Tim talks about Putin, being 17 your whole life, fat cowards, the Pope’s comments on Ukraine, Kate Middleton’s whereabouts and the longest running reality show in the world.American Royalty Tour🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/SPONSORS:Helix SleepGo to HelixSleep.com/TimD for 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows with code: HELIXPARTNER20.PrizePicks: Download The App & Use Code ‘TIM’ For A First Deposit Match Up To $100!”Blue ChewBlueChew.com & Use Code: ‘TIM’Gametime:Get The Gametime App & Use Code: 'TIM'▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Unexpected Russian Election Tactics00:14:58
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
Vladimir Putin in a nail biter is going to win the election in Russia.
And we do have to extend our congratulations to him.
This is kind of somewhat unexpected.
This was a very close race.
Many of the other people that were running against Vladimir fell ill at the last minute, were unable to perform their duties.
You know, it was shocking to him as well, I'm sure.
So, you know, he, I believe, will win.
You know, I mean, he's definitely, you know, he really is the beneficiary of some good luck with a lot of these challengers that just, you know, seem to have medical issues.
They seem to have medical, unexplained medical problems that happen.
And they do happen.
That's the thing.
They do happen.
So everybody that's, you know, conspiracy-minded or, you know, they do have people fall.
People fall all the time.
Now, most people don't live in buildings that are high enough where they, when they fall out of a window, it's a real problem.
Most people fall on their steps or they fall because the floor is wet at a Wendy's.
But some of these guys, they fall out of, you know, these are beautiful homes.
These are, these are, you know, penthouses, perhaps.
And when they fall, some of them get impaled on a gate or a fence outside.
It is difficult.
You know, it depends where you're falling from, really.
So we do wish Vladimir Putin well, as always.
And, you know, we hope that he's happy.
We hope he's happy.
No one talks about that.
He's had, there's a lot of pressure.
Think of everything you do every day and how much pressure there is on you to make the lunch for the kids to get to work, right?
And dawn's in.
Oh, you got to see Dawn.
Now imagine if you had the thousand-year history of Russia on your back.
Is that easy?
You're dreading walking into work because Dawn's back.
Imagine if the entire history and the physical security and the spiritual life of the Russian people was on your back.
That can't be easy.
I don't love all of the tactics of Vladimir Putin or Barbecue in Haiti, who we discuss on the Patreon.
I don't love all of the tactics.
We can debate tactics.
But I don't envy these men.
I don't envy barbecue.
I don't envy that.
The pressure, okay, of having to depose a government and erect a new one.
The pressure.
And I just, I hope that everyone is mentally well because there's so much.
We talk a lot about mental health.
We talk not, we never speak about it.
Has anyone ever asked?
No, genuinely, has anyone ever asked how Vladimir Putin was doing mentally?
Like, how does he feel?
Does he feel isolated?
He sits at that long table because he doesn't want to be poisoned.
Because people are always trying, when you're at the top, people are always trying to take you down.
Mentally, where is he?
How is he feeling?
Is he taking time?
We never ask this.
And it's important because these people make decisions that affect people's lives.
How is barbecue feeling mentally?
Where is he at?
Does it upset him when he has to set people on fire and eat them?
Does it bother him?
Or is he able to compartmentalize?
Is barbecue able to compartmentalize?
It's a real question that no one asks of these people.
We just talk about them.
We put them on the covers of newspapers, but nobody does a deep dive into the psyche because it can't, it's not easy.
It's not easy.
I don't agree with things that are happening.
But as you get older, by the way, you don't use that word as much.
And I think it's because you actually have attained some level of wisdom.
When you're young, you tend to believe the world is only a battleground of ideas.
Some are good, some are bad.
As you get older, you realize that good ideas and bad ideas go through the same process.
And most of the ideas that you believe are good benefit you.
Very rarely do you believe an idea is good if it does not serve you in some way.
As you get older, you realize this.
When you're younger, the ultimate good, let's use an example.
You want to later curfew and you'll justify that in any way that you can because it serves you.
You're a teenager.
You want to go out because the good stuff at the party happens late at night and you don't want to be the loser that leaves early.
So the idea of your parents preventing you from experiencing the party, they are fascists and they are ruining your life.
And you because that's my, you're ruining.
And it's emotional and it's driven by your need, your desire, that idea that you have that you must be at the party and that people are stopping you is an idea that serves you.
It serves your insecurities, your fear of missing out, whatever.
Okay?
So when you are younger, most people in our media landscape remain 17 for their entire life.
This is the big problem.
This is actually my diagnosis.
Every now and then I diagnose people and I'm rarely wrong.
I am not a doctor by trade.
Most people in our media landscape continue to be 17 years old for their entire lives, meaning they run primarily on raw emotion, not a ton of thought.
Good and evil are very clear in their heads.
What is an absolute good?
and what is absolute evil.
You're letting me go to the party or you are ruining my life.
What is it?
Are you ruining my life or are you letting me go to a party I'll forget two days later?
And this is the media landscape.
So when we deal with the Russia situation, we deal with people like Vladimir Putin.
The media is a 17-year-old who is very upset and incapable of understanding anything outside of their concept of the world.
And their concept of the world is that Vladimir Putin is a psychotic dictator looking to reconstitute the Soviet Union by marching through Europe.
That is what they have decided.
That is the party they want to attend.
They have to go.
They got to be seen there.
Everybody is there.
The Atlantic is there in the New York Times and the Washington Post.
Everybody on Twitter is there.
Amy Schumer's there.
Big celebrities are there.
No hate to Schumer.
We're having a good period now.
But celebrities are there.
Everybody's there.
People are singing at the party.
That's the party you want to be invited to.
The party where you are stopping a psychotic dictator from marching through Europe.
Well, who wouldn't want to go to that party?
I have to stay late.
Jessica's parents are late.
Her go.
All of Harvard and Yale are at the party.
The Council on Foreign Relations is at the party.
The Trilateral Commission.
You could Google these things.
I'm not going to explain them to you.
I don't care.
I don't care if I sell tickets to the Mall of America.
Google that.
I don't care.
They're all at the party.
It's the party that everybody's having.
And then there's going to be a few people that go, well, I don't know.
Is it really that fun?
Is a party really that fun?
Maybe there's another way to look at it.
It's pretty simple.
If you understand the way that opinions in our country and the way they are formed and the way that a consensus is built, it is built not by one person.
It is built by Hollywood, by the media, and it is built by many different actors, institutions, politicians, and they build a consensus.
And the consensus is in our country that Vladimir Putin is this psychotic dictator who wants to march through Europe like a feudal lord, burning down everyone's house, taking their livestock, raping their daughter.
That's the consensus.
There isn't evidence for that over a 20-year period since 9-11, really, of dealing with Vladimir Putin.
We can't really point to too many examples of we have Georgia, we have Crimea, but we don't see a ton of wars of aggression where Putin's going out.
It's hard to take over a country.
It's not easy.
I mean, we fail at it.
Us!
We tried in Afghanistan.
20 years later, we got kicked out.
We tried in Iraq.
How's that going?
It ain't easy to take over a country, install a puppet government, and then just have everything work out.
That's not that easy.
But apparently, at the party everyone's at, the belief is that this is all Russia wants to do is take over countries like Poland, go to war with everybody.
That's why France, France now, France, the pussies have decided that they are going to get tough.
And they are now telling the Ukraine that the only way we can end this war is to take back Crimea, which was taken in 2014.
They need that back, okay?
France is now, Macron said, I can't guarantee that there, that, hey, he's like, there are no French troops, NATO troops on the ground now.
But he goes, who knows?
I can't guarantee that.
I can't guarantee that.
And then he marched those comments back.
But he goes, this is France, by the way, the pussies.
They're now going.
Someone has pictures of Macron doing something.
This is the way it works.
No, I'm telling you the way it works.
You don't have to believe me.
I don't care.
I don't care anymore who believes.
Look at his face.
Get Macron's face.
Get his face up now.
Someone said something.
There is, he's being, no way, France, they're pussies.
They're great.
They love food and culture and sex.
They're not driven to be heroes.
It's not part of the French thing, which, by the way, is nice.
Everyone in this country is always pretending to be a hero.
It's fucking exhausting.
The amount of people in America that pretend to be heroes all the time.
Well, if they had shot up my kids' school, I would have ran in there.
Everyone is pretending to be a hero all the time.
But large swaths of this country, and this is why we cannot have a draft, are fat cowards.
And I've talked about this many times.
It's why we can't have a draft.
Fat people serving in the military is one thing.
Cowards serving in the military is another thing.
But there would be nothing more demoralizing than seeing fat people run away from a fight, which is what you would have if you drafted people in America.
Fat people would be heading for the hills.
They'd be running the other way.
It would be so dispiriting and demoralizing for the country to see.
Someone got to Macron and said, we got to turn it up.
Revolution of Dignity and Peace00:15:57
And if not, whatever is they're holding over his head, I don't know.
But he made a real about face here that French people don't usually do.
So this, this whole, now the Pope came out and goes, maybe we can, Maybe we can like have this pope, by the way, I think's on his way out because the pope just came out and he did the cardinal sin.
The pope has been angering like conservative Catholics because I think he owns a few gay bars in the Vatican.
A lot of these, but by the way, they do own, you know, a lot of the gay bars in the Vatican are owned by cardinals and stuff.
And the Pope is hip to the trannies.
He's big on that.
The Pope's really into the trancing right now, which I understand because if you look at like the Swiss Guard and a lot of, it just leads itself to kind of that direction.
All the non-binary people are doing is kind of becoming medieval, right?
But in like a weird fun way.
Like if you look at like the medieval outfits and sort of the haircuts, isn't it?
We're kind of there.
Like, you know, there's, look at the Swiss guard.
Yeah, bring that up.
Bring up the Swiss Guard.
That's, that's what, that's the highest level of non-binary is right there.
Everybody that's a non-binary person at like Wesleyan College just wants to look like that.
And if that's what non-binary people look like, we'd all be fucking be awesome.
If they spent less time on verbiage and what you can say and not say and more time on like fun outfits, color, hats, get that one up to the left too.
Cause I want to get a real close up on that hat with that.
Yeah, this, I mean, what are we doing here?
Like, so the Pope owns gay bars in the Vatican with the Cardinals.
They own gay bars and they're getting into the, I think the Swiss Guard is kind of getting more into the trans world.
And that's fine with me.
I don't care.
But a lot of conservative Catholics, I have friends that are, you know, psychotic and believe God speaks to them at night and God flies to Florida to talk to them and tell them what he thinks should and shouldn't happen.
And that's fine.
There's nothing wrong with that.
They're allowed to live with their psychosis.
That's all.
There's nothing wrong with it.
So, but I've never thought like the Catholic Church was, I'm religious, by the way, to the degree that I believe in God.
And I believe that there is another realm to life.
I don't know what it is, how it looks.
I can't answer any of those questions, but I do have those thoughts.
But I believe the Catholic Church, if we look at the evidence, not great.
Can we say that?
Doesn't mean that it wasn't intended to be good.
It means that in practice, a lot of religion goes left, shall we say?
It goes the wrong way.
But not the outfits of the Swiss Guard.
I like this.
This is what, this is what, because the whole non-binary thing really just comes down to like, hey, I don't identify as a dude.
I don't identify as a chick.
I just want to be something.
Fine.
Wear that, though.
You know what I mean?
Wear that.
I'm with you if you wear that.
If you come in in like a medieval garb, I'm with it.
I just want effort from everyone across the board in life.
From trans people, I want effort.
If you're a swimmer, don't have your balls out of the thing.
Get your balls in.
Don't have your balls hanging out of the fucking suit.
Effort in life is what I want.
So if you're non-binary and you're not even doing a surgery, you're not even changing your physical appearance, you're going to still date a member of the opposite sex or in a heterosexual relationship.
And you're not even going to get a fun tattoo like that movie, the girl with the dragon tattoo.
If you're not going to ride a motorcycle and try to solve murders in Sweden, I need you to dress like the Swiss Guard.
Truly.
I need you, if you're non-binary, to kick it up and not dress like the Swiss Guard.
So the Pope and the Cardinals run a gay circuit in Rome, which maybe Macron's gone.
I don't know.
I'm speaking extemporaneously.
Now, this Pope, people are getting mad at him, right?
Because he's doing drag race, RuPaul's drag race.
They're going to do a season from the Vatican, I've heard.
I don't know if this is true or not.
But the Pope knows that he's got to keep the scam going.
People are like, why is he reaching out to gays, lesbians, and trans people?
Because it's a scam.
They just want money.
It's a scam.
They need money and power.
So eventually they're going to have to go out to everybody and they're going to go, hey, we love you now.
Give us some money.
Okay.
Now, there are people that are now upset with the Pope because the Pope said, Pope Francis said that Ukraine should have the courage to raise the white flag and negotiate a settlement with Russia.
You're going to see the Pope, they're going to get rid of the Pope now.
This is what happens.
The Pope crossed a red line.
They don't care about the drag race at the church.
It doesn't matter.
No one really, because people understand at the end of the day, it's a scam.
They need the money.
So yes, you know, the Pope has crossed a red line by saying we need the peace.
That's the one thing the Pope can't say.
The Pope got to say anything else that he wants, right?
It'll make people mad, but it doesn't matter.
Like the Pope can go on the view and say, I'm pro-choice.
Literally, like the Pope.
The Pope could go on the view and go, I'm pro-choice.
And again, conservative Catholics will scream and yell and holler and they'll be mad.
But the intelligentsia, the people, the people that like use the church as a tool of control don't care.
They don't care.
It doesn't matter to them.
But when the Pope goes, I would like peace, that's a problem.
They don't like that.
They go, now he's a problem.
Now we have to rein him in.
We don't like that.
So I'm predicting, and I could be wrong, I'll make a prediction and I make them and I'm often correct that the Pope's on his way out because he came out and said, I want peace in the Ukraine.
It's not going to work here.
You can run a couple of gay bars in the Vatican.
All the Cardinals can make their money.
It's fine.
You can have go-go boys.
That's all.
I mean, like, the intelligence.
And by the way, they shouldn't care.
I don't care.
I don't care what they do.
My only, my only, you know, where me and the Pope really agree is that I would like peace in the Ukraine.
And if gay people want to get married in the Catholic Church or whatever the case may be, God bless, whatever you are.
Hey, Whatever makes you feel good, whatever makes you feel good.
Most people we know that are outwardly religious are monsters.
We know that.
Most people that are really religious, that doesn't mean everybody.
People that are quietly religious, by the way, are lovely.
They're lovely, great people.
People that are like quietly religious are lovely.
People that are very vocally religious often are murdering people in a shed, a couple of acres off their property.
They have people screaming in a shed that are tied to a shed.
But now that the Pope has come out and said we should end this war, because that's not, you remember Afghanistan's 20 years.
Did we need 20 years, by the way, to know that that wasn't going to work?
Do you think we needed 20 years to know that Afghanistan wasn't ever going to be what we thought it was going to be?
Do you think we needed 20 years?
We forgot it was even happening.
We didn't even know it was happening.
We went to Afghanistan.
We stole a bunch of minerals and lithium-ion.
We went to try to negotiate some weird government there.
We just set up some government.
There's all these tribal warlords.
They're like fucking 14-year-old boys.
They dress up as girls.
It's some custom they have.
They have child marriage.
And we're like, wait, what?
And everybody was like, it's going to be an example of democracy.
It's a tribal culture of war.
It's rocks.
The whole country is rocks and pedophilia.
Okay?
So there's a reason Epstein didn't own there.
The landscape is punishing.
Now, we, 20 years, because eventually after 20 years, we're like, okay, how many, we got what we wanted to do.
The Ukraine, they, nobody want, no one wants this thing to end.
Nobody wants this to end.
So when the Pope comes out and goes, maybe we should end this, people go, whoa, get back to the game bar, daddy.
Keep your mouth shut about the Ukraine.
And now France is getting tough.
France is talking tough.
They're like, maybe we're going to.
So what they're now doing is the red line, which was if Vladimir Putin goes, we don't want Ukraine and NATO.
We want a government in the Ukraine that is not joining NATO.
We do not want NATO weapons systems in the Ukraine.
We don't want this.
Right or wrong, you could agree with him, disagree with him.
This is what he has said.
This is what he's on the record saying.
This is the reason that he invaded.
He believes, right or wrong, again, it doesn't matter.
He believes, and I'll agree with him here, that the coup, this revolution of, what do they call it that the Ukraine had?
The revolution of spirit, the revolution of song, what did they have when they installed Zelensky?
It was a name for it.
The revolution of something.
It was a fun name.
It was Frozen 3.
What did they call it over there?
The song of ice and fire?
The revolution of dignity.
Now, if that wasn't hatched in Virginia, you're nuts.
If you think there wasn't a whiteboard in Langley, Virginia with the words revolution of dignity.
Now, listen, I'm not trying to hate on the CIA's hustle.
Everybody makes their bread how they make their bread.
Everyone's got a job.
So after this revolution of dignity, where they elected a comedian to be the president for dignity, because they wanted more dignity, they elected a comedian to be the president for dignified purposes.
Dignity.
It's the revolution of dignity.
Here's Carrot Top.
Now, after the revolution of dignity, which Putin thinks was a, and there was the Maiden Revolution too, it was another name.
Putin believes that was funded by the CIA.
Robert Kennedy believes that.
Vladimir Putin believes that.
Tim Dylan believes that.
And what a blunt rotation.
Now, that doesn't mean that, you know, listen, this is just what it is.
So we have the revolution of dignity because the one thing that America cares about, by the way, this is our prime goal, is the dignity of everyone around the world.
This is what we, no, no, no.
Stop it.
Are you laughing out there?
Stop laughing.
The one thing that the American government, first and foremost, our main concern is the dignity of people.
That's why when we went into Iraq, we set up underground torture prisons and took Muslims and disgraced them and found ways to use sexual taboos and things that went against their religion and tied them to walls and put them in stress positions and had dogs.
And we did all of that stuff all over the world and violated our own, the Geneva Conventions.
You know, we did that because we care about dignity.
This is what we, you know, this is our main thing is dignity, you know, that Palestinians, we now have, I believe, 30,000 Palestinians dying, starving in the street.
In ways, the visuals of that are far beyond anything that anyone has ever seen.
Of course, we didn't have TikTok during the Iraq war.
We didn't have it during Fallujah, and we probably won't have it soon.
But I mean, this is our concern mainly is dignity.
This is, again, this is from what I understand it to be, is the dignity of people around the world, especially the Ukraine, who we were making vice documentaries about that they're all white supremacist neo-Nazis.
And, you know, the one thing we love is the dignity of a white supremacist.
So the revolution of dignity happens because in Washington somewhere, someone goes, I want someone sitting around.
You know, maybe they're having steak.
I don't know.
Maybe they're eating a fish.
Maybe they're having a crab cake.
That area is known for a crab cake.
And they're having, maybe they're drinking scotch.
Perhaps there's a cigar.
They're in a townhouse in Georgetown.
And they're going, you know, I've been thinking about the dignity of the Ukraine.
And I don't think they have enough dignity.
It's been bothering me.
It's been keeping me up at night.
So we fund a bunch of stuff over there and get the dignity revolution happening.
And then we install a comedian because that's the only way to have a dignified revolution.
And after this, we start talking about, let's get him in NATO.
And then the CIA and the New York Times has admitted this, right?
The New York Times admits the CIA is going over there training Ukrainian special forces, paramilitary troops.
The CIA, they've literally, this is in the New York Times.
It's not a conspiracy theory, right?
They're going, we're training these people.
We go in there, we put the comedian in who's leading the country, okay?
And Joe Biden's son is, you know, in addition to being a fun guy, is working over at Burisma, the energy company there.
And, you know, he's over there, you know, having fun and, you know, enjoying the culture.
And then we have the CIA who's also over there training the paramilitary.
And then Russia's also, Russia's going like, hey, you know, they're not happy about all this.
Again, this is from, this is not me.
This is from them.
This is them.
They're saying it.
And Russia goes, we're not going to tolerate this.
It's not going to happen.
We're not going to allow this to happen.
We're going to, we're going to invade.
If we cannot come up with some type of agreement, we cannot hammer this out.
We're going to do this.
This is not a conspiracy theory.
This is not a, I've invented no facts.
This is not.
This is just what it is.
But now France is piping up.
France is going, let's get this.
This war should get hot, hot.
So God only knows what they've threatened France with, by the way, the people at the table.
Like they're like, it's got to be France.
You can tell like there's a bunch of people sitting around and they're like, the French are gay.
They have to come out and go, we have to kill Putin because it's like, yeah.
Helix Mattresses and Prize Picks00:03:43
So Macron goes, we're doing everything we can to help Ukraine defeat Russia, but I'll say it very simply.
There could be no lasting peace if there's no sovereignty, if there's no return to Ukraine's internationally recognized borders, including Crimea.
So Macron is basically saying, you got to get all your land back and Crimea.
There will be no negotiation.
There will be no peace.
It will be an all-out war.
It must happen.
Macron said that if Russia wins the war, Europe's credibility will be reduced to zero.
It's now a war between Europe and Russia.
The Ukraine people that are dying are very, they're a very small part of this, by the way.
And the Ukraine understands that they know what happened in Afghanistan.
They see world history.
They know what eventually will happen.
We will tire of them.
This will get tiring.
We will have sold enough things.
I mean, maybe, I mean, are the Boeing planes we're selling them crashing in the middle of?
Can Boeing do that, right?
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Britain's Rose Hanbury Secrets00:14:38
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Kate Middleton is disappeared from the royal family.
She's disappeared.
And I know why.
And I know why.
And a lot of people don't know why.
But I know why, because I talk to a lot of people with a lot of power.
Kate Middleton.
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I want everyone to listen to me because I'm not fucking around now.
And I want you to trust me and finally fucking listen.
There was a bit, and it's an old tradition in the British monarchy, where it's called, listen to me.
I'm telling you, it's called African Song Night.
Kate Middleton puts on blackface for African Song Night, okay?
And this is an antiquated old tradition that no one does anymore, but the royal family still does it.
And they go up there and she is in full blackface and she's dressed like an African and it's in very poor taste.
She cannot get this off her face.
This blackface.
She has been in full blackface for two weeks since African Song Night.
And they don't know what to do.
They don't know what to do.
It's a tragedy and it's incredibly stressful for the royal family.
Her children can't even recognize her anymore because she cannot get this black off her face that she did.
I don't know what they used.
It was a bad move.
It was not a good itch.
It's not okay.
That's what it is.
So, no, what it really is, is that she has an eating disorder.
This is what people are saying.
When she eats, she throws up.
It's not nice, but this happens.
She has a crumpet.
She drinks some tea.
She has a nice little garden salad and some Chardonnay.
She has an eating disorder.
She wants to be very thin.
As women age, they put on weight.
So she sticks fingers, I think, down her throat and has bulimia, perhaps.
I don't know.
I'm unaware.
My heart goes out to her.
I get it.
She had a bowel issue with this.
She now has a colostomy bag.
They don't want her seen in public with the colostomy bag because something happened with her bowel.
Maybe she's on the Ozempic train.
Maybe she's on the train.
I don't know.
Also, there are reports that she, this is one that is possible too.
She was stabbed after being caught with her former lover, Thomas Kingston.
So the Kate was potentially stabbed by William.
He caught her.
It was a crime of passion.
He stabbed her.
And they have made her into a pie like Sweeney Todd.
And they're trying to figure out how to do it.
Let's play this TikTok, please.
Kate Middleton was recently stabbed.
And that's why she was actually in the hospital.
And we've got proof.
Guys, make sure to click the plus sign.
I'm going to have more in this you don't want to miss.
Sound up in the comments and tell me what you think.
But rumors and theories are swirling.
And I want to give you guys updates on what people are saying and what we're finding.
So if you go watch the last couple videos I've had, I have showcased that people are saying there are possible DV issues when it comes to Kate and William because of the injuries she had later this year.
And then suddenly she's in the hospital and William showing up having bruises on him.
Now people are saying that they think other things happened with this abdominal issue that she's apparently having.
With Thomas Kingston, all of a sudden being unalived or he unalive himself, people are thinking because it looks like there are issues with DV with these two, is it a situation where William or others actually found Kate and they found Thomas Kingston?
And in that, Thomas Kingston was unalive and she was actually stabbed in the gut.
Love it.
I love it.
It's the royal family.
It's a palace.
It's a stabbing.
How hot that is.
How sexy it is.
To kill your wife's lover, Thomas Kingston.
But then to look at your wife and just stab her in the gut.
To stab her in the gut.
How amazing is that?
He's cheating on her as well with the, have you heard of that?
He's cheating with this woman who's like the March March Lioness of Lansbury or something.
No, I'm telling you, get Will's affair.
He's cheating with this woman who's like, I'm telling you, she's a...
There she is.
That woman right there.
Rose Hanbury.
That's this bitch.
William is cheating with this bitch.
Now get her full name up, Lady Rose Hanbury.
She's everybody's inbred and they're fucking in the palace as it should be.
This is the way people should live.
This is the way royals should live.
She is the Marchioness of Shalmandele.
Sarah Rose Sholmandele, the Marchioness of Shalmandele, is a British peerress, former model and former political.
I mean, by the way, let's be honest, to be a model in Britain, what the hell's going on?
Can you show her?
Former model.
Former model.
I mean, this woman is a five.
This woman is like a four and a half five.
This is like, what do we talk?
Former model.
I mean, she looks like a receptionist.
This is a woman who like tells you to wait five minutes for the doctor.
Model, Christ.
But see, here's the way Britain works.
This is the way Britain works.
I love London over there because I like silly things.
And the royal family is silly.
They're inbred reptilians.
And everybody watches them and kind of envies them, wants to live that life, wonders what it would be like to be them.
What would it be like to get a handy from Lady Rose Hanbury while my wife was posing with a African toddler?
What would that be like to have the power, the prestige, the grounds, the castle to live this enchanted Disney-esque lifestyle?
It's a little over the top.
It's a bit ridiculous.
But it enthralls the British public.
They love it.
They absolutely adore it.
They love tabloids because many of the, they live in like little row houses and they eat these little Bayes English muffins that are excellent, but they eat these little muffins and they just drink.
They go to pubs.
They just drink and they watch soccer.
They used to run the world, but they don't really do that anymore.
All their cities are very cosmopolitan.
So if you're a, you don't really know what's going on in Britain.
You can't afford anything in London.
You know, everything's finance over there.
It's high-flying Russian mobsters and oligarchs and, you know, people from the Emirates and Sheiks, people coming in from Dubai and Saudis.
It's a very cosmopolitan city.
All you can do in Britain, if you're like any type of, you know, you just pick a soccer team, a football team, and your wife or woman or, you know, she reads the tablets and you get into it a little bit too, because this is the reality show that they've given you.
You pay for all this.
This is why Megan Markle, you know, she like acted like, bitch, no, This is a reality show that you're in.
And you know that, dum-dum, because you were an actress here in America, okay?
You weren't a provost to Stanford.
You were an actress on suits where you walked around in short skirts.
So you knew full and well that the British royal family is the longest running reality show in the world.
It is the longest running, arguably most famous reality show.
The people of Britain pay for the entertainment.
They love it.
They're sitting on a couch.
They're eating a Bayes English muffin.
And they are, where is this bitch?
Where is she?
Was she stabbed?
Does she have a colostomy bag because she keeps throwing up her dinner?
Where is she?
What's going on?
They love this.
They want this.
They need this.
That's what they want.
It's a freak show, but it has its value and it serves its purpose.
When Markle came in and acted like she didn't know what this thing was, we've all observed it for years.
She's not a dummy.
Megan Markle's not an unsophisticated person.
She's well aware of what these people do.
It's a freak show.
And it's for people.
People love it.
People all over the world love it.
People in America, they like it.
They like it.
And the citizens of the UK foot the bill.
So now because they foot the bill, they're allowed this vicious press that they have in the UK, which is vicious, but understandable because they let these people live these wild lives.
They don't do anything, by the way.
The royal family doesn't do anything.
Every now and then, they go to like Africa and hand some kid with a distended stomach a jug of water.
That's all they do.
They don't, and say sorry because they're the reason the stomach's distended.
They don't do anything.
They don't have a function politically or any other way.
Their lives are to be picked apart by the vultures in the press.
That's what you're signing up for.
That's what you're signing up for because you don't have a job.
When they talk about public duties, like the royals having public duty, it's so fake.
They just should, they have a calendar.
They fill the calendar.
Oh, you're going to the women's hospital today.
You're taking a picture with Lady Rose Hanbury, the women's hospital.
And tomorrow you're having polo.
It's nothing.
They don't do, at least if you're a politician in America, you're getting blackmailed or you're blackmailing people.
You know, you're putting on a show.
you're constantly out having to deal with the people and lie to them or whatever.
I'm not saying that our people are somehow beyond reproach or whatever.
I'm just saying that Marjorie Taylor Greene actually has a job, kind of.
And I mean, it's not a job she should have and it's not a job she's terribly good at, but it is a thing.
Like there are votes to be cast.
She has to show up to this building in Washington, D.C. and like cast a vote and ask someone to explain to her every now and then like what legislation is being proposed and what it means and how it'll affect her.
Like there is at least the appearance of something happening.
Now, but this shit, there's not, there's nothing happen.
There's, they do nothing.
And so it's fun every now and then.
You got to get, it's called palace intrigue.
It's a literal term.
Palace intrigue.
What are they doing in there?
Who's fucking who?
Is someone getting stabbed?
It's important.
When Markle came in and was like, I don't like this.
It's undignified.
It's like, you signed up for it.
You signed up for it.
And the only reason that you're leaving it is because you think there's a way for you to get more famous some other way.
That's the only reason she left.
She didn't care about the privacy of her children.
She doesn't care about the privacy of herself and her husband, who he seems a bit off.
I don't know if he fully knows what's going on.
Now, the South Park did that brilliant worldwide privacy tour.
That was never her concern.
Her concern is like, I can use this as it, which is why I got to give her a little bit of respect there.
She goes, I can use this plat.
Now, of course, I will never dignify this woman in any way or any of her concerns.
They're all hatched and fake.
I'm a sentient person who thinks.
I read.
I understand.
I know she's a fraud.
I know at the San Vicente bungalows.
I know the people that know her.
I see the text.
I know who she wants to hang out with.
I know how sad it is up there in Montecito in that big house plotting her return to public life.
She just went back on Instagram while her sister Kate is laying somewhere in a laying up in a palace pooping.
Now, that being said, Markle was like, I'm going to launch myself by leaving the royal family because she's like, well, no one's done this.
Nobody's done this.
I'm going to launch myself into the ether.
What's her Instagram just came back?
Blue Chew Scandals Exposed00:05:09
What's she doing?
She's like hawking a lifestyle brand now.
No, I'm shocked.
Let's watch her new business launch.
I love, by the way, this, by the way, let's let, can we, let's look at female entrepreneurship for a minute and let's go through the stages of it.
Okay.
Because in the beginning of it, it's support other women, love other women.
Let's talk about women in history.
This is all female.
And by the way, this excludes, of course, the Carly The Arena's, the people that are legit female entrepreneurs.
We know that there are many of them.
We ridicule the male entrepreneur model all the time here.
This isn't a sex thing.
It's a thing about there's a certain type of woman who believes that business is an extension of like their sociopathic personality and that they just they want to be a sociopath with a logo.
This is what Megan Markle wants to do her whole life.
I want to be a sociopath with a logo.
So Megan Markle is now doing what?
She's launching what?
American Riviera Orchard.
This dumb bitch, what the fuck, remember when she was trying to help kids with cleft palettes?
And what happened to that?
What happened to all those Afghani women?
I thought that was her deal.
What the hell is American Riviera Orchard?
That doesn't sound like the women in Afghanistan are going to benefit from that.
It says American Riviera Orchard Montecito.
How do these African girls that Oprah's raping in those schools get to this?
What is this?
Can someone explain this?
Play that YouTube.
Can someone explain to me what this fraud is?
Yeah, she's helping my friends.
I am so close to liking this woman.
I am so she's gone the other way.
They always do with me.
And you've noticed if you've listened to the program, this has gotten so absolutely ridiculous.
It has become so transparent and so grotesque.
I actually have gone the other way now where I am almost liking that.
I almost like her now because she is shameless.
She will not be ashamed by anyone.
I want to see this new business she has.
I'm so excited.
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Targeting Global Lifestyle Brands00:13:31
The Duchess of Sussex has returned to Instagram to unveil her new lifestyle brand, American Riviera Orchard.
In a short but sweet, 16-second long video, Megan Markle can be seen arranging white roses and baking in her kit.
Do you realize how dumb we are as a country?
See, you know, you know who knows it?
Megan Markle.
That's what I kind of like about her.
I might try to have lunch with her.
Megan Markle understands how dumb we are as a country.
And that's what I respect about her.
Because if you understand how stupid we are, just their money's coming.
If that's your first realization, you go, it's like this woman left the royal family because she hated racism and class.
That's what she hated, right?
She hated intrusive paparazzi.
She didn't like racism.
She thought it's unfair.
Decolonize your mott, you know, and all of the woke retards followed Megan Mark and they said, she's our black queen.
She's being fucking fucked with by these pale lizards.
And she became the face of this movement of equality, Megan Markle.
She then tried that fake Netflix podcast.
And then she tried that cartoon where it was like throughout history, they go find women that have existed in history.
I don't know what they do.
They find women that have existed against all odds in history.
And then Megan Markle has arrived at what she's always wanted to do.
She took all of that capital, okay, her crusade against racism to come up with American Riviera Orchard, a fucking lifestyle brand for dumb white cunts who want more shit in their house.
This is what it always comes at.
This is when everyone was like, Chrissy Teigen's accountable.
I'm like, man, I wish he was.
I wish Chrissy, Chrissy fucking Teigen was boiling babies in a pot and eating them because the banal reality of what all these people want is a fucking global lifestyle brand.
They just want to sell shit at Target.
This is all it was for.
This is all Megan Markle ever wanted was to sell shit at Target.
She's like, and I'm telling you right now, I like her because fame's over.
She goes, that's over.
Acting's over.
No one can pay their bills.
The people that have real money in acting, they're slinging gin.
Ryan Reynolds, Clooney, they're slinging baby food.
Jessica Alba, you know, that chick from the Sopranos we saw at Craig's the other night to OnlyFans.
She got a pussy out.
She was on the greatest show in human history.
She's got a puss on the street because she needs money.
Adriana, okay?
Treya DeMateo.
Brilliant, great pussy on the street.
So acting's over.
Hollywood's collapsing.
LA, it's all done.
It's just, this bitch knows what will never be done is women walking into Target and buying a fucking plate from American Riviera Orchard.
Three words that don't even make sense together.
But you know what it is?
Thinking, I am going to Target and getting, I'm getting some American Riviera Orchard from Megan Markle because they were racist to her.
They were so racist to her.
And then she, so this is all this bitch has ever, all she's ever wanted to do is sell plates in Target.
And probably the other bitch tried that.
The other bitch was like, I want to sell plates in Target.
And they stabbed her.
They went old school like they did to mommy.
Remember when mommy?
Mommy said, I'm going to marry this Egyptian?
They went, no, you're not.
You're going into a tunnel and you ain't coming out.
You ain't coming out.
Well, it's actually quite interesting.
It's actually quite interesting because first of all, I love, I loved initially that my son was marrying a black woman, even though it was like, she's not really like sort of black.
You know what I mean?
It's sort of like odd, but it was like, whatever.
I thought, you know, she sort of, well, whatever, but I was really into it.
And then I'm sitting here, I'm here in heaven, and I'm watching this entire thing.
Well, I'm in purgatory, actually.
God does not love mixed race.
I didn't know.
And we're sitting here and I'm watching this lifestyle brand.
And I'm like, what a dumb cunt.
I can't believe it.
That's all she wanted to do, this entire thing.
Fleeing the castle, leaving, saying it was all fair and wrong.
But that's all she wanted to do was sell fucking fucking souffle ramekins and target.
That's all she wants to do.
That's all it is.
The only thing that's left is consumer products.
I'll tell you right now.
I'll tell you right now, the only thing that's left is consumer products.
That's all that is left is consumer products.
Heed my warning.
Heed my warning.
Know it well.
The only thing that is left is consumer products.
There's nowhere else to go.
She doesn't want to be a movie star.
That doesn't exist.
There's seven people that are movie stars left in America.
Okay.
The only thing that's left to make your, to, to get your bag, to get your bag is to get dumb white women with their ribeye size steak feet that they've wedged into Torrey Birch flats.
They have to get out of their financed fucking BMW 3 series they can barely fit in.
And they have to go buy American Riviera.
I mean Christ.
American Riviera Orchard because this is all she wants.
This is all she wants.
She just wants to be a mogul.
She wants to be a girl boss.
She wants to be a girl boss.
She wants to be a mogul.
That's all she wants to do.
I have so much respect for the great women entrepreneurs.
Dolly Lenz is a friend of mine who's the top realtor in New York City.
I like them all, the ones that do it.
You know what I mean?
Carly Fiorina, right?
A bad bitch at Hewitt Packard, right?
Meg Whitman at eBay.
There's tons of them, right?
That are real deal female entrepreneurs.
Even that bitch from Babel, Bumble, Beeple, who's that chick who's like the women shit?
Why Wolfer?
Yeah, Whitney Wolf.
I mean, Indiana.
I mean, me and her are not going to have a great dinner if we see each other napping.
It could happen.
But, you know, I mean, we're not going to really enjoy our time in Santa Barbara if we sit there.
It's going to be a lot of me being like, well, is that really, is that the, is that?
But we chatted on Clubhouse briefly, but here's the point.
The point is that whenever somebody goes on some moralistic crusade, right?
It's just consumer products.
This bitch wants to sell souffle ramekins.
The United States government wants to sell missiles.
It's consumer products.
It's all we got, okay?
So I know Vladimir Putin's a psycho and he wants to march through Europe.
And the only thing that's going to stop him is our lifestyle brand.
Our lifestyle brand happens to be Raytheon Boeing General Dynamics.
That's our lifestyle, brand.
That's all we're doing.
We're just a white bitch trying to get into Target.
That's what NATO is, Target for weapons.
And we're just a white bitch trying to get into Target, trying to get in.
That's what we're trying to do.
We are just trying to launch our global lifestyle brand.
You know, our initial launch was after World War II.
It was big.
People liked it.
You know, our brand awareness was huge.
It was high.
The verticals were growing.
Bitches.
And that's all we're trying to do.
That's all we're trying to do.
It's all the Pope's doing.
He's got his lifestyle brand with the fucking Swiss Guard, you know, having fucking tranny parties in Italy.
Everybody dousing each other with olive oil.
And then the Pope's like, maybe we should stop this war.
And then our American Riviera Orchard missile lifestyle goes, hey, man, shut the fuck up.
Okay.
That's all it is.
Consumer products is the only thing that's left.
It's sort of dispiriting.
It's not nice.
You want something more artistic.
Perhaps.
Perhaps there is more to life than that.
Perhaps there is, there are many other things, right?
We know that there is love, there is belonging, there is goodness, kindness.
There are things you can do for other people.
There is great realizations one can have.
There is literature.
There is art.
There are the great world religions.
There are all these things, but not for you if they have their way.
You're looked at as a consumer and you're only consuming.
And this is all what it all will end with this.
So to the people of the Ukraine, who I feel terribly for, and I hope there is some arrangement there that can work.
Make no mistake.
Do not confuse a global lifestyle brand with a enduring relationship with this country.
It's just not going to happen.
We're just slinging souffle ramekins.
We're just slinging napkin holders over there.
Make no mistake.
We don't really care.
We don't really care.
Okay.
And if we were worried about the dignity of all the human beings, we certainly would worry a little bit about the dignity of the people in Palestine.
We would, but you don't see that.
That's like a line in the news.
They do that very quickly.
And I've always been a guy that says Israel's got a right to exist and defend itself.
But what is happening in Palestine is a bit wild.
And they always do one line.
They go, the Ukraine and the Ukraine is a resident of Gaza.
30,000 babies have been put, you know, not good, not good.
Not good.
It's always a quick aside.
But we're not just, we're not concerned with dignity.
We're not.
We're a global lifestyle brand.
And it's a consumer products division.
And I'm proud of it.
By the way, I'm proud of you, bitch.
I am proud of our, you got there quicker than I thought.
You got there quicker than I thought.
I am proud of you.
I have come.
Here's the circle.
Watch the circle.
Watch the circle.
Ready?
Meeting Harry, challenging stereotypes, acting like the princess, loving it, loving it, changing things.
Revolutionary things are happening.
Ooh, having a baby.
Don't like the paparazzi.
They're getting too mean.
Royal families being racist, too stressful, putting stress on me and my marriage.
An example for young women.
Can't let it happen.
Fleeing, taking my babies and my husband leaving Tyler Perry house, Montecito, Netflix.
We're going to Netflix now.
Spotify, podcast, cartoons about young women.
Fuck it.
Everyone hates me.
Netflix doc didn't work the way I thought it would.
Wait six months.
My sister-in-law maybe gets stabbed or she keeps shitting.
Lifestyle brand, Target, Montecito, Santa Barbara.
We all just want to go to Santa Barbara.
That's all we want to do.
The people selling the weapons in the Ukraine and Megan Markle and the host of this podcast.
All we want to do is to go to Santa Barbara.
That's all we're trying to do.
And when you get up, Santa Barbara, get it up.
Show the people.
You see that?
We just want to live in Spanish-style mission houses, drink wine, and look at the mountains and the oceans.
We don't have that much time on this planet.
Why not spend it in Santa Barbara summer in Santa Barbara on the American Riviera Orchard?
That's all we're looking to do.
So don't get too hot under the collar.
Don't, it doesn't really matter.
It doesn't matter where Kate Middleton is.
It doesn't matter where she is.
She'll come back.
They'll put her out on the press junket, the press tour.
Whatever happens, they'll get the colossal bed, the throat and the thing.
The wounds will heal.
Whatever it is, whatever will be, will be.
She'll be fine.
And don't worry about Megan Markle.
Gonna sell pie tins in Macy's because that's what she's always wanted to do.
That's what she's always wanted to do.
And the United States is going to keep funding the war in the Ukraine until the Ukraine is completely decimated.
And then we're going to go, oh, God, when something else happens, when China gets popping, or when we need to divert our attention and go see barbecue, whatever the case may be, we're going to have to fall back from the Ukraine.
We're going to fall back from the Ukraine.
And somewhere at that point, someone somewhere in Langley, Virginia is going to call somebody in Santa Barbara, and there's going to be another country you've barely heard of.
And they're going to go, I'm worried about their dignity.