HasanAbi and Will Neff dissect a chaotic week ranging from a Dyson vacuum injury to Hasan's movie premiere in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. They debate global sports viewership, noting soccer leads with 3.5 billion fans while American football ranks tenth, before critiquing the "trad wife" phenomenon involving a former Juilliard ballerina and her husband's JetBlue ownership. Ultimately, the episode exposes the performative nature of internet fame and questions the authenticity of curated lifestyles versus genuine athletic achievement. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Back From Self-Suck Incident00:02:11
But this is a very risky stunt.
Yeah, I don't know why he's doing this.
Because the margin of error is like this is live.
He did this live.
Did it twice, too.
I hate it.
I hate it so much.
Oh my god, dude.
That is so fucking crazy.
Oh, stop it.
I hate it.
Play it all with it.
That is so crazy.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are joined again back from a self-suck incident.
Hassan Pike Erby.
That's right.
That's the first.
That's the first ever.
Because I'm so good at self-suck that I never die.
That's right.
I never injure myself.
It's not like I'm not self-sucking.
We're going to get demonetized.
What are we doing?
We're going to get demonetized.
What's new?
Cut.
Does YouTube know what self-suck is?
I don't know.
It's a type of vacuum.
I don't want to risk it.
Yeah.
I was Dysoning.
I was Dysoning myself extra hard.
And then Will Neff wished me a happy birthday.
And he showed me in that process how to dice in hard as hell.
And that really pushed me to the next limit.
Like, I was like, yeah, editor, can we cut that in?
Yeah.
It's like I...
Editor March.
Hey, Will, we got to take Hassan's birthday videos.
I'm bringing your phone to you.
I've got it started already.
Oh, my God.
Oh, geez.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
What?
I'm so disturbed me during my yoga.
It's his birthday.
Happy birthday wish to me.
Where he was.
He was dysoning and I self-dyson so hard and I threw my back out.
Yeah, except that's not exactly what happened.
What happened is we are there, is a rat in our midst it's not me, it's.
Cutting The Birthday Videos00:06:12
I'm looking right at you.
I have never missed the podcast.
Obviously, it's recorded in my home and I get very excited to be on the podcast every week.
It's my favorite thing.
You still shit what I'm here to, but it's my favorite thing to do of the week.
I get very stoked about it and um, that's so crazy.
I want everyone to know.
Before this, we were just talking about finding a day and a time to record regularly and Hassan's like the mornings, I really can't.
Tuesday nights, not really the election at all Tuesdays.
Okay, first of all.
First of all, I don't want to call you both out right now, but you were like I don't want to end on the weekends.
I'm sorry, I want to work.
A nine to five like Dolly Fucking Parton Cutie was like I don't want to do it on the weekends because you don't want me to do.
You guys, I hate you guys.
I don't want to be around you guys that's.
I look forward to seeing you guys on the weekend.
I don't.
Oh god, I'm ordering myself some avocados.
It's taken you so long to order.
Yeah, he's got news.
I got news.
All right, let's hear it.
Last two nights ago, I, for the first time, went to a movie theater to see myself in a movie.
Oh, the one.
It looks like this is my vibe of the movie, Wyoming.
Yes, it's in Jackson Hole.
That's pretty good.
Elaborate more.
A movie I was in like a year ago called Peak Season just got its theatrical release.
And I went to one of the screenings and did a QA, and it's got a limited release.
I think like right now in a few theaters across America.
Are you going to forget us when you get famous?
Absolutely.
That's awesome.
That's not allowed.
That's literally not allowed.
No, you can't.
I have a contingency plan.
I have like all the stuff like lined up when he gets famous.
If he tries to like fuck me over.
I'm like, we're in a, no, we're deadlocked.
We're deadlocked with one another in a double suicide pack.
He has shit on me.
I have shit on him.
If this falls apart, we're both going down.
Okay.
My only thing you have to remember when you get famous is in case you bump into Taylor Swift, just like invite me.
Yeah.
Invite me to come be the waiter or something.
Be like, oh, cutie.
I feel like her boyfriend could be friends.
You could.
I think so.
You just need to.
Her boyfriend and both of us, he means when he says it.
No, no, no.
No, I would not introduce you to Travis Kelsey.
Dude, Travis Kelsey would like me.
I'm not the same size as you.
You'd be like, oh, dude, American futs ball so cool.
No, no.
You'd be like, daddy, you know what I mean?
Those vaccine ads.
I would do that.
I would do that.
I would definitely do that.
But like, Travis would get it.
Like, big boy solidarity, I think.
But also.
He's around big boys all day.
I know, but like, but like, I'm like a unique big boy in the sense that I have the same size, but I'm not in football.
So he's like, what?
Big guy?
Yeah, you're in something worse.
It's politics.
It's worse than your vibe of bear tape.
He would literally be like big boy, but not football.
You could vibe a bear before you could vibe Travis Kelsey.
That's 100% not true.
We grew up around Travis Kelsey's.
What do you mean?
This is all I knew is like big dudes that are brolic and kind of dumb, but like lovable.
Just call them dumb pieces of dumb.
I call myself kind of dumb too, though, in the same way as Travis, which is why I'm saying we could vibe it out.
So how was the movie?
Really good.
You liked it?
I actually got really big laughs, which was really cool.
Huge.
I've never experienced that before where, like I was in a theater and like I'd do a line and everybody would be like ha ha, and I was like oh, that's cool oh, that's cool, that was pretty neat.
Okay, do you have any other film uh features lined up?
No oh, you're not working on Pirates Of The Caribbean right now.
No, I want to go out for more, though.
I want to do acting cool.
Yeah, I can't act.
In fact, you could.
No, I can't.
It's a problem I'm.
I think I could.
I could do one note.
I could play any um thing Megan Fox has ever played without the sexy so, all right.
So the one thing that's a little Jennifer's body.
Yeah, so I can just be a mean girl and I can do that pretty well, but that's it.
Okay, that's my one note, all right, and I'm not hot enough to be Regina George, so I'm just kind of fucked.
I'm getting too old to be the mean girl I could.
I'm gonna age into Karen and I I'll be able to execute that nicely, but I feel like you're gonna age well um, thank you, I needed that today uh, but I brought this up because um, shit fucked, I forgot I got you gift.
I forgot I got both you guys.
Oh, that's crazy, because I didn't forget and I actually have gifts.
So what I wanted to talk about, what I wanted to talk about was, Where were you again last week?
Last week, I was in Austin, Texas.
I went there for DreamCon.
DreamCon is RDC's convention.
RDC is a black comedy troop.
I've been a big fan of those guys for many, many years.
And I was really stoked.
Glaze Alert.
Because, yeah, sorry, I'm no Glaze.
I think they deserve their flowers.
They're phenomenal guys.
They're very funny and they're very consistent.
So when they asked, hey, do you want to come play basketball?
I was like, I love basketball and I love RDC.
Yes, I will definitely do that.
And it was an in-and-out one-day operation.
And Cutie Cinderella chose to do this podcast with Porter Robinson, who I would have loved to meet because, as you guys know, I'm a big fan of music.
Everybody knows Porter is my favorite.
Okay.
He, I love him.
Name one Porter song.
Porter.
That's so stupid.
You're so dumb.
You know, it's funny.
It's like smile.
I actually, that's his album.
I actually got it though.
Come on.
That's my favorite album.
You can't choose one.
I actually did prep and I was like talking about specific songs of the album and Porter literally went, I feel so safe now.
Thank you.
And I know you'd be like, Yeah, you make music.
I don't listen to any, but what's that like?
And he would have been like, Yeah, apparently he was worried that I was going to like hit him with like daggering political questions, which is crazy.
Like that people think that that's what I do in like the normal world.
Porter Is My Favorite00:09:49
I don't do that when I'm like hanging out with people in you know in real life.
But anyway, yeah, you are a rat for choosing the one day that I wasn't here.
He didn't want to be on with you.
That's crazy because I saw literally a Twitch stream of his afterwards where he was talking about how he wanted to meet me and it was very exciting.
Well, he changed his attitude when I offered him all your free snacks.
Yes.
And then he's like, wait, this guy's not that bad.
So you're welcome.
Fair.
Thank you.
Thank you for doing that.
Guys, I want to take a second.
Sorry, I'll let you have your second.
I don't know where it came from.
I don't know if you guys know this, but it's summertime.
What?
Yeah.
And in the summer, I like to get entertained.
I hate entertainment.
I like to get entertained.
Well, I'm actually going to go to the Doobie Brothers soon.
And for that, I use SeatGeek.
Have you guys heard of Seat Geek?
I did.
I was just looking for Olivia Rodrigo tickets on freaking Seat Geek because her concerts next week.
I don't have tickets.
I'm freaking out.
I'm freaking out, Will.
Well, don't freak out.
Oh, okay.
Because remember the special hookup.
Okay.
You can use our exclusive code to get a percentage off 10% off your tickets for Olivia Rodriguez.
Any tickets?
On SeatGeek.
Yes.
Any tickets on SeatGeek.
That's what I'm told.
That's crazy.
The code is.
Uh-huh.
Fear 10.
That's right.
Code Fear 10 for 10% off tickets at Seat Geek.
That's code Fear 10.
Yep.
$25 max discount.
Yeah, there we go.
Yep.
But no matter how many times you've bought tickets using SeatGeek before, Fear 10 is going to get you 10% off your next order.
Wow.
Yep.
And I just wanted to digress.
So as you were saying.
But anyway, I was in Austin, Texas doing the Creator League.
It was phenomenal.
It was like Anime Expo, but like, it was basically Melanin Anime Expo.
It was awesome.
It was like all, I got to see all the fans there.
It's the stuff that colors skin.
It's like the pigmentation.
You're the whitest person.
I don't have any melanin.
You are whiter than Will Neff.
Melanoma.
I might have some that.
But anyway, so I went to the anime expo.
I already got Cutie a gift and I gave it to her ahead of time.
I got her a mini, a Mini Mouse like Cupcake Disney backpack, which I didn't even know she collected.
I clowned.
And I got four.
Oh.
Strong collection.
Oh.
I got two gifts here.
Oh, I only got one.
Oh, fuck.
This one is for Will Neff.
Okay.
Which is a Dragon Ball Z Hawaiian shirt.
Oh, my God.
And this is like, I want to get this for myself.
And it was a large.
And I was like, I was going to get you a Berserk t-shirt, but the Berserk t-shirt didn't have your size.
This is very good.
This was your size.
So I was like, he will like this.
Master Revolution.
I also got.
I don't know if you guys remember.
We had a podcast co-host like a while back.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He was the gay one, right?
I can't really remember.
I remember he's gay.
Yeah.
And he likes playing airports.
Like airports.
He likes helicopters?
Yeah.
No, no, I think trains, trains.
Trains?
No, that's you.
No, I like trains.
You're right.
Yeah, I think he likes air travel, but anyway, of some sort.
I got him because I forgot what his name was.
Yeah.
But I think his name was Austin.
So I got him this.
That's sick.
Keep Austin weird shirt.
Oh my gosh.
You know what's crazy?
Ludwig and Nick both have that shirt.
Yeah, it's a, it's a kind of shit.
Yeah.
It's an iconic shirt.
It's like the city's slogan.
Oh, it's like the iHeart New York.
But we will be burning this.
Ohio is for lovers.
Right.
We will be burning this in an effigy.
Oh, because I love fire.
I don't know if we'll see him ever again.
I got you guys sick gifts too, but I forgot them and now I feel guilty.
From where?
Just stuff I know you guys would like.
Oh, damn.
Okay.
I didn't get you guys shit.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I'd like to make that very clear.
Your presence is a present to us all.
That's right.
Can I admit something?
I've wanted to go back to Disney since we went.
We can go.
I want to go back.
I need to experience magic.
But like, actually.
I got us Oogie Boogie Bash tickets.
But like, okay, well, you're not, you're not burning that on fucking Misgift now, are you?
No, I got us.
I got one, two, three, four, five of them.
Well, I expected to be a good one.
We have an extra one then.
We have an extra one then.
That is true.
That's crazy.
We're really beating up on poor Austin.
Yeah.
In any case, busy weeks overall.
Lots of stuff happening with the election cycle.
I'm back.
I'm back here as well on the Fear Ram podcast.
Very excited to be back.
We have a lot of stuff to talk about.
Starting with what we did yesterday.
Cutie Cinderella, address your crimes.
Will is mad.
He didn't get invited to Overcooked.
Will.
What is Overcooked?
For those of you who didn't want.
Overcooked is a video game.
You were sponsored by, by the way, where's my fucking cut?
You showed up to the event.
You got a stream.
You're welcome.
The sponsor paid for the event.
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Will would have done it without asking for his fucking stream.
I mean, I don't want to cut either.
That's what I fucking thought.
I just like saying, I just like stressing you out.
You can't.
I feel nothing.
This is true.
I'm dead inside.
I'm dead inside.
So I've wanted to do an overcooked IRL for a long time.
I've seen a lot of people do it.
And so finally, I did it.
And we rented out Nomu, that vegan burger shop on Melrose.
Upon arrival, they didn't turn off their DoorDash.
So we're setting up and all of a sudden people are showing up looking for their DoorDash orders.
So that was a fun surprise.
Oh, God.
We should have just given them birds.
I thought about it.
I was like, we could really cosplay as a restaurant if we want to be crazy.
That'd be amazing.
That's super overcooked.
Yeah.
But that was fun.
So how was his chefing skills?
Well, after you left, everyone talked mad shit.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Streamers can't trust anyone in this industry.
That's crazy.
I think I did pretty well.
Well, you did okay, but I went to each of them and I said who did the worst and you were the only one not there.
So they all pointed at you.
Yeah, besides fan fan, she pointed at slime, which was very bold since slime was right there.
Well, because fan fan was the only one who was honest about it.
Like, so we had four stations.
No, no, we have four stations and one station was assembly and serve.
So like one station was taking orders.
Yeah.
One station was assembly and serve.
One station was prep and one station was the grillmaster.
Oh.
But the problem is there's an imbalance.
And we and we had four one-hour blocks.
Yeah.
And increasingly the competition got worse and worse because, like it was at first, it was, you know, two items only.
And then uh, you know, it was an hour long and it was five minute window.
For how much were you charging for these burgs?
Uh, it was 20 bucks, I think, with fees, 25 bucks for a ticket, and then just came with your, your everything oh yeah, and then we would refund.
So I don't know if that's like good, we would refund if they could not like, if we couldn't make the burger in five minutes.
So there was a time frame.
It's like overcooked yeah, but then it turned into four minutes and then we added glizzies and then we added um, you know, like we added a, a dessert.
Did you guys bear it up?
Were you yes, chefing?
Yeah, it was sick, it was intense.
I need hands yeah, did you ask for hands?
I was yelling at them.
No, it got intense.
It got intense.
But what I will say is this, so there was an imbalance of responsibility.
Yeah, the order part is just basically nothing, like someone has to do it, but um it's, it's a, it's like a nothing part of the job right uh, whereas the assembly and serve part is the hardest, because when you're assembling and serving, you're basically controlling the entire part, like the order part is not controlling the kitchen.
The assembly and serve is controlling the kitchen.
Because we were working backwards, because you see like who's up next yeah, and what their burger is, and then you yell like you're, you know you're making the burgers.
Uh, specifically for who's up, my favorite people were tweeting out, they're like Hasan wrapped my burger.
Can you tell him?
Just smashed burger.
Yeah, I smashed it in.
I smashed it in pretty hard, but because I was trying to, I was trying to slam all of the ingredients into into it before it fell apart.
It's so funny, but on twitter, what ended up?
What ended up happening?
What ended up happening was I did the first serve, like assembly and serve, and I realized very quickly, oh, this is the hardest part.
And but because it was me and everyone loves dogging on me, everyone's like, shut the up, you're wrong, yeah.
So fan fan was up second and she very quickly realized it was chaotic to do the assembly and service.
Um, there's no way.
Oh, that was me, this is how it's on.
That was definitely me, that was definitely me.
Stop dude, stop bro.
That that was 100.
Wait, look at the, the one, the reply that says she's depressed.
Oh okay, I thought it was her holding her burger.
That's so funny.
Um, but Will Will was, Will was upset.
He was invited because I intentionally got people that I thought would be bad at it.
Yeah, and Will has Problem where he's good at everything, only a problem for streaming.
It is only a problem, it is.
It's a problem, yeah.
Will Was Upset About That00:03:44
What do you do?
I don't know what to do about you.
Well, I we were talking about this is a leak sea mcgee because Ludwig has not announced.
Oh, should we not leak it?
No, no, let's leave.
I mean, we can leak that you're that guy, you've been invited.
Okay, but all I will say about it is it's a bit of a problem of figuring out where to like where to drop will because it's just like he's just gonna carry.
It's like it's just like playing can't reap, but there's no it's like Tyler One playing with me, like it's we're gonna win, but there's dominant athletes in the in the other teams as well, yeah, yeah.
But there's just a difference, like you can be a good athlete, or you could be someone that will like kill your teammates if you don't win.
Do you see the I'm not gonna kill you?
You get so competitive.
I was really with you, and I was like, You were very good at field days.
I could tell when you were like, Okay, here's your ball.
I was being nice, you were being nice, but I understand his concern.
You've grown soft, old man.
Yeah, he's just you've grown soft in your age.
What is this?
You're just good at this.
Can I be honest?
Dodgeball, I wasn't gonna try and win that until dodgeball.
Oh, until Stans beamed my girlfriend in the face, and then I just activated.
Yeah, you're like a Russian sleeper cell.
I, my girl, I saw my girlfriend get absolutely crushed, and I was like, oh, we're playing dodgeball, I guess.
Caroline's also very like, yeah, she's very, I'm not athletic whatsoever.
It's like, I like I'm on team phase, it's been announced.
Yeah, I'm gonna hold them back.
No, you're about to phase the fuck up.
I don't know what it's gonna be funny when Max and Capri sons, and we're gonna have a great time.
Max is gonna be visibly upset.
I know, because Max loves winning.
Join face.
I don't know.
Banks said he'd get me a chain, though, and I'm very excited.
Yo, that's fucked up.
If he gets you a chain before me, if he gets you a chain before me, I will lose my shit.
I was on 100 Thieves for two years, and they never gave me a chain.
Well, I don't know, tell you.
I really wanted one if you get a face chain before me.
I'm Hassan, you have not earned it.
I've known Banks for life.
It's not about knowing.
It's about you.
It's about a lifestyle.
You Nepo baby.
No, dude.
I'm also fucking.
I'm the most.
No, you've got L-hunger.
You don't even know what it's like.
You're the Ohio.
You're a fucking W kid.
I am so skibbity.
I am phantom taxing like left and right.
No.
You're crazy for that.
You've lost too much weight.
I have so much aura, especially since I lost weight.
I've always maximum aura points.
You can't give yourself aura points.
It's very negative aura.
No, it's actually W aura.
You're crazy now.
You don't even know what you don't even, you don't even know half the time.
If, if, if, if you ain't invited, don't ask to go.
Hey, you didn't know that one, but you said it fucking crazy.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, because I'm 33 years old, even though it's like Duke Leonard.
And you don't get a chain.
Even though it's like Duke's line, who's also a bad person?
You know what I think?
Chains is whiny babies.
Yeah.
Okay, listen.
All I'm going to say is I think there's a hint of jealousy in your statement because when I balled up with the kids, with the faZe kids, you balled up with them because of me.
And I yammed on their faces.
They immediately noticed the aura and were calling me W Unk.
They were calling you W Unk before that.
Okay, because, you know, they recognize it.
You need to stop being jealous that I'm going to get a chain.
I can't believe it.
This is drama.
This is actual drama.
You shouldn't.
You should be happy for me.
You shouldn't be jealous.
Next time Banks calls me because he's like invited to some random political event.
I'm going to be like, no, sorry, dude.
Call cutie.
She's your girl.
Chains Are Whiny Babies00:02:52
We will roll up.
Does he call you about baking?
No, he doesn't call me.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm very protective of my face status.
I'm honored.
You don't have, you're not.
I'm on.
I'm literally on face.
Yes, I am.
Anyway, this guy doesn't know he's a liability.
Somebody tell him.
You know what?
Org is sick?
OTK.
Am I right?
You could be on OTK.
They'd take you.
Do you not even getting a high-five from Cutie right now?
What have they done recently?
Okay.
Oh.
Let's chill.
Yeah.
No.
Asma's covering the political field on OTK, so I can't do anything there.
I was inspired by a friend.
I want to do a stream.
Inspired by a friend.
Which friend?
I want you guys to participate.
Okay.
Okay.
Live stream.
Uh-huh.
We're live for like a few days.
We each hire a bounty hunter.
No, Will.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I love that.
I'm out.
I love that.
We go on the run.
I love that.
We go on the land.
I would get caught so quick because I can't get on an airplane.
We go on the no, we're not getting out of it.
You have to be like a criminal.
You can't take a flight.
They'll find your ID.
Okay, but you're like filming yourself the whole time.
Yeah, but they can't watch your stream.
That's by the rules.
If I was a bounty hunter, I'd watch your stream.
Yeah, but that's what makes it fun is that it's at some point we're gonna get cattle like cattle phased.
We could do streamer.
Um, uh, what was that game you played in high school?
Do you remember that game in high school?
Assassin?
Oh, so we had this game, senior assassination is what we called it.
And Mormons got down like that.
Mormons got down.
And essentially, what you do is everyone gets when senior assassination starts, you all have to pay like 50 bucks into the pot to play.
Yeah.
And then if you pull a name, so like I pull unit, that means I have to kill you and you have to spray them with water.
That's how you kill them.
You can't do it on school property and you can't do it when they're going to or from or in work.
Oh, this is like zombies.
Yeah.
So best of fucking luck.
Yeah.
But we like do it in high school and then like the winner gets all the money to throw a massive rager.
God then, let's do this.
Let's do stuff like this.
But it would be really hard not to like dox people.
I'm like waiting outside your house.
And it's just like, I'm just streaming it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's got to be a safe way to do that.
Maybe like if we rented out like SoFi Stadium and like hit around.
Rent it out.
There's got to be more cost-effective place.
Well, I just thought of a big, really big place.
SoFi.
I'll ask Mr. Beast.
He did it once.
Okay.
What?
Nothing.
Mr. Beast is in a little bit of hot water right now.
New York Times came out with an article for his Amazon show that said that the production teams like handling over the 2,000 contestants that went to Nevada were pretty gruesome.
Like there were people with like medical needs that were not getting attended to.
Renting SoFi Stadium00:15:21
Sounds like that doesn't change his SoFi connects.
I'm kidding.
Fair.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Fair.
Okay.
I mean, listen, you're that sounds like an enticing article.
You guys have been watching the Olympics.
Yes.
But bits and pieces.
Okay.
So I've been purposely avoiding the Olympics.
Why?
And I'm going to tell you why.
Because I get really nationalistic really fast.
I told you that competitiveness in your well, Turkey doesn't win anything.
No, I've no for how dare you.
He wants to be on this team.
Yeah.
First of all, sorry, you're not team American.
Anchor, baby.
You're wrong, but like the number one, the number one meme from the Olympics right now is the 51-year-old Turkish shooter.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Who like rolled up with no gear whatsoever and just fucking yammed on him.
Yeah, took second place.
Yeah, got silver medal.
That guy's fucks.
And I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
That guy's right.
So that was like a that was like a fun little thing for me.
But like for me in particular with this Olympics, like LeBron is not only doing it for America, he is Captain LaMerica 100%, but he's also doing it for older.
For old, yeah, for old people.
Like, this man has been dominant for 21 years, like dominating this fucking league for longer part of his life, basically, than he has been alive.
And he's still yamming all motherfuckers for America.
And every time I see him, like, dunk on, I don't know, like a Serbian man or whatever, I just go, oh, like, I get really patriotic.
I'm playing Serbia today.
Yeah, dude.
We'll see what happens.
They're going to beat him.
So what I was saying is I've been avoiding the Olympics because this happens, right?
That Captain America piece of me takes over and I start making fun of random Turkish shooters, even though they took the silver medal.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
And so I was at a friend's birthday and the ultimate kryptonite for all ADHD people is TVs at a restaurant.
Yeah.
TV's at a restaurant.
I'm out.
Like I'm already just like a like a bug into a light bulb.
That makes sense.
And the Olympics run.
Oh.
And I got into it.
What was the game?
Oh, they were just playing highlights.
And the United States.
You're watching the highlight reel, losing your mind?
Dominating the medal count.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Wait, I think China's golds.
Oh.
United States dominating overall medal count.
Okay.
Yeah.
We need more hobbies.
I guess we have a lot of hobbies.
Those are, yeah, those are.
Yeah, those are their hobbies.
Those are the hobbies.
Okay.
But now I'm in.
Okay.
Now it's too late.
Now it's too late.
You did a dab.
And I need the United States to win the overall medal count.
What happens if they don't?
He's running for Congress.
How close are they?
He's running for Congress on the nuke China.
They're winning the overall medal count.
I would like them to win gold medal count too.
Be nice.
So that's actually one thing I wanted to talk about, which I find.
Oh my God.
Wait, we went from 16 to 18.
We're catching up with Chain.
China.
Chain.
So here's the thing.
I also get like patriotic for America, specifically for the basketball team.
Yeah.
But one thing I've noticed, and this is like relevant because it's Olympics related news as well, is that Republicans, on the other hand, who you would expect to be like super nationalistic in this moment are not at all.
Like Katie Ladecki won gold in women's swimming, right?
800, which is the most brutal.
They are swimming for like two days.
Yeah.
Katie is insane.
So she's phenomenal.
And I saw people on the timeline being like, that's a man.
No.
Yeah.
And it's like, bro, what are you doing?
Like, this is supposed to be like, I feel like there is a genuine attitude change where like, not just like, not regular Republicans, obviously.
Like, you know, people that live in the suburbs don't have this brain disease, but Republicans on Twitter have lost their fucking minds so completely that they can't just simply enjoy shit anymore.
They've become the SJWs of like the end of the Obama era, where they would be like, oh, I can't watch this because of the like they literally were claiming that they were going to boycott the NFL because of the BLM protests.
They never did, but they chirped about it.
They were complaining that LeBron James was the flag bearer for America.
That's wild.
That was insane.
It's like, are you fucking kidding me?
This man deserves it.
That's LeBron.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Like, they were complaining about that.
They were complaining about the Iman Khalif situation, which was insane because they're still chirping about it.
Yeah.
They're like, oh, that's a man.
And it's like, it's, she's not.
She's not a man.
But they didn't care.
They just kept saying, nope, she's a man.
You will never convince me otherwise.
And they just kind of ran with that.
And they're still running with that.
And I feel like it's like half the population online at least, especially on Twitter, is just hallucinating a thing that's not real.
But you could never shake them from that position because there's enough people that are going, exactly.
You're right, actually, that is a man.
And it blew my mind that, like, in a moment where we're supposed to all come together as a country and be like, hell yeah, America's fucking dominating.
Let's go.
Like, these people.
Instead of watching these people, like, doing phenomenal, incredibly impressive feats of athleticism, like that have, you know, broken their bodies for years and years, they look at that and they go, how do I make this political?
And also, how do I be the most annoying person ever who cannot enjoy this like wonderful, impressive thing that happens, you know, once every four years?
Yeah.
I'm going to spread the rumor that I am a man and I'm so bad at sports to counteract it.
Oh, like, you're hiding your power level.
Yeah.
Got it.
Yeah.
I think that'll help balance.
No, they just, they, they won't talk about it then because there's guys talk about me.
God damn it.
They say like trans women are men, right?
Like that's number one.
That's the first thing that they say.
And there are trans women that like participate in athletic competitions and they get owned all the time.
Sometimes they're dominant, but usually they get owned.
And that is just how this game works, right?
That's how athletic competition works.
Sometimes you're good, sometimes you're bad.
When you're talking about the boxing, that is not what is happening.
That's not what it's even, that's not what's happening.
That was two girly pops beating each other up.
Yeah.
And like, so they just don't talk about it if trans women are like getting owned.
So if they, if you brought up the rumor that you were like a trans woman, they just wouldn't talk about it.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, can we talk about the best moment from the Olympics?
The dick?
No, no, no, no.
What a dick.
Okay, we'll talk about the dick.
But you got to pull that up.
Tuesday.
There's another moment that needs to be pulled up.
This year, they did swimming events in the Sane River.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
That is the best moment.
When they did this event, one of the swimmers gets out and projectile pukes the moment he gets out of the water.
Oh, no.
Which is so awesome.
Because it is filled to the brim with due.
Yeah.
Yes.
This is another issue with the them river as well.
Them or, I don't know how to say it right in England.
Like these rivers are supposed to be like.
Yeah.
These rivers are supposed to be clean, but they're so fucking gross because everyone's dumping sewage into it.
This is how I watch K movies.
And then you can plug your ears too.
It's perfect hand positioning.
Oh my gosh.
Really?
No, no, no, don't.
Don't play a video.
No, no, no.
They'll just immediately clap it.
It's such a solid stream.
So bad.
That's so good.
Yeah.
Yeah, because didn't they announce that they were doing it there?
And then people were like, no, you're not.
And they intentionally pooped in it.
Well, you can't like actually poop in it so much that like it actually, you know, it will get diluted.
You can't out-compete the sewage system, which was already dumping a boatload of shit in it.
And then we'll talk about, okay, so there's another Olympian who lost the pole vaulting competition because he had a fat cock.
Yeah.
I don't know if you guys saw.
You need to play the video on this one.
What?
So he, so he pole vaults.
And as he's coming down, his fat meat hits the bar.
Oh, no.
And it's like, it's one of those things where he's like, honestly, he lost, but he's like, oh, no, I lost.
Because the entire world is like, look at that.
That's got Pete Davidson being like, Ariana Grande is talking about myself.
Monkey's Paw.
Monkey's Paw curls.
Okay.
Monkey's Paw curls.
My man gets up there.
Okay.
You can't really see his Dong here, but maybe you can find it.
You can kind of see it there.
It's a big disappointment.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, we'll find out.
It's a big disappointment.
All right.
Yeah, my man, my man clears it except for his cost.
Is there any better way to lose something than oh no?
I lost because of my penis.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Did my big penis get in the way?
It's perfect.
It's perfect because it's also like...
Oh my god.
It's perfect because it was pole vaulting, which is already like phallic to begin with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My man got good at that from using his pen.
And so that made the pole fall down.
Was this guy?
Yeah, his big chat college.
Oh my God.
So congratulations to that guy.
He's going to go the Austin showway and start a fansly after fansly and leave his podcast.
But, you know, we don't want to make too much of a joke of it.
We're really sorry that you didn't win.
Unfortunately.
Yeah.
It's a real sad state of affairs, dudes that hang dong.
You know what I mean?
People don't talk about it.
People don't talk about the downsides of having a fat penis.
Just another argument for a trans advantage.
If he had solved that penis off, he would have won.
Or learned how to tuck it.
You know what I mean?
Learn how to tuck it better.
You would have been fine.
Yeah, it's crazy that that's never happened in practice.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, the margin of error is so.
I mean, he would just think if he's if that's the thing that made him lose.
Well, since we're talking about the Olympics, just quickly, this could be a quick American.
I thought you were going to say, since we're talking about big dongs.
No.
Quick America, meow.
Very fast one.
Uh-huh.
I want to talk about the greatest Olympian of all time.
Have you heard of Carrie Strugg?
No.
Pull that up.
Who's Carrie Strugg?
Just the greatest gymnast of all time.
You're going to go down a little road right here.
That's Carrie Struggle right there.
Pull up the vault.
So I don't know if you know this story, but in the Olympics, okay?
I think it was like in the 90s.
Help me out.
1996, summer games.
The U.S. Olympic team needs a perfect vault from Carrie to win the overall gold.
And that's that thing that you're like on top of?
No, the vault is where you run down.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
Unfortunately, Carrie has already broken her ankle.
What?
Yes.
And so she does the vault with a broken ankle.
Oh, my God.
Let's see how it goes.
Pull it up.
Oh, I don't know.
This is the greatest Olympic moment.
Her ankle is broken.
Volume.
I need volume.
Watch this.
And sticks it.
Oh, see, that's where she hurts it.
That's where she hurts it.
And she's hurt bad.
Turn the volume down.
This volume is nothing.
I thought it'd be the announcers.
Oh, God.
I just knocked a microphone over on my toe that bitch.
So wait.
So she's injured now at this point, right?
Okay.
She had to vault again.
She dials in, has already fallen and on one foot.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
Look, and she's in so much pain.
Down she goes.
Yeah.
Ow.
Ow.
Clutches the gold.
With a broken ankle?
Yes.
Wow.
People do crazy stuff for the Olympics.
There's a field hockey guy that cut his finger off.
Yes, so he could play.
Why?
Wait, I don't get it.
He broke his finger injury and it wouldn't have healed in time.
So he's like, take it off, mate.
Yeah.
And it's his last chance to win the gold.
Yeah.
There's another phenomenal, there's another crazy story.
There's this one guy that the entire team USA is just dabbing up, this white boy who's like 6'6.
Okay.
And everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy?
Who the fuck is this guy?
Turns out, I forget his name now, but he was an NBA player who was like, I think he was like a McDonald's all-star alongside Kevin Durant way back in the day.
Oh, you're coaching.
College prospect.
Buttoner.
Buttoner?
Is that his name?
I don't remember his name.
He's, he plays on volleyball now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He literally was, he was like, he was phenomenal in college at Arizona.
Didn't have a volleyball plan of volleyball programs.
He played basketball.
He had a lot of people from Arizona State in the Olympics, and it makes Ludwig very excited.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Apparently, you know what?
I didn't know Arizona State women's golf program is like dominating.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Party and women's golf.
There's also the French swimmer that trains with Michael Phelps' coach that is winning and he went to Arizona.
Michael Phelps' world record got broken.
Dude.
Michael Phelps' every world record got broken.
Yeah.
I'm not smoking out of 12 bongs or whatever.
Okay, except for that one.
420 blazing.
No, it's crazy that like, I think it was throughout his career, it was like in the first eight years of his career, he broke like the most records that it was a record in and of itself.
And every single one of them has been broken now.
That's sad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's sad.
Sometimes they is a changing.
No, I just, I think it's awesome.
It just like shows that like humans are evolving.
Like not only are we evolving, but like medicine, exercise, science, diet, like all of that stuff is so min-maxed to the brim year after year that you have, and this goes into a non-Olympics related, but somewhat athleticism related story.
You have a viral YouTube streamer teenager doing things that when we were growing up were so unimaginable that we thought like this is not real.
I'm of course talking about eyeshow speed.
Oh yeah.
Oh my God.
I show speed is like genuinely a freak.
I mean, he is genuinely a freak.
We've talked about his like incredibly impressive backflip where he doesn't even tuck his knees in and he has like hang time for some weird reason.
It's like a very difficult thing to just pull off.
He does it in fucking foam runners, which blows my mind every time.
Like everything he does, he does in foam runners, which is crazy.
It's like Crocs, for those of you who don't know, like Yeezy Crocs.
Eyeshow Speed Is A Freak00:14:25
Here he is jumping over.
I need him to stop doing this because it really stresses me out.
I show speed already had jumped over his Lamborghini and people were disputing the legitimacy of it.
Yeah.
And back when we were growing up, before we watched this, back when we were growing up, Kobe Bryant, famously revealing his new shoe, did this exact same thing over, I believe, a Bentley or an Aston Martin or something, but it was fake.
Obviously, Kobe has a massive contract.
Would he be able to genuinely jump through that?
Probably.
But like, because of his NBA contract at the time, he wasn't going to actually risk it.
Yeah.
But this is a very risky stunt.
Yeah, I don't know why he's doing this.
Because the margin of error is like death.
This is live.
He did this live.
Did it twice, too.
I hate it.
I hate it so much.
Oh, my God, dude.
That is so fucking crazy.
Oh, stop it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
Play it over.
That is so crazy.
I did it again.
I did it again.
I've never seen anything like it.
Dude, the choice, like, I did it again.
Why get some spot?
That guy's looking for a high five.
Please don't.
I did it again.
I'm the fucking demon.
Two times.
That's his own Lambo that he's jumping on top.
He also casually jumped on his Lambo, like, with the grace of a butterfly.
Dude, I like how that guy was like, do it again.
He said, shut your fast.
I'm not doing it again.
So He is a real fucking freak.
His like, what's the, what's the sprint in the comment?
Yeah, his 40 is like a 4-4 or something.
Yeah.
Which is like flying.
Literally faster than most like.
I think it's even faster.
I think he ran like a 4-3.
So I think he's a 4-4.
So there's a guy named Tyreek on the Dolphins.
Tyreek Hill on the Dolphins, who is he a wide receiver?
Yeah, Tyreek Hill will cook him, though.
So Tyreek Hill is a wide receiver on the Dolphins.
He will cook him, except pull this up as well.
I show speed, Tyreek Hill.
Tyreek Hill gets a new contract recently.
Before the contract, though, he's talking shit about I show speed and his in his, you know, and how he would blow him in a fucking 40 yards.
Speed up at showed up at his practice.
You can't do a foot race in front of your coach and GM.
They're going to be like, paying you $100 million.
Yeah.
No, I know, but I do think it's crazy that he talked shit and then he backed away from it when I show speed pulled up.
I mean, I think I show speed would give him a good race, but Tyreek Hill is like otherworldly fast.
What's his 40-yard?
Like 4-2.
He's fast.
I mean, that's why he's getting $100 million.
He almost had 2,000 receiving yards last year, which is like crazy, crazy.
I think if Speed didn't stream, he could be an athlete of any kind.
Like, it's just so crazy.
How much he can jump and how fast he is is crazy.
I think, I mean, yeah, for sure.
Like, he, he, I don't know if he'd be like one of the best, depending on what kind of training he gets and depending on what he's playing, but I think he would very easily be like a middle of the road player in the NFL, most likely.
I don't know.
He's too, he's too skinny.
I think he'd be a soccer player.
He's pretty cool.
Oh, wow.
That'd be good at soccer.
Yeah, soccer would be cool.
Wait, play this clip.
Who told you that?
The NFL?
The NFL told me that.
There's literally a video of me running a 4-2.
Like, bro, it's a good idea.
Oh, he ran a 4-2.
Damn.
I can show you the video right now.
And I did it in.
Oh, wait, pause it.
You know, he's taking this seriously because he doesn't have the foam runners on.
This motherfucker does everything.
That I think is like one of the more impressive parts about his athleticism is that he is capable of doing all this stuff in fucking foam runners.
Like, those are crocs, bro.
That's like when Deion did shit in Tim's.
Do you remember that?
That shit was crazy.
Deion Sanders would like run the 40 in Tim's.
That's worse than foam runner.
Because that's weight.
I'll show you the video right now.
Speed running a four, 40-yard dash.
I didn't know speed ran a 4-2.
That's so fast.
What?
I wouldn't even run in full speed.
Bro, I'm going to tell you how you run.
You run like the bad look kid with motherfucking silver caps in his mouth.
Oh, my God.
Oh, he's talking shit.
Bro, you can't do that.
Yeah, you gotta race him.
Bro, you can't duck him.
Wait, pause it.
You can't duck him.
And then for like a year.
After talking shit, he shows up.
He shows up to your place of work.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then you're still talking shit to his face while also ducking him.
And then this is what he does.
I think this is negative aura.
He lost aura points.
I even pulled up, popped one.
He just going to keep ducking.
Tyreek Hill, y'all see it right here.
Live right now.
He's ducking.
He doesn't want to race the fastest person in the world.
You just don't want to.
Fastest person in the world.
It's awesome.
Y'all see it, right?
He's ducking.
Pause up.
I want to wind it back.
I want to wind it back.
So this is what I was saying.
Go forward a little bit.
I want those other guys on screen.
This is the Miami Dolphins coaching staff.
Oh, and they are at a practice and you can see they don't want to be on camera.
And they're both like, Tyreek, what the fuck are you doing?
Like, stop talking to this streamer.
You are one of the highest paid athletes in the NFL.
Isn't it like yesterday where he got his new contract?
It's so recent.
You can see both these dudes are like, Tyreek, we have to run the ones.
Yeah.
Tuatagavaloa is waiting for you right now.
That's so awesome.
They're like, come on, man.
Miami needs to win a Super Bowl, please.
This is exactly how the coaching staff of the Jets looks at Aaron Rodgers when he's like, I'm going to go on another darkness retreat.
Oh, God.
How's Aaron Rodgers going to do this year?
I don't know.
You know, it was Tom Brady's birthday yesterday.
Shut the fuck up.
Tom Brady turned 47 yesterday.
Wow, great.
So everybody knows, happy birthday, Tom Brady.
Okay, speaking of sports.
Wait, Will and I have had...
Why are you speaking of sports?
Because there's one thing that...
I want to speak about girl things.
No, okay, we're going to do the girl things after.
Let's do fair.
We'll talk about the sport thing and then we'll talk about the girl thing.
And also, I'm not like a big sport guy.
So like, I want to.
Okay, fine.
Okay.
I love sports.
I want to ask you guys.
I want to ask you guys.
This is a conversation Will and I have had like arguments over that I'm entirely right on and he's entirely wrong on for many years about like what the most popular sports are and I literally have the data.
So I'm very excited.
How would you get the data?
Don't worry about it.
But great source.
Will and I have argued.
He used to say Tom Brady's like one of the most famous athletes on the planet.
I was like, no shot.
I think it would be like a football, like a soccer player.
Yeah, sure.
Easy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's not a point of contest anymore.
I think you've changed on your position a little bit, but like I also said that basketball players are more famous than football players as well.
Like Michael Jordan would be more famous than like Tom Brady as well.
Yes.
Now we have the data.
I want to ask you guys now.
It sounds like Will never disagreed with you.
Okay, we disagreed many, many years ago, but it doesn't matter.
I want to ask you guys what you think the top 10 most famous.
What do you think the top 10?
The most watched sports are.
Okay, we have to dial it back.
We have to dial it back.
I said I thought Tom Brady was one of the 10 most famous athletes on the planet, which I maintain.
And it's not because of just his football.
It's because of who he was socially as well.
He was married to the most famous model.
He was showing up in commercials all day long.
He was kids and his son.
He's doing commercials in China for like tag hewer and stuff.
Tom Brady is one of the 10 most famous athletes on the planet.
I would maintain that.
I still won't agree with that, but it doesn't matter.
That's not the point here.
I want to ask you guys, like, because there was a lot that shocked me in the top 10.
All right.
And I want to ask you guys.
This is like people's choice or what is this?
What do you guys think are the most like watched sports on the planet?
Like what's the biggest thing?
The most watched or the most.
Are we talking athletes?
Are we talking sports?
Like most followed sports.
Followed by people.
Soccer.
By number of fans.
That's number one.
Soccer's number one.
Soccer, also known as football to the rest of the world, is number one.
You're right.
At 3.5 billion people that watch.
What do you think number?
I mean, yeah, go ahead.
Give me, start throwing sports and I'll tell you if you're.
Baseball is number two.
Wrong, but actually baseball is a sleeper hit at number seven.
Yep.
Oh.
Yeah.
That'd be higher.
Okay.
Can I knock through some?
Yeah, you know, cricket.
Number two at 2.5 billion.
Go ahead.
Basketball.
Basketball is actually number nine at 400 million, which I was shocked by as well.
I thought basketball would be higher up on the list.
Ooh, okay.
There's really weird ones on here where you're like, what the fuck?
I got to go rugby.
Rugby's not on here.
Damn.
Yeah.
American football.
Oh, oh, oh, I know one.
Tennis.
Boom.
Tennis is number four at 1 billion.
And American football is number 10 at 400 million.
American football's on the list.
American football's on the list.
And basically, like edging out.
Like, it's almost as popular as basketball, which was shocking to me, which was legitimately shocking to me.
No, dude, that's okay.
Here's the thing.
This is, I'm going to tell you the truth.
Everyone in China watches the Super Bowl.
No, no, no.
Basketball is international.
America is not, or football is not international.
Like the viewership is outside of like London and Mexico and the United States is pretty negligible.
But the amount of people that watch football in the United States is insane.
Yeah.
Like the amount of people that sit down all Sunday and watch football, it is not comparable to any other sport in the United States.
Yeah, that makes sense.
All right, keep giving me more ones.
How many more do we have?
You got like four, I think.
You got four correctly or five or six correctly.
You got number one.
Yep, two.
You got number two at cricket.
You got tennis at number four.
So you have the three slot, five slot, six slot.
You got baseball at seven.
And American football at 10.
And basketball at nine and American football at 10.
So you have the seven.
You have the number six slot, number five slot, number three slot.
And number eight.
No, go ahead.
And number eight.
Take a guess.
Badminton.
Oh, shit.
No.
But like, not that crazy of you to.
No.
What?
Okay.
Now you're going into weird places.
It's not rugby.
It wouldn't be AFL, Australian League football if it wasn't that cricket was definitely there.
I'm trying to.
Go weird.
Like go unexpected.
Volleyball?
That's pretty uncomfortable.
Boom.
Number five?
900 million.
Volleyball gets the fifth slot, dude.
I think a lot of this comes from like the Olympics.
Crazy, crazy, crazy.
Golf.
At number eight, at 450 million.
Golf is more followed than basketball and football.
American football.
So we only have three left.
You have number six left and you have number three left, which you will not get number three.
That's it.
You will never get this.
It blew my, dude.
When I saw it, I was like, what the fuck?
That makes no goddamn.
Formula one.
No.
What?
Formula one's not there.
I thought I just hit it.
No.
That would not be that weird, though.
Formula one, I feel like, is an international track and field allowed as a guess.
That's crazy.
It's not in there.
Okay.
I mean, boxing?
No.
Oh.
MMA?
No.
All right.
You want me to review it?
Number six is table tennis with 850 million.
My dad loves table tennis.
But like, I think you just got to go like Asian.
Yeah.
Because there's a lot of people there.
Okay.
So like table tennis, I think that like gets carried a little bit.
And that's why cricket obviously is also number two.
Number three is insane.
And I don't even know if this is correct or not.
Field hockey at 2 billion.
A lot of Europeans like play field hockey and a lot of Australians and stuff.
That shocked me.
Australia, New Zealand, and like Ireland.
Not even hockey, hockey, field hockey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Field hockey.
Like hockey hockey is not even on the list.
We don't even let our men play field hockey.
Yeah, we say get some skates on.
Dude, I tried to play field hockey in high school and they wouldn't let me because I thought it would be so fun.
But like, I don't understand.
So what is it?
You just like, it's like rollerblades.
No, what?
I thought field hockey was rollerblades on hockey.
Rollerblades.
Yeah.
I thought it was rollerblades on like a basketball court.
No, no, no, no.
You have like a little curled stick and you like smack a ball.
You just walk?
I thought you rollerblades.
It's like lacrosse, but on the ground.
I thought it was like, I thought that's why you got a job at like Sonic so you could reuse your rollerblades.
Field Hockey On The Ground00:02:56
Oh.
No, that's so field hockey would be like lacrosse, but on the ground, right?
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah.
Oh.
But that's like I said, it shocked me.
So that'll be.
Here's something really funny.
I've only played Lax like 10 or 12 times and it was the most natural I've ever been at anything in my life.
I mean, it makes sense.
Look at your hair.
Look at your hair.
I like picked it up and I was like, oh, how do you do this?
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Shocked that the whitest man from the Northeast is just naturally gifted in lacrosse.
Yeah.
My boyfriend is.
It's felt racist almost how good I was at La Crosse.
Yes.
It's like either you're Native American or you're the whitest man named like Peyton from Northeast from the Northeast place.
I felt racist, so I had to stop playing.
Yeah, there's a dude at my gym who's like, I think he played lacrosse for, he played lacrosse for, I think, Penn.
Yeah.
Which is like...
They're good at spoon.
Classic.
And he still plays.
They still have like pro-am leagues and shit, which I had no idea.
Girly things.
Girly things.
Girly pop.
Girly pop.
Can we get a sound drop for girly pop nation as well?
Gook a girly pop.
Yeah.
Chaperone.
Hilly Ray Brins.
Can we get?
Thank you.
Yeah.
Have you guys...
I'm nervous because this stupid guy covers everything.
And so sometimes the girls care about stuff and then he's already covered it.
It's okay.
Have you heard about you?
What?
The fuck?
I have a girly pop story as well after you.
Heard about it.
He's going to steal your thunder if you don't say ballerina farms.
Of course I know about ballerina farms.
Ballerina farms.
Do you know about it?
I just said it inquisitively.
Don't take this over.
This is my thing.
And it's Mormons.
And it's trad wives.
Okay, I won't.
Okay.
But of course, if there's a woman's thunder being stolen by a piece of shit, man.
It'd be mine.
I'm going to cover it.
Okay.
Anyway, so there's this guy.
There's this girl in the sky.
There's dog hair coming off of me.
Like I'm raining it.
Lock in, cutie.
I'm sorry.
This is your moment to shine.
You're driving the plane.
I will steal it from you.
You're pissing me off.
So this girl goes to Juilliard.
She's like beautiful ballerina, living her best dream in New York.
Yeah.
They only accept 20 ballerinas every year.
Right.
And then this guy keeps asking her on dates.
Sure.
And she's like, no, no, no.
She keeps dodging him.
Turns out she's flying home to Utah from New York.
And this guy also, his dad owns JetBlue.
So he gets a ticket.
She's related to Zach Wilson.
Yeah, keep going.
He gets a ticket, rearranges the seats because he knows people at JetBlue, makes them sit together.
And now you're at a five-hour flight together.
And so she's like, so that was our first date.
Oh.
Yeah.
The Matrix Steak Moment00:12:50
That's kind of weird.
A little fucking weird.
A little weird.
And so they start like dating and it escalates very quickly because they're both Mormon.
You can't have sex before marriage when you're Mormon and also you're still skating.
Only like leave your penis inserted, or like bounce on the bed while you're doing analytics very weird things.
Um, so all correct, cutie.
You just said yes so, but immediately he like they get together and he's like, wait, we have to go to Brazil.
And she's like what?
And so they go to Brazil.
She has to drop out of Juilliard for bbl.
No, for like something with jet blue okay okay okay, okay.
So she has to drop out.
She drops out of Juilliard for the spring yeah, and starts pumping out babies.
Okay, like nobody's business.
They move back to Utah.
I think they have eight.
Yeah, they've got eight babies.
She is 33 with eight babies.
That's what.
That math don't work.
That math never not pregnant.
Oh god, every child is like exactly the same amount apart.
Okay, yeah.
So they move back to Utah.
They get this big farmland in Camas Utah, which is kind of like middle of nowhere sure um, and that's kind of all of Utah honestly yeah, and they have this house, they build this big farmhouse, but it's not like normal farmhouse that you see, like Joanna Gaines right, Magnolia Farms, if you know them.
I don't know what you're saying.
So uh, most farmhouses is like chiplap and white.
I know a little bit about farms.
I actually have the Michigan Barn Of The Year.
There you go yeah yeah, but instead they go like very high-end little house of the prairie.
Okay, like cute, which I get it cute, but also like not cute.
They have an agar oven, which is yeah, so which is the it.
There's only one man in like all of America that knows how to like install this oven and it's like, will you look up exactly how it gets heated?
It's like something very certain about the way it gets heat.
No, it's not wood, but it's like Judy, I'm making it on everywhere.
Look at this.
Oh, so it's like a Swedish range and it's like, it's like what you would see in, like old yeah, like it's very old, and it looks like a morgue.
Yeah, you could slide someone in creepy.
What, why?
What is the significance?
This is just so vintage and it's so like they don't make them anymore.
So they, they get that.
She's pumping out kids on the farm.
I'm in the farm in the farm agar oven.
So this woman from the Times wants to go interview them because they have nine million followers on instagram.
Ah yeah, and they're making and they're pumping out kids and they're pumping out.
Trad wife content on the red for me really yeah, Ballerina Farm.
So so this woman in the Times goes to interview him.
Because they're like what is going on here, you know, because something that the, the main wife, is famous for stop it, pay attention is giving birth two weeks later.
Going to the Miss America pageant what do you mean?
So she was to participate?
Yes, two weeks post both birth.
Yeah yeah wait, participating.
Yes, she was already crowned Miss Utah, but now she's.
Oh sorry, she was going, so she was miss.
You've done this.
She was Miss America, so she was going to go participate in the Miss Universe.
How in Veggie, lose the baby weight?
Where does the baby weight go?
I don't know?
Two weeks also, she gives birth at home.
Wait, but let me see unmedicated um, very like, I mean honestly, any of them.
I feel like she's the Lebron of trad wives.
Yeah, do that fresh butter.
You know what I mean?
Like she's doing like impressive feats of athleticism, oh my gosh.
But for trad wives, she making butter.
So that's the thing.
There's really no need for that.
People have said that they're just like cosplaying is like poor, I gotta impoverish.
Okay, there you go.
This is the dad.
This is her immediate red flag is just like the cowboy gear.
Bro, you're a billionaire, like shut the up.
So billionaire though I know, I just i'm saying like it annoys me when they do that and like all the kids are wearing like little House On The Prairie outfits eggs.
So he started off okay okay, Excuse me, she's making chili bur.
It's very, it's very important.
She's making Turkish eggs.
Yeah, chilibur.
Chilbur.
Chilibur.
Turkish eggs.
We're in the United States.
Yeah, look, look how good that is, though.
That shit is going.
Oh, that looks dope.
Yeah, you poach it with like garlic.
No, it's not garlic.
Can we get some of that?
Can you flip some of that?
Yeah, you never make it.
It's a super easy thing to make.
Nara Smith will crave these tomorrow.
So it's this weird, like, you know, we love pitting women against women.
Oh.
Okay, okay.
What?
You're mad about breastfeeding content?
No, no, no.
I need to hear what the fuck.
Why am I, these people just look like happy people.
Yeah.
So a lot of people got mad at them because they think they're like Miss World two weeks after giving birth.
Crazy.
So that was one of the reasons that the people from the Times wanted to go interview her.
They go and interview her.
And essentially the whole time, the husband's like standing over her and won't let her answer any questions.
Okay.
And like she'll start answering and she's like, drama.
They're like, oh, would you consider yourself a feminist?
Because like this new wave era of trad wives, like you are the one.
And she was like, I wouldn't say I'm a feminist because I don't really, you know, like that word doesn't really like, I don't know what it means type thing.
Like it has different meanings to people.
So I wouldn't say I'm that.
And like she'll be in the middle.
She'll be like, is this your dream?
And then the husband will be like, yeah, it's our dream.
And she'll be like, yeah, it's our dream.
Like, she'll like repeat.
And then the husband goes to the Times lady and is like, hey, can I give you a tour or whatever?
And so he takes her on like a three hour tour.
No, he takes her on like this three hour tour, doesn't let her talk to the fucking lady.
The whole time the lady has a baby on her the whole time, like can't get a second.
She has babies.
She has so many of them.
She's eight.
The guy doesn't like.
She's always going to be doing it.
And they like talk to her and she's like, oh, yeah, it's a partnership.
Like he helps as much as I do.
Clearly not.
Like clearly that's not what's happening.
Okay.
And then by the time she gets back, she has to go.
She has to take all of the kids to ballerina practice.
Also, what's so sad, they had a special barn that was going to be a studio for her to practice her ballet.
And they turn it into the kids' homeschool.
So she has nothing that's like hers.
And she's just like this robot that has to pump out babies and pump out TikTok content.
Billions of dollars.
Yeah.
Well, that he is in control of.
It's a red flag factory for sure.
Okay, so people think she's being held.
Yeah, so now everybody is like commenting like, you deserve New York.
You deserve New York.
It's a little late, you guys.
She's got 8K.
She's 33 with eight kids.
She's not going to fucking Juliet.
This is people projecting on her.
I think people, I think, I think the weird thing about trad wife content, as much as I, I think I come from a place of jealousy because I just can't look that put together.
But is I think it like has this idealistic way of living.
And whenever that is shattered in any capacity, people start losing their minds.
Right.
So they're seeing like, oh my God, wait, she's miserable?
But like, they, I, my, my, that bitch is making butter.
Well, you know, that you can buy that for like.
They asked him, they asked him about protective, like, like, sex.
They asked him about their sex life.
Like, they have so many kids.
And the guy was like, we follow the Mormon practices with sex.
What's that?
What are the Mormon practices?
No, if you are strict, strict, strict Mormon, which there's very few people, is you cannot have sex unless it's with the intention to procreate.
What?
What?
Which would explain why they have so many kids.
Ain't no way.
No.
Flag on the plate.
I don't believe that.
They can't even fuck while she's pregnant.
So they could.
So it's a bit of a loophole.
There's another loophole.
See, told you.
No, no, flag on the plate.
There ain't no way that this dude's not like, you know, he's definitely getting like blowjobs or something.
Okay.
There's just no way.
I don't believe that.
Mormons love loopholes.
Okay.
They love poophole loopholes.
They love loopholes.
Well, that's what he's saying publicly is that they follow the church's guidance when it comes to sex and all that stuff.
Do you think maybe that's why he was so like Lurking is because he's nervous about the church because they're such figureheads.
It's also so weird because, like, I was a part of the church for so long.
Yeah, we know.
They miss me.
Um, what it's weird to see how normalized this content has gotten.
Do you wish you could go back?
Are you at a Matrix moment?
Are you at that Matrix moment where you're like, I know the Matrix is telling me this steak is juicy and delicious, but I want to be plugged back in?
Would you plug yourself back into the Mormon church?
No, I wouldn't.
I don't want to spend my Sundays.
I have to be here on Sundays because no other day works for us.
You can't take the fucking toothpaste and put it back in the tube, I think.
Once you're like, once you do the Matrix telling you this steak is juicy and delicious.
I've never seen The Matrix.
Oh, I'm really trying to get it.
No, that was a great reference, Will.
Is it rated R?
That's why I didn't see it if it's rated R.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah, that's why I didn't see it.
I don't.
I don't think you're.
I don't think you can cut it.
What the fuck does that mean?
She can make butter.
She can make butter.
What are you saying?
I can make butter right now with my eyes closed.
She can make butter, Hassan.
Why wouldn't I?
I don't want to.
She would pump babies out of her uterus all day.
No, wrong.
I wouldn't.
I'd be like, no, wrong.
But I would have a boom.
I'm coming to your defense.
I really don't want to give birth, but I could have, I could like be a surf.
She has the gripper problem.
Vaginismus.
Yeah, you can have a vaginous section.
That was a cistern.
That's how I was too.
Can you, can you, is that, is that C-section baby?
Are you a C-section?
No.
No.
Yeah, my mom's shit got moved all around for me to get out of here.
Oh, thank you, Murat.
No, don't bring that in.
But just the coffee.
You can bring the coffee.
Don't, don't freaking, don't talk to him like that.
Can you bring the coffee in?
No.
Never mind, please.
Okay.
She can make butter.
I can make butter.
That's not what the I can wear gowns.
That's not the only thing that you need to do.
I can say.
Family father, thank you for this day.
Thank you for everything you've given me.
I remember everything.
I'm plugged back into the Matrix.
I don't want her.
No, I don't want her to go away.
I don't want to plug back into the Matrix.
You go plug back into the Matrix.
Okay.
I don't think so.
Don't do it.
If you want to have a baby and then go to the Miss World, I'd have to lose so much weight.
No.
To be Miss America.
No.
Yeah.
There's those empathy.
No, you would.
I would.
I would.
Well.
Why are you trying?
We already have lost one podcast co-host.
I don't know where the fuck he is.
You want to lose another one?
What's happening?
He just wants to go back to Fear and Malding.
That's what he wants to do.
No, I just think that.
Cutie.
Listen, I am not for the trading of the wives.
But if a wife wants to trad, I'm a feminist.
I think if she wants to trad, she can trad.
But I think if the husband's forcing her to trad, that's sad.
I think we will never know.
And my take on it is that at this point, maybe she's using the TikTok as like a creative avenue for herself as well.
Unless it's like completely controlled by the husband.
But I do feel like, like, this is a very, this is obviously a very creative person, right?
Like, I mean, she got accepted in the Juilliard.
Yeah, she got accepted in the Juilliard.
She's living this like, she's kind of jealous of their house.
No, it looks cold.
It really does.
You're not jealous of that oven.
You've told me you love creepy homes.
I love creepy homes, but not like I like my homes to look like a grandma, like renovated them.
That looks like a grandma.
That's like Little House on the Prairie.
That oven looks like a grandma.
The kids can't watch anything.
They can only watch Little House on the Prairie.
That's it.
Dude, dude, jump on the trampoline.
The homeschooling part of that is like so devious.
I feel like those kids are screwed.
They're going to start dating each other.
Oh, don't say that.
Don't say that.
Well, they might.
Keep it in the faith.
Don't say that.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that incestual note, this is Fear Ed.
We're very happy to have Hassan back.
Thank you for joining us.
We have amazing content behind the paywall.
I have a girly pop story that I'm holding on to.
Nice.
We're behind the paywall.
That's all for us.
We'll see you next week.
Goodbye.
Patreon.com slash Fear End.
The concrete.
It looks like Minecraft.
Yeah, you go swimming in Lake Michigan.
It's nice.
That sounds not great.
Okay, I have how many things do you want me to suggest?
PvP.
Oh, you should, you should.
They have a nice children's museum, it looks like.
They have a giant anime store.
They don't.
I'm fucking lying to you.
You don't want to go to Chicago, you piece of shit.