Blackface shoes, blackface sweaters, politicians in blackface, celebrities that hate Trump in blackface, black people in blackface, Jarjar Binks is blackface, Megan Kelly asks questions about blackface.
This is the new epidemic that is sweeping American culture here on a special episode of Slightly Offensive Blackface Edition.
Now, you might think that blackface isn't really a big issue, but it's really big.
Actually, so big that you might be using blackface and didn't even know it.
No, I'm not talking about actually having a picture in your yearbook.
I mean, I'm talking about face masks.
Yes, face masks are now considered racist.
No, pink face masks are fine.
Even purple face masks.
Maybe even red face masks, though if you ask Elizabeth Warren, her people might be upset about those.
We're talking about the black charcoal ones that teenagers love to use.
And of course, men who are not gay at their barbershop.
Just clarifying that.
When men use face masks, as long as it's from a barber, they're not gay.
Turns out somebody was actually fired from a campaign for wearing a charcoal face mask as being racially insensitive.
One of the campaigners for Democrat J.B. Pritzker's gubernatorial campaign was fired on Friday after the release of an Instagram photo of one of the staffers wearing a charcoal face mask that resembles blackface.
George Cardenas of the 12th district said, what is going on with these idiots?
Where were they educated?
Forget suspension.
Be gone.
Yeah, be gone, thought.
You're not allowed to take care of your face.
Even if you are straight and you just happen to be a guy who wears charcoal face masks, not in my district, especially not running from my campaign.
You know why?
Because we have deemed face masks racist.
But face masks aren't the only thing that are racist because of blackface.
Also, let's talk about the problem with blackface feet or like black feet or black face on your feet.
Yes, I'm talking about shoes.
Katy Perry, okay, who's famous for kissing a girl and liking it, which is fine, made shoes that had eyes and lips on them.
And you know, might be saying, yeah, those look like some nice brown leather shoes.
I would love to pick up some brown leather shoes.
Wrong!
She messed up.
They weren't brown leather, they were black.
And I know you have the alarms going off right now because you're thinking, oh my gosh, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw lips on black leather shoes was how could you appropriate black people into shoes and make them blackface?
Oh, that wasn't your first response.
It was, you were told that this was blackface and it was a manufactured outrage to get people upset at somebody.
Okay, well, maybe that second one is more true.
But the reality is, is that Katy Perry's $129 shoes are being targeted as blackface appropriators because they have lips on them.
It's like, black leather shoes are nice.
What's not nice about this is it's $129.
So now your face is not safe.
Your feet are not safe.
But at least, hey, I just want to keep my lips warm.
I might as well go shopping at Gucci here for a second.
Oh, shoot.
Gucci's racist too.
Who would have known?
Gucci made a sweater with red lips on it that's supposed to cover the mouth for $890.
And you might be thinking with me, you're like, yeah, I want to read the articles about the outrage that somebody's selling a turtleneck for $890.
I want to find out who's trying to resurrect the Steve Jobs fashion line.
When I looked at them, I said, yeah, this is just literally red lips on a black turtleneck.
But of course, someone like Floyd Mayweather, who is famous for being his own person, decided to still shop at the Gucci store.
unidentified
Now, my thing is this.
I like to live life and do what I like to do.
I'm not no follower.
I do what the f ⁇ I want to do.
Because everybody say wear this or don't wear this.
Floyd Mayweather obviously doesn't care that people are calling these turtlenecks racist.
He just wants himself some dang good Gucci.
You know what I'm saying, Playa?
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Throw away your face masks, get rid of those shoes, and let your neck be cold because at least we can sit in the house next to a warm cup of hot chocolate and some fresh beets by Drake in order to get rid and away from this epidemic.
Oh, wait, you're telling me that Drake has a blackface problem as well?
Isn't that kind of racist to say a black person with a blackface is a blackface problem?
It kind of does sound racist, but Pusha T unearthed a picture of Drake painting his face black with red like lipstick.
And the funny thing about this is that Drake took a picture here that we read.
He says, this was not from a clothing brand shoot or my music career.
The rapper writes, this picture is from 2007, a time in my life where I was an actor and I was working on a project that was about young black actors struggling to get roles.
So Drake wears blackface to make a point that black people are stereotyped.
It's like a joke, right?
It's a satire.
But of course, Pusha T, which if you're like with me, you're like, who exactly?
Tells Drake exactly this.
Please stop referring to this as artwork.
I'm not an internet baby.
I don't edit images.
This is real.
So yet, now a black person is painting their face blacker than the blackness it already is, and that's considered blackface?
I don't even know what is blackface anymore, but I'll tell you someone who does, and that's Governor Ralph Northam of Virginia.
See, Governor Ralph Northam, as you might know, is famous for saying that he fights against hatred and bigotry in his state.
There ain't no place for hatred and bigotry in my state of Virginia, except for when, hey, oops, right after I advocated for the death and the murder of babies after they were already born.
I'm pictured in a blackface costume next to someone in Ku Klux Klan attire.
Now, not that it's already sketchy, a Democrat from the South, Democrats from the South kind of invented the Ku Klux Klan.
You're pictured there.
You're saying you're not a white supremacist.
You're in a picture with someone in the Klan outfit.
Sketchy.
I'll say this.
At least he accepted it, apologized, took it on, said, I'm never going to do this again.
This is an issue.
Oh, he didn't say that.
No, he did.
Of course, he did what any Democrat politician does when they're confronted with the hypocrisy of their own lifestyle.
He denied that it was him.
And then he said, well, wait, it can't be me because I was drinking a beer in my right hand and I'm left-handed and everyone knows that if you're left-handed, it's impossible.
Beers just slip out of your right hand.
Until, of course, he was pictured with a beer in his left hand at a brewery.
But what's even funnier, the lieutenant governor of the state came out and said, hey, that's not very good there, Ralph.
You shouldn't be in blackface.
But just to let the whole country know, in case you were wondering, I have erectile dysfunction.
No, he didn't say that, which also would have been weird.
He let us know something even crazier.
Yes, he also has a blackface picture in his past.
Because you know, hey guys, everybody kind of has a little blackface in their past.
Well, someone should have told him that's not really a part of a lot of our past.
And what's up with these southern politicians being obsessed with blackface?
Good news, everybody.
It looks like we've come to the end of our discussion on blackface.
There are no other instant.
Sorry, what was that?
Yes, I'll tell them.
It appears as though I've prematurely spoken and I need to apologize because there are other instances of blackface that are threatening the very framework of our culture and society.
Yes, I'm just learning that Megan Kelly, the previous host of a CNN PAC show, dared to ask the question, what is wrong with blackface?
Are you kidding me?
A news anchor, a journalist whose job it is to ask questions, dared to ask a question about our sacred topic of blackface?
Yeah, she went and did it.
And of course she got fired for it because what better thing to do about a sensitive topic like blackface than to take anybody who talks about it and just fire them and get rid of them under mob rule.
Well, it's a good thing that's what we actually did with her.
But it's not just humans that are doing blackface.
There are also non-humans not doing blackface, which is really technically blackface.
Yes, I'm talking about Jar Jar Binks, who is the incredibly disastrous character from Star Wars episode 1, The Phantom Menace.
Now, if you thought that, hey, we already know about the controversy about Jar Jar Binks, you don't even know the half of it.
Because this pro-Africa website is busy telling us that Jar Jar Binks, though not a human and not blackfaced, is really technically a blackfaced human representation.
And although not really wearing braids and just having long ears, is technically an appropriating cultural alien, or as we might call them, undocumented star-traveling individual who likes to appropriate black people.
So wait, hold up.
You're telling me that now white people doing blackface is wrong?
Okay, fine.
Black people doing blackface is wrong?
I'm confused.
And now aliens who are not in blackface can kind of be thought of as in blackface?
What's wrong with you people?
I hope that you would stop here.
Of course, this comes from Hollywood, who's obsessed with blackface.
We all know that Jimmy Kimmel, who loves throwing shade at Donald Trump, played Carl Malone on The Man Show, and also Chris Rock on SNL.
Sarah Silverman, who loves throwing shade as well at Trump supporters and thinks that we're all stupid, thought it was the best idea to put on black soot makeup and red lipstick and impersonate a black person.
Still no apology.
And Robert Downey Jr., who made this terrible commercial.
unidentified
On Tuesday, November 8th, this country will make one of the most important.
Thought that it would be great to pair up with other celebrities to help us, the American people, realize that we really don't want Donald Trump in office because, hey, a bunch of celebrities told us that we shouldn't vote for him, played a black man in Tropic Thunder.
So guys, listen, if my face masks aren't safe, that's one thing.
And by the way, they're not gay, so if you use them, don't feel threatened about your sexuality because you're not gay either, as long as you do them inside of a barbershop.
But also, you can attack my shoes.
I mean, sure, they were $129.
Or my turtleneck.
What if I want to look like Steve Jobs with lipstick?
That's up to me to spend my $900 on it.
That's fine.
But when you start threatening politicians who are busy trying to look like they're virtue signaling anti-white supremacists but have a racist past, or you start looking into the hypocritical Hollywood who says that blackface and racism is immoral for a country, but they themselves have practiced it, or you even get into our fictional characters like Jar Jar Binks, you've gone too far.
Believe me, it's one thing to say that blackface is wrong, but to get mad at an alien for looking or acting like what you think is stereotypically black, or even to yell at Drake a black person for putting on black makeup, then I think you've completely lost your mind and at the very most, you might be losing America.
Thank you so much for watching another episode of Slightly Offensive Blackface Edition.
Please like, share, subscribe.
Remember that we do not really get monetized in our content and we need you to support through the links below.
Check out our merchandise as well and keep independent media and journalism alive.
