Better Jumper Than Me
00:08:05
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So I guess what I'm trying to say, listen, it's not a knock on women.
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Everybody makes it this big knock on women.
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I'm that great.
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I haven't seen it.
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I'm not a regular guy at basketball.
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You're not beating me.
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First off, I'm beating you.
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Second of all, first of all, I'm beating you.
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No, that sounds so bad.
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There's not a chance in the world you beat me.
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Oh, my gosh.
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Listen, I don't even think you scored two.
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Dead ass.
► 00:00:31
Me?
► 00:00:31
I don't even think you scored two.
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I really don't think.
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How are you going to score?
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You slow as molasses.
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Listen, there's no way.
► 00:00:40
You got a better jumper than me.
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It's undeniable you got a better jumper than me.
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But you're not getting it off.
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How you getting it off?
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You can beat me one-on-one.
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No, I know I can beat you one-on-one.
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It's not even a question.
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Bro.
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Set it up.
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Anytime, set it up.
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Set it up.
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I'm out of shape.
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Yeah.
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I haven't hooped in like a good excuses.
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No, excuse me.
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No, there's no excuses.
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No, there's no excuses.
► 00:01:07
He's actually saying he could still lose three months.
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Even though he's actually positive.
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If there's one part of the game that you're better than me at, it's at horse.
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No, sorry, at shooting.
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And the last time we played horse, I beat you.
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But you are better than one.
► 00:01:19
Yeah, we played.
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I won.
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If I had like two half-court shots, though.
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And then what happened at the end?
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No matter.
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I was going for more difficult shots.
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You had a whole panel.
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You got to get a bunch of nails out of my face, though.
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You had a whole horse, bro.
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You're holding your hand like Lexi Brown has done to me, man.
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Showing off them nails.
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I'm sorry.
► 00:01:35
I'm sorry.
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I like to pamper myself sometimes on my off days.
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No, you deserve some pampering.
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But listen.
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You deserve some pampering.
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All I'm saying is this.
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I'm saying let's set it up.
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I'm saying set it up.
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You deserve some pampering, and I'm going to put you in some of the bad boys.
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I ain't got to be my round baby with your ass.
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That's what's going to happen.
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I could give you like mellow buckets.
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Like, I don't even got to run.
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Just give me.
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You say you would lose?
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Yeah.
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All right.
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First off, Mellow 101 will beat most NBA players right now.
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That's cool because that's how the game is played.
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That's how the game is meant to be played.
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All right, then.
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Exactly.
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And I'm saying I can be.
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There's no chance.
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How are you going to score?
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You spotted me five points in my life.
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What I'm trying to say is how would you score?
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First off, I'm stronger than you.
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You've already shown that strength.
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I played centers my whole life.
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I played centers my whole life.
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Way bigger than you.
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Way bigger.
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I'm a better shooter than you.
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I have a better handle than you.
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I have a better handle than you.
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Yes, I do.
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All right, guys, enough talk.
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Let's set this up.
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That's what I'm saying.
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That's all we got to do is set this up.
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Bro, that's in a winner coat.
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Yo, and the form is still pretty.
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What I'm saying.
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So, how many takes is that, Eden?
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Be honest.
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You was there.
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How many takes is that?
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You hit a wide open jump shot?
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It was like two or three.
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Three takes.
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He hit a wide open jump shot.
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And a winner coat.
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I'm not expecting that.
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Maddie, two or three takes.
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And a winner coat.
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Listen.
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After saying a whole bit, like, after, all right, boom, boom, boom, this is Cause Effect turnaround.
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Bull, boom, boom.
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Bit don't make an impact on the jumper.
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I'm just saying.
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It's a jumper.
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You turn around and shoot it.
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Nobody's denying that you're a better shooter.
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You're a better shooter than me.
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The name of the game is score more points than the other guy.
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You're going to score, though.
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Because you won't be able to get a clean shot off once.
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You're not fast enough to get by me.
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You think I'm not.
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All right.
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Keep that combine shit.
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You ran 14 seconds for it.
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I should have got you fucked up.
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I'm telling you.
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You ran a.
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I'm excited for this.
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All right.
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Kaz, I don't know.
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Andrew got locked down D, son.
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Lockdown.
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Kaz just big, though.
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Kaz, like a bull.
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We sleep.
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Size.
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He might be a bull, but I'm the madder to a baby.
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There's going to be a lot of Olay out here.
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There's going to be a lot of Olay.
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If it's a full court game.
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Full court.
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No, I'm saying like we're playing five on five.
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No, I'm just not doing, bro.
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You're not even going to be fucking.
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One-on-one.
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You get your ass.
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You say me being slow, which I'm not.
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Me being slow might matter in a full court game.
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Bro, you're slow.
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We're talking about quickness.
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In a one-on-one half-court game, you are not beating me.
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Son, you're slow.
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You're not beating me.
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Slow is cool.
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Your jumper is nice.
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I got to stay up on you on a jumper.
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All right.
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There's no.
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Even when you come and play me for the jumper and I go past you, you're not getting past me because I'm way stronger.
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That's cookies, though.
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Also, you're not getting cookies.
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Dribble a ball has cookies.
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I'm putting you on my shoulder and it's bully ball five straight points game.
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I don't think you know who I am.
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I'm Andrew Schultz.
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All right, I know exactly who you are.
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I don't think you know who I am.
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I'm Andrew Schultz.
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Let me tell you, I'm a walking bucket.
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No, you're not a walking bucket.
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I'm a walking bucket.
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You go get all of it.
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That's what you look like.
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I'm a vegetarian.
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I'm actually a vegetarian now.
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Exactly.
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You're going to be bully.
► 00:04:39
You're going to be light-headed.
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You're going to have to back up my pushes, man.
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I already get this shit, dog.
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Well, give me one second.
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Give me one second.
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I'm feeling light-headed.
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Listen.
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Nah, none of that.
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This is what's going to happen.
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We will play.
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And how's my shit, too?
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Two dribbles to the hoop?
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Two, three dribbles?
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Damn, you're not getting closer.
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Stop it.
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You're not even going to close.
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A lot of times I won't need to.
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I hit you with a couple elbow jumpers.
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Like, come here, come guard me.
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I don't want you to guard me.
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I'm sitting in the language.
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I'm black kids.
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Like, I block you from here.
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I block you from here.
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From here, I would.
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I wish you would.
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From here, I block you.
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And listen, even if, let's say, I jump and go for it, you're so lumbering and slow.
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By the time you get back, it's LeBron pinning that shit on the fucking backboard.
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I cannot wait.
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Real talk.
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But what I'm trying to understand is, what are you going to do with my crossover?
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What are you going to do with my cross?
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I see your crossover.
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I almost went to the fucking stands.
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What happened?
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I'm sorry.
► 00:05:30
But what happened?
► 00:05:31
You went one for nine.
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You got one shot.
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Bucket.
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Okay.
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Let me tell you.
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First of all, you cannot handle the crossover.
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That's already.
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I already see how you're built.
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You're flat-footed.
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Listen.
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I do worry about the flat feet.
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Son, I'm going to go.
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It's just like crossing over a camel.
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This guy's going to fall over.
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I'm sure that affects your quickness.
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Yo, go ahead.
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Yo, slow is not about speed one-on-one.
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It's about the first step.
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Yo, real job.
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So if you saw the combine scores, no bullshit.
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Agility and the quickness was there.
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I'm making you fall.
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Hold on.
► 00:06:00
Has Cass put the horseshoes on his feet or not at this?
► 00:06:02
No, no, he hasn't.
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Okay.
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I'm making him fall.
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I'm making him fall.
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Akash.
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When I say crossover, it's not just set it up, guys.
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I'm making fall like this.
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I might make you fall.
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I haven't decided which crossover I make you fall with, but I'll make you fall.
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I might make you fall with the behind the back.
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I might make you left, right.
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I might right-left you.
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First off, I'm way bigger than Jay Williams and he couldn't get past him.
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No, you're not bigger than him.
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He's a sturdy, solid guy.
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He's a sturdy son.
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He's definitely bigger than him.
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Yeah, but you're see-through.
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I don't want to go through your chest.
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Light through your chest.
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See-through.
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Shallow.
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Wait, you think you're stronger than Jay Williams?
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Jay legitists.
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I'm bigger than him.
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Yeah, but stronger.
► 00:06:40
Strength would be the thing, right?
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Strength isn't your thing.
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You're kind of a wafy guy.
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I'm a wafy guy.
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You're kind of a wafy guy.
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I go with the win.
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You know what else is fast?
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The win.
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You know what I mean?
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Listen, bro.
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If you got a good floater, if you got a good floater, you might have a chance.
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But there's no way, like, there's no way you're driving past me.
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Yeah.
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There's no way.
► 00:07:00
I've seen a jumper.
► 00:07:01
It's shaky at best.
► 00:07:03
My jumpers are.
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You might get streaky.
► 00:07:04
I'll only score maybe like three or four.
► 00:07:06
I won't jump.
► 00:07:06
I just want you to get streaky, though.
► 00:07:08
What are we playing to?
► 00:07:09
11?
► 00:07:10
It's whatever you want.
► 00:07:10
I mean, you can't make it cardio-wise.
► 00:07:12
Oh, we can go to 21.
► 00:07:14
Yeah.
► 00:07:14
That's going to be boring.
► 00:07:15
We can go to 21.
► 00:07:16
Son.
► 00:07:16
Y'all too older than 21.
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It's over for you.
► 00:07:18
Yo, real talk.
► 00:07:19
Y'all in your mid-30s.
► 00:07:20
No no nobody's seen no shit to 21.
► 00:07:21
Because you could barely walk up three stairs.
► 00:07:23
I see you holding on to your own beard after you walk up three stairs.
► 00:07:26
Okay.
► 00:07:26
I like my beard, first of all.
► 00:07:27
All right.
► 00:07:28
Second of all.
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Yeah.
► 00:07:29
You are.
► 00:07:30
The cardio's not there.
► 00:07:31
The cardio is not there.
► 00:07:32
First off, my cardio is.
► 00:07:33
It took you 10 yards to slow down when you only read 20 yards.
► 00:07:36
I slowed down for my own.
► 00:07:40
You saw the breakdown.
► 00:07:42
Y'all saw the hard time.
► 00:07:42
You saw how he slowed down.
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You go ahead and tell me.
► 00:07:45
Son, his slowdown speed is trash.
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I have you going in one direction.
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It's going to take you 15 steps to slow down.
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I'm already in the middle of the day.
► 00:07:51
Why would you post that combine score?
► 00:07:54
Why not?
► 00:07:55
I mean, because everybody got to make 40 times.
► 00:07:58
A time I wouldn't post.
► 00:08:01
That's what I'm saying.
► 00:08:02
Why?
► 00:08:03
I went to a Nike thing.
► 00:08:04
Oh, here's the guy.
► 00:08:05
I posted up.
► 00:08:06
I don't give a fuck.
► 00:08:07
I ain't no pro athlete.
► 00:08:08
I know I can beat you in Hoop, though.
Scoring Only With Left
00:01:18
► 00:08:10
I could probably.
► 00:08:12
Let me think about this.
► 00:08:13
I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
► 00:08:17
I really do think that.
► 00:08:19
I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
► 00:08:22
Now, I'm nice with my left.
► 00:08:23
I'm so glad this is on tape.
► 00:08:26
I'm pretty sure I can beat you only scoring with my left.
► 00:08:29
Do you know what I mean?
► 00:08:30
Real talk.
► 00:08:30
The form is dude.
► 00:08:32
He's a good shooter.
► 00:08:33
We'll see.
► 00:08:34
I've played with him.
► 00:08:35
That's a nice shooter in form right there.
► 00:08:37
He got a good academic.
► 00:08:39
You have a good team game, too.
► 00:08:41
It's like...
► 00:08:41
I know this.
► 00:08:43
You pick your spots.
► 00:08:44
You know where to get open.
► 00:08:45
You operate well within like a full court game.
► 00:08:48
You're actually a very good teammate to have on.
► 00:08:50
I know I've, because I play with him.
► 00:08:51
I'm being serious.
► 00:08:52
You knock down your open mid-range.
► 00:08:54
Your range is limited.
► 00:08:55
You can't go three.
► 00:08:56
I can't hit threes.
► 00:08:57
No, you can't.
► 00:08:57
If I got time, I can hit you.
► 00:08:58
No, you can't.
► 00:08:59
If you got time, you're like another year or two to work on it.
► 00:09:04
All right, so I need to see.
► 00:09:05
All right, so I'll bring.
► 00:09:06
All right, let me give you a let me give you the synopsis of the game.
► 00:09:10
Okay, let me give the synopsis of the angels game.
► 00:09:14
Yo, what's up?
► 00:09:15
This is Akash.
► 00:09:16
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
► 00:09:18
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrantru.
► 00:09:23
Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.
► 00:09:27
Then you're just going to ruin the fun.