheep are just old.
I don't have a visual of that.
You're the one that said it.
I can't believe this shit.
You locked it out of my memory.
Yo, no bullshit.
I'm not even agreeing with you just because I don't know what a lamb looks like.
Thank you.
I'm picturing sheep that goes over the moon.
Over the moon, bro.
Goats with the little thingy.
Exactly.
But why does the lamb fall in between that?
Goats and groats.
You don't got to worry about it.
And also, we're not even going to look at it.
It's just food.
Let the deep state handle lamb, bro.
I'm all about there being a deep state in the meat industry, too.
Yeah, I'm cool with deep state for lamb.
Deep state for lamb.
Because I know that I get fired lamb at the end of the day.
I eat Euro meat at the Hummus Place in the future.
That can't be lamb.
Excuse me.
Taylor, that shit is lamb.
A lamb is just a sheep without all, like, a sheep has a lot more, is it fur, I guess?
Did you just explain some shit and ask us what it is?
That was wild.
I couldn't believe it all day.
You know, she stopped at all.
Yo, she said, excuse me, excuse me.
A lamb is.
Oh, I don't know what the fuck that is.
Why would I stop the lamb?
A lamb is.
Somebody tell me what a lamb is.
Somebody give me black woman confidence, bro.
I need black woman confidence.
I got black women.
You got black woman confidence.
I don't know what you call it.
Are you trying to say that a lamb?
That's what you don't know.
Learn something about lamb.
Are you trying to say that?
I don't know what a lamb is.
No, it's not.
It's a gay sheep.
It's a gay sheep.
Yes, it is.
And I know you're thinking, hey, I didn't think sheeps could get any gayer, but they can.
I'm not going to lie.
That's why we be grilling them under the fire.
Maybe there's a bleep.
Maybe there's a little bleep.
Isn't that the sound they make?
Bleep?
Let's just cover that with a bleep, literally.
Yo, who says ba?
Is that lamb?
Ba.
That's a shit.
I'm not gonna lie, most animals are kind of gay, man.
Walking on all fours like you want it.
Why are you walking like that?
You're pussy all high.
Yo, tiger do you want it?
Pussy low.
Why you pussy all high?
Pussy up here.
What's a straight animal?
What animal doesn't walk gay?
Rhinosaurus.
The fucking dinosaur.
It is a dinosaur.
It's got a stone coming out of his face.
It's a dinosaur.
I'm going to call that shit rhinosaurus.
Rhinosaurus?
Rhinosaurus.
It's rhinosaurus.
Why you why you got to call it rhinoceros?
It's rhinosaurus.
The name is kind of gay.
Rhinoceros.
Yeah.
Also, why you call nose jabs rhinoplasty?
That shit make you want a nose.
Like, imagine your doctor looks at your nose like, yo, you need rhinoplasty.
Yeah, that's what the marketing is.
That ass, I think that's the marketing.
You got a fucking horn on there.
Look forward.
You say that to sub to inception, like, yo, my shit is huge.
But then now it also makes me think rhino means nasal cavity or something like that.
This means something about nose in like old Latin.
So they're just saying nose dinosaur.
Like a rhinoceros is just nose dinosaur.
But they do got that shit.
But it's not dinosaur because you're adding saurus and they don't say saurus.
Yeah, they do, ducks.
They do.
You just pronounce it wrong.
It's rhinosaurus.
Yo, they do pronounce it like that, dude, for real.
They do.
What?
Say it.
How you say it?
Rhino Nose Marketing Madness00:06:07
Right, okay, Taylor.
Taylor don't even know what a rhinoceros is.
She's like, well, what's a baby rhinoceros?
What'd you call that?
Are we really going to forget the fact that Taylor said that a lamb was a sheep with a fade?
No, she did it.
No, she did not.
Everyone listening is like, wait, did she just say a lamb was a sheep with her?
She was asking questions.
No, you said it was a sheep.
Smaller sheep.
Yeah.
You said it was a sheep.
It's a fade.
You can't just say the thing I said to make fun of you to say what you were saying, Dale.
Taylor's the wildest of girls, yo.
We need period Taylor more often.
Bro, you only invited on your period.
She's taking them sugar pills or whatever's necessary to keep that shit flowing.
We like period Taylor only.
She says some dumb shit.
We copy it back.
She just takes it and then pushes it back down.
That's not what I said.
What I said was it's a sheep with a fade.
Real talk.
She's like Black Panther's suit, bro.
She takes all the fuck shit we say to her and then regenerates it as a weapon.
Cut it out, Taylor.
Over here.
Black Panther Black Pente.
I just watched that movie recently.
Bro, Forrest Whitaker, just cut it out, dog.
Motherfucker been faking this for the last 20 years, bro.
You telling me, you really telling me, yo, Forrest, you really telling me you can't just be like, that.
Steal your kids just go like that.
You can't be here like black pente.
He's got one sclerosis, bro.
Yo, he's a single sclerosis.
If you got one singular one, that's what you got.
He got a scleroside.
Scleroside.
Yeah.
Watch the movie.
That's what they should do for benefit for him.
Just watch Black Panther.
This motherfucker can't even watch his own movies.
He's just sitting in movies there like, which part of my channel.
His name is Forrest, dog.
He got the same name as the retard in the movie.
What do you want us to call him?
What are we supposed to call him?
Desert?
Desert Plains Sahara.
Sahara Whitaker.
That's going to be fire.
Sahara Whitaker will be fire.
That is a fire ass name.
Forrest Whitaker.
Twin?
Oh, son.
I thought he had a twin.
No, he did.
Because if you were to, we would replace his ass by now.
No, real talk.
A two-eyed twin?
A two-eyed Forrest.
Or get a surgery.
Literally, all it is is a lever.
You could put a little button.
I would try to put a little button or something you push on your wrist like a little Spider-Man.
A small spring or something?
A small spring.
It's your eyelid.
Don't women get their eyelids fixed all the time?
Brian Callan got his eyelid fixed.
R.I.P. What if he got them shut?
So he's like, I don't even want to see what's happening to me right now.
That was the surgery.
I got that permanently shut.
So this Mewtwo is over.
He got a forest of plastic.
He's going to have a reason why he died like that.
What's wrong?
I got pissed.
I'm about to piss my pants.
Come on, son.
See, I'm going to pull that next up.
I was just shutting up.
Hey, Akash just left, yo.
Yo, can I?
That's crazy, but can you say it?
What?
This is the only time I'm letting you speak.
Yo, say your dumb shit.
No, because my theory when I was a kid, right?
About Forrest Whitaker?
No, about guys peeing.
Okay.
I don't know what just happened.
I'm trying to fit.
Do you think Forrest Whitaker ever just went like that?
Even just rubbed it.
He might have eye crushes.
That's it.
Just rub it, dog.
That fixes it, though.
Literally.
It really does.
Didn't you get your eye fixed or something like that?
Yeah.
What happened?
I was slap boxing with my cousin when I was younger.
And like one of the slaps made my eye go quad.
And then he just quickly grabbed my eye, rubbed it real quick.
Bang.
I was right back.
What?
Dead ass.
You could fix lazy eye with just rubbing.
Did you just happen to his eye?
No.
That's unbelievable, bro.
He ain't even trying.
He's not even trying.
I will fix Forrest Whitaker if he comes on this podcast.
I'll fix him right there.
He can sit right next to Akash.
I will fix his eye right there.
What are you going to do?
How do you fix his eye?
Tate?
Take your scotch.
I'm going to get some scotch.
I'm going to get some electrical.
Electrical might be a little.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second because some of y'all are balding and we need to stop that.
Some of y'all won't admit to yourself that you're balding.
That's embarrassing.
It is embarrassing, but I get it also because the last thing that you want to admit is you're falling off.
You see a lot of rappers like this, right?
You see a lot of actors like this.
There's probably an actor out there making Blade 7.
We don't need Blade.
We got Blekpented.
You're right about it.
Okay?
Right, Taylor?
Blekpented.
Full head of hair.
You're right.
Okay?
What you need to do is get ahead of your balding.
All right.
No pun intended.
You have to do that with Keeps.
It's very simple.
Okay.
I've been using the same active ingredient for the last decade.
Look at this.
Full head of hair.
Absolutely beautiful.
If you notice it's starting to fall off a little bit, jump on it right away.
That's the time to do it.
Stop lying to yourself.
Don't lie to yourself.
Okay.
If you notice a little bit, get on top of it.
Keeps.com.
Use the promo code Flagrant.
No, no, no.
Keeps.com slash ring.
www.keeps.com slash flagrant.
That is what I meant to say.
K-E-E-P-S.com slash flagrant.
Slash flagrant.
And what do they get?
Their first month of treatment for free?
That's it.
You know why I'm on top of it, right?
Because it's a great deal.
There we go.
I'll be knowing good deals.
That's it.
Tell me one more time.
Keeps.com slash flagrant.
K-E-E-P-S.com slash flagrant.
You know what it is.
Yo, while you're keeping your hair, make sure you keep an eye out for some show dates.
Your boy is going to be in Trumbull, Connecticut this Friday, October 9th.
I am headlining the Connecticut Comedy Festival at InSports, 7.30 p.m.
It's going to be outdoors.
It's going to be socially distanced.
It's on a football field.
We're taking all the precautions.
So bring that ass through.
And October 21st through 24th, I'm going to be at Acme Comedy Company in Minneapolis.
It's one of the best comedy clubs in the country.
It's my first time there.
So let's make sure we pack that bitch out as much as we can while being responsible.
You can get the tickets at my website, akashsing.com, a-k-a-a-s-h-s-i-n-g-h.com.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, yo, we're back from a pee break.
Um, Akash just walked out of set, like back in China, no jumper.
This dude had it to the house.
I had enough.
Secret Service Soundtrack Breaks00:08:58
Okay, you had enough.
I was being slandered.
And then he just walked out, and then Mark said a really offensive joke.
Actually, that's what you might have done.
Might have walked out like as a, uh, what is it like when you strike first preemptive, preemptive strike?
Oh yeah yeah, because Mark said that um, Forrest Whitaker is uh, half Asian.
I didn't say that.
You did say that bro, unless it was funny.
Yeah, I said that bro, it's funny anyway.
So look, we're back.
Um, we got some important uh.
Uh, we have an important thing that I like, want to share with you guys.
But first I want to talk about something.
Why can't Trump take the car ride to say hi, I don't know what was the big deal with that.
What's the big fucking deal?
I don't know?
If he was in Harmony's way, then he's putting other people in Harmony's way, secret service people whose job is literally to die for him if they need to.
I just don't think he should have jumped in front of that cough that gave him all in the first place.
Jump in that shit like soldier, bro.
That's how you know Trump gets intimate, because if he did get it from Hope Hicks, that means he's not just getting top.
Or Bobo, as I said before and that you were so upset about out yeah, that's.
You've never heard Bobo.
Not because I, like Puerto Ricans call the thing.
They suck on bobo.
Puerto Ricans are gay.
Mostly they pacify.
They call that a bobo, so it just do they really?
Yeah, that's wild, bro.
That's cuties, dude, that's a little too cuties man, what you mean?
You turned it into something, bro.
You turned it into something.
Why does he actually have sex with Hope?
Huh, y'all say Hope, but hold on back.
Yeah, one second.
Sorry Taylor, I understand he's not getting intimate with these girls, right?
You would think he's just getting some head or he's just fucking whatever.
But in order to get the corona from a girl, you're probably making out, tongues are involved.
Tongues are involved.
He's tongue kissing or he's.
He's up in that.
Do you really think he's still sexually active?
You don't think he's sexually active.
100 100 100, 100 bro.
Guys like him are the reason they made Viagra.
You don't think he.
You don't think he fucks, he just doesn't.
I don't know.
I guarantee 100.
Honest, you think he fucks.
I don't like.
I like him and Milani.
Their relationship seems so strange.
He can't fucking Milani.
That's why she won't hold his hand.
Right, he gets.
I think he gets handies.
I think he'd be grabbing her hand and she's like, that's his sword family.
She literally locked in.
Bro, Trump got a bluetooth subscription.
Yeah oh 100, 100 promo code, flagrant, run it back.
I don't know.
I like you, think he's like smoking out like Aids.
You really think he's like banging out Hope Hicks.
I think that.
I think he's getting head.
If you don't get head at the table that's what i'm saying he might be getting serviced.
He's getting serviced, secretly serviced.
He's getting he's getting secretly served, secretly serviced Moral Office.
Yo, can I be honest with you?
Why would you not have all female secret service?
You're not supposed to your secret service.
Whoa, you guys are crazy out here dude.
No, but why would?
That is the best secret.
Have you fucking, all your secret service?
Yeah, you think we have one gay president, John Adams.
Yeah, he's the only.
I don't know why I just put that on him.
That's disrespectful, bro.
I was just watching Hamilton.
I got Disney Plus.
I was watching Hamilton the Musical bro, and the king was shitting on John Adams.
Yeah, but that's the king.
Who gayers than the king?
Yeah, that's a good point, son.
The king don't even try to be straight.
Yeah, not at all.
Have you seen Hamilton, the Musical on Disney PLUS?
That is incredible, bro.
It's the best, the best.
My homie was hammered, not gonna miss my shot that day, the whitest shit was, what is it?
I'll tell you the white shit about Andrew.
When that Hamilton soundtrack dropped on Spotify, he was like, everyone has to listen.
He texted me.
You have to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack.
I listened.
I was like, what the fuck?
No, You're bugging.
The Hamilton soundtrack is fire.
But the craziest thing about Drew is that he listened to the Hamilton soundtrack without seeing the fucking play.
Oh, yeah, I never saw it.
I just saw that play.
So you're an idiot for that.
No, I just saw the play.
Years later.
I didn't need it, bro.
I visualized it.
I visualized it, man.
I put it all together.
There's people listening to this podcast right now.
They're not visualizing, even though they can over youtube.com slash player two.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying I visualized it and it was so amazing.
It was so beautiful and it was inspiring.
My American journey.
Literally, Hamilton is the deep state.
Hamilton's rap for theater kids.
Nah, he's rap for theater kids.
Mark Duncan, this distraction.
Chill out.
Don't just die.
Chill out, son.
You're talking to a real black man.
He's dressed in purple right now.
Just believe.
I showed up like it was Easter.
Fuck out of here, son.
If a drug dealer went to church on Easter, that's how I'd be swearing.
Down to the watch, though.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that fits fire.
That fit is fire, y'all.
Hamilton, I've listened to the soundtrack.
Yo, yo, yo.
If you about to shit on Hamilton, I'm just gonna.
Be careful, bro.
I get it.
You wish there was more Lafayette.
Lafayette.
That's the shit you come from.
Yeah.
Where's Rochambeau's part?
You don't get it all.
Going to see Hamilton.
I saw it.
It was dope.
Crap.
Yo, don't put on airs.
I cried, so.
What is it?
How do you know?
What is that term?
Don't put on airs?
Nice.
Putting on airs.
Yeah, why are you putting on airs, bro?
I don't do that, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, don't dare put on airs.
I'm airless out this bitch.
No, no, you gotta be a bad guy.
I got on Nikes.
I'm airless.
You be putting on airs.
You think you're too good for Nike.
Oh, hey.
You be putting on airs.
Hey, don't do that.
You be putting on that shit.
I'll fucking put it on.
Don't do that shit.
That's my, that's calling me all right is saying I put on airs.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'll be all right.
I don't know.
That probably helps him out a little bit.
Yeah, what you talking about?
I don't give a fuck.
Proud boy, stand by.
Hang out, whatever.
I'm Okash.
Hey, we'll talk later.
I'm Okas thing.
I'll be on the message board.
Yo, how many of them were standing by the hospital?
None.
Whoa, they're fake as they're.
Where were they at, bro?
He literally said, stand by, because I'm going to have Corona.
That's what it's going to be.
Part of all he needs y'all to do is stand by.
The dude literally got in a car looking for y'all.
Stand by the car.
Stand by the hospital.
Drive by the car.
Drive by with the hot shoe.
Can you believe it?
Yeah, bro.
Hand up on the window.
DMV.
DMV.
That's so pussy that we're trying to make him feel bad for threatening his Secret Service, three people with clothes.
What's the plastic like the Uber?
Secret Service is there to intercept bullets from assassins.
Yeah.
Like they're so grateful that their only risk is like an old guy coughing on them.
Can I say something right now?
And you got a massive.
Wait a minute.
This is actually very important.
You can't be his Secret Service unless you have Corona.
Think about it.
In order to protect him, you got to be in the room with him while he got Corona.
So you must either get Corona or have already had it so you could protect him.
Think about that.
You can't be like, oh, sorry, fam.
I got to be six feet away from you while you got Corona.
Every Secret Service person had to have already had it.
After he gets Corona, it's like, if you're Secret Service, you just have to be cool.
You got to get Corona.
It's like what we were doing here.
If one of us got it, we all got it.
Except Taylor.
She getting the fucking boot.
If you got Corona, you're getting the boot.
You know what I'm saying?
Deal with that shit.
Shorty?
You know, kind of bring that Rona over here disrespecting.
Why would I have to?
Yo.
Why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you step, yo?
Wait a minute, but wait, what were we just talking about?
I was about to say, I'm talking about Secret Service shit.
Like, literally, Reagan's Secret Service guys got shot for him.
Lift?
Yeah.
He's up, yo.
They don't die.
Like, Trump's guys.
They don't give a fuck.
Like, I don't get the hate where people are like, oh, man, Trump's putting his secret service members native.
Libraries are losing.
Him going in public is putting them in danger.
Him being the president, them being secret service is putting them in.
Their job is to be in danger.
It's like saying, like, all the military is in danger.
It's like, yeah, dude.
That's not pussy.
That's soft.
That's real soft.
I think.
They are the navy seals of bodyguards.
Like, you're the best of the best, the most elite of the elite.
You think they're scared of fucking coughing?
Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here.
Grow up.
The counterpoint is like, oh, he didn't have to go out.
He went out just for his own.
You got to do it.
That is the point.
But you got.
Where'd he go out?
He went to his car.
Yeah, but why go out?
He got to leave the hospital.
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
That's what's yo, yo.
You got to make a moment, bro.
Yeah, he did it from inside the hospital with the videos and shit.
He did Twitter videos.
You got to call her the homies, bro.
Shout out to your boy.
Come on.
Bro, the setup.
Spin around the block a little bit.
That's it.
At least he had a top on JFK, gummy.
Navy Seals Fear Coughing00:07:23
Do you know what I mean?
At least he learned a lesson.
Get your wig pushed back, literally.
Wow.
God damn it.
He did get his wig pushed forward.
Technically, that shit came from the back.
Yeah.
Well, don't talk about a comb over.
Oh.
Yo, whose comb over was crazier?
JFK or Trump?
Who got the crazier comb over?
Top JFK?
Come on.
I don't know why I'm going so hard on JFK.
All he was trying to do is liberate the people.
Fuck Malon Monroe a little bit.
He smashed Malon Monroe.
You want to talk about Hope Hicks?
Yeah, OG Hope Hicks.
OG Hope.
She gave him syphilis.
Did she?
Really?
I made that up.
Damn, bro.
It's crazy, though.
It's an old man disease to get.
Yeah, bro.
Syphilis, rickets.
Yeah, gout.
Gout?
Gout.
You know how much pussy you got to eat to get gout, Mark?
Yo, if you get leprosy from the pussy.
Scurvy?
Scurvy?
But gout, they say, is the rich man's disease.
Because you eat too much meat.
That's right.
That prime rib.
Ooh.
That dangle.
Sometimes, sometimes you got it.
You weren't here for that episode?
We were talking about the Cobra Kai mom.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the meats.
The meats.
Yo, you ever listen to Andrew talk about restaurants that he's been to in New York?
No.
Nah.
What did I do?
You were explaining some restaurant you went to like an hour ago.
Okay.
And then the way he explains it is he goes, all right, so we go to this restaurant.
It's real small.
Super hard to get a reservation.
Whatever.
We're just sitting there.
We're just sitting there.
Yo, he just drops it on me like, whatever.
So he just says that.
And he goes, yeah, there's a place across the street.
They say it's the same burger.
It's not the same burger, okay?
It's not the same burger.
You got to go to this spot.
It's got the best for.
They say the prime ribs are better.
I don't give a shit.
I go for the burger.
You know what he's doing?
Best prime airs.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get a lot of remote.
I'm going to put it on air.
What do they sell the burgers on?
Airs?
They be putting that shit on airs?
No, I felt that in my heart right there, dude.
That was super disrespectful what you just did.
Are you a foodie?
Do you consider yourself a foodie?
Because you talk about food, man.
Nah, I spend so much goddamn money.
I'm about to call myself a foodie, man.
We went to this place.
The reason why I say it's hard to get a reservation is I want you to get your hopes up.
You don't got signal up.
You got to get your hopes hicked, boy.
Don't get hope, you hick.
Real human flight ass.
It's called Fort Charles.
Okay.
Oh, I've heard of it.
Best burger.
Super hard to get a real.
That shit's like impossible.
I hate this.
I'm going to take you one day, Taylor.
None of y'all ever have a motherfucker.
What's the name for a burger?
What?
Fort Charles.
It just sounds gay.
What kind of skinny ass, non-meat-having-ass Hindu-ass beefless burger are you eating?
That's like a long-ass burger.
4 Charles?
This is the dress, bro.
4 Charles.
4 Charles.
Gay, bro.
Get a real address.
106.
You know what I mean?
Get three numbers in your shit.
What is it?
If you got two numbers or less in your address, you gay.
You gay.
That's some gay shit.
That's some gay shit.
I'm at 28 Broadway.
Homo.
I got a skinny ass AIDS address you got, bro.
Beat that shit up.
What's your address, though?
I got four numbers.
What is it?
8108.
Out that bitch.
8-1.
8 is the same number as 8.
0 is not a number.
So you technically have two numbers.
What's your address?
Man, I don't want to get into it, bro.
I don't want to get into it, dogs.
What's your stupid gay-ass address?
I'll get into it.
What?
What are you talking about?
I got mad numbers in my snoots, bro.
That shit is crazy the amount of numbers I got.
Wait, how do we even get here?
Because you're talking about your pretentious food taste.
Oh, yeah, that's the thing.
Listen, I might go to a fine restaurant.
You know what I'm saying?
I might go to a fine restaurant.
I feel you, son.
It is what it is.
I got to treat myself right.
My girl likes to be a little bit more.
He's talking about red lobsters, Alex.
He's talking about actual fine dining.
Hey, hey, hey, can I tell you one thing?
This is the final thing.
No, I got something.
I got something where black people and white people can agree 100% on food.
You ready for it?
You ready?
You ready for it?
The boil.
Oh, listen.
The boil, that's the place where they put the food in the plastic, kind of like your pouches.
Wait, did you just like?
The crab legs.
So basically, they put.
Yo, tell it.
You just got blacker than blood.
I have a bloody mess with that chair.
Put a little lamby in there.
Forget about it.
No, in all seriousness, the boil is this like series of restaurants.
I think they have different types as well, but essentially it's just what?
It's like seafood, potatoes, spices.
It's incredible.
It's unbelievable.
It's so easy.
It's easy.
You literally, they'd give you a bib because you know you're going to get all fucked up.
It's messy as fuck.
But when you go in there, tell me it's not the most diverse restaurant you've ever seen.
Nobody putting on airs.
Nobody putting on airs in the boil.
It's too messy.
Too messy.
Every time I've been there, it's only been black people.
Maybe you go to dinner.
Every time I go, it's totally black people.
You go 12.30 at night or some shit.
You got to wake up early, man.
You see white people there?
Yes.
Yes.
Maybe I'm going to the wrong one.
Yeah, you are.
Which one are you going to?
Oh, what?
You want to go to the white boil?
Damn, Alex.
Damn, sell-out ass Alex.
I'm going to the wrong boil.
Why do you think he started going to the boil, man?
Shut the fuck up.
Why do you think he's starting to have the boil?
You're looking for seafood fucks.
That's what you was looking for.
Yo, you know.
Plastic bag, you won't need one of those with me.
Wait, what are we saying, Arcan?
He lost his invite to the cookout.
That's why I'm going to the boil.
Oh, my God.
That's why this Al.
You ain't going to no cookouts, Al.
Alex.
What about the Carne Asada?
Are you invited to that?
The Carne Asada.
I'm not Mexican, bro.
Oh, fuck.
Dang it.
Wait, is it Boil?
You got to cook your own food?
Nah, that's Japanese people in Koreans.
Shout out to Koreans for the biggest hustle ever, bro.
Hey, you want to come to our restaurant?
Yeah.
You cook.
Thank you.
This is why I hate Fondu.
I thought the boil was like one of those hot pot places where you like all your seafood spot.
No, this is that shit for you.
Why is it in the plastic bag?
Can we understand that?
So you can shake that shit up with the seasoning.
Ah, but it's put there after the bus.
You just don't eat with the seasoning.
God damn.
White ass are getting the buy on the bottom.
They be asking me like, what seasons you want to be like?
I'll just have the lobster, please, and the shrimps.
I don't need any of this.
Just steam A sauce.
Yo, water is flavorful.
You said it.
Don't forget.
Truffle in it.
You don't fuck with that truffle, bro.
Oh, word?
Nah.
Why?
That's one thing white women got wrong, but pumpkin spice?
Pumpkin spice.
White people.
Everybody wants to talk about Karen's.
Karen's invented pumpkin spice.
So put some respect on it.
Nah, white people killed her with pumpkin.
We did.
Y'all killed her with pumpkins.
Nobody wanted pumpkins.
That's why I got a bad shit from you.
No.
Yeah.
Pumpkin fucking.
And gourds, the ones with the herpes on it.
What?
You never seen the pumpkins with the herpes on it?
The rich man's the rich man's disease.
The gourds.
It's gout.
If you don't got gout and herpes, you're not rich.
Wakandan Truffle Seasoning Debate00:05:14
Nah, I believe that.
If you don't got gout and herpes, you're not rich.
Nah, believe that.
Real talk.
That's the sign of a king.
Damn.
That's the sign of a king.
Okay, you got gout on your feet and bram on your dick.
You're a king.
Black pente.
Yo, you know how they got dope ass technology in Wakanda?
But do you know about that?
Yes.
I'm just saying.
What's going on with your.
Have you seen that?
See what?
That they have the dope technology there.
I watched what they got vibranium.
I watched Black Panther like every once every month.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
It's like your period?
Yo, she's trying to brag her.
She just runs around her, like, I'm getting real pissed.
I think I'll watch a Black Panther next week.
That's how the PMS calms down.
It's Panther menstrual sentence.
I just really like the movie.
That's a fire movie, man.
They cured Tickle Cell with that shit.
Oh, shit, really?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Wow.
What?
You're lucky.
We don't got some fancy fucking scientists to cure white diseases.
Why are you thinking the team like Wakanda is real?
It is real.
Israel?
In Israel?
Oh, Nakila.
Always stay white.
Nakila.
Nakila.
What's going on, bro?
Yo, that's crazy, though.
Think about it.
Wakanda, bro.
Israel's Jewish Wakanda.
Oh.
Juconda.
It's Jukanda.
Don't disrespect.
Chai Wakey passed away.
He was a real, you know, our king.
And now you're going to say that it was Juwan.
What are you doing?
Chill, I want you to.
He's called Chill.
You want a country?
Come on, Taylor.
Yo, Taylor.
Yo, period, Taylor is another level, yo.
You need to calm down over there, dude.
You need to calm down.
No, no, you're getting a little bit out of pocket.
I try to bring up Black Pente one time.
Yo, you got to say it like Porre's Whittaker, man.
Come on.
Try to pronounce it once.
Blackpente.
Just try it.
I bet you can't do it as well, man.
Try it one time.
I bet you can't.
Because the power of Black Panther flows through.
His Wakandan accent is better.
It does.
It does.
I speak Wakandan.
Yo, we don't got those gun things no more.
See, the Wakandans are about weapons, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, strapped.
Real talk.
Come on, Taylor.
Hey, we're going to get back to this in a second, but I do want to announce something that's very important.
Asshole Army.
We got a job opportunity.
Okay.
We've been the busy as fuck.
So we've been slacking on our social game.
We haven't been able to create a lot of the Instagram, Twitter content that we were able to create in the past.
You know, we do these really fun Instagram and Twitter videos based on parts of the podcast.
And because we've been so fucking busy, not only with these podcasts, we got another project we're working on.
We're going to tell you about that in the next couple months.
But we've been slacking.
So we want to hire somebody or maybe a couple people to fill that role.
And what we're going to do is we're going to have a fucking competition.
Asshole Army, if you're nice with editing, we want a multimedia beast.
So that means video editing, Photoshop, maybe even some web design, some graphics.
I mean, we want a multimedia super nerd who truly understands it, falls in love with it, and takes this as far as they possibly can.
Yeah, so this is what we're going to do.
We're going to take this whole episode and we're going to put it on Dropbox and we're going to put the link in the description to this YouTube video right now.
If you're listening on SoundCloud or any other audio device, just go to YouTube.
You'll find the episode there.
Take it.
You could download it.
And we want an under one-minute clip.
Okay.
The clip has to be under one minute, all right?
And it just has to be hilarious in the same vein as our other clips, but you could put your own sauce on it, flex hard, and we're going to post them, show them to the world, and then let the people decide who the next person this part of the show studios army is.
So go do that, attack it, and we're excited to see what y'all got.
All right, now let's pay some bills.
All right, guys, we're gonna take a break for a second because we need to get your brains on point with this neural root.
All right, I know a lot of you guys don't know what neuroot is, so I'm about to tell you.
Okay, you're about to be sharp as fuck.
Which episode did we do when we were on Neuro?
Last Petreon.
Last Patreon episode, we were fully on NeuroRoot.
Okay, they got these pills, they got these drops.
It's from our boys over at Radix, and this is brain support right here.
Okay, you got that B6, you got that caffeine in the pill.
Okay, this stuff is taking you to the next level.
Sharp, focus, without that crash that comes with a coffee.
No, I'm not saying don't drink coffee.
I love some coffee, but if I need to be sharp as fuck, not playing games, let's say I got a fight with my girl when I go home.
I take a Neurorout, so I'm ready to go.
Ding, ding, ding.
Call it, Bruce Wuffer.
Let's get ready to rumble.
Dead ass.
I'm Neuro Rooted up.
I took that before Patreon, and then normally I'd be crashing at the end of the episode.
We rode for an entire day.
I swear to you, I was fine.
That's what I'm saying.
I was like, I am good.
I did a show.
I went from 7 a.m. to 1 a.m.
Good money.
So look, Neuroroot.com, use the promo code Flagrant and you get 20% off.
And that's Neuroroot.
I know some of you fucking idiots don't know how to spell that.
Neither do I.
So I'm going to look at the screen.
And you can spell it if you took that.
N-E-U-R-O.
R-O-O-T.com.
Use that promo code flagrant and get your brain right.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, we back.
Promo Code For Neuroroot00:07:31
Look, interesting story out.
Jack Harlow, white rapper.
Calm down, Akash.
Calm down.
Calm down, Mark.
Okay?
Condon.
Mark likes come on, bro.
Mark likes Jack Harlow.
Mark loves Harlow.
That's his boy.
So Jack Harlow was in Atlanta, and some gays wanted to know what was popping for real.
He was walking down the street and they were shooting their shot.
And I guess he was shocked.
Maybe there's not a lot of gays in Louisville or something like that.
But it brought up a very interesting question, at least for me, right?
Which was, is homophobia wrong?
No, we've had this discussion.
We had a discussion about a different phobia last week.
Right.
Okay.
So I guess to clarify the parameters, just to make sure we're good, I'm not talking about homophobia in terms of hatred.
Hatred in terms of the way that people assume what that word means, but phobia is fear.
Literally fear.
Arachnophobia.
Fear of spiders.
Spiders, right?
Hydrophobia.
Fear of water.
Weed.
What?
Hydro.
Oh, yeah.
Water.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't hate water.
Goraphobic.
Fear of, I think, leaving the house.
Outdoors.
Outdoors.
Okay.
So it's truly a crippling fear, right?
Homophobia, I don't know if that's hateful.
I do believe it's arrogant.
Not in this case.
Wait for it.
Okay.
Homophobia implies that the gay dudes would do something to you that would induce fear.
Simply complimenting you is not scary, but women, when guys are talking to them and coming towards them, you have every right to be scared, Taylor, because that guy could do something crazy.
He could assault you.
He could even rape you.
That is terrifying.
He could overpower you.
He could overpower you.
You could be male phobic.
You could be whatever heterophobic or whatever that is.
Male phobic.
Yes, Akash.
Okay, finish your points.
Okay.
So my point is: homophobia.
If there's a gaggle of gays, they're standing on the corner, right?
And they are whistling at you and then they start to approach you all together.
If a guy is homophobic, right?
That's, I am fearful that these gays might rape me.
I don't think that is hateful, but it is arrogant to assume that they would want to fuck you and fuck you forcefully.
Getting laid is one of the easiest things about being gay, right?
I mean, isn't that what happens?
Isn't that the good thing about being gay?
You're in the shower at the gym and you're like, yo, you're not sucking dick.
And the guy's like, yeah, that's right.
And then you're sucking dick, right?
Like, isn't that, that's just how it goes.
That's how.
I think that's how it works.
I mean, AIDS didn't go around so fast because they don't fuck at all.
I mean, this is male sex drives, right?
They have glory holes, right?
They have glory holes.
There's just a hole where you pull your dick in and then it just gets sucked.
And on the other side, there's a guy who's like, thank God, a dick and no face.
This is all I wanted.
Right?
So.
Yo, Loki, that shit sounds magical.
You're gonna push your dick in.
You're gonna get sucked?
Can you imagine the world?
Can we just talk about something?
It's fucking narny over there, man.
You know what gay means before it meant homosexual?
Happy.
Happy.
You're getting your dick sucked all the time, probably.
That means that the people that decide to call homosexuals gay were not going, ew, gay.
They were going, man, look how gay.
Look how happy that must be just getting your dick sucked all the time in a sauna.
Yo, if you imagine a straight dude and somebody's like, stick your dick in that hole, you'd be like, you're your fucking mind.
Sick by dick.
No, there's a guy's mouth on the other side.
What?
Sick.
Gay people just talking.
Nobody doesn't have a beard.
Gay people are so trusting and so they be getting their dick sucked so much.
They're like, yo, if I just put a hole in this bathroom stall and I put my dick in there, somebody can suck it.
So here's the problem with homophobia.
It's too arrogant.
Gay guys can get dick whenever they want.
Think about it.
They can get so straight guys.
We're walking around going like, oh my God, these guys are going to rape me.
Thinking you're going to get raped by a gay guy who could fuck whenever he wants, right?
And guys who are in great shape.
These gay guys are working out all the fucking time.
Probably because they're going to sauna get the dick suck.
Of course I go to the gym all the time.
I was just getting my dick suck in the shower.
And that makes perfect sense.
The point is, homophobia.
Protein shakes.
This is the real protein shake.
So here's the thing.
It is arrogant but not hateful based on the literal definition of the word.
Correct.
Does that make sense?
The one thing I would say is you said women are.
Give me pushback or as they say, fun.
You say women are afraid because a man could overpower them.
Correct.
If you're a gay dude, you could probably overpower most straight dudes.
I mean, these motherfuckers are mirra.
Let me know where you're at.
If you have West Hollywood, these guys are beautiful and they are chiseled and they're massive.
I mean, you sound very turned on by it.
And they're tight and they're nice and smart and they're successful.
That's other characteristics.
They're talented.
And they listen to me.
They listen to me.
And they cook.
I mean, they're great guys.
But yeah, you're making points.
If they want to have their way with you, they can.
If you're Jack Harlow, Jack Harlow built like an 80s gay.
These modern day gays would easily overpower 80s gay Jack Harlow.
Yeah, he's got Ricky.
His before they're in the gym all the time getting their immune system up.
Yeah, it's real talky.
So this is, so maybe homophobia should be a function of height.
Like if you're a little dude and cute as fuck, right?
You could be more afraid of gay dudes potentially doing something to you that you're like, you have a right to be more homophobic than I do.
Right?
Every gay dude on this earth could probably have his way with me.
Exactly.
I would let him, but that's the only difference.
But does that make a little sense?
Like, I wonder if gay guys ever push back on the idea of homophobia where they're like, dude, we don't even want to fuck you.
Like, that's the most insulting thing.
Like, straight guys are like, oh, these gay guys wanted me.
He's like, what are you talking about?
Oh, sex is the easiest thing to get.
Why do I even care about that?
If they're hitting on you, and then you're like, yo, chill out.
And they're like, that's homophobic.
What makes you think I want to fuck you?
He's like, yo, you're just, that's like a construction worker.
When a girl's like, stop hitting on me, be like, I didn't want to fuck you.
I just want to whistle at you, bitch.
Stupid.
That's what they want.
If the girl literally stopped and was like, all right, let's leave work.
So let's go fuck.
I think the construction workers be like, well, I'm just trying to entertain my friends, bro.
Like, I got buildings to build.
It's Corona.
I can't get tested if I leave the facility.
It's a whole issue.
I don't think they've ever done that.
You think they're just going to walk off the work?
I don't think women have been like, let's fuck right now.
But I'm sure if they did, you would have to go.
You can't be the gay dude being like, well, no, actually, maybe on my lunch break.
Taylor, have you ever reacted?
Like a construction worker whistled at you and you were like, what?
What do you want to do?
Not necessarily that way.
Talking to the microphone.
Not necessarily that way.
Wait, what way did it work?
Like, as in, like, if they were whistling or like, hey, what's up, Molly?
I'll just do a weird ass face or something like that.
But you've never been into it?
But it's never worked, right?
Like, the flirtation has never worked.
You've never been like, oh, here's my number.
Thank you so much for whistling at me.
And they know that.
I don't get why.
Why do you guys do that?
It's the same reason why, like, shamoo puts the water on the people watching.
I'm like, what?
It's just fun.
You know what I mean?
It's just entertainment.
Yeah, but gags.
People will sit in the splash zone.
Women don't intentionally.
Yeah.
Y'all know what you're doing trying to walk around in the city.
Answering the splash zone, yo.
No, You're not answering the splash zone.
You got to tell me.
Improvised Wedding Vows Fail00:15:11
What do you mean?
What do you do when you go in the splash zone?
Put on a poncho.
That's right.
Cover up.
Cover it up.
Head to toe.
I will.
I'll go out looking bummy as hell, and then there'll still be guys that hit on me.
Don't let me burn.
Don't that make me feel like I'm not.
I kind of feel insulted because, like, you know, I don't look right.
Like, stop.
But imagine you look right.
Imagine how much more you would get it.
Maybe they see what's beautiful on the inside.
Facts.
Yo, maybe they're cat calling.
Labia menorah.
Come on.
That's like a constellation, bro.
That's like a little dipper.
That's what the labia menorah is.
No, that's a Jewish labia.
Y'all never seen no labia menorahs.
I thought you said eight candles on it.
I actually got eight candles on your labia menorah.
I thought you said light me a menorah, and I was like, this guy really is Jewish.
Yo, this is crazy.
This is crazy.
You said light me a menorah.
What's light menorah?
That's Hanukkah Oh Hanukkah light the menorah.
I thought you were saying like light me a menorah.
I was like this guy really wants a menoror.
I don't know what's happening right now, bro.
How do you even spell that?
That's all good.
You never spell anything right anyway.
Looking at Taylor's notes, just looks like she's pounding her fists on the fucking shit.
You can't spell my name for shit.
I know.
How do you spell Arcash?
I don't know.
Yo, can we actually talk about this?
Three.
Three what?
It's three A's.
It's relics.
It's three A's total, not in a row.
I know.
Yeah, but you were spelling it A-A-A-K-S-H.
Ox.
Yeah, you trying to change the music?
Yo, do you remember when you were quizzing Taylor on your religion?
Yeah, ask Taylor, where am I from?
Do you know where I'm from?
What country?
What country am I from?
I don't know.
Come on.
Hold on.
What religion?
Hold on.
Don't leave it there.
Hold on.
A second.
Hold on.
A second.
Ow.
Ow, what's going on right now?
What country is Akash from?
Okay, go.
I can show you the here we go.
Go.
Okay, so originally I was going to say India.
That's right.
No, no, no.
But technically, are you American citizen?
So technically it's an American citizen.
Hey, no true question.
How am I brown?
Is what I want to know.
Taylor killed that.
Yeah, you got that right.
Okay.
Oh, I thought you were going to say something.
Recent.
Maxim, Maxim, Co.
I want you to say that so bad.
Oh, that was awesome.
She was talking to F.A.
And then F.A. was like, you think I'm white, don't you?
And she was like, you're not?
I think you kind of look white.
Yeah, F.A. could pass.
But then I was like, what country?
Do you know what country I'm on?
She's like, nah.
And what religion am I?
I mean, that's a tricky one, though.
Yeah.
Only ones on, I don't even know if that's even a real religion.
What?
None of them are real if you're a Christian.
Yo, you're killing Italian!
Yay!
Yo, you can't.
Yo, have more confidence in yourself.
They're like Slum Dog Millionaire.
It's like Slum Dog Millionaire.
It's awesome.
It's like Scroop Dog Millionaire.
It's like, goddamn Hindu.
I tell you what, cuz I love Slum Dog Millionaire.
That's a good movie.
I watch that like once a month myself.
Yo, is that Indian people?
Wait, how many other religions do y'all have?
It don't matter.
Oh, man.
Matt.
It don't matter.
It's too many.
That's like the main one, though, right?
No, Slum Dog Millionaire.
Is that like Indian People's Black Panther?
Is that your Black Pente?
Nah.
That's not a Black Panther.
Do y'all watch it like that, though?
That movie is a little divisive within the Indian company.
Is it really?
Some people feel like it only shows the bad parts of India.
I was like, I don't feel like that.
I heard that they didn't even treat the actors right afterwards.
It's like Indian matchmaking.
I don't know what that is.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Is there anything that's unanimously loved by India?
Because Matchmaker is divisive.
Slum Dog Millionaire is divisive.
What's unanimously loved by anybody except Black Panter?
Black Pente.
Black Panter is the only unanimously loved thing I can think of.
I don't know if it's unanimous.
Forrest Whitaker kind of like...
He should be like, Yeah, mass skeptical.
I know, right?
He was like...
Very suspicious.
Slumdog is where I learned India makes hot chicks.
I didn't know that before that.
Yeah.
I still wait.
Nah, you gotta admit, the lead, she was a baddie.
Frida Pinto.
Priyanka Chopra?
No, Frida Pinto.
She can't.
She was a baddie.
She didn't have a job, though, she said.
Yeah.
Wait, why not?
Because she got smoked out.
What?
What?
I heard she got ran through after that movie.
Oh, every yeah, producers and shit.
She dated the fucking main character, Deb Protel, for like years.
Oh, I heard that.
The producers smoked her out, son.
That was a wild boy, bro.
The producers smoked her out.
Everybody was smoking her out.
Yeah.
Really?
That's what the world on street is.
Slum bro.
Yo.
Are you cool with them talking about your queen like that, dog?
Son, don't talk about Frida like that, yo.
She's a baddie.
I was giving it up.
Yeah, respect.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Anyway, what were we talking about?
I'm going to take a question.
No, how did we even get here?
I don't know.
We're lost.
Oh, we're asking Taylor things, questions about me.
Oh, yeah.
She did two for two, though.
Nah, she got it.
She was just worried.
But she also said, I don't know if it's a real religion before she said Hindu.
It's not.
Yeah.
It's not.
I went to their church.
They just walk around in circles to some fucking NASCAR Saturdays.
What's Catholics doing?
They getting down, sitting down, getting up.
Sitting down, getting up.
Same shit.
We just be walking.
We be ambulatory.
That shit was like an extra.
I got to go see Nancy Pelosi, the Catholic match.
This woman would look lost.
Dog, even at your wedding, bro.
That was a lot of up-downs.
Yeah.
That's like burpees.
For Jesus.
It's Jesus' burpees.
That's why he's ripped.
Yeah, exactly, bro.
That's how Jesus got it.
We got that core strength.
Indians are more lean.
They're like walkers.
Yeah, we be walking.
You do be walking.
Remember when we went in Singapore?
Yeah, we walked around five times.
Was that real?
That was a real temple, yeah.
I mean, put on some roller skates or something.
Yeah, bro.
Make that shit roll bound.
You could literally have a Beyonce playing to be lady.
Literally, but correct me if I'm wrong.
We just walked around in circles, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that temple we just walked around.
How else are they going to stay awake?
His shit, I was almost falling asleep.
Really?
Come on, bro.
What part you were going to fall asleep when Father Ben got caught up?
You got to get Father Ben back on the pod so we can talk about his metaphor.
Father Ben gave y'all a trash metaphor, guys.
We were waiting for this shit to start tracking.
Father Ben's dope-ass dude, bro.
I spoke about him on the pod, right?
And remember, what was it exactly?
He was like, he was like, he's like, he was talking about their union.
You and your girl's union or your wife's union.
He's like, he goes, he goes, but you have to forge that union.
Right now, you're sand.
But when you come together with that strength, it's like fire.
And what does fire turn sand to?
Glass.
And everybody here was like, that shit kind of breaks.
And then he caught it.
He's like, no, but it's, of course, stronger than molting lava, like lava rock.
Technically, it's lava rock.
So you guys are a lava rock.
Man, it was like when you fuck up a punchline, you know, you'd be scrambling to think of the next funny shit.
He just went for lava.
He was like, hell, fire.
Lava.
This man improv your vows like that.
Yeah.
He was trying to write on stage like that on your vows.
He was right.
He was freestyling.
I kind of like that.
Jesus.
Slow version of like hoteping.
Yeah, exactly.
Yo.
You know what I'm saying?
It really is.
They like say one line for the Bible, then just like connect mad different shit and then run right back to it.
I look back.
Honky tap you, y'all.
I look back.
I look back as Al sitting in the way back of the church and he came an hour later.
He's sitting way back in the chat.
That's the black people section.
I found him.
I found him.
I look back after he said that shit, and Al's just going like this.
It's just him and his girl.
And Al's just like...
I fucking can't even get lost in the wedding.
Can't even get lost in it for two minutes.
You don't expect that from me.
That's true.
I got no soul, my gosh.
Okay.
I sat real close up front so shit could penetrate.
And it didn't happen.
I know I'd be in bad behavior if I was in the back.
You black panthered it.
I'm black pente.
You absorbed his lesson and threw it back on him.
Al back in the face, screw face.
Like, yeah, lucky I didn't get a out of me in the back.
That was bad close.
It's almost happened when he said the sand turns into glass.
What did you think when he was breaking that down?
I was like, yeah, lava rocks.
All right.
I was cool with it.
You know, I was getting married at the time, so I was kind of stressed.
So I was like, whatever.
You were the most calm person getting married.
Be honest.
Yeah, it was cool.
I was like, I don't know.
Getting married is kind of.
Yeah, it was cool.
It was dope.
Yeah, it was cool.
I was calm.
But yeah, I remember.
You're so happy you didn't even notice the metaphor.
Yeah, I bail out Father Ben a little bit because when you have to do the homily, you just get readings from the Bible.
What's the homily?
That's where he's freestyling.
He's the gay guys at the gym.
That's where he's freestyling.
So when he's on stage and he's like, or when he's on the altar, you can't write the homily before.
No, you can, but like, you have to do it based off what the readings are.
And you guys choose the readings.
Yeah.
So for your wedding, you get to.
Did he ask you what your reading was going to be?
Yeah.
So we gave him like three different readings you have to read.
And when did you give it to him?
Like two days before.
Okay, so he had quite a bit of time.
I mean, he's also, you know, the father for thousands of people.
He got to talk to them too.
Yeah.
He's doing all the homilies.
Nah, he pulled up like Trump to that wedding.
He could.
He was freestyling.
You guys have a great union.
It's fantastic.
This wedding is great.
Just the greatest.
Tremendous union.
It's a tremendous.
It's really the best.
What about a Hindu wedding?
Does anyone even speak?
Do they have to speak?
You wouldn't know.
Yeah, I want to know.
I wouldn't know anything.
Yeah, we all would.
Fucking pieces.
Shit.
He walked into that, dude.
Yo, what an asshole, bro.
Exactly.
Dude, what do you guys have?
Does it a lamp?
How does it?
Anger in his face.
Y'all be having the buzz cut sheep over there.
Holy top paid sheep.
No, no, for real.
How does it work?
You walk in, and are they like Prince?
No, everybody gets it.
Every religion gets it over flagrant.
You got it.
You got it.
But do you guys have a master of ceremonies?
What is it called?
When Job EMC?
We have a man.
You have a priest.
There's nothing else much funnier than Indian jokes, bro.
Nothing else funny.
Any Indian jokes.
Al is lovely.
I'm sorry.
I'm old school New York.
I'm sorry.
Alex wants me to give him a hero.
Get the fuck out of here.
He had enough.
Yo, it's taking too long.
Touch up cheeks.
Yo.
No, we don't have a lot of freestyling like that.
But is there anybody?
Do you guys have anybody?
Who do you get the wishes from?
My last wish was to get married, so I don't know after that.
I used them all up.
And then I promised him a third wish for me to set him free.
No, in all seriousness, who is the master ceremony?
Robert?
Williams or Shaq?
Will Shaq.
Not Shaq.
I'm holding him in now.
I'll hold him in there.
He's trying to not let it go because you got in his head, bro.
He's gotten his head.
It's not Shaq.
It's Kazam.
Fucking ignoramus, dude.
He can't handle this stupidity out more.
Come on, bro.
You're right, dog.
Come on.
Come on.
Get it right.
For real, though.
For real.
Yeah.
What happens?
We don't do as much freestyling.
A little bit here and there.
But who runs the show, dude?
The magic carpet.
Say just being a razor sailor.
Come on.
The magic carpet doesn't run.
Do you have him perform the wedding?
That's just how they go.
No, he's just on the side.
I think he's just there flapping corners and we just understand what he's saying.
Yeah.
In all seriousness, is there somebody who is the master of the ceremony?
There's a Hindu priest, yeah.
It's called a priest.
Pundit, yeah.
P-U-N-D-I-T.
Pundit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Did you burp?
No, no, no.
I was going to say something, but a pundit runs it.
Yeah.
And he has to be Hindu.
Yeah.
You can't do the shit like where people get married now and a homie to be efficient or something like this.
Efficient.
Yeah.
All right.
Black people don't do that either, I don't think, right?
Do they wait, what?
Black people don't do that either.
Do they have your homie get certified online and then do the yeah, yeah, they would yeah it's almost like it's almost like the gender reveals white people started it and then we kind of make it fly y'all took that shit to another level gender reveals you ain't burning down no San Francisco off that shit.
I mean that's probably the most religious dude setting San Francisco on fire.
Man, what happened?
He probably the most Christian guy San Francisco was on fire?
Yeah.
I didn't know I thought it was Armenia.
I don't know enough about what's going on over there.
Neither do I. Apparently there's a genocide?
I've been getting mad DMs from Armenians and I got to say this.
The Kardashians aren't the only fine ones.
There's some fine-ass Armenian girls out there that let me know about this genocide.
We got to keep them alive, yo.
I've got one tweet.
This is how much you know how Kanye knows shits about the Kardashians.
He has one tweet about pray for Armenia mixed in with, and we need to get our masters back.
Your wife is Armenian, bro.
Your kids are Armenian.
Man, they white.
There's a beef.
I don't know enough about it, but there's a beef between Turkey, Azerbaijan, and Armenia.
And it looks like it's escalating into some sort of war.
And obviously, you know, there's been horrible atrocities committed against the Armenian people that are not to this day acknowledged.
And they're probably very concerned that this could happen again.
FO was explaining to me that the Armenian genocide, I was like, give me Turkey side.
He's like, it was wrong.
What we did was wrong.
I was like, all right, fair enough.
Yeah.
A little tricky.
A little tricky.
I didn't mean to ruin the mood.
Yeah.
But yeah, I know.
I'm sorry.
So back to what you were saying about your stupid thing.
Well, listen, I had a lot of fun.
Wish you could have been there.
No, you don't.
Do they play music of the woods?
I use one of my three wishes too.
Yeah, that's fucked up.
You want one wish each.
Do they play music then?
No, ours is just a ceremony, so no.
But the reception, you're going to have all the music.
That's smart, though.
Are we going to be there at the reception?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you not play music because you don't want the snakes?
If all guys dick unzips his own pants, it just starts coming out.
Weird Dick Angle Discussion00:08:22
That would be so ill.
That was in Lovecat Country.
That was in what?
The show.
The show that you watched?
Not everything got to go back to black shit, Taylor.
Not everything got to go back to black shit or we listen to Rogue.
Why does Taylor think this podcast is a Migo song, bro?
It's like every few minutes, you'd be like, Love Cat, Lovecat.
What are these ad libs, yo?
Period.
Taylor's wild.
Like, the first hour, period, Taylor's in, and at the end, you just go off the radar.
Oh, my God.
I know.
Oh, my gosh.
It's right.
Speaking of snakes, can we talk about Tigers?
Yo.
Oh.
All right.
So Tiger started an OnlyFans.
This is kind of.
Okay.
That's a transition.
Okay.
That's a transition.
That's a Bruce Jenner to fucking Caitlin right there.
That's a beautiful transition.
Goddamn segue, Jack.
Okay.
Two wheels.
Real talk.
Two wheels.
Yo, Segway got bodied so bad.
Son, that was the dumbest fucking invention that ever happened.
Nah, but the motherfucker flew off the cliff on the segue and then it stopped.
Oh, is that his?
Yeah.
Why didn't he jump off his own device?
Because he was so embarrassed by his stupid ass invention.
I hate that.
Like when the Atkins guy got a heart attack.
Yeah, that's rough.
That's rough.
Remember when the Atkinson guy was like, yo, you can eat hamburgers every day and you don't gain any weight.
And then died of a heart attack.
And now we just the same shit as keto, right?
It is.
It's the same shit, basically.
Yeah.
Can't do the cheese on the burger.
That's it.
Yeah, you can.
On keto?
I don't know.
I don't know anything.
I don't know anything.
I don't know.
That could be the sub title of every podcast.
Flagrant 2 instead of no easy buckets.
I don't know anything.
I don't know anything.
I said rhinosaur earlier today.
It is what it is.
Okay.
Go on.
What were you saying?
Son, I forgot I'm gay.
We were talking about Taylor brought up Tiger's dick.
Oh, yeah.
So Tiger got a mallet.
Yeah.
Have you seen this thing?
Yeah, I saw that shit.
Bro, the thing that bothers me about it is he's holding it in the, I got a little dick position.
He's trying to like make the most of his dick.
That you could just grab.
Don't they?
I really think it's the angle.
Wait, go.
That's not the one I saw.
That's not the one.
That dude looks small.
Yeah.
That one kind of looks little.
I was going to let Taylor say it, but yeah.
Bro, what?
I saw a different one, dude.
I think it's average that best.
You saw this one.
I saw a different one.
Yeah.
What are you talking about, guys?
No, that one's totally little.
What are you talking about?
Nah, that shit is huge to me.
Yeah, let me see.
Let me see.
Oh, this is not the dick?
It is, but I think go with this angle because this one looks crazy.
I love how you're going to be able to art with watching.
And you're looking at the dick like.
Nah, nah, that motherfucker got it.
Go.
Go with that angle and put that one up.
And then make it take the whole screen.
Yeah.
But if you're pretending to have a huge dick and he don't, ain't that like exactly tip, like, that's Tiger right there in one picture.
I'm going to pretend I got a huge dick and I don't.
That's Tiger's entire life.
I can't see your tiger.
Yes.
There is some like faking, but from what I see, that motherfucking dick right there.
It's the angles.
Nah, that motherfucking dick right there.
Wow.
Who's bigger, Safaris or Tigers?
I don't know.
I got to see them next to each other.
Way.
This guy saw it.
Yo, it's like the food in the supermarket, right?
They put a little moisture on it.
It looks bigger.
Yo, is that why they do that?
Yeah, they got the perfect.
Tiger just wanted animals.
The Tari is the whole jungle.
Get out of here.
So far, he got two eeds.
That shit is so big.
Amazing.
Wait a minute.
That's a dick.
About the supermarket.
We should be taking our dick pics next to the fruits.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it looks so much more delicious with the perfect lighting and the moisture.
Oh, yeah.
You ever get catfished by the fruit?
Oh, absolutely.
You take it back to your house.
Yeah, I go, what is this shitty fruit that I bought?
It's the lighting.
It was so nice at the store when they sprayed the little spritz on it.
That's what we need to do.
Now that's the dick right there.
He has a nice head.
Yo.
Come on, Taylor.
Yeah, stop objectifying us.
I can't comment on that, but yeah, y'all looking at a dick.
We're looking at it differently.
We're looking at a dick.
I'm trying to decide how big this part of his thumb is so I can add him up to figure out the whole length.
Yeah.
Because he's just got the bottom of his thumb at the base.
I really think it's the angle.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you been fooled by a dick pic before?
By clever lighting on a dick pic, clever angles?
Not like that.
All right, take that shit down.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
See if you can send me that on my phone.
Yo, he took down Kylie with that shit.
Yeah.
It's not that big.
Ray J took down Kim with that shit.
This microphone is bigger than Tiger's.
No, it's not.
Look at this thickness.
Look at the thickness of this mic.
Thickness, maybe, but we're talking about length, distance.
This is the same.
Nah.
What do you tailor?
How tall are you?
You can't take that.
It's like Ken.
Nah, chill out.
I'm all going to get hurt.
You're going to get hurt.
That's going to be in your lungs.
I prefer him this size.
No way.
You take a dick that big, you have Forrest Whitaker's eyes.
That shit gonna hit you right in your socket.
Real talk.
It's gonna hit you right in your socket.
You need to be careful.
This is actually a really nice size.
Uh-uh.
No.
Stop stroking it.
That's borderline.
That's wild, though.
Brutality, yo.
Yo, she's just touching the top of it.
Chill out.
Black Lives Matter, yours included.
Stop putting them big old fucking dicks in you.
That's crazy.
That's really crazy, Taylor.
You're making me feel uncomfortable.
Next topic.
Oh, my God.
What else we got, yo?
Weinstein's still catching bodies.
Yeah.
Yo, Weinstein, more women have come out to say that he assaulted them or raped them or whatever.
Yeah, you late, bitch.
Yo.
You late, bitch.
What's going on with this?
Been there and done that, bitch.
Give us a new guy.
Yo, but what is the thinking with this?
Do you think?
Are you going to add more years to his life sentence that he's going to get?
But why come out now?
I mean, he's in jail now, right?
Well, he's going to go to trial.
But why do you think come out now?
Jimmy is cathartic in some way.
Is it possible to move it?
Oh, so they're like, I need to get in on that cheddar.
Maybe.
And if you saw Weinstein's dick, you're entitled to money.
And again, I'm not saying these are.
That's violating.
Do we have a picture of his dick?
No.
I don't think we want to see it, to be honest.
It looks like it.
It felt like he's born with Hercules almost.
Nah, there's some wild shit about his dick.
I forget what it was, but there was some wild shit about his dick.
No, it was Epstein's.
It looked like an egg.
The old egg dick.
Nah, there's some wild shit about Weinstein's, too.
I don't remember what it was, but yeah, it's like these motherfuckers are wild dicks or some rapists, bro.
And that kind of makes sense.
I'm just thinking nobody would want to consensually fuck me because I have this disgusting dick.
But is that how dick works?
Keep going.
Keep going.
I'm listening, Mark.
I'm listening.
Mark, keep going.
Not even weird to me.
If you have a dick that's weird and you're hooking up with a girl and she comes back consensually, everyone's happy.
You take your dick out and it looks weird.
Is she just going to leave?
Yeah, I would assume so.
I mean, if you're going to dick work, hypothetically speaking, let's just say you go down on a girl, right?
And pussy looks crazy.
Like what?
Like she stands up and it kind of unfolds like a beach chair.
Okay.
Okay.
What would you do?
A sleeping bag that unwraps yourself?
Unwraps completely.
It pops open like an umbrella inside.
Whoa.
Like a velociraptor that's yelling at you?
Like a velociraptor.
That's yelling at you.
What?
What?
Newman, I don't know.
Like, out of respect, I'd be like, I will.
We'll just get it done.
Yeah, I would say I have like a tonsil issue and I can't go down.
Son, even if you pulled out, he got caught in the fucking webs and then slid back into where Hajin was.
I mean, he has to be a little bit more.
So you can still beat it up, though.
He got a little Forest Whitaker.
Yeah, you could still beat it up.
You could still beat it up.
Absolutely.
You still, and I would.
100%.
That's what I'm saying.
If I'm at that point, I'm going to cross the finish line.
I just, I truly don't think I would have the courage to be like, nah, I have to leave.
Like, what?
Because you would be so concerned that it would make that person feel like you're destroy their.
They're at your place.
You have to kick them out.
You'd be like, sorry, you just have to go home now.
What if they showed you their pussy?
What if they showed you their pussy?
What?
You wouldn't?
Yeah.
Have you ever done that?
Yeah.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Explain what's going on here.
You saw the deformed.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Girl Shows Deformed Vagina00:02:46
A girl showed you her vagina.
So not look, but it smelled a little funky.
And I was like, that's different.
No, that's a deformity.
No, we didn't say, we didn't say once deform all the time.
So we didn't say once these dicks smells.
We said it looked weird.
Yes.
Purely off the physicality.
You would reject a woman?
No, that's not.
No, you wouldn't.
You probably turned it around from the back and hit it.
Nah, there was one time I was with a chick and her vagina kind of felt like an asshole.
It was weird because it was just tight right at the beginning.
And then it opened up in the middle.
Yeah.
It was weird.
And yeah, I stopped fucking and that's it.
Yeah.
I was in that same situation, but I did not stop fucking at all.
I stopped.
Finished.
Nah, it was too weird.
It was like tight and then nothing.
It was tight at the brim.
Yes.
And then you opened up.
Yeah, it's like a quarter water.
You never fucked a quarter water?
No.
I have it.
All right, dude, whatever.
Respect.
He's going to put on hairs over here.
You put on airs.
I can't believe you never lubed up a quarter water.
Ah, man, I didn't.
Okay.
Come on, Al.
I thought you were my cinnamon apple, dude.
What's a quarter water?
Oh, you're too young for quarter water.
You know what I'm talking about?
25 cent gum?
Huh?
You never got a 25 cent pack of gum either.
Oh, you said gum.
What about 50 cents sodas?
That's what you do in the quarter water.
You know, 50 cents sodas?
No.
I know.
How, bro?
I could use context clues to put together money at night.
Nah, he was asking if you remember.
Because we've become like eyes wrong right now.
I'm like, what could it be?
How much was that in God?
How much is Arizona?
Oh.
A dollar.
25 B.
No.
Saved it.
No, you was right.
No, it was actually a dollar.
99 cents.
So you're wrong.
It was 99 cents, fam.
Oh, yeah.
But nobody's taxed.
What is it?
99 cents.
Two gallons of nice tea.
What is tax?
You could get two gallons of ice.
What is tax, bro?
That's 125.
Come on, Doug.
25?
I know.
Where are you living?
Yeah.
It's got a 99 cent.
Yo, you ever go to a bodego where they charge more for the Arizona?
I'll walk out.
But no, no.
It's on the label.
Oh, yeah, bro.
My bodego is just lying about stuff.
Dude, it's hilarious.
I remember I went to a bodego once.
I got the Arizona.
I put on the table.
He was like $1.25.
I go, it says 99 cents on the cam.
You have the MSRP on there.
I think they just tried out with white people.
That's never what's happening.
100%.
That's the thing.
It's tough being white, bro.
Yeah.
They profile it.
You get taxed.
You get taxed for 25%.
You can't sit at the boil.
It's awful.
Yes.
We're struggling.
I want to go back to this other, this whole football pussy thing.
Also, what's up with his deformed penis?
Oh, it's like scarring.
It's like, it looks like it was burnt.
Bodega Price Tag Confusion00:15:35
But like, it's black.
Damn, bro.
You got that Michael Jackson Peppy.
Probably like the Michael Jackson situation.
Oh, okay.
Damn, bro.
Anywho.
Yeah.
All right.
Taylor, what was your question?
And then we're going to.
What is a football pussy?
It's just tighter at the brim, and then it kind of opens up in the middle like a place.
So, there's no walls in the middle.
There are walls.
You just got to go poke for them side to side.
Yeah.
That's how I got off.
I just went for a wall, rubbed my dick up against the wall.
You're like playing Pong.
You know what it was like?
Honestly, because I didn't use the other wall.
It was like Andy Dufran escaping from Shawshank.
And I was just carving away at that one wall.
Wood chip.
Wood chipping.
I was wood chip.
I didn't even touch the left wall.
Well, maybe that's what happened.
Maybe that's why I heard Johnny.
Dude, I think Tygo's in there.
Maybe Safari.
Maybe both.
Yeah, they just opened that thing up.
Yeah, exactly.
These poor people.
It's like Berlin, dude.
These big old black dicks destroying them.
Yeah, we got to acknowledge that.
We might have to.
What?
What's going on?
Hold on.
It's okay.
Taylor, collect yourself.
We're going to move on.
Okay.
We're going to move on.
You think about football pussies.
We're going to move on.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break.
We got to win some money.
Simple as that.
I know we're gambling.
Okay.
I know you saw what Jimmy Butler did.
I know a lot of motherfuckers made some money off a stupid bet off Jimmy.
I know that.
And if you got more bets, what you're going to do is you're going to make them at mybookie.ag.
That's right.
It's dot AG.
Mybookie.ag.
Okay.
This is what you're going to do.
You're going to sign up.
You're going to put some money in, and they're going to match it.
That's free money.
That's a lot of free that we're giving you on this show.
That's a lot of value.
Mybookie.ag.
You sign up.
They will match that amount.
You gamble with all that.
And they're going to give you a $10 NBA future bet.
Shit.
All that.
All you got to do is go to mybookie.ag and use our promo code flagrant.
That's all you got to do to get all that free shit.
Stop listening to what I'm doing.
Matter of fact, finish the episode.
But after the episode, you go to mybookie.ag, okay?
Use that promo code flagrant, get that free money, and win you some.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second, man.
Keep these dicks hard.
Yes, sir.
Fast forward.
We haven't said fast forward a minute.
Matter of fact, we're going to bring back fast forward.
Look, you already know what time it is if you listen to this podcast, Blue Chew.
Simple as that.
You want the hardest dick, you want to service your girl the way that you should.
Matter of fact, the way that she deserves the way that she deserves.
You keep listening to this podcast, you're going to hear dick size expectations like you've never heard by Taylor.
Okay.
And it's going to make you want to get that Blue Chew immediately because Al said it made his dick grow a quarter inch.
It did.
A quarter an inch, a whole quarter an inch.
Or as Taylor would say, absolutely zero difference when some say size.
That's like facing off the muffin.
Or as I would say, a huge difference.
Yeah, double the difference.
Double difference is big, okay?
Point is blue chew, same act of ingredient that's in Seattle's Viagra.
I'm telling you, this is the guaranteed night of your girl's life.
You're going to deliver that.
Ladies, if you're listening right now, you deserve it.
You deserve it.
Isn't there a song?
You deserve it.
No?
I know you worth it.
I don't know.
Okay, maybe the weekend.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Which is when you need Blue Chew.
The weekend.
Hey.
Mark, saved that, yo.
Mark saved that.
Thanks, homie.
Point is, y'all can save your relationship.
Blow your girls back out.
Then she can't leave.
But she'll leave Monday.
Point is, you get that blue chew, you handle your business.
Okay, bluechew.com, use a promo code flagrant.
All right, you're going to get it for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping, bluechew.com, promo code flagrant, hardest dicks in the world.
Free with $5 shipping?
That's a no-brainer.
Let's get back to the show.
I want to talk about SNL a little bit because have you guys noticed a lot of comics shitting all over SNL on Twitter?
Yeah.
This has been going on for a while.
Yeah.
I admittedly do not watch SNL.
I honestly forget it's on.
It could be Saturday night and you'll say, what's on TV?
And I'll be like, son, I don't know.
Yeah.
Especially with playoffs.
There's like fights going on.
There's a lot of other stuff going on.
To be fair, Chris Rock was on this week.
It's a good show to watch with your family.
Interesting.
I was with the family.
It's like, hey, what do we watch?
It's like, that's an easy go-to.
You got parents that understand the references.
I do not.
Ah, okay.
But that is interesting.
You can watch with the whole family.
You don't have to worry about it being too offensive.
That's crazy, though, because when we were kids, it was on at midnight or whatever, specifically because they said crazy shit.
So you're saying it changed?
Yeah.
Okay.
So basically what happened is I'm seeing a lot of activity on Twitter of comics just shitting on SNL.
And this has been like the last, I would say a few years.
Yeah.
But it's getting more and more popular.
And I'm concerned SNL is going through like a Dane Cook phase where it's becoming cool to dislike.
Like Dane Cook was the biggest thing in the entire world.
Yep.
And did Mass and Square Garden.
And then he kind of like jumped the shark, if you will.
You remember that?
Yeah.
He got too big.
He got like too big or something like that.
And Louis accused him of stealing a joke.
And isn't it funny that Louis made an accusation that doesn't really seem true and ruined somebody's career.
Oh.
And now isn't doing an entire special about how fucked up it is that people can just make accusations and everybody believes it.
And they elevate their profile as accusers and the accused can't defend himself at all.
Oh my God.
I just put that together this moment, but that shit make a lot of sense.
That was really good that you did that.
Son, I'll be doing it sometime.
Like Father Ben right there, bro.
Yeah, bro.
Listen up, Father Ben.
That's how it's done.
Bro, son, house of glass, Louis C.K. You know what I mean?
Don't throw stones.
Whoa.
Or jerk off on the windows.
Ooh.
That's Louis.
So much harder to jerk off in your house of glass, though.
Yeah.
Everybody just looking at you?
Nah, he wanted that glass house, though.
I built his house of all the windows.
Floor to ceilings.
Yo, free Louis C.K., man.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
Just free him.
His album's free now?
I'm just giving that shit away.
Free Louis, man.
He gave me a compliment once.
Yo, I didn't see him laughing at your family.
I got complimented post allegation.
Pre-allegation, Louis ain't touching you, son.
Yeah, he might not touch me.
Post, he got to be humbled a little bit.
Post, he gonna force you to listen to his compliments.
Yeah.
You're gonna get these compliments.
Interesting.
This is all I can force you to do now.
Interesting.
The door of the green room locks.
Hey, man.
Can I just tell you about how funny that joke was?
Just felt so good to listen to.
Poor Louie.
Nah, free Louis, man.
But I didn't like the way he did the Dane shit.
I didn't like the way he handled that.
Fair enough.
And I didn't like Dane from jump before.
I was just like, I just don't get it.
Yeah.
Maybe I wasn't white, so I was like, I just don't get what the big fucking deal is.
Do you even remember the joke?
I don't remember the joke.
No, I don't.
Isn't that funny?
We remember the allegation.
We don't remember the joke.
Yeah.
This was tough.
I mean, if you watch Carlos Mencia and the joke he was.
Blay and thief.
Blay and thief.
Blatant.
Blay and thief.
Blay and thief.
Even beyond the fence building joke that I think wasn't.
It's a very good thing.
A lot of people have come up with that joke.
And a lot of other comics have done it.
But Blay and Thief mentioned it.
I will say this about Dane.
I mean, as far as I was concerned, he put out a lot of comedy.
Yeah.
And I didn't hear that any allegations besides Louis.
No.
Right?
I think there was very minimal.
I think Dane was a weird guy, probably unlikable.
Yeah, but I don't know if he was stealing.
Yeah.
You know, and the jokes weren't, and this is not to like knock Dane, but like the jokes weren't so like sophisticated that like you would have to need to steal because he doesn't rely on his material.
Exactly.
He's about his charming performer.
He's such a performer that he could go deliver.
Anyway, okay, so I want to talk about SNL.
Yeah.
So SNL comes out.
Everybody is shitting on this week's episode of SNL.
And all these comics are shitting on this week's episode of SNL.
And they're really, they're coming hard on SNL.
I mean, it's saying like the writing is trash.
We have friends that all work at SNL that I know for a fact are hilarious.
I think Sam J is legit, maybe female.
Sam Jay is so funny.
Michael Che, hilarious.
Chris Red, hilarious.
Colin Joes, hilarious.
Pete Davidson, when he was doing stand-up, I'm not sure he's doing it anymore, but he was very, very funny.
He's a star dog.
Very, very funny.
We're just talking about stand-up.
Yeah.
We're not talking about it.
Pizza Stand-up.
I know you love him.
Yeah.
Okay.
Put up that.
You got a tiger picture of Pete Davis.
So the question is always, how do you have such funny people and then create a show that, for whatever reason, people seem to see to say it's not that funny.
I don't watch it.
Again, but Al, you saw this week?
Yeah.
I thought it was completely trash.
Really?
I didn't laugh at all.
All the sketches, bad.
All the sketches are bad.
I was really disappointed in Chris Rock.
Chris Rock bombed.
Yeah, because that's why I watch it.
So Chris Rock, he did his opening monologue.
He tried for a joke or two in the beginning, and then the rest was just like...
Thoughtful shit?
Yeah, thoughtful shit about the state of the country.
It was going to be a lot of fun.
It wasn't even provoking.
At least when Chappelle did it, it was like...
Chris Rock has no idea.
But you don't have to compare them.
That's the tricky thing.
And I understand what you're doing, but like, and we're going to do it naturally.
Like, we're always going to compare LeBron to Jordan because there's no one else to compare him to.
And I think that is like the trouble of being Chris Rock in the era of Chappelle is no matter what you do, you're going to get compared to the GOAT.
Yeah, but I mean, if you try to open up Saturday Night Live without stand-up, like the only other person I knew who did that was Chappelle.
And even then, I'm just like, what are we doing here?
Like, I understand you're trying to make a statement, but like, this is Saturday Night Live.
It is a comedy show due to comedy.
No one is better in the world at doing comedy on serious topics than Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle for that matter.
Like, that's their gift.
They could take the most serious, harsh concept and then find some little gem of funny in it.
And I guess you're saying it's a disappointment that you didn't get to see.
And Chappelle will also reward you where he builds up the tension for so long and then something hits and then it just gets you because you're got the tension building up.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
Rock isn't stylistically like that.
Yeah, he's going to be more traditional setup.
Yeah.
And then even with the skits, I was expecting him to, you know, since he started on SNL, I thought he would just find that funny again.
And like, it was the whole time, it looked like he was just reading off the, you know, teleprompter and he's never seen those words before.
Yeah.
Yeah, I get, it's a bummer to me, man, because, and this is why I love the fact that like we have the ability to put our own stand-up out.
Like I love that Sam put her special out.
It's on Netflix.
I think it's called 3 a.m. or something like that.
Yeah.
And you go check it out.
But it's like Che, you can see his stand-up.
He's funny, too.
He's great.
Chris Red, I'm sure he has stuff out.
But like the beauty of you putting your stand-up out is you get to show how funny you are when it's all on you.
Right?
Before you putting your own stand-up out clips, whatever it is, your own special doesn't matter.
You were as funny as the show you worked for.
You see what I'm saying?
So if you worked on SNL and that's the only time they could see you in sketches, people are like, oh yeah, I guess he's kind of funny.
I mean, I see his sketches or I see weekend update and I guess he's okay.
But then when you see Che's stand-up stand-up, you're like, oh, this is a hilarious dude.
And then NBC creates a filter that doesn't allow certain jokes in.
And those jokes may be the ones that we find funniest.
And I'm wondering when SNL is going to, or NBC, whatever it is, is going to learn that the attitude towards comedy has changed and they're going to need to change the restrictions that they have to meet that attitude.
Because it seems like, I mean, I have yet to see someone who's like, yo, man, SNL was fucking hysterical.
I loved it.
It was the most amazing thing ever.
And when you're not getting any of that, there's a problem, especially when you have people that we all know are talented.
It'd be one thing if there was no talented writers creating shitty comedy that you expect.
But when you have talented writers that when left to their own devices, have really successful shit.
And when they're all together and they're on this one platform and everybody's like, yo, this is doo-doo, that's the platform, bro.
And maybe it's up to Lauren.
You know what it's like?
Maybe Lauren is, maybe Lauren lost it, bro.
You know what it's like?
Maybe he got too old, man.
Maybe Lauren Michaels, who's the guy who runs SNL, maybe it's time to pass it off.
Oh, yeah, I think for a decade plus, it's been like that.
I don't know.
Again, I don't watch it.
I'm just saying, based on the material that based on the reaction to the material, he might still think that that is what is right.
And we always trust our own tastes, especially when you're a tastemaker like him that made all these stars.
You're like, no, I know what's funny.
But sometimes you can get a little old.
Game passes everybody by.
The game is passing Chris Rockbottle.
I was about to say, I want to get back to that, but like, what did we say about Phil Jackson?
Oh, yeah.
Phil Jackson was the man, the guy, could take superstar egos and get them to buy into a system.
Had literally an offense that was system only.
And it was about having no ego and sacrificing and playing as a team.
And he was able to not only see talent, but get the most out of that talent.
And the game passed him by.
And I wonder if Lorne.
Lauren is Phil.
You're the GOAT.
You're the GOAT.
You're just old now.
But maybe you're still trying to put up the triangle, bro.
You're still trying to run triangle offense.
And everybody else is like, yo, we don't do that anymore.
We got centers to shoot Dorothy.
Tom Michaels is your mom's age.
It probably, he probably just learned how to double-click last week.
Let these motherfuckers shoot.
No, you don't get, let these motherfuckers shoot.
Yeah, I was going to bring up two points.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
What were you going to say?
No, it's just weird for me to listen to because SNL was never a part of my generation.
Yeah.
For us, it was a fucking thing.
It's weird to hear people be like, yo, SNL fell off because to me, it's like, I never, I had friends that watched SNL.
I never watched SNL.
Yeah.
It was never a part of like my dynamic.
I'll be honest with you, I didn't have that relationship either with it.
And my dad worked at NBC, not in comedy and news.
So like he came up, he would see these people in like whatever, Rockefeller, whatever it is, 40 rock versus 30 rock or whatever.
But 30.
30 old ass rock.
No, oh shit.
That's my SNL trash, yo.
Damn.
But that shit had 3,000 Rockefellers.
That'd be all sashes.
So, but point is, is like, I didn't really grow up watching it either, culturally.
So I never like, I don't know, kind of like, I don't have this emotional reaction that some people have to it.
I did.
You did.
Yeah.
So you've witnessed it.
I was old enough to go out late on Saturdays.
That would be like the little family Saturday night situation.
And does it hold up with your family still?
Or do you think?
Nah, we were all looking at it like that was trash.
Really?
You know what SNL is like with the talented people?
It's exactly what we talked about last week, where like a football player, like a quarterback gets drafted to a trash system.
You just know he's not going to be good.
Baker Mayfield might be good all that.
He balled out.
But he had balled out yesterday.
Yesterday, actually, the Cowboys lost and all that, but he didn't play.
He was like, I was looking at him like, yo, you're better than this.
The running game was incredible.
But now they might be okay.
He had like what, three or four touchdowns?
He did, but he had like 170 yards and like five yards in attempt or something.
But anyway, point is a good player can get drafted to a trash organization and you know this their career is over.
Now, luckily with stand-ups, you can put out your own content now.
That's different.
But SNL, the system is trash.
You got to blame the system now.
And I was going to say one thing about all the tweets, I think a lot of the tweets are comics being like, yo, I want that spot.
So let's get other people out of there.
But it could be good for SNL because from what I understood, for a large part, they were very happy with what they were doing the last 10 years because critics liked it and that's all they listened to.
Twitter seemed to like it because Twitter was liberal and that's all they listened to.
Now that Twitter is trashing it, they might be forced to confront the fact that our show isn't what it could be.
The thing that I've realized is like that the internet kind of exposed is the uselessness of critics.
SNL System Is Trash00:15:33
Like the critics were involved in this system that this antiquated system now, but basically what the critics would do is reward the shows that propagated the system.
Yeah.
Right.
So HBO has a new show that comes out.
The critics are going to go, okay, this is a really good show and we're going to make that the new thing.
And it'll win all the Emmys.
And they're going to win all the Emmys, even though nobody watched it.
And that works until we have the freedom to watch whatever we want.
Yeah.
You know, when we were relegated to just watching TV, we're like, all right, I guess I'm going to watch what the critics say.
Yeah.
Because that's, I guess, the only thing that's hot right now.
But when I have the choice to turn on YouTube and watch whatever I want, or even Netflix or stream, whatever the fuck it is, when I have a million different options, you'd think that the critics' voices would be louder.
But unfortunately, they haven't come on board with the new generation.
Well, that's another difference.
Is before the audience didn't really have a voice.
Now, as annoying as Twitter and YouTube comments can be, the audience has a voice.
They can make themselves heard at every turn.
I think I figured out what the critic thing is.
Back when TV was appointment viewing, a critic had value because I was going to schedule my night around their critique.
You say that this show is fire.
I'm 9 o'clock.
I'm going to make sure I'm done with dinner at 9 so that I can watch that show.
We are playing to sit down and watch it.
Now that everything is streamed and I can watch it whenever I want, I don't need you to tell me if it's good or not.
I literally just watch it at my leisure.
And the investment is so little that even if you trash it, I'm going to still give it a shot.
My friend said it's pretty good.
And I think that's what was so terrifying when that Will Smith movie came on Netflix and where all the critics unanimously trashed it.
Their job was not to review a movie.
Their job was to motivate you to put clothes on, leave your house and go to the movie theater.
Now that they don't have to motivate you to get out of your house, bright, yeah.
Now they don't have to motivate you to leave your house and go to the movie theater, that you can literally just press play in your underwear Sunday morning.
I don't need you to tell me if the movie's good or not.
Will Smith is in it.
I'll give it five minutes.
Yeah.
And if it's trending on Twitter, there's a critical voice, but if it's trending on Twitter and the comments are, it's hot.
Every time we go eat.
That's the loudest critic.
Every time we go, I stole this from you, Mark.
But every time we would go eat, remember on the road, Mark always asked the waiter, he goes, what's the most ordered item on the menu?
Now I get the same thing.
Every time I go ask, and I go, why you always ask that?
He goes, oh, crowd wisdom.
I go, what you mean?
He goes, it's always right.
And he's got a point.
If it's some fire shit, here, you break down the argument.
What was the reason why?
Yeah, no, basically that.
Like that crowd wisdom, like there's like these little like experiment shits.
Akaj is rolling his eyes.
No, it's going to be long.
I'm not going to keep it long with it.
No, no, no.
I swear I would go.
So basically like, if you have a group of people and you have a bunch of coins in a jar and you ask all the people, hey, how many coins are in the jar?
They're going to be able to, no individual person will be able to guess as close as the average.
But the average is always going to be there.
The average is always the closest thing.
So you apply that to food or whatever.
Anything.
Yeah, whatever the crowd consensus is on something.
I'm like, yeah, it's probably what I like.
I mean, think about it.
If you're a waiter and you realize that over the thousands of people that come to that restaurant, they all get the shrimp poppers or whatever the fuck it is.
It's probably the thing you need to get.
That's a great thing.
And it will never fail you.
Literally, never fail you.
And I didn't even realize I used to do that before Mark.
Man, let him have the fucking homemade.
I did it in a different way because I just hated going through the menus.
I would just like pull up seamless or Yelp or one of those things and just look at it.
What do they say?
But they would just say like the, oh, these are the most popular dishes and I'll always get one of those.
I want to make a little point about this, right?
Sometimes what I would do before, and this is dumb, is you ask the waiter their favorite item.
Yes, and that's what I do and it's stupid.
And why is it stupid?
Because sometimes they're just trying to get some shit out of the restaurant out of the kitchen.
That's one.
Two, which is like they want to upsell you.
That's what you're trying to say, right?
They're going to say they're most expensive.
Or they just got some like, we got extra food.
You got to get rid of this fish.
Two, right?
Three, their wisdom is not the crowd wisdom.
They could really like the steak, but everybody in the restaurant, not the majority of the people that go to the restaurant might be like, yo, the chicken is way better than the steak.
And when you eat there every day, you start to get tired of the thing that's most popular that you would love the first time you went in there.
Critics are waiters.
And some of them are really good waiters.
Meaning they're able to pinpoint something and say it's absolutely delicious and we trust them at some piece of content, if you will, right?
But the crowd?
Crowd wisdom.
The crowd is right?
Do you ever do that with like videos on like Facebook or something?
Like Instagram, if it's got like a ton of views.
Yep.
If it's got like three four million views.
Like it must be all right.
Got time.
I'll watch a three-minute video if it's got five million views.
Yep.
If it's got like 10,000 views, you got five-minute video.
It's like, oh, 10 seconds of my time.
You better deliver.
Yeah, I think we do with everything.
I think that's why they put the views on there.
Yeah, exactly.
It's an incentive.
Yeah.
And you notice, sorry to cudgel, but you notice, even with our shit that we put out, is once it cracks a certain number, it's actually easier to rack up views.
Like if we hit like 1 million in a week, that's what viral is.
Yeah, 100%.
But like, you would think that there's an immediate viral sensation.
But it also tracks faster than the other stuff for that reason.
It's confirmed.
What were you saying, Taylor?
Well, based on the food thing, how do you know the waiter's not just lying to you, though?
That's why you don't trust the waiter.
But who you asking about?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What's the crowd take?
How do you know he's just going to put in his own favorite?
Yeah, it's true.
But if he says some shit with like mushrooms in it, you know, he's lying.
Yeah.
Mark hates mushrooms.
Wait, what?
Because they look like Tigers Den that Portobello.
My man had the portobello.
That sounds like you're eating your own uncircumcised dick.
Yeah, exactly.
No, mushrooms are circled.
What?
Mushrooms are circed.
That's why they don't like them.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the hate.
Yeah.
It's a grossest.
Jealous.
Not jealous.
I don't care about mushrooms.
They're not bigger than me or whatever.
You think I care about mushrooms?
No.
I just think it's the grossest food.
Right, right, right.
Point is, if we're bringing this back to SNL or just critics in general, right?
Is when you have a couple people hating on SNL, might be the same thing as a waiter saying, I don't like a dish.
But when it feels like your Twitter is consumed by it, and I'm not talking about comics, I'm talking about like sports people I know.
I'm not going to name names, but when I see people that have nothing to do with stand-up shitting on SNL openly, I'm like, oh, something's missing here.
This is not hater bitter ass comics only.
This is the American population going, hey, this isn't up to par with what we want.
And the only thing that I can say is they have talented motherfucking people there.
Somebody is putting a wrench in the system.
Yeah.
It's not the comics.
Let them fucking cook.
I think that's the only way to save it, man.
Do you think it's possible to just like, I think I brought this up before, just the nature of the show?
Like, you have a live show, people are doing a live sketch.
It's just antiquated.
It's just not interesting to watch a play on TV.
Yeah, going that, like, that's that's interesting because I watched Hamilton last night.
Oh, they do, it's live and it was live.
And it was sensational.
Granted, Hamilton is a play for three hours.
It's probably been worked out for a year before they get it to this level.
I mean, it was unbelievable.
Music, choreography, dance, et cetera.
These people are writing an hour and a half show in one week.
We write five minutes in one week and it takes us an insane amount of time.
That being said, there's more punchlines in our five minutes than in any monologue in history.
Right.
But if we're doing, if I'm looking at it like that, maybe you're right.
Maybe it's just antiquated, man.
Maybe it's just not what we want to see anymore.
Maybe they're better off having a season and like doing, what is it?
I don't know, 20 episodes throughout the year.
They do have a season, I think.
Yeah.
I don't think they're year-round.
So maybe it's better to like write in the offseason and just deliver.
But a lot of their stuff is topical.
Yeah, they got to be topical.
So maybe you do sketches that aren't topical and then you just make the topically update.
Yeah, weekend update.
Yeah, just do a weekend update or just do one or two topical sketches.
You don't have to do all of them.
It's a lot of pressure to fill an hour and a half a time.
Oh, 100%.
The offseason is where you should do the orc.
Yeah, maybe.
Anyway.
Is anybody happier about this than Shane Gillis?
Shane's celebrating.
Shane loving it, yo.
Shane's loving Twitter, man.
Shout out to Shane, man.
He's on the road.
Go check out Shane, dude.
Well, yeah, talking about something antiquated.
I think movie theaters might be dead.
Yeah, this is crazy.
You heard about that?
Break down the story, Al.
All right.
So there was supposed to be a James Bond movie coming out, and that was supposed to basically save the movie theaters because they've been suffering.
And the yes, it's something about now is not the time to die or something.
They're all like any general.
They all established it.
Yeah, you can love tomorrow.
So this one they pushed this.
They got the Wu-Tang name generator.
They got to have a bond name generator.
Every single one.
Go, go.
They pushed this one back to 2021 because the studio felt they weren't going to make money and they weren't going to recoup.
And movie theaters were hoping on this.
They were hoping for a nice big weekend to give them a nice little stimulus.
And now they closed a bunch of Regals and Cineworld in UK.
And you're saying that they're probably going to be closed forever?
Yeah, I think it's an estimate of like 85, no, 85,000 employees.
Is I don't think so.
Are movies done, y'all?
No, I mean that.
Like, are they going to the movies?
Is that done?
No.
You don't think so?
No.
Why not?
I think people still want to gather around.
Like, once the project is done, dude, people are, this shit's open.
I think it's going to be like stand-up, where there's a market for it, but it's much more niche than it ever was.
Wouldn't you say the opposite is happening now with stand-up?
Like, Stamp's the biggest it's ever been.
No, but going to stand-up comedy clubs is still kind of like, it's not a super mainstream thing.
Like, most of the people you know probably, well, maybe you, we're different because we know people who come to our shows.
Yeah, yeah.
But I don't think the average person is like, oh, I love going to stand-up shows the way we used to love going to movies.
Like some people would go everywhere.
Stand-up's never been as big as movies.
Yes.
So it's kind of a more niche thing.
In the 80s, it was pretty mainstream.
And like everybody's going to shows from what I understand all the time.
Comedy clubs popping up everywhere.
We're not opening a ton of comedy clubs.
But now it's bigger than the 80s.
It's bigger because we're watching it at home.
Going to the club.
No, going to comedy clubs.
Now the boom is bigger.
You think there's more people going?
That's from what I've heard.
I didn't know there was comedy clubs popping up like that.
I still see comedy clubs struggling.
Right, right.
I think Hollywood's going to be affected.
I think Hollywood's going to have a thinning out because they have like these inflated budgets and like million dollar movies and shit like that.
But now Netflix showed them, hey, you can make low-budget movies and make them still good and people are going to watch it.
And so now I think like a lot of the people who, hey, I hold this one little thing, but I need to get paid a trade union and all that shit.
I think it's going to start getting trimmed down.
That's interesting that you say that about the trimming of Hollywood because maybe the same thing happens to Hollywood happen to music.
You know, where like music was monetized, obviously, by selling albums.
Then they stopped being able to sell albums and they're like, now we just got to stream.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but like the record companies have found a way to like game the streaming side of the business or no?
Is everybody making way less money?
Nah, they found a way to make money and just pay artists less.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Yeah.
So maybe that's what happens with movies.
I mean, like the days of paying a star $20 million for a movie, I think are done.
Yeah.
I know, dude.
Like my suspicion is that the way that like Hollywood set up financially, they still want to make the most money on each movie.
They want to make the biggest amount, even if that means fronting more money.
So ultimately, if you're able to make someone spend $15, $20 in a movie theater, I think they're going to take that versus like a streaming.
So, but here's my question, right?
If you have a $200 million budget for a movie, the only way that you can make that back, not the only way, but the way that you make that back most effectively is if there's some sort of like financial barrier to entry, right?
And that means literally going into the movie theater, paying the ticket.
Right.
Anything online, this next generation, your generation specifically, y'all know how to get it off of, what is it called?
Right, exactly.
Like Torrents.
Torrents and all this other stuff.
Like you can watch the movie the same day it comes out, sometimes before that.
So there's no way that that old system of paying to go to the movies is going to be sustainable.
But I think the theaters in the movie studios are just going to say it's only in theaters.
There's the only place you can see it.
If you want to see it, you have to get in your car.
You got to come here.
You got to spend 15 bucks.
And that's the only way.
Because I'm even looking at the budgets that Netflix is paying for their most expensive shows.
Used to do.
A movie comes out.
It's only in theaters.
Yeah, exactly.
That's my point.
I think it's just going to go back to the way that it was like 10 months ago.
And I'm even looking like Netflix's most expensive show they ever paid for was $130 million a season for The Crown.
And so I'm even thinking like those like multi like $100, $100 million movies, I don't know if they can sustain on a streaming platform.
They can't.
They can't.
And so my thinking is that there's still money to be made there.
And I think they can still get people to go out.
But besides that, people like going to the movie just because it's a bigger screen.
And then for me, I go to like the movie theaters that you get behind Cedars and like different, not just popcorn.
That's what I think.
Yo, hold up.
If we can fly, if we can go inside to restaurants, why can't we go to a movie theater?
Exactly.
There's giant ceilings where there's so much room for it.
I think in Florida, they're fully open.
Really?
Everything's open.
So it's one, it's state by state.
Like New York, for example, I believe most theaters are either closed or like 25% capacity max.
And like restaurants, for example, they have like all these crazy rules.
They have to have like HVAC systems in there now if they want to have like more than 25% capacity.
So they could funnel the air.
So it's like if movie theaters don't have that, it's like, I would, I would suspect it's the same like restrictions.
But why don't they just open up the movie theaters and have the reclining seats?
Cause it's already space.
And then just clean them in between each one.
I think some movies, I think in Jersey, I was seeing a movie theater that was open.
Because I really want to see that Christopher Nolan shit.
Yeah.
Tendon?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I really want to see that.
But you can't see it anywhere.
Everything's closed in the fucking city.
But I think movie theaters are going to go to this system where the movie is an elevated experience at the theater.
It's like you get food, you got reclining seats.
What's the one you always go to?
I pick.
I think movie theaters are going to become that kind of thing.
Yeah, that'd be better.
I think the thing where we're all crammed in sitting next to each other and just shoving drinks into drink holders and that popcorn and the goober's is all you get.
I think that's done.
And socially distance.
You think forever?
Like, I'm talking like 10 years.
I think it's done.
Honestly, bro, it might be, man.
I don't think so.
What do you mean?
They're crammed in together.
They're just out so much.
You don't think people, I don't, I don't.
I think they're crammed in together.
Maybe we're after Corona.
We're like, nah, I need people.
Once we beat it, fuck it.
I want to be around people.
I don't care.
Maybe that'll happen.
My feeling is it'll go to like the IPIC situation.
Yeah.
Sales will never be as good as they once were because there's always going to be a portion of the population that feels a little sketched out with being around people and they're never just going to go back to normal.
And I don't, I don't buy it.
I'm telling you.
That'd be like when you ask your grandparents, like they couldn't imagine one day just flying to Germany.
You know what I mean?
Like that, like the idea of just like, oh, yeah, I could just go to Germany because we're in the middle of a world war in the 40s.
Like there's no way that could ever happen.
And that's like, I think the mindset now.
It's like, oh, there's no way people are going to ever be comfortable being around each other.
10, 15, 10.
That's not my mindset.
Human beings, I think, just revert to what human nature is.
And that's just like community being around.
I think that movies were already struggling.
And I think what was happening with movies, it was kind of similar to what was happening with comedy that are tracking, where it's like the no-name comic had a really tough time selling any tickets because there were fans, not really of comedy, but of individuals.
So there's like an Akash Singh fan, but Joe Schmoz headlining the Chuckle Hut in Indiana is not going to bring anybody out.
Movies Struggle With Community00:02:41
And I think that's what started to happen with films.
The only films that were really generating money were the ones that came from either a Marvel franchise, a book franchise, something that was already proven.
And I understand that too.
If you spent $200 million on a film, that shit better be proven.
Exactly.
Yeah, I think maybe the bottom gets cold off and just goes straight to streaming.
Yep.
But I think there's still going to be theaters with blocks.
And low-key started coming.
But like, low-key, I kind of like that better.
I don't need to see some rom-com movie theater.
Matter of fact, if I'm getting vulnerable, I don't want to be holding back my sniffles in the fucking movie theater.
And onward.
Exactly.
I can't be doing that.
Measure me onward.
Nah, I feel you, but these movie theaters still have to pay rent.
No, no, so check it, right?
So yeah, of course they have to pay rent.
I think all rents are coming down, but that's a different thing.
But so they still have to pay rent.
So what we do is we have more blockbusters, right?
You have smaller movie theaters.
Instead of having a movie theater like the one on 14th in Union Square in New York City, it's got 20 fucking theaters and you have theaters.
We're always to brag about more screens.
Yeah, it's like, who cares?
All we really need is one or maybe three.
That's what I think is going to be.
You can have one.
It is going to be an experience.
And I also think as home entertainment gets better and better, the need to leave is going to be, and I made this decision years ago.
I'm only watching a movie if it's like some shit I can only experience in the theater.
And it's not only only experience.
It's like that last 10 minutes of Endgame, you want to be around people experiencing it too.
You want to be around with people cursing it the fuck up.
And I didn't like Endgame as much as everybody else because I didn't get that.
Didn't get it.
I was like, when I re-watched the last 10 minutes on YouTube, I watched the one with the crowd reaction in it.
Because I like seeing them go crazy when Thor's hammer is grabbed by Captain America.
Like that for me is part of the experience.
I don't need that for a rom-com.
I don't need that for a cartoon movie.
I think those get pulled off on the streaming.
And that's why I think it becomes a lot of fun.
And here's the thing that's better.
You want more opportunities for streaming.
Because streaming often gets like what they say that happened, like movies got too expensive.
And then all the longer stories, sorry, then all the like the movies that didn't have some sort of connection to a movie or a book or a franchise or whatever, they got turned into longer stories.
And then we got this like golden age of streaming TV.
You know, I wonder if Sopranos is a movie at that time.
I don't know.
Breaking Bad's a movie or something.
Breaking Bad is probably a movie.
Yeah, so we can benefit from it too.
Just let Marvel do all the other shit.
And it doesn't need to be in a movie theater.
The secret needs to be in a movie theater?
I can see Marvel just opening their own theaters.
That's what I think.
That's exactly what I mean.
I'd like all theaters close and then you'll have a Disney theater.
You have MGM theater.
Yeah.
That Wein Scene Theater.
That shit should be popped.
Miramax?
The signs got Miramax low budget.
LeBron Heat Finals MVP Talk00:06:04
Say what?
You do that Miramax low budget.
You do that at home in the privacy of your own home.
Yeah.
They're not free to leave.
Climax.
That's what we need to do.
Yeah, willowed plants everywhere all over the fucking theater.
Don't plant to whack off into it.
So we'll see what happens.
Who knows?
Look, before we get out of here, we got to acknowledge an athletic achievement that was absolutely amazing.
It was game three of the NBA Finals.
There was every single analyst, every single podcaster, every single casual fan was like, yo, the Lakers are going to sweep this shit.
There is no fucking way.
I didn't say that.
You didn't say that.
That's right.
You did not say that.
I'll give Mark credit.
He knows absolutely nothing about basketball, but he did get this right.
Come on, dude.
The Heat are missing their starting point guard, Gorin Drodic.
They are missing their starting, I guess he's a center power forward.
Maybe they're superstar in the making, bam out of bio.
Superstar in the making, bam out of bio.
They're missing both of them.
Somehow, Jimmy Butler takes his depleted Heat team and beats these Lakers all by himself, putting up 40 points.
I think he's like 40, 11 and 20, triple double, yeah.
40 point, triple, double.
Wait for it, all while guarding either AD or LeBron.
Insane.
The guarding AD and LeBron thing alone is usually something that we would go, wow, Iguadala guarded LeBron.
Remember when he would guard LeBron when he was on the Warriors?
He guarded LeBron the whole game.
He managed to score 10 points, give him the MVP.
Oh my lord, this guy guarded LeBron or AD.
Jimmy Butler's, what, 6'7?
Maybe?
Grown ass man.
6'7, yeah.
6'7, grown-ass man right there.
Seven man, dog.
Put his team on his fucking back.
One of the most sensational athletic, I mean, I don't know if you call it an achievement.
I don't know if it's necessarily winning one game in the finals is not an achievement, but one of the best single game performances.
It's one of the best single-game performances in history, dude.
Incredible.
Unbelievable, dude.
Incredible.
And the guy shot, what was it, 10 for 15 or something like that?
14 for 20.
Or 14 for 20.
Insane.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Gave Tyler Hero confidence.
75% from the field.
If he didn't have your respect before, like, you got to give it up now.
Son, you got to do it.
This is the guy.
This is what we wish Westbrook was.
We said it before on this podcast, but truly, that's what it is.
This guy is a next-level fucking talent.
A next-level competitor.
Next.
And he's talking shit on the way out, too.
I'm actually upset I didn't watch the game because I thought, oh, it's a rap.
Same, but first he wasn't boring.
Here's the thing about this.
It wasn't, there were times where it got close, don't get me wrong.
I think that the Lakers got with him one a couple times.
But he just outplayed them.
And it was kind of throughout the game.
And Lakers would make little runs, but then Jimmy find a way.
And the game two, they were saying, and I didn't take it seriously.
They were like, the Heat might have figured something out.
They kept the game within striking distance.
They just kind of like their defensive rotations were more in sync or something like that.
You know, it was always some like, they figured out not to switch on certain, whatever.
I don't know.
They were just more on a string the way they defended in the second game as opposed to the first game.
And maybe they figured something out because they were within striking distance the whole game.
And I kind of took it seriously, but I was also like, man, they always say this shit.
Like, come on, this is LeBron.
He's over.
LeBron looks different.
He did not.
Granted, I think the Lakers still got it.
I think LeBron didn't have a great game.
And from what I understand, it was just like, yeah.
Do you think that this was celebrating before the victory?
Well, you know what, LeBron, why Jimmy Butler said you're in trouble to LeBron in the fourth quarter.
Some reporter asked him about that.
He's like, don't have it out here like I'm just out talking trash to everybody.
LeBron said that to me in the first quarter.
You're in trouble.
So I just use his own words against him in the fourth after we won.
Bro, man.
Oh man.
But do you think, you don't understand what I'm saying about that?
The Lakers kind of took their foot off the gas.
Yeah, like the Lakers are like, oh, we got it.
They're reading all the tweets.
Like, Lakers about to sweep.
Like, they dominated them the first two games.
And they hear that two of their players, two of their best players, are not even going to be in the lineup.
They probably enter the game going, oh, this is a lock.
This is easy.
And they go down by a few points.
And they're like, we'll turn it on whenever we want.
And everybody's waiting for someone else to turn it on.
Nobody's turning it on.
And then you have a guy like Jimmy Butler who's like, oh, no, I'm going to keep scoring this whole game.
You're going to have to beat us.
I think that it could be a little bit.
Now, I'm going to say this.
LeBron is different.
You got LeBron is different.
But as a Mavericks fan who saw the finals in 2006, game three ain't the time to take your foot off the gas.
You better at least win that game if you want to put the heat away.
Any Pat Riley squad.
Is there anything Jimmy Butler can do at this point?
Or what can he do to become finals MVP?
So there is a finals MVP from a losing team.
Jerry West did it.
I think it was only once in history that happened.
I don't think they'll ever do that again, though.
Pardon?
I don't think they'll ever do that again.
I don't think they will either.
If they didn't do it when LeBron lost to the Warriors the first time, when he let in like every category and Kyrie and Kevin Lover hurt, I ain't doing anything.
I also think it's a branding thing when it comes to like finals MVP.
It's like you want to crown LeBron if he does it.
Or maybe AD, but you want to invest in your next generation stars because they qualify how great they are with that in a way.
And what if you want a finals MVP without winning the finals?
It's kind of a waste.
And Jimmy Butler would have to do this two more times at least.
Or at least one more time.
Another thing I want to say real quick, he turned his ankle in game two.
That's a great point.
I saw that.
Yeah.
And like, kind of bad.
Yeah.
And he turned his ankle in the scariest way, which was without landing on someone.
Yeah.
He literally took a hard step.
I don't know if you saw, you saw him thing, right?
He takes a hard step.
Turned it hard.
And he curled over on it.
Usually that means at least when that would happen to me, it was happening to me when my ankle was already weak.
Yeah.
Like I had a pre-existing injury that didn't heal all the way, so it didn't have the strength to hold up when I'm making like a strong move.
Yeah.
When I saw that, I was like, oh, it's a wrap.
Yeah.
This guy comes back next game triple dub with 40.
Insane.
That's a grown-ass man.
We want him on the podcast.
We try to make that happen, by the way.
Oh, let's fucking do it.
We're trying to make that happen, yo.
Tell Jimmy he got shit to handle.
We are not going to harass him now.
But when this shit is all over, we need to talk to that dude, man.
Yeah.
That's a grown-ass man, right?
When they interviewed him at the end of the game, he was like, the difference this game is rebounded.
Like when he was like, yo, we're going to change something.
I think they just attacked the boards a lot more.
Jimmy Hard Step Ankle Injury00:01:28
Interesting.
The Lakers were dominating the boards.
They looked so much bigger than them in the first two games.
I think the Heat were playing a real small lineup, and maybe he was right.
Maybe just putting like, what's the guy's name?
Miles Leonard or something like that.
Like, maybe just putting a big old body out there.
Yeah, I mean, that's what Blight Howard is at this point.
Just a big old body.
That's what JaL McGee is.
Big old body.
Yeah.
You just need someone to be able to bang.
Point is, Jimmy Butler's a beast.
I fuck with you.
I love how you're playing the game, Jimmy.
We want you on this podcast when all this is over.
Hell yeah.
Regardless if you got that chip or not, we want you on a podcast.
I'm buying a jersey.
I'm fangirling over here.
It's not going up on the wall yet.
We'll see what happens.
Matter of fact, if they win, I'll put it up on the wall.
100%.
They win, I'm going to put it up on the wall.
So, Jimmy, that's real motivation to win.
If you didn't need more motivation, now you got it.