Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Schulz Vs. Kaz - Flagrant 2 Patreon
Aired: 2019-05-03
Duration: 09:29


=== Better Jumper Than Me (08:05) ===

[00:00:04]  So I guess what I'm trying to say, listen, it's not a knock on women.
[00:00:08]  Everybody makes it this big knock on women.
[00:00:10]  I'm that great.
[00:00:11]  I haven't seen it.
[00:00:11]  I'm not a regular guy at basketball.
[00:00:14]  You're not beating me.
[00:00:15]  First off, I'm beating you.
[00:00:17]  Second of all, first of all, I'm beating you.
[00:00:20]  No, that sounds so bad.
[00:00:24]  There's not a chance in the world you beat me.
[00:00:26]  Oh, my gosh.
[00:00:27]  Listen, I don't even think you scored two.
[00:00:29]  Dead ass.
[00:00:31]  Me?
[00:00:31]  I don't even think you scored two.
[00:00:33]  I really don't think.
[00:00:35]  How are you going to score?
[00:00:36]  You slow as molasses.
[00:00:38]  Listen, there's no way.
[00:00:40]  You got a better jumper than me.
[00:00:42]  It's undeniable you got a better jumper than me.
[00:00:44]  But you're not getting it off.
[00:00:46]  How you getting it off?
[00:00:47]  You can beat me one-on-one.
[00:00:49]  No, I know I can beat you one-on-one.
[00:00:51]  It's not even a question.
[00:00:53]  Bro.
[00:00:54]  Set it up.
[00:00:55]  Anytime, set it up.
[00:00:57]  Set it up.
[00:00:58]  I'm out of shape.
[00:00:59]  Yeah.
[00:01:00]  I haven't hooped in like a good excuses.
[00:01:02]  No, excuse me.
[00:01:03]  No, there's no excuses.
[00:01:05]  No, there's no excuses.
[00:01:07]  He's actually saying he could still lose three months.
[00:01:09]  Even though he's actually positive.
[00:01:11]  If there's one part of the game that you're better than me at, it's at horse.
[00:01:14]  No, sorry, at shooting.
[00:01:16]  And the last time we played horse, I beat you.
[00:01:17]  But you are better than one.
[00:01:19]  Yeah, we played.
[00:01:20]  I won.
[00:01:20]  If I had like two half-court shots, though.
[00:01:22]  And then what happened at the end?
[00:01:23]  No matter.
[00:01:24]  I was going for more difficult shots.
[00:01:25]  You had a whole panel.
[00:01:26]  You got to get a bunch of nails out of my face, though.
[00:01:27]  You had a whole horse, bro.
[00:01:28]  You're holding your hand like Lexi Brown has done to me, man.
[00:01:31]  Showing off them nails.
[00:01:33]  I'm sorry.
[00:01:35]  I'm sorry.
[00:01:35]  I like to pamper myself sometimes on my off days.
[00:01:38]  No, you deserve some pampering.
[00:01:39]  But listen.
[00:01:40]  You deserve some pampering.
[00:01:41]  All I'm saying is this.
[00:01:42]  I'm saying let's set it up.
[00:01:43]  I'm saying set it up.
[00:01:44]  You deserve some pampering, and I'm going to put you in some of the bad boys.
[00:01:46]  I ain't got to be my round baby with your ass.
[00:01:48]  That's what's going to happen.
[00:01:51]  I could give you like mellow buckets.
[00:01:52]  Like, I don't even got to run.
[00:01:53]  Just give me.
[00:01:54]  You say you would lose?
[00:01:55]  Yeah.
[00:01:56]  All right.
[00:01:57]  First off, Mellow 101 will beat most NBA players right now.
[00:02:01]  That's cool because that's how the game is played.
[00:02:02]  That's how the game is meant to be played.
[00:02:04]  All right, then.
[00:02:04]  Exactly.
[00:02:05]  And I'm saying I can be.
[00:02:08]  There's no chance.
[00:02:09]  How are you going to score?
[00:02:10]  You spotted me five points in my life.
[00:02:12]  What I'm trying to say is how would you score?
[00:02:15]  First off, I'm stronger than you.
[00:02:17]  You've already shown that strength.
[00:02:19]  I played centers my whole life.
[00:02:20]  I played centers my whole life.
[00:02:21]  Way bigger than you.
[00:02:22]  Way bigger.
[00:02:23]  I'm a better shooter than you.
[00:02:24]  I have a better handle than you.
[00:02:26]  I have a better handle than you.
[00:02:28]  Yes, I do.
[00:02:28]  All right, guys, enough talk.
[00:02:29]  Let's set this up.
[00:02:30]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:02:31]  That's all we got to do is set this up.
[00:02:32]  Bro, that's in a winner coat.
[00:02:35]  Yo, and the form is still pretty.
[00:02:37]  What I'm saying.
[00:02:38]  So, how many takes is that, Eden?
[00:02:40]  Be honest.
[00:02:40]  You was there.
[00:02:41]  How many takes is that?
[00:02:43]  You hit a wide open jump shot?
[00:02:44]  It was like two or three.
[00:02:46]  Three takes.
[00:02:47]  He hit a wide open jump shot.
[00:02:48]  And a winner coat.
[00:02:49]  I'm not expecting that.
[00:02:50]  Maddie, two or three takes.
[00:02:50]  And a winner coat.
[00:02:52]  Listen.
[00:02:52]  After saying a whole bit, like, after, all right, boom, boom, boom, this is Cause Effect turnaround.
[00:02:56]  Bull, boom, boom.
[00:02:57]  Bit don't make an impact on the jumper.
[00:02:59]  I'm just saying.
[00:02:59]  It's a jumper.
[00:03:00]  You turn around and shoot it.
[00:03:01]  Nobody's denying that you're a better shooter.
[00:03:03]  You're a better shooter than me.
[00:03:04]  The name of the game is score more points than the other guy.
[00:03:07]  You're going to score, though.
[00:03:09]  Because you won't be able to get a clean shot off once.
[00:03:11]  You're not fast enough to get by me.
[00:03:13]  You think I'm not.
[00:03:13]  All right.
[00:03:14]  Keep that combine shit.
[00:03:17]  You ran 14 seconds for it.
[00:03:20]  I should have got you fucked up.
[00:03:21]  I'm telling you.
[00:03:22]  You ran a.
[00:03:23]  I'm excited for this.
[00:03:25]  All right.
[00:03:25]  Kaz, I don't know.
[00:03:26]  Andrew got locked down D, son.
[00:03:28]  Lockdown.
[00:03:29]  Kaz just big, though.
[00:03:30]  Kaz, like a bull.
[00:03:32]  We sleep.
[00:03:33]  Size.
[00:03:34]  He might be a bull, but I'm the madder to a baby.
[00:03:38]  There's going to be a lot of Olay out here.
[00:03:39]  There's going to be a lot of Olay.
[00:03:42]  If it's a full court game.
[00:03:44]  Full court.
[00:03:44]  No, I'm saying like we're playing five on five.
[00:03:47]  No, I'm just not doing, bro.
[00:03:48]  You're not even going to be fucking.
[00:03:49]  One-on-one.
[00:03:51]  You get your ass.
[00:03:52]  You say me being slow, which I'm not.
[00:03:55]  Me being slow might matter in a full court game.
[00:03:58]  Bro, you're slow.
[00:03:58]  We're talking about quickness.
[00:03:59]  In a one-on-one half-court game, you are not beating me.
[00:04:02]  Son, you're slow.
[00:04:02]  You're not beating me.
[00:04:04]  Slow is cool.
[00:04:04]  Your jumper is nice.
[00:04:05]  I got to stay up on you on a jumper.
[00:04:07]  All right.
[00:04:07]  There's no.
[00:04:10]  Even when you come and play me for the jumper and I go past you, you're not getting past me because I'm way stronger.
[00:04:14]  That's cookies, though.
[00:04:15]  Also, you're not getting cookies.
[00:04:16]  Dribble a ball has cookies.
[00:04:18]  I'm putting you on my shoulder and it's bully ball five straight points game.
[00:04:22]  I don't think you know who I am.
[00:04:23]  I'm Andrew Schultz.
[00:04:24]  All right, I know exactly who you are.
[00:04:25]  I don't think you know who I am.
[00:04:26]  I'm Andrew Schultz.
[00:04:27]  Let me tell you, I'm a walking bucket.
[00:04:29]  No, you're not a walking bucket.
[00:04:30]  I'm a walking bucket.
[00:04:31]  You go get all of it.
[00:04:32]  That's what you look like.
[00:04:33]  I'm a vegetarian.
[00:04:35]  I'm actually a vegetarian now.
[00:04:36]  Exactly.
[00:04:38]  You're going to be bully.
[00:04:39]  You're going to be light-headed.
[00:04:39]  You're going to have to back up my pushes, man.
[00:04:41]  I already get this shit, dog.
[00:04:42]  Well, give me one second.
[00:04:44]  Give me one second.
[00:04:45]  I'm feeling light-headed.
[00:04:46]  Listen.
[00:04:46]  Nah, none of that.
[00:04:47]  This is what's going to happen.
[00:04:48]  We will play.
[00:04:49]  And how's my shit, too?
[00:04:51]  Two dribbles to the hoop?
[00:04:52]  Two, three dribbles?
[00:04:53]  Damn, you're not getting closer.
[00:04:54]  Stop it.
[00:04:55]  You're not even going to close.
[00:04:56]  A lot of times I won't need to.
[00:04:57]  I hit you with a couple elbow jumpers.
[00:04:58]  Like, come here, come guard me.
[00:04:59]  I don't want you to guard me.
[00:05:00]  I'm sitting in the language.
[00:05:01]  I'm black kids.
[00:05:02]  Like, I block you from here.
[00:05:04]  I block you from here.
[00:05:06]  From here, I would.
[00:05:07]  I wish you would.
[00:05:08]  From here, I block you.
[00:05:09]  And listen, even if, let's say, I jump and go for it, you're so lumbering and slow.
[00:05:14]  By the time you get back, it's LeBron pinning that shit on the fucking backboard.
[00:05:18]  I cannot wait.
[00:05:19]  Real talk.
[00:05:20]  But what I'm trying to understand is, what are you going to do with my crossover?
[00:05:24]  What are you going to do with my cross?
[00:05:26]  I see your crossover.
[00:05:27]  I almost went to the fucking stands.
[00:05:29]  What happened?
[00:05:30]  I'm sorry.
[00:05:30]  But what happened?
[00:05:31]  You went one for nine.
[00:05:32]  You got one shot.
[00:05:33]  Bucket.
[00:05:36]  Okay.
[00:05:36]  Let me tell you.
[00:05:38]  First of all, you cannot handle the crossover.
[00:05:40]  That's already.
[00:05:40]  I already see how you're built.
[00:05:41]  You're flat-footed.
[00:05:42]  Listen.
[00:05:43]  I do worry about the flat feet.
[00:05:44]  Son, I'm going to go.
[00:05:45]  It's just like crossing over a camel.
[00:05:46]  This guy's going to fall over.
[00:05:48]  I'm sure that affects your quickness.
[00:05:49]  Yo, go ahead.
[00:05:50]  Yo, slow is not about speed one-on-one.
[00:05:52]  It's about the first step.
[00:05:53]  Yo, real job.
[00:05:54]  So if you saw the combine scores, no bullshit.
[00:05:57]  Agility and the quickness was there.
[00:05:59]  I'm making you fall.
[00:06:00]  Hold on.
[00:06:00]  Has Cass put the horseshoes on his feet or not at this?
[00:06:02]  No, no, he hasn't.
[00:06:03]  Okay.
[00:06:05]  I'm making him fall.
[00:06:06]  I'm making him fall.
[00:06:06]  Akash.
[00:06:07]  When I say crossover, it's not just set it up, guys.
[00:06:10]  I'm making fall like this.
[00:06:12]  I might make you fall.
[00:06:14]  I haven't decided which crossover I make you fall with, but I'll make you fall.
[00:06:18]  I might make you fall with the behind the back.
[00:06:20]  I might make you left, right.
[00:06:21]  I might right-left you.
[00:06:22]  First off, I'm way bigger than Jay Williams and he couldn't get past him.
[00:06:25]  No, you're not bigger than him.
[00:06:27]  He's a sturdy, solid guy.
[00:06:28]  He's a sturdy son.
[00:06:29]  He's definitely bigger than him.
[00:06:30]  Yeah, but you're see-through.
[00:06:32]  I don't want to go through your chest.
[00:06:34]  Light through your chest.
[00:06:35]  See-through.
[00:06:35]  Shallow.
[00:06:36]  Wait, you think you're stronger than Jay Williams?
[00:06:38]  Jay legitists.
[00:06:39]  I'm bigger than him.
[00:06:39]  Yeah, but stronger.
[00:06:40]  Strength would be the thing, right?
[00:06:42]  Strength isn't your thing.
[00:06:43]  You're kind of a wafy guy.
[00:06:44]  I'm a wafy guy.
[00:06:45]  You're kind of a wafy guy.
[00:06:46]  I go with the win.
[00:06:47]  You know what else is fast?
[00:06:48]  The win.
[00:06:48]  You know what I mean?
[00:06:50]  Listen, bro.
[00:06:51]  If you got a good floater, if you got a good floater, you might have a chance.
[00:06:55]  But there's no way, like, there's no way you're driving past me.
[00:06:59]  Yeah.
[00:06:59]  There's no way.
[00:07:00]  I've seen a jumper.
[00:07:01]  It's shaky at best.
[00:07:03]  My jumpers are.
[00:07:03]  You might get streaky.
[00:07:04]  I'll only score maybe like three or four.
[00:07:06]  I won't jump.
[00:07:06]  I just want you to get streaky, though.
[00:07:08]  What are we playing to?
[00:07:09]  11?
[00:07:10]  It's whatever you want.
[00:07:10]  I mean, you can't make it cardio-wise.
[00:07:12]  Oh, we can go to 21.
[00:07:14]  Yeah.
[00:07:14]  That's going to be boring.
[00:07:15]  We can go to 21.
[00:07:16]  Son.
[00:07:16]  Y'all too older than 21.
[00:07:17]  It's over for you.
[00:07:18]  Yo, real talk.
[00:07:19]  Y'all in your mid-30s.
[00:07:20]  No no nobody's seen no shit to 21.
[00:07:21]  Because you could barely walk up three stairs.
[00:07:23]  I see you holding on to your own beard after you walk up three stairs.
[00:07:26]  Okay.
[00:07:26]  I like my beard, first of all.
[00:07:27]  All right.
[00:07:28]  Second of all.
[00:07:28]  Yeah.
[00:07:29]  You are.
[00:07:30]  The cardio's not there.
[00:07:31]  The cardio is not there.
[00:07:32]  First off, my cardio is.
[00:07:33]  It took you 10 yards to slow down when you only read 20 yards.
[00:07:36]  I slowed down for my own.
[00:07:40]  You saw the breakdown.
[00:07:42]  Y'all saw the hard time.
[00:07:42]  You saw how he slowed down.
[00:07:44]  You go ahead and tell me.
[00:07:45]  Son, his slowdown speed is trash.
[00:07:48]  I have you going in one direction.
[00:07:49]  It's going to take you 15 steps to slow down.
[00:07:51]  I'm already in the middle of the day.
[00:07:51]  Why would you post that combine score?
[00:07:54]  Why not?
[00:07:55]  I mean, because everybody got to make 40 times.
[00:07:58]  A time I wouldn't post.
[00:08:01]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:08:02]  Why?
[00:08:03]  I went to a Nike thing.
[00:08:04]  Oh, here's the guy.
[00:08:05]  I posted up.
[00:08:06]  I don't give a fuck.
[00:08:07]  I ain't no pro athlete.
[00:08:08]  I know I can beat you in Hoop, though.

=== Scoring Only With Left (01:18) ===

[00:08:10]  I could probably.
[00:08:12]  Let me think about this.
[00:08:13]  I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
[00:08:17]  I really do think that.
[00:08:19]  I think I can beat you only scoring with my left hand.
[00:08:22]  Now, I'm nice with my left.
[00:08:23]  I'm so glad this is on tape.
[00:08:26]  I'm pretty sure I can beat you only scoring with my left.
[00:08:29]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:08:30]  Real talk.
[00:08:30]  The form is dude.
[00:08:32]  He's a good shooter.
[00:08:33]  We'll see.
[00:08:34]  I've played with him.
[00:08:35]  That's a nice shooter in form right there.
[00:08:37]  He got a good academic.
[00:08:39]  You have a good team game, too.
[00:08:41]  It's like...
[00:08:41]  I know this.
[00:08:43]  You pick your spots.
[00:08:44]  You know where to get open.
[00:08:45]  You operate well within like a full court game.
[00:08:48]  You're actually a very good teammate to have on.
[00:08:50]  I know I've, because I play with him.
[00:08:51]  I'm being serious.
[00:08:52]  You knock down your open mid-range.
[00:08:54]  Your range is limited.
[00:08:55]  You can't go three.
[00:08:56]  I can't hit threes.
[00:08:57]  No, you can't.
[00:08:57]  If I got time, I can hit you.
[00:08:58]  No, you can't.
[00:08:59]  If you got time, you're like another year or two to work on it.
[00:09:04]  All right, so I need to see.
[00:09:05]  All right, so I'll bring.
[00:09:06]  All right, let me give you a let me give you the synopsis of the game.
[00:09:10]  Okay, let me give the synopsis of the angels game.
[00:09:14]  Yo, what's up?
[00:09:15]  This is Akash.
[00:09:16]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:09:18]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrantru.
[00:09:23]  Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.
[00:09:27]  Then you're just going to ruin the fun.