Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect racial stereotypes regarding Asian children's academic success and the cultural ownership of instruments like the piano versus the violin. They critique CNN's reporting on a white man calling police on a black child and analyze Charlotte from Sex in the City's refusal to adopt white children due to "white guilt." The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes involving Andrew's Spanish-speaking cleaning lady and a rant against an annoying colleague named Headboy, culminating in a Patreon plug where a listener suggests sexualizing a midget. Ultimately, the episode exposes the hosts' reliance on offensive generalizations and absurd logic to navigate complex social dynamics. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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White Guilt and Racial Adoption00:03:56
I'm tired of white people adopting black babies.
Okay.
I'm done.
I'm watching.
I'm actually, I was trying to find China.
So we're white people.
Tired of it, dude.
We're tired of it.
You got all these hard-working Asian babies out there that need to be stolen from their parents.
Son, make you an iPhone or something.
That's it.
That's a cell phone plan right there.
There we go.
You could be really mean to them.
They do well in school.
You know, they respond.
They're great to bullying.
They love it.
Got to keep it aging.
They just come play a piano.
Just buy a piano.
He'll start playing it.
Violin, dog.
Bruh.
Their little hands work better on the violin, not the piano.
Piano, you need like a German or a Russian.
There's like eight-year-olds that just be fucking killing it.
Ajans?
Yeah.
I didn't know Ajans played the keys.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought it was all string.
My best friend is in China, and his parents had him in piano lessons for years.
Him and his brother.
Really?
Yeah, Gerald.
You know, Gerald.
Yeah, but I thought that's like their way of Americanizing him by choosing like a real white instrument.
Nah, son, that's just like that's a China instrument.
I'm no.
China's be loving that shit, bro.
Piano?
I'm telling you.
If there's any listeners who are patrons who are Chinas, let me know.
Son, you're wrong, son.
I'm telling you guys.
That's a white instrument.
That's them trying to make their kid adopt.
Maybe like Rich White.
They're trying to inspire Rich White's.
That's right, yeah.
But it is a thing that they be doing now.
Son, name anybody who plays the piano, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, whatever that motherfucker's name is.
They don't been dead for 400 years.
He white, though?
He dead and white?
Name one China that plays a fucking piano.
Bruh, I seen a kid in the fucking subway station, eight years old.
Not Chinese.
Actually, he might have been Puerto Rican, but I know I've seen some Chinese.
Look how little Chinese kids playing piano.
Joy Luck Club.
You're not going to fight.
What is the most Chinese instrument?
Think about it.
Violin.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
But they've been playing piano too.
They tried to play the guitar.
Too cumbersome.
Too big.
So I tried searching up Chinese kid playing piano and the violins came up.
The only results I get are four-year-olds.
Like, it doesn't say what ethnicity it is.
It's just little people.
It just says little boy.
Yeah, but the name is like Zhang Liun or something like that.
Son.
Violin.
They have a competitive advantage because the roundness of their heads that can hold the violin to their shoulder a little bit better.
I'm telling you, it's an unfair advantage.
Nobody talks about that.
That's so funny.
It's an unfair advantage.
It's look, you look at them play, they barely tilt.
They tilt their head like this much.
Can you imagine?
Look at like a skinny face white.
You know what I mean?
Of like a super skinny face like Somali.
Think about a skinny face Somali.
Oh man.
You know how skinny the I'm the captain now.
How he gonna play violin like this, son?
Like that?
He got his forehead resting on a violin to lock it to his shit.
That's why they're faster though, because there's not the wind doesn't stop.
There's so little face.
Straight through.
Straight through.
You can't even draft them.
You run it behind them, you get hit by everything.
Surface area.
Faces like Nike Pegasus.
So that's where they go.
I think that's, you know, that's what I was told.
Okay.
String instruments.
String instruments.
Okay.
Always string.
But guitar is a string instrument, right?
What?
Guitar is a string instrument.
Actually, technically piano.
Piano is too.
What?
A piano?
That's keys.
Fuck up, Eddie.
Goddamn.
What are you talking about?
Piano's got strings, though?
Underneath the thing, there's strings, but I don't know if that makes it a string instrument.
I thought you had to pluck the string to be a string instrument.
So did I.
It's not like a harp.
Who plays harps?
Angels, bro.
Dead people.
That's how fucking whack that instrument is.
Son.
They gave it to the dead.
Nobody wanted that shit on earth.
How you gotta do it?
How you pull up to a party with a harp, bro?
That's the look.
When I see bitches playing harps, it looks like they're drowning out of sleep.
Because they do.
They get into that shit, right?
That's like an earthy white woman instrument.
Racism in Sports Interviews00:05:06
It is.
I've never seen a black person play this guy.
Abigail plays that, a bitch named Abigail.
Right?
She got like a hemp anklet for sure.
She took her placenta and made like cookies out of it.
Right?
Abigail ass bitch.
There's actually a famous Abigail ass bitch would do that, right?
Hey, come over to my house.
We don't have a roof.
We live in a crib because we're all babies of the world.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Abby.
All right.
So, anyway, so you don't believe in.
Nah, man.
Listen, I was actually searching for on CNN.com for just like stories we can make flagrant.
Right.
First of all, CNN, I don't know what the fuck they're reporting anymore.
It's all just a bunch of like nonsense.
Shaming the white dude who called the cops on the black kid.
It's just like, that's not news.
I get it, but that's not news.
It's not the cops.
Yeah, protective services.
Yo, what if white people were like, listen, we're going to call somebody.
We'll just call the fire department.
Whatever you want.
We're just going to call somebody.
Okay.
We won't call it cops because you guys come with guns.
We'll call the fire department.
They'll come with fire extinguishers and an axe.
Well, they are familiar with the host.
Akash going for it on the no black episode.
I should have picked that line at a better time.
I should have waited till there was at least one black guy.
You need double black.
You need double black to get away with that.
You got a black civil rights one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So this is this.
I see this interview from this bitch from Sex in the City.
Yeah.
Charlotte.
Yes.
Is that the character's name?
Or actually?
Yeah, character's name.
She's tearing up.
Talking to Jada Pinkett on Red Table Talk is a snippet of her tearing up because she adopted two black children in the show or in real life.
It's a real real life.
Wouldn't that be a funny twist on Sex in the City?
That's a Charlotte?
Charlotte.
That's the brunette bitch.
Yeah.
She's stupid.
I believe so.
And she married her lawyer.
I never seen enough to know.
I'm friendly.
Like, I don't know the show.
I know she's naive and like, I've seen enough to know that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's crying about the go on.
Come on.
Honestly, yo, you got to stop distracting.
It's turning me on.
Oh, we just innovated the new banana eating technique.
She's crying about, you know, I have two black children, and I'm aware of how black people probably feel about my people adopting.
And it's like, already, shut the fuck up, bitch.
You gave these people a home.
Whatever.
And then she's like, you know, somebody said something like she's going to be quite the WNBA player or something like that.
Wow.
And she was offended.
I thought it was just because the WNBA sucks, but she's saying that's racist.
Why is it racist?
Because she's black and WNBA, but also like...
Oh, I'm like, how do you know your kid's gay that young?
There's no way you can tell your kids a lesbian.
And right?
Like, how do you know your kids are lesbian at that age?
I love lesbian.
That's a great pronunciation.
She's a lesbian.
Lesbian is very good.
Because Anne is a pretty gay name somehow.
That's why it's lesbian.
You know what I'm saying?
And your name is Ann and you're young.
Oh, my God.
All right.
You must pussies like that.
That sound go on.
I was just done.
I didn't want to hear it.
Shut up, white lady.
Yeah.
Stop apologizing for white people, then complaining about racism like it's yours.
Stop it.
Would you want to go away?
Make that point.
That's interesting.
It's just like it's them going through the racist shit.
And now you get to cry about that too, just you adopt this little black ass kid.
Jesus Christ.
She adopted two.
You doubled down.
I got you.
She wouldn't.
Not you.
She doubled down.
You think Charlotte wouldn't adopt a white kid after adopting the black?
100%.
Why do you think they don't adapt a white kid?
It's white guilt, dog.
White language that he just speaks right there.
Why did the Donald did the black kid?
My accent comes out.
That was your accent?
Hell no.
What's your first language?
English.
English.
The legal one.
Yeah.
Okay.
You learned English before Spaniel.
Yeah.
My Spanish is actually really terrible.
Is it?
Yeah.
Who speaks better Spanish, me or you?
I'm not going to lie.
He got me pissed off on Monday because he had the ill Spanish conversation.
And I was just telling a friend of mine, I was like, how is it that Andrew was speaking to, I don't know who the hell you were speaking to, in Spanish.
It's not like it was like the most perfect Spanish ever, but he was so like confident.
If I could sum up Andrew in a nutshell, it's that conversation because it's this white dude speaking fluent Spanish.
I actually local Spanish, colloquial Spanish to his cleaning lady.
And that's Andrew in one sentence.
Language Barriers and Accents00:02:53
Damn right.
I need my shit clean.
Ain't gonna be no miscommunication about what I need done.
You know what I mean?
I need the floors clean.
I need that bathtub.
He put emotion into it.
I ain't going back to my house and my bathtub dirty.
And then I gotta call my cleaning lady and we gotta have, oh, dude, you make it clean it in the battle.
I was just gonna say this.
Right?
And I'm like, no, as you clean the bathtub, she's, you making it clean it in the battle.
I didn't know you want me to make it clean it in the bottle.
Is she the hand cleaning lady?
You the hand cleaning lady?
I thought that responsibility to head cleaning lady.
I didn't know you want me to make it clean it in the balto.
I cleaned it in these sheets.
I cleaned it in the underwear.
I cleaned the couch.
I cleaned the car back.
But I didn't know you were making it cleaned in the balto.
You're making it clean in the direction.
Oh, God.
I'm done.
Headboy.
Busboy is like so like, it has great work ethic, but head cleanly and he sounds mad annoying as fuck.
Yo, head cleanly, Madden's title.
Head busboy arrogant.
Oh, dude.
But he does the work.
Yo.
Yo.
It's so much fun without the black people.
What's going on?
Why is this?
What's happening?
That shit was bad as fuck, too.
I don't know what took over me.
Oh, gosh.
What took over me right there?
I almost choked to death on a banana.
That ain't the gay shit.
I don't know what took over me right there, bro.
Y'all need to see the video.
I'm not even going to say what happened.
I'm not even going to say it.
Yo, don't say it.
Don't let him in.
Can you guys hear me eat the banana on the mic?
Oh, I definitely can hear you eating the banana.
I know they're going to hate that.
Yeah, I feel like I'm breathing on a man heavy because I got sick from you and Alex and I'm coughing and shit.
Pretty sure.
Yo, my immune system is like Randy Moss, though.
If some shit is in the air, I'm going to catch it.
I'm coming down with it.
That's it.
Yo.
Grab that bitch.
Stage funny, bro.
Stage funny.
Oh, my God.
All right, Eden.
Your flagrant thought of the week.
Go.
I'd actually fuck a midget.
Okay, that's what's up.
Wait a minute.
You mean there was a time where you wouldn't?
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant true.
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