Marsh and Austin Laverus dissect spiritual healing failures, from Reiki practitioner Natasha's "energy vacuuming" to the Barbie Dream Fest's ineffectiveness. They critique Brian Noam's admitted "bimbofication" despite his wife Kristi Noem's DHS security clearance, while analyzing a TikTok bride's conflict over unequal wedding gifts and Jaden Ivey's alleged manic outburst against LGBTQ+ pride. Ultimately, the episode exposes how performative wellness and unchecked personal scandals undermine genuine ethical standards in modern society. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Spiritual Midwestern Gay00:04:23
Gone.
I think we should keep dogs' balls attached and I think we should get them pocket pussies or something just so they can enjoy the luxury.
Right?
You know what I'm saying?
What a start to the episode.
Oh my god.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Austin Laverus is like being racist?
Fucking horrible idea.
What do you think?
You are cute.
You actually are cured.
Are you filming me?
Did you get that?
That's on camera, right?
He's treating, he's speaking Spanish to your dog.
Ladies!
What?
What's on?
Hold on, me, ho.
Hi, Trump.
His native language.
Yeah.
Ladies.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear and podcast where the family is back together.
And I just got up after sleeping wonderfully in Hotel Hassan.
That's right.
Marsh brought his fat ass dog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Como Tiyamas.
What's the dog's name?
Gunner.
Gunner.
Wow.
I love Gunner.
Yeah, it's a strong Republican name.
That's right.
And you know what March did?
First thing.
Gunner's like nine years old, right?
Marsh gets him.
He adopts this dog, rescues him, whatever.
First thing he does, snip his balls.
Libtar.
Oh, sniff his balls.
This dog had his ball sag for nine years, bro.
And then first day in a liberal household, that shit's gone.
I think we should keep dogs' balls attached, and I think we should get him pocket pussies or something just so they can enjoy the luxury.
Right, you know what I'm saying?
What a start to the episode.
Oh, my God.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Austin Laverus is like being racist.
Fucking horrible idea.
What do you think?
Dane!
I don't like dog jerking off of my house all the time.
Well, I mean, he's trying to fuck.
It's better than, you know, populating.
They already have that.
It's called a pillow.
They fuck the pillows off.
I know that's what I'm saying.
You might as well get him something that Farley's a big humper.
Farley already has a lot of stuff.
Farley has a stuffed animal.
I'm sorry.
When I have guests come over, I don't want to explain, oh, that pocket pussy on the floor, it's the dogs.
Yeah.
I mean, don't make eye contact.
He gets off a mat.
I mean, look.
He's a freak for real.
Gunner left the room because of your disgusting.
I'm not a dog guy.
And I, you know, like, whatever dogs do, that's.
He doesn't know that much Spanish.
I don't, yeah.
But, like, you know, I just thought, you know, maybe dogs enjoy that.
So I thought, you know, why not just give him...
I mean, we're already feeding gourmet meals to our dogs, right?
We're already aware of their pleasures.
Do you think all dogs speak Spanish or just Gunnar?
Wait, wait, hold on.
What does it have to do with speaking?
Why did you speak Spanish to Gunner?
Because Marsh is bilingual.
And I don't know.
Maybe Marsh is bilingual and I respect him.
Langual.
Okay.
What is happening today?
He's bilingual.
Why are you saying langual?
He's the funny one.
Bilingual.
Isn't it Austin's personality?
Is it not?
Is it not bilingual?
I was talking about you last night to a gay podcaster because I was at the Chapo 10-year anniversary.
That's nice.
He is very tapped in with Lush Masker as well.
He has a podcast called Seeking Derangements.
It's more political.
This guy was a former Bernie Stafford who got outed for saying, you know, things that I would probably say about Bernie's opponents.
And then, you know, it was a big media cycle and they basically fired him.
It's like, get to the part about me.
His name.
Yeah.
And he was like, I would really love to meet Austin because I feel like spiritually we have a lot of similarities, a lot of similar qualities.
And it's true.
You guys do.
He's also very white looking, but he's white passing.
But he's Latino.
And you're white and you're Lebanese.
And also, he's a Midwestern gay.
You're spiritually a Midwestern gay.
Posing as Animal Specialist00:10:22
Right.
Portland is.
I mean, he's from like fucking Iowa.
You have no excuse.
You have proximity to Portland and yet you still had no excuse.
That's weird.
You don't have any like piercings and shit.
No, I know.
But Midwestern gays, they're like, we're talking like tight pants.
Yeah, yeah.
Just like kind of like stylist.
Yeah, bad style.
Yeah.
Like what I used to dress like.
The coffee's here, by the way.
The door's morning.
Doors open.
Coffee, bro.
So in every episode.
So I don't understand how I never time it before.
I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.
I tried to order it before, but then it goes late.
I ordered it at 8.55.
But I thought, you know, it's, you know, unbelievable.
You know, there's coffee shops everywhere.
There's coffee shops ever.
Anyway, so it's nice that you ordered it.
He wants to meet me.
I love this.
This is the OG, like, New York old school coffee container.
Oh, fuck.
That's the wrong coffee.
Marsh?
That's my time to know.
Thank you so much.
God damn it.
What?
You jumped up like it was poison.
No, no, it was just, it didn't have any vanilla in it.
And I think that's disgusting.
That's disgusting.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
Are you going to be all right?
Yeah.
Okay.
By the way, QD doesn't have a coffee because she hates me.
I'm on medication.
Yeah.
I can't have it.
No coffee or no caffeine?
I can't have any caffeine right now.
Cutie, I don't know if you want to talk about this, but aside from kind of the regular battery of doctor's visits, you went to a spirit healer.
Oh my God.
Wait, did I tell you about that?
Did I?
I've lost track on who I've told.
Oh my God.
Do you want to talk about your spirit healing?
You kind of just snuck it in in conversation.
Did I?
Yeah, it was like in your list of things.
You said you were going to estate sales and you had seen a spirit.
I haven't gone to estate sales.
I have a new hobby.
It's estate sales.
I feel like that was an old hobby.
Really?
You are.
I like flea marketing.
It is quite literally an old hobby.
Yeah.
But also, I feel like if someone were to be like, why did you do ex-girlfriend eyes?
That's just my favorite.
I love it.
That's my excited face.
I love it.
I found this one I went to last week.
They didn't die.
So good.
I love when they don't die.
Are they like sitting on the porch as you buy their trackers?
Wait, they're downsizing because they have three homes.
Oh, this is crazy.
I know.
They're not being put in the home.
No, no, no.
They're just downsizing.
That must be beautiful watching all of your life's possessions be bought by other people.
Yeah.
At a day older age.
Bargain basement prices.
Incredibly fire.
You guys, the problem is that I'm a big gift giver, and so you guys are going to end up with a bunch of dead people.
Oh, I love that.
You know what I'm looking for?
Armor.
Okay.
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
Like display armor or to wear.
What do you mean, no, to wear?
Display armor is only display armor until you put that bitch on.
All right.
He's going to tell us about it.
I want chainmail.
I don't know how old these people are, but if they have chainmail, I would really like to.
Okay, I'm writing that down.
Do you have like I'm looking for that?
Do you want anything else to know?
I would like perhaps maybe a comforter.
Not a comforter, but like.
You want the comforter of an 85-year-old billionaire?
Not a comforter, but like a tempur-pedic, like a mattress.
Oh, he's on that tip because he slept in my bed last week.
So if you find one of those, okay.
No, like one of my beds.
Well, not Hassan's bed.
Did you put a new one?
Let the rumors begin.
I had a little nightmare last week.
Sleep in this bed, yeah.
But I was just thinking of maybe she could pick one up.
Why was last night better as a sleeping experience for you?
Is it because Christian wasn't here?
Oh, yes.
He's a terror to sleep with.
My eyes are like hollowed out from with bags and everything because he just is squirming around and sleeping like a princess.
And then I get up and like he has like 14 alarms that go off.
And then I get up and then he's like, I'm going to sleep in until noon.
And then it's just me and my thoughts.
But anyway, I didn't want to interrupt here.
No, you're good.
So I go to estate sales now.
That's my hobby.
But so I was doing this program.
And part of it was like I was doing a bunch of crazy therapy and shit like that.
But then I was also trying new out-of-the-box things to see if they would work for me.
And so I go.
I've had enough of Western medicine.
Yeah.
So I go to this Eastern healer, right?
Like a Reiki.
Reiki?
Reiki.
I keep saying it wrong.
Yeah, Reiki.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So I think, yeah, that's what they do.
They heal your energies, Marsh.
Austin, your hair looks great.
Marsh got crazy energies.
What kind of healing was it?
Reiki.
There you go.
I'm always listening.
So I so I scheduled with this woman named Carol at 11 a.m.
Right.
Wait, that's what you're to Eastern medicine specialist named Carol.
Okay.
Yeah.
She seems like red flags.
Okay.
It was her Western name.
Yeah.
And so I walk, and I'm trying to get my 10,000 steps every day.
Give me, give me the demographic profile of her.
Oh, God.
That's amazing.
She was an old white lady.
Okay.
She could have been white passing.
Yeah.
You never know.
Like Lebanese.
Yeah.
She's doing Eastern medicine as a white Lebanon.
She could have been white Chinese.
Only I'm white Chinese.
So then I walk 30 minutes away.
It's like a pretty far drive, right?
And so I was like, I'll do a 30-minute walk because then I can get my steps.
And I walk, I'm over there.
I show up at 11.
And they're like, oh, you're here for Carol.
And I was like, oh, I'm like, yeah.
And they're like, we, she's not here today.
And then she appears in a public.
And I was like, okay.
Didn't you book the appointment?
Yeah, like a week prior.
Oh.
And so I'm like, okay.
And I just walked 30 minutes.
It's like 90 degrees outside.
I'm like sweating.
I'm like, okay, awesome.
And they're like, yeah, she got in a car accident.
And I'm like, oh, no.
Oh, my God.
And so at first, I'm like, oh, my God, is she okay?
And they're like, yeah, yeah, it was two weeks ago.
What?
And she's still taking appointments?
You know what?
If you got in a car accident two weeks ago, it's time to fucking either die or get back.
Well, that's my job.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Why doesn't she Eastern medicine her way out of the car accident injury?
Well, I go, I go, oh my God, like, is her, is she okay?
Like, is she in the hospital?
Like, I don't know this woman, but now, like, you know, I have concern and like, whatever.
They're like, oh, it's just a fender bender.
What?
See?
That's what I'm saying.
See, now I'm back on Austin.
Yeah, come on.
She's back to work.
Did you get spirit healed?
So I so I do eventually.
Why not Carol?
Why not Carol?
Did you get Roy?
They're like, Natasha.
Okay, we're moving east.
Yeah, they're not east enough.
At one o'clock, come back and dang.
Fat gunner got kicked out.
Okay.
Thanks, guys.
He's just a fat leafy.
Fat gunner waddled out of the house.
You don't have to add the adjective fatly.
No, we're talking about Marsha's dog for audio listeners.
He's very cute.
We're talking about a human named Gunner.
He is a little nugget.
He's very cute.
So like, come back at one o'clock for Natasha, right?
And so I'm like, okay, but I'm far away.
And so I'm like, what do I do?
What am I going to go to stall?
And so I go to, I go to lunch by myself.
I walk to a lunch.
It's 20,000 steps.
Yeah, I am.
It was like so many steps.
It's 90 degrees outside.
I go to lunch.
There's this table directly across to me.
They brought their cat to lunch on a leash.
Okay, sounds LA.
But the cat is stressed.
Like, it's not chill.
Like, literally.
At one point, the cat bolts and tries to climb up the chimney.
And I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is abuse.
And so I wanted to go over and be like, I'm an animal specialist.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
And this is not okay.
Thought process was to pose as an animal specialist so we could talk shit.
Like maybe for legitimacy.
Yeah, just as a concern citizen.
I wanted to be like, I'm a vet.
She needs to say because what is she going to ask for?
A vet credential?
You know what I mean?
Who the fuck has that?
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I was on my way to my spirit healing and I'm a veterinarian and your animal is most uncomfortable.
This is the most white women acting ever engaged in.
I know.
Did you actually confront?
No.
Honestly, it's awesome.
Thank God.
I didn't do it.
No.
I didn't save that cat's life.
I think we all see things in life where we could confront them, but we don't.
Yeah, not by lying.
I always.
Well, I mean, yeah, lying is sometimes you have to lie to get ahead.
Yeah.
And I'm forced.
Yeah, you've never been at a bar and seen a girl get hit on and be like, that's my best friend.
Oh, yeah.
See, that's a lie.
I mean, yeah, that's very different.
That's like, that's saving people.
It's the same thing.
Because what if the owner was like, oh my God, thank God you're here.
We were waiting for the veterinarian next door and we like the room is full and she has a growth on her underside.
No.
You please have to look.
Yeah, like doctor, please.
My cat has like stages.
Seriously groping my cat.
Yeah, you're touching the cat and you're like, I don't know.
It feels fine.
Dead cat.
Cat dies instantly while you're groping.
She just killed a cat.
No.
That's not what happened.
The owner.
It happens in the medical field.
You got to break a few eggs.
Another patient.
I mean, cat.
It happens.
The owner of the restaurant comes over and she's like, oh my God, I love your cat.
I love that your cat's here.
Can I take a picture?
Yeah.
And so she takes a picture of the cat to like post on their Instagram or whatever.
While it's tweaking.
What the fuck?
Cats don't like doing human activities.
And then the lady, the lady's like, thanks, I take him everywhere.
He's so great out in public.
And I was like, no, he's not.
Cats like their box and their rooms.
And that's it.
They like their toys.
They like their peace.
This cat was not okay.
No, I like they're very turkey.
All the cats are public.
Groping the Dead Cat00:03:07
Right.
And by that, I mean like streets.
We got national healthcare and we got national cat here.
They are literally.
Do people take care of them?
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
They have like their little quadrants.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
Turkish people love cats.
Well, except for the cat.
Turkish people are not big on cats.
I like cats too.
You talk shit about my cat.
Yeah.
You threatened to step on mine.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Wait, wait, what?
I thought you did.
You said that one time.
Yeah.
You said you were going to squash it like a bug.
He threatened to murder myself.
I probably meant like, I'm going to accidentally step on my body.
No, it sounded like vindictive.
Did he say be five foot?
You can't.
He said, where's Fat Gunner to help me?
Yeah, we're going to fat gunner.
Feed by fox.
Feed five go fuck.
Where's Gunner to help me?
No, you forgot fat gunner.
I'm so angry.
I forgot the robot in a whimsical manner.
Kudy, ever notice how Will's got such a fat bedonka-donk, honka-tong, badonka-donk?
Kind of like Gunnar the Dog.
That's right.
Kind of like Gunnar the Dog.
And I just can't help but notice there's no genes that really fit well on it.
Yeah.
Have you had that problem?
I, yeah.
Yes.
Because I could wear the dog.
I don't need jeans to fit my fat bedonka dog.
I think I've got the jean for you.
Uh-huh.
The perfect jean.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
It's the perfect jean so you can squat, bend, sit, and actually live your life without getting your nuts all crushed.
Are they forgiving without looking sloppy?
Are you kidding me?
Of course they are.
Oh, my gosh.
Now, how much do you usually pay for jeans, Will?
$8,000.
$8,000.
Wow, that's insane.
That's really ridiculous because you could get a pair of the perfect jeans for $79.99.
$79.99.
That's a hundredth the price.
It's a big deal.
Incredible.
Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding me?
They look good from every angle.
And you could look good too from every angle.
We know you could.
It fits everything.
And even Denise Kitchen said, I've been wearing my jeans for two years and now that's all I wear.
I donated all my other jeans to charity so I can always be comfortable.
Thanks, Denise.
Dennis Kitchen.
Dennis Kitchen said that.
Dennis Kitchen said that, but it doesn't matter.
You could say it too.
And you're our listener and you get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at theperfectgene.nyc or Google the perfect gene and use code FEAR15 for 15% off.
That is quince porciento para las parronas que ablad español.
Adios.
Cats, you can't even really crush him unless like you're saying today.
You could crush him.
No, you can't because I sleep with my cat every night.
Like in the middle, he sleeps between Christian and I like in between our pillows.
So cute.
And he meows if we don't have room.
We have to move it apart.
It's so cute.
Anyway, so he sleeps right there and I'm always afraid I'm going to roll over and crush him.
Right.
But you can't.
Like cats are so they can definitely get crushed.
No, no, they move.
Like no, like a hydronic press could move.
Vacuuming for an Hour00:08:58
Well, yeah, but I got to put my cat in a hydronic press.
That's insane.
What is going on?
I told you guys why I have trauma with cats in homes with me.
Do you crush one?
No.
Quite the opposite.
They crush your cat crushes.
I was dating a girl for a while.
That was most unusual.
Brad was a cat lady.
And there were a few times where I would get erect during the night and the cat might sleep and it would attack my penis.
That's true.
That's so true.
It's true that that happens.
Well, no, not my penis.
But now I'm starting to get a little insecure.
But this is not nice enough for a cat to attack.
No, not nice enough, big enough to even show up underneath the covers where they even think that they could play with it.
But regardless, they play with my feet.
And I'm starting to be like, you know, it's my, anyway.
You're like, come on, my penis is right there.
This cat would jump and just like, like, latch onto my shit.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, cats, you know this, how cats play with stuff underneath.
They don't know it's a penis.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
What if you do?
I'm feeling more vindication by the moment for being a dog guy.
No, cats are better.
Okay.
If you're busy like you are, cats are better 100%.
I love having dogs.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
No, no, no.
Do you have a picture?
I'm going to get in your store.
No, I want to hear that.
So I leave the cat restaurant with the one cat.
Was it a cat restaurant?
No, it was a normal restaurant.
It was a normal cat.
I had a cat in it.
But the cat claimed it.
Okay.
But I left because I was so uncomfortable with the cat abuse happening in front of me.
Right.
I couldn't watch it anymore.
I was like, I got to go.
That is also a white woman activity.
I was so fucking appalled that you leave the establishment.
I did.
I left the establishment.
I was like, out of here.
We're out of here.
And so now I have an hour and a half to kill.
And so I just decide to walk 45 minutes one way and then turn around and walk 45 minutes back.
Did you get any food?
I did.
Okay.
I got chiliquiles.
Yo, chiliquiles.
I don't marsh.
You like Chili, killes a lot of fat gunner.
What the fat gunner you like?
Why are you being so racial towards me?
It's not just to Marsh, it's to his dog, Marsh.
Am I being insensitive here to say that you, like Chilio, made some meme Chile?
Is it wrong to say what the Zadman huh?
Your people having a tough go at it?
Okay, so did you get the spirit?
So I show up at one o'clock okay, and I say i'm here for Natasha.
They say she's on a phone call, can you wait?
And i'm like yeah, I haven't waited enough.
At this point i'm like this is a great allegory for my healing.
This sounds awesome.
So I start looking around their store.
They got like crystals and candles and spell books and stuff like that.
I thought about buying some, but then I thought I can't get into a new hobby, i'm already into estate sales, yeah and so then I right, so now it's, that's why you didn't buy the spirit books.
And yeah um anyway, 45 minutes later, how long was this phone call?
45 minutes, crashed out 45.
Well, you can't crash out on the healer.
That's bad energy, absolutely can.
I don't know, I didn't do it.
Yeah well, I Cutie, she's not doing anything.
45 minutes later I walk back there.
They're finally like, Natasha can see you.
I'm like great, she's chomping on an apple.
She's like, so sorry, I haven't had lunch.
And i'm like, oh my god.
I'm like okay, this place is a mess.
And she goes how she's like, have you done this before?
And I was like no, how does it work?
And she's like, what don't you get?
Oh, wow.
And I go, how it works, yeah.
And she's like, so, is it too mystical for you?
Oh, she's on the defense already.
And I go no, like I literally don't know what we're doing today, like i'm literally confused.
And then she's like, okay well, i'm going to um, you're gonna lay on the bed right and close your eyes.
And I am going to um essentially vacuum your energy.
And I was like, okay, she was like, okay, i'm sensing a tone from you, from me already, the way you said, okay if, if Natasha got those vibes.
I didn't say that to her, I said it to you guys.
But whatever energy she has, Natasha should be able to fix it, vacuum it out.
Right, that's her job.
Maybe Natasha felt your energy and that's why you're like you're being well.
That's why I said I couldn't get mad.
See, oh see, she's just, she's just doing her.
Let me just go on the record saying I would never do any of this.
Yeah, and so I.
I was trying to get, I get, I get where you're coming from.
So that she was saying if there's a leaf on the ground of your house, that's not bad.
Leaves aren't bad, but you do have to vacuum them up.
Stop wait, pause.
This is how she explains it.
Just start giving you some Eastern mystic like is this Confucius?
Say type, like she was just, or is she talking about your energy, my energy leaf on the ground in your house and you have to vacuum it up.
What it doesn't mean it's bad or good.
Judy, I have a question.
I have a question, What is the demographic background of Natasha?
Natasha.
So that's what's funny is I do ask Natasha, I go, what got you into this?
She goes, during COVID.
Ooh, no, I was looking for healing myself and I found a healer on Etsy.
No.
And I go, oh, no.
Oh, no.
I guess.
Oh, no.
That sounds right.
So I guess that makes sense.
So she got healed on Etsy.
She said they set up an appointment.
She laid down and she got healed.
And I was like, that's awesome.
And then she got into it.
And now I'm getting healed by Natasha.
Oh.
And I'm like, okay, whatever.
I'm already fucking here.
You should.
Did you ask Natasha her opinions on vaccines, man?
I didn't.
I didn't ask her.
You should not ask her.
I would approach that.
I would love to hear what Natasha has to say about that.
I didn't ask her that.
I didn't ask her that.
So I lay down and we listened to that music, like the spa music.
Like, yeah, yeah, for like an hour.
And at one point, I peep because I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh, she starts with a prayer.
So you start with a prayer.
She does like a prayer to like our like a Hail Mary?
I don't know.
It was like, or like, we're grateful to the record.
I maybe pray that who is she praying to?
Someone.
I don't know, the mother and the father.
I guess, but like, you know, and she asked my guardians to come like hang out with me.
And I was like, okay.
She hits you with some of the earth, the air, the fire, the water, return, return, return, return.
Yeah, something like that.
She was singing like an Irish folk song.
That's wicked shit.
Oh.
Yeah, she did something, which for the record, to any healers in our audience.
Dude, they don't, they're just mixing it up.
Well, she did learn it from Ed.
They might put her somewhere.
I don't know what I mean.
I don't know.
But maybe healing works.
I just don't think Natasha is the vessel for that.
This is what I learned.
So you will hear you.
So I'm sitting there and I peek over with my eye.
I'm like, what is happening?
And she is sitting and she has one hand with her goddamn fucking apple.
And then her other hand is going like this.
No, she's not eating an apple.
Just like from me.
Stop.
She wasn't eating the apple.
She was just holding your apple.
She gave me one.
No, she's taking.
This bitch didn't even put the apple.
Dashy shit.
I'm going to defend my girl, Natasha.
No, don't.
No.
Tasha's been doing using.
Tashi was taking, sucking up your leaves and putting it into the apples.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe it's a curse.
You have to dispose of that apple after.
You have a lot of that energy.
So you may have killed Natasha.
I might have killed her if she ate it.
Do you think she can help Gunner not be bad anymore?
Well, we'll get to that.
I'll get to that.
So don't worry.
Oh, you were doing full spectrum.
Healing ends.
She does our closing prayer.
And I like, I'm like, okay.
And she's like, get up when you're ready.
And I'm like, I'm going to get up right now.
Cause like you're sitting here staring at me.
Like, I'm up.
So I sit up.
And I'm like, okay.
How did it go?
Like, and she was like, that was a lot.
And I was like, that's crazy.
I was like, okay.
And she was like, I cut a lot of family cords.
And I was like, I feel like I need those.
Yeah.
Like my family?
You need those people.
But thanks, I guess.
Like, thank you for doing that.
And then she was like, she was like, you might have an energy purge over the next week.
So you might get really sick.
Violent diarrhea.
I was like, okay.
Cutting Family Cords00:13:53
You don't need that.
Flu-like symptoms.
I'm like, shit, your pants.
That's great.
That's so great to tell hypocrites.
Yeah, I was like, great.
Awesome.
And then she was like, I wouldn't do this for another six weeks or so because like you need to recover.
Yeah.
So I was like, okay.
And then, and then I go, now I'm just curious because I'm like, what the fuck just happened?
I go, I go, is it?
I said, I said, thank you so much.
I said, do you do this full time?
I was just asking how often she does it.
And she's like, well, I mostly do animals.
Oh, like she takes.
She can help Gunner.
So wait, so she, she, she does the heals animals.
She vibes out the animals.
Yeah.
And I say, oh, so I bring my dog in and you can like energy heal him.
I have this friend who has an idea to give my dog a pocket.
We got to bring in the pocket pussy dog.
We got to bring in the cat.
Natasha wouldn't be on board with that.
I'm just saying, I don't know.
I don't know if anybody's bold enough to go into the research.
Perhaps that's a stress reliever and maybe could bring down the anxiety of some animals.
Just saying, nobody's bold enough to try it out.
Bro, they already fuck pillows.
Like, just let him fuck the pillow.
I'm not specifically.
You might be onto something because Swift never humps anything at all.
He's not a humper and he's really anxious.
See, that's what I'm saying.
All I'm saying, nobody's bold enough because they'd probably be ostracized from the scientific dog community for jerking off dogs?
No.
Good.
No, no.
I'm not saying nobody's got to jerk off a dog.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm just saying you put one in the room and see what happens.
Oh, my God.
You know, this is the bold scientific research that's been limited in Trump's America.
Good point.
This is what we got.
We got Artemis 2, the space launch going beyond where man has ever been.
And then you have Austin Show doing revolutionary medical research and dog masturbation.
Closing a dog in a room with a pocket pussy.
That's for science.
Come on.
Fuck the pussy.
I mean, I don't know.
Could be.
There may be, I mean, we know the effects of sex in humans being that it drops it.
It's very healthy.
Yeah.
Very healthy.
Sex is very healthy for human beings.
I can't imagine that it would extend.
And this is the bold scientific research that, like I said, the Trump administration is cutting grains.
I'm glad they cut RD funding.
Anyway, please.
Sorry.
I asked her, I was like, do I bring my dog in?
Yeah.
And she goes, no, I do it virtually.
What?
No.
He does it over Zoom.
She says, I like, yeah, FaceTime you.
I asked the owner to leave the room, leave me with their pet.
Oh, maybe, maybe she's doing pocket pussy research for them.
And I said, incredible.
Maybe I'll reach out.
Thank you so much.
Wow, dude, that's crazy.
$125 later.
$125?
I'll be honest with you.
I just, I just know if everything flies.
Not to get political, but I do have to say something here.
I feel like this is the perfect representation of like what remains of American industry is just a bunch of kooky people finding other people to be bag holders.
And none of it is actually economic activity or productive in any way, shape, or form.
They could open one of these up in like South.
Well, Portland, Portland, they're all over now.
They're definitely all over.
My favorite version of this in the South and all around America, as a matter of fact, is back in the day when there were a lot of rapture concerns around, I think it was like in the 2000s, in the turn of the millennia, there was a service offered to evangelical Christians who believe that they're going to get sucked up into the heavens when Jesus Christ comes back to earth.
Rapture.
Yeah.
And they have a battle in Megiddo and then the rapture happens and they get harponzoed, I think that's what it's called.
It's like a ridiculous name for it.
And I like to comically refer to it as they turn into clothes.
And there was a service offered by atheists and agnostics to take care of the dogs As a contingency plan, as an insurance for all of the evangelical Christians awesome.
That they're worried, like, oh, well, we're going to leave our dogs and cats behind when we get harpanzoed into the heavens.
I like how they think they'll get harpanzoed, but not their dogs and cats.
Yeah, no, no, doctor.
Yeah, dogs and cats don't get harpanzo.
They have souls.
Not according to Jesus Christ.
Not according to your faith.
No, my faith, they do.
There's a different heaven for doctors.
It's a modern religion.
That's something they tell kids.
It's not in the scripture.
Yeah, they lied to you.
Joseph Smith was not fucking with cats and dogs like that.
Will, have you noticed that Austin's been farting non-stop?
I'm so gassy.
Just perpetually.
I've been noticing that, Cutie.
It's so loud everywhere he goes.
It's been crazy.
Yeah.
In Cynthia.
Hello.
It's been crazy.
My peers have been complaining about it everywhere we go.
And you know what's even crazier?
He won't do anything about it.
Yeah, it's like it's vibrating over here.
I can taste it.
What should he do about it, cutie?
I can't be American healthcare system.
Crazy.
It's embarrassing.
I'm farting a lot.
Yeah.
I can't help it.
No, you are.
It's a lot.
People are talking about it, actually.
Hello.
That was a wet one.
So what you can do is download Zoc Doc.
Oh.
Yeah.
No judgment.
You download it on your phone.
You can stop putting off those doctor appointments.
You can find doctors' specialties.
There's probably a specialty for what you're looking for.
What if I shit my pants and my doctor's out of network?
Well, the good news is, is you can filter your network, your insurance.
You can see.
Yeah, so anyone will take you probably that you filter to find.
That's amazing.
So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash fear to find an instantly book top-rated doctors today.
That's z-oc-d-oc-c.com/slash fear.
This message is sponsored by ZocDoc.
Also, Joseph Smith was a horrible person.
I just want you to know that I hate to tell you now.
And Brigham Young, too.
He was a I can't believe it.
They're both pedophiles.
I think both of them.
Well, Austin just halfway informed to tell Cutie about it.
I think so.
He says that.
Yeah, he's just slaver too.
I'm bringing him young.
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
That's what I thought, but I didn't have a script.
Yeah, Doctor and Covenants.
Speaking of which, are you?
Wait, they actually wrote that into the Mormon faith?
Doctor and Covenants is the book of Mormon.
Are you attending the General Mormon?
No, no, it's separate.
The General Mormon conference this weekend?
No.
How do you know that that's what I could?
We could watch it.
It's probably the 12 a.m. session.
So it happens at 11.
How do you feel about the changing around of the church right now?
It's very controversial about how they're changing the time.
Fuck, I had this and I fucked it up.
I just, God damn it.
There's something that they're changing at the church right now.
It's very controversial.
It's like the time, you know, you spend time with then the women and men, they split up.
Yeah.
What do they call that?
Oh, it's three.
Oh, sacrament meeting and then release society.
And like people are pissed about.
Well, because they're making it shorter, I think.
Yeah.
They're making church shorter.
Yeah.
And people are complaining.
Anyway, sorry.
I have possible.
Why does the Mormon religion have so many patches?
Usually church is three hours.
It's fast.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's either nine to noon or like one to four where the usual shift.
I have Mormon gay friends and they're like, tell cutie, ask her this, do this.
They're going to be shorter.
They live in Utah.
I think it's dope to be shorter.
I don't know why they're mad about it.
I don't know.
I do think it's crazy they haven't patched coffee.
Like imagine like they because they did patch tattoos.
They patched black people.
That was the 80s.
That was a big patch.
No, I mean, seriously.
It was a really big patch.
For the longest time, you're like, Yeah, no, if you're black, that means like you're definitely going to hell.
That is crazy that they had pets.
They did not black, they were just the personification.
The lamanites, yeah, that's what they call the lamanites, the lamanites and the nephews.
Yeah, that's it.
That's crazy.
Wait, why?
Just sounds like a slur.
Wait, the nephites were the white people.
Stop saying it.
What?
They were the white people.
Oh, that was a white folk.
Yeah, that's our word for us.
Maybe, maybe bleep Will saying bleep that.
Yeah, wait, what?
It's sometimes you say, you say, why were the why were the lamanites' legs always sore?
And then they go, why?
And you say, because of all the nefites.
Thanks.
Wow, that's great.
But yeah, church, they patched in gay children.
Oh.
Oh, but not gay adults.
But not gay adults.
Oh, you can be acting.
I mean, you can be gay.
You just can't be active.
It's so weird how they're focusing.
You can be gay.
Well, because that's actually the reason I sent in my letter to leave the church is they did a.
They said that um, children of gay couples couldn't get baptized.
That's crazy.
And I was like wait, they baptized Hitler.
Well, when he was dead and he wasn't gay, he was.
His parents weren't gay.
Yeah, you're right, he was just an artist.
Wait, that's crazy that they're.
They're like yeah, we'll baptize Hitler, we'll baptize all of the, the victims of Adolf Hitler, but sounds like they still need to do.
Children are gay people.
Yeah, so then they patch that back in.
So children of gay uh, parents can be baptized.
Now they also said, gay people can be Mormon.
They just can't actively be gay.
Speaking of gay, they got the don't ask, don't tell.
Speaking of speaking of gay.
Uh, Chicago Bulls player Jaden Ivey got cut for going on a homophobic rant.
Good, no bad, support him.
No wait, you support him.
Yeah, I support.
Well, people are up in arms.
How many times are you gonna do this homophobic show?
They have a highlight rant as long as it takes anyway.
Uh, Jaden Ivy went on instagram live and went on this rant talking about how he was upset that they have a month dedicated to pride and how they are.
They are uh, speak on it, king.
No they're they're they're, he, it's it.
He says it's it's.
Do you have the clip?
Because i've watched a clip.
Yeah, how does he feel about women's months?
I want to watch it is because i'm going to be serious.
I said, how does he feel about women's month?
Um well, doesn't matter, we'll get to that.
Okay, he didn't mention that.
Of my favorite things that happens so frequently in media, especially in like the last, like in the Post-covid era, let's say yeah is that the people, people uh with with high profiles, like famous people, have like sometimes what I would call manic episodes very publicly, and the manifestation of of that uh, that expression is almost always super far right and
very religious.
For some weird reason.
And as soon as that happens, because you'll see that in this video, right?
As soon as that happens, they get embraced by the entirety of the right where they're like, that's right.
This guy who's like very clearly going through it, that's my guy.
He's so smart.
He's so awesome.
Finally, someone's saying it.
So I really, I really wanted to see it in action.
Oh, Kyrie Irving thinks the earth is flat.
Kyrie Irving is the GOAT.
And he was not having an episode like that.
He's just a curious guy.
He's just a curious guy who has access to hidden truths.
Let's say people can proclaim LGBTQ.
Right?
They have, they have, they proclaim and the NBA.
They proclaim it.
Uh-huh.
Speak on it.
They show it to the world.
Yeah, we, yeah.
They say, come, come, come, join us for pride.
Come come.
For pride club.
Come come for pride to celebrate unrighteousness.
Uh-huh.
They proclaim it.
He got so excited that he just whipped it out.
They proclaim it.
They proclaim it in the streets.
Proclaim it.
Unrighteousness.
Oh, my God.
So, how is it that he really thought he was testifying?
How is it one night?
Oh, my God.
Your religion is under attack.
Oh, God.
They're the victims.
Man, this man is crazy.
That's what he was reading a couple of years ago.
Is that the whole thing?
Yeah.
Well, that's part of it, but it goes on for a long time.
He goes on to rant about the LGBTQ community.
The camera angle.
Here's the deal.
Yeah.
He needs a gay fixing this game.
Your religion cannot be used to justify hate.
Okay.
It cannot be used to justify hate.
That's not what my aunts and uncles said.
I'm not done yet.
The reason why it can't be used to justify hate is because your religion has been used to justify hate for centuries.
Right.
And we are not going to sit and wait until you figure out the patch note to welcome another group that you've hated again.
Yeah.
That you've hated on into your circle of people.
So, no, your religion is under believe in your fake god.
Okay.
I don't give a shit.
Did I get you this blanket?
Hosting Barbie Dream Fest00:04:57
Right?
No.
It's a Minky Couture.
Oh.
It's a Mormon company.
So distracted.
That's, I mean, that's my favorite blanket.
Middle of a bit.
My brother.
Middle of a bit.
Middle of a bit.
No one gives a fuck about that.
It's Mormon.
Middle of a bit.
Brother, brother, I'm freaking, just like my house is an Amazon distribution facility.
Well, that's actually.
Do you want to cut off?
No, that was for Austin's next challenge.
What's my next challenge?
Well, I've decided that we should have benchmarks for ourselves, right?
See how far we're going.
You're no longer the closeted homosexual guy.
You're the funny guy.
Oh.
And so your tastes have grown.
Oh.
So feel like sour candy now.
Biggest Achilles heel, your most embarrassing moment.
Swissmiss Coco.
Oh.
That was embarrassing.
Yeah, I love that.
Well, he's complimented the chef twice on Swissmiss.
So in the kitchen right now, I have five different flavors of Swissmiss and one award-winning world-famous hot chocolate.
Which is considered the best hot chocolate in the world.
Oh, fuck yeah.
So you're going to do a testing flight and see if you can identify.
Oh, I'm down.
Can we do it on the Patreon?
Yes.
We're going to do it on the Patreon.
But it's not Swiss.
It's all Swissmiss besides one.
Yes.
Oh, I see.
They're all different flavors of Swissmiss.
Oh.
Dark chocolate.
Get excited.
Marshall.
I feel like you'll be able to tell.
I'm gonna ace it.
I feel like it's gonna be a good idea.
I'm a hot chocolate expert.
I think so.
We'll see.
I think I'm ready.
I will have a little bit of a bunch of time for you.
They're all out there.
I'm ready.
I'm fucking ready.
Thank you.
I'm ready.
I can't wait.
I think it's.
I love that.
That'd be fun.
I love that.
There's one other thing I want to talk about.
Did you guys see the Barbie Dream Fest?
No.
Oh, yeah.
It's the new Willy Wonka.
Yeah, dude.
I have not.
It's like Firefest.
Here, pull it up, Marshi.
What's Barbie Dream Fest?
I need to throw a festival.
It looks really easy.
I agree.
Cutie Fest.
Yeah.
Spectacular failures.
She's like, I can do that.
Just women's spirit healing you.
Yeah.
I'll send Natasha in there.
I'll send fat ass Gunner in there.
I'll be honest.
I think you'd actually create a festival and it would be like Act Jonah.
It would just be Gunner and Natasha.
You would be a shell of a human after it was over, but it would be everybody else would have a great time.
Everyone would have a good time.
Yeah.
We got to get a new pull that up guy.
Yeah, this guy is, he's failing, dude.
It's actually crazy.
Barbie Festival, Lord Lauderdale.
Yeah.
So Barbie Dream Fest, this is the event.
And you can take a quick preliminary look here.
You'll see that there's nothing else listening.
Just an AI image.
Yes.
But Barbie Dream Fest was apparently the 2026 version of Firefest.
Where they sold 200 to $250 to $400 passes.
And the event was like nothing.
And it was like three inflicts.
Again, this goes through.
Jesus Christ, Marsh.
Please, it's literally the biggest story of the week.
It's everywhere, please.
Oh my God.
I will say once again, this goes back to what I was saying about Natasha.
This is the only remaining economic output.
Pause, go back.
So this very specific thing, go to the cardboard cutout a little bit further.
Little girls on bikes.
So that was their like obstacle course, I think.
Pause.
That was, they said that the Barbie Dream House was going to be there.
Oh, no.
And it was going to be interactable.
Oh, no.
And it was just a VW bug and a cardboard cutout.
Okay, but do you see what I mean?
This is exactly the same spiritually as like Natasha, where it's just a sequence of like grifters and charlatans getting together to like fuck people over and making a bag real quick.
And because there's no like regulatory mechanism or no way to be like, this is unbelievable.
Give me the money back.
People just keep doing it over and over again.
And they just mass produce these like these catastrophes.
But you know what?
Making like little girls cry.
Honestly, brilliant.
Because the kids probably don't fucking know the difference.
I remember kids.
Definitely know that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, they seem to be fun with it.
But it looks like it sucks, bro.
When I was a kid, the simplest things made me have fun.
Okay.
So I'd probably walk in and be like, you know, now the parents probably think it was a ripoff because it was, but you know what I mean?
I don't think the kids probably knew a difference.
Do you see any of the kids complaining?
Well, I mean, the kids did look like they were having fun.
They have issued full refunds.
Oh, shit.
Damn.
And they did have famous speakers arrive.
Who everybody thought?
Serena Williams.
What?
And Angel Reese spoke at Barbie Dream Fest.
Oh, how does Barbie Dream Fest book them and we can't?
Yeah, but first of all, what do they got?
Like gambling debt?
The Insexy Husband00:13:57
What's going on?
That's crazy because I do see Serena Williams like do Twitter ads all the time.
And I'm like, girl, what's happening?
You good?
You good financially?
You stable?
What's going on?
I know she made a ton of money.
Yeah, but like, this is.
Hey, I guess they used all the money to hire the speakers, and then they didn't have any money for the dream.
I thought you'd be all over Barbie Dream Fest.
I could just do such a better job.
Oh, yeah.
You cutie's dream fest.
I should host Barbie Dream Fest.
I should even do Cutie Dream Fest.
It's a good deal.
Yeah, I like that you're seeing.
She's thinking about adding it to her already schedule.
I'm going to have to see Natasha more.
You need to reach out.
Reach out.
You're going to need both hands next.
Yeah, I'm going to need both hands.
No apple.
The other thing that happened this week that was incredibly entertaining.
Sure.
And it's been a source of entertainment for me throughout the week is Brian Noam.
Brian Noam, Christy Noam's husband.
Oh, yes.
Christy Noam's husband has been caught.
He's been caught because he is insexy.
He's looking so sexy.
Big sex.
Wearing the biggest titties known to mankind.
He has been caught because he was very active in the fetish scene bimbofication.
For those of you that don't know what bimbofication is, it's fetish play or role play where men and women transform their appearance into a hyper-feminine doll-like with exaggerated feminine features such as very large brands.
I have never heard of some of these kings.
Well, I never have either.
Never heard of bimbo.
You guys have never heard of hypno.
I've watched a lot of deep bro.
What was that?
That plastic surgery show.
I watched, yeah, I watched a lot of that.
You think this is not my favorite.
My favorite part is how cockeyed the nipples are.
Yeah, it gets better.
It gets better.
He got better as time went on.
Yeah.
Like, because I've seen the more advanced photographs later.
Yeah.
And Yauza, what a woman.
Oh, what a woman.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Huge tits.
Yeah.
Love it.
And he also would wear leggings and show his ass.
He's got a whole lot of ass.
Yeah.
A whole lot of ass.
So, so shouts out to Kirsty, who famously was the former Department of Homeland Security Secretary.
You might notice that her beautiful presence is no longer felt or seen on the television screens at every TSA stop in the airports.
She used to, she filmed a lot of content for the federal government.
She also had an affair.
Yeah.
And she very famously was having an affair with Corey Lewandowski.
And they were basically doing it on the tax dollar, you know, the taxpayer on the plane.
Yeah.
On a private jet that they chartered.
And it's really funny because like you, all of us here and all of you listeners at home that are American taxpayers, like you kind of participated in this process of like getting Brian Noam to be cucked very publicly.
And we basically pay for that bill.
If he's participating in fucking bimbification, it's okay.
Those are separate gestures.
So here's no.
Here's the funniest part about this: is that you would think, oh, he's going to come out and deny this altogether.
He's going to come out and be like, I didn't do this.
This is not me.
This is fake.
It's a little undeniable.
So, well, but you know, those are not my titties.
I mean, you know, we live in a world where Trump is photographed with Epstein a bajillion times and he denies ever knowing him or be having a relationship.
He wasn't photographed inside the children.
I know.
Yes, of him with the photography.
Maybe for what we know, yeah, he was dead to rights.
Well, anyway, what are we doing?
Regardless.
Regardless, he comes out and he doesn't deny the fact that he was doing this.
He just denies the fact that he would have compromised Christy Noam's position as the DHS secretary and didn't make her vulnerable to blackmail because, you know, obviously, obviously, you know, that was a risk being that you're into bimbification.
Christy Noam.
I have photographs of your husband with big fat titties.
I want $1,000 sent to my bank account.
Think it's it's really funny that like there's even an attitude around this because like normally for security clearances, like they do look at like sexual fetishes, yeah, uh, they look at alcoholism, they really, yes, of course, that in order to get like a high-level security clearance in order not to get blackmailed, like because uh, the top three things they look at is like drug or alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, and um, and what was the other one?
Bimbification, bimbification.
Well, that's gonna be added to the list.
So, but the thing is, it doesn't matter anymore.
I mean, Pete Hegset is the secretary of war, secretary of defense, and he's like a drunk alcoholic rapist, right?
Yeah, so what this administration figured out, I think, is that you can't be blackmailed if you're shameless.
Um, so so I don't think this incident happened because like uh Kirsty Noam could have been potentially blackmailed.
I think everybody knew the family clearly knew Kirsty Noam definitely knew, right?
Like, so when they came out and they were like, oh, um, you know, someone please pray for my family.
I know, I love the prayer.
I thought that was really funny because it's like, pray for what?
Like, he has giant kids out there, he's having a great time, and you know about it.
Please help my husband not put on these big silicone titties.
No, you know what I think is going on, though, which kind of clicked for me.
I think that these people are Republicans to add to the shame of their fetish.
It only heightens their fed eyes.
Oh, interesting.
They go to these dinners and they're like, oh my God, did you see this LGBTQ plus community?
What they're doing?
They're reading kids' drag queen books from school.
And then they're like, they don't even know that I'm going to go home and get pegged in my fucking eyes.
And it gets them hot.
Yeah.
Lindsey Graham, we know what you're up to.
Lady G. Lady G.
Now you're a boob guy.
What did you think of this?
Yeah.
Well, can we pull the boobs back up?
Because I just say we are a resident boob expert.
I like the merchandise.
Honestly, assuming, just assuming that they're real, right?
Those are great fake jets, Judy.
I'm just, he looks nice.
Those look great.
You know, I mean, I don't know.
I really shouldn't like them, but I do.
I really shouldn't.
You're saying that, but like, Tom has literally done that with Rudolph Giuliani, America's mayor back in the day.
If you want to pull that up as well, Marsh, we can show that you want to slap his titties, but I do.
So anyway, this is one of my favorite quotes.
There's a famous adult performer named Lydia Love.
Yeah.
And she says, I definitely remember his face, but there's no way I could ever forget those fake boobs.
Forget them titties.
Forget the fake boobs.
Yeah, here's Trump.
Wow.
Yeah, that's a classic.
And he fondles her.
Yeah, he motorboats Rudolph Giuliani, America's mayor.
And Babodacious breast disease.
I did not know that ever happened.
Times were different.
We were just innocent normal men fondling and motorboating each other's titties.
Yeah, like, why do people care?
Did you guys see the drama with the bride and the maid of honor?
No.
Oh, it was big drama.
Took over.
Is this a girly pop?
This is kind of, it's like a mini, it's like a mini one.
Wow.
Your heart is not in it.
No, it was because it's a mini one.
It was like a quick quickie.
So this woman goes on to TikTok.
She posts this TikTok and she's like, you guys, you have to hear about my matron of honor from hell.
Okay.
So she's like, she's like, she was the worst.
We've known each other for so long.
Our husbands work together.
Her husband is my husband's boss.
Oh, yeah.
And my husband got fired.
Yes.
So big drama.
And then my husband went in for his last check and it was $4,000 short.
But like.
This is all in the lead up to the wedding.
Yeah.
Crazy.
But like, this is like my matron of honor, my maid of honor.
Cause I, she keeps saying matron.
I'm like, whatever, get over it.
It's maid of honor.
Because she has kids.
So they say matron.
Anyway, whole thing.
Maid of honor.
She was like, my maid of honor.
Like, we were like, well, that's like, you're still my maid of honor.
Cause like you're my, you were like my bestie because we've known each other for so long is what she says.
And then she's like, so the night before my bridal shower, I get a text from my maid of honor and my maid of honor is like, hey, I'm not coming to the bridal shower because things are so awkward right now.
And then, so she's like, what the fuck?
Like, it'll be fine.
Like, what the fuck?
You have to suck it up at that point.
Right.
Yeah.
I, you know, I, I, yeah, I don't know, man.
That's tough.
I agree.
And then day of the bridal shower, matron of honor texts her and goes, hey, never mind.
I'll come.
Pause, fat gunner.
Fat gunner's going to be a little bit more.
Fat gunner is going crazy.
Fat gunner.
Gunner is fatly barking.
It's more like we don't know what the whole house is shaking at his bark.
Yeah.
That's my goat.
Fat gunner.
I love him.
He's monitoring the situation.
Clearly.
Awesome.
So I just have pictured Gunner as like a security guy.
He does have the body.
He's really tumbling around in our house.
What's going on over here?
So then day of bridal shower, Matron of Honor is like, just kidding, I'll come.
Oh.
Great.
Awesome.
But then Maid of Honor gives me, I'm the bride, a present.
And it is a Louis Vuitton perfume and some cocktail napkins and cocktail glasses.
Okay.
But my friend who was a bride a few months ago, and this was also her maid of honor a few months ago, she gave her the same gift, but also a Louis Vuitton bracelet.
Wait.
Wait, hold on.
Pause.
Uh-huh.
She's insinuating that she's re-gifting a partial gift and kept the best part of the gift.
No.
Well, no, So you got married a few months ago.
Right.
We had the same maid of honor.
Right.
She gifted you that.
And so I should get the same thing, right?
So I should also get the $1,500 Louis Vuitton bracelet.
I mean, okay.
But you got, but you got the cologne instead.
Well, yeah, but Will also got the perfume.
Oh, so.
So the only difference in our gift, spot the difference, is the Louis Vuitton bracelet.
Why didn't I get that?
Right.
Okay.
Like, I should have gotten that.
That's so fucked up of her.
Right.
So she kept it for herself.
That's so cringe, is what the bride is saying, right?
Kept it first.
Maybe she just didn't get the second one.
Yeah, whatever.
So then, unfortunately, for her, the maid of honor is like, here's my account.
Here's my receipts.
And the maid of honor takes to TikTok and is like, I barely knew this woman.
I don't know her at all.
She said, we've known each other for like a few months.
I was shocked when she asked me to be her maid of honor.
Oh, she was like, so everyone thinks that she only asked her to be the maid of honor because she wanted a Louis Vuitton face.
Oh, wow.
Fucking hit me.
What a mess.
Honestly, interesting strategy.
I didn't even think that people level, low-level scammage.
Do you think people get invites to weddings based on their like wedding gifts?
Maybe.
Yeah, interesting.
I never thought about that.
Yeah.
Because if I can't make it, I just like, you know, I just blast the friends are just going to blind me.
No, I just blast the registry.
So now I'm thinking like, these motherfuckers are inviting me to their weddings, not because they know I'm going to attend, but they're going to feel embarrassed.
You know what?
I'm going to have my wedding on election day.
I mean, I'm still going to, for your gay wedding, I'm still going to show up on election day.
No, I'm not going to show up on election day.
This is ridiculous.
Just don't get married on election day.
I mean, who gets married on a Tuesday?
Yeah.
Who gets married on a Tuesday?
Unacceptable.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, on that note, it is time to move to the coveted Patreon where we are going to do a lot of things.
We're going to do a lot.
We really shouldn't, but we will.
We will.
And we're going to go behind the paywall.
We appreciate you.
We love you.
Thank you to the working class.
We will see you behind the paywall.
Patreon.com slash fearand.
Bye.
Are you stuck?
Am I stuck?
Yeah, no, no, it's fun.
What happened?
I thought you were tickling me, but it was your foot.
Anyway, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Sorry, we're playing footsie.
Do you sometimes feel like it's just, you know, we bring stories and we try to move the conversation along.
Make it.
And it's just, you know, it's all a way for them to have fun on the side.
You know, this is sick.
What are they talking about?
I brought multiple things today.
Brian's ticket.
We listen to you.
You just don't reciprocate.
That's what I'm saying.
I reciprocate.
We reciprocate.
Yeah, by tickling each other and playing footsie on the side.
Well, look, look, look, look.
Sometimes we're getting.
We're getting married.
Look, yeah.
What are you thinking to just do to me?
Like we're trying to go like this and you're like that.