Hassan Piker and Austin Lee celebrate Ta-Cha-Cha's 22nd birthday with a raw fish gift refusal, while dissecting interpersonal drama involving Cutie Cinderella's alleged "fap top" comments and Austin's voicemail etiquette. They critique Elon Musk as a villain for firing government employees via Doge and opposing EV tax cuts, contrasting this with banter about missed Dave's Hot Chicken investments before Drake bought in. The episode concludes with a chaotic Disney planning debate, a Pride Month restaurant guessing game, and a call to subscribe to their Patreon. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Happy Birthday to Ta-Cha-Cha00:07:44
Yeah, because I don't know.
I wasn't just sorry.
I'll tell.
All right.
So.
Okay, I have a story.
I'm going to cut it.
I have a story.
That's crazy.
I'm cutting your story.
That's crazy.
I've never seen anything mean.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Fear and Podcast where the family is together on a very special day.
That's right.
Happy birthday to you, Ta-Cha-Cha.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear cutie.
Happy birthday to you.
I tried to harmonize and I fucked it up.
Happy birthday, Kitty.
She is 22 years old today.
Wow.
You're getting up there.
It's crazy, but it looks so firm.
You would think I was 21.
I know.
I was like, not a day overnight.
You described yourself like a cock.
Yeah.
I got you a gift.
Oh, wow.
I did not.
I am getting.
I already got.
You have to give me presents from the heart.
Did someone send this to you for free?
And you're giving it a free film?
No, no, no.
It is free.
You could say it's free.
I mean, I'm just reusing a box from Towerborn that I thought was very cool and appropriate for the gift.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Wowie.
I'm scared.
No, it's not.
It looks a lot.
Austin.
Sorry.
Oh, yeah.
Ew, what?
Duck.
What's in the box, cutie?
It's a fish.
I caught that for you just a few hours ago.
I don't want it.
You're a chef.
I don't want it.
That's a fresh catch.
At least show the camera.
I don't.
Austin will.
Austin.
Oh, gross.
It's fresh.
It's pissing me off.
Why?
It's so gross to look at.
I, for one, appreciate that you took the time out of your day to go out on an expedition to fish wild game.
You hunted for, you hunted for our lady.
Well, Marshall, I don't want these to go bad.
Go place them in the refrigerator.
Wait, no, please don't place them in the fruit refrigerator.
Place them in the fish.
That's what I thought.
Are you actually going to use the fish?
Yes.
We're not going to waste fish.
You can't put it in the fish.
Will you bring me back a water?
No, he's got to put it in.
Put it in a Ziploc bag and then put it in the fish.
I would never want that in a million years, Will.
Well, okay.
It's the bot that counts.
I don't eat any seeds.
No, sometimes it doesn't because it showed he didn't even think about me because he knows I think fish are gross and icky.
You're a chef?
I don't like that.
You've never, you don't eat fish.
Not the gross and icky kind.
Wait, you don't eat fish at all?
I do when other people cook it.
I am with you.
I don't like looking at the head.
Yeah.
So it's like, like, like, this is my thing.
When people serve me the fish, why do I got to look at the head?
Can we get the teeth?
I was on a boat full of people today and they were all thrilled to get fish.
That's fish.
Because they were going to make various dishes.
That fish had a fish.
I gave you the fish I caught.
You murdered a fish.
Yeah, assholes.
That fish had a family.
We thought...
We've been watching a lot of Alpha Dog podcasts.
And we thought if you hunt for your woman, that she will be appreciative because we're hunters and women are gatherers.
I didn't gather anything.
It's 2025.
Women hunt for themselves now.
Okay.
I don't.
Well.
She doesn't.
She overeats.
Let the record show I brought a meaningful kind of thing.
It was kind.
I was just funnier to be really mean about it.
Yeah.
We love you.
But I also still don't want it.
I wonder what the comment section will say about the fish.
But also, let the record show.
Cutie Cinderella showed me this really cute Pop Mart toy and they went, I got you this.
And I went, Thank you, cutie.
And she goes, Yeah.
And then I took it and she's like, What are you doing?
I was like, You just said you got it for me.
She's like, That's not what I meant to say.
I said, I got this.
No take backs, cutie.
Crazy.
You can't have it.
You want to?
Give me.
Wait, can I have one?
It's Charmy Kitty.
Oh, it's the only one.
I can get more.
When people give me things, I always am, I protect myself just in case it's not actually for me.
You leave them here.
Wait, what?
You love me.
No, I never brought anything.
No, no, no.
That's not what I meant.
I was talking about like, if you have something and you're like, look at this, and then you give it to me.
I'm like, I assume it's not for me.
Because I don't want to.
It's because I uttered, I guess I said I got this for you.
If someone invited me to say this, I believe I said it.
If someone says, look at this, that's not for you.
They just want you to look at it.
But if someone's like, hey, I got this for you, then it is for you.
It was my bad.
Maybe I do struggle in social situations.
So you did talk to Vanilla Mace.
Yeah.
And Vanilla Mace is somewhat of a laboo boo expert, from my understanding.
She's a Pop Mart expert.
She knew everything about blind boxes.
She got invited to a place for stuff and we got stuff.
And then she wanted me to put a good word in her for wood quit.
She wanted to put a good word in her wood for she wanted me to put in a good word in for her for Hassan.
And I said, no.
You are my enemy.
I never said otherwise.
Cutie Cinderella told Vanilla Mace that I have a fap top that I masturbate.
Why?
What's okay, officer?
Hello.
Why am I in trouble for that?
You've told the world.
That's not my fault.
I don't reveal that in the opening salvo.
I think it's a good intro.
That's like, you know, maybe third step down the line.
I see what conversation is.
I see what she's doing here because, like, you are like, oh my God, Hassan Piker, sexy, six foot four, hot.
It's just a time to do it.
It's good that they humanize you.
The next time we meet at Hot Twink, I'm going to tell them that you're pee shy.
Wow.
Yeah, laid off rip.
Yeah, they'll think it's cute.
No, they won't.
Yeah, they will.
We'll say you're a single throw things everywhere and you steal.
Austin, pea shy show.
I think Austin being klepto is cool.
I think it's cool.
I think it's cool too.
Do you have we're klepto?
Nobody would feel happy.
He dropped my phone.
Oh, oh, I'm just sorry.
Oh, yeah.
No, I dropped her phone.
Sorry.
Cutie, you have a very distorted attitude about what's funny and what's not funny.
Okay.
I disagree because people laugh at me all the time.
They never laugh at you.
Checkmate, idiot.
Okay, that's fair.
People do laugh at you.
That was easy.
That was awesome.
That was really good.
I'm on your side.
Thank you.
I needed that.
She'll come on the podcast.
She's my new best friend.
Okay, good.
What?
I texted her.
I don't know if she have another dilemma.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
You bitch.
What?
No.
You?
Don't call her a bitch.
Don't do that.
Why do you have a wall?
I don't know why he has it.
The inappropriate behavior guy.
It's an inappropriate behavior gun.
You call her a bitch one more time and you're going to get it, sucker.
Is that why you brought it?
Yes.
That's the gayest way of doing it.
You shooting the guy with the wrong fingers.
That's the gayest you've ever been.
Elon Musk and Trump Drama00:13:44
Did you get it for free at Friday?
No, I got.
He swapped it.
I got it at Walgreens.
Yeah.
And you thought, okay.
You know, I like that.
I like your thinking.
I like that.
The reason why I'm saying this, and you guys will agree with me now.
Oh, boy, he's going to say something.
Is because I saw all the clips and you tried to get her on whine about it before Fear N.
Okay.
I saw that as well.
Am I unfair to yell at you over this?
Your honor, I know you might not be a capitalist, but I am a sloppy, sloppy capitalist pig.
In one of those companies, I do own 50% compared to the 20 over here.
That's true.
Oh, my God.
You know, so I would say that my efforts match.
But this one will go to the moon if you keep pumping it.
I don't think it will because Elon Musk, I don't think, likes you.
He does not.
He likes Asmund Gold.
And he's how we get to the moon.
That's true.
Yeah.
He's not getting.
Not anymore.
Not after today.
I missed it.
I missed the girly pops fighting.
I missed this.
It's so juicy.
Break it down.
All right.
Break it down, Hassan.
On today's Girly Pop Nation, we are talking about...
Wait, you got to do the song.
You sound like you have a cough.
And you know what?
I hope he doesn't use because it'd be really helpful in this situation.
I hope he gets no help and he continues being like that forever until he dies.
But the thing that could maybe prevent that is if he used this really awesome app.
Did you just say you retouched?
But I just hope he doesn't use this, but I would use this if I needed.
If I needed help, I need Zoc Doc.
You, hey, you, you don't use it.
Okay.
But all the rest of my friends, let's use this when we're in peril.
Okay.
I hope.
You don't.
I hope I can use Zoc Doc.
You shouldn't.
Because I can find an in-network appointment with more than a hundred thousand dollars.
The rest of us should stop every special scene.
Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash fear.
The rest of us.
But cutie is the rest of us.
I can save some money.
Well, to instantly book top-rated doctors?
Yes, there is.
There freaking is.
You're talking more about a promo code.
Yeah.
Stop putting out those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash fear to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
The app is free.
You don't need a code.
It's free.
It's a free app.
That's a good idea.
ZockDoc.com slash fear.
It's a free app.
Hold on.
That's z-oc-d-o-c.com slash fear.
ZockDoc.com slash fear.
We got to read something else.
ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare.
Oh, girly pop.
Girly pop.
Girly pop.
Yeah, there we go.
Okay.
On today's girly pop nation, I'm going to tell you a tale of two divas.
Okay.
Love me.
Two divas, two queens.
Just queen it out.
All right.
One's name is Elon Musk from South Africa by way of Canada.
Came to the United States of America, became the wealthiest person on the planet.
Illegally, by the way, he came to me.
Yeah, that's true.
He did.
He has a lapse in his visa application that is going to be important in the future when Donald Trump inevitably deports him.
We'll talk about that in a second.
Donald Trump, on the other hand, son of German immigrants, the 45th and 47th.
We all are.
Me and Donald.
You too?
Yeah, 45th and 47th president of the United States of America.
Lebanese immigrants, different, but yeah.
We know.
We know.
No one thought you were German.
We were all Irish immigrants.
Anyway.
Sorry.
Elon Musk and Donald Trump have had a tumultuous relationship.
Now, Elon Musk, being the wealthy person that he is post-COVID, decided he hates woke now.
He's becoming a Republican.
And then what do you do when you become a Republican?
Of course, you give $250 million to Donald Trump so he can be elected as president.
Did you not, did you fail to open that?
Yeah, then I give it to him.
He can't do it either.
That's awesome.
That's all I'm saying.
That's happening.
No, hold on.
Got it.
Thank you.
Okay.
All right.
Who's the man now, bitch?
Yeah, pussy.
Anyway.
Pradma, bitch.
Anyway, Elon Musk, major donor in the Donald Trump campaign because he's a Republican, but he's a repulsive individual.
Obviously, as you guys have seen, he has many different moments where he's like going on stage going, USI, USA.
Not even able to do the USA chant correctly, which, holy shit, how do you fail on that one?
It's kind of like drinking water without spilling it all over yourself from a bottle.
How the fuck do you fail?
It's going to evaporate.
My charming kitty.
It's basic stuff.
Yeah, thank you so much.
That's how little she cares about the kitty.
By the way, she didn't even care about it.
Oh, she has blood.
Is that what you wanted me to do?
Yeah, I want to block the.
I normally misread those situations, but I was able to get it right the first time.
I won't tell you purpose.
You are not a pop market.
This is my charming kitty, and I can use.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, would you rather me buy things that aren't used to people?
She will dry.
She'll dry.
I would rather you not dry a puddle with your child's head.
This is my charming kitty.
We're listening, Hassan.
We're listening for the most part.
Elon Musk becomes a bigger villain than ever before because he is now seen as the most responsible party for all of the mass firings that are taking place because he goes into the government.
He starts this new agency called Doge.
Okay.
Wait, that was for real?
Yeah, that was real.
I literally thought that was a joke.
No, serious.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Actually, serious.
Wait, like in the government, there's a section called Doge.
Yes.
We will never have free health care.
Crazy.
Yes, no.
No, no, I'll vote for it.
No, no, no, no.
We don't vote against it.
Wait, wait.
Why don't we vote against that?
Wait, don't we want free health care?
No, we do want that.
Yeah, I'll vote for that.
I said we will never have free health care in this country because Q Cinerola doesn't even know Doge was a real agency.
I thought it was made up.
It's been pretty much like it's made up.
Five months.
Everything.
A lot of things happen in five months.
Exactly.
A lot has happened.
I'm explaining to you some of the steps.
A season.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I watch him all day.
Doge.
Department of Government Efficiency comes in hot with an agenda.
They're going to chop, chop, chop government spending.
Of course, they failed to do so, but in the process, they fire a bunch of government employees.
Everyone's mad at Elon Musk, a billionaire that bought an election and is now firing government employees and regulatory agencies that are supposed to be regulating Elon Musk's company.
What a frick.
That's pure corruption.
Yeah.
Right?
So everyone is considering Elon Musk to be a major villain in this party.
Okay.
Obviously, the Republicans don't like him because he's woke and gay.
He's got electric vehicles.
Obviously, only woke gay people drive electric vehicles.
They don't want that.
Myself included.
And the liberals are no longer in favor of Elon Musk because he's fully, firmly in Donald Trump's bosom.
Donald Trump, on the other hand, is entertaining him regardless of the fact that he probably doesn't like him too much because he's not a very charismatic individual.
Elon isn't.
And Donald Trump is a television personality.
He has an eye for talent.
Elon has not.
So all of this underlying drama is bubbling up.
There's so much tension.
A lot of people say eventually you can't put two queens in a room like this for an extended period of time and not have a diva go down.
Yeah.
And that moment, that explosion finally took place today.
And it felt like, it felt like ejaculation.
I'm not going to lie to you.
It felt like you were, it felt like we as a nation.
It felt like we as a nation were collectively edging ourselves for the past year almost.
Yeah.
Hoping that one day this entire this entire sham is going to be ejaculation.
Yes.
Long ejaculation.
And boy, was it explosive.
Elon Musk loses.
He spends a lot of money in this Wisconsin judicial race, loses the race.
Donald Trump goes, you're a fucking loser.
Secretly.
He doesn't say it openly.
Donald Trump ties with Elon Musk.
Now, Donald Trump has this other bill that he's trying to push, major tax cuts for the wealthy, the basic stuff.
Elon Musk, on the other hand, doesn't like that tax cut.
He's wealthy.
Why doesn't he like that tax cut?
Because he thinks, one, it doesn't starve the poor hard enough.
And two, and perhaps more importantly, it takes away some EV subsidies.
The government currently, if you purchase an electric vehicle, specifically a Tesla, you get a bunch of electric vehicle subsidies.
Wait, what does that mean?
It means you get $7,500 of money back from the government.
Do you like mail-in rebate?
No, you just get it off.
Kind of like that.
Wow.
You just get it off.
When I bought mine, they took $7,500 off the car.
Wow, and they have to do all the paperwork.
Yeah, I didn't even know.
Donald Trump doesn't like EVs.
He's in the pocket of big oil.
And big oil hates electricity.
They really do.
And they hate renewable energies to begin with.
So Donald Trump is cutting these EV subsidies, which is directly cutting into the Tesla stock price.
Elon doesn't like that.
His entire net worth is associated with the Tesla stock price.
If it goes down, his net worth goes down.
He might not be the richest man in the world anymore.
That would be really freaking annoying.
Devastating that.
Elon Musk starts slowly, but surely talking shit this past week, like, oh, this new tax bill doesn't seem too good, huh?
Whatever.
And then yesterday, finally, Elon Musk says, Donald Trump demonstrated ingratitude.
I am the reason why he won.
I made you, Donald Trump.
Know your fucking place.
Donald Trump gets back to him and says, ha.
Elon Musk now has Trump derangement syndrome, trademark copyrighted Trump derangement syndrome.
It's like a political there's a lot of back and forth going on in the process.
Trump is talking to the German chancellor Murrs and he's making a mockery of Elon Musk in the fucking White House and the oh well yada yada, yada.
Elon Musk goes on a tweet bender and he starts tweeting a whole bunch of shit about Donald Trump including, but not limited to, calling him a pedophile and also demanding his impeachment, on the website that he owns, Twitter.
Awesome yeah, yeah.
And he said he was on the Epstein plane, which we all know.
Yeah, and that's the reason that they haven't released the Epstein files is because he's on the plane.
My flight attendants were talking about it today.
They're like, release the files.
That's what they were saying.
We also want to release the files.
That's the Furan position.
The podcast position is, we want Jeffrey Epstein did not release the free file files.
We want them.
And the girls were fighting and they were fighting all day.
In the end, that's it.
And they're still fighting.
They're still fighting.
Elon Musk said he's gonna dismantle some of the SpaceX programs in retribution against Donald Trump and Eating Dragon.
Okay, we need this is what we need.
We need some juicy.
Yeah, we need something to come out like, the assassination was fake yeah, or the Epstein stuff is like it's bold of Elon to say, considering he's also associated with, I don't know, maybe maybe Elon's seen Trump's penis yeah, you know oh, that's just slanderous material.
Then yeah yeah, but he wants that, I want that, I want, he wants the combat, I want you yeah, I want to, I want.
Just come on, let's talk about an affair or something like, yeah, he's boinking some other yeah, chicken story like Stormy Daniels 2.0.
Yeah, I don't think that would work because like like, I don't think anything will work against.
Yeah nothing, Teflon don at this point.
Yeah like, if he, if it came out that he was like, actually an active pedophile, I think Republicans would be like me too.
Yeah hell yeah, that's my president.
So I don't know.
I don't really know if anything could harm Donald Trump's approval ratings.
He imploded the global economy.
If he was trans, I don't know.
I think Republicans would get on board.
Oh, that'd be so funny.
No, no, no, I think they would become like trans rights activists.
They'd be so rad.
Yeah, they'd be like, oh my God, my president is so woke.
Like, I love being trans.
Like, yeah, he can use whatever bathroom he wants.
Yeah.
That's what they would say.
That would be because it's a cult.
Like, it 100% is a cult at this point.
I mean, they already defend his flip-flopping of positions anyway.
So have you heard them talk about the terrorists?
One day Donald Trump comes out as trans and then goes back to university and wins a sporting event.
Yeah.
And everyone's like, we need more trans athletes.
That would be rad.
God, that'd be fire.
But he's such a fat ass.
Is that rude?
So they're just fighting on Twitter?
Oh, big time.
They're fighting all over.
Not just on Twitter.
But it's like Clash of the Titans.
Like, it has geopolitical implications every time they tweet.
Because it's the most is the wealthiest person on the planet going against one of the largest media platforms versus the American press.
Yeah, versus, yeah, versus the most powerful.
Is this, does this, but okay, maybe I'm a little too hopeful.
Sure.
But could this mean that because he's going after Trump, all these right-wing lunatics are going to start turning on Elon Musk, which is going to...
There's going to be a lot of children of divorce.
Well, there's going to be a lot of people that have to break one way or the other.
This is like when Brittany and Christina fought.
But could inevitably he stop pushing a lot of his right-wing nut a lot of these right-wing nut jobs on X because of this divorce from I wouldn't expect anything good from this.
No, I think what's yeah, first of all, don't ever expect anything good, period.
Fishing for Political Answers00:03:40
Everything is bad and it will only get worse.
Well, but I do think I have to go get a drink because I am experiencing pretty bad vertigo from being on a boat all day catching someone's birthday gift they didn't want.
Yeah, do your thing.
You're brave.
You're brave for doing that.
Will you give me a surprise drink?
Vertigo.
No.
The how I foresee these playing out, and I've already started seeing it a little bit.
He's in the fridge.
Damn.
He did not.
Get your ass out here.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God.
Will is yelling at the fish.
First covered.
First covered.
He's pissed that Marsh didn't put the fish in the fridge, which, like, come on.
He doesn't get paid for that.
No.
And also, like, I think the fish will be fine.
Yeah.
They're not fine.
Marsh.
Daddy's fucking.
Oh, my God.
Will.
Oh my gosh.
And Marsh is going.
But they're not his fish.
He's in the Ziploc in the first couple of years.
He's really...
That's crazy.
Sushi sits out.
Wow, what?
Sushi sits out.
That's different.
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
But it's a fish.
Yeah, but you have to.
Oh, wow.
Fun.
Which one?
Die Dr. Pepper.
Die, Dr. Pepper.
You can't have it.
I wasn't asking.
I would have put those fish away, but the fish.
I have caffeine pastes.
Marsh just left them out.
I'm a little disappointed.
Wow.
He probably doesn't want to touch the fish.
Yeah, I don't blame him.
He's going to touch the fish.
We learned a lot about Will's childhood.
Yeah, Tom.
Oh, I used to not be able to, like, we would go fishing.
Yeah.
And my grandpa would get up.
We'd get up at 4 a.m. and we'd go fishing.
And I hated it.
I love my grandfather, but I hated fishing.
Ask my mom.
Marsh from the kitchen just yelled, there's only small ones.
Okay.
And then we had to.
You just heard him go, yeah, at least.
Yeah, I did.
Marsh doesn't deserve it.
I love the fish.
Okay.
And we had to clean the fish and pre-clean those.
Yeah, I know, but that's the thing I didn't like to like to clean.
Why'd you go fishing?
I went fishing with a bunch of people.
Oh, how do they even have waterfish around here?
The ocean?
They were dolphins.
They threw together.
They threw the other fishing expedition and didn't invite any of us.
I didn't want to go.
Dolphins swam with the boat.
I wanted to go.
Where was this in the Pacific?
No, it was in the Atlantic.
It's in the Atlantic Ocean.
Well, no, no.
I know, but there's other people.
Lake Tahoe.
There's another body of water.
Yeah, it was in the Pacific.
I mean, it was in the LA River.
Right.
It could have been.
I don't know.
That's cool.
You saw dolphins who all went.
Oh, too many people to name, really.
Wow, okay.
I caught it this morning.
Pacific Ocean.
I don't want it.
You got it a few hours ago.
It's fresh.
You want it?
We went out on a fishing chart today.
We need to get back on topic.
That's a white fish and a rockfish.
You want them?
Okay.
No one wants one.
We need to get back on top before I go.
She's in the kitchen.
He just said there's no bag that's big enough.
It's like Charlie Brown.
Wait, sir.
I'm not going to wait.
I don't want it.
That's not my fault.
I didn't catch it.
Yeah.
So it's okay for you to just sling your cake everywhere.
But when I bring a delicious cake of the sea.
Well, you should cook it next time.
I have a theory.
Yeah.
I have a theory.
We're done with the politics, okay?
Take off your stupid hat.
Why are you wearing that?
I think he looks cheery.
Oh, man.
Do I love me some cat food?
You know what's so funny?
Cat food?
No, I don't eat cat food.
My cat eats cat food.
Aside.
Oh, but what's their favorite?
Smalls?
It's smalls.
Weird Voicemail Messages00:11:44
I was so passionate about the word.
Smalls!
Smalls is my favorite cat's cat food.
Tell us about smalls.
Well, let me tell you.
I hope it's protein-packed made with preservative-free ingredients that you'd find in your fridge.
That's why I actually lobbed it up to you to say, Do you eat it?
Because you look quite brawling.
You could eat it if you wanted to.
It's protein-packed.
That's right.
My cat loves it so much.
After he eats it, he looks at me and speaks human language and says more, please.
And I say, oh my gosh, thank goodness because you can get 35% off plus an additional 50% off your first order.
If you had to smalls.com and use our promo code FEAR for a limited time.
Just like my cat, you can eat it.
So yum, yum, yum.
That's an additional 50% off.
If you go to head.
We're going to read that part again.
Read this word for word.
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That's small.com.
Cutie Cinderella looks good in the Brazil t-shirt.
And when she puts it on, she develops a different personality.
What is happening right now?
I think we're on.
No one was talking to you.
I have vertigo.
Okay.
I'm on the fucking podcast.
This is my podcast.
Oh, now it's it.
And he asked me why I try to get you on the line about it.
I know you fucking forget sometimes.
My podcast.
Family.
From truly family.
Yes.
Don't put your gun away.
Okay.
I think cutie has an alternative per alternative persona that she adopts when she wears the Brazil shirt.
Shout out Brazil.
Yeah.
She's a love you guys.
She loves Brazil.
I love Brazil.
Number two, maybe it's because I was around a very supportive female who is matching my energy.
Maybe that's what it was.
Well, I feel like I can match your energy sometimes.
Dylan LaMace is going to teach me how to twerk.
I know how to twerk.
I'm going to go crazy out there.
You've never asked me to learn how to twerk.
I really don't want to.
I'm really shy.
Your old uncle will.
I know you guys would teach me how to twerk, but it's weird.
It's like talking to you guys about periods.
I'm twerking right now.
Oh.
Listen, I can't help you with a period, but I can teach you how to shake that ass.
I can't shake that ass.
I won't, even if she asks.
But I do think we got along swimmingly, and I might have a new best friend.
So everyone relax.
I love that for you.
I'm happy for you.
I think that's great.
Hassan is not.
Well, he's trying to edge in on it.
Yeah.
You can, well, she's going to come on the podcast and you can make friends with her too.
Okay.
If you want.
Not after you poisoned the well.
I did tell you.
We're going to talk about the fap top when she's on the podcast for sure.
I also made a new friend.
Hoost.
Killozer.
Oh.
Do you guys know who that is?
No.
Wait, like the actual didn't he die?
No, no, no.
That's the killdozer.
Marsh, could you pull something up for us?
You are abusing him right now.
What is happening?
Dude, Marsh, you don't deserve that.
Fucking kill yourself.
Marsh, we don't know.
Marsh, you smell like fish.
Yeah, you got a real fish odor to you.
Can you tell me how to do it?
Can you please pull up Kill Dozer?
Just a picture of the streamer or the YouTuber Kill Dozer real quick.
Wait, is that your guy who busts up stuff?
No, just tell me what you guys notice about Kill Dozer when you see an image of him.
I just, the only Kill Dozer I know is the guy who made the Kill Dozer and then caused havoc.
Yeah, there he is.
Oh, my foods here.
I hope it doesn't get sick.
Yeah, that's Kill Dozer right there.
Pull him up.
Wait, what?
Yeah, that's him.
Wait, that's.
Okay.
That's my new friend.
That's a little fucking weird.
What do you mean?
What do you mean is weird?
What's weird about that?
Who is that?
What?
What do you mean is what's weird about that?
Who is that?
That's my new friend.
He's a YouTuber.
But what does he do?
He makes YouTube videos about very peculiar diets.
He ate Red 40 for three days.
That's okay.
Interesting.
Do you want to say something?
I'm not saying anything.
He seems like a very handsome man.
Okay, that's interesting, but it feels like you want to say something.
He seems like a very handsome man, and I bear no relationship.
Did neither of you realize that he looks exactly like Hassan?
I don't think he's exactly.
Faceblindness.
Oh, no.
I don't think he looks exactly like Hasden.
We got to go to the dog.
I actually think I'm really good at identifying what people look like in their idea.
A little leaner.
That's okay.
The second part is unacceptable.
He's younger and a little bit.
Why would you say that?
Oh, you want me to eat fucking WD-40 or whatever?
I don't know.
Maybe I'd like a call every once in a while.
We played Dieter A last night and I failed us.
You know what?
I have a grievance to pick with Hassan now that we're ganging up on him.
Oh, great.
Great.
I love this podcast.
Shout out Kill Dozer real quick.
He's awesome.
Go watch him.
Fuck him.
I was.
You are my enemy.
I had some news to share on a personal level that wasn't even public.
I didn't want to.
Are you engaged?
No.
That'd be crazy.
No.
You're straight.
You're coming out.
No, no, it's not public, and I'm not even going to share it on this podcast.
But I was so excited, and I was going to share it with Hassan.
And I called him and he sent me to voicemail.
You know, when you get sent to voicemail, he might have had it on.
Three rings.
No, I checked his messages before.
You can tell before somebody.
I always check before I call.
Oh.
You're so weird.
Don't you do that?
Wait, when was it?
What time was it?
What time was it?
What time?
No, no, no, no, hold on.
When and where was it?
It's hard to sit over here.
Do you check?
I don't.
No, I don't even look at it.
You know how many texts I have right now?
No, no, no.
I checked before I called somebody up there on Do Not Disturb because it'll go straight to voicemail.
Hold on.
I'm going to look up when you did this so I know.
So I called him.
It was a very early hour.
What were you going to reveal to me?
I can't tell you.
I'll tell you later.
You sent it.
Will knows.
Wait, 9:50 p.m.
Yeah.
Pick up the phone.
Wait.
When was it?
9:50 p.m. on Monday night.
Yeah.
I was probably like literally in bed.
Yeah, pick it up.
You were on the fat top.
It also shows you how you missed call, by the way.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, because you.
No.
Oh.
No, it just rang three times, Austin.
I don't know.
Well, maybe, you know what?
I apologize.
He might have been a diva.
Oh.
No.
It's too young.
Oh, that was nice.
I'm sorry.
I'm so ready.
I'm sorry.
To throw me under the bus.
What is happening?
I felt as it was like maybe it felt like one ring too short.
That's what it felt like.
You know what I mean?
You fucking hung up.
You did a prank call.
You know what I mean?
When it feels like somebody's doing it, but they want to make it feel like it's a full call.
No.
What did you do?
I want to be supposed to be.
Call me right now.
Wait, you will wait to a third ring and then hang up instead of waiting for one more ring to bring it up.
Come call me and then put on speaker.
Oh, she's like, she lost my number.
I called you today.
You did?
Yeah.
What are we doing?
Your call has been full.
See how I sent her to voicemail, but it felt like a full.
I wouldn't have known.
That's okay.
What does it look like on your phone?
I have to teach you tech.
I have to teach you.
What does it look like on your phone when you did that?
I just hit the button.
Okay.
What does it look like on your phone?
But no, it probably says.
Yes, it does.
Wait, it does say miss.
It does say miss call.
It says miss call from cutie Cinderella.
Okay.
Austin, you should know this tech.
Okay, Austin.
Wait, I know what you're talking about.
Watch.
So if she calls me and my phone is on, cutie.
Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.
But Will, that's the point.
What you, you, she knows you, she, she, that you just declined her call.
It says you, you, you got a missed call when you turn it off yourself.
I did not.
Did you wait?
You wait.
Yeah, no, he's getting a third ring.
You have to, or else they're going to know you said because this is a cultural thing.
Is when you don't think it's a cultural thing.
No, no, well, it's a social, it's a social media.
So you don't think your friend will ever give you the benefit of the doubt that you just can't speak with them right then?
It's just aggressive.
Yeah, you did just forward.
You know what I mean?
Right?
Like, it's a little.
What if I'm in a movie?
What did you just hit the silent button and let and absorb the vibrate and politely let it go to the end?
I don't know what I was doing.
I assume I was in bed.
It's Monday night.
This is a relatable thing.
You know what?
Every time someone calls you and you don't want the call, you wait till the third ring.
Yes, because it's aggro.
Because on my end, I hear Straight Devorza and they're like, nah, fucking Austin.
Wait, that's what they're saying.
What if they have fish on their hands?
Well, then, but you know what Will does?
He'll send me to voicemail and then he'll send a text.
Hey, are you good?
I didn't even see it.
That's why I didn't text you.
But that's okay.
Do you see what I'm saying here?
I didn't see it.
I'm almost certain.
I'm almost certain that you hung up.
It doesn't.
It wouldn't like ruin my whole day.
Did you?
Austin, did the phone ring on your end?
What?
When you called me, did the phone ring on your end?
Yeah, I did.
Well, hold on.
I did maybe what?
Does it ruin your entire day if one of your friends forwards your call?
No, no, it depends on who it is and what they're doing.
That's a lot of pressure.
No, no, you guys can let me go to you can send me to voicemail and I won't think personally.
My phone's just permal on Do Not Disturb.
Yeah, I know.
And I can tell because I open up more messages.
Yeah, except I don't know how to turn it off.
Carly did fucking piss you off because you brought it here and I'm pretty sure you're the one who's called.
Well, you know what?
You never called me back.
You hung up.
I was sleeping.
I didn't even see it.
Well, then wake up and call me.
Wake up and call him.
I had some very important issues.
Do you guys have any phone etiquette that you observe that's unusual?
I mean, my problem is I just don't reply to anybody ever.
I'm the same way.
My thing is parents.
My mom will text me, son, you need to, you must call me right now, period.
Stressful.
That collapses my entire day.
Yeah.
Okay.
I hear that.
I'm like, oh my God, something devastating has happened.
Someone was dead.
Yeah.
No.
It's like, what's the Netflix password?
That's random.
And it's not even urgent.
She's like, she'll be shocked because I pick up, I call, I'm like, mom, what's going on?
Is everything okay?
You know, is the family all right?
And she'll be like, why are you panicking?
I'll be like, you, did you just texted me something?
That we got away from that.
We have parents use intervention, intervention, intervention.
Parents, at least my parents, and I've heard that other people's parents do this too, use too much like punctuation and correct grammar when they're texting because they don't know.
Like, you're not supposed to say, like, you must have a question.
I got a great way to get your mom to stop texting you.
What?
What are you doing?
You finish that, Joe.
First of all, she birthed me.
And also, secondly, what do you think I was going to say?
No, I'm saying like she knows.
She's seen me shit my pants.
You know what I mean?
She changed my diapers.
And also, on top of that, as an adult, she knows that I'm a, you know, awful person.
What are you talking about?
Family Intervention Stories00:15:22
Yeah, thank you.
Which is why.
She's talking about your mom dying.
My mom dead.
Oh, I thought you were going to tell her that I have a fab top.
No, I'm not going to tell you.
I'm not going to blackmail you to your mom and tell her.
You kill my mom.
No, I'm not going to kill her.
I'm just saying you could like.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize it was with a fucking cereal killer.
No, we're not going to do anything as draconian as telling her you have a fab top.
We're going to kill her.
What the fuck?
Who are we making a joke?
Commenters.
Do you see that?
I'm trying to say.
That's your hero.
Oh, woe is me.
My mom bothers me all the time.
Some of us don't have one.
Okay, well, you know.
I thought you were insinuating to kill his mother.
That's me.
I'm not going to kill her.
I might go to Disneyland for the first time by myself tomorrow.
Self?
Why?
Really?
Why?
Wake Wilder.
Oh, fuck.
Well, I mean, of my own volition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
I don't know.
I'm going to take him there.
We're going to ride the ride stream.
Okay.
I have decision paralysis when I go to Disney, so I need the VIP.
He's actually, no, no, no.
Oh, my God.
Shut up.
I can't get on board with this.
It's not, you don't need to.
When I go to Disney, I need Mickey Mouse to suck me off.
No, no.
I need a VIP.
I've been with Disneyland with Austin once.
It was off-stream.
No one was there.
You know me.
I show up late to everything, unfortunately.
But also, Disneyland is like a journey.
And Austin and a group showed up at like 9 a.m.
And I was like, I'm not going to be there.
Yeah, they're ready.
I show up at like 2 p.m.
I wheel in.
I'm like, what have you guys done?
They're like, Splash Mountain.
That's it.
Yeah.
It's been like six hours.
I don't know.
I love the park.
I love the scenery.
I get a churro.
And then I showed up and it was bam, Six hours?
You got one churro?
I love to enjoy the experience.
That's why if I already get the VIP, I would say no.
Don't walk me.
Fuck the churro.
No, six hours.
No, but fucking for real.
If I went to spite of churros, every lot of detail in those videos.
I did this to you.
I'm sorry.
Cutie.
It's like going to the movie theater to fucking sit at the concessions today.
That's probably one of the best things parts of a movie.
No, there's not.
The movie is the best part of the theater.
No, I did like the pop.
The concession stands are really good.
Here's the deal: if I were to get a VIP thing, it's just to skip the ride lines.
I want to walk through the park.
I don't want the back roads.
I want to walk right through the crowds because I want to.
But then what do you get the VIP thing for?
To skip the lines.
Yeah, but you're not going on the rides.
You said you like the experience of the park.
I like both.
But I'd like to go on more rides, but the lines are very long.
So I just experience things.
I go meet the characters.
Yeah.
What if you just Have laughed at you at one point, but because of Oogie Boogie Bash, meeting the characters, kind of dope.
Yeah, well, I can get behind that, but it was just crazy that you started this with I have decision paralysis because you just gotta go on something.
Yeah, you're right.
You gotta do something.
You don't need to even ride the rides.
I don't know, but I escort you through the whole part.
Did I tell you guys what I've been planning since I was 13 years old?
Hey, Hassan, what's that website Mauricio Miranda's always screaming about?
Oh, you mean March Mauricio, the Mauricio Miranda?
Also known as March.tv.
That's his government.
It's gotta be Shopify.
Yes, he loves Shopify.
He loves cons.
He's always talking about commerce.
He's saying, guys, I got this small business.
I use Shopify.
I'm making a killing.
If I didn't make money on Shopify, my name wouldn't be Mauricio Miranda.
Miranda.
That's right.
I love Shopify.
I use it as well because I heard from Mauricio Miranda that it was really good.
And I started using it for my merch at ideology.shop.
Yes.
That's right.
It's great.
I get to track all of the orders and everything like that.
Everything is orderly.
And I make a lot of the monies.
That's what I do.
Marsh told me to sell the boo-boos with it.
I'm just kidding.
We're not done.
There's no cut there because we got you.
We just want to tell you about this.
Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify.
Sign up for your movie stupid freaking thing.
You're blocking it, Marsh.
Sign up.
Shut up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/slash fear.
Fear!
Shopify.com/slash fear!
Shopify.com/slash fear!
Mauricio Miranda!
And that's a lot of work.
Disney World vacation.
Okay.
I refuse to go into.
What have you planned?
Why don't you do it?
Well, I haven't.
I haven't done it.
I'm waiting.
This is the deal.
I was in Orlando, and somebody was like, Do you want to go to Disney World?
And I said, Absolutely not.
I will not go until it is my epic vacation where I am staying at a Disney property.
I have the character.
I want everything.
I want start to finish.
He actually wants to get sucked off by Mickey.
I want every Disney experience.
I want it to be so magical.
Ready for your sucker.
You know why?
It's because I went to Disneyland for the first time since I was like really young and it was so magical.
But I was with people that I just like had met that day and I went really late in the day.
And what I realized is that first.
Austin, are you ready to choose which one of the rescue rangers gets killed?
That magic.
You bought the special package.
That's where you get to euthanize animals.
That magic can only be achieved once.
Hello?
Uh-huh.
I'm following.
You're a Disney.
Why am I?
I look like the crazy Disney person.
Well, no, Because I don't feel things.
So I don't know what you're saying about feeling magic.
I just ride past getting in front of the kids with Progeria.
Fuck them.
Fuck the sick kids.
You gotta ride.
You're a wealthy gay man.
To be fair, I've done that before at Universal, and that shit was awesome.
Universal is different.
It doesn't have the magic.
Like, there's like a child in a wheelchair.
No, I'm kidding.
We didn't do that.
I gotta get my mummy ride in, Billy.
No, Universal doesn't have the magic.
It's gonna be too hard on your disease-ridden body.
I mean, they do have Epic Universe.
Have you heard about Epic University?
Have I heard about Epic Universe?
Do you know who helped design a lot of the Epic Universe?
I'm assuming.
I watch drone footage every week of updates of their building.
Probably talk to them, and we could do a trip, like a streaming trip out of it.
Weeks.
Where's Epic Universe?
I can't get on an airplane.
What is Epic Universe?
It's all the monsters have these crazy animatronics, like Franklin Stein.
Yeah, it's Epic.
It's a Wolfman.
Third Universal Park, and it's like, it's got How to Train Your Dragon Area.
It's got a monsters area that has Dracula and stuff.
Ted Kaczynski's.
It's got a new Mario area.
I was trying to slide one behind if you were listening.
It's got a Donkey Kong ride.
Prolific rapist serial killer.
Oh, that's a real monster.
I didn't know who that was.
I thought it was a football player.
Unabomber.
Ted Kaczynski.
I thought it was.
I wasn't even.
Oh, my mind went to Ted Bayner.
I wasn't even thinking of Ted Kaczynski.
Started linebacking for the Chicago Bears.
The Unabomber.
Yeah, that's right.
What is it?
Unabomber?
Did he bomb one thing?
He sent mail bombs.
He hated technology, so we just like tried to kill Radio Shack employees.
Jesus Christ.
And also students at university.
Yeah, and thankfully, he doesn't have an attraction dedicated to him at the Universal Food Park.
No, that would be dope.
But you have to wait to do your Disney World Epic vacation.
Epic vacation.
So what is the plan?
Because there's a villain's land that's being built right now.
When is it?
Wait, you can't stop.
You can't say.
He just said, stop.
He said, what is the plan?
You said, I don't have one yet.
And if we rewind three minutes ago, what is wrong with you?
I don't have anything.
Did you say you're doing things?
But I don't know what you're doing.
Here's the deal.
13, you haven't even that was the last time I was there.
You can't say words.
You're going to stop the problem with me planning out your epic vacation.
I don't know what it looks like, but I know it needs to be perfect.
And I just, I have so much decision paralysis, I can't decide on where to start.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Can I help you?
We've already gone past.
There's a, there's a, okay, cutie, you're not crazy.
Should I call an imagination?
You look like one of the toys that Sid butchers in Toy Story right now.
Kitty, do you think, do you think maybe I should call an imagineer and maybe they can help me?
An imagine?
No, they're engineers.
They're not going to help you with your fucking vacation.
Buy a dumbass ticket.
Should I call a 1-800 number and just plan my epic Disney vacation?
You're going to pay a travel agent to do this.
I'm going to do the Disney site and just buy all the most expensive stuff because that's what you want.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
I do.
I want that.
But I'm a little torn here because I really want to stay at the Four Seasons Orlando, but that's not a Disney property.
White?
We're going to kill you.
No.
You should not have to go.
Shoot yourself in the fucking head.
Oh, that's sweat.
Anything else happened to anybody this week?
I have a story to tell you, but I just don't feel like it's appropriate for the main episode.
Oh.
Oh.
Because we may have to cut it.
Okay.
I will put it in the paywall.
Yeah, we'll do it.
Do you want to tell it?
And then if it's inappropriate, we can shift it and then we could try some time back.
Yeah, because I don't know.
I wasn't.
All right.
So.
Okay, I have a story.
I'm going to cut it.
I have a story.
That's crazy.
I'm cutting your story.
That's crazy.
I've never seen anything.
That was mean.
You were so ready.
All right.
Y'all have to subscribe to the page.
This has been the ADHD episode.
This has been crazy.
Why are you cutting his story?
What's happening?
Just to cut his story?
Are you cutting his story to tell your own?
No, I'm cutting his story because I want him to say it behind the paywall and then fucking which you can watch at patreon.com slash variant.
But I also have a story to cut into it.
He is!
That's all right.
We're the worst.
I respect that.
We are the worst.
We are.
I love you guys.
2017.
In 2017, a chicken shoe materialized out of thin air.
It was called Dave's Hot Chicken.
I like that place.
Yeah.
And I was a massive fan of Dave Saw Chicken.
We knew.
Very long lines of Dave Saw Chicken.
I would wait for those lines.
You can tell.
You used to order it to chicken all the time.
I would order it to my house all the time.
I ate it non-fucking stop.
Now, I also knew the owners of Dave Saw Chicken.
Mr. Chicken.
I knew some of the owners of Dave's Hot Chicken.
It's like a group of people, right?
Thank you.
And at the time, I didn't have a lot of money in 2017.
But by around like 2020, I believe, I had a little bit of extra cash on the side.
And I'm not like a big investment guy, but I really fucking love Dave Saw Chicken.
So I told my friend at the time that I was like, listen, dude, I don't ever do this, but I love this fucking chicken so much.
And I thought I'd get some free chicken out of it.
Yeah.
That I was like, this will be a wise investment for me.
And he told me, I'm sorry, we're not actually looking for any investors right now.
And I was like, oh, that's a bummer.
And I think literally two or three days after he told me that, it came out that Drake was officially an investor in Dave Saw Chicken.
And I went back to him and I was like, the fuck is this?
You just told me you're not accepting any investments.
You got one from Drake.
And he's like, well, he's Drake.
Yeah.
Right?
That's crazy.
Now, we're not.
Started from the bottom.
Yeah, we're not on great terms.
Me and you and Drake?
No, not me and Drake.
I don't know Drake.
Right.
I went to his cousin's birthday one time.
Okay.
But that's it.
The reason why I'm telling you the story is because Dave's Hot Chicken was just sold yesterday.
What?
$2 billion?
$1 billion.
That's crazy.
How much would you have made?
I have no idea.
And I don't even necessarily care about the money that I would have made off of it or something.
Kill yourself, Austin.
That was crazy.
Don't give Murat the little.
No.
He was looking at it.
No, that was kooky.
I'm so sorry.
He was looking at me like he wanted to bring it in.
Murat, was that what you wanted to do?
You wanted to make sure it wasn't.
You should have just battled as to what you're saying.
You pointed at yourself and said, oh, that's it.
During our episode.
Oh, yeah, no, but I think he thought he was asking for permission.
No, I thought he was asking for permission.
You took over.
You directed him.
Like, he went backstage.
He practically did the.
Yes.
He's an engineer, Austin.
I'm sorry.
I thought he wanted to come and bring it to me.
I wasn't sure.
I wanted to let him know it was okay.
No, it's okay.
I forget to.
It's a fat bag.
I guess Pride's over.
No, it's over.
That was me.
He's not going to eat any of it now.
No, I'm going to eat the fuck out of it.
I'm going to eat the fuck out of this chicken.
The funny thing is, like, he didn't go to DC Pride.
He was supposed to go to World Pride.
I was.
Oh, my God.
You didn't go.
No, I didn't go.
I canceled it.
But Dochi.
Austin, tell everyone why you chose not to go to World Pride.
Because I wanted to stay lean.
I actually have a gripe with Austin about Pride.
Oh, hold on.
Wait, wait.
Before, let me finish.
He wanted to stay lean, but the reason why I wanted to be lean in the first place is for Pride.
Yeah, but I just felt like I had worked so hard and I was like, you know what?
I want this physique for a while, so I'm going to keep it because I realized I moved to Los Angeles.
There's a lot of pool parties.
By the way, I went to my first gay pool party.
We'll talk about that later to get into with Austin.
I don't know.
Respectfully, I don't, I've known you for a long time.
I don't, you might be mad.
I don't know if I've seen your body change.
Well, that's always been rich.
You've just always been rich.
You didn't dance with me at Pride.
I didn't?
No.
Well, you didn't really.
Oh, you know why?
He pointed out.
Marsh is also pointing himself.
You did not know.
No, well, here's the deal.
They wanted to go to EDM, like an EDM thing.
We wanted to go to the official Pride stage, which is totally fine.
In front of the Pacific Designer.
Hold on.
No, it was the second stage.
Here's the deal.
This is my thing.
This is my journey.
My client doesn't go to the second stage.
No, it's not about it being the second stage.
This is my thing.
This is my journey right now.
I love to talk to people.
I love to meet people.
I love to socialize.
At an EDM rave, with all due respect, despite the fact that it was very queer and I loved it and I support that.
And I'm in a yes, period, right?
It doesn't sound like it.
Steakhouse Bar Confessions00:15:06
No, I was there.
I was there and I was supported and I showed face and then I left because it seems like your snaps are hot.
I want to socialize.
So I went out and I was like, I just want to go talk to people because that's my journey right now.
I'm going to be honest, it hurt my feelings.
Gasp.
I went to Pride to hang out with my friend, Austin.
So you did the thing and you didn't come with me?
I thought you went to hang out with me.
Why wouldn't you come with me to socialize?
I had been there since 2 p.m., Austin, and you were such a social butterfly that I barely saw you.
We were together the whole time.
Lies and deceit.
You were on camera together.
I was dancing.
I don't know where the fuck I was.
I was so hammered.
You were social butterfly.
Who was I talking to?
More important gays than me.
That's not true.
Hassan and I didn't go.
Yeah, why?
I was invited.
Wait, they literally said they invite.
Wait, Christian was saying the whole time that y'all were invited, and I believed him.
That is true.
He doesn't even have my number.
Wait, wait, when was it?
Is it Saturday or Sunday?
You were definitely invited.
Was it Saturday or Sunday?
I invited you, and you said I'm.
Oh, I'm so.
Oh, I said I'm having heterosexual sex.
Yeah, that's what he said.
Yeah.
You were home.
That's what's crazy is you were home and you didn't want to come.
No, I slept the entire day because I came back.
I came back from Houston.
I woke up early as fuck.
And what?
What?
Marsh just sent me something fucking crazy that we can't even.
Wait, I want to see it.
No, you have to share with the class.
I want to see it.
No, no, no, no.
What is it?
It's nothing.
Marsh.
It's the ramblings of a man who's in the twilight of his life.
Okay.
Well, in any case, I slept the entire day.
I was.
Yeah, I invited him and are you going to share with everybody?
You want some?
I have to order a salad.
Here, no, no, here.
Have a bite.
No, I don't want that.
It's Pride Month.
Wow.
That's, you know what?
This was a test.
And you passed.
Thank you.
That was so good.
She didn't mean like it's pride month.
That was so good.
We're going to turn this into a commercial.
For what?
Pride month?
Chick-fil-A eating disorders.
Staying above the influence?
No, we're going to be like, no, it's Pride Month.
And then it's going to be like, stop anti-yeah, feel free to add that audio.
No, it's Pride Month to anything straight anyone mentions ever.
No, it's Pride Month.
That was so serious.
It was giving like the Hillary duff.
Remember when she's like, quit saying that's gay.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
I thought it worked.
I don't know how I could do that anymore.
No, I don't.
Well, I do it.
I do it now.
I do it.
I started saying it unironically.
And I was like, I started doing it ironically, and then it started being unironic.
Yeah.
I'll be like, that's gay.
Derogatory.
I'll even emphasize the fact.
I do that all the time.
Like, that's so gay.
And I do it in front of straight people, liberal straight people.
You also hit the F slur so hard sometimes.
I was just thinking about it.
I was in your Discord that I say the F-serve every once in a while.
Yeah, you do, you do like the Snape where you know you really pop.
I was like, I was, I was saying earlier.
I was like, I feel hate crying.
I was talking about your car.
I was like, yeah, I'm fucking.
My car's faster than Hassan's little car.
Jesus.
And I don't know why, but I'm so amused by being homophobic to Hassan during Pride Month.
It's one of my favorites.
You're the homophobic to me every month.
That's not true.
Come on.
You bully me.
The tides are that's that's a turn.
You know what?
I am bullying you.
Wow.
You bully me all the time.
You hate crime me.
That's true.
Well, with that.
Since it's Pride Month, no.
Since it's Pride Month, we do have a game for you guys.
Is it a gay game?
I like giving people extra on the normal episode.
I'm ready.
They're not doing anything.
They're not doing anything tonight.
All right.
Let me just pull this up.
I pee first.
I beat.
What?
Sure.
We have to kill him, right?
I don't know.
I just can't even.
For those of you who don't know, Mark said yes for sure.
I don't know if...
The mercy kill him.
I can't tell.
Like, sometimes.
I don't know if I can name one thing we actually talk about.
Oh, Kaya just absolutely fucking turned my testicles into dust.
Are we playing a gay game?
Yeah.
I'm ready.
I'm sending it to Marsh.
I just had to find it.
The Vertigo and the absolute gut strike together.
I'm barely hanging in here.
I actually had to wake up at 6 a.m. to go catch those fish for you.
That is not worth it.
What time did you guys fish till?
We fished for like seven hours.
God damn.
Oh, gay bar.
Steakhouse or gay bar.
I love this.
Yeah, boy.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I don't have more.
No, that was very good.
Again, though, I don't want to.
I'm shy.
Is it a steakhouse?
Is it a gay bar?
Yeah, boy.
Steakhouse, a gay bar.
Yeah, boy.
Yeah, your mouth is full.
All right, let's play the game.
Okay.
Steakhouse.
Gay bar.
Flaming Saddle Saloon.
Come on.
Come on.
Can I catch?
Yeah.
Steakhouse.
Are you even gay?
That's a gay bar.
Gay bar.
It's a chain, too.
They used to have one in the corner of Santa Monica.
Gay bar.
Big day.
Big day for you guys.
Yeah.
Roscoe's Tavern.
Steakhouse.
Gay bar.
Gay bar.
Okay.
What kind of vibes does a Roscoe give?
Roscoe.
Well, Roscoe, I can only think of Roscoe's chicken and waffles.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go steakhouse.
Steakhouse.
Gay bar.
Okay, next.
It is a gay bar.
Is that in Seattle?
I don't know.
Oh.
I didn't ask.
It looks like Seattle.
Buckhorn Exchange.
Steakhouse.
It sounds like a gay bar.
So I assume it's supposed to be gay, but I think it is a steakhouse.
Okay.
It is a steakhouse.
Good job, everybody.
I think that's in Montana.
Silverado.
Oh, that's a gay bar in Portland, Oregon.
What?
I'm going to go gay bar, too.
Yeah.
I mean, you said it so convincingly.
It's also a strip club.
Yep.
Is that it?
That's in Portland.
Okay.
I love how this one is only discernible that it's a gay bar because next to the mountain of bird shit, there's a one gay.
That looks like that is the least inviting gay bar I've ever seen.
Looks like a not very reputable establishment.
No, I mean, they moved it since then.
It's in a new place now.
Ox.
Damn, he knows like a steakhouse.
Ox is a steakhouse.
There's no gay connotation with ox.
I'm going to say gay bar.
Steakhouse.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, you guys are doing really good.
Oil can Harry's sounds like a fucking.
I feel like you could get a mean sucking fuck at Oil Can Harry's or a good steak.
It'd be nice if they did the one combo.
I'm going to go 50-50.
This might be a gay bar that serves steak.
Porque nolos dos.
Let's get it.
Yeah, it's a gay bar.
Can you do me a favor, though?
Can you look up the menu and see if oil can order a filet at Oil Can Harry's?
Oh, it's an Austin.
Yep.
Barbarians?
That sounds like steakhouse.
All right, hang on.
We're waiting.
We're waiting on confirmations.
Oil can Harry's menu.
Can you order a steak?
Probably apps at most.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are waiting with bated breath.
That's impossible.
There's no food at Oil Can Harry.
First day ever.
Wow, so off base.
The only steak they serve is dick steak.
Oh, barbarians of steak.
Fuck, we didn't even lock it.
No, I said, he said steakhouse.
That looks like a good steakhouse.
I want to go to Dante's.
The hitching post.
What?
Really?
You think?
Yeah.
Steakhouse.
Gay bar.
Next.
Dude, Austin's at 100%.
Yeah, he's really, he's flying.
He's done a good job.
I mean, he told you the geographic location of one.
He's been to a lot of these.
JR's?
Oh, gay.
Okay.
Well, JR's could be.
There's definitely, if there's a gay bar named JR, there's definitely a steakhouse named JR's.
I'm going steakhouse.
I'm going to go steakhouse too.
Okay.
Gay bar.
No.
Damn.
Your perfect record is over.
But there's definitely a steakhouse named JR's as well.
That looks like a steakhouse.
Oh, it could be Juniors.
Junior.
Fuck.
Tahoe Joe's.
That's like a steakhouse.
No, I feel like Tahoe's not very gay.
Yeah, I don't think so either.
I'm going steakhouse.
Me too.
Come on.
Yeah.
Tahoe Joe.
Never love no man.
Okay, to be fair, Tahoe Joe.
Never takes it in the can.
I love these because steakhouse, steakhouse, at least the ones that we've seen, are the least gay institutions in America, it seems.
I like that we just created a lot of lore that Tahoe Joe is a closeted homosexual man who only brags about how not gay he is.
Okay, Western Sizzling feels like the name of a gay bar because it feels like straight people wouldn't.
It feels like the gay interpretation of a Western.
It also does sound a lot like a silly cool enough to be a gay bar.
It sounds like a Sizzler.
Yeah, I'm going to go steakhouse.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
Tahoe Joe.
Never love no man.
Tahoe Joe.
Woody's.
I mean, it could be a gay bar.
I'm going gay bar on this one.
I love Woody's is a gay bar name.
I'm going.
I'm going.
If it's not a gay bar, miss steakhouse.
Steakhouse.
There's a snake in my boot.
And that steak is a door.
Yep.
You are coming back.
Tahoe Joe.
You might just.
The sauna's abysmal.
Yeah.
I'm a homophobe.
Philadelphia.
I feel like Austin has been to all of these places.
No.
Not Philadelphia.
Black Calf.
Steakhouse.
That's a steakhouse.
Okay, steakhouse.
No.
Okay.
That looks like it's in the UK somewhere.
I need to know.
Can you order a steak?
Is this the rare 50-50 split?
Rare as the strategy that I am in the UK.
What is that?
That's London, yeah.
What does that flag say?
He's the black cat, yay.
He's in your pub all over the place.
No, in your face, all over the place.
Oh, okay.
Ah, and I think there's an asshole spread atop that.
A goat seat?
Yeah, that's a or an eyeball.
Starfish.
No, that looks like a spread bum.
It's a chocolate starfish.
Tahoe Joe.
Got it.
No fucking food in a black cap, yay.
No.
They're not letting any of you get away with the poor K-Nolisto.
Okay.
One of these gay bars serves a tasty steak, or I am.
I'm never going to a gay bar again.
Mr. C's.
Steakhouse.
I'm losing it.
The name C isn't gay.
Gay bar.
Fuck.
Steakhouse.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, Will is definitely.
I love these photos because they are.
This is like the least gay photo I've ever seen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The strip.
Okay.
That there's both.
That's got to be a.
Yes.
You think there's a strip house gay club?
There's got to be.
Yes.
Maybe.
But it's definitely a steak.
I think it's a.
Are you trying to because you made?
Oh, you don't know.
I don't remember.
Um.
Gay bar.
I'm going to steakhouse.
Steakhouse.
Wow.
Austin's falling apart.
I know where that is.
Never love no man.
That's in Times Square.
It's near Times Square.
I can tell.
Okay.
Oh, that's a steakhouse in Chicago.
Wait, strip houses?
Cuthouse.
Yeah.
Steakhouse is a house.
Okay.
I'll go with that.
I'll go with that.
Yeah.
Maybe it's a steakhouse in a lot of places.
It's a steakhouse.
Yeah.
Remingtons.
I'm going to.
I hope it's a fancy gay bar where you have to, like, only butlers can go.
I'm going to go there to be a gay bar.
Remington's.
Go steakhouse.
It does sound like a bad thing.
Austin can make up a point here.
Oh, you went steakhouse?
I want steakhouse.
I got to go gay bar.
Yay!
Look at that man.
He's so gay.
If we would have had it in that text, the anvil gay bar.
Gay bar, 100%.
Yeah, I'll go with that.
Gay bar.
There's some serious fucking going on at the end.
Yeah, there's look at that.
It's a bear bar.
Stay far.
Yeah.
You are fucking it.
That's a bear bar.
That's a rough cut.
Cubs go in there for some love, rough trade.
The anvil.
The white horse in also sounds like a gay bar.
This is a gay bar where a lot of ketamine is consumed.
100%.
Okay.
So White Horse In.
Steakhouse.
Tower down.
Hassan's digging himself in.
Where is this?
This has got to be probably in the.
I've been to a bar.
By the aesthetic, it looks like I've been to a bar called, I think, The White Horse.
This is in the Northeast somewhere.
No, it's in.
I think there is a bar called The White Horse in LA.
They'll ride the White Horse.
Oakland.
I've been to a bar called The White Horse in LA, but it wasn't called The White Horse Inn, I guess.
Yeah, White Horse is kind of a.
Yeah.
All right.
Common nomenclature for doing a little bit.
Claim Jumper is a steakhouse restaurant in Portland, Oregon, just on the way to Mount Hood.
Jesus.
Claim Jumper.
No, it's a chain.
It's a chain.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay.
What is the fuck?
That's not an appetizing name at all.
Yeah.
Claim jumper?
That doesn't make sense.
If you dropped the I, fire name for a clam jumper.
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
The clam jumper is where lesbians get down.
Many Suzuki's.
That was a really fun game.
Happy Pride Month.
If you played along at home, let us know who you beat in the comments.
Claim Jumper Restaurant Tales00:01:41
Probably me, probably.
Probably Hassan.
Tahoe.
Jojo, never know man.
Tahoe Joe doesn't take it in his can.
Tahoe Joe.
Serve steak as fast as you can.
Tahoe Joe.
Definitely not gay.
See you on the Patreon, everybody, patreon.com/slash fear and here we go.
Fear and peace.
What is this?
Is this the one with the laughter?
Laugh effects?
Okay.
Wait, go start over.
I only get naked in front of my friends if we're having sex.
Okay.
Chill.
We're having sex.
Oh.
Anyway, sorry, this is gross.
No, we're talking about having sex.
I know, but I felt gross saying that, and I'd like to apologize.
I'm so sorry.
This is a game-positive podcast.
You can betray you so much.
Wouldn't you do an episode where we just watch edits?
That'd be fun.
Oh, dude.
Some of the edits have gotten the edits have gotten.
So that's the pod is: I think part of the reason our viewership is going up and like the episodes are performed yetter is I do think there's an economy of people now that make these incredible edits that get almost more visibility than the actual pod.