Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect sports chaos, from Antonio Brown's CTE-linked antics to Mike Scott's jail time after a Redskins jersey incident, before analyzing Lamar Jackson's strategic mismatches. They contrast American efficiency with Soviet grandeur, noting how Russia's grim history makes comedy a vital truth-telling outlet, illustrated by a shocking anecdote about trapped women in Moscow. Ultimately, the episode highlights global comedy's power to bypass censorship and reflects on how geopolitical tensions shape cultural expression and architectural legacies. [Automatically generated summary]
It is so fucking cool that we get the opportunity to do this.
Shows have been selling out.
We've been adding more shows.
So if you weren't able to get tickets for the first show, make sure you go now and get them.
TheandrewSchultz.com.
This is going to be the only time I'm performing Matador Tour in Australia.
So this is your one chance to go catch this specific tour.
Yeah, I'm stoked about that.
And then also New York show sold out.
That's amazing.
I got some ideas about what we're going to do with that.
But I think Boston Show is sold out.
Might be a couple tickets.
Seattle show is almost sold out.
Get on that right now.
Go to theandrewschultz.com.
I think Sacramento is almost sold out.
Go to theandrewschultz.com right now.
Get your tickets.
I hate to tell you this every single week, but every time I come into a market and the shows sell out, people are upset.
Like I didn't fucking warn you every single week to go get the tickets ahead of time for months.
So go to theandrewschools.com right now.
Look at your city and then buy the ticket for that show.
And then you won't miss it out.
Book a market's webpage and just check that.
Just check it out.
That's it.
We're adding new shows all the time.
So that's me, Akash.
Speaking of adding shows.
Oh, shit.
I'm going to be, well, first, let me tell you, this Thursday, I'm in San Francisco at Piano Fight, two shows, 8 o'clock and 10.30.
The 19th of September, I will be in LA in the comedy store Belly Room at 8 p.m.
Very excited about this show.
The next day, I'm in Portland at Curious Comedy at 7:30 p.m.
Minneapolis, October 11th, Sissyphus Brewing.
Two shows, 8 and 10:30.
We just added the Independent in Detroit, October 12th, Showtime TV, TBD.
I will let you guys know exactly when we just locked this down.
And then September 7th through September 9th, San Diego.
I'm at the American Comedy Club.
Get tickets at my website, Akashing.com.
Shout out to everybody who came to the Big Daisy Energy Tour kickoff in Texas.
How'd it go?
It was fucking dope.
It was cool.
We got the greatest fans on earth.
Even like the openers, the feature, the headliner, everybody was like, Your fans are incredible.
Yep.
They just get it, dude.
They're there to laugh.
They're there to have fun.
It's not.
It's just the best.
Here he is.
Look who came to join us.
How you doing?
I have the most first world problems today, bro.
Yo, I got a latte sitting here that I bought for you.
This shit is melting.
Oh, I love that.
It's okay.
We're not going to give any attention to this.
So continue, Akash.
Just the best shows, man.
Everybody was hyped to be there.
We sold out the first show in Austin.
Second show was super dope.
Like a Sunday crowd.
Great.
Sunday crowd that was with it.
Where was the show in Austin?
The Fallout Theater.
Yeah.
We're booking our own spaces out right now.
That's great.
Keep taping and building.
But you're also doing clubs, too, now.
We're doing clubs, too.
We're getting some clubs, too.
Yeah.
Shout out to TJ Mark Walter.
Good.
Good.
Shout out to TJ.
Yeah, you told me that you guys were cooking up some shit, so that's good.
But keep on supporting Akash, man.
Fun, man.
Shooters in every city.
So, Sam Fran, holler at me if you got if you're shooting and you want a shot.
Reach out.
Yep.
Reach out.
I got.
Oh, keep going.
Keep going.
You got some more to go.
That's it.
That's the dates for now.
But big, what is it?
It's Akashing.com, Big Day C Energy Tour.
Make sure you support that.
And yeah, I love the feedback.
I love people posting.
I love the pics and everything like that.
I see that you're doing it.
That's great.
And keep posting all the clips.
Get that going.
I think this is definitely making some moves.
It's Tuesday today, so I want to give an announcement to Bill Burr.
Bill Burr's special is dropping today.
We're recording this Monday, but this is coming out Tuesday.
And Bill Burr's special, and listen, you know, he's one of the living goats, man.
And I've seen some of the material.
He's really going for it.
And I mean, if you thought that Chappelle's with flagrant, buckle up.
You know what I mean?
Because Chappelle don't touch Burr's flagrancy.
Chappelle is bigger.
He's more famous.
So I think when he says something flagrant, it touches more people.
So it seems like a bigger deal.
And that will be consistent with this special.
But when you want to talk about just a seriously flagrant opinion, that is a big up to Burr.
No, no, it's yeah, it's not a shot at either one.
Anybody don't get it twisted.
It's just, yeah.
Burr is the fucking.
No, no, he's just a wild motherfucking boy.
And he operates on his own island.
You know what I mean?
Like, like, you know, Burr.
And similar to how Chappelle is, you know, how we operate as well, which is essentially like, Burr sells tickets.
That's what pays for shit.
You know, he'll do a cartoon for Netflix or he'll do like a spot on a show.
Breaking bad, but that's not paying the bills.
That's because like the dream when you're, I guess, maybe younger is to do one of these shows.
What pays the bills is doing these fucking arenas and theaters, filling the house.
And it was really cool to accompany his special that's coming out.
Did you guys see what he's putting out?
No.
So it dropped today.
It's a three-part vlog series of the different cities that he went to in Europe as he went on the tour.
I was showing Alex.
I showed you Alex.
You know what I mean?
So I just want to point out, you know, to all the haters that said that we had any influence on the GOATs.
You know, I said that we were influential and like, you know, what comedy was right now when Chappelle came out.
And some people who didn't get it gave me a little pushback.
You know what I mean?
But now I want you to show when you have the other GOAT Bill out there right now.
He's doing a vlog series.
I mean, like, you know, what do we have?
What do we have with views?
I'm just saying if anybody's watching, like, just watch views from the six.
That's it.
That's it.
That's all.
I mean, it's so.
That's all I'm saying.
Just watch it.
Oh, these jokes about trainers are so crazy.
Just watch views from the cis.
You know what I mean?
It's not a big deal.
All I'm saying, look.
Talk your shit, Kings.
All I'm trying to say is this.
And I realized this shit early is that, don't get me wrong.
So many of y'all know what's going on and y'all support it and y'all ride.
And I understand there's few that don't.
And I don't say this to like push it in your face or anything like that.
But what I'm trying to say is like, everybody's crazy until they have a following.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like when you're the first to like say something, you're crazy until other people believe it.
And then if enough people believe it, you're not crazy no more.
It's like that is the truth.
Right.
And it's just like right now, clearly, we're at the bare minimum.
People are paying attention.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Even bare minimum.
That's maximum people are paying attention.
That's maximum.
Bare minimum, the barest of minimums is we're doing it first.
You're first to market.
That's it.
Bare minimum, we're first to market.
That's undeniable.
Can't say that.
Bare minimum.
Maximum, people are paying attention.
And either way, I'm just grateful that we can be pushing this comedy thing in the right direction because comedy is in such a fucking amazing place right now with Chappelle, Burr, all that.
That's the thing with this.
Yeah.
But when it comes to you guys and the content you're pushing out, is that like you're going to get pushback from people that don't want to admit that you were kind of first to market.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
Comedy, it doesn't matter if it's fucking sneaker designs.
Sure.
Like the first person sees like, oh, he's arrogant.
Oh, he's doing this.
Oh, he's doing that.
I'm one of them that does it.
Right now, Kobe put out them fucking low tops back in the day, and I was like, you wouldn't catch me dead wearing basketball low tops.
And now I'm the one who's fucking low tops right now.
I would never play basketball in them, but that's just me.
I'm taking a little late.
We're all get boom.
So we're all guilty of this shit.
Listen, we're all guilty.
So it's natural, so I don't resent any of it.
All I want to do is keep on pushing dope fucking content out, man.
And like, I was just on the phone earlier today with the stand-up guy at YouTube.
You know what I mean?
And like, I'm trying to implement changes in YouTube to make it even more friendly for stand-up comics.
Oh, how so?
I want ticketing directly on the YouTube page.
I want the ticketing directly on the video.
So if you're watching my video in Russia and I got a show in Russia, I want you to watch.
Now they have that for musicians.
Yes, they do.
So I'm like, what's good?
Like, have it for us because if I'm getting all these views and people that watch it don't even know that I'm in their city, that's a problem.
So I'm trying to implement these little things that's going on.
And it's just cool to be in a position where we're in the wild west of our industry as it's changing and to have enough influence like where you actually get to make change and they value your change.
We're like, where the fucking YouTube people are calling me like, so what should we do?
Like the biggest platform in the fucking world for video is calling us and they're going, hey, so what ideas do you guys have?
Oh, shit.
Fucking crazy that is.
Oh, shit.
It's just so fucking crazy, bro.
Just beginning.
Just beginning.
Imagine HBO in the 90s called you up and they're like, so how can we do stand-up specials better?
Incredible.
That's what's going on.
It's fucking nuts.
Anyway, cool, cool things.
Oh, yeah.
Also, to push a point you were saying earlier, I'm not going to say who, I could put you out like that, but Andrew was having a conversation with a very famous musician, and he said the exact same thing Andrew's been saying, which are comics of the new rappers.
Oh, yeah, man.
It is true, man.
You can't put a little bitty out there.
I'm trying to find who the fuck it was.
Nah, it's going to come out.
This ain't Patreon.
I'll say it Wednesday, Maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I hear you.
I mean, this is.
But it's going to come out.
When we talk about Russia later, we'll get into that exactly.
But comedy is the new hip-hop.
I've been saying this for a while.
I've been and when I we'll get into it when we start talking about Russia.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But I just want to say thank you to everybody who's been supporting this crowd work specials at like you showed up on time.
Motherfucker, Crowdwork Special.
That's such a shitty first world experience today that I can't even.
Nobody cares.
I can't even tell you why.
Nobody cares.
The last thing anybody cares about is why you're late.
Nobody cares about it.
Zero.
When you're late, nobody cares.
I don't care.
Akash doesn't care.
And Alex doesn't care.
Nobody listen cares.
So we do not care why you're late.
We just care if you're here, and then that's fine.
But we're not going to give any more attention to it.
You know what I mean?
So, look, the reality is, Crowdwork Special, over 700,000 views.
It's fucking unreal that y'all have been doing this.
And thank you so much, man.
And yeah, it's just crazy.
I just want to say a huge thank you for all that, everybody involved.
And let's start the show because we got some spicy shit going on this week in the sports world, guys.
Nobody Cares About Lateness00:03:36
Very, it's like finally we get to open up with some very spicy sports.
It's finally sports time.
It's the best thing about fall, bro.
It's the best thing about fall.
Actual sports that matter.
Oh, man.
David Wynn, a comedian, hilarious comedian from San Francisco area.
He's not from San Francisco proper, but from San Francisco area.
He always opens up for me when I'm out there.
And he had this, he had this hilarious tweet.
I hope I don't butcher it.
Yeah, he did episode Inside Jokes.
And I hope I don't butcher this tweet, but it is, it goes, he goes, girlfriends must be so happy now that they're getting ignored for football instead of baseball.
I think I saw this too.
I butchered the fucking word, but it was just so great.
It's like, at least there's a sport worth getting ignored.
Like, if you ignore your girlfriend baseball, you don't like your girl.
Nah, you're just like, yeah, you don't like your girlfriend.
Yeah, you're my friend.
And even if it is baseball, like right now is like the perfect time of baseball.
Like the games kind of matter.
Playoffs.
Yeah, yeah.
And I mean, like, I'm not going to watch those first like six months where nobody gives a fuck.
Like, get me to September, October at the game's coming.
You know how boring baseball is?
It's more boring than your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend's story is more interesting, exciting, scintillating.
Sit on the edge of your seat than any baseball game.
You know what's crazy?
A baseball game is longer than your girlfriend's story.
How fucking crazy is that?
Think about the similarities between baseball and the girlfriend's stories, right?
It's like when your girlfriend tells a story and it tries to be funny in it, swing and a miss, right?
Baseball, the entire game, is swinging a miss.
That's the entire game.
And maybe a few times randomly there's a connection.
And the same with your girl's story.
You're like, that was actually pretty funny.
That happened?
You constructed that?
You put that together?
This is remarkable, man.
I mean, that's exactly why we're all better boyfriends in the summertime.
We listen more.
They're worried about clothes and shit.
Like, yeah, as soon as it's fall, I'm like, nah, fuck that.
2K's out.
Football's up.
2K is a game changer.
Bro, relationships on the rocks.
Listen, I told my girl, I'm like, get me 2K is like getting me flowers.
Like, I'm never going to ask for flowers.
I'm never going to ask for chocolates.
But if you bring me 2K, I get it for free.
But just the fact that you go out the way to bring it to me.
Only difference is flowers don't wilt.
Or like flowers do wilt.
You know, like 2K just stays fresh.
It gets better with you.
2K.
2K, you can play with wilts.
2K.
2K.
You putting up 100 with wilts.
Dude, so it's a shitty time to be a girlfriend right now.
But first of all, football season is back.
We have obviously the most.
You think that's why they keep football season in the winter?
Because that's cuffing season.
They're like, well, you got to do this bitch for three months anyway.
I might do something.
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody got to bring me water.
So honestly, I was thinking about this today, like why we invented hickeys.
Okay.
Because you can watch the game while pretending to be affectionate with your girlfriend.
Like she leans towards you on the couch.
And then imagine this is your girl's face.
If I kiss her like this, I can't watch the game.
But if I'm like...
She thinks I'm all in the middle of the game, she thinks I'm really with it.
She thinks I'm all about her neck, but nothing.
I think she has a cancerous groan.
Oh, God.
Antonio Brown's Helmet Situation00:14:36
Anyway, so A.B. A.B. A.B. has a very interesting week.
And for those of you guys who don't know, Adrian, Adrian Antonio Brown.
I was almost thinking Adrian Broner, the boxer, A.B. Which would make sense if he was doing this shit.
Yeah, he was acting a lot more like A.B.
So Antonio Brown basically went to the Oakland Raiders.
He caused quite the stir with Pittsburgh, forced their trade, goes to the Oakland Raiders and forces them to release him.
And now he ends up on the Patriots and he caused quite a stir with the Raiders.
Yeah.
Calling the, I mean, let's start at the beginning of it.
The beginning was the helmet.
No, no.
Beginning was the feet, the cryogenic.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
He went into a cryogenic chamber.
No flip-flops.
No flip-flops, nothing.
And he basically ice froze his feet.
So he got like frostbite on the bottom of his feet.
Recovers from that.
Causes this huge stink about his helmet.
He wants to use the old helmet.
The NFL has brought new helmets that would hopefully protect their players a little bit better.
He didn't want that protection.
And somewhat understandable.
He's used to something.
He doesn't want to change.
You're like, okay, that's kind of reasonable.
To provide proper context, Larry Fitzgerald still uses the same helmet from way back when.
Why is he allowed to?
Because same team, same helmet.
Like, he doesn't need to, he hasn't needed to change the equipment for anything.
But once you change a new team, you're allowed to.
Well, he doesn't have that same Steelers helmet anymore.
Like, you got to get new designs and all that type of shit.
So when they send all the new equipment, he's like, no, I'll just keep my old helmet.
No, because Tom Brady had to change his.
Well, he's had to, but like, Larry Fitzgerald simply hasn't had to.
Like, if you watch the game, he's still wearing the same fucking old helmet.
It could be a different model, though.
Maybe, maybe.
There's a certain model that's not approved.
If you look at the back of it, it's not the same fucking like curved up shit behind the.
Okay, it's probably an old helmet that's been approved.
Right.
Basically, so he caused a big stink with the helmet, right?
Threatens to retire.
Threatens to retire.
Then ends up working stuff out with the organization.
Then gets in a dust-up with Mike Mayok, the GM.
The GM.
Because they want to fine him for all the time.
Probably the owner, too.
No, he got into a dust-up with the owner.
He called the owner a cracker.
Oh, I thought that was Mayok.
I thought he called Mayok.
Okay, called the GM a cracker, right?
Called the GM of the team a cracker, Mike Mayok.
And then even after that, he wasn't released.
They actually said he apologized publicly and that he was going to play on Monday.
That was the statement.
Very emotional apologies, what Gruden said.
Emotional apology to the team.
Leaders of the team were there, etc.
Turns out that next Monday, he's actually, or that next day, he was actually released.
Who knows?
And people...
Oh, don't forget the Instagram video that he put in.
Oh, yeah.
What's the Instagram?
So he has Instagram.
He records.
Yeah, sorry.
He recorded a phone call between him and John Bruden, John Gruden.
Where John Gruden is being supportive for the most part.
He's like, AB, I know you.
I know you love football.
I think you're one of the most misunderstood people on earth.
We want you to come back.
And then it cuts to him, John Grund, like, we just cut this shit and play football, man.
Yeah.
AB, what's going on?
Just can you come play football for us?
And then he records that phone call and puts it over or under a montage of him training in black and white.
To be fair, it looked fire.
It was fire.
It looked like a Nike commercial.
I'm like, all right, I'm about to buy some shit.
But it also didn't really make me understand him any better.
Yeah, right.
And he said, I don't know, AB has his side, I guess, or whatever.
And that's just illegal, I'm pretty sure, because he recorded without consent.
California today, the dude who made that video, the videographer said, videographer.
He was on, what's the guy, Lebatt show.
Okay.
And he was saying, like, John Gruden approved it.
Like, he let him use the audio, like, has written and all that shit.
So this is all planned.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't necessarily believe the videographer just off his word, but if he got it written, he's got it written.
I mean, I don't know why Gruden would approve that.
Well, he's the videographer.
He's not going to get sued for using illegal audio.
So like, I'm going to take him for his word if he said that it's illegal.
I believe the videographer.
Yeah.
Okay.
So then he gets released.
Yeah.
And immediately everybody is saying the Steelers are, I mean, sorry, the Patriots are going to get this guy.
Bill Belichick's going to get him.
Sure enough, Bill Belichick signs him one-year deal, $9 million guaranteed.
$15 million with incentives.
$15 million with incentives.
And everybody assumes the Patriots have it locked up and they're going to win the Super Bowl.
I don't know that they will.
Regardless of whether they are or whether or not, let's get back to the antics.
Yes.
The antics.
This is not AB's fault.
This is not Antonio Brown's fault that he has to do all this.
You know whose fault it is.
Well, I'll make my point.
You do yours after.
But my, here's the deal: it's like, the question is, why does he have to do all this?
Why does he have to be like this?
Why does he like to act like why does he have to act like this?
And it's unfortunately, this is what you need to do to get release from your team.
Now, this is the NFL.
This is the hardest league in the world to get release from your team.
You can knock out your wife and drag her through a hotel.
The team can watch the video.
As long as no one else watches it, you don't get released from your team.
So Antonio Brown's like, should I knock out my wife?
No, I don't want to do that.
You can kick a woman in a hotel.
As long as you apologize in an ESPN interview, you'll be back.
Maybe a year off or something like that, but you'll be back.
I don't want to take the year off, so I don't want to kick a woman in a hotel.
You can shoot up a strip club, right?
As long as no strippers get killed.
How long did What's His Face do, the cornerback that plays for the Broncos?
Akeep Talib.
Akeep Talib?
Did he even get a suspension?
I don't think he missed it.
Maybe a game.
Maybe, maybe not.
Do you know what I mean?
You can shoot yourself in the leg.
You can shoot yourself in the leg.
And as soon as you get out of prison, you're back on a team.
It is nearly impossible to get released by your team.
So AB had to do.
I mean, I think it was probably even shocking to him.
I think AB is going, what the fuck do I have to do?
I burnt my feet.
I need those to run, right?
I'm still on the team too.
Okay.
I don't want to use, I don't want to use your helmet.
I'm going to paint my own helmet.
You're going to let me do that?
All right, fine.
Do I have to call the jam a cracker?
What do I have to do to get kicked off this fucking team?
You still will let me be on the team?
What do I have to fucking do?
Do I have to punt one of your kids?
What do I have to do to get kicked off this fucking team?
And finally, I guess something happened.
And don't get me wrong, something else happened.
We don't know what happened, but something else happened.
What do you mean?
You don't go from he apologized, everybody's okay, and we want to go to we're releasing him.
Well, he's gonna put up.
I don't know this.
This is what my understanding is.
First of all, real quick to your point, I think he had to approve of getting traded to the Raiders and then signed a new deal with them.
And then all his guaranteed money was voided because of his antics.
And then also, I think everybody got released.
Like Kareem Hunt kicked the bitch, got released.
But he's back.
Yeah, but he got released by his team.
Yeah, yeah.
Plastic, I think, got released by the Giants.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm going to leave got released by the Bronx.
No, no, no, no.
If you just want to get released by your team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But here's the thing.
I don't want to kick a lady.
That's how I get released.
I don't want to kick a lady.
So I don't want to knock out my girl.
So here's what I'm saying.
You didn't want to play for the Steelers, so you forced a trade to the Raiders, which you said you were cool with.
And then you want to get off the Raiders.
So you gave up all your guaranteed money.
What do you want?
If you want to be on a good team and make money, stay with the Steelers.
Right.
If you just want to make money, stay with the Raiders.
I think that, and this is my theory on him.
I think when you're a competitor and you know you're not going to win and you have a limited window to win, it drives you a little crazy.
And I think he went to the Raiders and he kind of surveyed the surroundings and saw what type of team they had.
And then he went, oh, they're not good.
Oh, I 100% believe that.
I just don't understand then what you did at Pittsburgh.
Well, because he realized, oh, they're not good.
We're not going to make it.
Like, we have an amazing receiving core.
We have this new kid who I'm actually threatened by, but he's good.
We have Bryant and we have me, and we still can't win.
The defense is solid.
We still aren't going to do it.
Fuck it.
I'm out of here.
Okay, the Raiders might have some hope.
We got a little situation here.
We got a coach that people say we're good.
Maybe she did last season, but maybe they're rebuilding.
Maybe they'll draft well, gets in a training camp.
Oh, they can't guard me for if they can't guard me at all.
I'm not the only me.
We're getting cooked.
Well, I mean, there's two things we're missing here, right?
So to your point, Antonio Brown, the Patriots went after Antonio Brown immediately.
Like right when he, when he got rid of him, apparently they talked before.
And they were like, no, we're not sending you to a rival.
So they sent him to the Raiders and he approved it.
And he was like, yeah, we'll get you the guaranteed money, all this other shit.
So he's like, all right, great.
The one thing that you said that something else happened was they pulled his guaranteed money.
Like they had the whole big shebang and they were like, oh, okay, you know, we're good.
Everything's all right, whatever, whatever.
The next day, Mayo's like, yeah, you know, there was some fucking fine print that basically said, because of this fine, your guaranteed money is like.
But that's probably not fine print.
So now you're playing game by, you're basically playing game by game now.
And then he said, what?
Oh, and he said, I'm not playing.
He's like, I'm not playing.
Release you.
Oh, yeah.
That's the Instagram post.
He said, release me.
Now, Akash is about to make a point that I agree with, but go on.
My point was just, that's not fine print.
You know that going in.
Ezekiel Elliott, we don't know, but everybody that I've listened to in Dallas is like, he definitely has some kind of behavioral clause.
Des Bryant had like fucking security around him at all times.
He had behavioral things.
If you're Antonio Bryant and you're getting signed to a team for big money, they're going to say, hey, if you fuck around and try this shit you did in Pittsburgh, we're avoiding all this stuff.
And the conduct detrimental to the team.
That is so far and loud.
They're like, all right, well.
He knew he was doing this the whole time.
He sat down there with Drew Rosenhaus, which is his agent, right?
Yeah.
I told Drew Rosenhausen.
And he was basically like, yo, how do I get the fuck out of here?
This team sucks.
I don't want to play here.
Drew's like, listen, make a big stink about a few things.
They'll probably release you.
And they just wouldn't fucking release.
It was amazing.
It was like, he had to be laughing to himself.
Like, you know that video where he's running around?
They finally released me.
They finally released me.
That's not because he didn't want to be in Oakland.
That's because, like, how much shit do I need to do to fucking get released?
Like, he called the GM a cracker.
I wanted to know what was next on the list.
Listen, he called the GM a cracker and then went to go play for another cracker.
Crackery cracker.
More crackery cracker.
There's nothing more crackery cracker.
The saltiest of crackers.
You know how the saltines got salted on one side?
The whole cracker salted.
Both sides salted.
This is a motherfucking everything bake that you had to go play for.
Son.
Oh, man.
There's not more crackery than the New England Patriots.
So that die organism.
Now, I will be honest.
People go, will A.B. be able to play for the Patriots?
I actually think that A.B. is quite childish, and I think he has a childlike anxiety that comes from a lack of structure.
And I think A.B. Structure will help.
Yes.
And I think A.B. had that structure with Tomlin.
And then he realized at some point that on some level, Tomlin was an illusion.
And I think that he had this, there was like severity and seriousness.
And then some sort of crack in the system happened.
I don't know where it was.
I don't know if it was Tomlin signing with Ben.
Maybe it was burger, bro.
But at some point, at some point, AB realized two things.
One, I can complain.
And two, I can complain without consequence.
And for a guy who's childish, that induces the most anxiety.
And when he went to the Raiders and found out he could get away with even more than he could get away with Pittsburgh, the anxiety blossomed even more.
And now he's going to a place which is undeniably the most structured and severe and serious place on the planet, almost to the point where it could reduce some of his joy from playing, but he'll have no anxiety.
I mean, what was the guy, Hernandez?
Aaron Hernandez.
No, Aaron Hernandez.
Aaron Hernandez.
Murder.
Like a murderer found calm playing for the Patriots.
Think about what the Patriots offer you.
It's like, in the same way the Army can take a fucking drug addict, like nonsense nin-com-poop guy from the street and turn him into like a respectable upstanding citizen within the structure of the army.
Like the Patriots provide that.
I would not be surprised.
I mean, look how well Josh Gordon played for it.
It's going to work.
It's going to work for Josh and it's going to work for him.
The most suspended motherfucker in the history of the league.
Finally gets it together, comes back.
Game one.
Game one.
In the best shape of his life.
You seen him?
Dude, I thought he was a tight end.
He caught that first.
Did you see the first?
Did you watch the game?
He fucking tossed one of those fucking cracks.
He catches it.
This was the most important.
He catches it on a leap, right?
Catches on the leap, gets some contact on the leap, and then plants off the leap.
Did you, like, that was the most shocking thing?
Jumps in the air, and instead of that little pitter patter that you do to slow down afterwards when you're 35 and your fucking ankles are like me, like shit, he stomps the leap, and then Jukes walks in.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think it's going to work.
I think Antonio Brown's getting a lot of credit.
I think he probably got CTE.
Yeah, he's been going on the CTE thing.
And somebody said to me, somebody sent to me on Instagram.
There was one behavioral thing in 2014, which is still one of the funniest plays in NFL history, when Antonio Brown karate kicked that punter in the face.
You guys remember that?
I remember that.
When he jumped kicked the motherfucker on the face mask on the punter turn.
After that, there wasn't much.
And then in 2016, I think he got concussed or something, but after 2016, all of a sudden it's just antics, antics.
So after 2016, this is the antics you have.
You have January 15th, 2017, Facebook live stream of locker room only speech given by Tomlin.
Mike Scott and Jail Threats00:15:06
During the playoffs.
I remember that.
October 1st, tosses cooler on the sideline against Ravens because Big Ben didn't target him.
The 28th of 2018, July 28th, shows up in training camp in a helicopter, which kind of boss, I like that.
August 12th appeared over four hours late to an event at Children's Hospital without any explanation why he was so late.
That's most likely a team event that you have to do as part of being a player.
September 7th, I mean, this goes on, and there's another maybe 20 of these.
And those might not be CTE things.
Those might just be, hey, I'm getting more and more famous and it's kind of turning me into this.
But to me, there's just something.
I think CT, look, it could happen.
I've had concussions of it three, and like, I didn't have immediate behavioral changes afterwards.
I mean, but, you know.
No, Not really.
No, no, no, no.
I completely believe it could make me a little crazier than I am.
That's undeniable.
But what I meant, like, right after.
It's not like I recovered.
What if there's a number of concussions that makes you a far better person?
But then if you go too far, like, what if you are a successful and work hard as you are?
It's like because you've had three concussions.
If you got four, you know what I mean?
Motherfuckers.
Tomorrow got knocked brilliant.
And then he was like brilliant for like 20 minutes.
One more concussion, Alex Media might have a fucking watch when he sleeps.
It's like molestation with strippers.
Where it's like, like a little bit of molestation will make them good, but like too much molestation, it's going to be like, oh, fucked.
You're on drugs.
There's a lot of things going on.
Like, it's a big problem.
Oh, my God.
So you don't think it's going to work?
I think at most he gives you one good year.
And if they win the Super Bowl, he'll behave a little bit longer.
But there's no way this lasts.
Randy Moss didn't last.
This ain't going to last.
This guy's crazier than Randy Moss and really good, but not as good as Randy Morris.
Wait, did Randy not last because of his attitude?
It kind of flamed out toward the end.
Toward the end, it got a little bad, and he got traded back to Minnesota.
Yeah.
Oh, he got traded.
Or released.
One of the two.
But that's not a good thing.
So 100% he got traded because of an attitude, not diminished skill?
95%.
I'm pretty sure Alex is a possible look that up.
I don't think he did anything like specific that was like, oh, we were done with his antics.
I thought he lost a step or two.
That's what I think it was his Patriot way.
Like, we got what we got out of him.
It didn't work out, but I'm let him go.
We're going to let him go before we sign him for more.
Because I think it started to fall apart a little bit.
But that one year at work, it fucking worked.
This year is going to be crazy, but I don't know that you just win a Super Bowl.
That team lost.
Okay.
Two things.
Two things.
And this is what concerned me.
Or this is what concerns me now.
I didn't know if Tom could still throw the long ball.
And there was a play where I think Dorset is one of their wide receivers.
Dorset gets loose in the secondary, and Tom hoists it 40 yards.
And like, he out throws him.
White work.
And I'm like, oh, if Tom's art had deteriorated to the point where it's going to be Chad Pennington type shit, where I can like target you five, seven, eight yards, what do you, like, AB and Gordon can be nullified.
But if they can go over the top, he makes no sense.
Tom Brady's career arc makes zero fucking sense.
Like we can't, we can't use like actual, oh, well, this guy fell off at this age with Tom Brady.
He's been better in his late 30s than he was in his late 20s.
Which makes it better.
He's had just enough concussions, man.
That's it.
He hit the number.
He hit the number.
Fucking this.
I think he's a low-key genius, man.
Tom Brady?
I don't think it's low-key.
Yeah.
He's not, like, you know, we was talking about fucking, do you have a GOAT gene?
And can you work yourself to goatness in the last episode?
He's a fucking serial killer with that.
He has just enough level of sociopathism in him.
Like that TB12 method is nothing but just like, yo, I'm going to eat nothing but fucking avocados and water and ice.
Avocado ice cream.
Like just the nuttiest diet.
Just be football obsessed.
Like do anything down to the money he makes from that team to make sure that he's in the best position every single year to compete.
Dude, avocado ice cream.
We've got to be tortured for black people.
Disgusting.
Because you love watermelon.
Oh, no, it's avocado or watermelon.
Avocado ice cream.
Oh, I thought it was watermelon ice cream.
Watermelon ice cream sounds good.
That sounds fantastic.
Yeah, but they're lactose.
So it's just like, yeah, you're right.
You know, it's the golden goose or whatever it is.
The golden fleece.
What is that thing?
It's like.
Oh, he's got that socio, like that Kobe MJ sociopath.
Yeah.
Did you see that shit when he was like chugging beers?
He's never let anybody beat him in like just chugging beers.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, like, he has a backyard that has nothing in it just so he can play football.
Like, do you know how much that enrages a woman?
Like, when you're a woman, right, and you design your dream home, right?
Like, keep in mind, Giselle's more wealthy than him.
Yeah.
Giselle makes more money than Tom Brady, right?
So, like, she, her whole life, growing up in Brazil, has been thinking, you know, one day I'm going to have this beautiful home and a big fountain in the backyard and a volleyball court and all these things that she would want and flowers and a dog path and all these things that she would want to do.
And then Tom's like, just buzz it low.
Buzz it low because West Welk is going to be running 40-yard routes.
Nothing in the backyard.
Like, dude, it got to drive her crazy.
And she's going to live in New England.
She spent her whole life in the sun of Rio and this beautiful Brazilian weather.
Papayas and fucking acai bowls everywhere.
And she's drinking dunking donuts and fucking cabbage every single day.
Tom Brady.
She's probably worse than Tom if you think about it.
If you think about it, she's probably worse than Tom.
She's probably the motherfucker that's...
She's strict with her life?
Yeah.
She just needs to be able to walk.
That's her job.
I mean, like, she's probably the one, like, telling, like, motherfucker, if you fucking slack for one fucking season, I'm fucking out.
Oh, dude.
She's a Latin woman.
She can't wait for her husband to retire.
They just want them to be sitting down, getting fat, and not fucking anybody else.
That's all it is.
And that third one, negotiable.
It's very negotiable.
In fact, the third one's like, if you give me two out of three, we can work around.
We can work around.
We can work around.
Do you remember?
I don't know if you guys remember when he first started doing this podcast, there was some meme about a guy explaining something to his girlfriend.
And then Tom Brady responded to some random meme and said, if you're explaining, you're losing.
Yeah.
He got that mentality with Giselle, though.
Don't tell me you're not the fucking GOAT.
The GOAT, bro.
She probably tried to put some decorations.
He was like, bitch, take that shit inside.
No decorate.
Dude, just imagine all the things that she drew up.
I don't know if you guys have moved into a place with your girl.
And they design the place before you're there.
My mom just does this.
Oh, I'm in the process.
Yeah.
So it's like you design this.
They get, well, this is the couch.
They're on the fucking internet all day picking shit out.
So Giselle had her backyard designed.
Like she knew exactly what was going on.
She had, you know, they get outdoor furniture.
They go, oh, this is so the rain does not get inside.
All these things and her cute little accent.
And Tom's just nodding away.
He's like, listen, bitch, I want you to get some white paint and put some hash markers on.
Okay.
And I want you to get an orange thing that's 10 yards long so that we could decide where first.
Here's what you're in charge of with the backyard.
Find me a Latino to mow it.
That's what you do.
And a guy with a Jewish last name to catch my passes.
Just make sure your cousins aren't playing fucking soccer.
That's right.
No cleats in my shit.
That shit.
God damn.
Dude, so it's pretty.
It's exciting first week, though.
Dude.
Oh, my God.
Football's the best, dog.
Aren't we so excited that Jay-Z got Kaepernick out of here so we can enjoy this fucking thing?
Don't move.
I got 99 problems, but I can't make one.
We ain't doing this.
We're not doing this.
We're not doing this.
Hey!
Alex, say something.
Take a knee.
Take a knee.
Don't take a knee.
We don't care.
We're watching this football.
Black pleats.
I did find it really funny.
I did find it really funny that the whole timeline was slandering Jay-Z for all month.
Looked at that shit yesterday.
Everybody talking football.
I thought we was protesting.
I thought nobody was.
Literally everyone.
Listen, this is what billionaires understand.
It's the reason why they just killed Epstein in the thing and didn't even care in the room.
Like, they knew you were going to complain about.
But they know you're going to move on.
So they literally like, all right, this season's a wash.
Maybe next season's a wash.
But third year, throw Odell on the same team as Baker.
Nobody's going to give a fuck.
Right?
Like, no one's going to give a fuck.
Dude, it's just all wrestling, dude.
It's all chess.
It's all.
Convince A.B. to bleach his mustache.
Can't let him play him all baby.
Hey, AB, remember that Hulk Hogan guy?
Yeah, he was interesting.
We all just got right back in.
That shit seems like it was three months ago at this point.
There's so many fucking NFL storylines I've been investing.
Bro, not even, we don't even watch college like that, but I was in Austin and UT was playing LSU.
And I watched the end of that game and I was like, yo, this is the fucking best.
Do you see the quarterback waving at the fans?
Dude, the LSU quarterback was.
Bro, I was mad LSU fans talking shit on 6th Street.
It was so funny, though.
Oh, wait, you were there.
You were there.
I was on 6th Street.
Oh, that's right.
I was forgotten Austin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Show's over, so we went and watched the end at a bar.
6th Street's popping.
These rednecks were talking shit.
Didn't give a fuck.
It was so funny.
These cucks weren't doing nothing.
Yeah, I love Austin.
I love that scene.
What do you mean, the LSU guys?
LSU redneck, bayou motherfuckers just went to UT at bars, watching games, throwing beer everywhere, and these cucks just took it.
That's right.
What can you say?
Austin ain't like Philly.
You know what I mean?
Y'all saw that?
Mike Scott, Mike Scott.
This is, okay, so for those of you guys who don't know, we'll get back to football because there's so many more football stories, but this is very football.
This is a great flagrant story.
Oh, absolutely.
So Mike Scott, who plays for the Philadelphia 76ers, went to an Eagles game and he went to the tailgate of an Eagles game.
Now, for you foreigners, a tailgate is that scene you see where all the fans are outside the stadium and they're drinking beers before the gags, before the game.
And they actually, even some, watch it throughout the game, but it's a big pregame party, right?
And Mike Scott, who's a 76er, right, is walking around the pregame wearing a Redskins jersey.
We should preface this with like the day before, he tweeted that, yo, I'm being Lincoln Financial with a Redskins jersey on.
Boom.
And the fan goes, yo, we love you for the Sixers, but like, if I were you, I wouldn't do that.
Eagles fans are crazy.
He responds, what y'all gonna do?
So he pulled up and he found exactly what the fuck they want.
It's the city of brotherly love, but they don't love no brothers.
They was swinging on him.
These five, eight fat Italians were swinging on Mike Scott.
And Lois tattooed up Mike Scott.
I think some of them truly were drunk enough to believe that he actually played on the Redskins.
And they're like, I need to do my part.
I need to do my part for Mike D.
We taking out this Redskin right now.
But dude, it was an unreal moment where Mike Scott found out how famous he wasn't.
Like he really thought that he could take his fan in the Sixers.
You only know he's on day Twitter because he got emoji tattoos.
That's the whole series.
Did he hit the game winner against Brooklyn though?
I think so.
He hit a game winner in game three or something.
Somebody hit the game winner against the Raptors or whoever the fuck they played.
Did they lose to the Raptors?
Raptors, right?
All I'm saying, it was this beautiful moment where they literally start swinging him.
And I'm being honest, he didn't really swing back.
He didn't knock anybody out.
Oh, nah.
You might have to do it.
They swack them all, dog.
Did you see this dude?
He was dropping him up.
He was dropping him.
Yeah, he wasn't like knocking them out, but he was hitting them in a way and they were falling to the ground.
That's all you got really gotta be.
I don't think he was hitting them.
He was like more like grabbing their shirts and like pulling them.
I see people hitting the ground.
Even that.
Even people hitting the ground and you're one man versus a group of people, that's enough.
I saw one dude.
You're doing enough.
A bunch of teal jerseys, just teal jerseys just hitting the floor.
Yeah, you're doing enough.
And you don't go to jail for shoving people.
Like, you, Mike Scott, you can get in trouble for punching.
If you could just throw a motherfucker down.
You know what?
Maybe he was smart about that.
I got to give him love.
If he purposely didn't assault them, like he was more pushing people to ground.
If he did that all on purpose so he wouldn't get locked up, I know they'd find a way to fuck his ass off.
He defended himself.
Yeah.
And they got to jail right at the arena.
Oh, yeah.
At the stadium.
It's the only stadium that has a jail.
Yeah.
No, but dead ass.
They have one in it.
I believe it.
No, no, no.
They have one because they would have to lock up fans.
Yes.
Every, everyone.
It's the only one that has a jail.
I think a Jetson.
Oh, like a full jail.
A full jail.
Not a drunk tank.
Not a whole fucking jail.
Oh, shit.
Son, they don't play.
Like, you're getting locked up.
Like, dudes are there to get locked up.
I'll be tight if I'm in jail until like Thursday for some shit I did Sunday.
Still at the field just watching people leave.
Whatever, man.
It's Philly.
They don't got fucking jobs to go to.
Fucking losers.
Relax.
What?
That ain't holding no weight.
You're not Mike Scott, man.
Yeah, bro.
I ain't seen these dropping nobody.
Son, they out there.
Philly loves a good death threat.
I got a couple of good threats.
We was there for that.
Remember, Alex had to come to Philly with me the last time.
Fuck, I don't know.
This is how loyal Alex is.
I didn't realize this until much later.
But Alex came to Philly with me.
This is before we were even really working together.
You were doing like the idiot shows.
You weren't coming with me on the road yet.
But this is when I had all the smoke with Philly.
And Alex came to the show.
He's like, yo, I'm going to come to the shows this weekend.
And I was like, all right, man, come through.
You know, I got you and your family, whatever.
And then, like, weeks later, he told me, he was like, hey, bro, I'm going to be honest.
I just came to shows because I thought they were going to try to kill you.
So I brought out wait for it.
He goes, I brought a gun just in case.
It was in the trunk.
It was in the trunk.
So y'all want the smoke, Philly?
Y'all want the smoke coming with me?
And that's legal heat, too.
We got the badge and all that.
Oh, damn.
I had to call Corey Towns and shit and be like, yo.
You're the same.
You're the same.
You had to say, Corey's out.
Yeah, like in retrospect.
Lucky Corey.
Corey, you lucked out, bro.
It was almost like a bad thing.
The legal heat, bro.
The legal heat.
Mental Confidence and Quick Releases00:16:13
Think about that.
You attack us, it's bang, bang, and then you got to deal with that.
Oh, you're right.
It's legal.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what he was, you know.
You out here attacking law enforcement, bro.
Why would you attack law enforcement?
I knew it was hot when I got that phone call.
I had to call Andrew on the side.
I'm like, bro, you sure you want to go to the Philly?
He's like, no, no, it'd be great.
I'm like, bro, not the way these moments talk.
I went to Russia.
I'll go to Philly.
Good shout out to Philly.
They bounce back, though.
They won yesterday.
Yo, I fucks with Philly, man.
I love their passion.
I love their passion.
No bullshit.
It's one of my favorite places to perform.
Love Philly.
I love Philly.
I love the humility.
What's the second about Russia?
You want to talk about it?
Yes, I want to talk about it, but I want to go through a little more sports stuff still.
Okay.
And, you know, weed out any motherfuckers that is going to be offended by the crazy shit that we tell you that happened in Russia.
Oh, yeah.
Stay tuned.
Woo!
All they did is talk about sports today.
Oh, wow.
Good.
Other NFL news I had written down, Nick Foles.
Kind of lucky of these motherfucking Eagles that they let Nick Foles sign with somebody else.
And then finally.
Yeah.
They finally give him freedom.
And then he immediately breaks his clavicle.
Poor guy.
Two quarters in.
And now he's out for most of the season.
Now, the clavicle is the collarbone.
Yeah.
It's this right here.
This little bone.
Yeah.
That one right here.
Right.
Okay.
So did you guys see the play where he broke it?
Yeah, it was touchdown.
Died.
Touchdown and classic big dick nick throw.
Stood in the pocket.
The reason he got lit up is because he fucking stood there.
That's good.
Poised it, took it, and then they drew him to the ground.
But it is interesting and kind of sad that that happens.
Completely separate note.
Did you see who the fuck?
Who the fuck were they playing?
They were playing.
Jack Wars were playing.
They're playing the Chiefs.
Patrick Mahomes.
Yeah.
And Watkins.
Did you see Sammy Watkins cooking up Jalen fucking Ramsey?
Yo, what happened to Ramsey?
Dude, Ramsey, dude.
Cornerbacks, I guess, really age, you know, like I'm trying to think, a boxer or a running back.
It's just like, it can be one year and then it's done.
To be fair, it's Patrick Mahomes.
He's a bad motherfucker.
I don't care.
You need separation.
True.
And this guy was getting away.
Is Ramsey done?
I don't think so.
From what I've seen watching football since I was a kid.
I don't know if he got paid yet.
I think he wanted to get traded at one point.
Also, and that might be it.
Also, it seems like cornerback is so fucking confidence-based.
Oh, everything is, but cornerback more than any position I've seen is confidence-based.
Like any rookie cornerback, I remember playing for the Cowboys would get cooked and cooked and cooked.
Then after one good game, suddenly things would start turning around.
It just takes one good game or one bad game.
Kicking and playing DB.
So much confidence.
Yeah, that's true about kicking too.
Yeah.
It's so, isn't it crazy that you can be a millionaire professional at something and it can still be mentally affected?
Yeah.
And like, I need that, though.
Of course you need it.
But I guess here's what I'm trying to say.
That like, if you know that something affects you mentally, right?
Meaning if I kick something bad a couple times, it's in my head and I'll miss the next five.
You saw this happen with the Giants kicker last year.
You see it happen every season with a kicker who just is great.
Boom.
There you go.
That's right.
I saw Willie Cologne shout out to Willie tweeting about that as well.
And it's like, okay, so if I'm a player and if I know that my mental stability, my whole game is dependent on my mental stability, I'm incorporating that into my workouts just as much as I am quads and hamstrings.
Like, I don't care if it's, I don't care if it's like meditation.
I don't care if it's therapy.
Everything.
Like psychologists.
Like, how are you not in the room with them every single day?
Because you are a shell of yourself without it.
Dude, tennis is another U.S. Open just happened, and this young kid is fucking coming up, made it to the final, and his whole turnaround has started with a sports psychologist.
That was like the thing.
You know, there's a, I don't know if it was you that told me this, but Joker.
Jokovich.
Yeah, Jokovich, I think it was Jokovich, might have been someone else, attributes his turnaround to Tony Robbins.
No, I don't know.
I haven't heard of it.
There's one of these tennis players that is like, you know, I just didn't have the confidence.
I didn't have the self-esteem.
And I sat down with him.
He worked with me and then I won fucking championships.
Your brain is a muscle you got to work out just like anything else in your body, man.
Like if your shit is fucked up here, everything else is going to go.
Facts.
Everything else is going to be a good thing.
Confidence breeds concern.
Success breeds confidence.
Dude, this is so interesting.
It's why I cut out the sugar and bread.
Because I would need to do so much extra work to get that mental state that I needed to perform and like be good podcasts, but also on stage and be sharp and not have to deal with the anxiousness that eating all that fucking sugar gives you.
And I cut that fucking shit out.
And I think noticeable difference.
Really?
Truly noticeable difference.
I can see his face, too.
Yeah, just it just, it just affects me differently.
Now, like, I can take a coffee and I can have some coffee and I can do something like this because it requires tons of brain power, right?
It's like we're already, we're all firing.
Yeah.
But like having coffee and doing nothing will make you go crazy.
And if we know that getting, if we know shifting your mental state can make you do better and worse, how are teams, maybe they are, but why are our teams not investing in what would shift their opponent's mental state to a negative?
I mean, in its essence, that's trash talk, right?
But like.
I mean, coaches do it.
I mean, that's almost like the same thing as icing the kicker or burning your timeouts on the one-minute drill.
So what's the elite level of that?
What is the, what is the like mind fuck?
The next, I mean, like, if it's me, I'm, I'm sending targeted Facebook ads at someone's Instagram, right?
And like making company that decides everything.
Cambridge Analytica, right?
Cambridge Analytica.
So I said target Facebook ads about not even about football, just about like, what happens when someone is suffering from low self-esteem or ads like your girl's not giving you love?
Maybe it's because she's cheating on that have nothing to do with football, but organically populate that person's face.
Did you see the ad pop up on your Facebook?
I'd be like, what the fuck?
Now you call your girl, right?
Because you haven't spoken to her a week because you've zeroed Dark 30.
You're ignoring her for football.
You're like, maybe this miss is all horny trying to suck motherfuckers.
But what product are they even trying to sell?
No products.
No product.
Brought to you by the Philadelphia Eagles.
That's what she would say.
This is what a fucking maniac I am.
But like, in all seriousness, think about that as a competitive advantage.
Like, you could really get in your opponent's head if you know that there's a serious downgrade, especially position players, especially a kicker, especially, like you say, corner.
It's so random because if you don't have confidence in that decision you make in the split second, you're toast.
Yeah.
Maybe that's what it is, man.
It's something.
It seems so confidence-based playing cornerback.
Yeah, like running back, at the end of the day, you can run through somebody if you have to.
There is a physical exertion that plays into it.
Almost like running back is probably like the least, like there's, you have the least control.
The offensive line's got to be going.
The quarterback's got to get it to you.
Got to open up the hole.
Cornerback, sorry.
Cornerback and kicker.
This is what I just noticed.
Any mistake has the biggest repercussions.
Huge consequences, so your fucking nerves are high.
Every play.
And if I have 40 good plays and five bad ones, and that leaves three touchdowns, people, yeah, I'm going to get a quarterback can have a bad throw.
He'll get it back, or unless he throws an interception.
A running back can miss the hole.
But if you get beat deep, you miss an extra point or mix a field goal.
That's the game.
Also, you can't get it back as a cornerback.
If you're a quarterback and you miss a throw next possession, you can go right to like...
No, I mean, if you're a quarterback, quarterback next player.
If you're a quarterback next play, you can atone for mistakes.
Exactly.
A cornerback, you cannot atone.
Kicker, you got to wait.
They put me back in position.
And you might not ever get there.
And then during that wait, what are you thinking about?
The miss.
All you're thinking about is the miss.
As a corner, that is a great point.
The only way you can atone is an interception that you might return.
But if you give up six, there's a very small chance you get six back.
So that weighs on you.
And it snowballs.
Because if I'm a quarterback and I just beat this guy deep, guess where I'm going?
Deep.
Right back in the boy.
100%.
So you got to.
You got to.
It is an interesting side.
I think that might be the most important thing what separates good players and bad players.
Is mental stability.
Yeah, because they're all professionals.
Like all of them are elitely man at one point.
But think of like the GOATs.
They have like crazy levels.
So that was my point in the matchup episode.
The GOAT gene to me is mental at least as much as it is physical, if not more.
I think it's what happens when you have elite physicality meets elite mental.
And then you become GOAT.
But some people might have GOAT mental, they just don't have GOAT physical.
And I'll tell you.
He's a goat physical guy.
I think he is.
I think Tom Brady is GOAT physical.
It's just the position he chose doesn't require the type of physicality that we deem athleticism.
But he has a cannon.
He has incredibly quick release, right?
He has those little things.
But what I'm saying is, I think his mentality, especially being a 42 years old, having that fucking insane diet, all this other shit.
Like you said before, not everybody wants to do that work.
I also don't.
I'm not saying he's not athletic for a quarterback, but I think if he was, he wouldn't have been drafted in the sixth round.
There was not like, and I still don't hear remarkable, like, I hear about Dan Marino's release.
I hear about John Elway's arm.
I hear about Troy Aikman's accuracy.
I don't hear those specific things about Tom.
He's a good person.
You hear about Tom Brady's release.
Yeah.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen.
At least what I've heard about his thing is his release is exceptional, and then he also gets the ball out quickly.
Quickly.
So he makes his decisions.
And that is mental.
I'm not denying that it isn't mental, but there's a difference.
I think there's a difference between you can make a decision, and you can get the ball out quickly.
You can make those reads really quick.
And like nobody said, he reads the defense like nobody else.
But if your release is slow, in the NFL, they'll eat that up, right?
And I would also say this, too, that release, it feels like something you can work on maniacally and make it quicker and quicker and quicker than me.
Your arm can only get so strong.
Yeah, but I think the thing about, and I agree with you there, but I think the thing about release is like it's habit forming.
So guys that they've tried to change their release, the T-Bows and that kind of stuff like that, they always revert to that like long, windy throw.
But the guys who have that like electrically quick release, like the Phillip Rivers, you know, like the guy, Philip doesn't even look dog.
You know who it looks like has one of the fastest, fucking dopest releases I've ever seen.
Fucking Kyler Murray.
Did you watch him yesterday?
Okay.
I didn't see the whole comeback, but yo, for three quarters, he looked like shit.
And then that fourth quarter happened and he was just zipping that shit out there.
Like, I was like, holy shit.
Here's a question.
Here's, and this is, and this is, and I want to get back to Goatie, but there's a question about short quarterbacks, right?
Who else has a great quick release?
Brussels.
Brussels Wilson.
Who else?
True Brees.
True Breeze, right?
Wait for it.
I think there is something to do with arm length.
Oh, that makes sense.
I can see that.
Right?
Mechanically makes sense.
Mechanically, it is a quick, like, whenever you see a midget do something, you notice how quick it looks.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen that?
Like a midget put on a backpack or some shit?
Like Prime Tyson.
Like his arms are like.
Tyson is a great one.
But even Shrink Tyson.
Like there's this midget that I was.
Dude, they scurry.
They don't even run.
They scurry, right?
And it's just like, or whenever you see like a squirrel do something, they could go five feet, but you're like, that was as quick as I've ever seen somebody go five feet.
It's just everything's moving so quickly.
The windup isn't as long.
It's less less room for error.
That's it.
It's less room for error.
Big six foot six quarterback, like even a Ben Rothelsberger.
I see that release.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It takes forever to get out of it.
Forever now, it's going to go.
Yeah.
Those little guys might not be able to hoist it.
I don't know if this is directly related, but like they say short guys can get, can do, can lift much more on the bench press.
Because their arms don't have to travel as long.
Long arms, you got to go that much further.
Release kind of the same thing.
Your arms got to go that much further.
Now two lines that much longer.
You want a random take where one of those guys happens to have close to the arm strength as a guy with a big long arm.
Like, Drew can get it out there, right?
Like, and then you see why these guys are elite.
Now, granted, they got to get it over that front line, and maybe they won't have those pockets, but who knows?
I mean, that's why people like Johnny Menzo when he was coming out.
Like, he got it out of there quickly.
He got it, and he had a gun, and he had fucking massive.
Unusually large hands for somebody so short.
And Kyler Murray has the same thing, but he's just like more compact.
Like, he's like, watching him play.
Like, I was impressed by a lot of people yesterday, Lamar Jackson, too.
Like, but watching Kyler Murray that fourth quarter in overtime, like, it was like watching like a new fucking car.
Like, that motherfucker just was downhill every single time.
As soon as he got the ball, that shit was coming out like a fucking 100-mile per hour fucking baseball.
And I was like, when this dude gets some shit around him, it might happen.
It's a wrap.
That motherfucker is nice.
So, to the goaching thing that you were saying, mental, Akash.
The Raptors had a very clutch performance from a player outside of Kawhi.
Fred Van Vleet.
Yeah.
A friend of mine told me this is at the beginning of the season.
He told me this kid, Fred Van Fleet, I like him.
I'm like, why?
I mean, he's just regular.
He's kind of like, he's unathletic.
He doesn't shoot that well.
Like, what is it about him?
He goes, he goes, doesn't get scared.
He goes, he says exactly this.
He was not afraid of the moment.
What are you talking about?
He goes, just not afraid of the moment.
Like, literally, zero fear is in his body.
He doesn't even understand.
He's called Wichita State, right?
Wichita State.
You've seen him in college.
He was like, same thing.
Same thing in the NBA, just fucking under control.
Guy said this to me in the beginning of the season with no practical experience in this.
And then he comes into the playoffs and proves.
Give Steph Curry to work.
Son, I mean, like, zero.
Yeah.
What is the term they use in dogs?
Cur.
He doesn't cur or something like that.
Yeah.
Like, no bitch in him whatsoever.
And there's an example.
If, especially in basketball, everybody's assholes get tight in the playoffs.
Oh, yeah.
And you need players who might not be as elite, but their assholes don't get tight.
Right.
It's part of building a team.
Kind of interesting.
Very interesting.
I think if you got a championship team, that's a super important piece.
John Paxson for Jordan.
Yeah.
Asshole don't get tight.
Oh fuck, man.
Just get me open.
I'll shoot it.
It's nothing.
Every championship team.
Every championship team has a guy like that.
Fucking the Spurs had Genoi.
Fucking the Lakers had Robert Horry and Derek Fisher.
Like people that's just like, no matter what the moment is, you get it to them open.
Like they're going to, they're not the bubble.
Wow.
They all have role players with the GOAT gene, with the mental goat gene, in that like they're not role players who are not afraid of the moment are a crucial element to a championship team that is never spoken about.
We speak about them, but we don't talk about that value.
That's gene is fucking.
Jordan said it's full of players who aren't afraid of it.
Draymond Green.
No, I wouldn't say Draymond.
You know who I was saying?
Iggy.
Iggy.
That's another one.
Iggy don't give a fuck.
Iggy got the giant ball.
Shoot 20% from three for the whole season.
Every Championship Has a Guy Like That00:02:12
Pull up for the game when he threw it.
But the thing is, Draymond, like his best games came when Steph don't show up.
Like when KD's game seven against the fucking against Cavaliers.
I remember the first block.
I remember 38, 9, and 10.
I'm in the second line.
Tax exchange.
I texted you because we were both rooting against the Warriors.
We won the Cavs 1 and 7.
Yeah.
And the first half, Draymond is hitting threes.
And I'm like, what the fuck, son?
And then Andrew was like, this is great.
He's drunk off these three.
He's going to keep shooting and start missing.
And then he started missing in the second half.
So maybe Draymond has it, but I do remember the second half all of a sudden.
He might have just been missing.
But it wasn't going in like that.
I remember the game.
I guess he missed the fucking game because of kicking people in the nuts or some shit.
And then, like, the next time he came back, he did not have the game.
Nah, he never had to be in the seventh game.
He could be the best.
Seventh game.
Okay.
Yeah.
There's, yeah, it's an interesting.
He might be one too.
I always like the GOAT discussion.
But it is very interesting.
There's a I mean, maybe, maybe it's a good time to change it.
And this has nothing to do with being a GOAT, but I'm curious about.
Requiem football?
Yeah.
Well, it's still football.
No, GOAT gene discussion.
Yeah, yeah.
On a role player?
Yeah.
Who is a role player for the Patriots that I think has two Super Bowl MVPs?
Julian Edelman.
Not afraid of the moment.
He won one of them with fucking concussion.
Probably shouldn't have been let back in the game.
Against Seattle.
I'm pretty sure he got the MVP that game.
And if I'm not mistaken, he got the MVP last game, right?
He was the only one that did anything.
He's big.
Yeah, he was big.
Yeah.
You know, it's interesting.
Yeah, maybe that is the, maybe that is part of the ingredient in every championship team in terms of team sports because as the assholes get tight, that's your only competitive advantage.
And everybody's game planning against the star.
We should look up, and the only way you could really calculate it was with Madden statistic or like NBA 2K statistic, but like imagine we could find an algorithm that would tell us the reduction of skill based on the nerves that you have.
Like we could literally tell when your heart is beating at a higher rate how much worse you shoot, or how much better.
Dak, Tua, and Garoppolo Analysis00:15:12
There's a weird thing that happens with nerves, man, where it's like it either makes you cripple, it cripples you, or it elevates you.
Elevates you, dude.
People thrive off that feeling.
Dude, and I felt both.
I felt there's been times where I was like nervous and I didn't perform as well.
And then there's been times where, dude, like in Montreal, like when we did the taping thing.
Which one?
Remember the taping what I did in Montreal?
Gala?
With a gala, where it was like, it was just, I felt comfortable.
It's a weird, it's a weird hyphoria.
I was like, let me just get on fucking stage already.
There's been times, even in like Toronto, I was like, let me just get on fucking stage.
And it heightens it.
Everything is sharper.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It's like a runner's high where you're so tired and then you just fucking break through that one barrier and you don't even feel it no more.
You're just like, oh, yeah, this is, I've prepared for this.
Like, I've gotten my body, my mind ready for this moment.
Yeah.
Where like, I'm not going to get tired.
I'm just going to fucking power the fuck through.
Charlamagne shame you into jogging.
Yes, yes, he did.
A lot of unhappy ways.
I want to, I want to, I want to pay some bills here, but I want to get back and I want to talk about Akash here has a little bit of a predicament with his NFL team.
And these are good problems to have.
You have great problems.
But you have great problems, but they could potentially be problems.
Yeah.
You know, obviously we're talking about the one and only Dallas Cowboys.
But before we do that, baby bladder in the meantime.
Go, go, pee, go pee.
When you come back, we will get into it.
Guys, as we're talking about football, look, if you found $100 on the street, would you pick it up or would you keep walking?
We know exactly what you would do.
Don't fucking lie.
You're going to keep that shit.
You're going to pick it up, put it in your pocket.
You're going to take that money.
So why do you keep picking winners and not betting them?
All right.
That's what you should do.
You got to check out my bookie.
Mybookie.com is where you can check it out.
It's fast.
It's easy.
And they pay you when you win.
Exactly what they should be doing.
Because when you're betting is just as important as who you're betting on.
That's right.
Where you're betting is just as important as who you're betting on.
Did you know that you could bet on games after kickoff?
Yeah.
And if by the second half it looks like your bet is going to lose, you can always take it.
You can always take the other side.
I love it.
So think about that.
You put some money, your team's getting washed, put some money on the other side, get your money back, bro.
If you're the kind of person that likes to bet a little and win a lot, try to parlay, okay?
You got to try those parlays.
If all your picks come through, you'll multiply your winnings.
And no matter how you bet, the NFL season is the best time of year.
Join mybookie.com right now, and they will double your first deposit as long as you use that promo code Flagrant.
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That's mybookie.com.
Okay.
You play, you win, you get paid.
I like that.
And we back to the show.
I think I hear Akash's steps coming back from the...
Look at that perfect timing.
Right on time, baby Bladdo.
Okay, so here's the reality of the matter.
Akash Singh, a huge Dallas Cowboys.
Game one in the books.
Dallas Cowboys put a shellacking.
Should I say shellacking?
Yeah.
A shellacking.
Now, as a Dallas Cowboys fan, you know, I can't speak for you, but it's obviously exciting to see that happen.
Oh, yeah.
You have a contract talk pending with your quarterback, Dak Prescott.
Now, the idea, I would imagine, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you would hope that you get some wins and Dak plays well enough to win, but maybe not so well.
You guys pay $40 million a year or whatever the fuck yeah.
It's like, play good.
You're watching this game and you see Dak go out and not only have a great game.
He was lights out.
He had incredible.
He had lights out.
The greatest game of any, the greatest game one of any Dallas quarterback in history.
Yeah.
He posted the most yards.
He had a perfect quarterback.
He posted the most yards of any quarterback in Dallas Cowboys history.
Where does this leave you emotionally?
Because you have to be torn.
Here's what I would say.
Pay him if he's going to play like that.
If he plays like that, that's worth Russell Wilson money.
That's a Russell Wilson.
Russell Wilson performance.
Yeah.
I think he's like top five all time, like passer rating or some shit like that.
That was a perfect passer rating.
Some stupid.
No, I mean, like, yes, he was perfect passer rating, but all time.
He's got an all-time great as well.
He's got the minimum attempts now to qualify for one of the greatest.
I've always liked Dak.
I didn't think he was going to figure it out like that.
I think New York also sucks.
Yes.
But that, pay that guy.
I wouldn't have paid Zeke.
I'd have paid Dak first regardless.
Because I also do think Dak is like a leader and like all these things that aren't supposed to, like stat guys don't care about.
To me, it's like, no, motherfuckers follow this guy.
I know he works hard.
He's got that, that I'll do whatever the fuck it takes, work ethic-wise, to win thing that I like.
I didn't think he put together like that.
That's sass.
Now, question.
Do you think that he has improved from last year?
How much is improvement?
How much is this becoming the quarterback that maybe he's destined to be?
And how much is this him taking advantage of a Martin Cooper?
No, no, no, no, not only of a shitty, maybe shitty secondary.
If I had to divide it between three things, it would probably be 33, 33, 33.
One is he worked really hard.
He does work really hard.
Two, the offensive coordinator made things easier for him.
This is a new offensive coordinator.
Ah.
Talon Moore, right?
Talon Moore.
And like a lot of it is just here's motion before the play.
Like there's a lot of the Chiefs do a lot of pre-snap motion just to confuse the defense for a flip second.
Yes.
Okay, let's have everybody go in motion to the left and then we'll throw a screen to the right or whatever.
I think that's about a third of it.
He made it easier for Dak and then a third of his the Giants may just suck.
Because what they said, they said they didn't really run anything new.
They just did a lot of pre-snap offense.
There's a ranch that they were comfortable with and they replaced Cole Beasley with fucking Randall Cobb, who's like an all-time great slot receiver.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
But can he rap?
But does he have bars?
From that video, I was listening to Cole.
You were so pissed off.
I hated it, dude.
John Kosh was so fucking infuriated.
But keep on going, Kaz.
So, so you think the upgraded wide receiver core, obviously, Randall Cobb is not an elite wide receiver, but he's in like the tier, maybe below the second tier.
He's a very good slot receiver.
He's a top five slot receiver.
If he's healthy, he hasn't been healthy the last couple years either.
But when he was with who was Aaron Rodgers, he's a great slot receiver.
Okay, so now you have upgraded in that position, and Cole was good.
Cole was good.
Cole's really good.
Ramara's probably a little bit more, a little stronger, more physical.
Cole's a little shiftier.
Amari Cooper could take the top off anytime.
The biggest improvement of wide receivers, Cobb is big, but Michael Gallup is in his second year.
And sometimes you don't think about that.
Hey, this guy's going into his second year, so he's going to be that much better than he was his first year.
Hey, he's going into his third year, so he's that much better than his father.
And he's got chemistry with Dak on him.
And now they got a year of chemistry built in.
That's a great point.
I didn't even think about it.
So, like, I expected big things from Gallup, and I think this is going to be not every game, but he's going to take a big step forward.
I heard good things about him coming out.
Everybody was high on him.
And he was good last year, but he was just a rookie.
I mean, just that.
I mean, yo, not to get too hype.
Like, they're just loaded.
I don't know.
I'm looking at that team.
On paper, it's crazy.
I've been looking at them since the preseason.
I'm like, the defense looks good.
The offensive line looks good.
Dak's hooping.
Fucking Zeke's going to be Zeke.
Cooper looked great.
Fucking Cobb looked great.
Like, I don't see a glaring flaw on that team where I'm like, we look good now, but like in a couple weeks, it's going to catch up to him.
So it's a weird thing.
The national media is all picking them to go like 9-7, 8-8, 7-9.
Local media, the ticket, everybody's like, I don't see a weakness.
This should be 25 years we get let down, but this should be the best team we've had since the 90s.
Yeah, them and the Saints are the only two teams at the NFC.
I'm like, I don't see that.
Does Dak get a deal during the season?
Apparently, it was imminent before game one, and then Jerry after game one was like, a deal with Dak is imminent.
And we don't know what that means.
Could be tomorrow, could be this week, could be next month.
Do you pay him more than Carson Wentz?
He's going to want more than Carson Wentz, and I think you're going to have to pay him more than Carson Wentz because he's one more.
He's more durable.
His numbers are comparable at least.
The durability is what gets me.
That's all I'm paying.
He's going to be there.
I'm not only paying durability, but if you don't reward durability in the NFL, you're a fucking idiot.
Carson Wentz cannot stay healthy.
He will get injured again.
It's not even a question.
His body is not built to maintain this type of punishment.
Some guys are.
Dak looks corn-fed.
Dak is a horse.
He's a horse.
He was like that in Mississippi State.
I was like, he's just a big fucking boy.
And if you're not corn-fed, you better have that ability to fall on the ground like Eli Manning.
Eli just dropped.
Remember?
If you're not corn-fed, you know what it is.
You can't scramble.
Carson Wentz will run on you and he's great.
Don't.
Can't do it.
Aaron Rodgers.
He doesn't like it.
He'll just get first downs.
He's not trying to.
He's not pushing it.
He's not pushing it.
But he'll still get hurt.
He will.
Tom Brady don't really get hurt because he's in the pocket.
In the pocket, I can protect myself a little bit.
I can curl.
And it seems like those guys get hurt less.
If you're not a fucking hoss, if you're not Cam Newton or Dak, you better be real hesitant.
Even Cam.
Cam will play.
Yeah.
But he'll play shitty because he's hurt.
And Cam is also trying to run people over.
And you got to be smart and still slide.
Check the ego.
They do like designed runs for him and Josh Allen and these other big boy quarterbacks where it's like designed to run for your quarterback.
Like that's that's not gonna or just slide.
Yeah.
That's it.
If you don't get the first down, fine, slide.
And that's the tricky thing with like not having a coach that you actually can trust and build with because they will sacrifice their quarterback's health for their own success.
That's a great point.
So here you have a guy like Josh Allen who might not want to run 15 times a game, but you have this coach who's like, well, I want to keep making millions of dollars coaching.
I don't care if this kid gets injured because what happens if he gets injured?
We just go back to sucking like we were before.
I got nothing to lose.
Lamar Jackson.
Perfect.
So speaking of...
Let's talk about Lamar.
I was worried about him.
Lamar had this amazing game.
Now, he did have this amazing game against a team that is actively tanking.
And I told you guys this earlier this year.
I had a little insider information.
They're actively tanking so they can get Tua.
You have multiple players in the team after the game go, I want to trade.
Now, no one really requests trades in the NFL.
I mean, like multiple players.
I think you request trades when it's quite obvious that your team is not here to win.
Absolutely.
And I feel bad, to be honest, for this fucking court, for this coach.
Because this coach doesn't realize it, but his ass is out of there.
Of course.
Of course.
His ass is out of it.
Are they going to keep him there for fucking Taylor Lua or Jalen Hurts or what the fuck?
I don't even know if he's eligible yet.
Trevor Lawrence?
Yeah, Trevor Lawrence.
He's not eligible until next year.
But it's Tua.
They're going after Tua.
It's Tua.
And it's the Tua sweepstakes.
They fucking want it.
And if they get it, God bless them.
But that's why I just want us to be a little bit...
I was about to say, like...
Let's pump the brakes on what's his face, Lamar Jackson on the battlefield.
I think Lamar is going to be good.
No question.
I don't want to run him 20 times a game.
We both, I think we've all maybe always thought he's going to be good.
Yeah.
But here's what I don't understand for the Dolphins.
First of all, why would you trade a second round pick?
I actually feel bad for Josh Rosen.
Yeah.
You trade a second round pick for this guy, and then you trade all his protection, and now you're like, well, you're just here for a year.
I feel for him, bro.
He was the old Trevor Lawrence.
He was chosen Rosen coming in college.
He was the fucking quarterback.
He was like the quarterback prodigy coming out.
You know why they call them the chosen?
Yeah, because he's Jewish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not because of the money.
They're the chosen people in the Bible.
That's why.
I don't know why I did this.
Was that too much?
My full juice.
My fucking juice.
I'm sorry.
Jews watching this.
That's not what I meant.
I have a bad juice.
My bad.
I'm fucked with the Jews.
Didn't guess how Germany said it?
Hey, Jews, that's our fault.
We fucked up.
But I feel bad for Josh Rosen, man.
That's not us, y'all.
The gays of the Jews.
I'm not fucking at all.
I'm sorry.
But nah, Josh Rosen, I'll feel for him because he was a guy who, coming out of college, coming out of high school, was like, oh, this is the next fucking dude.
And he looked like it sometimes at UCLA, but that situation was that great.
You know where he going to end up going?
Now that we're talking, where the fuck do you think Josh Rosen going to end up?
Gosh.
The Patriots, son.
He going to trade Josh Rosen for a fifth round pick.
And then he's going to sit him on the bench and be like, learn from Tom Brady.
He got a couple more years.
He wants to play until he's 45.
You'll be in there.
You think that's actually a brilliant idea?
I bet that's why.
That's just how the Patriots are.
But is he good enough?
Rosen?
What's Belichick will find out?
Yeah.
But he'll know.
He'll know already.
How is Garoppolo playing, by the way?
He looked like shit.
He didn't look good?
He looked like shit.
And I'm starting to feel bad because I was on early on the Garoppolo, Garoppolo, Garoppolo train.
And he was in New England and those first couple games in San Francisco.
I'm like, no, he looks like he's the real deal.
And he just hasn't looked it.
I think his leg is still kind of like not all the way there yet.
He threw a couple ducks against who the fuck they played?
Through a pick six.
Yeah.
To Richard Sherman.
The Buccaneers.
You know what I mean?
He didn't look that good.
He didn't look that good, man.
They won, though, right?
31.
They won.
Yeah, because, you know.
Tampa sucks and James.
Jameis Jameis sucks ass.
Hold on.
Richard Sherman is on the Bucs now.
The Niners.
Bucks.
The Niners.
Oh, Niners.
Oh, James threw a pick six then.
Yeah.
Yeah, Jameis threw the pick six.
I think Garoppolo threw one too, though.
I think so.
Anyway.
Yeah, but they look bad.
Oh, real quick.
Sorry, the point I was going to make about the Dolphins getting Tua, if you get Tua, you have no one to protect him.
You are going to throw this guy to the fucking wolves.
Exactly.
You have to get him and then sit him and draft linemen and hope they become good.
Which is why I don't think tanking in the NFL works.
That's what I'm getting.
It doesn't make any sense.
I don't understand the idea of tanking in the NFL.
There's 22 positions at a time.
Yeah.
Yeah, because tanking only gets you one position.
And it's the most important one, but it's one.
And as good as a quarterback as you are, you're not making up for those other 22 positions.
Even if you're like, even if you got a shit ton of cap space and you could get really good offensive linemen and peace and stuff, they still got a gel.
You still got to build something.
If you're going to tank, you got to tank strategically.
You got to be able to be like, all right, we're tanking for a quarterback, okay?
Let's get a bunch of, let's get some really good offensive linemen.
Let's get a really good offensive line unit.
Let's get maybe a decent running back so we could show, hey, these guys could block.
They could do this, this, that.
Strategic Tanking for Quarterbacks00:06:18
And then just fucking lose.
Just blow it in the third quarter.
It doesn't make any sense to be that actively bad.
I mean, that being said, I still think Lamar, like, that was one thing I was adamant about.
I'm like, Lamar Jackson is going to take a leap this year.
I think he's going to be good.
He is.
People, I don't know why people were so low on him after Louisville.
Like, he won the highest.
I couldn't understand it.
He put up better numbers his second year, but wasn't like in the Heisman conversation because I think they lost like two games or some shit.
And then he dropped behind guys like Josh Rosen and Josh Allen and all this shit.
Went to the Ravens, got to the playoffs, didn't throw for shit, but they ran the fucking college offense.
They just ran the ball a million fucking times.
I watched him live.
He was very impressive.
But he was fucking good.
Yeah, you went to that game.
Yeah.
He just said assholes that took us a game, man.
Thank you.
I remember that.
I remember that.
But yeah, he's very impressive, but he didn't strike me as an NFL quarterback when I watched it because they didn't treat him like one.
Well, they didn't let him throw.
They didn't let him throw.
They didn't let him throw.
And now they let him throw the ball, and he had this exceptional first three quarters of the game.
I think they didn't even play him the fourth, right?
So as you don't, I guess what I'm saying is I would love to see him play a game against a team that is decent.
I mean, that's my sleeper AFC team.
That's been my sleeper AFC team right at the end of the year.
I think, you know, they got Earl Thomas, who could still go.
They got Mark Ingram, who looked really good for the Saints last year, looked good yesterday.
And they're still going to run the shit out the ball.
So even if he doesn't have...
Hey, I don't mind that situation.
When you have Mark Ingram, right?
Mark Ingram has gravity behind him.
If you send him Mark up the middle, right?
You need two or three people to take him back.
And then what happens if those two or three, oh, if those two or three, you throw it or you run it.
Like, I think the play action run game is going to be interesting because Mark is not going to be tackled by one guy.
You need multiple guys to take him down.
And then that frees up Lamar.
And you don't want to be chasing after him.
Like, I think Lamar is ghosting any linebacker.
You think there's a linebacker that's chasing down Lamar?
He is the fastest quarterback.
You need a quarter.
That's what I'm saying.
So it's like you do either some sort of option or you do some sort of like fake handoff.
Like, what was it?
They would do a...
The RPO, the run pass option?
No, no, you're talking about the option.
Yeah, but there's like an option, like the college option, where you roll it out with him.
But I also think there's something where it's like, it's like fake handoff, and then you run the opposite way.
Yeah.
The counter.
The counter.
Maybe that's it.
But all I'm saying is you have, because of a guy who's as big and just like you need multiple guys to tackle him as Ingram, you set up this situation where it's a foot race.
Yeah.
I want Lamar in a foot race against your linebacker.
Right.
Fair enough.
That's what I, I don't, two guys, you're going to stop him.
But if it's one guy, if it's your middle linebacker that's scrambling to chase him down, there's no way.
And then you have him against some corners.
And look, that's going to be a fun.
And that's always been my easy, like, that's always been my easy like Super Bowl playoff pick.
Could you run the ball?
Could he stop the ball?
The Ravens do that very well.
That's why they're always good in the playoffs.
And they're always good.
Because they always have to be.
They're just cold.
Once that pretty offense ain't as pretty, people have seen it from the same time.
Everybody's locked in.
We know what plays you're going to do.
We know everything that's going to happen.
It's a battle of attrition.
Because real talk, that's what it is.
It's like in the playoffs, the defense knows every play you're going to do.
They've looked at every single play, every single running play, every single passing play.
They know the play.
Or they know when you're lined up like this, it could be three different things.
So they know the play.
But they don't know.
You can't teach stopping 240 pounds running straight down.
Also, to the cold in December.
To the earlier discussion, when assholes get tight, you know what that affects?
Offense.
If I'm playing basketball and my asshole gets tight, it doesn't affect me on defense.
It affects my jumper.
It affects my ability to throw pinpoint accuracy.
It affects my ability to catch.
Guard a little harder, like run a little harder.
It doesn't affect tackling.
Defense, I just got to tackle.
This is it.
There is a lot of stuff.
For corners, like you said earlier, yes, it does.
But if you're a linebacker and a guy's running at you and you just have to wrap your arms around him, my asshole could be open or close.
I'm still going to be able to wrap my arms around.
Instinct, read and react.
Let's go.
Fun time.
It's good to be bad.
It's good to be bad.
I love it.
All the Europeans watching, like, why do they give so much of a fuck about football?
But you got to admit, part of you is like, I want to get into it.
It really is.
It's a fun sport.
You can't get it.
I think the biggest problem of understanding football for people who didn't grow up with it is you have to understand the supply of it.
Right?
We only get 16 games.
It's a relatively short season compared to all the major seasonals.
It is the shortest.
There's 16.
You have to look at it similar to people who watch Formula One.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, this is a big event.
It happens.
And then we don't get it for another month or week or whatever the fuck it is.
We have 16 of these.
That's all.
It is the playoffs.
The second the season starts, you're in the playoffs, right?
So every game matters.
Every season is different.
Like Barcelona is going to make it to the finals every single year.
Manchester United, whatever the fuck is going to make it every single year.
Right?
Bayern Munich is going to make it every single year.
We don't know who the fuck outside of the Patriots is going to make it to the at least playoffs every single year.
I've seen it.
The reason why the NFL is so intriguing is that when a new season starts, every team legitimately has a shot to turn it around.
And then halfway through the season, every team legitimately has a shot to turn it around.
It is a wild sport that I completely understand you might not get if you did not have like a history or pedigree with it.
But I'm trying to make it digestible for them.
And it'd be really cool to see like Europeans, for whatever reason, get this weird affinity for football.
It'll happen.
No, because real talk, it is the easiest sport to travel in a lot of ways.
Like basketball, playing a game in London, then playing the next two days later in America will kill you.
You're on a bye week where you already have the week off.
Your next game is in London.
Yeah.
Or your next game is a Thursday in London.
Now you've had enough game days to acclimate.
Football Diversity in Europe00:09:26
Right?
It's like, oh, shit, you could easily play in Spain.
You could easily play in Spain.
Panangella's going to take a team to London, they're saying.
And they should.
Yeah.
I think Mexico City makes a lot more sense.
And it does.
Yeah, but that's why they do the two, three games in London every year.
They're just trying to introduce the idea of football to them.
And apparently they love it.
Every person in London gives a fuck, but it's big enough out there.
If you think that our tailgates are crazy, once you get these soccer fans into fucking football dunk, and they're like, wait, it's all right to fight?
You won't it?
Gosh, even like non-Londoners, like, I love waking up at like 8 a.m. on the East Coast and there's a whole football game.
Like, Oh, yeah.
And then they play that, and then there's their regular one o'clock slate.
It's fucking awesome.
I love it.
Anyway, look, I'm sure we can talk football all day.
We have some other stuff that we want to get into, but before we do that, we got to pay some of these bills, man.
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Now let's get back to the show.
If you want to travel to a place where you won't need any boner pills, because you'll be hard the entire time.
Really?
It's like that.
Just go to Russia.
Speak for yourself.
What are you talking about?
No, tell us.
I want to hear you lie because I'll call you out right now.
I'll call you out right now.
Go.
I'll call you out right now.
I want to hear all about this.
Go, go, go, go.
I'll call you out right now.
Call you out right now.
I'll call you out for the right reasons.
What do you mean?
I'm just saying, maybe.
I heard they have insatiable appetites where you might need a blue chew to go multiple rounds.
Oh, I thought you were going to try to act like they weren't fine bitches in Russia.
Maybe.
You might.
Okay.
So.
We went to.
Maybe.
I was just going to say that I heard that.
Alex can react to absolutely everything and nobody sees it.
So I could just see what the fuck he's getting at and nobody else said.
And it's a lot of fun.
If you need to go multiple rounds, which you might have to do because they have an insatiable appetite for dicks of different color, you might need some blue chew.
Is that because it's the only happiness they got?
Let me tell you something.
We're going to get into.
Let's get into it.
We're going to get into Holt's country.
It's just a.
I went to Russia.
Alex and Mark have come with me.
They have a comedy festival, the Punchline Fest that they've been doing.
And a greater conversation about this is the conversation of comedy.
And we can get to that in a little bit later.
Now we'll just talk about the city of Russia.
But this amazing festival, this guy, Al Vol in Moscow, Russia, and Kisenia.
And other people are helping them or putting it on.
They have a comedy club out there.
It's a beautiful fucking comedy club, man.
And they're just, they're obsessed with comedy.
They had an interpreter happening live.
That's crazy.
Some people would have the headphones on, like in the UN, and it was just an unreal experience to go there.
Not only, and we'll get into the comedy aspect of it later, but comedy is something really happening there.
They have, we went to a bar show the night before as part of the festival that was, you've heard of the Kill Tony podcast with Tony Hibb, Hench Cliff, Brian Redpan, and these guys.
They had the Russian Kill Tony there.
They had Russian Roast Battle.
They are, they are creating comedy just like we're doing in the States.
And this is happening all around the world.
And it is such an amazing thing to see.
And that's, and we'll get into that about comedy is really new hip-hop later.
I was about to say, is it like how the Asians love hip-hop the way Russians?
We'll get into, yeah, I want to get into that in its own place, but I first want to talk about these bitches out here because they were fucking fucking.
Okay, this is, let me just.
Alex is grabbing his hip right now.
That's not his hip.
So here's the thing.
When we talk about attractive women, right?
So it's like, this is something just to put in perspective the attractiveness of the women in Russia.
And keep in mind, they're not all what you might think of right now as just blonde-haired, blue-eyed Russian women.
That's not what I thought.
Okay, good.
So Russia is actually very diverse.
It's just diverse with their shit.
We have this idea of diversity that is black and white, and then the things that happen in between when you mix black and white.
Right?
So you have black, you have white, and then you have like Latin Americans, and then there's a little Native American in there.
And then you could sprinkle a few Asians, but you're not really in like the cultural idea as much.
You're like sprinkles, if you will.
Right?
There's flavors of ice cream, and then there are sprinkles.
Indians, Asians, these types of things.
So Russia is such a massive geographical space that the whole right side of it, they all look Chinese.
That's what I thought.
You're right.
100%.
Because it's Asia.
They're all fucking Korean looking.
Okay.
Right.
And then you have a they're not, they are the Muslim version.
A lot of the Asian-looking ones are Muslim.
And then you have like the Muslim guys where they look kind of Muslim, but they're like white Muslim.
What does white Muslim look like?
Disgusting.
So these are the people where like on two levels.
So these are the people where it's like Khabib.
Okay, okay, okay.
The way I describe it is like, you know, like, like you get like a new sneaker, like a new Air Force One, and then you know, you wear it for like a month.
That's them.
It's like they're white, but like something has happened.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's got some character to be in the business.
They've been worn in a bit.
There's some creases in the Asian.
They've seen some action, literally.
You know what I mean?
Like a lot of prayer.
So they're those white guys, right?
And they're from like Azerbaijan, like Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, like all these types of people.
And they're all like kind of like mixed.
There's like the Chechen component, right?
And these people are like from the Caucas Mountains, right?
They call them Caucasians.
They also call them black.
Okay.
Okay.
So their Caucasians are black.
So they have, all right.
You just call non-white people black bear, basically.
Okay.
So, but how hilarious is it that their Caucasians are also called black, but they're only called Caucasians because they're from the Caucas Mountains.
The fact that we call it.
So that's why calling Steve Nash African.
Yes.
Okay.
Because he's from South Africa.
Yes.
But those are the people that are actually from the Caucasus region.
Got it.
Right?
So it's kind of weird.
Why we even call Caucasians Caucasians?
There were three races, apparently.
It was Caucasoid.
Oh, Pumpkinloid, Negroid.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You didn't want to say it.
You didn't say Negroid.
Negroid's meat.
Dude, Negroid is the final boss in Metroid.
You got to play that video game as a kid.
So, okay, so basically, so Caucasian, we misuse.
We should just use Caucasoid, but it's Caucasian.
Okay, so within that, there's all this diversity.
You'll see like Chinese-looking chicks that are 100% like Russian act Russian, like just are.
Right.
And all these different people.
So it is diverse, just not in our sensibility of diversity.
But when we were walking around Moscow, and I can't speak for outside a big city, but I felt like I was seeing a lot of different types of people, just their types.
Yeah, yeah.
We only saw 20 black people the whole time.
And we counted.
Zendaya and Blue Eyes in Moscow00:06:00
Yeah, yeah, we had a bet going.
Alex won the bet.
I won.
Well, you were in like the main city of Russia.
You were in Moscow.
Yeah, yeah, Moscow is main city.
12 million people.
So we saw 20, and about five of them were at the airport leaving.
So I almost won.
I was 25.
Alex said 20.
Mark said 15.
Okay.
And Mark kind of won because it was just an aggregate of all the blacks at the airport.
You know what I mean?
A lot of them could have been laying over.
Possible.
Yeah.
Possible.
Doubtful.
Where would they go?
That you're laying over in Moscow.
If a black person is in Russia, it's Moscow.
Heritage.
They're checking out Siberia for the heights.
So we're there.
And in the airport, just to put a perspective on how beautiful the women are, right?
In the airport, we're leaving, and we see this digital ad with Margot Robbie.
You're familiar with the actress Margot Robbie.
Baddest white bitch in the game.
Right.
Baddest white women in the game.
We're looking at this ad of Margot Robbie.
And I stop and I look at the ad.
And I'm not bullshitting you when I say this.
It looked like they made a mistake.
After being in Russia for four days, we were looking at Margot Robbie, like, why would they put a five in an advertisement for a major fashion brand?
She looked, and this is Margot Rogney, who I've watched The Wolf of Wall Street.
I've watched her in, and I was like, ain't nobody badder than Margot Robbie.
First time I saw a movie, I'm like, this is the baddest.
She's a dime, right?
In my whole life, I thought she's 100% dime.
And I'm telling you the distortion that you experience when you're in Russia.
It's crazy.
The distortion that you experience is when we look at that ad.
All three of you felt like.
What did I say to you?
What did I say to you when I bumped you?
What'd I say to you?
You said that exact thing, and immediately I agree.
Like it was, it blew my mind.
And it's like, now I think I'm fucked up.
It will come back.
It will come back.
It will.
It's like spicy food.
It's like you eat, you're in Mexico City for three weeks.
You're like, oh, I can eat spicy.
Then you go off of it for a while, and then you can barely have cholula.
Like, it's just part of it, right?
But the thing is this.
You have, when you say see bad bitches, like, when I mean bad bitches, I mean, like, like, we have beautiful women in New York, and sometimes you'll see one of these beautiful models and that kind of stuff like that, right?
New York has got beautiful women.
Beautiful, stunning, beautiful women, right?
But it's rare you see them as if they were like literally taken from the Instagram page.
Okay.
Does that, you know what I mean by that?
Like, you'll see bitches there.
You got the filters on.
Walk around.
Walking around with the filter.
I'm surprised we didn't see no fucking bunny ears on these bitches, right?
I'm talking about lipstick, everything done.
And it was literally as if somebody put their fingers into an Instagram photo and pulled them out and then just placed them on the streets.
It was like the first time I went to DR. Like the first time I went to DR and I felt like every, well, in the city, every woman looked like a video girl.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
But so like Margo Roby is kind of like the baseline of hotness in Russia or was it just like she was just actually five or six.
No, Let me clarify.
Look, let me clarify.
Now, compared.
I know what you're saying, and I agree with you.
We are not saying Margarobi is a fire six as a fucking stunningly beautiful woman.
What she is, is common in Russia.
Got it.
It is not uncommon.
Like, to put in perspective the attractiveness, you'd see hot chicks that you shouldn't see walking around the street just walking.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Like, it's just random.
Like, yeah, you go to one oak or you go to one of these clubs and you're going to find a few of these.
Because it's supposed to be there.
Because they're supposed to be there because they paid to be there.
I'm talking about just going to get lemonades.
Like, it's just, it was whatever.
So, stunning.
And we're not talking about just blonde hair, blue eyes, right?
We're talking about black, jet black hair, piercing blue eyes like a husky.
Like, odd.
Like, if someone could turn Elvis into a bad bitch.
Once.
Yes.
What?
I don't know why your brain went there, but I don't know.
It's the only thing I could, the only thing I could think about black hair and blue eyes, right?
It was, but then, like, like a little Asian-y looking, right?
Arabic looking a little, like, son.
The shit was real.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
And all of them done up.
All of them done up.
Ain't no fucking lazy, like, American shit where like.
I'm gonna leave the house without.
Girls in America are like bad, so they do this thing where like, I'm gonna shave half my head and show you that I'm not all about my body or, more important, where they like embrace, like the ugly thing as a way to like push back against society's.
You know, objective Zendaya yeah, Zendaya like purposely uglies herself and shit like that like.
But yeah, if she, if she puts herself together, she's a baddie.
Yep yeah, it's that's same thing with the girlfriend, like Blackish, I think she does that too grows her unibrow and shit.
None of that.
Free to call ass shit where you like.
Try to make yourself ugly to make a statement.
These bitches are out here trying to get married, trying to get made.
Stop appropriating ugly bitch culture.
You, how mad I'd be if I was an ugly bitch.
You ain't, you ain't paying for all your drinks, are you like me bitch, son?
They out there, they are out there, oh my gosh.
So so you out there, finest of the fine okay um, just wild experience like like Sweden.
You see some, I didn't think it could be better than Sweden.
I haven't been to Brazil, but I didn't think there could be like a white chick place that was better than Sweden, but I found it.
Wow, elite white woman in Sweden and Russia.
I can see that yeah, and it's more elite in Russia.
It just is, and and the reason it is not even Australia, Australia have bad white chicks, it's.
It's you ever look at like Russian, like chicks, and you're like why their fucking cheekbones so high, like white girls usually ain't built like that, with these high ass cheekbones?
Well, I'll tell you why.
Who has high cheekbones Asians?
Yeah, they in there.
They in there on the low.
Nuanced Opinions on Catherine the Great00:05:01
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
It's like they.
It's like they took the best versions of both.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
And like, put them together now.
You see some weird looking motherfuckers, bro.
We saw sometimes the mix, doesn't really?
I seen this Asian bitch built like a blowfish, bro.
This girl, it looked like she was taking a deep ass breath bro, she was like this.
Her stomach was out, crazy.
Remember that one girl son aunt low-key, you know how.
Like, sometimes you see Asians waddle when they walk.
Yeah, it looked like they gave birth to her because this girl's head was so fucking big.
The ability to get it out of there is gonna fuck you up for the rest of your life, bro.
It was insane.
I'm wrong no no no no, it's called a joke and no mix.
Not every single one is gonna be is gonna be perfect, but the like Magic Harpy Man joke, the what.
I'm sorry, so before our time.
So we're there.
Beautiful.
Obviously, beautiful.
The first thing you assume, right, when you're in Russia as an American is, like you said, like no sense of humor, very grim, you know, not very happy.
Very shit.
Yeah, very serious.
Very serious people.
And we were driving back from the airport.
This guy, Volvo, picked us up at the airport, who's part of the festival and owns the club and comic out there as well.
And I was just, I was just asking him some things and I was like, you know, like, so what is your take on the whole, you know, like Putin thing?
And he was like, he goes, you know, honestly, I do not know enough information to say.
So I don't, you know, it's very nuanced.
These things are very nuanced.
There's a lot more, so I cannot say exactly, you know?
And my first reaction was like, wow, that's such like a poignant answer.
Like, Americans, you just ask us.
Many having opinions.
No, no shit.
How you feel about pears?
Who the fuck is pears?
Like, Ross, why the fuck you eat pears?
You know what I mean?
Like, we just, anything will tell you.
And then I asked another person a question later, and I was like, what do you feel about this?
Oh, shit.
Now you want to an audience.
So I was like, what do you feel?
And he goes, these problems with these things is very specific.
The knowledge you need to know is very specific.
I cannot give an exact answer because I don't know enough.
It's very nuanced information.
And I kept kind of getting this answer.
And I was like, oh, they're worried that they'll be killed.
Yup.
Yup.
Freedom of opinions.
We got freedom of opinions over here.
Yes.
So there is no cost to our crazy hot take.
Russia doesn't have hot takes.
No.
Right?
So everything there is fucking cold.
So, so, so, okay.
So, and it's a twofold thing where it's like for 90 years, it's ingrained in them.
And I spoke to this guy, Al, on the, on the podcast I did with him in Volvo, and I was asking about that.
And he goes, you have to understand for 90 years, if there was somebody that was just kind of like smiling or like going about their day or like seemingly in a good mood, people were curious as to why.
And they were like, just kill that motherfucker.
He might be trying to plan a revolt.
He might be trying to, like, what are you up to?
What's going on with you?
If you said something against the dictatorship, just get him.
It was easier to kill.
30 years ago, they're killing each other in the streets in Moscow.
Like, it's crazy how fast that, how much has been overcome since then.
Yeah.
So it's like, and now they're not doing that anymore.
But just to clarify, it's like, this is where they're coming from.
So people are still on edge, right?
Like, it's still a little bit of a, can I say that?
And that's where comedy comes into play.
Yeah, comedy is important in those places.
Yes.
Because Oscar Wilde said, if you want to tell someone the truth, make them laugh.
Because if you don't, they'll kill you.
And comedy in Russia and so many of these other places in the world, in India, in Romania, Bulgaria, all these fucking places.
Singapore, Singapore, Malaysia, South America, has become this perfect outlet because you can say how you feel about the world and people won't take you seriously because you're joking around.
In medieval kingdoms, the only person that could make fun of the king was a Jester.
All right, so did you get some Russian jokes off?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I mean, the first joke I told was at this, I did Kill Tony, and they just said my name that I'm coming upstage.
I didn't say I was going to go on or anything, but they were just like, I was like, all right, fuck it.
And the joke I did was about Putin.
And I'll kind of tell you guys the joke now.
Are you guys familiar with Catherine the Horse fucker or Catherine the Great?
She was a Russian queen that actually died from getting fucked by a horse.
But they would call her Catherine the Great and Catherine the Horse fucker.
She was into like getting fucked by horses.
And I basically said, remember when that picture came out with Vladimir Putin with his shirt off on a horse?
And I was like, I didn't think that that was silly.
I thought it was progress.
That's funny.
Right?
You guys went from being under the horse to being on top of it, right?
Just a little joke, but I needed to be like, I want to, I'll go at Putin.
Like, but I'm be honest, when I said Putin at the show, and I did it with an interpreter, like, I said a line, then he would translate.
When I said Putin, silent.
Peak Political Correctness Jokes00:12:12
Yeah.
You think, like, in America, if I, if you go up and you're like, all right, blah, blah, blah.
But you're also at Putin strategically.
You weren't going at Putin.
You were saying progress.
Right.
Now, the initial joke was the other way, but I thought the funniest version of the joke was to be like, now you're not fucking horses.
You're just on top of them, blah, blah, blah.
But I wanted to talk about the guy you're not supposed to talk about.
And so, and then I had some other bits.
We'll put them out in dropping in where I'm talking about just, you know, Russian culture and just like a little history and that kind of stuff.
But I had a few bits that we'll put out.
And, you know, one about Chernobyl, which was kind of fun.
And like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
F.A. told me that one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's a couple about Chernobyl, and then it was good.
There's, there's good.
Yeah, yeah.
F.A. had a good, F.A. had a really good idea.
And he goes, and basically, so we're there.
We're doing, you know, we're doing like stand-up and it was cool.
It was great to see them all do it.
And the people have a sense of humor.
English is still a barrier.
Like I spoke way slower than I would normally speak.
But there are people that speak English and they fucking love it and they come out and they want it.
And you have all these comics that are like doing this comedy.
And that's where it becomes hip-hop.
Hip-hop was this voice for the underdogs, right?
And the reason the world gravitated towards hip-hop was built because of underdogs.
So here's the problem with hip-hop.
Not underdogs.
It's not underground.
Not only that, the problem with hip-hop is you can't come in.
This is our thing.
Black people were so protective of hip-hop that you ostracized those that weren't look, they don't look like you, and they never fully accepted, right?
And because of that, I think comedy can actually be in a ways more effective because as long as you're on stage, you're a comic.
There's no, but you're not, you know, Greek and technically Greek people invented jokes.
There's little, you know, nuances there.
Like with hip-hop, there's definitely similarities as far as like, oh, you're not there.
But like, you had to be super fucking nice.
Like, if you weren't somebody, like, if you were Eminem, like, of course, Eminem had to deal with years and years of like, oh, you get this country white boy the fuck out of here before he got over there and was like, all right, well, he's really fucking nice and was just destroying people before it was like, oh, okay, yeah, we'll let this motherfucker.
Sure.
And every time Eminem drops an album, there's some think piece about how like he's not that good.
He's only there because he's white.
He's one of the greatest temporary.
In fairness to Kaz, there's going to be think pieces about every comic that comes out too.
But also, I don't think he was knocking.
I don't think Andrew was knocking rap as much as saying comedy could have the potential to be even bigger because there's no we are looking and I get why hip-hop looks out for its own, but comedy didn't start on a racial level.
It didn't start from this group of people.
Nothing, yeah, nothing will be bigger than music.
What I'm saying is it is more relatable because it's ideas.
Gotcha.
That's right.
That makes sense.
That's very.
And it's like, that's what I'm saying.
It's like, but the way that hip-hop just consumed the world in Asia, in Germany, in Russia, like, dude, we heard a fire Russian hip-hop song.
You remember that shit out?
Like, this shit back.
This shit was fire.
And like.
And I saw a hip-hop show in Mumbai when I was in India.
Dude, there's a big Indian hip hop that's like really popping up now.
And the guy just did a thing with Nas.
Yeah, Nas was like heavily featured in this movie about rap in India.
And I saw a show, and one of these kids was fucking nice, dog, dressed like a chaiwaller, just out there following.
A couple of them are really into the hip-hop culture and like dress like it swagged out.
But this guy just came up in fucking sandals and cargo pants from 1998.
Somebody sold him for a quarter or whatever.
He just fucking rilled it, dog.
But that's the thing.
So it's like in a time where you can't say anything, the ability to say something is always powerful.
Yeah.
Right.
So like comedy is on the rise now in America, right?
Because we're at a peak political correctness.
A pendulum swingback.
Right.
So comedy is exploding because it's like, finally, the guys that can say something and they can say it because we're making you laugh.
We're not just making statements.
Hey, we're making you laugh.
The whole world is 10 times more restrictive than what you can say.
It might not be PC.
You might be able to make jokes about women.
You might be able to make jokes about different races, but try making fun of the government.
Try making fun.
There are different levels to PC.
If you make fun of the emperor in Thailand, you might get killed.
You will legitimately.
There was a comic that did it, I think.
And they had to protect him.
They had to get him out of the stage in the back.
Like he made fun of the money or something.
It was on the money.
And the emperor was on the money.
And they had to get him out through the back door because the crowd that wanted to kill him.
Yeah.
So it's a little different, right?
But so throughout the world, comics are starting to take this and they're starting to run with it, right?
And it's like this amazing thing that's fucking happening with comedy where the same thing happens in every different spot, right?
It's six comics start a little scene and they're doing open mics, they're doing it bars, and then they finally get some money together and they open up a club.
This is happening in Romania, right?
This guy named Cracker.
It happened in fucking Malaysia, right?
And you know what?
In every different one, there's usually an American or English guy who's familiar with traditional comedy that kind of breaks down the game to them and he's like involved, even if periphery, that happened in Crack House.
I think it happened maybe a little bit in Romania.
Definitely, there's a guy named Steve who's helping guys out there in Russia.
And they start to copy the American formats for the shows as they should run with it.
And what I realized is why, and when I was in Russia, why a lot of these guys have been gravitating towards me is that they can't put their comedy out on the traditional mediums, the networks.
And they saw me do it without our traditional networks.
So they're like, oh, shit, there is another way.
And they've leaned into YouTube and Instagram and seen the success that they've had with it.
So it's so cool to see that blueprint help comics not only here, but like globally.
You know what it is?
You know what I think it is?
I think the medium is different, but the messaging and the way of going about it isn't really that much different.
It's always like when the front door is closed, whatever that side door is, for you, it was YouTube.
For rappers, it was fucking, you know, turntables and, you know, all that stuff.
Soundcloud.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's always a back door to like, okay, the traditional way isn't working.
Some guy found a way that it works this way.
We like this guy.
You know, like, it's always something, especially when it comes to like creative arts and shit like that.
Yeah.
Whatever that back door is, that side door is, always gets more celebrated because it's like, oh, shit, this guy found a different way to make it work.
You know what I mean?
Like, no matter what.
We will find a way.
Exactly.
Especially in countries where that shit is like restricted.
Yeah.
You know, so it's, it's dope.
It is.
It was so cool to see.
And I know that this is happening all over.
And I'm just so bullish on comedy just being the next huge global movement.
It is going to be a thing.
And I remember you saying this years ago, dog.
You were like, yo, I love the PC thing now because we're not ready yet.
But when we are, people will just be starting to get sick of it.
And then that's when we're going to be like crimed as comics.
And that's, this is, I'm, this is like, I remember this conversation 10 years ago right.
And I was like, I don't know, man.
Oh, this shit, at the time, I was like, this shit seemed like it's here for a minute.
And it was a minute.
It was a minute.
Now it's ending.
And we're here.
And without, you can't have this without that.
That's what I've come to realize about all the super PC stuff.
As annoyed as I am by it, we need it.
Because without them, people aren't looking for us.
Flavor 2 isn't as successful if it isn't for a bunch of people.
Dude.
100%.
And I've said this to people who always ask.
Yeah.
God bless Short Hair Fatbits.
I always say this people when they're asked, like, oh, is it hard to be a comic right now?
Is this like the worst time to be a comic?
And I'm like, no, this is the best time.
This is by far the best time to be a comic because this is where legends are made.
Lenny Bruce did not come up in a time where you could say whatever you want.
He came up to a time where you couldn't.
Richard Pryor did not come up in a time where you could say whatever.
George Carlin doesn't have a legendary bit called The Seven Words You Can Say on Television.
Facts.
And that's why the Chappelle shit was so funny to me when so many think pieces were coming out because I'm like, yo, you really want to be on that side of history?
That was like, you can't say that.
That's not fun.
Like, when in the history of anything, painting, music, comedy, sports, hip-hop, whatever.
Yeah, has censorship been the right time?
Censorship was like the cool thing to do.
Facts.
That's never fucking happened.
So I was like, all right, you go and be that.
Censorship is always the cornballs.
And what I realized is that like the Second Amendment, which is, you know, freedom of, no, sorry, the First Amendment, which is freedom of speech, right?
Is always used as a tool for whatever you want to protect.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
So it's like, you know, censorship used to be this liberal, sorry, used to be this conservative argument, right?
Like when rap music was popping around, the conservatives and rock music was, they were both attacking morality and they were attacking God.
And what did conservatives always love?
Rabbiting God.
So what did conservatives say with rock and rap music?
Stop that.
You need to stop this rap music.
I don't want to be those motherfuckers that was rocking with Tipper Gore and shit.
Right.
So real talk.
That's the type of people that you want to be with.
So now, now, right?
People want to make jokes about trans, LGBTQ, women, right?
Who are the people trying to censor?
Non-the-thivers who stand for women's agenda, LGBTQ agenda, and trans agenda.
So freedom of speech is not really freedom of speech for everybody.
It's just, hey, don't talk about me.
That's all the freedom of speech argument is.
Hey, no, you're talking about me.
That's always my thing.
It's like, all right, when is it okay to make fun of you then?
Like, it's just never okay.
It's never going to be okay.
Really?
Yes.
Because they ain't got no bars, bro.
They have to go.
No, no, I don't know.
No, no, no.
Don't throw the bars up.
It's going to take a fucking dope ass trans comedian to come in and just like shut shit down.
So that's why I'm so shocked when gay dudes.
That's funny.
But that's what's so shocking when gay dudes get offended or like when you see like the blogs that like are like, this is homophobic.
It's like gay dudes got bars.
Like you don't got to come at, you don't got to protect gay dudes.
Like, first of all, gay dudes will fight you because they've been fighting their whole life.
They're ready to go.
And two, they will snap on you.
I never met one gay dude that wasn't ready to fucking do the dozens or whatever.
And to be honest, most of the jokes we give them, they've heard a thousand times, bro.
They're gay dudes that they haven't heard before.
But yo, the worst I've ever felt like.
Our disses for gay guys are usually just describing the most fun they have.
It's like you get butt-fucked.
He's like, yes, on a good day.
It's like, why would you say that?
Whatever I want.
How about you?
That was the last time you got lit.
God, I went to Purchase College, which is like a notoriously big gay community.
Yeah, liberal arts college.
Oh, my gosh.
The worst I've ever felt is when a gay dude just snapped on my whole fucking outfit.
And I had nothing to say about it.
I have no fashion.
I was walking around in fucking dirty sweats and like beat up George and shit.
And he just fucking just roasted me.
And I was just like.
You think that's why black people are so homophobic?
You got it.
Yo, you got it, bro.
What can you say back?
No, fashion porters.
For the homophobia in the black community, real talk.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, it was a fucking pretty cool experience.
Al, did you enjoy?
Yeah.
What was your favorite?
Slavery and Grand Architecture00:09:36
There's a few more things about Russia we should talk about.
Like, architecture was really dope.
The way that men are just put on this pedestal.
Like, everything is.
Talk about that.
That was interesting.
So it's like we notice in the culture that everything there is just to please men.
Like women are secondary and it's understood.
Like it was a girl I was talking to and she was like, oh yeah, I considered being a stripper.
And I was like, oh, that's not like looked down upon.
Like it's not going to be hard to find a mate or whatever.
It's like, no, no, no.
My husband will then think I'm still very attractive if I'm a stripper and guys want me.
I must be so hot if I'm a stripper.
Yeah, like they didn't understand me too.
Like they have zero concept of what's the problem with me too.
Buy my girl and me a ticket to Moscow right now.
Like in their culture, it's like, oh, yeah, that just comes along with it.
Like, you know, you get put in a movie, like, okay, you got to do something.
Oh, son.
It seemed like a fair trade-off.
Yeah, like a completely fair trade-off.
Yeah, that's how the other woman actually felt.
Yeah, 100%.
There's a reason why Margot Robbie doesn't complain about me too.
Because she still gets a trade.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's a reason why all the MeToo chicks in Hollywood are 50.
Yeah, this always happens after the fact.
Yeah, it's like, oh, I can't trade anymore.
Well, now this is offensive.
This is disrespectful.
But another interesting thing about Russia, right?
Most unique architecture I've ever seen.
This was fascinating.
Okay, the streets, the major streets, are six lanes wide minimum.
Six lanes, minimum, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Six lanes wide, minimum.
Okay.
Super fucking wide, like highways in the city, okay?
When you look at one of those streets, straight fucking lines.
You could see from one side of the city to the next in this massive city, or at least to the horizon, bare minimum, right?
The buildings are massive.
The streets are massive.
And I asked him about this and I was like, God, why does everything feel so big?
And he goes, oh, this is a Soviet design.
I go, well, what do you mean by that?
He goes, you're supposed to feel insignificant.
You're supposed to feel like a cog in a machine.
You're supposed to feel like an insect.
You're supposed to feel like there's this thing that is way bigger than you.
It is way more abundant than you.
And you play a small role in it.
And I'm telling you, you feel it.
You feel it, bro.
It is a unique, because think about how urban design is, right?
It's like there was a trade route that was very important in this city, and then people built shit around that trade route as close as they possibly could.
It is efficient.
It is there.
And then it sprouted, sprouted, sprouted.
And then you have some suburbs, and then that's how it is.
This is strategically rebuilt so that it could have a different look.
And everybody went there felt like that for a fucking reason.
And I'm telling you, dude, two things became very evident to me when I was there when we were looking at the architecture.
One, there is nothing beautiful or memorable about efficiency.
Capitalism will not provide any beautiful art ever.
Son, you need slaves for good architecture.
You need slaves?
No, First of all, slaves are all colors.
In Russia, they have slaves too.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Dude, black people think slavery is just for them.
It's like.
Hey, I'm American.
Stop appropriating slavery, yo.
I'm American.
Slavery's been a pretty, you know, pretty big.
You weren't even here for slavery.
You got here like 40 years ago.
I'm just saying.
Slavery has been like fucking McDonald's for black people when I was younger, all right?
Still, you timed that shit perfectly.
You like left Africa after I'm first generation, too.
You got to America after slavery and left Africa before Ebola.
If there's any possible way to time that shit better, I don't know if it is.
But it was interesting because the idea, it's not only slavery, it is the blank check, right?
When you're in the Soviet Union, the blank check is what creates, hey, you went to the Sistine Chapel.
How was that?
Amazing.
Life-changing.
Life-changing, unbelievable experience.
When you came back about it, you have a bit about it.
This is great too.
But also, just you talking about it, you were like...
It changed my life, dude.
I was like, oh, this is why people travel.
And I never gave a fuck about traveling before.
But when you saw, you also said Taj Mahal.
Taj Mahal, same thing.
You feel insignificant.
You feel insignificant.
Wonderful world.
It feels like you are looking at something so grand.
It's almost like looking at God.
God had to have made this.
You can't believe humans.
Yeah.
This is...
I mean, I'm looking at something so much greater than me.
Greater than me, right?
And could you create something like that if it had no positive financial return in America?
No, you couldn't.
If you look at our most beautiful buildings, even in America, obviously cathedrals.
I mean, you see these cathedrals all throughout Europe.
They're just gorgeous.
Even just churches, Orthodox churches.
They have beautiful architecture.
Statue of Liberty, right?
Didn't bring you anything.
Right?
The French made it, but it was just a gift.
There was no monetary gain.
A skyscraper is marvelous in that it's so big.
To your point, it's just we can get more offices in here.
Yes.
It is efficiency.
Yeah, it's made for efficiency.
Right?
And even you look at the Sears Tower, you're like, that shit is ugly.
It's ugly.
It's fucking ugly.
No.
You go to that fucking Sistine Chapel, you go to these ancient cathedrals, you go to that kind of stuff.
Excuse me.
You even go to like the fucking, that bridge in London, London Bridge, I guess it's called.
Yeah, it's called London Bridge.
Is it London Bridge or that?
No, no, it's called the Warrior Bridge or something like that.
Some shit.
The London Bridge is the song.
London Tower.
My bad.
Tower Bridge.
Tower Bridge.
Whatever like that.
Like these things, these things that were made to be exquisite because there was an abundance of money or there wasn't a cost at all.
And there's these seven buildings called the Seven Sisters that apparently like Stalin made people build.
He came back from Europe.
He was like, yo, they're building shit in Europe.
I want seven buildings like this.
And there's just these massive structures that all look exactly the same.
You can never have that built unless you were just the dictator and you said, build these seven fucking buildings.
I could either feed people or build the seven buildings.
And they build it.
We'll build this because we want to show off to everybody else.
I don't give a fuck about the people.
We'll kill 12 million.
Nobody will know.
12 million is light.
That's real shit.
Dude, it was light Tuesday for them.
Dude, so many people.
Isn't that how many Stalin killed?
12 million?
No, 25.
Oh, wow.
I mean, in Russia, during World War II, 25 million people.
Jesus Christ.
And I got to bring out some.
Yeah, yeah.
God forbid this is a priority.
Sorry, it's okay.
Don't worry about it.
I hope you liked your latte.
It was actually delicious.
It was melted because you got 30 minutes late.
I'm still dead.
But no, no, roll if you need to roll.
I'm just in a couple minutes.
But okay.
So there's this feeling, right?
And I couldn't understand it even though you had explained it to me.
But the second I saw it, I was like, oh, that's what he was saying about the Sistine Chapel.
And you even look at museums in America, like these beautiful fucking Guggenheim and that kind of shit.
That's not taxpayer money.
That's philanthropy.
That's blank fucking check.
Make some stupid looking shit that will be remembered.
Yeah.
Died making that shit, and they're just like, get more people.
Well, in Russia, not the Guggenheim.
That's why the Guggenheim barely slept.
People died.
Nobody died for that.
Sudden, that Brooklyn Bridge.
That's fucking amazing.
That Brooklyn Bridge.
Dude, Giannis, shout out to Yannis.
He put his whole special out on YouTube.
Go check out Yannis' YouTube show.
But one of my favorite jokes that he puts out is he talks about why people can't sleep now.
And it's like, you know, people have all this anxiety of all this thing.
He goes, I'll tell you why you can't sleep because you didn't do anything all day.
You did nothing all day.
That's why you can't sleep.
He goes, ask your grandfather if he had a problem sleeping.
He'd be like, problem sleeping?
No.
I just went home and I passed right out because I was busy building the Brooklyn Bridge all day.
Yeah, we lost 12 Irishmen.
They just drowned.
I'm going to get some Z's in before we build it tomorrow, I guess.
So it's, you know, all right, Cass, be good, my man.
Love y'all.
Love you, dog.
Peace.
So it's, it was, it was a very cool.
It was a very cool, unique experience.
Yeah, it was just a very cool, unique experience, bro.
That's dope, man.
Yeah.
That's so dope.
Alright.
Yeah.
I'm wondering if Andrew's going to talk about other things towards the end of the trip.
Al missed out on a pretty crazy experience.
Talk about it.
Al missed out on a pretty crazy experience.
I saw some wild shit.
So we're at the final show.
And I was tired.
He was tired.
He was asleep.
Shut up.
Yeah, I didn't say nothing.
You said it.
So we're at the final show.
We go to the roast battle, which is also like a final party.
We're just hanging out.
And then one of the comics there, it's like one of the bigger comics in Russia.
And he was like, hey, I want to take you somewhere.
This is how he phrases it.
The Final Roast Battle Party00:07:23
He goes, hey, I want to take you somewhere.
But I just want to let you know, this is not the type of person I am.
I go, say no more.
I want to go there.
He goes, but just trust me, this is not who I am as a person.
This is just a really unique experience that you can only have here.
So I want you to have it.
But this is not who I am.
I go, okay.
I go, where are we going?
Is it safe?
He goes, yeah, yeah, it's safe.
Don't worry.
Everything's fine.
You know, you're with me.
Everything's fine.
I go, okay.
So we go get in this unmarked vehicle.
I'm already scared.
Concerns.
I take Mark.
It's me, Mark, him.
And I take a couple other guys, journalists that was hanging out with me that weekend and a few other comics.
And we go, we drive into this building.
We go into the garage of a building.
Terrified.
We're inside the garage.
We're downstairs.
It's a moment where you're like, is it a rap?
Like, am I going to get compromised?
Like, is this where they bring me into the room and they say, hey, you work for us now?
Like, you know, what's happening?
We drive.
There's a wall in the garage.
All of a sudden, the wall in the garage opens up.
Holy fuck.
We drive in, and there are 40 naked women.
No, Stop clapping.
Don't waste your claps.
There are 40 naked women jumping and screaming that we are there.
Like, whoo!
Jumping up in the air.
Titties are flying up.
They're butt naked, jumping up and they're screaming, woo!
Like screen, like it was this, as if like we had returned home with an NBA championship.
That's what it felt like.
I mean, yeah, you brought them new oxygens.
Yeah, they've been trapped in that fucking wall for two years.
Facts, So, so basically, we're in there, and we go and we're like, they're just going crazy, jumping up in the air.
Titty's fucking everywhere.
I don't even know really what to do.
I get out of the car and I just try to play it cool and I just walk in the total wrong direction.
I just walk past them all and then I have to walk back past them all, right?
We go into a VIP room.
Okay.
Okay.
We're in this VIP room that has a window that you can only see out of.
They can't see in, but you can see out.
So they're dancing on the floor.
They're all in wedding gowns and these like white dresses.
I mean, it's fucking hilarious, right?
That you would put these stripper homes in fucking wedding.
That's odd.
So they're like dancing and they're doing ballet.
And some of them are like real fucking dancers and shit.
And these are ridiculously beautiful Russian women.
Stunning.
Okay.
Stunning.
We're in this room.
I asked to go to the bathroom.
They go, oh, we have our own bathroom here.
I open the door.
There's a jacuzzi to my right.
Then to my left, there is a king-size bed.
Wow.
Then there is a bathroom.
In the bathroom, multiple toothbrushes.
You know, in case you want to eat some pussy and brush your teeth before you eat some more pussy.
New toothbrushes, I assume.
Oh, of course.
Okay.
Brand new toothbrushes.
Everything is brand new.
I go take my piss.
I walk back.
I'm like, what the hell is going on?
We got the fruit cocktail here.
We have everything that you could possibly want.
Yeah, that's what I'm interested in.
The pineapple.
Oh, yeah.
The pineapple, you want the pineapple.
You got to have the pineapple.
So we're hanging in there.
They bring us some drinks.
They bring us balloons filled with laughing gas.
That's a big thing.
Oh, yeah.
They did that in Amsterdam a lot.
Yeah, it's a big thing now.
And I don't really like that shit.
I hate that.
Yeah, I'm not going to, but it's funny.
It makes your voice low.
It's kind of goofy.
I don't really like them.
We're just sitting down there.
And then one of the comics goes, so they want to do a little show for you guys.
Is it cool if we do a little show?
And I'm like, yeah, whatever.
We don't want to disrespect you guys, whatever you guys do.
So some girls come in.
Music changes.
They start making out, eating each other's pussies.
A candle gets taken.
She's putting hot wax all over her tits, putting the candle in her butt a little bit.
I'm like, it's a pretty cool show.
I mean, I've seen things like this, but it's pretty cool.
They do this thing that was really nice at the end of the show.
They make out at the end of the show.
Not like these American strippers.
Like when the song is done, it's done.
Demeanor changes everything.
The song finished, they kind of just laid there for a minute.
They just like kissed the little...
Stay in character.
They stayed in fucking character.
You stay in character until you walk all the way off the stage.
Commitment to the role.
Commit.
Commit.
They're committed.
100%.
Okay.
They go, we're eating some more things.
And they're like, hey, there's another show if you guys would like.
Do you want to see it?
We're like, yeah, that'd be really cool.
I mean, that first one was kind of fun.
This is nice.
Yeah, we'll have an encore.
Why not?
Okay.
All of a sudden, the waitress walks in the room, stops the music, presses play again, and then you just hear, do, do hush, do hot smish, do hot smith, whatever that fucking German song is.
You know, that intense German song.
I'm like, what is going on?
Right.
I'm like, this is going to be fucking good because Germans killed 25 million Russians for them to even use any German music whatsoever.
This has got to be really intense.
Three girls come in.
One girl is like the dominatrix of the other girls.
Okay.
Takes both girls, throws them down in this circular bed, starts slapping their asses while they're making out with each other.
They start eating each other's pussies.
The other girl's slapping her asses.
She brings out this double-ended dildo, right?
She bites the middle of the double-ended dildo.
The two girls on either side, right?
She starts face fucking them onto the dildo.
Wow.
Right?
Right?
All this is choreography.
It's not like they're bumbling around and moving.
They've practiced this.
It's beautiful.
It's ballet.
It's a symphony.
It's a symphony.
It's a symphony of dick.
It's a symphony of dick and pussy for real.
It felt like step it up or whatever that movie was.
Dude, it did.
Dude, it did.
Step it up, ski.
Dude.
So when dogs.
Thank God Channing wasn't there.
All of a sudden, the two girls have the dildo in each other's mouths.
And they make the dildo disappear.
They both deep throat the dildo on each side until their lips touch, and then they're kissing with the dildo in the middle of their mouth.
Wow.
I am stunned.
I'm just sitting there, shocked, observing.
Not really aroused, just like perplexed by the physics of it.
You know, like you're just seeing these dildos disappear and then reappear.
A Symphony of Dick and Pussy00:12:50
You come up with that.
What?
That move.
This is what I admired so much about it.
They weren't above innovating it.
They were like, this is what we do.
We are going.
They had the goat gene.
They were going to innovate their art form and get the fucking most out of that art form.
100%.
I could not believe it.
Oh, gosh.
They're going out of it.
The two girls put the dildos in each other's pussies.
And then the madam, like the boss bitch one, is like pushing their butts together to like make them hit.
They're all making out.
I mean, it was, it was a whole fucking thing.
There was one more show.
I didn't even remember what happened.
I was so PTSD'd from like the first thing.
Dude, it was unfucking real, dude.
It was unfucking real.
And I'm in that room, and all I can think about is Trump definitely has a P-tape because let me tell you, I'm psychotic in like where I think I'm going to go in the business.
Yeah.
So the whole time I'm there, I'm going, I'm assuming I'm being filmed 100% of this time.
Yeah.
I'm assuming some government official is like, oh, he's making moves in stand-up.
He's the guy, this, whatever, like that.
Like, as silly as it sounds, it's like, well, we don't know what he's going to do.
Maybe he's going to be really big one day.
Let's make sure we got some shit on him.
And then he plays out, whatever.
So the whole time I'm there, I'm assuming that.
I'm like, I'm not doing anything that I wouldn't be 100% fine if this got out there.
Right.
I'm crazy like that.
Yeah.
I'm also 35.
I've been in the game a little bit.
You know what I mean?
You're telling me some 24-year-old is in fucking Russia or maybe Trump, like a young guy is in fucking Russia and they're throwing pussy at him.
You could bang any of these chicks for a couple hundred bucks.
You don't think that's going down?
Unless you have plans on being president or plans on being a public figure.
Yeah.
And are crazy, you got to have some wild shit.
Now, I don't know if it's really a P-tape.
What I'm saying is all these billionaire motherfuckers have done this shit.
Yeah.
All of it.
Like, it doesn't shock me at all that Epstein had an island with fucking girls.
Now it sucks that those girls were underage, but it doesn't shock me at all that these billionaires were just going to the island to bang chicks.
Of course.
Like, this is what they do.
Yeah.
So.
They got goat jeans.
Oh, man.
So Alex missed out on all that.
Because he was tired.
I actually don't feel I missed out.
I would have been on edge the entire time when you explained, like, even the lead up to getting there.
The whole trip I was on edge.
It wasn't until we got to the airport leaving when I finally realized that I was going to get a lot of money.
Because I really felt this was something that was going to happen.
And then I know how he fucking talks.
And so I'm like, he's going to make the wrong joke to piss a motherfucker off.
And we're not coming back.
So I was scared the whole time there.
You would have calmed down.
They had a calming effect.
Maybe it was.
Let me just tell you.
Really?
I thought it was pretty exciting.
Much more of an excitement effect.
Yeah, it was exciting and calming, but it was just, it was a unique experience.
Yeah.
That like.
I got some good sleep, though.
I bet you did.
I just, I just don't even think.
Listen, you can have sex shows.
They are sex shows.
That's what we watched.
You're not there for the sex show.
You're there because it's anyone you want.
And you're looking at dime.
That wasn't a sex show.
That was a sex performance.
It was a performance.
It was a masterpiece.
It was a masterpiece.
It was the Sistine Chapel of Sex show.
Michelangelo.
Michelangelo could not have recreated it.
What you do there is you go ham.
Oh, yeah.
We didn't go ham.
But I can see how motherfuckers that live that life, they live a very different existence than the rest of us.
Yeah, man.
Ain't no good coming from a place like that.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I mean, you're talking about you're just looking at dimes.
And then it's like life shouldn't be like that.
You shouldn't be able to just look at dimes and then point and then fuck them.
What happens at that?
Like, shit gets weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, shit gets weird for human beings when you just go, you, done.
Yeah, 100%.
That's what fucks up actors.
They never hear the word no.
Yes.
Just doesn't exist.
And dictators.
Oh, yeah.
Like, actors and dictators, not that much different.
Yeah.
You know, dictators a little smarter, probably.
Yeah, actors are fucking idiots.
But that's what fucks up a human being.
Yeah, 100%.
You know?
Crazy time.
Fun trip.
Fun fucking trip.
Fun trip.
What is the crazy shit you saw, Alex?
Craziest thing I saw.
I don't know.
Oh, and this is probably not that crazy, but two young kids, two like young beggars.
No, this is, yeah.
Set up the story.
Set up the story better.
You probably can set it up better.
Yeah.
You do.
All right.
Mark, right?
Let me put you a little situation with Mark, okay?
So Mark, we're in fucking Chicago, right?
A couple weeks ago, right?
And this guy comes up to us.
He's got one hand in his fucking pocket, right?
He's got crumbs all over his fucking lips, and he's asking like directions or some shit.
And Mark is like, so how fall?
Let me take out my phone.
Let me help you out.
I'm like, how do you fucking not see what's about to go down?
I didn't know if the guy had a weapon.
I didn't know what was going down.
He didn't even clean his lips.
Like, some shit is off with this guy.
Do you know?
Like, me and Drew saw it off rip.
Yeah.
You've been in New York long enough.
Yeah, man.
Sorry, I'm going to live.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Mark, right?
So we're in Russia, right?
Coming back from a night at this restaurant.
Great meal.
Great food.
And these two kind of kids walk by us, then they kind of hover around and then start walking back in our direction.
And Mark just goes, Hey, um, those guys are kind of like hovering around, and like now they're like walking this way.
You guys should check this out.
These kids walk up and they go, uh, right?
So I turn to the guy who speaks English from Russia.
I'm like, What are they?
What are they asking for?
And Mark is like shitting his fucking pants right now.
I look at him, I could see how fucking nervous this guy is.
He's like moved back a little bit.
You know what I mean?
He's like in his Birkenstocks, but he's like ready to just let those go and fucking run home if we need to, right?
And all of a sudden, I asked the translator, and the translator goes, Oh, they want to read poetry for money, dude.
Mark was afraid of some poets.
I gotta fucking believe it.
But it was a fascinating experience, man.
And one of the cool things about going abroad is it really puts in perspective what freedom is and like what 100%, man.
You always spoke about like, yeah, about what wealth.
Yeah.
Like about going to India and how it really you see what poor is.
Yeah.
And like you've come from a family where you felt both wealthy and poor.
Yeah.
And then you found real poor.
Real poor.
Yeah.
Not American poor.
Yeah.
And even America, I understand it got much poorer than me, but you still haven't seen this.
This is poor poverty.
And when we went to Russia, we did not see poverty, right?
We were in Moscow, but we did see a poverty of freedom.
If you spoke about it really beautifully on this podcast, he was like, you have to understand, like, Americans are taught that freedom is synonymous with America and that you deserve freedom.
You earned your freedom.
And anybody tries to infringe on your freedom, that's un-American.
It is a right, not a privilege.
We are taught that this is a right, which is completely invented.
There's no such thing as freedom, right?
We just invented it.
And then he's like, you fight wars for other people's freedom.
Freedom is this core value.
Yeah.
And he goes, In Russia, they're just taught to love Russia.
You fight for Russia.
Right.
You support Russia.
Right.
It is Mother Russia.
Mother Russia is all of us.
We support Russia.
There's no like individualism.
Freedom is an individual concept.
Yes.
It is my freedom.
My freedom.
And we have this concept and we fight with it.
And we really have believed the hype.
We believe that we deserve it.
Yeah.
And if anybody tries to take it away from us, we're like, how dare you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I may shoot you.
Yeah.
That is allowed.
Right.
If you inhibit my freedom, I may shoot you.
Hey, I am free to have nobody in my house.
You have broken into my house.
You can die.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Part of my Sweden shit was just not experiencing that before.
Like the guy just kicking me out.
And obviously, because I'm black, you cannot do that.
What the me?
What the fuck is going on?
How dare you infringe on my freedom to be in a bar like anybody else?
I must punch you now.
It is amazing and it's so beautiful.
And I never appreciated the beauty of that myth that we have believed to be true.
I never thought it was a myth, but yeah.
Meaning, like the whole structure of our country protects it because once you leave, we created this concept.
Live it.
We live it and believe it.
We all bought in and we don't question it even for a second.
And we are fucking so lucky, man.
Dude.
Because the paranoia that you have, like knowing that, hey, I make this joke.
Let's say I make that joke about Putin.
And let's say somebody finds out about it and gets upset and they want to detain me or something like that.
They could fucking do that.
Do it.
Let's say we were at that strip club and then somebody found like, hey, he's a pretty influential guy on YouTube or something like that.
We want to fucking compromise that guy or something like that.
They could have fucking done it.
And here, if they try to do that in America, we're like, get your fucking hands off of me.
We say that to the cops.
We say to the cops.
Get your fucking hands off me.
Fair.
Not all of us.
But some of us say.
Actually, that's not true.
Nobody talks more shit to the cops than black people.
Fam.
Have you ever seen?
They were throwing water on the cops.
Yeah, from a distance.
White people didn't throw no fucking shit at the bottom.
Yeah, but you guys will get pulled over and you're like, why the fuck are you pulling me over?
Why are you all I'm saying is we all feel on some level we could talk shit.
I remember when we did Singapore, Malaysia, there were talks telling me about stuff you can't say on stage or like some comic was doing a show in Thailand and he put up like a funny picture of the Buddha or something like that.
And then he got 30 years of hard labor in prison.
Like hard.
First thing they say is like, oh, the only thing you shouldn't joke about is the Chech.
Chechnyan people.
Chechnyan people.
And the first thing he's like, ooh, like I can see in his head, immediately.
That's what we do.
He's like, wait, I need some information on this.
Like, he's just cooking it up.
I'm like, please, I want to go home.
I want to go every single comment on my Instagram.
Don't get locked up.
Don't get locked up.
I was scared.
But it was part of like, I have part of me was like, I got to show you that you can joke around about these things.
That's why I fuck with you, son.
My brother.
You ain't scared.
You got to do it.
And like, if I'm going there as this ambassador for comedy, I can't, I got to be consistent.
Yo, you're right.
But my point was just there.
I was like, oh, fuck.
We have freedom of speech.
We have a lot of freedom.
And the fact that we think we're oppressed, like, nah, we're not, man.
We ain't seen oppression.
You say some negative shit about Chrissy Cheegan called Trump a pussy on Twitter yesterday.
Son, it is crazy.
Like, they would never think of saying that shit.
You would get executed in Thailand.
And we don't even think of Thailand as an oppressive country.
Where Chrissy Teigen's from.
Yo, you fucking right.
Like, yo, Chrissy will not talk that way about whatever.
What is she?
Thai?
Is she Thai?
I think she's Thai.
Let's say she's Thai.
She would never talk that way about her people's president.
And guaranteed, her people's president is way worse than Trump.
100%.
First of all, he's an emperor.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's enough said.
But it is a fascinating thing and a beautiful thing, this freedom thing.
And like, we should fucking, granted, you'll never be able to feel it until you've had these types of experiences that like we've been so fucking fortunate enough to have.
Like, it is so fucking awesome that we get to have this shit.
Thank you, dog.
Dutch Socialism and Oppression00:06:28
Dude, thank you.
This is fucking amazing.
Dude, thank you.
This is fucking amazing.
I don't take it for granted, of course.
We're so lucky.
We're so fucking lucky.
How often do I say this?
Yeah.
Just about every time we fly, you have this one moment of like, you just reflecting on shit.
It's like, wow, we're fucking lucky.
How lucky are we?
What a life.
I can't tell you how often.
I mean, it is awesome.
I can't wait for Australia.
Australia, I'm so excited.
I'm just saying how dope it's going to be.
I'm so excited.
There's whites.
Not, but I would go back to Russia.
There's no ambiguous whites like Russia either.
Dude, exactly.
We're like, get up, bitch.
But like, but yeah, no, I would go back too.
Yeah, I'd go back to Russia.
It was pretty cool.
I wanted to see more.
Really?
For more time.
Yeah, like to really, dude.
I love, I'm like a big tourist when I go to any of these places that has, I want to see fucking everything.
Dude, one of the coolest things, Akash, and I hope that we get to do some dates like this, but like, but like doing dropping in is so cool because it forces us.
It's easy to like just get comfortable, stay at the hotel, sleep in, but it forces us to get out there and look at shit.
I read the shit and the fucking inscriptions.
Like, you know what I mean?
I'll go see the museum.
Oh, I love that gay shit.
We just don't do any research.
We just get there.
It's like, oh, shit.
What are we going to do?
So we just hop into cities.
Like, oh, we got to find the shit to go.
Yeah, we didn't go to museums.
And my theory on museums is this.
I find it, I find it's not going to be that different a painting in person from on the internet.
Unless it's something of size.
I saw the Van Gogh Museum in the Netherlands.
That was dope.
I didn't think I'd give a fuck about Van Gogh.
I didn't give a fuck about art the majority of my life.
Yeah, yeah.
That was dope.
And then they had something called like the Rijksmuseum, which is like the Netherlands.
And you might have known this.
I didn't know any history of the Netherlands.
I didn't know the Netherlands and Belgium were the same country.
And then there was like a Civil War and they split on some religious issues.
I mean, we are, New York is founded by the Dutch, the Dutch East India Trading Company.
They were the goats of their time.
Goat slave owners.
I don't know if they, I don't know their slave or anything.
So the comic, what's his name, Anton?
He had a funny joke about how their number one export used to be slaves and now it's flowers.
And it's just like a funny, like.
Really?
Oh, they probably provided the ships for the triangle slave trade or something like that.
But like, literally, the number one export of slaves was Africa.
Number one, yeah, I guess like transport, whatever.
Yeah.
But they were apparently the richest company in the world.
That company in particular was like, oh, yeah.
There will never be anything that rich again, ever.
And such a small, right?
Like, so unique that like a place that small would not try to expand.
It wouldn't.
Yeah.
And now, quite globally insignificant.
Yeah.
Not that they didn't have this effect culturally, but they're not making the fucking.
I want to say they're not making the laws, and then I just realized, you know, who makes the laws in the European Union?
The fucking Netherlands.
Really?
It's like a group of people that represent these people, but it happens in the Netherlands.
So maybe.
But that was also enlightening.
And this is just anybody, if you can travel, travel.
When I was in the Netherlands, I remember I was getting like 2G internet.
My internet was trash everywhere.
I was trying to upload a clip.
I'm getting fucking stressed out.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I just walk outside.
Motherfuckers riding their bikes everywhere.
They don't care, man.
They're just happy.
There's flowers on every fucking corner.
They're eating great food.
It's like, oh, this is also a different way to live that's beautiful.
Yes.
And you just see every perspective.
Everywhere you go, you'll pick up something.
Yes.
I'm curious to talk to people about that, like when that kicked in for them, because maybe America hasn't reached the, hey, life is important too, phase.
Like maybe they reached that, maybe they, maybe they were in their hard work phase when they were shipping all the slaves and like running shit in terms of like global shipping and getting people to these different parts and like colonizing.
Maybe that was their phase.
And then maybe out of that, they realized, wait, did we just spend our whole life working?
Yeah, well, you know what?
I had to read it too, socialism.
If you're going to get taxed that heavily, why would you work that hard?
Of course, but I think socialism spawns from the extreme of capitalism.
Like, what do you see what's happening now, right?
In America?
Bernie.
Right.
But why is Bernie popular?
Because the gap is too big.
Yeah.
So it's like, in my opinion, like the powers that be the rich people, you know, they fucked up when socialism happens.
Right.
Because the rich people, what they're just trying to do is squeeze the poor as much as they can before they revolt.
Right, And it's just like, and they literally are having conversations where they're like, all right, they're getting a little upset.
Let's give them a little something or let's inject some money here.
Let's, you know, whatever.
But in Europe, it was like they squeezed them too far.
And maybe war played part of that and these types of things.
But eventually they were like, nah, fuck that.
Yo, like, let's enjoy life a little.
We don't all got to be millionaires.
Yeah.
And I think in America, we're on the tip where we're like, we all got to be millionaires.
But there might be a future for us where it's like, yo, let's enjoy the family a little bit more.
Interesting to see it.
Hey man, we got some cool national monuments or we got some cool national, what is that, parks and shit?
Yeah.
Let's go check out these parks.
We might become Europe.
And then China might become the new America.
We're going to be capitalism.
We're going to grind so hard.
And then we might look at China during that period and go, ugh, you idiots.
You really think you're supposed to work hard your whole time?
We went through that.
You don't learn nothing.
Yeah.
And that wouldn't be that bad.
Yeah.
Be interesting.
Not in my dead body.
I mean, I'll kill them all before they take over America, but maybe in future Americas, you know, I ain't letting the Chinese be number ones.
We number one, baby.
That's great.
You ain't going to Dutch East India trading company, me?
Yeah, we raised with it.
It's in our blood.
It's in our blood, but when we dead.
Yeah.
Or maybe when we're like 80 and shit, where it don't matter.
Maybe.
Who fucking knows?
Anyway, wild time.
Thank you very much, Punchline Fest and Australia.
We excited we coming.
And thank you guys so much for listening.
You got a long one today.
We gave them a long one, huh?
Yeah.
230.
They deserved it.
Wow.
They deserved it.
I wonder if we could save that strip shit for the Patreon.