Christmas is just around the corner and you know what that means holiday cheer eggnog spiced wine and of course your favorite part of the holiday season which is people who are angry and finding reasons to make this holiday suck Welcome back to Slightly Offensive.
I'm your host Elijah Schaefer, your blackest, gayest woman diva and I'm here to bring you the truth about what's going on in our culture today.
Sure, I understand people get upset about things like saying happy holidays versus Merry Christmas because they hate their lives and have nothing else to worry about except ruining other people's simple joys.
However, there are some things that I really thought people couldn't find a problem with and they have.
There's an article from Unilad which already sounds sexist.
Lad, why are we putting lad?
That's a male name.
You should check your privilege Unilad.co.uk.
But the fact that this article is from the UK already means it's probably going to be garbage because the only thing that came out of the UK that I think is good was the United States and even that was our own creation.
Well right here this article is titled People Are Demanding Snowmen to be renamed Snow People.
It says snowmen for a lot of us are synonymous with days off of school and spending weekends at the park wrapping up and making human-like figures.
And you know what?
You would think, yeah, you're right.
No one's gonna ruin snowmen.
It's just a simple joy that children love.
But you know what?
Of course, there's a portion of this country and other Western countries that just love to sickly ruin all the great things that we enjoy.
And so let's take a look at this.
Over the last couple years, we've seen the rise of the term gender fluid.
Okay, so anytime there's an argument and it's like, well, but over the years, we've seen a rise in the term gender fluid.
Okay, over the years, we've seen a rise in herpes and chlamydia.
But you think that this is truthful?
That like, are people really upset about this?
I don't know if deep down inside they care, but I can tell you that they're tweeting about it.
And everyone knows that if something's on Twitter, then it's probably for sure true.
I'd like to see a few more snow women, please.
Although no doubt they'd be giving their scarves and hats away to the smaller snow children and turning the snow into ice pops and helping to rebuild less successful snow people.
This is why snowmen are snowmen because it's cold outside and you put the scarf on and then the woman would have been too compassionate and she would have been giving up her snow scarf.
Yeah, she would have died from hypothermia.
And I know you might be thinking, why are you giving life to the snowmen?
I can do whatever I want.
This is my show.
Don't judge me for what I do.
Way to bring a social justice into freaking snow.
What are you going to say next?
Oh, you know, if trees were women, they would let nests for small, unsuccessful and unfortunate birds.
No, a tree is a freaking tree.
It doesn't, it's not, it's not like, it doesn't matter.
I mean, yes, there are male and female trees, but like, it's not like they're humans.
Like, stop.
Why would snow women be feeding snow to snow children?
That is actual snow cannibalism.
It's disgusting.
Okay, that's like saying like, oh, women, yeah, women don't even feed human flesh to children.
Okay, we don't do that even as people.
So why would the snow people start doing that?
That's freaking weird.
Someone else said something.
Let's look at Winston.
Winston, the wise.
Do I want to build a snowman?
No.
But I'm down for building a genderless snow figure.
Yo, Winston, no one's stopping you from your sad, miserable life of confusion.
Do whatever you want.
It's like, I don't care if you're a loser.
I don't care if you're sitting back trying to do something that doesn't matter and doesn't help society.
People do it all the time.
But I mean, why try to put it out there like you're somehow brilliant for being an idiot?
I mean, it's not like we give wieners or something to the snowmen.
Like, they don't have like balls hanging off them or something.
They're like, they are balls, actually.
But, you know, so are breasts.
And we just, it doesn't really matter, you know?
Snowmen, if you really took one of the balls off the top, it just looks like a pair of breasts anyways, sideways.
Then there's this great woman named Fiannuala Black.
I have no idea how to say her name.
Care either because her name's probably just as strange as her ideas.
You're letting your kids put bras on a snow person.
That's sick, okay?
That's disgusting.
I don't want to see that kind of stuff.
Get that off my streets of my country.
I don't want to see that kind of stuff, all right?
It's disgusting.
You put bananas as mouths.
Oh, those could have gone, those could have gone to homeless people.
You know, it's like you sit here and you're like, oh, hey, you know, we're trying to be good people.
Well, stop wasting food.
That's a good place to start.
You're ruining snowmen.
You're literally ruining snowmen.
You're ruining it.
Like, how do you ruin ice?
The only thing that I know that ruined ice before this was heat.
Someone said, we actually prefer to say snow people.
Steven, who's we?
I wouldn't want to live with you.
I wouldn't be happy with someone that cares enough about the gender of snowmen.
There are 55,000 homeless people in Los Angeles, and your concern is about the gender of ice.
Next thing you're going to say is being mean to the snow person's feelings by calling them cold.
Piers Morgan, oh, Piers Morgan, you've never lost an argument to pretty much everybody.
Comes out with more logic saying, right, I'm off to build a non-binary gender-fluid snow person.
He might even be trolling at this point.
I don't even know if Piers Morgan's serious in this post.
And to be quite frank, even with his entire show, I don't know if he's serious.
The article ends and it says, you know, while many adults would sit and argue ferociously about having a gender fluid figure take place within their local parks or gardens, the more important question to be asking is why we're using children, in particular, the building of snowmen as a battleground for concepts adults are still debating.
