Andrew Schulz recounts a bizarre Instagram Live clash where UK artist Bullet accuses Jay-Z of stealing homemade aloe vera toilet paper from his leather backpack during the pandemic. The host speculates the theft stems from wealth-induced impulse or an unusual need for spicy food relief, mocking Bullet's diss track and comparing his flow to Kim Jong-un. Ultimately, this absurd anecdote highlights the chaotic, often humorous nature of celebrity interactions, culminating in a sharp warning against social justice warriors joining the Flagrant2 Patreon channel. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Jay-Z's Toilet Paper Accusation00:09:19
Okay, what are we thinking?
Yo, did you guys see this artist accusing Jay-Z of stealing his toilet paper?
No.
What's this?
So this was Jay-Z's engineer, young guru.
He was on Instagram live.
He was talking to this artist that they work with in the UK.
And the artist is like losing his, yeah, bullets.
And he's like, the artist is losing his mind.
You can tell he's like kind of off with it.
And guru's trying to help him out as much as he can, but the guy's just insistent on speaking to Jay-Z and asking him about his toilet paper.
It's fucking hilarious.
And then Jay-Z starts to...
Oh, yeah.
Damn, is it the echo?
I don't know how amazing your memory is.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
You told me that, though.
I appreciate that.
That's real.
So do you...
I have no idea what's going on.
The reason I'm talking, the reason I'm saying that, Jay, is because you got an amazing memory.
So don't feign a bad memory when I tell you you stole my leather backpack with my aloe vera toilet paper in it.
It was you.
It was you, man.
I have no idea what you're doing.
Jay, it was you.
It was you.
You stole my aloe vera toilet.
Look, here's the thing.
Would you get the billionaire greatest rapper of all time that has everything?
Homemade by his mom aloe vera toilet paper.
It was you, Jay.
It was you.
I went through all the suspects that from the gold party.
All through the Jay is with the engineer, but he doesn't show his face on the screen.
So basically, it's like this guy has wanted to speak to Jay-Z for the longest.
Jay-Z ignores his calls, everything.
The one time you get to speak to Jay-Z, they happen to be at a party together.
And so at the party, he had homemade aloe vera toilet paper inside of a leather book bag and somebody stole it.
And he has spoken to every single person at that party except Jay-Z.
So his one opportunity to speak to Jay-Z, he asks him, did you steal?
He accuses him.
I think he stole that shit.
Sud, real talk, maybe.
And think about it.
You get to a certain level of success and wealth where you could steal and people go, nah, he wouldn't steal.
Like, that's what happened with those bitches in LA, all those actress bitches.
Remember, they were going to the department stores and stealing all that stuff.
Norman Ryder.
There were all these rich girls that would go around and they'd rob these fancy department stores because literally you could walk out and your bag beeps and then you look at the security like I'm Brad Pitt.
I'm an owner rider.
Like I'm not stealing nothing.
What are you talking about?
And then let you go with all the merch.
Jay-Z saw that fucking toilet paper.
He saw that backpack and he's like, that's mines.
And it's a big deal to steal toilet paper now.
Like it's probably just started getting to him.
He probably shitting wiping his hands because he's I wish I had my aloe vera vera toilet toilet paper.
Homemade aloe vera toilet paper.
How do you even make that?
I don't know.
Only his mom knows.
Son, I think he stole that shit dead ass.
Dead ass.
Maybe she passed away.
Maybe that's the last thing he had of hers.
You know what I mean?
How dare you, Jay-Z?
Oh my God, bro.
Jay-Z stole that fucking toilet paper.
Jay-Z stole that fucking toilet paper.
Why would he not?
He don't even care about the backpack.
You know, back in the day, people were breaking your car just to get stereo?
Yeah.
That's Jay-Z with the toilet paper.
100%.
I'm taking the backpack.
It's for this toilet paper.
You think he knew the toilet paper is inside?
100%.
He smelt it.
100%.
That big ass nose is.
He got a nose on him.
Somebody's aloe vera.
And he didn't talk to anybody at the party because he was all four, like Scooby-Doo, just sniffing around for the aloe vera.
Dude, that is somewhere in the video.
Jay-Z's like, wait, so you saying you haven't wiped your ass since this party?
That's great.
That's fucking great.
Was the party recent?
No, I think it was like back in Christmas.
Well, it had to be before the pandemic.
Yeah, it was like around Christmas time.
Hey, real talk.
This shit was recent.
Like right when Corona's popping up in China.
Yeah.
And now it's a thing.
And then by February, everybody's fucking freaking out.
There's no toilet paper.
You probably think back, like, my mom made me fucking toilet paper and you stole it from me.
You son of a bitch.
Why did you bring toilet paper to the party?
His mom made it for him.
He probably stopped at his mom's house before the party.
And he probably doesn't like to wipe his ass with any other toilet paper, so he carries around his own toilet paper.
That's another thing.
You want to carry around your wet wipes because you don't know if at the party they're going to have that shit.
You don't want to wipe your ass with some dry ass toilet paper.
You know, they're not.
Matter of fact, it's your mom's homemade aloe vera toilet paper.
Do people walk around strapped with toilet paper?
I think she do sometimes.
They should.
I think they wear the wet wipes, so they would not wear them, but they bring them.
The wet wipes are very important.
I carry wet wipes.
Do you really?
Yeah.
When we travel.
Here's the thing that I'm curious about.
Mark only uses in place of bathing.
What?
You're going to use your shower on your ass?
Like the fuck?
Guys, guys, we're all missing something very important here.
What does aloe do?
Moisturize?
No, actually.
Cools.
Heels?
Cools.
And heels, right?
But cools, you put aloe on a sunburn, right?
Aloe's the main ingredient.
Anything that's a cooling sensation, right?
Healing sensation.
It's healer.
It's a healer as well, aloe, right?
A natural healer.
Go there.
What is happening when Bullet shits that he needs aloe on his toilet paper?
Or is there something else happening in between shits that he would need to heal and cool down his asshole?
Oh, that's different.
I was going to take it a different way.
Okay, go.
If you need to cool down your asshole, what kind of food are you probably eating?
Spicy food.
Spicy.
Who do we know for a fact carries hot sauce in her bag?
Swag.
Oh, gosh.
Shit.
That was fire.
Corona slaps on that ass.
Yo, Jay-Z.
That toilet paper.
I got hot sauce in my bag, swag.
And then Jay-Z goes, I got Bullet's bag, swag.
You remember when he said that show in the remix?
I got aloe in my bag.
I got aloe in his bag, swag.
That's it.
Oh, God.
TP with the aloe.
See me on the channel.
Bro, Jay-Z stole that fucking backpack.
Jay-Z stole that shit, yo.
That's foul, bro.
Yeah, it's kind of funny.
You know how Jay-Z likes to hold down rappers that are on the rise?
My man is.
Maybe he saw bullets coming.
Maybe he was nervous.
He saw that UK rap really popping off.
He's like, this is someone I cannot compete.
Watching that top boy, he's like, I cannot compete with this dude.
I need to throw him off his game.
I need to chap up his ass.
How does bullet rap?
Say what?
How does bullet rap?
On these streets where we share a gone.
Whole community share one gone.
Yo, freestyle by aloe, bro.
Do a diss track on Jay-Z about stealing.
Okay.
Okay.
I go into African every time.
I don't believe it.
I sound like a warlord at the end of the day.
Anything I mean, hop on this track?
How do you do English accent again?
Was it fix up?
Look, chop.
Oh.
Okay, Aloe.
Okay.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
Me want.
No, that's.
It was immediately Jamaican.
Jay-Z, stop my aloe.
Oh, yes.
He's a very mean fellow.
I can only wipe my ass shallow.
Because I don't have the toilet paper with my aloe.
Put a beat on that.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yo.
Fire.
I come from the streets.
I come from the streets.
Everybody has some trees.
But it is really tough.
Yes, it's really scary.
And he took my TV.
TV.
Did he take it?
Take it.
I cannot stop.
I have to eat some comforts and some biscuits with my tea.
Trumpets.
T-T, Trumpets.
Trumpet.
T-T.
Crumpets.
Competitive Competitive Competition.
T-T-T.
Biscuits.
That's how fire.
Jay-Z's asshole, bro.
That shit took it out of me, bro.
That was bars, though.
Fix up.
Look sharp, dog.
Come on, bro.
Look sharp.
What I say that they rap like?
Like Kim Jong-yo getting ready for work or something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something like Kim John's.
Hulk, hook, hook, hook, hook.
Competitive Rap Fire00:00:22
They got no rhythm.
UK rappers got no rhythm, huh?
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.
Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.