Austin Kwan, Will Neff, Caroline Kwan, and Hassan Piker navigate Chongqing's culture, contrasting China's infrastructure with American flaws while recounting food poisoning and martial arts discipline. They face online threats over singing on Bilibili and endure a four-hour police interrogation after posting a Mao Zedong meme, eventually being detained for days. Despite the chaos, including a freezing Tiananmen Square ceremony and debates over song choices, the group highlights the surreal reality of Westerners in China, concluding that minor infractions can escalate rapidly under local scrutiny. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Lost Love Jingle00:12:15
Go ahead.
Give us a new jingle right now on the spot.
What's the theme of the jingle?
I want one that represents a lost love.
Maybe something that's a little bit low down and soulful.
Really?
How?
How is that?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another fantastic episode of the Fear Ann podcast.
This time for the first time in recorded history, live from China.
That's right.
We are here with the... Chongqing.
Yeah, we are in Chongqing, China.
How do you say it?
Chongqing, which is with the Chongqing local accent.
Oh, the local.
That's right.
And we are joined by Wil Neff, Hassan Piker.
We're regular.
This is our show.
Thank you, Austin.
Thank you, Austin.
He was joined by...
You were the late edition.
Austin?
I know.
We started this podcast together.
My lovely girlfriend, Caroline Kwan, and myself, Austin Kwan.
Austin Kwan.
Which I changed my name before we got legally married.
Wouldn't be engaged.
Would like to welcome Will Neff and Hassan Piker to the Fear Ann podcast.
Wow.
Wow, it's such an honor to be on this podcast.
Austin will be joining the Kwan Dynasty.
That's right.
I will be.
I will be.
You have been handing that out like hot cakes.
No, I have not.
No.
You have to be more selective.
It's just Austin Kwan.
That's right.
Austin Auntie.
He's the only one who's gotten into the Kuwan.
I have denounced my homosexuality and joined the Kwan Dynasty.
Why didn't you change the dynasty?
It's like a citizenship.
I just didn't.
I denounced it.
Okay.
I do this.
That's blessing.
You do the sign of the corn.
No, you do the sign of the cross to denounce it.
Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.
Three weeks in, you would be getting the shakes.
You'd be getting the dick shakes.
The dick shakes.
You don't think I could survive without dicks.
I'm not doing something that happens at a urinal anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You literally would walk up to the restroom while someone's pissing and just be like, okay.
Here's the thing.
You can have a male concubine.
I have seen you.
Oh.
When you are horny.
Uh-huh.
We both have.
Do you mean the first 72 hours of this trip?
You were climbing up walls.
You said a woman turned you on.
Okay.
You said you got a massage and you were like, it was weird.
I was a little turned on.
They kept touching my penis.
What am I supposed to do?
She did not touch you.
She did not touch his.
Well, through the talent.
An elderly Asian lady.
She was at least 40.
At most.
I mean, sorry, at most 40.
I just don't.
At least 40.
So we've seen you at your worst.
Yes.
Also, I mean, I got to see a cultural collision involved with your horny when you had our amazing handler, Irene, help you order lubricant on a Chinese shopping account.
I thought that was a joke when you said you were going to send a lubo.
No, First of all, first of all, it doesn't just start there.
He and I were walking to a Lawson, and a employee of the hotel who spoke some English decided he was going to help us find the Lawson.
He walks with us, and I'm picking out snacks, and Austin goes, lubricant.
No, I didn't see it.
I'm looking for lubricant.
I did not see this.
Is this lube?
No, no, no.
And he goes, not water-based.
No.
Not water-based.
Not.
Well, that is not how I approach this.
I understand why you wouldn't want a water-based.
He just gives viscosity.
I think he couldn't translate.
No, no, hold on, hold on.
Or the shame.
Wait, this was at the Lawson?
This was at the Lawson, or the shame was too great.
You were talking to the Lawson employee?
No, no, no, I was talking to an employee from the hotel.
But Will.
He likes to keep people hostage sometimes.
But wait, let me finish the story and then you could defend yourself.
We get back no lubricant.
He grabs Irene, our handler, and he goes, Are there any Chinese delivery apps where I can get some lube?
And if you don't believe me, I'll send this to the editor.
I have video in the locker.
I all believe you.
I don't think there's a single one.
We heard it through water-based versus silicon-based.
How do you say it in Chinese?
Lubricant.
I don't know.
I don't know.
So here's the deal.
First of all, why didn't you ask Irene?
Well, here's the deal.
First of all, I am a man of needs.
Oh, we know as gay men, when we have coitus, we do not have self-relubricating accessories.
Right.
So we need what they call, what the people call lubricant.
Right.
And I went to this, I went to this pharmacy and we were escorted by a hotel employee, but I didn't, I, well, you must correct the record.
I did not speak to him like that.
You make me seem like a bunch of people.
No, we had a conversation, but you, you were.
I wasn't like lubricant.
Like, you're making me seem like a monster like I was talking to you.
The first time you went, I'm looking for lube.
And when that didn't translate, you went lubricant.
Yeah.
Lubricant.
Okay, are you ready?
Just for future.
Oh, easy.
So quashi.
So we went to the convenience store.
I couldn't find lubricant.
And I asked the gentleman, I said, is there a Chinese delivery app that I could download?
And he showed it to me and I said, is it in English?
And he said, no.
And so I was like, I was at a loss.
And so I went to Irene and I was like, Irene, look, I was wondering if you could help me download the delivery app.
And she said, no, no, no.
I'll just get it ordered for you.
And I said, well, Shaman.
Are you sure anything you'll order for me?
She's like, ah, I know what you want.
And then she pulled it up immediately.
She knew that.
Oh, because they're bestie.
Why didn't you bring some with you?
You brought everything else.
I forgot it.
Austin literally talked about this already.
I'm talking about this on stream, but I have to talk about it again.
We walk into LAX.
No, there's going to be in the vlogs.
Will and I, and you will see this on the vlog.
If you subscribe as a Patreon subscriber, you will see the entire experience, but I have to bring this up.
We walk to LAX.
By the way, dozens of hours of hotel reviews.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
He has a lot of thoughts.
But we check in our luggage.
Okay.
Will and I are fine.
We have heavy luggage, but it's not over like the legal limit.
Okay.
Because the legal limit is 72.
Heavy bag limit is 50.
Austin's like 75 pounds.
So he was over that.
He was like 82.
No, no, no.
That's the last time.
That was a year.
This is LAX.
Yeah, this is LAX.
They tell him, like, they tell him to do the walk of shame across to the other side to open up his luggage and repack it so that he can, you know, like he, he's under 70 pounds.
Distribute the weight.
Austin opens up his luggage.
I'm filming him for the vlog.
And I see a fucking helmet in the goddamn luggage.
This man brought an actual helmet to China.
Now, you think it's a helmet, but it's a helmet.
No, it's a red light.
It's a red light laser helmet for male pattern baldness.
It's always for your skin.
No, I've got that one too.
Oh, my God.
How do you always bring that?
No, the one for my face is a red light panel.
The helmet is a red light helmet.
Look, for those of you out there, I am your representative.
You're suffering from male pattern baldness.
Everybody knows you got to throw for male pattern boldness.
Clearly, don't look at me.
No, I'm looking through you, baby.
There's one of us here who does not suffer from male patterns.
We've handled it.
I know you're not a man.
We've handled it.
We both have handled it, and neither of us ever needed a fucking helmet.
I got recommended.
I got sold it by the doc.
The hair doctor said it was a great idea.
So I thought he's just making commission off you.
He's farming.
Is that you two, though, when you saw how much stuff I had, started giving me shit?
He was in the background, like, hopefully they don't see everything I have because I did not bring as much as this man.
That's right.
Yeah, you've also been stopped at every checkpoint in China.
They won't let you into Burger King without putting you down.
Without recognizing the Kwan Dynasty, Kwan Dynasty.
Yeah, no, that's what it is.
That's why they keep stopping you.
Here's the deal.
That's why you wanted me to be here.
Represent.
Here's the deal.
Yeah, we needed someone Chinese and we couldn't find them.
So we got Caroline.
I am being criticized for my routine.
And frankly, I think it's homophobic.
Because if I was straight, I would have none of these routines.
Yeah, you would.
Oh, okay.
And if you would just take propecia.
I do topically.
No, no.
Oral propecia.
You've refused to swallow.
Why is it?
Because the libido thing.
Yes.
You're considering.
Do you think?
Yes.
I think we can reign your libido anyway.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
After.
I think you'd survive.
The first 72 hours, I think it was.
I was.
Okay, I'll be honest.
I was thinking about breaking my Propetia pills and putting it in your water.
You were going to sing it?
You were going to spike me with Pope.
You're going to spike me with Propetia.
Why are you so scared of it when these guys are on it?
And you know them.
Well, I'm scared of it because clearly they could go a lot longer without pussy than I could, Dick.
What?
That means...
Wait, was that an insult?
No, that doesn't make sense.
You're indicting her.
No, I'm not indicting.
And also, not only that, but also.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, but what you're saying is that we have a lower libido.
No, no, no.
I didn't mean it that way.
No, speak.
No.
Oh, shit.
This is one of those moments where I put my foot very far into my mouth.
It was a double whammy because it also didn't make sense.
I didn't mean it.
What I was trying to say is they can go a lot longer if we were to have a competition where they were restricted.
You really think that you cannot go as long?
No, no, I think I can go longer.
I think I could maintain myself longer.
I disagree because I've seen you and you are an animal.
Well, anyway, you need some propitiation.
I'd like, first of all, I'd like to make an apology to Caroline Kwan.
I didn't mean it that way.
That's not what I meant.
Just letting you know the future Kwan family dynasty in your no, but you know I didn't mean it that way, right?
I crave her pussy all the time.
No, no, no.
Okay.
Well, you know, let's no, but hold on.
Wow.
I need to clarify, Caroline.
Is it clear that I didn't mean it that way?
I was trying to compare the two between I don't, I think you have a wonderful pussy.
Say it.
Wonderful what?
I've never seen it.
Do you think I have what?
What do I have?
You think she's got a nice pussy?
You've got my girlfriend she has a nice pussy.
Caroline Kwan.
You have a prestigious pussy.
Oh, prestigious.
He saved the landing because that's the gayest way to refer to a pussy.
It really is.
No straight man has ever said that.
I think they should start saying it.
That's eloquent.
You got that prestigious.
If you heard a man say you have a prestigious, well, that's a made-up person.
Prestigious.
You don't worry.
I think it's prestigious.
You mean a tongue?
Prestigious?
Are you trying to say pristine or prestigious?
Prestigious.
Prestigious.
So, if some man said, You have a prestigious pussy, how would I react?
Prestigious.
It needs to be a word.
Okay, well, it is.
Let's make it up.
Come on, they add shit to the dictionary all the time.
That is prestigious.
Okay, prestigious.
Disneyland Infrastructure00:09:22
Austin is a good person.
You got that ex bialladocious pussy.
Prestigious.
Prestigious.
You're just now saying it worse.
So, how are you guys enjoying China?
Well, let me tell you something.
Oh, I came to China and I've never felt this before, but I'm overwhelmed with jealousy because I look around and I'm like, these cities are incredible.
Yes.
And they have access to incredible transportation, just incredible infrastructure across the board.
And I sit here and we live in the wealthiest country in the world in the United States of America, and we don't even have health care.
Speak honestly.
Why is it not possible?
Why have I been told my entire life, oh, it's too expensive?
These things are too expensive.
When I literally, I land in China, these massive, beautiful infrastructure buildings, train stations, airports, everything is beautiful.
But then I land at fucking LA motherfucking cocksucking X, and I get dumped out on the street like I'm in a fucking third world country, all right?
In the fucking horseshoe, right?
Yeah.
I mean, it's absolutely an embarrassment.
Imagine people coming from China, thinking about like the glitz and the glam of Los Angeles, California, and you walk off and you land at fucking LAX.
Yeah.
What a disaster, a disgrace, truly.
LAX, yeah, it's a disgrace.
It really is a disgrace.
It's a disgrace.
And the fact that we are hosting the Olympics, the Olympics should cancel it.
We do not deserve the Olympics in Los Angeles.
We don't.
Yeah.
We don't.
Because it's a disaster.
And anyway, my point is this is like...
That's my point.
You're going through the motions of everything that I've been advocating for for the past 10 years.
But my point is this: I'm not, I want this for my country.
I want my country to have beautiful infrastructure.
I want high-speed rail.
I want healthcare.
I think we deserve it as high-speed rail definitely.
Yes.
Oh, it fucks.
It fucks.
Can you imagine if there was a train from LA to Vegas?
Oh, or LA to New York, even.
Like, you can.
Well, let's not go crazy.
You can do LA to Chicago.
You can do LA to New York.
You can do it all.
That's the beauty of high school.
I'm from LA to Portland.
Oh, God.
Well, I'd probably still fly.
It's a little quicker.
But he is a plain slut.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Can we talk about.
Wait, can we talk about on the China on China Air when Austin?
Was he giving tips to the flight attendant?
I wasn't.
No, no.
No, no.
He was comparing the travel.
No, no, he was in Austin's words.
He was doing journalism.
You were doing journalism.
Can you tell us what you're doing?
Because I look over and you were having a long time.
Austin.
It's not like it's a DPRK.
You know what I mean?
No American has ever domestically traveled by East Air China.
We had an experience where we flew China Eastern Airlines.
And I was so impressed by this on this two and a half hour flight.
We flew in business class.
The seats were lush, comfortable.
They served us a beautiful meal.
The service was incredible.
The meal is a little suspect because it did poison.
We don't need to speak on it.
We can speak on it.
We really don't.
Caroline got super poison.
Like out of every orifice.
Okay.
Like nose even.
Ears.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Obviously, you guys call me dramatic.
You're working.
You're so drama.
Both of you.
You were literally.
Get him back of the van.
And every time we hit a bump, you'd go, ooh.
Yeah, well, I was not, I was not well.
You were not well.
I was not well, but I survived.
No, you know what it is, though?
It's because we're so Chinese that the food didn't even impact us.
It's been in the diaspora for a long time.
Yeah, that's what happened, I think.
I'm becoming, I'm becoming accustomed to the homeland.
Yeah.
The food of your peoples.
Food of my people.
Yeah, I'm so Chinese.
I'm just calling it food.
I've already diagnosed you with dehydration, Caroline.
Austin has told me 10 times today, just you need to drink water.
Yes, you just drink water.
Yes, you do.
Because I asked him, I said, you have a whole pharmacy with you.
I do.
Help me.
Help me.
You just kept saying water.
Water.
I brought a lot of pills.
I mean, not.
Oh.
Oh, he did.
No, no.
The other thing.
Not illegal.
I cannot believe it.
He busts out the bag when we're at the gate flying to Beijing.
And it's, guys, it's like, it's the largest Ziploc bag I've ever seen.
And it's filled to the brim with pills.
I could not believe it.
Well, you never know when you might need to act as a pharmacy.
And last yesterday, it came.
I had to jump into action when I gave Caroline a pill that probably contributed to her food poisoning.
But regardless of the fact, you never know when you travel to a foreign land.
Look, China has a foreign land.
China has incredible health care, obviously, but I don't speak Chinese.
I thought you...
Oh, you fooled me.
It's just a little, I don't know the process.
Speak a little Chinese form.
Don't say thank you.
Anything else?
Let him say, come on.
He's proud of it.
He's proud.
Let him say it.
No, I want to hear something else.
You can say it.
You've learned some slang, right?
Yeah.
Nihao.
Oh, hello.
Nihao.
What's that?
Yeah.
Let me help you out.
No, Don't help him out.
Don't help him out.
On the spot.
Niopi.
Oh, boha isu.
Boha isu.
Excuse me.
Niopi.
Okay, so I did learn about the Chinese gay communities terms for there's a lot.
There's a lot.
Yeah, but that's English, though.
I don't remember.
I do have a video of you saying it.
Oh.
Really?
Now that's foreign relations.
Yeah.
So, yeah, look, I carry a lot of pills because not those pills for the record.
What is those pills?
What pills would you be carrying?
Drugs.
Illegal drugs.
I do not carry illegal drugs.
I just carry antibiotics and Advil and Tylenol.
Yep.
Which guy's had a lot of that.
Oh, which guy?
Back to come autistic.
Oh, I see.
Okay, this is a very autistic country for the record.
Okay.
They love infrastructure and high-speed rail here.
Yes.
But everybody loves high-speed rail.
That's.
Yeah, I was.
Austin did it until he tried it and now he loves it.
It was such a proud moment for me.
This trip has been wonderful.
This trip has been wonderful because everyone keeps asking like, oh, what has surprised you the most about China?
I'm like, nothing because this is exactly what I expected China to be.
It is exactly what I thought it was going to be.
And I was so stoked to do it.
I was so stoked to come here.
And I'm so glad that you're seeing the proof in action that like, yeah, you can have a competent government who's like, no, we're just going to build shit, actually.
We care about the people.
Well, the thing about China that's so crazy is like you walk around and it's like everything was like, it's like Disneyland.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's like everything is Disneyland.
Like the detail that goes into like the planning and when you build something, like the theming is incredible, which leads me to believe we need to put Disney in charge of the U.S. government.
No, but that's okay.
How did he?
That's one of those things where you're so close to the correct answer.
And then he just went to the think about it.
Infrastructure built by Imagineers.
Right, but that would be a society run by ruthless capitalism.
No, no, no.
How about the government takes over Disney?
Okay.
Austin.
You're getting closer.
The reason why you compare China to Disneyland is because Disneyland is, in some respects, a walkable city with an internal, efficient public transit structure.
That's the reason why you compare it to Disneyland.
I'll be honest, they also have healthcare.
I had a headache and they gave me some adventure.
Great theming, too.
Did anybody else read this where apparently Americans on average walk the most when they're at Disneyland?
Yes.
Wow.
Yes.
That's sad.
And so like in their entire life?
It's something like that.
It's something like the most amount of walking ever does.
Did you also know in true American fashion that a family will go into how much debt?
Will come into breaking debt.
It was like five grand.
Yeah.
An insane amount of debt to take their family on a trip to Disneyland.
Or they could just go to China.
Yes.
You could be the theming.
A lot of these malls are walking around.
I'm like, this is a Disney ride.
I'm on a Disney ride.
One thing I've realized about China is they love to have the most happening in one building.
Yes.
Charcuterie Board Order00:15:50
Like the club we went to.
Yes, that was incredible.
Tell them about it, Caroline.
Crazy.
It was seven floors.
Called INS.
And each one was a completely different theme.
Yeah.
Yes.
10,000 to 15,000 people come to that club every night.
You have the pre-game.
You have the, you have dinner.
There's live music downstairs.
There's like a little bit of a barcade style situation going on with like a fake gambling floor.
There is a hip-hop club.
There are, there's a gay club, which we went to and we partied our faces off it.
We did.
Yeah.
There's two different EDM clubs, one techno, one like regular house music EDM.
There's like a like a LA style lounge club that was also pretty pop.
And like it was just an incredible experience.
Apparently we know the owner.
Yeah.
We know the owner.
And there was a funny story about that that you guys should talk about because we went there.
We got the V VIP experience.
It's not even regular VIP.
It was VVIP.
We got in from the back door.
They immediately brought us up to the seventh floor.
Yeah.
Top floor.
It's a private lounge area just for the most like V VIP clients.
And us.
Yeah.
And us.
We were the V VIPs for the night.
So they immediately are like, what do you want?
Yeah.
Whatever you want.
Alcohol, food, we'll get you everything from the entire club.
So I, thinking it was like we knew the owner, I started ordering everything.
He ordered everything.
He literally, no one knew that Austin was ordering.
No, I totally thought things were just appearing.
The waiter came over.
He said, what would you like?
I said, do you guys have food?
He said, yes.
And he said, give me everything.
I did.
I said, we'd like to sample the menu.
Dog, we ate.
I ate fucking duck tongue.
Why would you ever order duck tongue?
I asked the gentleman.
It was not the same thing.
I thought everything was.
You ordered the charcuterie board?
Yes, I wanted a little snack.
God forbid I ordered a snack.
God forbid he orders a snack.
You could picture the most like lights out bass thumping club you've ever seen.
What do you think I've seen in your life?
And then all of a sudden, just a cheese plate.
You ordered from the dark.
You ordered a charcuterie board at that fucking gay club?
I did, and it was fucking delicious.
Well, what's wrong with this?
They had it on the menu.
I don't know.
The owner did comp a lot of our consumption.
I left early, but apparently there was a panic situation.
It wasn't included.
And Caroline used her club senses, and she heard at one point someone come up to a member of our party and go, Who would like to settle the check?
And we were worried that nothing was included at that point.
Yes.
We were worried that we would have to pay for the entire experience.
So we did what any conscientious group of friends would do.
We dipped out on the plug.
We all ran and stuck his agent with the bill.
My mentor.
Let's be clear.
It was not running out to leave.
No, it was running out.
No, no, no.
It was running out, but not to leave the club.
I've heard you said, oh, David's got it, and walked away.
That is true.
Let the record show I was.
I was the only one that ordered things.
No, you weren't.
No, you weren't.
Let the record show.
No, I didn't order a single thing.
We didn't order a guy.
You guys ate the food, didn't you?
Not we thought they were bringing it out grotti.
So you were going.
You said, bring me everything.
Like a Pharaoh.
I said, Austin, you ordered.
You're specific.
Austin, you ordered duck tongue.
I said, why would anybody be like, oh, I can't wait to eat duck tongue at the nightclub?
No, you got the fucking bike tank.
To the point that Marsh was suffering.
This man who can handle his spice.
I said, I'd like to sample the local cuisine.
And then he said, and I'm not even kidding.
Do you have quesadillas?
And they had quesadillas.
They did.
No, that was the first time.
You were the one who ordered the quesadillas.
I did.
And it was delicious.
Uday.
Yeah.
No.
No, no, 100%.
We've realized that Austin, if he had a crumb of power, would be Saddam Hussein.
Okay.
Not even Saddam Hussein.
Uday Hussein.
Oh!
He's like, Saddam's so dead.
He would literally be a dictator straight up.
He'd be like, come on.
I don't think we're realizing enough that after all that was ordered and we go to the gay club and we have a table, he orders another charcuterie.
That was impressive.
Okay, here's the deal.
I would have told you.
I didn't come clean about the charcuterie board because I was just going along with it.
I don't know where the fuck that thing came from.
Oh, really?
I genuinely have no idea where that came from.
It just showed up and I started eating.
You said to me, though, you're like, I'm going to be able to do it.
I'm eating strange bread.
That clears your name a lot.
I don't swear to God.
I'm not going to get a charcuterie and on the Bible.
Wait, so you said to Caroline, I want to get a charcuterie, and then it just manifested.
Did I?
Yes, you did.
No, Caroline, I think I said, oh my God, this is such delicious charcuterie.
It was already there.
No, it was not.
It was a little plastic thing.
How drunk was I?
What do you mean you said?
You were very dark.
I mean, you probably overheard you.
Oh, my God.
What should I?
Okay, come on.
If I'm like, if I lean over and I go, you know what I really want is a charcuterie board.
I wonder if you're going to go to Saddam Hussein and start executing people.
Yeah.
Light up a cigar.
Let's point it out the non-believers.
Let the record show I would never be Saddam Hussein.
Yeah, thank God.
Oh, thank you for clearing that up.
Thank God because you're born into that.
If you were born with a crumb of power, you would abuse it.
No, I'm telling you, if I was a dictator, we had this conversation already ago.
If I was a dictator, I would be the best dictator ever.
Yeah, like you my entire staff would be staying in the same hotel as me.
Yeah, as long as they're not like other dictators.
As long as they're a very fun dictator, only execute the very worst.
He's not like the other dictators.
No, I wouldn't be.
It would be great.
Everybody would live.
Everybody would have health care.
But they would also be at your mercy.
No, I wouldn't.
I'd say open to people disagreeing with me.
It'd be really nice to have a charcuterie board.
He doesn't order it.
Yeah.
No.
No, you mean.
It's not even a charcuterie board.
He's the type of guy who'd be like, I would like the chinchilla pastroni.
It's like, I want rare meats.
They're making me.
Well, it's more endangered now.
Like, that's the type of shit you're pulling off.
Like, it's fucking incredible.
Look, I don't know.
You don't have that level of emotion and you're still doing it.
There was something in the air.
We all turned up.
I have another confession.
Mauricio Miranda and I made out.
That's true.
It's on camera.
On the behest of some of the women in Shanghai.
They demanded.
Oh, they were.
I saw you guys making out and it made me so uncomfortable.
Yeah, he's like, these goddamn homos.
Speak on that, King.
No, I'm kidding.
I was fine with it.
But I looked at it.
Oh, good.
You're not getting executed.
No.
No, but I did look and I was like, huh.
What is going on?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you were like, why not me?
It was like a lot happening.
It was like a drive-by game.
Do you remember that?
Do you remember when you and I were dancing at the club and Will came up, separated us, and he said men only to you?
Really?
Yes.
I don't remember.
That's because you had been for the last 72 hours talking about the gay men of Shanghai.
And instead, you chose to cuck me instead of talking to one gay man in Shanghai.
But the thing about Austin and Caroline Kwan is that I have no, the chemistry I have with Caroline Kwan.
Tell her she has a nice pussy.
Yeah.
Is prestigious.
It is unbelievable.
Presidential.
You unlock something in me.
I know.
I know.
Will literally separated us.
That's because he wanted him to go taste the local wares.
Yes.
He didn't want to.
I did.
Yes, he did.
I knew that I wanted to.
In that moment, you're so under.
You're full.
You're so amazing.
He was using you like a bicycle with training wheels on it.
What?
He was too nervous to go talk to Shanghai men.
So he glommed onto you because you felt safe.
Yes.
Yes.
Prestigious pussy.
Yeah.
Yes.
No, for sure.
I kept trying to like, actually, I kept trying to prod him.
Like, what are you doing?
Come on.
I was a little nervous because I don't speak Chinese.
I know it may shock you.
Dick is universe.
I know.
I know.
But I think you could just grunt in their direction, I feel like.
You really think...
Wow, thank you so much.
No, that's just how gay men are from my experience.
You go, what?
Is that who you think gay men are doing anything?
You go like this.
Is that what you think?
You really think it's that easy, huh?
And you browse grinder.
Look, look, look.
First of all, I wasn't browsing grinder at all.
You have been doing this.
You did say at one point that you had looked at every gay man in China.
I'm not even kidding.
In all of Asia.
He was in Vietnam.
He was looking in hell.
He was going across the country.
You asked me how close Vietnam was.
No!
I wasn't going to leave.
You can't import twinks.
Dude.
They won't make it through the border.
No, I wasn't going to do it.
While we're on the fucking plane, he already had localized Chengdu.
He was like looking through the twinks there.
I was just curious.
I was just curious.
But what's really funny is that there are also local gay apps.
And I'm not even kidding.
They were banned once.
Austin signed on to them.
And apparently the government asked Apple to remove those apps from the fucking app store hours after Austin logged on.
We have fear that an American dictator has made a different gay man.
I don't know.
The timing of it is so insane.
Here's the deal.
Whenever I travel abroad, I think it's important to familiarize yourself with the locals.
No.
No.
I think it's important.
You weren't traveling to Vietnam.
Are you looking at fucking?
How do you know I was on Grinder to fuck the locals?
What if I wanted to meet and break bread with the locals?
Is that a fucking thing?
Come on.
Come on.
You guys are assuming that I'm just some sort of a person.
Break bread with men who have fantastic acts.
For the record on Grindr, you can select what you're looking for.
And sometimes you can select just looking for friendship.
Third.
Friendship.
In your friendship.
So that's...
Is that what you were doing?
Of course.
Okay.
I was looking for friendship.
I believe him.
I was looking for friendship all over the country.
The show is my friend.
Yes.
And I believe it.
Yeah.
It's just a strange way to look at it.
Every time I glanced over, it's just dudes, no face.
Just above the way you're going to be.
He's below the neck.
You're just describing Grinder.
Strange way to find Frank.
I'm going to buy his cover.
He wanted friendship.
And by the way, I want everybody to know, as of today, November 16th, 2025, I have not met anybody.
Apparently because of me?
No, because the government banned you.
The government single-handedly decided this is one, this is a bridge too far.
We got to be serious about this firewall thing.
Now, I would like to say, as I sit here, I think they need to release the apps.
I think it's time.
Whoa, you should have brought that up at Beijing.
Yeah.
Can you imagine Sally if Austin had brought this up to her?
Sally, for those of you watching that didn't see the streams, was her Beijinger first day, first two day.
I love Sally.
God loves Sally.
She was so strange.
She was not on our way for her.
No.
She was so serious.
Yes.
And I think all of the people that have been like our tour guys, they've all been pretty serious so far.
But Albert Fox.
Albert Fox.
Albert is funny.
Jing was kind of funny.
Okay, by the way, as much as I, you don't get criticized for your singing that much.
Do you?
Where's this going?
You don't get criticized for singing.
I do.
I get told.
I have been told by two tour guys.
I tell him now.
Albert pulled me to the side, and so did Sally.
You don't get criticized for your singing.
We love your singing.
They told me.
The scat, on the other hand.
Now.
Wait, no, Albert loved your singing.
Yes, he did.
Oh, you're saying they pulled you aside and were like.
Yes.
Okay, you're saying there's haters out there, but the tour guides have been.
You want to share with the class?
It's relevant to singing.
It's going to be the next thing we talk about.
Yeah.
Okay.
So anyway, I have been, I have been experimenting with scat recently.
You have.
You've gotten really into scatting in China.
Yes, I have.
I have.
For the listeners.
Listeners and watchers.
doesn't mean poop stuff what are you talking about yeah that kind of tagging your by the way yeah he is he is i know he's trying to yeah because i'm versatile and i can apparently do more than one type of scat music whoa go ahead give us a new jingle right now on the spot what what what's the theme of the jingle I want one that represents a lost love.
Maybe something that's a little bit low down and soulful.
Really?
How is that?
Oh, the soul of scat spoke through you.
Wow, my goodness.
I really got it.
Frosty.
There's a point where Austin just kept trying to scat, but different versions, and we found out that he only has one speed.
Well, that was a different one.
No, but Austin, no one's ever criticized your singing.
Your singing is fantastic.
I swear, there's one guy out there.
One guy who I think you attribute to all you'll say things.
And I think there's one guy.
The guy from Nebraska.
Yeah.
This whole trip I have been on.
There's a chatter out there in the universe that I call the Nebraska chatter.
Austin's One Speed00:06:01
It's a chatter that, you know, not, it's not their fault, but they haven't traveled a lot.
And I'm not blaming them and I'm not shaming them for it.
But as a result of that, they try to be extra critical of how we are, what we are doing in a country that they themselves do not understand.
And they are backseat chatting.
And sometimes they find themselves being so woke that they actually are problematic.
The wokers.
I watched some chatters that were trying to basically essentially do.
Let's move on.
Please, let's be done with this cat.
Yeah.
But speaking of singing, we were almost deported today.
What?
Because apparently, because of my red son in the sky singing.
You want to read those comments?
The BDBD chatter.
Someone who actually received criticism for his song.
Yeah.
The Chinese chatters on.
For those of you who don't know, I started also live streaming on BDBD and I'm not a big deal, but like have been on the number one slot every day that we've been live streaming.
In our defense, you haven't really given us a chance to stream on that.
Yeah, I didn't see that.
That's true.
If you guys started, it would be over for me.
That's why I can't have you doing that.
But the Chinese chatters were saying he's really going to be arrested now.
Don't sing, please.
Don't sing, please.
Wow, he said it twice.
Yeah, no, that's a different.
No, no, those are two different chats.
Oh, wow.
Which makes it worse.
Yeah, that's not great.
Yeah, they did not.
I also sang a Chinese song.
What was that?
By the Wu-Tang Clan.
Oh, I sang Shimashimiyashi.
Spiritually Chinese.
Uh baby, I like it raw.
Yeah.
The old moonie bastard.
Also known as the old dirty Chinese food restaurant.
Oh.
It was one of his aliases.
Really?
Okay.
Nice.
Okay.
So they didn't, they didn't like your, they loved Will's singing.
Did they?
Well, this is the thing about.
They did.
There was one comment that said, Will can't look at Miss Squan because he's scared of something.
Because unlike Austin, who's been embraced with love in our group for his song, I am constantly told in a non-funny way that my voice is not very good.
Who told you that?
What?
Caroline, did you?
I did not do that.
You will say things to me like, well, I wish you sang songs that were good.
No, I maintain it.
Oh, yeah, no, that would be nice if you did do that.
Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no.
She sings wonderful songs.
No, no.
Like, your song selection.
Ding, ding, goes a trolley.
Ring, ring, ring.
Goes a bell.
Wait, no, not him.
Someone else was singing it.
We had the whole group singing.
Christian.
Christian.
No, obviously Christian.
Christian.
It was one other person.
I don't know.
Anyway.
I have the only gun in Chongqing.
What do you think?
And I'm going to kill myself.
You told me to sing Chapel Rowe.
Yeah, that was good.
That was a good song.
That was good.
You get show tunes.
What do you mean?
I'm calling the.
Let's do it, Austin.
Call the police.
I'm calling the police.
You deserve it.
He makes them kill me.
You cunt.
Now, I noticed he blocked that because today we did do.
Really June Wing Show.
Which was very bad.
God, what a transition that was.
Fucking believable.
I got to be so for real.
I didn't know we were doing a full class.
I thought we were coming in.
I thought he was going to kind of do a demonstration and then let us do a few things.
That was a full hour and a half.
We were all, first of all, we were all wearing what we were wearing the day of.
Yes.
We were all wearing like nice clothes and we just came in there.
Swamp ass.
It's so fucking hot.
You were drinking.
Oh, thank you.
I was sweating so much.
Because, first of all, even the fucking malls, they crank up the heat.
Oh, that's one thing I have to say.
America has nailed air conditioning.
Yeah.
We have conquered air conditioning.
Total dominance.
But Wing Chung was fantastic.
The master was incredible.
And that was the only thing.
The only thing I would say is I don't know if I would learn because he did kind of beat the ever-loving shit.
Wait, can we talk about that?
That was crazy.
He just kept cracking him.
We have to play.
There was.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, he just, he hit me one time.
Irene's idea was for him to hit me one time.
My boy had force.
Yeah.
No, he was not holding back.
He hit me too.
Look at this.
Yeah, watch this.
We're going to give that.
We're going to give that to the editor.
Watch, he goes flying out of the frame.
Yeah.
No, like two feet in the air type flying shit.
It was crazy.
No, no, no.
He had no chill.
And then at one point, at one point, the guy like made a small mistake and he went and he just sent him away.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, he was serious.
He scolded him.
But that's a master.
Yeah.
That is a master.
No, and you know what?
That guy commanded respect.
Yes.
I miss him.
Yeah, honestly.
He was if you ever find yourself in this city, it was a fantastic experience.
And remember that German guy came up.
He stopped the bus and he asked what your Twitch channel was because I think he wanted to watch it.
He said he comes from Germany four times a year.
Just to train with his gun.
He's range like him because he said he's the best.
Yeah.
Just don't be the guy he does displays on.
No, no.
Dangerous.
Danger, danger, danger.
I tell you what, I don't know if it was clear, but I was winging that whole thing.
Oh, we know you were Wing Chunging it.
Yeah, but no.
Very good.
Okay, wait, let's rank the four of us here in terms.
Okay.
Will's number one.
He killed it.
It was so funny.
Like within five minutes, the guy was like, wow.
Yeah.
He even told me afterward, he said, you were the best.
Best Solo Display00:08:08
Really?
Yeah.
Okay, who was next?
Can I be honest?
Caroline.
Caroline Kwan.
Yep.
I think so too.
You even had the best solo display, I think.
Oh, Arrow Punch.
Arrow Punch.
I think you like even better than me had the best demo, and you absolutely obliterated your SI joint, apparently.
Yes, I did.
Yeah.
What's an SI joint?
It's on your hip.
Oh, I didn't even know we had those.
Next, it's mostly a woman problem.
Oh, well, you know what?
I am so sorry.
They wouldn't understand what it's like to be a woman.
I want to clarify.
You wouldn't understand what it's like to be.
I know that every day he knows.
Right now, I'm holding her hand.
She's sending her woman through me.
I don't know what this.
Yeah, he didn't.
Yes.
Do you feel it all?
Yes, I feel all of it.
I feel all of it.
I'm actually probably about to poop my pants.
Wow.
Maybe she said too much.
She sent too much your way.
Oh, my God.
You guys.
All right, ready?
Let's test.
Let's test.
You guys think you have a better connection than we do?
Yes.
Have you ever done the word association game where you go one, two, three, and you both say a word?
Yes.
And then you try and meld the two words together on the second one.
No, you're mouthing it.
You can't do that.
That's crazy.
On the second one, you try and say the same word.
Okay, okay.
Don't say what he just said.
All right.
One, two, three.
Vagina.
Oh.
Rube and vagina.
Shh.
Can't speak.
You try and marry them together.
One, two, three.
Anal.
Okay, anal and coughing.
One.
I was saying anal two.
One, two, three.
Dick.
Dick.
We said it's a chicken.
They're cheaters.
They're going to cheat every time.
One, two, three.
Bananas.
Breast and banana.
One, two, three.
Melons.
It's a fruit, Caroline.
Darren, you have to say it at the same time.
Okay.
One.
One, two, three.
Penis.
I thought we were doing fruit.
One, two, three.
Green fruit.
They didn't.
All right.
Hassan.
All right, go ahead.
Okay, I mean, okay.
How do we count it off?
So we're just going to come up with.
We just say a word and then we try and marry the two into a new word.
Okay.
And we try and say the same thing.
Okay.
Show them our connection.
All right.
One, two, three.
Horse.
Wait, you said horse?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
This is tough.
Horse and apples.
Tough.
I don't know how the fuck we're going to do.
Yep.
One, two, three.
Feed.
Damn it.
Wait, what is it?
Farm.
Farm.
And I said feed.
Yep.
Right.
So wait.
Oh, we're trying to arrive at like the same.
You're really killing it, Caroline.
Wow.
You said, I said feed.
You said farm.
Yep.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Trough.
Cows.
Okay.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
You said, I need to hold my hand.
Hold my hand.
I need to get your energy.
Okay, wait, hold on, hold on.
You said trough.
I said cow.
Yep.
Hold on.
Okay.
Yep.
Hey.
What have you started saying at this point?
No, no.
Markets.
My men.
Wait, wait.
We didn't understand the game.
I got, I got it.
I got it.
All right.
Ready?
You really want to do this?
One, two.
No, I'll count it off.
Three.
Eyes.
You have to say a word.
I thought you were counting us off.
Okay, ready?
One, two, three.
Eyes.
No.
What the fuck?
No.
No.
One, two, three.
Nose.
Okay, lips and nose.
One, two, three.
Eyebrows.
One, two, three.
You're just going to be sick.
One, two, three.
Eyelashes.
One, two, three.
I already said that.
Okay, fuck it.
All right, let's get back on task.
That was crazy.
Okay, so stop.
I just finished my water.
I haven't had a sip of your water.
It was Austin.
It was all.
Let me get one too.
You are.
Wow, that's so funny.
I am Will.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, because he steals my water all the time.
Oh, thank you.
By the way, this is one of the best waters I've ever had in my life.
I don't know what it is.
It's like Chung Bai Snow, and it's got Tiger on it, and it's so delicious.
It's a delicious water.
Okay, so Will.
So you were the best at the place.
Carolina's second best.
Who's third best?
Austin.
Oh.
Oh.
I thought Hassan did really well.
Except for his solo display, which my solo display was out of the way.
I thought we were talking about the solo displays.
Oh, solo display.
It's awesome.
It's Austin.
Wait, How does Hassan rank ahead of me?
Tell me how that works.
For the moves?
Yes.
He was forceful and quick.
No, we're talking about the first time.
You weren't even watching.
I was.
Your solo display was better, though.
100%.
Okay, but overall.
I was first.
And you were last.
Yeah, it was terrible.
I shouldn't have done it first.
But hear me out.
I thought I was better all around.
Do it right now.
Okay.
Do it right now.
Wait, March.
Wait, make sure this is on camera.
Yeah.
Austin is going to do the.
What do we call it?
This is a Wing Chung demonstration.
Ooh, what did you get us, Dave?
And it's Kung Fu.
It's going to make sure I get this.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Show us.
First position.
Nope.
Nope.
First position.
Yep.
Second position.
Yep.
Third position.
Okay.
Yep.
First position.
Second position.
Third position.
Okay, third position.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
Third position.
Teeth positioning is not outwards, it's inwards.
Let him go through it.
Third position.
Yep.
Fourth position.
Yes.
Fifth position.
Yes.
Sixth position.
Three.
No.
No.
Fast fist.
Fast fist.
Three fists.
Three punch.
Three punch.
Yep.
Yes.
Next position.
Nope.
Nope.
No, no, no.
Elbow across.
There it is.
Last one.
Last one.
Kick.
Well, kick.
Okay.
No.
You can do it.
Watch it.
Watch it.
Hassan.
Wow.
Oh.
All right, Hassan.
Come on.
See how you get it.
Okay.
I don't even need to count him off.
This is my star pupil.
Oh.
He gets a look at me.
Oh.
Oh.
I don't have the shoes.
Okay.
The ground is.
Yes.
Yep.
And then, what was it?
It was like.
Yeah.
Yep.
And then.
Yep.
Yep.
Okay.
And then.
Yep.
And then.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Close up.
Is he having sex?
Yep.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, watch out.
Watch out, Marsh.
Mars.
Wow.
Sis.
He's the extra.
He's the extra.
Shush.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, shish.
I did that.
Shhh.
I did.
I did that.
You didn't do none of that shit.
I did that.
Strange White Flag Scene00:09:13
When we do that.
Look, you can do it when there's no pressure, but when I was in front of the master, I fucking killed that shit.
The master punch gave you one punch, right?
Yeah, he hit the shit out of me.
Yeah, yeah.
He had really pretty strong, sexy energy, I would say.
Oh, that's whoa, okay.
I elaborate on that.
Come on, I get it.
It was fucking sexy.
Daves commanding.
To me, he felt like a mentor immediately.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
To you or to everybody.
Excuse us.
David.
David.
Pardon us.
We happen to be filming a podcast.
Excuse us.
Wait.
What do we have, by the way?
Singles the trolley.
Oh, okay.
Let's wait till the next day.
Yeah, let's wait.
Let's wait till the Patreon.
That's why I was asking.
Yep.
We'll do it in the Patreon.
We have some food in the Patreon that we're going to test.
What was I going to bring up?
Wing Chong.
Oh, I wanted to.
Before you do that, I want to clarify something.
Thank you, David.
I love you.
Thank you, David.
Thank you.
Caroline has a beautiful voice.
Yes.
Okay.
I just don't like her song selection.
That's it.
How can you say that?
She's so controversial, yet so correct.
Wait, what is wrong with the song selection?
It's all jazz hand shit.
It's all show tunes.
I can't stand it.
But when she sings us, when she is singing a song that she's like, Dreams by Fleetwood Mac today, that was great.
Pink Pony Club was a banger.
Kick the hits.
It was angelic.
It was angelic.
Stop doing, like, I don't know.
Don't do Austin and sing Ingleback Humperdink.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Ingle Burke Humperdink.
You do the, you do the woman's version of like Frankie Valley in the four seasons.
I don't even know what it is.
Humperdink.
How difficult is that?
Hello, Dolly is how you fucking operate.
We need to bring some of that music back.
That was terrible.
Exactly.
Well, hello, Dolly.
Come on.
Come on.
It's no.
Look, here's the deal.
Caroline and I need to keep show tunes alive because if they don't, if we don't, then they will die.
I want them dead.
No.
You two are.
Yes.
I just think you've got to play the hits sometimes.
Why?
Why do it's double?
It's double.
It's not just Will.
Auricio Miranda is eating in front of us like an absolute savage right now.
He's just looking right up.
Musicals you do like.
I thought we've talked about this.
Scarlet Pimperna.
Oh, I don't think it's like that.
You like Spring Awakening.
Yeah, I do.
You know, I'm be honest with you.
I get bored when I watch musicals.
I would much rather sit down and enjoy a nice movie.
I just turns them on.
I just tell Christian that I love musicals.
I'm doing the Cynthia.
Cynthia Rivo.
No, no, I like a good music.
You don't like wicked?
I've not watched it ever.
You don't like sound of music.
I don't care for it.
Look.
So let's talk about any other experiences in China that anybody wants to speak about.
Oh, no one's got arrested.
Oh, I thought we almost got arrested.
Is that what you're saying?
Oh, yeah, Sasan.
Tell us about that.
First day, we are.
Yeah.
First day, we are in Beijing.
Yep.
And I just think it's really funny because Will was already like iffy about this entire process.
And he's like, oh, man, I don't know if I want to do this, whatever.
And then first day, he has to wake up at 4 a.m.
And we were running.
Sally had us running.
Go to Tianmin Square.
Sally said it's the dream of all 10 years.
1.4 billion.
1.4 billion Chinese.
She's flagging.
Did say that.
And when she said that, I was like, damn, I love China, but god damn, girl.
Like, I don't think that's true.
Like, but she was very intense the night prior about like Tianmen Square and what it means for her.
She really loves China and I love her.
Yep.
So, and I love China.
So, Beijinger.
Yeah, she is a Beijinger through and through.
And we'll have to wake up at 4 a.m.
And it's literally freezing.
It is a day after travel.
It's at 1:30.
It's like below 32 degrees.
It's fucking freezing.
It's dark as shit out.
And we get on the fucking bus and then we make our way to Tianmin Square and we're surrounded by.
Actually, she wasn't wrong.
It was the dream of everyone there.
We were the dream of mostly people over 60.
Yes.
Yes.
They were going crazy mode.
Okay.
Think Cutie Cinderella at a Taylor Swift concert.
They were like, I cannot wait to see this fucking flag go up.
Like, which let's be real.
Let's be real.
It was, it was beautiful.
It was beautiful and natural.
It's very short for how advanced China is.
I was surprised.
There were no drones?
No, I was surprised at the sound system that they chose.
It was like a JBL speaker hung off the panel bars of a bike.
Yeah, but they weren't like, it's just, it's important for the symbolism, right?
Yes.
But, but it was really funny.
And it did feel like we could have gotten there an hour and 30 minutes later.
Sally kind of made it seem like there was going to be 800,000 people there.
One point.
Yeah.
She made a scene, but we could.
But in any case, we get in.
And, you know, we didn't realize that maybe we were being naughty boys when March clicked on a chat meme of me.
So really, it's chat's fault.
As Mao Zedong.
And we were all excited.
I was like jumping up and down already.
And, you know, I'm the tallest motherfucker there.
So everyone's already looking at me like, what is this white ape doing?
Yeah.
And I had, and I had, I had just been groped.
Also, you did have your butt cheeks.
It was, it was a strange experience.
Yeah.
I don't think the auntie meant anything by it, but to move me out of the way, my butt cheeks were cupped and dragged.
So, so sensually.
To move me out of the way so sensually.
But yeah, and then and then a young police officer came up and had zero chill.
He was just like, what the fuck is going on here?
You guys are on your phone.
You're dancing.
And what is on your phone?
And he just like gave us, he just like pressed us for approximately two minutes and 38 seconds.
Yeah, it was quick.
Which, and then we were like, okay, whatever.
We're fine.
And then we just kept streaming, as you guys probably saw.
And yet it turned into an international incident.
We were detained for days.
Yeah, it's like Hassan Piker arrested.
Like, oh, typical Western commie, spoiled cuckooes to real communist country, sees, gets a taste of his own medicine.
It's like, yeah, dude, we had a very minor.
Chill the fuck out.
Yeah, we had a very minor moment.
The moment that was more intense was when I was lifted onto Will's shoulders.
Because there were other people doing it.
I said, wow, Will, let me get on your shoulders too.
And there I go on Will's shoulder, seeing all the glory that is the flag rising.
It was mostly children.
The Mew Mews, the ants.
They loved it.
They loved it.
The police officer did not like it.
They were taking photos of us.
They handed us a Chinese flag.
No, that was me.
I gave you the chance.
I gave Austin the one so we could wave it.
There's a really funny video.
There's a really funny photo of us.
I'm looking up.
Yeah.
And Austin is waving it.
It does look like a propaganda poster.
It's awesome.
And the military.
I'm getting back into America, Emma.
Yeah.
But yeah, it was every.
I feel like everything that we've been doing, like, I could just, I could just be like, yeah, I really enjoyed Chinese KFC.
And it would, there's like 11 NATSEC Twitter guys that are from like, you know, the endowment for destroying communism foundation or whatever, writing long ass fucking posts being like, oh, this guy, oh, you like KFC?
You fucking piece of shit in China.
Why don't you stay there?
People are very much.
Simple as Tiananmen Square is obviously sacred.
There's a lot of history, et cetera.
This security guard thought we were fucking around.
And he just came over to be like, what are you assholes doing?
Yeah.
I mean, he's like, because most white people are human beings.
Most white people.
He probably clocked us and was like, oh, great.
These.
Oh, no.
He thought we were making a mockery.
He thought we were there to film and make jokes and like, you know, shit on Chinese.
We got to keep filming because once we showed, like, no, we're not, we're not Jake Paul.
Like, we're not.
Yeah.
We're not here just.
Can I say that?
Yeah, we weren't going to do suicide for shit.
Security Guard Confrontation00:02:24
Yeah.
And then it was fun.
Way to double down.
Yeah.
No, I respect it.
I respected the call there.
Whatever, Logan, Jake, they're the same.
Yeah, whatever.
But yeah, all white people look alike.
It's been a really amazing experience so far.
And we got another fucking week to go, which is we have an incredible week to go.
We'll be talking about that and many things.
And we're going to be taking a look at this.
By the way, before we go, I have to tell you, I have been recording like I've never been recording before.
And we need to shoot an advertisement in the middle.
I'm serious about this.
But there's a tremendous amount of Patreon content.
Once I figure out how to upload it, there's going to be so much.
Let me tell you what you can expect in the Patreon.
Okay.
BTS vlog footage of our travels.
Raw.
I'm edited.
Raw.
Also, exclusive hotel room reviews.
You want to see what the conditions we're staying in?
Oh, and he's definitely got his complaints.
The conditions.
No, no, no.
Like, we're not staying in five-star hotels.
That's one of the best.
The accommodations are beautiful, but I think everybody has a right to know.
Yes.
It's the full unfiltered unfiltered review.
Thank you.
Greetings from China.
One more time.
If you want more content, we'll be behind the paywall in the food talking about a little extra stuff.
But before we go, Austin, to play us out, to layer it on the outro, would you give us the Billy Billy theme that is sweeping China?
Someone came up to you.
Someone came up to you and was like, they said, we'll see you behind the paywall.