Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Honey Mustard Midget
Aired: 2019-07-12
Duration: 12:00


=== White Guilt and Racial Adoption (03:56) ===

[00:00:04]  I'm tired of white people adopting black babies.
[00:00:07]  Okay.
[00:00:08]  I'm done.
[00:00:08]  I'm watching.
[00:00:10]  I'm actually, I was trying to find China.
[00:00:13]  So we're white people.
[00:00:15]  Tired of it, dude.
[00:00:19]  We're tired of it.
[00:00:21]  You got all these hard-working Asian babies out there that need to be stolen from their parents.
[00:00:26]  Son, make you an iPhone or something.
[00:00:29]  That's it.
[00:00:30]  That's a cell phone plan right there.
[00:00:32]  There we go.
[00:00:33]  You could be really mean to them.
[00:00:34]  They do well in school.
[00:00:35]  You know, they respond.
[00:00:36]  They're great to bullying.
[00:00:37]  They love it.
[00:00:38]  Got to keep it aging.
[00:00:39]  They just come play a piano.
[00:00:41]  Just buy a piano.
[00:00:41]  He'll start playing it.
[00:00:42]  Violin, dog.
[00:00:43]  Bruh.
[00:00:44]  Their little hands work better on the violin, not the piano.
[00:00:46]  Piano, you need like a German or a Russian.
[00:00:48]  There's like eight-year-olds that just be fucking killing it.
[00:00:50]  Ajans?
[00:00:51]  Yeah.
[00:00:51]  I didn't know Ajans played the keys.
[00:00:53]  Oh, yeah.
[00:00:53]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:00:54]  I thought it was all string.
[00:00:56]  My best friend is in China, and his parents had him in piano lessons for years.
[00:01:00]  Him and his brother.
[00:01:01]  Really?
[00:01:02]  Yeah, Gerald.
[00:01:02]  You know, Gerald.
[00:01:03]  Yeah, but I thought that's like their way of Americanizing him by choosing like a real white instrument.
[00:01:07]  Nah, son, that's just like that's a China instrument.
[00:01:10]  I'm no.
[00:01:11]  China's be loving that shit, bro.
[00:01:13]  Piano?
[00:01:13]  I'm telling you.
[00:01:14]  If there's any listeners who are patrons who are Chinas, let me know.
[00:01:18]  Son, you're wrong, son.
[00:01:20]  I'm telling you guys.
[00:01:21]  That's a white instrument.
[00:01:22]  That's them trying to make their kid adopt.
[00:01:24]  Maybe like Rich White.
[00:01:25]  They're trying to inspire Rich White's.
[00:01:26]  That's right, yeah.
[00:01:27]  But it is a thing that they be doing now.
[00:01:29]  Son, name anybody who plays the piano, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, whatever that motherfucker's name is.
[00:01:37]  They don't been dead for 400 years.
[00:01:39]  He white, though?
[00:01:40]  He dead and white?
[00:01:41]  Name one China that plays a fucking piano.
[00:01:44]  Bruh, I seen a kid in the fucking subway station, eight years old.
[00:01:47]  Not Chinese.
[00:01:48]  Actually, he might have been Puerto Rican, but I know I've seen some Chinese.
[00:01:50]  Look how little Chinese kids playing piano.
[00:01:52]  Joy Luck Club.
[00:01:53]  You're not going to fight.
[00:01:55]  What is the most Chinese instrument?
[00:01:57]  Think about it.
[00:01:58]  Violin.
[00:01:59]  Yeah, I'll give you that.
[00:02:00]  But they've been playing piano too.
[00:02:01]  They tried to play the guitar.
[00:02:03]  Too cumbersome.
[00:02:04]  Too big.
[00:02:04]  So I tried searching up Chinese kid playing piano and the violins came up.
[00:02:08]  The only results I get are four-year-olds.
[00:02:09]  Like, it doesn't say what ethnicity it is.
[00:02:12]  It's just little people.
[00:02:12]  It just says little boy.
[00:02:14]  Yeah, but the name is like Zhang Liun or something like that.
[00:02:16]  Son.
[00:02:16]  Violin.
[00:02:17]  They have a competitive advantage because the roundness of their heads that can hold the violin to their shoulder a little bit better.
[00:02:23]  I'm telling you, it's an unfair advantage.
[00:02:25]  Nobody talks about that.
[00:02:26]  That's so funny.
[00:02:27]  It's an unfair advantage.
[00:02:28]  It's look, you look at them play, they barely tilt.
[00:02:31]  They tilt their head like this much.
[00:02:33]  Can you imagine?
[00:02:34]  Look at like a skinny face white.
[00:02:36]  You know what I mean?
[00:02:37]  Of like a super skinny face like Somali.
[00:02:40]  Think about a skinny face Somali.
[00:02:42]  Oh man.
[00:02:43]  You know how skinny the I'm the captain now.
[00:02:45]  How he gonna play violin like this, son?
[00:02:48]  Like that?
[00:02:49]  He got his forehead resting on a violin to lock it to his shit.
[00:02:52]  That's why they're faster though, because there's not the wind doesn't stop.
[00:02:54]  There's so little face.
[00:02:55]  Straight through.
[00:02:56]  Straight through.
[00:02:57]  You can't even draft them.
[00:02:59]  You run it behind them, you get hit by everything.
[00:03:02]  Surface area.
[00:03:02]  Faces like Nike Pegasus.
[00:03:07]  So that's where they go.
[00:03:09]  I think that's, you know, that's what I was told.
[00:03:12]  Okay.
[00:03:12]  String instruments.
[00:03:13]  String instruments.
[00:03:14]  Okay.
[00:03:15]  Always string.
[00:03:15]  But guitar is a string instrument, right?
[00:03:17]  What?
[00:03:17]  Guitar is a string instrument.
[00:03:18]  Actually, technically piano.
[00:03:19]  Piano is too.
[00:03:20]  What?
[00:03:21]  A piano?
[00:03:22]  That's keys.
[00:03:23]  Fuck up, Eddie.
[00:03:24]  Goddamn.
[00:03:25]  What are you talking about?
[00:03:26]  Piano's got strings, though?
[00:03:28]  Underneath the thing, there's strings, but I don't know if that makes it a string instrument.
[00:03:31]  I thought you had to pluck the string to be a string instrument.
[00:03:33]  So did I.
[00:03:34]  It's not like a harp.
[00:03:36]  Who plays harps?
[00:03:38]  Angels, bro.
[00:03:38]  Dead people.
[00:03:39]  That's how fucking whack that instrument is.
[00:03:41]  Son.
[00:03:41]  They gave it to the dead.
[00:03:42]  Nobody wanted that shit on earth.
[00:03:44]  How you gotta do it?
[00:03:45]  How you pull up to a party with a harp, bro?
[00:03:48]  That's the look.
[00:03:49]  When I see bitches playing harps, it looks like they're drowning out of sleep.
[00:03:54]  Because they do.
[00:03:56]  They get into that shit, right?
[00:03:58]  That's like an earthy white woman instrument.

=== Racism in Sports Interviews (05:06) ===

[00:04:00]  It is.
[00:04:00]  I've never seen a black person play this guy.
[00:04:02]  Abigail plays that, a bitch named Abigail.
[00:04:06]  Right?
[00:04:07]  She got like a hemp anklet for sure.
[00:04:13]  She took her placenta and made like cookies out of it.
[00:04:16]  Right?
[00:04:16]  Abigail ass bitch.
[00:04:18]  There's actually a famous Abigail ass bitch would do that, right?
[00:04:24]  Hey, come over to my house.
[00:04:25]  We don't have a roof.
[00:04:28]  We live in a crib because we're all babies of the world.
[00:04:30]  Oh, my God.
[00:04:32]  Oh, my God.
[00:04:33]  Abby.
[00:04:34]  All right.
[00:04:35]  So, anyway, so you don't believe in.
[00:04:37]  Nah, man.
[00:04:38]  Listen, I was actually searching for on CNN.com for just like stories we can make flagrant.
[00:04:42]  Right.
[00:04:43]  First of all, CNN, I don't know what the fuck they're reporting anymore.
[00:04:45]  It's all just a bunch of like nonsense.
[00:04:47]  Shaming the white dude who called the cops on the black kid.
[00:04:50]  It's just like, that's not news.
[00:04:52]  I get it, but that's not news.
[00:04:54]  It's not the cops.
[00:04:58]  Yeah, protective services.
[00:05:00]  Yo, what if white people were like, listen, we're going to call somebody.
[00:05:02]  We'll just call the fire department.
[00:05:04]  Whatever you want.
[00:05:04]  We're just going to call somebody.
[00:05:05]  Okay.
[00:05:06]  We won't call it cops because you guys come with guns.
[00:05:08]  We'll call the fire department.
[00:05:09]  They'll come with fire extinguishers and an axe.
[00:05:11]  Well, they are familiar with the host.
[00:05:16]  Akash going for it on the no black episode.
[00:05:23]  I should have picked that line at a better time.
[00:05:25]  I should have waited till there was at least one black guy.
[00:05:27]  You need double black.
[00:05:28]  You need double black to get away with that.
[00:05:29]  You got a black civil rights one.
[00:05:31]  Yeah.
[00:05:32]  Yeah.
[00:05:32]  So this is this.
[00:05:33]  I see this interview from this bitch from Sex in the City.
[00:05:36]  Yeah.
[00:05:36]  Charlotte.
[00:05:37]  Yes.
[00:05:38]  Is that the character's name?
[00:05:39]  Or actually?
[00:05:39]  Yeah, character's name.
[00:05:40]  She's tearing up.
[00:05:41]  Talking to Jada Pinkett on Red Table Talk is a snippet of her tearing up because she adopted two black children in the show or in real life.
[00:05:50]  It's a real real life.
[00:05:52]  Wouldn't that be a funny twist on Sex in the City?
[00:05:56]  That's a Charlotte?
[00:05:57]  Charlotte.
[00:05:58]  That's the brunette bitch.
[00:05:59]  Yeah.
[00:06:00]  She's stupid.
[00:06:02]  I believe so.
[00:06:02]  And she married her lawyer.
[00:06:04]  I never seen enough to know.
[00:06:05]  I'm friendly.
[00:06:05]  Like, I don't know the show.
[00:06:09]  I know she's naive and like, I've seen enough to know that.
[00:06:11]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:06:12]  She's crying about the go on.
[00:06:17]  Come on.
[00:06:19]  Honestly, yo, you got to stop distracting.
[00:06:21]  It's turning me on.
[00:06:27]  Oh, we just innovated the new banana eating technique.
[00:06:32]  She's crying about, you know, I have two black children, and I'm aware of how black people probably feel about my people adopting.
[00:06:40]  And it's like, already, shut the fuck up, bitch.
[00:06:42]  You gave these people a home.
[00:06:44]  Whatever.
[00:06:44]  And then she's like, you know, somebody said something like she's going to be quite the WNBA player or something like that.
[00:06:50]  Wow.
[00:06:50]  And she was offended.
[00:06:51]  I thought it was just because the WNBA sucks, but she's saying that's racist.
[00:06:55]  Why is it racist?
[00:06:57]  Because she's black and WNBA, but also like...
[00:07:00]  Oh, I'm like, how do you know your kid's gay that young?
[00:07:04]  There's no way you can tell your kids a lesbian.
[00:07:07]  And right?
[00:07:08]  Like, how do you know your kids are lesbian at that age?
[00:07:11]  I love lesbian.
[00:07:13]  That's a great pronunciation.
[00:07:15]  She's a lesbian.
[00:07:16]  Lesbian is very good.
[00:07:18]  Because Anne is a pretty gay name somehow.
[00:07:20]  That's why it's lesbian.
[00:07:22]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:07:23]  And your name is Ann and you're young.
[00:07:26]  Oh, my God.
[00:07:27]  All right.
[00:07:28]  You must pussies like that.
[00:07:32]  That sound go on.
[00:07:37]  I was just done.
[00:07:38]  I didn't want to hear it.
[00:07:39]  Shut up, white lady.
[00:07:40]  Yeah.
[00:07:41]  Stop apologizing for white people, then complaining about racism like it's yours.
[00:07:45]  Stop it.
[00:07:46]  Would you want to go away?
[00:07:47]  Make that point.
[00:07:48]  That's interesting.
[00:07:48]  It's just like it's them going through the racist shit.
[00:07:51]  And now you get to cry about that too, just you adopt this little black ass kid.
[00:07:55]  Jesus Christ.
[00:07:57]  She adopted two.
[00:08:00]  You doubled down.
[00:08:03]  I got you.
[00:08:03]  She wouldn't.
[00:08:04]  Not you.
[00:08:05]  She doubled down.
[00:08:06]  You think Charlotte wouldn't adopt a white kid after adopting the black?
[00:08:09]  100%.
[00:08:10]  Why do you think they don't adapt a white kid?
[00:08:12]  It's white guilt, dog.
[00:08:13]  White language that he just speaks right there.
[00:08:15]  Why did the Donald did the black kid?
[00:08:17]  My accent comes out.
[00:08:18]  That was your accent?
[00:08:19]  Hell no.
[00:08:19]  What's your first language?
[00:08:21]  English.
[00:08:22]  English.
[00:08:23]  The legal one.
[00:08:24]  Yeah.
[00:08:24]  Okay.
[00:08:26]  You learned English before Spaniel.
[00:08:29]  Yeah.
[00:08:29]  My Spanish is actually really terrible.
[00:08:31]  Is it?
[00:08:31]  Yeah.
[00:08:31]  Who speaks better Spanish, me or you?
[00:08:33]  I'm not going to lie.
[00:08:35]  He got me pissed off on Monday because he had the ill Spanish conversation.
[00:08:40]  And I was just telling a friend of mine, I was like, how is it that Andrew was speaking to, I don't know who the hell you were speaking to, in Spanish.
[00:08:46]  It's not like it was like the most perfect Spanish ever, but he was so like confident.
[00:08:51]  If I could sum up Andrew in a nutshell, it's that conversation because it's this white dude speaking fluent Spanish.
[00:08:58]  I actually local Spanish, colloquial Spanish to his cleaning lady.
[00:09:04]  And that's Andrew in one sentence.

=== Language Barriers and Accents (02:53) ===

[00:09:06]  Damn right.
[00:09:06]  I need my shit clean.
[00:09:07]  Ain't gonna be no miscommunication about what I need done.
[00:09:10]  You know what I mean?
[00:09:11]  I need the floors clean.
[00:09:12]  I need that bathtub.
[00:09:13]  He put emotion into it.
[00:09:14]  I ain't going back to my house and my bathtub dirty.
[00:09:18]  And then I gotta call my cleaning lady and we gotta have, oh, dude, you make it clean it in the battle.
[00:09:23]  I was just gonna say this.
[00:09:28]  Right?
[00:09:28]  And I'm like, no, as you clean the bathtub, she's, you making it clean it in the battle.
[00:09:34]  I didn't know you want me to make it clean it in the bottle.
[00:09:38]  Is she the hand cleaning lady?
[00:09:40]  You the hand cleaning lady?
[00:09:45]  I thought that responsibility to head cleaning lady.
[00:09:48]  I didn't know you want me to make it clean it in the balto.
[00:09:56]  I cleaned it in these sheets.
[00:09:57]  I cleaned it in the underwear.
[00:10:00]  I cleaned the couch.
[00:10:02]  I cleaned the car back.
[00:10:03]  But I didn't know you were making it cleaned in the balto.
[00:10:08]  You're making it clean in the direction.
[00:10:12]  Oh, God.
[00:10:12]  I'm done.
[00:10:13]  Headboy.
[00:10:13]  Busboy is like so like, it has great work ethic, but head cleanly and he sounds mad annoying as fuck.
[00:10:18]  Yo, head cleanly, Madden's title.
[00:10:21]  Head busboy arrogant.
[00:10:23]  Oh, dude.
[00:10:24]  But he does the work.
[00:10:25]  Yo.
[00:10:33]  Yo.
[00:10:34]  It's so much fun without the black people.
[00:10:36]  What's going on?
[00:10:37]  Why is this?
[00:10:38]  What's happening?
[00:10:43]  That shit was bad as fuck, too.
[00:10:45]  I don't know what took over me.
[00:10:50]  Oh, gosh.
[00:10:51]  What took over me right there?
[00:10:53]  I almost choked to death on a banana.
[00:10:55]  That ain't the gay shit.
[00:10:59]  I don't know what took over me right there, bro.
[00:11:01]  Y'all need to see the video.
[00:11:02]  I'm not even going to say what happened.
[00:11:04]  I'm not even going to say it.
[00:11:06]  Yo, don't say it.
[00:11:06]  Don't let him in.
[00:11:08]  Can you guys hear me eat the banana on the mic?
[00:11:11]  Oh, I definitely can hear you eating the banana.
[00:11:12]  I know they're going to hate that.
[00:11:13]  Yeah, I feel like I'm breathing on a man heavy because I got sick from you and Alex and I'm coughing and shit.
[00:11:18]  Pretty sure.
[00:11:19]  Yo, my immune system is like Randy Moss, though.
[00:11:21]  If some shit is in the air, I'm going to catch it.
[00:11:23]  I'm coming down with it.
[00:11:25]  That's it.
[00:11:27]  Yo.
[00:11:28]  Grab that bitch.
[00:11:29]  Stage funny, bro.
[00:11:30]  Stage funny.
[00:11:31]  Oh, my God.
[00:11:33]  All right, Eden.
[00:11:34]  Your flagrant thought of the week.
[00:11:35]  Go.
[00:11:36]  I'd actually fuck a midget.
[00:11:38]  Okay, that's what's up.
[00:11:40]  Wait a minute.
[00:11:41]  You mean there was a time where you wouldn't?
[00:11:45]  Yo, what's up?
[00:11:46]  This is Akash.
[00:11:47]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:11:49]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant true.
[00:11:54]  Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just gonna ruin the fun.