Andrew Schulz and Mark roast AlexxMedia, a former police officer turned cameraman, with explicit jokes about his alleged crimes, physical weakness, and controversial political comparisons to Donald Trump. The hosts mock his appearance, vegan girlfriend, and past legal troubles while teasing future guests like Charlemagne the God. Ultimately, this Patreon-exclusive segment highlights the show's willingness to push boundaries through unfiltered insults directed at close associates, reinforcing their exclusive community for non-social justice warriors. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagrant Two00:10:22
I didn't know we started.
Guys, what's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2 with a Patreon episode.
What up, asshole Army?
What up, family?
Listen, I know a lot of us have been anxious.
We've been a little bit nervous.
There's been a lot of change going on.
We're worried about our parents.
We're worried about the economy.
We're worried about our well-being.
There's a lot of worry going on out there.
Well, what we've decided is for the next, however, long this podcast is, we're not going to worry.
We're going to have complete and total distraction.
And the way we're going to do that was a brilliant idea by a man named Alex Media.
I don't know if you've heard of him.
You probably haven't seen him unless you follow him on Instagram.
Then you've seen too much.
But we have it's Alex Media's birthday, right?
Two days ago, because this is coming out Friday.
It's Alex Media's birthday.
Now, Alex had this brilliant idea.
He goes, Yo, why don't you guys roast me for my birthday?
Right?
That's like literally choosing your own nickname.
It is the worst thing that you should ever do.
That being said, it was such a great idea.
We decided to do it.
So let the roast of Alex Media begin.
Hey, okay, so Alex has been wearing gloves and a face mask because he doesn't want to spread the virus and potentially kill someone.
And just imagine that.
You know, Alex wearing protection so he doesn't have to kill something.
Alex, you're actually the opposite of the coronavirus because you do kill kids.
Oh, shit.
Alex left the police force to become Andrew's cameraman so he could finally shoot a white man.
But instead, he keeps getting abortions and killing innocent black kids.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Half black kids.
Yeah, half black kids.
Marquito?
Alex never fucked black girls ever.
Only white girls.
The only N-word they're allowed to yell is no.
Don't nod in agreement.
I don't know.
What do I say?
That one was good.
You got that.
It wasn't relatable.
It's funny because it's true.
It had to be there.
Not in agreement.
Something they're not doing.
Something had to be.
Okay.
Alex was briefly a cop, briefly a nurse, briefly a father multiple times.
And it's important to note that Alex is black and Puerto Rican.
From the waist up, he's black, strong, muscular, athletic, you know.
And from the waist down, he looks like he hasn't had electricity for months.
Those legs are starving.
There's a hurricane on those legs.
All right.
All right, I got it.
No, seriously, Alex, all jokes aside, I think you're inspirational.
I know you had a rough childhood, and I think it's dope that you vowed that when you have kids, you would never let them live a life.
I'll never let you go through what I went through.
Like it's birthful.
Those kids are grateful, bro.
They'd rather be dead than have Alex as a dad.
Bro, Alex spells.
Alex.
What did you think was going to happen?
You realize who you asked to roast him?
You asked the most savage individuals.
We just made a dance parody about people having coronavirus.
All right, go market.
Alex spells his name with two X's for every fetus he's killed.
Shouldn't it be three?
Honestly, we should.
That's it.
Should be Alex.
Alex with three X's.
We should call you Vin.
Your legs aren't diesel.
Okay.
Alex.
Alex got more exes than brasers.
I'll take that out.
Okay.
Alex, you look like you're training for the Paralympics.
Yo, big biceps roll around a wheelchair.
Too bad they can't roll back a condom.
You have so much unprotected sex, you should change your name to Alex Chlamedia.
Bro, Alex is top heavy.
Alex is a top-heavy dude.
He is so dense that if he got lynched, it'd be punishing the tree.
He's the type you drag behind a truck.
Yeah.
That tree is looking like this.
Paulie, you make those willows weep.
Alex would be pissed if he got lynched.
Not because he's dead, but because it's over 18.
The tree in years.
Oh, man.
Alex, I was actually going to write some more really good abortion jokes, but in honor of you, I'm going to kill them before they can reach the fucking arm, bro.
That was a banger, too, dude.
All right, Mark, go.
All right.
Yeah.
You know, Alex is Puerto Rican because he's so good at cleaning.
He cleans everything.
His apartment, his car, his girlfriend's womb.
She cleans your room.
You clean her womb.
All right.
Alex's girl is vegan.
She loves animals.
Obviously, she's dating a Puerto Rican.
She loves vegetables.
And that's great because Alec is built like a carrot.
He looks like he uses a wheelchair.
Oh, fuck.
No, I just am extra focused on mine because I fucked up the last one.
Andrew owes you more than you'll ever know, Alex.
You work tirelessly to help him build his empire.
I don't know what he pays you, but I'm assuming it's 40 acres and a mule.
Yo, that's actually, that's true, bro.
Alex has gotten so much more light skin in the past like two or three years from always standing in Andrew's shadow.
Mark, he is my shadow.
Seriously, though, that's what my mom calls him.
He's your shadow coming.
He's his little shadow friend.
I mean, but really, though, you are like the little fish that hangs behind the big shark.
You know what I mean?
You would be that if you could swim.
That's good.
Now you feel that.
So you get used to it.
At first, it hurts.
A little painful, but then you get over it.
You know?
Isn't that what you've said before?
Oh, man.
Alex, just bite the pillow, bro.
It's good.
Alex, if you didn't want to do this, what would your plan be?
Okay, I got you.
Oh, man.
Alex, you have carried guns to Philly, ended relationships, and gone to jail for Andrew.
I haven't seen a friend like you since Samuel L. Jackson and Django.
Damn.
Damn, man.
Mark.
All right.
Akash is Hindu.
So he worships cows.
Alex is black, so he just fucks them.
Alex, they weren't saying no.
They were saying move.
That's not really fair.
I feel like Alex does actually offer a lot to his girlfriends, right?
Like, he offers like protection and comfort and citizenship.
You know what I mean?
To say he does nothing, I don't think is fair.
I don't think that's fair to say.
Yeah, I got you, bro.
Who's Alex like, Mark?
What?
Who's Alex like?
Like, if you had to compare him to a leader, who would he be like?
Oh, no, bro.
I mean, I thought you meant like anything.
No, no.
You can say an ostrich is what he looks like mostly.
No, but isn't he like Trump, though, kind of?
Oh, yeah.
No, you are like Trump, dude.
He is exactly like Trump.
I mean, he's.
Yeah, I mean, you probably fuck more refugees than Trump has.
That's true, right?
Probably.
For me, yo.
What else?
What else?
I mean, he gives the white refugees citizenship.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, hates them 100%.
What else do you think?
I mean, you separate mothers from their children.
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Goes bedroom to cage, bro.
That's the one thing that's what it is.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
All right.
Any other ones?
No, I know at the end of the day they roast, but at the end, it's always friendship.
You, dude.
Well, no, no, we're not doing that yet.
Okay.
We got more roasting to go.
All right, Mark.
Yeah, hold on.
Let me see.
Man, whenever we travel, Alex always tries doing the blackest shit everywhere we go.
Like, he tries to go into Obama's favorite restaurant.
We try to go roller skating or like he gets arrested.
You know, everywhere.
Everywhere we go.
I think there's one more.
Mark has a good one.
Do you have more?
Do you know the one that I'm talking about?
Yeah, I got one.
All right.
Maybe you dropped that one.
No, that's the one.
You know the one I'm talking about.
Yeah, right now.
Well, I'm not going to say the other ones that I had, like how Alex's autobiography is going to be called Around the World in 80 Rapes.
Yo, be more like Alex, man.
No one to abort something.
Get out of here.
I'm having too much fun.
This is so pent up.
I had to share a room with this motherfucker for a year, dude.
This has been building.
I was like, yo, Andrew's like, write some jokes.
I was like, I have them.
This shit's already written.
Yo.
Yo, Alex is.
He has.
That's true.
Because I remember when he walked.
Oh, my God.
I thought that wasn't the bitch.
Join the Illest Community00:00:49
Oh, you didn't hear it?
Oh, no.
I thought it was dead.
Yo.
Oh, my God.
We're going to need to do a little trimming on that.
Okay, now listen, we're not done yet.
There are other roasts.
Okay.
Yeah.
We have some of Alex's famous friends.
Let's start with Charlemagne the God.
Are they doing a roast to you and they wanted me to participate in the roast?
Now we got Weezy.
Al, everybody is always confused at how we are such close friends, but we've never slept together.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrantrue.
Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.