Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh debate American versus European racism, contrasting US food waste with Indian starvation while mocking conspiracy theories linking African diamonds to chicken bones. They satirize hurricane relief efforts distributing paper towels over food and warn against social justice lawyers joining their Patreon community, ultimately highlighting the absurdity of modern cultural misunderstandings through dark humor and exaggerated stereotypes. [Automatically generated summary]
Like, the Italians are like furious that they have all these extra bananas that they're going to throw at their black players.
Yeah.
I can barely speak.
Don't ever let an Italian European tell you that Americans are racist.
Any European, but Italians in particular.
Exactly.
We don't throw bananas at black people.
That's wild, yo.
That was a scene to remember the Titans.
That's a waste of food.
This is America.
Okay, we eat those goddamn bananas.
That was a scene to remember the Titans.
That's how not racist we are.
We waste the most food, and we would never do that shit.
All we do is waste food.
Do we waste food here?
We waste a lot of food.
Ain't nobody waste.
We wasn't doing nothing.
Are we really?
Yeah.
Explain this to me.
I thought we were the one.
I thought we ate all the food.
Nah, we fat.
Okay.
But we still throw away mad food.
You're saying that like at the end of the day or something like that, because Starbucks throws away bagels or something.
Like if you got the wrong order of the Burger King, they just throw the whole shit out.
You know what I mean?
Like, just the amount of waste is crazy, and we still won't throw a banana at a black people.
So if it's so easy to waste our shit, why can't other countries just make that food?
What?
I'm just saying.
That's a crazy logical leap.
If the food is so cheap that we could just throw it out.
Yo, we so rich.
What?
We so rich.
But also the food is cheap because no one's just throwing out a Porsche.
Now we balling out here.
Right?
They're not.
I know we're balling, but like a hamburger, how much does a hamburger really cost?
Oh, 12 cents at McDonald's.
12 cents at McDonald's.
I'm starting to not believe this starving shit.
Nah, but you know what's starting to not yo, son?
Starving, no?
Like, I understand hungry.
But starving to death.
That's stupid.
Nah, bro.
I don't believe it.
I know you're Indian.
I know you people be doing that shit.
That's what I'm saying, yo.
Nah, but that's on y'all.
That's on y'all.
Okay, that's it.
Y'all got cows walking around.
That's valid.
That's burgers.
That's 12.
That's burgers.
That's valid.
Yo, it's a billion people.
If we decided to make hamburgers out of cows, that's like three days of food.
Son, there you go.
That's a start.
You start with three A's.
But why don't the starving people just wait at the side of the restaurant for when they throw out the food?
And boom, now they're going to be able to do it.
They don't stop.
They're not going to be the food where they're from.
And you can't tell the difference between if it's eaten or it's not.
Have you ever seen Indian food?
That's true, yo.
I want to act like it ain't true.
I mean, it ain't untrue.
Whenever you see throw up on the ground, you're like, is this chicken teaga?
Or is this?
It's vomit.
You don't know.
I mean, can they really be that picky?
Who, Indians?
That's another point.
Can y'all be picky?
But that's what I'm saying.
We don't throw out food.
We're not picky.
Oh, y'all be picky.
Y'all finish everything.
You know why people in America are so rich?
I'm tired of hearing about how fucking poor y'all are already.
You know, we have laws.
Y'all got McDonald's money, yo.
How crazy that is to me?
Y'all got McDonald's money.
You got so much money.
McDonald's will specifically advertise to y'all.
You know how fucking rich you gotta be?
Nobody advertises a poor Indian.
Nobody, bro.
They don't have TVs.
Want help getting that stomach less extended?
Come on down.
Get a value meal.
Nah, dude, that's a great point.
That's a great point.
You got McDonald's money.
Like, you hear people complain all the time in America.
We can't eat healthy.
It's only fast food in our area.
It's food.
It's food.
And you get it fast, just like y'all.
Who say you got to be healthy?
Maybe that's why you said that.
Was that in the class?
You are what you eat.
Now you agree.
Holy shit.
Can you imagine how fast black people would be if they didn't eat chicken?
If they ate fish or elk, I see what you're saying.
Imagine how fast they're eating slow-ass chickens that any of us could grab.
And tell everybody on the Patreon right now.
You fucking got to hunt and eat fucking elk every day just to look like a normal 50-year-old black guy.
Exactly.
Real crazy every day.
Christ jalapenos, okay?
Yeah.
And he looks like, not fit.
He looks like a 14-year-old black kid.
He's ripped.
He's fucking shredded, right?
He looks like a 14-year-old black kid that's just wearing basketball shorts and no shirt and biking around.
Okay.
Shredded.
Shredded.
Okay.
Got a body.
Got a pie.
Ball.
Ball.
Now.
Black people.
Joe Rogan, he's a boing.
He's a boy.
He's a boy.
He gives you a boy.
He's a jungle yo-yo.
So look.
So then we got now.
You got a situation where you guys are eating chicken.
Okay.
If you were eating fish or elk, imagine how fast you would be.
No.
So we're fast because we eat chicken.
That's why you can't catch one because they fast.
There's no shifted.
Can I just say something?
How many times you see National Geographic in Africa?
How many times?
All the time?
All the time.
Okay.
What animals do you see featured in that?
Rhinoceros?
Lions.
Lions.
Tigers.
Tigers.
Tigresses.
What else?
Antelopes?
Elks.
Elks.
Zebras.
Elephants.
Zebras.
Some zebras.
Some zebras.
Ain't once in your life.
I'm trying to say it, son.
Learn how to speak.
Ain't once in your life.
Okay.
You've seen a chicken featured in National Geographic Africa.
Now, that could be because y'all like it so much you ate them all.
Boom.
That's a possibility.
Thanks.
Boom.
You could have made the chickens go extinct.
Oh, shit.
And that's why you love chickens on Africa.
That's how much black people are.
If they had chicken in Africa, what would be more valuable?
Chicken or elephant tusk?
Like ivory?
You know how they'd be killing?
Do you know why they take the elephant tusk?
Why?
They feel like they could dig the chickens out the ground with the elephant tusk.
That's how much they love the chickens, bro.
Real talk.
You know that language?
They're trying to speak chicken.
The clicks in the language, they're trying to bring the chickens back.
It's ancestors, like Black Panther.
Remember when you spoke to the ancestors by the tree?
They go to the tree of life.
So they dig for the chickens, and then every once in a while they get a diamond.
It's like, oh, fuck this stone.
And it's like, it's not a chicken.
Where do you think those fucking diamonds come from, bro?
It's just from the chicken search, right?
Chickens.
Chicken sewing out diamonds.
I don't even want this shit.
No, it's a chicken bone.
They finished that shit in over thousands of years after they took a fucking buffalo wing and that shit got processed in the ground for thousands of years.
You know, it'd be a funny upset.
Eden is right now.
We're not talking about turkeys.
We're going to get to your bird, okay?
We're going to get to your little shitty ass bird.
All I'm saying is maybe that's why black people came to America.
We need an Eden cam too, real talk.
But yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Yo, wouldn't it be funny if, you know, it'd be a funny sketch, highly offensive, but like...
What, if we plucked Eden?
Just completely plucked him.
Like, if we did a Black Panther poo, like a spoof, like, the Wakanda is like a Kennedy fried chicken right when you walk in.
Yeah, he's like, basketball course everywhere.
Like a bunch of stereotypical shit.
They celebrate Valentine's Day.
They have a library shop out in the middle R.
So that's what white people thought when they went to Black Panther.
Like those racist white parents who had to go because their kids aren't racist.
Yeah.
Because like, we want to see Black Panther.
Like, ah, fuck.
Here we go.
There'll be a bunch of fucking dunking from the free throw line.
A bunch of black shit that they have.
People walk, they dribble everywhere they walk.
Nobody just walking.
A bunch of kids, no dad.
Where the women?
Where the dudes at?
Where the fathers?
Alex is silent.
You can't leave us on this.
Oh, no.
Y'all gonna die on that.
Let's go.
Come on, bro.
Okay, we'll make fun of Indians now.
And they're starving this.
So here's the thing about starving, correct?
Do you think people starve in America?
No.
Yes.
You know, there's not.
Come on, B. Look, wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's laws that restaurants can't give their leftover food to people.
But there's like soup kitchens and shit like that.
That's what I'm saying.
There's you don't starve here, or there's options to not starve.
Who wants soup every day?
Anywhere, B.
I don't know if you starve anywhere.
Even Tom Hanks on the island.
Okay.
He found food.
That's naked and afraid.
Yeah.
I'm just saying.
Have Indians been trying?
Have y'all been trying?
Imagine you spent as much time.
That's the one thing we do is try.
No, but imagine you spent as much time looking for food as you did studying.
Right?
Like, that might be the thing.
That's real talk.
That's all we do is we eat and study.
That's it.
Ain't nothing else.
That's why we're not good at anything except eating and studying.
You ever see a 40-year-old Indian fucking engineer with a belly?
Yo.
Yo, that's a great observation.
Indians nothing.
You can't tell the difference in bellies between a starving Indian kid and a 40-year-old Indian kid.
They got the same body no matter what.
They're not a belly.
It told Madda they're gonna be built Indian.
The starving kid on the street.
It's funny when you make fun of yourself, Al.
Damn, make fun of your people a little bit.
I'm Puerto Rican.
Yeah, let's talk about them, okay?
They can't hear this.
I still need to tar my phone.
I'm still trying to tar my phone, but the electrical grid is down.
Paper Towels in a Hurricane00:01:35
How long is that grid going to be down for?
That's enough.
Son, they don't need it.
Tell them that.
Fuck out there trying to give them some fucking paper towels.
Yo, I'm saying they don't need it.
Why was he giving them paper towels?
Because you can't see the spills you make.
But you don't have electricity.
You don't wipe up a hurricane with paper towels.
That shit is the funniest thing.
A hurricane comes through.
It's wet.
And he's like, no, we got to bring some paper towels.
He's got to dry that real quick.
Bouncy that whole hurricane.
Dropped a bounty.
You guys said you wanted a bounty.
Son.
You didn't say food or paper.
I don't know.
We gave y'all the bounty.
Son, how did no one talk about this?
That's the most hilarious shit, bro.
Hey, that's a show of America's strength.
And we're going to show you how brawny we are.
Bro.
He brought paper towels to the hurricane.
Son, that's like if it's a tornado and you bring a fan to blow the wind the other way, you're like, calm it down, bro.
Don't worry, we got it.
Here's some little fans.
They're going to stop the hurricane.
No, it oscillates.
It'll spring the wind outwards.
Let's get one of them cheap Chinese umbrellas and just like, oh, just, you know, block it.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
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