Transvel Mcguy, Francis Ellis, and Yannis Pappas dissect Ellis's defamation trial regarding a deceased girl and his new podcast on failure. They debate climate change skepticism, transgender hormone therapy for children, and debunk pit bull attack statistics while mocking "Fortnite kids." The group analyzes Pappas's upcoming special, discussing viral character monetization, industry gatekeepers, and the tension between artistic purity and commercial success in comedy. Ultimately, they argue that luck and timing often dictate billionaire status more than pure talent. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Another Drunk Episode00:01:38
What's up, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2: No Easy Book.
It's Analysis by Assholes, water cooler commentary for your sports needs.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
Real quick, that I realized we got a fan on.
Are we cool with that fan on?
I thought I was just gonna say: Are we taking that fan out?
Yeah, the fan is coming out.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
I'm here with Real Life Kaz.
I'm here with Alex Media and Ed in on the ones and twos.
We got the dynamic duo behind the microphone and computers again.
And we have a special guest.
We got my boy Francis Free Ellis, man.
He is free.
The man is free as free can be.
Oh, man.
He is here.
We're going to get to that in a moment because you were free the last time you were here, but you were more distraught.
Yes.
But we're going to get to all of this in a second.
I just want to start this lead up.
So today we're doing a nice marathon episode of Flagrant Sue.
Now, what does that mean?
That means that we're recording our regular episode and our Patreon episode at the same damn time.
We got Francis with us.
Giannis Papas is going to join us a little bit later.
And we're also joined by Knob Creek.
Courtesy of Ed and Martinez.
Eden coming through with the whiskey.
Okay.
We got the best, worst whiskey selection of anybody that I know.
This guy right here, what we decided to do is, I don't know if y'all were here for the last drunk episode, but we decided to do another drunk episode.
Yes.
What did we do on Patreon or regular Patreon?
It was Patreon.
Now, we're going to drink into Patreon, meaning as we approach full flagrancy, what is that terminal velocity?
As we approach terminal flagrancy, we're hoping that we will be at the point of Patreon so our careers are still intact.
That is the goal.
That being said, we were not supposed to start drinking prior to the show.
Recording With Whiskey00:08:19
Right.
And we did.
We did.
Okay.
I asked you.
We did.
I said, do you want to start drinking now or do you not give a fuck?
And then you got, I got a resonant.
I don't give a fuck, bro.
So we're going to have some fun today.
Now, real quick, to start the show, why don't we do a nice little cheers?
Let's do a cheers, man.
I got a little coffee here.
So Akash is not drinking for religious reasons.
Does your religion say you can't drink?
Yeah.
Well, you're not supposed to.
I'm going to try to get, I might get more caffeine though later.
I might have Ed and run down so I get caffeine high with you.
Okay, you'll have some sort of high.
That'll work.
But we're pretty wild.
The religion says no drinking or no?
Yeah.
We have religion and also genetics.
No, no, I understand genetics, right?
Indians in general, both of y'all.
Not very good at the drinking.
100%.
But I wanted to know if it was a religious thing as well.
Like alcohol reach.
Well, you're not supposed to.
It's not like.
But alcohol existed in India.
It made it.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's a bigger deal in Islam.
It's not as big of a deal on him to be able to do it.
Like because of the excess or is it sinful?
It's just, I think, yes, the idea of just chasing like treasure like that is.
But in Islam, they break that rule everywhere.
I mean, it's like, you know, certain countries are far more relaxed about it.
The Muslim people I know in America, you are so much more Islamophobic now that you're free of postal.
You'd be surprised.
You are so much.
Dude, now that you're unrestricted, now that we have Francis Freedom Ellis on our hands, dude, like cream right off the bat, go on.
Anytime I see some like halal guy taking a break to pray in the middle of the day, I want to kick him.
I want to kick him.
You know, that food is disgusting.
It's disgusting.
Wait, you don't like half.
Street food?
How New York are you?
You don't have one experience.
He's a nutmeg.
It's Connecticut.
He's been here long enough.
I've been here like nine years.
Well, he's from Vermont.
Maine.
Same thing.
You got to take a good street.
You don't know what a gay ass white fucking liberal arts college states.
You know, the whole state is a liberal arts college.
You don't really count anymore.
Bernie Sanders Orchard is really where I grew up in his orchard.
But yeah, no, the difference between Maine and Vermont, okay, Vermont is all trees and maple syrup and inland.
Right.
And some rivers and Maine is very coastal, lobster.
It's fairly beautiful, yeah.
Lobster men.
A lot of beach, a lot of beach, beautiful.
Good chowder.
I've surfed in Maine.
Have you?
I've surfed in Maine.
Wow.
Wow.
There's a beach.
Do you remember what it was called?
Do not remember.
This is the whitest this podcast has ever been.
Oh, boy.
Oh, it's about to get wider.
You guys should leave.
You guys should leave.
We should have had him yesterday.
We're kept away here together.
And I'm excited to be here.
This is.
Oh, I knew it was going to be good.
He's on fire.
Come on.
Like one of those churches you used to burn.
Guilty is charged with burning churches.
What do we want to do?
So Francis, as you guys know, is no longer with Barstool.
He is out there on his own.
You celebrated leaving Barstool in epic fashion, I thought.
How so?
Well, he went on this amazing vacation.
White boyfriend.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
White boyfriend.
He went to France for two weeks.
France, two weeks with his girlfriend.
He gets fired.
He goes to France for two weeks with his girlfriend.
Well, you booked this even before.
It was a trip I had booked long before.
We don't have to tell the people that.
You know, some people could, you know, plug all med into it.
But like, it says a lot.
He's like, you know, fuck it.
I'm going to go and enjoy this.
I was conflicted.
I was.
But the thing was, I had already paid for everything.
So there was no conflict at all.
But you go and then you're like, I don't even think I should be posting videos shit.
Because if you...
You don't have a boss to upset.
No, I know, but like, you know, the whole rhetoric I was trying to put out there was like, ah, I'm sorry.
Which I know you guys don't agree with.
Yeah.
That's not true.
I liked your apology.
Yeah, you gave them their pound of flesh, and now you go to France with the rest of your flesh.
Anybody who had any actual common sense could know, like, oh, yeah, clearly this guy didn't cause the like.
Don't be mad at the person that actually didn't do the hate crime.
I thought you went to France to search for the missing girl.
Was that mad?
Oh, no, I don't think she could afford to go there.
Come on, let's be honest.
That's ridiculous.
She wasn't doing that well.
She wasn't a Delta Gamma.
She was pictures on her night.
It's like a sick.
Hey, can I tell you this?
Can I tell you this?
If your article was this funny, you wouldn't have gotten fired.
I know.
Okay, so you're out there on your own.
You have this great vacation, which we were talking throughout the vacation.
I thought it was actually a great idea because just like in any breakup, there's that little like the kind of depressing part.
And if you're filled with distraction every single day, which is what a trip often is, it's the best possible thing.
Was it that or no?
I would say that unfortunately, I was probably more distracted while I was there with issues of being back home and everything than I was, you know, sort of brought away by the vacation.
Let me pause for a moment because we have people who might not be familiar with you.
We might have new listeners.
We have a lot of people listening to this podcast.
I want to give a little context.
Francis Ellis was working at Barstool.
One of the elite barstool.
I mean, probably top blogger.
I would say top blogger.
Yeah, maybe, maybe.
Maybe top writer.
Top writer.
Yeah.
I didn't have the highest numbers, but I think I was recognized as being a very good writer.
Very good writer.
Stand-up comedy.
The brand believes in you so much, they give you stand-up comedy special filmed at the Wilbur in Boston, available now, still at Barstool Gold.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, didn't take that down.
No, they didn't.
Clearly, I still want your clicks.
So, and then this horribly inconvenient connection of events happens.
And you write a blog about a girl who went missing, thinking that they found her, they were going to find her.
Turns out they found she was dead.
It looked like you're making fun of this dead girl.
You get fired immediately and then go to France.
Three days later.
Three days later.
Now we're back to where we are now.
You're on your own.
That's right.
I just want to make sure everybody has context.
No, and I appreciate it.
We're making fun of dead people.
I just want to make sure everybody has to be.
And for the record, legally speaking, I actually asked my lawyer about this.
I said, you know.
What did your dad say?
Well, he said, pay him what he wants.
He's been working with the family for years.
Take it out of your trust, Mark.
No big deal.
Yeah.
Just don't invade the principal.
It's heavily invested.
That's too high.
Just kicking off the ball.
That's too high for most of y'all.
Y'all don't even know what he's talking about.
Don't invade the principal.
No, no, no, that's also real fucking talk.
Don't invade the principal.
He flexed just now.
Continue.
Continue.
So where were we?
What were we talking about?
You were talking with your lawyer.
Yeah, the lawyer.
And I said because, you know, the one thing I was worried about was that her family, the woman's family, might, you know, come after me, sue me, whatever.
Right.
And he said, oh, you don't have to worry about that because legally speaking, you can't actually defame a dead person.
Wow.
Did you know that?
Did not know that.
Isn't that amazing?
You never get sued for making fun of somebody who's dead.
Because you don't know how they're.
Well, also, you don't know if they would feel defamed or not.
Maybe they would like what you said.
You can't speak for that person.
Right.
Now, what if you were speaking about the estate?
That's what I was saying.
I would, right, Michael Jackson, all that stuff.
Not even.
I just saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood with the Tarantino film, and there's a scene in there about kind of like making fun of Bruce Lee where he gets his ass kicked by with Brent Pitt's character and his daughter came out and was like really pissed about this shit.
So like, I guess the estate of Bruce Lee, like, is there any way like that is illegal?
It's a good question.
I didn't like dig deep enough.
Yeah.
But, you know, as I said earlier, I don't think this girl had much of an estate.
I think she's Bruce Lee.
That's that white hat crying right there.
Nikki Minaj Relevance00:04:07
Out of here.
Come on.
Okay.
So now you're back.
You're on your own.
You started.
I mean, I hit you up today because I wanted you to come out because I noticed you started a new project.
Yeah.
And I love that.
And I really appreciate that.
First of all, Sheltie's been like my guardian angel for all this.
He's good for that.
He's been keeping me afloat and assuring me that life goes on.
So I really appreciate that always.
And, you know, he and I had talked a lot about what was next for me.
And I had said I really wanted to start a podcast.
And I had this idea.
And then he went and, you know, absolutely tore down Montreal.
So while he was away, I just got things up and running.
He's not wrong.
He's not wrong.
So I've got a new podcast.
I was running Montreal to the ground.
You were building up.
I was building it up.
Now, listen, this is a type of show.
We're not like a pluggy type of show.
But the reason why I want to bring it up so you didn't have to is because obviously, you know, I love you.
I think that it's great.
But you're doing it with another guy who I really love as well.
Awesome.
Julio Gallarati.
Oh, nice.
Okay.
I love her.
And I love Julio.
So when I saw this in the poster, I was like, you guys post a flyer.
And the idea of the podcast is very interesting.
You're interviewing people who have like almost lost it all or have had big career fuckups.
Career, marriage, personal life, the biggest mistakes that people have ever made.
How they came back from them, what they learned, how they dealt with them, how they rehabilitated their people.
I love this because this will be accidentally the funniest podcast because it's not manifested humor.
Talking about your biggest fuck-up in life is inevitably funny, especially if you're willing to talk about it.
You've dealt with all the fuck shit about it, you know?
And the bigger the fuck-up, the better.
I'm very excited for this.
I'm sure you.
And I think it comes out.
Not excited enough to do it.
I hope I don't have to do it.
We were hoping you'd be our first guest.
Let me fuck up first.
Well, we can invite Nicki Minaj stands on there.
Wow, you need to get Nikki, man.
Imagine?
Meg the Stallion trying to save her, trying to prop her back up.
I hate that.
I don't know why she's doing that.
What happens is the sweetheart, though.
That's why I like that.
I'm not familiar with that.
So Meg the Stallion.
We're talking about the other half.
How the other side of the tracks live.
Yeah.
But yeah, now look, the other side of the tracks.
So, am I supposed to explain this now?
Oh, no.
Two female rappers.
Nikki Minaj, obviously, you know who she is.
She's had a fall from grace.
There's a new female rapper that's popping right now named Meg the Stallion that is incredibly charismatic, and she's having a moment.
And Meg is kind of letting Nikki Minaj ride her moment a little bit.
So they're just keeping Nikki Minaj around, even though Nikki's really done.
You think she's done?
Oh, yeah.
I think the peaks are.
It's like a dad asking you about music.
It's like when a dad tries to be music in your interest, you get me.
Oh, it's Megan V. V with two E's.
Two E's.
Yeah, absolutely.
No, I mean, like, I think Nikki will be good for like a guest verse here and there, but as far as people like checking for her new albums and shit, like I think that's done.
Man, that's crazy.
What?
It was not like not that long ago that she was cranking out number one hits.
It's a volatile industry, man.
You know that better than anybody.
That's true.
It's here today, gone tomorrow.
I don't know.
So the thing with Nikki, right?
The thing that really got Nikki fucked up is that, like, it didn't, maybe it might have been different for her, like, her own, like, how she personally thought, but, like, it never seemed like she kind of embraced other female rappers.
It was always like, I am the queen.
I am this, I'm that.
She used to shit on like Lil Kim, Cardi B, like everybody else.
Now, Cardi B became huge, kind of held the same aggression towards it.
And then Meg the Stallion got huge, and like all these other female rappers kind of got big without her help.
So now it kind of almost seems like she's just like, well, I will do anything to stay relevant.
How do Cardi B and Meg the Stallion get along?
They get along quite well.
The Queen Complex00:05:07
Quite well, man.
You pronounce both E's on the.
I got to.
I feel compelled to.
That's the proper pronunciation.
I've done Shakespeare scene studies.
That's where that word comes from.
I'm not going to do it wrong.
I think it's Shakespearean the.
Like Megan Ew Stallion.
She probably got a whole thing on the E key too long when she was like, you know, getting podcast approval or whatever.
You got to hold the skeleton up when you pronounce it like Megan V. Why do you think she has two E's in there?
To rapper, they can't spell shit right, bro.
That's corny.
Megan the that's a strange name.
It's got to be T-H-A or T-H-E-E.
She got to, you got to be unique with me.
I think it's it makes you say the Megan the Stallion is the it's like Megan Vallion.
Ohio State University 100%.
That's what it is.
Pronounce it like, okay, I'm going to start doing it.
So we often start this podcast with a flagrant take of the week.
Great.
Everybody has your flagrant take of the week.
Now, I'm going to ask you guys, and you guys don't have to contribute in this at all.
And I just realized now I shouldn't have been drinking.
But later tonight, I have to go film Comedy Central show at the Comedy Cellar.
Nice, cool.
Looking forward to that.
Don't.
But obviously, I do it because I love the guy who's running it, Ray, Aruba Ray, shouts Aruba Ray, and obviously the comedy seller.
They never pick any of my shit because I guess we have a little beef.
So I think it'd be really funny if we take, I'm going to tell us the topics, and then we give the most flagrant takes on these topics.
And then the craziest shit.
Just go try to record on a national television show.
I like this idea.
You don't have your set prepared.
No, but you already get higher ratings in Comedy Central.
What does it matter?
I mean, let's have fun.
It's like a rub in professional wrestling.
You're giving them the rub.
Giving them the rub.
Yeah, you're giving them the rub.
Like, if you're hot, like, you go and give somebody some heat.
It's a rub.
That's the thing, but they're not going to use me.
They don't use it.
They don't like it.
And I don't knock this.
I think this is actually smart.
They're invested in building talent.
Yeah.
They're not essentially invested in the best talent on the show.
Okay.
They're invested in the talent that they can build.
So if they're going to put someone on their show, hopefully it's someone that will be on other shows that they have.
That's what they were trying to do.
So do they like sign?
I'm not, you know, super.
No, you just get like a day rate, but they're going to go, well, okay, this person we have on this other show, so let's give them a retainer sort of thing.
Or maybe they have a deal that they're hosting other shows.
It's like you want to give options.
So basically, what is a topical show?
Every week you have to come up with ideas.
I haven't even looked at this list.
Okay.
16-year-old Fortnite champion wins $3 million.
Wow.
You're going to get molested a lot.
I went immediately to molestation, but as well in my head, I think there's an Epstein flip in it somewhere.
Do you know what I mean?
You can't pay that kid off.
You can't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He doesn't need it.
It's also like the reverse Epstein.
Like, older women are going to be trying to fuck him, and we're all going to celebrate him for it.
That's what the reverse Epstein is.
I thought you were getting at.
There's something about that Epstein.
There's something about that Epstein sex dungeon, or there's something about because he had a dungeon on this island.
Did you guys hear about it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like something.
Why do you get a dungeon on your own island?
I own the island, right?
Yeah.
In case anyone misbehaves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That happens.
It's actually the most important thing to have on your own island.
That's your jail.
That's how you got to keep order.
Does it come up on Google Maps or nothing?
Underneath?
Yeah.
The top.
Okay, I'll just go through different topics.
Mass shootings in Gilroy.
Did you guys hear about this?
How common are mass shootings in this?
I know.
It's a garlic festival.
Really?
A garlic shooting.
Was it a vampire hand?
Nice.
Miraculous.
I suppose they gave you that as a topic, though.
Well, this is just everybody gets the topics.
I'm saying that Comedy Central would put a mass shooting headline as a play with this suggestion.
It's shocking.
Bachelorette finale.
I've never seen the episode of the Bachelorette in my life.
My girlfriend started watching it.
God damn it.
I wish I did.
Shark Week.
We love sharks.
Baby, shark teacher.
Do your shark.
I could do the shark.
Oh, that's fun, dude.
That's a great joke.
Chumming.
Chumming the water water is cognizant.
Supreme Court rules: Trump can use Pentagon funds for Border Wall.
Yo, on some level, you've got to respect Trump.
You get shit done, bro.
He really gets shit done.
He's like, I want the wall, though.
That's not like bet.
You know what he used to get that done?
The art of the deal.
He really did.
I got a shit.
You got a shit?
Yeah, that fucking whiskey, bro.
That shit ran through me.
You had two sips of whiskey.
I think because I had coffee before that?
Yeah, go shit.
Go shit.
I'll take a dip.
I would never lie.
I'm not sure if I'm doing my first whiskey, right?
Lightweight.
I'm going to piss again later.
Abusive Climate Relationship00:11:37
What's your name?
I don't know.
Untuck your shirt, though, man.
I don't know what the fuck are you doing with this?
He's about to.
Okay.
It's shark week.
What is it?
Did you ever hear about Donovan McNabb?
What?
How he never untucked his shirt.
Like, he would show up to practice with a t-shirt tucked into his shorts, and like all the other players would make fun of him for it.
But he refused.
Yeah.
He refused to change.
That's probably where he and T.O. started beefing.
T.O. was like, I could take this guy down.
Fuck out of here.
I wonder how much of that is the beef in these football practices.
I wonder if it's just that.
It's just like, I could beat if it's just primal.
It's like, why do I have to care about you at all?
I could beat the living shit out of you.
Yeah, there's something about it.
I mean, as a quarterback, especially, you got to have everybody, you got to be the alpha.
All right, that's fair.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea to go through these.
Give us a couple more.
Okay, Alaskan glaciers melting 100 times faster than previously thought.
Hottest, Paris, hottest ever in recorded history, fires in the Arctic.
Climate change.
I'm always very pro-climate change.
I don't know why.
Like, because it only affects people we don't care about already.
Do you know?
Like, I hate that we just start caring about there's people in the northern Arctic.
It's like, well, we haven't brought them back.
Yeah, move.
Yeah.
What are they doing?
These people who live on these little islands and they like fish for a living.
It's like, we haven't tried to help them in any way, shape, or form.
Why the fuck now do we all of a sudden give a fuck about these people?
Like, we do not care.
Do you care?
I could.
About Eskimos up there?
How about?
Yeah, so this is good.
I like this.
Do you care?
It's like, is the thing that's going to cause you to move out of the Arctic really that your backyard is an inch closer to your porch because the shelf of ice is melting away every week?
Or is it the fact that nobody has worn a bathing suit and there's no sunlight for your entire life?
There's no Wi-Fi, no fucking Netflix.
Like, you know, is that really what you needed?
Yeah, yeah.
You're saying that, like, if the situation in the Arctic wasn't enough for you to move, nothing's going to make you move.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah.
We're not going to feel bad for you given that you don't care about what's happening.
Why are we just last chance here?
We don't.
They live in Laugh Chance.
We don't care about them.
Stop motivating.
That's the thing about this climate change shit is like, we want it.
Like, here we want it.
Do you not want it?
I want the climate to change drastically.
To get hotter?
Yes.
I want a 60-degree December.
But that's not what it's going to be.
What is it going to be?
It's going to be 115-degree summer.
I'll take it.
Dude.
It's awesome.
I'll take two months of shitty.
I'll take two months of shitty for 10 months of good.
Okay, but then the other implications are that you're displacing millions of people who will move.
Dude, when we want a basketball team in a neighborhood, we just displace people, and that doesn't even make the temperature go up.
I'm just saying, imagine the winter got a little bit more bearable, right?
And spring was summer.
Two months out of the year, we hang out with the fucking Eskimos.
You know what I mean?
Say what they're up to.
Take a little cruise.
And they're also, everybody makes this big deal about the Eskimos.
It's getting warmer.
That's their biggest problem.
Doesn't it really achieve?
If God is doing this, he's probably looking at us like, you fucking idiots.
I'm fixing everything here.
We're worried about people in Arizona.
You shouldn't live in Arizona.
I think the reality is that you're talking about patterns of weather that will become so volatile.
You're talking about way more hurricanes, flooding.
I mean, that's another one we got to talk about.
If you know the hurricane's coming every year, don't be shocked.
It's like you're in an abusive relationship with Mother Nature, and you are not, you know, moving on with your life.
He's great to you 340 days a year, 355 days a year, and five to ten.
He beats you.
But like, it's good.
He beats me because he loves me.
He beats me because he makes it warm.
It's like being Melania Trump, probably.
You know what I mean?
No.
He's great, you know, but sometimes you got to put up with some bullshit.
Yo, 100%.
And also, don't know when you feel bad for Melania at all because her sister, Svilatlania, is still where she's from.
And that's all you got to say about that.
Happily married, where you from?
And the president's wife, she getting tripped for life.
Facts.
Biowife.org.
That's it.
She don't even got calm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, maybe there's something there.
Maybe there's something there about this.
I think I got to go with that.
We are making a big fucking deal about the blessing that is global warming.
Absolute blessing.
And you know, the beauty is.
Who has died from global warming?
Give me one person.
Redheads.
No, it's not true anyway.
Let's say diminishing ozone layer, much harsher sunlight, people getting redheads.
Get them out of here, bro.
You're giving me another reason.
Absolutely.
That's what I'm saying.
Okay, you're selling no more redheads.
Yeah.
Okay?
That's good.
Hold on.
Hotter winter.
Hotter winter, right?
More seas to sail.
Way more seas to sail.
I love sailing.
Son, it's just improving whiteness.
We get those redheads out of here.
We got way more seas to sail, right?
We can't handle winter anyway.
It's very, no, I guess we're good with winter.
Summer's where we fucking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But maybe we'll get some tans and shit.
Yeah, you also, you can, after it's all melted, you can drive everywhere, pollute all you want to, because it's like, well, we've done the damage.
We've done the damage.
Let's drive.
Let's take, why are we taking the train?
This hot-ass train is 180 degrees down there.
That's a great point.
Let's just take a car.
Once we melt these motherfuckers, we back in the hummingbird.
We need to speed up global warming.
Let me ask you.
12.
I know we're raking jokes, but let me ask you another question.
I'm ready for this shit, son.
Son, I'm ready, son.
I'm ready.
I do have a question, right?
Which is like, the big argument is that, you know, the Earth will become uninhabitable for future generations.
And we're not talking like 3,000 years from now.
We're talking 100 years.
Can I be honest with you?
If we're being very honest, I'm like low-key and environmentalist.
I'm like gay like that, but like, I don't care if somebody glitters or whatever, but like robots are going to kill us well before the environment ever does.
Robots are going to kill us in 25 years.
So the environment, and then they're going to fix the environment.
They're going to be like, oh, guys, if we just kill the humans, everything is fixed.
Everything.
We're a cancer.
You just remove it and then it's done.
It's a defeatist attitude with respect.
And the question I have is: do neither of you want to try?
Disrespect.
To try to what?
To try to like set it in a better way, to try to right the ship a little bit.
Or are we all just for what?
Again.
Frank, you have to understand.
Frank.
Frank White.
This is the real Frank White.
Frank White.
That's another thing about your name.
Is it a nickname that's longer?
No, Francis is the real name.
Francis is the real name.
Frank is the short.
Okay, good.
I should have known that.
That's okay.
So this is what I'm being, I'm being 100% serious when I cannot think of a single one reason.
I cannot think of one single reason why global warming is bad.
Not one.
That's crazy.
No, no, no.
No, you're not.
No, no, Not what?
That's nuts.
No, no, no.
I'm like, look, I'm racking my brain thinking.
This is me thinking.
Well, okay.
Your building's underwater.
What?
Your building would be underwater.
I'm on the eighth floor.
All right.
How are you going to get out?
Boat.
Yo, like, y'all are crazy.
Yo, let me ask you this.
Yeah.
It's 12 feet of water, right?
So you can't get to the front door without swimming.
Okay.
Elevator probably ain't working.
Okay.
You're on the eighth floor.
12 feet of water where?
Just on the streets, on the streets.
Okay, why don't we put something up?
If you just put thing up, then you're good.
The water can't go.
That's the thing.
The same shit you put in an outdoor pool.
Just make America outdoor pool.
Put the game.
Make America's water.
No, it's not because it's going to have an outdoor pool.
If you're telling me that the water rises, everybody gets an outdoor pool.
No, no, no, no, not everybody.
You get an outdoor pool.
You get it outdoor.
This is what we do.
I already calculated it.
It's a big lazy river in New York City.
We're going to put an outdoor pool on every little coast.
Every coast, it's going to be a wall.
We're going to build a wall around America, all of it.
I know, Eden, I'm sorry.
But so that the fish don't come, nothing comes in, right?
We're going to build that wall.
We build it 12 feet or ever how high the, what's it called, rise.
We're good.
You think the wall's going to keep water out?
Son, that's what walls do.
You never seen a pool?
You never seen...
Come on, dog.
You're not talking about like a little.
That's crazy.
Somebody like pointing a hose at America and being like, I hope I get them.
It's not a tidal wave.
It's not like the movies.
It's slow.
Shit drips.
Look at that.
That's evaporating, right?
Look, look, look.
Look at this.
It's so scientifically off-base.
No, it's not.
It's scientifically on base.
Look at that.
This is boom, boom, boom, boom.
That's a little bit of water, right?
A little bit more water coming.
You don't even know what point he's trying to do.
No, me neither.
My point is, it's not going to be 12 feet at once.
It's going to slowly melt.
So we're going to be able to build it one foot.
Then the next year, build it two feet.
Then the next year, build it three feet.
Eventually it's 12 feet.
He's talking about building like a levee around the coast.
America!
And what happens when the levee breaks?
It's not good.
When does that ever happen?
Did you go to the beaches again?
Say what?
Did you go to the beaches again?
All right.
Do you remember when you would start building your sandcastle, right?
And then the tide would come in.
What is going on?
I got you.
The tide would come in, right?
And you'd be like, oh, shit, the water's coming.
I want to protect my sandcastle.
So you'd start building like trenches to or walls.
Right.
But ultimately, you were no match for the power of the ocean.
Can I throw one idea out?
Yeah.
We don't build it with sand.
We build it with concrete and some shit that doesn't move so that it blocks the water.
Like if I was building some shit to keep water out, I could do it.
I mean, there's liquid that's inside this cup.
We could build it out of cup.
A styrofoam wall.
We could do that.
That's effective.
All I'm saying is it's not going to get through.
Tell me I didn't figure out global warming.
It's like all we're worried about is water, Francis?
Water.
It does seem pretty silly when you're talking about the water inuits.
And then these motherfuckers that refuse to move, like they don't even know what's going on out here, dog.
They don't even know what's going on.
Well, it's like, you know, it's huge metropolitan areas like Houston, Louis, you know, New Orleans.
We were just in Houston.
Houston's good.
But I'm saying, like, after the reason that hurricane was so bad, it's like, yeah, theoretically, you should evacuate Houston, but it's very hard to evacuate whatever is 25 million people.
Can I tell you anti-global warming and then pro-global warming?
Anti-global warming, my folks live in Houston.
It is flood-prone.
Pro-global warming.
When the hurricane came, my parents, I was calling them, I was freaking out, and they were like, it's this is great.
This is just like monsoon in India.
They were so fucking third world that the hurricane didn't affect them.
Hormones And Parenting00:08:03
They were like, I got time off work.
The weather is perfect.
They said the weather was perfect.
They were like, we're opening all the windows.
We're not turning on the AC.
We don't have power.
Don't worry about it.
I love it.
Fair enough.
I concede.
I'm just saying it's there's certain things that we don't have to consider.
You good?
Close the door, though.
Close the door so that fucking stench doesn't come over here.
All I'm saying is, oh, oh, careful now.
Careful now because that cord is connected to the camera.
You're good.
You're good.
It was just on your foot.
Okay.
Listen, I think that I figured it out reasonably.
I think there's still something to that three, what's it called?
You trying to get me more drunk?
I'm not going to get drunk.
I'm already wilding.
This kid who's 16 that got 3 million.
Yeah.
We need to talk about him.
Yeah.
We need to talk about him in a real way.
Yeah.
16 worth 3 million.
Yeah.
Okay.
If that's your kid.
Yeah.
Did we talk about this yesterday?
Yeah, yeah.
We touched on it.
We touched on it.
Taking his money.
Yeah.
Right.
Hold on.
If you divorce the wife.
Oh, shit.
What happens with that?
You're saying the kid goes with which parent?
No, who owns the kid's money?
Like, do you own your kid's money?
Or does your kid own his money?
I think it's probably in a trust until he turns 18.
Would be my guess.
Okay, this is a separate question, but if you got some... Some trust fund questions, that's your guy.
Got you.
So here's a question I have for you.
You know how they're like letting little kids be fucking trannies at three years old now?
Oof.
Did you hear about this?
Or did AC Slater?
Oh, the Mario Lopez.
Mario Lopez said the most reasonable thing.
AC Slater, the man of reason, who would have thought, okay?
Candace Owens is talking about some fucking assumptions.
She's talking about these people who let their three-year-old start to transition.
They're giving their three-year-old hormones.
He goes, I'm not telling anybody how to parent, but I just feel like at a certain age at three years old, you might not know exactly what you want to do with your body.
Therefore, maybe we shouldn't be making those decisions.
It could be dangerous.
It could be dangerous.
Like if you're letting three-year-olds decide lifelong choices.
We don't even let kids buy cigarettes until they're 18.
They can't do shit.
We can cut off a dick at three.
So true.
Like, fuck.
Like, it's just shocking to me, like, that you're, that you as a parent would want to be woke so bad.
I want you to be a power ranger.
You want to sacrifice your fucking child to be woke.
Isn't that selfish?
Yeah.
Like, I want to be a Power Ranger when I was three years old.
I don't want to have bunches of pressure.
You're going to have to.
I have to hand you human growth hormones.
Here you go.
There you go.
Go fight with Zordon.
Let's figure it out.
You want to be yoked out of your mind?
Yeah, like, come on, dude.
Like, that is just, oh, boy.
Hilarious.
Let me get this straight.
You're not old enough to go see the new X-Men movie, but you're old enough to cut off your dick.
Dude, yeah, it's a whole, I don't know that they're letting the kids have gender reassignment surgery.
No, they're not chopping them up yet, but they are how they identify.
No, and they're giving them hormones.
Are they giving them hormones, balls?
Hormones.
I don't give a fuck what your kid says he is.
All these kids have like a tomboy period.
Every kid has some kind of weird period, okay?
But when you start giving the kids hormones, you are a psychotic lunatic.
Yeah, that's too much.
You're a fucking, you're abusing your child.
You're not taking from me.
That's child abuse.
If you're giving your kid hormones at three years old.
If you think your kid is old enough to make any decision on his own, you don't deserve to be a father.
You just don't.
Oh, I looked at my child and my child was swimming in a bathtub and looked up and said, mommy, I'm a boy.
And that's weird.
Well, it keeps going down.
I'm curious about this.
I'm trying to understand it myself.
And please don't let me into a whole group.
I'm kind of blown away too.
Look, I'm never one to tell anyone how to parent their kids.
Obviously, and I think if you come from a place of love, you really can't go wrong.
But at the same time, my God, if you're three years old and you're saying you're feeling a certain way or you think you're a boy or a girl, whatever the case may be, I just think it's dangerous as a parent to make that determination then.
Well, okay, then you're going to be a boy or a girl, whatever the case may be.
It's sort of alarming.
And my gosh, I just think about the repercussions later on.
Is that not the most reasonable fucking statement?
Holy, like, and then you kill them for that statement?
They're not going to cancel them.
They're going to try.
These guys are losing.
The fact that they're trying even.
Dude, here's the shit with the whole trans thing, right?
You have a mental illness, okay, where you think you're in the wrong body.
The only way we currently know how to treat that mental illness is by you getting gender reassignment surgery, which if it's your body, you're not hurting anybody.
Go for it.
100%.
Do that.
That's fine.
When you're at an age where you can make these decisions yourself.
Don't make that decision for anybody else.
I mean, if I'm a parent and my child does a lot of girly shit and a lot of boy shit, I don't think it's really fair to make that be who they are for the rest of their fucking life.
You're not even allowing them.
Yeah, you're not allowing them the opportunity to grow into their own individual as an adult.
Yeah.
Like if my girl, like if my little girl grows up and like she starts doing some boy stuff, I keep it in the back of my head.
I'm like, oh, okay, that was the, that's, that's something.
You know, and then when she gets like 10, 11, 12, 13, maybe when she's at, and is she still doing those things?
I'll just, okay, all right, I see where that's at, but to make that decision at three, that's fucking.
What's still wait till 18?
Am I crazy?
Be an adult before you make this decision.
This is not, yeah, sure, you feel a certain way.
Can you wait a few years?
Life between one and 18 is not nearly as long as it is between 18 and 90.
Forever.
So if you can wait these few years, you got 62 years of being who you really feel you are, 72 years, whatever it is.
Go do that.
I'll give you that.
That's it.
As a parent, I'm saying, let's just wait, please.
No, that's good.
I'm curious.
I think there is a huge difference between a parent saying, oh, you think you identify as a girl?
Great.
Go for it.
Yes, 100%.
Right?
And like, that's fine.
Whatever.
But if you are actually handing them chemicals where we don't necessarily know irreversible the repercussions are irreversible.
That's fine.
And you're bringing to them what I can only imagine.
I don't know pediatricians that are prescribing hormone imbalancing changing pills to three-year-olds.
You shouldn't give any voluntary medicine to a three-year-old.
Like, there's no fucking.
If my three-year-old is at the doctor, he should be sick.
What I'm going to say is, like, when do you not listen to your kid?
Like, if your kid's like, I don't want to eat that.
I just want to eat candy all day.
Are you going to go?
Okay.
Okay, you eat candy?
I'm sick of sacrifice.
Yeah, why are you giving your kid autonomy on his life?
He is not old enough or capable to eat that.
This is bad parenting at that point.
Dress however you want to.
Put on dresses.
Fine.
You feel this way?
Let's go.
Cut hormones.
Cut that shit out.
What do you mean?
Cut that shit out.
What you mean?
Stop that shit.
Listen, if that's what you want to do, great.
But I'm not going to make cross-dressers.
That doesn't hurt anybody.
That's horrible.
Bro, don't do anything.
You didn't walk in heels in your mom's heels when you were growing up?
Nah.
Never.
Not once I. My sister used to dress me up in her leotards.
And we would choreograph full dance recitals in our living room.
And look at how I turned out.
I'm a little puss on the reg totally straight.
Straight as can be.
I'm getting wet every night, man.
Soaked in this heat.
Fucking global warming.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, no, like I wore, I stepped in my mom's heels for a little while.
Like, I walked around in his shoes.
I got pictures of my brother dressed as a girl.
That shit is so funny.
That shit is so funny, dude.
Nah, you gotta, you gotta.
You're like, nah, it's not.
I'm a parent, bro.
Like, if kids are gonna do something on their own, that's what they do on their own.
But if I walk home and I see my kid dressed up in my wife's clothing, I'm gonna be like, yo, you gotta cut shit off.
You gotta cut this shit out, man.
Like, I gotta tell you this before the guys at school tell you this.
Conservative Environmental Views00:03:56
You know what I mean?
Because if you're too acceptant of your kid, they're just gonna get the fuck bullied out of them at school.
So I gotta cut that shit out to protect them.
So then let's say that I'm your son and I come to you and I'm 14.
Yeah.
And I say to you, Dad, this is really hard for me.
Yeah.
But I am much more attracted to boys than I am to girls.
Awesome.
You're gay?
Do it, dog.
And part of that is that I, okay, all right.
So you're totally fine with like sexual preference.
It's not preference.
It's orientation.
Orientation.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then part of that is also that I really enjoy dressing up in drag.
And there's this community.
Well, it's really fun to sing in cabaret shape.
Oh, you like entertaining.
I feel sexy when I'm wearing heels and women's makeup.
Why?
Why do you feel sexy?
I don't know.
It just makes me feel like who I am.
And have you seen A Star is Born?
That's my favorite movie, especially the scene in the drag bar.
I didn't see that movie.
Maybe you shouldn't be watching those $15.
Yeah, I hate that movie.
But I like that song.
Broken.
What is it called?
Broken.
I'm of the Shallow.
Shallow.
Yeah.
Shallow.
I'm off the D.
That song should be about global warming.
I'm going to die, man.
Shallow?
Okay.
Here comes the deep.
No cup can stop it.
You're going to die real soon.
Shit.
Drinking is environmentally friendly bottles.
I always bring this.
You do.
I'm not going to have the elephant graveyard of water bottles that you guys are going to be doing.
Interestingly, it's about writing, which is exactly what costs you your job.
Look at that.
Those who tell the story.
Look at that.
I could still.
World strawberry.
All right.
Wait, so you don't use like straws and shit like that or what?
I don't.
You know what?
The paper straw bracket.
Can I tell you something?
If someone puts it in my drink and hands it to me, I'll fucking drink it.
But I don't.
The paper straw thing is bullshit.
There's got to be another way.
More straws now.
I asked for two straws every single one.
Let's say I want them to land in both of the turtles' nostrils.
I don't want a turtle cocking to be able to.
I don't want it to be able to breathe out of one and then the other's lodge.
I want both lots.
What do you have against turtles?
Fuck them.
I'm more of a splinter fan myself.
Even Shredder, I like.
But them turtles, fuck them turtles, bro.
Fair enough.
Eating all our pizza.
See, this is the problem.
This is the problem.
Global warming and environmentalism have become so attached with liberalism and so politicized along party lines that people who don't believe in, let's say, abortion feel the need to also distance themselves from environmentalists.
I mean, yeah, 100%.
I think it's perfectly fine to go a la carte with your political causes.
I think if you care about the environment.
Like, choose off the mail.
That's what Chris Rock said.
I got some shit I'm conservative about.
I got some shit I'm liberal about.
Crime, I'm conservative.
Prostitution, I'm liberal.
I'm not saying you can't do that.
But if I know you care about the environment, I think you're gay.
That's just me personally.
That shit comes to you.
That's just me.
Shut up to you.
Dad.
Yeah, yeah.
I love you very much.
But I think we need to stop with the plastic bottles.
Does that piss you off more?
Punch my son.
Punch my son right in his face.
I would rather walk in on my son.
I'd rather walk in my son sucking a guy's dick than sucking on a paper straw.
Pit Bull Danger Stats00:03:47
There's your joke.
That's tonight.
That's it.
We got it.
That's really good.
Dude.
Also, I thought it was something for the $3 million.
Here we go.
Oh, God damn.
I thought of something, baby.
For the $3 million?
I can't wait till there's a broke documentary about these Fortnite kids.
Yeah.
Like how a 16-year-olds spend all their money?
You know what I mean?
Just disheveled 16-year-olds be like, I bought all those dunkaroos.
I wish I could have.
My dad told me not to.
Got all these velcro shoes.
I don't know where to put them.
Oh, that's good.
Oh, we might have two.
Guys, see how humor works?
You go in, then you come back.
You know what I mean?
Just like a tide that won't.
Just like coffee is whiskey.
She's good.
I'm trying to think of it.
I'm trying to think of it.
What was the thing about it?
He used all his money on gender reassignment surgery and then trans shit.
Then he turned 20 and he's like, I made a horrible mistake.
Yo, they do that sometimes.
That is true.
And if you've had gender reassignment, I've heard you can't go one way through.
Can I just can I run it?
Right, The uh, the joke, no, no, no, no.
You remember how you hate pit bulls and you gave all that science about how like 50% of pit bull attacks did whatever.
Yeah, so I was using that thinking that you researched that science.
I did.
Okay.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, I did.
Well, do you know how many?
It was?
50% of uh, pit bull.
50 of attacks on children are from pit bulls, according to the Philadelphia Children's Hospital, from like 2003 to.
And then people say well, there's mixed breeds.
You can't really do you know how many attacks that's based on?
I have?
I have no idea, four total.
No, that's blows.
There's no way that's.
Someone told me that because I used the stat mad cocky, like because I was about.
You know, I was just saying, but who told you that?
That's all my knowledge is from secondary sources, meaning somebody read some shit and then I trust that he read it when he tells me that's what I trusted with him.
I'm looking this up.
Hold on who's that?
That's someone else I'm get out of here, guy named Cale Cale like, like the, the leafy green breed, the green that goes down like razor wire, short for Caleb.
I'm sure pit bull attacks.
I'm telling you I did enough research to cover my.
Here you go.
I can't really see enlarging.
Following infographic shows a pit bull is still responsible.
God damn it, Eddie.
You pull up something on time and then you still fuck it up.
Pit bull rottweiler, German shepherd, mixed breed.
Fatal attacks on Aaron and Andrew.
Look yeah, America's most dangerous dog breeds, okay.
Fatal attacks on humans from 2005, 2017.
Pit bull number one, 284.
Okay, let's go back.
So that is a 12-year period.
What's 284 divided by 12?
Uh oh wait wait, another 44 288, it's like.
It's like 23.6.
Yeah, so in all of America, we're talking about 23 attacks per year.
Yeah that's, that's a lot.
That's not a lot.
Okay, as compared to like, golden retrievers, which is six over, it's 0.5 attacks per golden retriever per 12 year period.
So wait, are you trying to say that golden retrievers are the white people of dunks name any other, any other of those breeds?
I'm saying i've never met a black person with a golden retriever in my life.
The whole point of all the statistics I feel like i'd made it in life if I had a golden retriever the whole point of all white numbers is that pit bulls are so orders of magnitude more dangerous than every other.
Okay, so your stats are right and this bitch was lying to me.
Politically Correct Names00:02:26
Yeah, I don't know who, for where did that even come from?
White woman, she was white.
She's probably not telling you man, you can't trust White women ever.
Yeah, if you were in the white woman.
I agree with that.
And you know why white women get pit bulls?
Why?
Because they like to jog with them for protection, which is full shit.
Probably from black people.
That's exactly right.
People of color.
I mean, I don't like it.
I don't like it one bit.
You know?
I don't like the people of color.
These are not politically correct.
I thought that was a good word.
I think it's weird.
I say black folks, bro.
I'm not just talking about black people, though.
I'm talking about all.
Here's what's weird.
People are color.
All of you.
People of color.
Just a blanket statement there about the colors of the rainbow.
People of color.
I can't understand this.
That's the most politically correct.
You're colored people.
You cut out a syllable, all of a sudden, you're a monster.
Yeah, it's true.
It's a good one.
Don't make no sense.
I think the word colored is just huge people.
How about that?
You know what it is?
If I have to work.
This is what I've learned.
People of color are very sensitive about their names because their names have often been used to hold them down.
So even if it's an intonation, the way you say it, very sensitive.
So there's never a good term.
You just don't say anything about it.
Well, then what do you mean to like reference?
No, You can call black people black people.
Even then, it's they're like, no, it's not.
I think African-American.
Ian Edwards had this joke, and I thought it, but like, obviously, it's his case more than mine.
If you say African-American, that's more racist to me.
Like, you went through all these extra syllables to not seem racist.
You probably racist.
That's too much.
Yeah.
No, there's this guy I follow.
He had a show on Vice for a while.
He's hilarious.
His name is Zach Fox.
I like that.
He's hilarious.
And he said, don't let white people call you brother.
That's just boneless nigger.
It's the chicken tender of the M-world with the chicken tender.
I use brother all the time.
So what is the proper terminology?
What is it?
People of color.
If we're talking about black people, we'll say black people.
We're talking about all people.
But what if you're talking to one black guy?
It's a black guy.
It's black people.
Yeah.
I was referring to all races that were not white.
So what do you call them?
When I said people of color.
Minority?
I don't know.
That sounds bad to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just call whatever.
I don't care that much.
I care just enough to not want to punch that one.
You're Puerto Rican.
Transphobic Allegories00:15:08
You're white.
You're Indian.
I can't be bothered with this shit, bro.
I really can't be.
It's too much.
I don't have any malice no matter how I say it.
I don't have malice in my heart.
I care enough to know if you're being malicious.
That's the only level that I care about.
Like, if somebody's like, all right, like, if I'm fucking trying to, if somebody cuts me off at a parking spot and somebody's like, listen here, my brother, I'm like, all right, now we have to fight.
But why?
That's the nice thing.
You think if he wants to hurt you, he could say way other words.
Like, if you already did something and I don't know you from a hole in the wall and somebody's like, I was like, listen here, my brother.
I mean, come on.
It's like, no, no, no, no.
Now you're going, you're doing too much.
I can tell you're getting a little drunk.
I can tell Caz getting a little drinky because he's talking loud and more.
Francis seems completely unaffected.
I've been drinking heavily lately.
My tolerance is at an all-time high.
He's like, this is just my warm-up.
I have little hope.
I'm having a hard time sleeping.
I've been drinking wine, white wine, to help me to sleep.
What kind?
What's specifically?
Sanser?
Oh, see, that'll even.
I know that much.
I'm a dry.
I'm a Savior.
Not too fruity.
That's right.
I like the Sans Serre.
Yeah, Sanser is nice.
Really cold.
Yeah.
Really?
You got wine cold.
White wine.
I really like it.
Very, very cold.
Gotcha.
I'm cheap.
I'm a Savion Blanc person myself.
That's great.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But it's available everywhere.
Here's a nice parallel to the conversation we were just having, right?
Are you going to defend pit bulls?
No.
No.
I'm never going to defend pit bulls.
Come on.
Sauvignon Blanc, right?
Yeah.
Great.
And the way you said it, great.
If people say, Savinyama, I want to commit terrorism against that person.
You're saying a lot of Muslim things right now.
I didn't say Muslim.
They're a Russian terrorist.
Plenty of other people of color have committed acts of terrorism.
Russian terrorists who are probably Muslims.
Yeah, they are Muslims.
They're Russian Muslims.
The only non-Muslim terrorists are the ones in Spain and Ireland.
We don't call white people.
Come on, that's not right.
Eta in Spain.
And then the...
Yeah, the Irish Republican Army.
We don't call white people terrorists.
They're just mad men.
We just talked about Irish.
Wait a second.
No, we don't call them terrorists.
He literally just, damn, drunk cats don't listen.
He literally took a shit.
Ireland.
Yeah, they're a terrorist organization.
What are they called?
And they were about that action.
The Northern Irish versus Ireland Popper, all the way up until 1998.
What are they called?
The IRA?
Well, the IRA, the Northern Republican Army.
The NRA or IRA?
No, it is IRA.
The Irish Republican Army.
The NRA is taken by other terrorists.
Did it just walk up to people like this?
I just thought it was Barris.
No, that was where Volotoff cocktails were like huge.
Car bombs.
Oh, God.
Okay, yeah.
No, the terrorist shit is.
Yo, don't be a terrorist, bro.
But like, don't be a terrorist, bro.
You know what I mean?
Like, sometimes you just got to submit to daddy.
Like, that's what people don't realize.
Like, not everybody's going to have control of their country.
This is what is the hardest thing to tell certain people, right?
Like, it's not your choice to be born into a shitty little piece of shit country, right?
But when you are, you have to submit to daddy, and there can only be a few daddies.
So, if you don't do what daddy says, you got to get spanked up.
I love that this is your answer, not only for like, no, I will not let you be transgender, son, but also, no, I will not let you be a terrorist.
You cannot be transgender after you really try out this regular gender.
You know what I mean?
Like, you can commit terrorism when you turn 18.
Yeah, like, yo, let's, hey, let's.
That's actually a solid rule.
If you didn't let kids blow themselves up and you were 18, you decide it would be.
No, get some pussy first.
Yeah, yes.
Get some pussy first.
You get all that shit down.
You know what I mean?
They have someone that they let their kids go out and experience the world and sin.
That's what these little terrorist groups do.
My kid is 18, let him go out, buy him some pussy, get him drunk, see if maybe this shit is worth it.
Because it probably is.
That's it.
Take a lot of that hate out of your heart.
That's America.
You come to America, you start getting all that American shit.
You're like, I ain't going back to that cave-dwelling life.
Fuck am I fucking like a bad person?
Hey, dwelling.
You're dwelling.
Plato.
Allegories and shit.
You know what I mean?
Motherfucker was coming up with allegories in a cave, dog.
Do you remember that guy?
Yo, it was so many allegories in there.
Allegories.
There were so many allegories.
Y'all probably don't even know what an allegory is.
Nah, I was just laughing.
I'm like, yeah, allegory.
I'm like, I know what it is.
What's an allegory?
An allegory is like a story that is meant to offer a message about something else.
Symbolism.
Like symbolism.
Aesop's fables.
Is that what that is?
Fables are similar, but fables always involve fables.
Free momentum.
Free momentum.
Aesop.
Aesop's a cool name.
Aesop?
It's almost like still in there.
I know.
That's why we're there to free my man Aesop.
Oh, that's funny.
You might be better than Trump.
At what?
At getting black people.
Clearly, I'm better.
Son, I'm the goat.
He didn't try that hard if he's still in there.
I'm the GOAT, bro.
Let me tell you when it comes to.
I'm this guy's guardian angel.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's still in there.
He's still in there.
It's really good.
I'm enjoying this.
He's not getting out for a minute.
Oh, wait, what were we talking about?
Terrorism or some shit?
Oh, I'm gay.
Yeah.
Am I?
Hello.
Is this an allegory?
It is amazing to me that you, I would say, you have a very...
How much power the Jews have, given that there's such a small population in the world?
You know what I've been?
Listen.
You know what I've been doing?
I've been having that shit, boy.
Oh, my God.
Trying to get the Somalis gays and the Jews after us.
I have to unite everyone.
I have to unite.
And the transgenders.
Don't worry about that one.
I'm not against trans, but I've...
Somebody got more power for how small of a percentage they got.
The Jews are the trans.
Oh, Jews without a transgender.
Trans don't have real power.
But think about the percent.
Yo, but think about this.
Trans are really like the Kurds.
You know, the Kurds?
Like cheese curds?
No.
The Kurdish.
The Kurdish people, like the poor Kurdish people we just use for proxy wars, right?
So it's just like, yo, go fight them over there.
You'll get your land, but you never get it.
Trans are proxy soldiers.
Trans are proxy soldiers.
So anytime Trump needs some distraction or whatever, he's just like, yo, trans, cut that shit out.
And then people are like, how could you say that about trans?
Boom, that's it.
But nothing ever really happened.
I'm saying Ario Loki, Finnie.
Are they finna cancel AC Slater?
AC Slater.
AC Slater is one of the most gainfully employed motherfuckers in entertainment.
You know what I mean?
He's good.
Still looks great.
He does look good.
Still looks good.
Been foreign since 1990.
He has, bro.
He's on every hotel room ever.
As soon as you check in.
Extra.
That's true.
That's fucking Slater, though.
It's crazy.
Wait, you think it's transphobic to tell your kid, yo, see if you really want to do this?
Try out the regular friend.
I just think people are just afraid to have conversations.
Like, just having the conversation with your kids, like, oh, my God, how could you think that way?
How can you know what's best for your own three-year-old?
Even if you're adult, I want to know.
You got to talk to me.
Maybe I'm trans.
I don't know.
Tell me.
Maybe you describing a feeling that I've had my whole life.
I just didn't know that was woman.
Dude, I've always thought at this point in my career, how much better I would be doing if I came out and said I identify as a woman now.
It doesn't work out.
I know this has been said probably.
If Schultz did that, it's a rap.
You were just like, I identify as a woman.
Who's going to hate you?
If you came out and you go, shit.
So my point is, I've had meetings with fucking agents, managers, everybody.
And they're like, look, fortunately for you, writing rooms are not hiring straight white males right now.
The door is closed for the moment.
And I'm like, okay, that's fine.
Whatever it is.
So what can I do to get into that writing room if that was what I wanted to do?
Well, one thing would be to have gender reassignment surgery.
You could also just say you blood dudes.
Do you think gay is enough?
Didn't work for Gerard.
That HBO spells did not slap at all.
And I liked his first two.
The first two was great.
Is Gerard gay now?
Yeah, he came out.
Oh, I didn't know that.
He's both.
Oh, I didn't know that.
He's biased.
Let me guess you don't believe in that.
Not for the guys.
I don't believe in guy by.
I don't believe in.
You know what I say?
I don't buy a guy by.
Let me tell you why.
Let me tell you what.
Ask a woman what they think.
We'll ask them what they think.
Oh, women are the most homophobic.
Women the most homophobic.
No, you're there.
I don't buy a guy by.
That's going to come get pussy now and go get some dicks.
Buy a guy by.
Bye, guy by.
I don't buy a guy by.
Let me tell you why.
I don't buy a guy by.
I admire it because a lot of us won't know the things we like in life because we're too afraid to try.
Okay?
So we'll go through this one life that we have without trying certain things that we might enjoy because we're too afraid of what the world might think.
Like Birkenstocks.
Yeah.
Right?
You don't have to Birkenstocks.
You might love Birkenstocks, but you're afraid.
You might love Birkenstocks, but you're too afraid, right?
That's a really small thing.
You guys have it?
Yeah.
Ugh.
I wear Uggs around the house.
They're so comfortable.
Boom.
So comfortable.
The only reason you don't like dick is because you haven't tried it yet.
What I'm trying to say is I might like it if I had tasted it, but I have not.
There's certain yogurts I won't try.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't like certain yogurts.
Lemon.
I don't like that.
But she never tried it.
But I don't know.
I'm going to story in the group chat, right?
What's that?
This model, Carissa Pinkston, admits she lied about being transgender because I guess they found some like old shit she said about that was transphobic.
And like her comeback was, well, I'm trans, so I can't be transphobic.
And I guess they found out that she lied about that shit.
Yo.
How can you?
That's definitely not.
And I don't think that's the first time I've heard something like that.
Imagine how disappointed it was for her that they believed that she was a trans.
Like, that's the most heartbreaking shit.
She's like, she's like, I'm actually trans.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
There's a feet big.
Look how big this bitch's feet are.
I knew she was trans this whole time.
Oh, that's fucked up.
Big old fucking guy neck.
Damn.
She looks like a bad thing.
She looks like Chris Brown, though.
The other one was Kevin Smith.
She made like vibes cartoons.
Kevin McGowan to deflect.
Nah, she's pretty.
I fucked that.
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
Yeah, she threw it.
I fucked that dude, bro.
I fucked that up.
Wait, what were we talking about?
He was talking about you would fuck the girlfriend.
No, I didn't say fuck I would fucking go.
You watch Euphoria?
On HBO?
I thought it's really good.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
I'm going to give you the hypothetical.
The hypothetic amiente.
Got it.
Let's go.
She's fine, bro.
She's cute.
All right.
So, check it.
She looks like Javel McGee a little bit.
A little JaVail.
She don't.
Just a smidge.
Now you can't fuck her no more, dog.
That's Javel.
Transve McGee.
Transve McConnell.
Transve McGuire.
Okay.
So, that's the name of the episode.
Transveil McGuire.
Okay.
So.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So, Francisco.
See.
Okay.
So, you are about to hook up with this shorty.
Fine, bitch.
That's good.
Right?
You know what I'm saying?
Super fine as fuck.
Right?
So, so, so, right?
You're about to uncover that, right?
And then she pulls back, scoot.
And she's like, she's like, okay, so I'm not going to make it.
I got to pay.
So then, then she goes, then she goes, she goes, hey, I just want to let you know before we actually go through with this, right?
I was worn a guy.
Okay.
I got the gender reassignment surgery, got the pussy, got the cities, got everything.
It's all good.
What's up?
Do you fuck?
Keep your buck, too.
And you're saying she's incredibly beautiful.
She's beautiful enough for y'all to hook up.
That doesn't really say a whole lot.
Standards have plummeted.
Yo, that's what happens when you be hanging out with comedians, bro.
Hooking up with female comedians.
Who does that?
Yeah, you're right.
I would never do that.
No, I don't think I would.
And I don't want that to sound transphobic.
I think that is.
I'm not transphobic.
I don't.
I think it's a sexuality.
Are you sexist when you don't hook up with an ugly girl?
Do you hate women?
No, of course not.
Are you homophobic when you don't hook up with a guy?
That's absurd.
Right.
Right?
You're not homogeneous.
Right.
So, so I'm not.
Of course you wouldn't do it.
None of us would do it, right?
Because that shit is mad and gay.
But besides that, what I'm saying is, would you, this is what I would do.
This is what I would do.
I dap them up, right?
I dap them up.
I'd be like, yo, you almost got me, fam.
Hey, bro, you nice with me.
I'm not going to front.
You hit me a little crossover.
You got me.
Ankle's broke, right?
I dap them up.
I'm like, that was what's up, right?
And then I'd be like, yo, let me fill you a pussy.
Like, I don't want to do it sexually.
I just want to see what it's like.
What sort of work?
Let me examine.
Let me examine.
Examine it.
Let me examine your push.
So you do in the beginning of some porn scenes where they like butterfly fillet it and like open it up.
You know what I mean?
Like where they're like, this looks good.
Yo, Francis LSU is a fillet mignon reference.
You know when they butterfly cars.
And they're like, you know what I'm talking about?
That's the only reason.
And they like examine it and they're like, oh, well, he's going to have fun with that.
And then the guy comes in naked already with a boner and he's like, did somebody call for a dick?
And then he goes to town.
That's what you would do.
You would almost do like a gynecologist's checkup.
I want to do a gynecologist's checkup.
Wow.
That's true.
He says you're in this video.
Actual surgery, like how they turn your dick.
It's fascinating.
Yes.
Vagina.
You hold your nose like this and you breathe out.
You breathe in.
And you breathe a deep breath in your nose.
You hold your nostrils closed.
Yanni Poppy Nerves00:06:31
No, you don't see it.
So that's how you get it out.
They just say, they just go, I'm tired of this shit.
I want to go home.
Where did you get this kid?
No, Marbury.
The line at the restroom's too long.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, son.
Blowing up an air mattress.
Fucking fuck.
Oh, good.
Oh, Jamie McGee off the fucking screen.
She's been here for that long.
Oh, God.
That is hysterical.
God damn.
So I think they take the nerves.
Like, they take the dick and like, I guess, kind of like.
I don't care.
That's too good.
Science.
Yo, yo, just imagine sucking on it.
Dude, just imagine.
They take the time.
And they turn it into like a vagina cocktail.
They take the nerves.
Emphasis on the cock.
The nerves.
They take some of your wrists.
They take your wrist, it looks like.
Dude, it took your wrist.
I thought it was that corny ass.
I thought it was that they like, they basically turn it inside out.
Yeah, that's what I feel.
Yeah, but then your dick would be right by your asshole.
It'd be between your legs.
Points up towards you.
But it'd be between your legs, bro.
Your pussy's math farms.
So you're supposed to be down there.
Pussy's down here.
My dick, I don't know where your dick is, but my dick is more forward.
My dick is up here.
Like when you pee at a urinal, do you do it butt first?
Imagine pulling your face.
Anyway, what's up, fellas?
You ever see those milking videos?
Those hand job milking videos where the girl's under the table jerking the car backwards.
Hey, man, Nick's a gonna do it this season.
Oh god.
You just peeing doggy style into the urinal face.
No, of course not.
What you doing?
Oh yeah, Yanni!
Yanni Poppy!
Yo, Yanni Poppy!
Yo, yo, turn.
Hey, you guys, turn your mic so Yanni Poppy can talk.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, you're hanging out, Jeff.
But Yanni Poppy, I gotta set up Yanni Poppy.
How much time have we done?
I am having a great time.
Very good.
Yeah, you got him a stool.
Market stocks?
The wonderful...
The wonderful Yannis Papas is walked in for guys who haven't seen the camera.
Can he sit here without being in the way of the mic?
Yeah.
Okay.
In the way of the camera?
There you go.
Okay, Yanni Poppy, sit right there for the time being.
Are we sure we start Patreon now?
No, well.
I don't think we got the time yet.
520.
We're not there yet.
We're not there yet.
That's what we're going to do.
That's what we're going to.
So, Yannik Poppy, we're doing a marriage.
You got a nice little cut, huh?
Yeah, Lily Hood.
You got that cut.
Let's see that ring, dog.
I haven't seen you post marriage.
Look at that.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it in the chat?
Now, who picked that out?
You or your husband?
My husband.
My husband picked me out.
Yeah.
My husband.
Hold on.
Are we good?
Eden, are we good or what?
Okay, we're good.
So, Yannik Papi, we were just talking about how you make a tranny vagina, right?
And Kaz was breaking it down.
Oh, yeah.
No, I'm okay.
Everybody's drinking XMP.
We're gay.
We are gay.
So you got to drink fast.
The only thing that shocked me is the Birkenstocks.
I don't know what's going on, but I see Birkenstocks.
Yo, we're talking about Trannies, bro.
Do you know what I mean?
Can I get up in the world, bro?
Can my feet live?
Yeah, they can.
They're alive.
They're living too free.
Son, have you tried on a Burke?
I used to wear Crocs, so I know how long comfort goes.
Different, son.
It's different.
This is different.
You could fight in these.
That's why I wear these.
I usually don't wear a sandal because I'm concerned that I might need a fight.
Yeah.
But these have enough, they go high enough on your foot where you could fight.
You need to try some male ugs, bro.
Yeah.
I got some male ugs at the crib and shit.
I think I'd rather take a beaten than have those on.
I'll let the guy win.
Last time I saw DeStefano, it was at the barstool show.
He had the jeans with the strategic rips in them.
And you could hear him calling himself the F-word in his head as he described.
He was like, yeah, I'm wearing these fucking jeans, got the fucking any whips because I got the fucking rip cinemato.
So do we have Yanni Poppy having a little drink as well?
Yeah, I got a little bit.
Okay, Yanni Poppy got a little drink as well.
And then you and Francis are going to switch in a little bit.
So we're doing a marathon app.
I explained this to you.
We're doing a marathon.
You didn't tell me, but now I'm in.
Oh, son.
Yeah.
We're doing a marathon.
Because I'm going to Japan.
Yeah.
Telethon.
I'm going to Japan.
Yeah.
That's why you got those on.
You're ready.
Oh, son.
I got outfits that only can be worn in Japan.
Yeah.
Son, y'all don't even know.
I'm going.
You got a kimono?
Son, I got no, no, like Japanese fashion.
Oh, the cool thing about Japan is that, like, the people don't judge no matter nothing.
Oh, the streetwear out there is phenomenal.
So you could just wear whatever you want, and nobody says shit to you.
Like, you know, in America, like, you have guys like you.
They will just make fun of motherfuckers, man, Birkenstock.
Order those.
Exactly.
There's no one of those in Japan.
It's just like, oh, that is interesting.
They judge the black people who judge the outfits.
So they're like, what are you going to tell me?
Zach me.
Japanese people love black culture.
They do like black culture.
They do.
They love it.
I love it too.
Every old rapper goes to Japan and sells out fucking massive arenas and stuff.
Really?
Like KRS1 and shit.
He'll go there and do like a month-long tour in Japan.
Dude, okay.
KRS-1.
Talk about it.
Do you remember Pete Rock and CL Smooth?
Yeah.
Reminiscent of Rio.
Yeah.
I was at Willie Cologne's opening of his Willie Cologne.
Shout out to Willie from Brooks and Hops up in the Bronx.
And KR, excuse me, Pete Rock was DJing the party.
Wow.
And I was a little sad.
It's sad.
Japanese Rapper Tours00:15:12
Very sad.
There were only, I don't know, 30 people there.
And he put his song on.
My man DJing and the Bronx, son.
Yeah.
I mean, middle-aged rap is not the most.
Jay-Z only makes he's the only one that makes middle-aged rap fun.
Everybody else is just.
But none of those guys got paid back then either.
No, there was no money in it yet.
They're like getting out of the way.
They're all players.
What about concerts?
People paid for concerts.
Yeah, but the record labels were taking everything back then.
I thought the record labels take everything now, and back in the day, they got nothing for it.
They're getting smarter now.
They're getting smarter now.
You didn't see the TLC documentary?
No.
And they were like breaking down how Waterfall sold like 10 million records, so then they only made like $5,000 or some shit.
It wasn't $5,000.
It was enough to live, I remember.
It wasn't that much.
Because they took everything.
Well, they kind of got them into like paying for buses, paying for all this other stuff.
What I remember is this explanation from Left Eye being like, here's how you go broke, even though you sold 100%.
You gave Left Eye AIDS.
Did we ever find that out?
What?
Left Eye had AIDS?
Waterfall.
That's a hard left term from the music business.
Nah, didn't she have AIDS?
No, so she died.
I told you, there's a documentary called The Last Days of Left Eye, where you see her like.
You see her die.
You see her right before she dies.
She's holding.
She's like, she's acting mad weird.
She's going to that doctor that they said cured AIDS.
She didn't have AIDS.
She just was like one of his followers or whatever, filming herself for like weeks.
Then she's in the car talking, like vlogging, and then all of a sudden she's like, oh, shit.
And then the camera drops.
And then that's when she dies.
Like the car slides down a ditch or whatever.
Oh, my God.
You've never seen that bitch.
I was like, you're really about to show this?
What did she have?
What was the disease?
Nothing.
She died in a car crash.
But she had AIDS.
Oh, she had something, but it wasn't AIDS.
Let me look that up, bro.
Eddie, can you look up?
You saying that sounded familiar.
I feel like she had it.
Nah, she didn't have AIDS, bro.
Yo, wait, what was the other joke?
It was the sucking a dick on a straw.
I'd rather my son.
Yeah, I'd rather die.
And then the other one, there was another one.
God damn, can you open this mind?
I mean, something about the global warming rest.
The cup?
Huh?
She didn't have it.
Cup.
Yeah.
Wall build a wall at a cup.
You just gotta go.
I forget.
So, Giannis, you know that Comedy Central show they do at the cellar?
Yeah.
So we're trying to do the, we're trying to think of, they never put me on anyway.
So we're just thinking of the worst possible, the most offensive possible jokes for the topics, and then I'll go tape them tonight.
Okay.
He's coming up with his material now for a gig that if I had it would be the biggest gig of my career.
What the Comedy Central thing?
So like, Giannis, you're the biggest progression.
Giannis, here's the example, right?
Like, I'm progressive, right?
But I'm not, like, too progressive.
You're not gay.
No, no, I can't say that.
That kills the joke.
Oh, I think we're saying in real life.
No, no, no, no.
We know that.
I'm progressive.
I'm not too progressive.
Like, I'd rather walk in on my son sucking on a dick than sucking on a paper straw.
You need the buildup.
The whole point was like, he's really anti-global.
Yo, watching Jokes Bomb is really fun.
Not even a sympathy laugh.
There's nothing.
Not even a social gesture.
We spent 20 minutes going back and forth about how he does not like global warming and he actually wants to warm.
He actually wants to make it worse.
I'm sorry, I do believe in it.
Like, I'm supportive of it.
He's a proponent of global warming.
You want it to speed things up.
All it does is makes everything better.
I just want it to speed up the end.
Like, this is just suspension.
Why do you want it to be done so bad?
I mean, we did it.
We made it, you know?
I think we made it.
I think at the end of the game, you got to shuffle it up a little bit and start over.
Like, Monopoly, you know, when you Monopoly, you get to the end.
You can't just keep playing.
What are we going to do next?
I've never got to the end of Monopoly.
Nobody has.
I tried it as an adult once to play Monopoly and actually follow the rules, and it's the worst.
So boring.
There's no way to end it.
There's no way to end Monopoly.
I mean, I did a pilot the other day where the host was an AI, was a reactive AI.
That's fucking horrible.
What was this pilot for?
It was a Spotify pilot where they put two people in a room and then the AI assesses your compatibility.
I don't even know if I'm allowed to be saying that.
True.
Who gives a fuck?
So, I mean, it's like the AI is the host.
So it's like eventually.
Why do we give a fuck?
You think Spotify is going to call you and be like, you talked about our robots?
I think they said I shouldn't, but I don't know.
Who gives a fuck?
Who gives a fuck, right?
Okay.
We're drinking.
You're going to be drinking Japan.
You got Birkenstadt.
Obviously, we're all fucking at the end.
When I see Schultz and Birkenstadtz, you are letting it go.
You should see what type of underwears I'm wearing.
What do you got going on?
Mac Weldon.
Mac Weldon.
Oh, we got that.
Shout out to Mac Weldon.
No, no, we got audio Mac today.
Oh, shit.
We got to pay it.
We should pay the bills to the bottom.
Shit.
All right.
Yo, we're going to pay a bill, man.
This might be a good time for me to let Yannis.
You don't shut up.
I have everything calculated here, okay?
I know he is deserving.
I don't know what to do.
Giannis Poppis.
How far are we along, Eden?
Perfect.
Okay, okay.
Let me tell y'all something about my man Giannis Papas.
Giannis Papas, Giannis Papas got a special coming out.
Yes.
Yes.
Giannis is very upset at me for how long it's taken to get out.
Not necessarily.
I think you've been right to, but everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
We can't rush perfection.
You can't.
No.
We had to make some tweaks.
We had to get a little Alex Media on it.
That was what it was missing, bro.
Yeah.
It was missing a little Alex media.
Alex magic.
Alex got us some magic with this comedy shit.
I don't know if we can give away the sauce, Al.
We can't.
Nah, we can't give away the sauce.
They didn't get a taste, but they can know the sauce.
Exactly.
So Alex had to put the sauce on it.
Let me ask you a question, Giannis.
Yes, sir.
And this is your expert opinion before Alex put the sauce on it after Alex put the sauce on it.
Noticeable difference?
Yeah.
Like cheeseburger Big Mac.
Monumental.
Yeah.
Monumental.
Monumental.
Special sauce.
Like game-changing watching experience.
Am I wrong?
Wow.
No, definitely.
Like, and I say, I ask you because you are the one who's being judged because you're the comic in it.
Yeah.
So you watching yourself with the sauce, you're like, oh shit, that's what I remember doing that night.
It feels a lot like the room, being in the room.
Yeah.
That's what these specials get wrong.
They don't recreate the room.
No, put this out so I can steal it.
You don't got to steal.
I give you everything.
What you got to steal?
That's true.
I just want to know.
That's what I'm saying.
You got to fucking steal for it.
They give you everything.
I'm trying to give you credit out of the money.
Chemistry.
You're this umbrella, bro.
You and the umbrella.
So look, so blowing the light.
I was hoping that we could watch the trailer here tonight.
That'd be horrible.
I'm too drunk.
I'm ready.
Yeah.
I'm wanting to know if you're cool with that.
Yeah, I'm cool with that.
That's fun.
All right.
Short.
Let's watch this.
Let's watch this trailer.
So I'm going to send you the Google Drive, and then you could play it, Eden.
Is that cool?
All right.
You guys ready?
Everybody at home listening?
Remember to pay that bill at some point.
Yo, that's a great idea.
So send Eden the link.
Pull up the ad whenever you get a chance.
In the meantime, Kaz, what was your first gay experience like?
Wow.
Well, his name was Tom.
No, no.
Like him, Tom.
I was in his top nine.
Okay, I just sent you.
I just sent you a trailer.
What was it called?
Top eight, top nine.
Top of the top eight, yeah.
Oh, my bad.
I got to see.
You took my butt a little too long.
All right, son.
What'd you say?
I'm missing.
What'd you say?
Here's a question.
Shut the fuck up, man.
I fucking guessed.
You're going to ask us questions?
I wanted to.
I wanted to.
Damn.
Damn.
Atash is getting drunk like by proxy.
I'm releasing out of my bars.
Hey, Matt, pull this up.
Can you get your voice on caffeine?
Like a full monster.
No, no, no.
Why don't we get to that coffee?
I have right there.
I drank that shit.
Well, look, let me tell you guys something.
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We got audio and volume ready to go.
Now, the first ever premiere of Giannis Papas blowing the lights.
Yeah.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
I always wanted to shoot my first hour stand-up special in New York City.
The city I'm from and the city that I love.
I had no idea I was going to do it tonight, though.
I was just running around doing sets.
I ran into Schultz.
He was trying to shoot something, and he told me to go for it.
So I said, fuck it.
And blew the light.
The one, the only, Giannis Papas.
Hot, Oh, that's hot as fuck.
I love how loud people dance in the four corners.
It's like they're doing a magic character.
Terry, give me another miller.
Remember, your dad was a Republican because he owned a business?
And your mom was a Democrat because she lived off of him.
I'm not going to hold your dark pops in my hack.
Who dirted that whole hippo with a snoop ball?
God is poppin'.
I love to see it.
Hell yeah.
Listen, you know what, Giannis?
Let me tell you something.
Wait, when can we expect this?
We're going to talk about that in a second.
Let me tell you something.
This video is going to get flagged because we played that sabotage shit.
And you know what?
I don't care.
Yeah.
We're demonetizing it.
Yeah.
Because we need to get it out there in the world.
We'll let them flag it, but still.
Will they flag it for that for you guys?
For how many seconds?
Oh.
Oh, so it's good?
No, no, no.
I mean, I could have just threw a different song over it.
I know.
Next time, we're going to figure it out.
My point is, my point is, I'm very excited for this.
So I want to talk about the release schedule a little bit, if that's cool.
Yeah.
Wait, real cool.
This is a very cool moment, I thought, because this is Giannis in the room, your first special.
This is Schultz taking the next step he's talked about taking, which is essentially he's accomplished his goals.
Now he wants to move comedy forward, which I think you did with clips already, but now this is like your first thing.
And I remember watching that intro on Alex's phone.
And after I said it, I said to you, Yo, seeing how much you fucking grown in the time since you've been here is fucking crazy.
And that was that shot.
And it's like a beautiful moment.
And this is your shit.
This is your shit.
This is your shit.
It's fucking dope to be here right now.
So let's take this moment.
We're going to switch Francis and Giannis.
France, will you hang for a minute?
Okay, cool.
So you switch it up.
So get Barstool.
Okay.
Go sit on the stool.
Back to the stool, dog.
You're back on the stool.
So, so, we good?
I'm good.
So, so Giannis is in the cut right now.
Okay.
Now we got Giannis, everybody framed up.
So, um, first of all, this is a cool moment because Alex Media and Eden both shot this, right?
Um, it was a very exciting thing because this is our first, like, you know, move into the production realm.
Your boy Jesse edited it.
Yeah, my old partner, Ditch Films.
Ditch Films.
And now, if you're a New York comedy fan, you're familiar with Marisa.
Obviously, that was Jesse working on that with you.
Me and him.
You know, Panos as well.
Yeah, the whole thing.
The whole thing.
Everything we've ever done.
So super indie.
And we shot this whole thing.
It's an hour.
How I would like to release it is I'd like to have a 15-minute version come out, which was similar to like my 441 thing.
And then the rest just relentlessly post clips.
I think that's the way.
You showed me a 15-minute version.
Yeah.
I haven't watched it.
I'm going to watch on my way to Japan.
Yeah.
I'm going to put together what I think is 15.
Maybe we'll settle something in the middle.
But I don't see why we can't release this in August for sure.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
I think time is right for it.
August is by the time this drops, it's going to be August.
I think time is right for it.
Yeah.
Well, we're ready.
We did it.
It's cut.
We're doing a little something, a little extra something.
And then, yeah.
Yeah, we have a little more thing that we have to shoot for.
But like, there's certain bits in it that like I really want to include.
And the time is right.
Like, even for me, everything that we release, like, I know you wanted it out earlier and you were like, come on, let's go.
I'm going to lose that anxiousness.
But I also wanted to test to see how it flowed.
Right.
I wanted to see, like, get a little feedback.
And it was real good feedback.
The feedback was good.
And that's before the sauce.
So wait till we put the sauce.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
But for me, it's like the people who love you already, they're going to love it.
Yeah.
I want the people who don't know about you to find you.
Correct.
Yeah.
And the reason I wanted to wait a little bit longer is that you have some like fun, really fun political stuff in it, like the bit about that we showed in the trailer.
Yeah, a little bit of it.
Yeah.
And like that matters in debate time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That doesn't matter two months ago.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So it's like everything, everything happens for a reason or should happen for a reason as far as release goes.
So I think it's going to be good.
I'm very excited for it.
But I think you're going to see this in August.
As long as you're good to go film that little thing that we need to film.
We should be good to go right now.
I mean, pretty soon.
Yeah.
We're going to hook it up.
Just a little something.
A little something.
You know, that's the fun part when you do it like this.
I just like, hey, I want to go back and get.
I think I missed a line.
That's, yeah, I disagree with this, but I let you do it.
Yeah.
Because what happens with bits is this.
And these are the people that are watching right now.
We film a special and then we keep doing those jokes.
And then those jokes get better.
Yeah.
And there's nothing worse than when you, like, everything you saw from views from the cis, everybody's watching, every one of those jokes is better.
But I deded them all.
And what will be left in history is what's on YouTube.
Right.
So right now you're going, well, let me just film one more line from this bit because it totally changes a bit.
Filming Real Bits00:07:54
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it needs it.
Here's the no, I'm telling you, I've had to learn because I've held on for Chilton.
It was way too long.
You've been driving me crazy.
Now I'm putting the shit out because it was always like, well, the joke could get better.
Then by the time you're really, really happy with it, you do it like that and it gets old and stale.
And then by the time you film it, you're like, well, I fucking hate this bit now.
What's the line?
Give it up to us because we know.
Yeah, the line is it's part of what bit up top getting married.
It's I say right now it's just I have the second part of the bet.
I just go, yeah, I don't understand why more grooms don't get kidnapped the day before the wedding because the day before the wedding is like the most important I've felt to a person in my entire life.
My wife's been dreaming about this day her entire life.
You know, we're 24 hours away.
She planned it.
And I'm like an integral part of this thing going good.
So like I don't know why more grooms don't get kidnapped day before the wedding.
No matter what it is, like she'll figure out a way to get the ransomware.
That's why I need to sell the house.
We're not going to let these Albanians ruin my picnic.
So what the part I missed was I should have blackmailed her dad.
It's the same thing, but it just kind of sets it.
I should have been like, you know, day before I've been like, look, I need 500 grand in a duffel bag in cash or somebody's going to have a sad little girl tomorrow.
Right.
You know?
So it just kind of fills it out a little bit.
He should look at you like, well, both of us will have to deal with that.
Yeah, but I mean, he's, he's, he'll have to, you know, I need, yeah, I mean, he's going to pay it.
I mean, whatever it is.
I see it, but it's like this game, I'm realizing you got to get to the next step.
You want, I assume, like me, get to the step where you're selling out, where you're getting more club dates, and then you can sell those out.
So it's like, you could hold off to get an A plus and then get the clubs, or you could just get a good enough grade to get the clubs and keep turning on new venue material and all that shit.
If you want to do it, just do it.
That's the thing.
You don't even worry about that.
Just do it.
Listen, I get it.
I understand what you're saying.
Yes, it will improve the joke and add something and give something to the joke.
And if you want to do it, just do it.
It's not going to make a difference.
If that bit might not even be in the 15.
That might be part of a later bit.
You could just film the whole bit.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just worth it to get.
See if it fills it out a little bit.
It's not a big deal.
Worst comes to worse.
I don't use it.
A way you can cheat it if you're using that joke as like a clip or IG.
That can be like when the title screen comes on and you just add that tag in the voiceover app.
Right.
Or like an audience shot, maybe.
So like if he was on stage, because our eyes are deceived thinking.
That's a good idea.
The audio would have to be mixed to like sound.
Well, no, if you, if you use the shit, yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's, that's the easy.
That's the easy shit.
Yeah, I'm very excited.
I'm very excited to get it out.
And I hope that it's one of those things where it's like.
I'm just worried that maybe like clips now, they're so ubiquitous and so saturated.
It's like minute clips don't seem that interesting anymore.
They're everywhere.
You don't worry about nothing.
I put up my first clip Thursday.
Yeah.
I see other friends of mine putting up clips.
God bless them to get a few thousand views.
My clip on Twitter in a day got like 50,000, which for me was I did not expect it.
On Instagram, like 5,000.
Now it's at like 25,000.
If it's good and we have the luxury of a fan base and a guy who will support us, who's the hottest guy in the business right now?
So it's like, it's different for you putting out clips or me putting out clips and everybody else.
And I'm talking to me as much as you because I hate putting stuff out there.
I feel too vulnerable.
But I just do it.
Just do it.
You got a good product.
You're funny.
Just do it.
And that's, again, I've been following your shit since I was like in college, bro, and you was doing like Mauricia and all this other shit and like the growth from all that.
It's like, it's really tight.
It's really tight.
Just like kind of being like a fucking fly on the wall watching this fucking creative process of comedians go on.
So yeah, put that shit out there.
Yo, there's a lot of doo-doo out there.
All right.
It's a lot of doo-doo out there.
It's different when it's real.
It's different when it's good.
Do you know what I mean?
And like, the reason why it's way better and why I would never suggest to release like a full hour in a row is that like people will, the bar is lower for one minute and two minutes and three minutes than it is for an hour straight.
So when you give one or two minutes and the bar is already low and it's hilarious, they're like, who the fuck is this guy?
The best thing that you want is people going, where can I watch your hour?
Can I tell you, like as somebody who like consumes like the mini clips?
I'm gonna put an advertisement for more.
Yeah.
It's like when you go to a show, like when you go to a concert and you like somebody's song.
Yes.
And it's like, oh man, this is a good song.
I'll go and watch the rest of his shit just because I like this song.
So I'm listening to the other shit.
And then when your favorite song comes on, you know the words to it.
Right.
That's how I became a Tiller fan.
Exactly, bro.
So it's like, it's almost kind of like that with comedian bits.
Like you, you hear the one minute, and it's like, oh, this is the shit that got me really excited for.
You like the single.
Yeah.
And you like the single.
Exactly.
And now you listen to the album cuts and it leads right into the shit that you like.
It's like, oh, shit.
Yeah.
I was wondering, you early on had massive clips on YouTube with Maurice and 5 million views, 6 million views, et cetera.
And then that was like early on in the YouTube game almost.
2011.
So Schultz has really kind of grown his YouTube profile and now has a pretty consistent ability to max out or to get over a million views.
Do you find that the translation of lots of views from those early YouTube videos translates to putting asses in seats on the road?
I sold 10,000 seats first year in New York alone.
When the Maurice's shit happened, it was a phenomenal.
Miami, New York, it was a club called LA, San Fran.
What was it?
What was it called?
It was the Art Center.
How many seats?
350?
It was 350 seats.
You were selling out multiple a night?
Yeah, 10,000 the first year.
We did it.
We just, I didn't know it was.
You bought a house off of it, right?
Pretty much.
I mean, you know, other stuff too.
You know, I had a TV show and I was doing weekends and stuff like that.
But yeah, I mean, we made a lot of money.
And in Miami, the first time it went down, they're thousand, thousand piece, thousand seats, sold out.
And they would sell out overnight.
Like we post, like, I remember we didn't know.
We posted one, it sold out.
We did on brown paper tickets, which was, I don't know if that's still around anymore.
It's like brown paper tickets, we sold out, and then we're like, should we add another show?
And we put the link up and we didn't even post it yet.
It sold out from people looking for the first show.
So it was like, there was just like, it was like a little bit of a frenzy at the beginning.
Yeah.
So we counted up like first year, first year alone, it was like 10,000.
Over the years, maybe 30,000 in all the cities that I've sold on her.
And then my other character, I've made a lot of money on just doing Greek shows.
And then Chicago, he would sell out.
You know, I sold a lot of tickets at Chicago improv.
So yeah, it does translate, as you can see.
No, I know.
That's the only thing that translates.
I guess my question is, like, has that sustained you?
Like, are you today still reaping the benefits from that?
I am a little bit, but there got to a point where it was like, how many times am I going to do it?
You know, it was like, and it's like, it's not my, it's one character I do.
That, you know, when I did it, I had no idea it was going to explode.
I was doing a whole bunch of stuff, and it was like one of many characters I had.
So it's died down for sure.
I mean, it's been 11, that's like eight years.
But I could still sell, like, you know, last year we did one.
Like, I could fill a couple hundred.
But, I mean, I don't want to put a fucking outfit and dress on.
Diana's too pure, bro.
Yeah.
Diana's a real purist.
But looking back, I should have kept going.
Yeah.
Chasing Peer Validation00:07:56
Like, I stopped with four clips.
You know?
You should have put her in different situations.
It should have been like every character, yeah.
Bang bang bang.
And I did the same thing with him.
I just didn't know.
You know what the difference between you and Walt Disney is?
He rode with the mouse.
And he hated Jews.
I don't mind Jews.
I don't mind Jews at all.
I don't mind anything.
Ain't that impressive, though, that he built his empire and he's hating Jews and Jews.
You didn't know that?
No, no, I knew that.
I don't go against the mouse, bro.
You already know me.
All I'm saying is, like, it's interesting.
He was just like, I'm awry with this shit.
You're such a pure comic that, like, you're constantly peeling away at yourself.
You're like, I don't know if I want to wear a dress.
Who gives a fuck?
Yeah.
I don't know if I want to do that character.
You're going to have great success with this special and doing your stand-up.
And you're like, I don't know if I should perform for people.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, real comedy would just be me and I'm the whole wall.
You know what I mean?
So at a certain point of time, you need to like, I think you're going to need to go, oh, shit, this is something I end up doing.
I need to recognize my blessings.
I've gone viral with two different characters and have immense success.
You know what I mean?
Like, if I keep on getting blessed, you need to recognize that.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, hopefully I can bring it all together.
You know, maybe that's it.
Just lift everything up, you know?
So, yeah, I mean, I've been focusing on stand-up for a while.
So, hopefully, this, I did a half-hour special.
Nobody sees those shits.
That's on Comedy Central.
Does anybody come out from that?
No, but what is it like when you nobody?
And that's where I made my big mistake.
When he said, like, that would have been the biggest thing that happened being on Comedy Central.
I'm like, are you fucking serious?
Like, that's like, it's nothing.
And that's where I think I made my mistake.
Is like I saw my friends doing like getting Montreal's and stuff.
And I was the only one selling tickets and making money at that time.
Of all guys now who are making money.
Can't relate.
And I was going like, I want that.
I was like, I wanted Montreal.
So I started focusing on got the Montreal.
I got to have our, I got nothing from that.
Even the money you get from the half hour is not even close to the money you make from your fucking album.
But you were chasing peer serious.
You were chasing peer validation, man.
That's how you go broke because they're not going to buy tickets to your shows.
No.
And the funny thing.
This is what I recognized early on in the business: is like the people that the dudes at the table at the comedy club talk the most shit about are the asses they kiss the most when they come to the club.
Huh?
Wait, say that again?
So like sounded like it was good, but I didn't even hear what you're saying.
So we're at the table and you hear people talking shit about a comic.
And you can name Dane Cook.
It doesn't matter, any comic.
The second Dane walks into that club, everybody, Dane, how are you?
Oh my God, was everything like that?
And it's like, oh, you're broke.
I didn't realize it.
I thought you really cared about the comedy shit.
You're just bro.
And you're trying to rationalize why he's not broke.
You're poor.
It's true.
You're a poor guy.
Or a poor girl.
So you're trying to justify this poverty that you're living in, right?
So once I picked that up, I was like, why am I trying to impress you, motherfuckers?
What?
That was the most liberating point for me in my entire career.
Like, stop trying to impress the people who don't buy tickets.
If I can impress the people who like my comedy, that is the greatest reward.
If my peers.
That happens in every industry, too.
And what ended up happening?
What ended up happening?
When I just went after, when I just went after the people, all of a sudden, my peers started coming around.
Right, right.
Right?
I haven't been doing different comedy.
I'm doing the same type of comedy.
But all of a sudden, my peers started coming around.
They started recognizing it.
Do you know what I mean?
Because once they see their own salvation in you, then they love everything that you could put out.
Once they go, oh shit, maybe I could sell some tickets if I go that way.
Then it's, oh, Shaw's really got something.
Before I was offering anything to them, it was like, that's in every industry.
That was the first time.
You felt that in journalism?
That was the first thing I was taught in music journalism.
It was like, yo, you can either be a man of the industry or a man of the people or be a man of the people.
You can't be both.
You know what I'm saying?
I was like, fuck, I'm being the man of the people.
I'm not an ass kisser.
I can't do that type of shit.
Well, but also the business changed, too.
You gotta, I mean, we can't overlook that.
Of course.
Paradigm shift.
Just technology.
Everything.
We couldn't.
Andrew couldn't.
You guys couldn't have done what you guys done 12 years ago when the internet was, when you didn't have social media and the internet and you didn't need like a big machine behind you to really like push your shit out there.
Back in the day, you needed that machine.
The only way to get on TV was through that machine.
Yeah, and on top of that, not for nothing.
Like the fucking, the whole, the whole like politically correct shit.
You know what I mean?
Like the only way you could get shit that wasn't PC was to find it on your own.
All these things.
That wasn't backed by like big.
All these things were in my favor.
I'm not going to lie.
And anybody who has success talks about the fact that there's luck.
You never find a single billionaire or anybody that goes.
A lot of game.
A lot of timing, yeah.
So many.
But there's work that you do before that allows that luck to expose itself, right?
But 100%, man.
It's like, I don't think, it's like one of these, sometimes people think I'm like bitter about the industry.
It's like, I'm not fucking business.
Like, I just had the guy who was forever, the guy Louis Franda from New York Comedy Festival.
Yeah.
So, oh, he's Carolyn, Books Carolines.
Book Carolines, Bruce.
He blocked us out of the comedy festival.
Didn't put us in a comedy festival.
Yeah, he blocked me out, too.
Because I went to Gotham.
Yeah.
Same thing.
Yeah.
Right?
This last week, how do we get Andrew at the New York Comedy Festival?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sends that email to my agent.
My agent's like, do I have to, like, do I have to rep this guy a new asshole for doing that?
And it's like, bro, no, there's no enemies in this business shit.
It's just business.
Yeah.
It's just, that's what these motherfuckers at the network are talking about.
I'm not friends with him anyway.
It's just business.
They're all theater nerds.
Yeah, and I'm not happy when he brings me back in.
But you're dealing with theater nerds.
You're dealing with people who've been bullied, right?
So like their ego is in every decision they make.
That's why they keep giving people the same shit that doesn't work.
Right.
Right?
Because they're like, I have to be right.
Right.
Right?
Yeah, that's probably a good reason why.
Can you make some money off me?
Can I make some money off you?
Who gives a fuck?
I don't know if it's theater nerds.
I think they're just, comics are just damaged, insecure people.
The people who run the business are not comics.
Oh, yeah.
The executives are theater nerds.
No, but they're just like, they're business people.
If you're making money, that's what I thought.
But they're not making money.
Their whole product is decaying in front of them.
They're industry.
No, but like he's coming back to Andrew.
They know Andrew's selling tickets.
Yeah, but I respect him.
That motherfucker, at least, I can respect because he wants to make bread.
Yeah.
But there are certain people who don't.
They're just like, I need to stick by my.
Yeah.
Well, then you're putting too much into the business.
You know?
There are also people like that on both sides.
There are creators who believe in the purity that, you know, there's something noble about turning down some fucking deal because they want to work on just the craft of, you know.
Scared.
Scared.
That's an excuse.
They're scared of success.
I really believe that.
They're fucking scared of success.
Because if you have the opportunity to do your craft at the highest level, you'll take it.
It's like someone saying no to the NBA.
I want to be in the G League because that's where real basketball is being played.
I don't want to play professional basketball.
I just want to play in college.
It's like, fuck out of here, bro.
Go and you take your talents to fucking South Beach, man.
Me personally.
But it's not that.
I don't think it's that.
I mean, I think you're right.
It depends on the person.
Because you could look at a guy like Van Gogh and you're going, like, how come he didn't want to get to the...
He did.
Nobody wanted his shit.
He was just, no, but I'm saying he wasn't.
He was a mess as a human being, but he was talented.
Yeah, but nobody cared about his shit until he was dead.
Yeah, but that's because he was a mess.
Nah, because that was because he was alive.
Once there's no more ability to make shit, he was son.
Supply-demand.
Once there's no more supply because my man's dead, all of a sudden it's valuable.
Scared Of Success00:00:54
Let's be honest.
But a lot of people die who make art.
A lot of people die and then their supply is done and nobody gives a shit.
That's fair.
I mean, you look at Van Gogh's shit, you are truly blown away by it.
I saw, I've been to Frick.
It's the one painting I seen in my life where I was like, oh my God.
It transcends other art.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
And I bet you there's a couple of black rock and roll guys who are like looking at Elvis going like.
Lord Richard.
Like, yeah, if I had a marketing machine behind me or what, you know, it's like, I mean, what you're saying is true, but I think that there's exceptions.
Is this still the regular episode?
Nah, nah, now we're rocking.
Now we're in Patreon?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, he's still recording, so we should.
No, no, no.
We're going to cut it in half anyway.
All right.
We should maybe stop for the recorder itself.
So it doesn't.
Should we?
So it doesn't overheat.
All right.
Well, let's stop here right before we get to it.
We're going to get a five-minute break.
Okay, okay.
No, no, five-minute break.
We can just stop.
We're going to stop and then go while you need to go.