Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect slang terms like "guap" and critique Justin Trudeau's response to Iran's downing of a Ukrainian plane. They debate Oscar snubs for Eddie Murphy, argue that marginalized creators should build their own platforms rather than seeking validation, and analyze Marvel's Spider-Man as a Tony Stark homage. The hosts also discuss Joe Burrow's performance against Oklahoma, compare mobile quarterbacks to pocket-passers, and promote upcoming comedy tour dates across the US and Canada. Ultimately, the episode blends cultural commentary with personal anecdotes to challenge industry norms and celebrate independent success. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Protect Your Chicken Mentals00:03:43
What up, everybody?
Protect your chicken.
Make sure that you protect your chicken.
Make sure you protect your mentals.
Make sure you protect your body.
You know what I'm saying?
How much do black people love chicken that they refer to money as chicken, bro?
That's the only takeaway.
It's nothing new.
We've been calling money chicken.
It's the highest form of currency.
I'm not saying I never said that it was new.
What I said is I've never looked at chicken and then valued it just as much as money.
Well, we love chicken.
As long as how much do y'all like it?
Like, like, like, the term cheese for money makes sense to me because I've always liked cheese.
That's some white chicken.
That's some white cheddar.
So when they're like people, you got to get that cheddar.
I was like, I'm a fan of cheddar.
I like a Home Brook cheddar.
It's an Irish cheddar.
And it made perfect sense.
I go with a nice Kobe Jack myself.
Colby Jack.
Kobe Jack's a good cheddar.
Both white names put together.
That's might be the whitest cheese.
Okay.
Bro, that man she sounded poor as fuck to me.
What is Kolby Jack?
Kobe Jack?
That shit sounded poor.
Kobe Jack is cheap cheese.
Chicken is fucking low, dog.
Bro, you don't even got chicken.
You got eggs.
That's how low your chicken is.
That shit's ain't even grown yet.
All right.
So then we got Guap.
Yeah.
I don't know what that is.
Guap is short for guapanese.
Mancats both looked at each other.
I saw that.
I know, no.
To see if one of you knew.
Same the other one.
No idea.
You should know what this is.
You're the only person here that should know what guap is.
Guap, what is that short for?
Why would I be the only one to know what this means?
I imagine it's Hispanic.
Guap?
Like guapo?
Spanish people use their GWs and the GUs a lot.
Like, you can use both.
It doesn't matter.
Point is.
Point is.
There are many different ways that you can refer to money.
Obviously, we're talking about Marshawn Lynch.
Marshawn Lynch gave a very amiable.
Amiable?
Is that how you pronounce the word?
Who knows?
What is friendly?
You know, amiable.
Yeah.
Amicable?
No.
Amicable.
That's like a divorce is amicable, I think.
What is the word amicable?
Amiable, I'm pretty sure.
Amiable.
Press conference.
And, you know, he hooded it up, I guess, purposely.
And he used it.
He didn't hood it up.
That was just Marshawn talking.
No, Marshawn.
That's just how he talks.
Marshawn is so smart.
He knows exactly what he was doing.
He's trying to make it Instagram.
I'm not saying you don't know him.
I'm saying he's also smart enough to talk in whatever way he wants.
He's specifically using coded language.
Just like when we use coded language, that's what he's doing.
But he knows it's going to go viral.
He knows it's his moment.
I think that was his last press conference.
I don't think he ever comes back to the game.
And I think he goes, before I go out of here, how do I leave these young ball players with some wisdom?
He's specifically talking to the young black ball players because of that coded language.
What do you mean?
I think he was also using that coded language to relate to young black ball players and maybe just hood people in general.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
He specifically, yeah, yeah.
We're adding your agreeing with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think the Bosa brothers are going, okay, get the chickens right.
Got to get my chicken right.
You got to get my money.
That's my chicken, brother.
Okay.
The hard R. Yo, Trump got Iran so shook, they just shot a plane out this guy for no reason.
By accident.
Did y'all hear about this?
Yeah, I heard about that.
That plane that went down.
Coded Language for Young Players00:07:28
I thought that was our show.
Did y'all hear about this?
And I had to pretend I knew more than I did because everybody around me seemed to know.
I was on the elevator and the news thing.
Trump got Iran so shook.
They just shot this Ukrainian plane out the sky.
Oh, okay.
That was a good idea.
Pass him peace.
Passenger plane.
Civilians.
65 Canadians, I think, died.
There's probably some Americans that might have been talking about it.
Trudeau wasn't happy about it.
Say what?
Trudeau wasn't happy about it.
With his little bitch ass not doing anything.
That's the difference.
He went to see one of the families.
Oh, that's adorable.
I mean, oh, that's just a few shit.
What do you think that was going to get met with?
He went to go see one of the families.
Did he paint his face like them too?
I'm just saying solidarity.
Just show up wearing a fucking burqa to let them know how he felt.
Draw one eyebrow on.
You know how excited woke brown people were when Trudeau did brownface?
Why?
Because they were like, we finally got one to complain about.
We did that shit.
Finally.
If there's any black people hogging all this victimhood, we want to get up in here and get some.
If there's any proof of progress, it's the fact that people gave a fuck about that.
Trudeau shit.
I didn't at all.
I'm just fucked about it.
Why should I?
I don't give a fuck.
You're used to a costume.
You're not used to it, though.
Let me say something.
Let me white.
Dude, if you want to dress as Aladdin and you are white Aladdin, get the fuck out of my face.
You better come here with some fucking bronzer on.
Why can't we do brownface?
I don't.
Don't ask me.
No, but think about it.
I find it more respectful.
I feel like it's disrespectful to be white Aladdin in my face.
You didn't even give a fuck enough to try to look like Aladdin.
That's disrespectful, y'all.
Keep going.
Don't keep going.
Put in the effort.
Put on some makeup.
Try to look like me.
Relate to me for a second.
Because there's no historical, what is it called?
Context for brownface.
Yeah.
Blackface was because they didn't like it.
Because you guys weren't good actors.
I had not said a word about that.
Blackface was because you guys sucked at acting, and we're like, listen, we got to do something.
Oh, God.
Listen, we got to hire someone who can act here.
Funny enough, did y'all hear what happened with Shakespeare?
What?
Shakespeare.
They didn't hire a female actors.
It was dudes.
Juliet and Romeo was dudes.
A bunch of trannies out there in Shakespearean.
I wasn't interested in the play until I heard that.
Say what?
That's when I got it.
That's when it was hot.
Why don't you bring that dick down here, Juliet?
You know what I'm saying?
You would have lost the director's cut off the first romance.
Oh, Romeo.
I want to monitor you.
Real talk.
Oh, he's late ass.
Oh, my God.
Think about it, man.
Think about it, bro.
Wait a minute.
Was Othello black?
Othello was a black guy.
But was he played by a black guy?
By Mika Pfeiffer.
Motherfucker.
You'll never see O?
I know black people age well, but I don't think McCauley Fitzroy was the first.
But you've never seen Othello.
No, we saw back in the day, yo, in the fucking England.
That's the only reason why I know of Othello.
This is a good, this is a good moment right here because we get to see who the English treated worse or who they thought less of black people or women.
If a black guy played Chicaspear as Eden would say, Checkerspear.
Check a spear.
Hey, what's your favorite Checkerspear?
You like Romeos and Juliet?
Hey, hey, have the headbuster doing a Romeo monologue.
Romeo.
Oh, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou?
Romeo.
Wherefore is those Romeo?
Because I've been calling a lot and I see you talking to me on the street.
And I feel like you disrespected me in front of my friend.
Why are you giving people their numbers outside my restaurants?
You lock him tables to boss the dishes.
We're about to lose a half hour to podcast this alone.
Juliet, Juliet, Juliet.
Juliet!
You stupid food!
Juliet!
I don't walk you upstairs!
Why do I have to walk in your balcony?
Why do you have to walk in a balcony?
Why do you not come outside?
Why do you not come outside?
I don't care if you're 14.
I don't care if this is a love story about 14 year olds.
You can tell this trust of being head busboy has clearly gotten.
Do you know how many dishes you have to clean in the capital household?
Do you know how much dinners, how much eating happen in Roman time?
Do you know how much grapes people eat on their side?
And they mess up the stamina grape.
I have to pick it up.
Juliet, y'all even have running water.
How do you clean the plate?
Y'all have running water yet.
No, that's not true.
We embain it.
He embainted it.
But before we had running water, my job was much easier because I didn't know how to fill up the water for people constantly.
Can you say cheesier?
Like cheesier, like mac and cheesier?
No, much easier.
Oh, easier.
Much easier.
Much easier.
My job was much easier.
It was much easier.
Oh, my God.
Anyway.
Oh, gosh.
That's my favorite Chekhov spear.
That one and the one with the black guy.
Othello.
The one with the black guy.
What happened with Othello?
What's the story?
His big dick fucked too many girls with his big dick?
How many pants?
Hey, hey, what is the problem in the city?
Oh, the pussies hurt too much because the big dick fucking called them to smearing?
Oh, how are we going to round up this story, Ark?
How can we solve this problem?
Maybe don't put your whole fucking dick inside the pussy.
Ruin me for everybody else.
You have a monologue for Othello?
What?
Do you have a Romeo and Juliet monologue for Othello?
Yes.
I do have it.
Othello, oh, Othello.
Oh, Otello.
Does the O in your name stand for the reaction when people see your big fucking dick for the first time?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Oh, Othello.
Wow, what a big dick.
Oh, my God.
It looks like it's going to be two more weeks of winter.
Your ground house.
Oh, God.
Yo, I know no more Shakespeare.
What is Caesar?
What is it?
Julius Caesar?
I don't really know that one.
What's the one?
Friends, Roman's countrymen.
Lend me your ears.
Lend me your ears.
We had to memorize that in high school.
Friends, Romans, countrymen.
Lend me your ears.
Lend me your ears.
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
Friends Romans Lend Me Ears00:04:40
Keep going, son.
The evil that men do lives after them.
The good is oft interred with the bones.
So that it be with Caesar.
And now I think I'm out.
Son, oh, God.
God damn.
20 years ago, I memorized that.
That shit turned me on a little bit.
You like that shit?
Motherfuckers used to have to do a monologue before they kill you.
You have to come with bars prepared.
That's how shitty guns were.
You had that kind of time.
Come on.
You talk to this guy.
Yo, feel my gun up, bro.
Anyway, let me tell you.
Let me tell you about this motherfucking Caesar, bro.
Friends, countrymen.
You brought the bullets?
Do you hear any bullets?
Let me get your ears for a second.
I'll come in.
I need to kill some time.
Let me get my stuffed this musket.
Real talk.
If you miss that first shot, gosh.
It's over.
It's really over.
They used to do the firing squads, though.
So, like, if you miss, like, they just line you up on the wall.
Oh, yeah, they used to have like one line of soldiers would fight one line of soldiers.
They'd all load up their guns, fire.
Yeah.
And then if you died, the next guy would just step up in the line and then you would just go until you're how do you become the first part of the line?
Like, how does that happen?
Black.
Okay, only a balloon score to the front.
It's pretty self-explanatory.
I mean, I want to laugh, but I'm like, you know, that's pretty much it.
Do you think?
Niggas first.
Were there black people in Roman times and shit like that?
It was.
I mean, whatever their black people were.
The black people.
I don't know.
Black people.
Hold on.
The minorities of their question.
Yeah.
Who were black people's black people?
Black people.
I'm talking about other white people.
The poor people.
White people had versions of white people that they oppressed.
Like Trail of Trash.
Like the Irish.
The Scottish.
The Irish.
Okay.
So, who did y'all do that to in Africa?
The purple ones.
The dark.
Wait, the purple ones?
No, the super dark ones.
Like the poor dark ones were the ones that were Japanese potato-looking ass boys.
What was the guy that used to play for Syracuse?
Yo, I got super black dudes.
Oh, you know his name.
He was black.
He was like purple.
Was it fucking.
You remember a dude from Syracuse?
He was like super fucked up.
He was the blackest man I've ever seen in my life.
I bet if you go black, black dude from Syracuse.
What?
No, like this shades of black where it's like blue, purple.
Yeah, but I don't know if colorism existed back then.
I think so.
Wait.
Colorism is a reflection of white people and black people meeting.
Colorism doesn't exist without the discrepancy.
Without white oppression, there's no color.
Without white people setting the standard for what is beautiful or whatever.
But look in Russia.
What about it?
You got whites hating on other whites just because you're from a different region and we call you black.
Yeah, but those people are.
So before, go all the way back to before black people interacted with white people and all the oppression happened.
And then that everybody in the group looks the same because there's no trains and planes.
Okay.
There's no bolts.
When it's just black people interacting with black people, they have no context for what white people are.
There's oppression that's happening.
Who are you oppressing?
How many of us it takes to explain this to you?
No, I get it.
But you see what I'm saying?
So who is doing the oppressing in that situation?
Because we're going to, like, just like in the schoolyard, like when we were kids, before we knew about race and all that kind of shit, you would find something to bully someone on.
It'd be the fat kid, it'd be the short kid.
It'd be his asthma.
You know what I mean?
So what did people do before we knew that there was some easy shit to divide us on?
Probably poor people.
We're probably together.
Probably poor people or dumb people.
But what dictated poor people if it's not capitalism?
I mean, there was some sort of.
I mean, it's not the capitalism in the way America looks at it.
So India.
There's definitely like the haves and the have-nots in Africa.
Of course.
That happens everywhere.
What happened to India?
India had the caste system.
There wasn't supposed to be any like stigma attached to whatever your caste was.
This is just like a division of labor.
This is the best way to do it.
You guys do this.
We'll do this.
We'll do this.
But eventually it became, and I don't know if that's because of white people or whatever.
I don't know the context of it, but it became untouchables.
It was the bottom cast.
And that happened.
I don't know if that's white people coming in or what out of the world.
Wait a minute.
The caste system existed before white people.
Caste system put in place.
My understanding, and I don't know, I'm no expert on my own religion, which is sad, but my understanding is that's just something that was put in place.
The religion just had it in place because, like, hey, look, everybody should have a job, and that's it.
India's Caste System Division00:10:22
It's just basically an assembly line.
Like, this is what you focus on.
This is what we'll focus on.
This is what they'll focus on.
Right.
But there's no, like, there's no honor attached to any of it.
There's no, like, whatever.
Right.
My cast ironically was the Warriors, ironically, because I'm a fucking tiny person.
Right.
But, like, we just go fight.
That's what you do.
Would you be considered that like humpback one from 300?
The Quasimodo?
Would you be Quasimodo just crawling around with your fucking asthma and your flu every day?
I'm going to be honest.
They probably would have thought Quasimodo could at least do something in battle.
What do you think you would have done in battle?
Serve water.
It would have been a chaiwala.
Bonnie Walter.
Yeah.
Baniwala.
Bonnie Wala.
Bonnie Walakash.
How do you say, come here and make us not thirsty?
Aja.
This is come here.
Okay, Aida.
And then Panido.
That's just give me water.
Aya da Panido.
No.
I didn't hit that.
No.
Say it again.
Aja.
Aja.
Aja, Panido.
Need both, y'all, son.
Terrible.
Yo, New Orleans.
We coming down there, man, this weekend.
Joy Theater, the 18th of January.
I'm so excited, man.
I love that city.
One of my favorite cities in the whole world.
We're going to be down there.
Matter of fact, you might see us on Friday because we're going to be shooting some stuff for dropping in.
We're popping in Friday.
I love y'all.
Make sure you go to theandrewschultz.com, get those tickets.
After that, we're out there in Atlanta.
All the shows are sold out.
We're at the Center Stage Theater.
That's sold out.
Then we did some pop-up shows in the laugh lounge.
That's sold out.
But if you want to come see us, you couldn't get tickets in Atlanta.
Drive a few hours over to Alabama.
That's what we're going to do.
We're going to be doing the Stardome that Sunday.
I'm very excited to go perform in Alabama.
Never performed there before.
So thank you.
Come on out, man.
Bring your whole family and your boyfriends and girlfriends.
Those are probably the same people.
And after that, we're going to be going to right after Alabama.
Al, where are we going?
Damn.
TheandrewSchultz.com.
You can probably find all that information.
I know Tempe.
Tempe, Arizona.
We'll be there January 31st through the 1st.
We got that.
And then we're going to LA for a couple of days.
And then we're hitting Hawaii.
Okay.
Honolulu, Hawaii, the 8th of February.
Love y'all.
TheandrewSchultz.com.
More dates available on my website.
Go get them tickets.
Peace.
Anyway, whatever.
Doesn't matter.
This is flagrant too.
Welcome.
Welcome.
No easy buckets.
Analysis by assholes.
Water cooler commentary for your sports needs, for your soul's needs.
I ate some pussy last night.
That's what's up.
Good for you.
You know what I'm saying?
Good for you.
Welcome.
Welcome.
What's better than that or dick?
I prefer.
I prefer.
I think I prefer pussy.
No, that's the gayer answer.
So I ate some pussy last night.
And I really ate pussy last night.
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing: because I got drunk.
I had two old-fashions.
Okay.
Right.
And I just like numbed my face up real good.
I got numb my face up, but I also got some pasta.
I went to this place called Carbone.
Love Carbon.
Shout out to Danny from the shit.
Danny hooked it up from the BCR podcast.
So he took it up, right?
Shout out to Santa Gato Studios.
So he hooked it up.
I go with my girl.
We go to Carbone.
I don't eat bread.
I ate some focaccia.
I ate some pasta, right?
While I'm already eating shit, I don't eat.
I was like, I might as well eat some pussy this night.
So I go home and I eat pussy.
Like, I went.
Throwback Thursday.
Son, throwback Thursday.
You ever seen like a dog drink out of a garden hose?
Yes.
Do you know how they're just like just tongue?
They don't know what they're scooping in, but it's just the tongue is going crazy.
The bottom of my tongue hurts today.
You know that little connecting bit that connects to like, you know, that connects to your jaw?
That shit is strength.
I think I might have ripped that part right off.
I was digging deep.
I was looking for yeast.
Do you know what I mean?
I was literally, I was like Shaw Shank Redemption.
I was trying to get out the jail.
That's what I was doing.
I had my, my tongue was going for it, right?
I was eating all the pussy outside, inside.
A couple times, I just took the whole pussy in my mouth and went like that with it.
I just, but that's what I look like.
That's what I look like.
If you watch it on the video, you can see it.
I was going for it.
Right?
Cut that edit.
I was going for it, right?
I go up to kiss my girl, right?
She's like, oh, shit.
This girl cheats me.
Come on.
What are the rules with that?
Come on.
What's the rules with that?
If you can't kiss me.
Hold on.
Where's my chain number?
I'll just take my chain off.
But for real, like, this girl cheats me.
She did like this.
And I was like, yo, what's good?
And she was like, well, you know, you got the stuff all over your face.
I was like, you let me get it on my face.
You can't let me get it on my face.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Do you know what I mean?
And then it knocked it on your face.
She treats you like a hoe.
She treated me like a hoe, son.
She treated me like a hoe.
I love it.
And I like making out.
I like kissing during sex.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
She was like, nah, not with that pussy mouth.
Not with the pussy mouth.
And she said, she was like, well, you don't kiss me after, you know, you, after with a blowjob or whatever like that.
After a blowjob, I do, but not if I finish in her mouth.
That's horrifying.
I mean.
Son, you can't drink your own latte.
I mean, after she washes up.
Bro, after you got up.
You should get drunk in your own latte stuff.
After she washes up?
Oh, well.
Gets everything cleaned out and washes up.
Hold on, Okay, so boom.
You're going to kiss her eventually again, right?
So after you spoosh in the mouth, goes, cleans up.
You don't kiss her ever again in your relationship.
That's how it works.
What are you talking about?
Bro, my fault.
No, come back here.
Oh, man.
Oh, there you go.
All right.
Cover your face.
Sorry.
Nah, you got to.
After she washes up.
Sorry about that.
Listen, Akash, okay?
Because Kaz is just a fucking savage.
That's crazy, okay.
That's crazy.
She washes up.
You're not going to kiss her.
You know, Kaz be saying she's like, hold it in there for you.
Nah, because you know what?
Like, right after I was like, bird feed me.
Shout out to Justin Rose.
No fucking kid.
Kaz go like that.
Where you get that, boy.
What happened to those boys?
Okay, Akash, correct me if I'm wrong.
Blow job, you kiss her.
When?
Before finish.
If she just goes, suck, suck, suck.
Then we make out that.
Hey, hang on.
You know what I mean?
Ain't no shame in tasting your own dick.
But there's a little distance.
Ain't no shame in that game.
There's no pre-nutting there, though.
Ain't no shame in tasting that little kickbox in class.
You know what I mean?
Give her that little kiss after that dick suck you back.
Ooh, that's Tiger Schulman.
Ooh, that's some round twos.
That's some hooks, some straight rights in the knees.
Yo, sometimes you gotta whiff of your own flavor.
Like you're done.
Yeah.
Just look at your girl like, you real for that.
When that shit happens, I hear that Destiny child song, I'm a survivor.
I'm not gonna give up.
I'm not gonna stop it.
Keep on surviving.
Those aren't the words at all.
That's not.
I'm not even a word.
That's not gonna stop.
I'm gonna work harder.
Is that a survivor?
I'm gonna make it.
I'm on survival.
Keep on surviving.
That is what I was just saying.
Akash got his voice going.
He's old.
He's back to being pre-pubescent.
Yeah, Akash's voice was a little crazy for a minute.
Listen, someone was saying when you someone was saying in the YouTube comments that when you were saying tryout, you were saying Twyout.
Say it again?
Like Elmer Fudd?
But I guess your voice was fucked up because you had the flu and shit.
Right.
The image came out as Twyout.
But apparently you were saying it dead serious multiple times.
Like it was like, so yeah, apparently they were at the Twy Outs and Jay.
I can't say his name.
There's a comic.
I'm not going to say his name.
But this motherfucker got a speech impedance.
It's mad subtle, son.
It's so subtle.
But when that word, when the right letter hits, give me an example.
I can't.
Okay, okay.
There's another comic that has a speech impediment.
His name is Drew Lynch.
Drew Lynch.
That's not the one I'm talking about.
He has an actual stutter, but he goes on stage.
He's a small accident and he can't.
He can't finish the sentence.
And funny, yo, he's fucking funny.
He got an inland.
Did it just happen in the middle?
No, but he's a great presence on YouTube.
He got tons of YouTube videos.
Shout out to Drew.
That's not him.
I'm talking about some comments.
I'm just laughing.
I'm laughing because it's from softball.
Yo, from...
Yeah, why are you not playing baseball?
Maybe it was baseball.
I don't know.
Maybe it was his best.
The ball hit him up after a ball hit him in the throat or some shit and it could damage his vocal cord permanently.
Crazy.
Oh, my God.
Crazy.
Maybe it was baseball.
I don't know.
But he was a comic doing comedy.
Then that happened.
And then he had to relearn comedy, basically.
Lean into your disability, bro.
Wait, but there's him doing comedy prior.
He did.
I don't know if that exists online, but he was.
What happened, Eddie?
You got the clue?
What happened?
Got the clue feathered.
Play it.
Akash naming Twyout.
Okay, go.
Basketball and sports playing is so easily a meritocracy.
Like I have tryouts.
I see the art.
I know Akash well enough where I know what he's saying.
I can see how somebody that didn't know him that well.
Okay, let me see the guy.
No Auditions Just Tryouts00:09:22
Done.
That's fine.
Coaching is like, there's only 32 opportunities.
There are no auditions.
There are no tryouts.
You come.
Nah, nah.
It wasn't that deep.
It wasn't that.
I have tryouts.
I got a lot of fucking come.
It was a very soft art.
Like, I have tryouts.
I can get out of there and try out.
You sound absolutely retarded when you said that.
Anyway, so what are the rules?
What are we saying the rules are going to be with this?
Does pussy juice equate to come?
I always said no.
Nah.
I think no.
Yo.
That doesn't count.
Because women come.
That's it.
And men have the one sploosh.
But that doesn't matter.
Why?
Because I don't care how many times you come.
If it's come, it's come.
I just don't consider it come.
I just consider it like lubricants.
So I think if I eat your pussy, you have to kiss me.
Matter of fact, sometimes I like putting my dick in before the kissing.
So it's almost like when the Haagen Daz lollipop got a nice little coating of chocolate on it.
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
Do you ever have like a Haagen-Daz ice cream bar, but it's got that chocolate coating?
Oh, it's like those Magnum chocolates.
Yes.
Yes.
But it's just like a pussy juice coating.
Do you know what I mean?
So it's like my dick.
You dip it in.
That's it.
So you dip it in the pussy, and then it has a nice little coating.
Once you break the coating, then it's nothing but juice.
Akash, you seem like so perfect.
I got you, I got you.
Take me a second to understand what you're saying.
Okay.
Doesn't matter.
So how long did you go before kissing her after you?
It's honestly, it's been so long since she.
Wait, she don't.
To you?
I mean, back in the day, man.
Oh, hold on.
Once you move in, that move is out.
I think maybe on my birthday or something.
I don't know.
The thing is, if she don't have, I personally am not going back again.
I know I can't go back again.
So it's like.
And she should know that too.
She knows it.
She's very aware of it.
You want a cartier?
I know.
That's crazy.
Whatever the fuck it was.
So you ain't even getting fucking Christmas pressure.
I don't need no talking from you.
That's what I'm saying.
You gave it me.
You got a cartier.
Yeah.
You got back things remembered.
Yes.
And no.
No, I get blowjobs, not gobble gobbles.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Gobble gobble is when it goes down.
Yes.
Oh, to the nice standard.
Yo, I'm not even going to lie.
Go down.
Medicine.
Go down.
Medicine.
Go down.
This might be crazy to say.
When it's my like girl, girl.
You don't want to swallow it.
I kind of don't even want it in her mouth.
That's a lie.
I'm being honest with you.
In the moment, I'm like, yeah, this is awesome.
And then afterwards, I'm like, now I'm going to be looking at her sides of her lips to see if that shit there.
Like, it's just.
Let me tell you, Andrew.
Yeah.
You'll get there.
You'll get there.
Really?
Y'all haven't been together long enough.
Trust me.
You'll get there, bro.
There's going to be a time for you to look at her like, oh, yeah, that's for the rest of my life right there.
You already did, man.
What do you mean?
I'm telling you, there's going to be a, because, you know, like, when you're just like not super serious yet, and I'm sure you guys are serious, but like when you're first, like, dating for a while, there's certain things where you just look at your girl, like, all right, like, you want it, but you don't really want it enough to where you look at her a little differently afterwards.
Uh-huh.
And I always thought that was going to last forever, but it don't.
I'm completely opposite.
Okay.
Why?
I do all the craziest shit in the beginning.
So you get what?
Like, but you, you know, you're going to be with this person.
You go through like a fucking American ninja course.
Like, what can you survive this?
If you get the, at the end, then hey, you a champion.
Real talk.
You run straight up a wall.
You know what I mean?
You got to do the lily pad shit.
There's a real.
No, that's a good ass on the fucking.
But then after that, we could just sleep.
Yeah, you got a thing where you really need to put them through it and make sure they're worthy.
And then you see the real soft Andrew.
Son.
Andrew's soft.
I'm a softie.
I want to order dessert and go to sleep.
Wow.
My girl didn't let me eat dessert.
She knew.
I ordered a carrot cake and she goes to me.
She goes, she knew what's about to happen.
She goes, no, because I want the carrot.
Psych, she didn't say that.
That was me.
That was me.
But for real, she wouldn't let me order dessert because she knew.
It's night night.
Son, you got to figure that out.
You want a cheesecake factor.
You can't even have the cheesecake.
Man, you got groceries.
That's a good ass point.
Son, you got to get past it.
You got to learn to do both.
How I learned to do both, bro.
I don't know, bro.
Figure it out.
Eat less main course.
You got to box everything to go.
I don't know.
You got to figure it out though.
But I need my shrimp cocktails.
Just have half the cat.
Just have shit.
Just have to cock.
And then later on, you can have a tap.
Just take your desserts and go.
You know what I'll be doing?
Bro, this is so fun.
My girl thinks I'm trying to expand my palate, but I'd be eating all these.
I mean, I mean, come on, son.
Because I know if I have a big meal, I'm going to be so tired that I don't want to fuck, right?
I know.
So I've eaten all these oysters, these natural aphrodisiacs and shit like that.
I'm like, look, if I get up these natural aphrodisiacs, maybe it will counteract the dessert.
So if I eat three oysters in a half shell, right, then I can have the sorbeto.
Why don't you just blue chew?
What?
Why don't you just blue chew?
I do it.
Even with the blue chew.
I can't do it all the time.
I can't do it all the time, though, because I can't let that be the expectation.
It's too punishing.
I'm not going to work.
No, but to counteract the son, if I blue chew, she's going to be late to work.
Shut the fuck up.
She is.
She walks to work.
You know what I'm saying?
Just call her Uber, son.
Say what?
Call her an Uber.
Should I Uber her to work?
Yeah.
If it's a walking distance, you can't send her on however much that's going to cost you.
Real talk, dude.
He's on a principle?
Lift her up after you lay it down, son.
You're not wrong, bro.
I'm saying, right?
Shout out to Blue Chew, by the way.
Yo, Blue Chew.
Blue Chew.com.
Offer code is flagrant.
Y'all already know what it is.
If you guys are new to the podcast, Blue Chew is one of our longest sponsors.
It got our dicks harder than any other podcast on the planet.
Akash.
Yo.
Akash.
Work.
Akash.
Works.
It works.
I need more, to be honest with you.
Honestly.
Son, I got mine weekly or monthly, whatever it is.
I'm a subscriber.
I'm a subscriber, son.
I'm a Patreon.
I'm a subscriber.
My dick won't give up.
Keep on working.
God damn.
Real talk.
Bluechew.com.
I'm telling y'all.
It's not a game.
Chew them up.
Chew them out.
If she dies, she dies.
You know what it is.
Okay.
Your best intentions are there.
Flagrant is the offer code.
You get that shit for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
That's it.
$5 shipping.
You get it for free.
Get the best night of your life for your girlfriend.
Okay.
Get the best night of your life for your wife.
Or if you got a new girl and you know you're about to lay it down, this has been common practice.
If it's a new girl, you really need to impress.
You get that and you go for it, especially if you know you're going to bust early because then you run it right back.
Run it back.
That's my only way I can run it back.
You give the first stringers.
You got the first stringers out.
Yes.
And then you sub them out, hit the blue chew, and get in.
Get in.
Super sub, six men of the year.
That's it.
Knock it out.
Boom.
Done.
Blue chew.com, baby.
One thing I think is very important to discuss, Akash.
What at?
Kaz.
Yes.
The proper way to kick your baby mama outside out of your mansion, out of your LA mansion.
Yo.
What is the best way to do it?
Now, in my mind, when I imagine kicking my baby mama and my children out of my LA mansion, I never thought about using a bag of dicks.
Bag of dicks to do it.
It's a solid dick.
But it is potentially an option, right?
If you want to get rid of your baby mama, maybe she has some PATSD from dicks because now she has these two kids that have really kind of ruined her ability to maybe go dig more or whatever it is.
So maybe that becomes this sort of like mosquito repellent, the dick.
Property Rights and Public Indecency00:08:48
Obviously, Antonio Brown.
I don't know if you guys know this, but he is fully CT'd.
Oh, it's not.
Yeah.
Like, did you notice, Akash, the slurring of his speech?
No, not either.
If you listen to the video, it is noticeably.
So he's not getting a twy out anywhere.
No twyouts for this guy.
What is going on with Antonio Brown?
This is some sad shit.
I'm not even going to lie.
What do you think is going to be CTE, full-blown?
He's gone.
Like, mentally, he's gone.
That's what I think is going on.
And when did, and is this like, is this fast acting?
Like, I have so many questions.
I'm going to throw them out now.
You take care, and then you guys run.
These are all theories.
I'm going to get back, but yeah, let's go.
Okay.
How much credit do we need to give to Tomlin for keeping AB, this crazy ass personality, this level of unprofessionalism, this level of absolute debauchery in check for as long as he did?
That's number one.
Tomlin's coach of the year after you see what this is.
Oh, yeah.
Not only did he take that team with no fucking with Mason Rudolph almost to the playoffs, he'd had to deal with this last year.
Yeah.
And kept him from looking this crazy.
For how many years?
How many years was A.B. on the I think he had a pretty nasty concussion a couple years ago, and that's when I think it all started.
It was Vanta's birthday.
Since then, he ain't been right.
Yep.
He ain't been right.
But to be fair, real quick, Tomlin.
That was 2016 or 17.
I mean, 2016.
And remember when Tomlin would give interviews and he'd say, I resonate or I relate to wide receivers because I used to be a wide receiver or something like that.
And like they're D, whatever this is.
Do you think that he's speaking about AB this?
I had no clue that A.B., A.B. and Julio Jones were the same person to me until last year.
Dog, I didn't even know ABC.
Not in terms of personality, because I know nothing about either of their personalities, but professionalism.
I thought they just worked hard, went out there, good teammates, no problem.
I felt like I started, I didn't put together CTE at all, but I felt like I started to see flashes of a little like diva-ism or whatever like a couple years ago.
Like two years ago, probably.
I was like, oh, I don't know.
I just saw like, I just saw these little things where I was, he's like fucking brushing his hair in commercials or whatever.
And I was just like, oh, this is very small.
It's not a big deal.
But I wonder if this is going to lead to him wanting more and more spotlight or whatever.
And then last year, I think it was like, oh, this guy needs to go.
I forget dude's name.
That's on the street.
And then this year, he's obviously fucking ESP.
That's insane.
The dude that does ESP on the first take, used to play on the Steelers.
He was the first person.
Ryan Clark.
Ryan Clark.
That's his name.
Ryan Clark got, you know, give him his credit months ago before he even signed the page.
He was on the Raiders.
He was the first person saying, like, I would see him in a locker room and he would say, yo, you're going to create a monster.
I think the exact quote was, you're going to create a monster if you pay this guy.
He said that like in the workout room.
And then they hadn't got along since.
And that was like started the friction of all the Steelers.
If you can find the clip, it's somewhere else.
He said this months ago.
I didn't say anything yet, but just look up the quote.
He said, before he said, if you pay this dude, you're going to create a monster.
And when it comes to diva wide receivers, we talk about it all the time.
Say what you want about Randy Odell Beckham to our own.
They wasn't doing shit like that.
This guy's a bad thing.
This is a whole new CTE.
This is not D.Va.
This is a CTE.
That's what I'm saying.
When you're cussing out the cops who are already doing what you want them to do and you're calling them crackers and shit, they're on Instagram.
You're seeing her in a fucking squad car.
Isn't that what you want?
With your kids.
Can you break down that situation?
Here's what I was confused.
You're watching the clip.
He's cussing out the cops.
He's the most heartbreaking shit ever.
Maybe the kids.
The fucking kids.
I didn't, this clip was funny to everybody, but I was like, yo, these fucking kids are getting put in the back of a squad car with their mom.
And their dad is, he says, I love you as I'm climbing into a fucking cop car.
You love me so much.
Why are you letting me get in this fucking cop car?
Curse nothing.
Cussing out my mom like this.
Curse nothing.
Cussing out cops like that.
The whole thing is fucked to me.
I mean, I will make jokes about it because we are who we are and that's what we do.
But emotionally, when I first saw, I was like, oh, this is fucked for those kids.
Yeah, they're going to fuck.
That's just not fucking shit.
That's like, I'm gone.
I'm mentally gone.
People can defend him if they want to.
Cool.
You wouldn't want to be that kid.
You wouldn't want to be his kid.
I will say this.
When I was a kid, I thought cops were so cool.
And I feel like I feel like getting to go in a cop car'd be like getting to go in a fire truck.
You know what I mean?
I don't think they'll be crippled by that situation.
I think they'll come to school the next day.
They'll talk to all their friends about it.
Like, I think it will be a pretty sick, sick thing.
Getting to go in a cop car for fun.
For fun, yeah.
Would be amazing.
But I think it's going to be fun.
I'm going to get a shore ride with them, though.
For that.
But the entire thing.
They're not getting locked up, right?
They're going to be.
But is the mom.
What happened?
Why would I?
I think she was trying to steal the Bentley.
She was trying to steal the Bentley.
She was trying to steal.
And that's quite possible.
But that's even more fucked.
Like, my mom is bringing me with her to steal the fucking Bentley.
I don't understand.
But what does she think she was going to do with the Bentley?
I guess she just thinks like some of this shit is hers.
That's what I was in my car.
I'm assuming she thinks it's hers.
She didn't Google what happened.
The cops didn't arrest them.
They just escorted him off the premises.
So like they weren't in cuffs or nothing like that.
They were just like, oh, get these guys out of my premises.
Well, she wasn't like, hey, if you could please kindly remove these.
Oh, yeah, clearly not.
But the cops are probably just looking at, like, you saw the cops.
It's rare there.
So she, what, Ubered there?
Probably Uber.
And Uber's very reasonably priced in L.A.
That is true.
That's very true.
Maybe because they should lift share.
Maybe it was.
So they just got rid of her to make sure that she wouldn't stay.
I think legally she was trespassing, so you got to get her out of there.
Like, I think legally, it's like, yeah, you're trespassing on the guy's property.
If he wants you gone, you're gone.
Even if he's cussing me out like an asshole.
And legally, he's right.
Yo, honestly, I don't know if you could talk to cops like that, yo.
He's rich.
I don't know, babe.
Al, what's the rules on that?
You're a cop.
They can't do anything.
Unless he's threatening them in a way, which he wasn't.
You can really say whatever you want to do.
I guess it's freedom of speech.
I guess we need freedom of speech.
But it is.
And I guess maybe people would say that about us.
Like, oh, you're using freedom of speech to make these jokes that are fucked up.
People might not like that.
Well, cops might not like it if you say mess up things about them.
Yeah.
But there is something about an authority figure that's doing his job and you abusing them while they're doing the job.
Like you choose to listen to our podcast.
There's something you also always say, which is judge me off my intent.
Our intent is always to make people laugh.
No matter what, we're trying to find the light in any situation.
He's not trying to find the light.
He's being a dick, but he's doing it on his property.
But they're there to help him.
Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, say if he was on a public location, they probably could have got him with like a public indecency or some shit like that.
One of those little things that you're just disobedience.
You're just simply arguing the legality of it.
Yeah, I guess that's right.
So it's like he's on his own property.
Hey, get the fuck off my property.
All you motherfuckers.
Everybody off.
You can say that.
There's no warrant.
They don't have no right to be there.
Yeah.
So then why was it a big deal when NWA was like, fuck the police, if like they recorded that shit on their own property?
No.
What do you mean?
They made music and music videos and then depicted violence to cops.
They did?
Yeah, you didn't see the music videos.
Now you know why the cops hate y'all.
There's mutual things that go back, you know.
No, no, no, I'm music.
But, okay, yeah, it's just a tricky situation, man.
It's like.
Like, he was just being a straight-up dick.
What an asshole.
Yeah.
Go.
What's up, man?
So, what happened was they had the cops on civil standby.
She wanted to go pick up her kid's clothes.
So she called the cops.
Right.
Okay.
She's been calling, allegedly from him, she's been calling the police to his house three days in a row.
So this is a note, but this one especially was just a civil standby because she just wanted to pick up his stuff.
Her kids' stuff.
So then that's when he started lashing out and going mad crazy and shit like that.
And yeah, that was really the big deal for it.
Yeah, he was going crazy.
Manscaping Accidents and Police00:03:09
Can I play the video for you guys?
Yeah.
So the cops weren't.
They weren't there for any particular situation.
They were just for standby.
Just because she was afraid that he was going to go home.
So that's why he's cussing at them.
Like, why are y'all here?
Okay.
Yeah, hit play on that.
Oh, he interpreted the cops as being to protect her, not protect him.
Yeah.
Wow, man.
Come on, Polo.
The fuck out of here.
Fucking police can't help you fucking bitch ass off.
Did you hear his voice?
Oh, yeah.
Fuck the fucking bushes.
Get the fuck out of here.
He sounds like a box.
Kids.
Fuck out of here.
I love you, Poppy.
I love you.
Go on, them bitch ass bullies.
Get the fuck out of here.
Bitch ass little car.
Look at the little cop.
You wish you could take me, you bitch ass nigga.
Fuck out of here.
Yeah, get in the back of the police car, fishbowl.
And you ain't leaving with shit, bitch.
Get the fuck out of here, you bum asshole.
God.
Bitch, trying to come and steal.
Bitch, you're going to leave in the police car.
Fuck out of here.
Hollywood police, get the fuck out of here.
Sounds like Eddie Murphy's dead.
Drunk.
If you don't like it, get the fuck out of it.
I know you're seven.
Get the fuck out of here.
I stepped in the shit.
It was.
Yeah, cut it.
What is the line?
He goes, I kicked their guts.
No, The dog took a shit.
Took a shit in the den.
The shit got so hard.
I thought it was furniture.
I was watching the fights last night.
I put my fucking, I put my drink on top of it, Eddie.
It's motherfucking furniture now, Eddie.
All right, guys.
We need to take a break for a second because I've been going through something.
You know, as you guys know, I've kind of moved into my girl's place and I haven't found the right situation where I can shave my balls.
I have, I would do it in my shower back home.
Bobby, sorry that you had to maybe deal with that.
But here's the thing: I have a lot of pubic hair.
And when I shave them in the shower, sometimes it clogs up the shower.
It takes a little while for it to go down the drain.
I don't know if I can just clog up my girl's fucking shower with my pubic hair.
So it feels a little bit uncomfortable to do.
I wanted to do it when I was in Tampa.
Point is I got to shave my balls.
You guys already know if I'm shaving my balls, I'm doing it with my manscaped.
You know, I mean, it's not even a question.
That's how I've been doing it for a while now.
That's why my girl probably loves how smooth them pebbles are.
You know what I'm saying?
Shaft extra shiny because that manscape don't play.
It's 2020.
All right.
New year, new balls.
You got to make sure you get them bushes out of here.
Okay.
Last bush that we had was in office.
We're not doing bushes in our drawers.
Okay.
We're getting it nice and trimmed.
I have a little fluff down there.
I have a little fluff.
You know, my girl can't be bald and me bald.
That just looks weird.
That looks like dolls humping.
We're not going to do that.
But I like to make sure I take my Lawnmower 2.0, get that skin-safe technology.
Okay.
The trimmer will not nick you.
Screw the Academy Make Your Own00:14:13
Okay.
It's not going to snag your nuts.
Nothing.
No manscaping accidents.
All right.
You are set.
You are ready to go.
And you are ready to be smooth and loose.
I don't know if you should be loose, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
Smooth and loose.
And guess what?
You get 20% off free shipping with the code flagrant2 at manscaped.com.
All right.
Start the new year off right by using the best tools for the job.
All right.
Manscaped.com, our code flagrant2, 20% off.
Make sure you get it.
All right.
Let's get back to this show.
Yo, shout out to Eddie Murphy and Dolomite getting robbed.
Oh, man.
Wait, what?
The whole fucking Oscars nominations came out today.
Oh, they didn't get a nomination.
Not a lot of black people.
Should we make this like a holiday about where black people tweet about how racist the Oscars are?
Like the day after the Oscar nominations should be like a black Twitter holiday where black people tweet about how messed up the Oscars are.
Can I just say this to anybody who really cares about the Oscars?
You're a loser.
Those are exact words I was going to say.
Continue.
That was my first thought when you didn't even have the words when you said, can I tell you this?
The words that flashed in my head was, you're a loser.
You're a loser.
Why do you care about this fucking nerd-ass award?
Why do you fucking loser?
Oh my God, I am being snubbed by the film academy.
You fucking pussy.
Can I tell you?
Everybody's going on and on about how dare Dola Mike not get nominated.
It's so messed up that Dolomite didn't get nominated, this, that, the other.
Wait for it.
Do you know who wouldn't care if Dola Mike got nominated?
Dolomite.
Dolomite.
Did you not watch the movie, you fucking idiot?
I didn't just scroll up.
I think the whole point of the movie.
Hold on.
The whole point of the movie was fuck the industry.
Do it yourself.
The whole point of the movie was not, hey, how do I get the validation and approval of liberal, rich white people?
That's not the whole point of the movie.
The whole point of the movie is I'm going to make things for my community, whatever that community might be, and then be completely fulfilled and satisfied by their love and not the love of the quote-unquote oppressor.
Can I read a quote from Jordan Carlos on iCode homie, who is a pretty woke dude?
Super woke.
Love Jordan Carlos.
Shouts to Jordan.
To those getting upset over a crusty system that isn't woke enough, maybe screw the Academy and make another award show and stop hoping for white approval so much.
And we do this every year, every Oscar season.
Influencers crank up the moral outrage machine and we all willingly confuse some celebs' personal achievement for a mass movement.
And then he said, defeated people assume the value of their oppressors, which is fight the bar.
It's funny because defeated people assume the values of their oppressors.
Break that down.
People who have been defeated, we are broken.
We are whatever.
And now we just take on the values of the people who are.
Because you don't have values yourself.
They value them, so we value them because we still value their approval.
They're broke us.
So we just, whatever they think is hot is hot.
Create your own values.
Create your own value.
If you have your own values, you won't even give a fuck about an Oscar.
And he had another thing in his life.
Hey, you woke, right?
You got time.
You awake.
Everybody else sleeping.
Why don't you use all these woke hours and make some values?
Fucking lazy.
There's a, if you look at the thread, it keeps on going.
He goes, something about like, why don't we care about it?
So basically he was like, oh, you mean there already is an award show that celebrates ourselves and we don't go to it as much.
We don't do as wow.
And then like he kept going on his other thread and shit, which is.
Oh, here he goes.
Oh, wait.
Marginalized groups of people, marginalized groups do have our own award shows, but hmm.
Seems like we don't value them as much and play into what appears to be a pretty futile and thankless game.
And it all goes back to, I think, a few months ago when people were calling for Tyler Perry.
When Tyler Perry went to the BET Awards, and he said, quote unquote, before the studio was even open, he said, while everybody was looking for a seat at the table, I went and created my fucking own.
I made furniture.
And then we did.
Say what the fuck you want about Tyler Perry, dog.
Yeah.
He said what he said.
But motherfuckers are like, oh, I don't have, I don't have writers' room.
I don't have to.
Notice the beauty of building your own fucking studio.
You do whatever the fuck you want.
You don't see him bitching about no Oscars.
You don't see him bitching about no fucking Golden Globes.
He ain't bitching about nothing.
I'm actually glad this got no press because the kid who played Aladdin in the Disney reboot was like, I haven't gotten a single audition since Aladdin came out.
All right, motherfucker, well, you're rich now.
So what are you going to do with your money?
Do something.
Make a movie on your own.
Have some fucking passion.
It doesn't make sense to me.
Was Aladdin successful?
Yeah, were you mad?
Wasn't he half white?
No, the girl was half Indian, half white, I think.
He looked full.
To me, I don't know for sure.
I also didn't think he was great as an actor.
I'm not the fucking thespian of all things.
Yeah, I was not impressed by him.
Hold on.
Was Aladdin in India?
No, it was in Arabia.
It was in the Middle East.
Yeah, it was Saudi Arabia, right?
Yeah, he was Middle Eastern.
He was an Indian.
Yeah.
But the girls were just half white.
But no, that's what I was getting at, that they were just half Middle Eastern and half white.
Ah, yes, that they weren't the full thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, nobody care.
Nobody cares about these things, but it's just so funny.
This happens every year.
It's like, why don't we look at, why don't we look at what has worked, right?
You lean into your own craft.
You create music for your own people.
Let's say hip-hop, right?
You continue to lean into it.
It becomes the biggest musical force in the world.
And then all of a sudden, the Grammys, all of a sudden, all the oppressors, all of a sudden, the people that are marginalizing you come to you and support you.
But with movies, for whatever reason, who sold a special?
Nobody wanted his first one.
Dolomite did it.
Dola White did it himself.
Guess who came calling recently?
We can't say, but eventually we will.
Sure.
Absolutely.
100%.
And maybe I didn't do it based on a racial thing, but I did it based on a style of comedy that was marginalized.
And we built something ourselves, improved.
Did it have value?
If you don't got a seat at the table, build some fucking furniture.
Build the furniture.
Yeah.
Facts.
I mean, put it like this.
There's when it comes to like the BET Awards and Soul Train Awards and all this type of shit.
I understand why certain people want validation from the Oscars and Grammys.
It's good to feel validated.
It's good for someone to hand you a shiny trophy and say, hey, you're the best at this.
And I know it'll put you in different rooms when somebody refers to you an Oscar-nominated Grammy nomination.
Absolutely.
I get all that shit.
My thing is, the reason why you get put into different rooms because of that is because motherfuckers like you raise the value up every time you get pissed off of that shit.
Wale is one of my very good friends.
I talk to this dude damn near every single day.
And he gets, you know, and J. Cole rapped about it on, what was the song?
False Prophets, talking about just, you know, how certain people, you know, he has rapped.
False sun versus Wale.
Yeah, he had a whole verse about like, dude, like, he doesn't feel appreciated, but you don't understand.
Like, you got fans.
You got this whole thing.
And he's understanding it more now.
I appreciate you.
He understands it more now, but he also understands why, like, yo, I can't get a Grammy because I lean into Soul Train Awards.
I eat, I lean into, yeah.
So go to the BET Awards.
Go to the Soul Train Awards.
That's what Beyonce and Jay-Z do now.
Like, they'll show up to the Golden Globes late, bring their own fucking champagne and leave early.
But they'll be on time for the BET Awards.
They'll be on time for the Soul Train Awards.
He's on time for the NAACP awards because that shit matters to the art, the people that they're creating their art for.
So, why in the fuck would you see them bending over backwards for the Oscars no more?
Jay-Z doesn't give a fuck about it.
He's rapped a million times how he does not give a fuck about a Grammy.
He has the most Grammys next to Kanye.
And you know who?
He's any fucking rapper.
You know who didn't?
You know who Jay-Z, I don't know how the fuck I was going to word this, but Jay-Z, the industry didn't hand Jay-Z shit.
Right?
When he came out, Reasonable Doubt, there was no fucking massive record deal.
There was no, hey, this is the next guy.
This is the darling of the rap industry.
That motherfucker did it himself.
Put that shit out independently.
Rockefeller records with Damon Biggs, put that shit alone.
And then he got a fucking joint venture with Def Jam on the second or third album down.
And he's been rocking like that ever since.
You're not even a loser.
You're lazy.
That's what that's why you are.
And you know it's easy to be like.
We talked about this on the Patreon.
We talked about this on the Patreon.
That sentence, I'm marginalized, is currency now.
Yeah.
But there's not much currency.
The exchange rate is now what you think it is, bro.
You get you might get one shot out of it.
And if you haven't worked your ass off, you're probably not ready for this shot.
Facts.
You spend a lot of time complaining instead of working, and then you get your shot and you miss.
And now what Moses, I was somebody was talking about this.
I was talking, I went to Atlantic City with some friends, comic friends for one of their birthdays.
Happy birthday, Mike Albanese.
Happy birthday, Mike Albanese.
You're the fucking homie.
And we're all just talking about somebody 36.
36.
Went to Atlantic City, bet on some sports, whatever, chilled, had fun.
But these people started coming up who got this opportunity because this thing happened or this struggle thing or this woke thing.
And I was like, man, we talk about these guys and 95% of them fizzle immediately.
Yeah.
5% of them are really fucking smart and they always know how to maneuver.
And those are the guys that bother me because I'm like, ah, fuck, they're good at it.
They're succeeding at it.
But 95% have complained or said, I'm this group that's marginalized.
Give me an opportunity.
And then we don't give a fuck.
Right.
We had a great discussion about this on the Patreon.
I think it was adjacent to this, at least.
Absolutely.
I think we posted a clip of it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The clip is the SoundCloud clip that we posted.
Yeah.
So if you guys want to see that discussion, it was just about how, just about diversity and how diversity is like a brilliant tool, but is also disingenuous in a lot of ways.
And it was a really cool discussion.
So it will come up as the last episode.
So the episode before this, there's a snippet that we always post from the Patreon.
Go check that out.
But that's interesting what you say about how it's currency, but the exchange rate isn't high.
It's like you could be a millionaire in Jamaican dollars.
Be a millionaire here.
You ain't a millionaire here, right?
So it's like you come here, you got to work.
You got to work.
Yo, yo, it can get you here.
But once you're here, you got to work, son.
At the end of the day, that is what will separate a flash in the pan and a career is hours put in.
And that's probably in anything.
That's being a chef.
That's being an architect.
That's being any of these things.
It's like hours dedicated, hours put in.
And shit, get in how you fit in.
But once you're there, the way that you stay in is by grinding your ass.
I want to ask y'all a question, right?
Go.
So with these awards and shit.
Yes.
It's usually decided, and just not even just awards.
You can apply that to anything, whether it's comedy, music, whatever.
There's always a select group of people that decide what's quote unquote important just because they're on a certain board, right?
But with the internet and with social media, you have countless people saying how much a movie moved you or how much a movie meant something to you or a piece of art or an album or a song or whatever.
And when it doesn't get acknowledged by those select few, what's like, I don't understand how it hasn't clicked with certain people.
And I know it's clicked with you because you said, fuck them.
I'm just going work with the people.
Why hasn't it clicked with certain people when you don't need the approval because it's hard?
Because old fucks.
Yo, you know why I really think?
I really think that some people are used to getting the approval of blue checks.
And I think that they overvalue that approval.
Yeah, I don't even know if they're used to it.
I think they just, that's what they seek.
Or that maybe that's what they seek, right?
And it's easy.
And it might be easy to certain people in certain communities.
For me, I've never been a blue check guy in terms of like the people that supported me.
Like the people have always supported me.
And just now the checks are figuring it out.
Right?
Like, just now I'm starting to see people, you know, I still don't have a blue check on Instagram.
That's fucked up.
We're going to work on it.
I thought you had one.
Never.
We got to get you on Shadow Man first.
But like, it is, man, I got to share something, but I don't know if I should share it.
Should I?
Yeah, I think we're on the same page, right?
Like blue checks that show love.
And then they told that, should we?
Yeah, fuck it.
It doesn't matter.
All right.
This was an interesting thing.
I don't know what this is, so I got to get to the bottom of it, but I'm not really sure.
But the point I'm saying is, I care about the people, man, because I know there's way more people that don't have blue checks than do.
Of course.
So I ain't going to overvalue the blue check when I got all these people that are coming out to shows.
They come to multiple shows.
They're like, it's just mad love.
Go.
Sorry, I want to get back to your story, but I think it is, seems like the path of least resistance.
It's easiest.
What you did.
Yeah.
Hard as fuck.
You were in a little better position than that you had brilliant idiots and you had money and you had 100,000 YouTube subscribers already.
And then Alex is more accessible.
And you also, I don't think people realize this, even then, you worked harder than anybody I knew.
So that, whatever.
But that's hard.
Right.
That's fucking hard.
Yeah, we gravitate towards the even the idea of it, even if doing it isn't as hard as schmoozing to you.
The idea of filming every show, flying a fucking guy out everywhere, putting out your own special.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That's a daunting ass idea.
You know, it's not daunting.
I go to an audition.
This guy likes me.
I get the role.
I'm on a TV show.
And comedians are lazy people.
The who you knows.
Yeah.
The who you knows.
All that stuff.
But also personalities.
People are lazy people.
People are lazy people.
Like we, we will do the path of least resistance to joy in life.
That's why we do drugs.
You know what I mean?
That's why we drink alcohol.
That's why we do all these things.
We know we could feel good if we worked out two hours a day, but most people don't fucking do it.
Right.
It is the path of least resistance.
Now, therapy takes years.
Getting drunk takes minutes.
Minutes.
It's so efficient.
It takes years to even work up the nerve to go to therapy.
I'm going to drink this tequila.
And then we out.
Comedians Are Lazy People00:15:37
I'm fine.
But what was the overall thing that we were just saying?
You were going to, you were.
I know you were going to touch on something about the checks versus the non-generation.
You're talking about blue checks that show love.
And then.
So an interesting thing happened, right?
I tweeted something about Ricky Gervais.
I was like, about his speech.
I tweeted the video and I was like, yo, Ricky is a legend for this.
And, you know, also shout out the exec at NBC that green lit these jokes and literally risked their job.
I'm just pointing that out because Ricky got all the fuck you money to say fuck you.
The exec at NBC, it ain't going to be the top guy that it comes down on.
It's going to be the showrunner.
And then he might go.
It is a ballsy move.
And the reason I reward that is not, I don't give a fuck about kissing the ass of no exec.
We built this whole thing so we don't got to do that.
What I want to do is reward that behavior in the industry because there are people that still need the industry.
Not everybody is in this industry.
And the more retweets that tweet gets, the more possible it is that somebody in another position, a Jason position, is like, oh, yo, that kind of thing gets rewarded.
Boom.
Huh?
Exactly.
If they got 50,000 retweets, every exec and be like, yo, people want to see this shit?
You got to reward the behavior that you love.
It's like we spend so much time shitting on people, but I got to show love when it works.
And it's not just the comedians, but I show love to the comedian, whatever.
Because I thought it was so dope that he went out there, he gave this speech about not giving a fuck what people thought.
You know what I mean?
He just said it right to their face.
He don't care what nobody thinks about anything.
So Sunday, I get a tweet back from Ricky.
I get, it's a thank you, man.
Big fan of your work, by the way.
Whoa.
Love what you do, by the way.
Something like that.
You know, big fan or love your work, by the way, something like that.
And I was like, yo, that's so dope.
And I was like, and I'll be honest, I was thinking about how I respond, you know, because it's like, you know, you don't want to be too thirsty.
You don't want to be too thirsty in those moments, you know what I mean?
Like someone I respect, but I'm not asking him to do nothing for me or anything like that.
But it's just one of those things.
I'm thinking, right?
And I figure, and I go, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm just going to say exactly how I felt in the moment.
So I was like, man, this made my day.
Thank you so much.
I believe I compliment everybody in this room a lot.
I believe if you got compliments, just give them.
Who cares if you look gay or thirsty?
You are making that person feel better.
You made my day, bro.
What the fuck is wrong?
You made my day, man.
And it was really cool to see you come off that moment where you didn't give a fuck and you were making the jokes you want to do and you were being flagrant as fuck, and then for you to reach out and and acknowledge what I've done yeah, which is push that same narrative and do that through comedy and try to push comedy back to where we know it should be to, to the fact that that reached you and you're aware of it.
That was so dope and I go to respond and the tweet is deleted.
I'm like okay, maybe he thought I was a different Andrew, he didn't really know my work.
That's totally fine.
Then I go back.
He responds with just the hands emoji.
That's odd.
So now I'm like, and I don't want to say nothing and don't, I don't want y'all going after no, let me give him some credit.
Go, because I think sometimes we forget other motherfuckers are still insecure, so maybe he was like they seeing you like this guy's in his 50s.
He his best work is behind him.
For what?
As far as we know, the office is fucking legendary.
Both of them.
He had that other show about being an extra.
This guy did his shit and he killed it.
But maybe he feels like his best days are behind him.
He doesn't seem to be the stand-up he wants to be.
I get that feeling from him.
So he's looking at this young guy who's hot as fuck and maybe he was like, oh fuck, do I look too thirsty, do I look whatever?
And maybe you, he doesn't see himself as the way you see him, as this fucking legend who blah blah, blah.
Maybe see, he sees himself as like man i'm a guy in his 50s who did some shit and it was cool and that's great.
But what now?
Like maybe I don't know what exactly his insecurity is, but I think sometimes we forget other motherfuckers can be just as insecure as us.
In the same way, you're thinking, what's the best response?
What's not too thirsty, what's this, what's that?
He might have done the same thing.
There's also this thing, possibility that somebody else runs his account and he said what he truly felt at first.
Read it back.
His social media guy was like I might be a little thirsty.
He's like, all right, what I don't understand?
Go out.
We also saw people like knocking him for praising you.
Oh, there were a couple of.
This is this is what got us a little concerned.
There were like some woke motherfuckers in his mentions right, like you know, be careful supporting him or some kind of shit like that.
So our knee-jerk reaction was like yo, did you delete it?
Did you delete the the, the show of love, because you were worried that showing me love would fuck up an opportunity for you?
Or maybe he thought, let me finish, go ahead.
And if that's the case, what the fuck was I praising you for on the special?
Maybe he thought he'd seen a couple clips of yours and he was like oh, this is funny.
And then when people start saying he's hateful, he's like ah, maybe you got some other shit I haven't seen.
That's like wild, wild.
So let's say that was the case.
Right, let's say that was the case.
You're no different than the people you're making fun of in Hollywood that won't have an opinion, that are worried about having an opinion because of the backlash of that opinion.
Like, at the end of the day, and again, I don't know what the answer is.
It could be completely, he thought I was a totally different person, took it back, and then did the hand emoji because he was like, Hey, I appreciate you, but I meant that for someone else.
That could literally be it.
Not give a fucking, he could be a fucking legend and he could be the man.
It was just one of those moments, and I truly don't, and I truly don't care for me whether it, whether he supports it, it would be so cool, absolutely, but it doesn't mean any more, right?
Right, it was one of those things where it was like, I really want to go in on how brave this guy was and how amazing it was that he didn't care what other people thought of him and he was just gonna stand for what he did.
Yeah, and if he backed away from that in that moment, I gotta, I can't big you up as much.
Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't you feel me?
Does that make sense?
I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you would go on NBC and put your dick on the table that heavy and then fall back off of something with a tweet.
So, there's only one way to solve this.
What's that?
Ricky's got to come on the show.
You got to get him on the show, Ricky.
Ricky Jersey.
Let's get to the bottom of this deleted tweet, Ricky.
I sound like a girlfriend.
We're fans of you.
Afterlife is dope.
Last special is dope.
Alex literally fucks girls to the office.
That's a fact.
Most people do.
That's a fact.
Aziz, me too on a side show.
The office is only on fucking hours.
No, I should have been on Netflix all the time for one more year.
Suck it up.
That's a great time kill show.
Ricky, I'm hoping you have no clue who I am and that you completely mistook me for another person.
I truly am hoping that because I want to believe so much.
You don't give a fuck what people think because your voice is needed in comedy and it's needed, especially in those circles that are the most woke because those people do respect you and look up to you because you got a body of work that they don't.
So they have to respect you and look up to you, or they could just write other motherfuckers off.
So I would much rather think that than you deleted a tweet because you were worried about losing an opportunity.
That's just, that's just I had a, I had a real, I had a real rant building that I didn't want to interrupt this very cool story for, and I might have lost some momentum in my mind.
But I want to send a fucking message to anybody that looks like me and any other kid of an immigrant, maybe.
You don't deserve anything.
No, I know this is a fucking real ass.
I'm saying some real shit, though.
This is fucking from the heart.
This is to help you.
This idea you walk around with, that's an American idea that you deserve certain things.
Maybe not everything, but certain things.
You don't deserve a single fucking thing.
Your parents, our parents who came here literally with eight fucking dollars, didn't get here because they thought anybody owed them dick.
They came over here because they worked, because they were the best of the fucking best.
That's how they got here.
Then they came here with six fucking bucks in a country where a language they didn't understand and a culture they didn't understand.
And they built from fucking nothing because they knew I don't deserve shit.
I get what I earn.
I eat what I kill.
How the fuck we lost that so quickly disgusts me.
And we need to cut that shit the fuck out.
You're not American.
You don't deserve shit.
Go get it.
Go be great.
Like your fucking parents who are hopefully still walking around and looking at you every day.
That's all I needed to say.
It was building the whole time.
I mean, that shit.
Yeah, fuck my millions.
I'm just kidding.
That's how I felt when I didn't get tweeted back.
And I lost all faith in those award shows when the movie Coco didn't win.
I got a serious complaint.
This is this.
This is, I got to talk to Mark right now.
Mark, when you book the flights, don't put Alex's seat behind mine.
Because I'm tired of sleeping.
I'm getting my little fucking three hours of sleep so I can be ready for the show.
And I get woken up by this sound.
I fucking told you.
Yo.
And then I just get this.
I get this tap, the window, you know, the little hole between the window and the seat.
All of a sudden, this dry ass black hand comes around, taps my shoulder.
I look back, and it's just Alex streaming tears.
And him saying, yo, Coco is the shit.
I fucking told you.
That's you like a gun punch at the end.
Comes out of nowhere.
It bills, baby.
It was all bills.
Audible crying.
Audible crying.
The white lady next to me offered me a tissue.
That's how it was.
You enjoyed a night.
Sing Songy Disney movie.
Just enjoy that shit.
And then bam.
Tears.
I thought the landing gear was coming out.
Because it said, we were mad high up in the air.
I was like, who are you fucking damned?
I just forgot about it, right?
No, not that movie.
Always fully watching Kamo Coco.
My man looks emotional.
He's tearing up.
One more thing about it.
One more thing I gotta say about it.
Alright, this is beautiful.
And this is some real weird shit.
Al don't wipe his tears, yo.
Yo, it feels good.
Al cries like a woman in a movie.
Like, when you look back at Al, you see the tears.
Usually you go like this too much.
Al wasn't just doing this all day.
He went straight to the IG store.
He didn't even just bury it on his face.
He went straight to the IG store and told him.
Dude, he tearing up.
It was beautiful.
What was so beautiful about it, bro?
Nah, just the story.
That family story, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And man, you think it's cool and it's like kind of emotional, whatever.
But the head, I'm with that.
Mama Coco.
Oh, my God.
All life's about memories.
That nigga Ernesto, whatever his name is.
What was his name?
I think Ernesto.
Who's that singer?
Ernesto de la Cruz, the son of Patrick.
I'm excited for you.
Fuck that dude.
Sony ass hoofor ass.
He got all the Oscar noms.
Fuck Arnesto.
Son, then on the way back.
Yo, shout out to the assholes who give me records.
Oh, yeah.
So we were saying this.
I want to do something, by the way, assholes.
One of y'all that is a fucking nerd, tell us how to figure this shit out.
We need a nerd, bro.
We need like a real resident nerd that can figure all this shit out.
Maybe it could be done in the Patreon in the, what's it called?
In the Discord?
Discord.
Because I don't know exactly how it works, but I want to fill us with information and like useful information.
So it'd be cool if we had some sort of platform.
I don't care if it's a blog on whatever, but it's user-generated where we could put dope movies, articles, documentaries, whatever the fuck that we're consuming.
There's so much bullshit out there in the world.
It'd be really cool if we had like almost our own version of Reddit, right?
It appealed to our interests.
I feel like we're all on a similar wavelength with stuff.
And then we break it up into the movie documentary book, this, that, the other, podcast, a cool episode of a podcast.
Because I want to take in something new and interesting every single day.
I don't care if it's a fucking one-page article.
So Al crowdsourced more emotional movies and he watched some movie on the way home.
What was it?
Instant Family on Hulu.
Told me about it.
I heard that slap.
I heard that Loki slaps pretty good.
He was crying again.
Son.
That's got Marky Mark, yo.
Yo, Hulu?
Yeah.
Mark Wahlberg.
It's an old movie or a new movie?
New Alex.
It's fairly new.
A couple years.
And it went straight to Hulu?
Nah.
It was a movie.
It was in theaters?
It was in theaters.
I never heard of it.
Gave him some love, but it just got swallowed up.
I think he might have come out in an Oscar time.
What's it about?
Um, this couple that wants to adopt because they can't make a kid because her pussy broken because her pussy's broken, yeah.
But they adopt, instead of adopting one kid, they adopt the entire family.
Yeah, oh, yeah, and then that's the instant family, and then they got to adjust, I guess.
And they're they're minorities of some sort, I assume, because the parents are white and the daughters.
What color and minorities, uh, you know, like Eden colored Latinos, they're Latinos, yeah.
How many of this probably a lot of that, huh?
Three, you know, there's a little more than two, my god, wait, but Latins don't give up their kids usually.
When it, why they I don't want to give it the whole shit, but the mother was on drugs and shit.
Ah, was that was that three like brothers, brother, sister, or was that like two kids, and then one of the daughter had a kid of her own?
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Wow.
Eden got a federal question.
That's a question.
Is she above 13?
It's a valid question.
That's what happens at a fucking quint.
Okay.
That's the kinsei.
I mean, honestly, you could, you could convince me that that's her kid.
I mean, yeah, you know what?
Honestly, yeah.
I'll give you that one.
This is what's the white.
You got a Google Day.
Neighbors, I mean, Rose, something.
Rose Byrne.
Yeah, that's Rose Byrne, right?
Oh, she's good.
I did a movie premiere with her back in the day.
Oh, yeah.
You pipe.
No, I didn't pipe.
Was her sad enough?
You didn't give her a rider.
Stunningly beautiful white woman, by the way.
That's so good.
I'll send you a photo of it.
Why don't you give her that Rodney, bro?
Yo, that's the fucking term.
Oh, there you go, Alex.
You're in the clear.
Yo, Alex, you were nasty.
You liked her again?
You liked another young girl, bro?
You like this?
Bro, you really have to Google Dora's age, my G?
That's Eden.
Don't put this on me.
You want to explore Dora?
I'm not going to lie.
Dora ain't have titties like that.
That's what I'm saying.
Yo, X out of this picture?
Son.
Yo, top left?
Google Dora's Age My G00:03:55
What's cracking in that top left?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Nah, come on.
No.
I'm back.
You can't go to Lightning.
Go back to that with Dora Luits.
What she's exploring, her sexuality.
Jesus Christ.
Yo, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
What is she?
That's it.
You know, the last girl I was like, why would they give her a push-up, bra for the picture?
That's disgusting.
Who directed this?
And why are they in the forest?
I think they might have been like mature titties right there.
I had to Google Laura Harrier's age after Spider-Man homecoming.
Said, if you got to Google somebody's age, she was the love interest in Spider-Man.
Bro.
No.
I don't know who she was.
Laura Harrier.
She's a high old girl.
She's old enough, though, right?
She's plenty old enough.
But she played a high school, and I'm looking at her through the whole movie like, Jesus Christ.
How old are you?
Oh, no, no.
How fuck old is she?
She could fucking die.
That's Clay Tommy.
Who Rodney?
That's like, who comes?
Are you not getting the references?
I'm amazed.
What's the rock?
That shit is fucking.
That's what I was waiting on.
Kazzing the Rodney King, yo.
Yo, that beat.
You can't beat him, bro.
But didn't they beat him with a pipe?
Say what?
Did they beat him with a pipe?
No.
They took his own dick and they beat him with it, bro.
You didn't.
He's the one that got the plunger?
Abadou Diallo.
What?
Abadou Diallo.
We did the same thing last time.
We said the wrong guy.
Abdou Diallo and Abrahama are made out of the same Scrabble.
You know what I'm saying?
If you got Scrabble, you could be one of their men, right?
Emidou, Diallo, Abner, Luima.
One of them died, though.
That's fucked up.
The other got 40 mil for getting a plunger in his butt tucks.
Yo, you taking a plunger in the buttocks for 40?
For $40?
$40 mil?
Cause $40?
Come on.
Not as soft, but like, they're not.
Can I do that?
No, You should do it to yourself.
Can I do it?
What side plunger to the butt?
For $40 million.
What side buttons do you do?
Like, by cops, too.
By cops.
Cops gonna do it.
No, that shit ain't gentle neither.
That's what I'm saying.
You already have some tears?
No.
It's gonna be a good thing.
You're gonna win some structure.
But you get 40 million things.
Clean up your terrorists.
Diallo died, and Abner Luima's paid.
He got a whole new butt.
My man got a whole new canal.
You gotta introduce yourself to women.
You bring them back to your balling-ass apartment, and they're like, what do you do?
And he's like, I'm a security guy at the parking lot.
And she's like, how'd you get this place?
And then he's got to tell the story.
Yo, that's so true.
Ain't that the guy from Kuli?
With the black guy who's with the white girlfriend and his white people want to steal him?
Get out.
Get out?
Ain't that the get out?
Come on, Jerry.
Yo, do you think that's what he was thinking when that plunger was in his back?
Damn.
He's in a sunken place now.
They sunk that thing in there, boy.
But don't he look like get out?
What's his name?
Get out of there.
David Kuliwaki.
David Kali.
Daniel something.
Daniel Kuliki.
Daniel Kulawaki.
Look up Daniel Kulawaki.
That's what Daniel Kay.
Kaluya.
Kuluya.
How do you spell Kulawaki?
You just put syllables together.
Push that shit up hard.
Kulawaki.
Kulawaki.
Yo, look at my man, and that's him.
That looks like him after a plunger.
Imagine Daniel Kuliwaki took a plunger, though.
Now go back.
Now go back to my man.
Pots and pans.
Yo, what would you take in your butt for 40 million?
Dick!
Daniel Kulawaki Name Confusion00:15:11
You know what's fucked up?
Y'all is y'all take dick before a plunger.
Yes.
Who said y'all?
Who said yes?
You got to take one.
What you going to take?
I'm taking plunger.
Plunger.
I got the question.
Here it is.
You can't defend it.
Here it is.
Here it is.
I'm not going to get flashy.
Here it is.
Okay.
Ready?
Here we go.
You have to take a plunger in your ass.
You got that Chrissy D underbite.
You got to take a plunger right in your ass.
Okay?
All right.
Now.
Oh, oh, oh.
Hold on.
Eden, stop Googling it.
You have to do it on your own screen without showing it, and then you show it when it's ready.
Otherwise, it's distracting for us.
Okay?
Watch Jamie on Joe Rogan.
He's the go-to.
Okay.
You have to.
Oh, man.
Take a plunger in your ass.
You can't use lube.
You can only use tears.
What movie do you watch?
I mean, off rip is Coco.
Because then you get tears and snot.
Everything was coming out.
That's lube right there.
You can watch Coco before the plunger gets to that Coco.
So you would go Coco.
I'll go Coco.
Okay, Akash.
You need tears.
I never cried that hard.
You need tears.
That's a good candidate.
Those are the only lube that you can use.
Go.
What movie do you watch?
Fuck, dude.
Maybe you show me the scene in Soul Food where Big Mama died.
That might do it.
That guy's mom.
What happened to you?
Reminded me of my grandma, so it got me.
The whole thing.
It's a whole thing.
Damn.
Kaz.
I would have went Coco, but another good tearjerker.
Remember the Titans?
I was thinking earlier.
That was the one I was.
Left side, strong side.
Racial harmony and death.
Oh, yo, show Andrew a racial harmony movie.
He'll cry, all right.
So, Drew, what's up?
What about you, Drew?
The most I've ever cried.
Broke Back Mountain.
Oh, John Q, another one.
Boom.
John Q is gone.
John Q is right up there.
I got a really good cry in Invictus.
I actually was thinking that.
I remember you telling me that.
I did cry.
Showing your pops, right?
I saw with my pops.
A lot of things resonated.
It wasn't a cartoon.
It's the Matt Damon Rugby movie.
Rugby Morgan Stars.
Oh, I didn't see this.
Oh, this is good.
But at the same time.
Here's the thing.
It might not resonate as much with you as me because it's like a white guy who decides to not be racist or something like that.
You know what I mean?
Like when everybody else is racist around him.
And Andrew's looking forward to making that decision here today.
I'm trying to get there.
And it's also Morgan Freeman recognizing the greater good and inspiring a whole bunch of people to get behind this thing.
Morgan Freeman.
I don't know if it's going to invoke the same things out of you.
Why did it invoke emotion in you, Aka?
I didn't watch Invictus.
I remember him telling me.
Because I remember being like, who the fuck cries at Invictus?
But him and his dad.
And then I remember his dad made him listen to the Martin Luther King speech every year.
So that probably is why.
I really cried.
Kaz, did you see this?
No, I haven't.
But any movie with like...
Oh, we got to do a watch page.
Y'all don't support African cinema.
Y'all don't support it.
I'm the only one that supports African cinema.
I only see white rugby players.
And Morgan Stars.
More Freeman is the only black guys on the show.
No, that's not enough?
I didn't say he was black.
It's African.
I'm crying.
South Africa.
South Africa.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm crying at any movie with like kids and like sick kids.
Like, John Q is like go-to.
Like, I'm.
I've seen that movie tons of times.
I'm still boohooing.
What else is Sick Kid movie?
Oh, gosh.
Six feet apart.
It's another good one.
Yeah.
Nah, bro.
You cried.
Shut up.
You bitched up.
I did bitch up, but his outfit was stupid.
He was like a bullshit Johnny Depp.
You just thought you could do the role better.
That's why you said that.
I could have done it better.
I remember you.
You could have done it better than him.
How do you even get this role?
It wasn't even that crazy.
My girl got it counting.
Does my girl count?
I don't think so.
I've seen him cry like that now at My Girl.
Maybe as a kid.
I didn't watch it because I heard it was sad.
I thought it was like a shit.
I can't see without his glasses.
Kaz is so white.
First of all, everybody sees fucking My Girl.
I never saw some white child.
I never see that.
You've never seen My Girl?
I didn't see that movie, yo.
You see My Girl?
None of you niggas see my girl.
She got the N-words.
Just because you're watching soft-ass movies.
Oh, he was sung by a bunch of bees.
He was as large as could be.
He was trying to see his girl and shit.
He goes into the casket.
She's like, oh, he can't see without his glasses.
With the glasses on.
Oh, come on.
Yo, a movie that's for kids, but not gay.
Iron King is sad midway through the movie.
Oh, yeah.
You know how much you faucet dies?
That shit is sad.
You don't like getting sad, but it don't make you cry.
You don't make you cry, but that shit gets you, though.
The ratio of sad to like Zaney high drinks is too high.
Yeah, we always think about tearjerkers.
That's the only one that's not.
What's the movie that Andrew cried a bunch at?
What I call it.
Faults in our stars.
Faults in our stars.
You just hit your cry face face.
Yo, you did it.
Son, that's...
Son.
Yo, son.
Yo, the one shot.
Son.
I'm not gonna lie.
The mere mention of the word.
That should trigger me, yo.
That should trigger me right there, son.
That should really trigger me.
It's so funny.
You really made your cry face.
It's so funny.
That should really trigger funny.
I got that.
Oh, geez.
I've never seen it, but I heard that movie is a tear drug.
No, that one.
I read the book.
I made the mistake of watching that one.
I don't want a ton of MTV movie awards.
I got a picture of me on my Instagram after watching that movie.
I don't know where that thing is.
You watch it alone?
It's deep, boy.
No, I went with an ex to that shit.
Son, that's a mistake, man.
I watched that shit at home with a shorty.
I had to go to the bathroom so many times.
Yo, but you don't think.
He's like, yo, something's not sitting right.
Said.
Son, that fall in our star shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the one.
Son, that shit was real, bro.
When she said that she was worried about them, the parents.
Like, she was more worried about the parents because she had cancer, but she was staying alive for the parents.
She's like, I'm giving away a movie that came out five years ago.
Man, but still, that's like one of the big reveals.
Son Thanos dies in Avengers.
Yeah, but this one with a cried at Avengers.
I watched that shit again.
You know, I didn't like that movie much.
I realized.
Because it didn't have wreck-in ralph.
Wrecking wow.
There wasn't enough wreckage, yo.
There's too much social justice nonsense in it.
Like the scene where all the women are superheroes.
It was just that one scene.
That put me off.
That put me off.
And the funny thing is, how excited was Thanos for that smoke?
We're on a business tracker tourist.
He was like, all right, y'all got power.
It's like, you shoot an arrow.
What y'all gonna do?
Complain?
What y'all gonna do?
Bandage up all the other superheroes?
What y'all here to do?
Yeah, that's the real way to take down Thanis.
Just get him a girl.
Yo, bro.
After two years, he's gonna be like, yo, let's get the fuck out of here.
He hated girls so much, he killed his own daughter.
Most of them bitches.
He pulled one apart, and then the other way just threw down a fucking.
He's like, it would have been a waste of parts.
Really?
Thanos, one of the realest dads ever, yo.
Instead of leaving his daughter, he made her leave.
That's next level.
Infinity War.
I got to move out.
Infinity War was more tears than in the game, though, to me.
Which one was Infinity?
That was the first one.
Oh, yeah, when Spider-Man.
Yo, I don't want to go.
I don't want to go.
Someone made an interesting point, yo.
I saw Van retweet this.
Shout out, Van.
Shout out, Van.
Yep.
He said the Marvel comic universe, the people over at Marvel, turned arguably the greatest Marvel character of all time into a Tony Stark homage character.
Spider-Man was low-key to go.
Oh, yeah.
And now he was a childish bitch that is just like trying to live up to the hype that was Tony Stark.
You know what's interesting, though?
I thought about this.
They have so many more movies this way.
By picking such a young-looking ass kid, like fucking Toby McGuire or whatever was probably like 28 when he was spider.
How has he ever been in anything?
I don't know.
That kid is fucking autistic, dog.
That kid is purely autistic, dude.
Do you look like you could have a conversation?
Would you sit down with Toby McGuire and talk about the game?
Oh, yeah, he's part of the pussy posse.
Of course.
1 million percent having a conversation with him.
I don't think he was getting all that pussy off of personality.
So, yeah, but the fact that he was interested in it, I'd be interested in hearing about it.
The pussy posse, I wouldn't mind hearing Possibly.
I'll watch any pussy posse documentary.
It's the pussy posse.
You ever heard of the pussy posse?
No, no, no.
Say what you're saying, Akashi.
The pussy posse was Leonardo DiCaprio, which makes total sense.
Yeah.
Toby Maguire and fucking Kevin Connolly.
How is this a competition?
And what's it?
It's like me taking on y'all in basketball.
And everybody taking bets on who gonna win.
You gotta understand, though.
It was all mad young.
They were all like really popular.
Leo was titanium.
Don't justify that.
Kevin Connolly was happily ever after whenever that fucking fake ass married her children.
Is before fucking what's his face in it, too?
The magician.
What the fuck?
David Blaine.
David Blaine was a pussy.
Nah, David Blaine.
David Blaine got some Me Toos.
Make his dick disappear.
Can't make that shit disappear.
But like, they're like the real entourage, I guess.
But Leo's like the Vinny Chase.
No.
I think what Akash is trying to say is this was not a posse.
This was Leonardo DiCaprio and then guys that were getting his screens.
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
A lot of rebounders on that stage.
This was not a fucking posse at all.
This is not the Avengers.
It was like that year Kobe scored 81.
Is Kevin Connolly still cleaning up?
Is Ricky Gervais making jokes about Kevin Connolly's girlfriends at the Golden Gold?
That was a great joke.
Oh, so good.
Leo laughed.
He said, if y'all weren't there, he said, this show is so long that by the end of it, Leonardo Caprio's girlfriend will be illegal.
No, no, he had two.
He's talking about Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was so old.
Leonardo DiCaprio went to the premiere, and by the time it was over, his day was too old for him.
I got you, gotcha, gotcha.
And then he left.
He also laughed.
You like him young, Leo.
Lady Gaga won some award and then walked by his table and did something to him or shot him a look or something.
And then Leo just looked at his friend and started laughing so hard.
It was just so funny.
Like, you know, when a girl doesn't like you and you clearly don't give a fuck, Leo, yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, what can you say to Leonardo?
Bro, I've seen Leonardo DiCaprio walk into One Oaks.
What can you say to Leonardo Capriville that no other woman has said?
No.
No.
No, exactly.
This guy can fuck any girl.
He is the man that gives the least fucks in my I've ever seen in my entire life.
I went to an after-party friend.
Have I told you the story about how he fucked Margo Robbie while they were filming what's it called?
No, but Wall Street.
Now, this is third-hand information.
Okay.
But I don't give a fuck.
Go ahead.
Fuck it.
I'll say, hold on, to say Leonardo DiCaprio walks in one oak with sweats and surrounded by mad models.
Oh, you don't eat a wear, whatever.
He doesn't give a fuck.
It's a it's okay.
So Leonardo Caprio is on the set.
Remember his wife in the movie?
Yes, the original bitch.
Okay.
Apparently, it was so painfully, who was a very attractive woman.
She's like a really good actor and like a really beautiful woman.
She was the mom that y'all made, brother.
She was the mom in How I Met Your Mother.
She was like a really beautiful, beautiful woman.
And apparently, she said that it could not have been more obvious that he looked at her as another man.
Like, it was painfully clear that he had zero interest in fucking her whatsoever, like dapping her up on set.
She was a male to Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's so great.
All of a sudden, Margo Robbie pops in because remember, during the filming of a movie, you only film your scenes with each other and they wrap them into a certain amount of time.
So he could have had one week with filming with Margo Robbie and that's it.
Right?
There's stuff in the house, maybe some of it's up, but really centralized shooting, maybe two weeks or something like that.
So apparently, they film for a week, and he goes, Hey, we're going to go to Vegas this week.
And when we're off, you should come by.
We'll all go out to Vegas, right?
And he, and you could bring a friend or something if you want.
And I guess Margo Robbie.
I'll fuck both of you.
So, I guess Margo Robbie asked the girl who was the homie of Leo if she wanted to go.
And then she was like, Yeah, we're going to go to Vegas.
I mean, did he ask you if you wanted to come?
She was like, She's like, As a matter of fact, he didn't ask me if I wanted to come.
Maybe there's a reason why you wanted you specifically to go.
Took that out there, allegedly took that down.
Oh, I blame you.
I mean, go shit.
I mean, and can you blame Margo?
Did you not want to have that movie?
She did it.
How fucking dare you?
Who are you?
Bitch, you ain't Margo Robbie yet.
You know, he's making you Margo Robbie.
You the blonde bitch from Wolf of Wall Street.
She's just a bad blonde bitch.
She said, You ain't even have a name.
You were the bad blonde bitch.
I don't even know when we started calling you Margot Robbie.
After the movie, she got a name.
Yeah.
You usually take a bitch one or two movies to get a name.
What was her name during the movie?
The Duchess.
She was the Duchess for like eight months until I found out her actual fucking name.
Yeah.
That's all Leo called her throughout the interview.
Let's look at fine-ass girls.
How long do they take to get names?
Good question.
They got to sleep with some big dudes.
Otherwise, you might as well just be a wild and out girl.
They don't even know your fucking name.
Wild.
Wild.
Wildlife.
Wildlife.
Did anybody crack those down or what?
DC still with one of them.
Got a baby one.
Margot Robbie Bad Blonde Bitch00:06:56
Oh, okay.
Yeah, DC got a baby one of them.
Or?
Yeah, yeah.
Which one?
I didn't even.
I was like, Jackie.
I think Jackie.
What about the other ones?
What about the other ones?
But yeah, they're on Instagram together and all that.
I don't, I mean, I saw guys tried, but I didn't see anything happen.
But I also have never been so confident that women weren't attracted to me in my base.
So I didn't even bother trying to talk to them when I was on Wilding Out.
It's like, let's not, let's just both not even pretend this is a thing.
That was like a small portion of my life where I was like, I want a Wild and Out girl.
That was a small portion of my life when I was like, they're crazy hot.
I mean, most of them, every time, most of them.
They launched Instagram off of like Wilding Out bitches.
Most of them, every time that you look at them, you're like, oh my God.
And I'm not even lying.
As soon as they talk, you're like, whoa.
You are a daughter.
Don't do that.
Don't make that mistake again.
What were they saying?
Just, you know, the problem with being.
This is much as she know I didn't want to hear.
Oh my God.
Keep your feelings to yourself.
Oh, my goodness.
Jesus.
Oh, I got caught.
That's something.
Yo.
Yo, there was one who I'm saying.
You got to stop looking for pictures on the full screen.
I wanted to see.
Oh, okay.
We were playing like an improv game or whatever.
And then one of them walked into a room and she was so bad.
Literally, 25 people stopped talking.
Women included.
And everybody just stared at her, watched her conversation with the producer.
And then when she left, all we talked about was her for about two, three minutes.
How terrible she was.
Just no, How bad.
She was so bad.
Like, we hadn't met her yet.
And she was actually a sweet girl.
But she walked in, and everybody's just like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
What did she have?
Nice tits.
Everything was just beautiful.
Her name was Butt.
Fuck.
Nice girl.
I remember her name.
I have a joke about seeing a Wild and Out girl on Floyd Mayweather's yacht before the show even filmed.
Have you given this joke away yet?
No.
But then it's not the best.
This isn't the punchline.
That's just part of the joke.
But she's the girl I'm talking about.
Before the show even filmed, she's on Floyd Mayweather's yacht.
Like, that's the level of hot we're talking about.
Whoa.
Yeah.
What is well, you've only been with your girl, so we can't have this discussion.
Yeah.
Okay.
Little Erferco Aker.
The Myran.
Okay.
All right.
What is the Myranjo?
I ran out of nothing.
Shooting random planes out of this guy.
This is what happens.
I ran tank right there.
See you on tank.
Dolly.
So, all right, guys, we got to take a break for a second.
I know a bunch of you guys probably have online businesses.
Maybe you want to start an online business.
Maybe you're just selling stuff on Amazon or eBay or Etsy or these types of things.
And shipping can be a pain in the ass.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know Eden uses this company right here, ShipStation.
We've partnered with ShipStation.
It is the best way to ship your goods.
Plain and simple.
The best way to ship.
It just simplifies the whole process.
Eden, you've been using it.
Yeah, it's really cool.
The user interface is nice.
It's honestly, if you're a person who's trying to sell out merch and you want to get everything organized, the invoices, you want to get the proper tracking number and everything.
The way I've used ShipStation, it's been really reliable.
So that's the thing.
It's like, it's not just one part of the shipping process.
It organizes and streamlines the entire thing.
And Akash, is he in my shot by any chance?
Yes, he is.
Akash.
Thank you.
So basically, ShipStation, if you are doing this online stuff, it's accessible for all levels, right?
You don't have to be some super big company that's selling merch throughout the whole world, like, for example, fashion.
I know.
It's crazy.
You could also be a new, brand new candle shop.
All right.
Selling them Gwyneth Paltrow candles.
You heard about that?
Yes, sir.
They smell like her pussy.
Her pussy.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Curious.
That's how you sell a candle.
Because you don't buy one.
So anyway, point is, if you want to get in on this, you can get a 60-day free trial if you just go to shipstation.com and use the offer code flagrant.
You get 60-day free trial.
That's two months of free, no hassle, stress-free shipping.
You visit shipstation.com.
You click the microphone on the top right, on the top of the page.
Type in flagrant.
You are good to go.
Shipstation.com.
Offer code Flagrant.
Make ship happen.
You see that?
Huh?
Make shit happen.
Make ship happen.
Point is, there's tons of things you can do.
You can import orders from any sales channel, ship with any carrier using the deeply discounted rates, automate with just about any shipping task.
With ShipStation, you'll spend less time on shipping and more time growing your business.
It's no wonder ShipStation has more than five-star, has more five-star views than any other shipping software.
I'm telling you guys, it just makes your life easier if you want to do these things.
You can go by hand and write out every fucking label on your boxes and everything, but you're going to get arthritis.
You're going to have the shipments go out late.
It's going to look unprofessional.
Get your shit right at ShipStation.
Okay.
I got to talk to you about getting rid of them college loans you got.
I know a lot of you guys got student loans somehow.
There are better, more effective ways to pay it off.
As these interest rates fluctuate throughout history, you can get that money you've already got for cheaper.
Okay.
There is this company that's fucking with us, Ernest.
All right.
I suggest you go to Ernest.
Just go to earnest.com.
That's all you got to do.
You check out earnest.com.
All right.
Slash flagrant.
Make sure you do slash flagrant.
Okay.
You can refinance these loans.
Ernest can save you money or lower your monthly payment.
And it only takes a few minutes to just check the rate online.
They have everything on the website.
You have nothing to lose here.
If you have money that you owe, go to earnest.com slash flagrant.
Type in your information.
See if they can save you money.
That's all you have to do.
It's not going to even cost you.
See if they can save you money by going there.
This is a gift.
Simple as that.
Do you have to pay back money?
Would you like to pay back less?
Here's the opportunity.
Maybe when you got those loans, the interest rates were crazy high.
Okay?
But we're bombing Iran, baby.
Them interest rates coming down like they're buildings.
All you got to do is go to earnest.com/slash flagrant.
Go see what they got for you.
Maybe they can drop that thing down.
Maybe you can save some money and do what you got to do.
All right.
If you qualify, Ernest offers customizable loans, terms, and no fees.
All right.
You can even combine private and federal loans.
Ernest Loans for Flagrant Fines00:15:04
That's pretty cool.
Imagine having one single monthly payment with one low rate.
Already we finance a loan.
No problem.
You can be eligible to lower your interest rate again.
Plus, the internet loves Ernest Customer Service.
They're rated 9.4 out of 10 on TrustPilot.
So you always get the support that you need.
Make sure you get your money's worth of whatever you do because you probably got some bullshit liberal arts political science major that you're not using at all.
You're probably working at the gap.
Okay.
That's what you went to college for to work at the gap.
Good clothing store.
Not worth $200,000 in education.
Knock that shit down if you can.
Now let's get back to the show.
Now, we have some sports tip we should actually touch on because.
Okay, let's go.
Let's touch on some sports.
There's so much shit.
Speaking of Van and shit, he retweets the LSU hype videos.
Oh my goodness.
Has anybody ever done a better job of the only person on social media that is better than the LSU hype video account is done is Donald Trump.
That's the only person.
Yeah, he's so fucking funny.
Whoever's making those videos, man.
The LSU are unfucking real.
Unreal.
The Anthony Mackey one is the greatest hype video I've ever seen for anything.
It's better than every fight that I've seen.
It's better than every UFC event that I've seen.
It's better than any movie.
We just watched that Connor McGregor Cowboy one that was great.
Don't play it.
It was the first time I got hype off of Swag Surf, like ready to fight.
Because of fucking swag surf.
The most jolly Negro spiritual song that we have, the fucking swag surf.
I was like, I will punch somebody in the throat for everybody.
If you haven't seen it, look it up, Anthony.
There's a lot of great ones.
The Anthony Mackey hype one is so fucking good.
And they just drop them with the rock.
Interesting thing about that.
Yeah.
The coach is not like the centerpiece at all of this hype video.
No.
And is that done on purpose and why?
I don't know.
I know people who play for him love him.
Coach Orgeron.
I need to find this tweet that I tweeted.
He goes, he was saying this to the equipment manager of the team or something like that.
He said, son, the day I can't whoop a man's ass is the day I don't get out of bed.
What a fucking G, dawg.
If you've never heard Ed Ogeron speak before, it's very, very daunting hearing him say that.
It's like he chews fucking cinder blocks for breakfast.
He's the most football-sounding dude I've ever heard.
He's one step away from speaking out of one of these.
The cigarette stand this time.
God, he's like, he's got like that Dick Buckets, Mike Ditka type of thing where it's like, you were put on this earth to coach football.
When did that game start?
Nine o'clock, I believe.
About an hour?
Yeah.
The only thing in him and that with him and that clip is one team, one heartbeat.
And then he says something like one winner, whatever.
And you barely ever see it, though.
Like, for me, the college coach is often the MVP of, or at least not the person.
Alabama Sabin.
Sabin is the biggest part of Alabama.
That's who you market around.
They're going to be there, and it makes sense.
They're the person you pay the most, and they're going to be there the whole time.
And they make other people want to go there.
They make kids want to go there.
100%.
But I think, I presume, that he said he didn't want to be the focal point of it because he has that decision at the end of the day.
I imagine he's like, don't barely use me.
Maybe you can use my voice a little bit, but this is about.
That's a recruiting tool.
Because when it comes to like hype videos and you're using your coach for it, you're trying to market to the parents.
You're trying to market to the people who's going to end up being the people that make that choice where you go.
But when you market the kids, you're talking directly to the kid.
You're talking to people our age.
You're talking to people that are competing with Instagram and Twitter and Sports Center and House of Highlights and Bleach Report.
So you probably just make it seem hype.
So you're like, what's the fly shit we can fucking do?
Nobody wants to see, I mean, as much as we love Ed, nobody wants to see him do shit.
Right.
We want to see our swagged out Heisman Trophy winner.
We want to see like Anthony Mackey have to walk doing profits.
I think Cocho does another one that I haven't seen.
I think he narrates another one.
I haven't seen it.
But I got to see that.
Yeah.
But who do you think wins the game?
I don't know a ton about college.
I am a little bit wary of the team that's like so, so, so hyped.
But I saw the OU LSU game and OU.
They didn't probably belong in the playoffs.
They're not that good.
But LSU, the fucking quarterback, Joe Burrow, passed for seven touchdowns in the first half.
The first half.
I've never seen anything like that in my life.
I think they punted once.
Yeah.
And that's it.
And on top of that, it's essentially a home game for them.
They're playing New Orleans an hour away.
Yeah, so it's like, I mean, Clemson's the defending champs, but fuck.
People are saying this is like the great, this LSU offense is one of the greatest offenses that they've ever seen.
One of the wide receivers, they seem to be getting no hype whatsoever.
Can you look up the wide receiver core for LSU, please?
Thanks.
They got a couple good wide receivers.
I also, so the few games I have watched, I watched two full LSU games.
I saw them play against Alabama.
I saw them play, oh, I saw a lot of their game against UT, and I saw this OU game.
Joe Burrow deserves all the hype he's getting.
He's that good.
He's good.
He's got, I keep saying it as a joke, but it's also true.
I just keep going.
The kids got moxies.
If it's third and nine and he's scrambling, he will fucking pick up 10 yards.
And he says openly, I refuse to slide.
I will take on everyone.
Let's fucking go.
He's a gamer.
He gets the respect of his teammates.
In the fucking hype video, he's giving the blackest handshake ever seen a white dude give in his life.
And it doesn't look like it's put on or like he's trying to relate.
He's just fucking down.
You gotta remember he was a transfer from another school.
And then I remember, I think like somebody in ESPN has asked him, like, did you think that you'd be here?
He's like, yeah, no, I saw all this coming.
Like, I called this last year.
You can go look at my interview last year.
I'm like, LC is going to be in the championship.
I'm going to be playing quarterback.
I'm going to highlight.
I'm going to do all this shit.
And he says this shit with a straight fucking face.
I'm like, this motherfucker believes himself.
You guys think he's legit?
I think he's the real deal.
He's the real deal.
But Brian, who watches a lot of football, I think knows his stuff.
He thinks Tua, if he wasn't hurt, would have been a better quarterback for sure.
I don't know, man.
I put a lot of stuff in like intangibles because I don't care about like stats as much.
And to me, he can make all the throws, like they say.
He can throw a great deep ball.
He's got a good arm.
He's smart.
He can scramble enough.
Like, he's got fucking, he checks every box.
He's a leader.
Last year, one of the punters they were interviewing, a kicker or something, and they talked about like, he said the coolest thing about staying the extra year and not coming out early was I got to see Joe Burrow become Super Joe Burrow or so Super Joe.
He said, when did that happen?
And he said last year's bowl game.
And what happened last year is he's not playing that great early on.
He throws a pick.
It gets returned maybe for a touchdown.
And as he's trying to run down the defender, you know, people will take a shot at the quarterback because you can get one off.
The guy takes a fucking cheap shot at Joe Burrow.
Like blindside hit, knocks him fucking damn near unconscious, like takes his head off.
And Joe Burrow was like, he just gets up and keeps playing.
Like he didn't show any pain.
And he was like, I was dying, but I couldn't show that to anybody.
I had to get up.
I had to keep playing.
And then he comes back and plays better.
After that, they won the game from that interception on.
He just turned it on and just took that team apart, whoever they were playing.
And like, that was the moment I think his teammates were like, oh, this guy's fucking.
Does he draft the eligible this year?
Yeah, he's coming out.
He's number one.
He's the number one pick.
It's not even a question.
Really?
That good?
It's that it's not even a question.
And this Trevor Lawrence kid, overhyped because he looks early.
That's a freshman.
He's another guy that looks good as fuck.
Yeah, he's the one who got an odd norm for a while.
Like, I've seen him since high school.
They've been talking about him since Trevor Lawrence is the fucking dude.
You know what I mean?
Like, checks every fucking box, the height.
Fucking awesome.
I think I would put Burrow over him as a pro because Burrow's more like built.
And Trevor Lawrence, he needs to put on some mustaches.
Skinny quarterbacks, to me, always you're just going to get fucked up.
Carson Wentz, I worry about Lamar Jackson.
So let's take this into another quarterback discussion, which everybody's been having this week.
Obviously, Lamar.
Lamar Jackson plays in his first playoff camp.
Second playoff game.
Sorry, second.
Maybe third.
I think they won one.
Didn't they win one last year and then lose one?
No.
No.
I don't think he.
They lost last year.
I don't think he's ever won a playoff game.
So he plays in his second playoff game.
Didn't play well in his first one.
Didn't play well in his first one.
Second one happens.
Did you guys watch the game?
Yeah.
I watched it.
Yeah.
I have a question, then I want to get back into how he played and just the conversations that are happening around it.
But if you look at the quarterbacks that are in these final four teams, is having a decent pocket-passing quarterback still what gets you to the Super Bowl?
Steve Young said this about Lamar.
And Steve Young is a guy I think knows what the fuck he's talking about.
He's probably the most compared to Lamar Jackson talent-wise.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's fascinating what they play.
Yeah, he's insanely athletic.
He's athletic, but not like this.
But he said, Lamar does want to work on being a better pocket passer.
He knows that's a thing.
But whoever your quarterback is, if you can't do most of your damage from the pocket, you will not get to that elite elite level.
And Lamar Jackson can do things we've never seen before, but that is the next step he still has to take.
And he said something like, if he does that, literally nothing can stop him.
He will be the greatest player ever.
So I guess what I'm curious about is like what happened and why is it that we keep seeing the exact same thing every single year over and over, which is as we grind into the playoffs, outside of Tom Brady, obviously you see a team with a traditional quarterback, an amazing defense, and a really strong ground and pound run game that ends up being successful.
It's two things.
Outside of Kurt Warner and the Rams, the high-flying offense doesn't really win.
It gets grounded.
It gets fucking grounded.
What's your reference?
Well, for one, with the Ravens, I think Mark Ingram being hurt played into it a lot.
Oh, he was hurt?
He came into the game hurt.
They weren't sure if he was going to play.
He played, didn't play that well.
I don't think he got that many snaps.
He also just.
I've seen games like this where you're playing well.
Obviously, I'm a Cowboys fan.
I've seen many games like this.
You just keep shooting yourself in the foot.
The first drive, they're driving.
They're in Titans territory.
Lamar Jackson throws a pass, it's high, bounces off whoever the intended receiver's hand was, gets picked off.
Like that was the night.
You're driving again, you get sacked, you fumble the ball.
Like, if you look at his numbers, he made up for 500 yards offense.
I think he had a good game, but I think he just didn't finish.
Yeah, and I think he had three turnovers, two picks in a fumble, which is that's bad.
That's straight up bad, inexcusable.
And then twice on fourth and one, they go for it because that's what they've been doing all year, and they couldn't get it either time on Lamar Jackson QB sneaks.
So that's five drives.
You just got fucked on.
And he's kind of turning outside.
Lamar couldn't get him one yard on a QB sneak.
You would think, and maybe it's different without Ingram there because you can just kind of tee up on Lamar because you know Ingram is a great short yardage back, and now he's out.
They got another guy who's decent, but like it ain't short yardage.
So maybe that hurt a lot.
But just you're, I also think this is his second playoff game, and this is what we do.
And I say this about like NBA players, you have a long career, you have a long time to write a legacy.
Like Tom Brady, I think, spoil us because he just came in winning championships.
But like, he's got, he's got eight more chances in the playoffs easily.
He's younger than Joe Burrow, which is nuts to me.
That's crazy.
Lamar Jackson's younger than Joe Burrow.
He's going to his 30 as a pro.
He's only 22 years old, Lamar Jackson, which is nuts.
How is Joe Burrow older?
Retro.
I think he was a retro freshman and he transferred.
That's right.
Like, he's still, you know what I mean, a little bit older.
But like, Lamar Jackson is ridiculous.
Nobody's questioning whether he's, well, they shouldn't be questioning whether he's been successful and been really good.
And he'll be the NBA.
How amazing he is, and he deserves probably to be.
And going to, because that's what the offseason gives you nothing to do except how many shitty takes.
Right.
But I am curious, like we were saying earlier, you know, or weeks ago about how useless wide receivers are.
They really are useless, right?
How useless most positions are in terms of actually winning a Super Bowl.
And when it gets down to the nitty and gritty, we see the same things when a Super Bowl.
We see an impenetrable defense in a tough, gritty, bully ball run game.
Not a cute, throw it outside, nice electric sweeps.
I'm talking about Derrick Henry taking the 9-7 Tennessee Titans and just leaning on you.
I don't know how he flew under the radar for some reason.
I'll never understand that.
I wanted the Cowboys to pick him in the second round.
I said, get Jalen Ramsey in the first and Derrick Henry in the second.
All the Cowboys, dork draft guys I follow were all about that.
They just, he was a second round pick, and for some reason, a lot of people slept in the ball.
They said he didn't, because he had a lot of carries in college.
They thought they were fucking efforts.
Which is like, he's built like fucking like LeBron James.
I mean, it's insane.
They can all wear it down.
Cam Newton is wearing down.
Of course.
Derrick Henry will at some point.
But I think there's, and I've talked about this, I've wondered about this with basketball.
To be a good offensive team, you still require a lot of variables to go right.
Yeah.
Like, and this is why lines are so important.
If my line doesn't block for me and the defensive line can get to me, it can throw off the timing of the whole route.
I got to throw it earlier than I want to, or I get hit.
And now my eyes are going from up looking at the receivers to down at the lineman to make sure I'm not going to get fucking rocked again.
So offense just requires a lot of things to go right.
A great offense, even.
Like, everybody has off nights.
Defense, it's very rare you have an off night defensively.
Defense is kind of just effort and being in the way and like doing your fucking job.
Basketball, who has an off night defensively in basketball?
You're not going to say that.
You just have somebody go off.
It's a more consistent positions hearing Ben Wallace was having an off night on the defensive end.
You know what I mean?
You shouldn't rebound today.
Yeah.
There's like, you do your job, you give effort.
You do exactly what the fuck you're supposed to do.
You make the right read, you're good.
There's no like two or three people.
Everybody just do your job.
So why are people so, and I pose this to both of you, but why are these offenses so effective during the regular season and then they just kind of fall apart?
I mean, I'll rock with you on that if the Chiefs don't win.
Yo, the Chiefs are an interesting one because if the Chiefs don't score, yo, say what you want about the Texans.
They're going to slow the game down.
No, no, they played a good game.
They put, what, 31 points up?
Chiefs Defense Locks Up Texans00:05:21
Yeah.
You know what happened?
I think if you got somebody running the ball and controlling the clock, your offense isn't getting on the field as much as you want.
You're not getting him any possessions.
And that's what the fuck they did.
They ran a great game plan.
They kept Lamar Jackson off the field as much as they could.
Tell me about the pickup.
I'm talking about the Texans right now.
Oh, the Texans.
My bad.
You know what happened again?
I watched this game, and I think it might have happened.
I missed a couple minutes of the Seattle game, the Russell Wilsons last ride.
So it might have happened again in Seattle.
The underdog, the Texans, are up 21-0 on the Chiefs.
24-0.
They're up 21 at this point.
They're driving.
They're in Chiefs territory.
It's fourth and one.
They kick like a 30-yard field goal or whatever the fuck it is.
They went for three.
You are the underdog.
You're up 21-0.
Go for it on fourth and one.
Score a touchdown.
It's 28-0.
And the game is probably over.
Probably.
You kick a field goal.
You give the Chiefs some life.
They say, you know what?
We got to stop.
Kind of.
That's a little victory.
Let's take that with us.
Then they get one big kick return.
Then Travis Kelsey is jacked up.
He gets a 20-yard catch.
He's jacked up.
They score.
The game is now a game.
It went from 24-28-0, potentially 24-7.
And we got a lot of time left.
I think the Texans were stopped on the fourth down also.
Then they faked a punt on fourth down, which I thought now at this point, it's stupid.
The Chiefs have momentum.
I mean, I get trying a fake punt, but like, why wouldn't you go for it on fake?
Like, if you're going to be aggressive, stay aggressive.
Right.
If you're going to be conservative, this isn't the time to do it.
But once they got stopped on that fourth and two, then the Chiefs scored again.
And now it's like, do not, especially if you're the underdog.
I think in general, but especially if you're the underdog, you go for the fucking kill because that's the only shot you have.
Seattle Seahawks get the ball with five minutes left.
I don't know the context.
I don't know where they are.
My YouTube TV went out.
Shouts to YouTube TV for fucking me.
But apparently they kicked, they punted on fourth down.
Punted back to Aaron Rodgers.
You have two plus minutes left.
That's not going to work out for you 95% of the time.
I don't think from what I was watching, the spots seemed bad.
It seemed like a bad call again for the Patriots' favor.
But also, go for it on fourth down.
Go fucking win.
You are the underdog.
If you play pussy and you lose, that's what's going to happen.
You're the worst team.
Take the fucking shots.
Get the advantages where you can.
Pussies get fucked.
Pussies get fucked.
Yeah.
That was my big takeaway from that again.
I just kept seeing it.
Yeah.
And do you think the Packers are legit?
I think the Packers are legit because they've gotten this far without having an Aaron Rodgers game.
And I think this game was, this playoff game was like the first game where we're like, oh, yeah, Aaron Rodgers is probably one of the best quarterbacks we've ever seen.
Like you said, they got this far on defense and running with Aaron Jones and just locking the fuck up on defense all year.
And Aaron Rodgers had like for a court, for any other quarterback, might, oh, this is a good year, but it was like a down year for him.
Didn't the Niners mouth fuck them last time they played?
Yes, like a 49.
29 to 3 or some shit like that.
Mouth fucked the Packers a few weeks ago.
I haven't believed in the Niners this whole time either, though.
So maybe I'm in the middle.
As a football fan, I want to see Mahomes versus Rodgers in the Super Bowl.
I think that's the dream matchup as far as where the game is going and where quarterbacks are going.
And if you want to see an exciting football game on both sides of the ball, that's what I want to see.
But just knowing football, I know it's going to be Niners Titans.
I know it's going to be Niners Titans because if Derrick Henry is running like he was running, and I know that, and like you said about defense, defense rarely happens.
I've never seen a defense, I don't think, in my life that can tackle as well as this Niners.
And that Niners defense is shit.
They don't, like, who's the Dalvin Cook, the Minnesota Vikings running back, is good, and he's hard to bring down.
I don't think I saw him bring a tackle the entire game.
I fell asleep.
It got so boring because he would get to the line of scrimmage.
I expect him to break one or two tackles, find a hole, whatever.
It just didn't happen.
He just gets brought down the second Nick Bosa or DeForest Buckner or whoever the fuck gets a hold of you.
They bring you down.
That's just what they do.
They don't miss tackles.
And if you don't miss tackles, you're probably going to win.
You got to go in the Super Bowl.
Honestly, I was just so impressed by the Chiefs.
My feeling has always been with Andy Reid teams: if you can just stop him from scoring, there's nothing they can do.
I mean, he's like the Dan Tony of NFL coaches, right?
He's like, we're just going to put up more points.
They're going to get offense.
Their defense has been better this year.
They tried to, they were aggressive on defense in terms of like picking up players, trading for players, or whatever.
Right.
And they started playing well late in the season.
They were the number one defense in the league the last like eight weeks or whatever.
And this is when Mahomes was hurt for a little bit too.
So until he like got his mojo back.
I forget that he fucking dislocated his knee or knee.
He was having so much fun out there.
He was laughing.
He's great, dude.
He's so fun to watch, man.
I mean, just so confident that he could drive down the field.
It was pretty interesting to see.
I've never seen, like, since Aaron Rodgers, he's probably like the best, like, just straight up thrower of the football that I've ever seen.
It's always fun.
It is uncanny how good this dude is at finding ways to get the football to you.
Who would you take?
Over Rodgers and Mahomes?
No.
Lamar or Mahomes?
Mahomes.
Now, we talk all this stuff about Lamar and about how amazing he is.
He's undeniably more exciting, but what is going to help you win a Super Bowl?
I think it's Mahomes.
Mahomes got it.
I mean, Lamar got an arm too.
I mean, Mahomes is just a better thrower of the football than Lamar Jackson.
Lamar Jackson.
Everyone.
Lamar could get there.
He could become this fucking.
But Mahomes is already there.
Mahomes Better Than Lamar00:03:10
So just right now, give me the guy who's already there.
He's not as mobile, not as exciting.
He's got a bigger upside.
But Mahomes is already up.
He's already there.
He's already won an MVP.
All he's got to do is win a chip.
Look, guys, we got to wrap this up.
I want Akash you to promote some dates and Kaz, you guys to promote some dates.
Akash, I know that you're going to be tonight as people are listening to this.
The day this show drops, I am at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick.
The next day, tomorrow, Wednesday, I am at Helium Comedy Club in Philly.
Yeah.
January 29th, I am at the Punchline in Sacramento.
Yeah.
January 30th through February 1st, I am at Rooster T Feathers in San Jose.
Lovely.
So that's right before the Super Bowl, San Francisco.
Hopefully, y'all have lost by then.
Come through to the shows.
If you haven't lost, come talk shit to me because I don't like your team.
February 6th, Zane's in Nashville.
February 8th, The Laughing Skull in Atlanta.
And we just added a few dates.
I'm super fucking hype about these.
And y'all gotta come through so I can keep coming back.
My first Canada date.
Not Toronto yet.
I get that message a lot.
We're working on that.
That will happen.
But Montreal, Comedy Nest, March 12th through March 14th.
Come the fuck through.
I know I got love in Canada.
Come let these motherfuckers know what time it is.
March 27th, another one of my favorite cities is Chicago.
I'm going to be at the Den March 27th.
That's a Friday.
Come the fuck through.
Great.
And then in June, I get this message a lot.
I'm finally going to be in D.C. at the Comedy Loft, June 12th and 13th.
Awesome.
We're going to start promoting these tickets as soon as we can.
Buy them up.
Let's fucking go.
ArcashSing.com.
Make sure you get them tickets.
On fucking shows, bro.
Cash.
Talk to him.
I guess by the time you guys listen to this, you'll probably already know.
But I'll be in Baltimore today hosting the Under Armor Summit with Joellen Bede, where he will unveil his first signature shoe.
He'll also be talking for the first time.
So he got his hand surgery.
So y'all should be all over on it.
That'd be the most African thing ever.
That's a weather sandal, bro.
That'd be perfect.
That just makes your foot ashy as you are.
Listen, I'm plugging, goddammit.
So I'll be there for that.
The week after, I will be in Aspen, Colorado with the X Games, doing episodes of Cause and Effect for a Wolf and Geico.
White boy Caz, let's see.
We're getting snowballed.
We ski.
We're doing all that shit.
I'm bruising our motherfuckers for this content.
And then right after that, I'll be at the Royal Rumble for Houston, Texas, hosting a live stream with the New Day with Kofi Kingston.
When not this weekend, but the weekend after that.
Right before the week leading up to the Super Bowl.
I'll be in Houston, Texas that weekend doing the Royal Rumble.
Houston come through support.
Love Houston, man.
Hell yeah.
Let's get it.
Have my parents come through.
Yo, man.
Y'all heard my shit earlier, but come out and support.
We'll see you this weekend in New Orleans.
Enjoy theater.
Really looking forward to this weekend in New Orleans.
Love that city, man.
Theandrewschultz.com for all that.
Thank y'all so much for listening.
We will see you Friday on the Patreon episode while in as we usually do.