Hassan Piker celebrates his birthday with gifts like Obama's memoir before the hosts recount a terrifying 7,000-foot dogfighting stunt and debunk Coldplay staff affair rumors. The conversation critically examines SeaWorld's dystopian strategy of pairing orca shows with hip-hop concerts despite Blackfish's revelations, then analyzes Hulk Hogan's legacy, covering his union-busting against Jesse Ventura, Peter Thiel's funding of his Gawker lawsuit, and his eventual MAGA alignment. Ultimately, the episode juxtaposes personal anecdotes with deep dives into corporate ethics and celebrity controversies. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Spicy Episode with Charcuterie00:05:43
If you are having an affair, don't go to Cobalt.
Don't do it in public.
Yeah.
Do it like the rest of us, sneaking in out of hotel rooms.
What do you mean us?
Not the rest of us.
I'm not having an affair.
What?
Kind of sounds like you're having a lot of fun.
I'm telling someone.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ad podcast where we are on a time crutch.
So we got to get this podcast out of the way.
Because what's this?
We have a charcuterie board.
Charcuterie!
And not only do we have a charcuterie board.
What the fuck?
It is somebody's very special day.
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
By the time this podcast airs, I will be a 34-year-old man.
I'm currently.
I sell the price thing.
I'm currently a birthday cake.
Whoa!
All right, there we go.
Look at that.
Look at that.
All right, hold on.
Just wait.
Wait a second.
Hold on, Austin.
It would have been fun.
This is 10 out of 10.
Hold on.
You have a cake expert next to you.
Give me a second.
This is on y'all.
Wait, it's not even done yet.
Give it a second.
Hold on.
Give it a second.
Hold on just a minute.
Wait, it says happy birthday, Hassan on it.
Wow.
You're on a no-fly list now.
Look at this.
Hold on.
We're not done.
I've never seen this stuff on a fucking charcuttery board.
It's like zucchini.
And where's the three?
No, Jacob.
Hold on.
Just give me a second.
Thank you.
Hold on.
There we go.
There's a okay.
That's a 40?
No.
40.
No, hold on.
Give me a second.
You're so impatient.
That's 43.
Oh, shit.
He's on his way to get the bulkster, baby.
All right.
All right.
Now, hold on.
A minute.
And a lighter.
Okay.
This is cute.
This is cute.
It's sweet.
This is cute.
All right.
There we go.
All right.
Now, ready?
Yes.
One, two, three.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, dear Hassan.
Happy birthday to you and many more.
Blow out the damn candle.
Oh, okay.
Sorry, I was a little impatient.
Yay!
Okay, we got to get anybody wants to eat it.
I've got plates.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay, we got to get Cutie to rate the cake.
Yeah.
Oh, we have to.
Okay, well, we can.
I don't have any silverware here.
And I'm so sorry.
I bought party hats and the, but they went, I delivered them to my house and I was on accident.
Yeah, it's a mistake.
Made mistakes.
But everybody gets a plate.
Happy birthday.
Wow.
There we go.
He's so prepared.
Yeah.
I don't have color.
No, I thought you may have some, so I'm going to grab some there.
There we go.
Look at that.
Happy birthday.
I'm going to try a little of them.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
Don't spoil.
Well, actually, you're right.
That's out.
I'm trying a little bit of the burrito.
Okay.
The strangest charcottery plate I've seen.
Yeah.
This skipped all the bullshit and said it's burrow and meat.
Yeah.
I like that.
All right.
Well, how are we doing?
Oh.
Oh my God.
I gave Hassan my other gifts Off-stream because I don't, you know, I don't want to make it a dick measuring contest, but I did get you something special with Caroline.
Take a look at that.
Take a look at this.
I have glitter all over me now because of this.
Yep.
I love that book.
It's Barack Obama.
I'm Barack Obama on Promised Land.
Why don't you go ahead and pop that bad boy open?
Hey, Hassan, happy birthday.
I've heard the shit you said about me on stream, but don't worry.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm writing this from my $8 million mansion in Martha's Vineyard.
You mad little bro.
Question mark.
Anyway, it's still hope and change.
Yes, we can.
You'll always be my woke bay.
And then it's signed by Barack Obama.
Signed by Barack Obama.
I don't think he wrote.
Signed by Barbara.
That's incredible.
Now, he's gotten a lot more relaxed.
Yeah.
After the president.
I don't think he wrote that.
No, he did.
It's kind of like a cameo.
They'll say whatever you want.
Yeah.
I think he wrote that.
I was literally going to get in the same book.
Former president Barack Obama said that.
He knew you as the woke bay.
He know your name, Hassan Piker, but when I said woke bay, he was like, oh, that guy.
That guy.
I forgot your present at home, but I remembered I bought Will a shirt at Disneyland.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my God.
So I'll bring you one next time.
Don't the game, Wolverine.
Yeah, I thought Will liked that.
Fire.
That's what I thought.
Super hot.
But next week, for sure, you'll get your birthday present.
That's incredible.
Well, I'm sure you'll get it, Hassan.
Don't worry.
It'll come.
Yeah, it'll come.
It'll come.
This is going to be a spicy episode.
Obama and the Woke Bay00:15:28
I just want to prepare the audience.
Oh, boy.
We have so much.
What?
Ow!
What?
You're gay.
I know, but I'm.
No, I know, but that's obviously excited.
Do it.
Do it.
Do it, lady.
Good top.
Ow.
Thanks, guys.
I was looking for your validation today.
You look great.
The male gays and the male gays.
Is that real gold?
Which one am I wearing?
Yes, actually.
Oh, a lot of it got it for me for Christmas.
That's amazing.
Don't tell anyone because I don't want to get shot for it.
No, you won't get shot.
Maybe.
Well, maybe.
So a lot has happened this week.
Yes.
We have an America meetup that's going to blow your mind.
But first, we're going to go back to a section that we used to do, and this is called Grievances.
Oh, I have a grievance with you.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, I am grieving with you.
I thought we were talking about grieving, and I thought we were going to talk about Ozzy Osborne and all that.
Yeah, I know.
No, no.
Cutie and I have been grieving the loss of Ozzy Osborne.
Yeah.
We're going off the rolls.
Mama, mama, I'm coming.
I forgot how the song goes.
You hit it.
You hit it.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
What's your grievance?
And I already know what it is.
You were invited to fly.
No.
Okay.
No, he wasn't.
I was not invited to fly.
No, I was not.
There was not a spot for me.
It was, I would, Will would have had to give up his spot to fly.
And I was ready to.
No, that's not what happened.
You said you make.
This is what happened.
This is how it went down.
Okay.
So for those of you listening and aren't aware of the situation, Barat and Will went on a fabulous.
Well, I was there too.
Oh, sorry.
I called you.
I just called you Murat.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, Hassan Murat.
I went Murat.
Well, my brother, Hassan, my brother is getting married.
And as his best man, I was tasked with the incredibly important task of setting together his bachelor party.
And we put together an incredible experience in Las Vegas.
Yep.
Now, of course, Austin was not invited to the bachelor party because he's gay.
But Austin was there anyway.
He was already in Las Vegas.
I can't help but notice you didn't invite her to the bachelor party because she's a woman.
I think they need to change that.
I feel like I'm just one of the boys.
Yeah, I feel like that too.
Well, we didn't invite, we didn't invite Austin because he's gay.
And one me and cutie because she's a woman.
Yeah.
But Austin was already in Las Vegas because he was doing gay activities with the gayest activity, going to a Lady Gaga concert.
Amazing.
Very gay.
Now, I'm sure that was a fantastic experience, but you were invited to one of the activities, the activity that is flying a stunt plane unrestricted 7,000 feet in the air.
So he has a burpee problem.
I'm so sorry.
He burps a lot.
You guys might not have to do that.
What are you doing?
You don't sit next to him.
I've had two diet doctors.
And it's anxiety.
When you have anxiety, you swallow more air.
Yeah.
And so you burp away.
I've been doing that a lot.
So here's the deal, folks, that are listening at home.
All right.
Hassan Murat and the Piker brothers, they went on an adventure for a fabulous weekend in Las Vegas.
In that, Will pulls me to the side before last podcast.
He said, Austin, you may need to go on this adventure.
And I said, Will, I'm a little scared to do that.
So, you know, and then we just, I kind of, you know, beat around the bush a little bit and then left it at that.
I get a call from Will at two o'clock in the morning the night before they're set to go.
You're in Vegas.
I was in the same hotel as they were.
And I get a more details you give, it actually kind of sounds a little sad.
No, but here.
Me when I'm not invited to the bachelor party.
No, I just happened to be in the same hotel the same weekend.
I mean what?
It was for Lady Gaga.
Are you guys going to the buffet or what?
It was, it was a coincidence.
I, you know, I'm very proud of myself because I had no FOMO.
I was like, I'm going to let them do their thing.
Yeah.
I don't have to be a part of everything.
Yeah.
You didn't have any FOMO because you chickened out from flying.
So Will calls me at 2 a.m. and I look at the phone and I was like, oh, I can eat.
It's 2 a.m.
I could easily say I was asleep.
So I'm just going to let this one go to voicemail.
You're being honest.
I am.
I called again.
Yeah.
You called twice?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I didn't see the second one.
Regardless, I was not technically invited.
There was an opportunity should Will chicken out, but he didn't.
And I'll be honest, when your phone rang, I was like, if I accept this, I saw myself on the late night news, Austin Show, Hassan Piker in tragic dog fighting crash during Brothers Epic.
Clear something up real quick.
If it was on the late night show, they would say Hassan Piker and friend.
Oh, they definitely would.
That fucking sucks.
I have to die alone.
Yeah.
Yeah, you have to die alone to be a big deal.
Hassan Piker and friends and friends die in tragic.
God, that would be a good thing.
You need to separate yourself from the bottom of the bottom.
That would have been so depressing.
Double L, you're dead.
Who cares?
No, I would want to be.
I want to be recognized.
Yeah.
Post-mortem.
Hassan and I have been working on a way to remedy the fact that you didn't fly.
You're going to have to do it.
I have a feeling.
Here it comes a punishment.
We're doing Hassan's team versus my team, immigrants versus local borns.
Dogfighting competition.
Like a real dog.
Oh, we're going to do it again.
You are on Will's team.
Yeah.
So I need you to fly and fly strong, Iceman.
I'm already going to fly the plane.
I started talking with the guys.
Like, we are going to.
And there's going to be nationalistic pride.
We're doing Americans.
Do we have to stream it?
Are we streaming it?
Oh, yeah.
I'm so happy.
I'm not a boy.
Oh, they filmed the entire thing.
Will's video is actually, did you get it already?
Oh, I got it.
We can watch pieces of Will's video.
Wait, what are you going to do?
Hold on.
Okay.
In the Patreon now, we can watch Will's dog fighting compilation.
It's just, it gets a little scary.
Yeah.
But not in the way that you would think.
It gets a little scary in the sense that, like, it's kind of like when you have a suicidal man holding onto the yoke of a plane and having a hard time communicating with the pilot who is the licensed, what is it called?
Like, it's a, he's like an instructor.
He's like, he's a flight instructor.
Yeah, he's a certified flight instructor.
And I want to let you know, those hours counted towards my pilot's license.
Yes.
So right now, at this moment, both Hassan and I are closer to being pilots than you.
But here's the deal.
This is why it doesn't bother me.
And I come with, maybe it's, maybe I live in LA.
I got more confidence now.
You know what I mean?
I don't need, I don't get bothered because I know you motherfuckers would never pass ground school.
Well, pilots, true people like you, groundies.
Groundies?
What?
Yeah, you're groundies.
That's a new aviation-related slur I'm not familiar with.
Groundy.
He didn't hear about it in flight school.
Okay, look, here's the deal.
Because you challenged me to that and we're doing that, I'm going to start my flight lessons and I have to stream them before because I cannot let the exclusive videotaping of a flight experience be done on somebody else's channel.
I must do this before.
We're going to do it.
Well, I know you're going to do it.
I just have to beat you to it.
Are you sure?
When and when are you going to do it?
Well, you're going to do it for the first time in Will versus Hassan's Americans versus immigrants dog fighting tournament.
What immigrants do you have?
We haven't decided who the teams are.
I mean, we got some big ones.
Is it like Tarek?
Tarek?
Is he an immigrant?
No.
Just anyone who's not.
These are just immigrant adjacent people.
Listen, we're work shopping.
So all this is.
He's Lebanese.
That's right.
We're going to bring in a sense of nationalistic pride that only dog fighting can capture.
So we got to play up the rivalry.
You know, it's kind of like WWE.
Maybe Tarek's not an immigrant, but we can dress him up.
I got you.
Mr. Arthur is an immigrant.
I like that.
Yeah.
You could get Mr. Arthur.
Oh, Mr. Arthur is an immigrant.
Yeah.
I mean, and who else is kind of?
Kai De?
Kaide is literally an immigrant.
Yeah.
Is Pokey?
Pokey with.
No, yeah, she is.
She's an immigrant.
Canadian.
Okay.
Fan fan?
All the Canadians count.
Yeah, you're having a good team.
This is big.
The problem is it's an incredibly expensive endeavor.
So how much is that many we get?
Scary.
It's very scary.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, see, the scariest thing I've ever done in my life.
I'm not even sure why.
I'm just not even sure I can stomach it.
Okay, so that's crazy.
We got to tell you, though.
Dogfighting is completely different than flying.
For the record, they're talking about airplanes, not dogs.
I just know.
Yeah, so we flew these planes that are stunt planes.
Yeah.
And I want to give everybody a little just glimpse into what we experienced.
We go into this place, beautiful facility.
We start watching a video.
They're telling us all about flying a plane.
Don't worry, everything's completely safe.
There's nothing you can do to hurt these planes.
Here's some of the maneuvers you're going to be doing today.
And he's like, a right bank, a left bank, a barrel roll.
And I'm like, I know these things.
And then he's like, this one's called a Tachonka, where you go up as high as you can, stall, hammer, turn down, hit the thrust, drive back the panels, and your plane is going to do three end-over-end turns.
Like this.
And I was like, what?
And they're like, and he's got like a little tiny plane that he's trying to show like what it looks like.
And he can't, like, he can't simulate the role.
So he's just like using both hands.
I mean, like, it was so simple.
And we're sitting there like, what the fuck?
And then the best prize at the end of the process, he goes, and here's how you take off your parachute in case of emergency.
Yes.
Here's how you eject.
You can eject.
Oh, that makes me feel better.
No, I know.
No.
No, there's like a metal.
There's a metal clamp that you need to squeeze to open up while the plane is fucking falling.
Have you ever seen Top Gun?
Oh, dead.
Dead.
Oh, God.
I would fuck it up, actually.
Yeah, you have to like open up this metal clank and jump out and jump out of the house.
You have to literally jump out of it.
He hit his head on the canopy.
That's freaked out.
So listen, I know.
Oh, and I'd be scared to jump.
And I'd die when you jump off.
It's literally the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.
And I get from cars and airplanes.
So I knew I was cooked.
Hassan was fabulous.
I have to give him credit.
He won his dog fighting.
I was dog fighting against his cousin, Neza, who's amazing, so fun.
And I didn't want him to miss out on dog fighting.
So as soon as I took off, oh, he didn't want to do it at all.
He was like, I'm just going to.
As soon as I took off, I was sick as a dog, right?
But I was like, if I don't do this, Neza's not going to get to dogfight.
So the way they do it is you're flying at each other, right?
Both planes.
And the instructors go, your controls.
As soon as you pass and you pass like 50 feet apart, like that.
And then you're flying.
And then you have the yoke.
Yeah.
He goes, three, two, one.
You have the yoke.
Your control.
So the first time I'm so sick, I just fly in a straight line.
Neza turns around and kills me.
And I'm like, oh, good.
Like, he got me.
And it's laser tag.
You have a trigger on the yoke.
Yeah.
And when you have it in the crosshairs, when you have the other plane in the crosshairs, this is like dystopian.
You pull the trigger.
And you pull the trigger.
It's laser tag.
If it automatically gets in the crosshairs, the other plane has like a smoke bomb.
Yeah.
That it goes off.
Wow.
And then in order to simulate like an actual downing, the pilot will take over and then he'll do a barrel roll.
Yeah.
Gentlemen.
So wait, but wait, let me finish.
Let me finish.
So by the way, Gabe, we're going to send you dog fighting footage.
We want you to intersperse it as we're telling you this.
So people, okay.
So the first time Neza just kills me.
And in my head, he's like, oh, you got to steer the plane.
And I'm like, well, I really don't want to do this.
I'm going to be honest.
Like, I just want him to have a good time.
And he's like, nah, he'll have a better time if you send it.
And I was like, all right, I'm just going to, I'm going to rip it as hard as I can.
And the guy's like, great.
So next time, three, two, one.
I throttled back so hard, I hit an 8G turn, which was the most g-forces anybody hit that day.
And I heard my guy in the backseat go, holy shit.
And I was just like, I watched his footage after the fact.
It's so funny because his head said flies off of his head.
So I'm deaf.
I can't hear the instructor.
My face is peeling down.
I'm like barreling over, kill Neza.
And then the third time, I didn't know that you can't do a flip underneath.
No.
So I just sent it into a dive.
Yeah.
And I got so close to the hard deck that my headphone came off.
I couldn't hear him.
But the pilot was trying to get control.
And I just let the plane.
No, he went from 7,000.
There's an altitude thing on the side and it shows him going from 7,000 feet to 5,000, which is the, which is what they call deck, the below the hard deck.
Cause like.
A little bit less hard.
Less hard time.
All right, roll to the right.
Roll to the right.
And turn to the right.
Turn to the right.
Turn to the right.
To the right.
Watch out.
All right.
I got the control.
I got the control.
I got it.
I got it.
Hey, it's knocking off.
He's not knocking off.
Obviously, we're inexperienced.
We have never flown a real plane before.
So they don't want you going beneath 5,000 feet because it's like too dangerous.
So they consider that to be like the ground.
Oh, so you went below deck.
Oh, he went from seven to five in approximately two seconds.
Oh, I was straight nosediving.
He was straight nosediving.
And it's so funny to see.
And I guess like the pilot was just like yanking the fucking save his life.
I don't think he was pissed.
I think he was scared.
I think he was super scared.
Okay, guys.
Respectfully.
You're doing it.
Respectfully.
He is not doing it.
Hell no.
You're doing it.
Austin.
No.
Austin.
You are the anchor of my team.
I would rather.
I would rather suck both of you off.
Wow.
Wow.
Oh, no.
Don't throw me in the fire, Pat.
I would rather.
That's like me being like, I'd rather suck on some fat titties.
Well, fine.
I'd rather suck on some fat titties than do this.
I would rather eat all the pussies in the world.
You are the anchor of my team.
You are the anchor of my team.
This stream event is happening.
Now it's out of the world.
There ain't no fucking way of doing this shit.
Let me explain something else to you.
Okay.
We're hungover a shit.
It's like the night prior, we're at Delilah, and Murat is a fucking forcing shirt down our throat.
Yeah, he's he is a pusher.
He is.
He's like, come on.
What's the Delilah?
It's Drake's restaurant, which I guess I didn't know it was owned by Drake.
But anyway, so Drake owns a restaurant.
He's super rich.
Don't give me, it's super rich where I'm asking a very nice question.
747 as well.
Because you be kind.
LeBron owns Blaze Pieces.
Flying at Gay Lightning Age00:05:10
I don't know where to touch you because there's so much skin.
Hey, he owns two restaurants.
Thanks, Will.
He does.
Do you feel like Pedro Pascal?
One of them I was supposed to also get in on, but they wouldn't let me.
And then they announced, if you remember, Dave Saw Chicken.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
There is no.
Dude, the funniest thing was they're telling us, like, don't worry.
They're trying to convince me that, like, Will, people don't get sick.
Yeah.
Like, people don't get sick.
Exactly.
There was another guy.
The guy in the plane before me, the cockpit opens, and I go, Hey, Mike, how'd you do?
And he goes, I threw up everywhere.
Yeah.
And a guy comes with rubber gloves and starts spraying the cockpit.
I'm like, what?
It's like 120 degrees.
Have they ever had an accident?
We found out after the fact that there was one accident.
And what was the fatality?
Yes.
How did it happen?
Collision.
Thunderstorm.
Hit the earth.
Thunderstorm?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They flew in a thunderstorm.
They flew into a thunderstorm.
How the fuck do you just fly into a thunderstorm?
Austin, that's going to be the least of your concerns when you're up there.
It's the craziest thing you'll ever do.
Okay, I'll explain it like this.
Okay.
So the guy.
I have to do it.
So the guy comes back, pale face.
I'm like, fucking, I'm like, oh, here we go.
I didn't realize that like everyone's experience with flight is very different.
It's like genuinely like a person-to-person difference.
Like some people just don't feel shitty at all.
I happen to be one of those people, weirdly enough.
But I got on the plane and the scariest part of it, the scariest part of the experience is when we took off, okay?
And I was looking around and I saw Will, Nezo, the other person, like their planes are up at like 7,000 feet altitude and we're trailing up towards them.
And I remember looking around because you can see everything.
Like it's like your panel is all you're, it's all window.
So I remember looking around and being like, I'm inside of a bicycle right now, suspending space.
Out of nowhere, they just go, but the deal is how the fuck, I don't want to get close to y'all.
They keep you far away.
They keep you far away.
Your instructor still can.
Can I put it this way?
Austin, it's the scariest thing I've ever done.
It's the most intense thing.
Or fearless.
And I've done everything.
He is fearless.
It's the scariest thing I've ever done.
The most intense thing I've ever done.
All I can think about is how bad I want to get back in the future.
I know because you're a thrill seeker.
I'm risking bird.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I won't even get on a bird scooter.
Okay.
There's no fucking skin.
Throw seeker.
Austin, when you get out of that plane after you dogfight Tarek, you're gonna go, Thank you, Will Me.
You're deep free so hard.
Best experience of my entire fucking life.
I have so many more things to live for.
Can we do this later?
I will say this much.
I will say this much.
Once we did the first barrel roll, I was like, oh, I'm locked in.
This is nothing.
Yeah, we're here.
It's actually turbulence is way scarier when you're on that little plane than like doing all of these crazy combat.
Oh, yeah.
Turbulence is will fuck you up in Las Vegas for sure.
There was crazy turbulence updraft.
Updraft.
Whoa, we're gonna put a pin in it.
Yeah, okay.
We're gonna put a pin in it, but I'm telling you, look at me.
We've put it out into the world so the stream is gonna happen.
Now there is pressure.
The stream is gonna happen.
And chat is gonna is they're gonna hound you.
Yeah.
But I'm telling you, listen, I need the gay lightning.
I know.
Gay lightning.
Team USA.
America needs this.
I may need to go get my pilot's license first so I'm comfortable flying.
First of all, this is Murat has a pilot's license.
Did he get it already?
Well, he hasn't finished it yet, but he's done many flights at this point.
And he will tell you this is a very different listener.
Listen, Groundy.
I know, this is way different than anything you've ever conceptualized.
Yeah.
And they let him land it too.
They let Murat land his plan.
But I will, like I said, there is no comparable experience to karanking a hard right and cranking back the yoke and hitting like six, seven G's, and your face is sunken in.
Your vision's going gray.
And you're just like, this is, I'm doing this right now.
This is amazing.
It was insane.
Why can't they have a button to parent, like, eject?
Like, why do we have to do the whole fucking like?
Because someone like you, first time something even scared you a little bit.
Yeah.
You're going to be cranking that button when you're upside down.
That's crazy.
There ain't no way.
If your plane's out of control, there ain't no way you're getting out of that thing.
Yeah, you're not.
Yeah.
You're not getting out of that fucking thing alive.
I did that.
I did that maneuver.
Did it feel like you were out of control?
No.
I mean, it felt chaotic.
It feels like you have no idea where the fuck you are or what's happening.
Oh, see?
It's very, it's very impressive.
It was like the most intense roller coaster I've ever been on.
Times a thousand.
That's crazy they even offer this.
This is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
My pilot was like, oh, I've been flying for nine years.
I was like, how old are you?
And he said, he's 21.
In America, you can just like start flying a plane at the age of like 13.
At the age of 21 years old at the age of gay lightning.
His brain isn't even developed yet.
He doesn't need the gay lightning.
Unbelievable Coffee Line Story00:05:21
Right?
He can't even rent a car.
He can't even rent a car.
They trust him more.
And he's a certified flight instructor.
The people need you.
The people need you.
No, they don't.
We're going to put it in it.
We're going to put a pin in it.
This guy's been flying since he was 12, bro.
If 12 year olds can fly, you can too.
We're going to put a pin in it.
Okay, we'll put a pin in it.
Cutie, you were rather silent during that segment.
What do you want to talk about?
Because I got a bunch of stuff burning a hole in my brain, but I want to give you the floor.
Oh, hi, guys.
Hello.
No, it's not Girlie Pop.
He was.
It's just normal.
Taught.
It's just me talking.
Hey, what do you want to talk about?
I went to Open Sauce.
What's Open Sauce?
Oh, that's like William Osmond.
Yeah.
It's William Osmond's convention.
How was it?
It's like a science fair for adults.
How was it?
It was fun, but I had two faux pas.
Okay.
Okay.
A faux pas being something someone did that offended you.
One that I did and one that someone did to me.
Wait, so you did something that you were like, ew.
Yeah.
Okay.
What was this?
So, so I show up early and I haven't had my coffee and I'm not me without my coffee.
And so then I so I get in line and I'm with Aaron, who he works for the yard.
And me and Aaron are talking.
We're in the coffee line, and I see something on like Instagram, and I roll my fucking eyes.
And he was like, What?
And I start, and oh, we get in line, and the guy in front of us is like, I was like, Oh, is this a line?
And he was like, Yeah, and I was like, Okay, okay.
And so, and I'm on Instagram, I look at this thing, and I roll my freaking eyes, and he's like, What?
And I, yep, I talk mad shit, okay, about someone that on social media, obviously, you know, because I saw this Instagram story.
Tell us and can we cut it?
I'll tell you, I'll tell you after.
I'll tell you after.
I'm too afraid so much better.
Okay, I'm too afraid of the bleeps.
Um, and and then we get up to the front, and I've been talking shit for like three minutes now, sure, you know, being extra dramatic because I'm just annoyed, and it's hot and I haven't had my coffee.
And sometimes you just talk shit, okay?
Sometimes we talk shit, drink hater eight every once in a while.
And then we get to the front, she was talking shit about me.
No, it wasn't.
God, you're so insecure.
Um, you made me this way.
Whoa, that is a lot of hostility.
It's projection, yeah.
Um, and as soon as we get to the front, the guy who was like, Yeah, this is the line turns around.
He goes, Cutie, can I buy you a coffee?
And I go, Gasp.
I go, Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
I didn't, I didn't think you knew who I was.
And he was like, He was like, Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Like, I just didn't want to bother you, but like, I'd love to buy you a coffee.
And I go, Oh my God, what is your name?
And he was like, Ryan.
And I was like, Ryan, you have to take my secrets to the grave.
Oh, no.
So, shout out, Ryan.
Thanks for the coffee.
So, Ryan knows your deepest, darkest secrets.
Ryan knows myself.
It's not you.
What?
Oh, I know.
On that line on that fortuitous day.
Isn't that awkward?
No.
Was the person you're talking shit about in the room?
No.
You guys are all insecure.
No, it was definitely you.
I think it was you.
It was definitely you.
Anyway, okay, so that was a quote.
So I was like, yeah, and I was like, oh my God, Ryan's very sweet.
So he's not going to sell my secrets for tablets.
I don't think so.
Ryan was a homie.
Did you threaten him?
I did.
I was like, by the way, if you do, I'll sue.
And I'll also say it's AI and you'll never date again.
No, he was actually, he was a very sweet person.
And we talked to him for a little bit.
He was there with his friend.
Anyway, we're having dinner later.
Oh, but he can eat.
I know.
He's an eater.
Speaking of, oh my God.
No, we ate a lot.
Don't care.
Do you have another jacket?
I want to cover up.
Yeah, we ate a lot as we get 12 sandwiches after that flight experience.
12.
Jesus.
What kind of sandwich?
They were like, they were smaller.
Oh, like little bite-sized sandwiches.
They weren't bite-sized.
They were definitely half sandwiches.
They were half cats and sandwiches.
No wonder it took me so long to get my room service order because this guy was fucking clogging it up.
Oh, well.
Anyway, your second faux pot.
Okay.
So overall, shout out, Ryan.
And also, maybe we shouldn't talk shit.
That's what I learned.
Unless you're alone.
Yeah.
I just think just make sure.
Yeah.
Even when you're on the podcast with your co-host.
What?
Against them, for example.
I wasn't talking about you guys.
I'm just saying, like, you shouldn't even talk shit when you're on the podcast.
So that's the faux pot you did.
Yeah, I fucked up.
Now, what did somebody do to you?
Yo, let me get a sunk kid.
So I was.
Yeah, me too.
Two sunk is please.
Yeah, me too.
Wait, really?
Maybe before.
Wait, actually?
Yeah.
What's a sunk kid?
No, I want it.
No, just two.
What the heck?
We both want it.
Yeah.
You guys are going to make so much trash.
You know, I'm going to drink.
This guy thinks it's his fucking birthday or something.
Oh, he didn't get you one.
Oh, he got you one.
Crazy Sex Dreams Revealed00:11:52
Wow.
Yeah, sunkissed cheers.
Cheers.
Because now we all get the bread and the in the okay, so second thing that happened.
Okay, so I'm at a food truck.
Also, I went there kind of stupid.
I figured that this is not my crowd.
Respectfully, I didn't think anyone like smart watches me.
Okay.
Like people that are into like science, why are they watching me fucking, you know, make a cake?
I don't know.
I don't.
I know, but like, you know, it's different vibes.
And so I was fully expecting to be an NPC this weekend.
Right.
And then I wasn't.
And I was like, oh, frick.
Because my headspace wasn't there.
So I get a disguise.
I got glasses and a mask and a hat.
Okay.
Crime.
Very incognito.
And then I'm sitting by a food truck and Ludwig's sitting with me.
Ludwig's not as incognito because he doesn't have a mask.
And he's sitting next to me and this guy comes up.
Wait.
What?
This bitch.
You guys were together and he went.
Wait, hold on.
What happened?
Full disguise on.
Glasses, mask, wig, whatever.
And then she had Ludwig's most recognizable white man in America ass next to her the whole time.
It just looked like a billboard.
It just looks like he was cheating on me or something.
Maybe.
It's like funny because he probably was wearing some crazy outfit with like Crocs and Ludwig.
Everyone from a seven mile radius knows exactly.
He wore a hat.
Or had that said, I am Ludwig of Mogul Mail.
But this guy walks up and he's like, Ludwig, big fan.
And, you know, and they're like, yapping.
And I'm sitting there.
I'm discreet.
I'm like head down on my phone.
He doesn't know it's me.
About you.
No.
Oh.
He goes, that would be so funny.
And it'd be karma.
He said, Ludwig, you want to come with us to that gay bar again?
Oh, shit.
Is that cutie?
Like, what?
I'm in Stray Bar.
He's like, actually, funny story.
And Lud's like, yeah, what, man?
You know, like, you know, and the guy's like, Kaya just snorted.
The guy's like, oh, I actually like forced my girlfriend to watch your videos and now she's a fan.
Okay.
And it's like, great, the MLM is working.
This is huge.
Awesome.
And then he goes, yeah, but she keeps having sex dreams about you.
What?
And I was like, that was an interesting dialogue option that you selected.
Oh, interesting.
And like, are you slowly taking off your disguise?
No, I'm sitting there like, what?
I was like, surely he can't say anything worse, you know?
Right.
And then Lud goes, Lud goes, oh, you've got to be mad at Dream Her then.
You know, like, we make the jokes about her.
She's so good at these.
Yeah.
He's like, oh, you got to be mad at Dream Her.
And he's like, he's like, no, no, I'm not.
I mean, you're a good looking dude, man.
Like, you know, you look good.
It makes sense.
She's like, but they're so graphic.
And she just explains them to me in like this crazy detail every morning.
And Lud's like, crazy.
He's really, he's really, he's a smooth talker.
So I know he's trying to de-escalate or get out of it.
And the guy's like, anyway, can I have a picture?
I'm going to send it to her.
That's hilarious.
Oh, did he take a picture with him?
And he was like, he was like, sorry, hopefully that doesn't make you mad.
I mean, it would probably make cutie mad if she heard it.
And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, my disguise isn't that good.
That's crazy.
The faux pas is don't tell a celebrity that your girlfriend is having sex dreams about.
Yeah, he's like, don't tell me.
I don't know.
She has them every day, he said.
It's a lot.
I'll be honest.
If I had my partner tell me that, I would feel very deeply uncomfortable.
Your partner tell you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Your partner wakes up and they're like, oh, I had a sex dream about Hassan.
Yeah, if he kept having sex dreams about Hassan.
My own-off is funny.
Sex dreams sucked.
Really?
Yeah, my recurring sex dreams sucked.
I had a really bad breakup with one girlfriend and I would have a dream that I was having sex with someone.
Oh, that sucks.
And then, like, you in disguise, they would take the disguise off and it'd be her.
And she'd be like, oh, yeah.
And this happened like that.
Oh, my God.
It's a sex nightmare.
Yeah.
I had this like four or five times.
I had the same sex nightmare.
Have you ever ever, have you ever woken up in love?
Uh-huh.
Have you ever woken up where you had just such passionate sex with somebody that you had fantasized about for so long?
And then you woke up and you realized it was just a dream.
You know what?
Yes.
I haven't had a sex.
Dude, this is the most embarrassing story alert.
Okay.
Probably the most important thing.
I swallowed my son kissed bad.
I was just trying to fit in.
The first story I've ever revealed.
I've never revealed it before.
Oh, this is before the movies even came out, but I remember reading the Harry Potter books.
Oh.
And in my mind, when I...
Mine Granger?
No, even crazy.
Chochang?
Chochang!
In my mind, whatever image I had of Chochang, I can't even remember any longer.
I didn't have a sex dream about her, but like I did.
I do remember falling in love with this fictional character in my mind, bro.
And I'm in fucking turkey at this point.
Oh, you were repressed.
Yeah.
Or suppressed.
Okay.
What do they call that?
Repressed push.
Like, I don't, not really.
No, that's what you just, you had to draw your porn.
That's repression.
You didn't have to come up with an even more embarrassing story about me.
But I had not draw your porn?
That's crazy.
Yeah, I mean, pretty rudimentary.
Did you flip it through a book too?
And made it.
Yeah, I did used to do flip books, but not of porn.
Okay.
Was that so?
My worst sexy dream was when I had, well, I guess not worst.
I will say my most recent one that comes to memory because sometimes you have sex dreams about someone you didn't want to have a sex dream about.
What?
Who?
What?
I talked about this before.
It wasn't a sex dream, but like for some reason, Lacey and I were on a date and we like made out.
I talked about this.
Talk about it.
I did not retain it.
It was like, you got to stop phasing up, dude.
Was he live?
Yeah, he was live.
No, I'm forgetting.
So in your mind, in your dreams, you want to be one of the phase girls?
No, I woke up.
For some reason, Lacey took me to a Taylor Swift concert.
Oh, wow.
He was really trying to get it.
Yeah, and we had to run out and we were like in the parking lot.
And he's like, wait, and he kissed me.
And I woke up and I went, what the fuck?
And I told Ludwig right away.
And he's like, were you dating Ludwig in your dream?
No.
Oh, shit.
It was just like you were single.
And then I did tell Lacey and I apologize for having a dream about him.
And he said, it's okay.
He said, lots of girls have dreams about him.
Cool.
I didn't.
Okay.
It happened.
It happens.
Sometimes people get in line.
It happens.
Now, folks, do you feel weirdly differently about him now when you see him?
No, because it was a dream.
That's not the real me.
Not all people have dreams.
Some people live nightmares, which brings me to our next topic.
He's going to talk about a minor inconvenience or something.
Bring us to our next topic.
The CEO of a major aerospace company, Andy Byron, was caught on camera having an affair with his head of HR, Christian Cabot.
Yep.
And I've got a video of it right here.
Check this shit.
Thank you.
And exposed.
No one has seen this.
Okay, well, hold on.
We didn't get to cover it.
Every person on the planet has seen this video.
We don't want to talk about it.
No, that's good.
That's right.
We don't have to cover it.
I really worked on it.
Bring it to the table.
Let's talk about it.
Well, last, we did our podcast last Wednesday, and they want to hear what we have to think about it.
Maybe they've heard what you had to say.
You were such a fucking boomer.
No, I wasn't even.
I read about it in the newspaper this morning.
Look at this thing.
I read about it in the newspaper.
That happened last week.
Did you read the newspaper?
Yeah.
I don't believe that.
I like where you're going.
You brought something.
I brought something.
And I also, there's a second part to this that I was just going to say.
I have a crazy story while you're pulling this up.
There's a child that fell in the pit with a monkey, and the monkey's name was Harambe.
Stop.
Okay.
You're cruel.
World-shaking event.
Stop the presses.
I read it in a newspaper.
All right.
Hey, do we have the video?
I have the video exclusive right now.
Yes, we do have the video.
It was for five days.
Go about 25 seconds in.
Here we go.
Whoa, I've never seen this.
Too far.
Too far.
You're going to be crazy.
Hold on.
Go up.
Go away.
Go ahead.
Hold on.
There we go.
There she goes.
This is Lauren Martinez.
She's of ABC 7 News.
Here we go.
Check it out.
Now, check it out.
This is a Cold Play concert.
A Cold Play concert?
I can't tell if he's doing a bit.
No, no, no.
I'm serious.
Here is seven seconds.
Ready?
Set play.
The viral moment.
Oh, look at these two.
So here they are.
Caught in the act.
Having an affair right in front of everything.
All right.
Completely.
Now, allegedly, this man has been.
Well, it's not even alleged.
He's been, he's been fired from his position as CEO.
And Kristen, who he was having an affair with, has been put on HR, has been put on leave.
Now, the question I have is: who the fuck is in the box with them and why are they so public about their affair?
Now, I'm going to say something very brave.
Yes.
Don't have an affair.
Wow.
Don't have an affair.
We here at the Fear Hab Podcast support not having an affair.
Okay.
Okay.
We are an anti-adultery.
We are an anti-adultery podcast.
However, if you are having an affair, don't go to cold.
Don't do it in public.
Yeah.
Do it like the rest of us, sneaking it out of hotel room.
What do you mean, us?
Not the rest of us.
I'm not having an affair.
What?
Kind of sounds like a bad one.
I'm telling someone.
I'm not having an affair.
I'm telling someone.
I'm not having an affair.
But if you were to have one, why the fuck would you do it out there?
Or go to cold play.
Yeah.
Okay, first of all.
And why are they in the box?
Are they beautiful backdrop?
Are they in a box with other people?
Like their fellow employees?
Like, you see all these other people in here?
Well, the girl with the hand on the face definitely knows what's up.
Yeah, people were speculating that she's actually also a part of human resources for the company, but some people were saying that that's not true.
But she does look like one of the people from that company that is in HR.
Which is.
It is also crazy because if they didn't react, the camera would have moved so quickly.
Yeah, if they would have just like played it off and be like, hold still, don't react, let it go.
She would have never seen it.
In his apology, he blamed Coldplay, which was hilarious.
What you should do is just flash your boobs because they have to take it.
And you don't know the.
Hold on.
Go ahead.
What was that?
Flash your boobs.
Flash your tits.
Now that's an interesting thing.
Because they'll take you off it real quick.
Real quick.
And then his defense is: I was trying to hide her tits.
She's a chronic flasher.
Wow.
A different time.
I think she'd still get fired.
They both probably still get fired.
Well, she's on leave right now.
Now, I read that his wife had allegedly released multiple screenshots showing her husband's $40,000 purchases for private video calls with Sophie Rain.
Oh.
Well, I think all of this is made up.
Turns out that is completely false.
Because even his apology was made up.
That one where he blamed Coldplay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I got duped.
I thought he was messaging Sophie Rain.
I thought I'd like.
Anyway.
People are.
That's the problem with not responding is now people are responding on their behalf and people are believing it.
Because I believed that too.
And then I got freaking debunked and I was like, oh, you got duped.
Anyway, I thought I'd bring that very exclusive news story to the podcast.
His wife did release a statement, I believe.
No, that was also fake.
Yeah, it was fake.
Did she laugh?
The one where she's like with satin gloves and da da da da.
That was a fairy.
SeaWorld Scandal Debunked00:12:21
I don't know.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't seen it.
I have had a lightning hot orb of content burning.
Can I have a brown one first?
Talk about the meat?
Yeah.
Okay.
What is that meat?
Because I can't reach out and I've been thinking about it and I want to focus on you.
Okay.
Okay.
That cake tastes like shit.
I don't.
What did you?
What is it?
Wait, she ate.
She bit it.
It was in her mouth.
Idiot.
It was in her mouth.
That's the side that's the side that was in her mouth.
Congrats, you have HPV.
Just kidding.
It's caca, though.
I'm vaccinated.
Lightning hot orb of content burning its way through my soul.
Sure.
This is going to be the most important American Me Up ever.
This is going to be the most important America Me Up ever.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
More important than the Eagle.
Eagle was good.
A piece of content was shown to me by a gentleman at Hassan's bachelor party.
Okay.
Changed the way that I look at content.
No.
Because right now, the United States is in free fall.
No.
And we needed something to give us hope.
Okay.
Marsh, please type the following collection of words.
Okay.
Into YouTube.
Yes, okay.
Okay, right.
Yin yang twins.
SeaWorld.
Yes.
Shamu Optime Show.
What?
How do you know this?
Because I love the yin-yang twins.
What?
Yeah, but we a wheel wheel wheel.
Okay.
She bow like an 18 winner.
Okay.
I want you to watch some of this, and I'm going to pause and I'm going to give you some context.
Okay.
Play, play, play, play.
This is yin yang twins.
For real, for real.
And this is our 20-year anniversary of the album USA when we came to SeaWorld.
Yeah, so we can see the world.
SeaWorld.
Okay, new vloggers just dropped.
Okay, pause.
This is a representative from SeaWorld.
Continue playing.
Oh.
So if you this way, you're going to come with me this way and then go that way.
Now pause.
Pause.
Do you see the body of water in between the crowd and where she is?
Yes.
Do you know what that is?
It's where the windows tank.
That's Shamu's tank.
Continue play.
Poor Shamu.
I hope he gets his get back.
All right.
Get ready to pause.
Get ready to pause.
Not yet.
Wait, wait for my command.
Wait.
All right, pause.
Pause.
Back up three seconds.
Wait.
Is that in this frame?
Is that a kid?
In this frame, you will see the juxtaposition of who came to the show.
Oh my God.
On the left side of the frame, you will see a toddler that came to see an orca in captivity.
And on the right side of the frame, you will see a middle-aged woman who is absolutely belligerent and came to get fucked up and listen to the yin-yang twins.
Why?
Okay, Will, I have a question for you.
I have answers the whole thing.
First of all, if you are SeaWorld, I love the Yin Yang twins.
Sure.
But why would you invite them to SeaWorld?
And then the second question I have is: if you're the Yin Yang twins, you're the Yin Yang twins.
Why would you perform at SeaWorld?
All right, ready?
I have answers.
Okay.
Okay.
Ready for it.
About a decade ago, a documentary came out called Blackfish.
Have you heard of Blackfish?
Yeah, that shit pisses me off.
I hate SeaWorld.
I'll say it on record.
Fuck SeaWorld.
Fucking good.
So for those listeners that don't know what Blackfish is, cute Cinderella.
Educate them.
It's freaking bad, you guys.
Friggin' Shamu gets freaking bored because he shouldn't be in captivity and he goes in circles all day.
And then he freaking wants to kill himself all the time.
And they've had dolphins kill themselves.
And sometimes Shamu gets pissed off and kills a trainer because he shouldn't be in captivity.
He's a freaking killer whale.
These fish are very smart.
They should not be in there.
Mammals.
Mammals.
Yeah, quit.
It pisses me off.
So that's right.
A documentary came out a while ago and it basically explicitly outlined the depravity of the treatment of these very, very intelligent mammals.
Yeah.
And how their lifespans are severely hamstringed by living in captivity.
And they're supposed to be with friends.
Exactly.
So SeaWorld, their sales plummeted.
Yeah.
As they should.
And in reaction to that, SeaWorld did a very noble thing.
They increased the size of the tanks and they let a lot of them go.
Except they didn't do that.
Yeah, they didn't.
They didn't do anything to make sense.
They didn't do anything different.
They sat down, they had a boardroom meeting, and they said, How do we get millennials back to SeaWorld?
They added a new roller coaster.
And they are bringing out a concert series where every week, a major artist during the summer is performing.
That's the yin-yang twins.
I mean, like an 18-wheeler.
Where's my phone?
I want to see what they're.
There's a reason why Billie Eilish isn't performing at SeaWorld.
Well, she's very ethical about fish.
We know her brother.
Yes.
But also because she okay, but listen.
So other artists include Lil Bow Wow, Soldier Boy.
I love Lil Bow Wow.
Yin Yang Twins have 2.8 million monthly listeners.
There you go.
Bo Walk a Flock of Flame.
That's right.
So instead of making their part more ethical, they decided to literally throw halftime performances with famous like hip-hop performers.
Now, go back to the video.
I want you to notice something.
Now, this idea is crazy.
Hip-hop performers over family.
They all have over millions.
Uh-huh.
This idea is crazy.
But it was just crazy enough to work.
Every one of these shows has been basically fucking sold out.
And they've been all the way.
Yes.
Look at this.
Oh, my God.
Okay, we can't be doing that.
Oh, my God.
Guys, we can't be twerking with Shamu five feet away.
To the wall.
To the sweat drops out, my boss.
These is that Austin?
No.
I'll be honest, I feel like I'm the target audience for this.
Yes, I would never support SeaWorld.
You can't go to SeaWorld.
So pause.
So pause.
Full screen.
I just want you to picture something.
Those people come there, and there's like an hour of a trainer being like, and here's Shamu.
Like, let's toss some fish in.
All right.
Let's see his ball skills.
All right.
We're going to take a quick five and we'll be right back after this.
Yin yang twins come down.
45 minutes, kicked out concert vibrating the water.
Everyone is belligerent.
And then the trainers come back out.
They're like, all right, everybody, give it up for the yin-yang twins.
Who wants to see Shamu do some?
Oh my God.
That is what is happening.
The pinnacle of dystopian madness balled up and shoved into an orca tank and set off with the sweet poison that is strawberry margaritas and cocaine in San Diego.
But you know what, Will?
Only in America is this.
This is one of the things in America, baby.
Look, I eat you can dream as big as you want.
I'm not a vegan, but watching this has turned me into one of those like Extension Rebellion style vegan anarchists that would blow up the facility to potentially let Orca let Shamu escape.
Will, I saw this on TikTok and I was scrolling and I remember being like, what the fuck are they?
I got on yin yang talk.
Is that offensive?
No.
Okay.
Just hilarious.
I can't believe this story didn't go more viral because it is so dystopian.
It is so to think that you are going to have yin yang twins in the foreground.
Hey, Lil Mama, let me whisper.
Wait till you see how much in the foreground.
No, it's crazy.
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
Especially like, you know, I love the yin-yang twins, but I'm probably not going to take my two-year-old to go see the yin-yang.
What if she wants to see an orca?
Well, if that captivity, I would educate her and I would say, darling, those mammals have been are in captivity against their will.
Anyway, I think this is maybe the most American.
That's crazy.
I love this one.
Do you ever see Shamu come back out?
No, no.
I mean, not in this one.
That's not that I'm aware of.
Wow, the yin-yang twins.
I keep seeing them like this.
Please.
There's parallels here to the tortured older orca and the torture.
I did believe a law passed that says that they can't get any new ones.
So once all their whales die.
So they just, it's just going to be world.
No, so they still have like otters and like sea urchins and starfish and shit.
Okay, so they're, oh, they're going to.
Okay, so they're not, they're not going to lose.
I have a brilliant idea.
What's that?
I have a suggestion.
Okay.
Instead of the yin-yang twins.
Instead of the yin-yang twins, they hire Kevin Costner.
And every single SeaWorld is converted to the famous Kevin Costner blockbuster hit that was unfortunately unrealized at the time, Water World.
Yes.
And they turn all the SeaWorlds into Water World, which they had done.
Water World is a thing.
That's the most Austin-like.
I know I was going to say this was ever done.
It's so me.
I'm so proud of you.
I just needed attention.
Yeah.
And then they convert all the SeaWorlds to Water Worlds.
And then we start watching Water World again, and we appreciate it for its prophetic nature.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that would be brilliant.
Have you seen Water World?
No, but I've seen the universal show.
He saw the Universal Studio show.
Watch Water World with today's eyes with fresh eyes, and you will discover an entirely different perspective than the way that people hated it at the time when they watched it.
Why do they hate it?
I think it was incredibly costly, and they thought it sucked, right?
Will we know better?
Yeah, just people didn't really get it.
Hulk Hogan Major Reveal00:08:50
It's also a little violent towards women.
I think that movie is genuinely prophetic.
And I watched it like a couple years ago for the first time ever without knowing anything about it prior.
And I was shocked at its like critically panned reception.
It's good.
Before we go, I think we should all try this cake.
You just said it was the worst cake you've ever had.
Well, I didn't really have a full body.
I ate some of the frosting.
It tastes like.
Does anybody else, before we get into too much, have anything else that they brought prepared?
Well, we have to go to the Patreon in like five minutes.
I know, but like.
I have something.
Okay.
Hulk Hogan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hulk Hogan passed away today.
And the reason why I wanted to talk about it specifically is because while many union busting.
Well, that there's many other things that I wanted to talk about, but Hulk Hogan is seen as like this heroic figure for many Americans.
My uncle actually had a Hulk Hogan figure.
And I remember visiting America when I was a young boy.
And I always, in my mind, envisioned Hulk Hogan as like the beacon of America in the 90s, in the early 90s, all until the early 20s.
I am a real American.
It's the name of his, it's his entrance music.
Yeah.
So I always thought like Hulk Hogan is the most American figure, beacon, icon, whatever.
But then as I grew older and developed some thoughts about politics, I realized that Hulk Hogan has always been historically a bad guy.
Some of the things I wanted to talk about specifically was Hulk Hogan's numerous violations, including, can you look up Jesse Ventura Hulk Hogan union busting, please?
Jesse the Body Ventura is one of my favorite political figures, of course.
He was, I believe, the governor of Minnesota?
Yeah, he was the governor of Minnesota.
Fantastic guy.
Jesse Ventura hates Hulk Hogan.
Drama.
Yeah, I mean, any of those will do.
Spills the tea.
Just pull it up and then get to the part where he talks about him.
Run it back for you for both.
I know the story as well.
Jesse Ventura is a leftist and he wanted to unionize WWE.
And at the time, they were thinking about forming a labor union for these wrestlers.
They're in horrible conditions, horrible work conditions, and they still are, ironically enough.
They were and are independent contractors.
Yeah.
So basically, Vince McMahon and WWE got around a lot of regulation by not making them employees.
And Jesse the Body Ventura knew that right before WrestleMania was when the WWE or the WWF at that time was at its most vulnerable in terms of they needed the wrestlers more than ever.
And the wrestlers had the most leverage.
Exactly.
So they have this conversation in a locker room amongst themselves.
Jesse the Body Ventura later finds out through the process of discovery when there's a lawsuit launched that someone basically got on Vince McMahon's ear and actually informed him of this process.
I think the other time he was on Howard Stern, right?
Yeah.
And he says after that moment, he's like, I held myself back.
Almost fell out of my chair, but I didn't say anything.
And then, and then the interviewer asked, Have you spoken to him?
He says, No, from that day on, I never spoke a word to Hulk Hogan.
Yeah, I never spoke a word to that man.
So he was a union buster.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's the reason the reason that he busted the union was because he was making as much as the entirety of the WWF combined.
Yeah.
And he would make less money if the union potentially.
He doesn't know.
Probably not.
Yeah.
I mean, it probably wouldn't have lowered his salary, but it would have improved everyone else's salaries.
But Hulk Hogan.
What the fuck would he?
But Hulk Hogan was making more than every other main ticket wrestler on that ticket combined.
And Jesse the body ended up leaving because he did Predator.
And then ran for governor.
That's later.
Didn't Trump model his campaign after Ventura?
Or was that another guy?
I don't know.
Maybe Arnold.
No, who was the guy that ran and he modeled his campaign after him?
Hold on, look at Marsh.
There's no way this comes up.
Jesse Ventura, Donald Trump.
I swear.
While you're looking it up, of course, many years later, Hulk Hogan is a reality TV show.
People find out that he's not exactly the best father in that process.
He's gotten like a litany of complications.
And then, and then, and this is a famous case, Peter Thiel, famous billionaire libertarian Peter Thiel, is outed by Gawker as a homosexual man.
Oh, that's Jesse Ventura saying that.
Okay.
So Peter Thiel is this like shadowy billionaire libertarian figure that many of you might have heard of.
He owns Palantir.
And when Peter Thiel is outed by Gawker to be a gay man, because he was doing a bunch of like, he was like funding a bunch of like homophobic initiatives.
Gawker was like, okay, well, fuck you.
We're going to release this information that you're gay.
And he was outed.
He basically decided, I'm going to take out this institution of journalism.
And at the time, Gawker was like a little bit like a blog, but it was, it was a, it was a massive franchise.
It was a blog that did watchdog journalism.
Yeah.
Real watchdog.
Yeah, straight up.
Like they had some kooky takes every now and then.
And we can discuss the ethics of like outing a gay man, no matter how powerful or evil.
But basically, he kept on to that vendetta.
Why is this important?
Because many years later, Hulk Hogan sued Gawker.
Why did Hulk Hogan sue Gawker?
Because Gawker Gawker released Hulk Hogan's leaked sex tape.
The sex tape itself was controversial, but the impact, the secondary impact of it was far more consequential than the sex tape itself.
Many people didn't give a shit that Hulk Hogan was having sex with Bubba the Love Sponge's wife or something.
Who cares, right?
Bubba the Love Sponge.
But Hulk Hogan sued Gawker for that, and Peter Thiel funded that lawsuit and successfully bankrupted Gawker and ended an entire journalistic franchise directly as he held on to that vendetta and destroyed him.
A billionaire, taking out an entire newspaper.
The other reason why the sex tape leaks were consequential was because it turns out Gawker didn't even release this part.
This came out after, but in the tapes that Gawker never released, that we found out later, he was insanely racist.
Turns out his daughter was dating a black man at the time.
And Hulk Hogan was not fond of this reality and kept calling the black man the N-word with a hard R, like openly, just straight up.
While he was having sex.
No.
This is like, wow.
I believe like the direct quote is something to the tune of like, I wish she would at least date one of those seven foot blanks with $100 million, but she's just dating a normal blank, dot, dot, dot, effing blanks.
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
The blanks is the N-word with the hard R for those of you listening at home.
So that was actually consequential.
But Hulk Hogan didn't stop there.
He, of course, famously became super MAGA.
And this past RNC came out and like ripped his shirt and was like, yeah, brother, I'm, you know, make America great again.
And the last part of the story is that Netflix purchased WWE and they released it.
And Hulk Hogan was supposed to make this like major reveal, right?
And he walked out that night in the Netflix sequence and he was booed by the crowd.
Not because he was a heel, mind you.
Not because he was a heel at all.
They don't like it.
He was just booed because everybody fucking despised him in the franchise now.
And then now Hulk Hogan is dead at the age of 79 or 71.
Well, on that note, ladies and gentlemen, we wish Hassan a very happy birthday.
And remember, eat your vitamins, brother, because the Hulkamaniacs are running wild.
Yeah.
Thank y'all.
We'll see you on the Patreon.
Bye.
Sleeping Arrangements with Ex00:00:54
I'm friendly with all my exes besides one.
Why are you asking this question?
Because I'm really good friends with my ex and Hassan thought I was crazy.
Well, your level.
Well, you weren't just.
It's not fucking my ex.
No.
You brought him to the Lady Ghana.
Yes, I did.
Did you guys stay in the same hotel room?
We did, but we did not have any physical.
We did stay in the same bed.
No.
He had a separate bed.
And Christian slept on the couch.
Wow.
What?
Then who slept in your bed?
You were alone?
Hear me out.
What?
Wait.
You were in the same hotel room with your ex and you made a bed.
And you gave your ex a bed.
Did your current thing sleep on the floor like a dog?