Tim talks with comedians H. Foley & Kevin Ryan from 'Are You Garbage' about which holiday is the classiest, aunts with dip, starting a pretzel franchise together and coming of age during Halloween.American Royalty Tour🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/Pre-Order ‘Death By Boomers’ By Tim Dillon👉 https://rb.gy/gafn4SPONSORS:Blue ChewBlueChew.com & Use Code: 'TD'GametimeGet The Gametime App & Use Code: 'TIM'▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Easter Candy and Classy Bunnies00:14:21
Kevin Ryan H. Fully, the Are You Garbage Podcast, first time at studio.
Thank you guys for coming in.
What's up, man?
Thanks for having us.
Thanks for having us, Bob.
I'm in Australia right now.
This is coming out in a week.
Time travel.
I will be in Australia.
Have you gone to Australia yet?
Not yet.
It's a 15-hour flight.
That's what I hear.
It's 15 hours.
It's Blood Clot Central.
Widowmaker Air.
Two pairs of compression socks for that flight.
I get up and I walk in the middle of it.
And the flight attendant will be like, what are you doing?
I go, I'm trying to survive.
I don't want to stroke out.
Yeah.
I'm trying to get off this plane with both sides of my body operational.
But it's a great country to do stand-up comedy in, but it's a long fucking flight.
Yeah.
I mean, you were there not too long ago as well.
That's also a mistake.
You can't go back immediately because the people go, we get it.
We know what you do.
We're aware.
But yeah, we're doing well.
We got Sydney is sold out.
Melbourne is on its way.
Then Brisbane, and then the other ones, we're doing Auckland, New Zealand.
We canceled Christchurch.
I thought more tickets would sell because that's where they had that shooter.
Did that manifesto?
So I really was hopeful about Christchurch.
And I said to my team, I go, we're going to be okay with Christchurch because that guy, what did he shoot up a synagogue?
I go, listen, I'm just saying they're wild.
So maybe we're getting, and I'm not for any of that behavior.
I'm just saying, I think we're going to move some tickets.
We did not, which makes me happy.
Yeah, it's a good reflection.
It makes me actually very happy that those people are not coming, you know?
So I love you, gentlemen.
Everybody knows the Are You Garbage podcast.
You are the best new podcast in the world.
Thank you, buddy.
Yeah, it means a lot.
I wanted you guys on around this, even though it's warm out in New York today, which fucks me up.
I like the fall to be the fall.
Love it.
I want right?
Yeah.
It's a little hot.
A little too much.
I went swimming yesterday in the ocean.
Really?
Where at?
Out in the Hamptons?
Out Southampton.
Yeah, in the ocean.
October.
Earth.
Atlantic cities are in the goddamn hills.
I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
I was in Galveston, Texas, and swam in the waters of the oil water.
But I want to talk about Halloween with you guys because I know that it's, is it the trashiest holiday or no?
It ain't the classiest.
I'll tell you that.
It's definitely not the fucking classiest.
It's the greatest.
It is amazing.
Any Snickers?
Let's go.
As two fat dirtbags who don't like candy and fucking mischief.
You know what I mean?
Where do you put the holidays from classy to trashy?
Because that's kind of interesting.
Do you go Christmas as the classiest because you get the candle in the window?
Christmas can go south.
Not our Christmas.
What are you talking about, dude?
Christmas can go south real quick.
Nice fight on Christmas morning.
Yeah.
I think Christmas can be the classy.
If you're going Catholic, like Easter to me, there's no like real boozing on Easter.
It's Sunday afternoon.
You go to church.
Easter stinks.
It stinks, but that's the classiest.
I'll tell you right now, here's how we could ruin that.
Horseshoes.
My family during Easter at my Aunt C's house.
God rest her soul.
This is why I have the top rating episode.
You go, which is just a million bucks.
I know Shane and Segura are climbing on me.
I know it.
But I'll tell you this.
My Aunt C, God rest her soul and her husband, Uncle Bill, was a cop.
Was that shooting justified?
Hey, no.
Why are you bringing up old shits there?
Split-second decisions.
No, they were good people.
It was a different time.
Yeah.
They were good people.
And, you know, they had Easter Sunday.
And my family would drink and then throw horseshoes.
And so there would be kids running around and then you'd have a metal horseshoe like whizzing by your head.
And like you'd be in your church, you know, and then like, you know, somebody would scream at you and be like, get off that way.
Yeah.
And just sling a...
Throwing metal through the body.
But I agree with you.
In theory, there's nothing classier than Easter.
Yes.
But it sucks.
And I always thought in horseshoes that I wasn't good at it because I didn't have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought made the uncles that good.
It was a Heine.
You had to have a Heineken and a SIG hanging out of the mouth.
In the throw.
You had to have that.
You had to have it.
And they played horseshoes during Easter Sunday.
And then Easter Saturday, we would do, my nanny would do a pink ham and she'd do the mustard vinegar glaze, which was real nice.
And then she would do, you know, the sides and stuff.
Yeah, when they, when those honey baked started getting popular, that's a big deal.
That was like, we're going to get the honey baked.
The spiral cut.
Yeah.
Cheese potatoes.
Little cinnamon apples.
Yes.
Yeah.
Of course.
But I'll tell you why Easter can kick rocks.
One, pastels, get the fuck out of here.
Interesting.
I hate that shit.
Interesting H. Foley coming out against pastels.
Yeah, he takes a hard takes at H. Foley.
Early on in the episode.
Church is nice on Christmas.
No, but I'm just saying, you know, you have something nice on.
It's the winter.
You're not going inside.
You're hanging out in the back.
You're goofing around.
You know what I mean?
You maybe got a couple M ⁇ Ms or some herbs.
It's not as proper.
It feels, yeah.
Dude, fucking Easter, you feel like you're a used car salesman.
I'm walking around in a pink blazer like a dickhat.
I'm out of here with that.
I will tell you one thing about Easter.
There's the Easter cigarette outside of the church.
Oh, it's nice.
Grass is coming in.
There's a cold, little bit of a breeze.
Little bit of a breeze.
You're still sweating.
You're still sweating, but the sweat's being cooled by the breeze.
And you're having a ciggy outside the church.
And the priest, they're all looking at you.
You're like, I know what I'm doing, but I'm here.
Yeah.
I'm on the property.
I'm here.
I'm on the property.
They were always waiting to rip a heater.
Remember the first time you saw a priest ripping a dart behind the rectory?
Holy shit.
He's like, I got to have something.
So Easter, I think you're right about that.
Easter does kind of...
The candy's whacked out.
It presents as the class.
I don't like the candy, and I don't like, you know, the Easter egg, hunt the basket.
Hey, hey, hey, what are we working for here?
She's got to give it to me.
There was only one that had a five in it.
You know, my aunt used to hide these baskets so aggressively that people would start crying.
Me and my cousins would start crying.
There was no baskets?
She would hide them in places.
My grandfather did well.
And he built his own house in Muttontown, Long Island, which is an area where Jennifer Lopez.
Mutton Town doesn't sound nice.
Mutton Town snow sounds behind a butcher's.
No, I know.
But it's one of those things rich people do where they're like, you'd think it's not, but it's stunning.
And he had a 5,000 square foot house, which toss was huge.
It's a big house.
But here's the problem when you hide baskets.
Kids start crying because you look in a few places and people start getting upset now.
And my aunt really liked that because she was sick.
She meant it.
And she didn't have children herself.
And when people would start to cry and she would just go, look, look, look harder, work harder.
And we'd run up and down the stairs.
And then we'd eventually find it.
And then what was the treat?
Nothing, you know, a couple of pastel, you know, you get a nice Reese's duck.
I mean, Reese's, what is it, a bunny?
Those were our peeps.
Reese's egg.
Peeps can kick fucking rocks.
Reese's egg, the Cadbury.
I do like a Cadbury cream McFurry.
Love them.
A Cadbury Cream McFlurry in London is nice.
Holy shit, right?
Are you doing that over there?
Welcome to the world.
Welcome to Global.
I got to get a passport.
That's all right.
Yeah, it's not bad.
The candy didn't catch up until recently.
When we were kids, it was the shitty low, low, low, off-brand chocolate bunnies that were hollow.
The wax was all sea chocolate.
And it was chemical taste.
Yeah.
Suck.
You had a chemical taste.
And plus, I remember.
Was it a Russell Stover?
What kind of bunny did you get?
Russell Stover, I'd be all right.
Russell Stover was the one that was kind of mid-grade.
Yes.
Mid-grade, respectable.
Your father still has a job.
You got a Russell Stover.
You got a bonus that year.
Lint is a little next level.
Lint?
Who is getting Lint?
I didn't have that.
I didn't have that until 32.
Yeah.
See Saudi Arabia.
The Lint Bunny is a nice bunny.
The Lint Bunny is a good bunny.
I remember one year getting a solid white chocolate crucifix.
And I was like, can you eat it?
Let's see if you can even find it.
I would love to see a solid white chocolate.
I was like, can I eat this?
Crazy.
That was definitely something that gave out for the Ku Klux Klan.
By the way, it's real.
I love it.
You can get a white chocolate crucifix.
How do you feel about the white chocolate?
Oh, so.
I'm a fan.
Here's what I like.
I love it.
I like it in ice cream.
Well, my favorite flavor in Hagadas is a white chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream.
That's good.
When Godiva had their ice creams and they were only around for a few years in the glory days of the late 90s, early aughts, early 2000s, they had a white chocolate raspberry ice cream.
White chocolate raspberry in ice cream might be one of the greatest flavor combinations.
But as an actual candy, I don't like it.
The only one that kind of hangs in there is the Hershey's cookies and cream.
Of course.
That's a little different, though.
Yes.
It was so classy to me.
It was so like, you get it once a year when it comes.
I think looking back, I don't know if I love the taste, but I love the idea.
There's a pageantry to Easter, the flowers, the church and stuff.
It is in theory classy.
So we put that at number one.
We're ignoring, by the way, Islamic and Jewish holidays here, not because we're not inclusive, but I don't have any experience.
Do you gentlemen?
No, I do not.
We don't have any experience with Ramadan.
I was always jealous of my Jewish friends on Christmas Day that got to go get Chinese in a movie, though.
I say that all the time.
But it's sad.
Yeah, I don't know.
There's a sadness.
I thought it was under the radar and chill.
No lines.
In a nice Chinese restaurant?
Settle down Chinese restaurant.
You can do that on a Tuesday afternoon.
Go catch a movie.
It's something that we would do.
They do it then as like...
They got nothing else going on.
That's right.
It's actually a little sad.
Yeah.
I loved it.
It's a little sad, but I will say that like...
A little kung pow chicken and saving private Ryan.
Well, there's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong with that much.
No.
Shout out to D-Day.
There's nothing wrong with a little kung pow chicken.
Or, you know, you got to remember, like, you know, that being, first of all, that had to be amazing when movies were amazing.
When you were like, we're doing some Lomain and the mask.
Yeah.
Right.
Like, like, oh, we're going to see Ace Ventura too.
Like, when movies were.
Now I feel like it's not as, you know what I mean?
People are probably doing it at home.
Like, yeah, well, we'll get takeout and watch and throw on.
Oh, fuck that.
No, I want a nice Chinese restaurant where they put the crispy noodles on the table in a bowl, the good ones, not the ones in the fucking bag.
No, the good ones.
The good duck sauce and the good hot mustard.
You go out to the big screen and you see something good.
Yeah, it's all right, I agree with you.
There is christmas, the de facto second.
I I mean christmas can be very, very this christmas on, are you garbage?
Was one of the first.
One of the first questions we ever came up with was, what color were the lights on your house or your tree?
Yeah, it could swing so hard.
Lights class, that's correct.
Colored lights yikes easter, everybody's got to kind of show up somewhat.
Proper agreement is different.
Christmas has declined in my household so much that I have, first of all, the prevalence of sweatpants and sweatsuits.
It's up and slippers and snuggies and weird like comfort leisure wear has is insane.
Yeah, and the who cares attitude about the food and the presentation is troubling.
Yeah, that's not wrong.
It's because a lot of these boomers have checked out.
You know, they're sure.
My grandmother was a great cook, my nanny was a great cook.
These people were out there making prime rib, cream of broccoli, starting first thing in the morning, cooking.
You have their presents, they get at it.
They start going.
These boomers, about 45 minutes before people come, take a fuck around to Xanax and then throw cheese on a platter store-bought cheddar cheese on a platter with some triscuits, and then god only knows where we're going from there.
The chicken yeah, the Chick-fil-a nugget tray right, has ruined this country.
That dial, I gotta, I gotta, put my foot down.
They're fantastic, they're crazy.
But once that started showing up, and Philly, then the soft pretzel tray showed up everything.
I will tell you this, I love it, they're great.
I'm not saying they're not great, but when they, when they chart the decline of this empire yeah, the soft pretzel you're nuts dude is getting mentioned.
Oh, my god, you bring me here and do this to me.
Soft pretzel is.
There's nowhere to go from there.
That's, that's gonna be positive.
Yeah, what you're?
So Philly, SOFT Pretzels a company Philly, soft pretzel company.
I'm well aware.
Uh, for the listeners, for him in the Midwest, he owns 300.
He's got three locations.
I just told him what on amps?
That'd be great dude, it would be great.
Taco Dip Tour with Shovels00:08:33
That's what you need to do.
You need to start doing that.
Content purposes alone, the three of us should open a soft Philly, soft pretzel company.
No, it would be amazing and it would be, get a Ritas in the hand.
It would be the shout out to Ritas.
By the way, I love Ritas, but it would be the best episode of undercover boss, because immediately they're all like, oh yeah, it's the three of us.
We all have fake mustaches on it too.
We're like, so how long you been age folio, like what's the pretzel?
We don't know.
Oh, you dip it in the cheese.
I don't know what a uh, but you're, you're saying that.
So the pretzel tray uh, I just have one.
It was uh, labor day weekend, my brother's house.
I got there early.
The pretzel tray.
We brought the pretzel tray, we stopped at it.
It sat On my lap the whole ride over to the car, dude.
I was salivated.
And you could feel it on the thigh.
Yeah.
And it's the nugget.
It's the salt.
You feel the salt and it's on the thigh.
I would be lying if I didn't like that.
We cracked it open in the car.
I went out with Ray Cump and his wife after my mother's funeral to a bar in Long Beach called The Saloon.
And we were sitting in the saloon and we got the soft pretzel tray with the cheese in the middle.
And it is nice.
It's awesome.
It is nice.
It's communal.
It brings people together.
It really does.
But now that the dips, they have the cheese dip.
What else do they have?
They have cinnamon that will blow your fucking hair back.
Now I'm kind of liking it.
On paper, you look at it.
You're like, I don't know if, dude, one little dip of that day is changed for the better.
It's fantastic.
I like that.
And you could even go back a couple of years with the cinnamon on that same tip, which started to go downhill.
Remember when the fruit tray started to get a little popular?
But it wasn't just a fruit tray.
Remember the cream cheese?
Yes.
Whipped cream dip in the center?
Yes.
Yes.
But all that stuff, the reason I say it's the downfall of the empire is that's replacing a homemade dip.
That's replacing something that your grandmother used to do.
Absolutely.
And we're riding the slide down.
I'm not complaining.
There was always an aunt who came with nothing but a dip.
This woman did not exist except to walk through the door with a dip.
You didn't care about her.
You didn't care what she said.
She smoked sigs in the back.
People were like, hey, like it was, no one cared.
She had Coke bottle glasses.
She would walk in, but she'd walk in either with like in the Northeast, she'd walk in with a clam dip.
She might walk in with a seven-layer dip, a seven-layer Mexican dip.
We were a big taco dip, we called it.
Taco dip, whatever you want to call it.
Buffalo chicken dip.
Yeah.
So this woman's walking in with a dip.
She has nothing.
She has no children.
No kids.
A small old dog.
She has a tiny dog.
She has nothing in her life.
She makes that dip once a year and she walked into the house and her only social interactions on this entire planet are people like us going, you bring the dip?
And she goes, of course I did.
And she smiles and then we smile.
And then for the other 364 days, she's dead.
She just sits in her house and she watches soap operas and drinks and takes pills because her life is horrible.
But that moment when she goes, when we go, did you bring the dip?
And her name's always like...
It's Rainy or something.
Yeah, it's right.
It's Aunt Rainy's here with the taco dip.
It's two syllables and it makes no sense.
I have to say, my mom is Aunt Nisi with the taco dip.
And I swear to God.
Aunt Nisi, you doing it?
Taco dip.
And that dip is important.
And you're right.
Now, those people that we know that that dip was their life, they've died off a little bit.
They've died off a little bit.
Or do they just show up with the, because it's not as nice when you're just bringing the pretzels.
No, but it's also like, oh, and I'm going to invest three hours.
I'm going to the store.
I forgot.
I got to go back to that.
That's an afternoon to make the taco dip, to make the buffalo chicken dip, the whatever.
Or you go, on the way over, I'm going to stop at the soft pretzel, the Chick-fil-A, spend 20 bucks, and we're going to go to the house.
I charge the downfall of my family parties.
My aunt started making dirt.
She started doing dirt in a pail.
In an actual pail.
Yeah.
We used to do them in those clay pot, like those plastic potters.
She would do it in a pail with the gummy worms.
And she would put the, what is it?
The jello pudding.
It's like, yeah, it's jello.
It's jello pudding.
The gummy worms.
The gummy worms.
The crushed Oreo or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That started a decline of dessert that is very tough to, You know, describe other than to say that that was the beginning, maybe, of the end of my family.
I remember the first time I had that, it was a luncheon after a funeral that was in a public park under an awning.
Things were going to go.
That was the first time I saw that.
I was like, What is that?
Was it a funeral for a drive-by?
When they explained it to me, and I was like, Holy shit, that's genius.
We ate it with a shovel.
A couple gummy words.
We had the shovels.
Scooped it out with the shovels.
We had the shovels.
Yeah.
I mean, absolutely.
That blew my brains about it.
So to me, that was a big thing.
But Christmas, you're right.
It can go bad and I've seen it go bad.
Yeah.
You start mixing booze, especially with my family.
We're a big booze family.
You mix in booze.
And the emotions are high.
Emotions are high.
Everybody spent a shit ton of money that month.
Because Easter, you don't even feel like it's a holiday.
There's no presents.
Christmas, you're like, you were never there for me.
Yeah.
All of those emotions come rushed between Thanksgiving and Christmas, those two holidays.
Those are holidays where you're the pressure.
Redlining.
It's right.
It's running through your veins.
Credit cards are maxed out.
Oh, God.
You didn't get what you want.
You and the wife are fighting.
What?
How are you going to pay?
Kids are ungrateful.
All that shit.
The rich side of the family just kind of shoves it in your face little by little.
Yeah.
That would start up in our family on the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Because on the Friday after Thanksgiving, five carloads of our family would all head up to the King of Prussia Mall for the big day of shopping.
Black Friday.
Friday sales.
Right.
You need at the food court.
You know what I mean?
You'd tell your parents what you want it and all this stuff.
Right.
Then you would leave it at your aunt.
They'd run in and get it real quick.
Is it a bourbon chicken?
Are you a ranch one chicken and cheese?
At what?
At the food.
King of Prussia.
What are you doing?
We used to walk and roll.
I used to love a walk and roll.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I was a Sabarros man.
I love this.
Interesting.
I still do.
And by the way, I've eaten it in New York City.
You want to hear something?
You want to hear it.
You want to hear something.
When I was a tour guide in New York City, let me tell you about sad.
Okay.
I'm going to tell you right now something that I feel like it's tough to even admit and come out of my mouth.
Times Square Sabaro Breakfast Buffet.
Whoa.
When I was a tour guide.
What's that looking like?
Not good.
What are those?
What are those?
Those home fries have to be.
The hash brown patties, frozen patties.
Oh, which you like?
I love.
I love.
And what you do is you take a patty, you put a little scramble, bacon, and then you put the patty on top.
You make a little hash brown sandwich.
And I would do it.
Never thought to think that you had it.
Look, there it is.
Look at that.
New York.
There it is.
Go to the third picture over.
There it is.
That's the part of the Sabaro breakfast buffet.
They had a literal breakfast buffet in Times Square that you could eat.
And I would eat there sometimes before my tour, before I would give tours in New York City on a tour bus.
Holy shit.
I'll have to slow you down a little bit.
Let me tell you right now, that first tour was real fun.
Not a lot of tips on that one.
Yeah, no.
Sometimes I would do the tour.
I'd literally get on the bus and I would go, Hell's Kitchen.
And they'd go, What?
And I'd go, Hell's Kitchen.
Then I'd go, Central Park, Central Park.
And then I'd go.
Scrambled egg burp.
Yeah.
I would just be like, Sometimes you try to hit a Bernie on the bus with no one seeing.
Really?
Yeah.
That's why I love you.
It's like a baseball manager.
Go to the back.
Maybe there's six.
Maybe there's six people on the bus.
Maybe they're Russians.
Russians are great.
They're not.
No, they're not rats.
They like Americans are rats by their fucking nature.
You give me a family from Ohio.
You give me a woman named Donna.
Blue Chew and White Lights00:09:55
You're getting ratted out.
Yeah.
Woman named fucking Ivanka or you know, or or her husband Oleg, they don't care, she wants a drag.
She wants a drag.
She's maybe hitting one.
You go to the back.
You're dressed like this, you know, you hide it yeah, you palm it and you palm it and then you just keep it to the side.
That's crazy.
Get a few and then you toss it off the bus and then you keep going.
You know yeah, I mean so christmas can go really bad.
I think the the well decorate is if christmas is one of the things you really decorate the house right, so it's like right away.
If that's bad yeah, that's a real big indicator yeah, of what you're doing.
If the lights are just like kind of thrown across the bush in the front yeah, you can see the extension cords.
The things are flickering.
There's like that's gonna be a, that's gonna be a rough christmas inside.
You gotta have white lights.
White lights, you gotta have white lights on the tree or color lights can be done very well like kitschy, like oh, it's like an homage back to the 60s or whatever, but it's got to be done real, like right.
The one thing that does class up christmas and this is depending on different families and stuff like that.
If there was the uncle and the aunt that didn't have kids, that did well, that showed up christmas day, that had a stack of money holders in their breast pocket and everybody was getting broken off with a fifth, a crisp lifting.
When you opened a card from your grandparents and saw a hundred dollars cash or something that was you were, you were like, start playing the market, let's go ecstatic yeah, because that was like the best present I had.
My aunt Kate was uh, exec at a big company in Philly cash.
No kids, I was her godson, just broken off.
See, that's the guy that I kind of will be because I don't have kids.
So it's like, here's the money boom, here you go, here's an extra, everybody's getting 50, you get two, and I was like there's something really nice about um, when a family gets it, like my family, now the kid, all of the cousins have gotten older, but nobody's had kids, nobody has populated.
So I always said this, as you get older, the holidays, unless there are children, they get sadder.
Yeah, you know, they got to keep fresh blood and uh, what happens is people just start it.
This is sad and this is happening.
People start talking about cell phones like people have sit on a sectional, and this is one that say enough.
I'm out of the office this week with strep throat.
I hope you guys are enjoying this episode with the are you garbage boys?
Uh, and hopefully the Middle East uh, you know, calms down um, but I want to talk about blue chew right now, because i've talked about it for seven years and that must mean I love it.
Blue chew is a pill that you can take to make your penis hard, and it has the same active ingredients as Viagra and Sialis um, but it's in a chewable form and you can get it prescribed online.
There's no embarrassing doctor visits or bumping into somebody that you know at the drugstore, because they will ship it to you in a discrete package, So you don't have to explain to your roommate or other members of your family what's going on with your penis.
Blue chew is good.
So if you go to blue chew.com and use promo code TD at checkout, you're going to get your first month free.
That's crazy.
Go to bluechew.com, use promo code TD at checkout.
You're going to get your first month free.
And that is a big deal.
And again, I'm out of the office with strep throat.
I'm hoping everything is going well.
And I hope that from the Ukraine to Israel to the Gaza Strip to all of these places that we can all kind of just cut it out, cut it out and stop being knuckleheads, as my nanny would say.
Stop being dodo birds and knuckleheads and get the blue chew for your penis.
People sit on a sectional and start talking about cell phones and cell phone service.
And you start getting at the house.
Right.
You start gone.
Maybe there is no God.
Maybe this is pointless.
How do you turn the ringer off?
It keeps ringing.
I don't know what it is.
You know what I do?
Yeah, they all got a tip on it.
Well, she's on our family plan now.
As soon as the words family plan come out, I go, I'm out.
I'm leaving.
I don't, this is a, this is nothing.
This is less than nothing.
This is a conversation people would have on a, on a public bus somewhere.
Elevator.
You're right.
It's elevator talk.
We don't, we're family and no one cares about anything.
That's when I have to go.
And Christmas has now become, you see these people, they're strangers.
When you have a divorced family, like I do, you're sitting next to people.
You don't know who they are.
Sure.
I don't know who my aunt, my stepmother's brother's niece is.
Yeah.
So I'm sitting next to people.
I have no idea who they are.
That's tough.
And that's what happens sometimes in a family of divorce.
Yeah.
Because now you're sitting at a table with strangers.
Although I will say this, my stepmother's, her sister-in-law, Libby, does a shrimp scampy.
It'll change your life.
Libby's all right.
And she does, and she does, you know why?
Because she uses garlic powder.
Not a clove is ever seen.
She just garlic powders that bitch.
Like, I mean, it's crazy.
And it's like fentanyl.
It's just really, really good.
And you just eat like a pound of it and then you're comatose and you're on some sectional in a basement of a house.
And then they just start going in about like, well, I'm AT ⁇ T.
I have a Tim is, you know, Tim is AT ⁇ T too.
It just gets.
Tim, they have AT ⁇ T in LA?
Like, yeah, right.
That's not bad.
So they still get the unlimited minutes.
I envy the families that almost have a tragedy now where it's like somebody went to jail where you can talk about that.
Like if there's one guy who's not there because he's serving time, we can speak about him.
That's at least a topic.
It's a topic.
It's real.
I envy the families who at least have someone to talk about who's destroyed their life instead of cell service or like traffic.
That's another thing.
How you getting home?
How'd you get here?
That's pretty much traffic's crazy.
We go down the shore every summer and it's right when you get there.
You get down on a Friday?
When you get down, when you're leaving, how'd you get, do you take the Walt Whitman?
It's trash.
Wouldn't it be better if we all had somebody to go, you know, you know, you know, we're going to visit him soon.
We're going to visit him soon.
You know, he's doing.
He's doing what he has to do.
Like I was at my mother's funeral.
Did they say anything to you about Ronnie about what happened or anything like that?
Did they talk to you?
You're in the line getting a scampy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What did they say?
I mean, I didn't really hear anything about it.
Have you heard from him?
Yeah.
I'm at my mother's funeral.
This guy comes up to me.
He goes, he goes, hey, he goes, I dated your mother back in the day.
I was like, and my mother was like hot back in the day.
So I was like, oh, I don't want to.
Okay, thanks.
Who said this to you?
This guy at my mother's funeral.
Fucking Long Island.
We're right in front of the urn.
We're right in front of the urn.
We got her cremated.
She's in the urn.
And we're sitting there.
She's got this beautiful collage of Liquor and boats and her doing Florida things.
And, you know, I'm sitting there and a guy comes up to me.
He goes, he goes, I dated your mother back in the day.
And I go, I go, oh, he goes, yeah, you know, my name, Jimmy.
I'm not going to say his last name.
He goes, I'm Jimmy.
And he goes, you know, my son, James.
I go, yeah, how's he doing?
And he goes, not good.
Immediately he goes, not good.
I go, okay, like, fine to leave it at that.
Yeah.
Fine to leave it at that, but they never are.
He goes, yeah, he goes, he's got drug problems and he's got mental problems.
So he's in the hospital right now.
And he's standing there with his wife.
He goes, he's in a hospital right now.
But he goes, He sends his regards.
He goes like this.
Swear to God.
He goes, but he knows you.
He goes, he knows you.
And he like watches your stuff.
And he goes, he's in the hospital right now.
And he's trying.
And that's our attitude.
If he tries, we'll try.
And then he looked at me.
He goes like this.
He goes, you own something in the Hamptons, I heard?
He goes, looking for a room when he gets it.
He goes pretty nice out there, huh?
It was just the way he said it.
He goes, he's in a hospital.
When he tries, we'll try.
You don't something out eastern.
It's just like one guy said to me walking out of my mother's funeral, he goes, he goes, blessing in disguise, no?
Like, that's this guy that owned a surf shop.
He goes, blessing in this guy.
Because Long Island, you have to understand, the death of a family member usually comes with some type of check.
It comes with an inherited house.
It comes maybe with a few Tiffany lamps.
I never thought of that.
These people in Long Island, they live to inherit.
And once they've inherited, they then immediately start complaining about the taxes they have to pay on what they inherited.
They're just, you know, like immediately they inherit their mother's house.
And then like the next day, they're like, these fucking taxes.
These immigrants, this community's falling apart.
So when he's like blessing in disguise, it was kind of funny because he's like, you know, in all death in Long Island, there's opportunity.
There's cash.
There's cash.
There's a pay it.
Yeah.
There's a deed.
There's a title getting transferred.
But I saw these boomers walking into her funeral and I was like, it's just an amazing generation of people.
You know, they're just really amazing.
Think about from where they started on this planet.
You know, my parents were born in 1952.
Bear Snuggles and Lobster Rolls00:06:29
They grew up during the 60s, the hippies, Woodstock.
Now it's 2023.
Okay.
The amount of technological change in that period of time, I don't know that there's any generation that has experienced that in the way that these people have.
No, at the age they were, yeah.
At the age they were to see how different things are, you know, and to be able to go on all of these different applications and still be racist and still keep the old ideas and the old value system through every new from Facebook to TikTok.
They are not dissuaded.
Like the fear and the paranoia that they just have, just to be able to like spread that on every new, and they can barely use these things, but they can use them well enough.
They can get a status up.
They can get something.
They can get a couple of words up.
And it's just one of those things where holidays, I think, have become less interesting because you know what all the people are doing.
Sure.
You know what they're doing and you know what they think.
You know what they think.
I have that.
It's also like, you know, everything's been so political, like we were talking about over the past five years or whatever.
And it's like, you'll go somewhere and like the second a conversation starts, well, everybody's hanging.
We're at the, we're at the island and we're eating and we're drinking and laughing and breaking balls.
And then someone's like, did you see this?
And I'm like, I'm out.
Right.
Because like my family's 90.
I'm not that I'm, I don't know, I'm in, I'm neutral.
I'm in the middle.
I don't give a fuck about that.
They're all Republican.
So it's like.
But it's like, here's the deal.
There's no reason on the salad line.
Sure.
You should hear the name George Floyd.
Sure.
There's zero reason.
And they don't even pronounce his name right.
Like one of my uncles once was like, this, you know, George, George.
And then somebody's like from the other room, George Floyd, Pop.
Like they were waiting for it.
George Floyd.
I go, no one has to yell the name George Floyd throughout the house while we're putting meatballs on the plate.
Yeah.
With the alley oop going.
Have you been down to the city lately?
Nah, you're going down there?
What are you crazy?
Yeah.
Nah, it's nuts.
It's riots every night.
It turns so quick.
It turns very quick.
And it's like they want it.
They get excited.
When the political people come to the party, they've prepared talking points.
Well, there's a fuselet.
The second they're in the door, you're like, is it two minutes?
Is it 10 minutes?
Three hours?
I don't know what it is, but it's fucking happening.
And I'm getting called a pussy real quick.
It's coming out.
And they're just like, they're ready to pounce.
And it happens from both sides because my aunt is very liberal.
And she likes to get into it too.
Like we, she was out east at the house and it's beautiful out and it's nice and everything, you know, my cousin's kids are in the pool.
Like everybody's doing okay.
There's no, there's no reason for any of this.
And she's just sitting there and she's just eating food and she just looks up from her lobster roll and she's like, when are they going to put Donald Trump in jail?
And I'm like, can you just eat your fucking lobster roll?
Can you eat your, for Christ, can you eat your fucking lobster roll?
$20 lobster roll.
$20.
Come on.
It's crazy out there.
It's $80 a pound.
It's stupid.
It's stupid.
You just eat it, but it's just, they cannot help themselves.
Because before they got there, they were at home for an hour and a half on some old laptop at the island in the kitchen, just going through Facebook.
And it's this and it's that and it's lantern flies and it's they're just going nuts.
People use it.
So that's just in them.
And you know what I think is interesting is people used to have intra-family feuds and they would be about real things.
Like they'd hate each other over something that made sense.
Now, maybe it was silly.
Maybe it was ridiculous.
You know, a famous one is like, grandma died, the house got sold.
Somebody felt swindled.
Money.
My family doesn't talk to nobody because of money.
Money's a big one.
Sometimes it's a thing.
Someone got something in an inheritance.
Somebody didn't go to somebody else's Christmas or kids' birthday party.
I respect that.
I respect that.
You're personally attacked or you feel personally attacked.
You're the real world.
You didn't visit her at the nursing home.
Right.
We were out there every Sunday.
Yes.
Now people fight over politics, which is the craziest thing to me.
They hate each other because of politics, which is not affecting them really other than their day-to-day, other than they like the idea of having moral superiority over the other people.
We used to have, when I was growing up, there was this bear, this snuggy, you know, the detergent.
Yeah, of course.
Huggy Bear, right?
Yeah, I forget this.
Snuggles.
Snuggles the bear.
It was the bear.
Okay, so Snuggles the bear.
And my cousins, I had this snuggles and I kind of gave it to them, but I didn't really give it to them.
Something had happened or whatever.
And yeah, it looked exactly like that.
It's kind of creepy now that I see it.
You had a laundry detergent bear?
I had a snuggled bear.
And then my aunt, me and my cousins would fight over this bear, fistfight over the bear.
And then my aunt at the end of the party would go to my grandfather, like, can I have the B-E-A-R because she was taking it for them?
They were German.
Nothing wrong with that, but let's just, it is what it is.
And they, you know, they believed in certain things.
And this was a big strain on our family that my family felt like they had stolen this bear from me and gave it to their Nazi kids.
Okay.
And things like that started feuds.
Of course.
Dumb things like that were started.
I respect that feud.
And I respect that.
Yeah.
You know, I remember during the 4th of July one year, my, my, my, someone called my uncle's wife a Jew, my aunt Dawn, whose last name was Hassan, but she was maybe a little Arab.
She had a nose thing.
Was it followed up with by, she knows what I mean.
Come on.
It was one of those where it's like, let's not, we're not, it's fine.
They're good people.
Right.
I work with one.
Right.
It was that type of crazy.
Yeah.
Taylor Swift Feuds and Steals00:14:27
So then he's like, fuck all of you.
I'm going to leave and drive home.
And he was hammered.
So my uncle, my uncle, and my other uncle went out and took the air out of his car.
They flattened all of his tires so he couldn't leave.
Aggressive but effective.
Aggressive but effective.
This was 4th of July.
Me and the kid who lived up the block were sitting.
I was sleeping at their house.
They were like best friends with my uncle's family.
So we all got to stay over there.
The old adults were just getting hammered.
We were watching this whole thing from like a house down, watching my uncles take the air out of my other uncle's car so he couldn't drive away.
And then my grandfather got up because then they wouldn't stop.
And my grandfather was famous for doing this.
He's done it a few times.
He would like get up and go downstairs and knock somebody out and then just go to bed.
So my uncle, my uncle was getting really crazy.
This was another holiday and he was just spouting and being nuts.
And my grandfather came down, just laid him out, went right back to bed.
And then the next day, my uncle was like, who knocked me out?
My grandfather was like, I did.
And my uncle was like, thank you.
I needed that.
And he goes, you know, anytime.
But he was like a PAL boxer, like an Irish boxer would just.
And so we had a violent, kind of drunken come from that.
Yeah.
There's fist fights or close to fist fights once a year, each.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So why can't we get back to that?
I'm out of the office with strep throat this week.
And I hope you guys are enjoying the podcast with the Are You Garbage Boys.
Love those guys.
Many people don't know the story about when I tried to get tickets to the Taylor Swift concert, but I was desperate and I started prostituting my body to get tickets to it because I couldn't afford them.
And I didn't understand these scalpers and these websites.
And I was prostituting myself.
And it was hard, but I kept doing it for about three months in hopes that I could afford to see Taylor Swift at, I forget where, but one of the places she was going.
SoFi, maybe.
And I became a prostitute because of it.
And I have AIDS.
And AIDS is not a big deal as much because you can survive with AIDS for a very long time.
Although it is awkward to bring up.
And it's not even HIV.
It's full-blown.
I have full bloods, which is not, but she still is bad.
And because I wanted to see that concert so badly I had full-blown AIDS because I was prostituting myself and I would let anyone do anything to me for any amount of money.
Scat, piss, shit, blood, play, any of it.
Any of it.
Do you know how much I love Taylor Swift?
When you're getting just fucked by people you don't even know, because one guy, I would have, he would wear a mask and hold a gun to my head.
And I would only, I would just be on all fours and he would just come in and I would see him in the mirror with the mask on.
He would hold a gun to my head, which he said wasn't loaded and I hope it wasn't.
And then he would leave.
And it was, you know, I don't know if he gave me AIDS, but there was another way to do this.
And I wish I had known about this app earlier.
And it was the GameTime app.
And they have last minute tickets, flash deals, zone deals, easy to find and buy tickets for every kind of event in your area.
Views from all seats of the venue, lowest price guarantee, event cancellation protection, job loss protection, et cetera.
And that to me is exciting because you can get the best tickets, the best deals, no AIDS from this app.
You just can do it.
And if you download the GameTime app, create an account, use the code TIM for 20% off, $20 off your first purchase.
Download the GameTime app, create an account, use the code TIM for 20% off your first purchase.
You're going to have a much better life because you're not going to be in a motel in Jersey with a gun to your head getting peed and pooed on so that you can go see Taylor Swift, you know?
But when I finally made it and I was in that and she did Love Story, every time I was beaten by a trick, every time I was beaten by a trick, and it was a lot.
Every time I was beaten by a trick, pissed on by a trick, was worth it.
When I heard her do Love Story, whoo, I would do it all again.
But you don't have to.
Go to the Game Time app, create an account, use the code TIM for 20% off your first purchase.
Well, here's what's happened.
I think what's actually ruined all of this is technology has kind of ruined people because people are now angry all the time.
There's no constantly being reinforced of like, this is what I believe.
This is this article.
This is that.
Yeah, they're running hot.
Holidays used to be a special time because people would drink alcohol and then have this flood of emotions and see each other.
Now people just hate each other all day, every day.
It's like a time release adder roll versus doing a line event.
Yeah.
I also think too, right?
Like you said, it's like, you know, there was a booze is involved.
There's this release of emotion.
And sometimes it's good.
Sometimes you would get out.
I fucking love you.
You mean so much to me.
Other times it was bad.
You fucking stole my, you know, whatever.
But then in the morning or the next day, you're reconciled, right?
Like you're not reconciling over a political argument because you still feel you're right.
And there's at least some sort of, I'm sorry, I was fucked up last night.
I was out of line.
That in like an Irish Catholic family is huge.
That's huge.
It's one of those things where technology is making people slowly less human.
And that's the unfortunate thing.
Halloween, was it the party route for you?
How does it know?
I mean, as a kid, it was suburbs outside of Philly, just hardcore trick-or-treating.
Right.
You know, that was meant to fill out.
But then you're meant, you know, you become a man that first year you throw an egg.
This is my first year that my friends, like kids like Alfred Kinese, who's popular.
He's maybe still popular.
I don't know.
Seem to be over it.
But those kids, Johnny Mannix, Pat McCray, when I got to the next stage.
Johnny Mannock.
Yeah, those were great high school days.
Great names.
greater but this is eighth grade great these were the cool kids and they were and they were genuinely cool like that's the thing about cool kids people like oh are they cool together cooler than you they are cool it's not a thing they were much more fun to hang out with than you know my friends so they invited me and we threw eggs and we shave and cream stuff yeah was this mischief night did you do halloween night halloween night long island is my first and i felt Like,
oh, I'm growing up because I'm with cool kids and we're throwing eggs and we're vandalizing stuff.
This is what cool kids do.
You feel like you're in a movie.
Like you've seen this before.
I'm not trick-or-treating like a bitch.
I'm not walking around with a Frankenstein head and my mother.
I'm out there defacing property with my friends.
And that was, it's an important night for every child.
I don't know what they do now.
They might do gang initiation now.
What do they do?
Are they still vandalizing or is that even, that's like pussy now?
I don't know.
Now they're like swatting each other and having the feds.
On the other end of that, you know what they're doing?
Like my nieces and nephews, they don't go door to door anymore.
Oh, interesting.
Trunk or treat, they call it.
Oh, I don't like this.
That's so fucking wacky.
It's corny as shit.
It's during the day, like maybe the day before or something leading up.
They all drive to like the hut, you know, the football field in town.
They park their cars all around it, open up their trunks, decorate their trunks.
Now, why are they not going door to door?
Is it because danger, maybe?
I don't know.
You know what's interesting?
I think it was a COVID thing.
A lot of people don't do it.
So a lot of houses, you just knock, knock, knock, and nobody's lights out.
People are like, we're not doing it.
There used to be only one or two of them.
And that's that.
See, that's like a, that's how you knew that was the creep of the neighborhood.
Right.
You never went by.
Did they ever have Christmas decorations or Thanksgiving decorations and they didn't do anything on Halloween?
That's how you knew to stay away.
So when you're doing that shit at the football field, now you got no, you got no judgment.
Trunk or treat fucking insane.
I don't know.
They've been doing it for a decade.
I'm telling you.
And they pull up in a parking lot.
Everybody, yeah, and you're like, everybody backs their car into like a make a big, like a horseshoe shape.
Yeah.
And then you decorate the back of your car.
And they sell decorations for the back of your car.
I don't like this.
And then, so it's safe.
Everybody's got a lot of people.
If I had children, I would look at that up.
Yeah.
Get that up right now.
Holy shit.
Holy God.
I'd rather my kids kidnapped.
I'd rather my kids kidnapped.
For a couple of days.
For a couple of days than this.
This ruins people's lives.
Man, God.
You got to have Halloween because, like you said, you got to have that right of passage.
That learning.
You got to go from the costume to all of a sudden one year, you have a sweatshirt on, maybe a mask, and you got the pillowcase.
Once you cross over to the pillowcase.
But if you didn't forget that.
That was a life-changing moment for you.
It was a life-changing moment for me because.
That ain't happening at Trunk or Treat.
You're not having a life-changing moment.
You're not learning anything at trunk-oriented.
It's something that happens when you're a teenager.
You have to decide which kind of teenager you're going to be.
Yes.
A good one or a bad one.
I decided I was going to be a bad one.
I didn't hurt people per se, but I stole money.
I did drugs.
You know, I lied.
Sure.
I cheated, you know, when I could in school.
I didn't care about anything.
My main goal from when I was 12 or 13 years old till when I was in my really mid-20s, but let's just say for the teen years, my main goal was to make myself happy.
And I liked marijuana, cocaine, Percocet, Ficodin.
I'd take a pill of morphine if you had it.
I'd do a line of ketamine.
I'd take an ecstasy.
It's got parties dude.
With a little Mitsubishi symbol in it.
You're not getting at a trunk or treat.
I would take a tab of acid.
I'd take a little sugar cube of acid with the blotter, little red dot acid in it.
I would take it the first time I saw that.
I'd take an eighth of shrooms.
I'd smoke a Benson in hedges unfiltered.
Like a gentleman.
If we could steal it.
If you get your son's mother barb.
I would do all these things because they made me happy.
Yeah.
Sitting in Oil City, which was this area of just oil drums.
It was abandoned and smoking a pack of Marlborough Lights, Marlborough Reds, even that we stole from my friend's mother and then puking made me happy.
Those were the times.
Those were the times.
Life may not ever get better than that.
What scares me now is the drugs are too intense.
The kids are dying.
Yep.
Because they can't have that fun that we had.
They're dying now.
That little experimentation goes quick.
It's quicker.
It's a shorter road.
They're doing fentanyl now.
Yeah.
Whatever it is now, they get to a point where it alters their life.
Like I remember running around Halloween, throwing some eggs, doing some shaving cream, smoking a little weed, stuff like that.
Bad weed, too.
Stems and seeds.
It's not good.
Or you do some psychedelics in your teen years.
And I think, you know, that is okay.
Yeah.
I mean, not 12, but like if you're 17 or 18 and you and your buddies take some shrooms.
That's when you do it.
It's while you do it.
That you got from the older guy that works at the restaurant that you work at, but you had to drive a half an hour to get it.
There was a there was a process.
There was a process.
Problem solving.
Those are life skills.
I see a lot of people that don't grow up now.
I see a lot of people that don't grow up, and it's weird emotionally, meaning they'll have an apartment, they'll have money, they'll be able to pay their bills, but they're not emotionally growing up.
They don't know anything about the world and they don't know anything about people.
And I go, how did that happen?
How did that happen?
And I think technology has flattened everybody to the point where a lot of people's formative experiences are on the internet and they're not in real life with real people.
You learned a lot about yourself disappearing into the suburban night with Johnny Mannix.
You're not kidding.
You had fun.
You had a good time and you go, okay, we can't do too much crazy shit because we'll go to jail.
And we can't fuck with these kids because they'll kill us.
And we got to learn to think, like when me and my friend Shay went to his aunt Deb's house in Rockaway, Breezy Point.
And we knew, you know, you know, she was a fun woman.
She liked Fleetwood Max.
She enjoyed Sangria.
Sounds like a great lady.
That's a combo, right?
I mean, she's an Irish woman.
She liked to flip-flop the Sangria.
And she liked putting the keys in that car.
Firing it up.
She liked starting that car.
She had like a firebird, something fun.
She liked starting that car because you know what?
Who's, you know, who's telling her what?
Nobody.
You have a couple of cocktails.
She likes.
She liked that scent.
And there's no room in it.
And we just knew what we could get away.
We knew what we could steal.
So we would take some of her absolute vodka.
She liked well.
And we would take some of her absolute.
We'd do a couple of drinks and then we'd pour some water in it.
Yeah.
We'd do this.
You'd know what to do.
And as long as that's not kept in the freezer, you're all right.
You're okay.
You don't now kids today barricade her in her bathroom with a gun.
Steal her car and go buy heroin.
Take her 401k.
Kids, that's not what you do.
That's too much.
That's too much.
You steal a little bit of booze.
You get a little warmth.
You go into the backyard.
You do a Bernie.
It's fun.
People need to steal a little bit.
Yeah.
And what happened to that?
Everything now is like off the chain.
I just stole my aunt's car.
I'm selling it and I'm buying fentanyl.
That's too much because you can't come back from that.
I feel like those little those little those little steps of like, oh, I am this guy.
I'm not that guy.
I did that.
That was a little too much.
I'm not that guy.
Or Tim did that.
That was too much.
Marshmallow Nights at True Places00:09:41
Oh, I'm not.
I'm not that guy.
Like you learn.
You got to be a little bit of a pussy.
You got to keep yourself on a leash.
Because the guys that aren't pussies die.
Yeah.
That's true.
All know a guy who's like dude, that's the toughest guy i've ever met and he's dead.
Now I know seven of them.
Right right, the legitimate child thief started out going through the hall closet where the winter coats were picking.
What well, i've done that, finding a five.
That's what.
That's what.
That's what the gentleman does when, when you have a bunch of coats winners dead during christmas, I would start calling dealers at 10, 30 at night like, hello Chico God, rest his soul.
Yeah, they just checked in, they'll be out for a couple hours, come by.
So to me I think uh, what we're losing is moderation.
You're not wrong.
You could.
You're not gonna, nobody's gonna be a saint and you shouldn't be.
There's nothing funner than doing the wrong thing in in you know, little little doses yeah yeah, with some sort of caution, with some sort of wits about you, of like, all right that you know, and and now there's, there is no it's.
It seems like there was always in every high school class.
There was always five kids, ten kids are like, oh, those kids are nuts, they're the ones that are crazy that end up dying or whatever.
Now it's like half the class is that kid.
It's like that's why Thanksgiving, which was the last holiday we really haven't covered.
But thanksgiving to me, there's something important the night before thanksgiving sure 100, this is important.
Here's what happens in my view the night before thanksgiving when, when you go away, I didn't go away to college, I went to Community College and then I dropped out, right.
But I remember I had a friend who who was really tight, and he ended up going to Community College, sticking with it and then going to Cornell, which like a really good school, and then George Washington University LAW School and I I felt very deeply insecure because I was doing nothing with my life.
You know what I mean.
It's evened out, but the point is i'm doing all right.
The first, the first year, you go back to that bar for me it was the Blackthorn Center and you see, all those guys that you were buddies with you're still kind of in it.
Oh yeah, you're still in it that first year.
But every subsequent year it's a you're a little diminishes.
Their faces blur around the edges.
It's very interesting.
That's why I think it's important the first few years after high school to go out yeah, that wednesday night before thanksgiving, because you should know what that feels like to start to for the blurring to start yeah, for the, for the separation, for the, that's right.
And you also come back and you go like I, I the same thing, very similar upbringing in the suburbs and the north, and it was like we'd go to the pub and you'd get there and it was the guy who went straight to the pub from high school yeah, and the guy who went to fucking DUKE or Whatever, or Harvard, right.
And you all come back and you're like oh Steve, you had, you've been at the pub all year right, we just came back this.
You're like okay, I don't want to be.
Steve puts things into perspective.
Yeah right, it's that little.
You find out who you want to be and who you don't want to be and then like, as the group, that the next year gets a little.
If there's 10 guys, it comes to eight guys, then five got four and it's.
Then it's just Steve and the other Steves from the year prior year sitting there drinking beers.
But it's also a little bit of a dog show, those first couple of years.
Yeah, you're showing up representing your peacocking a little bit.
Of course.
But then, yeah, it does go downhill.
Then the owners change you the bar.
It's not the bent elbow anymore.
Now it's called McGurks.
McGurks is all right though.
I mean, the girls is all right.
The owner's talking to you now like you're an adult.
Yeah.
I knew I was an alcoholic when owners of bars started talking to me like an adult and telling me about problems they were having.
And I was like, I'm coming here to get drunk with my friends.
We're still like young.
We're still in our late teens.
We can't handle all of this.
So to me, it's like those are important moments that you need to have as an adult to become a fully functioning adult.
And I think the holidays and the activities around the holidays are important.
And I just hope that there is a recognition of that and that, you know, we don't lose everything to the digital world.
You know?
Yeah.
Because the local bar is important.
Very important.
Very important.
It can't all be a club.
It can't all be a DJ.
It can't all be we're going to see Diplo in Vegas.
Respect to him.
He follows me on Instagram.
Enough with the marathons.
We don't care.
Do the thing.
I ran married.
My point is this.
And marshmallow, but I don't want to start a beef with this other one, marshmallow.
I know that you're more famous than me.
I don't know why, but I know that you do your whatever.
At SW Steakhouse right now, it's Wynne Las Vegas.
They are doing this, which is one of my favorite restaurants.
They have the Lake of Dreams show, a singing cigarette smoking frog who sings New York, New York, while I eat the chili rub ribeye, which you got rid of.
You shouldn't have, but whatever.
They are now serving a marshmallow cake.
Marshmallow, who is apparently has some residency at the wind.
Lovely SW Steakhouse, my favorite restaurant in Vegas.
Marshmallow has a residency at the wind.
They are serving a marshmallow cake with his dumb logo with the X's for the eyes, and it's the shape of that head he wears.
Stop this.
The marshmallow cake.
$40, Chris.
I'm not going to say your name, but we know who you are.
$40.
Chocolate booze toasted marshmallow meringue.
I'm a nougatine.
Number one, how dare you not send me one for free?
Number two, stop it.
It's grotesque.
You have a cake of your head that is not good for $40.
Is it never enough?
Can you talk to these people and say, please stop doing this?
It's crazy.
And meringue can kick rocks.
Kick fucking rocks.
But what I want to say, what I want to close on is your show to me, and the reason why I love it, the reason why a lot of people love it, it's hilarious.
Thank you.
But more important than that to me is that like you're whether you realize it or not, you're chronicling history.
This is fucking huge.
You really, truly.
I mean, I think that's a little lofty.
We talk about mayonnaise and Percocet.
But that is his.
Listen, there's going to be a time.
There's going to be a time when you talk about a mayonnaise and Percocet sandwich.
People are going to go, what's that?
So, but no, it is true.
It's like, I'm a big fan of inflating our importance, all of us.
But I listened to your show and I remember shit that's now lost.
Literally.
That's true.
Shit that's lost.
It's a chronicle of a time gone by.
It's a time gone by that you'll, you know, I remember I used to hang out at a bar called Lisa's Lounge.
Fans of the show know this.
It was named after a girl who died in a drunk driving accident.
Perfecting to a good mozzarella steak.
Her father, you have no idea.
Her father put her picture in the middle of the bar and people would toast to her.
They would go, Talisa.
And then they would drink.
And I asked this man, there was this crazy woman, Jen, who used to come in and she would say, I'm having the fire department over because we're having a big party.
And she put all these shaving dishes out.
And then nobody would come.
And I would say to the bartender, I'd say, what's going on?
They go, Jen's mentally ill.
She thinks she's having a party tonight.
So we let her come here and have a fake party.
And then this guy, George, would come in, who was kind of misshapen and deformed.
And they go, he lives in his car.
He actually won a scratch off.
This is true.
He had a lot of money.
And then he got in with a hooker.
And then she spent all his money.
He lives in his car.
And the only place he comes in to have a warm place is Lisa's Lounge.
And then there were all these different people.
And I said to this guy that opened this bar, like, you know, what is this place?
And he's like, I open it, you know, because it was this really weird place.
I was like 22, 23.
I should not have been there.
Right.
And I was sitting there.
There was a woman, Marge, who used to come in, was old.
She used to shit herself.
And people would try to take her out.
Sounds like a great place.
She'd go, Marge, you shit yourself.
She'd go, you faggot.
She'd scream, faggot.
You're all faggots.
It was crazy.
I told all these stories.
It was all crazy.
And he said, you know, I opened this place so that people would have a place to go that don't have a place to go on a Christmas.
That's awesome.
That's amazing.
And it really, and I used to think that was so funny.
Like, I used to be like, ha ha ha ha.
As you get older, as you get older and you look back on it and it had great holiday lights those three months.
Yeah.
I can smell the place.
December, January.
There was something really, and I remember hearing that and scoffing at it and being like, and it was just such a funny joke to tell, you describe all the crazy things that happened.
And then the guy goes, you know, everyone's doing Coke and drinking.
And he goes, I just a place that, but I will tell you this.
I went there on Christmas one year.
I was in like a, you know, I was in a thing with my family and I wanted to go.
Places like that are important, you know, for people.
Of course, sure.
You know, it is like a weird thing that even though we make fun of them and nobody, nobody wants that to be the case with their life.
But then some people do end up in that situation.
Chicago Fed and Patreon Support00:02:52
You know what I mean?
Where it's like, that's there.
That's like an yeah, that's like an institution of a place.
It's like a revolving door.
It's like Jen or whoever Marge, they're there every night.
Yeah.
You're there when you need it.
It's like a crutch.
You're there twice.
Right.
When you need it, but it's there when you fucking need it.
And when you think about it, that's the place that Aunt Riri went when it wasn't Christmas.
Nobody wanted to know.
That's what fed into the dip.
And that's what fed into the family.
And she told everybody, tomorrow I'm not going to be here.
And they said, why?
And then she said, I'm making my dip.
I'm making the dip.
I'm making my dip.
So that's what fed it.
I'm making my dip tomorrow.
You'll see me Sunday.
I'll be back.
See you Sunday.
See me Sunday.
H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, the Are You Garbage podcast on YouTube and Patreon, a podcast about history.
It's like CBS Sunday morning, a podcast about time.
The history of the American.
How great would it be if just, I want to see CBS Sunday morning.
You guys on, they're like, two gentlemen talking about Cheetos and bath nuts.
As the great Tim Dylan once said, we're quoting you.
My mom would love that.
As a pod, you know, as a podcast, they chronicle a time gone by, a time when people smoked cigarettes inside of Pizza Hut.
Andy Rooney shitting on us?
Go see these guys, Pittsburgh and Prov Helium, Buffalo.
They're going to be in Toronto, Canada.
Go see them at the Royal.
Go see them in Michigan.
Go see them in Chicago.
You guys got a great channel.
Fourth show added in Chicago.
Fourth show added in Chicago.
I mean, Chicago theater is my favorite theater in the country.
Chicago is my favorite market to do comedy.
I was a great comedy town.
Boston.
Chicago, Boston.
It's kind of designed for us.
The food, the people.
I love Chicago.
They're also in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose, Washington, D.C., and of course, bringing it to a close in late December, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Yeah, ma'am.
Yes, sir.
Where you guys hail from.
Yes.
Very good.
Who cares about my?
I don't even care.
Don't come.
Then don't come.
Don't come.
Be home.
Stay home.
The R You Garbage are on Patreon.
Go subscribe to them on YouTube as well.
You can get all my dates if you want, TimMillenComedy.com.
We're going hard for the next few months.
And we're getting off the road in February.
And we've got all kinds of other stuff happening.
There's a thing that I can't talk about that's coming out in November that I'm not talking about.
We'll be really maybe fun, but it's not something that I'm talking about.
And I stand in solidarity with Fran Drescher and the Guild.