Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Michael J. Fox's chopstick struggles at Jiro's, contrasting New York's gentrified Carhartt Work in Progress with Japan's fake politeness versus Australia's rejection. They pivot to criticize comedians like Trevor Noah and John Oliver for judging America, arguing immigrants should value their visas over criticism. Ultimately, the rant champions gratitude for freedom while exposing cultural friction through personal anecdotes of service failures and national identity debates. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Chopstick Struggles With Miso Soup00:02:07
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to the Patreon episode of Flagrant Soup, No Easy Buckets, and now this is my asshole water cooler commentary for your sports needs.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
You know, Kaz is out the building right now, but obviously, prayers up.
Love, he felt all the love.
Shorty felt all the love, so the love is brilliant that y'all are putting in that way.
Keep the love flow going.
Alex Media is here.
Eden Martinez.
We don't know where Eden is.
No, Eden's handling some family shit right now as well.
So, you know, obviously, prayers up for Eden.
Let's get the fucking show started, man.
Let's.
I heard, I had, I can't take full credit for this, or I can't take any credit for this.
All right, but I had a guy comment on a video of mine when I was in Japan and I was complimenting my chopstick skills, right?
I was eating some rice with the chopsticks, and I put that shit in my mouth.
I was like, my chopstick game is impeccable for a white, right?
And the dude commented, he goes, he goes, damn.
He goes, Michael J. Fox was starved to death in Japan.
That's good.
That's really fucking good.
Just the visual of him trying to pick up food with the chopsticks and that's just shaking off the sticks every single time.
Can you imagine he gets frustrated?
He's like, fuck this.
And then he picks up a bowl and he still can't get it.
It's miso soup flopping all over the place.
That's a good thing.
There's certain foods you can't have if you're Michael J. Fox.
Son, if I'm Michael J. Fox, I go to Jiro just to piss off Jiro, son.
Just trying to pick the sushi up with the fucking chopsticks and cutting that shit in half every time.
This perfectly rolled piece of sushi by this old ass man.
Have Jiro hit you with a karate chop.
Oh, yeah, you're not allowed to like manipulate the food at all.
You have to.
Son, you're not even supposed to use chopsticks.
You go fingers, the original chopsticks.
Can you take a bite or you have to hold whole piece?
No, ain't no bites of sushi.
Sushi is made for a whole piece down the hatch.
Pissing Off Jiro At Sushi Bar00:11:26
That's right.
Deep throat.
You got a deep, you got a deep throat.
I heard mad one-star reviews on like Yelp for Jiro.
Son.
Whoa.
Yeah, was it?
Wait, were we talking about this last night?
So we didn't even look at Yelp, obviously, because Netflix put out the Yelp.
It's the greatest sushi restaurant in the world.
If you go to Yelp, they're like, nah, this shit is trash.
So I'm not making it up.
Everybody thought I was trying to be a contrarian.
I'm not.
The food sucks.
I just want to get that out.
A lot of things I got to get off my chest this morning.
Oh, gosh.
There's a lot of fucking things.
Talk about it.
Talk about it.
Guys, okay.
I don't know where I want to.
Okay.
There's two that I just got to get off the chest.
First of all, service.
Okay.
I was going to get some khakis yesterday.
Just some pants yesterday.
And I walk into the Carhartt store, but it's Car Heart Work in Progress, which is like the little hipster version of Carhartt.
For those of you guys who don't know Carhartt Carhartt, it was like a working man's pant, like a construction sticky.
Yeah, East Coast Dickies.
Great way to put it.
Construction worker, you know, miner, factory worker, union guy clothing.
And these people that work in the fucking clothing stores and act like they're better than you.
Like, I know what you mean.
Like, like, you're bothering this.
Do you have this at a 34?
Whatever's there is what we have left.
I'm sorry.
Are you not going to suggest another pant?
Are you not going to show me what's similar?
Are you not going to do your fucking shit?
I'm sorry.
No, that we don't have that.
Even if you say, would you like to try?
That's oh, oh, that's like the best case scenario.
I will accept.
No, sorry.
I'm sorry.
I accept that.
But what we have there, like, I'm a fucking idiot.
Like, it's impossible to think maybe you have some inventory in the back.
I'm the asshole for not knowing how your job works.
You fuck.
You fuck.
You're a fucking fucking hipster piece of shit.
The fact that you think that you're at this, first of all, just because you work at the store doesn't mean you're in fashion.
Right?
Like, these motherfuckers that work at the store think that they're in fashion.
It's like you are the dishwasher of the fashion company.
Like, do you think Mr. Carhart or whoever, you know, like the fan Balenciaga, these fancy brands, you think they're looking at the workers in the store going, we would be nothing without you?
What is your job?
34, 34?
That's it.
Can you, can you literally put a pair of pants on your chest and let the top part bend over and then let it go again?
The idea that you could have any attitude and being better than something.
And I'm, I go in humble to these places, bro.
I just, I'm just asking, bro.
I'm just, I'm just trying to look cool.
That's all I'm trying to do is look cool.
It's already vulnerable as a man to want to look cool.
You work at gentrified Carhartt.
It ain't nothing but gentrified.
Ah, gosh, if a person who actually wears Carhartts walked in there and you gave a fucking New York construction worker or a union worker that kind of attitude by your fucking mustache.
He would take you by your stupid fucking mustache and drag you onto the street and pound you into the pavement he just laid the balls on these fucking people.
Where does it come from?
Dog, New York City is the only place I've been to where when you buy something, not only are they not thankful, they act like you should be thankful that you got to give them money.
When you walk out there looking at you like, you gonna say thank me again.
Thank me, you'll come again.
Thank me, you'll come again.
That is so true.
It is.
And immediately I hit up Ronnie Chang.
Shout out to Ronnie, man.
I love Ronnie Chang.
Comedian Ryan Chang.
Ronnie's the greatest.
The goat.
Love him.
And because I was talking to him about Japan.
He's got great perspective on Japan.
He's a Malaysian.
He's from Malaysia, spent time in Australia, Chinese descent.
But he's got great perspective on Japan.
He was saying these hilarious things yesterday.
We got to give him a podcast.
And I was just talking about the bowing culture and all that kind of like, dude, it's so polite.
It's so fucking polite.
He goes, he goes, you have to understand.
Like, they used to just have samurai swords and cut people open all day.
They're trying their best not to cut people open all day, right?
Like the extreme politeness is covering up the.
It's overcorrection.
It's like PC culture.
It's PC culture.
That's their version.
They used to walk around all day with a samurai sword.
And then when you bumped into someone, they knocked your slipper off by accident.
You lost it!
Honey mustache!
Right?
So he's like, dude, you gotta.
He's like, you have to correct for that.
And then he made this observation and I couldn't wait to, I didn't even text you because I'm like, I want to see what he has to say on a podcast.
He goes, you know how, like, I'm like, yeah, but it's like the extreme, it's like fake, polite, it's too polite.
He goes, okay, you know how like when you meet a New Yorker at first, they're like a dick.
Yeah.
Right?
Like New Yorkers make horrible first impressions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
But he goes, but if you get to know a New Yorker, that's the best friend you're going to have.
Right.
But initially, you even said, I think initially with me, you're like, who the fuck is this kid?
I didn't dislike you.
I just thought, I actually didn't understand what skinny jeans was fashion.
I was like, this dude looks like a fucking son.
So, so you were, but whatever.
But it was like this idea that, like, and we do it, we have to put on that fucking cloak because everybody's trying to hustle us all day.
You have some money for the environment.
You have some money here.
Hey, play three card money.
Like, every day, someone's trying to take money out of our pockets.
So, we got to be like, who's going to be a little bit more freaking out?
And you were afraid of getting robbed, so you got to look angry.
And we didn't have no swords.
Yeah.
If we just had swords, everything would have been solved.
So he goes, he's like, he's like, so there you go.
You have a New Yorker.
And he goes, we're like, initial first impression, and then it sucks.
And then he said this.
This is so funny.
Sorry, Australians, but he lived in Australia.
He goes, Australians are the opposite.
When you first meet them, best first impression you'll ever make in your entire life.
You're like, I love this guy.
And then a couple weeks later, you're like, get this motherfucker away from me.
That's so good.
That's so good.
But so he goes, would you rather like fake mean, which is New York, or fake nice, which is Japan, if you just had to first impression people?
You're just walking around in your day.
Interesting.
Right now, when you meet someone, you want to know what you're doing.
You want to make real friends.
Yes.
You need New Yorkers.
But when you want to go into fuck it, fuck travel.
When you want to get a pair of fucking khakis.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
When you want to walk around Soho.
Yeah.
You want some, you want, I would, you would prefer the face culture.
Fake, fake nice.
Can you bow?
Can you bow?
You're right.
Right.
But if I'm traveling, I want the fake culture.
But if I'm living in a place, I'm like, give me that.
Give me your fucking heart.
Give me your soul.
If I got to go a little bit to get there, cool.
Yeah.
But it was just this motherfucker.
This motherfucker.
He drove me crazy.
Not Ronnie, the guy at the fucking car.
Of course.
Yeah.
It's fucking infuriating.
When you talk to me like that, I'm like, who the fuck are you?
Son, the fact that I could be bothering you by asking you to do your job.
The fact that, like, dude, it is, it's like if you went into the Apple store and they acted like they made the computers.
They do.
The Apple Store?
The Apple Store, the Genius Bar.
Suck my dick, genius bar.
Oh, uh-oh.
You're just going to run in the back and charge the phone.
I thought you said they make the computers.
Oh, no, they act like they do.
They got them on double time.
No, no, no.
That's the slaves.
But they act like they're the slaves.
So I'm on this kick of like annoyance.
Right.
Okay.
I'm on this kick of like annoyance.
Right.
And I see this tweet from John Oliver or some fucking shit about John Oliver.
Buddy.
Right.
Let's back it up a little bit.
Fuck it.
No.
I see this tweet from John Oliver.
I see some shit from John Oliver.
Right.
It's always shitting on America.
You know, I'm Trevor Noah and I'm just shitting on America.
Do you know what I mean?
And I'm looking at this shit.
And it's always rubbed me the wrong way when these guys shit.
Especially Trevor Noah.
It's like, bro, you guys just got freedom.
Like, the Simpsons came out before you got freedom.
So for you to judge us is fucking astonishing to me.
Right, right.
It's a crazy, crazy thing.
And we're going to get Trevor on here because I need to have a sit-down with Trevor and like talk to him about this.
And John, too.
Or at very bare minimum, brilliant idiots.
And maybe you come on for the episode, Brilliant Idiots, too.
So it's like, but I need to talk to them.
I need to because the fact that you come here and then shit on America for a living, right?
It's like, people don't realize they begged to come here.
Oh, that's a good point.
You know how hard it is to come to America and get a visa and it's begging.
I've gotten a visa for an X.
Yeah.
It's hard.
Please.
What service will you provide America?
I will provide you with the best of services, Uncle.
Uncle, what is it, Sam?
Uncle.
I almost said Uncle Tom.
I'll provide you with the best.
Uncle, how many states are there?
There are 50 states and all of them are beautiful.
I mean, once I get in there, I'll shit on 25 of them.
But now in this process, there's some amazing.
45 and 44 of them.
44, I'll shit all over them, but they're beautiful.
Who is the governor of this?
Oh, the great governor Alex Tomahawk.
They're learning all the information.
They're taking it all.
Oh, my God.
What is the declaration?
I pledge allegiance to the flag that's not even mine.
How cocky is that?
You go pledge allegiance to someone else's flag, bro?
It's like we make you take it in there.
To betray this shit to come here.
We make you Benedict Arnold.
We were so tight about Benedict Arnold betraying us.
It's like every motherfucker that comes over is betraying this shit forever.
That's it.
Benedict, you know why you call him Benedict?
Because you bend over and take that dick.
That's why, okay?
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
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