Austin and Marsh dissect personal controversies, including Austin's alleged lies about a Los Angeles apartment and his Las Vegas hotel negotiation tactics. They reflect on Val Kilmer's passing, Trump's tariff-induced stock market crash, and Morgan Wallen's polarizing "Get Me Back to God's Country" campaign. The hosts satirically compare current political failures to historical dictators while critiquing the regression of country music and the double standards surrounding January 6th, ultimately highlighting a fractured cultural landscape where economic instability meets performative outrage. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to the Final Episode00:10:46
Did I mention I'm gay?
This is a hate crime, I think.
I'm gonna need a free room, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast.
The final episode of the Fear Ann podcast in this iteration because it is the last week where we have to bullshit our way through content until cutie Cinderella blesses us.
She comes down.
I delay and rescue.
This is the fucking last boys episode.
We're taking our dicks out on this one.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Behind the paywall at patreon.com slash fear.
I love that.
Yeah.
I love that.
Dicks out, flopping, put it on the table.
Put on this.
No fluff.
I don't know if it can fit on the table.
Yeah.
My so best.
That's right, yeah.
Austin Jawbreaker show.
Yeah.
We're doing penis talks, sparts.
Speaking of which, I put that clip out.
Yeah, I know.
Where, yeah, a lot of people were on Team Austin.
No, they weren't.
Yeah, they were.
They were like, oh, such an logical conclusion.
When you talk about breaking somebody's jaw, immediately big penis.
If anybody agreed with you, those were paid comments.
You know, he hired a bot farm in Indonesia, which is going to be stronger.
Some guy in Bangladesh was like, I don't know why I'm writing that.
This is a logical conclusion, but this is my formative opinion.
I am John living in Iowa, Kansas.
How many rupees did you have to pay?
I don't know, man.
I'm just learning that there's a bot farm that I can pay for.
How badly do you think the bot farm will be impacted by Trump's tariffs?
Oh, God.
Spia.
Fucking tariffs, man.
Jesus Christ, my portfolio's in the toilet.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me?
I don't look at my portfolio.
Let's get this out of the way.
You lied to us.
Okay.
You fucking lied to us.
What did I lie about?
What did you know?
Come on, set a contact.
Show the viewers.
You know what you did?
I had a lot of what I've reduced to shred.
He's asking because he's lied so much.
And he's kissing me.
He's like, can you maybe scale it down?
I'm building a coalition of supporters.
Do you want to defend yourself?
Because there was no reason to lie.
Okay.
So they are alleging that I lied to them about getting a place in LA months ago.
No.
Looking for a place in LA months ago.
So this is what happened.
I hired an agent.
Well, I didn't hire him.
I didn't pay him anything.
But I talked to an agent and I said I'd like to move down here.
And then that's just.
You revealed today that I had.
Who was the agent?
Oh, one of the street twinks.
That they were doing agenting on the side.
It's like their side game.
You never talk to an agent.
No.
You never talked to an agent.
No, they were an agent.
It was one of the street tweaks that I went to Miami with.
They're like, I'm selling real estate.
And I'm like.
Five months ago, this guy was like, it's only a matter of time, guys.
Looking at places right now.
Got an agent on board.
Moving to Lawrence.
You did like multiple episodes, I feel like.
Yes.
Talking about how this agent was showing you properties.
Wait, really?
Yes.
Wait, hold on.
We're going to have to super cut this in because I don't know.
I don't remember.
I haven't looked at any properties.
Today we were texting and he's like, this is the first time I've toured properties.
And I was like, Austin, you've toured properties before.
He's like, no.
And I was like, well, what about the agent?
And he goes, well, I talked to some twinks.
Well, you know, what's that?
It's in writing.
Yeah, it is in writing.
It is in writing.
You know, marketing, real estate.
Son and I were like, this fraudulent bitch.
Yeah.
Well, I am.
Look, I do have news.
I do have two appointments tomorrow.
That's right.
One at 10 and one at 10.30.
Is the agent gay?
I have, honestly, I'm doing it myself.
Did you say that's that's fair?
That's valid.
I was going to say, like, you know, did you meet them in a real estate setting or at a bar?
Did you have to quit the street in their underpants?
Look, I, I like, I only support gay business people.
Like, like I support gay small businesses.
Yeah, but you didn't support the twinks.
How long does it take to get your car repaired?
My car?
He's just like, look, well, look, I have to go to the BMW to get it's all, it's a warranty thing.
But when I'm outside of, I, I own, like, when I, I'm like, okay, I want to do real estate, gay agent.
Okay.
So when you go to the doctor, travel agent, gay travel agent.
Trick dentist.
Yeah.
Gay travel agent.
Well, I mean, honestly, you know, I like that.
I'm starting to think, actually, I don't, I don't support a lot of gay businesses.
Now I'm starting to think my personal trainer's straight.
My personal trainer's straight.
That's the gayest one you could find.
I know.
I don't know.
There's not, I don't know.
He's, he's like a big dude, you know?
And I don't know.
What?
I don't know.
He was, he was good looking.
Big muscles.
I said, fuck it.
Close enough.
You know?
I thought that wasn't your type.
Anyway, Austin, Austin talks to a random gay doctor, and he's like, I went to the doctor the other day.
Oh, yeah.
Gay doctor.
Gay doctor.
He's like a good doctor.
His side hustle is that he's an anesthesiologist.
He gave me some ketamine.
It's his hobby.
It's his hobby.
It's normal.
So, yeah, I'm looking at a place.
Look at places.
We'll see.
Okay.
I'm going to do it.
Six months.
Six months, not from now, but six months.
I'm going to start for six months.
Yeah.
I'm going to move my electric car down here.
I'm going to, you know, move the cats and the cats.
Bandit!
Bam!
Bandit!
And bumper.
I'm going to throw them in a bag and just fly.
You need me to take Bandit and Bumper for a while.
I will.
Wait, what do you, what?
No.
When you're moving stuff in.
No, I'm going to get everything furnished.
I want everything furniture.
I want it turnkey.
Okay.
I don't want to move.
I just want to show up like I'm showing up to a hotel.
I want it all to be done.
Wait, is that crazy?
Marsh just said it's crazy.
It's fine.
Am I being unreasonable?
No, no, no, no.
Let's not dissuade him from moving to.
No, it's good.
He's just a very low maintenance kind of guy.
And he just shows that every episode.
No, low maintenance.
What is so low maintenance?
Look, that's low maintenance.
Everything's done for you.
Yeah.
I know.
He's not picky.
There's places like that.
Yeah.
I'm thinking townhouse.
Yeah.
Two to three bedrooms.
Sure.
All right.
My God.
Two to three bedrooms.
How much do you foresee yourself spending on this place?
Eight grand, maybe a month, probably eight grand.
For a townhouse with three bedrooms.
Yeah.
West Hollywood.
In West Hollywood.
Yeah.
Right above the Abbey.
Walking distance.
Are you out of your fucking mind, dude?
What have you been?
What are you?
Okay, Zillow.
What the fuck?
Do you know about the prices about real estate?
Yeah, because I fucking.
You just scroll?
I lived in West Hollywood for, and Will has as well for a decade.
I can't ease.
I already got one.
I already got.
I'm looking at places in that price range store.
Under eight grand?
Yeah.
Damn, the Trump Trump economy is bad.
And I'm going to negotiate.
They're going to be like, it's eight grand a month.
I'm going to say, hell no, it's not.
Negotiate rent.
They're going to haggle it.
Yeah, I'm going to haggle.
Oh, I like it.
Yeah.
They're going to be like, it's eight grand a month.
I said, hell no.
It's no.
I will not pay stickers.
Yeah.
I will not pay the sticker.
No, but tell them it's not.
No, it's you.
You have a truly unique way of understanding how this stuff works.
Do you think they're going to tell me no?
I might be.
Well, listen, you could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.
So if anybody can haggle their way into a fully furnished three-bedroom apartment in West Hollywood, this is what I'm going to say.
This is what I'm going to say.
I'm going to go up to a bunch of people.
Wait, it's a town place, right?
So it's not even like a unit.
It's not even an apartment.
This is my plan.
I'm going to show up tomorrow.
Yeah.
The rent's like 8,000 something.
I don't know what it is.
Okay.
I'm going to show up and be like, look, I love it.
It's great.
This has been on the market for 35 days.
Okay.
Clearly, your price isn't working.
Anytime.
Yeah.
Barely anytime.
Yeah.
35 days.
Clearly, your price isn't working.
If you were to rent it to me.
You're desperate.
You're telling me.
I was like, yeah, I'd be like, look, this is what's going to happen.
I'm going to go.
You got to go.
You don't know what's going to happen when these tariffs hit.
Yeah.
I'm going to do that.
No, this is what I'm going to say.
Pretend you're the, pretend you're the guy.
So you like the place?
Love the place.
Okay.
It's great.
Love it.
Everything.
Fully furnished.
It's exactly what I want.
Awesome.
All right.
Okay.
Here's the problem.
It's 8,000 a month.
Right.
It's too much.
Oh, okay.
So would you like to look at some of our lower.
No.
No, I want this one.
Oh, okay.
I'd like this one.
Wow, we're quite firm.
No, well, look, that's great.
It's been on the market for 35 days.
Okay.
So here's the deal.
This is what I'm going to do.
Not that long.
I'll take it.
I'll take it for, I'll take it for seven.
All right.
Okay.
I'll take it for seven.
Sure.
If you don't accept that, I'll walk away.
Here's my phone number.
Yeah.
You call me in 30 more days when nobody else has picked it up.
Okay.
But I don't.
At that point, I'm taking it for 6.5.
That's what you got to say.
Seven now?
Six five later.
Yeah.
See, my dad did that back in 1993 when he bought a suburban.
Back when they used to buy homes with jelly.
That's what I learned it from.
That's what he learned it from.
93.
That's an air.
I was born.
Yeah.
This is an entirely different.
I'm going to pay $300 a month for this house.
He told me this.
He said the guy came up to him and was like $18,000 for this suburban.
And my dad said, anybody with $18,000 will just go buy a new one.
He said, I'll give you $13,000.
Oh, so the comparison is not even a house.
Isn't that hard?
Yeah.
And the guy goes, no, I'm not.
And my dad said, here's my number.
Call me when you can't sell it.
He called him.
$13,000.
Wow.
Wrote the check.
Boom.
Cash.
Wow.
I almost want to be there tomorrow.
Yes.
You want to come with me?
I want to watch you haggle.
You want to watch me haggle?
Because if you pay sticker price, I won't let you play sticker price.
You're not allowed.
The price is $8,000.
You go, well, sorry, I can't.
Here's my card day.
He goes, okay, it's $8,000.
I'm going to hold you to it.
I'm going to go, no, Austin.
You can't do it.
Get him down.
I know.
But sometimes it is really...
We'll just see how much I love it.
Yeah.
Because I'm a little picky.
No.
But I'm not high maintenance.
No.
I'm not high maintenance.
Haggling in China00:08:44
No, definitely not.
Does it come fully furnished?
Yes.
Yes.
Turnkey.
TVs included.
That's the other thing.
I don't want to buy a TV.
I don't know how to mount a TV.
You know what I mean?
You're.
Oh my God.
Wait, you're renting a fully furnished apartment?
Yeah.
What's wrong with that?
That's why it's...
Well, it's actually surprisingly not as expensive as I thought it would be.
Yeah.
For the price point that you're mentioning and the location that you're mentioning.
Also, furnished apartments are always going to be super important.
Well, that makes sense.
Which I'm okay to play because I have a place in Oregon.
I'm not leaving it.
I'm keeping it.
I'm not moving any furniture.
Right.
So I'm like, I just want it plug and play.
Yeah.
They even have silverware and plates and everything.
It's like an Airbnb.
So I'm ready to rock and roll.
It probably was an Airbnb that this dude was trying to do long-term rentals.
Litter box.
That's all I need.
Litter box.
What's going on on your planet, Hassan Piker?
Many things.
Yeah.
Been watching you on YouTube.
It's been great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're locked back in on politics again?
Yeah.
Every time you, I sit down.
You know what I do?
Sit down, I eat my lunch or dinner, and I turn on YouTube, watch Hassan Piker on YouTube on one of his bot accounts.
One of the bottom archive.
Yeah, archives.
Yeah.
There's a lot going on on my side of the world because Trump's kind of ruining the planet.
He's not just ruining America.
He's just decided to stick his tentacles on other countries as well.
What is happening right now?
She gave me love.
She loves me.
Kaya's entered the fray, which is inappropriate because this is a boys-only episode, Kaya.
No girls allowed.
She loves her uncle.
But yeah, I don't know.
I mean, things are heating up.
The global economy collapse is imminent.
Great stuff.
China's rising.
We have to go to China.
Let's go.
I found out, March pulled this up.
I'm popping in China.
What?
Really?
Yes, my Biddy Biddy videos.
BDB is a Chinese social media app.
You can look it up on Twitter.
I posted a screenshot of it.
Jacket is fire, Mark.
Yeah, that's a cool ass jacket.
XD.
Oh, oh, no way.
Yeah.
Oh, that's sick.
XD from Japan.
Okay.
Yeah, there's a screenshot over there with Mandarin on it somewhere.
Oh, there it is.
Wow.
Turns out my videos, my videos reacting to iShow Speed in China are going crazy.
I can't wait.
That first video has 990,000 views.
Wow.
Second video, 460,000.
Third video, 46,000.
No, no, no.
That's what I thought initially as well.
No, it turns out it's 420,000, not 42,000.
But yeah, it's popping.
And they call me, they call Speed hyperthyroid disorder streamer.
And I think it's a Frenchman's disease.
No, no, no.
It's a false translation.
They mean he's hyperactive.
Yeah, and they called you hetercephalic head.
No, they call me normal IQ American because I'm defending China and that.
And it's like, finally, they're like, finally, there's a normal IQ American.
Are you want to go for the fanfare?
Do you think they'd like me in China?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yes.
They would like you in China.
Okay.
I think.
All right.
I don't even care.
I don't even, I just want to go.
I want to see it.
I want to see it so bad.
I want to see my own two freaking out.
Let's go do it.
Let him rest.
So we have to do it this weekend.
We have to do it.
I'll be.
Let me move first.
Okay.
We're not waiting for you to wait.
That's crazy.
We're not waiting for that.
Then, bro, China would rise and fall before you move to Los Angeles.
Okay.
Polar ice capsule melt by that.
Yeah.
It was a complete instability by that point.
Yeah.
No, I just want to see it because like iShow Speed has been all over China.
This is kind of what I wanted to talk about.
Dovetails into my topic.
And he's been blowing up.
The Chinese government has offered him a 10-year visa.
Wow.
What?
Yes.
The Chinese government.
The Chinese government loves him because they are like, oh my God, finally, like a super popular American content creator comes here.
He's not like, you know, he's not being like a weird reactionary about China.
And he's just admiring everything that he's saying.
Oh my God.
Let's do it.
And now I'm like, I have to.
I can't outflank by eye show speed and Jason the Ween.
They both went to China before me.
This is our Beatles moment.
We're going to get off the plane in China.
No one's going to be there.
No one's going to be there.
Yeah.
We're going to get off the planet.
The government official is going to pull me aside and be like, we've heard some of the things you've said.
That is the third time you've applied lip balm this podcast.
Yeah, what's going on?
What's happening?
My lips are dry.
Okay, I just got off a plane.
All right.
I was just worried about you.
They were really crusty.
They were really unchapped.
They're not.
They're not crusty at all.
No one can see how crusty they are.
Don't worry.
He says she loves to give me a complex.
I'm sorry.
That's the worst part: he needs us to go to China with him.
He really does.
Yeah.
That's why he keeps throwing it in there.
I will fucking go by myself.
Yeah.
Can you be a lonely, bitter old man with nothing to do?
Yeah.
That's not true.
Mark.
That's so true.
That's not true.
Can you just give us no hold on?
The Communist Party of China.
The Communist Party of China will welcome me with open arms.
The Politburo will invite me to the sacred city.
You need forbidden people.
I will have tea with you, you can't abide your insane schedule.
And if you don't think that Austin Sho and I are multipliers for the things you do, it's true.
Kindly get out.
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah, that's right.
You need us.
I do.
I need you.
You need us, which is why you keep pitching it.
This is the second week in a row you've pitched that we need to go to China.
Just accept that you want us there.
I do want you guys there.
Well, not in Cuba.
You can come to Cuba.
Look, I love Cuba.
You don't.
You already.
We've talked about it.
I love Cuba.
You're already talking about how you want to go.
I love Cuba and I love Miami equally.
Okay.
Yeah, no, I'd love to go to China.
Like saying you love Russia and Ukraine equally.
I don't.
I think that the actions of Russia are deplorable.
You know what I want to do?
And I stand for the sovereignty of the Ukraine.
We don't have to do that.
Okay.
Sorry.
You know what I want to do?
One for old Wilbo.
Okay.
How about an Oktoberficht?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Deutschland?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm down.
Good.
I'm down.
I love it.
Archstein of Pia.
I like, I like drinking.
I'm, I'm a fan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Austin some bledoh.
Some yaw, some Arschlicken.
Yeah.
What I don't know why you went there.
Do you know what I said?
Yeah.
Licking ass, eating ass.
Damn.
I didn't know you spoke German.
Yeah.
This is my third word.
Arschlicken.
I think that one's a hard trip.
Well, I don't know.
Arschlick?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
We're here.
Try and figure this one out.
We'll do some cock sucking.
Wait, what does that mean?
Yeah, that one's harder.
Yeah, that one's a real problem.
Arschlicken.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
Is that the only fluent?
Is that the only German word you know?
Like, that's the.
Why did you learn that?
Arschlach.
All right, ready?
Schlofkut.
Oh, it's good.
Good sucking.
I know, sleep well.
But in my defense, it kind of sounds like good sucking.
Austin is only like gay German.
Yeah.
He only knows like Schnoopen dashes, but I only know the most pornographic of phrases.
Schloopen das.
I know a few drawers.
Gild Automat is ATM.
Allo is hello.
Arfita Sane is goodbye.
Hello.
My name is Yes.
You can say, hello.
My name is Austin Scholl.
Yeah, Meinfool Namen ist Austin Scho.
Ah, that's a good thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And I also know how to do it.
Yeah.
Also, how do you say no?
No.
Nine.
Oh, there you go.
Good.
Nine.
Igliba.
Igliba.
Oh, anyway.
Well, we need to travel to more places.
Okay, you want to go to Oktoberfest?
October First.
My German is, I mean, I learned it in school.
My dad is actually fluent.
He went to Germany.
Is he here?
Yeah, he is.
Oh, my God.
Language Barriers at Luxor00:12:09
I didn't even hide on my trap.
What?
I'm just going to go.
Why did I say that assistance?
I didn't even stop.
No.
I'm such an asshole.
I didn't even say hi to your dad when I walked in.
Give me something Turkish to say.
He'll like it.
Say, Mehmet Bey Nusselson.
Give me something.
Mahatmat Bey Musselsan.
Musselson.
Nusselson.
Mehed Bey.
Mehmet.
Mehmed Bey.
Be means Mr. Mehmed.
How are you?
Nusselson.
Nusselson.
Nusselson is.
Nusselson is.
That's more.
Mehed Bey Nusselson is.
He's looking at her.
Boche.
He's trying.
He's trying.
Bachman.
What did he say?
He just looked over like he heard someone screaming some garbled Turkish.
You also butchered his name.
He said Mehedbe.
It's Mehmet.
I'm sorry.
Mehmet.
I don't know how do I say I'm sorry.
You can say Mehmet.
Mehmet.
You sounded real Russian.
Mehmet.
Yeah, Sukubio.
Sukmiet.
Oh.
What's been going on in your world?
You've been traveling.
Well, I've been traveling.
Man, I went to Vegas.
I tell you what, what a depressing place when you're not there.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
I was there for work.
Yes.
I was like, I was there for work.
Yeah.
And, you know, I was there working.
I was hosting.
You didn't ride the slots at all?
No, I didn't do any gambling.
Wait, did you say the Luxor?
No, no.
Okay.
Oh, update on the story.
For the record, everybody was on my side in the Patreon.
I didn't read the cards.
I don't know.
So for those of you who didn't watch, who aren't subscribed to our Patreon, Indonesia brands for that, too.
But I was booked at the Luxor for this event that I hosted, and I was upset about it.
And I wasn't upset.
I just didn't want to stay at the Luxor.
By the way, when I landed in Vegas, everybody I talked to, driver, concierge, everybody I spoke with, every time I mentioned the Luxor, people that were serving, they say, oh, you made a really good decision not to stay there.
I wouldn't stay there.
That's what they said.
And anyway, so I ended up booking a room at the Bellagio.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, turns out, I show up to the Bellagio and something horrible happened.
I get to get what?
No, I get to the front desk.
Someone was stabbed.
No, I get to the front desk and I realize they say, well, Mr. Show, your reservation was canceled.
That's what was the awful thing that happened?
Yeah, you showed up to a hotel.
Imagine if you showed up to a hotel.
Imagine.
Imagine your reservation was canceled.
You'd be, you'd be calling me, is what you'd be doing.
You'd be hopeless.
I'd be calling my Vegas.
So immediately I'm starting to see dollar signs because I'm like, oh my God, they just cancel my reservation.
I've got status at the hotel.
I'm going to get free rooms.
I'm going to do all this.
Wait.
Yeah.
Chat, chat, if you're listening.
The moment that your reservation was canceled, you're like, opportunity.
If you didn't have your streaming career, you'd be a slip and fall guy.
What's up?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You can just see, Mr. Show, just waiting for a mop puddle.
My back.
Did I mention I'm gay?
This is a hate crime, I think.
I'm going to need a free room.
So, Chad, if you're listening right now, whenever something goes wrong at a hotel, don't look at it as a price.
It's an opportunity, right?
So I immediately, I'm like, oh my God, opportunity.
So I say, look, per policy, if you have to walk me to another hotel, you got to put me up in another place that I might, you know, my choice, right?
So I'm like, how did this happen?
I need to know how this happened.
I was being very polite, of course, as I always am.
And I'm starting to be like, look, something has to be done here.
Yeah.
Well, guess what?
Turns out I'm in the fucking wrong.
I forgot to update my credit card on my account.
Ooh.
It's actually a strategy I use.
I use an expired card on my account so I can book reservations that are prepay reservations.
So, but if I just decide not to show up, what are they going to charge?
I don't have a card on my file.
But this hotel's policy is they will cancel your reservation if you don't, if the card doesn't work.
Right.
So, and then I'm like, I'm like, okay, shit.
It was my fault.
But how do I spin this?
So what I did was.
You are a slip and fall guy.
That is not becoming one.
So I say, look, you know, hey, I said, look, I understand.
Yeah, I made a mistake.
But I was not given a call.
So you did not, how embarrassed.
I said that, but I wasn't like, I was nice about it.
And I opened up my email as I'm saying that.
They sent me an email telling me that they're going to do it.
So I said, shit, how the fuck am I going to spin this?
I hope they hope they removed you from the premises.
I wasn't being obnoxious.
I said, look, I understand you sent me an email, but right after that email, you sent me a welcome letter and information on where to join the VIP scene.
So I thought everything was okay.
And I missed this other email that was buried amongst all your other welcome emails.
What is your policy on your own?
So they said, we're so sorry.
We found you a room, but it's not the room you booked.
I said, well, I can't pay for that.
Yeah.
So I said, you know, surely there's something that can be done.
I understand I did make a mistake, but with how loyal I am, surely there's the benefit of the doubt, a human, you know, expectations come into play.
So they said, well, sir, you know, you made the mistake.
We can't do that.
I said, okay, you know, I truly understand.
It's very disappointing.
This is the first time I've stayed here, but I do understand.
And then they, I said, would you just talk to your manager?
I'd like to speak to them in person.
And so they end up.
I need to pause you.
Why?
You have to enjoy this.
Of course he does.
Yeah.
There's just you are.
You're listening.
Can I be honest?
You're like a multi-I think I know what's going on in your brain.
You know, like when like secret agents snap into that mode where they're like blending and do.
I think in his mind, it's the game.
He's just a bad person.
I do it for the game.
It's fun.
Well, also, like, catch and review.
You're like a touch-deprived leopard.
And for the record, the person in front of me, you don't want to, when you're doing this, you have to understand the person you're speaking to does not have the authority in the situation.
How many people were behind you?
It's not what you get in line.
It's getting how many people were behind you in line?
Nobody.
I was at the concierge lounge.
I did it.
I was at the concierge lounge.
So I was talking to this lady who I was like, please, you know, I told her.
I was like, I know it's not your fault.
I'm the manager.
I know it's not your fault.
So the manager doesn't want to come.
So they call and they're like, sir, for your inconvenience, we've given you $300 in food and beverage credit.
And we've also found you a suite with a view of the fountain.
I said, great.
So then they call me and they're like, but it's not ready yet.
I said, okay, no worries.
I'll be back.
I got to do a stream.
I'll come back later.
They call me on the phone.
They say, sir, we found you a room, but it doesn't have a view of the fountain.
And I said, oh, you know.
I was really looking forward to that.
I get it now.
Son, I'm plugged in.
So I said, look, you know what?
If the view of the fountain, if the view of the fountain works, then no problem.
That's fine.
I'm okay with it.
I appreciate you taking the extra.
I did kind of set my expectations.
No, no, no, but you're really nice about it.
I said, look, I said, totally okay.
I would really, you know what would make this perfect, though?
If you could upgrade me to another suite.
Yeah.
I said, totally okay if you don't do it.
No worries.
I really appreciate your help.
Give me a call back.
Call me back.
Call me back five minutes later.
Mr. Show, we found a suite, upgraded you with a view of the fountain, and also your $300 beverage credit.
And also, they reduced the rate to a standard room.
And you got off.
And I loved it.
Did you love this?
No, he didn't mean you got off.
But guess you nutted it.
Yes, you got off a little bit.
I'm telling that.
You should do one of these.
I'm telling.
Yes, I actually literally did that.
The same thing.
You know what?
You know what?
This goes back to my original philosophy.
This is good business because guess what?
I'm telling all you guys, it was the Bellagio.
Yeah.
And they took care of me.
So guess where I'm going next time I go to Bellagio?
The fucking Bellagio.
He's like the fucking Luxor.
This would not happen.
No, the Bellagio.
It was an amazing experience.
Now, for those of you at home, but you said you didn't have fun.
What?
Oh, yeah, because in Vegas, you want to party, right?
But I ordered rooms.
I had fun by myself.
I had room service.
I ordered breakfast.
The trip was terrible, but the room.
Yeah, it was a beautiful room.
Beautiful room.
Okay, but here's the deal.
For the folks at home, I want to be very clear here.
At no point in this process did I ever berate a service worker.
Okay.
I was always kind.
You're just annoying.
Thoughtful.
Maybe a little bit annoying, but squeaky wheel gets the grease or whatever the fuck.
Yeah, that's it.
Right?
So if you're doing this, at no point are you ever justified to berate a service worker at any point because chances are the person you are talking to has no say or sway in the situation.
You need to search for those with the power to do something.
Do not sit and yep.
Never raise your voice.
Express it the most disappointment.
Is there a lot of pressure being a hero?
You're a terrorist.
I'm not.
Leave him alone.
Look at what I've done.
I think I, in my heart, I'm feeling anger when I first hear a story like this.
But there's also a little bit.
Aside from the resentment, there's also a little bit of envy because there's no way in hell would I ever in a million years.
You don't have the patience for that.
No, I feel like you don't have the patience for that grift.
Yeah, I'd be like, put me in a box.
I don't care.
You have internet connection.
Just load me in the broom closet.
I'd be like, I don't care.
Just put me in a box.
It's fine.
But see, that's what they love.
They make money on you over and over again.
But with me, I kick it to the corporation.
I know how much money they make.
And that's why I do what I do.
He's in it for the grift.
I'm in it for the game.
He's in it for the action.
Yes.
The juice is worth it.
Yes.
I mean, I'm always curious.
No, you are.
You are not in it.
What's the cold from the heat?
The action is the juice.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, I wanted to bring that up.
We lost a hero.
Yes.
Yes, we did.
Val Kilmer.
Yeah.
That's a tough one.
He was the man.
He really was.
That sequence, it was in the heat, right?
When he's like the shooting sequence.
Yeah.
I think it's one of the coolest shooting sequences of the world.
The action is the juice.
Yeah.
Heat's awesome.
Heat's incredible.
They're making another one.
It's not going to be fine.
I'm a little worried.
I don't think also the Tombstone.
You ever seen Tombstone?
I don't think I've seen Tombstone.
Top Gun?
Oh, yeah.
Top Gun.
And he was kind of sick in the second one.
Like, he was already, his character was sick as well.
I know what's his thing.
You know why no one wants to fly with you, Mav?
Because you're dangerous.
Yeah.
Come on.
Lock in.
I thought he was biting at me.
I got scared.
Well, I am.
Yeah, dude.
Bite back.
Buy it back.
Yeah.
Yeah, pretty good.
Top Gun Engine Failure00:04:34
Okay.
More like this.
Oh, that's a get him off!
That's crazy.
You got the jaw for it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
You chomped it.
Yeah, I did.
I do have the jaw for it.
I've been getting better at acting.
I've been locking in.
You have been, dude.
You're on your acting.
I'm in my acting grind.
I'm just, you know, act toward.
I've been mentored by Sensei Williams.
And I was mentored by Val Kilmer.
Yes.
Yeah.
And power.
That was a tough one.
He's cool.
He was Batman.
What happened?
Like, what?
Broke cancer.
Oh, so it was like his character in Top Gum was also.
Oh, no, they wrote that in because he was already dealing with.
Oh, okay.
That's sad.
Yeah.
It's a bummer.
Very sad.
Marsh is back, everybody.
Marsh is back.
You know what I realize?
You raised the spirits in the room.
Well, I mean, hold on.
That's offensive to Gabe.
Gabe was great.
No, Gabe was fantastic.
No, no, Gabe was great.
It was always nice as hell and it is out of Gabe.
No, Gabe was fantastic.
Gabe went with me to Vegas and I flew a flight simulator.
Yep.
Very devastated to say that I crashed.
Well, there was a clip that went viral.
Oh.
Of you checking your phone while flying.
That went viral?
Yeah, the FAA is.
Wait, that went violent.
Wait, where did you see it on Twitter?
It was all over the internet.
Was it on TikTok?
I had a lot of lives in jeopardy.
Oh, yes.
I may have reported you to the FAA for that one.
Yeah, so I checked my phone while I was flying.
You were on Grinder.
I was on Grindr.
No, I wasn't on Grindr.
That's crazy.
I would never be on Grinder looking for a co-pilot.
Yeah.
Is that what they call him now?
I am a little disappointed.
I will admit.
That I crashed.
Yes, because we have to be able to do it.
I put my life in your hands every time we travel together.
I think if the pilots are going to have a heart attack, and now I don't have that failure.
I'll be honest, it was.
And also, Marshall Africans Palsy, where we check the ethnicity and the sexual status of all of our pilots to make sure that when we're traveling, we're safe.
Like, we have to make sure there's this woman or, you know, someone who's going to be able to do that.
We let down all the pilots at.
And that's because I thought, you know, DEI or die.
Turns out you can die with DEI as well.
Well, look, are you sure you're gay?
I was put in an impossible situation.
When's the last time you sucked a penis?
That's a good question.
No.
You know what?
That's why that plane wasn't.
You know what?
Maybe, maybe you're right.
Maybe that's the juice that I needed.
You have not been in the middle.
I've been spending so much time eating ass that I forgot to suck penis.
No, that's still easy.
I think that's on a pillow somewhere at Marshalls.
If I invent another penis.
That's a good quote.
Yeah, put that on a mug.
Yeah.
You do use a lot of millennial style quotes.
Yeah.
But what happened?
Why?
Well, let me tell you.
So for those aviators out there, you're going to completely understand the situation.
So I experienced a single engine failure.
Sure.
And when you experience an engine failure, you're getting, and it was on to say, I've done engine failure when you take off.
When you depart and you lose an engine, you're at full thrust.
And so let's say you lose the right engine.
You're getting power from the left, but you lost the right.
So the plane, what does it do when we crash?
It rolls to the right.
How do you counteract that?
You fucking push the rudder in.
Yeah.
Okay.
To the dead engine to counteract the force.
I think it's one of the things, which is why it probably crashed.
Not very fucking convincing.
Dead leg, dead engine.
So you want to push to the whatever.
Anyway, you push one of them.
If I'm in the plane, I know what I'm doing.
Okay.
So that's what you do.
But when you're descending, you're at idle.
So you don't have any force.
So when you lose the engine, the plane doesn't roll or yaw or anything.
It just stays where it's put.
But what if you need power?
And so you raise power and you have to do that corrective action with the rudder.
But you forgot to do corrective action with the rudder.
I put full power because the autopilot was on.
It pitched up aggressively.
I lost airspeed dramatically.
I added power, pushed the nose down, but I added power, forgot to use the rudder, the plane rolled more excuses and I crashed.
I've always had faith in you as a pilot.
Which is why this summer, after our fight, my will you finally get your wings.
I will get my wings.
I think I probably, it's time.
It's time.
It's time to actually fly for real and stream me flying for real.
Morgan Wallen on SNL00:14:32
That's what I'm saying.
Austin gets his wings on.
There's a guy.
There's a guy on TikTok that has like a Cessna, and he's been like flying all over.
I already set up a whole thing for him.
He's to go to Seattle.
You have to go to Michigan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Beaver Island is what that's what it is.
Look, I am.
Which will be tough for you as a gay man.
Yeah.
I've always hated the beaver.
Is that what they call the pussy?
But there is an island nearby called Hog.
Oh, Hog Eye.
What do they call the vagina a beaver?
Because they used to be hairy.
Like a beaver.
Yeah.
Looked like a beaver back in the day.
Do you like.
Never mind.
No, you can ask that question.
Do you like hairy vagina?
No, I don't.
Care to answer that.
No.
If it's like tastefully stylish hair, like a coiff.
Okay.
Mullet.
If it's like a little tasteful strip, then it's fine.
Look, I will never.
Triangle.
All pussies are beautiful.
And I am.
So brave of you.
No, no.
I meant that.
We are that girly population.
I didn't mean that in a feminist way.
I meant that in a horny way, where it's like, when I see a vagina, I'm like, thank you.
This is a fun.
Sure.
Thank you for showing me this.
So I'm not going to discount it just because there's not a lot of people.
If you weren't handsome, you'd be a serial killer.
I swear to God.
Thank you for showing me this.
I don't mean it like that.
I don't say that.
But in my mind.
Do you mind if I cut some leather?
In my mind.
In my mind, I'm thinking, this is wonderful.
This is great.
Thank you for your pussy.
Thank you for your pussy.
Yes, that's what I'm thinking.
You ever thank?
Do you thank somebody after a hookup?
No.
Do you?
No.
Why did you ask that question?
I was just curious.
Sometimes I throw in a, you're welcome.
I have high five after.
No, no, you haven't.
You haven't high five.
Why?
No, you know what?
I've done this.
Fucking good.
No.
Okay, but then he's gay.
It's different.
No.
Yes, it is.
All of these things are not kosher.
No, I'm not.
I'm not good.
Nice, bro.
I think thanks for the asshole.
I think doing it as a gay man is way more normal.
Neither one of these are acceptable.
Hey, you really took it.
Neither one of these are.
Okay, I've never done that.
What situation did you high five?
You just had a real good session.
Stop.
You know, real sporty.
Real sporty sesh.
Okay, you know what?
I haven't done the Nux or the high five, but it's a little slap on the ass.
Hey, good game.
You've definitely knocked.
Okay, maybe.
But it'd be like a threesome.
Yeah, you.
In a threesome situation, like with the other top.
Hey, I can see Austin Show getting double the fuck.
Knucks slaps my ass.
He signs his shirt.
Hang on to that.
Wait, you eiffel towered and you dab the dude up.
Oh my God, Kai.
I'm so sorry.
Get up, get up.
You killed her.
She's dead now.
Okay, anyway.
Wait, so you eyelepowering with the post post?
Post eye power?
Nox, nice.
Knucks.
Oh, God, stop.
Knucks.
Yeah, nux.
Is that a millennial thing?
You're becoming.
No, you're just becoming gross.
Oh, come on.
You hit that.
Fucking said the guy that just said, Thank you for your pussy.
Oh, Kaya, what are you doing?
Yeah, that was me being a family.
Oh, my God, Kaya.
This is our new, this is the new meta.
I messed up by letting her come up to me and sit on my lap while I was streaming.
And now she's.
She can't fit on anything.
She's sweet, baby.
How heavy is she?
She's under layer.
All right, listen.
Cutie's not here.
I thought I'd do a little girly papa Jason.
Okay.
Morgan Wallen.
Oh, yeah.
That's Girly Papa Jason.
Yeah, I had a tweet that went viral on that one.
Okay.
Yes.
There's some numbers.
Yeah.
So for those of you who don't know, Morgan Wallen was the musical guest on this episode of Saturday Night Live.
And after his performance, if you've never seen Sarah Live, it is tradition for the cast, the host, and the musical guest to hang out on stage as the SNL band plays you out.
You shake hands.
Congratulations on a good week.
Everybody kind of daps each other up.
Yeah.
But this particular marsh pull it up.
This particular finale or end of show went a little differently.
I hate this guy, by the way.
I hate him.
Just like his actions were so freaking annoying.
Well, it was very strange when we did it up.
Okay.
Austin is.
Okay.
You're just pulling her.
Okay.
That's.
Just trying to check.
She doesn't like that.
All right.
So in the outro sequence, some drama takes place.
Yes.
All right.
Let's watch it in full.
Yep.
Yep.
Where's the sound?
There you can see executive producer Lauren Michaels.
He thanks the host.
And then down center aisle, not even backstage, right down the center aisle, which literally the people watching the show use to leave.
He leaves the set.
So what is the what was he trying to pull a stunt here?
Yeah.
So at first, no one really noticed it as a stunt, but he followed it up with an Instagram story of a private jet.
And I believe the quote was, Get Me Back to God's Country.
Nothing more middle America and relatable than hopping on your private jet to go back to God's country.
And it doesn't end there.
Everyone started.
There was more.
Yes.
Oh, shoot.
I didn't know.
Yeah.
So everyone starts dunking on Morgan Wallen, myself included, because he didn't, he was very disrespectful for a voluntary appearance.
Like he volunteered to go to New York.
He volunteered to be on SNL.
Yeah.
And then he just didn't even thank the background workers and all the people that, you know, put this production together, the cast and crew, which is, again, disrespectful to the workers, right?
And then took that photo with a private jet and flew back home and complained about it.
And everyone was celebrating it.
The Republicans were like, yeah, that's right.
Get me the God's Country.
He's right.
He's out of the devil's den.
Doesn't end there.
Morgan Wallen then turned around and made merchandise off of this.
He started selling hats and t-shirts to get me to God's country.
Wow.
That's right.
So now everybody's clowning on him.
I don't even know if people will purchase this.
Maybe he'll make a wave.
They did use the Coors font, which is pretty neat.
Make, yeah, maybe he'll make a song out of this.
You know, get me back to God's Country.
There's already a song.
Wait, that's good.
Wait, is there a song?
God's Country.
That's probably a song.
You don't know?
No, I mean, I. Wait, you came in so hot.
You said that like you thought you knew it.
I think it's a song.
Why were you so convinced?
I think it's a fucking song by who the fuck is it?
How do you lie all the time?
Shelton.
Why are you such a liar?
Blake Shelton.
We both believed you.
Sometimes I don't even know I'm lying.
Oh, wow.
Told you.
You didn't even know you were telling the truth.
No, I know.
It's so.
Yeah, God's country.
Wow.
Yeah.
There's something that I'm particularly annoyed by, which I will get to in a second.
But yeah, he did this thing.
There was suspicion that it was also like a planned exit.
You know, it was supposed to be planned exit.
There's also some more drama.
Turns out he refused to do a sketch where they had to like substitute Nick Jonas in in his stead.
Oh, wow.
So yeah, he was not even cooperating with SNL.
He just like did his thing, fucked off, tried to make merchandise out of it.
And it's like such a perfect distillation of how American culture, where American culture is right now, are like super polarized.
It isn't even a paid appearance, is it?
It's like a voluntary.
It's so strange.
Yeah, he's just like trying to promote his music to the SNL audience.
And then it's just like, yeah, these guys are gay.
I don't like it.
And you're from fucking Tennessee.
Like you're the gayest person in country.
Nashville is not a fucking small city anyway.
Exactly.
Nashville is like a bustling metropolis.
Okay.
Like they've just redone their airport.
It's massive.
That's the thing I don't like about it either.
It's just like it's a LARP.
Like you're from fucking Nashville.
You're in Nashville.
You're doing gay shit on a regular basis.
Shut the fuck up.
They got big malls and big interstates.
But the thing that is particularly annoying for someone like myself is that I guess the last time I listened to country music was, you know, Johnny Cash and folk music like Pete Seeger and almost all of the original like outlaw country shit was socialists talking about like,
you know, the union, the union power and how the cops and the rich mine owners are coming in to break your backs and how you're killing people in Reno and just to watch them die and prison reform and how important it is and Native American rights and whatnot.
And now it's all this like lame fucking bullshit about how like, oh, get me back to God's country because there's gays around New York City.
It's like tempting me with their hot gay dicks.
They just want to be around.
It's just like, how the fuck did this happen?
We're like being an American patriot is best represented by being terrified of big cities.
It's just a piece of shit.
Yeah.
And hating people.
Yeah.
I don't understand where we are.
Like, listen, as a New Yorker, I wouldn't be that upset if he was like, I didn't like New York.
But the shit on the SNL cast is so strange.
That you volunteered to attend.
Yeah.
It's not like they were like at gunpoint.
You're like, if you don't do this, we're going to transify your children.
You know what I mean?
Lauren Michaels was like, I have the trans beam directed at your family.
By the way, Dolly Parton's album that just came out nine months ago or whatever, the project she did was sick.
I love Dolly Parton.
I'm loving some fucking Dolly Parton.
Yeah.
Jesus Parton.
I mean, look, I actually do like country music.
You're a big country guy.
Not in the mutton niggas.
But you knew about Blake Sheldon.
Shelton.
Shelton.
I do dabble in some country every once in a while.
It's just not the new stuff.
I used to listen to Frankie Valley in the four seasons when they would do the country.
Johnny Cash.
But I like 90s country too.
Like, you know, Joe Diffie.
I think post-9-11 country music is ass.
Except, like, you can listen to it anytime.
Where were you in the world?
Stop turning that September Day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll put a boot in your ass to say, I'm not going to lie.
That song.
I love that song.
I love that song.
It's so.
That shit goes hard.
Yeah.
You can't help it.
Patriotic.
My daddy's hurting the army.
He lost his right eye.
He flew a flag out in his yard to the dark.
I got friends in low places that fucking.
Oh, Garth Brooks.
Oh, I love Girl Pop.
Or to the kind of working home house.
I mean, you do love Patrick.
Oh, shit.
Garth Brooks.
He's, I don't know.
What frustrated me about Garthos, he wouldn't put any of his music on Spotify.
Oh.
Yeah, he's an Apple Music guy.
But anyway.
Do you guys have anything for Girly Pop Nation?
I put anything.
Thank you for preparing.
Thank you.
I have other.
You have others?
Not Girly Pop Nation, but I want the Girly Pops.
The Girly Pops are withering away.
The Girly Pops are going to love this one.
I got recognized at the airport today.
They're not going to love it.
Just wait.
Hold on.
Wow.
Swait.
Switch.
No, it's a Girly Pop Nation.
But it was a girl.
Marsh, we're going to wait.
Everybody's talking shit.
Everybody's talking shit.
I'm not talking shit.
I said, hey.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Boston show.
Put it right here.
That's what I said.
Hi, I'm Ariana Grande.
So then I went to my seat.
He said hello again when I was at my seat.
And I said, oh, you watched Fear Ann?
He's like, yeah, but not since Cutie hasn't been on.
Oh.
You should have killed him on the fly.
You should have fucking gouged his eyeballs out.
Be like, you can't watch shit anymore.
Marsh, now you know why it's a fucking Girly Pop Nation moment.
Everybody, come on.
What do you mean you haven't watched this?
Cutie hasn't been around.
That's what he said.
What is this?
He won't even hear that.
And then I was like, fuck you.
I was like, she's back next week.
And he went, yes.
Yeah.
You should have beaten.
Was he gay?
No, he was a straight.
He was on a baseball team, which I mean, what?
Gays can be gay and play baseball.
I mean, I don't know.
He just didn't look like he was gay.
He was a straight that was a part of Girly Pop Nation.
Yeah, he was a straight girly pop.
We were losing our straights.
Yeah, we lost.
He didn't even appeal to me.
I know.
What the fuck is wrong with this?
This is our demo, baseball.
Yeah.
And then girly pop?
Woo-boo to boot in your ass.
God, I should have called him a.
Cut that.
Every time I say that, nobody.
You know what?
I have your back.
Thank you.
Every time I say that, you guys get a sad always goes, oh.
Anything else?
Girly pop.
You put some stink on it every time, bro.
That's why.
That's why.
Wait.
Girly pop.
I went and saw a drag show in Vegas.
It's kind of girly pop.
I'm talking like that.
Gay pop culture.
Oh, pop culture?
I have no fucking idea.
Okay.
Let me think.
Let me put it.
Will Smith put out a new album.
I have to be so bad.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I mean, that's kind of girly pop.
I'm sure.
Girly pop nation.
I want you to know I'm trying.
Okay.
You know, like when a single dad has to do his daughter's hair and he doesn't do a good job.
That's where I am.
But god damn it.
I'm trying.
I'm trying, girly pops.
We see you.
How do we just looking at your phone background?
Drag Shows and Girly Pop00:08:37
No, I'm not.
And I don't even have anything pulled up.
Dude, no, it's just all of the news that I have is not girly pop-centric.
You want me to go through my news?
Ashton Hall did a night routine.
Oh, yeah, I saw that one.
That was freakish.
We could watch that.
Bill Burr rips weak journalism for trying to ask him political questions.
That was good, too.
Need to get your own balls back.
And then Will Smith new album.
Yeah.
Anything in there that's tickling your fancy?
I did some prep work.
Yeah.
Everything in my timeline and in my news feed is related directly to it's just like it's just photos of of analysts going like this.
Yeah.
It's just photos of people at Wall Street stock traders going like this.
And it's the titles are like Dow plunges more than 1,600 points as stocks recoil from tariff shock.
Here's what could soon cost you a lot more because of Trump's massive tariffs.
Everything.
So if you're a Republican, you're a Trump supporter.
Sure.
You're a MAGA.
And what are you saying to yourself?
This is good.
This is temporary.
It's all going to get better.
Quarter Pounder had actually a tweet on this, and we will take a look.
We'll do a little bit of it.
I'm not releasing the price of the quarter pounder.
No.
Quarter Pounder is Quartering is his name.
He is a right-wing reactionary, neck-bearded fucking loser.
And he does like, you know, he's an outrage merchant.
One of these guys is like, oh, the titties and video games are too small.
You should be embarrassed to say that out loud, but fuck it.
They're doing it anyway.
But if you scroll down, you'll see where he talks about the Trump tariffs.
Trump tariffs obviously are going to massively increase prices because all commodities that we get in our complex, intricately designed global network of commodity production, we rely heavily on goods being shipped in the country.
A tariff is an entry fee that you have to pay, and the cost will be carried over to the consumer.
So everyone is saying prices are going to go up.
Donald Trump initially won the election because he said he was going to put prices down.
And no, not that one.
That's not the one.
There's another one where he's like, he tweets a lot.
There's another one where he's a sequence of you don't need this.
You don't need that.
We can find that one.
Okay.
I'm good.
Bumblebee.
What does that mean?
Makes you stop sneezing.
Bumblebee.
Okay.
Bumblebee.
Okay.
It worked.
It worked.
One of you guys, it worked.
So yeah, prices are slated to increase.
And now the Republicans who are desperately avoiding looking at the stock market because it's deep red.
Trump has famously said, you know, any president that's responsible to Dow going down a thousand points should have to immediately resign.
Dow's down 1,600 points now, almost 2,000.
Congratulations to Trump.
Well, he was saying that if only exactly 1,000.
Yeah, yeah, if it goes above that, he's like, that's the greatest drop of all time.
No one has ever dropped a stock market like me.
Yep.
They're calling this the greatest depression.
But yeah, so now conservatives have decided to defend it by saying, you don't need to purchase things.
You don't need an iPad.
You don't need to buy stuff.
You want to buy stuff.
So now they have moved on.
They're like rationing like it's World War II.
Yeah, they're like, just ration stuff.
Who cares?
You don't need it.
So the very same people that rioted over, not being able to purchase a Twinkie during fucking COVID are now going, it's all right.
Shut up.
What do you want?
Treats?
What the fuck's wrong with you?
Yeah, it's awesome.
I love that.
And I've been very jealous.
And I want to explain why I'm jealous to you guys.
I want to hear your feedback on this.
I'm so jealous because Trump gets to break things.
I know where you're going with this because I watched.
He gets to do January 6th with no repercussions.
Okay.
In an indecipherable, for indecipherable purpose, like just to fucking, just because he's mad that he lost the election.
And he gets to do an insurrection unpunished.
All the people that went to jail for it, pardoned, even though many of them have been killed by the police ever since because a lot of those guys are apparently very dangerous, surprisingly enough.
He gets to do like mass terrorists, break the economy.
And seemingly, he gets all of these Republicans on board and like no one can kind of stop him.
And it frustrates me to no end because I'm like, why can't I break things?
Why can't leftists break things?
Yeah, why can't we have like a Bernie Sanders-Hisle person?
Because if Bernie was like implementing maybe half of the tariffs and have it be directional for like boosting American manufacturing, like genuinely, he'd be assassinated.
He wouldn't see the end of that day.
They'd kill him.
Yeah.
Well, Trump gets to do it in the right-wing direction and everyone's like, ah, what are you going to do?
Well, Hassan, it's because doing good things for people is not profitable.
But what he's doing is kind of not profitable either.
At least in the short term.
To what end is this accomplishing?
Is it to shift the wealth to the very wealthy by spreading a massive sales tax on every item?
But at a certain point, the folks that are wealthy, $2.7 trillion has been wiped out from the stock market today.
Did they not do?
People can't be happy.
If you're Bezos or billionaires, you can't be happy at this, right?
At some point, are they going to turn on him?
I mean, at some point, because I'm sure they do have a lot of control.
What's going to happen?
I think they are frustrated with him for sure, but they're legitimately worried because he is such a despotic little tyrant that they're worried.
And reporting on the matter shows that they're just like, they just, they keep saying, what are we going to do?
There's nothing we can do about it.
Like he'll just, he'll just dominate us.
And that makes me jealous because I wish that there was a leftist figurehead with that level of conviction and that level of charisma who could 64 Turkish.
No, I don't.
I would never.
Why do you run for office?
I'd get killed in a heartbeat.
Okay.
I would never make it.
I would never be able to.
But your memory would spur us on.
Yeah, then Will and I would run on a more moderate platform.
And immediately fall back on most of your promises, but we'd fucking win.
Okay.
And that's what'd be a hell of a campaign.
And that's what matters.
No, it's just like, it just frustrates me.
We'd get to meet Beyonce.
Yeah, we would.
I'd have her at the White House performing.
Describing what Barack Obama said.
Yeah, that's what we're going to do.
He's like, you get a sweetness.
You'd be begging for this.
Barack Shit.
Yeah, come on.
At last.
She'd be singing it at our inauguration.
Yes.
That's what we're offering.
My alone and dude.
That's what we're offering you.
You run, get assassinated.
We pick up the pieces.
Get a book deal.
Yes, done.
Okay.
Then we ride off into the sunset and we, and, you know, maybe they don't like us in office, but afterwards, our approval rating goes to the roof.
Yeah, for sure.
We're sitting next to George Bush at the inauguration.
Yeah.
The next guy will be Hitler Mussolini after you guys.
So then in comparison to Hitler Mussolini, everyone's like, oh, but man, he was actually not that bad.
That's how it goes.
Yeah, but we will be swimming in book processes.
Who's president, who's vice president?
We'll be on a boat with the...
Who's president, who's vice president?
I mean, we're not going to put a gay guy.
They're not ready.
They have.
No, how about this?
No, no.
Abraham Lincoln.
No, no, no.
Yeah, but they didn't know he was gay.
Yeah, yeah.
Donald Trump, maybe if you grow some.
Wait, maybe that's the way to do it.
Top hat.
Now, here's the deal.
Will, president.
He's older than me.
Sure.
President, more experienced.
Okay.
He runs eight years, eight years.
No Lebanese thing.
That's right.
And then I leave it.
Eight years.
And then you endorse me when I run for president.
I'll do VP, well, VP action.
Yes.
I would be a good VP.
I know, because I love public speaking, because they don't do shit.
That's what I love being VP.
Public speaking engagement.
I would boost the country the old-fashioned way.
Yes.
Stoke up a war with some country that we're going to annihilate.
What country are you going to start a war with?
I don't know.
I'm not a gas.
Sweden.
Sweden.
I'm tired of them staying out of the fray.
History of Fascist Leaders00:03:34
Yes.
Switzerland.
Damn.
Oh, I've made a horrible mistake.
Oh, just like Iraq.
Wait.
Wait.
No, no, that's perfect.
Where's the yellow cake?
Did I say?
There's the okay.
Did I tell you the time?
Did I tell you the time I went to Sweden and I wanted to bring back some things from my parents and I went to the store and I bought so much chocolate.
Okay.
And I brought them back chocolate and I was like, mom and dad, I brought you back chocolate from Sweden.
It's what they're known for.
I thought it was.
Was it bad?
It was not great.
I thought the whole time I flew home, I was so excited to give him something from Signature that was from Sweden, and it was Swedish chocolate, not Swiss chocolates.
I thought this, I mixed it up.
He's made all his bombs and invaded the wrong country, but we can't let our constituents know that.
Yes.
Yeah, we have to keep bombing Sweden because of their chocolate.
It's a country we could invade.
Their chocolate reserves.
Switzerland.
Switzerland's a good one.
The one we're going to...
Belgium.
The one we're going to increase military presence in next is Canada.
Oh, Ecuador.
Okay, Canada.
Oh, yeah.
Well, there's Panama Canal, Canada, Greenland.
There's a lot of places that are peaceful, Del President.
Is he trying to conquer?
Yes.
But he's so inept.
Yes.
I mean, that's not that bad.
But like, okay, so like, if you look at history, right?
This is a genuine question.
If you look at history and other fascist leaders, you know, putting aside the absolute atrocities, were they in any way effective in what they were trying to do?
Alexander the Great.
None of what they did was good, right?
But I'm trying to say, like, in terms of what they were trying to do, I'm not trying to endorse.
Hitler did kill a lot of Jews.
Okay.
So I guess he was effective.
No, that's not that regard.
But did, but did.
Like, he hated Jewish Jews.
If you had to rank the fascists in terms of efficacy.
Nothing that they did was good.
But didn't he, did he deliver?
Which one was the best?
Are you asking me if Hitler delivered on his campaign promises?
Yes.
I didn't say that.
He did.
He didn't say that.
But he delivered some sort of economic prosperity for to make a tier list.
Right?
And so in the short term.
But Trump, in the short term, of course.
Trump isn't even good at doing fascism.
Like, he sucks.
Thank God.
Yeah, that's not a bad thing.
He's ass.
No, I know.
I love that they're doing group chat shit.
Like, everybody gets mad at them.
It always feels like they're just more mad that they're doing the bombing campaign over Signal instead of the fact that they're doing a bombing campaign at all without congressional approval either, which makes it even worse.
It's like, you're wrong at the, you're mad at the wrong thing.
Like, what?
I don't give a fuck.
I hope they're incompetent.
I hope they release.
Real quick, to close that thought, that's what gives me any bit of hope is the fact that they are trying to do fascism.
I know that.
It's very clear.
They're very outspoken about any of your favorite fascists.
Yeah, they're nowhere near as good as Hitler.
No, they're not as effective as, they're not as effective, which is good for us.
It's a good thing.
Yeah.
And look, for the record, that was a horrible comparative history.
And they're not.
I'm not...
I was trying to ask a question because I was trying to determine whether like...
And on that note, we're at an hour, ladies and gentlemen.
And we're going to dig myself out of this hole on the Patreon.
For the record, I do not endorse any of those facts.
Thanks for clarifying.
Endorsing Historical Dictators00:01:24
Yeah.
All of them.
Mussolini, Hitler, guy from Russia.
Anyone that you have not mentioned?
Anyone that you haven't mentioned, I'm going to assume you endorse full-throated.
Stalin, that's the one.
Fuck.
Guy from Russia, Stalin.
You don't like Stalin?
He killed so many Nazis.
Are you saying that you loop right back to Hitler?
No, no, no.
How did this happen?
No, I don't like Stalin.
He killed a lot of Nazis.
No, you didn't like the liberation.
You didn't like the liberation part.
No, I like that part.
So you like Stalin?
No.
You love Stalin.
Stalin had a lot of flaws.
He did some things right, just like Trump in criminal justice reform.
You know what I take about?
He can be the president.
He's a better politician than I'm.
I think I'm a great politician.
He's a very good politician.
I think I'd be a great public speaker.
I'm a great public speaker.
We'll find out more about how great Austin is at publicspeaking at patreon.com slash fear.
And thank you for watching, everybody.
See you behind the paywall.
Appreciate y'all.
Dressing.
You know what?
I think one thing we all have in common is when it comes to the bedroom, we're putting to work.
I was just trying to see how uncomfortable.
You could say that like a dad on a sitcom.
When it comes to Christmas, Tim Robbins.
We're all in it together.
I just wanted to make people.
I just wanted to see how uncomfortable I can make you guys.