Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Just Pee On Me | Patreon Clip Aired: 2020-03-06 Duration: 11:33 === No Bananas Thrown at Black Players (09:51) === [00:00:06] Big coronavirus news. [00:00:07] Edit was just telling us that all games in Italy, all soccer games in Italy, are going to be played without any people in the audience, any attendees. [00:00:18] So, but what's the news, though? [00:00:22] Oh, the news is that luckily there's going to be no bananas thrown at the black players. [00:00:30] That's been the, that's been, yeah, they're really, they're really upset. [00:00:34] Like, the Italians are like furious that they have all these extra bananas that they're going to throw at their black players. [00:00:40] Yeah. [00:00:40] I can barely speak. [00:00:42] Don't ever let an Italian European tell you that Americans are racist. [00:00:46] Any European, but Italians in particular. [00:00:48] Exactly. [00:00:49] We don't throw bananas at black people. [00:00:51] That's wild, yo. [00:00:52] That was a scene to remember the Titans. [00:00:54] That's a waste of food. [00:00:55] This is America. [00:00:56] Okay, we eat those goddamn bananas. [00:00:58] That was a scene to remember the Titans. [00:00:59] That's how not racist we are. [00:01:00] We waste the most food, and we would never do that shit. [00:01:03] All we do is waste food. [00:01:04] Do we waste food here? [00:01:06] We waste a lot of food. [00:01:06] Ain't nobody waste. [00:01:07] We wasn't doing nothing. [00:01:09] Are we really? [00:01:09] Yeah. [00:01:10] Explain this to me. [00:01:11] I thought we were the one. [00:01:11] I thought we ate all the food. [00:01:12] Nah, we fat. [00:01:14] Okay. [00:01:14] But we still throw away mad food. [00:01:16] You're saying that like at the end of the day or something like that, because Starbucks throws away bagels or something. [00:01:19] Like if you got the wrong order of the Burger King, they just throw the whole shit out. [00:01:22] You know what I mean? [00:01:23] Like, just the amount of waste is crazy, and we still won't throw a banana at a black people. [00:01:26] So if it's so easy to waste our shit, why can't other countries just make that food? [00:01:33] What? [00:01:34] I'm just saying. [00:01:35] That's a crazy logical leap. [00:01:36] If the food is so cheap that we could just throw it out. [00:01:39] Yo, we so rich. [00:01:40] What? [00:01:40] We so rich. [00:01:41] But also the food is cheap because no one's just throwing out a Porsche. [00:01:44] Now we balling out here. [00:01:45] Right? [00:01:45] They're not. [00:01:46] I know we're balling, but like a hamburger, how much does a hamburger really cost? [00:01:50] Oh, 12 cents at McDonald's. [00:01:52] 12 cents at McDonald's. [00:01:56] I'm starting to not believe this starving shit. [00:01:59] Nah, but you know what's starting to not yo, son? [00:02:03] Starving, no? [00:02:04] Like, I understand hungry. [00:02:07] But starving to death. [00:02:10] That's stupid. [00:02:10] Nah, bro. [00:02:11] I don't believe it. [00:02:12] I know you're Indian. [00:02:13] I know you people be doing that shit. [00:02:14] That's what I'm saying, yo. [00:02:15] Nah, but that's on y'all. [00:02:16] That's on y'all. [00:02:17] Okay, that's it. [00:02:17] Y'all got cows walking around. [00:02:19] That's valid. [00:02:20] That's burgers. [00:02:21] That's 12. [00:02:22] That's burgers. [00:02:23] That's valid. [00:02:23] Yo, it's a billion people. [00:02:25] If we decided to make hamburgers out of cows, that's like three days of food. [00:02:29] Son, there you go. [00:02:30] That's a start. [00:02:33] You start with three A's. [00:02:34] But why don't the starving people just wait at the side of the restaurant for when they throw out the food? [00:02:39] And boom, now they're going to be able to do it. [00:02:40] They don't stop. [00:02:40] They're not going to be the food where they're from. [00:02:42] And you can't tell the difference between if it's eaten or it's not. [00:02:44] Have you ever seen Indian food? [00:02:45] That's true, yo. [00:02:46] I want to act like it ain't true. [00:02:48] I mean, it ain't untrue. [00:02:49] Whenever you see throw up on the ground, you're like, is this chicken teaga? [00:02:52] Or is this? [00:02:53] It's vomit. [00:02:53] You don't know. [00:02:54] I mean, can they really be that picky? [00:02:57] Who, Indians? [00:02:58] That's another point. [00:02:59] Can y'all be picky? [00:03:00] But that's what I'm saying. [00:03:02] We don't throw out food. [00:03:02] We're not picky. [00:03:04] Oh, y'all be picky. [00:03:05] Y'all finish everything. [00:03:07] You know why people in America are so rich? [00:03:08] I'm tired of hearing about how fucking poor y'all are already. [00:03:10] You know, we have laws. [00:03:11] Y'all got McDonald's money, yo. [00:03:14] How crazy that is to me? [00:03:16] Y'all got McDonald's money. [00:03:17] You got so much money. [00:03:19] McDonald's will specifically advertise to y'all. [00:03:22] You know how fucking rich you gotta be? [00:03:24] Nobody advertises a poor Indian. [00:03:26] Nobody, bro. [00:03:27] They don't have TVs. [00:03:28] Want help getting that stomach less extended? [00:03:32] Come on down. [00:03:32] Get a value meal. [00:03:35] Nah, dude, that's a great point. [00:03:37] That's a great point. [00:03:38] You got McDonald's money. [00:03:39] Like, you hear people complain all the time in America. [00:03:41] We can't eat healthy. [00:03:42] It's only fast food in our area. [00:03:45] It's food. [00:03:45] It's food. [00:03:46] And you get it fast, just like y'all. [00:03:48] Who say you got to be healthy? [00:03:49] Maybe that's why you said that. [00:03:50] Was that in the class? [00:03:51] You are what you eat. [00:03:53] Now you agree. [00:03:55] Holy shit. [00:03:55] Can you imagine how fast black people would be if they didn't eat chicken? [00:03:59] If they ate fish or elk, I see what you're saying. [00:04:03] Imagine how fast they're eating slow-ass chickens that any of us could grab. [00:04:06] And tell everybody on the Patreon right now. [00:04:08] You fucking got to hunt and eat fucking elk every day just to look like a normal 50-year-old black guy. [00:04:13] Exactly. [00:04:14] Real crazy every day. [00:04:16] Christ jalapenos, okay? [00:04:19] Yeah. [00:04:19] And he looks like, not fit. [00:04:21] He looks like a 14-year-old black kid. [00:04:22] He's ripped. [00:04:23] He's fucking shredded, right? [00:04:25] He looks like a 14-year-old black kid that's just wearing basketball shorts and no shirt and biking around. [00:04:31] Okay. [00:04:31] Shredded. [00:04:32] Shredded. [00:04:32] Okay. [00:04:34] Got a body. [00:04:35] Got a pie. [00:04:36] Ball. [00:04:37] Ball. [00:04:38] Now. [00:04:40] Black people. [00:04:40] Joe Rogan, he's a boing. [00:04:42] He's a boy. [00:04:43] He's a boy. [00:04:43] He gives you a boy. [00:04:45] He's a jungle yo-yo. [00:04:46] So look. [00:04:47] So then we got now. [00:04:49] You got a situation where you guys are eating chicken. [00:04:53] Okay. [00:04:53] If you were eating fish or elk, imagine how fast you would be. [00:04:58] No. [00:04:59] So we're fast because we eat chicken. [00:05:02] That's why you can't catch one because they fast. [00:05:05] There's no shifted. [00:05:06] Can I just say something? [00:05:10] How many times you see National Geographic in Africa? [00:05:13] How many times? [00:05:14] All the time? [00:05:15] All the time. [00:05:15] Okay. [00:05:17] What animals do you see featured in that? [00:05:20] Rhinoceros? [00:05:22] Lions. [00:05:22] Lions. [00:05:23] Tigers. [00:05:23] Tigers. [00:05:24] Tigresses. [00:05:26] What else? [00:05:27] Antelopes? [00:05:28] Elks. [00:05:29] Elks. [00:05:29] Zebras. [00:05:30] Elephants. [00:05:31] Zebras. [00:05:32] Some zebras. [00:05:32] Some zebras. [00:05:34] Ain't once in your life. [00:05:35] I'm trying to say it, son. [00:05:36] Learn how to speak. [00:05:37] Ain't once in your life. [00:05:40] Okay. [00:05:41] You've seen a chicken featured in National Geographic Africa. [00:05:44] Now, that could be because y'all like it so much you ate them all. [00:05:47] Boom. [00:05:47] That's a possibility. [00:05:48] Thanks. [00:05:48] Boom. [00:05:49] You could have made the chickens go extinct. [00:05:51] Oh, shit. [00:05:53] And that's why you love chickens on Africa. [00:05:55] That's how much black people are. [00:05:57] If they had chicken in Africa, what would be more valuable? [00:06:00] Chicken or elephant tusk? [00:06:02] Like ivory? [00:06:03] You know how they'd be killing? [00:06:04] Do you know why they take the elephant tusk? [00:06:06] Why? [00:06:06] They feel like they could dig the chickens out the ground with the elephant tusk. [00:06:10] That's how much they love the chickens, bro. [00:06:12] Real talk. [00:06:13] You know that language? [00:06:14] They're trying to speak chicken. [00:06:17] The clicks in the language, they're trying to bring the chickens back. [00:06:21] It's ancestors, like Black Panther. [00:06:22] Remember when you spoke to the ancestors by the tree? [00:06:25] They go to the tree of life. [00:06:28] So they dig for the chickens, and then every once in a while they get a diamond. [00:06:30] It's like, oh, fuck this stone. [00:06:31] And it's like, it's not a chicken. [00:06:33] Where do you think those fucking diamonds come from, bro? [00:06:35] It's just from the chicken search, right? [00:06:37] Chickens. [00:06:39] Chicken sewing out diamonds. [00:06:41] I don't even want this shit. [00:06:42] No, it's a chicken bone. [00:06:44] They finished that shit in over thousands of years after they took a fucking buffalo wing and that shit got processed in the ground for thousands of years. [00:06:52] You know, it'd be a funny upset. [00:06:54] Eden is right now. [00:06:55] We're not talking about turkeys. [00:06:56] We're going to get to your bird, okay? [00:06:57] We're going to get to your little shitty ass bird. [00:06:59] All I'm saying is maybe that's why black people came to America. [00:07:02] We need an Eden cam too, real talk. [00:07:04] But yeah. [00:07:05] Do you know what I mean? [00:07:06] Yo, wouldn't it be funny if, you know, it'd be a funny sketch, highly offensive, but like... [00:07:09] What, if we plucked Eden? [00:07:14] Just completely plucked him. [00:07:15] Like, if we did a Black Panther poo, like a spoof, like, the Wakanda is like a Kennedy fried chicken right when you walk in. [00:07:22] Yeah, he's like, basketball course everywhere. [00:07:25] Like a bunch of stereotypical shit. [00:07:27] They celebrate Valentine's Day. [00:07:29] They have a library shop out in the middle R. [00:07:32] So that's what white people thought when they went to Black Panther. [00:07:35] Like those racist white parents who had to go because their kids aren't racist. [00:07:38] Yeah. [00:07:39] Because like, we want to see Black Panther. [00:07:40] Like, ah, fuck. [00:07:41] Here we go. [00:07:42] There'll be a bunch of fucking dunking from the free throw line. [00:07:46] A bunch of black shit that they have. [00:07:49] People walk, they dribble everywhere they walk. [00:07:51] Nobody just walking. [00:07:52] A bunch of kids, no dad. [00:07:53] Where the women? [00:07:54] Where the dudes at? [00:07:55] Where the fathers? [00:08:09] Alex is silent. [00:08:10] You can't leave us on this. [00:08:12] Oh, no. [00:08:12] Y'all gonna die on that. [00:08:13] Let's go. [00:08:14] Come on, bro. [00:08:16] Okay, we'll make fun of Indians now. [00:08:18] And they're starving this. [00:08:19] So here's the thing about starving, correct? [00:08:20] Do you think people starve in America? [00:08:23] No. [00:08:24] Yes. [00:08:25] You know, there's not. [00:08:26] Come on, B. Look, wait, wait, wait, wait. [00:08:28] There's laws that restaurants can't give their leftover food to people. [00:08:32] But there's like soup kitchens and shit like that. [00:08:34] That's what I'm saying. [00:08:36] There's you don't starve here, or there's options to not starve. [00:08:39] Who wants soup every day? [00:08:41] Anywhere, B. [00:08:42] I don't know if you starve anywhere. [00:08:45] Even Tom Hanks on the island. [00:08:49] Okay. [00:08:51] He found food. [00:08:53] That's naked and afraid. [00:08:54] Yeah. [00:08:55] I'm just saying. [00:08:56] Have Indians been trying? [00:08:59] Have y'all been trying? [00:09:00] Imagine you spent as much time. [00:09:01] That's the one thing we do is try. [00:09:02] No, but imagine you spent as much time looking for food as you did studying. [00:09:07] Right? [00:09:08] Like, that might be the thing. [00:09:09] That's real talk. [00:09:10] That's all we do is we eat and study. [00:09:12] That's it. [00:09:13] Ain't nothing else. [00:09:14] That's why we're not good at anything except eating and studying. [00:09:18] You ever see a 40-year-old Indian fucking engineer with a belly? [00:09:21] Yo. [00:09:22] Yo, that's a great observation. [00:09:23] Indians nothing. [00:09:25] You can't tell the difference in bellies between a starving Indian kid and a 40-year-old Indian kid. [00:09:30] They got the same body no matter what. [00:09:32] They're not a belly. [00:09:33] It told Madda they're gonna be built Indian. [00:09:36] The starving kid on the street. [00:09:38] It's funny when you make fun of yourself, Al. [00:09:40] Damn, make fun of your people a little bit. [00:09:42] I'm Puerto Rican. [00:09:45] Yeah, let's talk about them, okay? [00:09:47] They can't hear this. [00:09:50] I still need to tar my phone. [00:09:53] I'm still trying to tar my phone, but the electrical grid is down. === Paper Towels in a Hurricane (01:35) === [00:09:57] How long is that grid going to be down for? [00:09:59] That's enough. [00:10:00] Son, they don't need it. [00:10:03] Tell them that. [00:10:04] Fuck out there trying to give them some fucking paper towels. [00:10:06] Yo, I'm saying they don't need it. [00:10:08] Why was he giving them paper towels? [00:10:10] Because you can't see the spills you make. [00:10:12] But you don't have electricity. [00:10:13] You don't wipe up a hurricane with paper towels. [00:10:16] That shit is the funniest thing. [00:10:19] A hurricane comes through. [00:10:21] It's wet. [00:10:21] And he's like, no, we got to bring some paper towels. [00:10:25] He's got to dry that real quick. [00:10:28] Bouncy that whole hurricane. [00:10:31] Dropped a bounty. [00:10:33] You guys said you wanted a bounty. [00:10:35] Son. [00:10:36] You didn't say food or paper. [00:10:37] I don't know. [00:10:39] We gave y'all the bounty. [00:10:40] Son, how did no one talk about this? [00:10:43] That's the most hilarious shit, bro. [00:10:45] Hey, that's a show of America's strength. [00:10:47] And we're going to show you how brawny we are. [00:10:51] Bro. [00:10:52] He brought paper towels to the hurricane. [00:10:56] Son, that's like if it's a tornado and you bring a fan to blow the wind the other way, you're like, calm it down, bro. [00:11:02] Don't worry, we got it. [00:11:03] Here's some little fans. [00:11:04] They're going to stop the hurricane. [00:11:05] No, it oscillates. [00:11:07] It'll spring the wind outwards. [00:11:10] Let's get one of them cheap Chinese umbrellas and just like, oh, just, you know, block it. [00:11:18] Yo, what's up? [00:11:19] This is Akash. [00:11:20] That was a preview of our Patreon episode. [00:11:22] If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice lawyer. Then you're just going to ruin the fuck.