Cutie Cinderella and co-hosts dissect holiday gift absurdities, including Gucci bracelets and a penis-filled book, before analyzing the No Surprises Act amidst healthcare billing disputes. The conversation pivots to Oscar snubs, Matt Rife's "Audi vagina" controversy, and intense speculation on Clavicular's sexuality alongside homophobic rants about Trump and Lindsey Graham. Listeners debate the ethics of fake YikYak pranks while hosts reject a kung fu porn submission, ultimately announcing an upcoming tour and singing "One Day More." [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Gucci Chains and Basketball Bets00:15:09
I built you back up as the funny guy!
That was me!
Devil Where's Prada?
Hey, Emily!
I f I made you!
I built you up the fing clay!
You want how much money we made on your version of the punk ass nothing!
And you!
Don't do the brain my tears!
Dilla Brian Munsier!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann Podcast.
It's Monday morning.
The birds are chirping, and the American working class is just getting started.
That's right.
And here we are here to get you through the day and get you through your week, maybe your month, or your year.
This is a hard pivot to a radio show.
Hey, it's Fear Ann Crew in the Morning, everybody.
Hope you're having a nice commute.
It's busy out there.
Woo!
It's heat waves.
26 degrees.
It's sunny in California.
That's right.
Wait, I have good sunny news.
What's that?
Wow, okay.
I brought your Christmas presents.
Whoa!
Oh, thank you.
No, that's wonderful.
Wow.
I love to celebrate the holidays in March.
I brought them.
I thought about just saving them till next year, but no.
That's great.
Let's do it.
Honestly, that's what I do sometimes.
Give us a little Christmas music.
Set the movie.
Christmas time.
Oh, it's got the Christmas package on the road.
Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag.
Because Christmas is here again.
Wait, Hold on.
What?
I've never heard that Christmas song in my life.
Everybody's waiting for the man with a bag.
Because Christmas is here again.
But deep and dabbing boo.
Man with the bag.
Are you sure that's not about cocaine?
That goes to Hassan.
Oh, my gosh.
And then this went to Will.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Is that Jesus Christ?
No, it's Dinya Garden.
This is Barefoot Contesta?
Where did you find this?
At the store.
Oh, my God.
And then I got that for Austin.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
There's penises in this book.
Let me see.
Wait, there's some nice penises in this book.
And then Marsha's additional gift was just a basketball.
Oh, my God.
Because I thought you deserved it.
I wanted some big old penises.
And then he said you got to choose a choppy pen.
Oh, thank you, Katie.
Don't tell them.
You can keep them.
Yeah, they didn't notice this.
These are some rocks.
Oh, fuck.
That's a lot of fun.
It's a lot of penises.
Some of them are like scary.
Wait, really?
Can't just say that.
Don't.
Guy with the long hair.
Do me a favor.
Oh, you know what?
It kind of does look like you're penising it.
Do me a favor.
Oh, my God.
Show it to the.
Show the camera.
Show it the camera.
Show the camera.
That one's for Gabe.
Look at that.
Make his job.
Throw a bar over there.
Throughout the episode, I'm just going to be like, see if you don't miss it.
All right, let's see.
Oh, yeah.
Well, can we all open them up the same time?
Oh, mine vibrates.
What?
Oh, shut the fuck up.
Is this Gucci?
Oh, my God.
Cutie Cinderella.
Cutie Cinderella.
I know.
I'm so nice.
Cutie.
What is it?
Cutie, what the fuck?
Mine's a dragon.
What did you guys get?
Basketball.
See?
So I got you all matching bracelets, but then I added charms that I thought represented.
I don't even know.
It's a plane.
Oh, it's a plane.
Oh, my God.
I'm glad she didn't give that one to Hassan.
She'd never get up like that.
Oh, my God.
Could you buckle it for me?
Yeah, you want to leave the tag on?
I needed, yeah, of course.
Oh, you want the tag on?
This is so awesome.
Cutie, this is awesome.
I thought it'd be cute because now you all match, but then you also have your.
But if you want me to take off the charm, I can take off the harmony.
I'm never taking it off.
Because I didn't know if you'd want if the charms would be annoying or not.
Actually, let's do left arms.
For audio listeners.
And then I got, Hassan, I got you a bigger one because I didn't know if your wrists would be too big.
Oh, my God.
Look.
That's what she said.
No, I didn't say, but I just thought you had bigger wrists.
I got nervous.
I will say this.
For those that are listening via audio, Cutie got us three matching.
That's four.
Four matching wrist bracelets.
And then at the end, I put a little charm on them.
Cutie.
Each of them have their own charm.
You've truly outdone yourself.
So Austin has a plane.
Will has a dragon.
Marsh has a skull.
And then Hassan has a basketball, which I was...
Maybe I did I get it too big?
No, that was fun.
Cutie, look at this.
And also, if you don't like the basketball, I can switch yours out.
I'm so good.
I just matched my Gucci chain here, and it kind of matches the other Gucci chain I have on.
Well, you wanted me to put it on.
I was deciding between doing Hassan's either.
I got another Gucci chain to it.
Okay, he's bragging.
I was deciding to do a train or a basketball, but I went with the basketball.
So then people want to make fun of you.
And then I also thought of adding more charms to them, but then I was like, maybe I'm doing too much.
And so then I left it.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Cutie Cinderella.
Are they too big?
No, they are not.
They're just big enough.
I'll grow into it.
You can always, we can shorten it pretty easy, I think.
I'm telling you, once I put on that holiday 15, that wrist is going to start.
I might have just assumed all of your wrists were way too big.
No, Cutie, I love it.
Perfect.
Cutie.
Cutie, what if I get stung by a bee or something like that, and then it still fits perfectly?
I think they're a little big.
My bad.
It's okay.
No, cutie.
I'd rather be too big than too small.
Are you kidding me, Cutie?
I would never have this information.
Anyways, Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Daddy.
And a happy new year.
Okay, now we're going back to March.
And not him.
I'm talking about the month.
That's right.
All right.
Well, what a way to start.
That's so good.
Thank you, Cutie.
That was so sweet of you.
Real price and July moment.
I love that because I just thought something I was expecting.
Oh, surprise.
Yeah, surprise.
That was a good surprise.
It was a really good surprise.
You know, yeah, I woke up today.
I had no idea I'd wake up, go to bed with a Gucci necklace or a bracelet.
A Gucci bracelet.
People you're too.
Well, I know, but I take them off.
That's another one.
No.
Maybe we'll match with it.
I do.
You think it's too much to have three Gucci necklaces?
All right.
Well, I thought I was being a little flashy.
Guys, anything exciting going on?
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me?
I am so excited to be here with all of you.
Every week is exciting.
Right.
When I'm here with the Fear Enpire.
I put 400 bucks on Timothy Chalamé.
Oh, you bet it?
Yeah.
I'm Paul.
Trademark Oscar.
You've got Robin Hood.
Wait, you can bet on Robin Hood.
Yeah, that's not good.
I also lost a bunch of money on the Grammys.
I didn't get one prediction right.
So, hold on.
So let me be clear.
I know advertising gambling to children is probably not great.
I think more children should gamble.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think they should learn at a young age to lose.
I think that that would be great.
And if they learn to lose, then they'll never bet again.
That's right.
Or play with guns.
Because that's what I do.
I always lose.
I go into Vegas and I always drill.
That's why I will make my children drunk drive early on.
So they get better at it.
Get it out of it.
I mean, objectively speaking, there probably are more skilled drunk drivers than us.
Yeah.
But you should.
They're drunk sober.
Like, they probably can't drive anyway.
So you might as well learn drunk.
If you start them on dope young enough, then by the time they're old, they'll have to be using their toes to inject, and then they'll run out eventually.
I hear they make like a Flintstones called Fent Stones.
Yeah, they'll run out of viable veins by the time they're old, and then they'll be successful.
We are way off the rest.
So anyway, so gambling for children, not great, but can we gamble?
Well, I was thinking, Kitty, Stream Awards is so emotionally taxing on you.
Just give me the results next year and let me put down a fucking bag on every category.
You know what?
I'll freaking.
How does this alleviate her tension?
Nothing, but it'll just make him rich.
Insider trading, though.
Yeah.
And then I could be like Martha Stewart.
Will you just flee?
So here's the deal.
What amount of money would you be okay with just fleeing your life?
It's okay.
Donald Trump Jr. is in charge of the regulatory agency, so you can just cheat.
You can do insider trading on it.
Would you guys be down to flee?
Yeah, flee.
Yeah, I'd flee.
Your voice went up a lot.
That was a higher register for sure.
Yeah.
I mean, I'd flee.
I'd flee, but I'd want enough money to like buy all my family a house.
So it'd be like a lot.
And I'd want them to nice houses.
I'd have enough money to bring everybody that I wanted with me.
I think I'd want like 100 million.
Where would you flee to?
Probably London.
I think they have an extradition clause.
Yeah, fuck it.
Okay.
All right.
Wait, you're going to gamble again.
Well, Moscow?
I don't know wherever the fuck I'm going to go.
Where could I go?
Where can I go?
Israel?
Oh, one of the few places.
They don't have an extradition clause?
No, they don't.
That's very strange.
You'd think that we do so much for them.
You'd think that maybe perhaps they'd have to be.
Why would that be?
Girls are going to go.
Okay, well, I guess they go to Tel Aviv.
It's BDS.
Oh, it's BDS?
Fuck.
All right.
Going to Israel is BDS.
I wouldn't kiss the wall or anything.
I would just, you know.
No, just in general.
I would just live there.
A man in exile.
I mean, what am I going to do?
I'm escaping.
Where the fuck can I go?
There's only so many places.
Oh, China.
I forgot I was going to go.
Wait, I didn't know I had to escape.
Yeah, you're fleeing.
No, that's the whole point.
Yeah, but I'm just fleeing from being perceived.
No, no, no.
You're a professional.
Yes.
Oh.
Well, I don't know if I want to.
You got Moscow, Pyongyang.
Well, think about it.
If we put a million dollars on every category, how many categories did you have last year?
34.
Depending on the odds, some of the long shots win.
Dude, we could probably clear over $100 million.
Why would there be so much money being bet?
There was a lot of money being bet last year.
Crazy amount of money.
If you win every category, take long shots?
Yes.
This is like, I haven't said this anywhere, but I'll say it doesn't matter.
We sent them a cease and desist, and they were like, doesn't matter.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, because Donald Trump Jr. is on the literally, I told them, I was like, you know how many people see, like, the insider trading issues in this situation is so crazy.
Like, so many people know the results beforehand.
Like, I have a production team of like 100 there.
Like, what are you guys thinking?
And they're like, oh, if you want to let us know if anyone's insider trading, you can give us names and we can make sure that they're held accountable.
I was like, kill yourselves.
No, but they will not do it anyway.
Because like every other week, there's like there was a massive insider trading scandal about like when the straight of hormuz will close, when like the Ayatollah that was assassinated by the American government and the Israeli government, like they, there's always just like one random account that makes a massive bet and wins a million dollars.
Really?
Yeah, it's just because in this administration, especially in this administration, there's just guys that are in the room that are like, what'd you say?
We're killing them right now?
Okay.
And then they just immediately go, blip.
You know where I'm going?
Where?
South America.
Okay.
I can see you surviving down there.
Tough to avoid law enforcement, but you can change your identity a little bit.
Oh, I'm getting in with the cartel.
Oh.
Okay.
That's directly the CIA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're just going to be a bag man for the American government.
Pretty much.
Okay.
That's a cool rag's the richest story.
I guess riches are more riches.
Well, I'm not going to Tel Aviv anymore.
I'm going to Shanghai.
Oh, I'm going to work at the Ritz Carlton.
Oh.
I don't know why I need to with $100 million, but I don't know.
I'm just going to.
Feel like you do it for the love of the game to just work.
Or the hobby?
You're going to switch sides.
You're going to work with the enemy.
And I don't mean China.
I mean, like, you're going to be on the other side of customer service.
Oh, hold on.
Let me be clear.
The people that I negotiate.
You're going to be the manager telling people to fuck off.
I've got a good relationship with everybody I negotiate with.
Unless it's a healthcare situation, which, by the way, I'm in a current dispute.
We know.
Yes.
No, I owe a couple grand to this healthcare place.
And I messaged them and I was like, no, I'm not doing it.
First of all, what?
Insane.
Well, here's the deal.
This is what I think.
This will be a documentary made about your life.
Like the man who conned private health.
You know what I, you know what I figured out?
I was thinking about it.
I was like, how can I justify this terror?
Yeah.
That I'm inflicting on the multi-billion dollar healthcare industry.
You know what I said?
Well, I can't help but notice how healthy your gut is.
Oh, it is quite healthy.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, that's right.
Because I've been drinking AG1.
What the hell is that?
AG1 is a daily health drink clinically shown to support gut health and fill in common nutrient gaps with 75 plus ingredients, including five clinically studied probiotic strains.
AG1 replaces the need for a multivitamin, probiotics, and even sunshine.
You're going to be shitting so good, you don't even know it.
That's right.
I need to do that.
So it's cutie.
Yeah, well, why haven't you done it yet?
Because the benefits are endless.
Energy, immune health, gut health.
And it fits into my life, helping me feel my best.
And I reset, charge, and embrace the season ahead.
So go drink ag1.com slash fear to get an AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 for free in your AG1 welcome kit.
Put your first AG1 subscription order only while supplies last.
That's drink ag1.com slash fear.
You know what I said?
If they're fucking with me, they're not fucking with you.
Oh, I think no, I think they're still fucking people.
I think they are fucking people.
But think about at least one person is being not because if I'm taking up their time.
I'm taking up enough time to maybe at least one person is not.
If I'm, if they have to deal with me, one person out there, one person out there is not having to pay their bill.
I'm imagining a world where they set up a special task force for Austin because he's done it so much.
He's run up a tab to the tune of like a million dollars.
No, it hasn't been that much.
I have insurance.
Insurance pays some.
But basically, I've talked about this before, but the no surprise billing act.
It's still in, actually, Donald Trump signed it into effect.
But it's basically an act that protects consumers against insurance companies when you go out of network from being balance-billed.
And I noticed that I was in an in-network facility and they were not, they were balance billing me.
And so I said, I just want to know how you interpret this federal law.
And so I'm in a dispute with them.
So, yeah, that's it.
No Surprise Billing Act Explained00:05:14
You're a hero.
Thank you.
You're a civil rights icon.
Well, I think that if we all get together and we fight up against the big multi-billion dollar families, then we can win.
No, this is going to really pick up steam.
Well, if we all do it, I'm telling you, if we're all a pain in the ass, it'll work.
Next time I see Bernie, I'm going to be like, drop this Medicare for all shit, dude.
No, no, no.
Have you considered doing small claims court-related incidents?
Considered theft.
Well, no, no, no.
I believe in Medicare for All, but in the meantime, it's time to do what the OE, whatever the fuck they did in World War II, the OES, OEM, the OSOS.
Anyway, like the CIA sabotage manual.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I thought we established they were.
We've gone over this.
They were explaining how to firebomb, you know, buildings.
Yeah, yeah.
We're not going to get into that again.
We're going in circles.
This is Groundhog Day again on the Fearham Podcast.
Sabotaging industrial output.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got you.
Not annoying customer service.
I'm sorry, Cutie Cinderella.
Are you dissociating?
No, I'm locked in.
I'm learning.
I'm learning so much.
Multi-billion dollar healthcare industry.
I'm learning about the OSS.
But yeah.
I got nervous when they said that they were going to bomb California.
That was such a face.
It popped up on my citizen app and I was like, not cool.
Yeah.
I was like, that's not cool.
They were like duck and cover.
And I was like, what?
How's that going to help me?
Well, I was a little nervous.
Did you say to duck and cover?
Yeah, it popped up.
That's crazy.
I was a little nervous.
What would that do if I got bombed?
Yeah.
You're not getting bombed by Iron.
I would prefer, for the record, if I were to get bombed, I would prefer not being ducking and covering.
What an ick.
You rather take it.
You get found ducked and covered.
The people in Pompeii just ducked and covered and then you find them?
You know the one guy that got caught during all?
There's one guy jerking off in Pompeii and he got frozen like that forever.
Yeah, that sucks.
And I was in person.
That's awesome.
No, that sucks.
No, he's like.
No, he's a legend, dude.
Are you kidding me?
I guess we wouldn't be talking about him if he wasn't driving.
We're talking about the thousands that died in like normal positions, and we still think about it.
Okay, so next time I get the duck and cover morning, I'm going to shove something on my vagina crazy.
Like that.
I'm going to crazy stuff, shove something up there.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Honestly, the best part of that.
Did they just leave him like that?
Well, what do you mean?
Well, he's ashes.
He's not real.
Well, I know, but like...
Well, I know, but did they, did they, they could have at least moved him to a no, everybody died for miles.
But is he still there?
Yeah.
Well, it's like a museum now.
Oh, well, great.
Why would you also, yeah, they put him in a museum?
Well, like, the whole town is like a museum.
The whole town is covered in a column.
So don't you think that's...
I mean, I feel like he would want to be immortalized.
No.
Not me.
What if he was.
It is really funny to think of you panic shoving something in your vagina and then you don't get bombed.
Oh, that would not be ideal.
Walks in.
Just eggplant.
I was thinking blender.
No, yeah, it'd have to be something novel.
It's not even dick shade.
Like, it doesn't have to go.
It's a friend handle.
A frying panhandle.
Yeah, because then they find you later and it's just like, what was she?
What was she doing, you think?
Damn, I would, I feel like.
Here lies Cutie Cinderella, brave till the last moment.
Women always talk about how they would pee standing up with dicks.
I would love to.
I know.
But one thing we never talk about, I would store things in my pussy if I was a lady.
It's a little uncomf.
Yeah.
Even tampons are a little uncomf.
Yeah.
Right, but I feel like, I feel like it's also you could just do your butthole.
Just put stuff up.
I already have a butthole.
I know.
Put stuff up there.
She's got a point.
Put your fucking money right a mountain.
It's douche.
Oh, damn.
He said you got a poopy butthole.
Yeah.
Your vagina also has goo in it.
Yeah, but it's a little goo.
It's like, what do you mean?
Don't make that face.
It's just gooey.
What are you going to bust out of there?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
What is it?
I don't know.
It's mucus.
It's mucus.
It lubricates.
It's very similar to what's in it.
He's like a loogie.
What?
You've seen a pussy.
Yeah, I've seen one.
But yeah, he's like in general interrogation.
He's like, what?
He doesn't remember the goo.
I mean, it felt like a little wet, but I thought I didn't know.
I thought it was water.
You're joking.
Couldn't even do the back.
Shut the fuck up.
He's trying to win gay cred.
He's trying to win gay credit back.
I'm being like, ugh, what's up?
The pussy, homosexuality.
Yeah, you can't.
Yeah, you can't put it back in the tube, brother.
You're already fucked.
Yeah.
Speaking of Austin being gay.
Oh, we were watching the Oscars earlier.
I've never seen him queen out this hard.
This man is so excited, apparently, for Devil Wear's product.
Dude, who's not excited?
I saw it in theaters.
You know, what you already saw?
Cash App and Oscar Gossip00:03:30
You were the first one.
Oh, that was before we were gay.
I know.
I was in 2006.
I went with my aunt and my mom think, like, you're gay.
I don't know.
My mom just thought I was not interested in girls at the time.
Right.
And why is Devil Wears Pay so important to me?
Devil Wars Product is not a gay movie.
It's a fantastic film.
Wait, what?
So gay movies can't be fantastic?
That's the way I missed.
I just figured out he's gay.
No, I've just been like liking that movie as private.
No, what?
It's a fantastic film.
Marsh, you willingly shared that information.
Yeah, because I love that movie.
It's a little gay.
I mean, look, it's it's let me tell you why I love that movie.
Right.
Fashion.
I love the fashion in it.
I love, I love the I love Miranda Priestley and the cuntiness of Miranda Priestley and Stanley Tucci.
Wake up six.
Yeah.
Flowers in spring.
Groundbreaking.
Right.
I had a co-worker like that.
Yeah.
Did somebody back in my design days.
He was incredible.
He actually texted me the other day.
So you really love Devil's Wars.
I love Devil Warriors.
Yeah, dude.
He was quote the movie.
He was freaking out when Anna Wintour and Anne Hathaway came out.
Great moment from the Oscars.
Wow.
They did it.
It was a subtle promo for Devil Warriors Product, but for only an ad right after.
Hold on, but it was very tasty.
It was very.
Hold on.
No, Hold on.
Let me paint the picture for those of you.
For those of you who.
Suddenly ran a five-minute trip.
For those of you who weren't at the Oscars, okay.
We weren't there either.
Don't like we are now.
We are subtly an ad for Zocta.
No, no, no.
Oh, yeah.
I love to talk about Cash App.
This is my second favorite time ever, honestly.
Oh, yeah.
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Tell me.
I love the Cash App card.
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So Anna Wintour and Anne Hathaway, they walk out.
You can kind of hear, if you're paying attention, you can hear the band in the background playing a hunger boke.
Matt Rife and Hibachi Secrets00:14:56
Ooh.
To the music.
Hung.
Bog.
Right.
So this was like a string.
That's the Devil Wars product.
It was like a string version of that.
They're coming out.
Anna Wintour, Anne Hathaway.
And then they just do a thing and it's subtle in the beginning.
She's not subtle.
And in the beginning, Anna Wintor.
Anna Wintour is.
They were presenting costumes.
So Miranda Priesty is inspired by Anna Wintour.
Anyway, so you think nothing of it, right?
They're just doing awards until.
I think for their everyone thought that.
And I'm always on your side.
Okay.
But the minute I saw them together, I think I would put two and two together.
Well, but that's to the that's to the trained eye.
You've got a very trained eye.
I do.
I do have a trained eye.
So no, I do.
They come out.
They say that about me.
They come out.
Okay.
Right.
They come out.
Trained eye Sela Ross.
All right.
So they do the first award.
Do the first award.
It's great.
Nobody's thinking anything.
They're not even thinking of the Devil House.
Yeah, we're like, why is Anna Wintour at the Oscar stage for the first time, literally, ever?
Yeah.
How confusing.
So this is the kicker.
You're not thinking about it until she goes, Anna, do you want to read the next award?
And Anna turns to Anne Hathaway and goes, Yes, Emily.
Get it?
Emily's name.
Yes.
From Emily.
Well, it's what she would call her in the first movie when she was referring to who she actually, her other assistant.
Anyway, her name was Emily.
Brilliant advertisement.
And you didn't even know it was happening until the ad played right after.
There are a few.
I was so confused.
Yeah.
I was like, what?
What is going on?
What?
Whoa.
Why did she say Emily?
Her name is not Emily.
He didn't know shit about it.
There are a few women that can be unapologetically a cunt that I will always forgive.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anna Wintor is one of them.
Yep.
Like, I don't care.
I do not care what you say about her.
I don't care.
She's a diva and I love her and she's amazing.
Maria.
Same with Martha Stewart.
Oh, Martha Stewart.
Love that.
People will say she's a bitch.
I'm like, I don't fucking care.
It's going to sound crazy.
Who is Anna Wintour?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I have no idea who this is.
Anna Wintour.
Austin, who's Anna Wintour?
No, no, no.
Don't look it up.
Wait, actually, Austin, who's Anna Wintour?
Actually.
Austin, who's Anna Wintour?
Are you kidding me?
Go ahead.
Editor-in-chief of Vogue.
Did you Google it?
Did you magazine?
No, he didn't finish the Google note.
No, he did know.
You didn't talk like you didn't know for a second.
I was very concerned.
I was a little worried.
Oh, she's an icon.
Oh, she's an icon.
So she's inspired.
Her existence is inspired the Devil Warish product.
Oh.
And all the girls are.
So she's a horrible, nasty monster person.
Yeah, you know, you know, one of my favorite lines.
You know, she's awesome.
You know what your favorite lines is?
I use it on Christian sometimes.
When he gets pissed at me, I look at him and I go, a million girls would kill for this job.
That's actually crazy to see you on her.
This is why I said this was the gayest he's ever.
Actually, I forgot to tell you this because I didn't think of it until now, so I didn't really forget.
Sure.
I was with some people this weekend and a few people, they know I do a podcast because they watch Hassan.
And they're like, oh, yeah, you do the podcast with Hassan.
And then they were like, oh, and the funny hot one.
Oh.
And I go, the funny, hot one.
Oh.
And they're like, yeah, the gay one.
Oh.
And you were the funny hot one.
I know.
The funny hot one.
You were the funny hot one.
Oh, my God.
Were they hot?
You were the funny hot one and you were the gay one.
No, they talked about Will later.
But they said the funny hot one.
I said, I said, who?
And then they said, the gay one.
Oh, wow.
And then they were talking about you.
I needed that.
Yeah, I thought you did.
This is a strange thing.
I got blocked on Grinder.
Oh.
Wait, totally?
Yeah, somebody's just sent a photo of myself and they're like, block.
I was like, oh, fuck you.
Wait, the whole app.
No, from a guy.
Oh, my God.
I needed that.
I needed that boost.
We all got blocked on Grinder every once in a while.
You know, it seemed great.
Different structures.
No, that's what they say.
What they say about me?
That they don't really follow you, but they like your vibes.
I mean, that tracks for a lot of our fucking audience.
I don't follow me either if that makes you feel better.
That tracks for a lot of people.
Were they cute?
They do have a partner, but they're both cute.
They're both cute.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Who knows?
Okay.
I'm just kidding.
No, just let them be.
Let them be.
They're cute.
Don't worry.
No, it's there's a lot of cute people in the world.
I went out last night with Will.
Really?
Yeah.
It's a big deal.
One of our buddies from college, or one of my buddies from college, that Will became really good friends with as well.
I like how you lean towards the microphone when you put it in the middle.
When we both moved out here, it was his birthday.
Yep.
So, you know, I never really go out.
He invited me to his new place.
He had like hibachi.
The dude was throwing zucchinis at people's mouths from afar.
It was crazy.
I kind of understand where you're coming from now.
Like, this guy was just going, and then, you know, from where he, where I'm at to Mark's mouth.
What do you mean where Austin's coming from?
What, you think?
Because I like sucking dick that this is what you mean?
Is that what you mean?
You love hibachi, don't you?
No, I've never heard of hibachi.
No, he loves her.
I do.
I love Benny Habi, but I thought you were talking about me getting my sucking dick.
Oh, like catching it in his mouth.
No!
He's talking about the time you said that you loved hibachi.
You just said that?
Yeah.
Yeah, Austin.
Yes.
When did you say that?
I don't know.
I feel like I know him.
He would never say that.
I mean, I just popped.
He likes hibachi, but he likes it internally.
I do love hibachi.
Like, if someone's like, let's go to hibachi.
He's like, yeah, I like hibachi.
But like, no one's ever said that hibachi.
The most gaslight thing.
I don't think you've ever said it.
I don't think so either.
Somebody needs to pull it.
Pull the clip right now.
I don't have it, but he specifically said Benny Hana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's not like a Tempanaki.
Did you notice how the guy was drunk and you literally wanted to like take his license away?
Yes.
What?
His license to return.
He made a sub-bar Benny Hana shop.
He would never complain about someone like that.
I didn't know her.
I'm losing my mind.
He's never complained about someone so.
Anyway, I understood why you actually are a big fan of Hibachi, as we all know.
So just to be clear, you don't.
It's not about Fallatio.
No!
It is nothing!
It's about how you famously say you like Hibachi!
I don't know.
Zucchini is very phallic.
No, it's like, cut it out!
I'm not angry.
He's very angry.
You remember the onion volcanoes?
You'd be like, why?
Because I'm gay?
Like a butthole?
Oh, because it's shit like a house.
I would never think of an onion like that.
That's ridiculous.
Yeah, I would never.
That's ridiculous.
I don't know what some weird shit where you want your penis all chopped up.
That's weird.
What?
We are not the ones who made it.
All right.
I get it.
I get it.
All right.
You're talking about a hibachi.
Thank you for clarifying.
Yes.
I went to hibachi for prom.
But I didn't have a date, and so I took my cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber.
No.
Oh, no.
And it was awesome because the Benny Hana guy still threw shrimp at his mouth.
It was awesome.
Every time you were.
Were you alone?
We stabbed chopsticks into his hands.
Cutie, I was with a group.
I was funny as hell.
Cutie.
I had a croissant and everything for him.
We stuck it on his.
I think your life couldn't get more.
Really?
I thought it was funny.
I mean, it's fun today.
I mean, I would have liked today.
Did you dance with any men that night?
No.
No, no.
I didn't do my sound.
Did you dance with Robert Justin Bieber?
No, I didn't.
But I did bring him in.
Funny girl in high school.
That's a tough, that's a tough rap.
What?
Because women are so cruel.
Well, you heard about my high school experience.
It wasn't that bad.
Yeah, no.
And every time you tell me your stories, I understand why it happened like that.
Okay, so I'm just saying, like, some of us over here have always loved Benny Hanna, and we're not bandwagoners.
I love Benny Hanna.
We've always loved it.
I love Hibachi.
When they cut up the fucking zucchini.
And we've always said that.
Oh, we've always said it.
Anyway, back to your story.
Back to your story.
Back to your story.
Sorry, we did the hibachi thing.
Will showed up.
A bunch of our old friends, like, you know, they're getting, they're having children now.
It's crazy.
Like, some of our friends are having kids.
Anyway, yeah, it's a wild.
It's a crazy thing.
Slow down to start recognizing.
Well, we are 30.
It's definitely age-appropriate.
It's Asian appropriate what we are doing, actually.
I don't know.
More time for me, I guess.
Anyway, we leave.
And I want to ask you guys: I feel like this is kind of an Austin thing to do.
Like, what ended up happening?
It's kind of an Austin.
So we're at this dude's house in the hills.
It's very nice.
All right.
And he just kind of ends the birthday party.
Yeah.
And he's like, all right, guys, it's time to go to the next thing.
It's the after party.
And he's like, he should be a promoter.
So we're like, oh, here we go.
Like, classic, whatever.
And we get in the car and we're driving to this club.
Second party.
To the second party at a nightclub.
Let me guess.
You all go in and then he makes you perform the whole play of Wizard of Oz.
That would be a very cutie thing.
No.
Okay.
I'd probably midway through while we're driving there.
We're like, so whose event is this?
Like, what's the deal?
He goes, guys, I have to tell you, it's my ex-girlfriend's birthday.
Yeah.
What?
He made us go to his ex-girlfriend's birthday party.
And it turns out she's like a comic, and all of her friends are comedians.
And it was just all like Instagram comic people and like, you know, young stand-ups.
Did you see Matt Reif there?
Should have beat his ass.
If you ever see Matt Reif, hit him in the face.
Wait, why are you hating him?
We don't like that.
Yeah, we hate Matt Reif.
Oh, my beef with Matt Rife?
Funny you ask.
It's about time.
Yeah, I guess they're still.
Thank you.
It's about time you asked me about Matt Rife.
Matt Reif dated Brooke Schofield on the canceled podcast.
Who's Brooke Schofield?
She was Tana's friend.
Tana, friend of the show.
And then they're secretly dating, right?
Nobody freaking knows.
I don't even know.
Whatever.
Matt Reif goes on.
No one told me.
Yeah, no one told me.
I found out on podcast.
But anyway, and so no one, she hasn't told anyone.
They're secretly dating.
Matt Rife goes on a podcast and he starts talking about women.
They're like, what's your type of girl?
Like, what's your icking girls?
He said his icking girls is an Audi vagina.
Meanwhile, Brooke's at home sitting there with her Audi vagina and she knows she has an Audi vagina.
What is she supposed to do about it?
And he's sitting there talking about how gross, like, like very crassly Audi vaginas are.
Hold on, hold on.
Did he specifically mention her or like was his idea of an Audi vagina potentially different than her version?
Also, why did you know Brooke Schofield's pussy?
Yeah, she said, she told us.
We know too much about each other.
No.
Stop.
I have an innie.
I don't know what that is.
Can I be honest?
I've never heard of a vagina referred to as an Audi.
Me neither until Brooke.
I like that she did that.
Aren't they all out?
No.
To a certain degree.
I mean, they're always there.
Not really.
No, it's just the one like lips.
No, but like the middle part.
Some people are lippy.
Like the bun and the hot dog.
Oh, lippy.
Like the hot dog sticks out.
Some people got the walls coming out.
Other people got it packed in.
Okay.
Yeah.
But either way, it's fine.
This was what vaginas look like.
But he's talking about Audi vagina specifically.
And we know he's talking about hers because they're dating at the time.
And he's being an asshole.
We don't know.
No, we know.
His version of an Audi vagina might have been way more out.
No, it was her vagina.
Okay.
How do you know that?
She said it.
I'm going to take the safe road here and see if Judy's right.
She said he was being mean to her.
Okay.
And then I don't remember what happened.
They broke up eventually.
And fuck Matt Rife.
And he's not funny.
And I stand on that.
Unless he wants to come on this podcast, then you could come on.
I don't think I actually liked him.
You just thought he was hot.
No.
We both thought he was hot.
Did we?
There was a cliff list.
There's a cliff, but I changed my mind a lot.
Yeah.
And obviously, it was three years ago.
We've grown.
Also, his crowd work clips.
Funny.
I watched his special for 10 minutes, had to turn it off.
And if you want to talk about that, Matt Rife, you can come on this podcast.
I'll put you in the face.
We're talking about Audi vaginas like women, huh?
Like, yeah, it was a bitch.
They should get back in the kitchen.
And everyone's like, what is going on?
It was so weird.
Anyway, I don't know, Brooke.
And she's engaged now.
But Brooke Schofield.
Just know I'm 10 toes down.
I'm 10 toes down.
Brooke, come on the pod.
We love your vagina.
Yeah.
Yes.
We love Audi.
We love Audi vaginas on this broken body.
She talks about it.
Yeah, she talked.
And I just want to let you know.
This would be actually, Marsh, could you Google?
Because I'm realizing now I don't know if it's Brooke Schofield pussy.
No, I just don't know if it was Brooke that dated him now.
Oh my God.
Should we just talk about Brooke Schofield?
It could have been someone else.
Brooke Schofield, Matt Rife.
Did they date?
Okay.
Thank God.
I should check that earlier on.
So what you were doing wasn't at your party.
The stories that we went there, there were a lot of Hasan Abbeheads.
They're great.
It was a chaotic scene for me because I was just so 34 years old and so out of place.
But I thought this is like a very Austin thing that our friend was doing.
To bring you guys to my ex's birthday?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it's like a bunch of young people that are dancing.
Wait, is he gay?
Trying to be.
No.
Yeah.
No, it's more normal in a gay.
Yeah, it's more normal in a gay.
Why would that be?
Because gay.
So you are taking ownership over this.
I clocked.
I'm great for.
I went to brunch with my gay, get my ex-boyfriend this weekend.
Yeah.
With my gay.
Yeah, with my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah.
We went to Lady Gaga together, too.
I remember.
Yeah.
Yeah, but that's less normal than like if I was at a party sleeping in the same hotel room.
No sex.
Well, I know that.
But I'm talking about your friend being like, it's my birthday.
Let's go to my ex's birthday now.
Strange, right?
It's weird.
I agree.
We thought so.
Oh, really?
Were there any cool comedians there?
Oh, yeah.
You guys didn't know any of them.
You didn't know even one.
That was a cool one.
You didn't know.
You didn't know.
All comedians.
You don't remember one person's name you met last night.
Yeah.
Yes, we do.
I just don't want to expose.
Yeah, you don't know.
We're not going to say that.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, we're not.
We're fucking.
Yeah, and if you were there, Matt Rife, it's on site.
Yeah.
Yeah, Matt Rife was there.
He told me he hates you.
Zock Doc Medical Advice00:02:11
He was like, she's got Audi vibes.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, she does, bro.
You're right.
And we dabbed it up.
Wow.
Yeah.
Dang.
I'm getting his facial reconstruction guy's number.
So I'm going to get my bucle fat removed.
Yeah.
We're both coming back looking like handsome squidwards.
Dude, we should really do a South Korea arc where we just handsome squid words.
I'd do it.
I would do it for the memes.
Just totally redo my face.
Doctor, doctor.
Give me the news.
I got a bad habit.
Oh my God.
Oh, I've been, I just keep falling asleep randomly.
I think you have narcolepsy.
I don't know.
Where do I go to see a doctor?
You either have narcolepsy or you're a nymphomaniac.
I'm not sure the difference, but you know who probably does know the difference.
You let me bleed you with leeches.
Get on your phone.
Check out Zock Doc.
Oh man, what's Zock Doc?
What's your name?
Zock Doc.
Zock Doc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-work network doctors so you can find someone you love.
But don't fall in love with your doctor.
That would be no, don't do that.
Even though you're an infomadiac.
That's right, folks.
Everybody knows that it sucks when you go to a doctor's office and you find out you're out of network.
Zock Doc, that ain't gonna happen.
So stop putting out those doctors' appointments.
Go to ZockDoc.com slash fear to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash fear.
This message is sponsored by Zock Doc.
My dream is that in a few years, we do a Zock Doc ad that's just a German expressionist film for like three hours and just right in the middle of our podcast, like a black and white.
I want to look like I want to look like Laura Logoc.
You want to look like Laura Loomer?
Yeah.
Marsh, pull up Laura Loomer.
I know what Laura Loomer looks like.
I don't know.
I need cutie Cinderella to see Loom look like Skinwalker a bad thing to say.
That means they'll come.
When you say it, it's like a signal.
Pope Speculation and Clavicular Issues00:15:26
Oh, really?
She looks like Jesus.
Is there any wood?
It's too late.
You already said it.
Fuck.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
She does look like Jigsaw.
Wow.
Yeah.
She's my number one fan.
Oh my God.
There's just, I don't think there's a surgery to even reverse that.
No.
No.
That's your number one fan.
She's my number one fan.
She's trying to get me deported a lot.
She's trying to get my uncle deported too.
Yeah.
I'm trying to do both those things too.
Wait, my uncle.
Laura.
Yeah.
That's her name, right?
Yeah, Laura Loomer.
Laura, let's get him from the inside.
The internet, as you guys know, is filled with a lot of things.
One of those things that's happening right now is clavicular.
Oh, no.
Are we circling back here?
No, no, this is new meta.
This is a new meta.
We don't have to talk about this.
Go ahead and hammer your face.
No, no, no.
Okay.
I don't even, I don't even pay attention to this shit.
My algorithm is filled with a lot of things that I don't really care about.
This algorithm is just gay shit.
That's why he has clavicular on his algorithm.
No.
First of all, clavicular.
He's gay.
Wait, really?
That's so exciting.
No, we don't know that for sure.
He might be.
But gay Twitter has started to investigate him as being a potential homosexual.
This entire story started when Clavicular cried real tears.
Real human tears.
Which is when it's not gay.
No, it is.
Very well.
Okay.
Well, he cried real human tears when he was delivered a burger.
Oh, I thought you were going to say at birth.
I was like, oh, yeah, he cried.
Everyone, I think everyone cried real tears.
Everyone's fucking gay.
Yeah, unless they're like a dead baby.
That's why they slap the baby when it first comes out.
They want you to cry.
They want you to cry.
Yeah.
Proof of life.
Make your lungs go.
Yeah.
So anyway, he got delivered a burger.
He got delivered a burg, and the burg had cheese in it.
And he started crying real tears.
And everyone's like, aw, like, he's so...
He's like, you know, he's got the sadness.
He's got.
No, I think it has something to do with his stack.
Vegetarian.
Yeah, so he got a burger.
Yeah.
And so he cried because it was a burger of a cow.
Vegetarians eat cheese, cutie.
You said a burger.
Because it had cheese in it.
Yeah, but it could have just been in cow burger and cheese.
That's double sad.
Lactose intolerant.
I think we're all on drugs.
You fucking idiots.
He has no, it interferes with his stack or something.
Anyway, he starts crying, and everyone's like, one viral tweet said he's got that sadness that you only see in an Eastern European gay porno.
That's when it was off to the races.
Am I in an Eastern European gay party?
Have you ever watched Eastern European gay porno?
Yes, check hunter.
Check hunter.
She was so quick to draw on that.
That was crazy.
You had that loaded in the chain.
Yeah, it's Eastern European, very famous.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I don't watch it, but I've heard of it.
Asked and answered.
Okay, that's going to be, that's going to be tough.
He's just like his hibachi thing, right?
I've never had hibachi.
Time out real quick, and then we'll time back in.
I have an idea for the Patreon.
Okay.
What if we just do a karaoke only episode on the Patreon?
How fun would that be?
We just do karaoke.
Sure.
We could do it.
I would do just a few, maybe a few songs.
Yeah, wouldn't that be fun?
Like karaoke-themed Patreon episodes.
Maybe a few songs.
Just like for fun.
But I would love to.
Maybe you should get those Go-Choo Jang wings again.
Okay, time back in.
Time back in.
So Clavicular.
So Clavicular.
So anyway, after that, speculations start rising.
Of course, people start analyzing older clips.
And in one of the clips, I wonder if March could find this.
Clavicular is at a bunch of different nightclub style establishments, and he's always dancing with women.
Dude, how come no one thinks I'm gay?
And to be fair, I would love the attention.
I do.
I think a lot of people think I'm gay.
Cutie, what are you talking about?
I don't know the intention of the gay investigation.
You love Billie Eilish all the time.
Billy, she's so out of my life.
There's just nothing to investigate.
I feel like there is a world where I come home one day and my Tesla's just missing and you and Caroline have gone on your beautiful gay life.
Caroline's not my type.
She's too traditionally beautiful.
Wait a minute.
She's too traditionally beautiful.
She's a female type.
Yeah.
I've said it before.
Caitlin Clark.
No, not Caitlin Clark.
Sorry, Caitlin Clark.
That was me.
Paige Beckers.
Ooh, love her.
Phoebe Bridgers, love her.
Julian Baker, love her.
Oh, my God.
Are these women more?
I've heard you talk more longingly about women than you do about men.
You have not heard me talk about Dylan O'Brien.
Yeah, so that's the clip.
So here's the clip.
So play it.
So this is another thing.
What is this?
This is the other speculation is how he interacts with women.
And here's an example.
So basically, this is a part of the meta, okay?
He goes to nightclubs and he steals the girlfriends of other guys there.
And the other guys are taking me.
Why are you stealing my girlfriend and stuff?
Anyway, play the clip and full screen it, please, because we need to see every, you know, we need to go frame by frame.
He's like, no, why are you closing?
Talk to my girlfriend.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
That's got to be fake.
This has to be fake.
It is fake.
Okay.
Anyway, but this part.
He also gave her a little, a little.
He did this.
Listen, listen.
Ready?
He did that.
He did a little baby pucker.
Also, he does look very gay in this.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
He could walk down the street to Twist if he's in Miami.
And Fit Rise.
These guys are always.
Let's get a sleeper cell.
You know how fucking woke I am?
Even though clavicular ultimately is problematic, I still don't like to speculate about people's sexuality.
Yeah.
Wow.
I do.
I don't give a fuck.
The more problematic, the more I speculate.
Yeah, and I have the past because Austin.
Yeah.
No, I don't give a fuck.
I'm homophobic.
You know who I love to speculate about?
It's fucking Lindsey Graham.
Okay, there's no speculation.
Lindsey Graham is gay as fuck.
Yeah, there's no speculation on that.
Yeah, I love it.
Speculate all you want to these fucking demon conservative motherfuckers.
Oh.
Donald Trump.
Gay.
Donald Trump is gay in the right way, though.
I think.
Maybe it's because people just want to spoil their secrets because they don't want to let them have anything that's holy left to them because they're so evil.
I think it's rooted.
So it's like, let's spoil their secrets.
I think it's because that guy literally, didn't he hail Hitler?
Yeah, we don't want him.
Like, that's, yeah, respectfully.
What?
What?
He doesn't want him.
Austin said no.
Why are you laughing like that?
Why are you laughing?
Yeah, what do you have?
Because earlier when we were having this conversation, Austin was like, We should bring him on the team.
And I was like, He hired him.
I forgot about that.
He didn't know about that.
That's where we draw the line.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, look, of course, we draw the line well before then.
Well, before we don't want him on there, okay.
Austin was very excited.
Look, he's a good-looking dude.
Austin was very excited to bring him on team.
No, I wasn't.
I wasn't.
First of all, I'd have to consult a lot of people, and a lot of people, it wouldn't pass.
He wouldn't pass.
Anyway, but the reason why people are speculating is because he gave a little kissy poo on the cheek to this lady, and it was very like it was like a I think.
For me, it's fun to speculate on people like this because they are so in many ways homophobic.
Right.
And he's not anymore.
No, he's not.
He decided to went to New York Fashion Week, and after going to New York Fashion Week, he decided LGBT is fine.
I think that's what he said.
He said LGBT is fine.
I think.
What about the plus?
Did you guys see that the Pope came out against look maxing?
Oh, no, the Pope did.
I think the Pope made an anti-lux maxing.
We need to.
He basically said something along the lines of we need to accept ourselves.
You know what?
Previous Pope was better because previous Pope would have been previous Pope would have been five of Lux Maxing.
Previous Pope might have been gay.
He was using a certain term that most homophobic people wouldn't even use.
I think there's an ulterior motive here.
What is it?
Well, I think Jesus Christ was the original frame mugger.
True, he did.
There were a lot of frame cells.
If the crucifixion of Christ happened today, the caption would be Jesus of Nazareth, frame mugs, Roman legionnaires.
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah.
I mean, his jawline was snatched.
Yeah, good abs.
I'll be honest with you.
Nice long hair.
His diet must have been Trutide.
His shot snatched.
Oh, yeah, here.
Let's read the Pope's statement about look maxing.
It's 48 pages.
Go ahead and read that caption for us, Marshi.
The real body is not truly loved.
Just what?
Just zoom in.
We'll read it.
Yeah.
The Vatican just reads a 48-page document taking on cosmetic surgery culture, looks maxing in the Trump aesthetic.
And Pope Leo approved every word.
The sharpest line: the real body is not truly loved.
Yeah, Pope Leo is big on Audi vaginas too.
Oh, really?
Yeah, big time.
Oh, it is funny to have an American Pope.
I mean, it still doesn't, it rubs me the wrong way.
Yeah, you're Muslim.
What?
No, it has nothing to do with that.
You can't give us shit.
I feel like y'all have a Pope.
Am I wrong?
You know, they have a Pope in the Cars movie, the third one.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, the Pope Mobile?
Which makes you think, who else did they have?
Who else could they?
Wait, wait, wait.
The Ayatollah?
They do have a Pope.
Oh, it's a Pope Mobile and a Pope Mobile.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
So there is a Muslim Pope.
I think what was JFK writing in.
There's multiple Muslim popes.
There's the Ayatollah's, and then there's the Ayatollah.
More recently, right?
No, no.
There's like a Shia cleric that is supposed to be the grand cleric.
The Pope actually visited him, the previous Pope.
Oh, they do a thumb war.
And then there's also a Sunni one, which is like supposed to be the Caliphate, which is more of a political position, but I guess so is the Pope, kind of, when you think about it.
But the Caliphate is not a thing anymore.
Where did they?
What happened to him?
It's the Ottoman Empire.
Oh.
Right.
I remember about that.
But what I was saying is not that like, like, the Pope, the Pope's existence, I'm agnostic on.
I don't really care.
But I think it needs to be.
I think it needs to be.
Are you even Catholic?
Why are you getting sad?
Why are you arguing with me on this?
I just think that the Pope shouldn't have a Chicago accent.
You need him to be like, Oh, I spoke with the gods.
Yes.
Am I wrong?
No, I mean, you're not wrong.
Yeah, he's like, Hey, go piss.
Like, when the Pope comes out, he's like, Yeah, don't move the biz out of Chicago.
I'm like, No, I father be thy name.
Yeah, no, it's fucked up.
It's fucked up.
You know the rest.
We gotta get right into this.
This look maxing shit is out of control.
Yeah, that's what that's how you get at this, like, crazy, like, weird American shit that he's getting himself involved in.
But Pope style.
I don't know.
I kind of.
I mean, they already turned.
Jesus looks like he was born in Beverly Hills anyway.
He might just fucking.
Well, not the real Jesus, but the one that we made.
You know what I mean?
The Mormon one's blonde.
Yeah, the Mormon one was born in Salt Lake City.
Yep.
Yeah.
The Mormon one looks like Cutie Cinderella.
Yeah, we're related.
Yeah, the Mormon one looks like one of the women that Cutie Cinderella is attracted to.
Low-key kind of looks like Julian Baker.
Yep.
Do you think anybody ever jerks off to the photo?
Yeah, definitely.
Don't act like that's not tickling.
That's sacrilege.
There's like this weird Mormon porn where they're like in the temple wearing their garments and they like slowly like I've seen that.
What?
I've seen that.
I've seen the staged like they're in their garments.
There's gay versions of that.
Yeah.
There's like there's also missionary porn where they're like on their mission and they're like, hey, elder.
You think they're like, so they're actually Mormons that are making that porn?
No.
Like former Mormons.
How the fuck are you?
Not the actors.
I think probably like the writer.
How do they get the garments?
Well, they're not.
They're like costumes.
They're not real garments.
I haven't walked them close, watched them close enough.
They're just not sexy.
Yeah, there's like when you get married in the temple, you have to like, I forget everything you have to do, but at one point you have to put like this green bib around your waist to symbolize like Adam and Eve and there's all sorts of weird stuff like that.
The palm fronds.
Yeah, yeah.
So they're getting fucked in the green bib.
I think they take it off.
I don't know.
I've never watched it.
I'm going to watch one too.
I just know it exists.
Anthropology.
Stay at your house.
Anthropology.
You're going to be watching it together.
I don't want to.
I'm not even going to be here tonight.
I'm going to the Vanity Fair Oscar party.
Are you?
Oh.
Will you market for us?
Network?
Do you have business cards?
Can we send you with a business card?
You're going to the what?
You're not inviting me.
Wait, who's your plus one?
No one.
Why?
Do you have a plus one?
Super airtight.
Okay.
I'm just, I'm just upset.
Next time, please take Marsha or Will.
You would be fine, but you'd forget.
Hold on.
I'm out now.
We have 10 minutes left.
Do you guys want to take a call in?
Hassan.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd love to.
We do Colin's.
Yeah, we have a new segment.
Well, before we get into that segment, though.
When did this happen?
When are you going to be home so I can know when to unlock the door?
Wait, unlock the door.
You can just use it.
He lives here.
I know.
I can't go to bed unless I know everybody's in the house safe and sound.
So you could have just said.
I don't know when I'm going to come back home, Austin.
Are you going to text me when you get back?
Are you kidding?
Okay, no, let's set you up with some things.
So what is your goal of the night, Hassan?
This is good.
This is good.
My mom wants me to meet Chloe, the Hamnett lady.
And when you talk to her, what are you going to ask her?
I'm just going to tell her my mom is really my mom wanted me to meet you.
No, no, you're going to say...
You want to come on the Fearan podcast?
Yes.
Do you have a guest list?
No.
Oh, my God.
We have nothing.
What do you mean?
Okay, so here's the thing about the Fearan podcast right now if you're wondering.
Okay, I want everybody to know something.
If you've seen an uptick in homosexual guests and drag queens and people, the LGBTQ community, it's because I have been booking like crazy.
But the problem is, which I don't think you see it as a problem, but our podcast is going to be very gay unless we balance it.
I'm happy.
That's not a problem.
I don't think it's an issue at all.
See Pedra Pascal.
I'm literally not asking him to come on the pod.
All right.
All right.
Who would be your number one for him to ask, though?
Just so we put it out there.
Just put it out in the universe.
Dylan O'Brien.
Okay.
Why?
Why not?
That's crazy.
You just said you're horny for him.
This is not.
Could you imagine?
What if it's incredible and I leave my wife and kids and we go start an Apple or this is not a hall pass opportunity?
Trixie Mattel.
Yeah, but our chemistry would be out of this world.
It'd be the best performing episode ever.
Yeah, wait, I literally.
Trixie, if you hear me.
Trixie.
Trixie.
Like a hive mind.
Trixie Dave.
Like a dad on an iPad.
Trixie.
Can you hear me?
Trixie, this is a public service announcement.
Please join us on the fear and Dylan O'Brien.
I have a boyfriend.
You'd be comfortable the whole time.
Did you say no more queer guests?
He didn't say that.
Trixie Public Service Announcement00:11:03
You said that.
You said you wanted to piece it up.
You told me, Hassan told me he said it's getting too easy.
You know who I want?
Yeah, and then right after that, you said if you see Dylan O'Brien, you'll ask him.
Yeah.
You know who I want?
Give me Timmy.
Okay, I'll give him definitely.
Timothy.
Timmy C. Timothy Chalamay.
Timmy C.
Oh, yeah.
I feel like he'd be, we could get Timmy.
We could not get Timothy Chalamay.
He's been on.
Can I say something?
I think Timmy would vibe with us.
I agree.
I think for that episode, we would do that.
I want to talk to him.
I'd intimidate him with my sexual prowess, unfortunately.
We'd probably do.
Yeah, just meet with him.
No, no, Cutie, I want to talk to him about it.
Call me by your name.
That was one of my, I can have my seats.
Actually, cut that, Marsha.
Wait, why?
What?
Why?
Cut the part where I said cut that.
We'll leave that part.
We'll leave all that.
All of it.
He got scared because call me by your name is like problematic.
It's problematic in the book.
I didn't like it for the problematic.
I just liked it for the cinematography.
Right.
Okay.
I didn't like it for the problematic.
I didn't like the problematic part.
I didn't appreciate that the age barrier between.
Well, I thought the age gap was ridiculous.
Yeah.
I was like, can we make this a little closer?
Yeah, while he was watching, while he was watching, he was going like this.
No.
Michael E. Jordan.
Oh, he's not going on the freaking podcast.
You think we can get Timothy Chalamay on this?
Absolutely not.
Paris Hilton.
I don't think she should.
You've already talked to Paris.
Talk to her.
I tried, but she didn't.
I also, I've talked to her before.
They're friends on Instagram.
Ask her again.
I don't feel like it.
Marco Robbie.
No, she's not going to be.
You guys are.
Your guests are so unrealistic.
I want Errol Scholarship.
Hold on.
Can we have a Republican on the podcast?
Just for fun?
Like, let's have.
Can we have fucking fight?
No, no, no.
I want Clint Eastwood.
What's the gay one?
No, not the gay one.
Who's the gay one?
Fucking he got in trouble for fraud.
Amy Poehler.
Are you talking about the fucking New York Republican congressional representative?
George Santos.
George Santos that was on Fortnite Friday.
Yeah, bring us George Santos.
He's not going to be at the Vanity Fair podcast.
Okay.
Could you get Amy Poehler?
We could get Amy Poehr.
David Corn Sweat.
Superman.
That would be great.
Daniel Tosh.
I agree with that one.
Comedians are great.
All right.
Well, let's move on.
Okay, so what do you mean?
Some guys gave me a dog shit list.
Only Will gave me good names, by the way.
That was crazy.
He gave you one name.
I gave you like 10.
I gave three.
Yeah, he gave great names.
He gave Timothy Chalmy, David Corn Sweat.
Who was the other one?
I don't know.
I came up with one other one.
Trixie Mattel.
No, that's not.
Dylan O'Brien.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
They were?
Can I be honest?
Dylan O'Brien, ask him to become shirtless.
Out of control.
They were both out of control all day.
What is happening?
I don't know what's happening.
You're not even talking on your mic.
Oh, hello.
All right, guys, we're going to the karaoke episode.
No, no, we're not.
We're not done with the episode yet, kitty.
Oh, we have a quarter of a week.
We have a new segment of the Fear End podcast, and I've made it up.
I'll do the jingle.
I've made up a jingle.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
What does everybody know about this?
So we got a new segment.
All right, and it's called Collins, where you call in and we listen and then we commentate on what you called in on.
All right, and I'm gonna make up a jingle right now: ring-a-ling-ding, ring-a-ling-ding.
Wait, that was pitchy.
Let me start over.
This was embarrassing.
Ring-a-ling-ding.
Ring-a-ling-a-ding, ding-a-ding-ding.
Ring-a-ding.
That's a fucking song.
Oh, so catchy.
Oh, yeah.
I like when he did something different.
I like when he did that.
That was good.
Anybody watching and wondering, the Patreon already knows this.
The Discord knows this, but we opened up a submission form for our patrons to submit stuff.
So that's where the calls are coming from.
So, and then, yeah.
Harry Styles just went on Britney Broski.
We could get Harry Styles.
Okay, that's not a bad one.
All right, pull it up.
All right.
How about this one?
Benny Blongo.
This one is somebody asking if they're the asshole or they're a bad person.
Relevant to last week's episode.
Here we go.
I'm listening.
I needed to tell me if I'm being a bad person or if I'm being funny.
Okay.
Story of my life.
There was a yik yak at a school that I just transferred away from.
I don't go there anymore.
Anonymous posting.
Gossip.
I will go on to the yik yak still because all you put in is your phone number.
So you can still tap in.
Like your location isn't necessary.
So I'm back in, you know, I'm not at the school anymore.
And I will just be like, hey, guys, I have some leftovers that I'm not going to eat.
Come knock on this door.
And people will come knock on the door and then people will get mad and I have no consequences for it.
Am I a bad person for that?
Or is that like funny?
I don't know.
I don't think you're a bad person.
I think you need new hobbies, though.
Okay, I was going to say, no, that's definitely, you should have stopped doing that.
And certainly, because QD immediately jumped in and defended it, you should know never to do that again.
Wait, can I be honest?
Not a bad person.
However, painfully boring.
If you're going to do fake yikak posts to get people to go to door.
Oh my God.
Tell people you have chlamydia.
What?
Yeah.
Tell people you had chlamydia and you were at like a popular spot that there was a party the night before and you're like, I accidentally made out with everyone and then posted on yikak.
That's terrorism.
Oh, you can't get chlamydia from making out.
What can you?
Sex.
No, what can you get from your mouth?
You love your mouth STDs.
Well, no, you can get chlamydia from making out with somebody.
Yeah, you can.
You just have to really get it in there.
Chlamydia of like the throw.
You don't have to stop.
No one asked.
I've never done that.
Okay.
What mouth ones can you get?
No, this is a convincing someone they have an STD is a horrible idea.
Okay, my bad.
I'm saying like you make a post and you're like looking for a friend to watch full reruns of Young Sheldon.
We have a group must come in costume on Wednesday.
And then someone shows up in there in full young Sheldon costume.
Like that's funny.
Find out you are funny.
Find out what?
Convincing someone that they might have a potentially dangerous ailment in their genitals is not funny.
Getting someone to show up in Young Sheldon cosplay is.
I guess we're going to find out what you're finding out your enemy's address and put things on Facebook Marketplace.
Oh my God.
My ex did that to me in high school.
Actually, just kidding, I did it to him.
I forgot.
Let's go to the next one.
Next call.
One more caller.
And then we'll do more of the Patreon.
This has been a disaster already.
We're never doing this again.
Kill the segment.
Wait, that's how we're doing Carrie on the Patreon.
This is a follow-up that people wanted an answer to.
Okay, we have a few.
Let's just run through a few of these.
Got it.
We have time.
Hello, Fearn Podcast.
Hello.
This is Little Man2379.
Oh, I know this guy's voice patrons of the fear and patreon, of course.
Oh, it sounds like me.
I feel like I know this guy.
I have a question for you all today.
Well, not you all, it's specifically for two members, and that is Will and Hassan.
Oh my god, kill myself.
I love to hear the story.
Fuck you, caller.
This is weird to ask.
Yeah, it is.
Because why am I asking this?
Why is this a story?
But what is with this Kung Fu porn story?
We never got a resolution.
Oh, that's true.
Kung Fucking Caleb episode.
So I would love to.
Fine, I'll freaking sit back.
My curiosity.
We never ended up watching the kung fu porn, which we should behind the paywall.
Obviously, we can see why we never got to this topic because the other two members of the pod don't give a fuck when we're trying to tell the story.
However, the resolution of this is that Hassan saw something on the internet that he thought I would love, which was a booze.
If they're not the center of the tension, they can't handle it.
Maybe we could convince this caller he's dying of AIDS or something, right?
Cutie Cinderella style.
Okay, so Hassan found this video on the internet that he thought I would love.
Was I wrong?
But here's the part: it was like it was like an earworm that he couldn't find again.
He could not find the kung fu porn.
You're like a child.
They have been.
They have been a detriment.
Go ahead, go ahead.
To our quality.
All day.
I feel like I've been nothing but helpful.
You hear that, Dylan Robran?
Dylan O'Brien really values.
Thanks, Dylan O'Brien.
I thought so too.
Well, could you finish the damn story?
Well, can you finish your damn story?
You're taking up too much airspace.
I hate you guys.
I hate.
I do so much.
I do so fucking much.
I am ADHD.
I have a fucking clue.
I built you back up as a funny guy.
That was me.
Devil wears Prada.
Hey, Emily.
I fucking made you, bitch.
I built you from the fucking clay.
You want how much money we made on your version of the podcast?
Fucking knocking.
And you.
Couldn't find it for a week.
It's an innie.
Well, anyway, as we're.
And so it was plaguing him.
So he finally found it at seven in the morning.
And he sent it to me while I was in bed with my girlfriend.
And I opened my phone at seven in the morning.
New light breaking through the window.
And there's a fucking kung fu master doggy style railing a girl flying through the air on treetops.
And my girlfriend looks at my phone and it's way more peculiar than usual.
And she goes, What's going on?
And I said, Hassan thought I would love this.
And it went seven in the morning.
And it's a great story.
Fuck you guys.
But also, was I wrong, though?
No, you were right.
I loved it.
So we identify what the porn is.
Good segment, Marsh.
Thanks for the calls, Marsh.
Ladies and gentlemen, I thought it was good.
On that note, we thank you so much for watching this episode of the Fear Ann podcast.
And I just want to let you know.
Give me a fucking pop-up.
I just want to let you know that we appreciate you.
And if you saw we were a little off, that's because we all did.
We all dropped acid before this.
Because we're so excited for the karaoke episode on the Patreon.
I don't want to do karaoke the whole time.
What?
We're going to do a little karaoke.
Thank You and Acid Confessions00:00:59
You know what?
I'll do it with you.
All right.
Thank you all for watching.
And please subscribe to the Patreon.
Also, we're going on tour.
That's right.
Shut up.
Don't just sit with him.
You can sit with him.
You're starting it.
You got this, Christian.
Okay.
One day more.
Another day, another destiny.
This never-ending road to Calvary.
Yes.
These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time.