Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh debate the "Slutty Podcast" model, critique 6ix9ine's sensitivity versus Trump's aggression, and analyze LeBron James' legacy against Michael Jordan. They discuss Kawhi Leonard's hidden ego, Michael Phelps' mental health struggles, and mock media focus on transgender allegations. The conversation escalates to a controversial proposal to infect scientists with diseases like COVID-19 to accelerate cures, dismissing Newton's contributions as obvious. Ultimately, the hosts champion their own content quality over traditional news programs while promoting their Patreon and Blue Chew sponsorship. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Bought A Golden Doodle00:02:55
Oh, I bought a dog yesterday.
We recorded?
I guess we can record.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is mad.
Oh my god, I forgot about that.
Yeah.
I bought a dog.
Dogs are expensive as shit.
I thought you got out of that.
I did.
I got back in it last night.
Wait, you bought a dog.
I bought a dog.
We're recording?
Yeah, we're recording.
What kind of dog?
Say what?
What kind of dog?
It's a yellow one.
I did.
I got a yellow one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yellow one's a good one.
Yellow ones are good ones.
A little golden?
Is he a golden doodle?
I got a golden dog.
Golden doodles.
What's up, yo?
Good for you, yo.
Doodle, bro.
I saw there's a golden doodle that lives in our apartment.
Swear to God, this guy can open doors.
Really?
Jumps up, pushes down on the handle.
It's crazy.
It's the most crazy thing ever.
They're brilliant.
Oh, God.
Bro.
And then, you know, we have a dog currently, right?
Her dog, which I don't acknowledge.
Now I understand why I can't just adopt some chicks, kids.
Like, you know, these motherfuckers that like combine families and you got to treat this other dude's fucking kid like your kid.
I already am looking at this other dog.
Like the second he don't come when I say he can come.
I'm like, all right, you about to see, motherfucker.
You about to see.
Yo.
You ready for a dog, yo?
You got to welcome.
It's a boy or a girl.
I don't know.
It's a dog.
What the fuck is the matter?
You know what I'm saying?
Did you name it?
I said, say what?
Did you name it?
Chicken.
Oh, my God.
A man adopted a dog as a bit.
Yo, I can't handle this shit.
I can't handle it.
No, my agreement with my girlfriend is she has to do everything for the dog.
And I was like, that was the agreement.
And then she gets a dog.
But then she's going to have to go back to work and stuff soon, right?
Say again?
She's going to go back to work soon.
She better figure that out.
That's her responsibility.
It's my responsibility to come back and nurture the dog and hug the dog.
I already am going to break every fucking rule with the dog.
She's like, you know, we have to crate it at night.
I'm like, it's sleeping in the bed with me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's not shit in the bed early on if you don't crate.
You got to potty train it first before he.
Whose responsibility is that, Arkash?
Did I not line that out already?
Yeah, no, I know, but you can't just have it in the bed right away.
Why not?
Shit's in the bed.
It's not going to shit when you're getting cuddled.
You can't shit when you're getting cuddled.
You can get big, too.
How big are you going to get?
I don't know.
We haven't decided.
I figure that's on us.
Right?
His weight is on you.
His height is not.
Say again?
His weight is on you.
So we might have a little minute bowl golden doodle.
We might have a minute bolden doodle, dog.
Just some tall and skinny golden doodle.
I feel like I'm not very supportive of this dog thing that I got.
I feel like you're not supporting the dog.
The dog's not here yet.
It's two weeks old.
Okay.
And then it has to be eight weeks because you got to get that shit vaccinated.
Mark.
How do you feel about that?
We ain't talking about gagging.
Yeah, nobody hates about vaccinating animals, huh, Mark?
Enjoy your autistic dog, anyway.
Yo, I'd be lit, though.
Weight Is On You00:04:50
Good luck opening doors and hot guys to fill them, dude.
I don't need it to open door.
Dogs are kind of autistic, right?
A little bit, yeah.
Yeah.
No, they're all emotion.
What they are is happiness and love.
They're the opposite, right?
Isn't it autistic?
You don't have emotion?
So could you vaccinate somebody that has no emotion and like get them.
What if you vaccinate an autist?
What if you vaccinate me?
Like maybe my girl's like, I think you need some aluminum, bro.
Why are you so cold about everything?
Real talk.
Maybe I need some more vaccinations.
But what if you vaccinate an autist?
You think that could.
If you double down like that.
That could be the vaccine for autism.
You multiply negative numbers.
You add a little bit more into them.
I'm into.
I mean, listen.
Two negative numbers.
It doesn't hurt to try.
We act like we can't experiment with them.
Let's experiment.
I'm serious.
Let's experiment.
It's like, how long are you going to be the fucking manager of the basketball team?
This guy's 36 years old playing the last game of the season, hitting a three and everybody going crazy.
We know you're going to hit the three.
You've been doing this for 40 fucking years, right?
Like, am I wrong?
How long are you going to do it?
Son.
Akash, what up?
Anyway, talking about.
Isn't it crazy that we made a movie about Rudy and he basically just did the same shit we let every autistic kid do in a fucking high school basketball game is get out there at the end of the season and play a couple plays.
You got a fucking Disney movie about this.
Ah, gosh.
Football is very different.
You're putting people at risk.
When you let a retard run out there, oh, he'll do damage.
Rudy's a fucking retard.
That means he's made a retard.
Dude, I remember watching that movie and everybody's like, how did he get the sack?
I'm like, how did he not?
When that little retard heard hike, you just went after it, right?
Pushing off the tackle with one arm.
Son, fumble sounds like the only word they can pronounce.
You ready for dinner, Fumbur?
Fumer!
Oh my God!
But seriously, when we're talking about, want to talk about vaccinations and such, Mark is like Mr. Fucking 4chan.
He's Mr. Reddit, right?
Everything is a conspiracy.
This motherfucker I told you before the podcast got blue pilled this week.
This entire week, he's listening to an interview with Ezra Klein about buddy positivity.
And the thing about Vox, Vox really makes a lot of sense with their journalism.
My handy mark, bro.
Lizzo is brave.
I don't see.
I don't know.
I think maybe we were, I was a little egregious in believing some things.
Okay.
He is so sleep, dog.
This guy is so sleepy.
Dead ass before the pod.
And this is what made Andrew tell me is he was like, yo, man, I watched a documentary on the moon landing, and that made me think we did it.
Like, I changed my mind just now.
I changed my mind.
I believe it before.
But everything I believe my whole life, I flipped it on.
Okay.
I believe that 9-11 was an outside job.
I believe that we did go to the move, and I believe black people should be able to vote.
The things I held as core values.
An outside job is funny, though.
Yeah, dude.
Okay, so you're totally blue pilled out.
Outside job is just funny.
I just recall calling Akash's parents for tech advice, bro.
That's man, that was a long setup.
I felt it.
Hey, you know what?
Keep shooting.
Keep shooting.
You're going on the roll.
Don't get one missing level, fucking bad.
I'll put you in last game of the season.
I'm Rudy, bro.
That ball was just going around and around.
Time was still.
Bro, I'm full-blown Rudy.
I've been in that situation where you know you fumbled it.
You just wow through the jokes.
Look like you got fucking tennis rackets on your sneakers in the snow.
I lose confidence.
You see my shoulders slump midway through the delivery, and I'm just like, aha, fuck, man.
It's just like Akash's parents immigrated to the country and opened up a 7-Eleven.
Son, and I wanted to give it up because you were on fire.
Yo, bang, bang.
One more time.
Hit him with it one more time.
We got it.
You just listened too much.
Ezra Klein, you get less funny.
That's what happens.
What's that Seinfeld shit?
De Linden Dinden Dinden.
What are you doing?
That's a different theme song.
What's the Seinfeld?
That's the Boy Meets World theme song, I'm pretty sure.
What's the Seinfeld?
Is that the Boy Meets World?
Son, that's been his week.
It's Boy Meets World, bro.
I'm trying to expose him.
Wait a minute.
De Linden, how do you do Seinfeld?
Bro, that's fucking Chicago.
That's 100% Boy Meets World.
That's the Twix commercials.
Wait a minute.
Blue Pill And Seinfeld00:09:54
No, I think it's bad.
Bro, you did deliverance, bro.
Say what?
That's deliverance, bro.
That is poor meat world.
So I got a dog.
That's what's up.
My girl got a cool little project.
You know, everything's kind of cool.
Yo, what's the over and under for when the first dog is out of there?
Oh, ASA, let's say three weeks.
No, we got to wait till quarantine is over because they're going to have to give it back to.
I told my girlfriend, I said, I'm supportive of us having both dogs.
I think this is cool.
I think we'll find a way to figure everything out, obviously.
But if the old dog bites my new dog, I'm going to flush it down.
Now, it's your new dog?
It's my dog.
It's not both your dog.
As far as I'm concerned, I pay for the dog, too.
Oh, my God, son.
So, so the dog is mine.
You know what I'm saying?
The dog is mines, bro.
Oh, my God.
Yo, the dog is mine, bro.
I do.
I'm not going to lie.
We had a good week.
Yo, we had a good week.
What else?
My dick, like, found its way out my whole of my boxers.
Like, when we were kind of, like, making out.
Yeah.
So my girl thought that, like, she goes, she goes, she goes, oh, she goes, she goes, damn, I got it.
Why?
I was like, why?
She goes, I just made your dick undo your boxers and come out.
Like, like, it snuck out through the hole.
She's literally turning into you.
Ain't that some you shit to say?
Look at it.
Damn, I got it.
I'm fire, yo.
She's at home right now.
She's at home right now.
Like, I be getting these dudes.
I'll be getting these dudes so fucking real talk.
But wait, what dudes, though?
I'm not you, dude.
Yo, I'm a jealous motherfucker, bro.
I see that.
You know how jealous I am?
She got a little crush on one of these Formula One drivers in this documentary watch.
And I be wishing that motherfucker crashes every single race, bro.
Every single time he hits a turn, I'm like, accelerate, Carlos Science.
Accelerate.
Fuck you.
Yo, I've been trying to act like that shit is cool when they say somebody's cute and inside.
I'm like, you out of your fucking mind?
I'm right here.
Stop saying that shit to your friends.
So I'm trying to fight fire with fire because there's another Formula One driver, this mad cute.
His name is Charles Leclerc.
Yeah, right?
And he drives for Ferrari.
And it's a cute ass company.
Cute ass company.
And so she talks about Carlos Science.
And I'm like, yeah, but that's Charles, though.
Charles kind of fire, right?
And I'm like, yo, we got to be Team Ferrari because I'm trying to get her away from Carl.
That's right.
It's like, yo, we team Ferrari.
Charles, that's my boy.
You know what I mean?
And that's the best team, right?
Yeah.
You know who switched teams and went to Ferrari next fucking year?
Carlos motherfucking science.
If this guy don't die in a goddamn car accident soon, bro, he really trying to break up my relationship.
You really want him to die, bro?
Say what?
You really want him to die?
Maim?
Maim?
He could get maimed.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, maim is different.
You get maimed.
You get maimed.
And you're going to rub it into your girl?
Say what?
You're going to rub it in when he fucking...
I'm going to say, look what you did.
I'm going to say, look what you did to this man.
He didn't deserve it.
You know what I'm saying?
Mark, bro.
I'll be affecting the world, yo.
That's a lot, dude.
Son, I'm not going to lie, guys.
Sometimes I affect the world in a greater way.
You know what I mean?
By maiming Formula One drivers?
I mean, indirectly.
I have an indirect connection to the greater world in a lot of different ways.
Yeah, babe.
You wanted a crush?
This is a crush.
He's back.
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah, bam, bam, damn, bam, bam.
How does it go?
Oh, it's got to be more.
What's that?
That shit is fire, yo.
God, that's fire.
Bro, I didn't know you were.
Right from the beginning, I didn't know that Al was playing that off the computer.
I just saw you reach towards the mic, and then the shit came out perfect.
I was like, what the fuck is that?
Michael Winslow over here, Jesus.
You're real talk.
All right.
Michael Winslow.
Police Academy.
That shit is fire, yo.
Jews got soul, bro.
Yo, Jewel's got soul, bro.
Careful, Mark.
Jules got soul.
No, I got blue pilled.
I want it.
Oh, that's right.
You want it?
Yeah.
You want it, bro.
All right.
Oh, he's.
Did he tell you he spoke to a seed yesterday?
Yeah, he's been talking to him.
Yeah.
Oh, you guys stayed friends?
I'm the liaison to the community.
How do you communicate?
What do you mean?
I thought they can't have smartphones.
Yeah, no.
Oh, you're not texting them?
No.
They can't have smartphones?
I just see them.
I just see them in the street.
Yeah.
Well, no, yeah.
They're kind of.
So you just wait on the street for him?
Like, did you speak to him more than once?
I think I did.
How do you think?
I mean, bro, how can you know?
I think you thought it might have been a different one.
I'm not sure, but I think it's the same thing.
They can't be upset about that.
They're not Chinese of white people.
Yo, but yo, real talk, real talk.
I think you're right.
But like, and they can't be upset about it because they're like, Chinese people can't help the fact that they look so similar.
Right.
Right?
But excuse me.
Same hair, same coat.
They're trying to look exactly.
It's like the law that you have to look similar.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
That burp really threw off the fucking momentum.
Can ass burp, right?
Like, we were fucking moving right there.
You know what I'm saying?
Come on, dog.
Happy Hanukkah, right?
Like, what happened with that burp?
What do you think they thought burps were back in the day?
Or did they not have him because they didn't have Pepsi?
What's the deal with burp?
Trash!
That's actually a good point because you got to think if people were sneezing, they said, bless you, because they thought the demon was coming out.
Okay, so what'd they say if you burped?
I don't know.
It's an interesting discussion.
You know where this started in a Seinfeld-like bit.
But it all leads to.
Son, oh, what were we talking about yesterday?
Oh, that shit was.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, he got so pissed.
He was talking yesterday.
Hold on.
What are we talking about?
Hold on, what's up?
Hey, what's up now, Mr. Boo Pill?
He was closing, motherfucker.
He's a hot ass dude.
No, so he was talking yesterday.
He goes, you know, blah, blah, blah.
Yada, yada, yada, right?
I was like, you know what that's from?
And he just goes, yo, shut the fuck up.
No, I never said that.
You made that up.
Double dipping is apparently from Seinfeld.
Like the music.
Man, come on, sign.
Stop.
Double dip.
Double dip is shit.
Stop it, but double dip.
I dumb a dip.
The mouth is the cleanest part of a dog.
Yeah, but you never said it.
He coined the phrase.
You really think he's the first person to coin the phrase?
He brought that shit into the Zeitgeist.
Zeitgeist.
Okay.
Modern Shakespeare, bro.
Real fucking talkie, yo.
Real fucking talkie.
I need to really chill out because you're starting to trigger me.
You're starting to trigger me.
You're starting to get me upset.
You know who invented Trigger?
The Germans?
No.
No, no.
Okay.
No, this is what we were talking about.
Because, you know, he was obviously talking to the Hasids, right?
The Hasidic community.
The Hasidic community is pretty close to where Mark lives, or you live.
Like, what, next?
They manage my building.
They manage your building.
They manage.
And a lot of buildings.
They manage the buildings.
Okay.
So, and Corona apparently like ravaged the Hasidic community.
Right.
Right.
And we were talking about how, like, of, you know, of course, it affected them more deeply because, you know, one of the telltale signs you have Corona is you can't taste or smell food.
Right.
And, you know.
How do they know?
Yeah.
Like, I don't know if you've had their food, but there's no way to know that you have Corona.
Yeah.
Just eating fucking matzah ball soup and it tastes the same as it always has.
This hot water tastes like the hot water, I guess.
Yeah, there's not that much.
Listen, I was talking to Al about matzah ball soup yesterday.
Ain't that some Jewish shit to convince you this cheap ass shit is something you can serve at a diner?
Wait, wait, it's just broth and a piece of fucking dough.
And they're like, hey, soup, eat that.
It's the cheapest thing you could possibly make me.
It is broth and dough.
That's what the matzah ball is dough.
I thought it was a meatball.
Yeah, matzah's meat.
Ain't that some Jewish shit to do to make you think it's meat when it's really just a piece of fucking dough?
Whoa, dude.
Save a lot of money.
Dude, that thing is so crazy right there, dude.
Whoa, dude.
What are the dudes focused on?
Bro, we might have to circumcise this part of the episode because this shit is getting a little bit serious, bro.
God, okay?
Sometimes they're filled with meat, but sometimes they're just bread.
It's like a dumpling.
Or just like Jewish women.
Sometimes they're filled with meat, bro.
Y'all never fucking.
Just plow through it.
Just plow through it.
Mark is contagious, bud.
We're going around.
That fucking blue pill.
We got fucking blue pill.
Okay.
Okay, guys.
Okay, guys.
What other we got?
We got good topics.
Hold on.
Hold on.
We got some good shit to talk about.
Oh, that's what I want to talk about.
Plow Through The Beef00:09:19
There is, we got to give some respect because there's a content creator out there that I never understood his greatness in the content creating sphere.
I respected him for making an incredible company and tapping into a need, especially in the sports world, but also like the cultural world and doubling down on it and building this company.
And I really respected him as a businessman for that.
But I never understood him as like an elite content creator, even though all the people that worked with him were like, nah, trust me, this dude is legit.
I just didn't see it yet.
And we fuck with the people that work for him.
Yeah, 100%.
A lot of friends over there.
Love everything that's going on.
Obviously, I'm holding, what is the tournament called?
You got to hide the eight ball or some shit like that.
Who cares?
Whatever.
So obviously, we're talking about Dave Portnoy at Barstool.
And I really only saw the pizza reviews.
And everybody's like, yo, this guy's a fucking genius.
And I'm like, it's just pizza.
I don't get that.
I never really cared.
This week, the last couple of weeks, apparently the quote-unquote old Portnoy, the way that he used to do things has been brought back.
He has done two things in the past week that are absolutely unbelievable.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Second one, I don't know.
We'll go through the second one, but the first one, I mean, unbelievable raw content creation, like Trump-level usage of the internet, inspiring, fun.
And seeing him do these two things justifies all the success of Barcelona.
Now, of course, you need to hire amazing people to work with you at Barcelona and build up a company, but one, recognizing their talent to create, but also creating on your own.
And it was fucking unreal.
First is the Goodell thing.
Yes.
Roger Goodell is the commissioner of the NFL, longtime beef with many Patriots fans.
Portnoy.
Every fan hates him.
Yeah.
Every player hates him.
And but would you say more so even Patriots fans because of Deflay Gay and he suspended Tom Brady kind of unfairly, honestly, because he was they should have been punished more harshly a few years ago for videotaping other people's practices.
And he like was kind of light on that, and everybody was coming down on him.
Other owners, who's the only people he cares about, were like, What the fuck?
That's such a light punishment.
So when Tom Brady was accused of deflating football so he could throw them better in a playoff game, he came out, he came down Tom Brady, like probably too hard.
There was no real proof.
He might have did it.
You can't really get him on it, but he gave him four games suspended.
So pay attention to him.
Basically, there is a charity event that everybody is kind of donating different things towards.
Right.
All in.
All in.
And I guess it's to raise money for some sort of coronavirus thing.
I don't even know where the money goes.
Where does it go?
It's just a weird, whatever.
It doesn't matter, but everybody's doing the right thing.
And Goodell has this longtime beef with Portnoy.
He kicked Portnoy out of the Super Bowl, I believe, one year.
Yeah.
Like had him handcuffed and removed from the Super Bowl.
Huge beef.
I mean, they've been selling like all these t-shirts that mock Goodell.
This has like been a long time thing.
So Goodell sells or auctions off for this all-in challenge a night of watching Monday night football with him in his man cave.
Right.
Portnoy buys it for a quarter million dollars and then releases this amazing promo video.
I don't know if we can play it because I don't want the thing to get flagged, but I'm sure if you guys just look on Twitter or Instagram, you'll find this video.
His Instagram is, I think, El Presidente or Barnett.
Presidente, I think.
El Presidente or Barstool Presidente or something like that.
Amazing video.
Now everybody were like dying to see them in the same room together.
I'm sure he's going to have a camera there.
Maybe Goodell won't happen, or maybe Goodell will back out on the deal, which would be even better.
I mean, he's put Goodell in a corner, and Goodell is never used to being a corner because it's like, if you don't do this, you don't want those kids or the people that need the help to get a quarter million dollars.
And a quarter million dollars he'd dinner with Roger Goodell, who seems like one of the most boring, unlikable people on the face of the earth.
I can't imagine the second highest bid was anywhere close to that.
So let's say the second highest bid is $50,000, which still seems kind of crazy.
You're going to cost charity $200,000 because you don't like this guy.
If you're Goodell, wouldn't you just bid a little more?
He said, he's like, I don't know how I got away with this.
I don't know how they didn't catch on to the fact that it was me.
I don't know how that happened.
That's what Dave Portnoy said.
Like, I don't know how the fuck they let this slide through the cracks, but I got it.
So until they pull the rug, I'm going to ask him everything I've been wanting to ask him for all these years.
Amazing.
Love it.
So this week, another brilliant piece of content creation.
And this is more like along the wrestling sphere.
There is a podcast called Call Her Daddy.
Right.
Call Her Daddy at one point became like the number one podcast in America.
Now, number ones are tricky because they're algorithmic based.
So they judge how fast you accelerate.
In other words, if you're a brand new podcast, a lot of times you can jump to number one because not a lot of people were listening to you.
And then now you have, let's say, 100 listeners.
Going from zero to 100 is super fast acceleration.
Going from 90 to 100 is not that fast acceleration.
So you're not going to get the same thing.
That being said, listened to by a lot of people.
It was on Barstool Sports.
The girls that did it were these two girls that just talk about like sucking dick and fucking and like, you know, fingering turkeys and all that kind of shit.
And it's this, it's one of like the girl whore podcasts, very popular genre of podcasts.
They get into some beef with Barstool.
Which I'm kind of the reason for.
No.
I am kind of.
We talk about this whole thing.
I told you guys earlier.
I'm kind of the reason for it.
We'll get to that later, but you break down what's going on.
Okay.
So, in short, basically, Portnoy finds these two girls as they're starting the podcast.
He's like, All right, I'll take a chance on you.
I'll give you guys the thing.
So, like, they started doing the podcast independently.
He's like, All right, I'll pay you guys money.
And they get a sign on a three-year contract.
They're making half a million a year plus, like, merch and all the other stuff.
So, they're not getting paid nothing.
Yeah.
So, they're making half a million a year.
They're doing the thing.
After one year, they're like, All right, we want to renegotiate the contract.
We're not happy with this.
They want like the IP for the show.
They want more money.
They want all this stuff.
Portnoy's like, no, we're not going to do it.
But what, who pushed them to do that?
So, this wasn't found out till later.
But, like, as like the time goes on, they're like trying to renegotiate more and more.
And then basically, it's found out that Sophia, the Brown Her girl, is dating this guy, Peter Nelson, I think, this HBO exec.
And he's shopping, he's shopping their podcast around to different places, trying to get more money for it.
So, he goes to Wondry and they're like, All right, we'll give you more money for the podcast.
They're signed to a three-year contract, and they're trying to break the contract.
And basically, they just stopped doing these episodes for like five weeks and cost them a bunch of money.
So, they stopped doing the episodes for five weeks.
Obviously, they had like you know, pre-existing ads.
Uh, they maybe chalked it up to Corona.
Dave Portnoy offers them a few more deals, crazy deals, like very lucrative deals.
He's like, Yo, I'll cut you guys loose six months early.
You can have the IP.
Like, no one gets the IP.
And he was- See, that's the thing.
We got offered a deal very early, and the money was dog shit.
But my main issue was they fuck you at the beginning of all these deals.
The IP is ours, is what they always try to say.
If you sign that deal, you're a fucking retard.
You have to keep your IP.
That's just what it is.
So, for them to give it back, Dave to give that back, he really did not have to.
No, I own your entire podcast.
I could swap you out.
It don't matter.
I'll cut you loose and I'll give you everything.
Yeah, that's generous.
I want to talk about the IP thing in a second, but yeah.
Um, they said no to the deal, they still want to go somewhere else, yeah, right?
And again, I don't know all like the nuanced bullshit.
I'm sure they're back and forth.
Uh, Portnoy goes on their feed because he has access to their feed and drops an episode where he explains everything that's going on on their feed.
That's so brilliant.
The feed of the you know, number one podcast in the country, right?
Fuck, that's cool.
Right?
They can't access their feed, they're locked out of their feed.
Well, here's why I think that's so brilliant because we've all been in a situation where somebody can control the narrative and you're kind of outside of it, and he can go on his IG, but now he's all you now.
He's now he's telling his side of the story to the same people that have only been getting your side of the story, right?
And it's so petty that most of us wouldn't do it, but I respect anybody so much when they do do that.
I love it.
Oh, God.
So he breaks that down, et cetera.
And eventually, I guess communications break down.
So then I think Barstool goes, All right, fuck it.
You guys are locked out.
We have you for three years.
We own your IP.
We own the IP.
I don't know how deep their contract is.
Maybe it's so deep that they're not even allowed to podcast if it's not through Barstool.
Yeah.
Who knows?
That's my question.
But we'll get to this IP discussion in a second.
Stress Your Fucking Neck00:07:58
I just want to go back to why I'm the cause of all this.
So anyway.
So let's back up.
I don't know, over a year ago.
Definitely over a year ago.
Been with my girl a year.
So definitely over a year ago.
Way over a year ago.
So this is what happens.
I match with a girl on this dating site called Raya, right?
Cute chick, brunette, attractive, right?
We talk a little back and forth.
We're texting.
Everything's cool.
She asked her, I asked one of us asked, maybe it's me, I don't know, to like, let's hang out.
We agree to go hang out a certain day.
I think it's Tuesday.
Who knows?
Doesn't matter.
I go, okay, let's go hang out.
It's like seven o'clock on a Tuesday.
And I'm like feeling really comfortable on my couch.
And I'm just like, I started watching maybe a game.
I think there's a game coming on.
And I was like, you know what?
I haven't watched a fucking game in a long time.
And I've been working so fucking hard.
I just want to like sit down and chill tonight.
So I text her, Hey, I can't do it tonight.
I'm sorry.
My bad to you know, cancel on you this late.
That's on me.
I'll make it up to you, something like that.
But I just wanted to fucking watch the game.
I didn't want to go on a fucking date, right?
You want to rest.
I want to rest.
I'm a tired guy.
Yeah.
You know, not to mention, I knew I was going to meet my soulmate in the future.
So it's like, what am I doing with this?
So apparently, this is what I hear.
She's like in full makeup, ready to go, really pissed off.
So she calls this guy who's been hitting her up nonstop, but she's been ignoring like crazy that works at HBO and is this executive named Peter Nelson.
They meet up, they go on a date, things link up, it's beautiful, they're in love, they find their soulmates.
You're welcome, right?
He gets in her ear about the success of the podcast and all of a sudden tells her, Yo, you got it.
This is a year later.
You got to leave Barcelona.
They're taking advantage of you, et cetera.
Basically, I caused it.
She had the no, you basically, I cause it.
You know, like in the Ice Age movies where like there's that little fucking rat running around, he pushes the acorn in the ice shelf and then it kind of breaks.
Yeah.
I'm that.
You know what's interesting is you normally want the acorn and the little rat.
You normally want credit for good things.
Yeah.
Right now you want credit for destroying two careers.
Wait a minute.
I want credit for Portnoy's great content.
You're welcome, Portnoy.
How do you rate this pizza?
But isn't that crazy?
That's super small world, right?
Obviously, I'm being sarcastic.
I did not cause this or anything like that.
Crazy.
How hilarious is it that crazy coincidence?
Like in the small podcasting world that already exists in New York, that this crazy event could somehow be tied back to us?
Yeah.
Like directly.
It's not that indirect.
No, it's crazy.
It is a very small world.
That's a crazy sequence of events.
This exec is a loser.
It's all adding up.
How is reality different if you decide to not watch the game and you go on the date?
I probably have an HBO special by now.
That guy owes you a special.
So we'll talk.
Maybe I got to stop fucking all these execs, girls.
But you didn't.
You canceled on her.
No, I didn't.
He didn't cancel on her.
He doesn't meet his soulmate.
HBO should love you.
In all seriousness, it's very easy not to have sex with executive girls because they're gay.
No, no, but they are gay, right?
I love Independent Andrew.
They're all tables.
I love Indy Drew.
They're all gay.
We're girls.
Oh, I heard like every exec at Comedy Central got fired last week.
What the fuck?
Checking off the list.
Ah, man, I don't want to dance on nobody's grave, but that's what you get, you stupid ass.
Beat cheese.
Now you got to do it.
You don't want to dance with a gay.
Hey, go ahead.
That's it, bro.
Let's dance fucking out of here.
I can't do it.
Do we have space back here in the watch?
Nah, bro.
Nah, bro.
It's not enough.
You need space.
I need real estate for my shit, yo.
Here's that grave.
Here's your gravestones.
You ready?
Here's your gravestones.
Hey, why don't you put that back up?
Maybe it'll be inspiring to all these unemployed network execs.
Maybe make a show on your own, you fucking dorks.
Can y'all see it?
Oh, man.
Can y'all see it?
Can y'all see that?
Can y'all see that?
Oh, fuck.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Oh, no big deal.
No big deal.
Just three of us broke your entire business.
That's fine.
It's all good.
Just three people just took it like this.
Well, it just hurt my neck right there.
Dude, you think their necks are going to be hurt when they're looking for fucking shots?
Yo, can you stress your neck out from going like this too?
No, but for real, I hurt my neck right there.
That shit pinched.
I got a pinch, bro.
Oh, man.
I got a punch.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, man.
You think their necks are going to hurt when they're looking up at the building where they used to live because they're fucking homeless?
Yo, real talk.
Sleep in the street be fucking with your neck, dog.
No, no bullshit.
That shit be fucking with your neck.
Oh, man.
Bro.
Oh, fuck.
Do you know what I mean?
But nah, nah, nah.
In all seriousness.
In all seriousness, it'll be easy to get another job because they have so many hits under their belt.
You know what I mean?
Like, 100%.
Like, just tell them you brought them whatever's fucking.
Hey.
Hey.
I didn't even want to name specific shows, but we know.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, sorry.
You want me to fill the air right there?
Are we trying to sign Caller Daddy?
You think?
Oh, dude.
That's the move.
Do you want to know what's crazy?
No.
So, uh, so what, what, what, what?
I don't know.
I actually imagine they have a stock contract because I signed a shitty deal once.
They have a stock contract that is we own everything.
You can't do shit without us.
And then if you sign that without having somebody look at it, you're probably fucked.
So I imagine that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's a conversation I want to have.
And we kind of had this conversation the other day.
Yeah.
But so IP is really interesting.
IP, I believe, is...
On your chin, bro, that you got it.
It's just glistening.
I can't.
All right, there you go.
Oh, my bad.
Am I shining?
So, uh, hold on a second.
Um, that was my girl texting me.
You see what I did right there?
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
You see that phone get flipped?
You see that phone get flipped?
Yo, can I ask you a real question?
Oh, seriously.
Yo, my bad, bad.
Hey, my God.
Hey, babe, my bad.
I'm going to call you back.
I'm doing a pod.
I'm doing a pod.
I was just about to ask you, how long ago did she stop listening to the podcast?
You must have just realized, she's confident talking about that.
She's listening, bro.
She listened to past shit I did too, man.
Because I'm 100% sure I actually, I don't know.
My Bad, Bad, Babe00:08:18
I don't know.
I was telling her about the whole barstool thing with Caller Daddy last night.
Yeah.
And I was bringing it up.
And I said something.
I was like, yeah, there's this weird connection, actually.
Like, I don't know.
Like, apparently I was supposed to go on this date, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, you fucked up.
And then she goes like this.
She goes, she goes, oh, I know.
You said you're actually dating some Brazilian girl.
I listened on some sports podcasts you are a long time ago.
I was like, yo, this chick has done some inspecting.
You have really got into the thick of it.
That's a problem, bro.
Yo, they be getting into the thick, yo.
She getting into the thick of it.
Oh, bro.
Should we call her ass?
Should we call her ass real?
Yesterday she hit me with a fucking, he got, she hit me with, you know how I do ba, ba ba?
Yeah.
She motherfucking ba-ba-ba me in a different way.
I'm telling you, she turned into you, yo.
Yeah.
Son.
But it was different the way she said it.
Yeah.
She was like, she was like, shut the fuck up.
I was like, all right.
That works.
That's a different way of doing it.
All right.
All right.
Back to what we were saying.
Intellectual property, IP.
I feel like past episodes and the name of the show are unimportant for character-driven shows.
Right.
In other words, if, say, someone else owned Flagrant 2.
Yeah.
If we left that show called Flagrant 2 and started another podcast called The New Flagrant 2, my suspicion is that 99.9% of the people that listen to the podcast do not listen for the title.
They listen for Akash Singh, Andrew Schultz.
100%.
Alex Media, Mark Gagnon.
Right.
So if we left, you could keep that intellectual property.
You don't have the value of the show with a podcast.
With a show like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
Yeah.
You can remove the host and put a new host in that can still be successful.
Right.
With a show like The Morning Show, et cetera.
But podcasts specifically, right?
This type of podcast where we're sharing our lives and it's basically we're all kicking it, hanging out, having some coffee or drinking some beers.
You're with your homies when you listen to this podcast.
You can hang out with your homies wherever they go.
Now, one of those podcasts where it's like, this is how people get murdered.
You could slide whatever, you know, NPR chick out and put a new one in and they'll be fine.
Those, you need to retain IP.
Something like us, I dare you to try to negotiate over IP with us.
Well, so what I, I got a contract.
I sold like a web series a long time ago, and then the contract that I didn't have anybody look over was like, you can't even make some shit like this.
So that if we don't, like if it's not us.
But that one's really interesting because even though you're the star of that show, they could on viv you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Right.
And they could throw, what if they got an even more famous Indian at the moment and put them in that position, like an Aziz or whatever like that?
You need to secure yourself as part of it.
Yeah.
But with this, we are the show, not the name.
But they were saying if I did a different, like if I did a web series with the same cast and just called it something different, they'd be like, that's too similar.
Yes.
So that's why I wonder if the Call Her Daddy girls do their own podcast, same girls, same topics, that could be too similar.
So that's a different thing.
If it's that kind of contract.
That's a different thing than intellectual property.
That's likeness rights.
Okay.
I believe.
Okay.
That makes sense.
And that is another thing that's really important because it's like, yo, we want to do a podcast with you.
Yeah.
And how can we secure, we're going to pay you all this money.
We're going to guarantee you all this money for a podcast.
If you could go do another podcast that's exactly the same, why would people pay money to do ours?
Our whole thing with paying you money is we're going to leverage all that audience you have into selling ads.
If you have another podcast they can listen to, then we can't leverage it as well.
That makes sense.
So if they're like, yo, you can't do another sucking dick, your finger in a turkey podcast, which might be the case, those girls are fucked.
I mean, what are they else?
What are they going to talk about?
Getting canceled on a date?
That'd be a great episode.
That might be a good episode.
Do you know what I'm saying?
But no, for real, if that's what they did, and I imagine that's what they did, I think it's a rap.
I think it's a rap.
And I can see how upset they are.
I can't believe HBO ain't fucking with you, man.
This guy owes you.
HBO exec, you owe Andrew Schultz, man.
What's his name?
Found you your fucking white.
Yo, Peter Nelson, you about to be fired, bro.
You know what's so weird?
But that's the name of my lawyer in Sweden.
Peter Nelson?
You go A, bro.
Not only, I'll be helping Peter Nelson's, bro.
Yeah, you'd be helping Peter Nelson.
That's his name, sir.
Peter Nilson.
Really?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
That's wild.
That's small world shit, too.
Because I've been looking for him to try to get that video.
But why is it that Peter Nelson can't do it without me?
Why is it do you think?
Why is it do you think a Peter Nelson can't do it?
He's so much funnier with this Kramer hair you got right now.
Ain't he so much funnier with Kramer hair?
Wait, what?
Kramer be taking credit for all kinds of shit, too?
Boy, boy, I'm telling you on fire right now, dog.
Keep the hair up.
Keep the hair, yo.
You're exactly like Kramer, dude.
Yeah.
Postman.
What is his name?
You can't even Kramer.
What's his name?
You can't.
We gotta teach you how to Kramer, yo.
Yeah, Kramer, well, son.
Postman.
Do the bit that he did at the laugh factory.
That was a little bit of fairy.
Come on, Mark.
The shower's not running, bro.
You mean Mark's favorite bit?
Mark, you recited that shit, bro.
This is so funny.
Yo, remember when you used to say that bit all the time?
Wait, which one?
Remember when you said your neighbors were so loud and you started doing your favorite Kramer bit?
I didn't say neighbors.
There's another word that started with the N and ended with RS.
Bro, love your N-words, dog.
Oh, fuck.
Guys.
Guys.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
No, seriously, Peter Nelson.
Yo, Andrew.
Also, if you're looking to hire us, a bunch of Comedy Central motherfuckers looking for work right now.
Ain't got shit to do.
Real talk.
Now, we shouldn't.
So there's one thing we learned from the Jordan documentary.
It's we shouldn't, what is it called?
You know, celebrate, what is it called?
Other people's failures.
Just now coming to that realization.
Well, I was going to pass 20 minutes.
I was going to undercut it.
God damn, man.
Oh, Mark.
I've been feeling so bad.
Like, there's such bad commerce.
I feel bad.
Where the fuck is that?
That's a bad call.
Come on, come on, come on.
Salsa on that shit, yo.
I named salsa because it's a food, and y'all probably about to go hungry, you broke motherfuckers.
Unemployed ass bitches.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
Okay.
I'm just sad.
I'm just sick.
Get by.
Andrew is dancing with his YouTube plaques.
Just having on a life raft, you should get used to that.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, boy.
Anyway.
We don't want no smoke, bro, because we just love that Jordan documentary.
It's exactly what Jordan would have done.
Okay.
Need Horror Podcasts00:04:16
Just keep it a buck.
But you didn't wrap up what happened in terms of the HBO situation.
So can they bring their show to HBO?
I think it's at a stalemate.
Mark, do we know anything?
Yeah, I'm not sure what the particulars are.
I think they're like renegotiation, trying to bring the blonde girl back, but I think the brown-haired girl is like done.
She's out.
I think.
She got her meal ticket.
She don't meal work.
Could be renegotiated, though.
I don't know.
If there's money to be made, people will find a way to make money.
I think what Portnoy probably should have done is just taking a piece moving forward.
If he knows they're not coming back to Barcelona and he's willing to sever that relationship, then you go, look, we built you guys up.
I want a piece of this show moving forward.
Give me 15%.
You could do whatever the fuck you want in perpetuity.
I want 15%.
I think it's on some principle shit.
Like, look, I offered to let you out of the deal early.
I will give you back your IP.
You guys signed this deal and it wasn't a shitty deal.
The IP thing was stupid.
They signed off on.
But $500,000 a year, that's not nothing, yo.
It's a lot of people that starting off with love $500,000 a year.
They weren't number one when they signed, were they?
No, no, no, not at all.
That's a lucrative conversation.
I just don't understand.
I do not understand why people want to listen to girls talk about sucking dick on the internet when they can watch.
Watch girls sucking dick on the internet.
That's a valid ass point.
Why do we care about horror podcasts?
And this is not a knocka wheezy in that because honestly, I do think horror podcasts are stupid, but I think hers is aimed more at like exposing these like weird kinks and like sex fetishes people.
And I'm not defending it because it's my friend.
But as far as these other girls go, it's just like, how do you suck dick?
How do you finger a turkey?
Like, I try to listen to some of the...
That's the number one podcast.
They definitely talk about more than just.
They are stunning.
They're really hot girls.
The hot of the girls talking about the sluttier shit is going to win.
Hot girl sluts always wins.
Never loses.
Go on Instagram right now.
See who has the most followers.
I guarantee you.
Hot girl slut.
Of course.
Guarantee.
I give guys we fuck credit.
They were the first ones.
And I think they did it like, interestingly.
I give Weezy credit because I think she's funny.
Mandy's funny.
But like the idea of now the 12th whore podcast is like, all right, man.
I guess maybe they're really funny, but I don't know.
If they're really hot, I just assume they're not funny.
I'm not saying I'm right, but that's the assumption we all make when we see a hot girl.
We're not like, oh, she's hilarious.
You see a super hot guy.
I don't think Cristiano Ronaldo is hilarious by any means.
I don't think he's stunning man.
He's got the most followers on Instagram, bro.
Say what?
He's got the most followers on Instagram.
And he'd be showing them fucking abs and them thighs and them qualities.
It ain't for a sense of humor.
It ain't for his sense of humor.
Do you know a single joke that he's told?
Not a one.
Shit, this was one joke.
I'll be there when my twins are born.
That's one of his great jokes.
Motherfucker got goals to score.
Anyway, sluts, there's an opening for you talking about fucking on the internet.
I guess people need their horror podcasts.
You know?
How do you really feel about that?
What?
The slutty podcast.
Again, that's how I feel.
The first couple, I get it.
That's great, whatever.
But at a certain point, it's like, there's a lot of these, right?
At a certain point, one of y'all need to get married, yo, and be happy.
Nah, for real, because like it's a lot of single ladies upset they ain't in relationships, giving girls advice about how to be like them.
That's why they listen, though.
I understand, but like at a certain point in time, it's like, oh my God, are we perpetuating the same thing that's making us miserable?
Yeah.
But you don't know that in the moment.
Well, come on now.
Yeah.
I need one of like the slut podcast to like be, you know what?
Weezy and them would take over the game if they just got into relationships and were happy, have families and kids and they just kept their like sex positive pocket, all that kind of shit, because it would be aspirational.
You'd be like, yo, you could be all four and have a family?
Say again?
Best of both worlds.
Best of both worlds.
And you could actually lead me to something promising.
Now, not everybody wants to have kids.
That's fair.
The majority of people do.
Yeah.
This idea, like assuming somebody wants to have kids is crazy.
It's like, get the fuck out of here.
It's like, you're fucking.
You're going to want to have some kids.
Best Of Both Worlds00:04:27
Yeah, I don't know.
And even if you don't think you want to have kids, when you're older, you're going to be like, damn, I wish I had some fucking kids.
I get it.
There's a weird disconnect.
And maybe I'm like, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like everybody who believes in evolution to say those people who, though, that subset is like, oh, I don't ever want to have kids.
Well, that the whole purpose of evolution is because we want to have kids.
You're saying like, it's a super liberal belief to completely and unapologetically accept evolution.
Yeah.
And anybody who doesn't is an idiot.
Anybody who doesn't is an idiot.
And it's also a completely liberal belief to go, I don't want I never want kids.
And that is antithetical to evolution.
The entire point of evolution is we all want to procreate, and that's how evolution happens.
That's like the basic number one thing.
Everybody's goal is to procreate and pass your genes on on every species on the entire planet.
And that's what it is.
That's how species work, right?
It's like adapt or die.
Comedy central.
Well, you know, who's not going to be creating anything?
Is you fucking network execs who can't make any shows right now, you contentless fucks.
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Maximize Comfort And Simplicity00:12:15
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Let's get back to the show.
Can we discuss the queue?
6ix9ine recent implosion on Emotional 6ix9ine, Emo6ix9ine.
I do not like Emo6ix9ine.
Have you been following or no?
I haven't been following Takaji super closely.
You're saying this yesterday.
I love 6ix9ine as a comedian, actually, in the same way that I love Donald Trump as a comedian.
Exactly.
Like, if I separate the politics from Trump and I separate his position, I just look at him as a content creator.
He's funny, dude.
It's like Portnoy.
It's hilarious.
And it actually gets heightened by the importance of his job.
So this guy who's the president of the free world, the most powerful position in the world, is posting memes.
Like, it's hilarious.
Memes, a picture, his fucking homepage is Joe Biden.
Like, I don't know what to do.
Like, it's just all of it is so funny, dude.
It's so funny.
So I love, as a comedian, I love that.
As a politician, we don't agree with him, but we can separate it.
Yeah, and there might be things I agree with.
I'm not like monolithic in my beliefs about anything, but 100%.
There's things that are critical.
That was a great sentence.
Did I steal that shit?
That's a great sentence, yo.
A million subscribers.
So basically, 6ix9ine comes out of prison.
He's got the whole snitch thing, which I don't fucking care about.
I'm not from the streets.
The code is an interesting thing to me.
It's cool to watch in shows, but if anybody fucks my girl, tries to kill me, I don't have any loyalty to you whatsoever.
I'll snitch the second I'm threatened.
There we go.
Second you threaten.
My girl's in the room.
Is anybody else in the apartment?
She's in the room right now, hiding under the bed.
Do I look like I would last in prison?
You expect me to respect a code?
Fuck that.
All y'all going down.
You might last.
They keep you around.
Cute ass.
Cute ass.
They would try to keep me around.
I still wouldn't last.
Do you kill yourself?
I get worn out, yo.
I get broken.
You break me.
So, so, so, 6ix9ine comes back, drops a song, Gooba.
It goes fucking crazy.
Hundreds of millions of views, all this kind of stuff.
He starts Instagram some things about how Billboard might fuck him over and might steal the number one song from him, number one song on the Billboard charts or whatever it is, the chart thing.
And then he goes on this fucking Instagram tirade talking about, oh my God, Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber are buying songs or they're buying this and they're inflating the views and they're inflating the listens and they're inflating the streams and inflating the purchases.
And he just starts crying like a little bitch on Instagram and it's so unbecoming.
It's like, we get it.
You're heartbroken.
The funny thing about you is you make fun of yourself, right?
And you clown other people.
When you're taking shit seriously and like emotionally rattled and shaking over number one on Billboard, when you're supposed to be mister, I don't give a fuck.
I'll just tattoo Brooklyn on my forehead.
I'll just tattoo a rose on my cheek.
I'll just tattoo 6ix9ine to, I don't care about anything.
I don't care what nobody thinks about me.
Well, Billboard's going to give you number two.
But they bought him with the credit card.
They used six credit cards to buy it.
Right?
Just crying like a little bitch.
And it takes away all the cool.
Yeah.
He couldn't just thug it out or use his same humor that he did so effectively when anybody called him a snitch.
He used the humor.
Yep.
When Snoop Dogg called him a snitch, he goes, he posts this thing I thought was genius.
You know, the biggest thing I missed when I was in prison was Friday night movies.
And he's got like some popcorn or some shit.
He's standing like six inches away from the TV, right?
I don't know if they have the, maybe he took it down, but he stands six inches away from the TV and he's watching Suge Knight talk about Snoop Dogg and saying Snoop Dogg was a snitch, basically.
Wow.
It's like, why Snoop Dogg never go to jail?
You know, he got a murder trial and then he got off.
He got caught with all that weed.
He got off.
When people get off with a lot of shit, it's probably because they're an informant.
But he never said shit.
He let Suge say it.
Right, right, right.
And he's just sitting there in front of it like a kid.
He's going to be popcorn, which is funny.
It's so funny.
That's how you handle the billboard situation.
You don't get in your feelings.
We don't want to see 6ix9ine, your feelings.
Takashi 6ix9ine shouldn't have a number one song.
You're even better without the number one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, who cares?
We don't care.
We like you as a comedian.
You're better as an underdog.
Yes.
Takashi 6ix9ine on top is not as fun.
Exactly.
It's not.
It's not.
We want you pissing off the people on top.
Yeah.
We want you nipping at their heels.
Great.
We want you being the underdog.
And I guess, you know, he wanted something really badly.
He didn't get it and he got sensitive.
But man, is he unlikable as sensitive?
Like really talking in the camera.
It's like if you look at an apple and then it's a red apple.
And then all of a sudden it's not an apple.
Is that what he said?
Son, it is so fucking pathetic, bro.
It's like he jumped into a metaphor and didn't know the end of the metaphor.
Hey, what do they say about apples and oranges?
What do they say?
It's both food, but it's not.
If you want a red apple, bruh.
Bruh, it was so bad.
Yeah.
And he looked like he was going to cry.
And it's like, come on, man the fuck up, dude.
Do what is successful for you.
I can't call you a genius with social media, right?
One week.
And then you just have this massive flop the next week.
Yeah.
Because I put him up there with Trump in terms of the way he navigates social media.
Trump does get sensitive, though.
And maybe it's just, let me keep the eyes on me.
However, it's happening, I got to keep eyes on me.
And maybe it's interesting and more dynamic if I'm not always, always, always a troll.
Maybe seeing me go through emotional highs and I'm not saying he's not feeling anything.
This is good.
Keep going.
I'm listening.
But maybe it's like, all right, well, let me lean into this sadness because it's like, I just need people to watch me.
If I'm melting down, people are watching.
If I'm explaining I'm a snitch, everybody's watching.
But how do I keep people?
Let me have a meltdown about their billboard numbers.
Let me do some other shit next week.
He's just going to find something to stay relevant.
So you think he's calculating this.
Like you said, the currency of him and Trump is that people are watching you.
It's attention.
Grab attention.
How can I grab attention?
But that's my buddy.
He's sensitive, but he'll shoot back.
He never just like cries.
He'll say stupid shit like, oh, this fake.
That's bullshit.
I have the biggest hands.
Yeah, like he'll just make up some bullshit to fight back, but he doesn't just be like, oh, he doesn't cry.
He goes, he actually goes on the offensive.
Yeah.
That's what 6ix9ine did.
He went on the defensive.
And that's what made him look like a bitch.
Right.
Trump will go on the offensive.
Right?
He'll go, if this was the billboard situation with Trump, he actually attacked Billboard.
Right?
Billboard is fake.
The whole thing is fake.
And then Six Not tried to do that, but then all of a sudden he's copping, please.
Oh, look, there's six different accounts.
Six credit cards bought the thing and all the views and his screenshots and showing all.
He said, Trump ain't going to show no screenshots.
He's just going, you're fake.
You're fake news.
Just call your fake.
You're fake.
We all know the truth.
And then you post one picture of the amount of views that Ariana and Justin's video got and one picture of the amount of views your video got.
Who's number one?
Done.
Yeah.
Not crying and explaining.
Let me show you this PowerPoint.
He gave us a PowerPoint.
You can't be a gangster with face tattoos.
You give him PowerPoint.
Nah, but look, this is what a stream is.
This is what a buy is.
This is the fuck out of here.
He's got support for his gang, for his circle.
Maybe that's what he did.
Real talk.
That's how he rolls at the top.
He understood the internet the best.
I was so disappointed.
I think he's still.
I think he's still going to win.
But I do think maybe there is value in holding attention.
This week, we're talking about 6ix9 complaining.
Last week, obviously the snitching shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Now we're talking about this, and then next week it'll be something else.
But he's not going to go two weeks without giving you something to talk about.
And then the second you stop talking about him, he's done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, 100%.
Our piece this week was about the value of holding attention.
Exactly.
That's what I'm speaking to.
Oh, okay.
To that point, if I want to hold attention, here's the thing to do with this week.
Yeah.
I just think there's a better way to hold the attention.
Should work.
Again, I haven't looked at the podcast that Portnoy dropped, but all the social media that he dropped around the Caller Daddy Girls was not explanation.
It was just comedy.
Yeah.
Like he posts this one video of like, do you have the video?
Yeah.
Can we play it?
Yeah, I think we could.
Ah, fuck.
The audio might fuck up.
But it's on his Twitter feed.
But every image, it's like his face plastered on it, these like iconic movie images.
Yeah.
And he is lifting them up.
In other words, like he made them.
So it's like that ice skating movie with Will Farrell and Napoleon Dynamite.
Napoleon.
John Heater or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
So he's like picking them up.
He's picking them up like, wait, he did all the heavy lifting with Call Her Daddy.
Essentially, which is great.
That's how you do it.
Yeah.
Have some fun with Billboard.
Right.
You know what it was?
Takashi really wanted that billboard.
The great thing about Takashi in the Breakfast Club or on Angie Martinez or any interview is he didn't give a fuck if he was there.
Right.
And we love watching people who don't give a fuck about things that we care about.
It's the best.
It's the best.
And you know what?
He thought he had it in a bag.
He really wanted it.
He was about to be like, yeah, I came right out of prison.
I got a number one single.
And then it was taken away from him.
And that shit fucking hurt.
And I get it.
But the way you handle it is with the same humor that got you here.
Keep that shit in the tub.
We were actually talking about this a couple of days ago.
Like, celebrities getting sensitive is always, especially if you're known to be funny, it's always mad off-putting.
Like, what are you doing this for?
Yeah, even if it's like for like positive shit, like when you accept an award and you like make it serious, you're like, yeah, we got to like stop milking cows or whatever that fucking pussy said.
What's his name?
The Joker?
Yeah, Walking Phoenix.
Yeah, why are we milking cows?
It's like, first of all, nobody drinks regular milk anymore, you idiot.
It's the easiest cause to like support.
Everybody's drinking oat milk, Malcolmian.
What is it called?
Malcolm Gladwell.
Malcolm Gladwell milk.
You know what I mean?
That typical.
Macadamian.
Right?
It's like the dairy industry is actually flopping right now because nobody's using it.
It's like, stop acting like you're coming here to save the fucking day.
You're like America in World War II.
It's like, y'all done fighting yet?
I'll accept crazy shit from him because I think he's just crazy and that's the kind of actor he is.
But yeah, the rest of these guys, come on, you.
I think that's his greatest asset is he convinced motherfuckers he's crazy when he's not.
Like if you can convince people you're a weirdo, they'll believe the weird shit you do.
Johnny Depp is supposedly this weird, crazy guy.
And then his girlfriend tells him what to do.
He's like, okay, Amber Heard.
He's just some cucks little bitch.
I don't think he said okay.
That's not her allegations at least.
Say again?
She didn't accuse him ever just saying, okay, whatever you say.
I think he was a lot of okay's until he was finally like, bitch, stop it.
Slow down, bitch.
It wasn't okay, baby.
Okay, bitch.
There's a few okay, babies until you get to okay, bitch.
Right?
How many okay babies you got before you're like, yo?
Yo, I have a line that my girl, I think, is starting to realize.
I just go, she's nagging odd.
I just look at her, and then she goes, what?
And I just go, you're doing a lot right now.
There we go.
And that's my like, hey, that's the limit.
Exactly.
Everybody got a limit.
What's he supposed to do?
Hop in the Jack Sparrow?
Yo, if, but if, here's what I'll say: if you have convinced me you're crazy and you maintain the character, he's been going on a decade now of just like, we think this guy's out of his fucking head.
That's the prestige.
You, hey, you deserve it.
I'll give you all the credit.
That's artistic in and of itself.
That's the fucking what magicians do.
Like these David Blaine is probably not that weird.
What's the other guy?
Rock and roll David Blaine.
Chris Angel.
Chris Angel is not that weird.
Weird People Believe It More00:08:09
Right?
But they're not that weird.
But they have to lean into the weird so they can do this magical thing.
And we believe it more coming from a weird person.
Like if we look at David Blaine, we're like, yo, this guy don't talk and he's just odd and he like kind of stares into space.
Like, it's like one of those comics that pretends to be autistic.
The weirder they are on stage, the more they get out of their one-liner jokes.
Yeah.
Because we start to go, wait a minute, is that who that guy is?
But I can respect the commitment.
Oh, 100%.
So I'll give you credit as if you are that because you are so fucking good at pretending.
Yep.
Hey, Mark Bradley Black.
Real talk is wrestling as a character like wrestling.
Yo, Nate McIntosh, funny comic, always says, he's been saying this for like even before Trump.
Everything is wrestling.
And then the more you think about it, you're like, yo, everything is just wrestling.
Politics is wrestling.
Comedy is wrestling.
6ix9ine is wrestling.
Like all of it is wrestling.
We all just want to be entertained and wrestling is character building, narratives, that kind of stuff.
Yeah, 100%.
100%.
All right.
What, Mark?
Oh.
Okay, let's move on to something.
We got some topics that we have to talk about today.
Akash, what you want to start with?
There were some fun sports hypotheticals, I thought.
There's one that I think is interesting that Kendrick, what's the name, Kendrick Perkins tweeted?
He said, basically, who would you rather have on your squad?
Or who would you have?
Reggie Miller or Clay Thompson?
I want to get to that one, but can we just talk about what LeBron said about MJ?
So during this entire last dance, you haven't heard a peep out of LeBron James about Michael Jordan.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
All of a sudden, LeBron comes out and says, I would have been a great teammate to Michael Jordan.
To Michael Jordan.
Yeah.
If that isn't the admission that Michael Jordan is the GOAT.
Yeah.
Then I don't know what is.
He's basically saying I could be Scotty.
He didn't go, Mike would be a great teammate of mine, or we would play great together.
I would be a great teammate to him.
Yeah, he essentially said, I would compliment his skills with what I do.
I'm basically better Scotty.
You are better Scotty.
That's what he is.
100%.
But you don't have that dagger that Jordan has.
And you need a guy with that dagger.
And all due respect to Kyrie.
He's a bum when he has to lead the team.
He got the dagger.
But he has a dagger.
Now that he doesn't have the physicality to be Kobe or Jordan.
No.
But he's got the mentality.
He does have the mentality.
Yes.
He has that brain.
And it's just interesting to see him admit it.
Maybe he was manipulated by the documentary.
Maybe he came to like this truth, this actual feeling of, oh man, I know how great I am, but that is true raw greatness, a level that I don't have, a gear that I don't have.
Can you click the link, Al?
Because I think he even specifically says something about Jordan being a killer.
And if you're saying he's a killer, you're not saying, yo, I'm the killer.
Like you are saying he's the killer.
Careful if it's YouTube, though.
No, no, it's just, there's an article.
Oh, okay.
What does he say?
Me personally here, just me personally, the way I play the game, team first, I feel like my best ads has worked perfectly with Mike.
Mike is an assassin when it comes to playing a game of basketball, scoring the way he scored the ball, my ability to pass, my ability to read the game and plays, read the game plays and plays and plays in advance.
I don't know what that exactly means, but yeah.
In other words, Mike is an assassin.
Mike is an assassin.
Now, maybe he just, now that I'm rereading, maybe he just meant that in like he's a scorer, he'll just go out there and kill.
But to me, I also read that as like, that's the killer.
I'll pass.
I'll make the right basketball play.
Mike will go win.
Yeah.
100%.
And I think that you would be a great asset to him, just like LeBron is a great asset to no matter what team he's on.
Yeah.
But you're not going to be the alpha of that team and you're not going to be the best player on that team.
Why do you think he said this?
I think he realized it, yo.
Yeah.
And I think that like LeBron is actually really savvy with social and with all the interviews he does.
And I think he's trying to be the bigger man.
Like I think it'd be really easy in this moment to like puff his chest and go, nah, I'm great.
But if he actually comes out and goes, man, Jordan is just so amazing.
What an amazing player.
Like and doesn't say that he's better than Jordan.
It actually looks better on LeBron.
And then LeBron fans, I think, start coming to LeBron's aid and going, listen, you have to understand LeBron is a better team player and it's a team sport.
So therefore he's been let your fans do all the talking for you in this situation because what is called recency bias is kicking in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When it comes from the last dance, like nobody's going to say that anybody's close to Michael Jordan for the next six months.
At least.
Nobody's going to say.
And then after a while, we're going to see LeBron do some crazy shit and go, man, he might be.
See, but that's why I'm surprised for him to put this out because now everybody can always go back to this quote and be like, look, he admitted it right here.
That is the problem.
That is the problem with Texas.
He should have just left LeBron.
What I've realized as I've gotten older, maybe it's just because we have so much more shit now.
Everybody forgets everything.
Like people are going to forget that.
Unless it's brought back up.
I think what Al's talking about, which is a really important point, which is like anything that you're quoted saying, you will be held accountable forever.
And you have to be really careful in podcasts and especially written interviews because they will go to that quote.
Like we just went to that quote and they will hold you to that quote for the rest of your life.
So you might think if you're LeBron, when you retire at 40, maybe you win a couple more rings or whatever, you might think, you know what?
No, I did enough.
I'm better than MJ.
But motherfuckers go up to you and be like, you said you'd be a great teammate to him.
They won't even tell you.
They'll just write an article about it.
Even LeBron admits it.
That's what we're doing right now.
We're like, LeBron admits he's not as great as Jordan.
I feel like you can always maneuver out of that somehow and be whatever.
I think what happens is like you exist within your vacuum.
So to your fans, you can explain whatever you want.
How do you explain things to your detractors is difficult because your detractors will use everything you say that fits their narrative against you.
And you don't have access to your detractors.
The interesting thing about like 6ix9ine and Trump is they actually have access to their detractors.
It's similar to Floyd Mayweather, where it was like the haters and the lovers listen and watch at the same time.
Tommy Laron.
Yep.
To a certain extent.
Yep.
I wouldn't say as much.
I don't think she's brilliant, but to this day, I feel like if Tommy Laron, if we don't hate, retweet Tommy Laron and insult her, she doesn't reach that many people.
Oh, 100%.
She used black.
I said it on Brilliant Idiots.
I was like, she uses black Twitter.
Black Twitter is her biggest PR.
She says something purposely to enrage them.
They retweet everything, and now she's vacant.
That's how I'm tying them to Takashi and Trump.
I think same kind of thing.
Yeah.
If we didn't constantly hate Trump at the beginning and talk about how he hated Trump and the things he was saying, I don't think he had won an election.
Here's the thing about Tommy.
There's nothing redeeming about her for the detractors, where the people who hate Trump undeniably find him funny.
I'm talking about friends of mine who are audible about their hate, posting things all the time about how much they hate him.
Private text messages, yo, the guy's hilarious.
Yo, he's the GOAT.
GOAT.
It's always going to be a private text message, though.
100% private text, but like there's never a private text message about Tommy going, nah, she has some bars.
She's funny.
She's hilarious.
There's nothing redeeming.
Like, she's not charismatic.
She's not charming.
She just regurgitates conservative talking points in a space that doesn't allow those talking points to be out there and looks like the most hatable version of the person saying it.
She won't wait, blue-eyed white girl.
Say again.
She won't win like Takashi, like Trump on the same level, but that's how she won is hate and crazy detractors.
I would say she's not wrestling enough.
Yeah.
She's like too much politics.
Yeah, she needs more character.
I think she was thinking Fox News the whole time, and that's it.
Say again?
I think her goal this whole time is, let me get off the blaze or whatever the fuck Fox News, and then I'm good.
100%.
100%.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like Candace Owens is a little bit more wrestling than Tommy is.
Like, Candace will say the wild shit on purpose to troll and lean into like the second Corona came out, she was like, open the country.
And we're like, this bitch is not closed yet.
Right?
She's like, well, it's going to close.
Just keep it open.
It's like she is, she's on it with the wrestling.
She understands the value of the wrestling.
Passive Aggressive Tie Game00:06:12
But yeah, I think this is telling for LeBron.
I think it's this what it is, man.
I think we all forgot what Jordan was.
And then I think in 30 years, even if there wasn't a documentary, you would look back at everything they did, you'd have been like, oh, Jordan's better.
But this just brought it into the current conversation.
Because LeBron knows that he can't decide if a team wins or loses.
And Jordan could.
Yeah.
LeBron knows he can't just make a decision.
Boom.
Yeah.
Right?
Jordan could do that.
Or at least that's what the documentary showed.
Yeah.
And I don't think people fear LeBron in the way they feared Jordan.
I think that you could, dude, didn't Draymond like what did Draymond do to LeBron?
What do you mean?
They get physical.
Remember, they had something.
Oh, oh, he punched LeBron in the nuts.
And this is brilliant on LeBron.
Savvy.
He stepped over Draymond, which is, you know, whatever disrespectful.
Draymond punches him in the nuts.
I think LeBron kind of overacted about it and then brought it up in the post-game, like, yeah, you know, this, I hate this, is such a passive-aggressive thing, but he's like, you know, I'm going to do what I've always done and be the bigger person and not talk about it, but you're talking about it.
But that shit worked, man.
That shit got Draymond thrown out, and that's how he won.
But like, we talk about it.
But again, they won not because it got LeBron so angry that he was going to come and shut Draymond up the next day.
Yeah.
Jordan would have just been like, nah, we'll deal with it.
Yeah.
Jordan would have been in the fucking locker room with his bat and a cigar.
Like, oh, remember that motherfucker hit me in the nuts?
Remember, LeBron is like snitching to the media about it.
Let's put it this way: LeBron, we talk about the block, right?
Jordan's last championship against the Jazz.
We don't even mention the steal.
He goes for first the layup, then the next time down, the steal, then no timeout, dribbles it down court, hits the jumper.
He is, he is the last 45 seconds of the game.
And that's something we only talk about the block to give LeBron a little credit.
Like, yeah, it was cool that you closed the distance and blocked it.
It's not that important in the grand scheme of things.
Like, Kyrie hit a fade away three-pointer on a kind of step to the side in Steph's face.
Kyrie's shot was super impressive.
The block, if you rewatch it, you're like, it's a, I re-watched the game one time, like randomly, and it was just fucking impressive.
Yeah, the block is it.
And it's a tie game, and they got an easy layup.
And at that point, you're down two, which Kyrie still could have won the game on a three, but it's a very different game if you are.
Let's say they hit that two, Kyrie hits a three.
If you're Golden State down one, that's a different thing than down three.
Down three, the only option is Steph or Clay, take the three.
That's it.
Yo, something LeBron said on Uninterrupted as well.
He was like, Sorry, sorry to interrupt.
Oh, they were down one.
It's a tie game, I believe.
And then Igodala gets blocked.
So if he makes that easy layup, then the Cavs are down too.
Let's say Kyrie hits a three.
Are you sure it was a tie game?
I'm pretty sure it's a tie game.
Can we look at that?
It was a tie game for a long time, I remember.
I want to look at that because before Kyrie's three, I remember was a tie game for a long time.
Just look final score.
Oh, they won by three.
Steph had a three at the end.
Kevin Love played the best defense of his life, and Steph didn't hit the three.
That's right.
Kevin Love played it.
Oh, yeah, the stop.
Yeah, the stop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
He got the ISO, and Kev Love played great fucking D on it.
Yeah.
And the block, like re-watching it, he comes out of fucking nowhere.
So it was a tie game because of the block.
It was a tie game because of the block.
So in other words, they would have won no matter what.
But being down one at the end of a game, of course, things change.
Of course, things.
What I'm trying to say is we inflate the value of the block because it's LeBron, right?
If it was James Jones that blocked that shot, it's not part of history.
Just like Kevin Love's lockdown D of Steph Curry has slowly been forgotten.
Yeah, we inflate stars.
If Steve Kerr hits the lash out of Jordan's career, it's like, hey, that's crazy.
Steve Kerr hit that.
Whatever.
So we inflate the stars and we inflate the value of that block because the reality of the matter is if he hits that layup or gets fouled, hits a free throws, and then Kyrie still hits a shot, they still win.
It doesn't matter.
And it was tied.
It was tied.
So it's not like.
Great block, but it's, yeah.
Yeah.
And also now I realize, God, I thought that they were up.
So funny.
Now I realize why it's not that crazy that he took that like step to the side three.
He didn't have that much to lose.
Yeah.
It was a tie game.
I thought he was like, yo, I thought they were down one.
And that, see, that's also a different thing.
If they're down two, maybe Kyrie still probably shoots a three, to be honest.
But it's a much better thing.
He might take that.
And to be honest, Kyrie's mentality, maybe he hits that three.
Maybe he's got that mentality.
But as much as I hate on him, that's a fact.
But it's a different thing down two than tie game taking a three.
You know what I mean?
Like, it all changes.
But Jordan, layup, easy two, steal, off, not his defender.
Come help, bang, and then hit the jumper.
Like, he is the entire last 45 seconds.
Al, you were about to say something?
Oh, just something else that LeBron said during that uninterrupted interview where he was like, during the 2011 lockout, he was going to play football for the Cowboys.
I have it in the topics list for the Cowboys.
He contemplated.
He has a contract steal that Jerry Jones sent him.
So there were, you know, the NBA lockout happened in 2011.
Yeah.
And LeBron was contemplating playing football.
His trainer or somebody was in his ear, like, yo, you could be a fucking tight end.
You should go do this.
I mean, I could not think of anything more idiotic than LeBron James risking hundreds of millions of dollars to play a season of football.
I mean, all it would take is one injury that could affect your legacy as an NBA player.
Stop acting like you were going to fucking play LeBron.
There's no way in fucking hell you were going to play football.
You're right, but as a Cowboy fan, I'm like, yeah, but if they said that they were going to do it, you know what I mean?
Like, 100%, I get where you're coming from.
You're like, man, what could have been?
You know, every time I see Steph hit a three, I'm like, why didn't we draft him?
Yeah, right?
100%.
That being said, I cannot fathom that LeBron, who has set out this legacy of being the greatest player ever and wanting to win all these championships and wanting to change his family's lives and change communities with the money that he could make from the NBA, I cannot fathom he would risk all of that to play a single season of football.
Yeah, he would.
I mean, it's just, yeah, there's no fucking way.
You never even considered it.
Get CBD Delivered To Crib00:03:56
He's tired, though.
He should go to a training camp just because.
He's not going to be good, but just go to a training camp, just suit up.
It'll just be fun.
He had nothing to lose at this point.
I could just imagine him flopping in football.
Oh, shit, wagging.
Looking at the ref.
Throw the flag.
You think baseball is the safest crossover sport for an athlete?
Gotta be.
That or golf.
Oh, golf.
I think if Jordan was.
I think golf is all year.
I don't know if golf has like a, like an off, like a long offseason.
So I think it's hard to play.
Oh, yeah, because there's all these different tournaments.
But I mean, you could decide when you want to play or not.
Ah, yeah.
Yeah, you're saying like just do like one off.
Okay, okay.
Tony Romo tried to.
I said twai to again.
I said twai to Tony Romo tried to qualify for events while he was playing with the Cowboys.
And what happened?
Did he see a puddy cat?
And then he couldn't.
He didn't see one.
He didn't taught he tall.
He taught he tall.
Did he taught you tall?
I thought he saw a puddy cat.
I did.
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Kawhi Has The Ego00:14:44
Now let's get back to the show.
All right.
Combo that we initially started with, and then we got a little derailed with the MJ LeBron comparison, was who would you rather have on your team, Reggie Miller or Clay Thompson?
Yeah.
That was a discussion that was happening.
It was on Twitter.
Yeah.
And it's a really interesting discussion because they're these two knockdown shooters.
Knockdown.
I think it depends what role I want them for.
Let's say you're starting a team.
Starting a team.
Who do I build the team around?
Yeah, who do you think you team around?
Reggie.
I agree with that.
Reggie's the number one that you can build around.
I don't think Clay can be your number one and you win.
Not saying that he's not a killer.
Saying that he's not an amazing player, I just think he is a more amazing role player.
He's a 10 out of 10 role player.
He's like an 8 out of 10 number one.
Yeah.
Or 8.5 out of 10 number one guy.
He might be an 11 out of 10 role player.
One of the best number twos of all time.
He is the idea.
Lockdown defender.
We'll see how the knee holds up.
Yeah.
And knockdown three-point shooter.
He is the ideal role player.
Yeah.
You won't talk about who would play well with Jordan.
You want to talk about who would play well with Jordan?
Every time Jordan goes to the basket, dishes knocked down.
Who would be a better number two?
I think Pippin would still be a better number two.
Pippin, maybe for the passing facilitating for facilitating, especially in a triangle, right?
Because I think the taller players played much more of a role in like distributing the ball.
Didn't even know that.
But Jordan isn't necessarily the best facilitator.
You need a facilitator, Jordan, and Clay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm with you on that.
So I think Pippen's a better number two for him.
But you said this before, and I cannot think of a better person for LeBron.
His ideal number two is Clay.
He doesn't have to mark up the other team's best player.
Yep.
And then he's got a guy.
He can dribble, penetrate, and then a fucking assassin is just waiting for him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But if I'm starting a team, I think I go with Reggie Miller.
This is real, true, alpha male killer.
I mean, he doesn't have maybe all the Jordan mentality in him, but he's got like 90%, maybe.
I think he's real fucking close mentally.
He's just physically not the same.
Yeah.
I mean, he's built like a fucking Lima bean.
And then Jordan is built like a fucking, like a basketball god.
Yeah.
Reggie Miller is just, he's whatever talent he had.
And this, Jordan maximized it too, but so did Reggie.
Yeah, Reggie did.
I don't think he had the same talent.
The guy couldn't really leap crazy.
No, he didn't have any, he didn't have any jumping ability.
I mean, he was long, so he could have nice dunks.
But he could dunk off of the length.
It wasn't off of sheer athleticism.
Yeah, yeah.
Whereas Jordan could dunk off of both.
I mean, he's just the perfect basketball specimen.
Well, he was the perfect one until we saw LeBron James.
Even then, LeBron is like a football player playing basketball.
If he had to design a basketball player, he would look like Jordan.
I think he would look like Jordan.
I think he would look like Jordan.
I think we will.
I think we would probably do that because we're kind of grandfathered into our views of what a basketball player is.
But as the game has evolved, seeing these fours that can shoot threes and seeing them playing all five positions and how important that is on all these defensive switches.
And we have to understand, like, LeBron is what, 34 years old?
Yeah.
Do you remember like 28-year-old LeBron, 26-year-old LeBron?
That was crazy.
Just bouncing around like he's a point guard.
But he's 6'8, 200-plus pounds.
I remember him with the heat.
Maybe it was the second time they went to the finals, or maybe it was the year after that.
It was just like, What is going on?
He was guarding all five positions.
What is going on?
Yeah.
So it's things have changed a little bit.
But yeah, I would definitely go Reggie if he was the person I was building a team around just because he is that fucking leader.
I don't see Clay as a leader.
Is that disrespectful to say?
I think if he was a leader, he'd be leading.
Yeah.
You know, like, I, but I think one of Clay's most amazing assets is his ability to accept the role and excel within it.
He is egoless.
Man, and you know how that is more rare.
Definitely as rare, I would say, as that Jordan mentality.
Not as Jordan.
Yeah.
I would say being egoless is more rare than being the team leader.
100%.
Wanting to be the team leader is everybody.
100%.
There's very few people who are fucking skilled and probably could be a team leader.
Yes.
But say, let me swallow all my ego and just do this.
Even Pippin tried, but he couldn't.
When he was the guy, he fucking ate it up.
Yep.
That is the most amazing quality that Clay has.
Maybe it's easier when you're on a team with someone that has a very similar skill set as yours, but it's not as good.
Like maybe he has to look at Steph every day and go, that guy's a better shooter than me.
I know I'm great at shooting.
He's better.
Okay, I can be his beta.
I can accept that because the specific thing we both do, he does better.
You know, we don't give Steve Kerr enough credit for it.
When he got hired to be the Warriors coach, they were ready to ship Klay Thompson for Kevin Love.
And he kept him.
And Kerr was like, no, I want Clay, but I want to do some things with Clay.
And then Clay became one of the best defenders in the league and is knocked down shooter.
If Steve Kerr doesn't coach that team, and maybe Mark Jackson lets that trade happen, maybe whatever coach comes in.
That's a big difference.
You're not winning a championship with Kevin Love.
Yeah, I don't know if you're winning it.
Well, I mean, he got one.
He got one, but he had LeBron and he had the squad around him.
And Kevin Love can shoot threes, bro.
Like, it'd be a different type of thing.
I agree with you.
I wouldn't say it's so black and white as to say no champion.
I'm just saying the fact that you have that perimeter defender and Draymond is huge.
Yeah.
So you can, whatever the best guard is, Clay can guard him and Steph didn't have to worry about it.
Yeah.
No, I hear you on that.
That is interesting.
It's interesting to say that Clay's greatest quality is his lack of ego and how rare that is.
Like, where do you find?
I remember a buddy of mine who works in a league was telling me he liked this one player.
It was this white guy who played for the Knicks.
I forget his name.
Yeah, like the Justin Beaver.
Chris Dudley.
No, Justin Bieber here.
It was recently.
And whatever.
He got some kind of like pseudo-celebrity because he's like the white Nick that has like the cool hair.
But he went played for West Virginia.
I think he played the same team as Van Fleet, maybe or something like that, or some other player.
Who cares?
Point is, he never was the main guy at West Virginia.
Do you remember?
Ron Baker?
Ron Baker.
Okay.
He never was the main guy at West Virginia.
So my guy was looking at him and was thinking about signing him and actually tried to sign him, but the Knicks gave him a deal.
And he said, the reason I like him is because I won't have to deal with his ego.
He will come here and accept the role because he's accepted roles his entire career at the collegiate level, accepted a role in the NBA, obviously accepting a role.
And he'll come over here and he'll accept the role.
When you get a guy who is the best player in his college team, you have to chip away at that ego if the skill isn't good enough.
And it's really fucking hard for people to reduce that ego.
And one of the most amazing skills of a guy like Steph Curry is he was able to chip away at that ego and reduce it when Kevin Durant came out.
Yeah.
I think that might be the rarest quality in the NBA or in any field.
Is it the most important thing for a dynasty?
Honestly, one A is the great player and one B is the egolist role player.
It's one B, dude.
Or it's one and one A, whatever people call that shit.
It is that because you cannot be a dynasty without elite talent.
Yes.
And you cannot be a cohesive team without ego or with ego.
Right.
Whoa.
That's it.
That's the rarest thing, reducing it.
The great guy's got to have an ego.
And we get that.
The number one, the killer, the alpha, all that, get it.
But then the guy who's willing to swallow his ego and just be the number two and be as great as he can at being a number two.
Like Klay became a better defender.
I assume, like you said, I can't shoot like Steph.
How can I help the team?
Yeah.
Let me just focus on defense.
Yeah.
And then he's a fucking lockdown defender and shooter.
And now you got a dynasty.
Yeah.
How would you judge Kawhi?
Because Kawhi's one of those assassins who's egoless.
Kawhi is a fucking anomaly, dude.
We're going to look back on him, I think, as no, there's no precedent for Kawhi.
And I don't know if there'll be another Kawhi after.
I would push back on him being egoless.
Really?
I think Kawhi's got a lot of ego.
Really?
He doesn't display it.
I think he doesn't display in a traditional way, but In that, like, he's not in the media.
He's not, you know, talking to reporters and that kind of shit.
But the decisions that he chooses to make, I think, have a lot of ego.
I mean, he like went to Toronto for a year, wins a championship, and then just leaves to go to L.A. Like, that's a huge ego.
Like, going to Toronto and telling them when they first get there goes, I want to be traded.
Trade me to L.A.
I don't want to play for this team.
Like, that's what he said when he showed up.
I don't want to play here.
That's ego.
You know what I mean?
I guess.
But he wanted to play in L.A. originally.
But he also left the Spurs because he couldn't have enough ego.
Like, he says, oh, I left because I didn't trust the training staff.
No, you didn't.
You left because when you're part of the Spurs, they take away your fucking ego.
I heard that was a lot of Uncle Dennis in his ear.
Say again?
What people say is that's Uncle Dennis in his ear being like, hey, Uncle Dennis has a lot of influence in you going to LA.
If you're swayed, Stephen A. Smith implied some shit about Uncle Dennis, didn't he?
That he got some shit to go to LA or something like that.
Stephen A. Smith implied some shit.
I think we look at Kawhi like he's borderline retarded.
So we're like, oh, it must be Uncle Dennis that's making all the decisions.
But it's like, this is actually like a savvy and smart guy.
And I don't know if Uncle Dennis is that savvy or smart.
Right.
But he's just the liaison to the team.
So Kawhi don't have to deal about that kind of shit.
Like, I don't think Kawhi is trying to build his brand.
I think the only thing he wants to do is win.
Right.
You know, I mean, basically, I think he told Toronto that he's like, yeah, I'll come back, but everybody can be traded except Pascal Siakum or some shit like that.
That's ego.
When you tell the guys you just won a championship, you tell all-star Kyle Lowry can be fucking shipped.
Yeah.
They're all useless.
You know what I mean?
So I think we think, I know I do, Al, maybe you agree.
Ego is kind of driven by emotion, and he seems emotionless.
Yeah.
Maybe not, because Jordan is, well, you know, that's what I'm saying.
Jordan's emotional.
He has no remorse, but he's emotional.
Don't get confused by seems.
Yeah.
Right?
I think we're taking our expectation, our perception of Kawhi, and then we're putting ego on top of that, and it doesn't fit.
We're like trying to put the triangle into the square.
Yeah.
But if we accept that he does have ego and he is emotional, he's just not showing us, then I think it's easier to believe.
Right.
Like he did go to LA, and it's not because he wants to be closer to home.
He was in San Antonio for years.
He wants to be the fucking man.
He wants to show up to practice when he wants.
He wants to not play because his knees are sore.
Like he was doing load management, right?
He was like, I'm not playing.
Why?
Because my legs are.
Now, it's the right decision.
You want to make sure your legs are good for the finals.
That being said, you're getting paid millions of dollars, motherfuckers.
Sometimes you got to play on your sore knees.
Yeah.
Like the reason why he wanted everybody shipped out of Toronto is because he didn't think he had enough help and he had to carry the team by himself.
He was making some Jordan-esque demands.
Yeah.
But we just see him like, ha So we don't think that he can have this huge ego.
Right.
There's ego there.
Man, I'd have loved him staying in Toronto just to see.
I don't know if Pascal would have gotten as good knowing Kawhi's coming back, but that fucking squad right now with Kawhi.
Yeah, the Clippers are stacked too.
Yeah, let's have this conversation.
Pascal or Paul George?
Whoa.
Let's have the conversation, yo.
Pascal younger, Pascal more durable.
Whoa.
Pascal.
Who's got less ego?
Pascal.
And to credit Paul George, I don't think he got tons of ego, but he's going to chalk up some stupid shots.
Yeah.
You know, because he's, I'm Paul George.
I'm going to try to mix you up and, you know, pull up a fucking fadeaway three from the corner.
And you're on record saying you love his game more than any other in the world.
I love his game.
Yeah.
That being said, who do I want to play with if I'm Kawhi?
If I'm thinking about being one of the greats, the younger, more durable Pascal who's ascending, that's interesting.
All these contracts are up a year after this.
Kyle Lowry would probably come back for less.
He probably happy here.
And you could maybe even trade his expiring contract for fucking God knows what.
Because the team, you know, teams want to get money off their salary.
So like if I think Kyle Lowry's deal expires next year, so it'd be like $30 million a team could save by, you know, by signing or whatever.
You get a lot of shit for that.
You could build a squad.
Toronto had assets.
Clippers got a squad, but they traded all their assets to get Baul George.
Charano had both.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
I'm looking at the stats right now, and Paul George, higher points per game, higher assists per game.
It's like, don't you want to play with the player?
This is.
Career for sure.
Yeah, career.
My thing about Pascal is he's probably going to win most improved player, and he was good last year.
Yeah.
So that's where I'm like, and you can't really predict this, but I'd have loved to see him stay just to see how it worked out.
To see what would happen.
What do you think about Michael Phelps trying to kill himself?
Or does he want to kill himself?
What's the whole deal?
I know he'd be.
He didn't try to kill himself, guys.
Sorry.
I don't want to.
He battles a lot with mental health, but he's just like, this quarantine has been tough.
Like, it's the hardest time of my life, which is kind of crazy coming from a fucking most winning Olympian in history.
Yeah.
In the history of time.
Yeah.
He looks like you also have, yeah.
Yeah.
Everybody says he kind of looks like me, which is quite insulting.
You never want to be compared to someone who is uglier than you and objectively uglier than you.
But yeah, I see the similarities a bit.
But what is he saying?
He just has an interview about how sad he is.
He's just struggling a lot in quarantine, apparently, like mental health-wise.
He feels real overwhelmed.
And like, I don't know.
Did he call ESPN and say, hey, I'm feeling depressed.
I'd like to share it with you guys?
Like, how does this interview even happen?
I don't know.
Why is anybody checking up on him?
Why does anybody care about the guy who doesn't swim anymore?
They need news, man.
There's no sports on.
Spam, you know, you're getting low on news when you call up the swimming guy who don't swim no more and ask him about his mental health.
And they got nothing.
They got nothing else.
I think he was giving an interview to somebody else.
Isn't it crazy that this guy is depressed now?
That's what I'm saying.
No, no, no.
A year ago, it came out he was fucking some tranny.
Remember?
Really?
I thought he was engaged.
No, apparently he was like banging some tranny or didn't know about it.
Look up Michael Phelps tranny.
Mark, can you look up Michael Phelps tranny?
I would love to, yeah.
It's probably in his audience.
Some girl was like alleging or some tranny was alleging they dated?
Spotting HIV In Dad00:15:05
From the Daily Mail, Michael Phelps' self-proclaimed girlfriend reveals she was born a male as she describes her amazing intimacy with Olympic swimmer.
Self-proclaimed girlfriend?
Yeah.
Damn.
Is she the actual girlfriend?
That I don't know.
Because self-proclaimed.
Maybe they're not boyfriend, girlfriend.
Maybe they talk on fucking Instagram.
She's still a tranny.
Anyway, let's keep going.
Okay.
And so basically, it's just this article about how he's like having depression or something.
What's the deal?
Like, what's going on?
What were you doing before that you couldn't do now?
I don't know.
You could swim in isolation.
Literally what swimming is.
It's isolation.
Yeah, I just don't get it.
What was so exciting about his life that's changed?
I think the loss of the limelight.
So it's not about quarantine.
It's about the limelight.
10-year period, probably even longer.
He was like...
The man.
The man.
But even then, you only gave a fuck about him one month every four years.
Son, swimming is so stupid.
Can we just talk about how stupid swimming is?
It's the best form of exercise, but it's a sport.
Yeah, it is.
Hey.
Is it?
You know who swims every day at the local YMCA?
Who?
Larry Legend?
Your dad?
He cut that shit out because it's stupid, bro.
Dog, I think that was the first thing that my dad forgot when his memory started going.
He saw Michael Phelps be all sad.
He's like, fuck this shit, dude.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I become the best swimmer I can be, and then I just want to be fucking whining all the time.
Yeah, get out of here, dude.
Now, my dad did swim.
That's a fact.
But he also had like four knee surgeries, so it was the only way that he could do it.
He used to be a marathon runner.
He would do that shit in army boots like a fucking boxer because that's what boxers used to run him.
Now he got the illest bunions and the craziest nails ever.
So don't do that.
And it kind of explains the bad news.
He's really lying.
He's really bad.
Don't ever do that.
So he had to, he was forced to swim.
He didn't want to swim.
But like the swimming thing, can we get rid of it?
Can we get it out of the Olympics?
What the hell is he thinking?
What do you mean?
Marathon in combat boots?
That's what boxers used to turn.
They didn't run marathons.
Yo, they ran like eight miles.
What do you mean?
A boxer runs like eight miles.
He don't run 26 or whatever it is.
Son, Larry Schultz ain't no bitch.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, Larry Schultz out here dicking down girls.
You know what I'm saying?
Before my mom, he was dicking down these girls, bro.
Dick's down.
Do you know what I mean?
With the fatty.
He had that fatty, bro.
Stuffing him, full of it.
Full pubic hair, too.
Full of what?
What?
What?
Fat dick, bro.
He was stuffing fat dick in there, dude.
That's how things work.
Fucking marathon.
Yo, you know what?
That is crazy.
So that's how you could tell there's double standards because I want my dad to get all the pussy before my mom.
And if my mom was out here fucking dudes, I'm like, you horror.
What the fuck is wrong with you, right?
Take your puss for my dad and me to come out of.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that is crazy.
But if girls are being fucked up to my dad, nah.
You just switched a double standard, mid-double standard.
No, like, if girls were disrespecting my dad by not giving him pussy back in the day, that'd be like that's fucked up.
Like, that's super foul.
I think it's because you look at your mom like that's your first house.
You know what I mean?
You don't want to be lived in.
So yeah, if some guy's like disrespecting it, you're like.
That's so funny.
Like, yo, I'm that's so funny.
I used to live there.
Like, you don't want to be there.
I feel like I built this motherfucker real tart, dude.
Come on, man.
It's like someone ruining your apartment.
Yeah.
It's like when your school gets knocked down, it's like, damn.
That was mine.
Yeah.
Bro, no bullshit.
I remember my dad fucking my mom when I was in my mom.
Come on, son.
Nah.
No, dead serious, dog.
Dead serious.
I remember that.
I was bobbing and weaving like Mayweather in that bitch.
Shoulder roll over.
Maybe he's trying to train you to box.
Maybe he's trying to train you to box.
I think he was.
I think he would deep stroke, and I have to get away from it and I have to dip, slip, under.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Sometimes I punch back.
You throw jabs?
Say what?
You throw jabs?
I would throw jabs.
One time I remember I got my whole fist stuck in his urethra.
I remember that.
I remember that shit.
And then he would cool you down?
Say, yo, one time he threw a Hadouken all over me.
That shit was wet.
I was like, chill, Bob thought you still busting his side, bro.
I'm in here, dog.
I'm in here.
It's a flood.
I can't even make jokes about this.
Son, that shit.
That's crazy.
He was fucking her at least two times.
The placenta is the first umbrella, though.
That shit is perfect.
Like, dude, can it cover you?
I had a shield the whole time.
Yeah.
Get out of here.
You were never in any real danger.
I think I had a drop-top placenta, dog, because that shit was hitting me right in the fucking face and the shoulder.
He broke it?
Son, I think he might have broken my placenta.
Oh, maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe.
It's just like wearing four-ounce mitts.
It ain't really stopping.
The placenta's headgear.
It's sparring.
My dad's just sparring.
Just me and that.
He's still going to feel those back there.
So the sperm doesn't touch you no matter what.
The placenta protects 100%.
Placenta protects you.
Real talk.
Yeah.
I remember one time I tried to get him with that umbilical cord.
I tried to choke that shit around with that umbilical.
And he saw it come and just snuck that dick right out of there real quick.
I was like, all right.
I was like, all right, fam.
All right.
I couldn't say that many words at that point.
So I was like, all right.
Anyway, Michael Phelps, stop being a bitch.
All complaining and shit, bro.
I hate this public complaining.
He looks sick.
Watch.
You think he got AIDS?
I bet he got something.
Alex thinks Al thinks that he can tell when people have AIDS.
Guarantee you watch, and he thinks Michael Phelps got AIDS.
Yeah, he looks like Dallas Buyers Club right now.
How much time we have on this deal?
Um, I give it a year.
He's progressing.
That's progressive.
Progressing quickly?
Yeah.
Wait, are you serious, Al?
Yeah, that's why he's depressed because he knows he's going.
Are you serious for real?
I don't know, man.
I can believe you can tell when girls are pregnant, but I don't believe it.
I can spot the hiv.
Why can you spot the hip?
Why is that?
I don't know.
I just could spot the hiv, son.
People just have gifts.
That's a gift?
How much hive is there left?
That's a great question to ask.
How much hiv is left?
What do you mean?
Before it says AIDS?
No, like how much HIV is out there in the world and AIDS combined.
Like, is there more HIV than there is like platinum?
Like, like, what?
What do what do what do we have more of on this planet?
Like, what's more, like, should I get my girl a ring made out of some him?
Some him?
Like, what's what is more valuable?
And nothing says forever like him.
No, quite the opposite.
You're not.
Everything begins with him.
Everything begins with gay.
Son.
That's kind of sucks, bro.
But the Al knows when everyone's got hips.
Oh, yeah.
Why?
I could just spot it.
It's a little sus.
Like, I don't know.
If you're someone that has too good a gay dar, you might be gay.
Yeah, but why aren't you sharing this with the gays back in the day?
Like, when did you realize this superpower?
You could probably save at least a few million gays.
I don't know.
You could have, bro.
I should have.
I should have.
So, how do you know?
Like, what is it?
Like, I don't know.
They just got to look.
He got the look.
Was live aid for AIDS?
It was like Woodstock.
It's a little on the nose, ain't it?
It was Woodstock for AIDS, bro.
What's live aid?
It's a concert, I guess, for like a benefit.
I guess was for AIDS.
I assume that was too close.
They may give the money to if they're dead.
Having a concert, having live AIDS for AIDS.
You know what I mean?
It's just whack.
But let's be serious.
Who do we give the money to if they're dead?
It's to find a cure.
Huh?
It's to find a cure.
He's giving them money.
And I was like, yo, you got the HIV?
He was a nickel.
He didn't do that shit.
Son, nickel is Mark's second favorite word.
Love thy nickel, bro.
What'd you say?
Pumper nickel?
What?
That's what your dad was doing, bro.
Let's do real talk, dude.
Pumper nickel.
All right.
So, um, but no, in all seriousness, like with the Corona charity, where does that money go?
To the people of Corona?
Like, I had to find a vaccine probably to help maybe.
So, what would we do with the money?
We hire more scientists.
We're like, okay, we get three more scientists.
I think, honestly, some shit like that.
Yeah.
Like, because we know we got scientists working on it.
And what?
Are they like, well, I'm not going to work unless you give me some more money.
And now I'm going to be more science about it.
I think you can just have more people.
I'm just saying, like, right now, scientists are working, right?
Do you think they're going to boycott?
Are they going to do that?
Science.
Yeah.
Like, are there scientists in there?
Like, listen, I'm getting 100 grand a year.
I'm going to give you 100 grand a year of effort.
But if you're trying to raise some money.
Maybe you're going to hire a new scientist.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Why don't we hire that other one?
You saying, why don't you?
If we got better scientists, bye, just more.
Yeah.
Just more people working for the same more people doing the same math.
Nah, they're trying out different things.
Back in the day, trying to make a vaccine.
Jonah Salk, the other ones.
Okay.
Jonah Salk.
One person.
Jonah Salk made a vaccine all by him damn self.
He didn't know if he needed fucking live aid, Corona aid.
Yeah, he didn't have no deadlines, though.
That motherfucker could just work on it.
Say what?
He didn't have no deadlines.
That guy was just working in the fam.
Had the ultimate deadline.
He injected himself.
That's what we need, yo.
That's if you really want these scientists to get to science in, give them some AIDS seriously.
Yo, what?
Hey, bro, you want a cure for Corona?
You got to give the fucking scientists Corona.
That's what we should do.
You want a cure for AIDS?
Give the scientists AIDS.
You want a cure for Corona?
Give the scientists Corona.
You want a cure for cancer?
Give the scientists cancer.
They are going to figure that shit the fuck out once their lives are on the line.
They're not going to be dilly-dallying all day, taking their time, bleaching their fucking trench coats, working on their...
What's that stupid shit they put on?
Check your heartbeat.
I knew it wasn't.
You know what?
I gave you the beats, dog.
Give the scientists AIDS.
I think he just figured it out, bro.
I think he might have figured it out.
Uh-huh.
Duh.
Dr. Yeah, that's the problem with all these diseases that too stupid of people get it.
That's it.
Akash.
Yo, I just.
If you're a scientist, right?
Yeah.
Hypothetical world where you make your parents proud.
Yeah.
Do you think if you got diabetes, you would fix that?
Yeah, I guess.
What if your mom got diabetes and you had the ability?
I would fix that.
I know I hate shit.
My dad can't remember nothing.
I'm not even getting him an iPad or something where he can write shit down.
Right?
But if I was a scientist, that's where I'd be putting all my fucking effort in.
So we need to either give scientists AIDS or give scientist kids AIDS or something, you know?
Wow.
Add the stakes.
Am I talking crazy?
No, it's a good point.
Nah, perfectly.
Tell me.
Listen, I understand it's drastic measures.
It is funny to say, give scientist kids AIDS.
Am I crazy?
Am I talking crazy?
Am I saying crazy?
Will they fix it?
Because now we got to rely on Bill Gates to fix everything, right?
Yeah.
How do you give the kids AIDS?
What?
How do you give the kids AIDS?
Mark, not that way.
Mark's signing up real quick.
Mark, I think you've been red-billed again.
We got him.
You hear Mark's response?
I don't have AIDS.
Why don't we just assume I had AIDS?
The fact that Al said it, that kind of makes me sick.
Yo, but in all seriousness, let's say there is an illness that's going to kill the entire world.
Right?
Yeah.
We need scientists to work on it.
Well, it's going to kill the entire.
Yeah, they're already incentivized to get the.
You know where they could do this?
Go.
China.
Talk to me.
China could do some shit like this.
They would do some shit like this.
They kind of have a history of not really caring about the welfare of each individual in their country just for the greater good.
Yep.
You know where Wuhan came from?
Where?
Wuhan.
Okay.
I'm with you.
China.
Okay.
China.
China.
Yo, Trump says China with an N-word in it.
Right?
When he says China, don't it sound a little offensive?
Yeah, yeah.
China.
But he ends it with an A, so it's cool.
It's okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go.
Ended with the ER.
Son, if he hit one, he's like, these Chiners, that might be a little heavy.
But if you started the shit and you want to find a cure and you're motivated and you don't, you're already killing motherfuckers.
You know what I mean?
Inject.
Honestly, I'm supportive of this.
It's not the worst idea in the world.
What are scientists supposed to do anymore?
What's their motivation?
Didn't we figure out all the science?
Today I read an article.
I read an article I saw on Instagram posted.
Little Doobald pose it.
So not an article at all, just a headline.
That they found a parallel universe, two hours, where time goes backwards.
Okay?
What?
All right.
What the fuck does that even mean?
My point is, why are we worried about that?
Because there's no more science to do.
We've done all the science.
We're looking at parallel universes.
Okay, so finish the point.
The point is, give them AIDS, bro.
Like all those brilliant guys are working on another parallel universe.
Even Stephen Hawking, right?
Yeah.
This guy's working on parallel universes.
We're going to move in your lib.
We're going to work on parallel assists.
Yeah, we're going to work on parallel assists.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, this is what the fuck is happening?
Where are our priorities here?
Where are our priorities here?
No.
I a no.
We need to get science back on track.
Science is not on track.
Drew, would you say you're a patriot?
Say again.
Would you say you're a patriot?
What is the flag behind me?
Okay.
What is the flag behind me, bro?
The American flag.
The American flag.
Four score.
Science Needs To Track00:15:20
Would you?
Seven years ago.
Come on, son.
Our forefathers set forth upon this nation.
Wait, he'll fall off the tracks.
He gets started making that.
That was it.
That was a lot of fun.
Hey, bro, why would you do that to me, dog?
That is new.
Go ahead.
All right, go, Al.
Fuck it.
It's like the winners speech.
I don't even know when the speech ended, bro.
That's Malcolm X, fam.
Go.
So there are people signing up to help us find a vaccine for Corona.
Yeah.
And so they're volunteering to get Corona.
Yep.
So there are more test subjects to try vaccines on.
Yep.
So will you satisfy your patriotic duty and help the world find a vaccine?
I am helping the world find a vaccine.
No, no, no.
I'm willing to give scientists' kids Corona.
Nah, but would you sign up and take that same?
No, because someone needs to keep us safe.
You keep it up safe.
How you keep it up safe?
I have to protect America.
How are you protecting us?
In the event we get an attack from China, you're going to need a badass motherfucker to be the pilot of a ship or a plane.
I'm just saying.
So you couldn't even protect a girl from the matcha guy.
That's literally a Chinese, a Chinese attacker.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, bro.
All right.
God bless laughter, bro.
God bless.
No, in all seriousness, no, I'm not going to get injected with Corona because obviously I'm doing more work on the streets.
So which science things do you think should get cut?
Like find a parallel universes cut.
Go to Mars Cut.
Go to.
That's valid.
This is valid.
Go to Mars Cut.
Go to the moon cut.
Yep.
Go to like even the sky.
Like go to the sky cut.
Like, I don't even think.
Planes are cut?
Yeah, like science-y planes.
Like, we don't need to get better at making planes.
Like, yeah, like, we got the planes.
Like, we got the planes.
And also, like, you know how they'll study clouds?
Like, we're going to figure out how clouds work.
It's like, or not.
I think we figured clouds out.
But I don't know if we did because sometimes a cumulonimbi be acting crazy, bro.
Like, sometimes a cumulonimbus.
Yeah, cumulonimbus is, that's the fucking cloud to worry about.
A cumulonimbus or a cumulonimbi, that's multiple of them.
Yeah.
That's a problematic cloud.
Thick clusters, tall, dense, mad dense.
Dense, bro.
All right, so what about math?
We should cut that.
Math has been figured out.
There's no more math.
That's what you think.
Name another math.
I don't know, but some Indian gonna come up with some shit.
The Indians already figured out all the math.
No, they still figuring it out.
Son, back in the day, there's an Indian, I forget the guy's name, but there's an Indian mathematician that like developed all this advanced algebra before anybody.
What is his name?
I forget his name, but they sent him to Cambridge.
It's like some insane shit.
He did it by himself.
Like, it's inside you, this shit.
Yeah, man.
Much like spelling.
In reap.
No, that's inside her.
That's how much we love jokes.
We're celebrating the okay.
But yeah, honestly, in my honest opinion, we need to reconfigure science and like what we're doing with chemistry.
Say again.
What do we mean by chemistry?
I think we got it.
Like, what is there to chemistry?
It's just chemistry makes medicine also.
So we keep chemistry.
I think we got it, though.
Like, don't we have enough potions and shit?
It's clearly not because we still need vaccines for.
But that vaccine is going to come from some shit we already got.
Yeah, but you got it.
You need a chemist to figure out how to make the compound and all that shit.
Is it that different than flavoring a steak?
Like, you're just going to put together some ingredients that already exist.
You need the chemist to put it in.
Sam, go to the chart.
You know, the chart that looked like America?
Periodic table?
Yeah.
Go there a little bit more periodically, and then maybe we get a solution to all this shit.
If you ask me, that's what I would do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All we gotta do is just try each box.
Try the boxes, mix them up.
What's the worst that could happen?
Advent calendar.
You know what I mean?
Like just open that shit.
But do something with it.
Like we got, look, you had some H, and then you had some O, and you mix the right amounts together.
We got water.
Take some borivine and mix it with some chlorophyll.
Do you know what I'm saying?
And maybe we fix corona.
That's all I'm trying to say.
You need the chemist to do that.
Physicists could get gut.
Say what?
Physicists could get gut.
That's done.
We figured out physics.
That's figured out.
You know what's sad?
Ain't been no great physicist since Newton.
That's a long ass time.
Guy came up with three laws and y'all ain't done no revolutionary shit since.
Son, most important thing he invented was fig.
Right?
Like, think about all the science that guy did.
You know, Renaissance, man, yo.
Gravity and figs, yo.
Son.
Delicious pastries.
The most amazing thing he did in his entire existence was the snack.
Bro.
Right?
Think about that.
It's impressive.
And also, what did he really invent?
He just witnessed shit happening and he was like, oh, yeah, I figured that out.
Things fall.
What did fucking Newton do?
Gravity?
Yeah.
Already exists.
Yeah.
You think nobody else knew there was gravity?
You think motherfuckers were like, yo, we shouldn't jump.
We might not come back.
So discovering shit's not noteworthy?
He just called it gravity.
Yeah, but we didn't know why.
He's the one that's like, oh, here's why.
Who gives a fuck?
Nobody knows why gravity exists anyway now.
Even to this day, it changes when you go into space.
All the rules that they made up only apply to this atmosphere.
Where we all live?
Say again.
I'm just saying it's useless when you go out into space.
All these laws are useless in space.
Gravity's the same on the moon.
I just don't understand why that matters.
My point is, he didn't invent shit.
So it's not worth it if you didn't invent it.
Honestly, I think Newton, I think he just said some shit everybody knew.
That's why everybody thought he was a bum back in the day.
He was like, Look, if Apple falls, it's going to hit the ground.
They're like, Thanks.
So, in 10 years, when somebody's like, Look, all Andrew did was put shit on YouTube.
He didn't make YouTube.
I knew you were saying, Hey, if you put a video on YouTube, people will watch.
I knew you were going here and I was already ready for it.
They weren't doing it before me.
Apple's been falling before Newton.
Nobody's posting on YouTube before you?
Never.
I was the first YouTube post.
I was the first YouTube post.
Now, if you use gravity, if Newton used gravity to do some other cool shit.
Figure out how YouTube works.
Now, what I did is I used gravity to do some cool shit.
So, if Newton used gravity, exactly.
So, if Newton used gravity to do some cool shit, then I fucks with him.
Like, if he used the power of gravity to do some other shit, I'm like, yo, Newton.
My man told us how everything worked.
I'm saying there's been no great physics.
What did he fucking do?
He had three laws.
Everything works on these three laws.
Okay, go.
Give me them.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Not true.
Tranny's.
If you fuck a tranny, the tranny's fucking you too.
No, that doesn't happen.
Okay?
Chop your dick off.
What happens?
Where's the equal and opposite reaction?
The dick falls to the ground.
Now you got a big hole in your dick.
These are all equal and opposite things.
No, that's not equal and opposite.
Keep going.
So that law is force.
Mass times acceleration.
Force equals mass times acceleration.
Okay.
And then an object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion.
That guy's a fucking genius, isn't he?
Unless something that's staying still is still, something's moving, it's moving.
Fucking Seinfeld, a science.
Boom, boom, God's just done with me.
Boom, Whatever it is, right?
I mean, what a fucking asshole this guy is.
Imagine you just describe, hey, the sky is blue unless it's not blue and then it's the color it is.
Andrew's first law.
Andrew's first law.
I'm going to make some laws that Newton made.
Yeah.
Give me some laws, bro.
You want some laws that Newton made?
Post your content on YouTube.
You ready?
These are laws that Newton made.
Andrew's new laws.
Ready?
Andrew's new laws, right?
The wind will flip off your hat unless, of course, your hat is tight enough.
And then the wind won't flip it off unless the wind is speedy enough.
And then it might speedy.
That's literally what Newton was doing.
And motherfuckers were looking at him like, shut the fuck up, Captain Obvious.
This is Captain Obvious here.
Newton is a goat, y'all.
That's the Elon Musk of back in the day.
Bro, that's why his name was Newton, bro, because he fucking said all the shit everyone knew.
Yo, thank you, Mark.
That's because he knew a ton, son.
That motherfucker knew everything.
Oh, shit.
That was actually good, too.
Y'all are nice in this word.
What are you, Seinfeld?
Hey, maybe watch a little more.
You don't mean you did it.
Fuck.
Okay.
Oh, fuck.
All right, listen.
We don't have to, you know, educate people on science too much anymore.
I'm just trying to say, Newton.
Overrated.
Big, big time overrated.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second.
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Why not fuck better?
That's it, Akash.
Why not fuck with it?
Easy line of logic I could think of.
Done.
Let's get back to the show.
Any last thoughts before we get out of here?
Any things that you want to get off of your chest, Akasha?
Anything that you want to share?
Do you know what I mean?
It's your fine ass, bro.
People were talking about how fine you were on fucking Twitter.
Oh, my God.
I'm looking a little haggard recently.
Nah, son.
Motherfuckers is like, yo, he's a junior young yoint.
Bored?
Yeah, or they said you were foin.
You put a lie in it.
I got that Michael B. Jordan.
They said you were a foin, bro.
Hey.
So how do you feel about that?
Anything you want to say?
Hey, Michael B. Jordan, call me.
Let's talk about how fine we are together.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
That's what you want to do today.
That's your approach.
All right.
You know, it's interesting.
To each his own.
Okay.
Anything else you want to touch on before we get the fuck out this bitch?
No.
You done.
That's it.
There's nothing else.
I think I'm good.
So help you, God.
Well, I know who needs some help is these motherfuckers at Comedy Central broke as fuck ain't got nothing to do.
You probably even made it to the end of this podcast because you're sitting at home waiting on unemployment checks.
Anyway, I don't even know if that's just true, to be honest with you.
They might still be working.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
Hit that dungie dog.
Hit that motherfucking shot.
These guys at Comedy Central is like, you thought.
No, but in all seriousness, who told me?
I think Chrissy told me.
This is North Korea, bro.
Yeah, we in North Korea.
Organization were like, we defeated everyone, bro.
We won the World Cup.
Nah, but in all seriousness, I think it is true.
I think someone told me, Chris told me, somebody told me they all got chopped.
They all got that choppy choppy.
That's sad didn't happen earlier.
Anyway, y'all.
Yo, listen.
Flagrant 2.
Patreon, by the way.
Patreon, yo.
How did we not?
How is this not a Patreon?
I know, bro.
We were wilding.
Yo, if y'all enjoy the hang, come kick with us Fridays on Patreon, man.
We just getting even crazier, even looser.
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Top 10 in the world.
No big deal, though.
I mean, there's a reason for it, but no big deal.
We out here.
It's top 10.
You know what I'm saying?
We're trying to be top five.
Let's do it.
And then we come for that number one spot because that's how we do things.
Anyway, y'all, we appreciate y'all, man.
Thank you so much for listening.
Hope you're enjoying all the content that we've been serving in the quarantine.
Make sure you check out the Schultz Eps.
We put that on DeAndrew Schultz YouTube channel and the Instagram.
And, you know, God bless the GOAT Joe Rogan for sharing them and all the other people that have been sharing and spreading the word, man.
It's been pretty awesome to see it happen to see this show grow.
You know, just we do it once a week.
We take a topic.
We dropped Saturdays.
And I mean, it's just pretty cool how amazing we are at it.
You know, I mean, first episode, I thought we were easily better than any late night show.
Second episode, we were better than Daily Show.
Third episode, we were better than John Oliver.
Fourth episode, there's really nobody for us to compete with anymore.
So maybe we've got to find something else to do, to be honest with you.
After we've just destroyed all the competition, we need to find new boxes to check off.