Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh explore a woman's fantasy of male dominance before launching into a sketch about the absurd "head bus boy" title. They depict a fruit vendor, stereotyped as Bangladeshi or Mexican, who haggles over pineapples and spices only to be promoted by manager Javier, granting him delusional superiority. This false status allows the character to hoard food and engage in relentless sex with his wife, eventually fathering a son destined for a school where other parents are mere "regular boss boys," ultimately satirizing class delusions while warning legalists against ruining the fun. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Weak Bitch Haggling00:04:52
Dude, if your girl says she is a rape fantasy, she's basically saying you are a fucking cuck.
She's saying you're so pathetic physically, you couldn't even rape her.
So she's like, I want to, I fantasize about you actually having strength, you loser.
That's literally, this is literally how it works.
Okay, so this situation, maybe he's so tiny and so embarrassingly pathetic, she's got to rile him up to feel some sort of like any kind of physical domination.
I was going a different way.
I was going like, baby, this is the only way he gets his dick hard.
Is by beating her?
Yeah.
That's how much is less fun thought.
Yeah, bro.
We were trying closer to right.
Yeah, we were having fun.
Do you remember?
No, but like.
You think that's why so many Indians hit their girls?
Is the girls like, you mad little dog?
I'm in America.
I'm seeing fucking Vikings walking around this bitch.
Can you do something, please?
Son, yo, I think we hit the nail in a coffin.
How are you gonna respect this guy?
He's selling fucking pineapples and plums on the street and shit.
He'll talk.
What?
He's a fruit merchant on the street.
You know, her.
Yeah, don't get as confused as Bangladeshi's dog.
Get out of here, son.
Disrespect.
Dark ass motherfucker.
Selling cherries in a plastic bag, right?
Motherfuckers, disrespect.
Hot ass cherries.
Hot ass cherries, son.
Got 15 umbrellas to keep the sun off the cherries and he'll go bad one day.
Man, stole the umbrellas from the hot dog, man.
Just keep his goddamn cherries cool.
Sabret.
You know what I mean?
Got the sabret to fuck the umbrellas.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
You haggling him down?
Oh, my God.
You know how much that's going to embarrass his wife, bro?
He'll talk.
Cherry's $7 at the store.
You're giving away for $2.99.
Giving him away, you haggled down, you weak bitch.
How can she?
How can she talk about my channel?
How can you talk about my pinapel?
My pinapel.
My gosh, my pinapel.
What other fruits you got?
I have pinapple.
I have cucumber.
You have asparagus.
I have asparta.
Cucomber, I have asparagus.
I have pinapple.
Asparaga kinapal 2410.
No more deal.
How about broccoli or bruises?
No, I'm broke.
I'm blocked.
Come quiet, you got to come quiet.
I have one plum.
One plum.
Oh my god.
We have red grip and green grip.
You know what's so fitting is you've taken the fruit vendor and you've made him Bangladeshi and Mexican.
It's really perfect.
It's really perfect.
That's the superpower.
You pick them and sell them.
Pick them and sell it.
It's called vertical integration.
Vertical.
We call it Berta Colimpa Pleba.
Berteba dem Pape.
Oh my gosh.
All day.
You got any spices?
You got any like oregano or paprika?
We have tuminak.
Oh my god!
We have to...
We have to break!
We have to break!
Yeah!
We have to break!
So how we do have to break!
We do have to break!
Oh my god!
For real.
One thing we do not have one thing we do not have.
What's that?
Lichi?
Because these Chinese benders coming to take all of our bin they cut the bin with the little lichen.
It's on the switch again.
It again?
I was trying to be angry.
I was false, but I was gonna let you keep rocking.
I felt like you'd find it again.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Fuck my head hard.
Did I get pineapple right?
Head Bus Boy Promotions00:08:16
How did you say asparagus?
Apart.
No, that's Spanish.
That's Spanish.
The Mexican, bro.
How do you say asparagus in a super Latin accent, Eden?
In a Latin accent?
Esparigo.
You did a character one time.
Espartigus?
Esparigo?
Espartigo?
No, you wouldn't say that.
You're not going all the way to the last syllable, man.
Andrew did a character one time for 10 minutes.
We were talking about...
My friend was trying to hook up at the comedy club.
We came up, Alex.
And he said he got stopped by like the head bus boy.
And Andrew's like, who the fuck is the head bus boy?
And then I'm not bullshitting 10 straight minutes of the head bus boy.
That's what the head bus boy was saying.
It wasn't a regular bus boy.
You got to take it in big play.
The big play, I take it in big play.
You take the appetizer.
You take the little appetizer play.
I take the big play.
I am a boss boy.
I am the head boss boy.
Mother, what the fuck?
Do you want more water?
Do you want more water?
Do I look like a regular bus boy to give water?
Maybe if you want more lemmings, I give you more lemon, but you don't get water from a boss boy.
I don't even come into situations to the entree.
That was the dude that cop vlogged.
Andrew's got so funny.
There was a head bus boy.
Yo, hold on.
He couldn't get over it.
He couldn't get over the head bus boy.
How did y'all know?
What?
He just said he's like the head bus.
He just decided.
My friend is like, he must be like the head bus boy.
Andrew's like, I could not.
You know, like the tassels and shit?
Like a military commander from a fucking general public?
We just saw him the most and he had mad authority.
You know what I mean?
He walked around like he really had power.
Was he like so he assumed?
Yeah, he broke up the fuckfest.
He assumed, you know, you know, directing the other bus boys.
That's what he did.
He was head bus boy.
He was head bus boy.
He was, and he would treat the other buzz boys like they were so low.
Well, wait, you should have seen.
Hold on, hold on.
There are chrome on the table.
Take it a thing, the sweeping chrome of the table.
Take it in 90 squeaky chrome.
Take it in chrome and take it in chrome of the table.
Take me to when he was first promoted.
Yeah.
Please.
Please.
Hey, oh.
Listen, man, I think you've been doing some really great work.
What's my name?
Listen, Javier, I think if you know.
It's Jose, but it's okay.
You want to talk to me, Patrick?
Well, my name is Michael, but same thing.
I just want to say I think you're doing really great work as a bus boy.
Oh, thank you.
Honestly, shining more than all the other bus boys.
I'm very tiny.
Yeah, you're very shiny.
I think if you would be amenable to it, we would like to make you the head bus boy.
Dang tiny.
It will be an honor.
Oh, my God.
It will be an honor.
You're willing to take this position of haybundboy.
Oh, my God.
Okay, all right, good.
I just want to make sure, start on Monday.
Do you know your responsibilities as head bus boy?
Yes!
I've been dreaming on the day my whole life.
Ever since I became a regular ball boy, I thought one day I could make you a hayball boy.
Do you have any ideas on how to improve the position?
Absolutely not.
Okay, okay.
All right.
So he goes home, tells his wife, I have amazing news.
Mama Sita, everything is going to change.
Our lives are going to be completely different now.
Remember when I was bringing home the money, regular money?
You might say regular money.
Well, now it's different because I'm a head boss boy.
Let's celebrate.
Guess what?
We get to have all the leftover we want from the next drop.
Okay?
Yo, they told me, don't eat the chicken tender off the plate.
I said they finish.
It don't matter.
But now, headbuss boy, I get to take whatever I want home.
Whatever I want.
That night in bed.
Oh, my God.
Because he's living on a high now.
He's giving her a.
Baby, I'm the head bus boy, so there's one thing I deserve more than anything.
I have to spell it out.
He's on hay.
Fuck me.
This motherfucker don't stop, huh?
Bro, it was relentless, bro.
This is so funny.
It was 10.
But the fact that he even gave it that adjective or whatever, I had the head bus boy.
But then also, the idea that the head bus boy, if there was such a position, cockblocked him.
Imagine being cockblocked, but like...
Oh, my.
You got to listen, though, because it's like he can go tell somebody, whatever.
You know what I mean?
Just like, fuck, this guy worked at it.
He worked with a lantern.
He was the head bus boy.
And he said he was fucking in the restroom.
He was trying to fuck in the green room or whatever.
Not even the green room.
In the room, in the showroom.
Even after shows, time to try to fuck in the showroom.
Yeah.
Oh.
Wade.
Look at what we see here.
Look at what we see here.
It appears to me the two people trying to fornicate.
We have some fornicators out here.
Well, who you think is going to have to clean it?
Who you think is going to have to clean it when you finish?
Probably the headbutt boy.
Probably me.
So I should clean it.
Is that it?
Is that I should clean these terms and it comes hold on?
Isn't that what I should do?
Oh, my God.
Yo.
Oh, my God.
I probably shouldn't do this.
I probably shouldn't do this.
Okay, go.
How about him talking to his firstborn?
Oh, no.
Yo, so she just, or you can't.
You just got the promotion.
See?
And that's the night of conception for sure.
But now the baby's out.
The baby's out.
So you got the, here you go.
It's a boy.
Let me tell you something.
You will go to school with many other children.
And I just want you to know that all the other children, their parents, regular boss boys.
Normal people.
Normal.
Plebeians.
Very replaceable.
Completely replaceable.
Oh, you did not pick the dish.
Oh, you got before by.
But you, you are so...
You are so...
You are so.
You are so hey, boss boy.
You know what your name is?
Hey.
God damn it.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
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