Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Bob Lazar's UFO claims, theorizing the government used him to leak Cold War disinformation while mocking his aerodynamics. They debate whether Black people distrust police more than aliens due to survival instincts before analyzing LeVar Ball's ESPN ban as a calculated outrage play. The hosts then critique NBA management, arguing Deandre Ayton was overlooked for MVP and that Kyrie Irving's spirituality masks ego, ultimately ranking Shaq and Kobe as the greatest duo despite Magic and Kareem's shooting limitations. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Gin Vodka Free Shipping Promo00:06:37
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrants who No Easy Buckets Analysis by Assholes Water Cooler Commentary for Your Sports Needs.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
Yep.
Yep.
Real Life Kaz is not in the building right now.
Hopefully he will be joining us soon.
He is once again prioritized something else over us.
A TV show.
What is it?
SNY.
SNY.
Come on, son.
Come on, son.
What is SNY?
Bruh.
What is it?
Shitty New York.
Oh, wow.
But what is it?
Wow.
Is it a cable show?
I honestly don't know what it is.
It's an Instagram page.
I know that.
They have an Instagram page.
I'm asking you a serious question.
It's a network of some kind, but I don't know the channel.
I see the commercials.
Not SAG.
Shit is non-union commercials.
It's the only channel that's willing to play the Mets.
Oh!
Is it the Mets channel?
Yankees have yes, and the Mets have SOY.
Okay.
All right.
Well, we're not going to waste any more time on Kaz's poor decision making, but we have to say that this episode is brought to you by, get it up, Eden, our very own liquor sponsor.
That's right, Skeptic Distillery.
Okay.
A few of you guys were DMing me and asking me over the weekend about finding the brand of vodka and gin in your local stores.
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All right.
Skeptic distillery is found online.
Remember that, but we're going to work on it.
We're going to get in there.
Okay.
Now, I told you guys this a couple weeks ago.
For those of you who are new listeners, skeptics custom-built distills, okay?
Allow the vodka and gin to be cold brewed, essentially.
Okay.
They're cold brew alcohol.
This is the first alcohol brand that's doing this on the planet.
They're all going to jump on board.
You know how much better cold brew coffee is?
Right.
I'm having some cold brew coffee right now.
So that's the idea.
Cold brew coffee, killing the game.
Nobody gets regular iced coffee.
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And by flavor, I don't mean those added flavors, right?
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Skeptic Gin and won best in its category in the American Distilling Institute conference this past March and Skeptic Vodka just earned double gold at the Consumer Base SIP Awards.
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Matador Tour Inside Joke Show00:06:11
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Yo, I got some dates, man.
I want y'all to come out to this Matador tour.
Thank you guys so much for sharing the clips, man.
All these clips going viral is fucking insane.
And that's what's happening at the Matador Tour.
So don't miss out.
All right.
This weekend, Thursday through Saturday, I'm going to be at Denver Comedy Works, one of the best comedy clubs in the entire world.
Unbelievably intimate space.
Just really great for comedy.
The whole thing is curated for great comedy.
So come on out, Denver Comedy Works, downtown location.
And then Sunday, Houston, early show sold out.
We added a late show because I fuck with y'all, man.
I only come once a year, so I want to be there for you.
So we added the late show.
Come get some of that.
And then after that, we have the Toronto show.
Early show sold out.
Second show.
We added, okay, those tickets are going.
Tell your friend, tell the world, tell Amundo, do all that shit.
Come through, Toronto.
All right.
You know, I fuck with y'all.
So come through.
It's going to be crazy.
July 13th.
We're going to make it happen.
And then also, special announcement: Just for Laughs, Montreal people, my Montreal assholes.
We're going to be doing two very cool shows for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival.
We're going to be doing an Inside Joke show.
That's the show that you've probably seen on my YouTube channel, where comics are workshopping our most divisive and fucked up and evil material, trying to find the funny in it.
And we're also going to do an unsafe sets show where I'm just going to have a bunch of comics come through and they're going to do their craziest bits.
So it's going to be very fun, very unique experiences.
Off, you know, it's going to be late night shows.
I think both of them are like 11:45.
Let's get wild.
Let's get a little fucked up and let's have some funky, cool comedic experiences.
Theandrewsholls.com for that and more dates.
We keep on adding dates.
Obviously, Russia, pull the fuck up.
Australia, the word is out.
Those tickets are moving.
Get on that right now.
And many more dates.
So go check out the website.
Go for it, y'all.
Boom.
This Wednesday, I will be hosting a panel.
The hashtags, I'll be moderating the hashtag sports panel for the new movie, A Kid from Coney Island with Slam.
This is a documentary on Stefan Marbury.
Wednesday, June 26th, at the New York Times Center in Times Square.
My guy, Dennis Page, the editor-in-chief of Slam, will be on the panel.
Cootie Simmons, who is the filmmaker and the director of the movie.
We'll be talking about Stefan Marbury, the legacy of Slam, and all good basketball stuff.
And just come to the hashtag sports panel anyway.
Like, there's going to be a bunch of huge fucking celebrities and sports people from the NBA, Nike, ESPN, NFL, wherever.
So pull up there.
It's at 10 a.m. at the fuckety fuck, fuck, fuck.
It is at the Time Center at 242 West 41st Street, New York, New York, 10036.
Yo, I'm good.
We're going to start plugging next week.
I'm going on tour.
I'm headlining.
I'm bringing my boy Donish with me.
He's going to feature for me.
So we got a couple dates lined up.
We're still going to line up more, but we're going to start.
I'm going to start plugging the actual dates next week.
So let's just announce it.
Y'all support.
We'll have fun.
Yes, sir.
And oh, shit, I forgot.
We got some Duce Palooza dates as well.
This July 19th, we'll be in Detroit, Michigan at the Majestic.
Get your tickets on DucePalooza.com slash tickets.
So many fucking assholes is in Los Angeles this past weekend, man.
It was overwhelming how many of y'all came up and showed mad love.
So shout out to all y'all that came through.
And of course, this July 5th, Essence Fest, my man Andrew Schultz, after he's done hosting Essence Fest, we'll be doing Duce Palooza, New Orleans at the House of Blues.
The show starts at 12 midnight.
It's 12 midnight.
It is a midnight party.
So make sure you pull up.
And yeah, let's get back to the show.
Essence Fest hosted by Andrew Schultz.
You're going to be out there.
It's going to be wild.
I'm going to see if you can get me a guest pass.
We'll stop by Duce Palooza.
Security will not say anything as I walk in with no credentials.
Yes, sir.
Let's start the fucking show.
Kaz was right.
Can't trust the cops.
Can't trust the cops.
You know what?
We'll wait for Kaz to get here.
I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong.
I was wrong.
But I'll let Kaz have his glory when he comes and he can tell me how right he was about the cops lying and how wrong I was about the cops lying.
Maybe I have too much faith in law enforcement.
Maybe that's the case.
Maybe that's the case.
Maybe I assume that these people that are paid to protect us are going to tell the truth.
And maybe I should be a little bit more skeptic, Cole.
Did you see that?
Wow.
See how we did that right there?
Wow.
Double promo.
Double promo.
Maybe I didn't distill this information well enough the first time, okay?
And maybe if I had cold-brewed it a little bit more in my head, I could have seen that these cops were potentially lying.
So I apologize, but I'll let Kaz ream me out when he gets in.
Akash.
I was wrong, too.
I thought something happened.
Kaz was like.
I think so too.
Kaz was like, nah, nothing happened.
I was like, you wow, something happened.
Yeah.
It's weird that the two non-blacks really felt that nothing happened.
I thought something.
I didn't know if he punched him, but I was like, something fucking happened.
I guess he's charging at him like a goddamn rhinoceros.
Right.
Turns out, he's just angry that a black guy's getting on the court.
You'd think he'd be used to that.
You'd think if there's one thing that he would be accustomed to, a security card at a basketball game.
Can we acknowledge how that's maybe the worst job?
Oh, absolutely.
Right?
I went to look into doing that.
And then I realized the entire time you have to be facing away from the game.
And I'm like, fuck that.
But wait for it.
Pedophile Teacher Swimming Incident00:02:38
Not only do you have to be facing away from the game, you're on the floor.
Yeah.
Right?
You hear it behind you.
You hear it like dribbling and squeaking.
You hear the sneakers.
You hear the switch.
Everybody goes nuts.
Right?
Sometimes you get hit with a ball.
You have no clue.
Everybody's just laughing at you because your head's turned back.
It's like you are so close, but can't do anything.
Yeah.
That's rough.
It is very rough.
Yeah.
It is wildly rough.
They have to be stoic.
They can't show emotion.
It's like being like a pedophile teacher.
It's like they're right there.
They come into you.
You know what I mean?
They're brought to your class.
They call you by your last name.
You're an author.
A violating dress code.
Dude.
Oh, so you met like a teacher who also is a pedophile.
So you've been a person who teaches people how to become pedophiles.
Son, I don't know what sort of group on classes you've been getting.
But that is a wild profession, bro.
A pedophile teacher?
Yo, how you a bad pedophile?
Or how you a good one?
Well, I guess.
No, for real, man.
Sandusky, the goat.
Sandusky, the goat, son.
Man, he would have a statue out front of that school, bro.
He would have a Joe Pa statue.
He really would.
Because think about it.
He's setting a hand like this and be like this.
So think about it.
Like, for Sandusky specifically, right?
It's like he was probably looking at all those teachers at the school.
Like, oh, the pedophile teachers.
That's cool.
Like, oh, you think that you're smart because you get the kids coming to you, right?
But he's like, they don't even come to your shower.
Like, he picked the best.
He picked the best job to be a pedophile because the kids got to wash.
How many jobs are there like that?
Right?
That guy's a fucking pedophile genius.
Swim coach.
Swim coach, a good one.
Yo.
Swim coach, a good one.
That is true.
You got to shower after the pool.
Right?
Fucking right.
You see him the whole time in just trunks.
You just getting worked up.
Yo.
You're the one getting lathered up out there.
Yo.
All those strokes.
It's called a stroke, right?
The breaststroke.
The butterfly backstroke.
Backstroke.
Say, boy.
That's too much.
Bro, what a wild, what a wild thing to choose, right?
We got to vet these teachers.
Why is there no vetting for teachers?
Chinese Swimmer Background Check00:02:45
I don't know, son.
Is that a background?
He's still swimming so fast.
He's trying to get away from his pedophile-ass coach.
Get me out of here.
Yo, maybe that's how you make them good at swimming.
You swim behind them.
Dude, that's the only way.
Like a gay jaws.
Dude, It's just jaws.
Donna, Donna.
That's what he was listening to in that headphones.
The fucking Jaws team too.
Dude, that is how you motivate them.
Yeah, dog.
That's how you get gold.
Do you think that's how they do it in some countries?
Do you think they use those type of harsh treatments?
I mean, you know, listen, North Korea got a swim team, I'm sure, right?
Yeah, but are they not good?
They're not using every technique, right?
Like, they're not that's like Rocky Ford type shit.
What do you mean, like, like Rocky Four?
What's his name?
Drago getting juiced up, right?
Any means necessary, but not any.
No, Russia, I bet they do that shit.
But I do think, even though, like, what?
I don't think.
Like, maybe America's the only so far, as far as I'm concerned, America's the only country where they molest the athletes, right?
Like that, the gymnastics team.
Oh, right.
I don't know.
And we, yo, I'm not saying it's right, fam.
I'm not saying it's right.
I'm just saying so far, we the only ones, right?
And check the motherfucking goals count.
Check the medal counts.
China be getting the goals, though.
China gets the gold.
We get like the lead in the medal count over there.
They're molested out there in China.
You don't think they molested out there in China, Arkash?
Ah, gosh.
First of all, how old a Chinese person really is, bro.
That's how they cheat.
I think that's 40-year-old Chinas out there.
How old is a Chinese?
Son, have y'all seen that China developed the most sophisticated facial recognition software?
They had to.
They had no choice.
They had no choice.
They gotta pick up every detail.
Oh, I see your freckle.
One freckle above cheek.
That's the easiest Apple face ID ever.
They're like, just make one Chinese person.
They're gonna cover all a billion of them.
Think about how easy it is to find the different people in New York, right?
Yeah.
So much diversity.
So easy to point out an Eden or an Akash or an Andrew.
Yeah.
But when literally 2 billion people are sharing like seven names, the same haircut.
Bruh.
The same gee.
I was wondering where you were going.
Isn't that what it's called?
Joe Nadler Sandusky Comparison00:13:00
Yeah, I was like, well done.
I am good.
Right?
Same bandana that ties in.
Stop the landing like Sandusky, huh?
I stopped the landing like Sandusky.
It's not even him, right?
That was Nadler.
Nadler, that's the Michigan guy.
Sandusky in rape?
No, no, he did, but like he, that's football.
Yeah, okay.
I forgot there was a gym rape.
The gym rape is.
I forgot there's a gym raper, my bad.
Son, just check the medal count.
All I'm trying to say is that Jamaican running team got one hell of a rapist.
That's all I'm trying to say.
Because them motherfuckers be running.
Yo, Usain Bolt.
Usain Bolt got a reason.
He got something to get away from.
You know what it is?
The dicks are bigger.
So the punishment is worse.
I could take a little Sandusky.
I can't take no Donovan.
Come on, Akash.
You don't think you can run a quick 40 if Donovan is behind you?
Bruh, I might be into it.
Huh?
Huh?
What?
You want your cheeks thunderclapped?
Oh, my God.
Oh, Akash.
You should have been.
I don't actually know if you didn't go.
Did you go to Cluster?
Not Cluster Fest, Skank Fest this weekend.
No, I didn't.
It was wild.
Unbelievable.
You went.
I went Sunday night.
I got there the last day.
Okay.
For those of you guys who don't know, the Legion of Skanks, amazing podcast.
Great, great, great comics, Big Jay Ogerson, Dave Smith, Louis J. Gomez, Louis J. Gomez, and a dude named Ralph run the Gas Digital Network.
They have amazing podcasts on that network, Legion of Skanks being one of them.
Lewis has several podcasts as well.
And Lewis and Christine Evans and Rebecca Trent all organized this festival called Skank Fest.
And I'm telling you, it was fucking next year.
We need to put all of our efforts behind it to support this.
Really?
It is everything that we support in comedy.
It is no industry whatsoever.
It's all comics, supported by comics for comics.
It is CBGBs.
It is punk rock.
It is hip-hop in the fucking Bronx before it blew up.
I mean, it is the most raw and organic form of stand-up.
It's like Burning Man for comedy.
Yeah, A little different in regards to like, you know, the type of party it is, but like it's truly like for us by us.
If there's a foo boo of comedy, this is what it is.
And they treat the comics great.
There's a there was this thing that they closed the show with the goddamn comedy jam run by Josh Adam Myers.
Right.
And it's basically live karaoke.
Yeah.
And you say, and comics do like a couple jokes and then they sing the song.
And fucking Bill Burr played drums.
That's crazy.
This is the goat.
Shows up to this festival in Brooklyn.
Right.
Does not have to do this.
Right.
He's in the middle of filming a movie right now.
Did not know that.
That's dope.
He's in New York filming Pete Davidson's movie.
Okay, and he fucking comes to this thing.
They're not paying him or anything like that, just to support comedy and fucking plays the drums for a few songs while they karaoke.
Surprise guests, Louis C.K. Get the fuck out.
Dude, I'm telling you, it's like we need to like.
Louie got to come out butt naked to these things.
While we're talking about butt naked, Ari Shafir, this was hilarious.
So Roy Wood Jr. is going up to do his one of the funniest comics work in the world now.
I love Roy Williams.
And he's going to be on Inside Jokes this week with Akash, myself, and Verzee.
So Roy Wood goes up.
Now, Roy Wood is hosting a show on Comedy Central called This Is Not Happening.
Great.
It was originally the Ari show.
It was originally the Ari show.
So Roy gets up there, and Roy's like, Ari, come on up here to show there's no beef.
And like, I think Roy was really diplomatic about it.
He like asked Ari's blessing to do it.
He said he wouldn't do it unless Ari said it was cool, et cetera.
And so Ari gets called back on stage, and Ari walks by me, and I see him start kind of pulling down his pants.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
By the time he's on stage, he is butt-ass naked.
Okay?
Walks up and just hugs Roy.
Roy does not know what the fuck is happening.
We're from Alabama.
Roy is black black.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
He don't know what the fuck is going on.
And Skank Fest is, it's super white.
Yeah.
Right?
It's super white.
We're going to gentrify that shit next year.
And I mean that.
And I'm telling you, our crowd is going to love that and they're going to love it.
It's going to be fucking amazing.
I can't wait.
But, dude, Roy hid in a corner while he sings the rest of his song while Ari just bouncing around on stage with his fucking big ass dick flopping all over the place.
Dude, it was unreal being at this thing.
And I wanted to get Lewis on today, but he couldn't do it.
But what I'm saying is next year, we got to get behind this and we got to push this.
It's like New York has a thing.
Yeah.
You know, like finally.
We've been missing a thing.
Yeah, you've been calling for it.
I've been calling for it.
And they've had it.
They fucking built it.
And we got to prop it up.
We got to push it as much as we possibly can.
Let's do it.
Was this the first year they did it?
No, they've done it a few years and just keeps building every single year.
They have unbelievable fans, like devout fans like us.
I mean that.
And when they start to cross-pollinate and find each other, they're wild too.
They're with the flagrancy.
These motherfuckers are wild.
So when they all realize that they're down with the same stand-up, it's going to be special.
Tell me special.
Another podcast.
And the dude Stavros helped me when I was setting up the Patreon.
Come Town is another podcast.
And I think their fans will be super down for the flagrant shit.
That's what we need to do, man.
I was out in LA because I did Rogan again, and Rogan was talking about that.
And he was just like.
Oh, yeah.
How the fuck are we not talking about that?
We can talk about it.
Yo, biggest podcast crossover in history.
We'll talk about that in a bit, I guess.
That shit was wild, but he was saying a good thing.
It was like, the beautiful thing about this, the beautiful thing about podcasting is it's not as antagonistic as other forms.
So, like, radio was always about the war.
Howard Stern was at war with whoever was the morning show in the market, or even, you know, Breakfast Club in Hot 97, right?
It was always this war mentality.
But podcast seems to be this friendship mentality.
And I even feel bad because I think we got into it with Budden's thing, and that was stupid.
But in reality, all of us should be trying to prop each other up.
All of us should be helping each other.
That's interesting.
Because you see what the guys in LA have done, and they've built out 15 fucking podcasts, and all these podcasts are doing big numbers.
Everybody's touring.
It's like there's a lot of food out there for all of us.
And if we have more of a feast mentality than a family mentality.
You know who did that is Rogan.
Rogan set that up.
Like, if it's just Mark Maron out there doing WTF, I don't think it's as like not no disrespect to him, but Joe's about that life.
Joe's about like giving.
Ed told me, first of all, it's so dope that you did Rogan and we forgot to talk about it.
That tells you the kind of shit you're doing right now and that's amazing.
But you mentioned Joe will just like tip wherever he goes, like generously.
I want to put his business out there, but he's generally that.
Joe just does nice shit for people and doesn't expect anything.
That's the vibe I get from Joe.
He is living.
And that's a rare thing, but he's the podcast guy.
He's the guy.
So when he sets that precedent and he gives and he puts careers on, like, like Ari owes a lot to Joe.
So many comics owe a lot to Joe.
So he set that precedent.
So now it's like, well, we just, we just follow the leader, really.
100%.
And they see the formula.
And once you see it works, it happens.
And it's like, we got a responsibility.
You know what I mean?
Like, we got a responsibility to help out and push people and go for it.
And then once you set that standard, it's so easy.
It's like, once someone helps you, you just want help.
Yeah.
But when you feel like no one's helping you, you're like, fuck everybody.
When I get that, that's what apparently two chains don't really care to help nobody and he don't give a fuck about being friendly to anybody because he looked like I got kicked around for decades.
And nobody wanted to fuck with me.
So fuck everybody.
Exactly.
And that, and that's a bad attitude because eventually you might need a little help.
And you might need a feature that gets built off of I got kicked around.
So when if two chains got helped early on as he should have or felt he should have or whatever, then he's like, yeah, I'll help everybody.
Boom.
I got help.
So we need to have that.
I look forward to helping comics the way you help me.
It's like, it's just when you get that help, you're like, fuck, I got to pay this forward.
I can't just not.
Right.
What kind of piece of shit would that be if I get on and I'm just like, nah, I'm good.
Yeah.
So that's so that's what we're going to do.
And that's what we're going to have.
And I think that's what we have been doing, but we just need a push on it.
Crossovers, podcasts.
I'm telling you, man, it is, it's very, it was very cool to see.
Also, there's no giant corporations competing against each other to stop us.
Right.
Like Hot 97 and Breakfast Love can't really cross over.
Their bosses are going to be like, nah.
Right.
Nah.
Yeah.
Even though that happens when we do numbers, nah.
With us, we can just cross over.
If you, if Budden ever likes us, we could cross over.
You know what I mean?
It's not a thing.
Right.
It's fun to take shots, but if they liked us, I mean, we could.
For real.
I mean, it is, I'm telling you, there is a good.
It was good to see.
It was refreshing to see.
And sometimes you need to see it.
What do they say?
Sometimes you need to believe things to see it.
Sometimes you need to see it to believe it.
Okay.
Right there too.
They both function, right?
Like you need to believe in like all these like old Mexican chicks that like believe in God so much they see the Virgin Mary in their fucking oatmeal.
Right.
Right.
You need to believe in God to see in the oatmeal, right?
But sometimes you need to see some shit to actually believe it.
Like when you see motherfuckers sharing the wealth and it's working, you're like, all right, when you see Joe doing it, hey, let's do it.
No, he's living, bro.
I was talking about this on Andrew Santino's podcast, another really good comic out there who's got a good podcast called Whiskey Ginger.
And we're talking about like there's the people, and sometimes maybe I'm hard on billionaires for this, but like there's like living and surviving, right?
And we're kind of geniuses, comics, right?
Because we're surviving still.
Right.
But we've kind of cracked the code because we've found a way to survive doing what we love.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
So most people have to survive doing something they don't really like, but they need to survive.
Right.
Right.
And then we were like, all right, fuck it.
If I'm going to have to survive, we might as well show the podcast as might as well do stand-up through the whole thing.
Yeah.
Right.
So, but at the end of the day, we're still surviving.
Right.
We can't stop working.
We still got to work to pay.
Right.
Then you get to the point where you're like financially free.
You have so much money you can't spend it in your lifetime.
You have the opportunity at that point in time to do whatever you want and start living, not surviving anymore.
You've cured survival.
Right.
So now you have the ability to live.
Everything you do every day, you could do because you want to do it.
That's living.
Fuck you money.
Fuck you money.
So now you can live.
But most people don't understand that.
So they keep on creating new goals to kick in the survival sensation, right?
The survival motivation.
Like when people go, I want to be a billionaire.
Yeah.
It's like, you idiot.
You're good.
You want to be a billionaire?
Take your money, transfer it to Ty Bot.
You're a billionaire, right?
Like, what is a billionaire?
Like, a billionaire isn't anything.
Yeah, it's a made-up thing.
Take your billion dollars, transfer it into English pounds.
You're not a billionaire.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
It's completely arbitrary, this amount.
But what they miss is, what they miss is this just living.
They go, in order for me to operate, I need a motivation.
I can't just live.
I need a bad guy.
I need a goal.
I need a dragon to slay.
They can't just go, I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I love every single day.
And it's kind of sad, man, because how few people even get the opportunity to live?
Like Rogan's fucking living.
That's what I admire most, I think.
You know what else I've thought about?
Because I got friends who are, you know, business dudes doing great, like making tons of money.
But you are always surrounded by richer people.
And so you don't understand that you're living.
You feel like, this guy got it.
There's always, that's the scariest thing about New York to me.
Fuck the homeless people on the subway.
Yes.
It's when you're successful.
There's always someone more.
You are never successful enough.
No house I have is nice enough.
It can eat you alive.
Weirdly, that sounds maybe it's not the scariest thing, but like it's terrifying that you never feel adequate here if you are in different circles.
Yes, because there's always somebody with a nicer car, always someone with a nicer house, nicer apartment.
You can literally spend infinite money here.
I don't see there's a cap.
You could live in the Nordstrom Towers for a million dollars a square foot or whatever it is.
And you do compare yourself to the company you keep.
Exactly.
Yeah, so that is important.
Magneto Move Everything Bullet00:02:48
And maybe that's Rogan's values.
Like he's hanging around all these comics that are poor.
That's his genius.
Hang out with poor people.
But then again, he'll hang out with Elon Musk.
Yeah.
So it's like, I'm sure he has this.
He just seems incredibly comfortable in who he is.
Like, he just seems, that's the vibe I get from him, is he just knows him better than most people know that he's not.
He's the truth, bro.
Yeah.
I mean that shit.
Yeah.
The motherfucking truth.
And going out there and having him and like Charlemagne meet, it was like having Professor X and Xavier meet, man.
It smelled like the same person.
Some person.
What's the other guy with the?
Magneto.
Oh, yeah.
Magneto.
Professor X and Magneto.
Son, can we talk about Professor X?
What's up?
And I'm sure a comic has done this.
But why can't you move everything but his legs?
This is good.
This is good.
Right?
Like, my man can move everything with his head but his own fucking feet, bro.
Like, he can lift his wheelchair up.
It hit me as soon as he said, can we talk about Professor X?
I was like, oh, fuck, that's good.
He balances something.
That's a good point.
They explain what happens because he used to walk and then something happened on her cheeks.
No, he got shot.
Oh, it was shot?
No, somebody shot what happened in one of the X-Men.
I think Magneto shot some girl or something like that, and it bounced and it hit him in the back or whatever.
But my point is, if you can move the wheelchair, you gotta move the bullet.
Well, I think he did.
I think that was the issue.
I think he moved a bullet and then it happened.
Who we got there?
What's up, Kaz?
Say hi to my cousin.
My cousin's here, everybody.
That's um.
Kaz.
Push the door already all the way closed.
Why is it that Professor X can move everything but his feet?
What is the logic there?
You're a comic book nerd, right?
Wait, can he move everything, though?
He moves.
He doesn't have wheels.
The shit floats.
Yeah, it floats.
Like his brain doing that.
This is his mind.
When he's in his mind, when he's in other people's minds, like he walks.
Like, he can do stuff in people's mind, but like physically, he can't walk for some fucking reason.
I don't know.
That's a glitch in the matrix.
Kaz, by the way, we waited for you to get here so you can tell me how wrong I was about the side.
Yeah, let's wait for you.
But we'll get there.
I know we will.
We also shit on SNY, but whatever.
Oh, yeah, we shit all over SNY.
They ain't paying me.
They're paying me, though.
Fuck me, right?
Don't worry about it.
It's all good.
This is good.
There's also a bug in here.
This is going to be our Breaking Bad episode where we go drive crazy from the fly.
You did?
I killed the other one.
Oh, fuck it.
Anyway, that's true.
So another fly just saying I killed the first one.
I'm taking credit for that.
Professor X. Professor X. Professor X, Charles Xavier.
Has nobody addressed this whatsoever?
UFO Scientist Alien Glitch00:12:58
I don't.
Here we go.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Bro, it's over.
Let that little man live.
Ah, fuck him.
Don't make him live.
There it is.
There it is.
Both of y'all are just up.
Oh, that's here.
That's here.
I got it.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Oh, got him.
No, you didn't get him.
He's still flying.
Are we for real doing this?
Are we for real doing this?
Can you keep the fall?
Yeah, so Professor X.
No, I want you to call the call.
Oh, he's going to do the play-by-play.
Oh, okay.
And the fly is floating around the room completely untouched.
Did you see it?
Andrew and Alex and Kaz have an uphill battle against him.
Long off against him, folks.
No, he did not fall.
Kaz is insisting he got him.
Okay.
I think I got him, you know.
He didn't get him.
I saw him fly away.
But it doesn't matter.
He's deceived us.
Okay.
He's in hiding.
Back to what we're saying.
Jesus.
Okay.
So, we don't know why.
We don't know why that works.
But the point was, what was it a metaphor?
Professor X can move it off.
Oh, it was Charlemagne, seeing Charlemagne and Rogan come together, having that episode.
And like, it was these two parts of the internet that I knew would enjoy each other if they had the opportunity to connect.
Right.
But they didn't know each other just yet.
Like, so many people, when I went on Rogan, that was the first time they've ever heard of me.
Right.
Right.
And so many people, it's so funny to get tweets that say this.
Rogan introduced me to Andrew Schultz, who introduced me to Charlemagne.
The idea that I could introduce anybody to Charlie.
To me, Charlemagne, wildly famous.
Pinnacles of the internet, right?
It's Rogan and Charla.
And like having that conversation, the three of us, and it was just fucking effortless, three hours.
I'm not trying to brag about it.
I'm just trying to say like.
It was a good listen.
I'll list all on the way.
It was so easy.
It was tight.
It was just easy.
And they fucking get along.
It was dope.
And it was like, that's what podcasting can do.
We don't need these stupid fucking beefs.
And again, I'm guilty of it as well.
But we thought we needed the beasts because we came from the radio world.
Podcasting isn't that.
Podcasting is the fucking Avengers.
It's the community.
You know what's interesting is I don't want to say echo chambers because I don't mean it politically, but you're just kind of in a silo on the internet.
Yes.
These are the people that I know and like, and that's all I need.
I'm happy in this silo.
So you would think you're good, but there's a ton of other shit and a bunch of other silos that would be great.
Rogan got this massive silo.
Him, Dahlia, whoever else.
All funny.
You're good, but there's also Charlemagne, Andrew, whoever in this silo.
Yeah, but Rogan's almost different, though, because for Deli and those guys, it's more comedy-based, but Rogan's just like, he's like the general podcast.
Like, as soon as you go on the Apple, Spotify, whatever, like, him and like Joe Button.
He's New York Times.
Yeah.
That's the genius of stand-ups.
Only a stand-up can do that, I think.
100%.
I mean, we're talking about, I don't even, like, the reach is insane.
I mean, it's essentially what the.
I didn't realize what the reach was.
It's essentially what the research is.
The reach was 16 million people an episode.
God damn it.
That's so crazy.
He goes, he texts me.
He goes, That's friends numbers.
Son, it's friends' numbers.
That's friends.
Friends.
Network TV when your show is killing it numbers.
So think about that, right?
He was like, oh, he's like, you're on a list.
I go, what do you mean?
I'm like, you're definitely, anybody I text is on a list.
I go, what do you mean a list?
He goes, like, you know, the CIA and shit.
Like, he goes, you can't have 16 million people listen to your thing and then people want to make sure the information that's going out there is okay.
You're not allowed to have that much influence within a country and in the world without the government going, we're just going to observe.
Make sure.
Dude, that shit made me anxiously listening to it.
Oh, son, my phone, ever since I came back and we met with the UFO guy.
UFO guy.
All right, so the episode asked for me.
Son, this week has been so crazy.
This week has been so fucking crazy.
So after Rogan, right, the next day he has a guy named Bob Lazar on.
Sounds familiar.
Yes, he is the guy who started basically the Area 51 conspiracy theories.
He's a scientist.
He claims to have worked at Area 51 and worked on alien aircraft.
And his job was to, what's it called, reverse engineer it.
So essentially figure out how it works.
And he was brought there and he left.
They fired him and he whistle blew.
And in 89, it was, you know, this crazy story about UFOs.
And from then on, Area 51 has become part of this pop culture.
Okay.
He came to do the episode the next day.
So we went out to dinner with him the night before.
Wow.
And I swear to God, my phone battery is 50% less than it has been.
I swear now.
I don't know if that's my phone trash or if I'm being tracked.
I don't know what it is.
But I promise you.
Oh, no, your phone battery does not work no more.
You're for sure being tracked.
I'm not going to not believe Kaz anymore.
I'm going to just believe Kaz when he says some shit.
Thank you.
That's all I wanted, bro.
That's all I wanted.
Hey, man, you earned it.
It took a while, but goddamn.
I'm going to let you read me out.
I was wrong.
But it was a crazy fucking thing.
What is your guys' theory on UFOs?
Oh, I've always believed there's aliens.
I believe there's aliens, yeah.
It would be ignorant to believe we're the only living species on this one planet.
100%.
As big as this shit is, like, it's.
New York Times is reporting that there's been like suspicious activity that people swear is aliens.
Like, yep.
Oh, I feel like there's aliens like among us.
Okay.
Like, they're here.
It's just that they're just like fucking harmless and don't want to, you know.
Eddie is an alien.
He's a sort of alien.
Yeah, no, I believe they're among us.
I think they're just like chilling, peaceful people.
Like, they probably saw movies.
I was like, oh shit, I don't want that to happen.
Right.
Then it just played up as well.
I don't, I haven't thought through enough to say what are they like.
Somebody on the ticket always talks about it and he goes, why do we assume they're life size?
Why can't they be so small we can never see them?
They're microscopic, floating around right now, gathering whatever information.
That bug is a fucking CIA bus.
100% guarantee that.
Why is not dying?
That's a drone.
Yep.
That's why I'm just circling Kaz the whole time.
Yeah.
I was like, who's the new guy?
I thought he was like African.
Yeah.
For sure.
For sure.
Cass checks all the boxes.
Okay.
Like, I'm not that African.
All right.
So not just flies just running around me.
So I didn't even think about it like that.
That's what I was saying.
I said it before somebody in the comments said, This is who happened.
I think he says he's an African and he's got flies around the world the time.
So here's my thing with this guy who's claiming to have worked on the UFOs.
It's a tricky because he breaks the whole thing down and it's very believable in the way he's breaking it down, right?
But there's part of me that's like, this is the thing that's hardest for me to believe, right?
If you're the United States government and you come upon UFOs, right?
And they're alleging, or he's alleging that these UFOs have been here for thousands of years.
They're just like dugging them up, essentially.
Oh, like their bodies?
Not the aliens, but the actual craft, the spacecraft.
Right.
So, which is more believable for me that they came thousands of years ago, check some shit out, maybe left it there, whatever.
Okay.
Here's my thing: you get this, you get this UFO.
You need a reverse engineer to see if we can work it out, right?
You have access to all the most famous scientists in the world, and you're going to hire a guy named Bob from the best.
Why wouldn't you hire a guy named Bob?
It's a perfectly inconspicuous name.
Know how many Bobs there are?
No, no, no, no.
What I'm trying to say is, he's not an elite MIT scientist.
Do you know what I'm saying?
You go, you get the best of the, like, you know, America's, you know, NASA, the program, NASA, is started by a bunch of Nazis, right?
Who literally stole, we beat Germany in World War II.
All their scientists we took and they started NASA.
And the ones we didn't get, Russia used to start their space program because the Germans were like way ahead of us in terms of not only hating Jews, but also science, right?
They were like way ahead of us, right?
So the hatred took them very far.
Yeah.
It's a motivator.
I was about to say, like, hate is the biggest motivator in the world.
They didn't have podcasts.
They only had podcasts they could come together with, right?
But so my point is, if you're willing to go anywhere you want to get scientists, I don't think you're going with that guy.
So maybe what they're doing is like setting him up on purpose.
You discriminated against guys named Bob?
No, he's discriminating against people who don't hate Jews.
Come on.
Obviously, I don't think either.
No, meaning like you're going to get a guy from the fucking greatest school and the best whatever, not just some run-of-the-mill scientist.
He wasn't the most elite scientist, is what I'm trying to say.
So he's like the George Phillip scientist.
He's going to get a nonstra.
He's going to get a summoning.
You know what I mean?
So look, he's like the Matthew Stafford of scientists.
Not elite, but oh, yeah, he's pretty good.
Maybe lower.
He's got a good bifocal.
Okay.
Wait, did he say he's the only one working on it?
So they work in pairs.
So, and everything is cut up so you only know what you know, right?
And this is how they control information.
What I'm trying to say is: if I'm the government and I want to get fake information out there, right?
What I would do is get a run-of-the-mill scientist who is so willing to believe anything like a spaceship or like a UFO could exist.
And I would present him with these things, right?
And I would say, hey, can you reverse engineer it?
Full well knowing that this guy is going to eventually tell some people and it's going to leak.
And now you have information leaking during the fucking Cold War.
And now Russia is hearing from news stories that America has UFO.
And I'm Russia.
I'm like, okay, Rocky won.
You know what I mean?
I don't need that.
I like that theory.
What if he's like, he could be like the Aaron Paul of the scientists, though, if they work in pairs?
Jack, he's like the fucking, he's like the meth head who's kind of like, oh, bro, there's aliens.
And like the real fucking mastermind, like the real like Brian Cranston motherfucker is like still there really killing shit.
I don't know, maybe.
That's what I'm saying.
He could be the fuck up.
What were you saying?
I was saying he's still alive.
That's a little weird.
So that's the other thought I had.
I don't believe this, what's the word, precludes aliens from existing.
No, no, aliens can exist.
Aliens should exist for sure.
But I do think there is something like, wouldn't he be dead if he's really out here blowing whistles on aliens?
So here's the thing.
Here's the thing about blowing whistles, right?
That's why I don't think it's about aliens.
I think he was doing something else.
And I think he used aliens to protect himself.
Like, I think he was working on some wild shit for the government, right?
And he was like, I'm out.
I don't want to deal with this no more.
And then he comes and says, hey, I was working on an alien spacecraft.
And now the government goes, this motherfucker.
Okay.
If we kill him, everybody believes aliens are real.
If we don't kill him, at least he's not saying the real shit he was working on.
So we'll keep him alive.
And it keeps the secret that he knows and that we know.
Don't they still die, though?
I think they only die when you're going to fuck the bread up.
And that alien lie doesn't fuck the bread up.
And to be fair, if what you're saying is true, they're looking at like, this is like the vintage alien shit.
Like, that's like the throwback shit.
It's not like the whole thing.
It's like the TBT aliens.
Yeah, it's like the TBT aliens.
Like, you don't need the old shit.
Like, they've probably been probably the real.
That's how we got the iPhone.
What we have from the aliens is those shirts they give the African kids when you lose in the finals.
You know what I mean?
Okay, we got the bootleg march.
We got the bootleg merch.
We got all them Buffalo Bills.
We got the Atlanta Falcons.
We got the Atlanta Falcons, the Buffalo Bills, UFOs, and shit.
If we pull up on aliens with that shit, they'll be like, what?
That's a saucer?
Y'all thought I had saucers?
For real?
We got the Christmas 300.
It's a real Rolls Royce.
Real talk.
There are Maybach UFOs up there.
There are Rolls-Royce UFOs out there.
We're pulling up with a big grill thinking we got something.
Yo, we discovered not.
They're looking at you like, yo, you got the motherfucking Super Nintendo.
10,000 light years old.
Something you're talking about.
That shit is lost.
You kidding me?
That's probably not even like an old alien to him.
It's probably like a teenager alien making fun of him.
Like, you got the wax shit.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
It's those new balance alien shits you can die.
And they're looking at us like, like, we don't realize how stupid it is.
Right?
They're just like, hold up.
You would fly something that isn't even aerodynamic?
Like, like, the whole, you know how they fly the alien spaceships?
You think it goes up and then flies flat, right?
Right.
No.
It goes up and then folds forward.
Oh, shit.
So imagine a plate folding 90 degrees and it's pushed back.
Now, that is the least aerodynamic thing in the entire world.
You're just flying forward as a sailor.
It looks wild, though.
It looks wild.
It does look wild.
This entire combo is making me uncomfortable.
Imagine me, my phone dead.
Ramona Shelburne Liar Smokescreen00:15:20
I'm about to say, I don't know.
I feel like.
Look at my phone dead.
This would be a great time to switch subjects, especially after Rogan.
Wait, what do you mean?
No, I'm just nervous.
Oh, you think they're going to get on it?
Oh, yeah, they will.
But for what?
He played.
God damn, man.
I'm actually paranoid, bro.
No black man will ever die because of UFO conspiracy.
I promise you.
Because they're not caring about that.
They know that Channel Karaka.
They know that Chanakya.
Yo, who's talking about aliens and shit?
Black people not crazy enough.
Only white people are crazy enough to go that far with it.
Black people already don't trust the government.
White people really believe that they could say some shit to change the world.
You know what I mean?
Like white people really out here like, I'm going to spread this information.
Black people like...
Security guards will kill you.
The government definitely going to do it.
The first thing we say is, I ain't seen nothing.
The first thing any black man says when they see a crime they wasn't supposed to see is, I ain't seen shit.
An alien ship could drop in the middle of Compton and you see all the black dudes look and then just see walk their way away from that alien.
I ain't seen nothing.
I don't know what y'all talking.
Alien who?
Alien who?
R.I.P. Nipsey.
That's all I know.
Real talk.
I ain't got no B for them aliens out there, B. Anyway, all right, now you can ring me out.
Woo!
Yeah, told them to feel good to be right.
Let's talk about sports.
Nah, this is sports, eh?
I know I'm saying.
Oh, yeah.
Hit it, Cash.
Go, go.
Hit it, Cash.
You want to load it up?
Do you want to?
Apparently, as has been said on this podcast by one of us, you can guess which one.
Yes, I think you can all guess which one.
The police officer did not get punched or shoved by a Messiah.
Don't say what else happened.
He said that Masai did have a credential.
I could have sworn we had the video of the credential.
The only people I believe than cops is Nigerians.
So I don't know if I trust you or Messiah about any of this shit.
I mean, it's like, it's almost like police will just lie about some shit when they are over aggressive and need a covered up.
Maybe.
It seems like that's a little bit more believable than 50,000 people at the NBA finals not recording somebody getting punched in the face.
It takes a liar to know a liar.
God bets.
Liar to know a liar.
Well, in this case, Messiah probably asked that fucking cop for his email.
My thing is, trying to sell him a pool table.
Real talk.
Real talk.
Tell him he was a friend of mine.
I've never dealt with lying-ass cops before.
Right.
This is the life.
It's a lot like dealing with lying-ass Nigerians.
Yo, it is.
Only you lose way less money.
No, it's actually not.
Potentially, you're like.
You actually walk away.
We may take, like, you know, we may sell you some fake shit, but like $10,000, but don't die.
Yeah, that's true.
You're right.
That's another thing, but God damn, man.
If you're going to blatantly lie about that shit, it's the NBA Finals in Oakland.
It's the last game in the Oracle Arena.
Everybody in the world has photos and video.
So why didn't they come out?
What do you mean why they come out?
Because there was no shove.
There was no push.
They said that.
So why wasn't there a video of the no-push?
Why would there have to be...
We're not going to do the thing that you do when you try to talk and back.
Can you play that X-Files music?
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
There was no UFO of the NBA.
First off, the cop was talking about a jaw injury and he could have returned to work because of aggression that he showed his credential with, even though originally they said he didn't have a credential or he didn't present the right one or whatever.
He didn't.
I just want to see how far you're going to go to believe the police, right?
The earth is flat.
This makes me very uncomfortable around you guys, how much you trust police.
Yo, we be trusting them, bro.
I don't.
Nah, they work out.
They work out for that.
They don't, bro.
The only cops I trust are the ones that like shoot hoops in bad neighborhoods.
Those are the only ones.
I'm like, ah, that guy's all right.
Yo, what if those cops are actually the worst?
Like, you know how when a dude.
It's got to be the worst.
You know how when a dude's a feminist, like he's really out here raping shit.
Yeah.
He's using that as a smokescreen.
You know what I mean?
Like, what if those cops are like hooping in the hood?
They're like, ha ha, they're not going to know that I'm shooting these kids later.
You know, like, what if that shit is a completely different thing?
Like a black kid breaks his ankles in on the ground, he just shoots the kid in the foot.
Spring up the track.
What you don't know about these basketball games is they are playing for their life.
Like when those black kids lose, they get shot afterwards.
You don't know that.
This is the truth.
How do you guard somebody with a gun on them, though?
Honestly, how do you guard somebody with a gun on them?
How do you guard Magic Johnson?
The same way, delicately.
You're not playing lockdown defense on a guy with a clock, clock down defense.
Glock down defense.
No way, dude.
You fucking fall back.
There's a reason why there's always distance.
Nobody bought it.
You got it.
The most disrespectful you get in the street.
He ain't got that.
That's it.
But at the same time, the fact that they're getting any elevation, I mean, that belt is, that belt weighs a lot.
Have you felt that belt?
All cops are very bottom-heavy.
Yeah.
They all like the waist and the fucking Batman utility belts that they wear, whatever the fuck it is.
Walking around with quads, bro.
Yeah.
Carrying that shit around.
I've seen them dunk, though.
Cops, they're explosive.
Anyway, so, all right, you got that on your system?
Eh, that's fine, whatever.
What else we got?
Can we talk about Free and LeVar Ball?
Can we talk about how we can definitely talk about that shit?
Can we talk about Free and LeVar Ball?
Were you here when we were talking about this Friday?
We did.
We did a little bit.
So, Akash, your thoughts.
You were the first one to be like, yo, that was it?
I don't like this shit at all.
I don't like this Molly, whatever the fuck her name is.
Kareem.
However.
And maybe in the moment, I can get you take some shit the wrong way.
But then afterward, all you got to say is, yo, I can see how I misunderstood that.
That's all she has to do.
She has to just say, honestly, I can see how I misunderstood that in the moment.
I'm sorry.
And this all goes away.
And I'm not a LeVar fan.
I don't dislike the guy intensely, but I don't like him.
Y'all love him.
And he got done so fucking dirty, as you said, is my exact thought was he was just saying a sentence.
You can switch gears with me anytime.
He didn't say, you could switch gears with me anytime.
He didn't call her sweetheart.
He didn't call her boo.
He called her nothing.
Well, people were talking about the hand gesture that he did, like the fucking shift gears, whatever.
And then they showed like an episode, maybe like from two, three years ago, he does the exact same thing.
It's like, switch gears.
Same exact thing.
Yeah.
And I saw that episode.
I can totally like, I 100% agree with you.
I heard Paul.
I just say in the moment.
And then Jamil Hill, who like her, that's fine, but she does do this.
Okay.
She will, what's the word, politicize something.
Right.
Kudos to Molly Currim for Kareem for standing up to LeVar Ball's sexist comments.
Blah, blah, blah.
Gas on the floor.
I've seen her do this to Dez about a harmless fucking pizza tweet before.
Right.
She be doing this.
Those two together made this a huge deal.
All they got to do is backtrack.
My literal only thing about that that I could, I could see where they're coming from.
And I tweeted this and somebody made me see it from a different point of view.
So shout out to, I forgot who it was.
Right.
But he was like, would LeVar Ball have said that to Stephen A or Max?
Like, would he say, Stephen A, you could switch gears with me anytime?
No, he'd be mean.
Right?
We'd be like, oh, pause.
That's.
Okay, first of all, first of all, first of all, yes, maybe he wouldn't say that, right?
But at the same time, there are female hosts that get spoken to differently in many different ways.
For example, if a female host has a sports opinion that's stupid, Stephen A doesn't go, that's preposterous.
That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.
But he's a lot more delicate when he's speaking.
Exactly.
If I make Molly, if I make.
So if you are getting dealt with baby gloves or whatever that term is, what is it called?
Baby gloves.
Child's gloves, whatever the fuck it is.
There are going to be things where you deal with the female host a little bit differently.
That's fair.
Yes, maybe he wouldn't use that.
You could switch gears with me anytime.
That being said, that line is just something that's somewhat charming that you could use with women.
I don't think it has too much sexual innuendo.
Would you feel away if a guy said that to your girl?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
And I could see myself reacting.
But over time, if I looked at it again and I watched his language, his body language after was locked in.
Was no, it wasn't, it didn't seem sexual to me at all.
Yeah, I know I'm not a girl, but it just seemed to me like he's just talking.
He's like, No, come on.
Here's the thing: let's look at it like this: who's somebody that we hate hearing them talk?
I don't like LeVar.
Oh, I love LeVar.
That's why I'm biased.
But, but that's so that's a good example.
I don't.
What?
What?
No, I love hearing him.
It's the most entertaining.
I'm talking about someone who we truly do not like there, hearing them talk about sports, their opinions.
Oh, oh, what's his face?
Who's the chick that looks like Jonah Hill that's always on ESPN?
Ramona Shelburne.
Ramona Shelburne.
Come on, son.
I like Ramona Shelburne, dude.
Ramona Wimbledon.
She looked like the catcher in the syrup.
I hate hearing them.
You know the catcher in the sand lot?
That's who Ramona Shelburne looked like.
Pull up the catcher in the syrup and the sandlot and Ramona Shelburne.
You throw a ball like a girl.
And Ramona's like, a hammer girl.
Did you guys not know that I'm a girl?
You're terrible for that.
Oh, come on.
Come on, man.
Oh, Jesus.
Anyway, the point.
What's the point?
You were going to do it.
It looks like Ramona Shelburne got sharded on.
Doesn't it look like Ramona Shelburne was about to eat some ass and then the guys just sharded it all over her face?
Not a full shit, but just a spray diarrhea.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
He looks like measles Ramona.
Okay.
Get vaccinated.
Okay.
That's just mean.
Anyway, if she came and said some a little bit disrespectful shit, I think I would be, I mean, I don't care.
You know me.
I'm not trigger by this shit, but I think I would be less forgiving.
I think we have one of these situations where it's like, we love Michael Jackson so much.
Not you, but the general population loves Michael Jackson so much that we're willing to look past these allegations.
Yeah, I am.
Since then, he's still valid.
That's me.
Zarilla still gets played.
And then I think that we love LeVar so much that we're so or so entertained by LeVar.
We're like, I don't want to miss out on that.
Therefore, what he said wasn't disrespectful enough for him to get fired.
There's a little bias here.
Say again?
I loved his response.
I didn't see his response.
Because he's no longer in ESPN.
What do you say?
Somebody called him outside of the Drew League, and they were asking him, he's like, oh, how do you feel about getting banned from ESPN?
He's like, how do you ban me?
I don't work for them.
And he was just like, you know, I would never hit on Molly Karim.
You know, I didn't mean anything sexual by it.
The only way I would ever hit on Molly Karim is if she broke into my house in the middle of the night and I thought she was the boogeyman.
Like hit on like way to double down.
I'm going to put a double down on the DVD.
Double down with physical abuse.
Now you're not only sexually abusing her, you are physically abusing her.
And you know what?
I think that's a reasonable time to hit a woman.
I'm not saying that you listen, you never hit a woman.
If she, Alex, if a woman breaks into your house, what was that movie, Set It Off with those five chicks who?
First of all, Latifa picket.
Latifa, take that punch.
Maybe not straight right, but you could hook off on Latifa.
I think you could hook off.
Look, you got four girls coming to your house trying to rob you.
Yeah.
They got masks on.
You don't even know their bitches.
You don't even know their bitches.
They got the full mask on, and you start hooking off on them.
All of this now, you don't even notice their bitches.
No, no, Because you're looking at them like it's dark, but you kind of see him swaying with the hips.
You're like, damn, that guy got body, but whatever.
Whatever.
He ain't going to steal my jewelry.
Yeah, man.
Yo, I would love to watch a LeVar ball set it off cross over.
Bro.
But it's trying to rob La Vars.
All I'm saying is, boom.
You have them break into your house.
You're going to start swinging on someone that breaks into your house.
I think that's a completely reasonable time.
Well, it's so good.
If you don't know that they're a woman yet.
What if you do?
What if they come in in the heels?
You hear the heels clacking, but you see that they're starting to steal all your shit.
They're going after all your good shit.
They're trying to take your fucking TV off the wall.
You're not going to start swinging.
And then you call the nice, truthful cops.
There you go.
There you go.
Come on, yo.
Nah, so with the whole of our ball, man.
You wouldn't, Akash?
Huh?
No, I wouldn't sing on my TV just because I don't want to get beat up by her.
What about the little one?
What about the little one?
Jada could get fucked up.
Hell well, I said it.
Don't tell Jada.
I'm actually not confident I can beat her up either.
One of the three wishes you're going to want is for me to stop whooping that ex.
All right, that's how this shit goes down.
Get in there, get out there.
Peter.
Yo, listen, we don't have the mic on, do we?
Nah, we don't know.
I mean, come say hi.
Come say hi.
Just say hello.
Texto.
Come say hi.
What up, son?
You know, fashion?
Yo, look at.
Look at text on, little brother.
Let's go, man.
Come bend down a little bit so you're in the frame.
So you're in the frame.
We don't do pause here.
We do fast forward.
Disagreement, Pete.
Is there anything we want to say?
What's up, Internet?
Nothing.
Listen, the last couple episodes have been on fire, man.
Thank you.
Hey, appreciate that, man.
You got your little dick hard.
Indians don't got big dicks.
They don't have big dicks?
They don't?
I've been trying to tell people, man.
They don't believe us.
It's a lie.
It's a lie, bro.
No, you think that your dick is bigger than Akash's?
Absolutely.
Are you 100% sure?
You got 10 inches?
Italians, solid Poland's bro.
I bet nobody wants to know this, but Italians.
You guys speak into the microphone.
Italians, bro, these mics are actually good that they can hear me.
Just speaking to the Titans.
Italians are known to be good lovers.
Yeah.
You know?
Now, Dominicans and Puerto Ricans, they're good to be good pussy eaters.
Right.
But Italians are very good romantic.
What the fuck are you talking about?
This is what we're talking about.
Okay, look, ready?
I want to know: do you think you have a bigger hog than that guy right there?
There's one way we can find out.
I mean it.
Listen, 7,500 patrons.
No, no, where are you at now?
Wait for it.
70 for 6,000 something.
7,500 patrons.
You suck Akash's dick.
Wait for it.
Wait for it, bro.
Wait for it.
He sucks your dick.
It's 69, and whoever gives up first, okay?
Whoever gives up, whoever gags first.
I'm just saying.
I go to church a lot.
Guys.
I thought we were going to have a dick measuring concert night.
We are looking for me.
That's the best dick.
That's the best way to measure our dicks.
Yaba-daba-tu!
Sagat ruler.
This is the way I measure my dick.
Yeah, yeah.
You know the cable vision remote?
Yeah.
Yeah, you take the batteries out of that.
Italian Mud Mouth Asshole Flavor00:12:50
You won't go any of that shit.
I passed that.
Take the batteries out.
You did it, John.
Still over here, son.
You're in the fucking frame.
Sit on Andrew Lamp, guys.
Let's not get comfy.
Come on.
Sit on his legs.
You guys are bad friends.
Guys, stop it.
Can you just sit on my mouth?
Sit on this.
Sit on my mouth.
That's it.
What happened?
First of all, what happened?
You're going to like it.
That's what's going to happen.
You're going to fucking like it.
You got a lot of gray in your beard.
It's okay.
I'll bring back the black hair.
You just got to sit on my mouth.
Listen, who you know is going to be sitting on the mouth?
Alex.
What's that?
Alex's already done his time.
Wow.
It's Sweden, bro.
Wow.
That was.
Listen, go.
There's an international tour coming up for Andrew Schultz.
Yeah.
Okay, tell him where you're going.
All right.
I'm going to go right to your gooch.
I'm going to start right there.
I'm going to work it up.
But does anyone understand what's happening?
Alex is going to be a little bit more.
I don't understand what's happening at all.
Oh, God.
That is true.
That is true.
You trust them?
First of all, don't let them distract us from what's going on.
We're talking about you guys sucking.
Okay?
Don't touch your shirt.
Take your jacket off.
Let's feel that middle.
No, there's two.
Oh, boy, drinking water.
There's two evenly length tables.
You got a pen right here.
Hold on.
You just took a sip of that water, okay?
You just made your throat a slip and slide.
The jacket's coming off.
Why are you taking off clothes, Pete?
Hold it straight, dog.
He just showed the candy, bro.
Akash, he just showed the candy.
Welcome to the gun show.
All right.
Real talk.
Okay, so Akash.
I'm down to fuck Pete.
I don't talk about Pete.
I'm ready.
What are you talking about, son?
Don't need to convince me.
Real Tosh.
Akash is about that life, bro.
Has he ever had an Italian?
Have you ever had an Italian?
Nah, son.
I'm not gay, dog.
Stop saying weird shit.
Now you gotta hit on me.
You want to talk about fucking.
You walked in and talked about sucking cocks and fucking guys.
I know you did time, dog.
Don't let it get to you.
That was a good time.
Stop taking it real.
It was a good time.
No, but for real, Pete, we need to have an intervention with all your gay jokes because what we try to do on this show is we try to have a very straight heterosexual show.
And every time you come in here, I feel like you're always talking about being romantic with men's mouths.
This is true.
This is three for three at this point.
Am I wrong?
I see where you're wrong.
Before this, we're just sitting here.
We're talking, right?
We're talking about you, Var.
We're talking about LeBar.
You come in here and immediately it's like, I want to gobble some fucking bitch.
You just talk about gobbling bitch.
You see, this is the first time.
This is the first time ever.
Don't go nowhere.
This is the first time ever switched gears out of your body.
Try your hardest.
Listen, try your hardest.
I want you to try your hardest to have a conversation with us, okay?
Without talking about spitting on a dude's chest and rubbing your balls off.
I never did that.
See, that's the problem.
It's so big.
It's the problem.
What a vivid ass, dude.
What a vivid.
You've done this a lot.
You go away.
You go away.
He just mops his balls on the chest like a car wash.
Just lands like that.
Pete, you walked right into this, man.
So that's a new target.
Dance time.
He's sweating.
Dude, your back is sweaty, bro.
It's because it's turned on.
Real talk.
So, can we have a conversation that has nothing to do with gay sex?
Is that possible?
But you have to tell us.
That's all I'm asking.
Dude.
Just for framing purposes.
He's not gay, bro.
Okay.
I'm here all night.
Dude, okay.
So, all right.
You were saying something.
Remember, we were texting something on the phone.
You were saying you, you, what was it about?
You were like, we should do ass to ask.
What was it?
What was the exact thing you were saying?
It was ass to ass.
Was that the thing?
Oh, ass to ass.
Ask the mouth.
How you got sucked in?
What the fuck?
Put his hands on Tammy's on this.
I understand how he gets sucked in when you usually want sucking.
What do you mean, assuming?
What are you talking about?
He's done.
You're in the whirlwind.
You're in the whirlwind.
Don't leave us.
You're in the whirlwind.
Okay, real talk.
Don't go nowhere.
Okay.
Oh, get any knees on me.
Hey, that one talking.
What are you praying for on your knees, Pete?
God, I don't know the response to that one.
What do you say when you say alhamdulillah?
I don't know, son.
Check it with me.
Mike and Russia.
And do your job.
Cut the first.
But balloons did the chicken.
Adam Shaw.
Head to Shaw.
Yeah, and then you say that.
That was funny.
I just thought that.
That was funny.
That was funny.
Pete, shut the fuck up, dog.
What are you doing here?
I thought what you're yamming about, dog.
What the fuck?
Take a knee, son.
Take this knee.
All right, we're sharing.
Listen, listen.
Listen, let's talk.
Premier Pete is on one knee.
Talk to me, son.
With his arm over Andrew's lap.
Come on, talk to me, son.
I was trying to make a point before he got hostile.
We're like 66% of the way where we want to get there.
But we should do it.
Hold on, Let's set up something when me and Akash have like an MMA fight.
How about we do this?
How about we do this?
You guys get hard and try to stick your dick as far as you can into a subway sandwich roll.
Okay?
And then we'll see at which point the dough stops moving out of the way.
And that's the guy who has the longer dough.
That's true.
And then we'll use it for a sandwich and eat it.
All right.
Wait.
No?
No?
Do we not do that?
What will we do?
That sounds like a great idea.
Listen, you walked into this, bro.
I didn't think I was walking into this.
What did you think you walked into?
I mud-wrestled as fuck.
You understand?
You will be mud wrestling.
That's what it's called.
When you put your face in that butthole.
No, no, no.
I can always try to not be gay and then say some wild, gay shit.
Yeah, you really mud wrestle.
Mud wrestle, bro.
No, no, no.
Yeah, do a little MMA.
Yeah.
Don't you want to check up?
I'll mud wrestle.
Grab him on mud.
Mud wrestle him.
You mud wrestle when you're fucking dudes.
I'll do it mud wrestle.
You've done it before?
You've mud wrestled before.
No, no, no.
But I'll do it.
Straight out the mud.
That's what we're calling it.
Oh, straight out the mud.
Okay, that's good.
Marketing.
Okay.
As opposed to straight in the butt like you normally do.
Yo.
I wish he was away with me.
Real talk?
No, yes.
Wait a minute.
By the way, do you mean like a trip to Cancun or do you mean like in the penitentiary?
When I had my times back in the day, what did I do?
I pay my service.
That's the society.
Yes, there we go, Kaz.
Thank you, Kaz.
If he was there, he would have been used as a rag doll.
He said your butt is currency.
Stop hitting on me, Pete.
God damn, son.
Yeah, tell me, tell me.
Hold on, hold on.
This is what you call a date.
We need to test it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go, go.
No, I'm just saying.
You know, the jail would have been different.
I'm going to start whacking off right now.
Just fucking relax, bro.
Okay, keep telling.
No, tell us.
What would happen at jail?
What do you think would happen at jail?
No, if Akash was there, I'm just saying.
He would bring a different flavor.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right.
Yo!
You missed this whole thing.
I thought you were right in the position.
We got right in the position.
Keep going, shit.
Pete, keep going.
Keep telling us your story.
Pete, Pete, we want to hear the prison story.
We want to hear your prison story.
Pete, we want to hear your prison story.
Hold on.
We want to hear your prison.
Oh, God.
All right.
God damn it.
Oh, fuck, man.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Pete, stop trying to give me the second dick, son.
What are you fucking talking about, man?
God damn.
All right, all right, Pete, Pete, come back.
Come back.
I'm putting on my show.
I'm putting myself in.
Listen, listen, if y'all think this is wild, you got to hear us on Premium Peace Podcast.
I got to do a big plug because I don't know if I had sugar that day.
I don't know if Akash had some sugar that day.
Maybe Kaz had some sugar that day.
I was chilling.
I was chilling.
We were.
Bad decisions.
We were being absurd.
What's the name of the Ep so they could look for it, Pete?
Fragrant.
Fragrant 2.
It's called Flagrant 2.
Premium Pete Trow Fragrant 2 episode.
Correct.
Check that out, Pete.
Why?
He got right back on.
He's comfortable, yeah.
Okay, so.
I thought you had a white shirt on a second ago.
No.
Okay.
I did.
You blacked out, bro.
All the fucking blood in your head.
Rush to your dick.
Molly on the champagne.
So, Pete, Pete, is there anything that you could tell us?
Is there any words of wisdom?
I know you have a lot of wisdom.
You're a father, okay?
You're a father of two.
About 24, by the way.
Thanks.
I appreciate that.
Okay, but it's about Pete right now.
I'm just joking.
Okay, you're a father of two.
You're a successful entrepreneur, a successful businessman.
What type of advice can you give the asshole army?
What type of advice can you bestow on them?
If you could give them a couple bars, if you give them a couple bars, tell them.
I would say never.
It's funny because I never see you serious, but I'm not going to be, I'll be funny serious, but I'll be serious.
You know, never ever listen to other people tell you what you can't do.
And I'm going to tell you why.
If you try to explain to you, say you just did this, right?
Meaning the podcast.
And you tried to explain to your mom, like Patreon, all that shit.
Nobody would understand.
Point taking is a lot of kids I grew up with when I told them I was going to do podcasts and they're like, bro.
Where do you go?
No, no, just meaning like they were like, why would you, like, nobody wants to hear you or like you didn't go to radio.
You didn't go to broadcasting school for this.
So the asshole army could be very successful just by doing following following what they want to do.
That's serious.
Blocking out the haters.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And, you know, I mean, look, Akash has the smallest dick in the world, and he's winning.
Let me ask you a question.
You're not in the sincere.
I've always wondered, right?
With a smaller dick, right?
How do you suck on that?
You tweeze it.
What the fuck is he talking about?
You don't tweeze it?
You just.
Akash don't need to use condoms.
Stop trying to give me the fuck raw, you fucking weirdo, dog.
Wait, he said put a piece of gum on it.
Okay.
I don't know what that means either.
He sounded sexy.
I'll say Pete.
I don't know how you guys use protection in jail, but that shit is not going to fly here in a free world.
Okay?
We're not putting Trident on his cock.
Well, the point I was making is so small.
We get the point you were making.
You just put a piece of...
No, we got it.
We just didn't laugh.
No, it's fine.
I just thought it was sticky, and I thought maybe that's why you want to get stuck in your ass.
I didn't know.
Is this part of the matter, Doto?
This is.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, everybody.
God help us all.
You get to try to get the horns.
God help us all.
Oh, yeah.
Of course, man.
Big ass stipend.
Absolutely.
All right.
Listen, I think that we've probably let this run its course, the gay jokes that we've done here.
That being said, I do think that we've left it undecided as to who has a larger cock.
You are Akash.
Okay?
Conventional wisdom would tell us, since you are Italian, are you from Ci Chetti?
Sicily.
What did you say?
Ci Cheti.
I mean, real Italians pronounce it.
Ciichelli.
It's an easy way to figure it out.
He got butter.
Stop, I know you're going to say it.
I got a sausage and peppers.
I know you do.
I know.
But in Sicily, they don't have sausage.
What's Citili?
Ciichelli.
That's how you say it in Italian.
You don't know nothing about Italian.
I grew up with Stein.
Even I knew that.
Si Chili.
Si Chelli.
Sicalia.
Sicalia.
It's like it's not mozzarella, it's mozzarella.
It's mozzarella.
How do you say prosciutto?
How do you say prosciutto?
Prosciut.
Fucking idiot.
How do you say ice cream?
Ice cream.
Mussare.
Mozzarella.
And people say mozzarella.
Right.
So yeah, it could be wrong.
But actually, I say guinea cheese.
Wow.
Swiss cheese.
Wow.
Is that what it's called?
No, there was a last point I was going to make for you.
Bagley Marvin Jordan NBA Beef00:15:26
But the asshole.
Oh, that's what I want to say.
There's nobody that's gay that's part of the asshole on the business.
Yes.
Maybe.
Hold on.
Especially one of our.
Akash is.
I'll have you know, Akasha's gay.
Okay.
This is a fast.
Come on.
No, there's tons of gay people that aren't.
There's plenty of gays.
They're part of the asshole army.
Keep it loose.
The name of the army is the asshole army.
You think we don't have gays in the asshole army?
And they're appreciative of the gay jokes on the show, might I add.
Yeah, they're like, oh, man, you guys are fucking funny.
Hey, maybe they're not jokes.
All right.
Thank you for supporting me.
Premium Pete, everybody.
I love you, brother.
Yo, check out the Premium Pete podcast, man.
Premium Pete show.
Love you though.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Real talk.
Shoot the club up.
Damn, son.
You are crazy.
Hey, you are crazy, Premium Pete.
Hey, Levo.
That little cousin says.
He's just out here bullying Indians, bro.
I know, son.
Motherfucking savage.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
We're filming a podcast here.
We don't need to dap everybody up.
God damn it.
Okay, guys.
I'll see you later.
Where were we at?
I am sorry.
I am sorry for that, guys.
We just get so fucking horny when Pete comes in here.
It's hard not to.
If you saw him, you would get horny, too.
Ah, gosh.
Let's get folks in.
Let's get back to what we're talking about.
Molly and LeVar, are we done with that?
Honestly.
One quick notification.
Please.
Do you think they were just looking for a reason?
No, no, no.
I think ESPN, do you think they were just looking for some bus?
Yep.
So here's the thing.
Buzz is very interesting.
Buzz is very interesting.
I think that for a while, they've been trying to say, we got to stop reporting on LeVar Ball in the same way that some people say, we got to stop reporting on Trump because it only helps Trump.
Right?
So ESPN is going to be like, let's stop reporting on LeVar Ball.
If Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady has said, you could change gears with me anytime, he's not getting banned from ESPN.
Yeah.
Big fan.
Right?
So they cut off somebody that they could cut off that didn't value, that wasn't valuable to them, right?
Because they could.
Not valuable anymore.
Not valuable anymore or didn't offer that much value, I guess.
We'll see next year when LaMelo's taken further.
They know how he reacts to things.
So, oh, let's ban him.
Let's see what he says.
That is now at the story arc.
Good point.
And now they're going to make up and welcome back.
And he's going to do most of the promotion in this situation.
That's true.
Win-win.
Outrage.
It's this conversation.
100%.
I think it's totally, totally valid.
It's a win-win for ESPN.
But all I'm saying is, you're not going to keep that same energy because there was a clip that came out.
I don't know if you saw it.
And I think it was Deion Sanders or somebody was trying to get Molly to hike the ball to him.
And she's in a skirt.
And he's like, no, no, Molly, you hike it to him.
And then she's just trying to hand it off.
He goes, no, no, no, no, hike it, hike it.
Basically saying, bend over and shoot it between your legs.
Right.
And he tries a few times.
He ain't getting fired.
No.
He didn't get fired.
So it is a very easy virtue signal.
You have someone that you're willing to cut off.
And it's easy to go, we care about our employees.
It wasn't an ESPN reporter, but somebody said to Rob Romkowski something about you have like 68 touchdowns.
And he said something like to a female, like, yes.
Not 69.
You wish it was something.
Rob, joking, Rob shit.
But nobody said anything about banning Rob.
Gronk is Gronk is big level.
Oh, that's just Gronk.
Yeah, Gronk gets away with it for sure.
But also, ESPN could have virtue signal right there and be like, well, you know what?
Gronk is not welcome on our network anymore.
Gronk is a big time athlete.
We need Gronk, we need the Patriots.
We need Belichick.
We need Brady.
We need all that.
They hope to keep that same energy for the rest for everybody else.
What's that?
They're not going to keep it.
And you know what's interesting is that, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm sure something would have come out if that was the case, but LeVar is a married man.
His wife, I believe, has cancer.
Yes.
And that's the one thing that jumped out at me first because I'm like, anybody, you know, I'm a big baller Baron Stan.
I watch the show on Facebook and you see how much of a family man that motherfucker is.
Married guy.
Has cancer has given us no signs at all that he's cheating on his wife.
Has given us no signs at all that he's got other side chicks out there.
And please believe that if he did, somebody would be leveraging it in a fucking heartbeat.
Especially right now.
So it may be he did say this even in a charming sexual way, but if you know that the action is not behind it, then we can giggle.
Yeah.
It's like when an old man says, hey there, cutie, to like the waitress.
That old man ain't fucking that waitress.
It's your granddad, right?
Yeah.
So I think you could, I think you could back off.
I think ESPN took advantage of a political moment.
No, I get it.
They had a reason to do it, but at the same time, I just felt like it was just such a fucking overreaction.
And I just wish somebody could just be like, hey, let's all be adults here.
We know this wasn't it.
This wasn't what was.
We're going to go back to normal.
So Arcash, what else we got?
You seen the rap beef between Dame and Martin Bagley?
Yo.
Woo!
Martin Bagley kind of has some bars.
They both have bars.
They both slap, dude.
They both have bars.
I was shocked.
I didn't hear Dame's.
I didn't hear Dame.
I didn't hear Dame's second track.
He came out and he draped it back to back.
He had two that night.
Hold on.
So Dame, is the song on SoundCloud or is it?
It was on SoundCloud.
Wait for it.
Meaning, can we listen to it without a copyright infringement or will we get in trouble?
I'd rather go.
He's using the Duppy Freestyle.
So we can't.
That'll get picked up.
Okay.
But that was a freebie, too.
That's not on Apple iTunes or none of that shit.
Oh, true.
We might be able to play it.
Yeah, W Freestyle wasn't an official single, and it's not.
It was hard.
It's risque.
It's risky.
But at the same time, yeah, so Marvin Bagley goes the first take, talking about NBA draft shit, whatever.
You know, Max Kellerman stirs it up.
Stirs it up nice.
Oh, you think you could take the Damien Lillard in the rap battle?
He's like, I'll take anybody out of here.
Drops a single.
Marvin Bagley drops a song maybe like an hour after that happens.
And Dame's like tweeting about him as the game, as the show is going on.
Yeah.
Marvin Bagley drops the record during the NBA draft.
Like I think it was like the eighth and ninth pick.
Dave drops the record, blows up on Twitter.
I'm thinking, and he sends out another link.
I'm thinking that, okay, maybe he just uploaded like the artwork or whatever.
Samson's like, no, another dissert record comes out after that.
And they're both fire.
Like all four of the records.
Everybody thought Bagley was done, buried, gone.
And then he came back and he shit.
He came back with some heat.
Came back with some heat.
He had a line.
I think Dame Lillard said something about his dad, which I think is true because I guess it was like some AU shit, whatever, because he went to his camp, whatever, Adidas.
He's like, oh, I know you was asking me for some Dame Lillard kicks of you and your dad or whatever.
And then Bagley came back with a firebar.
I might butcher the fuck out of this shit.
At least I got to say it.
He said some shit.
He says something along the lines of like, yeah, I had them dames, but them shits is whack.
I sent them back and now I'm with Puma and my pockets is fat or some shit like that.
And I was like, all right, like, the beat was good.
Flow was nice.
The one thing he said is, you've been a Marvin fan and nobody a Marvin fan.
You literally just got here, bro.
Son, the Kings got like four fans.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
That's the one line I took exception with.
But other than that, it was hot.
And they play each other four times a year.
I love it.
They should do this at the end of the game.
I think we have the theater of this.
I think it's good.
I think it will get us interested in an otherwise unwatchable NBA game.
And that is the genius of story that we always talk about on a podcast.
They put in all these dog shit games have to have story behind them.
I would not be, if I was the guy who was running the NBA, I'd have all these little beefs pop up.
It is completely opposite to podcasting because when I was talking about how we all know.
This is conflict in its very nature.
Yes.
It is competition.
You are literally fighting against each other for a winner.
Yeah.
It's a non-violent war.
Yes, it is a non-violent, controlled war.
Yeah.
Right?
So why not heat the war up as much as you possibly can?
You have a pot of water.
Maybe you don't want it to boil, but get it bubbling.
Yeah.
We want to get as close as we can.
So I think that every dog shit team in the West and East should get on Twitter and start barking because you know for that one game, them kings are going to come in and they're going to play hard.
I don't think you can overuse it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be rap.
It could be something, whatever the beef is.
But like, look what's Embiid did, right?
Embiid's little beef with the guy on the pistons, the bum.
What's the bump?
Andre Drummond.
Drummond, right?
It's like, now I'm actually.
He's okay.
But now I'm actually interested in.
What was the thing?
Your plus minus is trash.
That's his goal too far.
Something.
But now I'm interested in an otherwise easy game for the Sixers, right?
I think you got to do this.
Oh, this is for sure going to be on when the Sixers.
Sixers.
When the Blazers play the Kings next year, it's for sure going to be on ESPN.
That's not a league pass game.
Right.
That's the only thing that's going to be.
You know, it did kind of bother me.
So the Marvin Bagley line bothered me, and I'm a damn fan.
Everybody knows this.
I've been saying any better than Kyrie.
But after you get swept, you're just being loud.
Like, you just got swept.
And now you're coming out with two diss tracks talking about don't fuck with me.
It's like, bro, you just got swept.
Right.
Not by him.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you just got swept.
Like, so.
It's a lot of big energy for somebody who I would expect to have small.
I expect you to have last year's energy again.
Right.
Last year, you were in the gym all the time working on driving the lane, all your instantaneous.
He hasn't achieved shit yet.
He's achieved something.
Should we also say the same thing about Marvin?
Like, why are you even talking?
Yeah, agreed.
Also, like, you haven't proved anything in the league.
Matter of fact, I think he said that in his first year in the league, he was going to win MVP.
That was his goal.
That was his goal.
Right?
He was like, my first year is going to win MVP.
Was he even third in the voting?
Luca and Trey are going to be first and second.
I don't even think he's going to be.
Ayton's going to be third.
The NBA Awards is tonight.
It's Luca, Trey, and Aiton.
It's not Eaton.
I can't believe Aiton was even there.
I didn't see a single highlight from him the entire year.
Bro, Mitchell Robinson's better than him, bro.
He might be.
Honestly, I thought Aiton was trash when I went to Summer League last year.
And I spoke to my boys out there about it.
And they said, listen, Summer League, the guards aren't good enough to get the ball to the power forwards and the bigs down low.
They're just not that good, right?
You don't have the elite guys, okay, but you don't have the elite passing, so they don't end up getting touches.
Summer league is all guard play.
And that's why you would have these guys like, remember Josh Selby?
Remember that guy?
He played for the Grizzlies and shit.
The guy would drop 50 a game in Summer League.
Zach Levine early in the year.
Jene Robinson.
Nee Robinson.
Summer League legend.
They fucking go crazy.
They go nut, right?
Because the guards end up taking all the shots.
But you looked at Aiton in the Summer League game?
Big for nothing.
That's what he looked like.
Now, he could be a great player in the league, but they are dependent.
The bigs are dependent on a good guard.
And shit, if Phoenix doesn't get somebody, you know, Booker ain't passing.
No.
Phoenix passing.
I don't know what Phoenix is doing.
And Booker, I think I'm sounding like a real old man.
I think my damn opinion was old man.
If you got swept, shut up.
Double down.
Booker, yo, he putting up a lot of games, and his team is always the worst team in the league.
Like at a certain point, it should translate to wins, right?
This is my beef with Kyrie early on.
Yep.
This is my, you know, a point.
He has to keep the same energy.
I'm giving you that credit.
You know a point I thought of with Kyrie, too?
Have you guys seen Uncle Drew?
Yes.
You remember the whole conflict is him and Shaq and he stole Shaq's girl?
I'm sorry, the movie?
Yeah.
Yeah, you didn't see that.
I did not see that movie.
The movie, Uncle Drew, him, the whole main conflict is him and Shaq don't get along as they're trying to get the team together because he slept with Shaq's girl.
So even in a fictitious movie, you're a shitty teammate.
You can't even be a good teammate in La La Land.
That's how terrible of a teammate Kyrie is.
When I saw him, I saw the popular movie.
I was like, wow, I thought it was for kids.
That was a sharp turn.
Yeah, Uncle Drew was like a telenovela with.
Harvey pretends to be a good teammate in movies, I'm sure, if he was ever in one.
Jordan did.
Jordan pretended it was all about team mummy.
The ultimate team guy.
Yeah, Space Jam.
It's Jordan Juice.
Yeah.
And MJ's secret stuff.
Right.
And Kyrie sleeping with Jordan Juice.
Jordan just sounds so good.
What the fuck did he do?
Jordan just sounds so much more mile.
You want some of this Jordan Juice?
Now we're getting perverted.
I do.
I like it.
But if it made you, would you drink a cup of Jordan's cum if it made you have his basketball ability?
For how long?
That is exactly the question I was going to ask.
I'm like, do I get it forever?
What a question I was going to ask.
I said, yep.
0.07.
I thought we talked about like, all right, so I already know what's going to happen.
Like, if we get a comment, crazy.
Who's gay?
What?
Who's gay?
Who's homophobic?
How irresponsible are you that you become a billion-dollar fucking all-time great athlete?
All you got to do is drink a little cum.
Wait for it.
It is a shot glass full of Jordan's cum.
Can I change it?
Of course.
Listen, you have to take a shot, a full shot of Jordan's cum.
Full shot of Jordan's cum, and then you'll have Jordan's basketball abilities for as long as he had them.
So in other words, wait for it.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
So he has it as long as he has them.
Okay?
Take that shot.
You have his basketball abilities as long as he has them.
That is what happened.
You just got to drink his fucking cum.
Okay.
Why'd you say wait for it and then just finish the same point?
Did you say that?
There is one there.
Is this one of your reactions?
All right.
So do like the yesterday rules apply from that movie yesterday that's coming out with the Beatles where like the world's never heard of the Beatles and this one guy.
No, no, no.
Everybody knows that Jordan Jimmy.
Everybody knows Michael Jordan exists.
Yeah.
And you're drinking Michael Jordan's comedy because he drinks Michael Jordan.
And also, everybody knows about the bet.
So they know this is how you got it.
I'm going to change this.
I'm in and I'm sticking the tongue out just like Jordan.
Just drooling all motherfuckers as I've dunk on.
You're basically asking me, would you like to be worth a billion dollars for a shotgun?
The greatest basketball player to ever live.
No, no, no.
You're not going to play in the league, but you can't play in the league.
What?
What?
You can't play in the league.
Oh, I'm out.
You would only do it to make money off of it.
You wouldn't do it just to have those skills.
You don't want to make money.
I'm going to just go to the playground and beat up a bunch of 16-year-olds.
Oh, fuck out of here.
Fuck out of here.
Oh, because then the conversation is: would you drink a cup of cum to be a billionaire?
That's all I don't know.
Every woman on this planet has probably drank some cup of cum to be a thousand there.
Yeah, So the conversation is like, suck a dick to be a billionaire or take some cum to be like a hundred millionaire and play like Jordan.
Yeah, yeah.
I take the 100 million and play like Jordan.
No, no, no, no.
Because there's no money.
All it is is the ability to play basketball like Jordan.
You cannot monetize it.
So once a week I get to use this thing.
You'll play five times a week.
It's bullshit.
Yeah, I don't care.
I don't know.
What's the point?
What's the point of getting superpowers?
You can't use them.
I'd do it.
Monetize Basketball Skill Play00:07:43
Like, I like basketball that much.
I would love to be able to do it.
I do it in a fucking heartbeat.
I'd play three, four times a week.
You're telling me if I drink some cum, I can dunk.
You have a cup of Jordan's cum and you literally don't get anything before.
You just jump from the free throw line.
Nah, but you haven't jumped from the free throw line.
That's different.
This is different.
This is dominating the game.
I'm just gonna die for.
Okay.
This is dominated in game.
You're dominating Jordan.
It's just a cup of cum.
That's all.
Now, everybody knows that that's how you got the ability.
But I can't monetize it like that.
You can't monetize it.
It's just because you truly love playing basketball and you want to play with it.
Wow.
I don't think I love the game.
I don't love basketball that much.
No, it's not worth it.
To drink some cumulative cum, but wait a minute.
And you're so good at basketball, but you can't be in the league.
Wait for it.
You could play in the Drew League.
You could play in all these things that you don't get paid for.
You could bust the pros' ass.
How about this?
Nobody knows you drank the cum.
You could just be this mysterious guy that goes and remember the air up there?
Remember that one African guy who just comes and shows up and starts busting everybody's ass in the game, right?
That's essentially you.
You go to all these leagues.
You could have this fun thing.
You have your Instagram cred.
You play one-on-one against the best players in the league and end up beating them.
You just can't monetize it by playing professional basketball.
Do you do it?
It's just purely to have the skill.
I might.
I might.
Because that was the other thing.
I mean, it's a shot of cum.
It's a shot of cum.
It's one shot of cum.
That's a lot.
Is it?
I'm pretty sure.
It's a fucking Mango Lutti or whatever that shit is.
Blussy.
You want to like make a smoothie out of that?
What is it called?
It's a Michael Lussie.
That's what it is.
You take that fucking Michael Lussie to your face.
It's that much cum.
And then you can walk on any basketball court in the world and you're the fucking man.
Can I give you a quick side?
I know, by the way, a lot of people love the Headbus Boy.
What is that?
Headbuss Boy was a big hit on Patreon.
Headbuss Boy was a big hit.
What's Headbuzz Boy?
You missed it.
You guys.
Oh, you missed Headbutt.
I watched Headbus Boy, though.
Y'all need to go.
If y'all on a Patreon, you already know about this.
If you're not on a Patreon, I think we put snippets of it.
Eden, did we put snippets of it?
We put snippets of it on the, you know how we do a little snippet of the Patreon episode on the regular feed.
Yeah.
It's the dumbest character I've ever done in my entire life.
It's so funny, though.
But it is kind of hysterical.
Can I get a headbus boy, but you just got Michael Jordan's powers and you got to explain your wife how you got it?
I don't know how long we talked about on the episode.
It felt like 15 minutes of this character.
I felt like 15 full minutes.
All right, so you're going to play the wife.
I honestly don't know how he would tell his wife that he got the basketball abilities.
But would he drink cum to be able to play basketball?
Or what about soccer?
Oh, he'd do it to play like fucking like Ronaldo or Messi.
Messy.
100%.
Yeah.
100%.
I can't believe you guys wouldn't just want those skills.
Listen, if I'm going up against the NBA players, I'd probably do it.
I'd probably kill myself.
What?
I'll probably kill myself.
Like, imagine having like being like the 1% of a talent, and you can't use that to its fullest of ability.
Like, that will drive you insane after a while.
Like, imagine being like the smart.
Like, there's probably somebody out there who's like the smartest motherfucker out there, but nobody believes him because everybody thinks he's bat shit fucking crazy.
Yeah.
Like, if you were that fucking good at basketball, like, you destroyed everybody in the Dru League, fucking jill.
You went to college, killed it, whatever.
You were fucking averaging a million fucking points a game.
You can't be in the NBA.
You have no other discernible skills.
You're even more interesting because of it.
No.
No, I'm not going to be able to do it.
The number one comic of all time, but you can't get on stage.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Word?
I wouldn't want to do that because I love comedy so much.
Basketball.
That would drive me nuts.
I love basketball, but not as much as I love comedy.
And you still get to play basketball.
Like, imagine you were the number one comic, you just couldn't make money at it.
That means you could pop into shows.
You could do all this kind of shit.
You're just not going to make money at it.
Matter of fact, I wonder.
All right, so can I monetize it in like some like fucking no?
No, no, in like some like, what's his, what's his face?
Peewee Kirkland type shit?
Nice.
Where like you just go.
You go to Rutger Park.
You go to Dikon, you go to Druly.
You kill it.
Like Kobe comes up to you.
Like Pete Kobe comes up to you.
He don't listen.
You kill Pete Kobe.
It's my hypothetical.
I'm not sure.
I'm not a fucking motherfucker.
You killed Pete Kobe, right?
Yeah.
You can't like make a documentary about like, yo, this is the greatest guy who's ever been.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
All right, Akash.
Take us somewhere else.
God damn it.
Yo, Kyrie went to Japan.
We could talk about that.
His goofy ass.
Kyrie, a real goofy, man.
Kyrie's a real goofy.
He's like a spiritual goofy.
He's a hippie, man.
I kind of think he's.
He's just trying to find something, bro.
This guy's lost.
Kind of makes you think he's going to be.
He's also not spiritual.
He's a fucking curmudgeon.
Nobody likes him on any team he goes to.
He hated Boston.
His teammates hate him.
That's probably why he's a spiritual team.
So that's a great point.
He has this like seeing eye shed and he has all these like weird tattoos and all this stuff.
But the reality is, in terms of how he is with his teammates and how he exists within a team, there is zero spirituality about the way he plays.
Zero connectivity with his teammates.
Zero, I'm part of a bigger thing.
I'm part of something greater than, right?
Like, isn't the whole idea behind this philosophy is that you're not important.
You're insignificant.
You're insignificant.
He thinks he's the most significant.
He thinks he's more significant than LeBron.
No, you're not.
That is so true.
It's like he's trying to force himself into believing this stuff by tattooing it on his body.
But in reality, it's full of shit.
He found it with that shit.
You can't be spiritual and have your own sneaker.
Why not?
Because I'm talking about this type of Buddhist.
Okay.
Like, you can't be non-materialistic and have your own sneaker.
Yeah.
Like, that's absurd.
I see your point there.
I'm even just saying on a more like a regular level, just nobody likes you.
All right.
There's no you don't like anybody.
There's no possibility this isn't like a late discovery in his life where he's like he's he's seen that people still listen to like his fucking ego two weeks ago?
No, but I don't know, but maybe like the past year.
Maybe like maybe the past year.
But the thing that still gives me pause is he still wants out of Boston.
He still hates Boston.
He still doesn't win there.
The players who play for the Celtics tend to love it.
KG loves it.
KG spent most of his career in Minnesota.
Granted, not winning, he fucking loved being a Celtic.
Let's be honest.
On day one, he loved being a Celtic.
Let's be honest here.
Paul Pierce came out and said that's just that everybody's a Celtic, right?
Yeah.
That city loves basketball and they love the Celtics.
There are few cities where you are going to get treated as well as you will get treated.
Fantastic sports.
You are a Boston Celtic.
If you can't find some joy being the star of a team in a city that they really care about, where are you going to find your joy?
With a good coach.
I mean, you know, you think he's overrated, but there's definitely worse coaches.
There's a lot of shitty coaches, and he's not, he's better than a lot of them.
Yes.
I just don't believe it.
I feel like it's a possibility.
I just, I don't believe it.
Based on anything.
What was that?
I just don't believe it based on anything I've seen.
No, I'm saying there's a possibility.
Like, there's everything that you said is true.
And that's why he's trying to be more spiritual and trying to, you know, all that selfishness fucked up the best basketball situation he ever had.
But he was like that before.
Exactly.
And now he's.
He's saying he literally realized it like a week ago.
Not like a week ago.
But he's been doing these pictures and shit before.
Blue Chew Reddit Hairy Situation00:03:46
This is not the first time.
The whole flat earth thing.
Like, he's very susceptible to this new information.
He is skeptical of the world he lives in, right?
He is trying to find something else.
He is an outsider.
He's the most millennial superstar.
Yes.
And he truly believes he's different.
He believes he's so unique and different that all these other ways of thinking that are unique and different can coincide with his existence.
He's Wikipedia brilliant.
You read everything you know that's so nuanced and crazy.
You read it online on some dumbass blog.
Right.
Yes.
He's a Redditor.
Like he's a guy who gets his information from like crazy Reddit threats.
In real talk.
I got to say shout out to Reddit because we had a clip that was on the front page of a fucking Reddit that is booming.
It goes crazy if it gets front page.
Son.
We got like, what are we almost at?
Like 900,000 fucking views in a day.
Shouts to Reddit.
That being said, y'all, some crazy motherfuckers on Reddit.
Real talk.
It's a dark place.
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CP3 KD Porzingis Harrison Barnes00:14:55
All right.
You heard about how the Lakers still fucked up the AD trade.
Can you explain the math of this?
So I don't fully understand it.
Kaz, do you?
I'm pulling up.
Yeah.
So initially, these trades can't be official until July 6th, right?
Right, right.
But if they waited until, I think the date is July 30th, because Anthony Davis had a trade bonus.
So if he gets traded, he gets $4 million extra dollars, right?
He'd have to.
Now, if they want to be.
He'd have to go without that.
He'd have to.
If they get the deal done July 6th and he doesn't take his trade bonus, everyone's thinking he's going to take the trade bonus.
They don't have enough space to get another MAC slot.
If they do, if he does take the trade bonus, but he waits, they wait until July 30th, they get more money for some reason to open up that last Mac spot.
I think they're only like $5 or $6 million away from the $22 million.
Basically, Rob Palenka is an idiot and an absolute retard.
And then everybody who runs the Lakers are absolute retards.
Even with this great trade, they could fucking shit out of their own.
Basically, and it's very easy you get out of their way, right?
I think what they did is they called back, and again, I don't know the exact math of it.
I should have looked up the math, but I think what they could have done is called back up the Pelicans and then thrown in more players just to get cap space.
Right now, my understanding is that LeBron and Anthony Davis are the only people that are on the books for next year.
But maybe there's team options on certain guys and then they came and Maurice Wagner to do that.
Yeah, Mo Wagner.
Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
So there are a few people.
Okay.
So shouts to Kuzmo, by the way.
He tweeted about the Rogan episode, left my name out that shit.
So now you're on my bad list.
Okay?
Very light skinny of you to do that.
That was very light-skinned.
Very light-skinned behavior.
That's such a light black thing to do.
Such a light black.
So light, bro.
I did a story on him for paper back in the day.
Oh, yeah.
Kyle.
White as Kuzma.
Come on.
What is he?
Is he even black?
He's Russian.
I think he's mixed.
Anyway.
Seems black.
Point is.
I'm tight.
I'm in my feelings.
So, point is: all they had to do is offer up a few more people within that trade, and the Pelicans would have just taken him because, again, you're like, okay, these are just more people.
It doesn't matter what we're doing at this point right now.
So now Griffin is in the position to fuck over the Lakers.
And if I'm Griffin, I'm like, fuck him.
What do I?
Suck my dick.
You fucked up, dummy.
Yeah.
What do I owe you?
Send me somebody else.
Yeah, send me somebody else and maybe we could talk.
That's it.
But even if they send somebody else, if Griff does, if Griff, that person isn't going to help the Pelicans, but keeping them on the Lakers books is going to hurt the Lakers.
So if I'm playing real chess, I'm like, fuck these motherfuckers.
I'm not going to let them get two more or one more full guy.
What if they offered you like two more first-round picks?
I'll suck their dicks.
I like the way you GM.
Sorry about that.
I like it when you GM.
What if that's the first call?
The first call every single time.
Listen, well, we need LeBron.
We want LeBron.
Okay, what are you willing to trade?
Pull your fucking dicks.
That's that five Griffin though, man.
Say what?
The guy from the 5F.
Yo, Andy.
That'd be my GM.
That's my assistant GM.
Get the shit done.
He was GM of the year every year.
Wow.
Fuck these motherfuckers, yo.
Real talk.
David Griffin, man.
Yo, real talk, man.
That dude is a, he knows what he's doing.
The dude knows what he's doing, apparently.
It'll be all right, though.
Okay.
You know what?
I think it helps them.
Who?
I think it helps the Lakers.
Why?
Because they all don't need another Max slot.
But it would help them sign not Max.
I mean, you think they're just going to, if they have Max money, they're going to sign the Max guy.
Absolutely.
And they're going to fuck themselves up.
That's right.
That's possible.
And this, they're like, I get what you're saying, Kaz.
They're being forced to sign mid-level guys.
That's who you need right now.
I agree with you.
That's what you need.
I think that's how you do the team.
I think you even said that last week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I'm with it.
I mean, I'm just so done with the fucking Lakers and the Knicks.
It looks like we're not going to get KD.
Have you seen this?
No.
I've seen the story.
I heard the rumor is that Brooklyn is ahead of New York, but that's a rumor.
And Iggy came out today.
You told me and said, New York's not getting anybody.
Nobody's going to the Knicks.
Nobody's going to the Knicks.
And I'm glad.
We don't deserve anybody.
When he says nobody's going to the Knicks, he means no KD, no Kawhi, no Kyrie.
Yeah.
None of those guys.
Yeah.
Nobody important.
I mean, to be fair, I said this last week on the show: that it's a two-team race between Knicks and the Nets.
Kyrie wants the Nets.
KD wants the Knicks.
This time, two months ago, KD's like, hey, we're going to the Knicks.
Like, we're going.
The motherfucker lost all his leverage when he tore his Achilles.
So now Kyrie's like, oh, you should probably go to Brooklyn.
Why does he need leverage?
Why can't you just sign to the Knicks?
I mean, he can.
He still wants to.
Like, he still wants to be a Knick, but like, he's not playing next year.
Like, he really doesn't have pardon the point.
He doesn't have a leg to stand on when he's trying to get another Max guy to come by.
Why do you.
Where does D-Lo go?
I hope he comes to the Knicks.
Yo, I like D-Lo.
I like his game, bro.
I low-key.
I would rather have D-Lo than Kyrie.
Yeah, he seems to be a lot of people.
I've been warming up to that, bro.
I've been warming up to that lately.
Like, there's something about his energy and the way he plays.
He's very bouncy.
They seem to be excited by him.
There's a little bit of like there's a goofiness and silliness to his game.
There's an edge.
Whereas Kyrie's like, he's a surliness.
Surliness.
Yes.
And yo, he's 23 years old.
He's a kid still.
That's right.
He's a kid still.
He's a kid still.
No real history of injury.
Was there any history of injury?
He scores a lot of garbage buckets, meaning like they're down by like 15, and then he'll hit like three threes in the last two minutes of the game and then go from scoring 16 points to 20, 25, right?
Fair.
That being said, I just think he fits the culture of that Nets team.
And I don't think they have to be that concerned about winning a championship in the next few years because they're not going to.
That's the one thing I didn't like about the Katie and the Kyrie rumors to Brooklyn because it's like, now you motherfuckers got expectations.
Right.
Now it's like, you're not the fun, cuddly young team that everybody likes dancing on the sidelines no more.
Especially if Kyrie goes over there, gets the guy that led that fucking fun year.
You still have expectations for a year because KD won't play for a year.
That's true.
I think the Knicks, if they get KD is the best.
Only sign KD.
Don't worry about anybody else.
Take another year.
Let him rehab.
In a year and a half, if he's back to normal, you're good.
You can make the playoffs.
You're scary.
You get RJ Barrett developed.
Whoever your high draft pick is next year, develop.
Knicks got to be smart, man.
The worst thing they can do if they strike out on these guys is sign someone else.
And I don't think they will.
Just sit tight, sign a bunch of bloated contracts for one year, getting the fuck out of there the next year.
Be bad.
Question two.
Who runs the show for the Knicks?
Because there's a lot of mouths to feed.
What do you mean?
Let's say KD comes back, right?
Right.
In the year.
And let's say you keep Knox, you keep RJ Barrett.
Yeah.
You keep, what is it, Mitchell?
Mitch Robinson, Alonzo Trier.
Mitch Robinson, Alonzo Trier, Tennis Smith.
Everybody I named can't pass the ball to save their life.
No.
Doesn't even try to, doesn't even look for a pass.
It is all guys who go out there to try to get buckets.
Someone got to feed these guys.
So who is that point guard that's going to get the ball in these guys' hands in the right position to score?
Honestly, maybe not immediately, but I think eventually RJ Barrett becomes that guy.
RJ Barrett is a head down to the basket.
I'm going to score.
The knock on RJ is from all the scouts that I've spoken to is that he doesn't look to pass.
And he didn't look enough in the tournament, right?
He wasn't getting Zion involved enough.
And he is just, he gets buckets, there's no doubt.
But a lot of people are comparing him to Mello, which is ball stopper, puts up a lot of shots, doesn't get the teammates involved.
I mean, he did average.
I mean, granted, he was playing with Zion, so he's probably getting a lot of easy assists, but he did average five assists a game.
Which is not a good idea.
That's ACC, which is nothing to slouch at, especially when they're crowding.
They're packing that payment.
I'm just telling you.
And these aren't always right.
I'm just telling you what the scouts are saying about.
And I think that you need a guy who is dedicated to passing the ball.
Dedicated to get everybody.
Frank can barely get the ball up half court.
I think.
Poor Frank, bro.
Yo, you know, and I know, I can't believe I'm even going to say this.
But, like, you know who wouldn't be awful on the Knicks?
CP3?
Yeah.
Nope.
You know who knew?
You know who would tolerate CP3's dickheadish coaching mentality?
It's a bunch of rookies who looked up to CP3, think he's a god, think he's one of the greatest players in the world.
Who doesn't put that in the air, bro?
Almost honored by the fact.
The problem is he got four years left on his contract, and that's too much time.
You know who doesn't want to play with CP3?
KD.
Everyone.
Kevin Durant.
So what I'm saying is, if you don't, and also, what do you even trade?
Who do you even trade?
But it is an interesting thing to see because some people have mentioned CB3 going to Phoenix.
Which is also insane.
It's insane.
But it was a mean.
Yeah, that was the conversation we're having.
I mean, so it's like there is a situation where if you have a bunch of young guys for CP3 to yell at, CB3 is never going to win a championship.
It doesn't matter.
CP3 yells at your young guys while they develop.
And then by the time his contract is over, hopefully these guys are at a point where they're ready to carry the team and CP3 can go to the bench or do something else.
I would say if it wasn't, sorry, if it was two years or even maybe three years left on his deal, I would say fine.
But four years is a long time.
RJ Barrett going to be in his fourth year listening to CP3?
No.
Yeah.
If it takes four years for those guys to be ready to lead the team, then you don't have the right fucking guys.
And secondly, like, why would you help the Rockets out after they fucked up?
And that contract only gets fatter as the years go on.
Such a bad ass.
He had like 30 mil in his last year.
Some wild fucking shit.
Like, why would you even help them at that point?
What are the chances of him getting bought out?
It'd have to be, I think it had to be like his last year.
I brought that up too, and I brought up the Mellow buyout.
And I was a mean or you said, like, Mello got bought out in his last year.
Yeah.
Like, right.
His buyout would be so crazy.
So crazy.
Honestly, I still, I've said this last year.
Four years, $125 million.
I like CP3 on Boston, bro.
That's literally the only move that makes sense to me.
Yo, can we acknowledge something about Boston that not enough people are making a big deal about?
They're going to lose Al Horford.
Yeah.
Al Horford, who is their leader, was their most effective player.
Yeah.
Consistently effective.
Like, he doesn't get the Draymond credit because they haven't won championships.
But if they won championships like the Warriors did, you're going to see a lot of people talking about, oh, this big man who can shoot threes, stretch the floor, pass as well, and then defends multiple positions.
He's going to get a lot of money to put one of those teams in the West that have a chance right now over the hump.
Yo, go to the Clippers.
I think the Clippers.
If he doesn't go to the fucking Clippers, I think fucking Dallas is a good look.
Oh, I think I don't think they'd be good enough.
I think they'd get to the playoffs, but I still don't think they'd be good enough.
Oh, if Porzingis is healthy, they're good enough.
You think so?
If Porzingis is healthy, they're good enough.
With Al Horford and Luka Doncig.
I'm not going to lie.
Think about that lineup.
Al and Porzingis.
He's the perfect big man you want to play with Porzingis.
Wait, wait.
Al and Porzingis, you know how open that lane is going to be?
You know how stretched that defense is going to be?
Just let Luca drive all fucking day.
Do his little step backs if he wants.
You could have Al shooting threes and Perzingis shooting threes.
Who are you going to keep around the basket?
It's interesting.
Get a slashing two.
Who's a great Drew holiday?
Who's somebody who just gets to the basket?
It's a culture guy.
Jimmy Bucket.
The lane is going to be wide open.
Yeah.
Like one of those.
I don't know if the Spurs got money, but I think Aldrich comes off the books now.
He's a free agent a lot of people aren't talking about.
Imagine Horford.
Imagine Horford on the Spurs.
Horford on the Spurs would be amazing.
I would love to see that.
Horford and DeRosen, like quietly.
Let's go.
Deontay Murray coming back.
Was it ACL or Achilles he got?
ACL.
ACL.
So he'll be all right.
He'll be good.
Dude, there could be some very interesting positions.
Horford, and why is nobody talking about him?
Oh, apparently he's going to get four for like a crazy.
He's going to get a max out.
He's getting a max.
I try to max out the white two twos.
But someone's already.
Somebody out there.
Like, I've read a lot of, I'll be on hoops hype checking the rumors.
Apparently, one team out there is ready to offer four.
Four for a max.
And that's where I'm like, yo, I don't want to do four.
So here's an interesting thing.
We have a situation where I think Amin was touching on it last week.
We had Amin Elhassan on the podcast last week.
Patreon episode.
Patreon episode.
Yeah, Amin El Hassan, you probably know he started Al-Qaeda.
He's an ESPN contributor.
He used to be a front office guy.
Also, huge show on the bottom.
And the jump.
So funny.
So he said, I just lost my train of thought.
What were we talking about?
Talking about Max Ba, Al Horford going to Al Horford.
I was actually going to say Al Horford could go to the Lakers, but that's the last thing I remember talking about.
It's Al Horford, four-year deal.
Oh, what he said is this, was the supply or the demand.
Yeah, the demand for max players right now, very high.
The supply of max players is very low.
And what happens in those markets, our teams are impatient and they overpay and get underdelivered players.
So you're going to see the Tobias Harris's and you're going to see these Chris Middletons who in a regular free agent market would never get a four or five year max.
Those are the type of guys that get traded in their second year.
Right.
Remember when Harrison Barnes got all that money?
Yeah.
It's because of the market.
So you're going to see a lot of those Harrison Barnes that Hills.
And that was the Mavs that did that.
And real talk.
There's a reason why Harrison Barnes this year opted out.
Because he knew.
I think his agent wasn't stupid.
He was like, listen, they are dying for players.
You can get more.
Because this is going to be the last contract Harrison gets that's reasonable.
Oh, yeah.
And I think that he could get, I think he could get two to three.
I think he get three years of decent money instead of doing one more year at that and then getting minimums.
You could finesse a not great franchise to giving Harrison Barnes a lot of money.
For sure.
Check him out.
Shaq Kobe Rubio Mavs Contract00:10:18
He's a sneaky 20-point game guy.
That's it.
You start convincing yourself.
You're like, okay, he scored.
Interesting deal.
Just check Hoop's hype.
Blazers are trading Evan Turner to Atlanta for Ken Baysmore.
So you get a more athletic version.
I don't know if Ken can shoot threes.
Can he shoot threes?
Ken Basemore, yeah.
He's a good shooter.
He's a 3 and D guy, but a little smaller.
He's like 6'4 or 6'5.
Yeah, but he's more athletic than Ev, right?
Yeah, Ev's.
Ev is a little bit older.
He's broken.
But Evan could always bring the ball up to Hannah.
He's not somebody who's going to break out for like 30 points, but he'll write the ship.
Right.
But you don't need a guy to bring the ball up because you have Dame and you have McCall.
Now he's in Atlanta, so you got Trey Young and those.
Atlanta got a fun, nice little young team right now, bro.
They got Trey Young.
They got Hoarder.
They drafted Cam Reddish, who I think is going to be a much better pro than a college guy.
And they got that fucking...
They drafted somebody else in the first round.
I thought the Pelicans should have gone after Cam Reddish.
I thought that was the move.
What did they do?
They traded their picks for traded down to 8 and 17.
I'm surprised they couldn't get 8 and 10 because the rumor was.
They got the big boy from Texas.
Yeah, they got Jackson Hayes, who I think is going to be good.
But the rumor was somebody was off, and then they were offering the Knicks 8 and 10 for number 3.
And maybe RJ Barrett is that much better, but then they went to 4 and gave up 8 and 17 and kept 10.
And that's why they got Cam Reddish.
Yeah.
I like Cam Reddish.
Cam Reddish is one of those guys that, like, you know, he was on a loaded team, still put up like 134s in the game in the college system.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, and those, what's the thing called when you like per 48 or poor whatever teams?
Like, that averages out to like a 20-point per game guy.
As disappointing as this shit was, I think he's going to be a really good pro.
Sorry, back to Horford.
Here's the thing I saw from Mark Stein.
Numerous teams and agents believe Al Horford has a four-year offer awaiting him in free agency worth an estimated $112 million.
Sources with malad to the Mavs thinking continue to insist that it's not coming from Dallas.
So he's not getting the max.
See, I would give him, I'd max him out for less years.
Yeah.
I think he wants 212 million.
Well, I think you could give him three years.
Give him three years, 90.
You just want to do less years.
That's what these people don't realize.
The GMs fuck up with the amount of time.
Yeah.
Just get him for less time.
Pay him more.
Yeah, I agree.
Don't want them on the books when they suck.
If you can get him two years at the veteran max or whatever that is, I don't give a fuck if that's 40 million.
Whatever it is, give him two years, 80 million.
Just get him off.
Yeah.
But I think for him, he knows that.
And he's like, somebody's going to offer me four.
I'll take the four.
It's like they want to stay in the league.
It's like they just want to be around the game.
You're only going to make a... Matter of fact, you end up making less money.
If you're Al Horford?
Right.
Like, if you can make 80 in two years or 90 and three, I think 80 and 2 is more beneficial to you.
The risk is injury.
And you're just like, well, let me take this 80 while it's here or the 90 because I don't know if I'm going to get injured.
You never know what could happen.
Give me the 90.
I can invest 90 million and turn that very quickly into whatever the fuck.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
Like, you're getting the 80 quicker than you're getting the 90.
I see what you're saying.
That's true.
That's true.
Interest off the money.
Because it's more money per year.
I feel like I just read a story about Lawal Dang being like this great fucking real estate investor.
Yeah.
Right now, I think he did nine figures just off of investments, like buying fucking buildings and stuff.
Sudanese, dog.
It's all in that shit, man.
We didn't talk about the Mike Conley trade.
You want to talk about that?
Mike Conley's going to Utah.
Good trade for Utah.
It's a good trade for Utah.
He's a Utah contender.
Somebody was saying that Utah is out there, favorite in the West.
How much better is Mike Conley than Ricky Rubio?
Way better.
I don't know if he's way better.
He's way better than Ricky Rubio.
He seems like not quite as good of a passer, maybe, but he can shoot.
And that's big.
And that's the difference between that.
Rubio could shoot.
Rubio, look at Rubio's stats.
Rubio had a very effective shooting.
Rubio was one of those, I'll let him beat me from deep type of shooters.
Conley can beat you from deep.
Right.
And he's just always been a guy that's played very, very clutch.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We were asking the Knicks for somebody who was built to feed.
Yeah.
Rubio or Conley?
I mean, either, but Rubio, if Rubio's available, he's a free man.
I'd like Rubio nice and cheap for a year.
Cheap.
And just give him two years and then just let him distribute.
Say, hey, we want to get the rookies' confidence.
Give them the ball.
And Rubio was like, look, I don't even like shooting that much.
His shot doesn't look like he intended to use it a lot.
Have you seen his form and stuff?
He shoots like he's trying to get something off the top of a cabinet.
Yeah.
Dude, he's got a set shot.
It's like he's pulling.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know why he does that shit.
So he's so, okay.
So back to the situation.
No, I think Conley's way better than him, though.
He's one of those guys that like in any other generation of the NBA, he's a multiple-time all-star.
But we're in such the fuck, we're in the golden age of point guards right now that he's always been the odd man.
Him and Dave Millard have always been the odd men out when it came to point guards.
So I think him, he's the perfect type of point guard for a guy like Donovan Mitchell and Rudy Gobert.
And I think that, and they were already a what, a five seed this year?
Six seed?
Five seed.
Didn't they get swept or gentlemen swept by the Rockets?
When are we going to acknowledge that Rudy Gobert sucks?
He doesn't suck.
Do we just feel bad because he didn't make the all-star team?
I saw him at the BET Awards yesterday.
Yeah, he was like sitting next to him.
Is he black?
Sort of black.
He's a light black.
He's Butterscotch.
Butterscott.
Butterscotch.
Yeah, I don't know.
He's good.
He's a great defender.
Well, that's the thing.
It's like, I don't even know if he's a great defender.
He's just tall.
And if you get in the lane, he can distract your shot.
But one-on-one, he's not that good a defender.
We've seen people body him.
Who's going to body him, really?
I'm Bi?
There's like maybe two or three, like, okay, get this big guy the ball and go to work type of big guys out there anyway.
So, I mean, like, maybe Embiid, maybe Giannis, if he has a full head of steam, you know, but I don't know.
I don't think he's there.
Gobert is a very good player.
I wouldn't say he's great, but he's very, very good.
Yo, the Jazz would have been nasty, I think, if Hayward stayed.
Maybe.
Because Hayward, right?
They lost Hayward for nothing and then got Donovan Mitchell the next year.
Right.
If Hayward had stayed and was healthy, that team would be kind of nasty.
You hate to see it.
You hate to see the fucking Goldberg report.
Nobody calls him that.
You hate to see that happen to Boston teams, but who gives a shit?
Nah, but I do think the Jazz make a lot of noises here.
Anybody can.
It's going to be one of those weird years where either the fucking Nuggets or the Jazz come out the West or Sacramento.
I think we have to see how the Lakers build their team because if it's put together and if LeBron is healthy, even without Anthony Davis, if LeBron is healthy, they make the playoffs.
With Anthony Davis.
That's pretty crazy.
That's a crazy one-two punch.
That's a crazy one-two punch.
And there's going to be a lot of gravity.
Is that the best one-two punch we've seen ever?
Like in our lifetimes, at least at the very now we're having a fun combo.
Best one-two punch.
Magic and Kareem.
Shaq and Kobe.
Shaq and Kobe.
Shaq and Kobe was unreal.
I was about to say, like, in my lifetime, Shaq and Kobe was absolutely unreal.
Shaq and Kobe.
Wait for it.
Shaq and Penny was unreal.
Different, but unreal.
Shaq and Kobe better, obviously.
Scotty.
And Scotty, but that's mainly MJ.
Stephen Katie.
We're talking about post-crazy thousands.
Stephen Katie's pretty fucking crazy.
Oh, my God.
Wade and Braun.
Wade and Braun is big.
There's a lot of great tandems out there, man.
Stephan Katie is.
We're talking about your NBA Jam team.
What is your NBA Jam team?
Think about it.
That's fucking hard.
We're just going skill for skill.
It's hard to pick anybody that's not.
It's Shaq and Kobe, man.
No, sorry.
It might be AD and LeBron.
I don't know.
Because that pick and roll, AD has a better chance of guarding it than Shaq.
I think you can get by Shaq.
Yeah.
I mean, God damn.
I know we're being prisoners at the moment right now, but like, I think people forget just how fucking insane Laker Shaq was.
Like, those first four or five.
Oh, my God.
He was like, if you watch those, you watch those.
He should have been unanimous MVP.
Absolutely.
I think it was like one vote off.
One guy voted for Alan.
You watch those fucking Shaq highlights from the early 2000 Lakers.
It looks like Mike Tyson highlights.
Just fucking knockout punches, just fucking dunks and explosions, and Kobe coming down doing the same shit.
So Kobe and Shaq is number one, or is it AD and Braun?
I don't even think AD and Braun's in the top five yet.
Oh, wow.
I think skill-wise, you can imagine it all, but it's like Wade and Braun was wild.
Fair enough.
Stephan Katie was wild.
Stephan Katie was exceptionally wild because they had three as Clay and four as Draymond and Iggy is off the bench.
And we also are really not giving enough credit for Kareem and Magic.
I mean, that's insane.
Like that is absolutely.
The only thing that you could knock them on is basically the fact that Magic can't shoot threes and neither could Kareem.
Yeah.
So they're not going to really hurt you, but Kareem is also unstoppable.
Shaq and Kobe, bro.
Yeah, Shaq and Kobe.
Shaq and Kobe.
It's Shaq and Kobe.
Think Shaq's physicality would just wear AD or a Kareem or whoever.
Anything down there?
I know.
I love fucking with Kobe stands and Lakersand's, but like, come on.
Like, young Kobe, when Kobe was first getting the fro and really starting to figure himself out as that guy, man, like, oh, he was a fucking joy, bro.
Wearing Hoodie Land Feet Shift00:05:14
Yeah.
Before he, you know, went to Colorado.
He played with more joy.
He came back.
That's honestly, like, there was a decided shift after that shit.
Like, when he came back, he became more cold and calculated.
He started calling himself the Black Mama, changed his number, fucking got that tattoo and shit.
He was a different guy after that.
Before that, he was doing songs with Tyro Banks and had an Afro and War Number Eight.
He was in the Destiny Child remix.
Say my name.
Yeah, like he was fun loving Kobe.
Then he came back and was like, yeah.
Did he really jump over that car that was driving towards him?
No, that was fake.
That was fake.
How'd they just fake it?
Did you see the new one?
I did.
That's why I was bringing it up.
But how'd they fake that?
Crabby CGI.
Yeah, I'm so in a CGI.
That's Nike, bro.
The car could have been like feet, like a couple feet ahead of him.
But because of perspective, you see.
Yeah, that's what I assumed it was.
Or it's a fake car.
One of those two.
Yo, son, there was a guy that tried to do it.
Did you see this clip?
Yeah.
So great.
And he got hit by it.
He got hit by the car.
And his shoe.
I thought his feet fell off, but it was off.
But, son, why do your shoes fall?
Is that a real video?
That's real.
That had to be real.
But they don't even show it what happens after he lands, which pisses me off because it actually looks like he's going to land on his feet.
He's going to land on his feet.
Look at it.
YouTube?
He did kind of land on his feet.
Let me see.
Don't put any volume on it.
Don't make it big screen either.
Good job, buddy.
There it goes.
Play it with no volume.
What could go wrong?
Look at this.
Ready?
There it is.
Watch it.
Bam.
But it looks like.
Nah, I think you're going to get it.
I think you're going to fall on his back.
Go towards the end, right?
And stop.
Nah, I saw there's a longer version on that.
Yeah, he lands on his feet, but he like crouches down and holds his legs.
Get that long version.
Like, he lands like on the combination of the balls of his feet and his ass.
But like, yeah, now he got there.
That motherfucker.
And then the shoes just like fall.
Oh, my God.
That was great.
Anyway.
He's crazy.
That's some white boy activity.
Oh, real tough.
Akash, we got anything else on the agenda?
Because we got to wrap this up.
Any draft thoughts you might have?
That's about it.
RJ Barrett.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
We got my man.
He kind of almost stuck the land in.
Oh, no, he fell, bro.
Boom, boom.
I didn't watch it.
Is he wearing Yeezys?
This is the best bean commercial I've ever seen.
Oh, what's that?
Bong.
What's that black thing next to him right there?
Is that a flip-flop?
What was he wearing?
No.
It's two shoes.
But what's next?
There's three things.
One shoe's black.
Boom.
Okay.
Okay, it's socks.
Okay, his socks came out.
Yeah, it's two socks.
No, what's that?
Oh, I don't know.
Hoodie?
Was he wearing a hoodie?
He said, I'm just thinking about all his lights.
I think he shit his pants, bro.
Go back.
I believe that.
I believe that's poo.
There it is.
Oh, he didn't.
He's wearing a hoodie.
Like a skull cap or whatever, beanie.
Oh, that is his hat.
Shit.
God damn.
He didn't even close to clearing that shit, though.
Oh, he almost did it.
Nah, he ain't almost cleaned it.
He should have could have done that.
You think you could do it?
I could do it.
You can't do it.
Brad, his shins are on the windshield.
Look at this shit.
Yo.
Yo, he did it.
He did it.
Yeah.
He didn't jump way too late.
Is he wearing Yeezys, though?
Why would you try that?
Those are like zebras.
If you're going to miss this shit, that's the best way to miss it, though.
Because if you jump too early and his feet hit the top of that shit and you go right through the windshield, Crazy.
The shit, like, he got hit.
Like, I don't even think he cleared the hood.
I thought, like, when I first watched it, I thought he cleared the wood.
I'm so happy he's alive, bro.
That's all that is.
Look at him right there.
He's just going, I should be dead.
Look at him.
He goes, oh, I should be dead.
He's looking for his sneaker.
He's angry at the car.
He's angry.
Boom.
Yo, that shit's shot out of his feet.
God.
It goes so far.
That's too crazy, bro.
Anyway, man, we got to get out of here, bro.
Thank y'all so much for listening.
We will see you say again.
Are we plugging the shit?
Yeah, we'll do it in the beginning, though.
Yo, thank y'all so much for listening to another episode of Flagrant 2.
Get with us on a Patreon episode this Friday.
Sign up for that Patreon, man.
It's crazy to see these subs keep going, keep going, keep going.
We want to hit that 7,500 mark so Akash and Pete could officially compete.
You know what I mean?
Get it going.
So keep on subscribing, man.
We appreciate you.
We got some good news coming up that we'll tell you about in the very near future.
I hope.
I'm hoping.
I don't want Jinxes.
So just fingers crossed for right now.
But yeah, man, that's patreon.com slash flagrant2.
Give a look, see, for the last episode.
We really wilded out.
We were doing the headbuzz boy and a couple other things.
You can see the type of goofiness that we get down with.