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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Mormons Protect Their Own00:14:37
Have a holly jolly Christmas.
It's the best time of the year.
I wish I knew more traditional Christmas songs.
I always know the first line or two, but I don't know enough of it to kind of do it, you know.
And I wish I knew more.
I have the first is the best time of the year.
And then I don't know.
Well, it's the final episode of the year, folks, and we appreciate you being with us.
I don't know if this is a Christmas story, to be honest with you.
Is it ever?
Is it ever on this show?
Is it ever a fun holiday story?
Is it ever a nice story?
We got to do that one day, just nice story.
But it's as I've said before, the nice stories are almost more terrifying because it's like a guy who walked to work every day for 70 years and now has diabetes and one leg and no health insurance.
Everybody at the plant that he works at got together and bought him a car.
That's like the night, that's like the nice version of the story.
Like there is no just really not, you know.
So this is a story about a marauding group of white suburban teenagers in Arizona going around and killing people.
Well, that's not nice.
And apparently they're well connected.
We cannot show any of this, by the way.
So don't, I mean, I don't think we can show any of this.
This is all violent.
Yeah.
You have to be very careful here.
We're under a microscope.
We got an election coming up, and they're going to get real tight on the independent media, of which I am one.
One of the most powerful members of the independent media in the world.
Me.
And because of that, they're going to be very difficult to deal with.
These censors.
So if there's a way to show any of this, we have to do it very blurry or small.
Yep.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm just putting that out there.
Because the kids now are filming their beatings.
Let's start at the beginning.
Let's start at the beginning.
It's a Christmas story.
Let's start at the beginning.
There is a state called Arizona.
Arizona is fine outside of Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, where I have several friends and they maintain beautiful Spanish-style desert residences, some modern.
And many of them have left the high-tax state of California and have escaped to, well, not the greener pastures, but the brown pastures of and I like a desert mansion.
I don't hate it.
I spent quarantine in Palm Springs.
I have no hatred for the desert thing.
It's not for me per se.
But outside of Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, I don't know anyone in Arizona.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know how it works.
I know only Scottsdale.
I know only Paradise Valley.
And that's all I want to know.
Because when you get out of those places, you're in some type of hell.
Really, it's like 115 degrees every day.
They have these fake lakes that they dye this aquamarine color.
And all these people get in these little swan boats.
And it's hellish out there.
And I'm not saying it's the surface of Mars is how they live, these people.
Now, there's a town called Gilbert, Arizona.
I've never been to this place.
I will never be to this place unless something goes horribly wrong in my life.
A lot of Mormons.
This ties in with the LDS church.
The Mormons are involved.
I got very big into this.
I'm not usually into true crime.
I really am not because it's usually some woman who gets kidnapped and you're like, oh, boy.
You know what I mean?
And it's a very woman thing, true crime.
It's because women fantasize about men who love them enough to kidnap them and put them in a trunk.
But I've never, you know, so I don't really, I have not been a connoisseur of the genre of podcasting, which is the biggest in the world, right?
True crime.
And I just basically pay attention to the news and I read news from all over the country and all over the world.
So I bring things to you before they happen.
Who knew Megan Markle was a cunt?
I did years ago.
I knew it was a joke.
When I was saying people were celebrating it, I was going, wait, watch what happens here.
I'm following this news out of Gilbert, Arizona, where this gang of children, this marauding group of white privileged, and I mean, you know, Arizona privileged.
They have these big houses that look like olive gardens or macaroni grills.
You know, I mean, the kid who's accused of doing this, I think his parents own an orange theory gym.
So you call them the Reddits.
What are you?
They're going to sue me for that?
No, they don't know.
You know what kind of lawyers I have?
You know what kind of lawyers I have?
Beverly Hills attorneys.
I have New York City attorneys, buddy.
You nuts.
So I'm not saying anybody's name, by the way, because I'm not doing that.
My point is that on the Reddits, they talk about this family like they're the Kennedys.
They own a gym.
They own a martial arts gym.
But this is Arizona.
Everyone there, a lot of them, they're all so desperate.
They live in litter boxes in hell.
And it's sand traps in hell they live in.
So the family that owns the kickboxing gym is like the Bush family to these people who live in hell.
No offense.
Am I offending anyone?
You live in hell and have nothing.
So to anyone that has anything, these people are impressed.
These houses are all made of the finishes that people that I know, we use in like the outdoor fireplace.
And then these people put it on the whole house.
I'm going to get really distracted here.
And this whole thing is going to be about masonry.
And that's not what I want it to be about.
First of all, none of this is going at anyone who lives in Scottsdale, who I've several friends in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley.
The Great Phoenician, respect a lot of people there.
What am I even saying?
There's a group of kids killing people in the street, I think.
They're called the Gilbert Goons.
They're a small group of people and they run around and they attack, brutally attack kids.
They bash their heads in and their teeth are flying everywhere and they're doing it in and out parking lots and everything.
And a lot of these kids are rich by the standards of Arizona.
By the standards of Arizona.
By the standards of Gilbert, Arizona.
Not Scott, you know.
So they're connected, connected.
But then there's the Mormons who are involved.
Now, I don't know much about the Mormons.
I really don't.
I don't know anything about the Mormons.
Other than, again, please don't be mad at me.
It's a very stupid religion.
As the world religions go, it's very, very dumb.
The premise of Mormonism is that God dictated the real deal to an illiterate guy who is also a drunk named Joseph Smith.
And then that's the whole point here.
Whatever you're, and now, by the way, if it helps you live a good life, hey, if it helps you live a good life, if it helps you not kill and fornicate and whatever, if it is what you need, do it.
That's the way I feel about everything.
Now, as I get older, it's what you need.
As long as what you need doesn't make me like, you know, infringe on my right to be a person that doesn't agree with your thing.
That's why I'm a little skeptical of the hordes of people coming over from the Middle Eastern countries because they seem serious about the religion.
Very serious.
So the Mormon thing, my cousin's husband is excommunicated from Mormonism because he, as any reasonably intelligent 17-year-old, he sat down when they went, this is retarded.
This is not it.
Now, Mormons, I guess, are kind of gangsters.
I didn't know this, but they're kind of gangsters.
The Marriott family, they own all the hotels in all of the world.
They're a big Mormon fan.
I didn't know anything about this Latter-day Saints.
I just knew Mitt Romney was a Mormon.
And again, don't be offended.
If you're a Mormon and you like this show, good for you.
But it just, it seems silly, objectively.
It seems like an objectively silly religion.
A lot of these religions are just created to siphon money from people, control them, whatever.
We all know this, whatever.
Now, now the Mormons don't talk to the cops.
They don't, they protect their own.
It's insular.
This is what I've learned on Reddit threads and reading about the more.
I don't know these things.
People tell me.
My cousin's husband tells me about these things.
So in this town where people are apparently incredibly privileged because they own the Pokeball spot, their kids are like athletes and they're doing very well and they're just going around this valley.
What is it called?
This place?
Gilbert.
No, but the East Valley.
Oh, the East Valley.
What is it?
Who are they?
So they're going around this valley, the East Valley, and they're attacking kids randomly.
And the whole, and everybody in the community is going, stop killing my children in the community now.
And they just ran that article at Gilbert, Arizona, one of the best places to live.
And these kids are going around beating people up and the cops are doing nothing.
The cops are like not arresting these Mormon rich kids.
This also happened in Gilbert, Arizona years ago.
It was a gang called the Devil Dogs, some white supremacist gang supposedly probably was, that maybe worked with Sammy the Bull Gravano selling ecstasy, I think.
Unless I'm mixing that up, but I'm not.
It's the Devil Dogs.
They were a gang in Gilbert, and I think they were working with Gravano because Gravano moved to Arizona.
He was selling ecstasy, whatever.
So there's something weird in the town, and the town has the big temple, the LDS Temple, right?
Very interesting.
So they kind of protect their own.
So these kids are running around attacking people and nothing is happening.
Nobody's getting arrested.
Nobody's, and, you know, they're white and they have money.
What people in Gilbert, Arizona consider money.
No offense.
It's not one Hyde Park.
You don't know what it is.
Google it, piggy.
These kids are running around.
They're all psychotic.
They're sociopaths.
They think they're gangsters are acting out rap songs.
They have a rap song that I heard, which is not good.
They're using drugs.
They got guns in the videos, the brass knuckles.
They have the gun out.
They're in the macaroni grill style mansion in Arizona with the gun out.
I'm a thug.
I'm 17.
I'm a Mormon thug in an Arizona desert macaroni grill house.
It's crazy.
And it's a fascinating story.
You can show that, right?
Yeah, yeah.
The kids with the guns and they're in the house.
So this is interesting to me because the cops are doing nothing.
And I know people there.
I know like people there.
I know everyone thinks it's Carrie Lake.
It's not Carrie Lake.
You know, it's not, I know other people.
But I know people in the state and they're like, they're like, this is super weird that none of these kids have been arrested because here's the deal.
They kill a kid.
This is what I've left out.
There's a Halloween party and this kid, Preston Lord, this young kid sadly gets murdered.
He's attacked.
They stomp his head out on the ground.
I mean, this is really crazy stuff for the nicest town to live in in America, right?
And what's not to like?
110 degrees, fake lakes, tarantulas.
You know what I mean?
What's not to like?
Dust storms, scorpions, snakes?
It's lovely.
Now, marauding groups of teenage Mormons trying to kill you and try to kill your kids and the cops doing nothing.
What is not to like here?
So they kill this kid and nothing is done.
They don't do anything.
The cops don't do anything.
Supposedly, the cops are in cahoots with the parents who are in cahoots with the school, this prep school that these kids go to.
I can't really say the names of these things because everybody's litigious.
So I'm not going to say that, right?
Am I wrong?
You tell me.
We shouldn't say the names.
I'm not going to say the names of the kid.
Can I say the name of the school?
You can say the name of the school.
We could bleep it out if we find out later.
We shouldn't have it.
I don't know what that, but what does that even mean?
The episode comes out tomorrow.
Yeah.
It's a school in Gilbert, Arizona, where a lot of rich kids go.
Yeah, let's keep it at that.
Keep it there.
Keep it at that.
I'm not trying to get sued.
What if this is a Jesse Smollett thing where we find out these kids didn't do it?
They probably did it.
I think they did it.
I think they did it.
But you got to be careful now because, you know, so they kill this kid and the cops do nothing, really.
And now the town has gone nuts.
They're leaving their houses, these tiny little olive gardens wedged into the sand dirt where they live.
And then some of the people even from the bigger Olive Garden macaroni grill style homes.
Corrupt Police Leave Homes00:07:12
And they're leaving these homes.
They're leaving their recliners.
They're leaving their desert pools, their turquoise desert pools.
They're walking outside onto their fluorescent lit streets in the middle of the Iraq where they live.
And they're walking to the police station.
They're going, do something, you Mormons.
This is what's happening in Arizona.
Does anyone care?
This is the news.
This is the news now, what's happening.
There's people in Arizona who just want justice for the kid whose head was stomped out by these crazy kids.
And everyone knows who they are.
Like everybody on the Reddits and all these things are going, no, it's these kids.
They're the ones who've done it.
And play this.
This is the mother or the aunt.
She's speaking and she's speaking at this memorial.
This is very sad.
Yeah, this is the vigil Thursday.
When we got the call, the Preston had been jumped.
My husband, as the protector of the family, assumed the role of navigating traffic signals to get us to the hospital as quickly and safely as possible.
As the nurse, I assumed the role of evaluating medical scenarios of what his condition would look like at the trauma center when we arrived.
Bruises, maybe a black eye or some broken bones.
Never could I have imagined the scene that we would walk into that night.
I was the first one to get to the hospital.
I checked in and I said, I'm Preston Lord's aunt, and he was just brought in as a trauma.
The girl's eyes immediately dropped, avoiding eye contact with me, and said, please come with me.
She buzzed me into a small room, sterile and alone.
Four white walls, one tan couch, a single sage green chair, one medical supply box of cleanups.
As the averting eyes closed the door to this hospital cell, the only words she could give me were, the doctor and social work will be in soon.
Yes, okay, listen.
This is very tragic.
This trial, these kids got to go to jail.
They have to go to jail, but the cops have done nothing.
The SWAT team serves some warrants.
All of this stuff's on Snapchat.
I mean, it's a human tragedy.
And the kids who did it are monsters, right?
They've been doing it.
So then you think about how do you raise a monster?
This is a good question.
This is something to think about in the burbs.
But it happens.
It actually happens when kids have nothing to lose.
They feel like they have nothing to lose.
Whether they are from the projects and they feel like they see all their friends get killed in front of them and the value on human life is very low because they are thrust into a world where things are insane from a young age.
You know, you have people that become sociopaths because they, you know, in order to just function, you have to shut off the part of yourself that has any feelings.
Now, this also happens in the suburbs where people are quite comfortable.
And you have kids that are just genuinely going out randomly attacking kids, doing serious damage to them and killing one of them.
And then you have their parents swooping in and going, we're going to protect you.
And we're going to try to, we're going to help you get away with murder, which is, I never had a relationship to my parents like that, but I guess a lot of people do.
I like my parents.
I love my parents.
They're good people, but they never would have tried to shield me from the consequences had I murdered somebody.
And they have recommended, finally, the Gilbert Pridillas recommended charges to a bunch of these kids, but it says juveniles and adults.
Now, that could mean that some of the kids are 18, but that could also mean that they will charge some of the parents with trying to obstruct and protect these kids.
And it's an ex-girlfriend.
It's always the one who gets you.
She's coming out and telling people what went down.
This kid was 16 when he died.
When your kid dies, it really ruins your whole life as an adult, as a parent.
You can never really come back from that.
You can live a life, you can live a good life, but you can never come back fully from losing a child.
It doesn't happen.
So the idea that the kids who did it would get off or go free is crazy.
Crazy enough that even the people of Arizona were motivated to take to the streets and stop these rich, by Arizona standards, parents from protecting their children and trying to, you know, pressure the cops, or maybe they're working with the cop.
Maybe one of these kids' parents is a cop.
We don't know.
We don't know about that.
But it's got to be maddening to see nothing done.
And people are going to go, well, they're rich white kids.
This happens often.
Well, you know, I'm sure that it happens more often than when they are black.
We know that.
We get it.
But there should be some justice here for this child that was murdered.
And that's this case that I've been following.
These Gilbert goons.
It's a squad of marauding Mormons, maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe it's not.
And by the way, if it comes out that they're not Mormons, then hey, egg on my face.
Apologies.
Everything being written about this suggests that they are Mormons and that they kind of protect their own out there in Arizona.
I didn't even know they were there.
I thought it was Utah.
But apparently there's a big presence in Gilbert, Arizona.
And good for the citizens.
The citizens are going, the police are corrupt.
They're incompetent.
Best case, they're incompetent, but they're probably corrupt.
And they're not doing anything.
So I think when they blow this open, when it becomes national news, and I'm talking about it before it's national news, it'll become like a very, very big deal.
And that a lot of maybe heads will roll with the cops or anything like that.
I don't know.
Children Are Not The Future00:14:54
In another spate of happy news, a Florida teen kills his sister over Christmas presents.
I got to be honest with you.
I was at a few Christmases this year, my father's, my cousins.
I am telling you right now, I feel like we are getting kids too many presents in the country.
I think this is what makes the Gilbert goons goons.
We give them too much.
My cousin told her mother, get only one gift per child, my aunt.
And I think that's good because kids are getting way too much.
Way too much.
Abrielle Baldwin, 23, the mother of a six-year-old and an 11-month-year-old, an 11-month-old, 11-month-year-old, and an 11-month-old was fatally shot by her 14-year-old brother on Christmas Eve.
Where is this?
Florida?
It's another paradise, isn't it?
A 14-year-old Florida teen fatally shot his sister in an argument over Christmas gifts.
The argument started when the brothers, ages 14 and 15, were out shopping on Christmas Eve Sunday with their mother and sister and got into a spat over who was receiving more Christmas gifts After shopping, the boys, their mother, their 23-year-old sister, and the two young children went to their grandmother's home in Largo where the argument continued.
Can you imagine the argument continued?
So I guess they're at like a mall or something.
They start fighting about who's getting more gifts.
The 23-year-old sister should be, I know she's got two kids, but still, she shouldn't be getting any gifts.
You're an adult.
The gift cutoff has got to happen at 18.
A few things for college, that's it.
That's when the 14-year-old brother stood in the doorway.
He took out his .40-caliber semi-automatic handgun.
He pointed it at his brother and told him he was going to shoot him in the head.
The 14-year-old tried to get his 15-year-old brother to fight, and an uncle ended up separating them and moving the 14-year-old outside into the driveway area.
That's where he found Abrielle carrying her 11-month-old baby in a carrier.
She told him, you all need to leave that stuff alone.
Why are you trying to start it?
It's Christmas.
The 14-year-old argued with her, calling her derogatory terms and shot her in the chest as she was holding her infant in the carrier.
She fell and the baby fell, but the baby was unharmed.
The 15-year-old brother then came outside, took out a 45-caliber semi-automatic handgun, exclaimed, you shot my motherfucking sister and then shot the 14-year-old one time in the stomach.
The sheriff said there was an eight-second gap between the time the 14-year-old shot Abrielle and before he himself was shot.
At the time he was shot, he was no longer in possession of his gun.
The 15-year-old then ran, threw his gun in a nearby yard.
Who got them all the guns for Christmas?
Is that, that might be a problem.
Maybe it wasn't a good idea last Christmas to everybody get a gun.
Everyone got a 40 cal for Christmas in this family?
Abrielle was taken to a hospital, died of her wounds.
She was just a woman going about life, doing her thing with her two kids.
Now you got two kids and their mom's dead.
This is the quote.
14-year-old is charged with first-degree murder, child abuse, and being a delinquent in possession of a firearm.
The kids, this is the problem.
Remember when, you know, there was this idea that like the children are the future and the children are going to, the children are a real big problem in this country.
And I think, yeah, well, these kids carried guns all the time.
They're out in the middle of the night doing car burglaries.
How many of these homicides are young people?
Tons.
Young people in this country are a threat to everyone.
When I see a young person, I'm on edge.
I'm not even kidding.
When I see a young person now, I'm 38.
If I am in a mole restaurant, like a high-end mall restaurant, Fig and Olive, if you will, if I'm in the Houston Galleria at Fig and Olive and I see a young person, I'm immediately on edge.
I'm immediately on edge.
I expect to be shot or to be lectured about the names they want to be called.
Young people now are sick.
We've made them sick.
And they have no, like this Gilbert thing that Snapchats are sending are like, yeah, I hit a kid.
He's dead now.
They're unfeeling, uncaring monsters.
The whole lot of them, by the way, I'm sure there are some good ones.
But the vast majority of young people now are unstable.
They're unstable.
They have no solid footing of which to proceed to create a life.
And it's terrifying being someone who sees and reads all this shit about young people and how sick they are.
You know, I'm much more wary of young people than I am older people.
Young people don't, they don't see violence as something that's real.
I don't know what it is.
Life has no value to them.
They don't seem to care about it.
They like, and I'm not saying that these qualities aren't present in older people, but it's incredibly terrifying when you see these qualities emerge in a younger person, a 14, 15, 16-year-old, who doesn't attach, put any value on human life.
And you see them in the malls.
You see them out there with the dead eyes.
They have dead eyes.
Young people have dead eyes.
I mean, God, what have we done to them?
Why are they like this?
Have you ever, and I'm telling you, I'm not wrong.
Go to a diner, go to a restaurant, go to a gastro pub, go anywhere.
You see a large family.
The one who's 14, there's something with their eyes.
Something's up.
This is, we're getting the evidence.
And by the way, remember we had no evidence?
We're like, we don't know what it's, we just give two-year-olds MACPOL.
We don't know what happened.
We give mine pads.
We don't know what happens.
Well, here's what happens.
They become the goons.
When you raise children, you outsource the raising of your children to algorithms, they've become monsters.
Truly.
I see them.
You see them.
They're out.
You see them.
They just, they have dead eyes.
Go and speak to a teenager at a holiday party.
They have dead eyes.
And it's terrifying.
And I know you're going to, I'm going to get all these messages.
Not all of them.
Well, a lot of them do.
A lot of them do.
A lot of them do.
I think we have more than enough evidence now that whatever we're doing to them is not ideal across the board.
It's kind of, it's kind of, you know, disturbing.
I don't have children myself, obviously, and I, but I know people that do.
And they're trying to do the right thing.
But like, you know, I also know that a lot of these kids, they just, they're fully being raised on TikTok.
They're fully being raised by algorithms.
They're just, what's cool to these kids, they're nihilists.
You know, they've grown up in this environment where there's nothing is real.
We at least saw the institutions like the Catholic Church and the government.
We at least saw them fall from a pedestal, but at least there was that pedestal.
And then when we started to get older, we started to see the cracks in the foundation.
These kids have never had any authority figure.
They've ever respected.
Their life is chaos, pure chaos from the moment they are cognizant of anything.
Their lives are pure chaos.
Chaos.
This is not good, apparently.
This is very, very bad way to live when you're a child, when you're there trying to figure out how to orient yourself in the world.
And everywhere you look is something that is the ruins of something.
Everybody hates each other.
No one agrees on what reality is.
And the only thing that's cool is drugs, violence, killing people, having money, having things.
It's crazy.
There's no value system you could plug any of that into.
It's nuts.
Completely nuts.
I'm hopeful that we can figure out a way to like.
Maybe the schools should be jails.
To be honest, maybe we should kind of identify these kids.
Maybe we should kind of treat them like criminals.
They're a problem.
The children are a problem.
It's not, they're not the future.
That's not happening.
That canard is not happening.
The children are not the future.
The children are a threat to the common good.
They are a threat to society.
Children.
Teenagers, they are a threat to the fabric of our society and they need to be dealt with.
Dealt with.
Dealt with.
What was this?
Is this a great idea that none of them work?
Is it a good idea that no children work?
I'm serious now.
Is it a good idea that not one child in this country has a fucking job anymore?
Nobody works at the movie theater.
Nobody takes the tickets for the fair.
Kids used to work.
Now they don't work anymore.
They sit around in mansions doing fentanyl and waving guns around on TikTok.
They need to work.
All we heard from the communists that raised my generation is how unfair it was in the workhouses in England because Oliver wanted, can I have more gruel?
And they wouldn't give him more gruel or whatever.
Now everyone has gruel and everyone's a thousand pounds.
So we've overcorrected now.
No kids are in the workhouses.
None of them are working at all.
These lazy fucks have gruel for days.
They can press a button on their phone and someone comes in and gives them a burrito and a gun.
So they're all in their Arizona Olive Garden style mansions in the backyard in a swimming pool doing fentanyl and looking hunting for people to kill because none of them have jobs.
I had jobs.
When I was a kid, I had jobs.
I worked.
I worked with my mother, who is an overweight lifeguard.
She was a swim coach and the little children she taught her to swim loved her.
They cling to her like a flotation device.
And she brought me into that.
My father got me a job working for some drunk who owned a restaurant and he wouldn't serve coffee because he wanted to be unique and everybody hated him.
I was the busboy in that restaurant for a few months, but I kept fucking it up and they got rid of me.
But the point is, I always worked.
You should get your working papers at 14 or 15 and you should have a fucking job.
This idea that children should not work is the worst idea.
All of this anti-work shit is being pushed by people who want to tear apart the entire fabric of our society.
Don't work, man.
It's so cool.
You shouldn't work.
Just fucking hang out.
Why you got to go into the office?
You don't got to work.
Nobody wants to work anymore.
This whole thing, all of these kids in the suburbs now, they don't have bosses.
They have no responsibility.
Their parents don't care about them because they're doing Thaibo or whatever these parents are doing.
They're managing the martial arts, whatever these fucking people own.
They don't care about their kid.
They don't care.
They're checked out.
They're trying to make money by Arizona standards.
They're trying to make money.
They don't have time to sit down with the kid and go, hey, are you killing people?
Look at me, you dead-eyed little freak.
Will you look at me, you dead-eyed little monster?
Look at me.
Are you killing people in the in-and-out parking lot while I'm out training these fat Arizona fucking housewives and widows so they can go out and snag a second husband so they can get a house on a fake turquoise lake in this dump?
Are you killing people while I'm doing that?
Look at me, you freak.
They don't have the time.
These parents don't have the time.
They're trying to climb the ladder of nothing in Arizona.
It happens in New York City, too.
These big hedge fund people, their kids going in out of reach.
I have a friend, this guy, he's a companion for these like severely autistic children who were literally abandoned like feral cats in Central Park by their parents because they wanted to go to Stad and go skiing.
And these feral cat children, literally autistic on a level, it's great.
You say hello to them.
They go, eh.
And my friend has to walk them around.
They're addicted to the internet.
They jerk off so much, their penis falls off.
These kids have gone nuts and they've been abandoned.
And their parents are out, you know, in Aspen or in Palm Beach.
And they're trying to climb these corporate ladders.
And their children are abandoned just to fend for themselves.
And some of them develop, you know, this severe social anxiety disorders or whatever.
And then my friend, much like a sober companion, he has to walk them around and tell them about his horrible life so that they feel better, I guess.
Abandoned Kids In Aspen00:14:03
I don't know.
But the point is, what I'm saying here and what I'm saying is this movement where we took children out of factories is not good.
If a child had a factory job, if a child could leave school and go to a factory and put the time in, they would be better off.
If a child had, if we could have a manufacturing base in this country with children, teenagers that had to work.
And we cut this shit out with the college now.
Enough with that.
That does nothing for anyone.
The biggest losers I know are in $200,000 worth of student loan debt.
They got nothing going on.
Children have to work.
They need to work at the movie theater.
I know it's okay.
Well, nobody goes to the movie theater, Tim.
How do they work at the movie theater?
I don't know.
They work at the vape shop wherever they got to fucking work.
They shouldn't have all this time.
They shouldn't have all this time to murder.
The kids have too much time to kill.
Literally.
And the parents don't care.
The parents don't care.
They're uninterested.
They're trying to get another Tesla.
They're uninterested in what the kids are doing.
They're not sitting down with the kids and asking them, are you killing anyone?
Excuse me.
And all these kids' names are like Jalen and Braylon and all these fake fucking crazy names that their mothers gave them.
It's like, give them real names, God forbid, out of the Bible, and make them work in a factory or something.
That's a good, it's a good, happy medium.
North Korea.
North Korea would do this.
North Korea is trying to become a tourist destination.
They're also ramping up attack.
They're ramping up their military.
They're trying to get ready for a war with yours truly, the United States.
So now North Korea has welcomed tourists in the past.
However, it is unlikely that any of those tourists will be American bummer.
Get some North Korean restaurants up.
Get some North Korean restaurants.
Let's see what they're doing.
Here's the thing with North Korea.
It's kind of bleak.
It's bleak.
It's not great.
If you want to really.
Yeah.
See that one?
The Grand Theater Restaurant?
Let's see that.
Let's see that.
Let's take a look at those photos there.
Just point.
Yeah, see, that, here's the thing, North Korea.
I know you've put, by the way, probably better than Gilbert, Arizona, but I know that you've put a lot of work into the missiles and you've put a lot of work into, you know, the end of the world, but you got to put a little more work.
I don't hate the orange napkin.
By the way, I don't.
I do not hate the orange napkin.
I don't hate the orange napkin and I don't hate the attempt at greenery.
But it needs to be a little focused.
You know, it seems, I don't know.
It's a little empty.
It feels a little...
I like that it's uncluttered.
See, the good version of this would be, you say it's an uncluttered space.
The bad version of it would be, you know, it's kind of creepy.
And I think that's what North Korea, a lot of North Korea's public spaces are kind of haunting and creepy.
And a lot of their restaurants are unappealing to people because of that.
So if you want tourists, you have to kind of get, you have to have fun.
What are the biggest tourist destinations in America?
Disney World, get them up.
Get the biggest tourists.
I'm going to guess.
I'm going to say Disney World's number one.
I say Las Vegas is in the top five.
I say New York City is maybe number two.
What are the biggest tourist destinations in the United States of America?
Because then we can really let North Korea know how to do it.
Times Square is number one.
It's Central Park is number two.
Las Vegas is number three.
Union State.
By the way, this is, I don't know that this is true because Disney World's got to be number one.
Yeah.
So this is not true.
Disney World's number seven on their list.
Disney World's number seven.
Well, maybe Disney's lost because they're turning all the kids trans.
Isn't that what's going on?
Here's what I mean in North Korea.
North Korea needs to figure out.
They don't have Harry Potter World.
They don't have Disney World.
What has North Korea got?
They have like a sub-museum from like a boat they captured in the 50s.
What kind of boat?
Like a submarine?
No, it's like an American.
They captured an American submarine and then they made it into a museum?
Yes.
Yeah.
I'll tell you right now, I just remember seeing it on the internet.
Well, I don't know how many people that's getting over there.
USS Pueblo.
Yes.
Pueblo.
Yeah, yeah.
Here.
Here you go.
Yeah, I mean, I don't, that doesn't seem that exciting.
Right.
Yeah, I don't.
No, we need more than this.
What we do really well as a country is simulate fun.
We're really good at it.
That's why we like our adult population likes theme parks and they love cruises.
Because if you're left to have fun on your own, you have to appreciate nature or history or cuisine.
You know, things that most people in this country don't really appreciate and cannot afford.
So what's left for the rest of those people is a simulated good time.
Fun that is given to you.
It's an all-inclusive resort.
Here's the beach.
Here's the booze.
Here's the thing.
We don't, we don't, you are not trusted to plan any of your own activities.
The activities are here for you.
You know, here's what you get.
So North Korea needs to figure out how to make an adult theme park that is attractive to people from all over the world.
And it might be submarine land.
Like you could figure out a way to have a big, because they're, they're, I'm not saying don't, like their whole military dictatorship vibe, lean into it.
Yeah.
Lean into, because it's kind of cool.
If I know that I can visit North Korea, but not be captured and killed or my brain scrambled like out of Warmbier, I'm a freak.
I want to go.
If you want to be the like military dictatorship that allows people in, I'm with it.
I'm with it.
It's not going to be Harry Potter world.
It's not going to be what we do.
But if you're going to be like a stark, cold, but you know, but we're there to appreciate and respect power.
You know?
Like it would be a fun thing if I was a tourist in North Korea and there was like maybe a big outside balcony in a restaurant and an outside balcony and the government of North Korea shows us that they can turn the lights on and off in the town next door.
I'll go to see that, you know?
And they turn the lights off and you hear everyone go, ah, and then they turn them back on.
If it's fun like that, I'll be into it.
If it's fun like that, it's got, but it's, you got to lean into the fact that you are a creepy fascist place.
You can't run away from that.
It can't all be, you know, fun and sunshine and song.
If I'm visiting North Korea, I want the grit.
I want that, like New York City lost a lot of grit.
We got a lot of visitors, but we lost a lot of grit.
I want grit.
So if North Korea can somehow figure out a way to entice travelers to come, not imprison and kill us, but allow us to kind of navigate their very bleak, cold world, I'm into it.
And I think a lot of other people would be too.
A lot of other people.
There's a novelty to going to North Korea.
Here's the good news.
Here's the good news.
There's a novelty to going to North Korea.
If I can fly to North Korea with a bunch of people and we can stay in a hotel and take photos in these vast empty spaces that no one's allowed in, I'm in.
And I think a lot of other people would be too, because I know some people that have a lot of money.
They're all bored of going to the south of France.
They're bored.
A fun novelty trip to North Korea could be fucking amazing.
Getting married in North Korea, proposing to your wife in front of this big fountain with a bunch of guards with guns, and that's the wedding photo.
Proposing in North Korea, LOL, how the world has changed.
They can do it.
They can do it.
You don't have to Disney fy it.
You can just lean in to the cold, creepy, you know, industrial thing that they have.
I think a lot of people would end up into it.
They'll kind of end up into it.
It's this country.
It's run by this one family that's kind of feuding all the time.
And it's total, absolute fascism.
Like you'll be disappeared.
So as long as I'm not afraid of that, I like empty spaces.
I like places that are not crowded.
And that is North Korea, to be honest.
Florida at spring break, not for me.
North Korea, I love it.
I love, I love it.
Just the sound of a fork and knife hitting a plate and nothing else.
The one thing they've done is they've created a space for reflection.
And I think that's what North Korea should kind of lean into.
We've created a space for reflection.
You know, all these people go to these spas.
They go to these spas for what?
For quiet?
Can you get more quiet than North Korea?
You know, this could be a new modern spa for people that want to reflect.
And North Korea will say, if any of our residents leave their buildings, we kill them in the street.
You will never hear anything.
We are the quietest place.
You want to reflect?
White lady from Santa Barbara, come to North Korea.
It will be quiet.
No one will bother you.
No one will buy.
We promise you.
No one will buy.
You will hear nothing.
You will hear absolutely nothing.
You'll be able to luxuriate, whatever that version of that is, but you'll be able to walk around our completely empty cities.
It's your city now.
It is a completely empty city.
It'll just be the military junta and you.
And if you can take a girls trip where you are, it is a completely empty city.
It's a completely empty city and it's just you.
There's no lines.
You know, the vacations are, and it's a nightmare lines.
Did you book the thing?
Did you book the boat?
Did you book the thing?
Picture.
Is North Korea a continent?
No.
But it's a country.
Picture an entire country that has been cleansed for you.
The people are on their best behavior there.
They are on their best behavior.
They are not going to be a problem.
They're not going to be.
They are really, they are just there to fade into the background and to let you enjoy the country.
It's kind of the perfect country to travel to.
And I bet there's pretty, Google North Korea pretty things.
Are there pretty nice things there?
See the mountains?
Are there mountains?
I bet it has beauty.
I bet there's beauty.
It's the statues of him and his dad.
Yeah.
But by the way, what a great, it's a great photo op.
But do you see these empty cities are selling me?
Yeah.
They are selling it for me.
Totally empty cities, totally abandoned empty cities where people are afraid to go because they will be captured by the military junta is a nice vacation.
That is a nice vacation.
And Americans will not ask where everyone is.
This is how selfish we are.
We will be the only group.
Other people will go, we're all the people.
Not us.
Not us.
Let us in.
Let us in.
I know you don't want to because we're like, whatever, about to go to nuclear war.
Let the people in.
We will not comment on what you do.
Americans do not care.
When we go on a vacation, you could be doing a genocide 15 minutes down the road.
If it is not in front of us at our resort, we don't care.
We do not care.
In fact, we will not care if the waiter from yesterday was macheted on the way in.
And they said that to us.
They go, yeah, well, I know you like the waiter.
It's just so sad.
You know, him and his family were hacked up by rebel forces last night.
We go, that's terrible.
That's terrible.
So let me ask you, can we do breakfast on the beach?
Could you bring the chairs down?
Is that too much of an inconvenience?
We don't care.
We don't care.
You're not letting in Americans.
That's a bad move.
You want to let in a group of people that doesn't give a shit what you're doing to your own people.
And there's nobody that will play along better than the United States.
There's no travelers you would want more than fat American travelers who are more than willing to spend their money and they will not care what you do to your people.
In fact, they will come home and say we should do that to people here.
Free Breakfast For Life00:04:52
They will appreciate it.
They will appreciate this.
People talk about the Singapore caning in this country, only positive.
I've never heard one person say anything negative about the caning in Singapore.
Everybody that has heard of the caning or has seen the caning, it is all positive.
Americans will, they'll go to North Korea and go, I like what they do over there.
I'm talented.
They will come back and they will sit in a Denny's and they will tell their friends, you know, people say a lot about that government, but it's nice and quiet and everybody minds their business over there.
That's what you want.
You don't want meddling Europeans. that are blathering about human rights or something.
You want Americans to come in and enjoy your empty cities and speak highly of how you torture your own people.
That's what you want.
And that's what we'll do.
That's what we'll do.
We will go to your dictatorship.
We will thank you.
We will take pictures in your vast open spaces.
And we will come back and go, you know what?
They got a few things figured out over there.
HelloFresh.
You get free breakfast for life.
Is this true?
I can't even imagine this, how generous they're being as a company to my listeners.
Generosity is not going out of style at HelloFresh.
The thing about HelloFresh is nobody wants these frozen things anymore.
Everybody wants fresh food.
You cook it.
It's quick.
Everything's right there for you.
You don't have to go to the grocery store.
Everybody's sick and coughing and touching each other, touching the food.
HelloFresh, you get fresh 15-minute recipes.
You make them.
You're on a date.
Come on over.
Make the food.
Let's make the taco here.
Everyone's happy with fresh food that can be cooked very quickly.
I'm telling you, this is the way of the future.
It's actually the way of the now.
They're also throwing in free breakfast for life.
They're throwing in food for breakfast.
You don't have to pay for it.
And it's such an important meal.
Go to hellofresh.com.
I'm telling you right now, don't wait here.
Don't wait.
HelloFresh is giving you, I mean, is this crazy?
Free breakfast for the rest of your life if you keep the HelloFresh subscription.
If you go to hellofresh.com slash Tim D free and use the code TimDFree for free breakfast for life.
One breakfast item per box while subscription is active.
That's a free breakfast for life.
Do you understand?
People go, oh, there's no such thing as a free lunch.
Guess what?
There is a such thing.
There is such a thing as a free breakfast from HelloFresh, from the good people at HelloFresh, because the name is not a lie.
A lot of these companies, their name's a fib.
But this one is HelloFresh because it's fresh from the farm.
And it goes to your house.
You cook it.
You put it in the pan, put it in the pot.
Put it in the oven.
Set it and forget it.
Look at a fresh meal from me and my family.
My kids are eating fresh food and they're not Gilbert Goons because they're eating fresh food delivered to me for free.
Breakfast is free at HelloFresh.
Don't arm your children with guns.
Arm them with a breakfast from HelloFresh.
HelloFresh.com slash Tim Dfree.
HelloFresh.com slash Tim D free.
Santa, baby, give me a Manscaped lawnmower to shave my genitals.
Code is Tim D here.
We all love Manscaped.
Everybody uses it.
Everybody needs it.
It trims your private sensitive areas.
Santa baby, I needed a trimmer for my balls.
That's right.
Go to manscape.com, Santa Baby, and use the code Tim D T I M D. Santa baby, I want to shave my pubic hair without nicking my shafter balls.
Go to manscape.com.
It's amazing.
I'm telling you right now, look at this.
Is your boxer game week?
Take care of the chestnuts with Manscaped Boxers 2.0.
Wow, they got their signature jewel pouch to keep your balls calm, cool, and collected.
Fat People Demand Extra Seats00:05:51
Nose trimmers, the shears, nails, nose, they're really trying to groom you here.
They're expanding.
It's not just the ball trimmer, but they have it.
But they're going for the nose hair, the nails.
They're going to take you and make you a better person, a more presentable human being.
Get 20% off and free shipping with the code Tim D at manscape.com.
That's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use the code Tim D. Say ho ho ho to a well-groomed mistletoe with manscaped.
Southwest Airlines has debuted their customer of size program where if you are a fatty bunbatty, you can get an extra seat on one of their planes.
Now, obviously, the people who travel Southwest are, you know, there's no first class.
They are getting a good deal, but now there is a customer of size policy, meaning if you are a fatty bunbatty, you can go and demand an extra seat at no charge from the people at Southwest, which is interesting, right?
Because the way that they make money is by selling their seats.
And if you are fat now, you can demand that they lose money on a seat.
If your girth hangs into that seat, you can demand it.
You can demand it of them.
And they are offering it.
They want to win the business of the fats.
Southwest is coming out and going, many of the people that take our planes are morbidly obese.
We need to keep winning them over.
The armrest is the definitive gauge for a customer of size.
It serves as the boundary between seats.
If you're unable to lower both armrests and or encroach upon any portion of a seat next to you, you need a second seat.
You need a second seat.
What can I expect during boarding if I'm a customer of size?
If you have an extra seat, if you have an extra seat boarding document, you need a boarding document, like North Korea.
If you have an extra seat boarding document, you can choose to pre-board to select seats that best meet your needs.
You can also choose to board with your original boarding group and position.
Once on board, if necessary, please request a seatbelt extension for our flight attendance.
Can you ensure no one takes the seat beside me if I've secured a second seat?
Unfortunately, no.
We encourage you to pre-board to locate adequate seating and place a seat reserve document in the adjacent seat.
Our ground operations and in-flight employees communicate about customers' needs.
And if you need seating assistance, you should.
So they're going to give you, you get on a plane.
They go, hey, Piglet.
And they give you a thing that says seat reserved.
You go on the plane.
You're sitting in the seat.
You're a fatty bunbati.
Some old hippie granola granny who's visiting her son in Tulsa gets on the southwest flight, sits next to you.
Apparently, you know, obviously, this seat reserve thing, you got to keep telling everyone who gets on a plane that you're a fat fuck.
When they go to the seats reserve, go, yeah.
And then eventually, people around you are going to go, who's reserved for?
Because eventually everybody's going to be on the plane.
And then that's when, think of how humiliating this is.
That's when, okay, because apparently you've been sucking your gut in the whole time.
That's when you take the seat reserves like you lift the armrest and then you breathe out and you let your gut then travel into the next seat.
And then everybody goes, oh, that's what it was for.
What a humiliating process.
What a humiliating process for the Southwest customer of size.
You have to get on the plane and put a little piece of paper that says, hi, I'm a fat fuck next to you.
The seat is reserved.
And now everybody around you is going to be like, who is it reserved for?
But and then everybody will just eventually assume they're like, oh, the guy's, he's fat.
He's fat.
He gets the extra seat for free.
He gets the extra seat for free.
Soon it will be a row.
Soon it will be a row.
Because two seats, for a lot of people on airplanes, two seats are not enough.
No, be honest.
They need a row.
There will be a point when there are 13 people on a plane going from New York to Phoenix and they all pay $8,000 for a ticket.
Or the government will start subsidizing.
The airlines are going to go to the government and go, we're putting fat people and we're losing money and the government's going to have to give the airlines money.
The airlines are going to go, the people are too fat.
Our profit models are getting all fucked up because people are too fat to be in the seats.
And the government's going to have a choice.
They can stop poisoning the food.
They can stop allowing corporations to poison all the food.
But they're not going to do that.
So they're just going to shut the airlines up.
They're going to go, here, take a little bit.
Here's a little money because now you're losing 30% of your seats.
You'll get to a Southwest.
You'll eventually walk onto a Southwest flight.
And there'll be one seat in every row that has that thing that says, this is reserved.
For what?
My gut.
Government Subsidizes Airlines00:03:34
My gun.
It's reserved for my gun.
And then I just love the idea of like you're on the runway, the boarding door has now been closed.
And you're just sitting there and you're like, all right.
And you pick that up.
What, see, what would be really funny is if you put your food there.
If right, like if you put a bag of McDonald's on the seat on top of that reserve thing, you put a bag of McDonald's on the seat and then just open it and then just you have your.
So you've let your gun.
It's reserved for my gun.
Do you not want my guns to breathe?
We abryter the sending.
No, wait, it was wrong.
Sending is actually the whole thing.
Pro-Frakt is to ensure that the company has access to Norges' lead-in-frakt-of-tales.
So, technically, we abryter not sending.
We can't do sending.
No, no, back to sending.
And remember Pro-Frakt.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm worried about the children.
I'm worried about what we're creating in this country.
I'm truly worried about this.
I hope there's justice for this kid in Arizona.
I hope that North Korea figures out that the only people that are going to truly appreciate your dictatorship are Americans.
The only people that are going to let you commit human rights abuses while they splash around a quiet pool are Americans.
You need us.
We need to come together on this.
We will watch you publicly execute people and we won't say a word.
Just put a waffle machine in the lobby.
We do not care.
I'm telling you.
We will say only positive things about your criminal justice system.
Your military justice, whatever it is.
We are on the road, TimDillaComedy.com.
We are on.
And Taylor Lorenz, by the way, not going to her Christmas for the fourth time in the road because of COVID, by the way, starting to like her.
Starting to kind of like Taylor Lorenz.
Obviously, she's blocked me on Twitter and, you know, we don't see to eye.
We don't see eye to eye.
But I got to be honest with you, I'm starting to like Taylor Lorenz now because she literally go back to my Google image thing.
Go back to Google.
There's so many photos of me that I hate.
Why are they out there?
Which ones?
I don't know.
So you can see the Seniger.
TimdillaComedy.com, folks.
Brayak, California, this weekend, Columbus, Ohio, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C., Northfield, Ohio, San Antonio, Dallas, Atlanta, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Boston, Boston, another Boston, Connecticut, Foxwood, Chicago, Chicago, Dania Beach, Indio, California, out there in Palm Springs, Palm Desert, Phoenix, Phoenix, Atlantic City.
Maybe 2024 Will Be Good00:03:14
A bunch of other casinos and stuff too being announced.
You know, I just, I want to say it's year end.
It's year end.
It's year end.
It's the end of the year.
The year is ending.
And we're heading into a new year.
And it's been a volatile year in the world.
But, you know, what I believe, I believe that 2024, we all expect it to be crazy.
And it probably will be.
But maybe for in some way, wouldn't it be amazing if 2024 was like boring?
Wouldn't it be great?
Wouldn't it be lovely?
Wouldn't it be ideal?
What if Trump and Biden just both die?
What if they both die?
And what if we have the most boring?
It's DeSantis and Newsom.
What if we all move to North Korea?
What if you know?
We keep anticipating 2024 with dread, but maybe it's actually not going to be that bad.
Maybe there will be justice for the Gilbert Goons.
Maybe we find out the Gilbert Goons didn't even do it.
We won't.
But, you know, maybe, maybe the Mormons saved the day.
Maybe they stopped ruining everything with Marriott's, right?
Yeah.
Maybe my building in New York City allows me to put a pool on the roof, which I've been asking to do.
Stop with the engineers.
Enough with that crap.
Maybe good things will happen.
Let's be positive.
Let's, you know, we spend a lot of time on this show being negative because that's where the news is.
But maybe the good things will happen.
Maybe we will.
Maybe Trump gets elected and maybe people are actually okay with it this time.
Maybe it's just old hat and there's no protests and no riots and no one's, you know what I mean?
Maybe Jeffrey Epstein comes back and goes, I'm not dead.
I was just taking a break, but I'm back and everything's fine.
I don't know.
I don't know how it, how it all, but I'll tell you, if you, if you, if here's what I will tell you: if you have a positive attitude, it means nothing.
And I want to just end on that note.
Really, if you wake up every day and have a really good attitude and you see the world through a lens of positive, it means it utterly means nothing at all.
So with that, and I'm not saying don't do it, but it has no bearing or you know, it just doesn't.
It just doesn't.
It has no effect on the larger issues.
You know what I mean?
Can Steve Wynn make Gaza sparkle again?
Can he make it nice in 2024?
Will we not see Steve Wynn in Gaza?
What if the 30 people that Israel didn't kill over there all become blackjack dealers?
Can Wynn Make Gaza Sparkle00:01:51
Something's going to happen over there that's good.
That's positive.
Something good's going to happen somewhere.
I know it.
We might look back on this and when you're on a roller coaster in Gaza and it's, you know, it's a little tasteless, but you're on a roller coaster and, you know, you're doing a bungee jump and you're at the new Steve Wynn property in Gaza.
The encore, Gaza.
And you're there and you're going, you know, hey, let's just enjoy what we got here.
I know, you know, it wasn't great because that's what it's going to be in like 20, 30 years.
You're going to be the fourth seasons, Gaza, and you're going to go, oh, oh, it feels weird.
You're going to go, this kind of feels weird.
And you're going to roll over and you get a knock on your door and the person is going to hand you, you know, the like a nice eggs benedict with Lavash.
And you know, they're going to find a way to do it the way they do.
You know, it's a little human, Lapita, you know, with the eggs.
And we're going to go, and you're going to, hi.
Thank you so much.
Are you like originally from here?
And they're going to go, yes.
And you're going to go, right.
And you're going to, and how long have you lived?
And your husband's going to go, honey, honey, no, no, no, shh, honey, shh.
And then someone's going to go, I've lost my family.
I was killed in the war.
And you're going to, oh my God, oh no, that's so sad.