May 31, 2019 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
23:01
California Gave Me AIDS | Ep 13
Seriously went to Panda Express with a friend to get chicken and ended up being exposed to something I might not survive. Make Sure to download AUDIO only versions of this podcast below: ⇩iTunes, Google Play, Spotify ⇩ iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/slightly-offens-ve-uncut/id1450057169 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jbVobnHs7q8pSRCtPmC41?si=iwqsjNOhQGGYgQE8_1bfjg Google Play: Search "Slightly Offens*ve Uncut" ⇩ KEEP INDEPENDENT MEDIA & JOURNALISM ALIVE ⇩ ➤ PAYPAL: https://paypal.me/slightlyoffensive ➤ VENMO: https://venmo.com/Elijah-Schaffer ➤ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/slightlyoffensive ➤ MEMBERSHIPS: http://slightlyoffensive.com/donate/ _________________________________________________________________ ⇩ BOOKINGS & INQUIRIES ⇩ ➤ EMAIL: ELIJAH@SLIGHTLYOFFENSIVE.COM _________________________________________________________________ ⇩ SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS ⇩ ➤ INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/elijahschaffer/ https://www.instagram.com/officialslightlyoffensive/ ➤ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/ElijahSchaffer ➤ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/officialslightlyoffensive ______________________________________________________________________________________ ⇩ OTHER WAYS TO SUPPORT SLIGHTLY OFFENS*VE ⇩ ➤ MERCHANDISE: http://slightlyoffensive.com #pandaexpress #losangeles #podcast #conservative #homeless
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N1kKh5zlFE
Uploader: Slightly Offens*ve
So today I just went to get some chicken for lunch, and now I might have AIDS.
Welcome back to another episode of Slightly Offensive with your favorite gay black woman, me, Elijah Schaefer.
Already you might be wondering, does he have AIDS?
Why are we talking about an infectious virus?
What does this have to do with politics or anything?
Believe me, this story is going to get to you.
I can neither confirm nor deny whether I'm infected, but I can tell you the story of why I think I have it.
So I was on my way up to Panda Express.
You ever been there?
It's just basically God's gift to people.
Basically took all the gross parts of Chinese food out of it and took all the wonderful parts of Western cuisine, the sugar, the extra fat, the butter, and basically just made it better.
Because that's what Americans do.
We take things that are like gross, like Chinese food.
It's like tree fungus and like duck feet and things like yuck.
And then we bread it and we deep fry it and we put orange sauce and we call it orange chicken and we make it our own.
Good job, America.
Anyways, I'm walking up the street in Hollyweird, California.
I live right off the Hollywood Walk of Fame and I run past a man who is apparently a disabled vet.
Now, of course, you have two choices in LA every day.
You either completely ignore every single homeless person you walk by and act like there's no problems, or two, you deplete all of your savings trying to buy them food just in a six-block short walk because that's how many about 100 people ask you for food.
But this man says, I'm a vet, and he's holding up his vet card and he's going, please, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want money, I don't want anything, I just want food.
And of course, I have this weird rule where I don't deny people food if they ask for it.
I mean, I don't always give money because I'm not like super big into supporting addiction, but I go, look, this is a vet.
It was just Memorial Day.
I need to help this man.
So of course, I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
What do you want, man?
I'll get you some Panda Express.
I'm going to get you the best side of America all in a three bento box special.
Anyways, the guy is like, I'm going to go in with you.
And I'm thinking, well, this probably is not going to be a good thing.
But he goes, I notice he has like oozing sores on his neck and his hands.
And then he goes like this.
He's like, could you help me up, man?
And he's got a cane.
I mean, a cane and oozing sores.
I'm thinking, okay, look, you either like just, you either get a disabled vet food and just let him suffer and eat it on the floor in the human feces and filth, or I help this guy up.
So I'm like, sure, man, let me help you up because I'm a good American, right?
And I grab his hand and I help him up.
And I'm like, well, that wasn't so bad.
I haven't died.
And of course, this man definitely knows how to start a conversation with the strangers right when we get inside.
He goes, you know what, man?
It's crazy.
I have AIDS.
I have, what did he say?
I have AIDS.
I have MRSA.
MRSA, the bacteria that's resistant to antibiotics and hepatitis C.
And of course, being that I just touched a man with open wounds on the street, I go, oh, that's cool, man.
You got the trifecta of diseases, which is the worst thing you could say to somebody who's dying of AIDS, you know?
You know, you got the trifecta as if he won a prize by getting infected with everything known that's evil to man.
And I'm standing there.
I'm going, oh, like, what do I do?
I'm looking at my hand and I've got to order food.
And I'm thinking, I mean, I don't know what's worse for me, all the sodium I'm about to intake or the fact that I might have been infected with a deadly virus.
And so then the guy starts telling the guy over the counter what he wants and he starts waving his hand like this all over the counter over the noodles and everything.
And you know, his skin was flaky.
So there's like flakes of skin from the open wounds falling into the pasta.
And I'm thinking, look, already, if you're choosing Chao Main, you're making a bad choice.
Carbs at one o'clock in the afternoon isn't good.
But imagine if not only when you chose Chao Main, did you start a trajectory to gain like two pounds a week, but you also gained hepatitis C. I'm not exactly sure how it communicates, but it was gross.
So I'm going, I don't want to order food, but I can't do this.
So then I'm like, okay, I only touch this guy's hand for a second.
Okay, not only is his disease in my food, but it's probably on my hand.
And then he goes, thanks for the food, man.
And I just look at this disabled vet's hand.
And I did this for America.
I said, you're welcome.
And then I proceeded to wash my hands for about five minutes and I bleached my hands and used Clorox because sometimes America is so beautiful, it takes a little bit of bleach to get it off of you.
You might be thinking, what's the point of this story?
The exact point of this story is this is a normal day living in clown world.
The world's gotten so ridiculous that on your way to actually go get chicken, which is actually delicious, you might end up dying.
And so I'm over here thinking, I don't even know whether or not I have AIDS.
Maybe I do.
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I have all three.
Maybe by trying to do a good deed for the world, I ended up dying of a disease.
But this is the world I live in.
And because this is story time, this got me thinking about really, truly, what kind of world the left has created.
You know, I was on my way to church the other day, true story.
And I'm noticing that there's just a billow of black smoke coming out from under the overpass.
I'm like, is this a vaping convention?
Is this a pot circle where they just had too many joints, too many blunts?
I didn't know.
But I'm looking and I'm like, look, I'm an investigative journalist, kind of, according to a few people.
My mom's one of them.
And I go and I drive under the bridge and there's a homeless encampment that's in flames.
It's engulfed in flames and it's blowing, like literally, it's heating up the underpass of the 101 freeway right by Coanga Boulevard, which is by the Hollywood Bowl, a famous concert venue.
And I'm thinking, man, these guys literally, I mean, we already know that this population has a hard time with addiction.
I'm not making fun of them.
They have a hard time with finances, mental illness.
But also they have a hard time cooking food.
This is why I buy them chicken.
You want to know why I bought this man chicken today?
It's because I don't want any more people burning up homeless encampments while trying to cook a can of spam under an overpass.
I literally got blocked from passing.
And then here's the best part about this.
There's no police, there's no fire engines.
It's just because you why?
Because if a homeless encampment burning isn't an emergency in California, it's just called a Sunday afternoon here.
We actually just call it a spark of joy where I'm from.
Anyways, I call the police.
I'm like, dude, there's a fire.
And they're just like, oh, where is it?
As if like, which one, I think he said it is.
As if like, there's multiple homeless encampments on fire at the same time in California.
You go, this is a clown world.
And then they're like, oh yeah, we'll send an officer.
Like, what is the police going to do?
Shoot it with pepper spray or something?
I mean, we need to send an officer.
Anyways, I go back.
It's completely burned down.
It melted.
They melted the fence, the fence.
By the way, there was a fence that was cut open to keep them out.
And they melted the fence down with their own fire.
And then within days of going back to this place, it was already refilled with a homeless encampment.
These guys literally are like a forest.
It's like sometimes the tree's got to burn down and make rooms for new ones.
I'm shocked.
But enough of stories with me.
See, this problem with the leftist world is that people are living in a Mad Max reality.
We're living in a place where what you see before your eyes is so unreal, it's so ridiculous that you have to consciously choose to ignore it.
This is what I love about living in Los Angeles, a leftist and blue utopia, is that people walk, literally walk over people who are dying on the street.
They walk over black people who are dying, by the way, so they can get to rooftop bars and drink $16 cocktails to talk about how Donald Trump's evil for trying to build a wall.
And that's what these people do.
They ignore the problems that are really there, invent ones that they don't have any reason giving their opinion on, and then they get mad at people for saying, I'm not going to listen to you.
It's like, look, why is Los Angeles, the most polluted major city in the United States of America, championing a change for action on climate change?
I mean, it's like, what are we doing telling people in Wisconsin that they need to change their lifestyle?
It's like, look, before we tell people to give up their Ford F-150s in Wisconsin, maybe we can try hearing the birds chirp.
You know, in LA, birds don't chirp, they cough.
And that's what kind of world it is that we live in.
But I was going, look, I can't be the only person here that lives in this that goes, where have we come to?
So I found this clip from a commute to Los Angeles.
And you're never going to believe this is just a normal day just a little while ago.
This is what happened.
And someone filmed it, by the way.
There's no police officers present.
I want you to just watch what we literally go through here in California.
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It's a standoff and it's about to get very scary.
A shirtless maniac armed with rocks is taunting motorists.
He stands in the middle of the street, daring them to pass.
When they do, pure terror ensues.
The rampage took place here on Venice Boulevard, one of the busiest streets in the city with three lanes of traffic in each direction.
And he got the rocks right here.
There are hundreds of them decorating the sidewalk.
An endless supply of ammunition.
He targeted two city buses.
He tries to demolish the front windows, but they are shatterproof.
The rocks just bounce off.
The terrified driver leaps out and flees.
That's when it gets really scary.
The shirtless dude jumps on board.
Looks like he's trying to hijack the bus.
Some of the passengers run out the back, but others have had enough.
A half dozen of them take him down, punching and kicking as they haul him off the bus.
A rock hits the window and you just go, yeah, baby, this is normal.
And sadly, he starts throwing it out at the side.
And then the man walks into the bus.
Okay, imagine a man walks into the bus.
And I've been in situations like this.
And I want to ask you right now, before we go any further, who would you have been in this bus?
Would you have stayed in the bus if the man came?
It reminds me of a clip of this guy who's getting held up at gunpoint while a store is being robbed and he just doesn't care.
He just walks in.
That's the kind of mentality we have here.
Like literally, I've seen people getting, like, police pull their guns out in front of me at people, and I just walk past, like, there's nothing happening.
But they run out and they start beating this guy up.
This is what's happening, is people are starting to take the law into their own hands in these states because we're getting so sick and tired of the mismanagement of the government.
We're so tired of the corruption of Pelosi and Newsom and Kamala Harris and Mad Maxine Waters and these politicians that are getting fat and rich.
They're becoming multi-millionaires while in office while the state of our state, California, gets pushed down.
Remember, it's also California that sent wonderful politicians to DC like Adam Schiff and Ted Liu.
Thank us later.
Anyways, when I look at this, you got to ask yourself, would I have beat this guy up?
And that's what's happening.
In Hollywood, the police are so overwhelmed that we're starting to take actions like they are in South Africa, where we're hiring private security firms to patrol our streets because we don't have enough security to keep ourselves safe.
And you might be asking, well, why do you live there?
Why do you, why, a lot, a lot, why do you live at the gate of Sodom and Gomorrah?
I was born here.
And the fact that I'm only barely worried about AIDS at 26 years old means I'm more, I'm better off than most people that I know.
Because honestly, it's like 20, oh, you only, you do first AIDS scare at 26?
I'm like, yeah, believe it or not, that must be, God must be real.
Because that's what we live in.
And I'm going like, okay, look, so obviously I'm not the only one with commuting problems.
I'm not the only one with public transportation woes.
But, you know, the world's gone mad in other places too.
You saw this recently?
A man set himself on fire in front of the White House and no one knows why.
Like, it's like, oh yeah, and we look at it, the news doesn't even cover it because the society is going so ridiculous.
When you take God out of a society and you tell people that they came from monkeys, then punish them for acting like monkeys.
Then you tell them that there's no God, then wonder why you have a mental health crisis and people have no purpose in their life.
You go into a society and you say that good is evil and evil is good, and you wonder why there's so much confusion and shootings and schools and whatnot.
This is why you get to a point in your life where people are lighting themselves on fire and you don't even know.
Because the reality is, is it's not just this person.
This person in front of the White House is like a metaphor for what's really going on in a lot of our states.
And as much as you might think, oh, why do I care about California?
California politically has such a pull in the national debate that they're even trying now, if you don't know, to block Trump from being on the ballots in the 2020 election.
And so I'm thinking, look, obviously these are problems.
People are talking about them.
This has got to be news.
We should be hearing about this.
But we're not hearing about it from mainstream media news outlets, just from alternative news outlets like this.
And why?
Because the left is too busy virtue signaling, acting like they're bringing progress to the world.
Acting like they're doing something to make the world better while it's actually decaying.
And there's a sort of denial complex that comes because these fat cats, these elites, they live in their gated communities and in these houses and in these networks where they, you know, they have award shows like the Academy Awards, which they just pat themselves on the back for making movies that people don't want to watch.
You know, the more SJW it gets, the more that they talk about things that make people discuss it and throw up, the more chance something has of getting an award.
It's like Black Panther.
Oh, we're so good because we put an all-black cast in our movie.
Never mind the fact that there was plot holes, that it wasn't very good movie, that it was something you watch on an airplane and just try to get through.
The fact is, is that it's woke.
And so it's good.
While they're worried about all black casts in movies, there's huge populations, tens of thousands of blacks who are homeless because Hispanics are being bussed in and being brought in by the lack of a border wall.
And landlords are shoving three families at a time inside houses, which allows them to charge rent that's higher than average, which is now changing areas from being predominantly low-income areas where black people could previously live in to being areas infested with illegal aliens.
And then on top of that, then the blacks are pushed into homelessness, and then white people get blamed for gentrifying areas when in reality, the problem is actually with illegals or undocumented immigrants.
But of course, we have to thank one person in our country for doing what we all asked for and gave us the answer to our problems, which is a shaver company.
And I want to bring this up.
We've been having a lot of problems here, slightly offensive, with Daddy YouTube.
If you guys missed the last episode, we're calling YouTube Daddy because it's sort of like a kinky submission complex kind of relationship we have with them.
You know, like 50 shades of gray, but we caught 50 shades of red where they whip us and snap us into shape and they suppress us and kind of like, you know, hurt us and dominate us.
And we have to kind of respond back.
Yeah, daddy, I can do better.
And it's a little bit weird.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.
But who cares what you and I think?
It's my bank account that hurts the worst.
We have somewhere between $2,000 to $7,000 on average lost every month just from demonetization, which is absolutely absurd.
Essentially money that we earned, that we deserve, and we follow their guidelines, but because the content that we make isn't what they want, then we can't produce it.
And so we wanted to talk about the shaver company.
But right now, if you mention the name of the shaver company, you can get demonetized or this shaver company will try to steal your money from your episode.
And so I want you to watch.
There's this person, okay, that used to be, that used to be a long-haired individual and then cut the long hair into short hair.
Track with me, because we're not allowed to say the T-word anymore.
Okay, we can't say it.
No, it's not just truth.
We're not allowed to talk about the truth, but we're going to get smart here.
We're going to start sent, I can't even say that word.
We're going to start choosing alternate words by choice so that we avoid getting taken off the air by these great overlords of freedom and expression.
Just watch this and I want you to see that, you know what?
The answer to the woes of society are here and they come in the shape of a blade with a handle.
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Growing up, I was always trying to figure out what kind of man I wanted to become and I'm still trying to figure out what kind of man that I want to become.
I always knew I was different.
I didn't know that there was a term for the type of person that I was.
I went into my transition just wanting to be happy.
I'm glad I am at the point where I'm able to shave.
South, South, North, North, East, West, never in a hurry.
Right.
Now don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
Shaving is about being confident.
Oh, you're doing fine.
You are doing fine.
I'm at the point in my manhood where I'm actually happy.
It's not just myself transitioning, it's everybody around me transitioning.
I haven't been this touched by a razor since when I was depressed and 15 years old.
That wasn't good.
It was a much more bloody incident.
This time, the blood is moving in my heart because the best every man can get is what a woman can get that looks like a man, kind of, but is now artificially growing hair.
Yeah, we have a tea in this video, a tea person, and they are shaving for the first time.
And this is victorious.
Overcoming your complete natural biology, your entire chemical framework.
This is what we're pushing.
We're taking the things that really need fixing, like our potholes, like our bridges, like our families.
And we're saying, no, no, no, senor, no bueno, not in this village.
We won't have any of that kind of good stuff.
We want to give long-haired children that may have lumps in their chest as they develop, to give them chemicals so that they have massive feats like cure cancer, solve world hunger, and grow facial hair unnaturally.
It's weird, okay?
I'm sorry, it's weird.
I'm not turned on by this.
It's just a little bit, I might, I mean, this is something you might see on Red Tube or something like that.
But I mean, come on, man.
You've got to be kidding me.
There's things going on and this is what we care about.
It's being covered in the news.
People are talking about it.
This is not the problem.
And that's why we live in the clown world.
How beautiful of a world we live in where people are so tied up with their own nonsense that they have no time to actually confront the real problem, which is that this state, California, and many like it, are what progressives and liberals are heavily pushing to make the norm in the world.
And believe it or not, if they don't like people like me, like I said, daddy, YouTube doesn't, you've created people like me.
Because if you had put aside your nonsense for about two minutes and just let us exist as people who are free thinkers individually, we wouldn't even have to make shows like this.
But you've overly censored TV, social media, and online communication to such an extent with globalist elitists suppressing the populace and the nationalist vote that you've required alternative outlets like this to become a thing.
And while I'm actually dealing with people with AIDS on the street, fires on homeless encampments, homeless, psychotic people ruining people's commutes, right?
Men setting themselves on fire with no explanation.
Your goal is to get long-haired kids to be short-haired kids.
You are psychotic, you are crazy, and that's why we're winning.
That's why we've taken back the elections in Australia.
We're taking back the elections in France.
We took back the elections in England.
We're taking back the elections in Canada.
It's because the people are tired of your bull.
And we don't want to have any more of it.
And we're here to tell you that the days are numbered.
Sadly also for the guy with AIDS.
I mean, honestly, that sucks.
But I don't know.
And I purport to you live to say that we'll find out in 30 days whether I have AIDS or not.
But all I know is that chicken was so damn good that it was worth it.
My name is Elijah Schaefer with another episode of Slightly Offensive.
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