Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Head Bus Boy Ft. Amin Elhassan
Aired: 2019-06-21
Duration: 13:13


=== The Weak Bitch Haggling (04:52) ===

[00:00:04]  Dude, if your girl says she is a rape fantasy, she's basically saying you are a fucking cuck.
[00:00:08]  She's saying you're so pathetic physically, you couldn't even rape her.
[00:00:13]  So she's like, I want to, I fantasize about you actually having strength, you loser.
[00:00:18]  That's literally, this is literally how it works.
[00:00:20]  Okay, so this situation, maybe he's so tiny and so embarrassingly pathetic, she's got to rile him up to feel some sort of like any kind of physical domination.
[00:00:33]  I was going a different way.
[00:00:34]  I was going like, baby, this is the only way he gets his dick hard.
[00:00:36]  Is by beating her?
[00:00:38]  Yeah.
[00:00:38]  That's how much is less fun thought.
[00:00:40]  Yeah, bro.
[00:00:41]  We were trying closer to right.
[00:00:43]  Yeah, we were having fun.
[00:00:43]  Do you remember?
[00:00:45]  No, but like.
[00:00:46]  You think that's why so many Indians hit their girls?
[00:00:47]  Is the girls like, you mad little dog?
[00:00:49]  I'm in America.
[00:00:50]  I'm seeing fucking Vikings walking around this bitch.
[00:00:53]  Can you do something, please?
[00:00:56]  Son, yo, I think we hit the nail in a coffin.
[00:01:01]  How are you gonna respect this guy?
[00:01:02]  He's selling fucking pineapples and plums on the street and shit.
[00:01:08]  He'll talk.
[00:01:11]  What?
[00:01:13]  He's a fruit merchant on the street.
[00:01:15]  You know, her.
[00:01:16]  Yeah, don't get as confused as Bangladeshi's dog.
[00:01:19]  Get out of here, son.
[00:01:20]  Disrespect.
[00:01:21]  Dark ass motherfucker.
[00:01:23]  Selling cherries in a plastic bag, right?
[00:01:26]  Motherfuckers, disrespect.
[00:01:27]  Hot ass cherries.
[00:01:28]  Hot ass cherries, son.
[00:01:30]  Got 15 umbrellas to keep the sun off the cherries and he'll go bad one day.
[00:01:35]  Man, stole the umbrellas from the hot dog, man.
[00:01:38]  Just keep his goddamn cherries cool.
[00:01:40]  Sabret.
[00:01:41]  You know what I mean?
[00:01:41]  Got the sabret to fuck the umbrellas.
[00:01:44]  Oh, my God.
[00:01:45]  Holy shit.
[00:01:46]  You haggling him down?
[00:01:47]  Oh, my God.
[00:01:48]  You know how much that's going to embarrass his wife, bro?
[00:01:51]  He'll talk.
[00:01:53]  Cherry's $7 at the store.
[00:01:54]  You're giving away for $2.99.
[00:01:58]  Giving him away, you haggled down, you weak bitch.
[00:02:01]  How can she?
[00:02:03]  How can she talk about my channel?
[00:02:09]  How can you talk about my pinapel?
[00:02:13]  My pinapel.
[00:02:16]  My gosh, my pinapel.
[00:02:22]  What other fruits you got?
[00:02:23]  I have pinapple.
[00:02:26]  I have cucumber.
[00:02:30]  You have asparagus.
[00:02:33]  I have asparta.
[00:02:36]  Cucomber, I have asparagus.
[00:02:39]  I have pinapple.
[00:02:40]  Asparaga kinapal 2410.
[00:02:44]  No more deal.
[00:02:45]  How about broccoli or bruises?
[00:02:46]  No, I'm broke.
[00:02:49]  I'm blocked.
[00:02:50]  Come quiet, you got to come quiet.
[00:02:58]  I have one plum.
[00:03:01]  One plum.
[00:03:05]  Oh my god.
[00:03:07]  We have red grip and green grip.
[00:03:15]  You know what's so fitting is you've taken the fruit vendor and you've made him Bangladeshi and Mexican.
[00:03:21]  It's really perfect.
[00:03:22]  It's really perfect.
[00:03:23]  That's the superpower.
[00:03:24]  You pick them and sell them.
[00:03:26]  Pick them and sell it.
[00:03:28]  It's called vertical integration.
[00:03:29]  Vertical.
[00:03:31]  We call it Berta Colimpa Pleba.
[00:03:37]  Berteba dem Pape.
[00:03:40]  Oh my gosh.
[00:03:48]  All day.
[00:03:54]  You got any spices?
[00:03:55]  You got any like oregano or paprika?
[00:03:57]  We have tuminak.
[00:03:59]  Oh my god!
[00:04:01]  We have to...
[00:04:02]  We have to break!
[00:04:05]  We have to break!
[00:04:14]  Yeah!
[00:04:15]  We have to break!
[00:04:16]  So how we do have to break!
[00:04:17]  We do have to break!
[00:04:20]  Oh my god!
[00:04:24]  For real.
[00:04:26]  One thing we do not have one thing we do not have.
[00:04:31]  What's that?
[00:04:32]  Lichi?
[00:04:35]  Because these Chinese benders coming to take all of our bin they cut the bin with the little lichen.
[00:04:43]  It's on the switch again.
[00:04:45]  It again?
[00:04:47]  I was trying to be angry.
[00:04:48]  I was false, but I was gonna let you keep rocking.
[00:04:50]  I felt like you'd find it again.
[00:04:52]  Oh my god.
[00:04:53]  Oh my god.
[00:04:55]  Fuck my head hard.
[00:04:56]  Did I get pineapple right?

=== Head Bus Boy Promotions (08:16) ===

[00:04:57]  How did you say asparagus?
[00:05:00]  Apart.
[00:05:02]  No, that's Spanish.
[00:05:03]  That's Spanish.
[00:05:05]  The Mexican, bro.
[00:05:07]  How do you say asparagus in a super Latin accent, Eden?
[00:05:11]  In a Latin accent?
[00:05:13]  Esparigo.
[00:05:16]  You did a character one time.
[00:05:17]  Espartigus?
[00:05:18]  Esparigo?
[00:05:18]  Espartigo?
[00:05:19]  No, you wouldn't say that.
[00:05:20]  You're not going all the way to the last syllable, man.
[00:05:22]  Andrew did a character one time for 10 minutes.
[00:05:24]  We were talking about...
[00:05:25]  My friend was trying to hook up at the comedy club.
[00:05:27]  We came up, Alex.
[00:05:28]  And he said he got stopped by like the head bus boy.
[00:05:31]  And Andrew's like, who the fuck is the head bus boy?
[00:05:34]  And then I'm not bullshitting 10 straight minutes of the head bus boy.
[00:05:38]  That's what the head bus boy was saying.
[00:05:41]  It wasn't a regular bus boy.
[00:05:49]  You got to take it in big play.
[00:05:52]  The big play, I take it in big play.
[00:05:55]  You take the appetizer.
[00:05:57]  You take the little appetizer play.
[00:05:59]  I take the big play.
[00:06:00]  I am a boss boy.
[00:06:02]  I am the head boss boy.
[00:06:04]  Mother, what the fuck?
[00:06:05]  Do you want more water?
[00:06:07]  Do you want more water?
[00:06:08]  Do I look like a regular bus boy to give water?
[00:06:12]  Maybe if you want more lemmings, I give you more lemon, but you don't get water from a boss boy.
[00:06:19]  I don't even come into situations to the entree.
[00:06:27]  That was the dude that cop vlogged.
[00:06:30]  Andrew's got so funny.
[00:06:31]  There was a head bus boy.
[00:06:33]  Yo, hold on.
[00:06:34]  He couldn't get over it.
[00:06:35]  He couldn't get over the head bus boy.
[00:06:40]  How did y'all know?
[00:06:41]  What?
[00:06:42]  He just said he's like the head bus.
[00:06:43]  He just decided.
[00:06:44]  My friend is like, he must be like the head bus boy.
[00:06:46]  Andrew's like, I could not.
[00:06:51]  You know, like the tassels and shit?
[00:06:53]  Like a military commander from a fucking general public?
[00:06:57]  We just saw him the most and he had mad authority.
[00:06:59]  You know what I mean?
[00:07:00]  He walked around like he really had power.
[00:07:01]  Was he like so he assumed?
[00:07:03]  Yeah, he broke up the fuckfest.
[00:07:07]  He assumed, you know, you know, directing the other bus boys.
[00:07:11]  That's what he did.
[00:07:11]  He was head bus boy.
[00:07:14]  He was head bus boy.
[00:07:16]  He was, and he would treat the other buzz boys like they were so low.
[00:07:18]  Well, wait, you should have seen.
[00:07:21]  Hold on, hold on.
[00:07:21]  There are chrome on the table.
[00:07:24]  Take it a thing, the sweeping chrome of the table.
[00:07:28]  Take it in 90 squeaky chrome.
[00:07:31]  Take it in chrome and take it in chrome of the table.
[00:07:36]  Take me to when he was first promoted.
[00:07:39]  Yeah.
[00:07:40]  Please.
[00:07:41]  Please.
[00:07:44]  Hey, oh.
[00:07:47]  Listen, man, I think you've been doing some really great work.
[00:07:49]  What's my name?
[00:07:50]  Listen, Javier, I think if you know.
[00:07:52]  It's Jose, but it's okay.
[00:07:54]  You want to talk to me, Patrick?
[00:07:57]  Well, my name is Michael, but same thing.
[00:07:59]  I just want to say I think you're doing really great work as a bus boy.
[00:08:02]  Oh, thank you.
[00:08:03]  Honestly, shining more than all the other bus boys.
[00:08:05]  I'm very tiny.
[00:08:06]  Yeah, you're very shiny.
[00:08:08]  I think if you would be amenable to it, we would like to make you the head bus boy.
[00:08:19]  Dang tiny.
[00:08:23]  It will be an honor.
[00:08:26]  Oh, my God.
[00:08:28]  It will be an honor.
[00:08:29]  You're willing to take this position of haybundboy.
[00:08:34]  Oh, my God.
[00:08:36]  Okay, all right, good.
[00:08:37]  I just want to make sure, start on Monday.
[00:08:38]  Do you know your responsibilities as head bus boy?
[00:08:40]  Yes!
[00:08:41]  I've been dreaming on the day my whole life.
[00:08:45]  Ever since I became a regular ball boy, I thought one day I could make you a hayball boy.
[00:08:53]  Do you have any ideas on how to improve the position?
[00:08:55]  Absolutely not.
[00:08:56]  Okay, okay.
[00:08:58]  All right.
[00:08:58]  So he goes home, tells his wife, I have amazing news.
[00:09:04]  Mama Sita, everything is going to change.
[00:09:09]  Our lives are going to be completely different now.
[00:09:12]  Remember when I was bringing home the money, regular money?
[00:09:16]  You might say regular money.
[00:09:20]  Well, now it's different because I'm a head boss boy.
[00:09:25]  Let's celebrate.
[00:09:27]  Guess what?
[00:09:28]  We get to have all the leftover we want from the next drop.
[00:09:32]  Okay?
[00:09:33]  Yo, they told me, don't eat the chicken tender off the plate.
[00:09:36]  I said they finish.
[00:09:38]  It don't matter.
[00:09:39]  But now, headbuss boy, I get to take whatever I want home.
[00:09:43]  Whatever I want.
[00:09:46]  That night in bed.
[00:09:48]  Oh, my God.
[00:09:49]  Because he's living on a high now.
[00:09:51]  He's giving her a.
[00:09:52]  Baby, I'm the head bus boy, so there's one thing I deserve more than anything.
[00:09:58]  I have to spell it out.
[00:10:02]  He's on hay.
[00:10:06]  Fuck me.
[00:10:08]  This motherfucker don't stop, huh?
[00:10:10]  Bro, it was relentless, bro.
[00:10:12]  This is so funny.
[00:10:13]  It was 10.
[00:10:14]  But the fact that he even gave it that adjective or whatever, I had the head bus boy.
[00:10:22]  But then also, the idea that the head bus boy, if there was such a position, cockblocked him.
[00:10:26]  Imagine being cockblocked, but like...
[00:10:28]  Oh, my.
[00:10:29]  You got to listen, though, because it's like he can go tell somebody, whatever.
[00:10:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:10:32]  Just like, fuck, this guy worked at it.
[00:10:34]  He worked with a lantern.
[00:10:35]  He was the head bus boy.
[00:10:38]  And he said he was fucking in the restroom.
[00:10:40]  He was trying to fuck in the green room or whatever.
[00:10:42]  Not even the green room.
[00:10:43]  In the room, in the showroom.
[00:10:46]  Even after shows, time to try to fuck in the showroom.
[00:10:48]  Yeah.
[00:10:48]  Oh.
[00:10:49]  Wade.
[00:10:52]  Look at what we see here.
[00:10:55]  Look at what we see here.
[00:10:57]  It appears to me the two people trying to fornicate.
[00:11:04]  We have some fornicators out here.
[00:11:09]  Well, who you think is going to have to clean it?
[00:11:12]  Who you think is going to have to clean it when you finish?
[00:11:14]  Probably the headbutt boy.
[00:11:16]  Probably me.
[00:11:17]  So I should clean it.
[00:11:18]  Is that it?
[00:11:20]  Is that I should clean these terms and it comes hold on?
[00:11:23]  Isn't that what I should do?
[00:11:25]  Oh, my God.
[00:11:26]  Yo.
[00:11:28]  Oh, my God.
[00:11:30]  I probably shouldn't do this.
[00:11:32]  I probably shouldn't do this.
[00:11:33]  Okay, go.
[00:11:33]  How about him talking to his firstborn?
[00:11:37]  Oh, no.
[00:11:40]  Yo, so she just, or you can't.
[00:11:44]  You just got the promotion.
[00:11:45]  See?
[00:11:46]  And that's the night of conception for sure.
[00:11:49]  But now the baby's out.
[00:11:50]  The baby's out.
[00:11:51]  So you got the, here you go.
[00:11:53]  It's a boy.
[00:11:58]  Let me tell you something.
[00:12:00]  You will go to school with many other children.
[00:12:05]  And I just want you to know that all the other children, their parents, regular boss boys.
[00:12:17]  Normal people.
[00:12:20]  Normal.
[00:12:21]  Plebeians.
[00:12:23]  Very replaceable.
[00:12:26]  Completely replaceable.
[00:12:28]  Oh, you did not pick the dish.
[00:12:30]  Oh, you got before by.
[00:12:33]  But you, you are so...
[00:12:36]  You are so...
[00:12:39]  You are so.
[00:12:40]  You are so hey, boss boy.
[00:12:43]  You know what your name is?
[00:12:45]  Hey.
[00:12:56]  God damn it.
[00:12:59]  Yo, what's up?
[00:12:59]  This is Akash.
[00:13:00]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:13:03]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.
[00:13:08]  Join the illest community on earth.
[00:13:10]  Unless you're a social justice lawyer, then you're just going to ruin the fun.