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May 3, 2019 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
09:29
Schulz Vs. Kaz - Flagrant 2 Patreon

Andrew Schulz and Kaz clash in a heated "Schulz Vs. Kaz" preview, debating basketball prowess where Schulz mocks Kaz's cardio while boasting about his size and crossover moves against Jay Williams. They analyze specific playstyles like "bully ball" and "elbow jumpers," discussing rules to score 11 or 21 points, with Schulz claiming he could win using only his left hand. The segment concludes by inviting Patreon supporters to join the exclusive community, explicitly excluding "social justice warriors" to preserve the unfiltered fun of their upcoming match. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Better Jumper Than Me 00:08:05
So I guess what I'm trying to say, listen, it's not a knock on women.
Everybody makes it this big knock on women.
I'm that great.
I haven't seen it.
I'm not a regular guy at basketball.
You're not beating me.
First off, I'm beating you.
Second of all, first of all, I'm beating you.
No, that sounds so bad.
There's not a chance in the world you beat me.
Oh, my gosh.
Listen, I don't even think you scored two.
Dead ass.
Me?
I don't even think you scored two.
I really don't think.
How are you going to score?
You slow as molasses.
Listen, there's no way.
You got a better jumper than me.
It's undeniable you got a better jumper than me.
But you're not getting it off.
How you getting it off?
You can beat me one-on-one.
No, I know I can beat you one-on-one.
It's not even a question.
Bro.
Set it up.
Anytime, set it up.
Set it up.
I'm out of shape.
Yeah.
I haven't hooped in like a good excuses.
No, excuse me.
No, there's no excuses.
No, there's no excuses.
He's actually saying he could still lose three months.
Even though he's actually positive.
If there's one part of the game that you're better than me at, it's at horse.
No, sorry, at shooting.
And the last time we played horse, I beat you.
But you are better than one.
Yeah, we played.
I won.
If I had like two half-court shots, though.
And then what happened at the end?
No matter.
I was going for more difficult shots.
You had a whole panel.
You got to get a bunch of nails out of my face, though.
You had a whole horse, bro.
You're holding your hand like Lexi Brown has done to me, man.
Showing off them nails.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I like to pamper myself sometimes on my off days.
No, you deserve some pampering.
But listen.
You deserve some pampering.
All I'm saying is this.
I'm saying let's set it up.
I'm saying set it up.
You deserve some pampering, and I'm going to put you in some of the bad boys.
I ain't got to be my round baby with your ass.
That's what's going to happen.
I could give you like mellow buckets.
Like, I don't even got to run.
Just give me.
You say you would lose?
Yeah.
All right.
First off, Mellow 101 will beat most NBA players right now.
That's cool because that's how the game is played.
That's how the game is meant to be played.
All right, then.
Exactly.
And I'm saying I can be.
There's no chance.
How are you going to score?
You spotted me five points in my life.
What I'm trying to say is how would you score?
First off, I'm stronger than you.
You've already shown that strength.
I played centers my whole life.
I played centers my whole life.
Way bigger than you.
Way bigger.
I'm a better shooter than you.
I have a better handle than you.
I have a better handle than you.
Yes, I do.
All right, guys, enough talk.
Let's set this up.
That's what I'm saying.
That's all we got to do is set this up.
Bro, that's in a winner coat.
Yo, and the form is still pretty.
What I'm saying.
So, how many takes is that, Eden?
Be honest.
You was there.
How many takes is that?
You hit a wide open jump shot?
It was like two or three.
Three takes.
He hit a wide open jump shot.
And a winner coat.
I'm not expecting that.
Maddie, two or three takes.
And a winner coat.
Listen.
After saying a whole bit, like, after, all right, boom, boom, boom, this is Cause Effect turnaround.
Bull, boom, boom.
Bit don't make an impact on the jumper.
I'm just saying.
It's a jumper.
You turn around and shoot it.
Nobody's denying that you're a better shooter.
You're a better shooter than me.
The name of the game is score more points than the other guy.
You're going to score, though.
Because you won't be able to get a clean shot off once.
You're not fast enough to get by me.
You think I'm not.
All right.
Keep that combine shit.
You ran 14 seconds for it.
I should have got you fucked up.
I'm telling you.
You ran a.
I'm excited for this.
All right.
Kaz, I don't know.
Andrew got locked down D, son.
Lockdown.
Kaz just big, though.
Kaz, like a bull.
We sleep.
Size.
He might be a bull, but I'm the madder to a baby.
There's going to be a lot of Olay out here.
There's going to be a lot of Olay.
If it's a full court game.
Full court.
No, I'm saying like we're playing five on five.
No, I'm just not doing, bro.
You're not even going to be fucking.
One-on-one.
You get your ass.
You say me being slow, which I'm not.
Me being slow might matter in a full court game.
Bro, you're slow.
We're talking about quickness.
In a one-on-one half-court game, you are not beating me.
Son, you're slow.
You're not beating me.
Slow is cool.
Your jumper is nice.
I got to stay up on you on a jumper.
All right.
There's no.
Even when you come and play me for the jumper and I go past you, you're not getting past me because I'm way stronger.
That's cookies, though.
Also, you're not getting cookies.
Dribble a ball has cookies.
I'm putting you on my shoulder and it's bully ball five straight points game.
I don't think you know who I am.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
All right, I know exactly who you are.
I don't think you know who I am.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
Let me tell you, I'm a walking bucket.
No, you're not a walking bucket.
I'm a walking bucket.
You go get all of it.
That's what you look like.
I'm a vegetarian.
I'm actually a vegetarian now.
Exactly.
You're going to be bully.
You're going to be light-headed.
You're going to have to back up my pushes, man.
I already get this shit, dog.
Well, give me one second.
Give me one second.
I'm feeling light-headed.
Listen.
Nah, none of that.
This is what's going to happen.
We will play.
And how's my shit, too?
Two dribbles to the hoop?
Two, three dribbles?
Damn, you're not getting closer.
Stop it.
You're not even going to close.
A lot of times I won't need to.
I hit you with a couple elbow jumpers.
Like, come here, come guard me.
I don't want you to guard me.
I'm sitting in the language.
I'm black kids.
Like, I block you from here.
I block you from here.
From here, I would.
I wish you would.
From here, I block you.
And listen, even if, let's say, I jump and go for it, you're so lumbering and slow.
By the time you get back, it's LeBron pinning that shit on the fucking backboard.
I cannot wait.
Real talk.
But what I'm trying to understand is, what are you going to do with my crossover?
What are you going to do with my cross?
I see your crossover.
I almost went to the fucking stands.
What happened?
I'm sorry.
But what happened?
You went one for nine.
You got one shot.
Bucket.
Okay.
Let me tell you.
First of all, you cannot handle the crossover.
That's already.
I already see how you're built.
You're flat-footed.
Listen.
I do worry about the flat feet.
Son, I'm going to go.
It's just like crossing over a camel.
This guy's going to fall over.
I'm sure that affects your quickness.
Yo, go ahead.
Yo, slow is not about speed one-on-one.
It's about the first step.
Yo, real job.
So if you saw the combine scores, no bullshit.
Agility and the quickness was there.
I'm making you fall.
Hold on.
Has Cass put the horseshoes on his feet or not at this?
No, no, he hasn't.
Okay.
I'm making him fall.
I'm making him fall.
Akash.
When I say crossover, it's not just set it up, guys.
I'm making fall like this.
I might make you fall.
I haven't decided which crossover I make you fall with, but I'll make you fall.
I might make you fall with the behind the back.
I might make you left, right.
I might right-left you.
First off, I'm way bigger than Jay Williams and he couldn't get past him.
No, you're not bigger than him.
He's a sturdy, solid guy.
He's a sturdy son.
He's definitely bigger than him.
Yeah, but you're see-through.
I don't want to go through your chest.
Light through your chest.
See-through.
Shallow.
Wait, you think you're stronger than Jay Williams?
Jay legitists.
I'm bigger than him.
Yeah, but stronger.
Strength would be the thing, right?
Strength isn't your thing.
You're kind of a wafy guy.
I'm a wafy guy.
You're kind of a wafy guy.
I go with the win.
You know what else is fast?
The win.
You know what I mean?
Listen, bro.
If you got a good floater, if you got a good floater, you might have a chance.
But there's no way, like, there's no way you're driving past me.
Yeah.
There's no way.
I've seen a jumper.
It's shaky at best.
My jumpers are.
You might get streaky.
I'll only score maybe like three or four.
I won't jump.
I just want you to get streaky, though.
What are we playing to?
11?
It's whatever you want.
I mean, you can't make it cardio-wise.
Oh, we can go to 21.
Yeah.
That's going to be boring.
We can go to 21.
Son.
Y'all too older than 21.
It's over for you.
Yo, real talk.
Y'all in your mid-30s.
No no nobody's seen no shit to 21.
Because you could barely walk up three stairs.
I see you holding on to your own beard after you walk up three stairs.
Okay.
I like my beard, first of all.
All right.
Second of all.
Yeah.
You are.
The cardio's not there.
The cardio is not there.
First off, my cardio is.
It took you 10 yards to slow down when you only read 20 yards.
I slowed down for my own.
You saw the breakdown.
Y'all saw the hard time.
You saw how he slowed down.
You go ahead and tell me.
Son, his slowdown speed is trash.
I have you going in one direction.
It's going to take you 15 steps to slow down.
I'm already in the middle of the day.
Why would you post that combine score?
Why not?
I mean, because everybody got to make 40 times.
A time I wouldn't post.
That's what I'm saying.
Why?
I went to a Nike thing.
Oh, here's the guy.
I posted up.
I don't give a fuck.
I ain't no pro athlete.
I know I can beat you in Hoop, though.
Scoring Only With Left 00:01:18
I could probably.
Let me think about this.
I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
I really do think that.
I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
Now, I'm nice with my left.
I'm so glad this is on tape.
I'm pretty sure I can beat you only scoring with my left.
Do you know what I mean?
Real talk.
The form is dude.
He's a good shooter.
We'll see.
I've played with him.
That's a nice shooter in form right there.
He got a good academic.
You have a good team game, too.
It's like...
I know this.
You pick your spots.
You know where to get open.
You operate well within like a full court game.
You're actually a very good teammate to have on.
I know I've, because I play with him.
I'm being serious.
You knock down your open mid-range.
Your range is limited.
You can't go three.
I can't hit threes.
No, you can't.
If I got time, I can hit you.
No, you can't.
If you got time, you're like another year or two to work on it.
All right, so I need to see.
All right, so I'll bring.
All right, let me give you a let me give you the synopsis of the game.
Okay, let me give the synopsis of the angels game.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
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